Ever felt like you've been hit with a wave of emptiness after stepping off stage, finishing a race or reaching some other milestone? You're not alone. Tina and Kara, as we unpack the emotional aftermath of some of life's big achievements. This episode isn't just about athletic pursuits; it's about the interplay between our personal lives, professional worlds, and the physical trials we endure.
Life after stepping on stage or crossing the finish line can be more daunting than the pursuit of and the event itself. Athletes and non-athletes alike can relate to the post-goal blues and the quest for identity beyond our accomplishments. Kara and I explore the challenges of post-competition transition, from the physiological to the psychological, and offer compassionate strategies for self-care and maintaining mental health. We get real about the pressure of social media on body image and self-perception, advocating for authenticity and a measured approach to sharing our journeys online. Listen in for a heartfelt discussion on navigating life's highs and lows with grace.
Wrapping up, we dive into the value of a trusted coach through life's hurdles. Whether it's sports, career, or personal growth, having guidance can illuminate your path to recovery and resilience. We emphasize that while it's natural to encounter tough times, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. So settle in with us for an episode filled with humor, vulnerability, and the unfiltered wisdom that comes from experience. You might just find the camaraderie and support you didn't know you needed.
Don't get weird, use your head, it'll all be OK!
Looking for a coach to help you be YOUR best self? Let's get in touch!
www.centerstagethleticscoaching.com
info@centerstageathleticscoaching.com
IG: @teamcsfp
FB: https://www.facebook.com/teamcsfp
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to Coaching and Cocktails and COVID
.
No too soon.
Hopefully, no, yeah, hopefullynot.
So this is Tina and I have Karawith me again today as my
always special guest, althoughnow she's more of a frequent
(00:22):
podcast helper person Helperperson, this.
So I guess I should telleverybody up front I've been
sick for what is today.
Today is Saturday, march 2nd,and I've been sick for going on
over a week.
So I am going to trydesperately not to snot and
snort and cough through thisentire podcast, but we don't
(00:44):
want to put it off any longerbecause I needed one to put out
on Monday.
Yeah, so on top of that, I'vebeen sick and dealing with
broken pipes in my home andinsurance adjusters who go.
My insurance adjuster I didn'ttell you this carrot ghosted us
for two weeks.
She wouldn't respond to my text, my email, my phone calls.
(01:07):
I tried her cell phone.
She had no voicemailconveniently set up on her cell
phone.
I left her message on her workphone, emailed and called and
this was after she came and didthe inspection.
And then that was like on aTuesday, two weeks ago, and she
said I'll be in touch by Friday.
So two weeks ago, sorry, I'msorry, it was two weeks ago,
this past Tuesday, so now we'regoing on three weeks.
(01:28):
She said I'll be in touch thatFriday and with their issues
like the able, catch you a check, yeah, the other blah, blah,
blah, nothing.
Friday comes and goes.
So then that's when that was.
That following Monday I startedcalling and you know all this
stuff, nothing for a wholeanother week.
So at the two week mark thatshe ghosted us, I mean look Busy
(01:51):
, got it, don't have anyinformation, got it.
You want to tell me to fuck off?
Also got it.
But respond to me, saysomething, anything right.
Like don't just ghost me andignore me.
I mean you literally just sayfuck off, stop bothering me,
like anything would do, justgive me some, they're going to
rip up your house.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So there's they're about to rip up my house.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah.
So I finally got in touch withher by like calling the main
number and going through likethe circuitry of like getting to
my agent.
And she's like oh well, Ididn't have access to my
computer for a week and I waslike no stop.
I said this is going on twoweeks.
So let's assume you didn't haveaccess to your computer last
(02:32):
week.
That doesn't excuse the firstweek.
I said and I also texted you.
This has nothing to do with thecomputer, because I've also
been trying to reach you byphone, so let's just, let's just
stop.
And then she's like OK, I'msorry, like I still never got
any whatever.
And I was like and I'm sick ontop of it, and I literally spent
the entire week.
Every contractor we're dealingwith, plus my insurance adjuster
(02:54):
, hates me because I'm just likeI just need somebody to do
their fucking job.
Why is this so hard?
That's literally what I wassaying to everybody.
I was like you all need to getyour shit together.
I'm dealing with too manydifferent contractors, so it was
just a bad.
It was a bad week because I wassick and frustrated and
miserable and nobody was doingtheir job.
(03:16):
If I ran my business, this isthe my husband and I have this
conversation all the time.
He he's a business owner.
I'm a business owner.
If I ran my business the waysome of these places do and,
granted, I understand insurance,you know it's a racket and they
have us all by the balls.
So it is what it is.
But if I didn't respond toclients right, like what, how's
(03:39):
that going to work out for me?
Like, how am I, how does mybusiness succeed if I, if you
try to reach me and I ghost youfor two weeks, you're?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
probably not going to stay a client for very long.
Well, I think I told you as myfirst coach you could contact
every three weeks.
There was zero communication.
If you needed something on aweekend, you had no phone number
, it was only an email and youwould never get a response
unless it was between the hoursof nine and five Monday through
Friday.
(04:08):
But there was like every thirdweek of check in and that was it
.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And I mean, I can tell I mean, yeah, and I, you
know, I do.
I remember you telling me thatand I have actually heard of
that with other coaches.
In fact, I experienced it withone coach I tried to hire a
million years ago when I wascompeting.
It was, it was still weeklycheck ins, but he would only
respond to client inquiries onalmost a Tuesdays and Thursdays
(04:35):
or some shit, whatever it was.
And I was like, well, what if Ihave an emergency on a Friday?
Like what if I have?
Like I'm having a nervousbreakdown and I'm going to like
dive headfirst into a box ofTwinkies.
Like what, what happens onFriday?
And like I'm just, I'm just,should I luck, tina, good luck,
enjoy those Twinkies, we'll talkon Tuesday.
Yeah, so I was just like, yeah,that doesn't work for me.
(04:55):
And you know what, that mightbe perfectly fine for somebody
else, but I was the neuroticmess when I was competing, so I
was like that's not going towork for me.
But yeah, so I just, I'm so bigon communication, you know this
.
Just, you know, with myself toyou guys, you guys to me, I
can't do my job without that.
I just don't.
I, I understand people get busy, you know.
(05:17):
Back to this insurance thing.
But, like I said, just anything, just a response.
Don't ghost me.
That's what I can't tolerate,right, it's just I'm busy, I
don't have any information, Ihaven't been able to get you
know the thing done, you knowwhatever, but just don't cricket
me.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
No, so so hit everybody with your good news
though your big purchase.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Oh yeah, the good news, so the good news in all of
this is in the midst of allthis chaos.
I bought a horse and she'samazing, and she's wonderful.
Unfortunately, I haven't beenable to do it.
I literally we brought her homeon a Tuesday and I started.
I got really, really sick onFriday, the Friday following.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I haven't been able to do anything.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I managed to get on her once that Sunday following,
and I kind of just forced myself.
I was like I'm sick, it was.
It was really like a horribleride, but I have tried to at
least go see her as much as I'mcapable.
Even just she's only about 15minutes away from me.
So I just kind of go and put myhands on her and love on her
for a bit and then I'm homebecause about all I can manage
(06:22):
being sick.
But she's amazing.
I'm really excited to to get tolearn and grow with her.
It's my midlife, my midlifecrisis.
It's not a crisis, it's mymidlife Tree.
It's my midlife tree.
It's my midlife Challenge.
Really.
I mean, it's to.
You know, it's something I loveto do and I'm learning
(06:44):
something all over again that I,you know, kind of sort of knew
when I was a teenager and Is shefull grown.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's.
She's a 12 year old paint andunregistered paint.
Her name is Phoenix, she is.
I said I was not going to buy awhite horse, so instead I
bought a white horse with a fewspots and so she's got a lot of
(07:05):
white on her, but she's a paint.
How tall?
How many hands?
She's 15 hands, so she'sactually a little, a little
bigger than what I have beenriding.
I normally ride 14 hands is areal comfortable ride for me
because it's you know, I'm liketwo feet tall but she so she's a
little taller, but I can.
I was able to mount her fromthe ground.
I didn't need a mounting block.
It's probably not something.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I'll do very often, but I can do it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
She's got two ice blue eyes and she's absolute.
She's an absolute sweetheart.
So I'm really hoping to likebuild a super cool connection
with her and we'll see.
I I I never say never, but Itold the woman where I where,
where I'm boarding her, who'salso she's, she's my trainer.
You know, my intent was to buyher and just pleasure ride and
(07:52):
trail ride and just have fun.
I'm not into competing andstuff.
And then I will.
I had this one moment onemorning.
I was like well, who says youcan't?
Who says you can't?
She says you can't show if youwant to show.
And I was like and then, ofcourse, as soon as I said that
to Anita, who's my trainer,she's like okay, well, we can do
, we can do range classes and wecan do this.
(08:13):
And she's this, like you knowright, 60 year old horse woman,
she's been doing this a hundredyears and I just love her to
that.
She's fantastic.
But I was like, okay, well, I'mnot going to say I'm not and
I'm not going to say I am, butit is, might be something cool
to work towards at some point.
Because who says I can't?
Right, Never too old, You'renever, you're never too old.
It's never too late, so anyway,so that's where I am, but you
(08:37):
brought up another topic thatyou thought would be really cool
to talk about, and it'sactually been really fun to have
clients like come up withtopics to talk about.
Like Aaron and I have done acouple.
I did a podcast with myphysical therapist and he's got
another topic we're going totalk about next week.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Oh, yay, he was lovely.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I love it.
So I think it's really coolbecause, especially like you as
a client, clients in general,you know, as you're kind of
experiencing these differentthings and an out of prep and
you know you're a multifacetedathlete hybrid athlete, as I
like to say you know you came upwith something you thought
would be a great topic.
So what is it that you wantedto talk about?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
today.
So I some background story isthat I started running years ago
, but very late in life.
So I think I was 34, 35 when Istarted running.
That was the beginning.
So a year or two into running Idid a marathon as sort of the
end of that season.
I transitioned to do athelons,which is a run by run, and then
(09:41):
this season I'm transitioning totriathlons.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I've done because you needed to throw more cardio on
top of your coach and try tofigure out because you really
needed to keep your coach on hertoes.
New challenges, you're like I'mgoing to add.
And oh, by the way, and I'madding swimming.
I was like oh God, okay.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
So and then two seasons of competing in bikini.
So with all of those sportsthere's this post competition
blues.
That happens that.
I think nobody.
I mean it's obviously knownbecause there's a million
articles and people know it, butI don't think anybody talks
(10:24):
about it before it happens.
I think you sort of end up inthe deep end of oh my God, what
is happening right now?
And then you look into what'sgoing on.
But I don't think anybody kindof preps you ahead of time that
this is maybe on the horizonwhen you've got these really big
events that you're training for.
So that was sort of I thought Iknow there's somebody out there
(10:44):
prepping right now that this istheir first show and they don't
know it's coming down thepipeline.
Or they're training for amarathon and don't know it's all
gonna drop off when you crossfinish.
So that was sort of the thoughtbehind it.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Well, I think it's a really valid topic and I
apologize if I somehow did nothave this discussion with you
before.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Well, no, I was already seasoned to with.
I mean, I was pretty deep into.
I was like wait a minute, did I?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
not, I was like because, I actually because I do
right.
So it's, I know it's actually,it's in our book.
We talk about it in our book.
We talk about it in the fourpart podcast series that we do
kind of like on all thedifferent phases.
So we talk about it in thepost-show phase, but it is.
It's something that it's likepost-partum blues or the
post-Christmas blues or whatever.
(11:31):
Whatever I would say I'd reallyequate it to post-partum blues
in many ways, especially inbodybuilding, because of the
hormonal changes, right.
So it's not just oh, I'm donewith competing, now what it's.
You know, what do I do with mylife now?
Right, this has been orwhatever the sport is, but there
(11:53):
is the hormonal changes thatcome, because there's all the
hormone changes that arehappening as you're getting
super, super, super lean, andthen your hormones are all crazy
and out of whack, and then it'slike and then you're trying to
get yourself back to somesemblance of normalcy, post-show
, and then the hormones go allcuckoo for cuckoo posts again,
right, and it takes a while.
(12:13):
So I think there's a lot goingon physiologically, hormotally,
but also mentally.
You know, in all, yeah, I meanit's just, you go from focusing
on this one thing for so long,right, and you know you can
(12:33):
probably think about this withany goal, right, even things
that aren't sports, right, likeyou're focusing on getting.
You're like so focused ongetting your PhD and you're so
focused on getting to thisdegree, or you're so focused on
getting to this job at work orwhatever right, and so you
become this very singularlyfocused person.
You put all your effort into it, as any, like anybody with a
(12:56):
big goal does, and then ithappens, and then you're like
now what Right?
Like what do I do with my life?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Well, I am curious what you've seen from your side.
So to me, what we'respecifically talking about is at
the endpoint of one of thesegoals which again can be really
anything that absorbssignificant focus in your world
where every day you're having tostructure time around, making
things happen and maybe that'straining or homework, because I
(13:25):
definitely feel like that alsowhen I completed my degree it
was a similar thing.
But we're sort of talking aboutthat sense of being let down or
lost, that feel almostdepressed because you just don't
know.
All this time you were hopingto gain back.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
You get and suddenly what do you do with it?
What?
Speaker 2 (13:43):
do you do with it?
With that time and that feelinglost is what the so maybe that
does present as depression.
Maybe it sincerely feels like adeep depression, but it also
may just be sort of a sense ofconfusion of I was so structured
and so focused and now it'swide open.
I have no idea.
Sort of like there's so much Icould do, I do nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
So yeah, analysis, paralysis, right, what do I do?
So I think one of the biggestcombatants of this post-goal
syndrome, if we wanna call it,is setting your next goal before
the first goal is over.
Right, so it's one that weactually I mean with you.
(14:27):
I didn't really need to do that, could you?
You're setting your own goalsand let me know what the hell
they are.
You got things to do, but forsomebody who's not like you and
already into like all theseother sports, it's like okay,
what do we wanna do when theshow's over?
Right?
So obviously for everybody, wegotta get you back to just
(14:47):
feeling healthy, right, so we'readding calories, we're doing
all those fun things.
I like to do a couple of things.
One start to focus clients onstrength goals versus aesthetic
goals right, so we can stopobsessing about the scale.
You know, a big part of atleast the first several weeks is
like let's get you back tosleeping.
(15:08):
Good, let's get calories up,right.
So our focus is really kind oflike staying in the course on
that cause.
That alone is hard, right.
Like keeping your calories incheck, not going off the rails
in terms of food, managingemotions around that the first
couple of weeks and watchingyour strength come back, so that
we don't focus so much aboutlike, oh so is my body fat,
right, cause that has to happen.
So we're not going to focus,you know, maybe even programming
(15:31):
in a little bit moreflexibility so that you have,
you know, you can go out for ameal with family.
You haven't done, you know, ina kind of a controlled manner,
or so we're not going nuts.
But then, outside of that causeI don't necessarily recommend
like jumping right into, let'sjust say, our postseason goal is
now, I wanna run, I wanna run ahalf marathon, right, okay,
(15:52):
cool.
But we don't wanna startrunning 10 miles a day
immediately post show, becausewe're really trying to help your
body get back to this sort oflike balanced place where we
reduce cardio a little bit andwe get back focused on strength
training.
But it isn't kind of a coolgoal to have, right.
So we actually went to Brandi'sclients who competed two years
(16:13):
ago.
That's kind of what she did.
She kind of reversed her andgot her in a healthy place for
like six months, but her nextgoal then was I wanna run a half
marathon.
And then they immediatelystarted working on that, while
still kind of keeping thebodybuilding stuff in mind.
So I think, starting shiftingthe focus away from aesthetic
goals, especially in the sportof bodybuilding, and then
(16:35):
starting to work towards I havea lot of clients that's that
almost immediately switch overto like powerlifting, which is I
personally think it's anamazing way to transition from a
bodybuilding competition into abuilding season and giving you
(16:57):
something to be like hey, I'mfocused, this is like really
cool, like I'm focusing on thebig lifts and I'm getting
stronger, and that just reallyhelps your mind stay off of like
what your body looks like for aperiod of time.
Plus, it's beneficial in we'reputting on right, we're getting
stronger, we're putting on moremuscle, gives you something
different to do, makes you lovethe gym again, because a lot of
people start to kind of likedread going to the gym, these
(17:20):
kinds of things.
I know some people will poo poome for this, but CrossFit is
another.
I've had some clientstransition and start doing some
CrossFit stuff.
So really it's client dependent, right, but it is.
The goal is to find another goalso that when we're finished
with the show we have somethingelse we can focus on so we can
(17:40):
put our mind towards that.
Now my caveat to.
That is for my, always having agoal focused people who can't
function without a goal.
Sometimes everybody loves mewhen I do this.
The goal is to learn how tofunction without a goal.
Right, right, to learn how to.
(18:02):
I'm not saying goals are bad,but some people need to.
Some clients need to be able tolearn how to live in a space
where they're not going 100miles an hour.
I won't mention any names, butthere's one I'm staring at one
of them.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I do have.
I have a rest season on bothRight.
I know I do have.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I'm not putting you down for it.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
No, no, no I just want to make it clear I have a
down season for endurance aswell.
I think there's this window oftime post season whichever
season you're dealing with whereyou kind of take that time
really to plan for your goals,so not necessarily participating
in activity that's leading youtowards it, just take the time
to do some research, do someplanning which gives your body
(18:50):
recovery time, because thereason you know you have an
extended growth season postbodybuilding, the reason you
have a rest season postendurance, is because you can't
hammer your body and beat itdown to the point where it's not
recovering, because then allthe things you do after that are
kind of for nothing becauseyou're not building.
So I think, establish the goalbefore you get to a place where
(19:16):
you feel out of control, butmaybe don't actively work
towards it.
Maybe try out some gear, readsome articles, kind of
understand the new environment.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But kind of not gear, gear, we're not gonna try out
gear.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I mean like you know like steroid gear no no.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know that's good performance.
Enhancing drugs are also calledgear.
I just want to make sure thatwe're clear.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
I didn't, but that's funny because there is a steroid
site.
I won't name the name, butthat's the second half, that's
the second half of the website.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, it's called gear.
Some people call it gear, sothat's not.
We're not saying try out somegear.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Tennis shoes or heart rate monitor.
It's a new workout class.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
But you know, but I also.
So, yes, and to your point.
So that's exactly what I wassaying.
You know you get through thatrecovery period right.
For average people who kind ofdo what they're supposed to do,
the reverse and recoveryrelationship take longer than
six to eight weeks.
You should be in a good placeby then, and that is a good
(20:18):
period of time too.
Spend some time looking inward,maybe, evaluating where things
are, where you want to go next,what you want your improvement
season to look like.
Do you want to do somethingelse in your improvement season?
Do you want to compete again atall?
Right, like everybody is realexcited leading up to the show
and starting to plan all theseother shows that they're going
(20:38):
to do.
They come off the show andthey're just depending on how
they did.
It's either going to be I neverwant to do this again this was
horrible or, you know, againthey're coming off a high and I
want to do all the shows.
And then, about six weeks later,and they've got some food in
their belly and they're finallyfeeling, you know, full and not
hungry and tired for the firsttime forever.
(20:59):
They're like I bet you want todo that again.
I kind of like being right here.
It feels better, right.
So you really do have to giveyourself that period of time to
spend with some self-reflectionand determining.
You know what do I call it, ifI can find my words, if I can
find my words in my dayquilstupor right, an after-action
(21:23):
report, right.
So if you're military and youknow what went well, what went
wrong, what do you want to dodifferent?
What do you want to do next?
Right.
And then you start planning forthat which I always do with
clients right, we always havethe post-show, our post-show
meeting, right, and just kind oflike go over after we do our
(21:45):
after-action report and then wedecide what we want to do going
forward.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Well, and so it does seem like everything I've read
is that the general consensus is, if you didn't meet your
perceived goal, you tend to beat a higher risk of having this
massive emotional drop-offbecause you had so much
excitement about meeting thatgoal.
And I remember the very firsttime I met you and you said,
(22:10):
well, what's your goal for theshow?
And I said to get a pro card.
You said it's your first showand I said, right, but so my
intention with all things Icompete in is to win.
And you said, well, but so ifyou don't, can you walk away
from this feeling okay about it?
And so I actually went back andlistened to all of the podcasts
(22:30):
that you and Brandi had done,and you did one where you
discussed you gaining your procard and what you said was, in
all of the seasons you competed,getting it was sort of the
validation that you kept comingback and that somebody who
gained a pro card first time outdidn't really understand the
same kind of struggle as ifyou'd put in the work of a
couple seasons or three or fourseasons, because coming back to
(22:54):
a sport that didn't bless you ismuch harder than walking away
straight off the stage and Ireally did feel like you know
what Somebody else might justdeserve this more than me.
Not that I didn't deserve itone way or the other, but I
don't know what their story is.
I don't know how long theyworked at this goal that I've
just decided I'm doing this year.
So I think sort of a little bitof realistic expectation or
(23:19):
preparing yourself to not,because, honest to goodness,
before you asked me, I'd nevereven considered that this wasn't
the only outcome.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
The winning wasn't going to be the option.
That was it.
That winning was not an option.
And I'm glad you actuallybrought that up because I mean
it's a really interestingphenomenon because when I was
competing in the early to mid2000s, yeah, I mean we went for
(23:46):
our pro card, but never in yourfirst show.
Like, nobody ever talked aboutthat.
Like shows were few and farbetween back then we didn't have
one on every street corner andevery state and every city and
every town every weekend, likeyou do now.
So it was a lot and it wasdefinitely earned.
It was not given.
(24:07):
We didn't have near as manypeople on stage with us.
I mean, it was just a differentenvironment, and so it really
is a very new phenomenon.
That and I think social mediathank you for this right
Everybody I mean the number ofpeople I talk to new client,
potential new clients orwhatever wanting their pro card
(24:27):
and I'm just like it's yourfirst fucking show, right?
What are you talking about?
Right?
Like I literally want to justgrab people on the neck and
shake them, but then you're notthe first, you will be the last.
I've had many, many, many andthen it really does have to
become this personal best right,like in every single thing that
(24:48):
you do, and it's gotta be this.
I'm sure it's the same reasonyou keep going back to your
endurance events, right Like,whether you win them or you
don't win them, you're trying tobeat whatever that best.
Would you wanna have adifferent prep?
You wanna have a different race?
You wanna have everything youwanna do better, and with
bodybuilding it's no different.
And I'll never even say thatsomebody else deserved it more,
(25:09):
because it's not about that,right, it's not.
You could have somebody who's19 years old, who just walks
around looking like that all dayand was like I'm gonna do a
show tomorrow and pops in andbeats you right.
Doesn't mean that she deservesit more.
It just means that that's justwhat the judge is one of that
day, based on who all elseshowed up.
Right, and she's geneticallygifted and God bless her and
(25:30):
good for her right.
So it's not really even amatter.
It's just you know.
It's just you have to do yourbest.
You have to be satisfied withwhat you're bringing to the
stage, satisfied with youreffort, that you gave it your
all.
Whatever that all is right, andgiving your all in every prep
(25:51):
may be a little differentdepending on the obstacles and
stuff you may have to overcome,and that's something I had to
learn.
What I did in the first part ofmy career versus what I did in
the second part of my careerwere very different, and how I
felt about competing was verydifferent and there was a lot of
injury and downtime anddepression in between because I
had to have a bunch of surgeriesbecause I over-trained and I
(26:12):
had the wrong attitude and I dida bunch of stuff.
And then coming back to thestage after all of that, after
kind of losing my identity andsort of suffering through the
depression of like you know,what am I doing here?
Why am I doing this?
For that back half is reallywhen things really mattered and
made a difference to me, becauseit truly became about what am I
(26:36):
overcoming every single prep toget on stage, to be the best I
can.
Sometimes I looked better thanothers, but it doesn't mean I
didn't give my best, forwhatever best was, I could give
that prep right.
So I kind of had this sayingthat I've been putting out on
social media recently.
It's, like you know, givingyour best every day, even when
(26:59):
some days your best isunrecognizable to you, right,
because it is.
It really is a matter of mybest.
Today is so much different thanmy best 20 years ago, right,
like, or even two injuries ago,or 20 surgeries ago, or whatever
the case may be.
So the goal is to give yourbest.
Know that you did everythingthat you could doesn't mean it
(27:21):
has to be perfect.
Just what are you satisfiedwith?
What you're bringing to thestage and then hope that your
best beats everybody else's bestand you're what the judges want
in the lightings, right, andyou know your suit doesn't fall
out whatever, your tan is goodand all of the things come
together and then you get to win.
That's how it works.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I gotta tell you honestly, some of my most
favorite competitors are girlsthat get on stage that are not
gonna win.
I mean, like you can look at theclass they're not winning.
But it's the girl like I had agirl at one of my shows.
She had lost I think it was 110pounds I mean you know all the
scars from skin removal like shehad a journey and she got on
(28:00):
that stage and she wasn't gonnawin the class, but you felt such
a sense of pride and just somuch encouragement to think that
somebody knew they weren'tthere to win but, by God, they
were gonna show off the workthey did and I felt like that's
the bigger win is to walk onstage without that like I need
to win it, but just being proudenough of yourself and getting
(28:23):
there, because perhaps hard, andit doesn't matter if you come
out looking like you should beon a cover of a magazine or you
come out looking like, well, Iput this bikini on.
The prep was hard either way,and so I think it's really the
wind to be there and I think ittakes hindsight to sort of
(28:43):
recognize that getting yourselfthere was commitment to a plan
and you met your goal, and yourgoal was being there, right.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Which is something that you know 90% of the
population will never do rightTo commit to a goal that hard,
because it's hard right.
And whatever effort you put inand I tell clients this all the
time the effort you put in isgonna be reflective on stage
right.
And so, again, I'm here toguide you.
(29:12):
I can't force you to doanything.
You can implement half thethings I tell you to do, all the
things I tell you to do, morethan I tell you to do.
Whatever the case may be, youhave to be happy with what you
bring to the stage and you haveto be okay with the effort you
put in being reflected of whatdo you want the effort to look
like you put in when you get onstage right.
And I think that person thatyou just talked about, or the
(29:37):
people who get in their mindsetwhat they're doing in this goal,
have less of a difficult timepost-show than somebody who's
going in it to win, somebodywho's going in it to with a
singular focus of I want my procard or whatever, or I deserve
it more, I want it more.
(29:57):
I don't care if you've beenworking out of 20 years and you
still haven't gotten it right,like you just either keep doing
it or you don't, but that Ithink you have a less difficult
time.
And then it is again in thatperiod post-show, it is planning
for it because I think in manyrespects like so, putting this
podcast out there, people readour book or whatever,
(30:20):
understanding that it's comingright.
So now more women who havepost-partum depression at least
understand like this is normal.
We talk about it.
Like not normal, it's common,right, we talk about it.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
It's okay to feel some let down, it's okay to feel a little bit
lost, and then let's startworking towards.
(30:41):
You know what this, what thisnext goal is going to look like,
whether it's competing orrunning a marathon or some other
sport, you never want to do itagain in life, whatever the case
may be.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Well, there's something you talk about and I
mean, you say it all the timebut this idea of being bigger
than the singular identity thatyou are a whole person.
And to reevaluate that evenbecause I mean, I'll tell you
it's really hard if you tellsomeone, particularly
bodybuilding, that you're abikini competitor, you're a
physique competitor, you knowwhatever you're doing, and then
(31:14):
you go into growth season andyou gain this weight back and
suddenly you're not all cut upand you don't look like a
competitor anymore.
It becomes difficult to allowyourself to be that thing, but
not be just that identity, totry to reiterate that you're
this whole person.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Right, because we have to stop saying that.
Like, honestly, I don't thinkanybody should say I'm a bikini
competitor, I'm of this, I'm ofthat, it's something you do.
It's not who you are, right,you are.
If you're, you know you're awell rounded female athlete,
right, who also is a wife, amother, a daughter, sister,
(31:55):
brother, you know.
Whatever the case may be, in myopinion, and should be
everybody's opinion, those arethe things that matter.
Nobody gives a fuck that youcompeted in a bikini competition
at your grave, yeah, I canpromise you that nobody cares
how well you stuck to yourmacros or how good you looked in
(32:15):
your big, your sparkly bikini,right.
So we have to stop and I'vetalked about this in podcasts
before.
That's where my depression camefrom.
Because I competed, I started, Idid very well, straight out of
the box.
2005 competed because nobodywas telling anybody not to
compete in season.
I did fall, I did.
(32:35):
I did multiple shows in thefall, multiple shows in the
spring, multiple shows in thefall again ended up with torn
bicep, torn shoulder, a bunch ofsurgeries.
Nobody knew anything aboutreverse dieting, gained 40
pounds.
It was.
You know, it was.
It was just ugly and I hadbecome Tina the figure
competitor.
Meanwhile I've got a littleperson at home that I'm raising
(32:56):
and a husband who also competes,who you know.
So things were.
We are priorities where it is alittle bit fucked up and and I
see this, I see this in peopleall the time.
Trust me, I can see fucked uppriorities and competitors all
day long.
I see it on social media.
You guys are real like it'sreal interesting, but I do, I
(33:18):
see it and it makes me.
It makes me cringe, but I'vebeen there.
I makes me cringe because I'vebeen there.
I know, I know these people, Isee myself in these people, but
that's.
I ended up in this reallysevere depression because I was
like, well, I'm not Tina thefigure competitor who got all
this, all these accolades forhow great I was as a figure
competitor.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Right, Like I wasn't getting.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I wasn't getting the praise for being a mom or the
praise you know.
I know that sounds silly, right, but people thought I was great
as a figure competitor.
And now I'm not a figurecompetitor anymore, on this fat
lump of lard sitting in thecorner of my couch, depressed,
and I don't know what to do withmy life.
It took a long time to get myhead out of my ass, but the
(34:00):
problem was I putting my entireidentity into that thing I did.
That was not who I was.
It was something I did.
It's just like.
You know, if you think about interms of like mistakes that we
make or right.
So if you think in terms oflike guilt and shame, shame is
I'm a horrible person for thisthing and guilt is I did a thing
(34:24):
that wasn't so great, right.
So we have to kind of stopputting ourselves into these
identity boxes that meanabsolutely nothing.
It's a thing we do.
It's not who we are.
And so if you want to tellpeople I compete in bikini
competitions and I'm in mygrowth season right now, feeling
really good and strong, fine,right.
(34:45):
Like we don't, we don't need toplus plus also, and we don't
need to explain ourselves topeople, right.
So you have to get right inyour own damn head about what
your growth season is going tolook like.
Right, it is.
You don't get to.
You don't get to get better inendurance racing without getting
faster.
Right Like you've got to getfaster or better with your
(35:07):
stride.
Whatever the case may be, yougot to improve in some way in
bodybuilding Unless you're usingdrugs.
You do not get to get betterwithout putting on some weight,
right Now.
How you put on that weight isup to you.
You can do it dirty and getreal big.
I don't recommend it.
You can try to restrict anddon't gain any.
I don't recommend that either.
(35:28):
Right, but you're going to puton some weight.
And who gives a flying fuck?
But anybody else thinks aboutwhether you look like a
competitor or not?
Right, like it doesn't matter.
It does not matter what otherpeople think.
It only matters what your your.
If you're ashamed to tellpeople because you got a little
bit of extra body fat and youdon't look like it anymore, who
cares?
I don't look like ArnoldSchwarzenegger.
(35:48):
I don't look like I'm.
I should be on the cover ofmuscle and fitness.
But I know, I know what I do.
I know what I did Right.
It doesn't matter what otherpeople look at me and think no
in that, in that world.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
you know I don't do social media.
I have no social media, I'venever had it.
So I don't want to make it seemlike I somehow just magically
stop doing it.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
I never, I never got it.
Smartest thing anybody's everdone is just never do it at all.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
So when Facebook first came out because I'm old
enough to remember Facebookcoming out we had a lot of
friends in the military who had,like high school girlfriends,
people reaching out and it wascausing a lot of marital
problems.
So my husband and I from thebeginning were like this seems
like a real bad plan, so we justnever jumped on board.
But I am curious, from yourside of things, how you feel
(36:40):
like putting all that out thereon social media impacts the like
, the post season depressionpeople might have.
Because now I know when I cut,I honestly I'm treated
differently.
People are nicer to me, whichsounds insane.
But when I look really fit,people are nicer and, for
whatever reason, feel that theyare allowed to just tell me if
(37:01):
they think I look good which Ididn't ask, I don't care.
And I find it almost offensivebecause, say, I'm funny, say I'm
smart, I just don't care aboutyou, your opinion of how I look.
But how do you think then thatimpacts people's reaction when
they've had people online sortof telling them they're amazing,
they're looking so good, andthen now you can't gain muscle
(37:24):
without gaining fat.
So now if you're going to grow,you have to put fat on, to put
muscle on.
How do you cope with people nowknowing you looked this way?
That's only going to be for dayand you don't anymore.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I hate it.
I hate everything about socialmedia when it comes to that.
But also, you know, it dependson how you use your platform,
right?
So I think I mean, we knowsocial media is exacerbating
mental health problems acrossacross.
You know, young girls, youngboys, like it's just, you know,
(38:03):
because everybody's highlightreels out there, I mean, I could
post a picture of me from 2006and somebody like, oh my God,
you look great and I'm likethat's 20 fucking years ago.
You know, that is not what Ilook like right now.
You literally just saw apicture of me last week, right?
So people are going to give youthese accolades.
I, you know.
Again, I see people areconstantly posting their, their
(38:24):
pictures.
I think the most cringy thing Isee that I really hate is women
, and I appreciate that women intheir off seasons or growth
seasons are actually puttingtheir off season bodies out
there.
I think it's, I think it'sgreat, I think that helps.
But again, it's the method inwhich you do it right.
(38:44):
It's the message you're puttingout, because what I cannot
stand is seeing somebody who'sliterally like five days post
show barely looks different thanthey did On show day and
they're like, oh, I'm so fluffy,look at my pictures.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
And.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
I'm just like fuck off, right, like stop it.
That's just ridiculous, right,because that is just
exacerbating the God, the bodyimage and issues that, like,
every single woman on the planethas.
Right, if this girl thinksshe's woman, thinks she's fat at
like you know, and I'm 200pounds looking at this, going
(39:24):
well, there's no hope for me.
I'm never going to look good,right, so it's I like that
people will put themselves outthere and show what a real
growth season body looks like.
I just don't like the messagesthat come with it a lot of times
, right?
So I think people are puttingit out there in this very
(39:47):
self-deprecating sort of way,right, so to say, oh look, how
big I've gotten.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Where the average person or is she fishing, though
?
Is she fishing?
Oh, of course she's fishingright, no, it's fishing.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
No, you look, oh my God you look amazing in your
growth season, right or, andthen, at the same time, you may
have, you know, your neighbordown the street who's also
friends with you on Facebook,going well, shit, like, that's
my dream body and she's callingherself fat right.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
So I think Inadvertently feels judgmental
to other women, absolutelyInadvertently.
If you say you feel heavy andyou're on the thin side of your
weight, then you're tellingpeople who are even heavier this
is heavy.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
So, hmm, I mean Like I'm not going to stand in front
of somebody who I know isactually overweight, right, and
talk about how fat I feel.
That's real shitty, right?
Granted, social media is afree-for-all right.
Everybody has the right to postwhatever they want on their
Facebook pages.
(40:55):
But I would encourage peoplewomen in particular in this
sport to really think about thenarrative that they're putting
out there.
And, unfortunately, a lot ofwomen who are in a good place in
their own bodies.
Unfortunately, they're the oneswho are constantly putting
their bodies out on social media, and I was one of them, right?
(41:18):
Granted, all we had we didn'thave Facebook back then.
Whew, I was old.
But it's rare to find the rightmessage for the right reason
with the right photographs onsocial media, right?
So I wish more women wereputting out the right message
(41:42):
with the same photographs thebefores, the afters, whatever
explaining the truth behind whatis really going on in these
pictures, without it beingsomething that would more
negatively impact the greatersocial media at large.
Right, because I think, as women, we should be more considerate
(42:07):
of other women, right?
I just think that we should.
And if we have a following onsocial media and we have a
platform, I think if we used ita bit more wisely, it would be,
and which is what I try to do.
It's what I try to do a lot.
I by no means ever, I don'tever use filters.
I don't even know how.
I do use social media quite abit and for this exact reason,
(42:33):
because I am really trying toput out real stuff right, like
this is what a real thoughts,real body, like everything we're
talking about on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
But I think I'm rambling at this point In the
breadth of social media that ifyou find yourself post-show
feeling like you're sort of lostor you're feeling depressed
about the whole situation, thatthere are probably avenues there
than where there are groups ofother people you can talk to or
people who have just done theshow with you.
And definitely every show I'vebeen to I've met someone
(43:10):
incredible.
I don't usually keep in touchwith people, but there's always
somebody that if you wanted tohave a friend down the road,
almost every show there's awhole group of women that want
to be your friend.
They're very friendly If you'refriendly first.
People are very friendly at theshows.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
I think having a sense of community is really
important Dot, dot, dot, break,break Except when that sense of
community becomes this groupmentality about post-show
competition blues.
And then so there was thisthere's a phenomenon I believe
(43:54):
in the sport I'll get to that ina second but where I think,
when I first really thought ofwhat's happening in the sport of
bodybuilding that happenspost-show, with the binging and
the gaining weight and all thecrazy stuff that happens, I
believe that started to becomethis rite of passage, that it
was almost like this thing you,everybody did, you benched, you
(44:18):
gained weight, you stopped goingto the gym, everybody just like
because it's.
And I can tell you that this iswhat happened back in the early
2000s when I was competing, andI think it started to be this
group mentality kind of thing,like this group suffering right.
That it is this rite of passageas a bodybuilder, as a
competitor, that you come offstage and you have to go through
(44:40):
this post-show blues and youhave to go through this really
horrific time of binging andfeeling like shit and oh my God,
I'm fat.
And then I'll back that up toBrandy and I.
I don't know if we've talkedabout this on the podcast or not
, but I know her and I have hadconversations about this in the
sport of gymnastics and I'm sureit's going on still and
probably any major sport likethat, but especially gymnastics,
(45:00):
because these girls are socriticized for their bodies,
dancers probably, too.
There is a group mentality oneating disorders, right.
So it is like common practicethat when you're in a group of
women, we're so good at this,it's the thing to do, right.
(45:21):
So I think that that has alsohappened in the sport of
bodybuilding and it has becomethe thing to do versus.
So that's where you have to becareful.
Community is important, butcommunity misery is also a very
valid thing, right.
So we get ourselves in troubleif we aren't able to think
independently of what we read,see, do on social media, of what
(45:47):
our friends are doing, right,like if our friends like oh, I'm
fat and I'm binging blah, blah,blah and you're like, oh, me
too, right, yeah, that kind ofcommunity is not helping anybody
.
So there has to be someindependent thought, thinking
for oneself.
Having a community to rely on,I think is great until it's not,
(46:10):
does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Yeah well, and so the other thing is that you don't
have to experience depressionpost anything and I think so you
may just the awareness it couldhappen.
I think if you have theforesight that it's coming, it
may still happen.
But you sort of anticipated itdifferently.
When I finished my bachelor'sdegree I was working night shift
(46:34):
, full time with a three yearold and a five year old.
My husband was active duty andgoing TDY all the time.
And when I finished mybachelor's degree I was like I
don't even know what to do withall of this time, like where was
this time?
And it caught me so sidewaysbecause I'd just been so focused
on finishing it that when itwas finished it never crossed my
(46:56):
mind I might have thishollowness of nothing I was
focused on anymore because itwas just so consuming.
So I think if you sort of knowit could be coming down the
pipeline, at least maybe yourecognize some symptoms earlier.
But it definitely doesn't haveto be a situation.
So if you don't, you didn't doanything wrong or you weren't
(47:16):
less focused when you wereworking on your goal.
It just may not be somethingthat hits you in the same way.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Right, and what you just said is 100%.
That's the point I was tryingto get across.
Don't think, well, I didn'thave post-show blues, so I did
not train hard enough, or I mustnot be good enough, or whatever
.
It's no different than, like Ihave clients that get super
(47:44):
duper lean and never lose theirperiod going into a show.
That doesn't mean that they'renot super duper lean and they're
not stage ready because theynever lost their period and 2
million other people do, like itdoesn't matter, because
everybody's really individual.
So, but to your point on the now, what do I do?
I mean, which kind of talkedabout when you suddenly have all
(48:06):
this time?
So I mean I will say thatpost-competition, at least in
that six to eight week period,your training cardio doesn't
change a super ton, right?
So it should still actuallytake up a bit of your time,
right?
Like, cause we haven't beenable to weed your day.
I'm not gonna talk about you,cause you're only doing a ton of
(48:26):
cardio, but the average clientwho's coming off a show.
We are starting to reducecardio, we are starting to
increase calories, but you know,in the first couple of weeks
you shouldn't have a lot of freetime, like it shouldn't look a
whole lot different than prep.
You know, before the show,right, like, give you some time
back.
But I know for me, as a coach,I do.
(48:49):
I start redirecting clients inthat free time to doing things
they haven't been able to do,right?
So, whether it is spending timewith more time with family,
right, like, I literally have todirect clients to like they're
like what do I do?
And I'm like what have you beenneglecting for the last six
months of prep?
Right, these are the thingsthat we need.
(49:10):
Right, you know a meal out withfamily once a week, if that's
something that's important.
Or you know more yoga.
Or you know more walks innature, now that the weather is
getting nice, right, let's gooutside for walks, let's enjoy
the time that you have.
(49:30):
This is the time now.
So it's basically like let'stake inventory of all the things
that fell by the wayside whileyou were in prep, because you
know, when you're singularlyfocused on a thing, there is no
balance.
I do not believe that balanceis a thing.
You're putting all your most,you're prioritizing one thing
over another period.
So what are the things thathave been you know, that have
(49:51):
gone by the wayside?
Oh, you want to do anothercertification?
Perfect time.
Let's start a new class.
Let's take a class.
Let's nap.
You want to go nap you?
want to go try a boxing class.
Like my client Taylor.
She's like she, you know nowthat now that preps over, she's
like I want to try a boxingclass and I would try a boxing
class, I would try this.
I was like do it all, do allthe things, have fun.
(50:14):
Go take a bunch of classes, youknow.
Take up a new hobby, whateverthe case may be, but don't sit
around feeling lost because youare no longer.
You know care of the bikinicompetitor or Tina the figure
competitor, or whatever the casemay be.
Go be a mom, go be a goodemployee, you know.
Focus on something new.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Do you feel like you see any more struggle when we're
in that seasonal effectivedisorder window, Like if
somebody wraps their show inNovember, let's just say like
right before Thanksgiving, andyou're going right into seasons
where it's cold and dark andmaybe more of a struggle to get
(50:56):
outside or sort of resume anormal routine?
Do you feel like you see itharder then?
Speaker 1 (51:03):
I don't necessarily see it harder because of more of
like the sad right, theseasonal effective disorder.
I do see it harder with manybecause coming off late season
shows goes right into holidaysand it's real hard to stick to
(51:24):
reverse diets.
I find that really difficult,which then can spiral into a
whole other mental strugglebecause I can't stick to.
You know, I've got all theseholiday functions.
I can't stick to my diet.
I'm gaining body fat morequickly than I want to.
I'm traveling for holidays, Ican't get in my training.
So I see it less because of theweather per se or the season
(51:51):
and more because of what'shappening in that season.
I see it sometimes with thesummer months and stuff too,
like people coming off of springshows thinking like, oh, I will
do spring because then I'llstay looking hot and maybe
cleaning all summer, I'll havethe summer body.
And then they start putting onbody fat as they're supposed to,
and then they freak out and nowI don't have a summer body and
(52:12):
I'm like that's both, you know,whatever.
So the same bullshit.
Or people who are reeling tolike fire pits and barbecues and
like hanging out on the boatdrinking all day long, and they
come off their show.
It's the same thing as, likethe holiday people who struggle,
right.
So now my summer vacation,people are gonna struggle.
I purposely ask clients not totake any major vacations,
(52:34):
especially like an all inclusiveresort or a cruise or two weeks
in Europe.
The week after their showYou're not staying on your prep
diet, I mean, you're on yourreverse diet, right?
So I'm like, can you give melike three to four weeks?
Let's at least get you out ofthe danger zone before you go to
(52:55):
this free for all in Jamaica,because I know you're gonna go
free for all in Jamaica.
So yeah, there's just a lot ofsmart planning around post
season, I think.
So, with a little thought inplanning, it can be done in a
(53:16):
healthy way.
And, as you know, I try reallyhard to have all of these types
of practices in place withclients before they ever even
hit the stage right.
So I'm not suddenly like, let'sadd meditation and yoga and
Pilates and like all of thesethings.
I wanna make sure my clientshave a healthier headspace
before they get on stage.
So hopefully we have less ofthat let down post show.
(53:42):
Yep, that's always the plananyway.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
So Right.
So Tell me what podcast you'relistening to right now.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
I'm listening to hold on.
I just forgot the name of it.
It's called Straight from thehorse doctor's mouth.
It's podcast about from a horseveterinarian.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I'm really glad we started with telling people we
have a horse now cause.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
And I also frequently listen to Hooperman Lab.
I love his, although I feellike it's listening to a many
book every single time, causeI'm like, dude, you're podcast
are three hours long and I can't.
They're great, I mean, I willlisten for three or four hours
and not bad an eye, but I can'tlisten to it at like my normal
1.2 speed, because then I'm likemissing all the information.
I was like I can't keep up withall this too fast.
(54:36):
So, yeah, so those are kind ofmy two and I'm just starting a
new book.
So I will say as a so our nextpodcast that I'm gonna do, I'm
gonna podcast with my physicaltherapist again and I asked.
he said he had a new book hewanted me to read and get my
thoughts on it.
I have not started reading ityet, but it's called Burn by
(54:59):
Herman Herman, herman HermanHanser, and it is about if I can
get it to come up.
It is called what's this?
New research blows the lid offof how we really burn calories,
stay healthy and lose weight.
Oh, so he told me it hassomething to do with like they
(55:21):
did these studies on like HunterGathers and sort of like the
metabolic state of the HunterGatherer, kind of- Like.
Caveman Hunter Gatherer.
I don't know I have to get intoit and see like cause I don't
know how they could have studiedcavemen, but there's something
in that realm of like that.
My guess is oh, maybe try, I'msorry, I think it's going to
(55:44):
talk about my guess is just onthe cover and I really have no
idea.
I might be totally wrong.
My guess is it's going to talkabout so, if we're talking about
, like true metabolism andcalorie burn, like how do we
really stay fit?
Is it exercise versus neat,right?
I don't know if that's the case, but I am hypothesizing that
this is kind of the concept ofthe book and I know that.
(56:06):
That said, he wanted to kind ofget my thoughts on where I
thought, you know, in terms of Ilike that.
Speaker 2 (56:12):
You've made this prediction.
So when we listened to the nextpodcast I can tell you I was
totally wrong.
Speaker 1 (56:16):
Apple wasn't anything about what I thought it was
Wrong, tina, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
I was so wrong.
Yeah, I'll talk about that whenwe record the next podcast,
cool.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
What about you?
What do you listen to?
Well, I just started three,which is the podcast about the
two high school girls thatstabbed the third high school
girl to death out in the woods.
It was like they weren't inhigh school.
Speaker 1 (56:40):
they were in middle school.
Wow, I think they were inmiddle school, right?
Speaker 2 (56:43):
No, these girls were in high school.
These girls were definitely inhigh school because one had a
car she was Okay different groupof three, but there's another,
kate.
Speaker 1 (56:50):
I thought that was just the one there's another one
, so this is called three.
Speaker 2 (56:56):
So it's just sort of diving back into sort of how
they got there and how this wasnot bullying.
This is not like normal meangirl behavior, that high school
girls have things happening thatwe're not paying attention to,
and so it's getting to sort ofthe root of how it ever got to
that point.
So you know, I like a goodmurder, so-.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
I do too.
I've kind of gotten away from alot of my murder stuff and I've
been trying to-.
Speaker 2 (57:21):
You're convinced you're gonna be murdered.
I'm convinced I'm gonna bemurdered.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
No, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about that,
Although every time my husbandwalks out the front door and
leaves it unlocked, I'm likehe's trying to get me murder
raped.
That's what I would say.
So are you trying to get memurder raped?
If you leave the front doorunlocked, I'm gonna get murder
raped, right?
So I it's never murder or raped, it's just murder rape.
I'm getting Perfect, it'sprobably more like rape murdered
.
I mean they're gonna get rapemurdered or murder raped.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
I'm hoping you get murder raped to not rape
murdered.
That'd be a better scenario.
Speaker 1 (57:50):
I'd rather be dead people.
If it has to be one, where isit?
Okay now I think we've gonedown a really bad rabbit hole.
Sorry, everybody, wrap it there, wrap it there.
We're gonna wrap it up now.
Anything else to add on thepost season.
Speaker 2 (58:03):
No, I don't think.
I think reach out especially ifyou have a coach which I
indefinitely recommend for anysport you're doing to have a
coach Outside perspective isimportant, but also, if this
happens, you have a resource ofsomebody to tell you what's
normal, what's not, and maybe,just maybe, they're gonna tell
you to go see a medical doctor.
(58:23):
So you end up in that place.
Don't be afraid to reach outfor help in that avenue as well,
But-.
Speaker 1 (58:30):
I agree, having a coach and having a coach who
actually is going to I mean,cause not all coaches give a
fuck about talking about thesethings so that's gonna be an
important aspect of it.
And, yes, don't be ashamed ofit, you're not alone.
It's the same goes with anytype of blues, feeling or
depression or something that youcan't quite get a handle on.
(58:53):
You can't manage it on your ownor with your coach or with
anybody.
Then, obviously, asking forhelp and getting support is
gonna be the number one thing,because it's okay to not be okay
.
It's just not okay to staythere.
So, yeah, so, on that note,don't get weird, use your head,
it will all be okay.
Speaker 2 (59:14):
Bye, don't get murder , raped bye, okay, bye.
Hello and welcome to Coaching and Cocktails and COVID
.
No too soon.
Hopefully, no, yeah, hopefullynot.
So this is Tina and I have Karawith me again today as my
always special guest, althoughnow she's more of a frequent
(00:22):
podcast helper person Helperperson, this.
So I guess I should telleverybody up front I've been
sick for what is today.
Today is Saturday, march 2nd,and I've been sick for going on
over a week.
So I am going to trydesperately not to snot and
snort and cough through thisentire podcast, but we don't
(00:44):
want to put it off any longerbecause I needed one to put out
on Monday.
Yeah, so on top of that, I'vebeen sick and dealing with
broken pipes in my home andinsurance adjusters who go.
My insurance adjuster I didn'ttell you this carrot ghosted us
for two weeks.
She wouldn't respond to my text, my email, my phone calls.
(01:07):
I tried her cell phone.
She had no voicemailconveniently set up on her cell
phone.
I left her message on her workphone, emailed and called and
this was after she came and didthe inspection.
And then that was like on aTuesday, two weeks ago, and she
said I'll be in touch by Friday.
So two weeks ago, sorry, I'msorry, it was two weeks ago,
this past Tuesday, so now we'regoing on three weeks.
(01:28):
She said I'll be in touch thatFriday and with their issues
like the able, catch you a check, yeah, the other blah, blah,
blah, nothing.
Friday comes and goes.
So then that's when that was.
That following Monday I startedcalling and you know all this
stuff, nothing for a wholeanother week.
So at the two week mark thatshe ghosted us, I mean look Busy
(01:51):
, got it, don't have anyinformation, got it.
You want to tell me to fuck off?
Also got it.
But respond to me, saysomething, anything right.
Like don't just ghost me andignore me.
I mean you literally just sayfuck off, stop bothering me,
like anything would do, justgive me some, they're going to
rip up your house.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So there's they're about to rip up my house.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah.
So I finally got in touch withher by like calling the main
number and going through likethe circuitry of like getting to
my agent.
And she's like oh well, Ididn't have access to my
computer for a week and I waslike no stop.
I said this is going on twoweeks.
So let's assume you didn't haveaccess to your computer last
(02:32):
week.
That doesn't excuse the firstweek.
I said and I also texted you.
This has nothing to do with thecomputer, because I've also
been trying to reach you byphone, so let's just, let's just
stop.
And then she's like OK, I'msorry, like I still never got
any whatever.
And I was like and I'm sick ontop of it, and I literally spent
the entire week.
Every contractor we're dealingwith, plus my insurance adjuster
(02:54):
, hates me because I'm just likeI just need somebody to do
their fucking job.
Why is this so hard?
That's literally what I wassaying to everybody.
I was like you all need to getyour shit together.
I'm dealing with too manydifferent contractors, so it was
just a bad.
It was a bad week because I wassick and frustrated and
miserable and nobody was doingtheir job.
(03:16):
If I ran my business, this isthe my husband and I have this
conversation all the time.
He he's a business owner.
I'm a business owner.
If I ran my business the waysome of these places do and,
granted, I understand insurance,you know it's a racket and they
have us all by the balls.
So it is what it is.
But if I didn't respond toclients right, like what, how's
(03:39):
that going to work out for me?
Like, how am I, how does mybusiness succeed if I, if you
try to reach me and I ghost youfor two weeks, you're?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
probably not going to stay a client for very long.
Well, I think I told you as myfirst coach you could contact
every three weeks.
There was zero communication.
If you needed something on aweekend, you had no phone number
, it was only an email and youwould never get a response
unless it was between the hoursof nine and five Monday through
Friday.
(04:08):
But there was like every thirdweek of check in and that was it
.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And I mean, I can tell I mean, yeah, and I, you
know, I do.
I remember you telling me thatand I have actually heard of
that with other coaches.
In fact, I experienced it withone coach I tried to hire a
million years ago when I wascompeting.
It was, it was still weeklycheck ins, but he would only
respond to client inquiries onalmost a Tuesdays and Thursdays
(04:35):
or some shit, whatever it was.
And I was like, well, what if Ihave an emergency on a Friday?
Like what if I have?
Like I'm having a nervousbreakdown and I'm going to like
dive headfirst into a box ofTwinkies.
Like what, what happens onFriday?
And like I'm just, I'm just,should I luck, tina, good luck,
enjoy those Twinkies, we'll talkon Tuesday.
Yeah, so I was just like, yeah,that doesn't work for me.
(04:55):
And you know what, that mightbe perfectly fine for somebody
else, but I was the neuroticmess when I was competing, so I
was like that's not going towork for me.
But yeah, so I just, I'm so bigon communication, you know this
.
Just, you know, with myself toyou guys, you guys to me, I
can't do my job without that.
I just don't.
I, I understand people get busy, you know.
(05:17):
Back to this insurance thing.
But, like I said, just anything, just a response.
Don't ghost me.
That's what I can't tolerate,right, it's just I'm busy, I
don't have any information, Ihaven't been able to get you
know the thing done, you knowwhatever, but just don't cricket
me.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
No, so so hit everybody with your good news
though your big purchase.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Oh yeah, the good news, so the good news in all of
this is in the midst of allthis chaos.
I bought a horse and she'samazing, and she's wonderful.
Unfortunately, I haven't beenable to do it.
I literally we brought her homeon a Tuesday and I started.
I got really, really sick onFriday, the Friday following.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I haven't been able to do anything.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I managed to get on her once that Sunday following,
and I kind of just forced myself.
I was like I'm sick, it was.
It was really like a horribleride, but I have tried to at
least go see her as much as I'mcapable.
Even just she's only about 15minutes away from me.
So I just kind of go and put myhands on her and love on her
for a bit and then I'm homebecause about all I can manage
(06:22):
being sick.
But she's amazing.
I'm really excited to to get tolearn and grow with her.
It's my midlife, my midlifecrisis.
It's not a crisis, it's mymidlife Tree.
It's my midlife tree.
It's my midlife Challenge.
Really.
I mean, it's to.
You know, it's something I loveto do and I'm learning
(06:44):
something all over again that I,you know, kind of sort of knew
when I was a teenager and Is shefull grown.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's.
She's a 12 year old paint andunregistered paint.
Her name is Phoenix, she is.
I said I was not going to buy awhite horse, so instead I
bought a white horse with a fewspots and so she's got a lot of
(07:05):
white on her, but she's a paint.
How tall?
How many hands?
She's 15 hands, so she'sactually a little, a little
bigger than what I have beenriding.
I normally ride 14 hands is areal comfortable ride for me
because it's you know, I'm liketwo feet tall but she so she's a
little taller, but I can.
I was able to mount her fromthe ground.
I didn't need a mounting block.
It's probably not something.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I'll do very often, but I can do it.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
She's got two ice blue eyes and she's absolute.
She's an absolute sweetheart.
So I'm really hoping to likebuild a super cool connection
with her and we'll see.
I I I never say never, but Itold the woman where I where,
where I'm boarding her, who'salso she's, she's my trainer.
You know, my intent was to buyher and just pleasure ride and
(07:52):
trail ride and just have fun.
I'm not into competing andstuff.
And then I will.
I had this one moment onemorning.
I was like well, who says youcan't?
Who says you can't?
She says you can't show if youwant to show.
And I was like and then, ofcourse, as soon as I said that
to Anita, who's my trainer,she's like okay, well, we can do
, we can do range classes and wecan do this.
(08:13):
And she's this, like you knowright, 60 year old horse woman,
she's been doing this a hundredyears and I just love her to
that.
She's fantastic.
But I was like, okay, well, I'mnot going to say I'm not and
I'm not going to say I am, butit is, might be something cool
to work towards at some point.
Because who says I can't?
Right, Never too old, You'renever, you're never too old.
It's never too late, so anyway,so that's where I am, but you
(08:37):
brought up another topic thatyou thought would be really cool
to talk about, and it'sactually been really fun to have
clients like come up withtopics to talk about.
Like Aaron and I have done acouple.
I did a podcast with myphysical therapist and he's got
another topic we're going totalk about next week.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Oh, yay, he was lovely.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I love it.
So I think it's really coolbecause, especially like you as
a client, clients in general,you know, as you're kind of
experiencing these differentthings and an out of prep and
you know you're a multifacetedathlete hybrid athlete, as I
like to say you know you came upwith something you thought
would be a great topic.
So what is it that you wantedto talk about?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
today.
So I some background story isthat I started running years ago
, but very late in life.
So I think I was 34, 35 when Istarted running.
That was the beginning.
So a year or two into running Idid a marathon as sort of the
end of that season.
I transitioned to do athelons,which is a run by run, and then
(09:41):
this season I'm transitioning totriathlons.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I've done because you needed to throw more cardio on
top of your coach and try tofigure out because you really
needed to keep your coach on hertoes.
New challenges, you're like I'mgoing to add.
And oh, by the way, and I'madding swimming.
I was like oh God, okay.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
So and then two seasons of competing in bikini.
So with all of those sportsthere's this post competition
blues.
That happens that.
I think nobody.
I mean it's obviously knownbecause there's a million
articles and people know it, butI don't think anybody talks
(10:24):
about it before it happens.
I think you sort of end up inthe deep end of oh my God, what
is happening right now?
And then you look into what'sgoing on.
But I don't think anybody kindof preps you ahead of time that
this is maybe on the horizonwhen you've got these really big
events that you're training for.
So that was sort of I thought Iknow there's somebody out there
(10:44):
prepping right now that this istheir first show and they don't
know it's coming down thepipeline.
Or they're training for amarathon and don't know it's all
gonna drop off when you crossfinish.
So that was sort of the thoughtbehind it.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Well, I think it's a really valid topic and I
apologize if I somehow did nothave this discussion with you
before.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Well, no, I was already seasoned to with.
I mean, I was pretty deep into.
I was like wait a minute, did I?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
not, I was like because, I actually because I do
right.
So it's, I know it's actually,it's in our book.
We talk about it in our book.
We talk about it in the fourpart podcast series that we do
kind of like on all thedifferent phases.
So we talk about it in thepost-show phase, but it is.
It's something that it's likepost-partum blues or the
post-Christmas blues or whatever.
(11:31):
Whatever I would say I'd reallyequate it to post-partum blues
in many ways, especially inbodybuilding, because of the
hormonal changes, right.
So it's not just oh, I'm donewith competing, now what it's.
You know, what do I do with mylife now?
Right, this has been orwhatever the sport is, but there
(11:53):
is the hormonal changes thatcome, because there's all the
hormone changes that arehappening as you're getting
super, super, super lean, andthen your hormones are all crazy
and out of whack, and then it'slike and then you're trying to
get yourself back to somesemblance of normalcy, post-show
, and then the hormones go allcuckoo for cuckoo posts again,
right, and it takes a while.
(12:13):
So I think there's a lot goingon physiologically, hormotally,
but also mentally.
You know, in all, yeah, I meanit's just, you go from focusing
on this one thing for so long,right, and you know you can
(12:33):
probably think about this withany goal, right, even things
that aren't sports, right, likeyou're focusing on getting.
You're like so focused ongetting your PhD and you're so
focused on getting to thisdegree, or you're so focused on
getting to this job at work orwhatever right, and so you
become this very singularlyfocused person.
You put all your effort into it, as any, like anybody with a
(12:56):
big goal does, and then ithappens, and then you're like
now what Right?
Like what do I do with my life?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Well, I am curious what you've seen from your side.
So to me, what we'respecifically talking about is at
the endpoint of one of thesegoals which again can be really
anything that absorbssignificant focus in your world
where every day you're having tostructure time around, making
things happen and maybe that'straining or homework, because I
(13:25):
definitely feel like that alsowhen I completed my degree it
was a similar thing.
But we're sort of talking aboutthat sense of being let down or
lost, that feel almostdepressed because you just don't
know.
All this time you were hopingto gain back.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
You get and suddenly what do you do with it?
What?
Speaker 2 (13:43):
do you do with it?
With that time and that feelinglost is what the so maybe that
does present as depression.
Maybe it sincerely feels like adeep depression, but it also
may just be sort of a sense ofconfusion of I was so structured
and so focused and now it'swide open.
I have no idea.
Sort of like there's so much Icould do, I do nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
So yeah, analysis, paralysis, right, what do I do?
So I think one of the biggestcombatants of this post-goal
syndrome, if we wanna call it,is setting your next goal before
the first goal is over.
Right, so it's one that weactually I mean with you.
(14:27):
I didn't really need to do that, could you?
You're setting your own goalsand let me know what the hell
they are.
You got things to do, but forsomebody who's not like you and
already into like all theseother sports, it's like okay,
what do we wanna do when theshow's over?
Right?
So obviously for everybody, wegotta get you back to just
(14:47):
feeling healthy, right, so we'readding calories, we're doing
all those fun things.
I like to do a couple of things.
One start to focus clients onstrength goals versus aesthetic
goals right, so we can stopobsessing about the scale.
You know, a big part of atleast the first several weeks is
like let's get you back tosleeping.
(15:08):
Good, let's get calories up,right.
So our focus is really kind oflike staying in the course on
that cause.
That alone is hard, right.
Like keeping your calories incheck, not going off the rails
in terms of food, managingemotions around that the first
couple of weeks and watchingyour strength come back, so that
we don't focus so much aboutlike, oh so is my body fat,
right, cause that has to happen.
So we're not going to focus,you know, maybe even programming
(15:31):
in a little bit moreflexibility so that you have,
you know, you can go out for ameal with family.
You haven't done, you know, ina kind of a controlled manner,
or so we're not going nuts.
But then, outside of that causeI don't necessarily recommend
like jumping right into, let'sjust say, our postseason goal is
now, I wanna run, I wanna run ahalf marathon, right, okay,
(15:52):
cool.
But we don't wanna startrunning 10 miles a day
immediately post show, becausewe're really trying to help your
body get back to this sort oflike balanced place where we
reduce cardio a little bit andwe get back focused on strength
training.
But it isn't kind of a coolgoal to have, right.
So we actually went to Brandi'sclients who competed two years
(16:13):
ago.
That's kind of what she did.
She kind of reversed her andgot her in a healthy place for
like six months, but her nextgoal then was I wanna run a half
marathon.
And then they immediatelystarted working on that, while
still kind of keeping thebodybuilding stuff in mind.
So I think, starting shiftingthe focus away from aesthetic
goals, especially in the sportof bodybuilding, and then
(16:35):
starting to work towards I havea lot of clients that's that
almost immediately switch overto like powerlifting, which is I
personally think it's anamazing way to transition from a
bodybuilding competition into abuilding season and giving you
(16:57):
something to be like hey, I'mfocused, this is like really
cool, like I'm focusing on thebig lifts and I'm getting
stronger, and that just reallyhelps your mind stay off of like
what your body looks like for aperiod of time.
Plus, it's beneficial in we'reputting on right, we're getting
stronger, we're putting on moremuscle, gives you something
different to do, makes you lovethe gym again, because a lot of
people start to kind of likedread going to the gym, these
(17:20):
kinds of things.
I know some people will poo poome for this, but CrossFit is
another.
I've had some clientstransition and start doing some
CrossFit stuff.
So really it's client dependent, right, but it is.
The goal is to find another goalso that when we're finished
with the show we have somethingelse we can focus on so we can
(17:40):
put our mind towards that.
Now my caveat to.
That is for my, always having agoal focused people who can't
function without a goal.
Sometimes everybody loves mewhen I do this.
The goal is to learn how tofunction without a goal.
Right, right, to learn how to.
(18:02):
I'm not saying goals are bad,but some people need to.
Some clients need to be able tolearn how to live in a space
where they're not going 100miles an hour.
I won't mention any names, butthere's one I'm staring at one
of them.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I do have.
I have a rest season on bothRight.
I know I do have.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I'm not putting you down for it.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
No, no, no I just want to make it clear I have a
down season for endurance aswell.
I think there's this window oftime post season whichever
season you're dealing with whereyou kind of take that time
really to plan for your goals,so not necessarily participating
in activity that's leading youtowards it, just take the time
to do some research, do someplanning which gives your body
(18:50):
recovery time, because thereason you know you have an
extended growth season postbodybuilding, the reason you
have a rest season postendurance, is because you can't
hammer your body and beat itdown to the point where it's not
recovering, because then allthe things you do after that are
kind of for nothing becauseyou're not building.
So I think, establish the goalbefore you get to a place where
(19:16):
you feel out of control, butmaybe don't actively work
towards it.
Maybe try out some gear, readsome articles, kind of
understand the new environment.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
But kind of not gear, gear, we're not gonna try out
gear.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I mean like you know like steroid gear no no.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know that's good performance.
Enhancing drugs are also calledgear.
I just want to make sure thatwe're clear.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
I didn't, but that's funny because there is a steroid
site.
I won't name the name, butthat's the second half, that's
the second half of the website.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, it's called gear.
Some people call it gear, sothat's not.
We're not saying try out somegear.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Tennis shoes or heart rate monitor.
It's a new workout class.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
But you know, but I also.
So, yes, and to your point.
So that's exactly what I wassaying.
You know you get through thatrecovery period right.
For average people who kind ofdo what they're supposed to do,
the reverse and recoveryrelationship take longer than
six to eight weeks.
You should be in a good placeby then, and that is a good
(20:18):
period of time too.
Spend some time looking inward,maybe, evaluating where things
are, where you want to go next,what you want your improvement
season to look like.
Do you want to do somethingelse in your improvement season?
Do you want to compete again atall?
Right, like everybody is realexcited leading up to the show
and starting to plan all theseother shows that they're going
(20:38):
to do.
They come off the show andthey're just depending on how
they did.
It's either going to be I neverwant to do this again this was
horrible or, you know, againthey're coming off a high and I
want to do all the shows.
And then, about six weeks later,and they've got some food in
their belly and they're finallyfeeling, you know, full and not
hungry and tired for the firsttime forever.
(20:59):
They're like I bet you want todo that again.
I kind of like being right here.
It feels better, right.
So you really do have to giveyourself that period of time to
spend with some self-reflectionand determining.
You know what do I call it, ifI can find my words, if I can
find my words in my dayquilstupor right, an after-action
(21:23):
report, right.
So if you're military and youknow what went well, what went
wrong, what do you want to dodifferent?
What do you want to do next?
Right.
And then you start planning forthat which I always do with
clients right, we always havethe post-show, our post-show
meeting, right, and just kind oflike go over after we do our
(21:45):
after-action report and then wedecide what we want to do going
forward.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Well, and so it does seem like everything I've read
is that the general consensus is, if you didn't meet your
perceived goal, you tend to beat a higher risk of having this
massive emotional drop-offbecause you had so much
excitement about meeting thatgoal.
And I remember the very firsttime I met you and you said,
(22:10):
well, what's your goal for theshow?
And I said to get a pro card.
You said it's your first showand I said, right, but so my
intention with all things Icompete in is to win.
And you said, well, but so ifyou don't, can you walk away
from this feeling okay about it?
And so I actually went back andlistened to all of the podcasts
(22:30):
that you and Brandi had done,and you did one where you
discussed you gaining your procard and what you said was, in
all of the seasons you competed,getting it was sort of the
validation that you kept comingback and that somebody who
gained a pro card first time outdidn't really understand the
same kind of struggle as ifyou'd put in the work of a
couple seasons or three or fourseasons, because coming back to
(22:54):
a sport that didn't bless you ismuch harder than walking away
straight off the stage and Ireally did feel like you know
what Somebody else might justdeserve this more than me.
Not that I didn't deserve itone way or the other, but I
don't know what their story is.
I don't know how long theyworked at this goal that I've
just decided I'm doing this year.
So I think sort of a little bitof realistic expectation or
(23:19):
preparing yourself to not,because, honest to goodness,
before you asked me, I'd nevereven considered that this wasn't
the only outcome.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
The winning wasn't going to be the option.
That was it.
That winning was not an option.
And I'm glad you actuallybrought that up because I mean
it's a really interestingphenomenon because when I was
competing in the early to mid2000s, yeah, I mean we went for
(23:46):
our pro card, but never in yourfirst show.
Like, nobody ever talked aboutthat.
Like shows were few and farbetween back then we didn't have
one on every street corner andevery state and every city and
every town every weekend, likeyou do now.
So it was a lot and it wasdefinitely earned.
It was not given.
(24:07):
We didn't have near as manypeople on stage with us.
I mean, it was just a differentenvironment, and so it really
is a very new phenomenon.
That and I think social mediathank you for this right
Everybody I mean the number ofpeople I talk to new client,
potential new clients orwhatever wanting their pro card
(24:27):
and I'm just like it's yourfirst fucking show, right?
What are you talking about?
Right?
Like I literally want to justgrab people on the neck and
shake them, but then you're notthe first, you will be the last.
I've had many, many, many andthen it really does have to
become this personal best right,like in every single thing that
(24:48):
you do, and it's gotta be this.
I'm sure it's the same reasonyou keep going back to your
endurance events, right Like,whether you win them or you
don't win them, you're trying tobeat whatever that best.
Would you wanna have adifferent prep?
You wanna have a different race?
You wanna have everything youwanna do better, and with
bodybuilding it's no different.
And I'll never even say thatsomebody else deserved it more,
(25:09):
because it's not about that,right, it's not.
You could have somebody who's19 years old, who just walks
around looking like that all dayand was like I'm gonna do a
show tomorrow and pops in andbeats you right.
Doesn't mean that she deservesit more.
It just means that that's justwhat the judge is one of that
day, based on who all elseshowed up.
Right, and she's geneticallygifted and God bless her and
(25:30):
good for her right.
So it's not really even amatter.
It's just you know.
It's just you have to do yourbest.
You have to be satisfied withwhat you're bringing to the
stage, satisfied with youreffort, that you gave it your
all.
Whatever that all is right, andgiving your all in every prep
(25:51):
may be a little differentdepending on the obstacles and
stuff you may have to overcome,and that's something I had to
learn.
What I did in the first part ofmy career versus what I did in
the second part of my careerwere very different, and how I
felt about competing was verydifferent and there was a lot of
injury and downtime anddepression in between because I
had to have a bunch of surgeriesbecause I over-trained and I
(26:12):
had the wrong attitude and I dida bunch of stuff.
And then coming back to thestage after all of that, after
kind of losing my identity andsort of suffering through the
depression of like you know,what am I doing here?
Why am I doing this?
For that back half is reallywhen things really mattered and
made a difference to me, becauseit truly became about what am I
(26:36):
overcoming every single prep toget on stage, to be the best I
can.
Sometimes I looked better thanothers, but it doesn't mean I
didn't give my best, forwhatever best was, I could give
that prep right.
So I kind of had this sayingthat I've been putting out on
social media recently.
It's, like you know, givingyour best every day, even when
(26:59):
some days your best isunrecognizable to you, right,
because it is.
It really is a matter of mybest.
Today is so much different thanmy best 20 years ago, right,
like, or even two injuries ago,or 20 surgeries ago, or whatever
the case may be.
So the goal is to give yourbest.
Know that you did everythingthat you could doesn't mean it
(27:21):
has to be perfect.
Just what are you satisfiedwith?
What you're bringing to thestage and then hope that your
best beats everybody else's bestand you're what the judges want
in the lightings, right, andyou know your suit doesn't fall
out whatever, your tan is goodand all of the things come
together and then you get to win.
That's how it works.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I gotta tell you honestly, some of my most
favorite competitors are girlsthat get on stage that are not
gonna win.
I mean, like you can look at theclass they're not winning.
But it's the girl like I had agirl at one of my shows.
She had lost I think it was 110pounds I mean you know all the
scars from skin removal like shehad a journey and she got on
(28:00):
that stage and she wasn't gonnawin the class, but you felt such
a sense of pride and just somuch encouragement to think that
somebody knew they weren'tthere to win but, by God, they
were gonna show off the workthey did and I felt like that's
the bigger win is to walk onstage without that like I need
to win it, but just being proudenough of yourself and getting
(28:23):
there, because perhaps hard, andit doesn't matter if you come
out looking like you should beon a cover of a magazine or you
come out looking like, well, Iput this bikini on.
The prep was hard either way,and so I think it's really the
wind to be there and I think ittakes hindsight to sort of
(28:43):
recognize that getting yourselfthere was commitment to a plan
and you met your goal, and yourgoal was being there, right.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Which is something that you know 90% of the
population will never do rightTo commit to a goal that hard,
because it's hard right.
And whatever effort you put inand I tell clients this all the
time the effort you put in isgonna be reflective on stage
right.
And so, again, I'm here toguide you.
(29:12):
I can't force you to doanything.
You can implement half thethings I tell you to do, all the
things I tell you to do, morethan I tell you to do.
Whatever the case may be, youhave to be happy with what you
bring to the stage and you haveto be okay with the effort you
put in being reflected of whatdo you want the effort to look
like you put in when you get onstage right.
And I think that person thatyou just talked about, or the
(29:37):
people who get in their mindsetwhat they're doing in this goal,
have less of a difficult timepost-show than somebody who's
going in it to win, somebodywho's going in it to with a
singular focus of I want my procard or whatever, or I deserve
it more, I want it more.
(29:57):
I don't care if you've beenworking out of 20 years and you
still haven't gotten it right,like you just either keep doing
it or you don't, but that Ithink you have a less difficult
time.
And then it is again in thatperiod post-show, it is planning
for it because I think in manyrespects like so, putting this
podcast out there, people readour book or whatever,
(30:20):
understanding that it's comingright.
So now more women who havepost-partum depression at least
understand like this is normal.
We talk about it.
Like not normal, it's common,right, we talk about it.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
It's okay to feel some let down, it's okay to feel a little bit
lost, and then let's startworking towards.
(30:41):
You know what this, what thisnext goal is going to look like,
whether it's competing orrunning a marathon or some other
sport, you never want to do itagain in life, whatever the case
may be.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Well, there's something you talk about and I
mean, you say it all the timebut this idea of being bigger
than the singular identity thatyou are a whole person.
And to reevaluate that evenbecause I mean, I'll tell you
it's really hard if you tellsomeone, particularly
bodybuilding, that you're abikini competitor, you're a
physique competitor, you knowwhatever you're doing, and then
(31:14):
you go into growth season andyou gain this weight back and
suddenly you're not all cut upand you don't look like a
competitor anymore.
It becomes difficult to allowyourself to be that thing, but
not be just that identity, totry to reiterate that you're
this whole person.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Right, because we have to stop saying that.
Like, honestly, I don't thinkanybody should say I'm a bikini
competitor, I'm of this, I'm ofthat, it's something you do.
It's not who you are, right,you are.
If you're, you know you're awell rounded female athlete,
right, who also is a wife, amother, a daughter, sister,
(31:55):
brother, you know.
Whatever the case may be, in myopinion, and should be
everybody's opinion, those arethe things that matter.
Nobody gives a fuck that youcompeted in a bikini competition
at your grave, yeah, I canpromise you that nobody cares
how well you stuck to yourmacros or how good you looked in
(32:15):
your big, your sparkly bikini,right.
So we have to stop and I'vetalked about this in podcasts
before.
That's where my depression camefrom.
Because I competed, I started, Idid very well, straight out of
the box.
2005 competed because nobodywas telling anybody not to
compete in season.
I did fall, I did.
(32:35):
I did multiple shows in thefall, multiple shows in the
spring, multiple shows in thefall again ended up with torn
bicep, torn shoulder, a bunch ofsurgeries.
Nobody knew anything aboutreverse dieting, gained 40
pounds.
It was.
You know, it was.
It was just ugly and I hadbecome Tina the figure
competitor.
Meanwhile I've got a littleperson at home that I'm raising
(32:56):
and a husband who also competes,who you know.
So things were.
We are priorities where it is alittle bit fucked up and and I
see this, I see this in peopleall the time.
Trust me, I can see fucked uppriorities and competitors all
day long.
I see it on social media.
You guys are real like it'sreal interesting, but I do, I
(33:18):
see it and it makes me.
It makes me cringe, but I'vebeen there.
I makes me cringe because I'vebeen there.
I know, I know these people, Isee myself in these people, but
that's.
I ended up in this reallysevere depression because I was
like, well, I'm not Tina thefigure competitor who got all
this, all these accolades forhow great I was as a figure
competitor.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Right, Like I wasn't getting.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I wasn't getting the praise for being a mom or the
praise you know.
I know that sounds silly, right, but people thought I was great
as a figure competitor.
And now I'm not a figurecompetitor anymore, on this fat
lump of lard sitting in thecorner of my couch, depressed,
and I don't know what to do withmy life.
It took a long time to get myhead out of my ass, but the
(34:00):
problem was I putting my entireidentity into that thing I did.
That was not who I was.
It was something I did.
It's just like.
You know, if you think about interms of like mistakes that we
make or right.
So if you think in terms oflike guilt and shame, shame is
I'm a horrible person for thisthing and guilt is I did a thing
(34:24):
that wasn't so great, right.
So we have to kind of stopputting ourselves into these
identity boxes that meanabsolutely nothing.
It's a thing we do.
It's not who we are.
And so if you want to tellpeople I compete in bikini
competitions and I'm in mygrowth season right now, feeling
really good and strong, fine,right.
(34:45):
Like we don't, we don't need toplus plus also, and we don't
need to explain ourselves topeople, right.
So you have to get right inyour own damn head about what
your growth season is going tolook like.
Right, it is.
You don't get to.
You don't get to get better inendurance racing without getting
faster.
Right Like you've got to getfaster or better with your
(35:07):
stride.
Whatever the case may be, yougot to improve in some way in
bodybuilding Unless you're usingdrugs.
You do not get to get betterwithout putting on some weight,
right Now.
How you put on that weight isup to you.
You can do it dirty and getreal big.
I don't recommend it.
You can try to restrict anddon't gain any.
I don't recommend that either.
(35:28):
Right, but you're going to puton some weight.
And who gives a flying fuck?
But anybody else thinks aboutwhether you look like a
competitor or not?
Right, like it doesn't matter.
It does not matter what otherpeople think.
It only matters what your your.
If you're ashamed to tellpeople because you got a little
bit of extra body fat and youdon't look like it anymore, who
cares?
I don't look like ArnoldSchwarzenegger.
(35:48):
I don't look like I'm.
I should be on the cover ofmuscle and fitness.
But I know, I know what I do.
I know what I did Right.
It doesn't matter what otherpeople look at me and think no
in that, in that world.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
you know I don't do social media.
I have no social media, I'venever had it.
So I don't want to make it seemlike I somehow just magically
stop doing it.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
I never, I never got it.
Smartest thing anybody's everdone is just never do it at all.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
So when Facebook first came out because I'm old
enough to remember Facebookcoming out we had a lot of
friends in the military who had,like high school girlfriends,
people reaching out and it wascausing a lot of marital
problems.
So my husband and I from thebeginning were like this seems
like a real bad plan, so we justnever jumped on board.
But I am curious, from yourside of things, how you feel
(36:40):
like putting all that out thereon social media impacts the like
, the post season depressionpeople might have.
Because now I know when I cut,I honestly I'm treated
differently.
People are nicer to me, whichsounds insane.
But when I look really fit,people are nicer and, for
whatever reason, feel that theyare allowed to just tell me if
(37:01):
they think I look good which Ididn't ask, I don't care.
And I find it almost offensivebecause, say, I'm funny, say I'm
smart, I just don't care aboutyou, your opinion of how I look.
But how do you think then thatimpacts people's reaction when
they've had people online sortof telling them they're amazing,
they're looking so good, andthen now you can't gain muscle
(37:24):
without gaining fat.
So now if you're going to grow,you have to put fat on, to put
muscle on.
How do you cope with people nowknowing you looked this way?
That's only going to be for dayand you don't anymore.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I hate it.
I hate everything about socialmedia when it comes to that.
But also, you know, it dependson how you use your platform,
right?
So I think I mean, we knowsocial media is exacerbating
mental health problems acrossacross.
You know, young girls, youngboys, like it's just, you know,
(38:03):
because everybody's highlightreels out there, I mean, I could
post a picture of me from 2006and somebody like, oh my God,
you look great and I'm likethat's 20 fucking years ago.
You know, that is not what Ilook like right now.
You literally just saw apicture of me last week, right?
So people are going to give youthese accolades.
I, you know.
Again, I see people areconstantly posting their, their
(38:24):
pictures.
I think the most cringy thing Isee that I really hate is women
, and I appreciate that women intheir off seasons or growth
seasons are actually puttingtheir off season bodies out
there.
I think it's, I think it'sgreat, I think that helps.
But again, it's the method inwhich you do it right.
(38:44):
It's the message you're puttingout, because what I cannot
stand is seeing somebody who'sliterally like five days post
show barely looks different thanthey did On show day and
they're like, oh, I'm so fluffy,look at my pictures.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
And.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
I'm just like fuck off, right, like stop it.
That's just ridiculous, right,because that is just
exacerbating the God, the bodyimage and issues that, like,
every single woman on the planethas.
Right, if this girl thinksshe's woman, thinks she's fat at
like you know, and I'm 200pounds looking at this, going
(39:24):
well, there's no hope for me.
I'm never going to look good,right, so it's I like that
people will put themselves outthere and show what a real
growth season body looks like.
I just don't like the messagesthat come with it a lot of times
, right?
So I think people are puttingit out there in this very
(39:47):
self-deprecating sort of way,right, so to say, oh look, how
big I've gotten.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Where the average person or is she fishing, though
?
Is she fishing?
Oh, of course she's fishingright, no, it's fishing.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
No, you look, oh my God you look amazing in your
growth season, right or, andthen, at the same time, you may
have, you know, your neighbordown the street who's also
friends with you on Facebook,going well, shit, like, that's
my dream body and she's callingherself fat right.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
So I think Inadvertently feels judgmental
to other women, absolutelyInadvertently.
If you say you feel heavy andyou're on the thin side of your
weight, then you're tellingpeople who are even heavier this
is heavy.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
So, hmm, I mean Like I'm not going to stand in front
of somebody who I know isactually overweight, right, and
talk about how fat I feel.
That's real shitty, right?
Granted, social media is afree-for-all right.
Everybody has the right to postwhatever they want on their
Facebook pages.
(40:55):
But I would encourage peoplewomen in particular in this
sport to really think about thenarrative that they're putting
out there.
And, unfortunately, a lot ofwomen who are in a good place in
their own bodies.
Unfortunately, they're the oneswho are constantly putting
their bodies out on social media, and I was one of them, right?
(41:18):
Granted, all we had we didn'thave Facebook back then.
Whew, I was old.
But it's rare to find the rightmessage for the right reason
with the right photographs onsocial media, right?
So I wish more women wereputting out the right message
(41:42):
with the same photographs thebefores, the afters, whatever
explaining the truth behind whatis really going on in these
pictures, without it beingsomething that would more
negatively impact the greatersocial media at large.
Right, because I think, as women, we should be more considerate
(42:07):
of other women, right?
I just think that we should.
And if we have a following onsocial media and we have a
platform, I think if we used ita bit more wisely, it would be,
and which is what I try to do.
It's what I try to do a lot.
I by no means ever, I don'tever use filters.
I don't even know how.
I do use social media quite abit and for this exact reason,
(42:33):
because I am really trying toput out real stuff right, like
this is what a real thoughts,real body, like everything we're
talking about on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
But I think I'm rambling at this point In the
breadth of social media that ifyou find yourself post-show
feeling like you're sort of lostor you're feeling depressed
about the whole situation, thatthere are probably avenues there
than where there are groups ofother people you can talk to or
people who have just done theshow with you.
And definitely every show I'vebeen to I've met someone
(43:10):
incredible.
I don't usually keep in touchwith people, but there's always
somebody that if you wanted tohave a friend down the road,
almost every show there's awhole group of women that want
to be your friend.
They're very friendly If you'refriendly first.
People are very friendly at theshows.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
I think having a sense of community is really
important Dot, dot, dot, break,break Except when that sense of
community becomes this groupmentality about post-show
competition blues.
And then so there was thisthere's a phenomenon I believe
(43:54):
in the sport I'll get to that ina second but where I think,
when I first really thought ofwhat's happening in the sport of
bodybuilding that happenspost-show, with the binging and
the gaining weight and all thecrazy stuff that happens, I
believe that started to becomethis rite of passage, that it
was almost like this thing you,everybody did, you benched, you
(44:18):
gained weight, you stopped goingto the gym, everybody just like
because it's.
And I can tell you that this iswhat happened back in the early
2000s when I was competing, andI think it started to be this
group mentality kind of thing,like this group suffering right.
That it is this rite of passageas a bodybuilder, as a
competitor, that you come offstage and you have to go through
(44:40):
this post-show blues and youhave to go through this really
horrific time of binging andfeeling like shit and oh my God,
I'm fat.
And then I'll back that up toBrandy and I.
I don't know if we've talkedabout this on the podcast or not
, but I know her and I have hadconversations about this in the
sport of gymnastics and I'm sureit's going on still and
probably any major sport likethat, but especially gymnastics,
(45:00):
because these girls are socriticized for their bodies,
dancers probably, too.
There is a group mentality oneating disorders, right.
So it is like common practicethat when you're in a group of
women, we're so good at this,it's the thing to do, right.
(45:21):
So I think that that has alsohappened in the sport of
bodybuilding and it has becomethe thing to do versus.
So that's where you have to becareful.
Community is important, butcommunity misery is also a very
valid thing, right.
So we get ourselves in troubleif we aren't able to think
independently of what we read,see, do on social media, of what
(45:47):
our friends are doing, right,like if our friends like oh, I'm
fat and I'm binging blah, blah,blah and you're like, oh, me
too, right, yeah, that kind ofcommunity is not helping anybody
.
So there has to be someindependent thought, thinking
for oneself.
Having a community to rely on,I think is great until it's not,
(46:10):
does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Yeah well, and so the other thing is that you don't
have to experience depressionpost anything and I think so you
may just the awareness it couldhappen.
I think if you have theforesight that it's coming, it
may still happen.
But you sort of anticipated itdifferently.
When I finished my bachelor'sdegree I was working night shift
(46:34):
, full time with a three yearold and a five year old.
My husband was active duty andgoing TDY all the time.
And when I finished mybachelor's degree I was like I
don't even know what to do withall of this time, like where was
this time?
And it caught me so sidewaysbecause I'd just been so focused
on finishing it that when itwas finished it never crossed my
(46:56):
mind I might have thishollowness of nothing I was
focused on anymore because itwas just so consuming.
So I think if you sort of knowit could be coming down the
pipeline, at least maybe yourecognize some symptoms earlier.
But it definitely doesn't haveto be a situation.
So if you don't, you didn't doanything wrong or you weren't
(47:16):
less focused when you wereworking on your goal.
It just may not be somethingthat hits you in the same way.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Right, and what you just said is 100%.
That's the point I was tryingto get across.
Don't think, well, I didn'thave post-show blues, so I did
not train hard enough, or I mustnot be good enough, or whatever
.
It's no different than, like Ihave clients that get super
(47:44):
duper lean and never lose theirperiod going into a show.
That doesn't mean that they'renot super duper lean and they're
not stage ready because theynever lost their period and 2
million other people do, like itdoesn't matter, because
everybody's really individual.
So, but to your point on the now, what do I do?
I mean, which kind of talkedabout when you suddenly have all
(48:06):
this time?
So I mean I will say thatpost-competition, at least in
that six to eight week period,your training cardio doesn't
change a super ton, right?
So it should still actuallytake up a bit of your time,
right?
Like, cause we haven't beenable to weed your day.
I'm not gonna talk about you,cause you're only doing a ton of
(48:26):
cardio, but the average clientwho's coming off a show.
We are starting to reducecardio, we are starting to
increase calories, but you know,in the first couple of weeks
you shouldn't have a lot of freetime, like it shouldn't look a
whole lot different than prep.
You know, before the show,right, like, give you some time
back.
But I know for me, as a coach,I do.
(48:49):
I start redirecting clients inthat free time to doing things
they haven't been able to do,right?
So, whether it is spending timewith more time with family,
right, like, I literally have todirect clients to like they're
like what do I do?
And I'm like what have you beenneglecting for the last six
months of prep?
Right, these are the thingsthat we need.
(49:10):
Right, you know a meal out withfamily once a week, if that's
something that's important.
Or you know more yoga.
Or you know more walks innature, now that the weather is
getting nice, right, let's gooutside for walks, let's enjoy
the time that you have.
(49:30):
This is the time now.
So it's basically like let'stake inventory of all the things
that fell by the wayside whileyou were in prep, because you
know, when you're singularlyfocused on a thing, there is no
balance.
I do not believe that balanceis a thing.
You're putting all your most,you're prioritizing one thing
over another period.
So what are the things thathave been you know, that have
(49:51):
gone by the wayside?
Oh, you want to do anothercertification?
Perfect time.
Let's start a new class.
Let's take a class.
Let's nap.
You want to go nap you?
want to go try a boxing class.
Like my client Taylor.
She's like she, you know nowthat now that preps over, she's
like I want to try a boxingclass and I would try a boxing
class, I would try this.
I was like do it all, do allthe things, have fun.
(50:14):
Go take a bunch of classes, youknow.
Take up a new hobby, whateverthe case may be, but don't sit
around feeling lost because youare no longer.
You know care of the bikinicompetitor or Tina the figure
competitor, or whatever the casemay be.
Go be a mom, go be a goodemployee, you know.
Focus on something new.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Do you feel like you see any more struggle when we're
in that seasonal effectivedisorder window, Like if
somebody wraps their show inNovember, let's just say like
right before Thanksgiving, andyou're going right into seasons
where it's cold and dark andmaybe more of a struggle to get
(50:56):
outside or sort of resume anormal routine?
Do you feel like you see itharder then?
Speaker 1 (51:03):
I don't necessarily see it harder because of more of
like the sad right, theseasonal effective disorder.
I do see it harder with manybecause coming off late season
shows goes right into holidaysand it's real hard to stick to
(51:24):
reverse diets.
I find that really difficult,which then can spiral into a
whole other mental strugglebecause I can't stick to.
You know, I've got all theseholiday functions.
I can't stick to my diet.
I'm gaining body fat morequickly than I want to.
I'm traveling for holidays, Ican't get in my training.
So I see it less because of theweather per se or the season
(51:51):
and more because of what'shappening in that season.
I see it sometimes with thesummer months and stuff too,
like people coming off of springshows thinking like, oh, I will
do spring because then I'llstay looking hot and maybe
cleaning all summer, I'll havethe summer body.
And then they start putting onbody fat as they're supposed to,
and then they freak out and nowI don't have a summer body and
(52:12):
I'm like that's both, you know,whatever.
So the same bullshit.
Or people who are reeling tolike fire pits and barbecues and
like hanging out on the boatdrinking all day long, and they
come off their show.
It's the same thing as, likethe holiday people who struggle,
right.
So now my summer vacation,people are gonna struggle.
I purposely ask clients not totake any major vacations,
(52:34):
especially like an all inclusiveresort or a cruise or two weeks
in Europe.
The week after their showYou're not staying on your prep
diet, I mean, you're on yourreverse diet, right?
So I'm like, can you give melike three to four weeks?
Let's at least get you out ofthe danger zone before you go to
(52:55):
this free for all in Jamaica,because I know you're gonna go
free for all in Jamaica.
So yeah, there's just a lot ofsmart planning around post
season, I think.
So, with a little thought inplanning, it can be done in a
(53:16):
healthy way.
And, as you know, I try reallyhard to have all of these types
of practices in place withclients before they ever even
hit the stage right.
So I'm not suddenly like, let'sadd meditation and yoga and
Pilates and like all of thesethings.
I wanna make sure my clientshave a healthier headspace
before they get on stage.
So hopefully we have less ofthat let down post show.
(53:42):
Yep, that's always the plananyway.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
So Right.
So Tell me what podcast you'relistening to right now.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
I'm listening to hold on.
I just forgot the name of it.
It's called Straight from thehorse doctor's mouth.
It's podcast about from a horseveterinarian.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I'm really glad we started with telling people we
have a horse now cause.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
And I also frequently listen to Hooperman Lab.
I love his, although I feellike it's listening to a many
book every single time, causeI'm like, dude, you're podcast
are three hours long and I can't.
They're great, I mean, I willlisten for three or four hours
and not bad an eye, but I can'tlisten to it at like my normal
1.2 speed, because then I'm likemissing all the information.
I was like I can't keep up withall this too fast.
(54:36):
So, yeah, so those are kind ofmy two and I'm just starting a
new book.
So I will say as a so our nextpodcast that I'm gonna do, I'm
gonna podcast with my physicaltherapist again and I asked.
he said he had a new book hewanted me to read and get my
thoughts on it.
I have not started reading ityet, but it's called Burn by
(54:59):
Herman Herman, herman HermanHanser, and it is about if I can
get it to come up.
It is called what's this?
New research blows the lid offof how we really burn calories,
stay healthy and lose weight.
Oh, so he told me it hassomething to do with like they
(55:21):
did these studies on like HunterGathers and sort of like the
metabolic state of the HunterGatherer, kind of- Like.
Caveman Hunter Gatherer.
I don't know I have to get intoit and see like cause I don't
know how they could have studiedcavemen, but there's something
in that realm of like that.
My guess is oh, maybe try, I'msorry, I think it's going to
(55:44):
talk about my guess is just onthe cover and I really have no
idea.
I might be totally wrong.
My guess is it's going to talkabout so, if we're talking about
, like true metabolism andcalorie burn, like how do we
really stay fit?
Is it exercise versus neat,right?
I don't know if that's the case, but I am hypothesizing that
this is kind of the concept ofthe book and I know that.
(56:06):
That said, he wanted to kind ofget my thoughts on where I
thought, you know, in terms of Ilike that.
Speaker 2 (56:12):
You've made this prediction.
So when we listened to the nextpodcast I can tell you I was
totally wrong.
Speaker 1 (56:16):
Apple wasn't anything about what I thought it was
Wrong, tina, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
I was so wrong.
Yeah, I'll talk about that whenwe record the next podcast,
cool.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
What about you?
What do you listen to?
Well, I just started three,which is the podcast about the
two high school girls thatstabbed the third high school
girl to death out in the woods.
It was like they weren't inhigh school.
Speaker 1 (56:40):
they were in middle school.
Wow, I think they were inmiddle school, right?
Speaker 2 (56:43):
No, these girls were in high school.
These girls were definitely inhigh school because one had a
car she was Okay different groupof three, but there's another,
kate.
Speaker 1 (56:50):
I thought that was just the one there's another one
, so this is called three.
Speaker 2 (56:56):
So it's just sort of diving back into sort of how
they got there and how this wasnot bullying.
This is not like normal meangirl behavior, that high school
girls have things happening thatwe're not paying attention to,
and so it's getting to sort ofthe root of how it ever got to
that point.
So you know, I like a goodmurder, so-.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
I do too.
I've kind of gotten away from alot of my murder stuff and I've
been trying to-.
Speaker 2 (57:21):
You're convinced you're gonna be murdered.
I'm convinced I'm gonna bemurdered.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
No, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about that,
Although every time my husbandwalks out the front door and
leaves it unlocked, I'm likehe's trying to get me murder
raped.
That's what I would say.
So are you trying to get memurder raped?
If you leave the front doorunlocked, I'm gonna get murder
raped, right?
So I it's never murder or raped, it's just murder rape.
I'm getting Perfect, it'sprobably more like rape murdered
.
I mean they're gonna get rapemurdered or murder raped.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
I'm hoping you get murder raped to not rape
murdered.
That'd be a better scenario.
Speaker 1 (57:50):
I'd rather be dead people.
If it has to be one, where isit?
Okay now I think we've gonedown a really bad rabbit hole.
Sorry, everybody, wrap it there, wrap it there.
We're gonna wrap it up now.
Anything else to add on thepost season.
Speaker 2 (58:03):
No, I don't think.
I think reach out especially ifyou have a coach which I
indefinitely recommend for anysport you're doing to have a
coach Outside perspective isimportant, but also, if this
happens, you have a resource ofsomebody to tell you what's
normal, what's not, and maybe,just maybe, they're gonna tell
you to go see a medical doctor.
(58:23):
So you end up in that place.
Don't be afraid to reach outfor help in that avenue as well,
But-.
Speaker 1 (58:30):
I agree, having a coach and having a coach who
actually is going to I mean,cause not all coaches give a
fuck about talking about thesethings so that's gonna be an
important aspect of it.
And, yes, don't be ashamed ofit, you're not alone.
It's the same goes with anytype of blues, feeling or
depression or something that youcan't quite get a handle on.
(58:53):
You can't manage it on your ownor with your coach or with
anybody.
Then, obviously, asking forhelp and getting support is
gonna be the number one thing,because it's okay to not be okay
.
It's just not okay to staythere.
So, yeah, so, on that note,don't get weird, use your head,
it will all be okay.
Speaker 2 (59:14):
Bye, don't get murder , raped bye, okay, bye.
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