April 22, 2025 • 38 mins
Career success isn't just about who you know, but how real those connections are. In this episode, we dive deep into the transformative power of authentic workplace relationships—the kind built on trust, mutual respect, and genuine curiosity about others. We offer five tips and strategies to help our listeners build authentic relationships to level up their career.
Drawing from our own experiences we explore how these meaningful connections differ from traditional networking. Rather than focusing on transactional relationships, we advocate for engaging in deeper conversations with an international interest. These authentic connections don't just happen—they require consistency, vulnerability, and showing up with an open heart.
We personal stories of how relationships built years ago unexpectedly led to career opportunities, speaking engagements, and business partnerships that wouldn't have transpired from traditional networking alone. We discuss practical strategies for building these connections, from engaging in "water cooler conversations" to recognizing colleagues' contributions without expecting anything in return.
Whether you're looking to advance in your career or simply find more fulfillment in your current role, this episode offers valuable insights into how authentic workplace relationships can become your career superpower.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When you're building authentic relationships, it's
about going a little bit deeper,you know, going five inches
into the conversation ratherthan like a centimeter away.
Right, it's taking that riskystep or being open the same way
and showing others that youreally care and you're there and
you want to learn.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
You are listening to Coffee and Career Hour.
We are your hosts.
I'm Armina and I'm MJ, twocareer counselors and friends
chatting about all things lifeand career.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
So grab a cup of coffee and join us.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
We've all heard the saying it's not what you know,
it's who you know.
But what if it's not just whoyou know?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
but how real that connection is.
Exactly Today we're diving intothe power of authentic
workplace relationships, theones built on trust, mutual
respect and a little bit ofvulnerability.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Because, let's be honest, the people who help us
grow the most in our careersaren't just LinkedIn connections
.
They're the ones who truly seeus, advocate for us and
challenge us to level up.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
So if you've ever wondered how real relationships
at work can open doors, fuelyour confidence and shape your
career path, this episode is foryou.
Grab your coffee and let's getinto it.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
MJ, what's up?
I feel like you are the queenof authentic relationships in
the workplace.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
You know one part way , I'm a queen of a lot of things
.
I'm just kidding.
Um, you absolutely are, I feel.
So I can't say I disagree, butmy imposter syndrome is like
telling me in my brain todisagree.
Just because it's the impostersyndrome speaking, but I do feel
that I can.
I am really, really.
I have gotten really well atmaking relationships, building
(01:55):
them, keeping them, creatinglike an impact on others, so
they have like this impressionin some type of way that's
positive but yet authentic, ofwho I am.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, yeah, you have done that really well from what
I've been seeing, so that's why,when we decided to talk about
authentic relationships, Iautomatically thought about how
you do them.
Oh, you do that really thanksyeah, it's honestly.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
It comes out very naturally because one of my
strengths if you know Cliftonstrengths is harmony.
So I don't like conflict, so Itry to be everybody's friend.
If you know, clifton'sstrengths is harmony.
So I don't like conflict, so Itry to be everybody's friend.
Um, which you know has its ownissues and rooted in trauma, but
um, like workplacerelationships, I always have
always thought like I want toenjoy the people that I work
with and the work that I do Ialready love.
(02:40):
So just it's like a bonus pointto like work with like a big
happy family and friends.
And usually it's a red flag whenyour work is like oh, we're one
big happy family, but you workto build that relationship with
the people you do and spend mostof your time with every week.
Like you and I right, like I wedo some which we'll get into
(03:00):
and all this kinds of stuff.
But we built that relationshipfrom day one.
It wasn't something that I waslike oh hey, partner, like how
you doing, or like we only worktogether on like projects and
stuff.
Right, like I care about if youare like have a different tone
in the mornings, like I'm goingto ask you like Arminia, what's
wrong?
Or like, if you need to dosomething, I'm going to lock you
(03:26):
in your office until you finishit.
Yeah, you did that to me today.
It's I think it's natural in mebecause I've I've grown up like
caring a lot about a lot.
I've grown up caring for manypeople in my life, so it's
natural for me to do that when Iget closer to someone too.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, and you know it really does make a difference.
I want to hone in on what youwere talking about, like
creating a space where you areconnected to the people around
you so that you enjoy yourworkspace.
I think that's so importantbecause, unfortunately, so many
people out there like hate thework environment.
(03:56):
I mean, sometimes we'll haveclients who say, you know, I
kind of like the work.
You know, the work isn't theproblem, it's the environment,
the culture, energy, the people.
Um, there might be a culture of, like complaining about one
another or backstabbing eachother, right or not, celebrating
each other's wins, like a verycompetitive culture, and that
(04:16):
could really get to somebody.
You know, even if you love thework, if you're in that space
day in and day out, eventuallyit's going to get to you.
So I love that you were talkingabout creating this energy and
the space of connecting withpeople and feeling genuinely
like you care about the peoplethat you work with.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, it's funny because I was recently talking
to someone a little bit of theopposite of what you were saying
.
They were sharing with me, likethe work they could care less
for, like it is just stuff thatthey don't like to do and they
don't want to do and they don'teven want to be in that industry
that they're in, but they'vestayed so long because of the
people around them and theychoose to like keep coming back
(04:57):
to their job because they reallyenjoy their team or the people.
And I was like that that's hard.
That's hard because I amsomeone who loves both and I
well, I've actually have been inthat situation where I don't
like the work, I didn't like thework I was doing, but I really
enjoyed the person I was doingit for and that was hard because
(05:18):
I had to choose to leavebecause ultimately, I wasn't
feeling fulfilled.
And when you create thatenvironment with that people,
you feel safe.
It's a safe space for you togrow, for you to ask questions,
be who you are.
And you know from thatexperience of actually that
relationship has led me to otheropportunities to be offered,
through even career confidence.
So I'm grateful.
(05:39):
I mean there was a whole pointto this.
I can't remember what it was.
But anyway, long story short.
I'm grateful for thatconnection because it's led me
to other opportunities even now,because I I allowed space and
time to build and strengthenthat relationship over the years
.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, it's great to see that, the impact that it can
have.
Right, Because we always talkabout, like, oh, networking it's
this big, scary word and everytime we talk about networking or
building that career community,we talk about how it can come
back in very meaningful ways.
Maybe six months from now,maybe a year, maybe three years
from now, and it sounds like foryou that's exactly what
(06:17):
happened.
It's like been years later, butit's been opportunities that
have come up because people knowyou in this way.
Yeah, A hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
That's amazing.
I love it.
You've also been in spaceswhere the work you loved but the
environment wasn't the best fitright.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it was a short period of time,
but it really taught me a lotabout like who I was, what I
wanted and the importance oflike speaking up and putting
myself first.
I think a lot of the time thatpeople please their energy or
that that characteristic that Ihave really draws me to do
things or be in spaces that Idon't enjoy, and at that time in
(06:56):
my life I was new to a lot ofdifferent things and I was
figuring it out and I felt likeI just had to like push through
and just do the thing that Ihated and it eventually was
going to be okay.
But then I realized I I wasreally staying because one
financial security I needed themoney hated what I was doing,
but the person who I was doingit with just made it a tad bit
(07:18):
better and it made like the daystaste better and the you know
even like shorter a little bittoo.
It was kind of fun working withthem but not doing the work
yeah, yeah, it's so complex.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
It can be so many different feelings all at the
same time, whether it's lovingthe work, hitting the
environment or vice versa or anycombination of those things.
But, like, there's so manyemotions that are complex and
multi-faceted when we go to work, so it's not just this basic
like do you like what you do ornot?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, that question goes so deep, which is why, like
a huge part of like buildingthose relationships with others
it's not like oh, you know,arminie, do you enjoy being, you
know being a higher edprofessional, like that's so
like surface level and it'sdeeper than that, right.
It's asking you your purposeand your passion.
And I think that also comesnaturally to us too when we
speak to others, because we'recounselors, we're used to those
(08:11):
conversations, we're not reallyafraid to have them and others,
um, shy away from stuff likethat.
But when you're buildingauthentic relationships, it's
about going a little bit deeper,you know, going five inches
into the conversation ratherthan like a centimeter away,
right, it's taking that riskystep or being open the same way
(08:33):
and showing others that youreally care and you're there and
you want to learn.
Once a colleague of ours it wasso cute when they were starting
they sent out like a survey toget to know everyone a little
bit better and I thought it wasthe cutest thing in the world
because I thought how well oneit was really authentic of the
person too.
I just loved that because therewere questions that like you
(08:56):
don't naturally ask in aworkplace, right, like what's
your favorite animal.
Like that comes out silly, likein silly conversations, but it
was a nice way for them to getto know us and come into this
new environment when theyclearly saw like we all had a
strong bond already together too.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, oh, I love that , I love that survey.
I remember that clearly.
But you know, it goes to show,because that person does have
those conversations, they'rereally great at asking those
questions and, sure enough, theybuild those authentic
relationships.
You know, I think about, likeI've been kind of reflecting, as
we're having this conversation,on my career journey and just
(09:34):
starting from like, undergrad,moving forward to grad school
and having to learn theimportance of authentic
relationships in the workplace,that I can say I've been lucky
enough to be in spaces wherethose relationships evolved and
grew over time, but I didn'tknow how important they were
(09:56):
until I was having thoserelationships and recognizing,
oh yeah, I have these almostlifelong connections, even if
maybe I'm no longer working withsome of my past colleagues,
right, but like they're lifelongconnections and, who knows, I
would love to work with some ofthem again in the future and we
still keep in touch every oncein a while.
(10:18):
So I think about like wow, theimportance of this and the fact
that I didn't know this, like noone ever told me this, tell me
this, you know, and and maybehad I known earlier, I would
have even been more strategic orintentional about building
these or knowing how to buildthese, but I kind of had to just
(10:38):
fall into these spaces, observethe dynamics and, over time,
recognize, recognize, oh, thisis an important part of your
career development process yeah,as you said that I was
reflecting, you know, I likeflashbacked into like little mj
in college and grad school in myfirst couple jobs and one I
think it's we're first gen,right, we don't know what we
(11:00):
didn't know and we still have alot to learn.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, um, but I'm thinking about all the
relationships that I have nowand how, in my career, those
individuals that I have hadthose conversations with and
have built those relationshipsand sustained them over time,
have like, really like been hugecareer moves for me, right like
have been the reason why Itaught, like I'm teaching a
(11:23):
graduate class, have been thereason why I was asked to teach
a special one unit course ordesign like an asynchronous
class or like be in thesepositions that I'm in or career
confidence is differentpresentation Like.
It's mind blowing to me how,through these relationships that
I didn't even know, likeputting in those extra five
minutes, staying after class orsending that email or taking
(11:46):
them up for that dinner,whatever it was was going to
create such an importantmovement or moment in my career
and in my life where, as like ahuman being, I'm learning and
growing, not only as aprofessional, of course right,
of course but even as a person,like how those relationships
really impact me because, likenow, like these are people I'm
(12:07):
like inviting to my weddingright, like people who've known
me for years, and that's likehow deep the relationship goes.
But that's just because you putthat energy there and I really
do wish someone like we would.
We can say this to the youngeraudience too, because they don't
know that and I feel like innow and days, like social media
is, is really like the forefrontof how people build connections
(12:28):
and see different others andhave an influence really, and
it's very, it's very what otherswant people to see.
It's not the true version ofwho we are oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
and and the true version is in those
conversations and the realface-to-face spending time with
people, taking the time to getto know them.
And, yeah, you know, it's okay.
I think better late than never.
And life is all about learningand growing, and so is our
career.
So I think that now that we'veseen the impact, the positive
(13:04):
impact, you know you're talkingabout career confidence and
presentations.
I'm thinking about the majorityof opportunities I've had
through Career Rise has beenthrough people referring and the
community Right.
And so I'm like, yeah,absolutely, you're wanting to
(13:26):
advance in a corporateenvironment, or whether you're
wanting to get a new job, orwhether you're wanting to build
your own business.
It's all going to come back tothe people that you know, but
not just people that you know,but the relationships, the level
of relationship that you havewith these people.
So, mj, if we're trying tobuild these genuine authentic
relationships with people, whatare some of the things you would
say are key tips or strategiesfor somebody to implement to
(13:51):
start having those authenticrelationships?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
yeah, one we've we've talked about already and that's
like the genuinely being there,being curious, wanting to know
your peers, your colleagues orothers, because it's, yes, in
the workplace, but it also goesbeyond that, right, like in the
professional world.
In workplace anybody can reallybe a connect, connection or
like a networking um human foryou, right.
So, being genuinely curious andnot transactional.
(14:16):
Many, many times we teachindividuals and clients about
how networking and building thatrelationship um is not about a
beneficial or someone being likegetting some type of benefit.
Right, it's not beneficiary.
I use the term career communitya lot because it's strong.
It means a lot to me in thesense of like.
(14:38):
Where I come from, my culture,we're very much so a community
of people.
We're not individualists, right, and networking traditionally,
how it's taught, it's very forthe individual, right, how am I
going to benefit?
How can I help you?
You help me?
I scratch your back, youscratch my back.
Where, in a community, you'rejust helping others to help
others, right, like you want togrow together and you want to
genuinely know your comunidadand all these different things.
(15:00):
So that would be like.
One of my first tips is just beyou right, like are you like,
why are you here?
Do you really want to know thisperson in the next office to
you?
Like if you love their pants,like tell them right, ask them
where they got it from.
Like me, I taught someone todaylike what mules were versus
sandals.
Like, cause, that's justgenuinely me.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I love it.
Yeah, no, it's in those littleconversations that you learn
more about somebody, and thenyou never know where that
conversation can lead, or thenext time that person is in a
space where they remember yourconversation and you're up at
the forefront of their mind,right, like you've made an
(15:39):
impact on the person.
They learned something from youor they yeah, you evoke some
kind of emotion in them.
So you've made an impact, andthen you never know how that can
come back to you, right?
Yeah, arminia.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
I think like one part of of it is like me doing it
right, like me just doing it themy first day, my first week, my
first month.
But like what would yourecommend?
Like how do I, how do Icontinue that?
What does that look like for meas like a, let's say, if I'm a
new professional or someonetransitioning in the workplace
or wanting to revive some ofthose workplace relationships?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah, I mean that's where it's going into that space
with an open heart all the timeand recognizing that this is
not just a one-time thing.
You have to be consistent,right?
Because, okay, you open thedoor to a conversation once when
you just start in thatworkspace, but then you never
come out of your office, younever take the extra five
minutes to stay a little bitlonger, have a conversation
(16:36):
after that meeting.
Right, how many times?
If I think about our teammeetings and then the amount of
time we spend havingconversations after that team
meeting, but you know there's areason.
They there's a term watercooler conversations, you know I
will say as a youngerprofessional.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Everyone has said that to me and said that I'm so
good at it.
But please tell me what it isand I'm not like.
You really don't know.
I never understood but everyonesays like I'm so good at it,
but I'm like what, like what is?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
that when people would go to, like, let's say,
the lunchroom and there's awater cooler there, you're going
to grab a cup of water in themiddle of your workday.
You intend to be there for liketwo minutes, grab your water
and leave, but then yourcolleague is there and then you
guys are at the water cooler andyou start having a random
conversation about somethingthat's what it is, yeah, cooler,
(17:31):
and you start having a randomconversation about something
that's what it is, yeah, and sothen that can build.
It's basically what you do.
What we do at work all the timeis build that connection with
people, have those conversations, but it like happens in front
of the water cooler dang, I'mlike we're having hallway
conversation, front deskconversations, bathroom
conversations, stairwell dang,I'll have a conversation with
anybody anywhere.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Yeah, yeah, that's so funny.
Okay, so that's funny.
Parking lot Don't forget theparking Parking lot.
That's true.
That's true.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Yeah, yeah, so that's what water cooler conversation.
But there is a reason that termhas been termed and, and, and
it's stuck because people haveconversations in these spaces
that then ultimately brings thatconnection, brings that um
genuine curiosity, where theother person feels heard they
(18:21):
feel seen right and it'sconsistency.
So, to answer your question,doing that regularly and making
that as part of the energy thatyou show up into the workplace.
So, for example, I think aboutsometimes when maybe I'm not in
the best mood, right, and you'veseen this, I won't show up with
an open heart, I will be in myoffice and I will close the door
(18:42):
.
I'm okay doing that when I'mnot in the best mood because I'm
not also wanting to, you know,engage, engage when I'm not in
the best mood, but, um, that'sokay.
Sometimes that happens too.
But I notice the differenceautomatically when I'm showing
up with more of a closed heartversus when I come to that space
with an open heart and thelevel of connection and the the
(19:06):
energy around me and therelationships and the connection
that I built is so different inthe times most of the time when
I'm coming in open.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
But I feel the shift automatically when I come in
with a closed heart you know, nomatter how you're feeling in
the morning, I will say, likeyou do remain consistent,
because right around 12, oneo'clock, you've eaten, you feel
a little bit better, you're notas tired.
And I say this like with allthe love in my heart because,
like I've learned to know whoyou are in the last three years
(19:34):
in a way where I'm like, okay,just give her like a moment to
breathe.
I I didn't do anything wrong,because the first couple months,
remember, I would ask him likearmand, did I do something wrong
?
Um, I was like freaked out.
I was like are we not friendsanymore?
But you know, you need yourspace.
Like, sometimes I can be likethat Well, mostly because I need
to finish something and I spendtoo much time talking, having
(19:54):
these water cooler conversationseverywhere.
Um, but you do, you areconsistent, no matter what.
I think it's like sometimes youknow like we don't know how
we're going to show up into ourworkspace.
We can always try our best, butthere's also a level of like
separation there and sometimesthat can get, you know, blurred
lines and you're experiencing awhole different world.
(20:17):
Right now You're entering a newphase in your life, right, like
we're all in different phasestoo.
We all have our moments, but atthe end of the day, I want to
remind you that you actually areconsistent.
Please don't forget that youshow up with an open heart,
whether it's 1 pm, um, or you'recoming in at 8 am with that too
, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Thank you, that's good to hear.
Yeah, and you know I mean wehave to be.
You have to be mindful too,because I absolutely know when I
I'm like okay, I need to makesure I'm not showing up in this
space with seeming like I don'twant to engage, because that's
not who I am.
I know the importance of theseand I genuinely feel connected
(20:55):
to the people that we work withtoo.
So I do want to engage in thoseconversations.
So being mindful and knowing andyou know, we're all human and
there's going to be times whenit's like we need to crank down,
like I got to finish this or Igot to.
I just need to be by myselfright now and that's okay.
But overall, it's about thereputation, it's about your
overall energy, it's about howpeople see you.
(21:16):
If you're, you know, if you'renot in the best mood, it's okay
to not engage.
You know, I don't want peopleto feel forced to have to do
that either, because it needs tobe coming from a genuine place.
So it's okay if it's not everysingle day, but it's just your
overall.
How are people experiencing youin the workplace?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, I think the consistency is is important too,
because there are times where,like I've worked with people in
the past where, like, when we'reout or when we're doing
something together for like anevent or whatever it is like all
my experience has been inhigher ed like and I're they're
different, their tone isdifferent, their mood is
different.
I'm like, oh, like, you are notlike this in the office at all,
(21:56):
versus when we're outinteracting with others and or
grabbing a meal, whatever it is.
It's like very different andfor me it's always hard because
I feel like I'm myself 110percent of the time, all the
time time.
Well, I try my best.
You know I'm more polished atwork, but like after five
o'clock I'm totally let loose.
But, like, when it comes toother people, like it's so
(22:17):
confusing to me because I'm like, do I, can I be, since you are
like this now, can I be likethis with you in the office?
And then when you're not,you're like in your office, not
you.
Obviously I'm not talking aboutyou, but like others in the
past, it's been so confusing sothat there's like a different
pattern and that consistencyisn't there and it's really hard
to read and I think, eventhough you're doing your best.
I'd say, like, think about thatimpression that you're leaving
(22:40):
on others, like what is that?
It don't care?
Don't necessarily you don'thave to care about my feelings
or your colleagues feelings, butit's confusing sometimes for
the other people around you yeah, no, yeah, because they don't
get to experience who you are asa person.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
So then it's like, oh okay, like I don't really know
anything about this person.
So then there's like what do weeven talk about?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
yeah, well, I'm thinking of a specific time, um,
in my past, when I was likedang it took me six months to
learn like this and this aboutthis person.
and I was like whoa, like if weI mean me six months to learn
like this and this about thisperson.
And I was like whoa, like if weI mean me.
Deep conversations happen likethree minutes in, you know, but
it's just again a word I'm usedto as a counselor.
But I remember thinking likewow, if I and I blamed myself
(23:22):
that time, I was like if I wouldhave taken the time to make
this conversation, but thatperson, I think, just wasn't
ready, or that was just theirstyle at work.
And it wasn't until we weregrabbing lunch one day when they
shared a little bit more and Iwas like whoa, like I didn't
even know that, you know, youhad like a kid, yeah, and I was.
It was just wild you know?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I think it's because sometimes people have this idea.
They come into the workplacewith an idea of this is what it
means to be professional yeah,it's like good traditionalist
mindset a little bit.
Yeah, because in the past therewas a very big distinction
between what you can, how youshow up to the workplace, and
how you, you know, engage withyour colleagues, and that idea
(24:01):
of professionalism and beingauthentic and being open has,
like, definitely evolved overtime.
The value of being open, it'sbecome more valuable over the
years, yeah, right, so it's likea value system too.
And then so the way people mayhave been socialized to think
about work and how they can showup to work can be impacting
(24:22):
their level of openness.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,yeah, okay.
So let's say, I'm Jerry, we'relike okay, you're genuinely
curious about your colleagues,you're consistently showing up,
you're coming in with an openheart and wanting to engage in
these conversations for the mostof the time.
(24:44):
What are some other tips thatyou would recommend?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Okay.
So one other tip which I thinkit took you guys a second to
learn about me, was I just dothings to do things.
I really don't expect things inreturn.
Um, it's nice when, like,you're recognized and you're
made, you're made to feel valuedand stuff like that.
But I I grew up with my parentslike my dad would work seven
(25:10):
days a week, just to work sevendays a week.
My mom would do the same worksix, seven days a week and just
to work six, seven days a week,and they obviously they were
getting paid for their work, butthey they did it with this
level of like they didn't expectmuch more than what they were
going to get.
You know what I mean.
So I grew up with this idea notonly my parents, but like my
(25:30):
aunt and my grandma's, who I wasalso raised by too like just
watching them do things withjust out of the kindness of
their heart and I'm not sayingwork out of the kindness of
their heart, because of coursewe need to live and breathe and
eat and sleep and stuff.
But I do a lot of my work justbecause, in this sense, and I do
it not to get recognized or fora promotion.
(25:50):
That's awesome, when that was,that's the kind of comes, but I,
I think it.
What I'm trying to say is youalso want to do things without
the expectation of others, likeoffering you more money, or like
, like like us, like we're notgoing to take on a saturday
presentation because we're goingto get like a bonus or
something.
You know what I mean.
Like there's no, we don't dothings just for a benefit of it.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
(26:12):
And I, I feel like, well, ourindustry is also very different.
In education, right, like ourpurpose really as student
service educators is to serveand to educate the next
generation of college students.
But in general, a lot of peopledo things because they want a
reward or there's something tiedto it, right, there's some type
of benefit and I think when youdo that enough times, you can
(26:33):
kind of see the person's truecolors.
Yes, please, um, do you knowyou deserve to get rewarded?
I'm not saying you don't andjust do stuff for free, but you
also want to help others, like,for example I'll give you a
small example if someone'sstruggling to like refill the
paper in the printer, like, doit because that's like who you
are, like me, like I, when I seepeople.
(26:56):
I once I was trying to figureout how to re-put ink in the
printer and it was.
I was struggling so hard andsomeone saw me and they just
came to help because they saw Ididn't know how to do what I was
doing right.
And then I I went later thatday and I like I took them out
for coffee.
Um, just because, just justbecause I'm the person that I am
and I'm sure they didn't expectthat right or just giving out a
(27:16):
helping hand, or if you seesomeone struggling in some type
of way, or a team member notunderstanding, or someone from
another team or someone new islike super confused on your
policies or your systems, orwhatever it is like bottom line,
just do stuff without like theexpectation of reward oh, yeah,
no, that honestly, is.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
It kind of goes boils down to like mannerisms.
I love how you're talking aboutthe way you were raised and how
that's informed and impactedthis characteristic that you
have, because it is.
It boils down to how, um, wesee the world, how we, how we
connect with other people andlike our mannerisms.
So going above and beyond anddoing extra things, even as
(27:58):
small, as like restructuring thechairs and the tables right
when we're preparing for aworkshop, and it's like, oh, let
me see, okay, there's aworkshop going on, let's like
put the tables together orsomething, even if you have
nothing to do with that eventbut just helping your colleagues
do that.
So I feel like it all boilsdown to those mannerisms and how
(28:20):
you kind of want to be insupport of other people.
But I would say it goes beyondour industry, because you were
talking about education andstudent service.
It's beyond our industry.
I see it in business too, a lot.
I see it, and I have theseconversations with my husband
too, because in entrepreneurshiptoo, you have to kind of do
(28:40):
more than what is, whatever thedeal is that you've made,
because that's how you buildthat reputation that you're
gonna bring value and you'regonna.
You, you are someone that theywould want to work with again in
the future.
Right, if you're only gonna dothat bare minimum of whatever
your deal was, or you're goingto be like, oh well, you want me
to do this extra thing on theproject, then I'm going to
(29:02):
charge an extra fee.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
It's like you're not really building that space for
connection and and authenticlike relationships to happen
yeah, I I you said that way morebeautifully than I did but I
also think it's like just goinga little bit over, right, like
just doing a little bit morejust because, um, or to show a
little bit more of who you are.
It's, it's just being um, Idon't know.
(29:26):
There there was something aboutwhat you said that like took my
mind to just like not being anoverachiever, but just just
doing a little bit more thanwhat's expected of you because
that's who you are.
Too right.
Like, for example, once, likeone of my first meetings that I
ever had that I was leading, Ididn't know what I was doing.
I had zero idea what I wasdoing, how to prepare, how to
(29:49):
lead it.
I let it, it was fine, therewas nothing wrong with it.
Later I got feedback about how,like you know, a way in which
you can do is, if you're hosting, like you can have like an
agenda, you can have this, youcan have that, like all these
different things.
Right, it's like years laternow I'm talking about years
later there was once where Ithink now I take it so extra,
(30:09):
but like I was hosting a meetingrecently and I printed out
agenda, I printed out flyers Iprinted out like packets for
people to take.
I had like music in thebackground.
I had like water accessible.
I was made sure to stand therewhen people come in, like just
to be in my mind like a regularhost.
But then the people who I washosting, they were like oh my
goodness, like thank you so much.
We weren't expecting this, likeall these different little
(30:30):
things, and it's that impact orthat impression that you just
leave on that person that justshows like that's who you are.
It wasn't like that in thebeginning, but these things you
pick up over time and you alsolearn to be this way overall too
.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Yeah, no, absolutely, and I think what I've learned
is that it comes down to whenyou go to work.
Do you feel connected to thatspace?
Yeah, you know, because if youkind of if you feel connected to
that space.
Yeah, you know, because if youkind of, if you feel connected,
you're more likely to go and seewhat's up, what's happening, is
there something that I can besupportive of, does anyone need
(31:03):
anything?
Or like, was there an issue atwork that I could help solve?
But if you're kind of going inlike I'm just here to do my job,
I don't really feel connectedto this space, then you're less
likely to be out and about toeven have these conversations or
see that somebody is having, isstruggling with something or or
anything like that.
Right, you're going to be morereserved, more to yourself.
(31:24):
You're not even creating thespace or the opportunity for you
to be able to do that.
So I think it all boils down tofirst like the emotional space
that you're showing up when yougo to work.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think it's important forothers, for our listeners out
there, to really, you know, sitthere and reflect on how are you
feeling about your work?
Is it something you'reconnected to?
Is it something that you enjoydoing?
Or the people around, peopleyou want to be around Right,
like, do you keep your door shut?
Or if you work in a, aroundright, like, do you keep your
door shut?
Or if you work in a cubicle, doyou have your headphones on 90
(31:57):
percent of the time because youdon't anybody to talk to you?
Yeah, things like that thatreally also demonstrate um your
feelings towards the workplace.
Yeah, all righty, arminie, I'mtalking about doing stuff um
without offering help, withoutyou know anything in in return
and feeling emotionallyconnected to the workplace.
But I think there's also aspecial part in when we
(32:20):
recognize others too.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yes, oh my gosh, giving people credit, uplifting
people for the work that they do, for any small accomplishments,
for being who they are andbringing what they bring to the
table, it's just so validating.
It creates such a morewelcoming environment where
people feel like you know, Ifeel seen, I feel appreciated,
(32:43):
and then that makes it's likepositive reinforcement in
psychology, like you reinforceother people to continue doing
the good work they're doing orcontinue being warm, Continue
being open, because they'reseeing like that's appreciated.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yeah, I think it's so nice to really just take a
moment and observe and just bereal and congratulate, celebrate
others, like really show themthat they're valued in this
space too and you value them forhowever you've partnered,
collaborated or just worktogether in the same physical
space.
It's really important forpeople to know that, because a
(33:24):
lot of us kind of you know wesit there and question I say us,
because I am one of thosepeople I'm like sit there and
question like, am I doing a goodjob?
Like, am I?
Am I like meeting theexpectations of what I'm doing?
You know, that was me a lot inthe beginning.
I feel like now it's that voicesor that questions have lessened
but a lot of people don't knowand they need that right
(33:45):
sometimes.
That also keeps us motivated inour everyday jobs, where we may
feel like we're really notmaking an impact or we don't.
We feel really lost or confusedor like if we're even making a
difference at all, and that likesmall email of like thanks so
much for your help.
You know like without you Iwouldn't be able to do this.
Whatever it is, honestly,whatever it is, like here's a
treat or let's go out for coffee.
(34:05):
I want to you know thank youfor your time and effort on this
project.
It goes a long way for people,a long way.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
It a long way it really does.
And that can be the differenceof whether somebody chooses to
stay in that work environment ornot, because they may not love
the work they do, but they maybe feeling so appreciated,
valued as a as an integralmember of the team that they
they want to stay in thatenvironment yeah, absolutely
know.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
We're talking about how creating authentic
relationships, buildingauthentic relationships, really
help you advance in your career,and I will say too, these are
all traits of an excellentleader, right, like a leader who
definitely wants to know moreabout you.
Um, the people they work withdo they enjoy loving coming to
work, right People?
Leaders who are consistent intheir decisions and how they
(34:56):
communicate with their staff oremployees in that type of way.
Leaders who just do stuff forthe goodness of their team or
wherever they work.
People who just show up andlead with an open heart, like
you were saying, right, and wantto include everyone in that
sense, and definitely givecredit where credit is due.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Yeah.
So, mj, why is buildingauthentic relationships so
important?
We talked a little bit abouthow you can build it.
We talked about the impact it'shad on us and our workspace and
environments and ourprofessional journeys.
But for our listeners, why isit important?
Speaker 1 (35:31):
It's so essential to who you are as a human and as a
professional because you reallyrecognize the value that you
bring.
You recognize that lastingimpact and impression you have
on others and and how that hasshaped really where you are in
your career and how you see your, your job.
It's beyond what you do fromwhatever time to whatever time,
(35:53):
but it's, it's the general themeof of your professional life,
right, and how that looks.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
It's also how you get to know others and how others
understand better who you areand what your goals are and how
you want to get there too yeah,and ultimately these can lead to
sure leveling up in your career, sure career transition or
different opportunities thatcome up, but it can also just
(36:20):
lead to fulfillment in your work, and I think that's what
everybody's usually seekinganyway.
When we talk about being happyin in your career development,
when we talk about just careersuccess as a whole, it all boils
down to like are you feelingfulfilled?
Maybe you're not seeking to beadvancing to a leadership role,
right but maybe you're justfeeling like, okay, if I feel
(36:41):
fulfilled in the work that I do,I feel valued and appreciated,
then I'm happy.
I'm happy where I'm at andthat's all you need.
So, whether it's wanting toadvance in your career and these
relationships can help lead todifferent opportunities, or it's
just feeling more connected andfulfilled in your work,
whatever it is, authenticrelationships is what can help
open the door to theseopportunities.
(37:03):
Thank you so much for listening.
If you enjoy our show, we askthat you write a review on Apple
Podcasts to help us reach morepeople looking to level up their
career, want to connect with us.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Be sure to follow our Instagrams and websites.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Follow Career Rise on Instagram for career advice and
motivation to help you stay upto date on all things career.
Be sure to also visit mywebsite, careerriseorg, to book
a career counseling package andaccess free career resources.
My goal is to help you clarifyyour goals, make a plan and feel
confident in your careerjourney.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
You can follow me on Instagram at career confident
Latina for your daily dose ofcareer advice and my journey as
a first generation Latinacounselor.
You can access free resourcesor even work with me by visiting
my website,careerconfidenceonline.
I want to help you grow yourconfidence and help you reach
your career dreams.
(38:01):
Adios.
When you're building authentic relationships, it's
about going a little bit deeper,you know, going five inches
into the conversation ratherthan like a centimeter away.
Right, it's taking that riskystep or being open the same way
and showing others that youreally care and you're there and
you want to learn.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
You are listening to Coffee and Career Hour.
We are your hosts.
I'm Armina and I'm MJ, twocareer counselors and friends
chatting about all things lifeand career.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
So grab a cup of coffee and join us.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
We've all heard the saying it's not what you know,
it's who you know.
But what if it's not just whoyou know?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
but how real that connection is.
Exactly Today we're diving intothe power of authentic
workplace relationships, theones built on trust, mutual
respect and a little bit ofvulnerability.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Because, let's be honest, the people who help us
grow the most in our careersaren't just LinkedIn connections
.
They're the ones who truly seeus, advocate for us and
challenge us to level up.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
So if you've ever wondered how real relationships
at work can open doors, fuelyour confidence and shape your
career path, this episode is foryou.
Grab your coffee and let's getinto it.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
MJ, what's up?
I feel like you are the queenof authentic relationships in
the workplace.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
You know one part way , I'm a queen of a lot of things
.
I'm just kidding.
Um, you absolutely are, I feel.
So I can't say I disagree, butmy imposter syndrome is like
telling me in my brain todisagree.
Just because it's the impostersyndrome speaking, but I do feel
that I can.
I am really, really.
I have gotten really well atmaking relationships, building
(01:55):
them, keeping them, creatinglike an impact on others, so
they have like this impressionin some type of way that's
positive but yet authentic, ofwho I am.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, yeah, you have done that really well from what
I've been seeing, so that's why,when we decided to talk about
authentic relationships, Iautomatically thought about how
you do them.
Oh, you do that really thanksyeah, it's honestly.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
It comes out very naturally because one of my
strengths if you know Cliftonstrengths is harmony.
So I don't like conflict, so Itry to be everybody's friend.
If you know, clifton'sstrengths is harmony.
So I don't like conflict, so Itry to be everybody's friend.
Um, which you know has its ownissues and rooted in trauma, but
um, like workplacerelationships, I always have
always thought like I want toenjoy the people that I work
with and the work that I do Ialready love.
(02:40):
So just it's like a bonus pointto like work with like a big
happy family and friends.
And usually it's a red flag whenyour work is like oh, we're one
big happy family, but you workto build that relationship with
the people you do and spend mostof your time with every week.
Like you and I right, like I wedo some which we'll get into
(03:00):
and all this kinds of stuff.
But we built that relationshipfrom day one.
It wasn't something that I waslike oh hey, partner, like how
you doing, or like we only worktogether on like projects and
stuff.
Right, like I care about if youare like have a different tone
in the mornings, like I'm goingto ask you like Arminia, what's
wrong?
Or like, if you need to dosomething, I'm going to lock you
(03:26):
in your office until you finishit.
Yeah, you did that to me today.
It's I think it's natural in mebecause I've I've grown up like
caring a lot about a lot.
I've grown up caring for manypeople in my life, so it's
natural for me to do that when Iget closer to someone too.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, and you know it really does make a difference.
I want to hone in on what youwere talking about, like
creating a space where you areconnected to the people around
you so that you enjoy yourworkspace.
I think that's so importantbecause, unfortunately, so many
people out there like hate thework environment.
(03:56):
I mean, sometimes we'll haveclients who say, you know, I
kind of like the work.
You know, the work isn't theproblem, it's the environment,
the culture, energy, the people.
Um, there might be a culture of, like complaining about one
another or backstabbing eachother, right or not, celebrating
each other's wins, like a verycompetitive culture, and that
(04:16):
could really get to somebody.
You know, even if you love thework, if you're in that space
day in and day out, eventuallyit's going to get to you.
So I love that you were talkingabout creating this energy and
the space of connecting withpeople and feeling genuinely
like you care about the peoplethat you work with.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, it's funny because I was recently talking
to someone a little bit of theopposite of what you were saying
.
They were sharing with me, likethe work they could care less
for, like it is just stuff thatthey don't like to do and they
don't want to do and they don'teven want to be in that industry
that they're in, but they'vestayed so long because of the
people around them and theychoose to like keep coming back
(04:57):
to their job because they reallyenjoy their team or the people.
And I was like that that's hard.
That's hard because I amsomeone who loves both and I
well, I've actually have been inthat situation where I don't
like the work, I didn't like thework I was doing, but I really
enjoyed the person I was doingit for and that was hard because
(05:18):
I had to choose to leavebecause ultimately, I wasn't
feeling fulfilled.
And when you create thatenvironment with that people,
you feel safe.
It's a safe space for you togrow, for you to ask questions,
be who you are.
And you know from thatexperience of actually that
relationship has led me to otheropportunities to be offered,
through even career confidence.
So I'm grateful.
(05:39):
I mean there was a whole pointto this.
I can't remember what it was.
But anyway, long story short.
I'm grateful for thatconnection because it's led me
to other opportunities even now,because I I allowed space and
time to build and strengthenthat relationship over the years
.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, it's great to see that, the impact that it can
have.
Right, Because we always talkabout, like, oh, networking it's
this big, scary word and everytime we talk about networking or
building that career community,we talk about how it can come
back in very meaningful ways.
Maybe six months from now,maybe a year, maybe three years
from now, and it sounds like foryou that's exactly what
(06:17):
happened.
It's like been years later, butit's been opportunities that
have come up because people knowyou in this way.
Yeah, A hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
That's amazing.
I love it.
You've also been in spaceswhere the work you loved but the
environment wasn't the best fitright.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it was a short period of time,
but it really taught me a lotabout like who I was, what I
wanted and the importance oflike speaking up and putting
myself first.
I think a lot of the time thatpeople please their energy or
that that characteristic that Ihave really draws me to do
things or be in spaces that Idon't enjoy, and at that time in
(06:56):
my life I was new to a lot ofdifferent things and I was
figuring it out and I felt likeI just had to like push through
and just do the thing that Ihated and it eventually was
going to be okay.
But then I realized I I wasreally staying because one
financial security I needed themoney hated what I was doing,
but the person who I was doingit with just made it a tad bit
(07:18):
better and it made like the daystaste better and the you know
even like shorter a little bittoo.
It was kind of fun working withthem but not doing the work
yeah, yeah, it's so complex.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
It can be so many different feelings all at the
same time, whether it's lovingthe work, hitting the
environment or vice versa or anycombination of those things.
But, like, there's so manyemotions that are complex and
multi-faceted when we go to work, so it's not just this basic
like do you like what you do ornot?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, that question goes so deep, which is why, like
a huge part of like buildingthose relationships with others
it's not like oh, you know,arminie, do you enjoy being, you
know being a higher edprofessional, like that's so
like surface level and it'sdeeper than that, right.
It's asking you your purposeand your passion.
And I think that also comesnaturally to us too when we
speak to others, because we'recounselors, we're used to those
(08:11):
conversations, we're not reallyafraid to have them and others,
um, shy away from stuff likethat.
But when you're buildingauthentic relationships, it's
about going a little bit deeper,you know, going five inches
into the conversation ratherthan like a centimeter away,
right, it's taking that riskystep or being open the same way
(08:33):
and showing others that youreally care and you're there and
you want to learn.
Once a colleague of ours it wasso cute when they were starting
they sent out like a survey toget to know everyone a little
bit better and I thought it wasthe cutest thing in the world
because I thought how well oneit was really authentic of the
person too.
I just loved that because therewere questions that like you
(08:56):
don't naturally ask in aworkplace, right, like what's
your favorite animal.
Like that comes out silly, likein silly conversations, but it
was a nice way for them to getto know us and come into this
new environment when theyclearly saw like we all had a
strong bond already together too.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, oh, I love that , I love that survey.
I remember that clearly.
But you know, it goes to show,because that person does have
those conversations, they'rereally great at asking those
questions and, sure enough, theybuild those authentic
relationships.
You know, I think about, likeI've been kind of reflecting, as
we're having this conversation,on my career journey and just
(09:34):
starting from like, undergrad,moving forward to grad school
and having to learn theimportance of authentic
relationships in the workplace,that I can say I've been lucky
enough to be in spaces wherethose relationships evolved and
grew over time, but I didn'tknow how important they were
(09:56):
until I was having thoserelationships and recognizing,
oh yeah, I have these almostlifelong connections, even if
maybe I'm no longer working withsome of my past colleagues,
right, but like they're lifelongconnections and, who knows, I
would love to work with some ofthem again in the future and we
still keep in touch every oncein a while.
(10:18):
So I think about like wow, theimportance of this and the fact
that I didn't know this, like noone ever told me this, tell me
this, you know, and and maybehad I known earlier, I would
have even been more strategic orintentional about building
these or knowing how to buildthese, but I kind of had to just
(10:38):
fall into these spaces, observethe dynamics and, over time,
recognize, recognize, oh, thisis an important part of your
career development process yeah,as you said that I was
reflecting, you know, I likeflashbacked into like little mj
in college and grad school in myfirst couple jobs and one I
think it's we're first gen,right, we don't know what we
(11:00):
didn't know and we still have alot to learn.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, um, but I'm thinking about all the
relationships that I have nowand how, in my career, those
individuals that I have hadthose conversations with and
have built those relationshipsand sustained them over time,
have like, really like been hugecareer moves for me, right like
have been the reason why Itaught, like I'm teaching a
(11:23):
graduate class, have been thereason why I was asked to teach
a special one unit course ordesign like an asynchronous
class or like be in thesepositions that I'm in or career
confidence is differentpresentation Like.
It's mind blowing to me how,through these relationships that
I didn't even know, likeputting in those extra five
minutes, staying after class orsending that email or taking
(11:46):
them up for that dinner,whatever it was was going to
create such an importantmovement or moment in my career
and in my life where, as like ahuman being, I'm learning and
growing, not only as aprofessional, of course right,
of course but even as a person,like how those relationships
really impact me because, likenow, like these are people I'm
(12:07):
like inviting to my weddingright, like people who've known
me for years, and that's likehow deep the relationship goes.
But that's just because you putthat energy there and I really
do wish someone like we would.
We can say this to the youngeraudience too, because they don't
know that and I feel like innow and days, like social media
is, is really like the forefrontof how people build connections
(12:28):
and see different others andhave an influence really, and
it's very, it's very what otherswant people to see.
It's not the true version ofwho we are oh, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
and and the true version is in those
conversations and the realface-to-face spending time with
people, taking the time to getto know them.
And, yeah, you know, it's okay.
I think better late than never.
And life is all about learningand growing, and so is our
career.
So I think that now that we'veseen the impact, the positive
(13:04):
impact, you know you're talkingabout career confidence and
presentations.
I'm thinking about the majorityof opportunities I've had
through Career Rise has beenthrough people referring and the
community Right.
And so I'm like, yeah,absolutely, you're wanting to
(13:26):
advance in a corporateenvironment, or whether you're
wanting to get a new job, orwhether you're wanting to build
your own business.
It's all going to come back tothe people that you know, but
not just people that you know,but the relationships, the level
of relationship that you havewith these people.
So, mj, if we're trying tobuild these genuine authentic
relationships with people, whatare some of the things you would
say are key tips or strategiesfor somebody to implement to
(13:51):
start having those authenticrelationships?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
yeah, one we've we've talked about already and that's
like the genuinely being there,being curious, wanting to know
your peers, your colleagues orothers, because it's, yes, in
the workplace, but it also goesbeyond that, right, like in the
professional world.
In workplace anybody can reallybe a connect, connection or
like a networking um human foryou, right.
So, being genuinely curious andnot transactional.
(14:16):
Many, many times we teachindividuals and clients about
how networking and building thatrelationship um is not about a
beneficial or someone being likegetting some type of benefit.
Right, it's not beneficiary.
I use the term career communitya lot because it's strong.
It means a lot to me in thesense of like.
(14:38):
Where I come from, my culture,we're very much so a community
of people.
We're not individualists, right, and networking traditionally,
how it's taught, it's very forthe individual, right, how am I
going to benefit?
How can I help you?
You help me?
I scratch your back, youscratch my back.
Where, in a community, you'rejust helping others to help
others, right, like you want togrow together and you want to
genuinely know your comunidadand all these different things.
(15:00):
So that would be like.
One of my first tips is just beyou right, like are you like,
why are you here?
Do you really want to know thisperson in the next office to
you?
Like if you love their pants,like tell them right, ask them
where they got it from.
Like me, I taught someone todaylike what mules were versus
sandals.
Like, cause, that's justgenuinely me.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I love it.
Yeah, no, it's in those littleconversations that you learn
more about somebody, and thenyou never know where that
conversation can lead, or thenext time that person is in a
space where they remember yourconversation and you're up at
the forefront of their mind,right, like you've made an
(15:39):
impact on the person.
They learned something from youor they yeah, you evoke some
kind of emotion in them.
So you've made an impact, andthen you never know how that can
come back to you, right?
Yeah, arminia.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
I think like one part of of it is like me doing it
right, like me just doing it themy first day, my first week, my
first month.
But like what would yourecommend?
Like how do I, how do Icontinue that?
What does that look like for meas like a, let's say, if I'm a
new professional or someonetransitioning in the workplace
or wanting to revive some ofthose workplace relationships?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah, I mean that's where it's going into that space
with an open heart all the timeand recognizing that this is
not just a one-time thing.
You have to be consistent,right?
Because, okay, you open thedoor to a conversation once when
you just start in thatworkspace, but then you never
come out of your office, younever take the extra five
minutes to stay a little bitlonger, have a conversation
(16:36):
after that meeting.
Right, how many times?
If I think about our teammeetings and then the amount of
time we spend havingconversations after that team
meeting, but you know there's areason.
They there's a term watercooler conversations, you know I
will say as a youngerprofessional.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Everyone has said that to me and said that I'm so
good at it.
But please tell me what it isand I'm not like.
You really don't know.
I never understood but everyonesays like I'm so good at it,
but I'm like what, like what is?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
that when people would go to, like, let's say,
the lunchroom and there's awater cooler there, you're going
to grab a cup of water in themiddle of your workday.
You intend to be there for liketwo minutes, grab your water
and leave, but then yourcolleague is there and then you
guys are at the water cooler andyou start having a random
conversation about somethingthat's what it is, yeah, cooler,
(17:31):
and you start having a randomconversation about something
that's what it is, yeah, and sothen that can build.
It's basically what you do.
What we do at work all the timeis build that connection with
people, have those conversations, but it like happens in front
of the water cooler dang, I'mlike we're having hallway
conversation, front deskconversations, bathroom
conversations, stairwell dang,I'll have a conversation with
anybody anywhere.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Yeah, yeah, that's so funny.
Okay, so that's funny.
Parking lot Don't forget theparking Parking lot.
That's true.
That's true.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Yeah, yeah, so that's what water cooler conversation.
But there is a reason that termhas been termed and, and, and
it's stuck because people haveconversations in these spaces
that then ultimately brings thatconnection, brings that um
genuine curiosity, where theother person feels heard they
(18:21):
feel seen right and it'sconsistency.
So, to answer your question,doing that regularly and making
that as part of the energy thatyou show up into the workplace.
So, for example, I think aboutsometimes when maybe I'm not in
the best mood, right, and you'veseen this, I won't show up with
an open heart, I will be in myoffice and I will close the door
(18:42):
.
I'm okay doing that when I'mnot in the best mood because I'm
not also wanting to, you know,engage, engage when I'm not in
the best mood, but, um, that'sokay.
Sometimes that happens too.
But I notice the differenceautomatically when I'm showing
up with more of a closed heartversus when I come to that space
with an open heart and thelevel of connection and the the
(19:06):
energy around me and therelationships and the connection
that I built is so different inthe times most of the time when
I'm coming in open.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
But I feel the shift automatically when I come in
with a closed heart you know, nomatter how you're feeling in
the morning, I will say, likeyou do remain consistent,
because right around 12, oneo'clock, you've eaten, you feel
a little bit better, you're notas tired.
And I say this like with allthe love in my heart because,
like I've learned to know whoyou are in the last three years
(19:34):
in a way where I'm like, okay,just give her like a moment to
breathe.
I I didn't do anything wrong,because the first couple months,
remember, I would ask him likearmand, did I do something wrong
?
Um, I was like freaked out.
I was like are we not friendsanymore?
But you know, you need yourspace.
Like, sometimes I can be likethat Well, mostly because I need
to finish something and I spendtoo much time talking, having
(19:54):
these water cooler conversationseverywhere.
Um, but you do, you areconsistent, no matter what.
I think it's like sometimes youknow like we don't know how
we're going to show up into ourworkspace.
We can always try our best, butthere's also a level of like
separation there and sometimesthat can get, you know, blurred
lines and you're experiencing awhole different world.
(20:17):
Right now You're entering a newphase in your life, right, like
we're all in different phasestoo.
We all have our moments, but atthe end of the day, I want to
remind you that you actually areconsistent.
Please don't forget that youshow up with an open heart,
whether it's 1 pm, um, or you'recoming in at 8 am with that too
, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Thank you, that's good to hear.
Yeah, and you know I mean wehave to be.
You have to be mindful too,because I absolutely know when I
I'm like okay, I need to makesure I'm not showing up in this
space with seeming like I don'twant to engage, because that's
not who I am.
I know the importance of theseand I genuinely feel connected
(20:55):
to the people that we work withtoo.
So I do want to engage in thoseconversations.
So being mindful and knowing andyou know, we're all human and
there's going to be times whenit's like we need to crank down,
like I got to finish this or Igot to.
I just need to be by myselfright now and that's okay.
But overall, it's about thereputation, it's about your
overall energy, it's about howpeople see you.
(21:16):
If you're, you know, if you'renot in the best mood, it's okay
to not engage.
You know, I don't want peopleto feel forced to have to do
that either, because it needs tobe coming from a genuine place.
So it's okay if it's not everysingle day, but it's just your
overall.
How are people experiencing youin the workplace?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, I think the consistency is is important too,
because there are times where,like I've worked with people in
the past where, like, when we'reout or when we're doing
something together for like anevent or whatever it is like all
my experience has been inhigher ed like and I're they're
different, their tone isdifferent, their mood is
different.
I'm like, oh, like, you are notlike this in the office at all,
(21:56):
versus when we're outinteracting with others and or
grabbing a meal, whatever it is.
It's like very different andfor me it's always hard because
I feel like I'm myself 110percent of the time, all the
time time.
Well, I try my best.
You know I'm more polished atwork, but like after five
o'clock I'm totally let loose.
But, like, when it comes toother people, like it's so
(22:17):
confusing to me because I'm like, do I, can I be, since you are
like this now, can I be likethis with you in the office?
And then when you're not,you're like in your office, not
you.
Obviously I'm not talking aboutyou, but like others in the
past, it's been so confusing sothat there's like a different
pattern and that consistencyisn't there and it's really hard
to read and I think, eventhough you're doing your best.
I'd say, like, think about thatimpression that you're leaving
(22:40):
on others, like what is that?
It don't care?
Don't necessarily you don'thave to care about my feelings
or your colleagues feelings, butit's confusing sometimes for
the other people around you yeah, no, yeah, because they don't
get to experience who you are asa person.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
So then it's like, oh okay, like I don't really know
anything about this person.
So then there's like what do weeven talk about?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
yeah, well, I'm thinking of a specific time, um,
in my past, when I was likedang it took me six months to
learn like this and this aboutthis person.
and I was like whoa, like if weI mean me six months to learn
like this and this about thisperson.
And I was like whoa, like if weI mean me.
Deep conversations happen likethree minutes in, you know, but
it's just again a word I'm usedto as a counselor.
But I remember thinking likewow, if I and I blamed myself
(23:22):
that time, I was like if I wouldhave taken the time to make
this conversation, but thatperson, I think, just wasn't
ready, or that was just theirstyle at work.
And it wasn't until we weregrabbing lunch one day when they
shared a little bit more and Iwas like whoa, like I didn't
even know that, you know, youhad like a kid, yeah, and I was.
It was just wild you know?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I think it's because sometimes people have this idea.
They come into the workplacewith an idea of this is what it
means to be professional yeah,it's like good traditionalist
mindset a little bit.
Yeah, because in the past therewas a very big distinction
between what you can, how youshow up to the workplace, and
how you, you know, engage withyour colleagues, and that idea
(24:01):
of professionalism and beingauthentic and being open has,
like, definitely evolved overtime.
The value of being open, it'sbecome more valuable over the
years, yeah, right, so it's likea value system too.
And then so the way people mayhave been socialized to think
about work and how they can showup to work can be impacting
(24:22):
their level of openness.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,yeah, okay.
So let's say, I'm Jerry, we'relike okay, you're genuinely
curious about your colleagues,you're consistently showing up,
you're coming in with an openheart and wanting to engage in
these conversations for the mostof the time.
(24:44):
What are some other tips thatyou would recommend?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Okay.
So one other tip which I thinkit took you guys a second to
learn about me, was I just dothings to do things.
I really don't expect things inreturn.
Um, it's nice when, like,you're recognized and you're
made, you're made to feel valuedand stuff like that.
But I I grew up with my parentslike my dad would work seven
(25:10):
days a week, just to work sevendays a week.
My mom would do the same worksix, seven days a week and just
to work six, seven days a week,and they obviously they were
getting paid for their work, butthey they did it with this
level of like they didn't expectmuch more than what they were
going to get.
You know what I mean.
So I grew up with this idea notonly my parents, but like my
(25:30):
aunt and my grandma's, who I wasalso raised by too like just
watching them do things withjust out of the kindness of
their heart and I'm not sayingwork out of the kindness of
their heart, because of coursewe need to live and breathe and
eat and sleep and stuff.
But I do a lot of my work justbecause, in this sense, and I do
it not to get recognized or fora promotion.
(25:50):
That's awesome, when that was,that's the kind of comes, but I,
I think it.
What I'm trying to say is youalso want to do things without
the expectation of others, likeoffering you more money, or like
, like like us, like we're notgoing to take on a saturday
presentation because we're goingto get like a bonus or
something.
You know what I mean.
Like there's no, we don't dothings just for a benefit of it.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
(26:12):
And I, I feel like, well, ourindustry is also very different.
In education, right, like ourpurpose really as student
service educators is to serveand to educate the next
generation of college students.
But in general, a lot of peopledo things because they want a
reward or there's something tiedto it, right, there's some type
of benefit and I think when youdo that enough times, you can
(26:33):
kind of see the person's truecolors.
Yes, please, um, do you knowyou deserve to get rewarded?
I'm not saying you don't andjust do stuff for free, but you
also want to help others, like,for example I'll give you a
small example if someone'sstruggling to like refill the
paper in the printer, like, doit because that's like who you
are, like me, like I, when I seepeople.
(26:56):
I once I was trying to figureout how to re-put ink in the
printer and it was.
I was struggling so hard andsomeone saw me and they just
came to help because they saw Ididn't know how to do what I was
doing right.
And then I I went later thatday and I like I took them out
for coffee.
Um, just because, just justbecause I'm the person that I am
and I'm sure they didn't expectthat right or just giving out a
(27:16):
helping hand, or if you seesomeone struggling in some type
of way, or a team member notunderstanding, or someone from
another team or someone new islike super confused on your
policies or your systems, orwhatever it is like bottom line,
just do stuff without like theexpectation of reward oh, yeah,
no, that honestly, is.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
It kind of goes boils down to like mannerisms.
I love how you're talking aboutthe way you were raised and how
that's informed and impactedthis characteristic that you
have, because it is.
It boils down to how, um, wesee the world, how we, how we
connect with other people andlike our mannerisms.
So going above and beyond anddoing extra things, even as
(27:58):
small, as like restructuring thechairs and the tables right
when we're preparing for aworkshop, and it's like, oh, let
me see, okay, there's aworkshop going on, let's like
put the tables together orsomething, even if you have
nothing to do with that eventbut just helping your colleagues
do that.
So I feel like it all boilsdown to those mannerisms and how
(28:20):
you kind of want to be insupport of other people.
But I would say it goes beyondour industry, because you were
talking about education andstudent service.
It's beyond our industry.
I see it in business too, a lot.
I see it, and I have theseconversations with my husband
too, because in entrepreneurshiptoo, you have to kind of do
(28:40):
more than what is, whatever thedeal is that you've made,
because that's how you buildthat reputation that you're
gonna bring value and you'regonna.
You, you are someone that theywould want to work with again in
the future.
Right, if you're only gonna dothat bare minimum of whatever
your deal was, or you're goingto be like, oh well, you want me
to do this extra thing on theproject, then I'm going to
(29:02):
charge an extra fee.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
It's like you're not really building that space for
connection and and authenticlike relationships to happen
yeah, I I you said that way morebeautifully than I did but I
also think it's like just goinga little bit over, right, like
just doing a little bit morejust because, um, or to show a
little bit more of who you are.
It's, it's just being um, Idon't know.
(29:26):
There there was something aboutwhat you said that like took my
mind to just like not being anoverachiever, but just just
doing a little bit more thanwhat's expected of you because
that's who you are.
Too right.
Like, for example, once, likeone of my first meetings that I
ever had that I was leading, Ididn't know what I was doing.
I had zero idea what I wasdoing, how to prepare, how to
(29:49):
lead it.
I let it, it was fine, therewas nothing wrong with it.
Later I got feedback about how,like you know, a way in which
you can do is, if you're hosting, like you can have like an
agenda, you can have this, youcan have that, like all these
different things.
Right, it's like years laternow I'm talking about years
later there was once where Ithink now I take it so extra,
(30:09):
but like I was hosting a meetingrecently and I printed out
agenda, I printed out flyers Iprinted out like packets for
people to take.
I had like music in thebackground.
I had like water accessible.
I was made sure to stand therewhen people come in, like just
to be in my mind like a regularhost.
But then the people who I washosting, they were like oh my
goodness, like thank you so much.
We weren't expecting this, likeall these different little
(30:30):
things, and it's that impact orthat impression that you just
leave on that person that justshows like that's who you are.
It wasn't like that in thebeginning, but these things you
pick up over time and you alsolearn to be this way overall too
.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Yeah, no, absolutely, and I think what I've learned
is that it comes down to whenyou go to work.
Do you feel connected to thatspace?
Yeah, you know, because if youkind of if you feel connected to
that space.
Yeah, you know, because if youkind of, if you feel connected,
you're more likely to go and seewhat's up, what's happening, is
there something that I can besupportive of, does anyone need
(31:03):
anything?
Or like, was there an issue atwork that I could help solve?
But if you're kind of going inlike I'm just here to do my job,
I don't really feel connectedto this space, then you're less
likely to be out and about toeven have these conversations or
see that somebody is having, isstruggling with something or or
anything like that.
Right, you're going to be morereserved, more to yourself.
(31:24):
You're not even creating thespace or the opportunity for you
to be able to do that.
So I think it all boils down tofirst like the emotional space
that you're showing up when yougo to work.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think it's important forothers, for our listeners out
there, to really, you know, sitthere and reflect on how are you
feeling about your work?
Is it something you'reconnected to?
Is it something that you enjoydoing?
Or the people around, peopleyou want to be around Right,
like, do you keep your door shut?
Or if you work in a, aroundright, like, do you keep your
door shut?
Or if you work in a cubicle, doyou have your headphones on 90
(31:57):
percent of the time because youdon't anybody to talk to you?
Yeah, things like that thatreally also demonstrate um your
feelings towards the workplace.
Yeah, all righty, arminie, I'mtalking about doing stuff um
without offering help, withoutyou know anything in in return
and feeling emotionallyconnected to the workplace.
But I think there's also aspecial part in when we
(32:20):
recognize others too.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yes, oh my gosh, giving people credit, uplifting
people for the work that they do, for any small accomplishments,
for being who they are andbringing what they bring to the
table, it's just so validating.
It creates such a morewelcoming environment where
people feel like you know, Ifeel seen, I feel appreciated,
(32:43):
and then that makes it's likepositive reinforcement in
psychology, like you reinforceother people to continue doing
the good work they're doing orcontinue being warm, Continue
being open, because they'reseeing like that's appreciated.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yeah, I think it's so nice to really just take a
moment and observe and just bereal and congratulate, celebrate
others, like really show themthat they're valued in this
space too and you value them forhowever you've partnered,
collaborated or just worktogether in the same physical
space.
It's really important forpeople to know that, because a
(33:24):
lot of us kind of you know wesit there and question I say us,
because I am one of thosepeople I'm like sit there and
question like, am I doing a goodjob?
Like, am I?
Am I like meeting theexpectations of what I'm doing?
You know, that was me a lot inthe beginning.
I feel like now it's that voicesor that questions have lessened
but a lot of people don't knowand they need that right
(33:45):
sometimes.
That also keeps us motivated inour everyday jobs, where we may
feel like we're really notmaking an impact or we don't.
We feel really lost or confusedor like if we're even making a
difference at all, and that likesmall email of like thanks so
much for your help.
You know like without you Iwouldn't be able to do this.
Whatever it is, honestly,whatever it is, like here's a
treat or let's go out for coffee.
(34:05):
I want to you know thank youfor your time and effort on this
project.
It goes a long way for people,a long way.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
It a long way it really does.
And that can be the differenceof whether somebody chooses to
stay in that work environment ornot, because they may not love
the work they do, but they maybe feeling so appreciated,
valued as a as an integralmember of the team that they
they want to stay in thatenvironment yeah, absolutely
know.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
We're talking about how creating authentic
relationships, buildingauthentic relationships, really
help you advance in your career,and I will say too, these are
all traits of an excellentleader, right, like a leader who
definitely wants to know moreabout you.
Um, the people they work withdo they enjoy loving coming to
work, right People?
Leaders who are consistent intheir decisions and how they
(34:56):
communicate with their staff oremployees in that type of way.
Leaders who just do stuff forthe goodness of their team or
wherever they work.
People who just show up andlead with an open heart, like
you were saying, right, and wantto include everyone in that
sense, and definitely givecredit where credit is due.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Yeah.
So, mj, why is buildingauthentic relationships so
important?
We talked a little bit abouthow you can build it.
We talked about the impact it'shad on us and our workspace and
environments and ourprofessional journeys.
But for our listeners, why isit important?
Speaker 1 (35:31):
It's so essential to who you are as a human and as a
professional because you reallyrecognize the value that you
bring.
You recognize that lastingimpact and impression you have
on others and and how that hasshaped really where you are in
your career and how you see your, your job.
It's beyond what you do fromwhatever time to whatever time,
(35:53):
but it's, it's the general themeof of your professional life,
right, and how that looks.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
It's also how you get to know others and how others
understand better who you areand what your goals are and how
you want to get there too yeah,and ultimately these can lead to
sure leveling up in your career, sure career transition or
different opportunities thatcome up, but it can also just
(36:20):
lead to fulfillment in your work, and I think that's what
everybody's usually seekinganyway.
When we talk about being happyin in your career development,
when we talk about just careersuccess as a whole, it all boils
down to like are you feelingfulfilled?
Maybe you're not seeking to beadvancing to a leadership role,
right but maybe you're justfeeling like, okay, if I feel
(36:41):
fulfilled in the work that I do,I feel valued and appreciated,
then I'm happy.
I'm happy where I'm at andthat's all you need.
So, whether it's wanting toadvance in your career and these
relationships can help lead todifferent opportunities, or it's
just feeling more connected andfulfilled in your work,
whatever it is, authenticrelationships is what can help
open the door to theseopportunities.
(37:03):
Thank you so much for listening.
If you enjoy our show, we askthat you write a review on Apple
Podcasts to help us reach morepeople looking to level up their
career, want to connect with us.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Be sure to follow our Instagrams and websites.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Follow Career Rise on Instagram for career advice and
motivation to help you stay upto date on all things career.
Be sure to also visit mywebsite, careerriseorg, to book
a career counseling package andaccess free career resources.
My goal is to help you clarifyyour goals, make a plan and feel
confident in your careerjourney.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
You can follow me on Instagram at career confident
Latina for your daily dose ofcareer advice and my journey as
a first generation Latinacounselor.
You can access free resourcesor even work with me by visiting
my website,careerconfidenceonline.
I want to help you grow yourconfidence and help you reach
your career dreams.
(38:01):
Adios.
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