October 23, 2023 • 39 mins
In this week’s episode of Coffee Chat with Amber & Lisa, we speak with Leading Lady Monica Schmelter, Director of Station Managers for Christian Television Network. Monica discusses leading with kindness, building relationships, listening, and exhibiting the love of Christ when managing others.
We talk about the power of prayer in the workplace and how it brings unique successes. Monica opens up about overcoming past anger issues through counseling and God’s help. We discuss unrealistic expectations of perfection in Christian workplaces. Monica stresses owning mistakes sincerely and moving forward.
Tune in to be inspired by Monica’s wisdom on graceful, compassionate leadership!
Learn more about Monica and her show Bridges at www.monicaschmelter.com.
Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Would you be surprised to know that some of
the most successful women of ourtime face challenges just like
you and I do?
Hi, I'm Amber and I'm Lisa.
We're authors of the bookLeading Ladies.
Discover your God-grownstrategy for success.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We invite you to join us in an honest, messy-bun
conversation about the thingswe'd rather keep hidden in our
lives.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Some of those things can keep us from moving forward
in purpose.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So grab a cup of something delicious, kick off
your shoes and hang out with usfor the next 30 minutes.
Good morning everybody, andwelcome to another copy.
Chat with Amber and Lisa andour beautiful leading lady on
the go, monica Schmelter.
(01:01):
Thank you for joining us.
Thank you for inviting me Goodmorning.
You have popped out of retreatjust to talk to us early this
morning and we are so gratefulfor you and for your time.
So I have to say every time Itell someone I am friends with
(01:23):
Monica Schmelter and I'm like Ijust have the inroad because,
but I just love Monica and welove Monica.
We began this podcast talkingabout a season that we're all in
and it's being concussed byBlack Walnut season, because I
(01:44):
was walking at the park todayand it almost took me out ladies
.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So beware of Black Walnuts.
I was just saying I dislike thetaste of Black Walnuts.
I know that may offend somepeople, but they're just very
strong tasting to me.
I remember my grandma used tobake with them One of my
grandmothers did and it justisn't my favorite.
But also I had to throw in sometrivia, if you all know that we
can get a nice dye from BlackWalnuts and from walnuts in
(02:14):
general when you make them.
They make that brown color inyour fingers.
Yes, it makes a dye.
Ladies, now if you are like meand you go through a basket
weaving stage, which I did, youcan dye your own baskets with
Black Walnut dye.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So I wonder, maybe I should test out can you dye gray
hair with Black Walnuts?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I'm not sure, but I see where you're going with this
.
Maybe you should investigate,do we?
Need to do that.
We could dye our own natural,organic Black Walnut hair dye.
We could bobble that it couldbe a trend.
We are such trends.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
We could create our own company with Black Walnut
natural organic hair dye and I'msure that we can get that to
sell.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'm sure We'll put that on our list of minutes.
Yes, this is ever growing allthe time.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
They have this creative list and you just can't
narrow it down.
It's hard.
I'm sure, monica, you have alist of things you would love to
do that's beyond the TV world,absolutely, that you don't get a
chance to do because you're onthe go.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yes, I've got that list.
I've got the immediate list,the medium list, the long-term
list.
It's like I'm just on the goand I'm just getting that
immediate list.
Sometimes I fail at that.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
No, that's all right.
You're talking to two ladieswho fail at our lists a lot,
something I don't want to failat this morning.
I just want to take a minutebefore we get into our segment
here to just remind everyone tobe in prayer for what's going on
in Palestine and Israel rightnow so many innocent people.
(04:07):
This is not a time in my heart.
I can't take sides when livesare being torn apart, no matter
which direction it's coming from.
I know it breaks the Father'sheart, so just want to remind
everybody.
Maybe we could just take aminute and pray as we open here
and pray for them.
Let's pray, heavenly Father.
We just thank you for this timeand we thank you for this
(04:31):
privilege and opportunity tolift up our brothers and sisters
all over the world whose heartsare breaking and broken, who
have experienced great loss andgreat fear.
We ask that you will be withthem, that your presence will be
there, no matter where they'reat, no matter what their hand is
(04:51):
set to do.
Be with them, draw them closeto you, reveal yourself to them.
We ask you to be with us on ourshow today and we thank you for
the opportunity to bring Monicabefore all of our friends, and
we ask that you would use thetime that we have together and
knowing it for your glory, inJesus' name Amen.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
We are in a time that kindness sometimes is a rare
commodity.
Yes, that's what we're talkingabout.
And, Monica, you have quite abig title and quite a lot of
pressure with that title, and Iknow that God often has us take
(05:34):
on things that are beyond usbecause he wants us to step into
.
He wants to step into that.
For those who don't know Monica, she is the is it general?
I'm in a new role in my family.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
New titles?
Yes, and it's way beyond me.
So I was the general manager ofWHTN for Christian Television
Network, and so now I am thedirector of all the station
managers for ChristianTelevision Network.
So that is way beyond me andI'm going to need a lot of
strength and a lot of kindnessto lead in that new role.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Yeah, just actually going into that role and being
and taking on that.
For people who haven't beenused to you, you're just in a
new, whole new ballpark.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
And I'm learning a new role and I'm learning to
know all of the GMs across thenetwork and what they are like
and what they are thinking, andalso part of that is to bring
change and to improve and tobuild those studios and those
facilities.
Definitely, amber.
I'm way outside of my comfortzone.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I also want to bring up that you are the host of our
the Daily Show Bridges.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
The Daily Show if any of you are not familiar with it
basically talks about.
It's there to inspire peoplethrough the daily struggles and
triumphs of life, and that'svery similar to what we're
trying to do with the book andwith this podcast Just trying to
bring inspiration to people whohave gone through great
struggles, people who haveovercome, sharing their story,
(07:17):
letting others know that ifthese things can happen to you
and God can still use them andbring them through, he'll do it
for you, he'll do it for all ofus, and I would imagine that
you've had quite a journeymeeting all sorts of men and
women who have done amazingthings.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yes, and that ranges from people that are really well
known and famous to the girlnext door who, just like all of
us, has a great story, has beenthrough some really hard things
and yet stays firm and steadfastand believing in the goodness
of God.
And so I would definitely saythat serving as the host of
(07:57):
Bridges has definitely widenedmy perspective of people and the
world, and also allowed me toknow how gracious that God is to
all of us.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Amen.
It's so true that I love itwhen, you like we did, we bring
the people who are unknown tothe surface and give them an
opportunity to share theirstories, what it maybe is one of
the most compelling storiesthat you have been a part of.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Okay, so I would say it's Lorraine Huberti, and I'll
try to give you the shortversion here.
But Lorraine Huberti has twobeautiful daughters, and when
they were both in high school,she was a single mom and she's
at work and her two daughterscome home from school not
knowing that a young man thatwas stalking her oldest daughter
(08:49):
was in their home, and thisyoung man killed her oldest
daughter and assaulted thesecond daughter and really left
her for dead.
And so it's a story.
It's just tragic, right, and somuch grief and so much pain,
and the young man wasapprehended and imprisoned and
(09:12):
he was scheduled for execution,and that all took a lot of years
, and through those yearsLorraine did a lot of praying,
she did a lot of grieving andGod brought her to a place of
forgiving the man who killed herdaughter.
And not only did she forgivehim, two or three days before he
was executed, she asked hisattorney to speak with him and
(09:35):
she talked with him and sheended up leading him to the Lord
.
Wow, and so that's compelling,and she's not a famous household
name, but her story is the mostcompelling I've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
That is incredible.
I think we often that eventakes more than kindness.
It takes a supernaturalcovering and forgiveness that
only God can give.
I know that we're talking aboutjust kindness in the world, the
(10:07):
corporate world, how much ittakes for a woman in charge to
feel that she doesn't have to be.
I'm going to just say the whichwould the be.
There has been a hard.
There has been a hard line thata lot of women who think that
(10:29):
they have to take on the meangirl persona to establish
themselves in the marketplaceand to be a leader.
Monica, as this tenderhearted,loving, kind person, how did you
even get into the role that youare without being a bit of a
(10:52):
mean girl?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, when I first started out, like when I first
got out of college, amber andLisa, like that's what everyone
told me Like you have to actlike a man, you have to be just
really firm and nothingemotional, nothing like that,
just like just the facts andthat.
And so I tried that a littlebit, but that was not me at all.
And what I really found is thatif we'll really be ourselves
(11:15):
and whatever strengths that Godhas given us and don't
misunderstand, I'm in a lot ofhard situations I've had to let
people go, I've had to tellpeople, if this and this doesn't
improve, these are going to bethe consequences.
But I found that leading withwho I am and showing the
kindness and the love of Christto everybody, whether I like
(11:37):
their performance or I don't,that opens the door to building
relationships with people andthat's a much stronger place to
lead and work from than just thefacts, ma'am, just the facts,
that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's really important .
You brought up thatrelationship word and I feel
like relationship makes all thedifference in all of our
relationships in life, all ofour interactions, whether it's
on the work, the workforce, orwhether it's within our families
, at our churches where we serve.
(12:14):
Just having a relationshipcreates a sense of intimacy
where, hopefully, if you know myheart and I can get to know you
in your heart, we can cometogether more easily, more
intimately and be moreproductive all the way around,
and the fact that we can bringit into the workplace, no matter
(12:36):
what the mindset, is truly aGod moment, I think, what he is
allowed to shine through us.
Can you tell us about ways thatyou feel you've been able to
influence with relationship?
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yes.
So I think that one thing thatI endeavor to do with everybody
is just to really listen, and Ithink that's a part, Lisa, like
what you're talking aboutgetting to know someone's heart.
Also, walking into everysituation with the understanding
that, with God's help, I canbring the light and the love of
(13:12):
Christ, and so I lead from thatkind of God-fidence of God is
working in and through me.
And if I'll listen becausewe're all created in his image
if I'll listen, if I'll askquestions, if I will take time
to get to know people, thatreally, if someone is looking
like to climb up in thecorporate marketplace, people
(13:36):
are looking for people ofinfluence, and you can't
influence people if you don'thave a relationship with them.
I would list on a rules of dosand don'ts.
It does not cut it at all.
It's knowing people, it'srespecting people, it's
listening to them and, of course, doing what's best for the
corporate.
There's a job to be done, butbringing humanity and bringing
(13:58):
that personal touch into it canmake all of the difference.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
How do you do hard things like let people go?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, so yeah, it's very hard and there's no.
First of all, my expectationsare not that anybody's gonna
look at me and say, thank you,monica, that I just lost my job.
So I have to accept that theonly way that I can do it is to
know that I've done everything Ican not to get there, that I've
(14:28):
been kind, that I've donetraining, that I've offered
remedial training.
But then when it's time whennone of that has worked and I
have to let someone go, I'm notgonna lie, amber and Lisa, I'm
usually sick the night before.
It's awful, and just recently Ihad to let someone go and the
(14:49):
new GM to be it was taking overmy role.
I said I need you to sit onthis meeting so that you'll see
how this is done.
And she said how do you do that?
So I'm usually sick the nightbefore and I'm completely mad
when I'm doing it.
But I'm not gonna lie.
I don't think that being aleader is easy, even if God's
called you to do it.
There are hard parts and I justI still say it with a very
(15:12):
gentle and kind voice and I getmy heart positioned that I still
, even if they can't receive it,I love and want the best for
them in their next, and so I tryto make sure in my heart like
there's no anger or resentmentor this is all your fault kind
of thing, but just that I'mreally sorry this hasn't worked
(15:34):
out the way that we would haveliked it and for that reason I'm
going to have to let you go.
And of course I've had peoplestand up and scream and be mad
and all the things, but most ofthe time with an attitude like
that, even though it's hard,it's the best kind of hard that
it can be under the toughcircumstances.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
So something else that comes to mind as I listen
to you speak and we've had a fewother guests talk about this.
But as a woman, as a female,what can you bring to the woman,
the young lady who's listening,who perhaps is really out there
(16:12):
, having to work in a workforcethat's predominantly male and
with the attitudes, the mindsetsthat they might be coming up
against, what can you give themto help them feel more equipped
to stand in that workplaceshoulder to shoulder, eye to eye
and handle?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
things.
I think, of course, the rightanswer is to know who you are in
Christ.
But I also think, along withthat, an attitude that I've
adopted over time in my life isI do my very best not to let
other people's problems andbiases become mine.
So I would say to that younglady yep, you're probably gonna
(16:56):
get some pushback and there maybe some attitudes and some
thoughts and honestly I thinkthat I even go through that now,
but I try as best I can to takethat off my mind because that's
their attitude, that's theirbias.
Probably I'm not gonna be ableto change that, at least not at
first.
But I would say to that younglady take that expectation off
(17:17):
your list.
If that's their problem, let itbe their problem.
You be you and you stand fastin the job that God has provided
for you to do and you do itwith all your heart.
And what other people think?
They're gonna think what theywanna think anyway.
So don't let their problemsbecome yours.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
How do you deal with your mistakes as a leader?
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Oh, that's a really good question and it's
definitely because I've made alot of them and it's definitely
changed over the years, right.
So I used to try to explain,like how I made that mistake,
why I made that mistake.
Sometimes I even just tried todefend myself that it wasn't a
mistake.
But where I really found that Igrew is when I just said that's
all on me, I'm sorry, I'll domy best not to have that happen
(18:06):
again.
And I say that to people thatwork for me and I know some
people may look down on me,right, they may think the boss
or whatever should be perfect,but I found that brings me a
great sense of freedom.
I just say I'm really sorry, Idid X, Y, Z and I'm gonna do my
best not to do that again.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I think it gives a great sense of freedom also to
those that are working with you,under you, around you, peers,
as well as those who may bebeneath you, that, wow, if we
make a mistake, it's okay tomake a mistake.
And we can find a way to moveon together through this mistake
.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Exactly and I try to make that very clear in the work
environment that we're allgoing to make mistakes and it's
just much easier if we can allown up to it, because then we
can get over it quicker.
Granted, some mistakes arelarger than others, but most of
the time it's not earthshattering, most of the time
with an apology and a plan okay,so that's what went wrong.
(19:08):
I won't do that again.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
We can all move forward and still have a good
day, you know what one thing Ireally have loved and
appreciated about you, monica,is your commitment, even when
you are very young, to prayer.
And I love that Monica has thisold Charlie prayer box where
(19:35):
she has all these prayersstuffed and she still keeps her
prayer box.
And how old is that prayer box,monica, do you want?
Speaker 3 (19:43):
to check.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I don't mind, I'm not a good mathematician but, at
least 45 years old, at least, ohmy goodness, when you say
Charlie automatically, some ofus who are a little older know
what a Charlie box is.
But for those of you who don't,Charlie is a fragrance.
It was a cologne, a perfumethat was quite popular 40
(20:06):
something years ago.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah, and it was my favorite and I just loved that.
My uncle gave me that box andit had the talcum powder.
I just thought I was all that,but I started putting prayer
requests and my prayers to Godin there and I've saved them for
all of these years.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
That's interesting because that was like those
prayers being a fragrance toheaven.
Yes, and that is so poignant inmy head now.
But how does that, how doesthat and that foundation
influence your daily life?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah, so much that kindness.
Yes, so I pray not only for CTN.
Every day I pray for all thepeople that work there.
But, like now in the new role,I make sure that I pray for
every general manager, for heror for his family.
I pray for God to give mewisdom when I talk to them, to
(21:04):
help me to understand.
So prayer is a big part ofeverything that I do.
I think in this new role I'mfacing some really big
challenges, probably bigger thanI thought going in, and I know
that I'm not going to make itwithout prayer.
I know that my part is to doeverything within my
responsibility, but that onlygoes so far, like our efforts
(21:25):
only go so far.
We do what we can in thenatural and then God does the
supernatural and he'sresponsible for the results, if
I'll obey and do my part.
So, amber, prayer is still amajor part of what I do.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I think it's so poignant If you think about it.
Yes, you work within Christiantelevision.
You would expect everyone thatworks with you to be people of
faith, but if you are a personof faith, no matter where you
are in this whole big picture oflife, no matter what your job
is, who you oversee, who youwork for, you can still pray.
(22:02):
You can pray for those peopleand you can allow God to use you
in a supernatural way thatmaybe you haven't thought of
before.
Take prayer with you into theworkplace.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Yes, because even people of faith have problems in
life, like we know that westill bring our messy, we still
bring our stuff into theworkplace, and so the
expectation in a place of faithis that sometimes that is all
going to be perfect and it'sjust so glamorous and I tell
people it's a blessing Glamorousprobably not so much.
(22:37):
It's hard.
And I have a really good friendwho did very well in
pharmaceutical sales and shetold me before she went into any
appointment she prayed for thatdoctor, for those nurses, for
all the people in the office andGod just opened up so many
opportunities for relationships.
So I think for people startingout their career, maybe people
(22:59):
even toward the end of it, ifwe'll remember that prayer
invites heaven into theworkplace, into the situation,
and if we'll do that, god willanswer prayers in the most
unique and unusual ways and willbring us his success in
whatever we're doing.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah, I know that a lot of people think, oh, you
don't really know what it's liketo work in the real world where
people are cussing you out andeverything.
You work in Christiantelevision, where people do cuss
you out.
People are human and do thingsthat we're not expecting.
But I think there's a whole newlevel of spirituality or that
(23:41):
makes it even harder to be humanin a Christian workplace.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Oh, absolutely, because the expectations are so
high.
And not only are they high,it's if you're really a
Christian, you wouldn't do that.
This shouldn't be happening inChristian circles.
And so there can be thatjudgment.
And you know, I remember when Iwas the general manager of WHT
and I used to tell the teamthere look, you're going to see
(24:10):
all kinds of pastors and leaderswalk through those doors to
film, to do whatever, and you'regoing to see everything right.
You're going to see them on abad day.
You're going to see them makemistakes and don't let that
taint your faith, because God isstill good and he's still real.
Now I will say we don't haveanybody f-bombing or cussing out
like I know that it happens andlike this, we love that.
(24:34):
But we have this expectation ofperfection, this expectation of
if that's really God's will, itwon't be hard, and that's just
not true.
That's just not true.
So yeah, so I think that thereare some added nuances of
challenge in Christian circlesand, of course, a different set
in corporate.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
It's even when how you respond to people, people
all of a sudden they may saythat's not Christian, or how
you're wearing your makeup isnot Christian, or how you're
dying your hair is not Christian, or those bleaching earrings
are not Christian, and that'schallenging, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah, yeah, it's starting to show.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
I have a tattoo too.
It's OK, Lisa.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Let's face it Now it's probably not.
It's probably unique to nothave a tattoo.
I just turned on that one.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
One of the things I want to talk about before we
slip out of here today somethingyou discussed in the chapter
that you contributed to theLeading Ladies book was you
brought up the topic that youbasically used to live with a
lot of rage.
Now, to talk to you now, Icould never fathom the word rage
(25:53):
when I think of you.
I've got to see you do a lot ofneat things.
You always make me laugh,you're creative, you light
hearted, you're kind, but ragenumber one.
How did it become deeply rooted?
Where did that come from andhow did you get it out?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah.
So I think that the roots ofthat started in childhood and we
just had a tumultuous familysituation.
It was dysfunctional and in myhouse growing up it wasn't
unusual for people to throwthings and yell and f-bomb.
So I grew up with all of thatand then, of course, I gave my
heart to Christ at 13.
(26:35):
But Lisa what?
And I was saved and I lovedJesus, but those roots of anger
and bitterness were all stillthere.
And so after I graduated fromcollege and I got married and so
forth, I found that even withloving the Lord, I just had
these really bad bouts of rage,like I overreacted to a lot of
(26:56):
things that might be concerningor upsetting, but my response
was definitely sinful, and whenI say rage, I'm being very
serious.
I used to yell so much and soloud that I would lose my voice.
I just I wasn't going to letanybody walk all over me.
That was my thought, right,that was, I felt, powerful,
being that angry.
And then what happened is Istarted losing friends and I
(27:19):
noticed that I was reallydamaging my marriage and, as
weird as it sounds like when Igrew up, like, that's what we
did.
And then when the fight, theargument, not physical fight,
but when the argument was over.
It was just over.
But I found that like for myhusband, it wasn't that he was
just completely thrown off guardby this behavior, because I
didn't act like that when wewere dating there was that.
(27:42):
So when I saw that I was goingto lose relationships, that's
when I began to see that Ineeded God's help, and so I'd
love to tell you that I prayedand that it went away the next
day.
It did not, but over time, whenthat anger and when that rage
would start to bubble up, god,the Holy Spirit, helped me to
(28:02):
recognize OK, you're gettingready to just go over, go to
prayer, go to worship, ask formy help.
And so what he did was heshowed me when I was getting
close to the line, when I wasgoing to have those fits of rage
that were so damaging and sodestructive, and I'm happy to
say that, with God's help, likeI haven't done that in years and
(28:24):
years.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
That's amazing that he can take just take that
something that is so blaringmaybe to other people yes, you
don't get it.
He shines the light on ourunderstanding of that blaring
issue and then, if we give it tohim and acknowledge, he starts
to help us see where that lineis.
(28:46):
Yes, cross it until we start tohave a totally different way of
processing and handling life.
He's just so good to do thatwith us.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
He is, and he started giving me, helping me with
different ways of communicatingmy needs, that I didn't have to
scream and yell, I could ask forwhat I need, and that my
husband or anybody else couldeither choose to meet that need
or not, and that I could be okayeven if the answer was no.
So I had to learn, I had to getthose tools and resources, but
(29:22):
first, for me anyway, I had toinvite him into my heart so that
I could understand howdestructive what I was doing was
to me and other people, andthen like how to take hold of it
.
Because, lisa, for a long timeit felt like it was out of my
control, exactly, but then Irealized I didn't do that at
work, so it must partly be in mycontrol.
(29:44):
God just helped me.
I used to think I can't helpthat, but I thought I don't act
that way with people I'm notrelated to, and that's awful to
say, but I'm just being honest.
It was a big problem and that'show I behaved.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
I think what's key is we have a desire to please our
father.
We have a desire to do thosethings that would help us to
influence others to know hisgoodness.
I love that he met you in thisway and that he dealt with it
over time.
I know some people seek wisecounsel and counseling and there
(30:17):
is no shame in that, isabsolutely a gift to the body of
Christ to have counsel andcounseling.
I just, I just am always amazedwhen I hear a story about
something that is truly deepseated like that and how God can
transform us to where Iwouldn't even you talking about
it.
I don't even recognize thatcould be you.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I'm so grateful to hear you say that and, just for
the record, I also did lots ofChristian counseling and I still
do it's.
I think it's good, just evenfor preventative maintenance.
So usually every six months orso I'll do a few sessions and it
just helps me to stay clearwith my mental health and it's
helpful.
There is no shame.
We need each other.
(30:58):
We all need godly counsel.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I think when we understand that or we could
imagine our words as bulletstowards the people that we love.
Yes, what's more important?
What do we value more?
Our opinion, our way, our, ournot giving way to anybody else
(31:24):
because we have to keep ourposition, or does loving that
person matter more?
I think it's all in ourapproach, because I know that we
have gotten to be a societythat operates on trigger
responses.
Yes, whether that is from ourchildhood, whether that is from
(31:49):
just a, it is a pile of I'mseeing this in culture, so I'm
going to absorb it and, asChristians were supposed to go
into a room and transform it,we're actually ourselves
absorbing and becoming, and thatis a hard place to be.
(32:09):
Yes, and that's not just at all, especially for women, because
I know that sometimes I want toyell.
I was bad yelling at my kidsall the time Because I felt like
, somehow, if I yelled, if Icussed, if I was, that somehow
(32:32):
it would get into their better.
And maybe, yeah, it did getinto their spirits, but not in
the way that I wanted to.
Got there but no betterment, andwe do.
We have to evaluate, becausesometimes the words of our mouth
are trigger response and, mygoodness, we have to roll back
(32:55):
our tongues and I've had to say,kids, I am sorry for saying
these words, this was not right.
Right, I take responsibility.
I have to do that with ourcoworkers too.
Yeah, so I just think that issuch an important thing to
consider how much you'reoperating on a trigger response,
(33:19):
whether it's buried from backin the day or it's modeled right
here there in your home.
So that is so good.
But I just really appreciateyou, monica, sharing your
stories, sharing your challenges, because, ladies, no matter how
polished you feel, no matter ifyou see Beth Moore or anybody
(33:43):
on the platform, I guaranteethat they're dealing with the
very same issues and my wordshappen to all of us the.
We're disqualifying ourselvesBecause we think these things we
have to get rid of before wecan walk into what God has for
us, and God does not want us towalk into anything without him
(34:08):
and we have to have us walkimperfected, imperfected, sorry.
He's gonna have us watch andhe's gonna have us that working
out of the things that weshouldn't be operating in.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, Right, he loves us too much to allow us to walk
in this picture perfect facade.
It's like he loves us too much.
It's for our growing, thosedifficult moments, those things
that he needs to weed out, thosemoments are for us to actually
bloom and grow.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Monica, would you say a prayer for those women right
now who are struggling withanger, that they're not knowing
how to get away from that, getaway from that response?
I would just love for you topray a prayer over those women.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Of course, father.
We come to you right now inJesus' name and I lift up God,
every woman that's watching orlistening, and God for that one
or that two or whomever thatstruggle with anger and rage.
I ask, father, that you wouldpour out your kindness and your
goodness all over them.
I ask God, in Jesus' name, thatyou would be the bomb of Gilead
(35:30):
.
Holy spirit, you are ourcomforter and I ask that you
would comfort each woman, god,whether it's mom, guilt about
their anger or it's in theworkplace.
God, I ask that you give wisdomand discernment and show each
one when she's ready to walkover that line.
And, father, in Jesus' name,give her a new, transformed
(35:52):
approach to handle that.
God, you make all things newand you make all things
beautiful in their time.
So I ask for everyone that'sstruggling with anger or rage.
God give new ways to cope andnew ways to live.
I pray for each one to have atransformed life In Jesus' name,
amen.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Amen, amen, amen.
It's been so good to have youwith us.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
You are worth the wait.
I'm so glad we connected.
Yes, we were able to do thisand we were able to share you
your understanding of kindnessin the workplace and in life in
general, with our listeners, andwe've had quite a few this
morning joining us.
Ladies, we're going to uploadthis immediately.
(36:39):
Pretty much following this, itwill pop up and you should be
able to hit it on replay.
We want you to catch this.
This has been a really greatpodcast this morning Especially
if you wanna learn how to dyeyour hair.
Yeah, we're gonna research this.
The joke is in the beginning ofthe show.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
You have to rewind listen to the whole.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Thing.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Next week you won't see this glisten in my hair.
I'm gonna work it back in.
Just kidding, just kidding, wejust pray.
You all have an amazing week.
We thank you for spending partof your Saturday morning with us
and we will talk to you againvery soon.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, and be sure you go on Apple Spotify wherever
you get your podcasts.
Find coffee chat with Amber andLisa and you will find the
refined version of our talk tothis.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
We're gonna cut out all the silliness right.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
No, the silliness is necessary.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yes, definitely Love you guys.
Have a super week.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye In a world that oftentries to confine and categorize.
Best-selling book LeadingLadies discover your God-grown
strategy for success Celebratesthe diverse tapestry of women
just like you and their uniquejourneys of faith.
Join Lisa and I as we partnerwith over 30 women from every
(38:05):
hue, age and walk of life,united by one mission to let
Christ shine through our giftswherever we are.
Within the pages of LeadingLadies, you'll find a wealth of
wisdom, inspiration andpractical guides.
These women share theirpersonal stories, triumphs,
failures and the lessons they'velearned along the way.
(38:26):
Leading Ladies is more thanjust a book.
It's a movement, a call toaction for women of faith to
rise up, support one another andmake a difference in the world.
Together, let's celebrate thestrength, resilience and faith
of Leading Ladies from everybackground and be inspired to
let Christ shine through yourgifts wherever you may be.
(38:47):
Leading Ladies discover yourGod-grown strategy for success,
available now wherever books aresold.
Would you be surprised to know that some of
the most successful women of ourtime face challenges just like
you and I do?
Hi, I'm Amber and I'm Lisa.
We're authors of the bookLeading Ladies.
Discover your God-grownstrategy for success.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We invite you to join us in an honest, messy-bun
conversation about the thingswe'd rather keep hidden in our
lives.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Some of those things can keep us from moving forward
in purpose.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So grab a cup of something delicious, kick off
your shoes and hang out with usfor the next 30 minutes.
Good morning everybody, andwelcome to another copy.
Chat with Amber and Lisa andour beautiful leading lady on
the go, monica Schmelter.
(01:01):
Thank you for joining us.
Thank you for inviting me Goodmorning.
You have popped out of retreatjust to talk to us early this
morning and we are so gratefulfor you and for your time.
So I have to say every time Itell someone I am friends with
(01:23):
Monica Schmelter and I'm like Ijust have the inroad because,
but I just love Monica and welove Monica.
We began this podcast talkingabout a season that we're all in
and it's being concussed byBlack Walnut season, because I
(01:44):
was walking at the park todayand it almost took me out ladies
.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So beware of Black Walnuts.
I was just saying I dislike thetaste of Black Walnuts.
I know that may offend somepeople, but they're just very
strong tasting to me.
I remember my grandma used tobake with them One of my
grandmothers did and it justisn't my favorite.
But also I had to throw in sometrivia, if you all know that we
can get a nice dye from BlackWalnuts and from walnuts in
(02:14):
general when you make them.
They make that brown color inyour fingers.
Yes, it makes a dye.
Ladies, now if you are like meand you go through a basket
weaving stage, which I did, youcan dye your own baskets with
Black Walnut dye.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So I wonder, maybe I should test out can you dye gray
hair with Black Walnuts?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I'm not sure, but I see where you're going with this
.
Maybe you should investigate,do we?
Need to do that.
We could dye our own natural,organic Black Walnut hair dye.
We could bobble that it couldbe a trend.
We are such trends.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
We could create our own company with Black Walnut
natural organic hair dye and I'msure that we can get that to
sell.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'm sure We'll put that on our list of minutes.
Yes, this is ever growing allthe time.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
They have this creative list and you just can't
narrow it down.
It's hard.
I'm sure, monica, you have alist of things you would love to
do that's beyond the TV world,absolutely, that you don't get a
chance to do because you're onthe go.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yes, I've got that list.
I've got the immediate list,the medium list, the long-term
list.
It's like I'm just on the goand I'm just getting that
immediate list.
Sometimes I fail at that.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
No, that's all right.
You're talking to two ladieswho fail at our lists a lot,
something I don't want to failat this morning.
I just want to take a minutebefore we get into our segment
here to just remind everyone tobe in prayer for what's going on
in Palestine and Israel rightnow so many innocent people.
(04:07):
This is not a time in my heart.
I can't take sides when livesare being torn apart, no matter
which direction it's coming from.
I know it breaks the Father'sheart, so just want to remind
everybody.
Maybe we could just take aminute and pray as we open here
and pray for them.
Let's pray, heavenly Father.
We just thank you for this timeand we thank you for this
(04:31):
privilege and opportunity tolift up our brothers and sisters
all over the world whose heartsare breaking and broken, who
have experienced great loss andgreat fear.
We ask that you will be withthem, that your presence will be
there, no matter where they'reat, no matter what their hand is
(04:51):
set to do.
Be with them, draw them closeto you, reveal yourself to them.
We ask you to be with us on ourshow today and we thank you for
the opportunity to bring Monicabefore all of our friends, and
we ask that you would use thetime that we have together and
knowing it for your glory, inJesus' name Amen.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
We are in a time that kindness sometimes is a rare
commodity.
Yes, that's what we're talkingabout.
And, Monica, you have quite abig title and quite a lot of
pressure with that title, and Iknow that God often has us take
(05:34):
on things that are beyond usbecause he wants us to step into
.
He wants to step into that.
For those who don't know Monica, she is the is it general?
I'm in a new role in my family.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
New titles?
Yes, and it's way beyond me.
So I was the general manager ofWHTN for Christian Television
Network, and so now I am thedirector of all the station
managers for ChristianTelevision Network.
So that is way beyond me andI'm going to need a lot of
strength and a lot of kindnessto lead in that new role.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Yeah, just actually going into that role and being
and taking on that.
For people who haven't beenused to you, you're just in a
new, whole new ballpark.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
And I'm learning a new role and I'm learning to
know all of the GMs across thenetwork and what they are like
and what they are thinking, andalso part of that is to bring
change and to improve and tobuild those studios and those
facilities.
Definitely, amber.
I'm way outside of my comfortzone.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I also want to bring up that you are the host of our
the Daily Show Bridges.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
The Daily Show if any of you are not familiar with it
basically talks about.
It's there to inspire peoplethrough the daily struggles and
triumphs of life, and that'svery similar to what we're
trying to do with the book andwith this podcast Just trying to
bring inspiration to people whohave gone through great
struggles, people who haveovercome, sharing their story,
(07:17):
letting others know that ifthese things can happen to you
and God can still use them andbring them through, he'll do it
for you, he'll do it for all ofus, and I would imagine that
you've had quite a journeymeeting all sorts of men and
women who have done amazingthings.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Yes, and that ranges from people that are really well
known and famous to the girlnext door who, just like all of
us, has a great story, has beenthrough some really hard things
and yet stays firm and steadfastand believing in the goodness
of God.
And so I would definitely saythat serving as the host of
(07:57):
Bridges has definitely widenedmy perspective of people and the
world, and also allowed me toknow how gracious that God is to
all of us.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Amen.
It's so true that I love itwhen, you like we did, we bring
the people who are unknown tothe surface and give them an
opportunity to share theirstories, what it maybe is one of
the most compelling storiesthat you have been a part of.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Okay, so I would say it's Lorraine Huberti, and I'll
try to give you the shortversion here.
But Lorraine Huberti has twobeautiful daughters, and when
they were both in high school,she was a single mom and she's
at work and her two daughterscome home from school not
knowing that a young man thatwas stalking her oldest daughter
(08:49):
was in their home, and thisyoung man killed her oldest
daughter and assaulted thesecond daughter and really left
her for dead.
And so it's a story.
It's just tragic, right, and somuch grief and so much pain,
and the young man wasapprehended and imprisoned and
(09:12):
he was scheduled for execution,and that all took a lot of years
, and through those yearsLorraine did a lot of praying,
she did a lot of grieving andGod brought her to a place of
forgiving the man who killed herdaughter.
And not only did she forgivehim, two or three days before he
was executed, she asked hisattorney to speak with him and
(09:35):
she talked with him and sheended up leading him to the Lord
.
Wow, and so that's compelling,and she's not a famous household
name, but her story is the mostcompelling I've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
That is incredible.
I think we often that eventakes more than kindness.
It takes a supernaturalcovering and forgiveness that
only God can give.
I know that we're talking aboutjust kindness in the world, the
(10:07):
corporate world, how much ittakes for a woman in charge to
feel that she doesn't have to be.
I'm going to just say the whichwould the be.
There has been a hard.
There has been a hard line thata lot of women who think that
(10:29):
they have to take on the meangirl persona to establish
themselves in the marketplaceand to be a leader.
Monica, as this tenderhearted,loving, kind person, how did you
even get into the role that youare without being a bit of a
(10:52):
mean girl?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, when I first started out, like when I first
got out of college, amber andLisa, like that's what everyone
told me Like you have to actlike a man, you have to be just
really firm and nothingemotional, nothing like that,
just like just the facts andthat.
And so I tried that a littlebit, but that was not me at all.
And what I really found is thatif we'll really be ourselves
(11:15):
and whatever strengths that Godhas given us and don't
misunderstand, I'm in a lot ofhard situations I've had to let
people go, I've had to tellpeople, if this and this doesn't
improve, these are going to bethe consequences.
But I found that leading withwho I am and showing the
kindness and the love of Christto everybody, whether I like
(11:37):
their performance or I don't,that opens the door to building
relationships with people andthat's a much stronger place to
lead and work from than just thefacts, ma'am, just the facts,
that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's really important .
You brought up thatrelationship word and I feel
like relationship makes all thedifference in all of our
relationships in life, all ofour interactions, whether it's
on the work, the workforce, orwhether it's within our families
, at our churches where we serve.
(12:14):
Just having a relationshipcreates a sense of intimacy
where, hopefully, if you know myheart and I can get to know you
in your heart, we can cometogether more easily, more
intimately and be moreproductive all the way around,
and the fact that we can bringit into the workplace, no matter
(12:36):
what the mindset, is truly aGod moment, I think, what he is
allowed to shine through us.
Can you tell us about ways thatyou feel you've been able to
influence with relationship?
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yes.
So I think that one thing thatI endeavor to do with everybody
is just to really listen, and Ithink that's a part, Lisa, like
what you're talking aboutgetting to know someone's heart.
Also, walking into everysituation with the understanding
that, with God's help, I canbring the light and the love of
(13:12):
Christ, and so I lead from thatkind of God-fidence of God is
working in and through me.
And if I'll listen becausewe're all created in his image
if I'll listen, if I'll askquestions, if I will take time
to get to know people, thatreally, if someone is looking
like to climb up in thecorporate marketplace, people
(13:36):
are looking for people ofinfluence, and you can't
influence people if you don'thave a relationship with them.
I would list on a rules of dosand don'ts.
It does not cut it at all.
It's knowing people, it'srespecting people, it's
listening to them and, of course, doing what's best for the
corporate.
There's a job to be done, butbringing humanity and bringing
(13:58):
that personal touch into it canmake all of the difference.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
How do you do hard things like let people go?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, so yeah, it's very hard and there's no.
First of all, my expectationsare not that anybody's gonna
look at me and say, thank you,monica, that I just lost my job.
So I have to accept that theonly way that I can do it is to
know that I've done everything Ican not to get there, that I've
(14:28):
been kind, that I've donetraining, that I've offered
remedial training.
But then when it's time whennone of that has worked and I
have to let someone go, I'm notgonna lie, amber and Lisa, I'm
usually sick the night before.
It's awful, and just recently Ihad to let someone go and the
(14:49):
new GM to be it was taking overmy role.
I said I need you to sit onthis meeting so that you'll see
how this is done.
And she said how do you do that?
So I'm usually sick the nightbefore and I'm completely mad
when I'm doing it.
But I'm not gonna lie.
I don't think that being aleader is easy, even if God's
called you to do it.
There are hard parts and I justI still say it with a very
(15:12):
gentle and kind voice and I getmy heart positioned that I still
, even if they can't receive it,I love and want the best for
them in their next, and so I tryto make sure in my heart like
there's no anger or resentmentor this is all your fault kind
of thing, but just that I'mreally sorry this hasn't worked
(15:34):
out the way that we would haveliked it and for that reason I'm
going to have to let you go.
And of course I've had peoplestand up and scream and be mad
and all the things, but most ofthe time with an attitude like
that, even though it's hard,it's the best kind of hard that
it can be under the toughcircumstances.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
So something else that comes to mind as I listen
to you speak and we've had a fewother guests talk about this.
But as a woman, as a female,what can you bring to the woman,
the young lady who's listening,who perhaps is really out there
(16:12):
, having to work in a workforcethat's predominantly male and
with the attitudes, the mindsetsthat they might be coming up
against, what can you give themto help them feel more equipped
to stand in that workplaceshoulder to shoulder, eye to eye
and handle?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
things.
I think, of course, the rightanswer is to know who you are in
Christ.
But I also think, along withthat, an attitude that I've
adopted over time in my life isI do my very best not to let
other people's problems andbiases become mine.
So I would say to that younglady yep, you're probably gonna
(16:56):
get some pushback and there maybe some attitudes and some
thoughts and honestly I thinkthat I even go through that now,
but I try as best I can to takethat off my mind because that's
their attitude, that's theirbias.
Probably I'm not gonna be ableto change that, at least not at
first.
But I would say to that younglady take that expectation off
(17:17):
your list.
If that's their problem, let itbe their problem.
You be you and you stand fastin the job that God has provided
for you to do and you do itwith all your heart.
And what other people think?
They're gonna think what theywanna think anyway.
So don't let their problemsbecome yours.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
How do you deal with your mistakes as a leader?
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Oh, that's a really good question and it's
definitely because I've made alot of them and it's definitely
changed over the years, right.
So I used to try to explain,like how I made that mistake,
why I made that mistake.
Sometimes I even just tried todefend myself that it wasn't a
mistake.
But where I really found that Igrew is when I just said that's
all on me, I'm sorry, I'll domy best not to have that happen
(18:06):
again.
And I say that to people thatwork for me and I know some
people may look down on me,right, they may think the boss
or whatever should be perfect,but I found that brings me a
great sense of freedom.
I just say I'm really sorry, Idid X, Y, Z and I'm gonna do my
best not to do that again.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I think it gives a great sense of freedom also to
those that are working with you,under you, around you, peers,
as well as those who may bebeneath you, that, wow, if we
make a mistake, it's okay tomake a mistake.
And we can find a way to moveon together through this mistake
.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Exactly and I try to make that very clear in the work
environment that we're allgoing to make mistakes and it's
just much easier if we can allown up to it, because then we
can get over it quicker.
Granted, some mistakes arelarger than others, but most of
the time it's not earthshattering, most of the time
with an apology and a plan okay,so that's what went wrong.
(19:08):
I won't do that again.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
We can all move forward and still have a good
day, you know what one thing Ireally have loved and
appreciated about you, monica,is your commitment, even when
you are very young, to prayer.
And I love that Monica has thisold Charlie prayer box where
(19:35):
she has all these prayersstuffed and she still keeps her
prayer box.
And how old is that prayer box,monica, do you want?
Speaker 3 (19:43):
to check.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I don't mind, I'm not a good mathematician but, at
least 45 years old, at least, ohmy goodness, when you say
Charlie automatically, some ofus who are a little older know
what a Charlie box is.
But for those of you who don't,Charlie is a fragrance.
It was a cologne, a perfumethat was quite popular 40
(20:06):
something years ago.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah, and it was my favorite and I just loved that.
My uncle gave me that box andit had the talcum powder.
I just thought I was all that,but I started putting prayer
requests and my prayers to Godin there and I've saved them for
all of these years.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
That's interesting because that was like those
prayers being a fragrance toheaven.
Yes, and that is so poignant inmy head now.
But how does that, how doesthat and that foundation
influence your daily life?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah, so much that kindness.
Yes, so I pray not only for CTN.
Every day I pray for all thepeople that work there.
But, like now in the new role,I make sure that I pray for
every general manager, for heror for his family.
I pray for God to give mewisdom when I talk to them, to
(21:04):
help me to understand.
So prayer is a big part ofeverything that I do.
I think in this new role I'mfacing some really big
challenges, probably bigger thanI thought going in, and I know
that I'm not going to make itwithout prayer.
I know that my part is to doeverything within my
responsibility, but that onlygoes so far, like our efforts
(21:25):
only go so far.
We do what we can in thenatural and then God does the
supernatural and he'sresponsible for the results, if
I'll obey and do my part.
So, amber, prayer is still amajor part of what I do.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I think it's so poignant If you think about it.
Yes, you work within Christiantelevision.
You would expect everyone thatworks with you to be people of
faith, but if you are a personof faith, no matter where you
are in this whole big picture oflife, no matter what your job
is, who you oversee, who youwork for, you can still pray.
(22:02):
You can pray for those peopleand you can allow God to use you
in a supernatural way thatmaybe you haven't thought of
before.
Take prayer with you into theworkplace.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Yes, because even people of faith have problems in
life, like we know that westill bring our messy, we still
bring our stuff into theworkplace, and so the
expectation in a place of faithis that sometimes that is all
going to be perfect and it'sjust so glamorous and I tell
people it's a blessing Glamorousprobably not so much.
(22:37):
It's hard.
And I have a really good friendwho did very well in
pharmaceutical sales and shetold me before she went into any
appointment she prayed for thatdoctor, for those nurses, for
all the people in the office andGod just opened up so many
opportunities for relationships.
So I think for people startingout their career, maybe people
(22:59):
even toward the end of it, ifwe'll remember that prayer
invites heaven into theworkplace, into the situation,
and if we'll do that, god willanswer prayers in the most
unique and unusual ways and willbring us his success in
whatever we're doing.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah, I know that a lot of people think, oh, you
don't really know what it's liketo work in the real world where
people are cussing you out andeverything.
You work in Christiantelevision, where people do cuss
you out.
People are human and do thingsthat we're not expecting.
But I think there's a whole newlevel of spirituality or that
(23:41):
makes it even harder to be humanin a Christian workplace.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Oh, absolutely, because the expectations are so
high.
And not only are they high,it's if you're really a
Christian, you wouldn't do that.
This shouldn't be happening inChristian circles.
And so there can be thatjudgment.
And you know, I remember when Iwas the general manager of WHT
and I used to tell the teamthere look, you're going to see
(24:10):
all kinds of pastors and leaderswalk through those doors to
film, to do whatever, and you'regoing to see everything right.
You're going to see them on abad day.
You're going to see them makemistakes and don't let that
taint your faith, because God isstill good and he's still real.
Now I will say we don't haveanybody f-bombing or cussing out
like I know that it happens andlike this, we love that.
(24:34):
But we have this expectation ofperfection, this expectation of
if that's really God's will, itwon't be hard, and that's just
not true.
That's just not true.
So yeah, so I think that thereare some added nuances of
challenge in Christian circlesand, of course, a different set
in corporate.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
It's even when how you respond to people, people
all of a sudden they may saythat's not Christian, or how
you're wearing your makeup isnot Christian, or how you're
dying your hair is not Christian, or those bleaching earrings
are not Christian, and that'schallenging, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah, yeah, it's starting to show.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
I have a tattoo too.
It's OK, Lisa.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Let's face it Now it's probably not.
It's probably unique to nothave a tattoo.
I just turned on that one.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
One of the things I want to talk about before we
slip out of here today somethingyou discussed in the chapter
that you contributed to theLeading Ladies book was you
brought up the topic that youbasically used to live with a
lot of rage.
Now, to talk to you now, Icould never fathom the word rage
(25:53):
when I think of you.
I've got to see you do a lot ofneat things.
You always make me laugh,you're creative, you light
hearted, you're kind, but ragenumber one.
How did it become deeply rooted?
Where did that come from andhow did you get it out?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah.
So I think that the roots ofthat started in childhood and we
just had a tumultuous familysituation.
It was dysfunctional and in myhouse growing up it wasn't
unusual for people to throwthings and yell and f-bomb.
So I grew up with all of thatand then, of course, I gave my
heart to Christ at 13.
(26:35):
But Lisa what?
And I was saved and I lovedJesus, but those roots of anger
and bitterness were all stillthere.
And so after I graduated fromcollege and I got married and so
forth, I found that even withloving the Lord, I just had
these really bad bouts of rage,like I overreacted to a lot of
(26:56):
things that might be concerningor upsetting, but my response
was definitely sinful, and whenI say rage, I'm being very
serious.
I used to yell so much and soloud that I would lose my voice.
I just I wasn't going to letanybody walk all over me.
That was my thought, right,that was, I felt, powerful,
being that angry.
And then what happened is Istarted losing friends and I
(27:19):
noticed that I was reallydamaging my marriage and, as
weird as it sounds like when Igrew up, like, that's what we
did.
And then when the fight, theargument, not physical fight,
but when the argument was over.
It was just over.
But I found that like for myhusband, it wasn't that he was
just completely thrown off guardby this behavior, because I
didn't act like that when wewere dating there was that.
(27:42):
So when I saw that I was goingto lose relationships, that's
when I began to see that Ineeded God's help, and so I'd
love to tell you that I prayedand that it went away the next
day.
It did not, but over time, whenthat anger and when that rage
would start to bubble up, god,the Holy Spirit, helped me to
(28:02):
recognize OK, you're gettingready to just go over, go to
prayer, go to worship, ask formy help.
And so what he did was heshowed me when I was getting
close to the line, when I wasgoing to have those fits of rage
that were so damaging and sodestructive, and I'm happy to
say that, with God's help, likeI haven't done that in years and
(28:24):
years.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
That's amazing that he can take just take that
something that is so blaringmaybe to other people yes, you
don't get it.
He shines the light on ourunderstanding of that blaring
issue and then, if we give it tohim and acknowledge, he starts
to help us see where that lineis.
(28:46):
Yes, cross it until we start tohave a totally different way of
processing and handling life.
He's just so good to do thatwith us.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
He is, and he started giving me, helping me with
different ways of communicatingmy needs, that I didn't have to
scream and yell, I could ask forwhat I need, and that my
husband or anybody else couldeither choose to meet that need
or not, and that I could be okayeven if the answer was no.
So I had to learn, I had to getthose tools and resources, but
(29:22):
first, for me anyway, I had toinvite him into my heart so that
I could understand howdestructive what I was doing was
to me and other people, andthen like how to take hold of it
.
Because, lisa, for a long timeit felt like it was out of my
control, exactly, but then Irealized I didn't do that at
work, so it must partly be in mycontrol.
(29:44):
God just helped me.
I used to think I can't helpthat, but I thought I don't act
that way with people I'm notrelated to, and that's awful to
say, but I'm just being honest.
It was a big problem and that'show I behaved.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
I think what's key is we have a desire to please our
father.
We have a desire to do thosethings that would help us to
influence others to know hisgoodness.
I love that he met you in thisway and that he dealt with it
over time.
I know some people seek wisecounsel and counseling and there
(30:17):
is no shame in that, isabsolutely a gift to the body of
Christ to have counsel andcounseling.
I just, I just am always amazedwhen I hear a story about
something that is truly deepseated like that and how God can
transform us to where Iwouldn't even you talking about
it.
I don't even recognize thatcould be you.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I'm so grateful to hear you say that and, just for
the record, I also did lots ofChristian counseling and I still
do it's.
I think it's good, just evenfor preventative maintenance.
So usually every six months orso I'll do a few sessions and it
just helps me to stay clearwith my mental health and it's
helpful.
There is no shame.
We need each other.
(30:58):
We all need godly counsel.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I think when we understand that or we could
imagine our words as bulletstowards the people that we love.
Yes, what's more important?
What do we value more?
Our opinion, our way, our, ournot giving way to anybody else
(31:24):
because we have to keep ourposition, or does loving that
person matter more?
I think it's all in ourapproach, because I know that we
have gotten to be a societythat operates on trigger
responses.
Yes, whether that is from ourchildhood, whether that is from
(31:49):
just a, it is a pile of I'mseeing this in culture, so I'm
going to absorb it and, asChristians were supposed to go
into a room and transform it,we're actually ourselves
absorbing and becoming, and thatis a hard place to be.
(32:09):
Yes, and that's not just at all, especially for women, because
I know that sometimes I want toyell.
I was bad yelling at my kidsall the time Because I felt like
, somehow, if I yelled, if Icussed, if I was, that somehow
(32:32):
it would get into their better.
And maybe, yeah, it did getinto their spirits, but not in
the way that I wanted to.
Got there but no betterment, andwe do.
We have to evaluate, becausesometimes the words of our mouth
are trigger response and, mygoodness, we have to roll back
(32:55):
our tongues and I've had to say,kids, I am sorry for saying
these words, this was not right.
Right, I take responsibility.
I have to do that with ourcoworkers too.
Yeah, so I just think that issuch an important thing to
consider how much you'reoperating on a trigger response,
(33:19):
whether it's buried from backin the day or it's modeled right
here there in your home.
So that is so good.
But I just really appreciateyou, monica, sharing your
stories, sharing your challenges, because, ladies, no matter how
polished you feel, no matter ifyou see Beth Moore or anybody
(33:43):
on the platform, I guaranteethat they're dealing with the
very same issues and my wordshappen to all of us the.
We're disqualifying ourselvesBecause we think these things we
have to get rid of before wecan walk into what God has for
us, and God does not want us towalk into anything without him
(34:08):
and we have to have us walkimperfected, imperfected, sorry.
He's gonna have us watch andhe's gonna have us that working
out of the things that weshouldn't be operating in.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, Right, he loves us too much to allow us to walk
in this picture perfect facade.
It's like he loves us too much.
It's for our growing, thosedifficult moments, those things
that he needs to weed out, thosemoments are for us to actually
bloom and grow.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Monica, would you say a prayer for those women right
now who are struggling withanger, that they're not knowing
how to get away from that, getaway from that response?
I would just love for you topray a prayer over those women.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Of course, father.
We come to you right now inJesus' name and I lift up God,
every woman that's watching orlistening, and God for that one
or that two or whomever thatstruggle with anger and rage.
I ask, father, that you wouldpour out your kindness and your
goodness all over them.
I ask God, in Jesus' name, thatyou would be the bomb of Gilead
(35:30):
.
Holy spirit, you are ourcomforter and I ask that you
would comfort each woman, god,whether it's mom, guilt about
their anger or it's in theworkplace.
God, I ask that you give wisdomand discernment and show each
one when she's ready to walkover that line.
And, father, in Jesus' name,give her a new, transformed
(35:52):
approach to handle that.
God, you make all things newand you make all things
beautiful in their time.
So I ask for everyone that'sstruggling with anger or rage.
God give new ways to cope andnew ways to live.
I pray for each one to have atransformed life In Jesus' name,
amen.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Amen, amen, amen.
It's been so good to have youwith us.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
You are worth the wait.
I'm so glad we connected.
Yes, we were able to do thisand we were able to share you
your understanding of kindnessin the workplace and in life in
general, with our listeners, andwe've had quite a few this
morning joining us.
Ladies, we're going to uploadthis immediately.
(36:39):
Pretty much following this, itwill pop up and you should be
able to hit it on replay.
We want you to catch this.
This has been a really greatpodcast this morning Especially
if you wanna learn how to dyeyour hair.
Yeah, we're gonna research this.
The joke is in the beginning ofthe show.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
You have to rewind listen to the whole.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Thing.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Next week you won't see this glisten in my hair.
I'm gonna work it back in.
Just kidding, just kidding, wejust pray.
You all have an amazing week.
We thank you for spending partof your Saturday morning with us
and we will talk to you againvery soon.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, and be sure you go on Apple Spotify wherever
you get your podcasts.
Find coffee chat with Amber andLisa and you will find the
refined version of our talk tothis.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
We're gonna cut out all the silliness right.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
No, the silliness is necessary.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yes, definitely Love you guys.
Have a super week.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye In a world that oftentries to confine and categorize.
Best-selling book LeadingLadies discover your God-grown
strategy for success Celebratesthe diverse tapestry of women
just like you and their uniquejourneys of faith.
Join Lisa and I as we partnerwith over 30 women from every
(38:05):
hue, age and walk of life,united by one mission to let
Christ shine through our giftswherever we are.
Within the pages of LeadingLadies, you'll find a wealth of
wisdom, inspiration andpractical guides.
These women share theirpersonal stories, triumphs,
failures and the lessons they'velearned along the way.
(38:26):
Leading Ladies is more thanjust a book.
It's a movement, a call toaction for women of faith to
rise up, support one another andmake a difference in the world.
Together, let's celebrate thestrength, resilience and faith
of Leading Ladies from everybackground and be inspired to
let Christ shine through yourgifts wherever you may be.
(38:47):
Leading Ladies discover yourGod-grown strategy for success,
available now wherever books aresold.
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