May 19, 2026 • 12 mins
The Guilty Luxe Loop is a 6-stage emotional spending cycle that traps ambitious women in a pattern of justify, purchase, regret, and reset. In this episode, Erica Rawls breaks down exactly where the loop breaks and it's not where you think.
Have you ever bought something hoping you could wear it carefully enough to return it? Tags tucked in, no deodorant, careful not to sit down?
If that just gave you a flashback, you're in the right place.
Erica walks you through all six stages of the Guilty Luxe Loop, the difference between deserved and earned, and the one honest question that breaks the cycle for good.
Plus this week's roast: why "I deserve this" sounds like self-love and operates like self-sabotage.
📖 Own Your Luxe Without the Guilt — book link coming soon ☕ New episodes every Tuesday at 7 AM
DM Erica on Instagram @erica.rawls and tell her which stage hit hardest. She reads every message.
Connect everywhere: @erica.rawls | ericarawls.com
Move with strategy. Live with confidence. Own your luxe.
#OwnYourLuxe #FinancialWholeness #EmotionalSpending #MoneyMindset #GuiltyLuxeLoop
Follow Us for More Inspiration:
📸 Instagram: @erica.rawls
🎥 YouTube: Erica Rawls
📧 For inquiries and collaborations: customercare@ericarawls.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Okay, real question.
(00:01):
And I want you to actuallyanswer it.
Not out loud.
I'm not here to embarrassanybody.
To embarrass anybody.
Can I say that?
Tongue tied.
Okay.
But actually, I want you toanswer the question.
Have you ever bought somethinghoping you could wear it
carefully enough to return it?
Tags tucked in, you know,deodorant, no deodorant, because
(00:22):
you don't want the deodorant toget on your clothes.
And maybe just maybe you don'teven sit.
Because if you can get throughthe night without evidence that
it was ever on your body, youcan walk right back in the next
day in the store on Monday orwhatever day and get your money
back.
Yeah.
Well, if that landed, if youjust had a little flashback to
(00:44):
the specific dress, a specificevent, and a specific walk back
to the car with the receiptstill in the bag, then I need to
welcome you.
You're my person.
You are in the right placetoday.
Because we're about to talkabout a loop.
A loop, most of us have beenliving inside without realizing
(01:05):
it had even had a name.
Okay.
And once I show it to you, youcannot unsee it.
That's kind of the point.
Hey Luxie.
Welcome back to Coffee with E,where we learn how to own our
Lux.
I'm Erica Rawls.
If this is your first time here,pull out, get comfortable.
(01:27):
This is the kind of conversationI want you to feel like you're
having with your friend who alsohappens to tell you the truth,
because I promise you, I will.
Today we're talking aboutsomething I call the guilty luxe
loop.
Now there's six stages, okay,and it moves so fast that most
women don't even catch it inreal time.
And by the end of today'sepisode, you're going to know
(01:48):
exactly where it breaks, andit's not where you think.
So pay attention.
Oh, and in my book that I'mwriting, On Your Lux Without the
Guilt, this is going to bechapter seven.
So more on that later.
But what I can share, it'stowards the end of the book on
purpose, because you cannotbreak this loop without doing
(02:08):
the work that comes before it.
But today, I want to walk youthrough the loop itself.
I want to show it to you clearlybecause naming something is the
first step to outgrowing it.
So let me tell you about thisdress first, okay?
I was at my first corporate jobout of college, one of the big
five accounting firms, and I wasthe only minority in my
(02:30):
department.
Now, sit with that for a secondbecause what that meant for my
wallet is something nobody talksabout in financial books.
And everybody who has lived italready knows.
Every outfit was a statement,every event was an audition.
And saying no to anything feltlike handing handing someone a
(02:52):
reason to question whether youbelong there or at all.
Just imagine that.
So when I got invited to acocktail party with senior
colleagues, people whosesalaries were nowhere near mine,
like literally, I said yes.
I mean, honestly, wouldn't you?
And then I went and bought adress I could barely afford.
(03:15):
Good Lord.
I don't remember exactly what itlooked like, but I remember the
feeling walking up to theregister, the low grade ease,
the slight holding of my breathwhile the car processed.
Because I to be honest, I don'teven know if it was I had enough
on the car to process it in thefirst place.
But it worked.
(03:36):
And I remember the thought thatfollowed me all the way to the
car.
Y'all can relate.
Anyone that understands this umstory, you can relate.
If I don't sweat in it, maybe Ican return it.
Don't act like you've nevertried it.
And if you haven't, you knowwhat?
Pat yourself on the back.
(03:56):
You had more of a consciencethan I did in my 20s.
Now, that dress was just money.
But the pattern underneath it,the thing that made me buy the
dress, I couldn't afford hopingI could return it.
That pattern has a name.
And that's what we're going towalk through today.
(04:16):
Okay, here we go.
The guilty luxe loop, stage oneof this trigger.
And here's what I want you tounderstand about the trigger.
It's almost always legitimate.
You had a week that nearly brokeyou and you made it through.
You hit a goal and nobodyacknowledged you.
You sat in a meeting where youwere the most qualified person
(04:39):
in the room and you had to worktwice as hard to be seen and
half as credible as the personbeside you.
The loop does not start withweakness, it starts with
something true.
And the truth is what stage twois going to use against you.
Stage two is where the sentencearrives.
Y'all know the sentence.
(05:00):
Yes, ma'am, I'm going to getthis because that's right.
I deserve it.
Now it sounds like self-love.
It feels like you're givingyourself permission.
And here's why it's soeffective.
In that moment, you are notlying to yourself at all.
You do deserve good things.
You have worked hard for it, buthere's what's actually happening
underneath that sentence (05:22):
a real unmet emotional need for
recognition, for rest, for thepat on the back the week owes
you and never delivered.
All those things is what's beingconverted into a purchase
decision.
The deserve sentence is not alie, it is just aimed at the
wrong solution.
(05:44):
And this right here is where theloop breaks, okay?
Not at step stage three, wherewe're going to talk about when
the purchase is actually made,not at stage four, when the
guilt arrives, right here.
The I deserve it stage.
And it feels good.
I want you to say that clearly.
There's nothing shallow aboutthe momentary lift of acquiring
(06:06):
something beautiful.
The problem was never thefeeling.
The problem was what you wereasking the feeling to fix, okay?
Almost immediately after,sometimes before you even make
it to the car, there gets thistightness in your chest.
Now, remember my dress?
If I don't sweat in it, maybe Ican return it.
(06:27):
That is stage four.
The receipt is still in the bag.
The tags are still on.
That very specific internalnegotiation you have with
yourself.
And here's what most of us do.
You ready?
We keep it.
That's right.
And when we keep it, we dosomething significant.
We convert the guilt from asignal into a heavy, heavy
(06:51):
weight.
A signal says something iswrong.
So you need to pay attention.
All right.
A weight just makes everythingheavier without pointing
anywhere useful.
Then you get the statement.
You know, the credit cardstatement.
It comes, the balance shows.
And instead of solving, yousurvive.
The question shifts from shouldI have done this to how do I get
(07:14):
through this?
Surviving is not the same assolving, but surviving is easier
than facing the root, right?
So what do we do?
We survive.
You get through the statement,you get through the month, and
then you wait.
Because the next month, the loopstill is waiting too.
It's never broken.
(07:34):
And then comes the reset.
Last time, you remember that?
This is the last time I want todo it.
Starting Monday, I'm going to gobe serious about this.
The reset feels like progress,but without addressing the
route, the reset is just the onramp back to stage one.
Are y'all following me?
Does this make sense?
Let me know in the comments ifthis is making sense because I'm
(07:56):
getting hype over here.
I need to calm down and drinkthrough coffee.
Give me one second.
So, where does this loopactually break?
Remember what I said earlier?
In the pause between the triggerand the deserve, when you can
pause long enough to askyourself one honest question,
what do I actually need rightnow?
And answer it honestly.
(08:17):
The purchase loses its job.
You may still buy something, andthat's okay.
But you buy it as a genuinechoice, then soothing the
feeling.
And that is the differencebetween owning your luxe and
being owned by it.
All right, you know what time itis.
Okay.
Enough of that.
It's time for the part of theshow where I lovingly comfort
(08:39):
us, including me.
Always including me.
Okay.
So today's roast is stop sayingI deserve this.
I know I heard the air leave theroom.
Sit down, sis.
Let me explain.
Let me explain myself.
Now, you do deserve good things.
Remember that.
Let's get that out of the way.
You deserve a beautiful life, afull closet, a passport with all
(09:03):
kinds of stamps, and a home thatfeels like peace.
You deserve all of it.
And I want nothing more thanthat for that to happen for you.
I believe that completely.
But here's what's happening withthe sentence: I deserve this.
It becomes the door code to theloop.
The guilty luxe loop.
It sounds like self-love andoperates like self-sabotage.
(09:25):
And we have to be honest aboutthat.
When I say I deserve this, whatam I actually telling myself?
I've had a hard week.
I don't want to sit with whatI'm feeling.
So I'm going to go convert thisfeeling into, I don't know, a
transaction.
When I say I've earned this,something different happens in
my body because earned means Idid the work.
(09:48):
The money is already accountedfor.
The foundation is built.
And this purchase doesn't meanI'm proving anything about who I
am.
Same purchase, completelydifferent posture.
Did you feel that?
I deserve this as a feeling.
I've earned as a foundation.
And here's how you can alwaystell the difference.
(10:08):
If there's a chest pressure whenyou walk out of the store, if
you immediately start doing themath, if there's this little hum
of I hope nobody notices, or I'mgoing to hide this purchase from
my man, you didn't earn that.
All you did was deserved yourway into that.
And that's okay.
(10:29):
We've all been there.
I've been there.
You remember that dress?
I was hoping not to sweat in.
But the good news is you knownow.
And once you know, you can't goback.
So here's the challenge for thisweek.
The next time I deserve thisshows up in your head, just
notice it.
You don't even have to doanything different.
(10:51):
Just notice.
Because that noticing rightthere, that's stage two.
That's the break.
That's where your luxe lifestops being something that you
finance and starts becomingsomething that you actually
build.
And I promise you, it feels sogood.
The next time the urge arrives,whatever it is, whenever it
(11:12):
shows up, pause before stagetwo, before the deserve, before
the justification, before thecard comes out, and ask yourself
one question, just one.
What do I actually need rightnow?
Write the answer down before youopen the phone or your wallet.
Sit with it long enough to behonest, not long enough to
(11:34):
spiral, okay?
Just long enough to hearyourself.
You don't have to fix it.
You don't have to not buy thething.
You just have to hear yourselfbefore stage two takes over.
Now, DM me on Instagram, I'mErica.
What need was underneath thedeserve?
(11:55):
And remember, I read everymessage.
So I want to hear from you.
Now, if this episode hit, like Ihope it did, I have something to
share with you.
This full conversation lives inchapter 7 of On Your Lux Without
the Guilt.
It's a book that I'm writingcurrently, and I can't wait to
share the full book with you.
Now, that link is going to beavailable soon.
(12:17):
And when it is, I will share itwith you.
And if you have a luxe in yourlife who needs to hear this one,
you know that friend, the onewho's been telling you she's
fine while the chest pressure isdoing overtime.
Send that episode to her, okay?
Let's help her out.
And I'll see you next week.
Until then, do me a favor ownyour lux.
Own it with peace.
(12:38):
Own it with discipline.
And own it without chestpressure.
On the way to the car.
Okay, real question.
(00:01):
And I want you to actuallyanswer it.
Not out loud.
I'm not here to embarrassanybody.
To embarrass anybody.
Can I say that?
Tongue tied.
Okay.
But actually, I want you toanswer the question.
Have you ever bought somethinghoping you could wear it
carefully enough to return it?
Tags tucked in, you know,deodorant, no deodorant, because
(00:22):
you don't want the deodorant toget on your clothes.
And maybe just maybe you don'teven sit.
Because if you can get throughthe night without evidence that
it was ever on your body, youcan walk right back in the next
day in the store on Monday orwhatever day and get your money
back.
Yeah.
Well, if that landed, if youjust had a little flashback to
(00:44):
the specific dress, a specificevent, and a specific walk back
to the car with the receiptstill in the bag, then I need to
welcome you.
You're my person.
You are in the right placetoday.
Because we're about to talkabout a loop.
A loop, most of us have beenliving inside without realizing
(01:05):
it had even had a name.
Okay.
And once I show it to you, youcannot unsee it.
That's kind of the point.
Hey Luxie.
Welcome back to Coffee with E,where we learn how to own our
Lux.
I'm Erica Rawls.
If this is your first time here,pull out, get comfortable.
(01:27):
This is the kind of conversationI want you to feel like you're
having with your friend who alsohappens to tell you the truth,
because I promise you, I will.
Today we're talking aboutsomething I call the guilty luxe
loop.
Now there's six stages, okay,and it moves so fast that most
women don't even catch it inreal time.
And by the end of today'sepisode, you're going to know
(01:48):
exactly where it breaks, andit's not where you think.
So pay attention.
Oh, and in my book that I'mwriting, On Your Lux Without the
Guilt, this is going to bechapter seven.
So more on that later.
But what I can share, it'stowards the end of the book on
purpose, because you cannotbreak this loop without doing
(02:08):
the work that comes before it.
But today, I want to walk youthrough the loop itself.
I want to show it to you clearlybecause naming something is the
first step to outgrowing it.
So let me tell you about thisdress first, okay?
I was at my first corporate jobout of college, one of the big
five accounting firms, and I wasthe only minority in my
(02:30):
department.
Now, sit with that for a secondbecause what that meant for my
wallet is something nobody talksabout in financial books.
And everybody who has lived italready knows.
Every outfit was a statement,every event was an audition.
And saying no to anything feltlike handing handing someone a
(02:52):
reason to question whether youbelong there or at all.
Just imagine that.
So when I got invited to acocktail party with senior
colleagues, people whosesalaries were nowhere near mine,
like literally, I said yes.
I mean, honestly, wouldn't you?
And then I went and bought adress I could barely afford.
(03:15):
Good Lord.
I don't remember exactly what itlooked like, but I remember the
feeling walking up to theregister, the low grade ease,
the slight holding of my breathwhile the car processed.
Because I to be honest, I don'teven know if it was I had enough
on the car to process it in thefirst place.
But it worked.
(03:36):
And I remember the thought thatfollowed me all the way to the
car.
Y'all can relate.
Anyone that understands this umstory, you can relate.
If I don't sweat in it, maybe Ican return it.
Don't act like you've nevertried it.
And if you haven't, you knowwhat?
Pat yourself on the back.
(03:56):
You had more of a consciencethan I did in my 20s.
Now, that dress was just money.
But the pattern underneath it,the thing that made me buy the
dress, I couldn't afford hopingI could return it.
That pattern has a name.
And that's what we're going towalk through today.
(04:16):
Okay, here we go.
The guilty luxe loop, stage oneof this trigger.
And here's what I want you tounderstand about the trigger.
It's almost always legitimate.
You had a week that nearly brokeyou and you made it through.
You hit a goal and nobodyacknowledged you.
You sat in a meeting where youwere the most qualified person
(04:39):
in the room and you had to worktwice as hard to be seen and
half as credible as the personbeside you.
The loop does not start withweakness, it starts with
something true.
And the truth is what stage twois going to use against you.
Stage two is where the sentencearrives.
Y'all know the sentence.
(05:00):
Yes, ma'am, I'm going to getthis because that's right.
I deserve it.
Now it sounds like self-love.
It feels like you're givingyourself permission.
And here's why it's soeffective.
In that moment, you are notlying to yourself at all.
You do deserve good things.
You have worked hard for it, buthere's what's actually happening
underneath that sentence (05:22):
a real unmet emotional need for
recognition, for rest, for thepat on the back the week owes
you and never delivered.
All those things is what's beingconverted into a purchase
decision.
The deserve sentence is not alie, it is just aimed at the
wrong solution.
(05:44):
And this right here is where theloop breaks, okay?
Not at step stage three, wherewe're going to talk about when
the purchase is actually made,not at stage four, when the
guilt arrives, right here.
The I deserve it stage.
And it feels good.
I want you to say that clearly.
There's nothing shallow aboutthe momentary lift of acquiring
(06:06):
something beautiful.
The problem was never thefeeling.
The problem was what you wereasking the feeling to fix, okay?
Almost immediately after,sometimes before you even make
it to the car, there gets thistightness in your chest.
Now, remember my dress?
If I don't sweat in it, maybe Ican return it.
(06:27):
That is stage four.
The receipt is still in the bag.
The tags are still on.
That very specific internalnegotiation you have with
yourself.
And here's what most of us do.
You ready?
We keep it.
That's right.
And when we keep it, we dosomething significant.
We convert the guilt from asignal into a heavy, heavy
(06:51):
weight.
A signal says something iswrong.
So you need to pay attention.
All right.
A weight just makes everythingheavier without pointing
anywhere useful.
Then you get the statement.
You know, the credit cardstatement.
It comes, the balance shows.
And instead of solving, yousurvive.
The question shifts from shouldI have done this to how do I get
(07:14):
through this?
Surviving is not the same assolving, but surviving is easier
than facing the root, right?
So what do we do?
We survive.
You get through the statement,you get through the month, and
then you wait.
Because the next month, the loopstill is waiting too.
It's never broken.
(07:34):
And then comes the reset.
Last time, you remember that?
This is the last time I want todo it.
Starting Monday, I'm going to gobe serious about this.
The reset feels like progress,but without addressing the
route, the reset is just the onramp back to stage one.
Are y'all following me?
Does this make sense?
Let me know in the comments ifthis is making sense because I'm
(07:56):
getting hype over here.
I need to calm down and drinkthrough coffee.
Give me one second.
So, where does this loopactually break?
Remember what I said earlier?
In the pause between the triggerand the deserve, when you can
pause long enough to askyourself one honest question,
what do I actually need rightnow?
And answer it honestly.
(08:17):
The purchase loses its job.
You may still buy something, andthat's okay.
But you buy it as a genuinechoice, then soothing the
feeling.
And that is the differencebetween owning your luxe and
being owned by it.
All right, you know what time itis.
Okay.
Enough of that.
It's time for the part of theshow where I lovingly comfort
(08:39):
us, including me.
Always including me.
Okay.
So today's roast is stop sayingI deserve this.
I know I heard the air leave theroom.
Sit down, sis.
Let me explain.
Let me explain myself.
Now, you do deserve good things.
Remember that.
Let's get that out of the way.
You deserve a beautiful life, afull closet, a passport with all
(09:03):
kinds of stamps, and a home thatfeels like peace.
You deserve all of it.
And I want nothing more thanthat for that to happen for you.
I believe that completely.
But here's what's happening withthe sentence: I deserve this.
It becomes the door code to theloop.
The guilty luxe loop.
It sounds like self-love andoperates like self-sabotage.
(09:25):
And we have to be honest aboutthat.
When I say I deserve this, whatam I actually telling myself?
I've had a hard week.
I don't want to sit with whatI'm feeling.
So I'm going to go convert thisfeeling into, I don't know, a
transaction.
When I say I've earned this,something different happens in
my body because earned means Idid the work.
(09:48):
The money is already accountedfor.
The foundation is built.
And this purchase doesn't meanI'm proving anything about who I
am.
Same purchase, completelydifferent posture.
Did you feel that?
I deserve this as a feeling.
I've earned as a foundation.
And here's how you can alwaystell the difference.
(10:08):
If there's a chest pressure whenyou walk out of the store, if
you immediately start doing themath, if there's this little hum
of I hope nobody notices, or I'mgoing to hide this purchase from
my man, you didn't earn that.
All you did was deserved yourway into that.
And that's okay.
(10:29):
We've all been there.
I've been there.
You remember that dress?
I was hoping not to sweat in.
But the good news is you knownow.
And once you know, you can't goback.
So here's the challenge for thisweek.
The next time I deserve thisshows up in your head, just
notice it.
You don't even have to doanything different.
(10:51):
Just notice.
Because that noticing rightthere, that's stage two.
That's the break.
That's where your luxe lifestops being something that you
finance and starts becomingsomething that you actually
build.
And I promise you, it feels sogood.
The next time the urge arrives,whatever it is, whenever it
(11:12):
shows up, pause before stagetwo, before the deserve, before
the justification, before thecard comes out, and ask yourself
one question, just one.
What do I actually need rightnow?
Write the answer down before youopen the phone or your wallet.
Sit with it long enough to behonest, not long enough to
(11:34):
spiral, okay?
Just long enough to hearyourself.
You don't have to fix it.
You don't have to not buy thething.
You just have to hear yourselfbefore stage two takes over.
Now, DM me on Instagram, I'mErica.
What need was underneath thedeserve?
(11:55):
And remember, I read everymessage.
So I want to hear from you.
Now, if this episode hit, like Ihope it did, I have something to
share with you.
This full conversation lives inchapter 7 of On Your Lux Without
the Guilt.
It's a book that I'm writingcurrently, and I can't wait to
share the full book with you.
Now, that link is going to beavailable soon.
(12:17):
And when it is, I will share itwith you.
And if you have a luxe in yourlife who needs to hear this one,
you know that friend, the onewho's been telling you she's
fine while the chest pressure isdoing overtime.
Send that episode to her, okay?
Let's help her out.
And I'll see you next week.
Until then, do me a favor ownyour lux.
Own it with peace.
(12:38):
Own it with discipline.
And own it without chestpressure.
On the way to the car.
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