December 9, 2025 • 45 mins
Ask us a Question or Leave a Comment!
We unpack why change feels threatening, how loneliness and habit shape resistance, and what it takes to move anyway. We share our plan to sell our home, simplify, and build an online hypnosis platform while using practical tools to reframe fear and take action.
• winter introspection and the pull toward comfort
• fear as a warning not a wall
• tribal wiring, aloneness and the unknown
• motivated change versus imposed change
• perfection paralysis and identity attachment to stuff
• decluttering as a ritual of choice
• eat the frog and daily willpower practice
• anterior mid cingulate cortex and effort
• community as antidote to fear
• reframing inherited scripts about stability and success
If you want to reach out wherever you're listening to this, in the description below, there will be email, website. There's a link to our school if you want to sign up. And if you want to join us live, sign up for our school where the link will be every day.
We hope this helps a little as you go through your day.
We would love to hear your feedback or questions.
We will respond to both in future episodes.
Check us out at
www.somhypnosis.com
Join our online Community!
https://www.skool.com/infinite-mind-school/about
Email us at
info@somhypnosis.com
Start your own podcast with Buzzsprout!
https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=1810507
Support Coffee With Hilary & Les
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1829917/support
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:08):
We are the line.
SPEAKER_01 (00:10):
Cold morning.
SPEAKER_00 (00:12):
Cold winter morning.
SPEAKER_01 (00:14):
I have a foggy head.
SPEAKER_00 (00:16):
Yeah, we're both kind of kind of foggy.
SPEAKER_01 (00:19):
It's funny how the winter makes you sort of sort of
curl inward.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Yeah.
And eat bad food.
I think my foggy head comes fromspending a week beating lots and
lots of bread.
SPEAKER_01 (00:33):
I guess we did, didn't we?
SPEAKER_00 (00:34):
Yeah.
Last week I had I worked in towna lot and I ate so many
sandwiches, it was unbelievable.
That's a natural seasonaltransition hibernation time.
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
I still believe that.
I still believe that we're meantto hibernate.
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
Yeah, maybe not like a bear, but certainly certainly
take shelter.
SPEAKER_01 (01:01):
I feel sorry for the bears up there trying to sleep
through this cold.
SPEAKER_00 (01:05):
Oh my god.
Yeah.
So it's snowy and probably a bitcrunchy.
The seeds are covered in snow.
And there's mist rising from thecenter of the lake.
It's really beautiful looking.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
It is.
SPEAKER_02 (01:21):
It is.
SPEAKER_01 (01:23):
In the mornings, enjoy some nature.
I think it's really helpful.
And I think it's really hard forpeople to do.
SPEAKER_00 (01:30):
Well, it is because we're we're our society is
constructed so that we have togo, we have to go to work.
Oh my gosh, I had a it justreminded me of a dream I had
this morning of like I was inuniversity again and coming back
on the weekend to you.
And the roads were black ice.
(01:50):
And I like crashed one time, butI was in somebody else's car
crashing it.
And then I went back to get mycar, and I'm like, maybe I don't
want to crash this car.
So I'm like calling you to tryto figure something out.
SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
You do it.
SPEAKER_00 (02:06):
Right.
No.
Amen.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:11):
So we got a couple of topics floating around this
morning.
Which one do you want to talkabout?
There you go.
You get to make the choice.
SPEAKER_00 (02:17):
Oh good.
Well, well, apparently they sortof go together.
So we were thinking abouttalking more about comforting.
And then also with that, uh issomething that clients
experience a lot when I takethem through sessions, and and
that is why change can be soscary.
(02:41):
Why change can be so scary.
SPEAKER_01 (02:43):
Well, whatever we don't talk about today, I'm
gonna talk about tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00 (02:46):
Yeah.
So yeah, let's talk aboutbecause it's top of mind for me.
You know, I have some changesgoing on in in my life, our
life, and I was yeah, scaredyesterday.
There's those little scary,little scary changes.
Just those little changes, youknow.
(03:10):
So I was thinking about it thismorning and I thought, well,
it's hard, you know, it's hardwhen it's us going through it.
It's easy when we have clientsgoing through it.
Oh yeah, it's linked to that.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know this is where it's comingfrom.
But when it's our own mind, it'sa little more a little more
puzzle pieces, it feels like yougotta figure out where they go.
(03:33):
So I was thinking this morning,it's sort of tied, I think, to
the unknown, right?
Change, unknown.
And then I thought when I firstsigned up to go to pickleball,
we were doing little pickleballstogether, like as a little
group, having fun.
But when it came to the uhpickleball at the park, that was
(03:58):
a different story, and I wasscared, and so I was thinking,
yeah, I was scared of theunknown for that, and I felt
alone, you know.
So going into it, I didn't knowanybody.
I was trying so hard to get, youknow, some of our pickleballers
in there as well, so that I hadsomebody, you know, we had each
(04:20):
other.
But the feeling was feelingalone, and then I was thinking,
well, why would the feeling ofbeing alone be scary?
And it's sort of bringing meback to, you know, hundreds of
thousands or God knows how longago, if we aren't in a tribe,
(04:43):
our safety is at risk.
SPEAKER_01 (04:44):
What do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_00 (04:46):
Well, I think our our biologically, hundreds of
thousands, if not more, yearsago, we would be in small
tribes.
And if we were ousted or alone,just alone in in general, that
could be scary because that wasthe unknown.
(05:07):
That was the unknown, and ourour survival at that point is at
risk.
So I feel like nowadays, ashuman beings, we go through not
really that kind of issue anylonger, but we go through lots
of different issues where changehappens, and suddenly our base
(05:31):
brain, our reptilian brain,let's say, from that many years
ago, kicks in and says, No, waita minute, you have to stay safe,
you have to stay in your shelterthat you have now, you can't go
out there, you can't do thatstuff, you can't be alone, you
can't, you know, don't do it.
And so the fear kicks in to tryto stop us.
(05:52):
And it's an interesting kind offear when you have, let's say,
you know, when I did the psychicshow during the summer, I had
fear going into that.
And I I did feel a little alone,right?
Because I didn't really knowanyone.
I knew one person that was, youknow, keeping me going.
And I remember driving there andI had a very, very much a freeze
(06:17):
moment where I thought I couldjust put on the brakes and turn
around and just go home.
Like this, this, you know, I Ican just do that.
I can just do that.
And it was like a chocolate bar.
Like I was like, I can do that,I can do that.
All right.
It was like a it was likechocolate on the horizon that I
was veering towards.
(06:37):
And that thought was verysatisfying.
But then I thought, no, no, no,I'm gonna go and have fun and
see what happens, and maybe I'llsell a few things.
We'll see.
So that was sort of easy to getthrough.
That was a little change, it wasa day, it was, you know, I could
(06:58):
get through that.
But changes that are changesthat bring up fear that you know
you have to move through thefear.
Like there's no, there's no not,there's no turning around.
That's a little that that isthat is big, I think.
That's big when it comes tofeeling that aloneness, feeling
(07:25):
that fear of the unknown, andstill choosing to power through
it.
And these are like big lifechanges that I'm talking about,
right?
These aren't just going to alittle psychic fair, right?
And so I think there's a bigdifference in those feelings,
and and you know, what do wehave to do?
(07:46):
What do we have to feel?
What do we have to move throughin order to keep moving through
that fear?
Right.
My fear of the psychic fairlasted, what, 10 minutes to get
there?
Maybe, maybe three minutes ofthat 10 minutes.
I was like, okay, maybe I canturn around.
Right?
What if change is on yourhorizon and you have to go
(08:07):
through it?
Like, it's not three minutes offear, it's up and down roller
coaster fear all the way intoit.
SPEAKER_01 (08:15):
And motivation is important, isn't it?
Because when you're motivated tomake a change, you've got uh
some form of vision ahead of youthat you're you're looking at
creating.
So if you're changing a dailyhabit, you know, I'm gonna give
up coffee, I'm gonna go to thegym, I'm gonna start getting up
(08:37):
earlier, I'm going to, you know,put more effort into my work.
These are all changes that youcan be really resistant to, but
you have a reason to sort ofpush yourself into them, or
there is a somewhat of apersonal gain driving force.
(08:58):
And sometimes change is justimposed on you because you're in
a position that um is responsiveas opposed to planning.
You know, things change at work,people you work with change, the
seasons change, you know, changewhere you're you've you've got
(09:20):
sort of the feeling of beingimposed upon.
It just sort of kicks upfeelings of resistance, you
know.
It's amazing how we protect ourhabits, it's amazing how we
resist the change.
And we think about all thethings that we changes that we
want, and we can see throughthem to some achievement.
(09:46):
And when we think throughchanges that we don't want, it's
hard to really see anything pastthe resistance.
How do I make us go back to theold way?
How do what what can I do to tokeep things the way they are?
SPEAKER_00 (10:01):
But why do we strive to keep things just as they are?
SPEAKER_01 (10:05):
Great question.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
Well, I think it goes back.
I I really do believe in thatreptilian brain, you know, the
just going back to our baseneeds, our base forms of
security and safety and love andacceptance.
And I think that when we thinkof something being different,
(10:27):
yeah, it's it's scary.
It's scary.
It's why we have routines,that's why we like going to the
same places, or yeah.
I think I think it all goes backto biology.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
Well, I think that one of the the critical ideas is
how we see safety in what'sfamiliar, even when we don't
like it.
Right?
There's safety in what'sfamiliar, which implies that
change is dangerous.
SPEAKER_00 (10:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:59):
And I do think that internally and externally, there
are a lot of forces that try tokeep you from change.
Internally, you know, you've gothabits, right?
Habits, we're a habit-creatingmachine, and we like our habits
because we think they make ussafe.
And we like, even when we don'tlike how we define ourselves, we
(11:23):
still are comfortable with it.
And that comfort is way betterthan the the discomfort of
thinking differently, seekingdifferently, anticipating
different things.
You know, internally, there is amessage, there's a message of
(11:44):
fear.
Internally, there is a safetyand survival rationale for most
of the things that you do.
It's pretty easy to think backon all the simple things you do
in a day and see how they'rereally designed to keep you
healthy, keep you safe, keepthings the same.
SPEAKER_02 (12:05):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:06):
And I think human beings are really blocked by
that wall of fear.
That's why the reframe is fearis a warning, not a wall.
Fear doesn't have to stop youfrom doing anything.
Fear is a warning that says,hey, you know, be careful, you
know, keep an eye on things, bealert, keep your attention
focused, you know, do what youneed to do, but it's not stand
(12:29):
there and do nothing.
That's typically not a goodresponse to fear.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed byit, and that's that freeze
instinct.
We like to think that there'sjust fight or flight, but
unfortunately, I think we'vefound ourselves in the habit of
freezing, just stopping.
(12:49):
And stopping doesn't always turnout badly.
Just freezing doesn't alwaysturn out badly.
And sometimes we think, youknow, the the negative outcome
that comes from freezing is notas bad as the negative outcome
if I do something wrong.
SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
Yeah.
Chad says we lovepredictability.
SPEAKER_01 (13:10):
Yeah.
We seek it and we try to createit through our habits.
Yeah.
I think that there is a humanmind, a physical mind, a body
mind, I like to refer to it,that's just built right in and
trying to do everything in itspower to keep things safe, which
is typically to keep things thesame.
(13:30):
So you've got those internalforces, I think, that stop you.
And of course, I do believe thatthe world comes at us when we
try to be different, when we tryto act different, when we try
to, when we try to embrace achange that we want to move
(13:51):
forward with, and itessentially, you know, requires
change of others.
Right?
You know, I'm, you know, one ofmy favorite things to do is go
to breakfast with my friends.
It's like just one of myfavorite things, right?
And if I say to them, you know,I'm trying to lose weight, so
(14:13):
I'm not going to breakfast asearly.
Instead of doing breakfastbefore work, we'll do it, we'll
do sort of a breakfast lunch.
And then I can honor my sort offasting, my new fasting routine,
where I try to go at least 12hours between eating.
When I finish eating, and Istart eating again.
And then what that means to myfriends is that we they've got
(14:35):
to change when they havebreakfast or they can't have
breakfast with me.
You know, we start to makechanges that cause other people
to be involved and they start toresist.
I mean, anything you do, one ofthe biggest, hardest things
about, you know, for a lot ofpeople who are focused on losing
(14:55):
weight, they're really focusedon changing what they do in the
kitchen.
They're changing routines aroundfood.
And that's especially hard whenyou happen to be the homemaker.
You're the one who makes mealsfor everybody else, and you're
trying to change your meals.
And how do you incorporate someof that into the whole of
(15:18):
everyone's eating?
And how do you differentiateyour eating from others?
And then there's all thatnatural resistance that comes up
in the most subtle, most kindways.
You know, just a child saying,What's that?
Why are you eating that?
Right?
And and, you know, I've got togo shopping and I've got to buy
(15:42):
something different than what Inormally buy.
Well, why are we eating thistoday?
And, you know, there's thisnatural tendency for everyone
around you to resist change.
And, you know, then you havereally big picture stuff, right?
Really big picture stuff.
So let's say the whole worldbelieves that the best thing you
(16:04):
can do with your life is pick acommunity, move into it, own a
home, and stay there, and payoff that home, and put all your
money and all your effort intothat home.
And, you know, cut the grass acertain way and maintain your
property a certain way, and putup your seasonal decorations in
(16:26):
a certain way.
The world has a lot of beliefsaround that, and people are
very, very bought into thatbecause they have their
routines, and their routinesmake them comfortable.
And the weather is cold, so weexpect to see Christmas lights
everywhere.
And you just happen to say, no,I'm not really interested in
(16:50):
putting up Christmas lights.
No, I'm I'm not interested inmaintaining my lawn the way
everybody else does.
No, I'm not interested in owninga home.
I think that there are betterthings I can do with my money.
No, I don't want to be tied downin one place for an extended
period of time.
(17:11):
I actually enjoy change.
There are people out there thatactually enjoy change, right?
And all of those people are metwith the resistance that they're
not buying into the program,that they're not seeing so one
of the changes, and I think thisis what stimulates Hillary, is
(17:33):
one of the changes is that we'reselling our home and we're
moving, and we don't even knowwhere yet.
The change is going to be allabout shifting our focus, and
shifting our focus from a homethat requires constant work,
(17:54):
constant attention, to somethingelse.
Uh, a life where we are lessfocused on our home and more
focused on our work.
You know, this business we'retrying to build requires huge
amounts of time, huge amounts ofeffort and different effort,
because it isn't like you know,taking an appointment with a
(18:17):
client and going to the officeand sitting across from the
chair and guiding them throughhypnosis.
This is about how do we createonline hypnosis for everybody so
that we put together the stuffthat we've learned that really
helps a lot of people, hashelped a lot of people, and turn
it into helping hundreds ofthousands of people because it's
(18:40):
accessible online and able to doin your own home.
And how do you do that?
And I find myself just, youknow, when I when I have a
client in the chair, justreally, really hand it over.
I trust my higher self, I trustmy higher instincts, I trust
that I will be guided to dowhat's best for that person in
(19:01):
the chair.
And I follow those instincts,and yeah, it works out well.
I'm just really, I can't say itany other way.
It has been really, reallypositive in terms of the way it
helps others.
But now, how do I turn that intoa 10-minute talk followed by a
recorded meditation?
(19:23):
And that's different because nowthere isn't, you know, this
external person sitting in thechair with my flipping the
script to, you know, my higherself.
Now I have to create and trustmyself and trust that my higher
self is there, even though thereisn't a person in the chair.
(19:43):
And it's a different kind ofexperience.
And then now I'm such a I justget paralyzed in perfection.
Like, you know, I think perfectperfect is a stupid concept.
I teach that all the time.
And here I am trying to beperfect, trying to get it.
Right, trying to do it the way Isomehow in my my mind think it
(20:05):
should.
Anyway, the the point is is allof this is very different.
And it's very easy then whenyou're making the change to just
become paralyzed, just to becomecompletely, you know, immovable.
SPEAKER_00 (20:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chat says frozen in fear.
SPEAKER_01 (20:31):
Yeah.
It's that freeze response.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
Yeah.
It's I think for me on thisjourney, there's going to be
days where I'm up and excited,and days where I'm yeah, frozen
in fear, I suppose.
And I think it is, the more Ithought about it this morning, I
think it is about having achange in community.
(20:54):
I I know I'm I'm feeling morelike I'm not I'm not losing my
community.
It's not like it's going out thewindow and it's gone forever.
It's just going to sort ofchange.
And so I don't even know.
My fear brain is has totallykicked in, and I'm just I don't
even know what to say anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (21:16):
It doesn't help that I just said this out loud in
public like this.
SPEAKER_00 (21:19):
Yeah, my my stomach dropped as soon as you said it.
I I did not expect that.
SPEAKER_01 (21:24):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (21:24):
Change.
SPEAKER_01 (21:25):
I didn't start this morning with that expectation
either.
But sometimes that's how youdeal with change.
Sometimes the way you deal withchange is you accept it and you
embrace it, and then you dothings that are consistent with
it.
And that's the magic.
The magic is starting to dothings that are consistent with
(21:47):
it.
You know, nothing's going tochange unless your mind changes.
That's the fact.
That's the truth.
That's the way we are.
It's all about the mind.
That's the human, human thing.
We train these minds very, veryyoung.
We get them deeply, deeplyentrenched in habits and beliefs
that this is the way the worldworks, and this is the way it
(22:09):
has to be.
And this is what this is what asmart person does.
This is what a good person does.
This is what an honorable persondoes.
We have all these definitions.
And even if we didn't say, Iagree, they're in there.
So what's that like to say toyourself, you know what?
(22:30):
I never agreed to that.
I'm not going to be part ofthat.
SPEAKER_00 (22:34):
For what?
Sorry, I'm gonna for anything.
For anything.
SPEAKER_01 (22:37):
For anything.
I never agreed that the smartestthing human beings can do is own
their own home.
SPEAKER_00 (22:42):
Oh, I see what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01 (22:43):
I never agreed with that.
I never agreed that the bestthing you should do is go get
yourself a good job.
I never agreed with that.
You should stay in the same workfor the whole of your life.
I never agreed to that.
And, you know, me, I've done mybest to sneak my way around
that.
And even though I've still foundmyself doing things for long
periods of time, you know, I'vemade some pretty drastic,
(23:08):
dramatic changes in my careerthat I was so pleased that I
did.
I was so much more excited aboutmy life when I walked away from
something that just didn't allowmy joy to come out anymore.
I was more buried in the painand suffering than I was in the
(23:31):
natural joy that I hadexperienced when I started these
parts of my career.
And here we are again, you know,trying to make choices.
And I really believe in myheart, like it's I know in my
heart that the act of makingchoices, of saying that this
choice doesn't serve me anymore,this behavior, this habit, it
(23:55):
just doesn't serve me anymore.
And I need to make a change.
I need to most of the time, it'sI need to stop that somehow,
right?
I need to stop feeling owned bymy home, is one of the big ones
for me right now.
(24:15):
I need to stop feeling like whatI own, the stuff that I have
around me matters.
Right?
It's amazing how you can look atthings as accomplishments, or
you can just look at them asaccumulation, right?
(24:36):
And that's okay.
Like other people are listeningto me right now, they're
thinking I'm nuts.
But part of part of change isknowing that others are gonna
resist your changes.
SPEAKER_00 (24:50):
Yeah, is some people are gonna resist, some people
are going to wish that theycould do the same.
Some people are gonna be happy.
Yeah.
In the chat it says, and by byputting it out there by saying
it out loud, your communityknows what you are doing and
they can support you.
And what we have once loved hasnow become burdensome for stuff,
(25:13):
material.
SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
Yeah, we got rid of some stuff this weekend.
We started the process of tryingto get rid of all the stuff we
don't need.
So step one was just cleaningthe house.
How many boxes of stuff did weproduce that we realized just
don't need this anymore?
SPEAKER_00 (25:28):
Yeah, a few.
SPEAKER_01 (25:29):
And we sold three or four, five things.
SPEAKER_00 (25:33):
Yeah, things are selling fast right now.
I think it's a good time of yearto sell stuff.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:38):
And just stuff that sits in drawers or in closets
or, you know, that that wasbought with good intention but
never got used.
SPEAKER_02 (25:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:47):
You know, how much of that do you have in your
home?
How much of stuff do you hang onto?
You know, we I was talking, Iguess we were talking with Barb
and we were talking with you,and just talking about this
silly, you know, when I was 20,I moved to the Yukon and worked
on drilling regions.
And anybody who knows me knowsthat that was a long time ago.
(26:09):
Dinosaurs were and I broughthome a piece of drill core just
because it was like a souvenir,just to show what I'd been doing
for so long.
Because I spent a year up there,best part of a year.
Anyway, it's still in a box.
It's sitting in a box in mycloset, and it's just a rock.
(26:33):
It's a long cylindrical piece ofrock.
Anybody wants it, they can haveit.
And yet I carry it around and Icarry it around and I carry it
around.
And the person I was then is sodramatically different than the
person that I am now in justabout every measurable way.
(26:54):
And uh, yeah, the things wecling to, right?
The things we can't let go of.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
Yeah.
Over the Christmas holidays, Ihaven't had it yet.
But years past, I've helpedclients who have transitions in
their life and they're lookingto get rid of Christmas
decorations at this time ofyear.
Like they're they're goingthrough their boxes of stuff and
they put what they want out, butthere's other decorations that
have been passed down orsomething.
(27:22):
And they feel bad for gettingrid of them.
And so we go through hypnosis toget rid of these decorations.
And so there's sort of thisreframe, I guess it would be a
reframe that I take themthrough.
And it's this idea that eachdecoration has its own life, its
own energy.
And imagine that decoration nowgoing to a new life, right?
(27:46):
Imagine a little family orsomeone wanting that decoration
and a new story for thatdecoration, right?
It'd be a great children's book,I think, now that I think about
it.
(28:07):
And but when it's when when itgoes out there into Sally Ann,
or if it's, you know, passeddown to somebody else, or if you
give it away, it's going tocreate a new energy and it and a
new story.
And that's a imagine howexciting that is for the object.
We're we're sort of puttinghuman traits or human, what is
(28:28):
that called when you puthumanness onto an object?
SPEAKER_01 (28:31):
Anthropomorphize?
SPEAKER_00 (28:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that seems to have a hugeimpact on it.
So on releasing the stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (28:43):
Yeah, I think it's important to differentiate
between change that you want andchange that's imposed on you.
I think those are two different,very different experiences.
And if we focus right now on theidea of change that you want,
there are aspects of changesthat you want that are hard,
that are difficult, that there'sgoing to be resistance because
(29:06):
you are a habit-making machineand you like your habits and you
like thinking a certain way.
And now you have to thinkdifferently and then act
differently.
And you're not going to actdifferently if you don't think
differently, right?
If you're not actively changingwhat's in your subconscious
mind, you can't really expectyour behavior to change.
So any kind of technique thatdramatically changes your old
(29:32):
way of thinking is the kind ofthing that's going to alleviate
fear of change.
Changes that you want, the firstthing we do is reach out to a
friend.
Will you do this with me?
Yeah.
Come to pick a ball, please.
Would you, would you, would yoube part of this with me?
Are you interested in makingthis kind of change?
(29:52):
And it gets rid of that sense ofaloneness, where I think
aloneness is a component ofevery real fear that impacts us.
That sense of aloneness.
And there's a lot of ways to getaround that sense of aloneness.
But the easiest way is to pickup the phone and call a friend,
or to get your partner to say,yeah, let's make that change, or
(30:14):
to get, you know, the people inyour community to rally around a
larger change.
The internal part, I learnedabout this about a year ago.
And so I've really tried toactivate this when I go to the
gym.
There's a part of your brain,and I've looked it up to make
(30:36):
sure I got it right.
The anterior mid-singulatecortex.
Anterior mid-sigulate cortex.
Anyway, it's the center ofwillpower.
It's the center of effort to newthings, hard things.
And it's actually a part of thebrain that grows in the brains
(31:01):
of people who constantly engagein hard exercise, unpleasant
exercise, that increases yourability to move through
something negative.
So again, it's like building anew habit.
They've said that that part ofthe brain is enlarged and
fortified when you meet peoplewho do that.
(31:24):
So, of course, that's that'svery common in the minds or the
brains of military people.
Because you're constantly beingtold to do things they don't
want to do, right?
They have to hand over theircontrol to somebody else, and
then they have to fight theirway through it.
If you're going to the gym,again, the same thing.
(31:46):
If you're going on a diet, samething.
(32:11):
There's a neat book that I readonce, and I thought it was kind
of funny, but there's a lot oftruth to it.
And the book was called Eat ThatFrog.
And the idea was that every daywe have things we don't want to
do.
Every day we have a long-to-dolist.
And one of those things, atleast on that long-to-do list,
(32:32):
is something we just don't wantto do.
Don't think we know how to do,not sure how to approach, really
kicks up the fear, really kicksup the anxiousness around it.
There's always something we knowwe need to do that we just can't
seem to bring ourselves to doingit.
And in the book, he equates thatto eating a frog.
(32:54):
Right.
And so the idea is eat thatfrog.
Now, I don't like, I don't likebeing, you know, when I work
with people, I don't like beinginsistent.
I don't like being a bully.
I don't like doing that.
Come on now, just do it.
Right.
Being that kind of, you know,discipline, disciplinarian.
(33:15):
Come on, you just gotta do this.
And and I don't, I don't likethat approach.
I don't think that's a helpfulapproach.
I think we're better off to justunderstand what's going on for
the person.
No matter how, no matter how youmight dismiss the internal state
of another person as being sillyor being just wrong or just
(33:36):
being ridiculous.
Like we we we have that tendencyto approach others with that and
say, come on, just get over it.
Come, just move on.
Come on, just get it done.
Right.
And I don't think that thosekinds of moments are helpful.
I don't think that that kind oftalk to others is helpful
(33:58):
because it's really, you know,if it if they could just do it,
they would have just done it,right?
There's something going oninternally that is creating an
emotional wall to doing that.
And you're better off to findthat wall.
You're better off to try tounderstand what built that wall.
(34:20):
You're better to understand howto unbuild the wall and build a
new one.
Anyway, but the book wasinteresting because it it said,
look, every day there's going tobe things you don't want to do,
but you know they're going to begood for you.
You know they're going to leadto things that are good.
(34:40):
And he called that the frog youhave to eat.
And the idea was simple.
You know, first thing in theday, the first thing you do is
eat the frog.
The first thing you do, the topof your to-do list is the thing
you most not want to do.
And most of us are just mastersof putting that thing on the
list and letting it keepdropping down.
You know, one of the amazingthings we do is we find other
(35:02):
things to do than eat that frog.
And we do those things first.
And we we try to trick ourselvesinto feeling accomplished.
Look at the list.
I had 10 things on my list.
Now I've got seven of them done.
But the seven were all easy.
You were going to do themanyway.
And the frog just keeps droppingdown the list.
But understanding that thatcould be considered a practice.
(35:28):
Right?
You enhance and fortify thatpart of your brain, that that
anterior mid-singulate cortex.
And just like I'm going to do,you know, I'm going to do squats
to build my legs at the gym.
(35:48):
I can choose to do something Idon't want to do.
I can fight through myresistance and build that
anterior mid-singulate cortex inmy brain and make it stronger
because habit will make itstronger.
Practice will make it biggerphysically.
It will become something thatI'm capable of doing.
(36:10):
And we've all had the experiencewhere we've just sort of, you
know, they call it rolling upyour sleeves.
We've just rolled up our sleevesand take a deep breath and then
just do it.
And if you were in the habit ofdoing that regularly in your
life, daily in your life, youwould build up the ability to
move through those resistanceswhen you have at least the
(36:31):
internal motivation to say, Iwant to make a change.
SPEAKER_00 (36:36):
And I think that that thing that's always on our
list that we put off and put offand put off.
I don't know about you, butevery time I actually get to
doing it, I I think afterwards,oh my God, that took like 10
minutes.
Or you know, that that was notsomething to keep putting off.
So I can see why trying to do itevery day first, whatever is
(37:00):
that hardest thing, or the thingthat you perceive is the hardest
thing to do.
I could see how thinking overand over again, oh, that wasn't
that bad, could help build thatresilience and that that ability
to challenge yourself moreoften.
unknown (37:17):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:18):
It's like burpees at the gym.
I don't know anybody that saysburpees, oh boy.
SPEAKER_00 (37:23):
I think Brian does.
SPEAKER_01 (37:25):
Oh boy, I get to do burpees.
And I think if somebody saysthat, it's because they're
trying to build this this habitof overcoming their resistance
and their tendency to labelthings as good or bad and the
bad stuff we avoid and the goodstuff we indulge.
SPEAKER_02 (37:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:44):
I think we should talk tomorrow about how to deal
with change that's imposed onyou.
SPEAKER_00 (37:49):
Yeah, I mean, when you said that, I thought, what
would be imposed on them?
You know, but I I thought aboutour conversation last week early
last week, about it was it wasthat rabbit hole conversation
where we went deep on someinteresting topics and just
having being open to notgrasping onto your ego and your
(38:17):
who you think you are, beingopen to change as things as
things change and shift in theworld at large.
SPEAKER_01 (38:24):
Yeah.
I think that we've alwaysfocused in our podcast and in
our work on the process ofhelping people reframe things.
Think of them differently, thinkof them more accurately, think
of them more truthfully, thinkof them more helpfully.
And I think that the more we dothat, the better we get at
(38:48):
naturally coming up withreframes that are helpful.
But I do believe that it'sprobably in everyone's best
interest to learn how to reframefor themselves, to find that
higher, that higher truth, thathigher attainment, that that
(39:08):
higher achievement that comesfrom thinking of things
differently.
Until you think of thingsdifferently, nothing's gonna
change, right?
So as we think about packingboxes and moving on, yeah, it's
up to us to learn to reframe, tothink and anticipate the
(39:29):
positive newness, the excitingnew things, the adventure of
discovery, the embracing of thefreedom that comes from having a
lot less stuff, having no placethat holds me down.
I mean, the the reframe for meis just always my home is
(39:51):
myself.
My home is me and the people Ilove, my home is me and what I
create.
My home is me and my state ofmind.
And when that is well, I can beanywhere.
I can be anywhere if I am well,if I am good with me, if I am
(40:13):
comfortable in my surroundings,and I move myself from new place
to new place.
That's exciting, you know.
And for me, that's part of myreframe in this in this period
of my life right now.
SPEAKER_00 (40:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
Uh uh as we cap off here,something just came to mind
about being in a new community.
And just it's it's almost likestarting high school and you
just want people to like you,you know?
And yeah, it's that feeling atfirst of being alone and just
(40:52):
hoping that for me at least, I II like to have community,
whatever that looks like,whether it's two people or ten
people, whatever.
But yeah, that that feeling likeI hope I fit in.
SPEAKER_01 (41:06):
Well, that just leads me to say, you know, uh I
I do my best to try to, when Ispeak in podcasts, to try to
speak to everybody.
And I suppose that's not alwayshelpful because it holds me back
from saying some of the thingsthat I think are really
important.
So maybe if you're listening,you're open to this idea and you
(41:28):
can find it helpful.
On my lowest physical level, I'mreally never alone.
There's always somebody in mylife that I can turn to, even if
they get frustrated with me.
But on my true self-level, andwe've just discovered this way
(41:49):
too many times with clients,clients who are adamantly
against this idea have thediscovery of the truth of this
idea, and it changes theirlives.
There are too many people thatin the last couple of years,
I've watched them make majorshifts when they accept the idea
that they are never alone, thatthey are one with the whole,
(42:14):
that they have guides, they havebeautiful beings who long before
we started this journey promisedto be here with us and available
to us and help us navigate ourway through.
And what happens is we convinceourselves that we're alone, we
(42:36):
convince ourselves that that noone is helping us.
And that's just the process ofhypnosis, right?
The process of hypnosis of goinginto a deep state and being told
by others and accepting it astrue, and then building this
limiting belief that says, I amalone.
It isn't true.
And so if you're in a positionnow in your life to start
(42:56):
opening your mind to that ideathat you're not alone, that
there are guides and they areright there, that this
experience on this planet is oneof thousands you're going to
have, is always done as a teamwith guides on the other side.
(43:19):
You're changing the context ofyour life.
If you're ready to embrace that,if you're capable of embracing
that, if you want to explorethat really, please reach out to
us.
If you'd like to some guidanceon how to make that connection,
to open your mind to that, youknow, it's part of what we do.
We've done for many people whohave really made major changes
(43:42):
in their lives because theyrealize they're never alone and
that they're always safe.
And, you know, I'm yeah, we areall eternal children of the
universe.
Nothing can change that.
So if you're ready to hear that,think about that.
I hope that helps.
And if you're not ready to hearthat, then you know, build your
(44:04):
anterior singlet cortex, right?
Like build that.
That's your brain, that's there,no argument.
And so engage in practices thathelp you get better and better
at better at doing things thatyou're resistant to.
And you can practice that likeyou would go to the gym, and it
(44:25):
will work and it will make adifference.
SPEAKER_00 (44:28):
Well, that was a good chat.
Welcome to our world.
Okay, so if you want to reachout wherever you're listening to
this, in the description below,there will be email, website.
There's um a link to our schoolif you want to sign up.
(44:49):
But yeah, I think that's it fortoday.
Thanks for hanging out.
And if you want to join us live,sign up for our school where the
link will be every day.
Every day it's a different linkjust for safety and uh security
purposes.
But yeah, join the school andaccess the link there.
Okay, have a good day, everyone.
We are the line.
SPEAKER_01 (00:10):
Cold morning.
SPEAKER_00 (00:12):
Cold winter morning.
SPEAKER_01 (00:14):
I have a foggy head.
SPEAKER_00 (00:16):
Yeah, we're both kind of kind of foggy.
SPEAKER_01 (00:19):
It's funny how the winter makes you sort of sort of
curl inward.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
Yeah.
And eat bad food.
I think my foggy head comes fromspending a week beating lots and
lots of bread.
SPEAKER_01 (00:33):
I guess we did, didn't we?
SPEAKER_00 (00:34):
Yeah.
Last week I had I worked in towna lot and I ate so many
sandwiches, it was unbelievable.
That's a natural seasonaltransition hibernation time.
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
I still believe that.
I still believe that we're meantto hibernate.
SPEAKER_00 (00:54):
Yeah, maybe not like a bear, but certainly certainly
take shelter.
SPEAKER_01 (01:01):
I feel sorry for the bears up there trying to sleep
through this cold.
SPEAKER_00 (01:05):
Oh my god.
Yeah.
So it's snowy and probably a bitcrunchy.
The seeds are covered in snow.
And there's mist rising from thecenter of the lake.
It's really beautiful looking.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
It is.
SPEAKER_02 (01:21):
It is.
SPEAKER_01 (01:23):
In the mornings, enjoy some nature.
I think it's really helpful.
And I think it's really hard forpeople to do.
SPEAKER_00 (01:30):
Well, it is because we're we're our society is
constructed so that we have togo, we have to go to work.
Oh my gosh, I had a it justreminded me of a dream I had
this morning of like I was inuniversity again and coming back
on the weekend to you.
And the roads were black ice.
(01:50):
And I like crashed one time, butI was in somebody else's car
crashing it.
And then I went back to get mycar, and I'm like, maybe I don't
want to crash this car.
So I'm like calling you to tryto figure something out.
SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
You do it.
SPEAKER_00 (02:06):
Right.
No.
Amen.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:11):
So we got a couple of topics floating around this
morning.
Which one do you want to talkabout?
There you go.
You get to make the choice.
SPEAKER_00 (02:17):
Oh good.
Well, well, apparently they sortof go together.
So we were thinking abouttalking more about comforting.
And then also with that, uh issomething that clients
experience a lot when I takethem through sessions, and and
that is why change can be soscary.
(02:41):
Why change can be so scary.
SPEAKER_01 (02:43):
Well, whatever we don't talk about today, I'm
gonna talk about tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00 (02:46):
Yeah.
So yeah, let's talk aboutbecause it's top of mind for me.
You know, I have some changesgoing on in in my life, our
life, and I was yeah, scaredyesterday.
There's those little scary,little scary changes.
Just those little changes, youknow.
(03:10):
So I was thinking about it thismorning and I thought, well,
it's hard, you know, it's hardwhen it's us going through it.
It's easy when we have clientsgoing through it.
Oh yeah, it's linked to that.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know this is where it's comingfrom.
But when it's our own mind, it'sa little more a little more
puzzle pieces, it feels like yougotta figure out where they go.
(03:33):
So I was thinking this morning,it's sort of tied, I think, to
the unknown, right?
Change, unknown.
And then I thought when I firstsigned up to go to pickleball,
we were doing little pickleballstogether, like as a little
group, having fun.
But when it came to the uhpickleball at the park, that was
(03:58):
a different story, and I wasscared, and so I was thinking,
yeah, I was scared of theunknown for that, and I felt
alone, you know.
So going into it, I didn't knowanybody.
I was trying so hard to get, youknow, some of our pickleballers
in there as well, so that I hadsomebody, you know, we had each
(04:20):
other.
But the feeling was feelingalone, and then I was thinking,
well, why would the feeling ofbeing alone be scary?
And it's sort of bringing meback to, you know, hundreds of
thousands or God knows how longago, if we aren't in a tribe,
(04:43):
our safety is at risk.
SPEAKER_01 (04:44):
What do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_00 (04:46):
Well, I think our our biologically, hundreds of
thousands, if not more, yearsago, we would be in small
tribes.
And if we were ousted or alone,just alone in in general, that
could be scary because that wasthe unknown.
(05:07):
That was the unknown, and ourour survival at that point is at
risk.
So I feel like nowadays, ashuman beings, we go through not
really that kind of issue anylonger, but we go through lots
of different issues where changehappens, and suddenly our base
(05:31):
brain, our reptilian brain,let's say, from that many years
ago, kicks in and says, No, waita minute, you have to stay safe,
you have to stay in your shelterthat you have now, you can't go
out there, you can't do thatstuff, you can't be alone, you
can't, you know, don't do it.
And so the fear kicks in to tryto stop us.
(05:52):
And it's an interesting kind offear when you have, let's say,
you know, when I did the psychicshow during the summer, I had
fear going into that.
And I I did feel a little alone,right?
Because I didn't really knowanyone.
I knew one person that was, youknow, keeping me going.
And I remember driving there andI had a very, very much a freeze
(06:17):
moment where I thought I couldjust put on the brakes and turn
around and just go home.
Like this, this, you know, I Ican just do that.
I can just do that.
And it was like a chocolate bar.
Like I was like, I can do that,I can do that.
All right.
It was like a it was likechocolate on the horizon that I
was veering towards.
(06:37):
And that thought was verysatisfying.
But then I thought, no, no, no,I'm gonna go and have fun and
see what happens, and maybe I'llsell a few things.
We'll see.
So that was sort of easy to getthrough.
That was a little change, it wasa day, it was, you know, I could
(06:58):
get through that.
But changes that are changesthat bring up fear that you know
you have to move through thefear.
Like there's no, there's no not,there's no turning around.
That's a little that that isthat is big, I think.
That's big when it comes tofeeling that aloneness, feeling
(07:25):
that fear of the unknown, andstill choosing to power through
it.
And these are like big lifechanges that I'm talking about,
right?
These aren't just going to alittle psychic fair, right?
And so I think there's a bigdifference in those feelings,
and and you know, what do wehave to do?
(07:46):
What do we have to feel?
What do we have to move throughin order to keep moving through
that fear?
Right.
My fear of the psychic fairlasted, what, 10 minutes to get
there?
Maybe, maybe three minutes ofthat 10 minutes.
I was like, okay, maybe I canturn around.
Right?
What if change is on yourhorizon and you have to go
(08:07):
through it?
Like, it's not three minutes offear, it's up and down roller
coaster fear all the way intoit.
SPEAKER_01 (08:15):
And motivation is important, isn't it?
Because when you're motivated tomake a change, you've got uh
some form of vision ahead of youthat you're you're looking at
creating.
So if you're changing a dailyhabit, you know, I'm gonna give
up coffee, I'm gonna go to thegym, I'm gonna start getting up
(08:37):
earlier, I'm going to, you know,put more effort into my work.
These are all changes that youcan be really resistant to, but
you have a reason to sort ofpush yourself into them, or
there is a somewhat of apersonal gain driving force.
(08:58):
And sometimes change is justimposed on you because you're in
a position that um is responsiveas opposed to planning.
You know, things change at work,people you work with change, the
seasons change, you know, changewhere you're you've you've got
(09:20):
sort of the feeling of beingimposed upon.
It just sort of kicks upfeelings of resistance, you
know.
It's amazing how we protect ourhabits, it's amazing how we
resist the change.
And we think about all thethings that we changes that we
want, and we can see throughthem to some achievement.
(09:46):
And when we think throughchanges that we don't want, it's
hard to really see anything pastthe resistance.
How do I make us go back to theold way?
How do what what can I do to tokeep things the way they are?
SPEAKER_00 (10:01):
But why do we strive to keep things just as they are?
SPEAKER_01 (10:05):
Great question.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
Well, I think it goes back.
I I really do believe in thatreptilian brain, you know, the
just going back to our baseneeds, our base forms of
security and safety and love andacceptance.
And I think that when we thinkof something being different,
(10:27):
yeah, it's it's scary.
It's scary.
It's why we have routines,that's why we like going to the
same places, or yeah.
I think I think it all goes backto biology.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
Well, I think that one of the the critical ideas is
how we see safety in what'sfamiliar, even when we don't
like it.
Right?
There's safety in what'sfamiliar, which implies that
change is dangerous.
SPEAKER_00 (10:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:59):
And I do think that internally and externally, there
are a lot of forces that try tokeep you from change.
Internally, you know, you've gothabits, right?
Habits, we're a habit-creatingmachine, and we like our habits
because we think they make ussafe.
And we like, even when we don'tlike how we define ourselves, we
(11:23):
still are comfortable with it.
And that comfort is way betterthan the the discomfort of
thinking differently, seekingdifferently, anticipating
different things.
You know, internally, there is amessage, there's a message of
(11:44):
fear.
Internally, there is a safetyand survival rationale for most
of the things that you do.
It's pretty easy to think backon all the simple things you do
in a day and see how they'rereally designed to keep you
healthy, keep you safe, keepthings the same.
SPEAKER_02 (12:05):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:06):
And I think human beings are really blocked by
that wall of fear.
That's why the reframe is fearis a warning, not a wall.
Fear doesn't have to stop youfrom doing anything.
Fear is a warning that says,hey, you know, be careful, you
know, keep an eye on things, bealert, keep your attention
focused, you know, do what youneed to do, but it's not stand
(12:29):
there and do nothing.
That's typically not a goodresponse to fear.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed byit, and that's that freeze
instinct.
We like to think that there'sjust fight or flight, but
unfortunately, I think we'vefound ourselves in the habit of
freezing, just stopping.
(12:49):
And stopping doesn't always turnout badly.
Just freezing doesn't alwaysturn out badly.
And sometimes we think, youknow, the the negative outcome
that comes from freezing is notas bad as the negative outcome
if I do something wrong.
SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
Yeah.
Chad says we lovepredictability.
SPEAKER_01 (13:10):
Yeah.
We seek it and we try to createit through our habits.
Yeah.
I think that there is a humanmind, a physical mind, a body
mind, I like to refer to it,that's just built right in and
trying to do everything in itspower to keep things safe, which
is typically to keep things thesame.
(13:30):
So you've got those internalforces, I think, that stop you.
And of course, I do believe thatthe world comes at us when we
try to be different, when we tryto act different, when we try
to, when we try to embrace achange that we want to move
(13:51):
forward with, and itessentially, you know, requires
change of others.
Right?
You know, I'm, you know, one ofmy favorite things to do is go
to breakfast with my friends.
It's like just one of myfavorite things, right?
And if I say to them, you know,I'm trying to lose weight, so
(14:13):
I'm not going to breakfast asearly.
Instead of doing breakfastbefore work, we'll do it, we'll
do sort of a breakfast lunch.
And then I can honor my sort offasting, my new fasting routine,
where I try to go at least 12hours between eating.
When I finish eating, and Istart eating again.
And then what that means to myfriends is that we they've got
(14:35):
to change when they havebreakfast or they can't have
breakfast with me.
You know, we start to makechanges that cause other people
to be involved and they start toresist.
I mean, anything you do, one ofthe biggest, hardest things
about, you know, for a lot ofpeople who are focused on losing
(14:55):
weight, they're really focusedon changing what they do in the
kitchen.
They're changing routines aroundfood.
And that's especially hard whenyou happen to be the homemaker.
You're the one who makes mealsfor everybody else, and you're
trying to change your meals.
And how do you incorporate someof that into the whole of
(15:18):
everyone's eating?
And how do you differentiateyour eating from others?
And then there's all thatnatural resistance that comes up
in the most subtle, most kindways.
You know, just a child saying,What's that?
Why are you eating that?
Right?
And and, you know, I've got togo shopping and I've got to buy
(15:42):
something different than what Inormally buy.
Well, why are we eating thistoday?
And, you know, there's thisnatural tendency for everyone
around you to resist change.
And, you know, then you havereally big picture stuff, right?
Really big picture stuff.
So let's say the whole worldbelieves that the best thing you
(16:04):
can do with your life is pick acommunity, move into it, own a
home, and stay there, and payoff that home, and put all your
money and all your effort intothat home.
And, you know, cut the grass acertain way and maintain your
property a certain way, and putup your seasonal decorations in
(16:26):
a certain way.
The world has a lot of beliefsaround that, and people are
very, very bought into thatbecause they have their
routines, and their routinesmake them comfortable.
And the weather is cold, so weexpect to see Christmas lights
everywhere.
And you just happen to say, no,I'm not really interested in
(16:50):
putting up Christmas lights.
No, I'm I'm not interested inmaintaining my lawn the way
everybody else does.
No, I'm not interested in owninga home.
I think that there are betterthings I can do with my money.
No, I don't want to be tied downin one place for an extended
period of time.
(17:11):
I actually enjoy change.
There are people out there thatactually enjoy change, right?
And all of those people are metwith the resistance that they're
not buying into the program,that they're not seeing so one
of the changes, and I think thisis what stimulates Hillary, is
(17:33):
one of the changes is that we'reselling our home and we're
moving, and we don't even knowwhere yet.
The change is going to be allabout shifting our focus, and
shifting our focus from a homethat requires constant work,
(17:54):
constant attention, to somethingelse.
Uh, a life where we are lessfocused on our home and more
focused on our work.
You know, this business we'retrying to build requires huge
amounts of time, huge amounts ofeffort and different effort,
because it isn't like you know,taking an appointment with a
(18:17):
client and going to the officeand sitting across from the
chair and guiding them throughhypnosis.
This is about how do we createonline hypnosis for everybody so
that we put together the stuffthat we've learned that really
helps a lot of people, hashelped a lot of people, and turn
it into helping hundreds ofthousands of people because it's
(18:40):
accessible online and able to doin your own home.
And how do you do that?
And I find myself just, youknow, when I when I have a
client in the chair, justreally, really hand it over.
I trust my higher self, I trustmy higher instincts, I trust
that I will be guided to dowhat's best for that person in
(19:01):
the chair.
And I follow those instincts,and yeah, it works out well.
I'm just really, I can't say itany other way.
It has been really, reallypositive in terms of the way it
helps others.
But now, how do I turn that intoa 10-minute talk followed by a
recorded meditation?
(19:23):
And that's different because nowthere isn't, you know, this
external person sitting in thechair with my flipping the
script to, you know, my higherself.
Now I have to create and trustmyself and trust that my higher
self is there, even though thereisn't a person in the chair.
(19:43):
And it's a different kind ofexperience.
And then now I'm such a I justget paralyzed in perfection.
Like, you know, I think perfectperfect is a stupid concept.
I teach that all the time.
And here I am trying to beperfect, trying to get it.
Right, trying to do it the way Isomehow in my my mind think it
(20:05):
should.
Anyway, the the point is is allof this is very different.
And it's very easy then whenyou're making the change to just
become paralyzed, just to becomecompletely, you know, immovable.
SPEAKER_00 (20:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chat says frozen in fear.
SPEAKER_01 (20:31):
Yeah.
It's that freeze response.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
Yeah.
It's I think for me on thisjourney, there's going to be
days where I'm up and excited,and days where I'm yeah, frozen
in fear, I suppose.
And I think it is, the more Ithought about it this morning, I
think it is about having achange in community.
(20:54):
I I know I'm I'm feeling morelike I'm not I'm not losing my
community.
It's not like it's going out thewindow and it's gone forever.
It's just going to sort ofchange.
And so I don't even know.
My fear brain is has totallykicked in, and I'm just I don't
even know what to say anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (21:16):
It doesn't help that I just said this out loud in
public like this.
SPEAKER_00 (21:19):
Yeah, my my stomach dropped as soon as you said it.
I I did not expect that.
SPEAKER_01 (21:24):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (21:24):
Change.
SPEAKER_01 (21:25):
I didn't start this morning with that expectation
either.
But sometimes that's how youdeal with change.
Sometimes the way you deal withchange is you accept it and you
embrace it, and then you dothings that are consistent with
it.
And that's the magic.
The magic is starting to dothings that are consistent with
(21:47):
it.
You know, nothing's going tochange unless your mind changes.
That's the fact.
That's the truth.
That's the way we are.
It's all about the mind.
That's the human, human thing.
We train these minds very, veryyoung.
We get them deeply, deeplyentrenched in habits and beliefs
that this is the way the worldworks, and this is the way it
(22:09):
has to be.
And this is what this is what asmart person does.
This is what a good person does.
This is what an honorable persondoes.
We have all these definitions.
And even if we didn't say, Iagree, they're in there.
So what's that like to say toyourself, you know what?
(22:30):
I never agreed to that.
I'm not going to be part ofthat.
SPEAKER_00 (22:34):
For what?
Sorry, I'm gonna for anything.
For anything.
SPEAKER_01 (22:37):
For anything.
I never agreed that the smartestthing human beings can do is own
their own home.
SPEAKER_00 (22:42):
Oh, I see what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01 (22:43):
I never agreed with that.
I never agreed that the bestthing you should do is go get
yourself a good job.
I never agreed with that.
You should stay in the same workfor the whole of your life.
I never agreed to that.
And, you know, me, I've done mybest to sneak my way around
that.
And even though I've still foundmyself doing things for long
periods of time, you know, I'vemade some pretty drastic,
(23:08):
dramatic changes in my careerthat I was so pleased that I
did.
I was so much more excited aboutmy life when I walked away from
something that just didn't allowmy joy to come out anymore.
I was more buried in the painand suffering than I was in the
(23:31):
natural joy that I hadexperienced when I started these
parts of my career.
And here we are again, you know,trying to make choices.
And I really believe in myheart, like it's I know in my
heart that the act of makingchoices, of saying that this
choice doesn't serve me anymore,this behavior, this habit, it
(23:55):
just doesn't serve me anymore.
And I need to make a change.
I need to most of the time, it'sI need to stop that somehow,
right?
I need to stop feeling owned bymy home, is one of the big ones
for me right now.
(24:15):
I need to stop feeling like whatI own, the stuff that I have
around me matters.
Right?
It's amazing how you can look atthings as accomplishments, or
you can just look at them asaccumulation, right?
(24:36):
And that's okay.
Like other people are listeningto me right now, they're
thinking I'm nuts.
But part of part of change isknowing that others are gonna
resist your changes.
SPEAKER_00 (24:50):
Yeah, is some people are gonna resist, some people
are going to wish that theycould do the same.
Some people are gonna be happy.
Yeah.
In the chat it says, and by byputting it out there by saying
it out loud, your communityknows what you are doing and
they can support you.
And what we have once loved hasnow become burdensome for stuff,
(25:13):
material.
SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
Yeah, we got rid of some stuff this weekend.
We started the process of tryingto get rid of all the stuff we
don't need.
So step one was just cleaningthe house.
How many boxes of stuff did weproduce that we realized just
don't need this anymore?
SPEAKER_00 (25:28):
Yeah, a few.
SPEAKER_01 (25:29):
And we sold three or four, five things.
SPEAKER_00 (25:33):
Yeah, things are selling fast right now.
I think it's a good time of yearto sell stuff.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:38):
And just stuff that sits in drawers or in closets
or, you know, that that wasbought with good intention but
never got used.
SPEAKER_02 (25:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:47):
You know, how much of that do you have in your
home?
How much of stuff do you hang onto?
You know, we I was talking, Iguess we were talking with Barb
and we were talking with you,and just talking about this
silly, you know, when I was 20,I moved to the Yukon and worked
on drilling regions.
And anybody who knows me knowsthat that was a long time ago.
(26:09):
Dinosaurs were and I broughthome a piece of drill core just
because it was like a souvenir,just to show what I'd been doing
for so long.
Because I spent a year up there,best part of a year.
Anyway, it's still in a box.
It's sitting in a box in mycloset, and it's just a rock.
(26:33):
It's a long cylindrical piece ofrock.
Anybody wants it, they can haveit.
And yet I carry it around and Icarry it around and I carry it
around.
And the person I was then is sodramatically different than the
person that I am now in justabout every measurable way.
(26:54):
And uh, yeah, the things wecling to, right?
The things we can't let go of.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
Yeah.
Over the Christmas holidays, Ihaven't had it yet.
But years past, I've helpedclients who have transitions in
their life and they're lookingto get rid of Christmas
decorations at this time ofyear.
Like they're they're goingthrough their boxes of stuff and
they put what they want out, butthere's other decorations that
have been passed down orsomething.
(27:22):
And they feel bad for gettingrid of them.
And so we go through hypnosis toget rid of these decorations.
And so there's sort of thisreframe, I guess it would be a
reframe that I take themthrough.
And it's this idea that eachdecoration has its own life, its
own energy.
And imagine that decoration nowgoing to a new life, right?
(27:46):
Imagine a little family orsomeone wanting that decoration
and a new story for thatdecoration, right?
It'd be a great children's book,I think, now that I think about
it.
(28:07):
And but when it's when when itgoes out there into Sally Ann,
or if it's, you know, passeddown to somebody else, or if you
give it away, it's going tocreate a new energy and it and a
new story.
And that's a imagine howexciting that is for the object.
We're we're sort of puttinghuman traits or human, what is
(28:28):
that called when you puthumanness onto an object?
SPEAKER_01 (28:31):
Anthropomorphize?
SPEAKER_00 (28:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that seems to have a hugeimpact on it.
So on releasing the stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (28:43):
Yeah, I think it's important to differentiate
between change that you want andchange that's imposed on you.
I think those are two different,very different experiences.
And if we focus right now on theidea of change that you want,
there are aspects of changesthat you want that are hard,
that are difficult, that there'sgoing to be resistance because
(29:06):
you are a habit-making machineand you like your habits and you
like thinking a certain way.
And now you have to thinkdifferently and then act
differently.
And you're not going to actdifferently if you don't think
differently, right?
If you're not actively changingwhat's in your subconscious
mind, you can't really expectyour behavior to change.
So any kind of technique thatdramatically changes your old
(29:32):
way of thinking is the kind ofthing that's going to alleviate
fear of change.
Changes that you want, the firstthing we do is reach out to a
friend.
Will you do this with me?
Yeah.
Come to pick a ball, please.
Would you, would you, would yoube part of this with me?
Are you interested in makingthis kind of change?
(29:52):
And it gets rid of that sense ofaloneness, where I think
aloneness is a component ofevery real fear that impacts us.
That sense of aloneness.
And there's a lot of ways to getaround that sense of aloneness.
But the easiest way is to pickup the phone and call a friend,
or to get your partner to say,yeah, let's make that change, or
(30:14):
to get, you know, the people inyour community to rally around a
larger change.
The internal part, I learnedabout this about a year ago.
And so I've really tried toactivate this when I go to the
gym.
There's a part of your brain,and I've looked it up to make
(30:36):
sure I got it right.
The anterior mid-singulatecortex.
Anterior mid-sigulate cortex.
Anyway, it's the center ofwillpower.
It's the center of effort to newthings, hard things.
And it's actually a part of thebrain that grows in the brains
(31:01):
of people who constantly engagein hard exercise, unpleasant
exercise, that increases yourability to move through
something negative.
So again, it's like building anew habit.
They've said that that part ofthe brain is enlarged and
fortified when you meet peoplewho do that.
(31:24):
So, of course, that's that'svery common in the minds or the
brains of military people.
Because you're constantly beingtold to do things they don't
want to do, right?
They have to hand over theircontrol to somebody else, and
then they have to fight theirway through it.
If you're going to the gym,again, the same thing.
(31:46):
If you're going on a diet, samething.
(32:11):
There's a neat book that I readonce, and I thought it was kind
of funny, but there's a lot oftruth to it.
And the book was called Eat ThatFrog.
And the idea was that every daywe have things we don't want to
do.
Every day we have a long-to-dolist.
And one of those things, atleast on that long-to-do list,
(32:32):
is something we just don't wantto do.
Don't think we know how to do,not sure how to approach, really
kicks up the fear, really kicksup the anxiousness around it.
There's always something we knowwe need to do that we just can't
seem to bring ourselves to doingit.
And in the book, he equates thatto eating a frog.
(32:54):
Right.
And so the idea is eat thatfrog.
Now, I don't like, I don't likebeing, you know, when I work
with people, I don't like beinginsistent.
I don't like being a bully.
I don't like doing that.
Come on now, just do it.
Right.
Being that kind of, you know,discipline, disciplinarian.
(33:15):
Come on, you just gotta do this.
And and I don't, I don't likethat approach.
I don't think that's a helpfulapproach.
I think we're better off to justunderstand what's going on for
the person.
No matter how, no matter how youmight dismiss the internal state
of another person as being sillyor being just wrong or just
(33:36):
being ridiculous.
Like we we we have that tendencyto approach others with that and
say, come on, just get over it.
Come, just move on.
Come on, just get it done.
Right.
And I don't think that thosekinds of moments are helpful.
I don't think that that kind oftalk to others is helpful
(33:58):
because it's really, you know,if it if they could just do it,
they would have just done it,right?
There's something going oninternally that is creating an
emotional wall to doing that.
And you're better off to findthat wall.
You're better off to try tounderstand what built that wall.
(34:20):
You're better to understand howto unbuild the wall and build a
new one.
Anyway, but the book wasinteresting because it it said,
look, every day there's going tobe things you don't want to do,
but you know they're going to begood for you.
You know they're going to leadto things that are good.
(34:40):
And he called that the frog youhave to eat.
And the idea was simple.
You know, first thing in theday, the first thing you do is
eat the frog.
The first thing you do, the topof your to-do list is the thing
you most not want to do.
And most of us are just mastersof putting that thing on the
list and letting it keepdropping down.
You know, one of the amazingthings we do is we find other
(35:02):
things to do than eat that frog.
And we do those things first.
And we we try to trick ourselvesinto feeling accomplished.
Look at the list.
I had 10 things on my list.
Now I've got seven of them done.
But the seven were all easy.
You were going to do themanyway.
And the frog just keeps droppingdown the list.
But understanding that thatcould be considered a practice.
(35:28):
Right?
You enhance and fortify thatpart of your brain, that that
anterior mid-singulate cortex.
And just like I'm going to do,you know, I'm going to do squats
to build my legs at the gym.
(35:48):
I can choose to do something Idon't want to do.
I can fight through myresistance and build that
anterior mid-singulate cortex inmy brain and make it stronger
because habit will make itstronger.
Practice will make it biggerphysically.
It will become something thatI'm capable of doing.
(36:10):
And we've all had the experiencewhere we've just sort of, you
know, they call it rolling upyour sleeves.
We've just rolled up our sleevesand take a deep breath and then
just do it.
And if you were in the habit ofdoing that regularly in your
life, daily in your life, youwould build up the ability to
move through those resistanceswhen you have at least the
(36:31):
internal motivation to say, Iwant to make a change.
SPEAKER_00 (36:36):
And I think that that thing that's always on our
list that we put off and put offand put off.
I don't know about you, butevery time I actually get to
doing it, I I think afterwards,oh my God, that took like 10
minutes.
Or you know, that that was notsomething to keep putting off.
So I can see why trying to do itevery day first, whatever is
(37:00):
that hardest thing, or the thingthat you perceive is the hardest
thing to do.
I could see how thinking overand over again, oh, that wasn't
that bad, could help build thatresilience and that that ability
to challenge yourself moreoften.
unknown (37:17):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:18):
It's like burpees at the gym.
I don't know anybody that saysburpees, oh boy.
SPEAKER_00 (37:23):
I think Brian does.
SPEAKER_01 (37:25):
Oh boy, I get to do burpees.
And I think if somebody saysthat, it's because they're
trying to build this this habitof overcoming their resistance
and their tendency to labelthings as good or bad and the
bad stuff we avoid and the goodstuff we indulge.
SPEAKER_02 (37:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:44):
I think we should talk tomorrow about how to deal
with change that's imposed onyou.
SPEAKER_00 (37:49):
Yeah, I mean, when you said that, I thought, what
would be imposed on them?
You know, but I I thought aboutour conversation last week early
last week, about it was it wasthat rabbit hole conversation
where we went deep on someinteresting topics and just
having being open to notgrasping onto your ego and your
(38:17):
who you think you are, beingopen to change as things as
things change and shift in theworld at large.
SPEAKER_01 (38:24):
Yeah.
I think that we've alwaysfocused in our podcast and in
our work on the process ofhelping people reframe things.
Think of them differently, thinkof them more accurately, think
of them more truthfully, thinkof them more helpfully.
And I think that the more we dothat, the better we get at
(38:48):
naturally coming up withreframes that are helpful.
But I do believe that it'sprobably in everyone's best
interest to learn how to reframefor themselves, to find that
higher, that higher truth, thathigher attainment, that that
(39:08):
higher achievement that comesfrom thinking of things
differently.
Until you think of thingsdifferently, nothing's gonna
change, right?
So as we think about packingboxes and moving on, yeah, it's
up to us to learn to reframe, tothink and anticipate the
(39:29):
positive newness, the excitingnew things, the adventure of
discovery, the embracing of thefreedom that comes from having a
lot less stuff, having no placethat holds me down.
I mean, the the reframe for meis just always my home is
(39:51):
myself.
My home is me and the people Ilove, my home is me and what I
create.
My home is me and my state ofmind.
And when that is well, I can beanywhere.
I can be anywhere if I am well,if I am good with me, if I am
(40:13):
comfortable in my surroundings,and I move myself from new place
to new place.
That's exciting, you know.
And for me, that's part of myreframe in this in this period
of my life right now.
SPEAKER_00 (40:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
Uh uh as we cap off here,something just came to mind
about being in a new community.
And just it's it's almost likestarting high school and you
just want people to like you,you know?
And yeah, it's that feeling atfirst of being alone and just
(40:52):
hoping that for me at least, I II like to have community,
whatever that looks like,whether it's two people or ten
people, whatever.
But yeah, that that feeling likeI hope I fit in.
SPEAKER_01 (41:06):
Well, that just leads me to say, you know, uh I
I do my best to try to, when Ispeak in podcasts, to try to
speak to everybody.
And I suppose that's not alwayshelpful because it holds me back
from saying some of the thingsthat I think are really
important.
So maybe if you're listening,you're open to this idea and you
(41:28):
can find it helpful.
On my lowest physical level, I'mreally never alone.
There's always somebody in mylife that I can turn to, even if
they get frustrated with me.
But on my true self-level, andwe've just discovered this way
(41:49):
too many times with clients,clients who are adamantly
against this idea have thediscovery of the truth of this
idea, and it changes theirlives.
There are too many people thatin the last couple of years,
I've watched them make majorshifts when they accept the idea
that they are never alone, thatthey are one with the whole,
(42:14):
that they have guides, they havebeautiful beings who long before
we started this journey promisedto be here with us and available
to us and help us navigate ourway through.
And what happens is we convinceourselves that we're alone, we
(42:36):
convince ourselves that that noone is helping us.
And that's just the process ofhypnosis, right?
The process of hypnosis of goinginto a deep state and being told
by others and accepting it astrue, and then building this
limiting belief that says, I amalone.
It isn't true.
And so if you're in a positionnow in your life to start
(42:56):
opening your mind to that ideathat you're not alone, that
there are guides and they areright there, that this
experience on this planet is oneof thousands you're going to
have, is always done as a teamwith guides on the other side.
(43:19):
You're changing the context ofyour life.
If you're ready to embrace that,if you're capable of embracing
that, if you want to explorethat really, please reach out to
us.
If you'd like to some guidanceon how to make that connection,
to open your mind to that, youknow, it's part of what we do.
We've done for many people whohave really made major changes
(43:42):
in their lives because theyrealize they're never alone and
that they're always safe.
And, you know, I'm yeah, we areall eternal children of the
universe.
Nothing can change that.
So if you're ready to hear that,think about that.
I hope that helps.
And if you're not ready to hearthat, then you know, build your
(44:04):
anterior singlet cortex, right?
Like build that.
That's your brain, that's there,no argument.
And so engage in practices thathelp you get better and better
at better at doing things thatyou're resistant to.
And you can practice that likeyou would go to the gym, and it
(44:25):
will work and it will make adifference.
SPEAKER_00 (44:28):
Well, that was a good chat.
Welcome to our world.
Okay, so if you want to reachout wherever you're listening to
this, in the description below,there will be email, website.
There's um a link to our schoolif you want to sign up.
(44:49):
But yeah, I think that's it fortoday.
Thanks for hanging out.
And if you want to join us live,sign up for our school where the
link will be every day.
Every day it's a different linkjust for safety and uh security
purposes.
But yeah, join the school andaccess the link there.
Okay, have a good day, everyone.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.