September 28, 2024 • 37 mins
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Have you ever wondered why a simple raised eyebrow can lead to a heated argument? Join us for another thought-provoking episode of Coffee with Hilary and Les, where we unpack the complexities of interpreting events and the meanings we assign them in our relationships. From misunderstandings sparked by text messages to the subtle ways past experiences shape our reactions, we explore how hyper-awareness can fuel unnecessary conflicts. Through relatable personal anecdotes, we discuss how to break the cycle of over-interpretation and improve communication.
Fear often disguises itself as anger or insecurity, driving us to misread others' actions as threats. We'll uncover the ways unmet emotional needs trigger this fear, causing anxiety and hyper-vigilance that cloud our judgment. By recognizing that others' behaviors are often reflections of their own struggles, not attacks on us, we can shift our mindset, set healthier boundaries, and cultivate inner peace. Discover how understanding the root causes of our fears can help us navigate relationships more harmoniously.
Emotions serve as powerful signals, guiding us through life's intricate web of experiences. We'll dive into how emotions like anxiety manifest physically, acting as indicators of deeper fears, and discuss techniques to manage them more effectively. By recognizing these emotions as temporary and not defining elements of our identity, we can better address and manage our responses. Finally, learn how hypnosis can be a valuable tool for personal growth and achieving your goals. Don't miss our heartfelt invitation to connect with us and explore the transformative potential of hypnosis in your life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome and thank you for joining us for Coffee with
Hilary and Les, brought to youby the State of Mind Hypnosis
and Training Centre located inthe heart of the Kawartha Lakes.
This is our almost dailycommunity podcast about the mind
(00:26):
and how we all might change itin the most simple and helpful
ways.
Every day, we sit staring atthe lake and sipping our coffee,
chatting about hypnosis and howto make those meaningful
adjustments to our state of mind, Because nothing's more
important than your state ofmind.
Because nothing's moreimportant than your state of
(00:52):
mind super rainy day on thesedays I feel like fall is here.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
It's getting here well, we're officially past
summer oh, oh yeah, I guess so,yeah, just the other day, yeah,
so today we're sort of divinginto an idea of the
interpretation of events and themeaning we place on them.
(01:23):
Any old event, an event notjust, you know, like a big crowd
event, event is sort ofanything that happens in your
life.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
And it really is just about anything, especially when
you're in relationships.
Someone just has to move aneyebrow a funny way.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Wait, what are you saying?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Exactly, and you can find yourself spinning and
spiraling into all kinds ofthings.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
We're not talking about ourselves.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, we are.
We also know we're talkingabout everybody within
relationships.
It's a funny thing, becausecommunication is not simply.
Here are some words and.
I just for me.
I like to deconstruct thatstuff.
(02:28):
It lets me know what I'm dealingwith, and it also you know,
when I pause and I break it down, I start to recognize my own
habits and the things that I payattention to.
Attention to there's a conceptcalled vigilance and it's just
(02:51):
putting your attention onspecific things and being on
alert for particular kinds ofwords and reactions and
behaviors of people, and youknow just conditions in the
world around us and I think ourvigilance comes from our past.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Right, if we don't have something from the past
that sort of put up that wall,then we wouldn't be as vigilant
it is just a spiral, right.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Because we're vigilant.
And because we're vigilant, youknow we're gonna find something
like if you want to, if you, ifyou're in that kind of mood,
you'll spend your day and you'llfind ways to be offended all
day long.
Because you're looking for that, because you're on alert for
that, because you're trying tokeep that from happening.
(03:51):
You're actually creating it,because you're on full alert to
watch for anything that might bea kind of offense to you.
And you know we use the phraseI've used this phrase this week
you know, walking around with achip on your shoulder.
You know walking aroundprepared to engage in an
argument, prepared to be, uh,attacked or offended by somebody
(04:17):
else's words or actions andturn that into a dispute, turn
it into a conflict.
Yeah, what did you call it?
You don't want to knock it off.
Yeah, it's, uh, you know, Ithink, a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, what did you call it?
You don't want to knock it off.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, it's a.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople know this phrase, but
maybe it's so old that somepeople don't um that having a
chip on your shoulders, you knowit's.
It's like saying, come on, Idare you knock off the chip and
let's have a fight.
You know, I dare you to saysomething that's going to upset
me, and so they're walkingaround ready and on alert to be
(04:49):
offended.
And I think that that you knowit's first of all to to just
sort of see that we havetendencies to see things from
more than what they are.
We are meaning-focused beings.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, I mean think about texts.
That's probably the biggest youknow.
I know there well, apparently Idon't see it a lot, but I hear
it through the social medias ofthe world that different
(05:42):
generations have different waysof texting and then if a
different generation is readingit.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
It can be totally misconstrued.
Yeah, I don't think you have togo.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
cross-generational?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
No, of course not Just two people can be sending
each other text messages andthey're so empty, right yeah,
when we communicate, there's thewhole world of non-verbal
communication, and so much ofthe communication we receive is
(06:08):
by seeing that person's face andwatching their gestures and
seeing their posture, and allthese things are really, um, uh,
they're, they're reallyprovoking well, I sent you a
kissy face a couple weeks agoand you didn't answer see, there
you go.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I thought you hated me.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I must have, or what's more likely is I didn't
see it because I just don't keepmy phone around me enough to
pay attention to everything andthat might have been lost.
And you know the 12 other textsyou sent me that day.
(06:45):
It could be might have been thefirst.
You know the 12 other texts yousent me that day.
It could be might have been thefirst one and I only read the
last six or something and that'sokay but there it is.
That's just another form ofhuman communication that can go
awry, and the reason it goesawry is because we have a
tendency to put meaning onthings.
(07:05):
It's not that the communicationitself is bad, though I can't
compliment that form ofcommunication.
I find it very empty, I find itvery demanding of
interpretation and you've got tothink when you receive that
kind of communication.
Some people are inconversations all day long
(07:27):
because of texting and thatmakes it sort of a beautiful
thing that people can stay intouch.
You know, and I've always usedit to be connected to my kids
because I know they're offliving their lives and I feel
sometimes like you know I'mintruding on their lives and so
I don't like to do that.
You know I'm intruding on theirlives and so I don't like to do
(07:48):
that.
I come to the table with theassumption that maybe you know
they're busy and I'm sort of notall that what's the right word
significant in the present dayof their life, and so I accept
that because I want them outthere and I want them pursuing
their lives and doing the thingsthat make them happy and
engaging life fully.
But it's just a lovely thing tobe able to just sort of send
(08:12):
them a text message thinking ofyou, love you, and then receive
that back and then you know moveon.
So some people use it reallyreally well, but it doesn't
change the fact that you know.
The instant you send somebodyelse a text, you're now counting
the seconds and interpretingthose seconds as meaning
(08:32):
something.
I know it's been 10 seconds, Ihaven't got back.
Have they read it right?
Did well, they received it.
They must have read it, okay.
So what's wrong?
What did I do?
What did they do?
Yeah, dirty son of a way, themind goes right, and so I think
that we are.
(08:53):
These are just simple, everydayexamples that we are meaning
creating machines.
Everything represents, seems torepresent something else,
something bigger, something moreimportant, and because it
represents something else, itstimulates emotions.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And we're really, I guess, speaking to the events of
childhood that sort of shapeour existence and really drive
future interpretations.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Absolutely.
It's a cumulative thing right.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
It builds up, it starts as soon as we can start
to interpret, as soon as westart to interpret what's going
on, and that's very, very young.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, it's not even verbal.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, even before perception is turned on.
Yeah, it's not even verbal,yeah, even before perception is
turned on, we have we haveconnections to our in vitro, to
our mother, and we, we have theability, early, early and I'll
use the word gestation early.
In that that process, we, wehave senses, you know, and we
(10:16):
can perceive, and those thingsare, are just an accumulation of
information, that we're lookingfor patterns and we're looking
for meaning so that we caninterpret it yeah um, and so
this is just inherent in ourcondition in being a physical
(10:38):
human being is this constantawareness of what we perceive,
constantly interpreting it andthen giving it meaning, and it's
very specifically and I thinkthis is really important meaning
as it relates to us.
What does it mean about me?
What does it mean about me andmy relationship to you?
(11:00):
What does it mean about me andmy relationship to the world?
What does it mean about me andmy worth and and my value as a
being?
What does it mean and and?
And that's where emotion kicksin.
Emotion doesn't kick in justbecause we're perceiving it.
I'm looking outside, I'm seeingthe rain.
(11:21):
Right, it means nothing, it'sjust rain, it's just the cycle
of water.
It has no meaning, it's the waywater works.
But I'm busy thinking.
Well, it means I need to gooutside and take down the canopy
and I need to make sure theboat has got everything closed
off, and so I immediately thinkabout how this fact, this
(11:43):
perception of rain, relates tome, and what I might have to do
or how I might feel.
And then, when, when thoseideas come, you know I might put
more meaning on it.
You know I might put moremeaning on it.
You know, like, oh God, I gotto go out in the rain and take
out the canopy and it's going tobe all wet and soggy and it's
going to be awful.
Why do I have to do it?
(12:04):
You know it's not fair.
Life is not fair.
Why did it have to rain andaway?
I go right Because it's allabout me.
Everything that I perceive getsinterpreted only to the degree
that it relates to me.
And when it doesn't relate to me, I can quickly and easily
ignore it, right?
If it has no connection to me,right, I'm just completely
(12:29):
indifferent to it, it will notstimulate in me any emotion.
Sometimes, when I see somebodyelse suffer, I might remember
what it's like to suffer likethat, and that might stimulate
me to have some compassion forothers.
Sometimes I'll see somebodysuffer and it might stimulate in
(12:50):
me the remembrance that we'reconnected and that I care about
you and that I believe that weneed to act on our relationships
, and that might get me to actor that might get some emotion
out of me.
But then it's really about howyou relate to me, because it
always comes back to me.
The truth is, there can't be anemotion if it doesn't relate
(13:15):
back to me.
But if it does relate back tome in some spidery, crazy way,
right, I'm gonna put meaning onit and that's gonna generate
emotion and that emotion isgonna generate motivation.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I feel like it's always reverting back to our
sense of safety and well-being.
Do you think that's the case?
It seems to be what I see.
I think that's fair.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I think that's fair.
I mean, we have a broadspectrum of needs.
We have a whole bunch ofphysical needs, but we also have
a whole whack of emotionalneeds.
And these emotional needs areconstructed in peculiar ways,
each of us very uniquely, eachof us very created, through our
own sets of experiences andprevious emotions.
(14:04):
And so this broad spectrum ofneeds makes us believe that any
time our needs, whatever theyare, are not not being met,
we're unsafe yeah we're insecure, something's going on that
could hurt me, and and we dropback to this position of fear.
(14:24):
It seems to be like it's a greatway to say it.
It seems to be a defaultsetting yeah so again, it's how
it relates to be a defaultsetting.
Yeah, so again it's how itrelates to me.
But then does how it relates tome mean that I am in some way
(14:47):
or another unsafe?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I think, maybe, sometimes absolutely, but from
what I've seen, most of the timethings that we interpret as
unsafe, whether that safety isconscious or not.
(15:10):
I think sometimes, a lot of thetime, we don't even think, oh,
this is making me feel unsafe.
It's just making us feel unsafeand that part of us, you know,
(15:47):
threw up that wall of protectionand maybe at that time
absolutely it was needed.
But as an adult we don't needthat form of safety usually
anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, this go-to emotion of fear is really
problematic and really driveninto us.
And really driven into us,first of all, most of the time,
the stuff we're interpreting ashaving some kind of effect on us
just isn't so.
(16:27):
Most of the time, if you areinterpreting what somebody else
says or does, then you'repredisposed to go to this how
does it affect me?
And I need to protect myself,but it doesn't really affect you
and it doesn't really impactyou.
(16:47):
And we have this overreachingdesire to get out there and mess
with what other people aresaying and doing because it
makes us feel uncomfortable, andwe think that that justifies it
.
Right, when you've got ahyperactive sense of fear and
you're constantly trying tocontrol others, what they say
(17:09):
and what they do, you probablyhave a really, probably have a
really overactive and unhelpfulsense of fear.
Most of the stuff doesn'treally affect you.
So, to just get in the habit ofthe instant you feel yourself
(17:32):
reacting, to ask yourself well,how does this affect me?
Ask yourself, why is thisimportant to me?
How can this really hurt me?
Right, understand that what'sgoing on is going on for them,
which is all about them, right,and in fact, the best thing I
can do sometimes is just notengage it, not even look at it,
(17:54):
Don't even spend time thinkingabout it.
This is what they're goingthrough right now and I'm just
gonna leave them alone.
They can do that right.
And sometimes, when it reallydoes affect us, when we have a
sense of fear and it affects us,one of the biggest problems is
it's only temporary, like thisis just somebody's reaction to
something else and yeah, maybethey're now yelling at you, but
(18:18):
this is still all about them.
And even if they're approachingyou with it in some way whether
it's words or actions or attackor blame- or any number of
things.
It's really temporary.
They're going through anemotional experience and that
doesn't mean you have to jointhem.
That doesn't mean you have toengage in it.
(18:38):
You can sit back and see theboundary and see the safety and
say, nah, this is not about me.
And see the boundary and seethe safety and say, nah, this is
not about me.
It's the way that we interpretothers that causes most of the
problems in our lives, becausewe have this hyperactive sense
of fear and we don't even knowwhat we're afraid of.
That's where anxiety comes from.
Right.
Anxiety comes from people whoare just so.
(19:05):
They've got the fear dialturned up so high and they've
got the alert dial and thevigilance dial and the attention
dial turned up so high,constantly taking care of
themselves from things thataren't really going to affect
them in the end, and so they'rewalking around full of fear.
They don't know what they'reafraid of, they just think the
world is a fearful place, andthey're not even thinking that
(19:27):
consciously.
That's just the conclusionthey've come to in a
subconscious way, and they'rewalking around just wound up
tight.
And it's all about thisinterpretation of what you
perceive and that it means I'mat risk in some way or another
means I'm at risk in some way oranother.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, I think about when I'm in an anxiety state
which thankfully doesn't happenas much as it used to, but I
always know I'm in it.
When you know I could besitting on the couch and the
fridge makes a loud pop or tightbarks or something and my whole
(20:07):
being just reacts.
Um, it's like everything's overthe top.
I'm, I'm high, high on alertand I don't even sitting there
on the couch really feel it.
But when I react like that, Iknow I know something's up and
then I feel it after thereaction.
Right I'm, you know my chestgets tight, breathing is harder.
(20:35):
You know that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Well, in some ways, that's good news.
The good news is that emotionsturn into feelings.
Right, emotions manifest inyour body, and so your physical
body is telling you there'ssomething to be afraid of.
And you can look at thesephysical feelings and say, okay,
this is fear, I'm experiencingfear.
(21:00):
For me, at that point, it'sabout deconstructing it.
At that point, it's aboutsaying what am I afraid of?
What am I afraid that's goingto happen?
What am I concerned with rightnow?
What are the dominant things onmy mind right now?
How do I break down what it isI'm afraid of, what it is that
(21:21):
might happen and how I mightprotect myself from that?
A lot of times, it's because wedon't use emotions as signals.
We use them as I don't knowwhat to say.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
We use them as life.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
We use them as self, we turn them into who we are.
We don't see them as life.
We use them as a self, we turnthem into who we are.
We don't see them as passingexperiences, we see them as who
we are.
And then we start carrying itaround and the way we describe
it doesn't help, right, I amafraid I am upset.
It's like claiming it toyourself versus saying you know,
(22:02):
here there's fear, here I'mobviously experiencing fear.
So what am I afraid of and whyam I afraid of it, and what
could happen and what could I doto protect myself from it?
Emotions are there as signs andmotivation to make changes to
(22:23):
the conditions that you're in.
If you use them that way, ifyou get in the habit of noticing
your emotion, deconstructing it, thinking it through, then
acting on it, the emotion willnaturally dissipate, yeah, and
(22:44):
so it's really important to notget trapped in emotion and back
it out.
This emotion is the result ofme thinking that whatever's
going on around me hasimplications for me, has some
kind of consequence for me, hassome kind of impact on me, right
(23:08):
?
And if that's the case, thenwhat is it that happened that
I'm interpreting, and maybe youcan look at that and say, well,
I'm interpreting that all wrong.
Or maybe you can say, well,wait a second, that thing does
not mean that, right, we're alljust trying to be safe.
We're all just trying to besafe, we're all just trying to
feel better, and and emotionsare a wonderful mechanism that
(23:35):
we use to engage, motivation andaction and being and living,
but they're not meant to beclinged to.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, I'm over here trying to construct a question
in my head, so maybe I'll justmuddle through it to you.
Client comes in and we arealways telling them it's about
the other person.
Right, it's about the otherperson.
I'll say to clients as long asyou're not like engaging in
(24:07):
negative, speak to them or youknow something mean it's always
about them.
So are there instances whereit's not about them?
I think it's hard for clientsand even myself sometimes to
wrap our minds around the ideathat it could be all about them.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Well, let's understand that this natural
interpretation to interpreteverything as to how it relates
to me, that's a habit.
That's a habit that we'veacquired very, very young.
You know, our parents installthat in us, our siblings install
that in us, the people aroundus install that in us, teach us
to install that in us.
(24:52):
In fact, if you think aboutwhat you teach little kids, it's
mostly all the stuff theyshould be afraid of things, they
shouldn't touch things, theyshouldn't be involved in.
That's the first training.
So this is something you'vebeen practicing for a long, long
time.
So it's important to understandthat that's a that's a go-to
habit and, although it hasn'talways resulted in great
(25:15):
outcomes, you're predisposed tothink well, that keeps me safe.
Now to say that it's not aboutme, this stuff is not about me.
That's a new habit you'retrying to create.
That's a new habit you'retrying to establish in yourself
to not see everything in theworld as affecting you.
(25:38):
I mean when, when you thinkabout things like narcissism,
right, that's just somebody whosees everything as relating to
them and they're on a constantstate of protecting themselves.
So they are constantly tryingto manipulate.
If you interpret everything thathappens to you as an attack
(25:59):
from somebody else.
Well, attack provokes attack.
It's what we naturally do.
Somebody attacks me.
I attack them right back.
These are the things we'velearned to use.
We use anger as a defensemechanism.
Anger is a don't you do that.
Anger really means I feel likeI'm being treated unfairly and
(26:20):
anger, then, is the responsedon't you do that to me.
And that can go as far asphysical threats or physical
action.
Attack is going to provokeattack and I can see how people
might be predisposed tointerpret a lot of things going
out there in the world as attack, but it's not.
(26:41):
When you pause for a moment,get yourself back in this moment
and you say where am I?
Here, am I?
This is what I'm experiencingnow.
Look, there's anger, lookthere's fear, there's anxiety
the best response to what'sgoing on around me and nine
(27:04):
times out of ten, the bestresponse is this is not about me
, this is not about this isabout them.
Their behavior is about them.
It says nothing about me.
And to be clear about thatright that even when somebody is
standing there saying you're agoof Les, then it's not about me
, it's about them and theiropinion and their need right now
(27:26):
to attack me because they feelafraid because I've said or done
something that makes them feelattacked.
Now I can examine what I'vedone.
I can examine the words I'veused.
I can examine my posture and mybehavior and maybe an apology
is in order.
But maybe not.
Maybe it's really.
(27:48):
I haven't done anything.
It's their interpretation ofeverything that they've seen and
they've turned that into anemotion.
They've given it a meaning.
They've interpreted my.
It could be.
You know my natural tendency toget totally absorbed in what I'm
doing and not even hear otherpeople talk to me.
(28:08):
Can you relate?
Yeah, and here I am head down,not even paying attention, and
then they think they're beingignored.
And they're not being ignored.
It's my focus on what I'm doing, not my intentionally closing
them out.
And then they might interpretthat as meaning that they're not
worth it, or that I don't lovethem, or that I'm not giving
(28:28):
them what they need, or they'reat risk because I don't pay
enough attention.
And all of that is all aboutthem and that's all about them.
And then they turn that into anattack, or they turn that into
words, or they turn that intowithdrawal.
They look off to another roomand slam the door.
All of these things are notabout me.
It's about how they haveinterpreted the circumstance.
(28:50):
They're in the meaning they'vegiven that, the emotions that
that has stimulated, and thentheir natural response, usually
out of really a lack ofself-awareness that we all
suffer from, a lack of self-love, that we all suffer from a lack
(29:11):
of confidence and belief inourselves, that we all suffer
from All of these things compileand turn into the need to do
something, the need to react.
The need to do something, theneed to react, and whether
that's run away or go onfull-blown anger attack, what
(29:31):
matters is that's the process.
Now, if I see that and I seethat and I understand that, if I
see that in myself, if I seethat in others, then I start to
clue in, at least in myconscious mind, that I am
misinterpreting a lot of things,that I'm in the habit of
(29:52):
interpreting everything as tohow it relates to me and that
that's not a usefulinterpretation.
It's not a helpfulinterpretation and it's probably
an inaccurate interpretation,because the absolute truth is,
everybody's behavior is afunction of where they are and
how they see their circumstanceRight, the situation that
(30:14):
they're in.
So pull back and don't react,see it as theirs, see it as
something they're going through.
Know yourself as safe.
Know yourself as as it doesn'tmatter if they attack me.
I'm bulletproof on this one,right.
This can just bounce off me.
Their words can just bounce offme.
(30:34):
I don't have to take this onright.
And this is the beginning of areinterpretation of what's going
on out there in the world, amore accurate interpretation of
what's going on out there in theworld, right, and certainly a
more helpful interpretation towhat's going on in the world.
(30:56):
This is not about me, and whenI can interpret things and put
the meaning, this is not aboutme, there's no emotion going to
come from that.
I have to interpret it asmeaning something about me for
it to generate an emotion in me.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
And their reaction is very much coming from childhood
right.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
I like to think of it as habitual programs.
I think it's the best way,because then it's not personal,
right?
The experiences that you havethrough your life and they start
the instant, like, like I said,the instant you start to be
these, these accumulate and theybecome a program.
(31:42):
You watch the way your parentsreact to things, and that
becomes a program.
You watch the way teacherreacts to things, and that
becomes a program.
We have all these authorityfigures in our lives, right?
These people that we admire,these people that we think are
(32:03):
in charge, these people that wethink have power and control,
these people that we look at ashaving skills and abilities that
we don't have.
We see them as authorities andwe take on their characteristics
.
All of this formulates early inlife, and then it builds and it
compounds life, and then itbuilds and it compounds.
(32:28):
And I think that's the next sortof really important thing to
realize that the reason weoverreact, the reason we
sometimes feel embarrassed andashamed about the way we
responded, it's really becausethe same emotion has been
activated that has accumulated,sometimes for decades, right?
These same emotions that we use, and that's the patterning
(32:50):
that's in the subconscious mind.
We literally organize thingsbased on emotion, right, we look
for something to make us happy.
We look for something that welook for the things that make us
sad.
We stay vigilant for the thingsthat make us feel unsafe, and
these are emotional patternings,these are emotional categories.
(33:12):
That's just really normal.
So there's nothing to judge here.
Right?
This is just a program and theprogram can be changed.
And life looks very differentthrough the eyes of an adult
that accepts themselves andunderstands themselves and loves
(33:33):
themselves and wants and seesthemselves as deserving and
worthy of a wonderful life.
Right, life looks verydifferent to that person than it
looks to a three-year-old who'scompletely dependent on
everyone and everything aroundthem and doesn't even really
speak the language.
Yet it doesn't reallyunderstand the world.
(33:55):
There's so many things outthere that it hasn't been
exposed to.
So when our programming startsso young and sort of
consolidates at that age of 9,10, 11, then the adult has to
(34:21):
make a lot of changes to be ableto become that worthy,
self-loving, self-committed,peaceful, detached, aware,
wonderful being that you reallywant to be who you are naturally
, who you are naturally.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
But you know the childhood events sort of make us
feel like we're less than andnot worthy.
But you know you were bornenough and worthy and lovable.
It's just you know other peoplein our childhood that make us
(34:56):
feel less than and then we growup feeling less than.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
So absolutely, you can make the change, all kinds
of changes, to feel better andget back to who you really are
if you can grab that moment,that moment where you interpret
and give something meaning, ifyou can grab that moment and be
(35:18):
calmer with it and be a littlemore deliberate with it, less
reactive, and you can grab thatidea.
You know, is this really aboutme?
This is not about me.
And if in those moments, youcan grab that idea, you're going
to change an awful lot in yourlife.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Good job.
How did you interpret that?
That's a trouble now.
Now.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
I'm off, oh God.
All right, we'll see you later.
We hope you enjoyed today'spodcast and that maybe it helped
even a little.
If you have any questions, wewould love you to send them
along in an email to info atpsalmhypnosiscom.
Thank you for being part of theState of Mind community.
For more information abouthypnosis and the various online
(36:17):
or in-person services we provide, please visit our website,
wwwpsalmhypnosiscom.
The link will be in the notesbelow.
While you are there, why don'tyou book a free one-hour journey
meeting with Hillary or Les tolearn more about what hypnosis
is and how you might use it tomake your life what you want it
to be?
Bye for now.
(36:38):
Talk to you tomorrow, thank you.
Welcome and thank you for joining us for Coffee with
Hilary and Les, brought to youby the State of Mind Hypnosis
and Training Centre located inthe heart of the Kawartha Lakes.
This is our almost dailycommunity podcast about the mind
(00:26):
and how we all might change itin the most simple and helpful
ways.
Every day, we sit staring atthe lake and sipping our coffee,
chatting about hypnosis and howto make those meaningful
adjustments to our state of mind, Because nothing's more
important than your state ofmind.
Because nothing's moreimportant than your state of
(00:52):
mind super rainy day on thesedays I feel like fall is here.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
It's getting here well, we're officially past
summer oh, oh yeah, I guess so,yeah, just the other day, yeah,
so today we're sort of divinginto an idea of the
interpretation of events and themeaning we place on them.
(01:23):
Any old event, an event notjust, you know, like a big crowd
event, event is sort ofanything that happens in your
life.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
And it really is just about anything, especially when
you're in relationships.
Someone just has to move aneyebrow a funny way.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Wait, what are you saying?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Exactly, and you can find yourself spinning and
spiraling into all kinds ofthings.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
We're not talking about ourselves.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, we are.
We also know we're talkingabout everybody within
relationships.
It's a funny thing, becausecommunication is not simply.
Here are some words and.
I just for me.
I like to deconstruct thatstuff.
(02:28):
It lets me know what I'm dealingwith, and it also you know,
when I pause and I break it down, I start to recognize my own
habits and the things that I payattention to.
Attention to there's a conceptcalled vigilance and it's just
(02:51):
putting your attention onspecific things and being on
alert for particular kinds ofwords and reactions and
behaviors of people, and youknow just conditions in the
world around us and I think ourvigilance comes from our past.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Right, if we don't have something from the past
that sort of put up that wall,then we wouldn't be as vigilant
it is just a spiral, right.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Because we're vigilant.
And because we're vigilant, youknow we're gonna find something
like if you want to, if you, ifyou're in that kind of mood,
you'll spend your day and you'llfind ways to be offended all
day long.
Because you're looking for that, because you're on alert for
that, because you're trying tokeep that from happening.
(03:51):
You're actually creating it,because you're on full alert to
watch for anything that might bea kind of offense to you.
And you know we use the phraseI've used this phrase this week
you know, walking around with achip on your shoulder.
You know walking aroundprepared to engage in an
argument, prepared to be, uh,attacked or offended by somebody
(04:17):
else's words or actions andturn that into a dispute, turn
it into a conflict.
Yeah, what did you call it?
You don't want to knock it off.
Yeah, it's, uh, you know, Ithink, a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, what did you call it?
You don't want to knock it off.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, it's a.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople know this phrase, but
maybe it's so old that somepeople don't um that having a
chip on your shoulders, you knowit's.
It's like saying, come on, Idare you knock off the chip and
let's have a fight.
You know, I dare you to saysomething that's going to upset
me, and so they're walkingaround ready and on alert to be
(04:49):
offended.
And I think that that you knowit's first of all to to just
sort of see that we havetendencies to see things from
more than what they are.
We are meaning-focused beings.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, I mean think about texts.
That's probably the biggest youknow.
I know there well, apparently Idon't see it a lot, but I hear
it through the social medias ofthe world that different
(05:42):
generations have different waysof texting and then if a
different generation is readingit.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
It can be totally misconstrued.
Yeah, I don't think you have togo.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
cross-generational?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
No, of course not Just two people can be sending
each other text messages andthey're so empty, right yeah,
when we communicate, there's thewhole world of non-verbal
communication, and so much ofthe communication we receive is
(06:08):
by seeing that person's face andwatching their gestures and
seeing their posture, and allthese things are really, um, uh,
they're, they're reallyprovoking well, I sent you a
kissy face a couple weeks agoand you didn't answer see, there
you go.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I thought you hated me.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I must have, or what's more likely is I didn't
see it because I just don't keepmy phone around me enough to
pay attention to everything andthat might have been lost.
And you know the 12 other textsyou sent me that day.
(06:45):
It could be might have been thefirst.
You know the 12 other texts yousent me that day.
It could be might have been thefirst one and I only read the
last six or something and that'sokay but there it is.
That's just another form ofhuman communication that can go
awry, and the reason it goesawry is because we have a
tendency to put meaning onthings.
(07:05):
It's not that the communicationitself is bad, though I can't
compliment that form ofcommunication.
I find it very empty, I find itvery demanding of
interpretation and you've got tothink when you receive that
kind of communication.
Some people are inconversations all day long
(07:27):
because of texting and thatmakes it sort of a beautiful
thing that people can stay intouch.
You know, and I've always usedit to be connected to my kids
because I know they're offliving their lives and I feel
sometimes like you know I'mintruding on their lives and so
I don't like to do that.
You know I'm intruding on theirlives and so I don't like to do
(07:48):
that.
I come to the table with theassumption that maybe you know
they're busy and I'm sort of notall that what's the right word
significant in the present dayof their life, and so I accept
that because I want them outthere and I want them pursuing
their lives and doing the thingsthat make them happy and
engaging life fully.
But it's just a lovely thing tobe able to just sort of send
(08:12):
them a text message thinking ofyou, love you, and then receive
that back and then you know moveon.
So some people use it reallyreally well, but it doesn't
change the fact that you know.
The instant you send somebodyelse a text, you're now counting
the seconds and interpretingthose seconds as meaning
(08:32):
something.
I know it's been 10 seconds, Ihaven't got back.
Have they read it right?
Did well, they received it.
They must have read it, okay.
So what's wrong?
What did I do?
What did they do?
Yeah, dirty son of a way, themind goes right, and so I think
that we are.
(08:53):
These are just simple, everydayexamples that we are meaning
creating machines.
Everything represents, seems torepresent something else,
something bigger, something moreimportant, and because it
represents something else, itstimulates emotions.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And we're really, I guess, speaking to the events of
childhood that sort of shapeour existence and really drive
future interpretations.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Absolutely.
It's a cumulative thing right.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
It builds up, it starts as soon as we can start
to interpret, as soon as westart to interpret what's going
on, and that's very, very young.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, it's not even verbal.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, even before perception is turned on.
Yeah, it's not even verbal,yeah, even before perception is
turned on, we have we haveconnections to our in vitro, to
our mother, and we, we have theability, early, early and I'll
use the word gestation early.
In that that process, we, wehave senses, you know, and we
(10:16):
can perceive, and those thingsare, are just an accumulation of
information, that we're lookingfor patterns and we're looking
for meaning so that we caninterpret it yeah um, and so
this is just inherent in ourcondition in being a physical
(10:38):
human being is this constantawareness of what we perceive,
constantly interpreting it andthen giving it meaning, and it's
very specifically and I thinkthis is really important meaning
as it relates to us.
What does it mean about me?
What does it mean about me andmy relationship to you?
(11:00):
What does it mean about me andmy relationship to the world?
What does it mean about me andmy worth and and my value as a
being?
What does it mean and and?
And that's where emotion kicksin.
Emotion doesn't kick in justbecause we're perceiving it.
I'm looking outside, I'm seeingthe rain.
(11:21):
Right, it means nothing, it'sjust rain, it's just the cycle
of water.
It has no meaning, it's the waywater works.
But I'm busy thinking.
Well, it means I need to gooutside and take down the canopy
and I need to make sure theboat has got everything closed
off, and so I immediately thinkabout how this fact, this
(11:43):
perception of rain, relates tome, and what I might have to do
or how I might feel.
And then, when, when thoseideas come, you know I might put
more meaning on it.
You know I might put moremeaning on it.
You know, like, oh God, I gotto go out in the rain and take
out the canopy and it's going tobe all wet and soggy and it's
going to be awful.
Why do I have to do it?
(12:04):
You know it's not fair.
Life is not fair.
Why did it have to rain andaway?
I go right Because it's allabout me.
Everything that I perceive getsinterpreted only to the degree
that it relates to me.
And when it doesn't relate to me, I can quickly and easily
ignore it, right?
If it has no connection to me,right, I'm just completely
(12:29):
indifferent to it, it will notstimulate in me any emotion.
Sometimes, when I see somebodyelse suffer, I might remember
what it's like to suffer likethat, and that might stimulate
me to have some compassion forothers.
Sometimes I'll see somebodysuffer and it might stimulate in
(12:50):
me the remembrance that we'reconnected and that I care about
you and that I believe that weneed to act on our relationships
, and that might get me to actor that might get some emotion
out of me.
But then it's really about howyou relate to me, because it
always comes back to me.
The truth is, there can't be anemotion if it doesn't relate
(13:15):
back to me.
But if it does relate back tome in some spidery, crazy way,
right, I'm gonna put meaning onit and that's gonna generate
emotion and that emotion isgonna generate motivation.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I feel like it's always reverting back to our
sense of safety and well-being.
Do you think that's the case?
It seems to be what I see.
I think that's fair.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I think that's fair.
I mean, we have a broadspectrum of needs.
We have a whole bunch ofphysical needs, but we also have
a whole whack of emotionalneeds.
And these emotional needs areconstructed in peculiar ways,
each of us very uniquely, eachof us very created, through our
own sets of experiences andprevious emotions.
(14:04):
And so this broad spectrum ofneeds makes us believe that any
time our needs, whatever theyare, are not not being met,
we're unsafe yeah we're insecure, something's going on that
could hurt me, and and we dropback to this position of fear.
(14:24):
It seems to be like it's a greatway to say it.
It seems to be a defaultsetting yeah so again, it's how
it relates to be a defaultsetting.
Yeah, so again it's how itrelates to me.
But then does how it relates tome mean that I am in some way
(14:47):
or another unsafe?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I think, maybe, sometimes absolutely, but from
what I've seen, most of the timethings that we interpret as
unsafe, whether that safety isconscious or not.
(15:10):
I think sometimes, a lot of thetime, we don't even think, oh,
this is making me feel unsafe.
It's just making us feel unsafeand that part of us, you know,
(15:47):
threw up that wall of protectionand maybe at that time
absolutely it was needed.
But as an adult we don't needthat form of safety usually
anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, this go-to emotion of fear is really
problematic and really driveninto us.
And really driven into us,first of all, most of the time,
the stuff we're interpreting ashaving some kind of effect on us
just isn't so.
(16:27):
Most of the time, if you areinterpreting what somebody else
says or does, then you'repredisposed to go to this how
does it affect me?
And I need to protect myself,but it doesn't really affect you
and it doesn't really impactyou.
(16:47):
And we have this overreachingdesire to get out there and mess
with what other people aresaying and doing because it
makes us feel uncomfortable, andwe think that that justifies it
.
Right, when you've got ahyperactive sense of fear and
you're constantly trying tocontrol others, what they say
(17:09):
and what they do, you probablyhave a really, probably have a
really overactive and unhelpfulsense of fear.
Most of the stuff doesn'treally affect you.
So, to just get in the habit ofthe instant you feel yourself
(17:32):
reacting, to ask yourself well,how does this affect me?
Ask yourself, why is thisimportant to me?
How can this really hurt me?
Right, understand that what'sgoing on is going on for them,
which is all about them, right,and in fact, the best thing I
can do sometimes is just notengage it, not even look at it,
(17:54):
Don't even spend time thinkingabout it.
This is what they're goingthrough right now and I'm just
gonna leave them alone.
They can do that right.
And sometimes, when it reallydoes affect us, when we have a
sense of fear and it affects us,one of the biggest problems is
it's only temporary, like thisis just somebody's reaction to
something else and yeah, maybethey're now yelling at you, but
(18:18):
this is still all about them.
And even if they're approachingyou with it in some way whether
it's words or actions or attackor blame- or any number of
things.
It's really temporary.
They're going through anemotional experience and that
doesn't mean you have to jointhem.
That doesn't mean you have toengage in it.
(18:38):
You can sit back and see theboundary and see the safety and
say, nah, this is not about me.
And see the boundary and seethe safety and say, nah, this is
not about me.
It's the way that we interpretothers that causes most of the
problems in our lives, becausewe have this hyperactive sense
of fear and we don't even knowwhat we're afraid of.
That's where anxiety comes from.
Right.
Anxiety comes from people whoare just so.
(19:05):
They've got the fear dialturned up so high and they've
got the alert dial and thevigilance dial and the attention
dial turned up so high,constantly taking care of
themselves from things thataren't really going to affect
them in the end, and so they'rewalking around full of fear.
They don't know what they'reafraid of, they just think the
world is a fearful place, andthey're not even thinking that
(19:27):
consciously.
That's just the conclusionthey've come to in a
subconscious way, and they'rewalking around just wound up
tight.
And it's all about thisinterpretation of what you
perceive and that it means I'mat risk in some way or another
means I'm at risk in some way oranother.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, I think about when I'm in an anxiety state
which thankfully doesn't happenas much as it used to, but I
always know I'm in it.
When you know I could besitting on the couch and the
fridge makes a loud pop or tightbarks or something and my whole
(20:07):
being just reacts.
Um, it's like everything's overthe top.
I'm, I'm high, high on alertand I don't even sitting there
on the couch really feel it.
But when I react like that, Iknow I know something's up and
then I feel it after thereaction.
Right I'm, you know my chestgets tight, breathing is harder.
(20:35):
You know that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Well, in some ways, that's good news.
The good news is that emotionsturn into feelings.
Right, emotions manifest inyour body, and so your physical
body is telling you there'ssomething to be afraid of.
And you can look at thesephysical feelings and say, okay,
this is fear, I'm experiencingfear.
(21:00):
For me, at that point, it'sabout deconstructing it.
At that point, it's aboutsaying what am I afraid of?
What am I afraid that's goingto happen?
What am I concerned with rightnow?
What are the dominant things onmy mind right now?
How do I break down what it isI'm afraid of, what it is that
(21:21):
might happen and how I mightprotect myself from that?
A lot of times, it's because wedon't use emotions as signals.
We use them as I don't knowwhat to say.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
We use them as life.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
We use them as self, we turn them into who we are.
We don't see them as life.
We use them as a self, we turnthem into who we are.
We don't see them as passingexperiences, we see them as who
we are.
And then we start carrying itaround and the way we describe
it doesn't help, right, I amafraid I am upset.
It's like claiming it toyourself versus saying you know,
(22:02):
here there's fear, here I'mobviously experiencing fear.
So what am I afraid of and whyam I afraid of it, and what
could happen and what could I doto protect myself from it?
Emotions are there as signs andmotivation to make changes to
(22:23):
the conditions that you're in.
If you use them that way, ifyou get in the habit of noticing
your emotion, deconstructing it, thinking it through, then
acting on it, the emotion willnaturally dissipate, yeah, and
(22:44):
so it's really important to notget trapped in emotion and back
it out.
This emotion is the result ofme thinking that whatever's
going on around me hasimplications for me, has some
kind of consequence for me, hassome kind of impact on me, right
(23:08):
?
And if that's the case, thenwhat is it that happened that
I'm interpreting, and maybe youcan look at that and say, well,
I'm interpreting that all wrong.
Or maybe you can say, well,wait a second, that thing does
not mean that, right, we're alljust trying to be safe.
We're all just trying to besafe, we're all just trying to
feel better, and and emotionsare a wonderful mechanism that
(23:35):
we use to engage, motivation andaction and being and living,
but they're not meant to beclinged to.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, I'm over here trying to construct a question
in my head, so maybe I'll justmuddle through it to you.
Client comes in and we arealways telling them it's about
the other person.
Right, it's about the otherperson.
I'll say to clients as long asyou're not like engaging in
(24:07):
negative, speak to them or youknow something mean it's always
about them.
So are there instances whereit's not about them?
I think it's hard for clientsand even myself sometimes to
wrap our minds around the ideathat it could be all about them.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Well, let's understand that this natural
interpretation to interpreteverything as to how it relates
to me, that's a habit.
That's a habit that we'veacquired very, very young.
You know, our parents installthat in us, our siblings install
that in us, the people aroundus install that in us, teach us
to install that in us.
(24:52):
In fact, if you think aboutwhat you teach little kids, it's
mostly all the stuff theyshould be afraid of things, they
shouldn't touch things, theyshouldn't be involved in.
That's the first training.
So this is something you'vebeen practicing for a long, long
time.
So it's important to understandthat that's a that's a go-to
habit and, although it hasn'talways resulted in great
(25:15):
outcomes, you're predisposed tothink well, that keeps me safe.
Now to say that it's not aboutme, this stuff is not about me.
That's a new habit you'retrying to create.
That's a new habit you'retrying to establish in yourself
to not see everything in theworld as affecting you.
(25:38):
I mean when, when you thinkabout things like narcissism,
right, that's just somebody whosees everything as relating to
them and they're on a constantstate of protecting themselves.
So they are constantly tryingto manipulate.
If you interpret everything thathappens to you as an attack
(25:59):
from somebody else.
Well, attack provokes attack.
It's what we naturally do.
Somebody attacks me.
I attack them right back.
These are the things we'velearned to use.
We use anger as a defensemechanism.
Anger is a don't you do that.
Anger really means I feel likeI'm being treated unfairly and
(26:20):
anger, then, is the responsedon't you do that to me.
And that can go as far asphysical threats or physical
action.
Attack is going to provokeattack and I can see how people
might be predisposed tointerpret a lot of things going
out there in the world as attack, but it's not.
(26:41):
When you pause for a moment,get yourself back in this moment
and you say where am I?
Here, am I?
This is what I'm experiencingnow.
Look, there's anger, lookthere's fear, there's anxiety
the best response to what'sgoing on around me and nine
(27:04):
times out of ten, the bestresponse is this is not about me
, this is not about this isabout them.
Their behavior is about them.
It says nothing about me.
And to be clear about thatright that even when somebody is
standing there saying you're agoof Les, then it's not about me
, it's about them and theiropinion and their need right now
(27:26):
to attack me because they feelafraid because I've said or done
something that makes them feelattacked.
Now I can examine what I'vedone.
I can examine the words I'veused.
I can examine my posture and mybehavior and maybe an apology
is in order.
But maybe not.
Maybe it's really.
(27:48):
I haven't done anything.
It's their interpretation ofeverything that they've seen and
they've turned that into anemotion.
They've given it a meaning.
They've interpreted my.
It could be.
You know my natural tendency toget totally absorbed in what I'm
doing and not even hear otherpeople talk to me.
(28:08):
Can you relate?
Yeah, and here I am head down,not even paying attention, and
then they think they're beingignored.
And they're not being ignored.
It's my focus on what I'm doing, not my intentionally closing
them out.
And then they might interpretthat as meaning that they're not
worth it, or that I don't lovethem, or that I'm not giving
(28:28):
them what they need, or they'reat risk because I don't pay
enough attention.
And all of that is all aboutthem and that's all about them.
And then they turn that into anattack, or they turn that into
words, or they turn that intowithdrawal.
They look off to another roomand slam the door.
All of these things are notabout me.
It's about how they haveinterpreted the circumstance.
(28:50):
They're in the meaning they'vegiven that, the emotions that
that has stimulated, and thentheir natural response, usually
out of really a lack ofself-awareness that we all
suffer from, a lack of self-love, that we all suffer from a lack
(29:11):
of confidence and belief inourselves, that we all suffer
from All of these things compileand turn into the need to do
something, the need to react.
The need to do something, theneed to react, and whether
that's run away or go onfull-blown anger attack, what
(29:31):
matters is that's the process.
Now, if I see that and I seethat and I understand that, if I
see that in myself, if I seethat in others, then I start to
clue in, at least in myconscious mind, that I am
misinterpreting a lot of things,that I'm in the habit of
(29:52):
interpreting everything as tohow it relates to me and that
that's not a usefulinterpretation.
It's not a helpfulinterpretation and it's probably
an inaccurate interpretation,because the absolute truth is,
everybody's behavior is afunction of where they are and
how they see their circumstanceRight, the situation that
(30:14):
they're in.
So pull back and don't react,see it as theirs, see it as
something they're going through.
Know yourself as safe.
Know yourself as as it doesn'tmatter if they attack me.
I'm bulletproof on this one,right.
This can just bounce off me.
Their words can just bounce offme.
(30:34):
I don't have to take this onright.
And this is the beginning of areinterpretation of what's going
on out there in the world, amore accurate interpretation of
what's going on out there in theworld, right, and certainly a
more helpful interpretation towhat's going on in the world.
(30:56):
This is not about me, and whenI can interpret things and put
the meaning, this is not aboutme, there's no emotion going to
come from that.
I have to interpret it asmeaning something about me for
it to generate an emotion in me.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
And their reaction is very much coming from childhood
right.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
I like to think of it as habitual programs.
I think it's the best way,because then it's not personal,
right?
The experiences that you havethrough your life and they start
the instant, like, like I said,the instant you start to be
these, these accumulate and theybecome a program.
(31:42):
You watch the way your parentsreact to things, and that
becomes a program.
You watch the way teacherreacts to things, and that
becomes a program.
We have all these authorityfigures in our lives, right?
These people that we admire,these people that we think are
(32:03):
in charge, these people that wethink have power and control,
these people that we look at ashaving skills and abilities that
we don't have.
We see them as authorities andwe take on their characteristics
.
All of this formulates early inlife, and then it builds and it
compounds life, and then itbuilds and it compounds.
(32:28):
And I think that's the next sortof really important thing to
realize that the reason weoverreact, the reason we
sometimes feel embarrassed andashamed about the way we
responded, it's really becausethe same emotion has been
activated that has accumulated,sometimes for decades, right?
These same emotions that we use, and that's the patterning
(32:50):
that's in the subconscious mind.
We literally organize thingsbased on emotion, right, we look
for something to make us happy.
We look for something that welook for the things that make us
sad.
We stay vigilant for the thingsthat make us feel unsafe, and
these are emotional patternings,these are emotional categories.
(33:12):
That's just really normal.
So there's nothing to judge here.
Right?
This is just a program and theprogram can be changed.
And life looks very differentthrough the eyes of an adult
that accepts themselves andunderstands themselves and loves
(33:33):
themselves and wants and seesthemselves as deserving and
worthy of a wonderful life.
Right, life looks verydifferent to that person than it
looks to a three-year-old who'scompletely dependent on
everyone and everything aroundthem and doesn't even really
speak the language.
Yet it doesn't reallyunderstand the world.
(33:55):
There's so many things outthere that it hasn't been
exposed to.
So when our programming startsso young and sort of
consolidates at that age of 9,10, 11, then the adult has to
(34:21):
make a lot of changes to be ableto become that worthy,
self-loving, self-committed,peaceful, detached, aware,
wonderful being that you reallywant to be who you are naturally
, who you are naturally.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
But you know the childhood events sort of make us
feel like we're less than andnot worthy.
But you know you were bornenough and worthy and lovable.
It's just you know other peoplein our childhood that make us
(34:56):
feel less than and then we growup feeling less than.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
So absolutely, you can make the change, all kinds
of changes, to feel better andget back to who you really are
if you can grab that moment,that moment where you interpret
and give something meaning, ifyou can grab that moment and be
(35:18):
calmer with it and be a littlemore deliberate with it, less
reactive, and you can grab thatidea.
You know, is this really aboutme?
This is not about me.
And if in those moments, youcan grab that idea, you're going
to change an awful lot in yourlife.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Good job.
How did you interpret that?
That's a trouble now.
Now.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
I'm off, oh God.
All right, we'll see you later.
We hope you enjoyed today'spodcast and that maybe it helped
even a little.
If you have any questions, wewould love you to send them
along in an email to info atpsalmhypnosiscom.
Thank you for being part of theState of Mind community.
For more information abouthypnosis and the various online
(36:17):
or in-person services we provide, please visit our website,
wwwpsalmhypnosiscom.
The link will be in the notesbelow.
While you are there, why don'tyou book a free one-hour journey
meeting with Hillary or Les tolearn more about what hypnosis
is and how you might use it tomake your life what you want it
to be?
Bye for now.
(36:38):
Talk to you tomorrow, thank you.
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