November 27, 2025 • 34 mins
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We explore how holiday expectations shape our mood, why past experiences script our reactions, and how to reframe family dynamics with compassion. We share practical tools to redirect conversations, lower anxiety, and choose connection over judgment.
• reframing holiday expectations and mental rehearsal
• how past experiences and roles shape behavior
• actions versus intentions and kinder interpretations
• seeing the inner child and reducing triggers
• practical redirects for tense conversations
• choosing what you want different this year
• simple, repeatable mindset tools to prepare
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
We are on the line.
SPEAKER_01 (00:12):
On the line.
Snow's coming today.
SPEAKER_00 (00:14):
Yes, I just got snow squall watch.
SPEAKER_01 (00:18):
Yes.
Yes.
And that means you gotta drivein the snow.
No, you're not going anywhere.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
No.
We're going to the gym afterthis, but we'll be home before
the snow.
SPEAKER_01 (00:32):
Hilario asked me to start.
I said no, you start, and nowshe's still waiting for me to
start.
So I gotta start.
I'm sleepy today.
I am sleepy today.
I don't know what's been uh it'sthe snow.
SPEAKER_00 (00:47):
Probably the lower pressure system.
SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a million excuses.
I'll take any one of them.
Just low in energy, but gonnaget centered and do my best to
be helpful.
That's the uh the approach.
Just we're gonna talk aboutapproaches today.
We're gonna talk about holidayseason and we're gonna talk
about how we all havepreconceived expectations for
(01:16):
holiday events, some good, somebad.
And it really is aboutpreparation in a lot of ways.
I think for a lot of us, we goexpecting that old Uncle Bob is
gonna be a pain in the neck andmom is gonna be a nag, and all
these things are gonna happen,and we're gonna get all upset.
(01:38):
So, first of all, hey, happyThanksgiving to our friends in
the U.S.
We've been sitting like side byside, Siamese twins now for
hundreds of years, and we wishyou a day filled with gratitude,
day filled with love,connection, family, whatever
(01:59):
form that takes for you.
And we're just gonna talk aboutwhat that means.
Do you ever I'm asking you now,um do you ever think about a
family event or something you'regoing to and go, oh my god, I
don't want to go.
SPEAKER_00 (02:15):
No, no, no, but I obsess over the weather to get
there.
I'm excited to go, yes, there'sdysfunction, you know, there
there's all there is dysfunctionto get there.
Unless I'm having some sort ofpanic attack.
(02:35):
There, because you know, we'vehad over the years, we've had a
few events where I had to dropout last second because I had a
panic attack of some sort.
But usually it's the weather.
It's the weather.
So, you know, I I think Iimagine myself going to my
sister's sometime in December,and my dad sometimes in sometime
(02:59):
in December, and and then I justimmediately start freaking out
about the weather.
The weather hasn't even happenedyet, and I'm freaking out.
Chat says yes.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (03:13):
It's it's a form of preparation.
Here's the thing, I whether wethink so or not, we are always
preparing our mind for theseevents.
Whether you're thinking about,you know, pain in the neck,
Uncle Bob, or you're thinkingabout seeing somebody you
haven't seen in a long time, bighugs, time spent talking.
(03:35):
Or we used to, you know, atChristmas time, we used to have
a road hockey game.
And we'd be excited about theroad hockey game.
No matter what you're thinkingabout, you're really preparing
to be there.
And what happens often is ourexperience causes us to prepare
for the worst, or experience ofthe past.
(03:57):
You know, Christmas,Thanksgiving, these are these
are holidays that peopleanticipate, that people put a
lot of effort into sometimes,that people hang on to the
memories of.
Right.
And this is all experience.
And, you know, if as we thinkabout that simple, simple idea
(04:18):
that things happen, then we putmeaning on them, then we have
emotions about them, and then wecategorize them, catalog them,
pack them into our psyche with akind of an experience label on
it.
And that experience is what weuse to anticipate future
(04:38):
experiences, interpret futureexperiences.
These these things stack up,these things pile up, these
things aggregate, they cometogether and they get bigger.
And so these kinds of events arefilled with memories, they're
filled with ideas, they'refilled with interpretations and
meanings, they're filled withpeople, usually, which, you
(05:01):
know, then I guess stacks on topof the experience itself, all of
the individual interpretationsof all these people.
And so it's just a really loadedtime.
It's it's filled with thepotential of emotions.
unknown (05:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
In the chat, there's too much to do.
Rush, rush, rush.
And then when you finally getthere, it's hard to wind down
and settle into the day.
SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Yeah.
Just the event itself can be canbe filled with importance to us
and our role in it, right?
You know, it's often the sameperson hosts in your family.
It's often the same person takeson responsibilities, you know,
people talk about, you know,baking their particular pumpkin
(05:50):
pie, and everybody's excited andhappy, and people talk about,
you know, the kinds of thingsthat go on during the day.
There's just so much that weattach to these events in terms
of anticipation, in terms ofpast experience.
(06:11):
So we come into this holidayseason, I think, with a whole
lot of passive thoughts,thoughts that just come to us,
and often repetitive thoughtsfrom years past.
They might have started lastweek, as soon as you said, yeah,
there's Thanksgiving next week.
Yeah, we're gonna have to startgetting ready for that.
(06:32):
And then all of those thoughtsstart coming to you, some of
which are about the event, someof which are about the people,
some of which are about theobligations that you have as a
person.
These are all things that theevent is still days away, and we
are already in turmoil about it.
(06:54):
Now, for some people, it's it'spositive, and uh I pat them on
the back saying, that's great.
For some people, it's reallynegative.
And I pat them on the back and Itell them, way to be self-aware.
Um, but no matter what, Ibelieve that the secret to
making things different is tosee how you think about it and
(07:17):
ask yourself, can I think aboutthis differently?
SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:22):
So any thoughts I have about it is practicing it.
It's it's getting it ready, it'sbringing it into my mind and
getting me emotionally andmentally ready to engage it in
possibly the ways I've alwaysengaged it, which possibly is
mixed with good and bad.
What if being aware of that, youstart practicing other things to
(07:48):
get yourself prepared for it, toanticipate it.
How else do we change ourexperience except by changing
the way we think about it andinterpret it?
SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
Yeah.
When I've worked with clients,and I I suppose I feel a bit of
this myself, especially thisyear, there's a feeling of
there's usually a feeling of notbeing good enough and judgment.
When they're anxious about goingto a party or providing for a
party, gift giving, highly highanxiety for people that they're
(08:28):
not providing enough, or thatit's that maybe they don't have
enough money to buy gifts,right?
But yeah, there's there's somuch, so much surrounding it.
There's also I've worked withclients where something has
happened in the last year thatmakes this Christmas or this
(08:49):
Thanksgiving very different,right?
Maybe there's a loss or orsomething new, someone new or
something, and there's anxietyabout that.
What do they do when maybesomeone's not there this
Christmas that they're used toand and the emotion around that?
There's so many, and I I say allthese things just to sort of
(09:11):
give you a little list to maybethink about, oh yeah, maybe that
is me.
Maybe I do have a littlesomething, little feelings about
this.
I think it's easy, not I I thinkit's easy to think, oh yeah, no,
I don't I'm not sure I feel thatway about Christmas, but then or
(09:32):
Thanksgiving or any holiday.
Uh but there might be somethinglittle that is might be easy to
work on.
SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
Yeah, step one, just being aware.
Just saying to yourself, well,what does this Thanksgiving mean
to me?
What does my plan for thisThanksgiving mean?
What does what does it make mefeel?
What are my emotions around it?
Looking at this Thanksgiving,what am I anticipating?
Right?
(10:01):
Just being aware of the ups andthe downs, the good and the bad,
the positive expectations, thenegative expectations, and just
sitting with it for a minute,you know, maybe 20 minutes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:15):
Yeah, just one minute.
SPEAKER_01 (10:16):
The point is you sit with it and you become a little
more self-aware.
And at some point, you askyourself, is this good enough
for me?
Is this the way I want it to be?
Is this the experience I want tohave?
Past experiences will shapefuture experiences unless we
(10:37):
decide to do somethingdifferent.
We can't expect a differentexperience approaching it with
the same mindset that we'veapproached it in the past.
And I know that sounds like asimple, almost trite idea, but
it's a meaningful idea if youwant change.
And that's our business, right?
(10:57):
Our business is change.
And change never happens untilthe mind changes.
Change cannot happen because ifthe mind has expectations, the
mind will find those things,right?
The mind looks for what it wantsto look for.
And if you're going to thisevent and anticipating that
so-and-so and so-and-so aregoing to have a political
(11:19):
argument, or so-and-so andso-and-so are going to disappear
off on their own and notsocialize with everybody else,
or this person and this personare going to be all that
expectations that all thoseexpectations that you bring
forward are going to come tolife because they're your
expectations.
(11:40):
Anyway, being aware of that andthen deciding whether or not you
want things to be different.
And maybe you don't.
And then God bless you.
You know, Thanksgiving is awonderful event and everything
is great.
And if you want somethingdifferent, then ask yourself,
what do I want that's different?
What is it that I want toexperience differently this
(12:01):
year?
Right?
What is it that I want to havethis year?
You know, we have our infamilies, we have our roles, and
we find it really easy to dropback into our role, into our
place.
This is there's a whole lot onthis, if you're ever interested
in learning about, you know,family systems and family
systems therapy and sort of thenew way of thinking that so much
(12:25):
of how we behave is in responseto really well-learned programs
within the system of our family.
Now, if you want things to bedifferent, you're going to have
to start thinking differently.
Here's a good one.
Here's a good one.
(12:47):
We judge others by theiractions.
People do things.
It's a trigger for us.
You know, some family memberbrings up that same old sore
topic, or some family member,and this person is always
reserved and pulled back andshows up late and leaves early.
(13:10):
And these are all things that welook at as behaviors, and we are
tempted to judge.
We're tempted to call it good orbad.
I like it, I don't like it.
It's good or it's bad.
It's a pain, it's fun.
There's there's ways of judgingit, right?
But we do that based on people'sactions, and we don't spend a
(13:32):
lot of time looking at theirintentions behind it.
In fact, what we do is we implyintentions.
We actually put what we thinkare their intentions on them
without really understandingwhat they're about.
We judge ourselves by ouractions, or sorry, by our
intentions, and others see ouractions and they don't know our
(13:54):
intentions, but we decide whatI'm doing is good because my
intention is good, not thinkingabout how my behavior might be
for somebody else, that classicannual trigger that gets the
whole thing off the rails.
So it's I think it's good to beaware of that.
We judge others by their actionsand imply intentions upon them.
(14:18):
We judge ourselves by ourintentions, even when the
outcome turns out negative.
Try to reverse that.
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
Like see other people with their intentions.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
Yeah.
Try to try to anticipate whatthe intentions must be, right?
What would be the intentionsbehind somebody who you know
always makes a particular kindof food and brings it and wants
people to like it, right?
(14:51):
What would be what would betheir intentions?
Their intentions to do somethinggood for people, their
intentions are uh wanting to fitin, have a place in the whole
thing.
Their intentions are wanting togive a gift, like a truffle
tree.
(15:14):
You can tell that story in aminute.
Yeah.
The point is that but thatreally plays right into my
point.
Sometimes their intentions arethat they have feelings of
insecurity and anxiety, and theydon't know what to do to
contribute.
So they contribute the samething because it's the thing
they think they do well, andthey're really fearful,
(15:34):
actually.
There's a lot of fear andanxiety behind the creation of
that thing that they bring.
Their intentions might not be tobe the loudest, most obnoxious
uncle you ever had.
Maybe their intentions are (15:51):
I want to matter.
I want people to like me.
I want people to laugh at my badjokes.
I'm trying to be a fun guy.
These kinds of things reallyflip the script in a lot of
ways, right?
SPEAKER_02 (16:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:11):
Instead of looking at somebody and judging them
based on their actions, try tonot just imply intentions, try
to be open to what theirintentions might be on a
personal level and what it isthey're seeking, what it is
they're hoping for.
Go ahead, tell the trufflestory.
SPEAKER_00 (16:31):
Oh god.
So I don't know how many yearsago now, maybe three or three,
ten.
It was my first Christmas withyou guys or something.
Yeah, it must have been thefirst.
And it was the first that youwere inviting me to, basically.
SPEAKER_01 (16:51):
You were in.
SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
I was in after three years.
So I decided to like I wanted tobe accepted.
And I wanted, I guess, to uhshow my you know skills.
I don't even know what I wasthinking.
(17:15):
But yeah, I guess I want Iwanted to provide something fun.
And me, I always when I when Ido do things, I always go for
the hardest thing that I can do.
My teachers always told me that.
Like, why are you picking thehardest thing that you could
possibly do?
SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
So I hired you, and you were you were an unpleasant
boss.
I could tell the anxiety levelbehind it all.
SPEAKER_02 (17:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (17:50):
And I was in some ways, you know, I was trying to
be supportive because I knowwhat it means to feel accepted
and not feel accepted, and Iknew that that was the goal.
It appeared that the goal was tomake a truffle tree, but the
goal was really aboutacceptance.
SPEAKER_00 (18:06):
Yeah, yeah.
So I brought the tree, and I wasI was accepted.
I would have been acceptedanyway, I think.
But uh I was accepted, but in afunny way.
So it was like, Hillary, thatwhat it's show-aw.
That's show-a-bitch.
(18:30):
But not but not in a bad way.
Like the the the words were notlike malicious or anything like
that.
It was just jokey or bad humor.
So yeah, it it set me up for afew years there.
It was like, what's Hillarybringing?
(18:52):
Oh god.
But it was a nice treat.
SPEAKER_03 (18:55):
It was good, yummy.
SPEAKER_00 (18:58):
But that was fun.
So it was it was a time of yeah,wanting to be accepted, wanting
to, I guess, show maybe who Iam, maybe creative.
I don't know.
It was so long ago.
Chat says, but the trevelsdefinitely secured your spot.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:20):
And probably built expectations for future years.
Isn't it interesting howexperience works?
SPEAKER_00 (19:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:27):
Yeah.
So, you know, sometimes whenwe're anticipating a negative
emotion, when we're anticipatingsome kind of negative reaction,
good preparation for that familyevent is to try to look behind
the behaviors of people and seethem as human beings seeking
(19:49):
acceptance, seeking belonging,wanting to say and do things
that are meaningful, trying toimply the kindest intention to
whatever that person's actionsare, putting that into your mind
before you get interactive withpeople, right?
(20:12):
You know, when when mom callsyou three days in a row before
the event, telling you all thethings she wants you to do, this
is not mom being an egg.
This is mom really caring aboutthe outcome and believe it or
not, really relying on you,seeing you as an important part
of their success.
SPEAKER_00 (20:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:34):
And then that can shift that experience from oh,
it's Thanksgiving, and mom'slost her mind again, to, you
know, mom really wants to createsomething really wonderful for
us.
SPEAKER_00 (20:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
And how can I help her do that?
Because she obviously is relyingon me.
Yeah.
And then when you can see theother as just, you know, a kind
child wanting something good,when you can change and shift
your view of them that way, nothow they impact you, but what
(21:10):
they might be trying toaccomplish and their emotional
state behind it.
That can be a really powerfulshift going into that
circumstance with that shift inyour view of people.
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah, see them for their inner childs.
SPEAKER_01 (21:28):
Yeah, talk about that.
SPEAKER_00 (21:30):
Oh, yeah.
So I I guess as you're speaking,I'm thinking, oh, you know,
maybe people are askingquestions, like, oh, what does
he mean by a kind child, right?
So that's their inner child,wanting acceptance, wanting for
people to have a good time,wanting to feel like they are
(21:52):
enough.
Mom or dad asking, like, I'lluse my an example for me.
Usually dad will call while I'mon the way.
Can you pick up dessert or icecream or a pie or something?
It's like every time.
So to see that as I should say,for me, to try to see that, you
(22:17):
know, as his inner child, justwanting for it to work out for
people to have a good time, forpeople to enjoy the experience
of having dessert.
And it's not, and and try topull away from, oh my god, dad,
again, this year, like, whydidn't he pick up dessert?
(22:38):
All you know, he yeah, he wantspeople to have a good time.
And yeah, it all comes back downto the inner child.
I mean, we're always I thinkwe're always working from that
perspective, that set point ofour inner child, right?
If we haven't done some seriouswork, and it doesn't always have
(23:02):
to be work, but if we haven'tdone work, then we're we're
really pulling from emotionsthat that inner child felt at
that time in their life.
Or it could be a habit.
Maybe dad, maybe my grandparentswere like that, and dad's
picking it up like as like thisis normal, right?
(23:22):
I don't know, but it's somethingto think about.
SPEAKER_01 (23:25):
When we're dealing with our family, we spend so
much time interacting with themthat we start to get into
habits, and the habits areseldom including appreciation
and love.
The love is implied, and when welove somebody, we think, okay,
well, and I'm allowed tocriticize them.
(23:45):
If I love somebody, you know,I'm allowed to I'm allowed to
object, I'm allowed to say no.
And and we've gotten, I thinkmany of us have gotten good at
that.
Some of us haven't gotten goodat that, but many of us have
gotten good at that.
And what what becomes hard thenis letting the love come.
And that's, I think the value inseeing everyone is just sort of
(24:08):
grown children, each trying tobe loved and accepted.
And when that becomes the firstthought instead of the thought
that never comes, but it becomesthe first thought.
This is just someone asking forlove.
That's that shifts everything.
And even if it's just for thatday, and to think of it just for
(24:31):
that day, this you're going topractice this just on
Thanksgiving, just on today.
I'm going to try to let the lovecome first.
There's one of my favorite partsof the Course in Miracles
philosophy is everything iseither an expression of love,
like you know, you making yourvery special mashed potatoes or
(24:53):
your you and your truffles,right?
It's either an expression oflove.
I'm trying to give something, orit's a request for love.
SPEAKER_02 (25:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:04):
It's a call for love.
When someone's suffering, reallythe only thing they want and
need is an expression of love.
They want to receive love.
They need love, they needappreciation, they need
acceptance, they need inclusion,they need to be told they're
(25:24):
okay, they need to be toldthey're great, they need to be
patted on the back, they needlove.
And so when you when you shiftthat and you see everybody in
this big house full of people asadult children seeking love,
seeking acceptance, and you walkinto the scenario that way,
yeah, you walk into it and say,I'm prepared to deal with a
(25:48):
whole bunch of adult childrenwho are all just yearning to be
loved and accepted.
And I am smart enough and strongenough and capable of giving
them that love and thatacceptance, no matter what they
give me.
Right.
Which to me is the second, it'sone of the most powerful
(26:09):
reframes.
It comes up all the time.
It's just so effective inchanging the way we respond to
others.
It's understanding that theirbehavior never is about you.
When we think of our experienceequation, it's always we
interpret something that happensas meaning something about us,
(26:31):
and that generates an emotion,often a negative emotion, if we
interpret it in a negative way.
And that's really easy withfamily, because we know family
knows how to push each other'sbuttons.
And we know family is reallypredictable because we know how
they're going to behave.
And we know that family is, youknow, we walk into the scene
(26:52):
saying, oh, Uncle Bob's gonna dothis.
He's such a jerk, and he'sgonna, and now we're
anticipating, we're looking forit, we're waiting for the moment
that it happens.
If we walk in and we say, UncleBob, well, Uncle Bob is just
another adult child who reallyactually wants to be accepted.
And when he makes his bad jokesor he gets all political, or he
(27:13):
does the things that get peopleriled up, he's really just
trying to feel good abouthimself.
He's really just trying to finda way into other people's
hearts.
He might be doing it reallybadly.
You might wonder why, you know,he does it that way.
But when you anticipate that,and then you you remind yourself
(27:33):
that whatever Uncle Bob does,it's not about me.
It's not about me, it's nottargeted at me.
And even if he targets it at me,it's really about his state of
mind.
It's really about his emotionalstate, it's not really about my
emotional state.
As much as he might try to beprojecting out onto you
(27:55):
something, you don't have tobite because it's not about you,
right?
SPEAKER_00 (28:01):
And if you're wondering, well, why is everyone
reaching out for love?
It's because they chances aredidn't receive the type of love
that they were hoping for as achild.
SPEAKER_01 (28:14):
Well, and we all yearn for it every day.
I don't think of anybody whosays, Oh, I've been loved
enough, you can stop loving me.
Yeah.
I've been loved enough.
I'm I'm fully loved.
You go ahead and move on tosomething else.
Nobody ever says that.
Nobody ever thinks that.
Everybody wants as much love asthey can get.
And when we're all in that stateof trying to give and receive
(28:36):
love, things shift.
And that's the kind ofpreparation I'm talking about.
Recently I saw someone I love, acousin, who he's lately in the
last few years gotten reallypolitical.
And I was anticipating that.
And as soon as it came out ofhis mouth, when because we
(28:57):
hadn't seen each other inmonths, as soon as it came out
of his mouth, I said, No, let'snot get political today.
Let's talk about somethingimportant like your
grandchildren.
And his face changed and hepaused.
And at first he was, I couldtell at first he was like a
little bit frustrated.
And then he just moved on to thenew topic and started telling me
(29:19):
about his grandchildren.
And of course, the joy that cameinto his face and the stories
that started to flow made theconversation really good.
So as you go into thesecircumstances and people are
doing the things you predictedand they're acting in the ways
they have in the past, but yourmindset is different because
(29:42):
you're interpreting itdifferently.
And you're remembering that noneof this is about me.
It's always about them.
And I can show them love ratherthan show them judgment.
You can get prepared, right?
You can see what's coming, youcan anticipate it and say, no,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to.
Change it.
I'm going to try to shape it inanother direction.
(30:03):
And I just, yeah, I just usethat line.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
Your grandchildren.
Or it could be anything.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
Your career.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
Your new baby.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
And anticipate shifting theconversation.
(30:26):
And yeah, it's an it's an oldtechnique.
I learned it years ago inbusiness.
If you can get somebody talkingabout themselves, then they're
going to really like you.
SPEAKER_02 (30:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (30:37):
So it's it's a great little tool that when you walk
into this Thanksgivingoverwhelming experience to shift
the meaning of it all intosomething softer, something with
anticipated outcomes that areother than what's happened in
(30:58):
the past.
SPEAKER_00 (31:00):
Yeah.
I think, yeah, I don't want tosay it's simple because I
certainly struggle with it, butit's it's definitely a little
bit of a tweak in our thoughts,right?
Our thinking.
And do you think do you think itmight be an interesting thought
experiment to think about well,how am I asking for love going
(31:22):
into these scenarios?
SPEAKER_01 (31:24):
Absolutely it is.
Absolutely it is.
SPEAKER_00 (31:27):
Instead of worrying about everybody else and how
they're asking for love.
SPEAKER_01 (31:30):
Well, it's it's not so much uh I would say that it's
it's about shifting yourmindset, shifting your
expectations, shifting the wayyou think about it.
Nothing's gonna change untilyour thoughts change.
Nothing's ever gonna changeuntil your thoughts change.
And so it's about knowing andbeing aware of the thoughts you
have, maybe being aware of wherethey come from, but being much
(31:54):
more assertive, much moreintentional, yeah, of saying
this is what I want to havehappen.
This is the experience I want tohave this year.
Don't anticipate what seems tohappen every year.
Ask yourself, what do I want tohave happen?
SPEAKER_00 (32:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:12):
And then you're aware of your thoughts, your
emotions that are interferingwith that.
And then you take control ofyou.
You know, uh, nobody controls mythoughts except me.
And if I don't bother to try tocontrol my thoughts, well, then
a lot of stuff's gonna gothrough my mind.
But if I decide I'm going tocontrol my thoughts, I am not my
(32:36):
thoughts, I am the thinker, Ican choose what I think, and
then pick some of these nicelittle philosophical themes like
inner child or calls for love orno judgment, uh, interpreting
intentions.
All these themes are just usefultools to allow you to change the
(32:59):
experience of that moment.
SPEAKER_00 (33:02):
Yeah, I like I like ya.
I think it's a great reframe.
Are there any questions today?
Nope, not today.
SPEAKER_01 (33:13):
Well, I'll just reiterate.
Happy Thanksgiving to ourAmerican friends.
SPEAKER_00 (33:18):
Christmas is coming up.
SPEAKER_01 (33:19):
Yeah, yeah.
Do your best to avoid BlackFriday, but it's kind of uh the
kickoff of a whole season.
Enjoy your football, enjoy yourparades, enjoy your family time.
And family can be anything.
So go grab your tribe, go grabyour your family, whatever they
(33:40):
be, and share some love and somegratitude.
Yeah, life is good.
SPEAKER_00 (33:47):
All right, thanks for joining us.
Um, if you want to reach out,all the information's in the
description wherever you'rejoining us from, whether it's a
streaming platform, like apodcast streaming platform or
YouTube, it's all in the shownotes.
All right, have a good day.
See you later.
We are on the line.
SPEAKER_01 (00:12):
On the line.
Snow's coming today.
SPEAKER_00 (00:14):
Yes, I just got snow squall watch.
SPEAKER_01 (00:18):
Yes.
Yes.
And that means you gotta drivein the snow.
No, you're not going anywhere.
SPEAKER_00 (00:24):
No.
We're going to the gym afterthis, but we'll be home before
the snow.
SPEAKER_01 (00:32):
Hilario asked me to start.
I said no, you start, and nowshe's still waiting for me to
start.
So I gotta start.
I'm sleepy today.
I am sleepy today.
I don't know what's been uh it'sthe snow.
SPEAKER_00 (00:47):
Probably the lower pressure system.
SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a million excuses.
I'll take any one of them.
Just low in energy, but gonnaget centered and do my best to
be helpful.
That's the uh the approach.
Just we're gonna talk aboutapproaches today.
We're gonna talk about holidayseason and we're gonna talk
about how we all havepreconceived expectations for
(01:16):
holiday events, some good, somebad.
And it really is aboutpreparation in a lot of ways.
I think for a lot of us, we goexpecting that old Uncle Bob is
gonna be a pain in the neck andmom is gonna be a nag, and all
these things are gonna happen,and we're gonna get all upset.
(01:38):
So, first of all, hey, happyThanksgiving to our friends in
the U.S.
We've been sitting like side byside, Siamese twins now for
hundreds of years, and we wishyou a day filled with gratitude,
day filled with love,connection, family, whatever
(01:59):
form that takes for you.
And we're just gonna talk aboutwhat that means.
Do you ever I'm asking you now,um do you ever think about a
family event or something you'regoing to and go, oh my god, I
don't want to go.
SPEAKER_00 (02:15):
No, no, no, but I obsess over the weather to get
there.
I'm excited to go, yes, there'sdysfunction, you know, there
there's all there is dysfunctionto get there.
Unless I'm having some sort ofpanic attack.
(02:35):
There, because you know, we'vehad over the years, we've had a
few events where I had to dropout last second because I had a
panic attack of some sort.
But usually it's the weather.
It's the weather.
So, you know, I I think Iimagine myself going to my
sister's sometime in December,and my dad sometimes in sometime
(02:59):
in December, and and then I justimmediately start freaking out
about the weather.
The weather hasn't even happenedyet, and I'm freaking out.
Chat says yes.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (03:13):
It's it's a form of preparation.
Here's the thing, I whether wethink so or not, we are always
preparing our mind for theseevents.
Whether you're thinking about,you know, pain in the neck,
Uncle Bob, or you're thinkingabout seeing somebody you
haven't seen in a long time, bighugs, time spent talking.
(03:35):
Or we used to, you know, atChristmas time, we used to have
a road hockey game.
And we'd be excited about theroad hockey game.
No matter what you're thinkingabout, you're really preparing
to be there.
And what happens often is ourexperience causes us to prepare
for the worst, or experience ofthe past.
(03:57):
You know, Christmas,Thanksgiving, these are these
are holidays that peopleanticipate, that people put a
lot of effort into sometimes,that people hang on to the
memories of.
Right.
And this is all experience.
And, you know, if as we thinkabout that simple, simple idea
(04:18):
that things happen, then we putmeaning on them, then we have
emotions about them, and then wecategorize them, catalog them,
pack them into our psyche with akind of an experience label on
it.
And that experience is what weuse to anticipate future
(04:38):
experiences, interpret futureexperiences.
These these things stack up,these things pile up, these
things aggregate, they cometogether and they get bigger.
And so these kinds of events arefilled with memories, they're
filled with ideas, they'refilled with interpretations and
meanings, they're filled withpeople, usually, which, you
(05:01):
know, then I guess stacks on topof the experience itself, all of
the individual interpretationsof all these people.
And so it's just a really loadedtime.
It's it's filled with thepotential of emotions.
unknown (05:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
In the chat, there's too much to do.
Rush, rush, rush.
And then when you finally getthere, it's hard to wind down
and settle into the day.
SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Yeah.
Just the event itself can be canbe filled with importance to us
and our role in it, right?
You know, it's often the sameperson hosts in your family.
It's often the same person takeson responsibilities, you know,
people talk about, you know,baking their particular pumpkin
(05:50):
pie, and everybody's excited andhappy, and people talk about,
you know, the kinds of thingsthat go on during the day.
There's just so much that weattach to these events in terms
of anticipation, in terms ofpast experience.
(06:11):
So we come into this holidayseason, I think, with a whole
lot of passive thoughts,thoughts that just come to us,
and often repetitive thoughtsfrom years past.
They might have started lastweek, as soon as you said, yeah,
there's Thanksgiving next week.
Yeah, we're gonna have to startgetting ready for that.
(06:32):
And then all of those thoughtsstart coming to you, some of
which are about the event, someof which are about the people,
some of which are about theobligations that you have as a
person.
These are all things that theevent is still days away, and we
are already in turmoil about it.
(06:54):
Now, for some people, it's it'spositive, and uh I pat them on
the back saying, that's great.
For some people, it's reallynegative.
And I pat them on the back and Itell them, way to be self-aware.
Um, but no matter what, Ibelieve that the secret to
making things different is tosee how you think about it and
(07:17):
ask yourself, can I think aboutthis differently?
SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:22):
So any thoughts I have about it is practicing it.
It's it's getting it ready, it'sbringing it into my mind and
getting me emotionally andmentally ready to engage it in
possibly the ways I've alwaysengaged it, which possibly is
mixed with good and bad.
What if being aware of that, youstart practicing other things to
(07:48):
get yourself prepared for it, toanticipate it.
How else do we change ourexperience except by changing
the way we think about it andinterpret it?
SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
Yeah.
When I've worked with clients,and I I suppose I feel a bit of
this myself, especially thisyear, there's a feeling of
there's usually a feeling of notbeing good enough and judgment.
When they're anxious about goingto a party or providing for a
party, gift giving, highly highanxiety for people that they're
(08:28):
not providing enough, or thatit's that maybe they don't have
enough money to buy gifts,right?
But yeah, there's there's somuch, so much surrounding it.
There's also I've worked withclients where something has
happened in the last year thatmakes this Christmas or this
(08:49):
Thanksgiving very different,right?
Maybe there's a loss or orsomething new, someone new or
something, and there's anxietyabout that.
What do they do when maybesomeone's not there this
Christmas that they're used toand and the emotion around that?
There's so many, and I I say allthese things just to sort of
(09:11):
give you a little list to maybethink about, oh yeah, maybe that
is me.
Maybe I do have a littlesomething, little feelings about
this.
I think it's easy, not I I thinkit's easy to think, oh yeah, no,
I don't I'm not sure I feel thatway about Christmas, but then or
(09:32):
Thanksgiving or any holiday.
Uh but there might be somethinglittle that is might be easy to
work on.
SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
Yeah, step one, just being aware.
Just saying to yourself, well,what does this Thanksgiving mean
to me?
What does my plan for thisThanksgiving mean?
What does what does it make mefeel?
What are my emotions around it?
Looking at this Thanksgiving,what am I anticipating?
Right?
(10:01):
Just being aware of the ups andthe downs, the good and the bad,
the positive expectations, thenegative expectations, and just
sitting with it for a minute,you know, maybe 20 minutes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:15):
Yeah, just one minute.
SPEAKER_01 (10:16):
The point is you sit with it and you become a little
more self-aware.
And at some point, you askyourself, is this good enough
for me?
Is this the way I want it to be?
Is this the experience I want tohave?
Past experiences will shapefuture experiences unless we
(10:37):
decide to do somethingdifferent.
We can't expect a differentexperience approaching it with
the same mindset that we'veapproached it in the past.
And I know that sounds like asimple, almost trite idea, but
it's a meaningful idea if youwant change.
And that's our business, right?
(10:57):
Our business is change.
And change never happens untilthe mind changes.
Change cannot happen because ifthe mind has expectations, the
mind will find those things,right?
The mind looks for what it wantsto look for.
And if you're going to thisevent and anticipating that
so-and-so and so-and-so aregoing to have a political
(11:19):
argument, or so-and-so andso-and-so are going to disappear
off on their own and notsocialize with everybody else,
or this person and this personare going to be all that
expectations that all thoseexpectations that you bring
forward are going to come tolife because they're your
expectations.
(11:40):
Anyway, being aware of that andthen deciding whether or not you
want things to be different.
And maybe you don't.
And then God bless you.
You know, Thanksgiving is awonderful event and everything
is great.
And if you want somethingdifferent, then ask yourself,
what do I want that's different?
What is it that I want toexperience differently this
(12:01):
year?
Right?
What is it that I want to havethis year?
You know, we have our infamilies, we have our roles, and
we find it really easy to dropback into our role, into our
place.
This is there's a whole lot onthis, if you're ever interested
in learning about, you know,family systems and family
systems therapy and sort of thenew way of thinking that so much
(12:25):
of how we behave is in responseto really well-learned programs
within the system of our family.
Now, if you want things to bedifferent, you're going to have
to start thinking differently.
Here's a good one.
Here's a good one.
(12:47):
We judge others by theiractions.
People do things.
It's a trigger for us.
You know, some family memberbrings up that same old sore
topic, or some family member,and this person is always
reserved and pulled back andshows up late and leaves early.
(13:10):
And these are all things that welook at as behaviors, and we are
tempted to judge.
We're tempted to call it good orbad.
I like it, I don't like it.
It's good or it's bad.
It's a pain, it's fun.
There's there's ways of judgingit, right?
But we do that based on people'sactions, and we don't spend a
(13:32):
lot of time looking at theirintentions behind it.
In fact, what we do is we implyintentions.
We actually put what we thinkare their intentions on them
without really understandingwhat they're about.
We judge ourselves by ouractions, or sorry, by our
intentions, and others see ouractions and they don't know our
(13:54):
intentions, but we decide whatI'm doing is good because my
intention is good, not thinkingabout how my behavior might be
for somebody else, that classicannual trigger that gets the
whole thing off the rails.
So it's I think it's good to beaware of that.
We judge others by their actionsand imply intentions upon them.
(14:18):
We judge ourselves by ourintentions, even when the
outcome turns out negative.
Try to reverse that.
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
Like see other people with their intentions.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
Yeah.
Try to try to anticipate whatthe intentions must be, right?
What would be the intentionsbehind somebody who you know
always makes a particular kindof food and brings it and wants
people to like it, right?
(14:51):
What would be what would betheir intentions?
Their intentions to do somethinggood for people, their
intentions are uh wanting to fitin, have a place in the whole
thing.
Their intentions are wanting togive a gift, like a truffle
tree.
(15:14):
You can tell that story in aminute.
Yeah.
The point is that but thatreally plays right into my
point.
Sometimes their intentions arethat they have feelings of
insecurity and anxiety, and theydon't know what to do to
contribute.
So they contribute the samething because it's the thing
they think they do well, andthey're really fearful,
(15:34):
actually.
There's a lot of fear andanxiety behind the creation of
that thing that they bring.
Their intentions might not be tobe the loudest, most obnoxious
uncle you ever had.
Maybe their intentions are (15:51):
I want to matter.
I want people to like me.
I want people to laugh at my badjokes.
I'm trying to be a fun guy.
These kinds of things reallyflip the script in a lot of
ways, right?
SPEAKER_02 (16:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:11):
Instead of looking at somebody and judging them
based on their actions, try tonot just imply intentions, try
to be open to what theirintentions might be on a
personal level and what it isthey're seeking, what it is
they're hoping for.
Go ahead, tell the trufflestory.
SPEAKER_00 (16:31):
Oh god.
So I don't know how many yearsago now, maybe three or three,
ten.
It was my first Christmas withyou guys or something.
Yeah, it must have been thefirst.
And it was the first that youwere inviting me to, basically.
SPEAKER_01 (16:51):
You were in.
SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
I was in after three years.
So I decided to like I wanted tobe accepted.
And I wanted, I guess, to uhshow my you know skills.
I don't even know what I wasthinking.
(17:15):
But yeah, I guess I want Iwanted to provide something fun.
And me, I always when I when Ido do things, I always go for
the hardest thing that I can do.
My teachers always told me that.
Like, why are you picking thehardest thing that you could
possibly do?
SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
So I hired you, and you were you were an unpleasant
boss.
I could tell the anxiety levelbehind it all.
SPEAKER_02 (17:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (17:50):
And I was in some ways, you know, I was trying to
be supportive because I knowwhat it means to feel accepted
and not feel accepted, and Iknew that that was the goal.
It appeared that the goal was tomake a truffle tree, but the
goal was really aboutacceptance.
SPEAKER_00 (18:06):
Yeah, yeah.
So I brought the tree, and I wasI was accepted.
I would have been acceptedanyway, I think.
But uh I was accepted, but in afunny way.
So it was like, Hillary, thatwhat it's show-aw.
That's show-a-bitch.
(18:30):
But not but not in a bad way.
Like the the the words were notlike malicious or anything like
that.
It was just jokey or bad humor.
So yeah, it it set me up for afew years there.
It was like, what's Hillarybringing?
(18:52):
Oh god.
But it was a nice treat.
SPEAKER_03 (18:55):
It was good, yummy.
SPEAKER_00 (18:58):
But that was fun.
So it was it was a time of yeah,wanting to be accepted, wanting
to, I guess, show maybe who Iam, maybe creative.
I don't know.
It was so long ago.
Chat says, but the trevelsdefinitely secured your spot.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:20):
And probably built expectations for future years.
Isn't it interesting howexperience works?
SPEAKER_00 (19:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:27):
Yeah.
So, you know, sometimes whenwe're anticipating a negative
emotion, when we're anticipatingsome kind of negative reaction,
good preparation for that familyevent is to try to look behind
the behaviors of people and seethem as human beings seeking
(19:49):
acceptance, seeking belonging,wanting to say and do things
that are meaningful, trying toimply the kindest intention to
whatever that person's actionsare, putting that into your mind
before you get interactive withpeople, right?
(20:12):
You know, when when mom callsyou three days in a row before
the event, telling you all thethings she wants you to do, this
is not mom being an egg.
This is mom really caring aboutthe outcome and believe it or
not, really relying on you,seeing you as an important part
of their success.
SPEAKER_00 (20:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:34):
And then that can shift that experience from oh,
it's Thanksgiving, and mom'slost her mind again, to, you
know, mom really wants to createsomething really wonderful for
us.
SPEAKER_00 (20:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
And how can I help her do that?
Because she obviously is relyingon me.
Yeah.
And then when you can see theother as just, you know, a kind
child wanting something good,when you can change and shift
your view of them that way, nothow they impact you, but what
(21:10):
they might be trying toaccomplish and their emotional
state behind it.
That can be a really powerfulshift going into that
circumstance with that shift inyour view of people.
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah, see them for their inner childs.
SPEAKER_01 (21:28):
Yeah, talk about that.
SPEAKER_00 (21:30):
Oh, yeah.
So I I guess as you're speaking,I'm thinking, oh, you know,
maybe people are askingquestions, like, oh, what does
he mean by a kind child, right?
So that's their inner child,wanting acceptance, wanting for
people to have a good time,wanting to feel like they are
(21:52):
enough.
Mom or dad asking, like, I'lluse my an example for me.
Usually dad will call while I'mon the way.
Can you pick up dessert or icecream or a pie or something?
It's like every time.
So to see that as I should say,for me, to try to see that, you
(22:17):
know, as his inner child, justwanting for it to work out for
people to have a good time, forpeople to enjoy the experience
of having dessert.
And it's not, and and try topull away from, oh my god, dad,
again, this year, like, whydidn't he pick up dessert?
(22:38):
All you know, he yeah, he wantspeople to have a good time.
And yeah, it all comes back downto the inner child.
I mean, we're always I thinkwe're always working from that
perspective, that set point ofour inner child, right?
If we haven't done some seriouswork, and it doesn't always have
(23:02):
to be work, but if we haven'tdone work, then we're we're
really pulling from emotionsthat that inner child felt at
that time in their life.
Or it could be a habit.
Maybe dad, maybe my grandparentswere like that, and dad's
picking it up like as like thisis normal, right?
(23:22):
I don't know, but it's somethingto think about.
SPEAKER_01 (23:25):
When we're dealing with our family, we spend so
much time interacting with themthat we start to get into
habits, and the habits areseldom including appreciation
and love.
The love is implied, and when welove somebody, we think, okay,
well, and I'm allowed tocriticize them.
(23:45):
If I love somebody, you know,I'm allowed to I'm allowed to
object, I'm allowed to say no.
And and we've gotten, I thinkmany of us have gotten good at
that.
Some of us haven't gotten goodat that, but many of us have
gotten good at that.
And what what becomes hard thenis letting the love come.
And that's, I think the value inseeing everyone is just sort of
(24:08):
grown children, each trying tobe loved and accepted.
And when that becomes the firstthought instead of the thought
that never comes, but it becomesthe first thought.
This is just someone asking forlove.
That's that shifts everything.
And even if it's just for thatday, and to think of it just for
(24:31):
that day, this you're going topractice this just on
Thanksgiving, just on today.
I'm going to try to let the lovecome first.
There's one of my favorite partsof the Course in Miracles
philosophy is everything iseither an expression of love,
like you know, you making yourvery special mashed potatoes or
(24:53):
your you and your truffles,right?
It's either an expression oflove.
I'm trying to give something, orit's a request for love.
SPEAKER_02 (25:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:04):
It's a call for love.
When someone's suffering, reallythe only thing they want and
need is an expression of love.
They want to receive love.
They need love, they needappreciation, they need
acceptance, they need inclusion,they need to be told they're
(25:24):
okay, they need to be toldthey're great, they need to be
patted on the back, they needlove.
And so when you when you shiftthat and you see everybody in
this big house full of people asadult children seeking love,
seeking acceptance, and you walkinto the scenario that way,
yeah, you walk into it and say,I'm prepared to deal with a
(25:48):
whole bunch of adult childrenwho are all just yearning to be
loved and accepted.
And I am smart enough and strongenough and capable of giving
them that love and thatacceptance, no matter what they
give me.
Right.
Which to me is the second, it'sone of the most powerful
(26:09):
reframes.
It comes up all the time.
It's just so effective inchanging the way we respond to
others.
It's understanding that theirbehavior never is about you.
When we think of our experienceequation, it's always we
interpret something that happensas meaning something about us,
(26:31):
and that generates an emotion,often a negative emotion, if we
interpret it in a negative way.
And that's really easy withfamily, because we know family
knows how to push each other'sbuttons.
And we know family is reallypredictable because we know how
they're going to behave.
And we know that family is, youknow, we walk into the scene
(26:52):
saying, oh, Uncle Bob's gonna dothis.
He's such a jerk, and he'sgonna, and now we're
anticipating, we're looking forit, we're waiting for the moment
that it happens.
If we walk in and we say, UncleBob, well, Uncle Bob is just
another adult child who reallyactually wants to be accepted.
And when he makes his bad jokesor he gets all political, or he
(27:13):
does the things that get peopleriled up, he's really just
trying to feel good abouthimself.
He's really just trying to finda way into other people's
hearts.
He might be doing it reallybadly.
You might wonder why, you know,he does it that way.
But when you anticipate that,and then you you remind yourself
(27:33):
that whatever Uncle Bob does,it's not about me.
It's not about me, it's nottargeted at me.
And even if he targets it at me,it's really about his state of
mind.
It's really about his emotionalstate, it's not really about my
emotional state.
As much as he might try to beprojecting out onto you
(27:55):
something, you don't have tobite because it's not about you,
right?
SPEAKER_00 (28:01):
And if you're wondering, well, why is everyone
reaching out for love?
It's because they chances aredidn't receive the type of love
that they were hoping for as achild.
SPEAKER_01 (28:14):
Well, and we all yearn for it every day.
I don't think of anybody whosays, Oh, I've been loved
enough, you can stop loving me.
Yeah.
I've been loved enough.
I'm I'm fully loved.
You go ahead and move on tosomething else.
Nobody ever says that.
Nobody ever thinks that.
Everybody wants as much love asthey can get.
And when we're all in that stateof trying to give and receive
(28:36):
love, things shift.
And that's the kind ofpreparation I'm talking about.
Recently I saw someone I love, acousin, who he's lately in the
last few years gotten reallypolitical.
And I was anticipating that.
And as soon as it came out ofhis mouth, when because we
(28:57):
hadn't seen each other inmonths, as soon as it came out
of his mouth, I said, No, let'snot get political today.
Let's talk about somethingimportant like your
grandchildren.
And his face changed and hepaused.
And at first he was, I couldtell at first he was like a
little bit frustrated.
And then he just moved on to thenew topic and started telling me
(29:19):
about his grandchildren.
And of course, the joy that cameinto his face and the stories
that started to flow made theconversation really good.
So as you go into thesecircumstances and people are
doing the things you predictedand they're acting in the ways
they have in the past, but yourmindset is different because
(29:42):
you're interpreting itdifferently.
And you're remembering that noneof this is about me.
It's always about them.
And I can show them love ratherthan show them judgment.
You can get prepared, right?
You can see what's coming, youcan anticipate it and say, no,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to.
Change it.
I'm going to try to shape it inanother direction.
(30:03):
And I just, yeah, I just usethat line.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
Your grandchildren.
Or it could be anything.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
Your career.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
Your new baby.
Let's talk about somethingimportant.
And anticipate shifting theconversation.
(30:26):
And yeah, it's an it's an oldtechnique.
I learned it years ago inbusiness.
If you can get somebody talkingabout themselves, then they're
going to really like you.
SPEAKER_02 (30:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (30:37):
So it's it's a great little tool that when you walk
into this Thanksgivingoverwhelming experience to shift
the meaning of it all intosomething softer, something with
anticipated outcomes that areother than what's happened in
(30:58):
the past.
SPEAKER_00 (31:00):
Yeah.
I think, yeah, I don't want tosay it's simple because I
certainly struggle with it, butit's it's definitely a little
bit of a tweak in our thoughts,right?
Our thinking.
And do you think do you think itmight be an interesting thought
experiment to think about well,how am I asking for love going
(31:22):
into these scenarios?
SPEAKER_01 (31:24):
Absolutely it is.
Absolutely it is.
SPEAKER_00 (31:27):
Instead of worrying about everybody else and how
they're asking for love.
SPEAKER_01 (31:30):
Well, it's it's not so much uh I would say that it's
it's about shifting yourmindset, shifting your
expectations, shifting the wayyou think about it.
Nothing's gonna change untilyour thoughts change.
Nothing's ever gonna changeuntil your thoughts change.
And so it's about knowing andbeing aware of the thoughts you
have, maybe being aware of wherethey come from, but being much
(31:54):
more assertive, much moreintentional, yeah, of saying
this is what I want to havehappen.
This is the experience I want tohave this year.
Don't anticipate what seems tohappen every year.
Ask yourself, what do I want tohave happen?
SPEAKER_00 (32:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:12):
And then you're aware of your thoughts, your
emotions that are interferingwith that.
And then you take control ofyou.
You know, uh, nobody controls mythoughts except me.
And if I don't bother to try tocontrol my thoughts, well, then
a lot of stuff's gonna gothrough my mind.
But if I decide I'm going tocontrol my thoughts, I am not my
(32:36):
thoughts, I am the thinker, Ican choose what I think, and
then pick some of these nicelittle philosophical themes like
inner child or calls for love orno judgment, uh, interpreting
intentions.
All these themes are just usefultools to allow you to change the
(32:59):
experience of that moment.
SPEAKER_00 (33:02):
Yeah, I like I like ya.
I think it's a great reframe.
Are there any questions today?
Nope, not today.
SPEAKER_01 (33:13):
Well, I'll just reiterate.
Happy Thanksgiving to ourAmerican friends.
SPEAKER_00 (33:18):
Christmas is coming up.
SPEAKER_01 (33:19):
Yeah, yeah.
Do your best to avoid BlackFriday, but it's kind of uh the
kickoff of a whole season.
Enjoy your football, enjoy yourparades, enjoy your family time.
And family can be anything.
So go grab your tribe, go grabyour your family, whatever they
(33:40):
be, and share some love and somegratitude.
Yeah, life is good.
SPEAKER_00 (33:47):
All right, thanks for joining us.
Um, if you want to reach out,all the information's in the
description wherever you'rejoining us from, whether it's a
streaming platform, like apodcast streaming platform or
YouTube, it's all in the shownotes.
All right, have a good day.
See you later.
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