December 3, 2025 • 43 mins
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We trace how stress narrows attention and how small, physical shifts open the door to calm. Breath, broad awareness, and simple reframes help the body signal safety so the mind can let go of its grip.
• shortest days heightening stress and tension
• why the command “relax” backfires
• relaxation as degrees not a switch
• breathwork to cue parasympathetic response
• attention versus awareness as distinct tools
• peripheral vision and sound scanning to unfocus
• body scans and letting sensors go offline
• reading client cues and the hand drop test
• externalizing stress with tables and objects
• present-moment reframe “I am safe here now”
• social trick to help friends relax without saying relax
• healthy redirection versus numbing distractions
We hope this helps a little as you go through your day.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
We are on the line.
SPEAKER_03 (00:10):
Oh, good.
It's a beautiful red sky as thesun comes up.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (00:16):
Shortest days of the year now.
SPEAKER_00 (00:18):
I'll say it.
SPEAKER_03 (00:19):
For the next, what is it, 20 20-something days, the
days are going to feel gonna getshort, short, short.
And then for 20 days after that,they're gonna feel short, short,
short.
And then all of a sudden, boom,it's gonna start to feel like
days are getting longer.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Magical.
SPEAKER_03 (00:40):
It's just mathematics, you know, ellipses
going around the bodies and andyou know what's the word?
I've lost the word.
Infinite satellites universe.
Oh my god, I'm having a brainfart.
(01:01):
I've lost a word.
Go ahead, tell me to relax.
SPEAKER_00 (01:05):
Relax.
Just relax.
Oh just come down.
SPEAKER_03 (01:12):
Satellites do what around I'm asking a word person
here.
Satellites do what going aroundthe world?
Satellites are orbit.
Orbiting.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (01:25):
That wasn't me for anyone.
For anyone listening, that wasin the chat.
SPEAKER_03 (01:31):
They're helping because I got you're here.
SPEAKER_00 (01:34):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (01:35):
It's funny how when you miss a word, when you can't
find a word, the harder you try.
This is actually a good segue.
The harder you try, the furtherthe word seems to go away from
you.
And you you you you frown andyou tense up and you damn,
where's that word?
And it's a word I use, and Iknow this word, and I I can even
(01:56):
see this word.
And then the harder you try, andthat's why I said tell me to
relax, because today's topic isrelaxation.
Yeah, how relaxed are you rightnow?
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
There's a reason we're talking about this today,
I think.
Yeah, this morning, not sorelaxed.
Just thinking about Christmasand everything.
SPEAKER_03 (02:24):
Yeah, yeah.
I wonder how many people wake upin these shortening days because
of the way the earth orbitsaround the sun.
I wonder how many wake up in astate of non-relaxation.
I wonder what you would callthat.
People will call it stress,people call it anxiety, people
(02:45):
would call it mental absorption,fixation.
Yeah, I think it's a time ofyear, especially, you know,
around here, where people areare shifting their lives because
it's turned into winter all of asudden.
So there's all those things thatneed to be done.
Sitting here still looking atthe hose that hasn't been put
(03:06):
away.
You know, and then they havethese big holidays coming up
where they're going to see awhole bunch of people, whether
it's Thanksgiving or Christmasor both.
And there's obligationsassociated with that.
And that, of course, means moneymost of the time.
And some people are just sobuttoned down.
(03:27):
They save all year long.
I knew someone that would saveall year long waiting for
November 1st.
And on November 1st, they wouldjust go and start decorating the
house, spending money onChristmas shopping and rap, and
and they would be done about youknow December 15th, and they
(03:50):
would have a room set aside intheir house with all this stuff
in it, all these things ready togo.
The whole house been onced over,and everything is been.
(05:31):
So the reason I thought aboutrelaxation is the other day I
was watching a video, and it wasa video on some doctor treating
somebody for something, right?
And the doctor, you just gottalook at this doctor and you're
saying, you know, what a tightass.
Right?
Like that's like this doctor isjust so focused and so rigid,
(05:56):
and so and the doctor comes inand he's got some thing in his
hand, and a needle of some sort,and he walks right up to the
patient and he's ready to tojust jab.
And he looks at the patient forjust a split second and says,
Relax, and then goes jab.
Where is this?
SPEAKER_00 (06:17):
Just on a on a video on oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (06:21):
No, it wasn't meant to be funny.
Well, then it was real.
unknown (06:26):
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03 (06:27):
There's a doctor providing a treatment, some
documentary.
Anyway, the point that I'mtrying to make is it's funny how
that happens.
Like, you know, we say it to ourclients that come in, we put
them in a comfortable chair, welower the lights, maybe put on
some background music or putsome nice smells in the air.
And then we say, Okay, it's timeto relax.
And they're in a hypnotistchair, they have no clue what's
(06:51):
gonna happen.
They're they're they'rethinking, Oh my god, it's
happening.
And and we're saying, relax.
So I thought, you know, weshould examine this idea of
relaxation and what it is andhow it happens, and what are
some techniques?
Because I think it's probably ithas the potential to be a huge
(07:18):
personal skill.
Yeah, right.
Like I put that on my resume.
If if I was if I was applyingfor some management position, I
put on my resume, I have theability to relax in 30 seconds.
I have the ability to detachfrom the situation and relax my
mind and my body to a point ofclarity in 30 seconds.
SPEAKER_00 (07:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (07:41):
I think that's amazing.
And I think just about everybodywould love to have that skill.
I think it's it's a prettyamazing thing.
So I think it's worth talkingabout relaxation.
I'm in the middle of designingand breaking up chunks to do a
sleep program for the school,and there's a series of reframes
(08:03):
that I use, and there's one thatI'm I am, you know, it's a it's
a simple idea, and I had to useit on myself the other night.
I because the reason I know thisstuff, the reason I I've
experienced this stuff isbecause I've been a person who's
had sleep issues, an inabilityto relax my mind and body.
(08:28):
So the simple reframe thatyou're going to experience on
school is, you know, sleep is anatural state.
When the mind is relaxed and thebody is relaxed, it happens.
SPEAKER_00 (08:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (08:40):
And that's the way it's been since you were born,
before you were born.
When your mind and your body arerelaxed, you will just naturally
fall into sleep.
But how do I relax?
Have any famous stories aboutrelaxing clients?
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
Excuse me.
Sometimes they'll say to me, uh,you know, I'm not I'm not
relaxed enough yet.
I'm just not there kind ofthing.
And so we'll do extra techniquesof uh let's say going down a set
of stairs or imagining uh thebeautiful place again.
(09:19):
Uh I like I like to use onewhere I'm having them paint uh
in a beautiful place.
So they're using a paintbrush intheir mind and they're painting
in and slowly becoming more realand detailed.
I think when we get theimagination involved, uh uh it's
very easy to find yourself moreand more relaxed.
(09:43):
And whether or not, I want tomake it clear whether or not you
can see in detail or not, orjust sense things are there, or
just pretend things are there,it's easier to relax.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:57):
Yeah.
So I I think you've named awhole bunch of great techniques.
You know, I think when it comesto tension, when it comes to
non-relaxation, I think it'simportant to realize that it's
it's in degrees.
It's in it's not a on-offswitch.
And I think, you know, that thatdodges relax.
(10:20):
That's that's thinking it's anon-off switch.
And it isn't an on-off switch,and distraction is a great
technique.
But I think about back in theday when I used to practice law
and I used to go see my sisterregularly for massage, because
it just I was the opposite ofrelaxed all of the time.
(10:44):
And and she said to me, I I lieddown on the table and she
started to work on an area and Istarted to laugh.
And she said basically, like, ohmy god, what we say in in
massage is there's tight andthen there's really tight and
then there's ticklish.
And the ticklish is thatultra-level of non-relaxation.
(11:10):
And I always remember the storyof a client I had, and she came
in and she got herself allbundled up and in the chair, and
then she just started giggling.
Oh my god, it's happening.
Oh my god, it's we're doing it,oh my god, it's happening.
And of course, there was no wayin the world she was going to go
into a theta state when she wasthat high on alert and that so
(11:32):
completely tight.
SPEAKER_02 (11:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:34):
So I think sometimes it's good to realize that
tension takes us to the point ofnervous laughter sometimes.
SPEAKER_01 (11:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:44):
And uh yeah, it's good to recognize, you know,
when we're in situations, ifwe're in a situation and we're
so stressed that we startlaughing about it, right?
Then the other person, peopleyou're dealing with, they're
gonna think you're dismissing itas unimportant because you're
laughing.
But I think that that's amisunderstanding.
SPEAKER_02 (12:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:06):
And that when people are giggling, when people are
giving you nervous laughter,they're actually more stressed
than they normally are.
This is extreme stress.
And so I think it's good to seethat, first of all.
What degree of non-relaxation amI in?
(12:28):
Right.
And I don't ever think that it'sever worked for anybody ever to
say to somebody, okay, relax.
SPEAKER_00 (12:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:38):
It's not something we do on command.
And if it's obvious that theperson is not relaxed, there are
other things and better thingsto do.
SPEAKER_00 (12:52):
Think about it too, when when we have somebody in or
going into hypnosis or they'regetting ready in the chair, we
don't say relax first.
We say taking a deep breath.
SPEAKER_03 (13:05):
There we go.
That to me is the first piece ofgood advice.
Go with it.
SPEAKER_00 (13:08):
Oh, that's it.
SPEAKER_03 (13:15):
That's why it's like trying to get Hilary to talk.
That's why I talk too much.
SPEAKER_00 (13:23):
No, but it's it's yeah, it's true.
Like we we want Tike's allexcited with our laughter.
We want people to relax, but thebest thing to start that process
is to change the conditions inthe body.
Right.
And so we we are learning moreand more about breath work in
(13:47):
society.
We're hearing more and moreabout it and how how good it is
for slowing down the heart rate,changing the mind in a way where
it starts to slow down.
Yeah, I I don't know all thescience of it, but it definitely
changes the, you know, the body.
SPEAKER_03 (14:09):
We can use our we can use our model of the mind,
right?
Which suggests that theunconscious mind, the deepest
part of the mind, is receivingmessages from the conscious and
subconscious mind of alert,being on alert, kicking in the
sympathetic nervous system, andfocusing our attention.
(14:30):
And this is stuff I think it'simportant to talk about, talk
about attention, talk aboutawareness.
We we narrow our attention tothat which is in front of us.
We then lose our awareness ofeverything else around us.
Yeah, our eyes dilate, our bloodpressure goes up, our breathing
(14:51):
shallows, and we are now fullyready for fight or flight.
We're now fully prepared, andthe body does that all on its
own.
So to know that there's thatdeep connection between what you
think and how your bodyresponds, and how the body can
be shifted out of this state bytaking some of these
(15:16):
characteristics and thesecharacteristics of focus and
forcing the opposite.
So to tell somebody, be aware ofyour peripheral vision is a
great thing, right?
Now, just for a moment,yourself, be aware of your
peripheral vision and notice howthat relaxes you.
(15:37):
And then take a deep breath,because your breath shallows
when you're in this state, takea deep breath and notice how
that relaxes you.
Now just move your shouldersaround and notice how that
relaxes you because you haveyour sub your unconscious mind
has received messages from yourconscious and subconscious mind
to get in full alert, triggerthis sympathetic nervous system.
(16:01):
Now you are physically giving itthe message back.
Don't need it, let it go, we'reokay.
And these are really easy firststeps to move people to
relaxation.
And that's why, like you said,I'm the same way.
I always start with the breath.
Yeah, a deep breath is a reallyeasy way to lessen tension, to
(16:27):
lessen that that fight or flightstate, to reduce it.
And the then I one of thetechniques I use is be aware of
all the sounds in the room.
SPEAKER_02 (16:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (16:39):
Right.
Just be aware of all the soundsin the room.
And just the awareness ofrequires an openness, right?
It requires a I don't focus now,I I actually unfocus, right?
And by unfocusing, I'm makingmyself aware.
And these are basically theopposites of what goes on when
(17:05):
you're in that heightenedsympathetic nervous system state
that is the opposite ofrelaxation, right?
Yeah.
And so to know that, to knowthat if I can recognize in
myself, then I'm tense, thatthat too is a skill to be able
to, you know, say, okay, I'mtense.
(17:26):
You know, let's take a deepbreath and let's try to figure
out what I'm tense about, right?
What what am I afraid of?
What am I concerned about?
SPEAKER_00 (17:36):
Yeah.
No, I was just gonna say, like,usually we only recognize it
when we start to feel it in thebody.
And if I if I imagine, you know,somebody who's tense, going from
tense to non-tense, non-tense.
They're sort of taking theirconcentration from their head
(17:57):
and their and their torso andflowing it outwards.
That's what I see anyway, when Ithink of that.
We can get very caught up inthis, you know, exactly what I
see out my eyes.
I'm bringing in information,it's I'm feeling it in my chest,
it's tight.
I'm I'm all centered here, butnot centered in a good good way.
SPEAKER_03 (18:22):
And like that's okay, that's our life.
Every once in a while, dodgybarks on the church.
SPEAKER_00 (18:30):
Yeah, so uh they're we're sort of taking you from
being all caught up in the thearea just in front of you, just
around your head and your andyour torso, to being aware of
it's sort of funny because westretch outwards first and then
(18:50):
we go inwards, but we're focusedon our inner world instead of
our body.
We let go of the body in a way.
Many clients say, you know, I II feel like I don't even have a
body, like I can't even, youknow, not not to freak anyone
out or anything, but like I, youknow, I I thought about moving
(19:10):
my arm and I just didn't wantto.
SPEAKER_03 (19:13):
I do that all the time with my clients.
When they are, you know, whenthey are in a very focused
state.
I want to talk about attentionand awareness in a second, but
when they're in a very focusedstate, and I will use uh a
technique called a body scan ora body relaxation, which is just
moving from up the body from thefeet to the top of the head,
(19:36):
systematically being aware ofthat body part, putting your
attention there, then lettingthe attention go on the premise
that and the phrase I use is youknow, you can, you know, your
feet now are totally relaxed.
You don't need to be aware ofthem anymore.
You can completely let them gobecause we're not going to use
(19:56):
them for a little while.
And that's that's just uh anincredible message to the mind
that says, I don't need to havethat sensory aspect of me turned
on.
And we talk about I usetechniques like let it drop
away, it's gone out of yourawareness now, it's taking care
of itself, right?
These kinds of statements arereally useful when it comes to
(20:22):
using, like I said uh before,like attention and awareness.
Attention, I think it'simportant to see.
Uh I had a meditation teachersay this to me, and I've just
loved it ever since.
You know, and I use it when I domy pre-talks with my with my
clients.
You know, I'm I'm picking up apen, I'm holding it in my hand,
(20:43):
and that's attention.
Attention is like holdingsomething in your hand.
You now have the ability to tomanipulate it, to examine it, to
understand it.
But if I'm looking down at myglasses now and I say I want to
put my attention to my glasses,I have to put the pen down and
(21:06):
then pick up the glasses.
So my attention is like my hand.
It's an amazingly useful tooland it can do all kinds of
things, but it can only reallyhold one thing at a time.
And so, in my attention, right,I try and I'll battle with
myself to pay attention.
You know, if I'm sitting in ahypnosis chair and the hypnotist
(21:29):
is talking to me about relaxing,I'm trying to turn my attention
away from the things that I'mthinking towards the sound of
the hypnotist's voice.
And that's what I always do.
I say it out loud, and now yourattention is completely focused
on the sound of my voicefollowing along and enjoying a
(21:52):
deep hypnotic trance.
It's just about shiftingattention.
So the first step often is notto go from the pen to the
glasses, from the thing to thething.
SPEAKER_02 (22:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:04):
The first step is to let go of the pen and be aware
of all the things you can holdin your mind.
And now let's focus on theglasses.
So there's a step, I think, inrelaxation where you move
towards just broad awareness.
Broad awareness, the sounds inthe room, the feeling of the
chair underneath you, the soundof the furnace hissing, these
(22:28):
kinds of things, you move themtowards broad awareness and then
bring them into attention,right?
The the body and the mind isreally trying to take care of
you all the time.
And when somebody's externalinstructions are to move your
attention from this to this, itis the natural tendency of the
(22:48):
mind to say, why?
Right?
Why are you doing that?
What are you doing that for?
I don't want to do that.
I'm not going to do what youtell me to do.
These are just sort of naturalreactions because the mind is
trying to take care of you.
It's trying to protect you.
It has now chosen something tobe focused on that's causing
this anxiety, that's causingthis tension inside you.
(23:09):
It's picked something and it'snot going to just walk away from
that until it's resolved, untilit's has a sense of safety.
Right.
And I think one of the biggestmistakes hypnotists make is they
just don't pay attention to thestate of relaxation of the
client.
And they start to move intohypnosis with a client before
(23:30):
the client is really prepared tostart receiving it.
SPEAKER_02 (23:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (23:34):
So I think attention and awareness are interesting
concepts that can be used in theprocess of moving from tension
to relaxation.
SPEAKER_00 (23:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think about what you just saidabout how we can sometimes, as
hypnotists, move yeah, movepeople into working on their
mind before they're relaxed.
And for any budding hypnotistsor hypnotists that are listening
to this, if it's in our, youknow, we teach hypnotists, so
(24:09):
chances are they might listen tothis.
I think it is really importantto become very aware of, you
know, seeing what your client isgoing through.
Sometimes you'll notice thatthey'll get all set up and then
they'll, you know, we'll say,take a deep breath, but you
almost want to watch for anotherdeep breath, right?
(24:31):
Going down the stairs, do-do-do,you know, and then suddenly
without prompt, they're takinganother deep breath.
Things like that.
A lot of clients with me, whenwe get to the beautiful place,
they smile, they start to smile.
I think personally, I thinkthat's um that means they're
really in it, right?
(24:53):
Yeah.
And and and you're not gonna besaying, Are you relaxed yet?
Are you relaxed enough?
SPEAKER_03 (24:58):
Are you let's check now?
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
Yeah, yeah.
You just have to become moreaware of how that relaxation
looks.
And it's gonna be different foreverybody, right?
Sometimes, sometimes I haveclients that don't seem relaxed,
but when they come out ofhypnosis, they're like, wow,
that was amazing.
SPEAKER_03 (25:21):
Yeah, I think sometimes people have an amazing
experience even when they don'tgo deep, even when they don't go
completely relaxed.
There is a technique in hypnosisof just doing a hand drop.
What that is, is first, ofcourse, you get permission from
the client that you might touchthem and touch them on the hand
or the wrist.
And they, you know, 99% ofclients that they don't care,
(25:41):
that's fine.
But I think it's important topause and get that permission.
And then all you do is simplylift up the wrist and tell them
to just allow it to be held byyou, allow all the weight to be
in my hands, and you just pickup the arm at the wrist and you
give it a little shake.
And you can tell a lot abouttheir state of relaxation from
(26:04):
that.
You'll have everything from theclient lifting their arm
themselves and throwing theirarm down when you drop it, and
you'll be able to measuretension when you just give it a
gentle shake from side to side.
You know, a relaxed muscle isgonna just jiggle and sit there,
and the tense muscle is notgonna move.
You're gonna feel theresistance.
(26:25):
So there are ways of testingclients' relaxation.
I think that what's reallyimportant is to realize that the
command, relax, is an absolutelyuseless one.
It can quite frequently triggertension.
(26:47):
Like, why the hell do you wantme to relax?
What's gonna happen, right?
So the the command of relaxationis not helpful.
And then, of course, you know,like you've already talked about
it, and I think the breath isjust so important.
I start every every session withbreath.
It's a great way to shiftattention, it's a great way to
(27:11):
regulate, deregulate thesympathetic nervous system to
get it to just shut down, getinto that parasympathetic state.
It's the parasympathetic statethat allows the mind to relax
because the mind's on alert.
It's the control center untilthe body's relaxed, the mind's
not going to relax.
And so it's really interestingto see how those kinds of tools
(27:32):
work.
I use breath all the time.
There's all kinds of breathtechniques.
Maybe we could talk about someof those tomorrow.
But it's that that shifting ofawareness.
So although I'll use it inhypnosis, say, okay, it's time
for a nice deep cleansingbreath.
I don't think you can say thatto your friend, right?
You're you're at the mall,something's happening that's got
(27:54):
your friend stressed, and uhit's you can say it, yeah, just
take a deep breath, but it'llprobably just piss them off.
Right?
So here's a sneaky way to helppeople relax when you see people
in that state.
It's really sneaky.
It's did you hear that?
(28:14):
And that forces them to open uptheir awareness.
Where did that come from?
What's that sound?
And it forces them to open up,right?
And then you can just mimicbecause people are naturally
mimics.
You just you say, just wait asecond, just wait a second, I
want to hear this.
And you take a deep breath, youlisten, and they're just gonna
(28:38):
mimic that.
They're just gonna automaticallymimic that, and you go, Can't
you hear that?
No, I don't hear anything.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There was something there, I wassure there was something there,
and just in that process,they're going to be guided out
of their deep state of focusinto a broader sense of
(28:59):
awareness, a seeking outsidethemselves.
They're going to naturally movetowards relaxation.
And now, when you've done that,just redirect their attention,
right?
Let's go over there and look atthose, right?
Yeah, let's let's go get somechocolate.
Want some chocolate, right?
SPEAKER_00 (29:19):
Yeah, that always helps.
That always helps.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
So it's it's knowing that the the parasympathetic
nervous system is going to beactivated when your body starts
to do parasympathetic things.
SPEAKER_02 (29:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:38):
So moving attention away from what they're focused
on, expanding awareness, usingphysical techniques like
breathing, these are all ways tomove into relaxation.
And when it comes to things likevisualization or
compartmentalization in that inthe person.
(30:00):
mind and hypnosis.
One of the things that I, one ofthe tools I use all the time, I
use it with myself every day,all the time.
I imagine a table.
I imagine a table in front of meand I take this thing that's got
my full attention and got mereally lit up and fired up and
stressed out and I place it onthe table.
(30:22):
And I say, I'm not losing it.
I'm not giving up on it.
I'm just putting it down for awhile.
It's not helping me to stayfocused on it.
Most people are very aware thattheir tension and their stress
is not helping them.
You don't have to tell themthat.
But if you give them thatopportunity to say I'm just
going to put this down for awhile, right?
Just like you know you use atechnique of them pulling it
(30:46):
outside themselves.
What do you explain that?
SPEAKER_00 (30:49):
Yeah so if someone is tense will see where it is in
the body let's say it's in thein the stomach they'll imagine
or feel like they are graspingonto this tense we just use the
word energy in the stomach andthey're grasping onto it and
(31:12):
hauling it out of themselves,pulling it out of themselves,
throwing it out there in frontof them or placing it out there
in front of them.
And and what that does is itseparates it's it's now outside
of yourself, right?
When it's when we imagine orfeel like it's inside of us it
(31:33):
it's like we can't run away fromit in in a way right and so
taking it and sort of onceremoving it from the the body
it's out there then to make iteven more out there and not in
in the body I'll say what doesthat look like right what it
(31:54):
what what do you sense that isout there and it then it it it
feels like it's even moreremoved because how can a how
can a shovel be in my body righthow can a set of bricks be in my
body how can a blob of goo orslime or whatever it is I mean
it's endless what these thingslook like.
But so so then it it it removesit even more.
(32:18):
And and then we'll find out youknow depending if it's a
limiting belief or just not justan emotion but an emotion or
pattern or whatever it is thenwe go through a process of
either giving it back tosomebody or doing parts work
with it or whatever is meant tohappen.
SPEAKER_03 (32:37):
But it wash away in the ring.
SPEAKER_00 (32:40):
And some people just that they they get ahead of me
in the process I'm like okaywell where did this come from oh
well it's already gone I alreadylike threw it away okay okay
we'll just do that.
And the important thing here isto I trust my client's
subconscious mind more than thethings that I can make up to to
(33:05):
do for them or with them rightthe the things I can take them
through.
If their subconscious mind issaying oh it's it's like it's
stuck in my rib cage like it'sgooey and it's not coming out
and or if it's out there andit's sad or if there you know it
trust trust you know if if ifsomething comes out of the body
(33:28):
and it's sad right away to methat's that's parts work right
but we're not going to get ridof it.
We're going to work on it.
So all we you know and again I'msort of speaking to any
hypnotist will listening to thisin the future but just because
we have a maybe a a techniquedon't cookie cutter the whole
(33:49):
session you know you need to beable to sort of turn on a dime
if something happens.
SPEAKER_03 (33:55):
Yeah I think that creativity is one of the single
most important abilities that ahypnotist has to be creative in
the moment to use metaphor inthe moment to be a bit of a poet
at times using concepts andwords.
So what would you say to peoplewho just acknowledge to
(34:17):
themselves I'm stressed I needto relax I'm stressed I need to
relax like they've come in tosee me they say I'm aggressive.
Let's say it's you know any oldperson is or any any old people
listening any old people justpeople just people being people
(34:38):
they're out there living theirlives in the world and they know
by their reaction and thetension in their body and the
the unhappiness they have withthe situation that they want to
relax you're aware that you needto relax we know that saying to
(35:00):
yourself just relax is not gonnabe helpful.
SPEAKER_00 (35:04):
Just stop it just stop it just stop it oh my gosh
that's what is that money pythonfor anyone listening no it's um
bob newhart bob new heart bobnew heart i would well i mean
just as we have spoken about Iwould have them focus on maybe
something around them taking adeep breath and I suppose my my
(35:28):
mind instantly goes totechniques I I have that issue
with your natural hypnotismwe've spoken about this before
so I'm trying to pull back fromthat and just give you sort of
the basics but yeah I would Iwould ask them to notice their
breath and I also do the theidea of listening to things
(35:52):
around hearing things I like theone where it's I want you to
hear the most distant sound andthen they're listening and then
and then hear something halfwayfrom that let's say right and
then hear the closest soundsright so they're now they're
(36:14):
moving between sounds that'sreally opening the awareness of
that yeah having a hard timewith that one because again my
mind just goes to techniques butif someone just randomly came up
to me.
SPEAKER_03 (36:27):
So so here's the reframe I suggest I've heard
this said and I can't source it.
I can tell you that I've heardit a lot in my years and I've
used it with clients who areresistant to it a little bit but
as as I said we resist somebodyelse telling us to relax.
We don't necessarily resistourselves.
(36:50):
For most of us we use the pastto inform the future what we
cling to in our past are themistakes and the negatives the
mistakes we've made and thenegative things we've
experienced.
And that creates a sense of fearabout the future because we're
always attending into the futureyou know what am I trying to do?
(37:13):
What am I trying to accomplish?
What do I need?
How is the future going to getbetter or worse?
What's in the future that I needto be afraid of because of my
experiences of the past and sowe we live this kind of crazy
pendulum that swingsdramatically from memories of
the past to fears of the futureand back again back and forth
(37:35):
back and forth.
And most of the time when we'restressed or when we're
frustrated right what we'resaying to ourselves is think, oh
here this comes again here'sthis mess again and how can I
keep from having this mess in myfuture right so when you can
recognize that activity in yourmind you're already way ahead
(37:58):
you're already able to say I'mstarting to understand why I'm
not relaxing why I can't relax.
And so I think as a reframe youask yourself I have this problem
I have this fear but am Iexperiencing it here now?
Am I experiencing it here now?
(38:21):
It's amazing how many problemswe could make a list.
We have a whole list of problemsbut in this moment right now is
that problem going on so that'sthat's a first I think a very
useful reframe here and nownothing's going on I'm sitting
here looking out the window theonly thing going on are thoughts
(38:43):
thoughts in the form ofremembering bad experiences
thoughts in the form ofprojecting future fears you grab
yourself out of that thoughtprocess and you realize that
right here right now right hereright now it's not going on and
then you grab that right hereright now well where am I and
(39:05):
now you'll naturally take a deepbreath and you'll start to
become aware of the room thatyou're in the space that you're
in the area that you're in andyou'll start to open up your
senses your vision and yourhearing and your sense of smell
and you can say oh you know likeI I imagine you know I've I've
seen it I've seen it I've goneto the mall and I've watched
(39:28):
people have meltdowns in themall and it's it's funny because
they're in the mall I mean it'sjust a fun place right there's
Cinnabon you can smell it rightthere's music you can hear it
there is there's people andsmiles there's little kids
playing there's a lot of reasonsto be happy to be in the mall a
(39:48):
lot of people walk in the mallto go I hate this I hate people
I hate this environment I hatethe stress right but in that
moment if you grab back thepresent moment and you expand
your awareness and you allowyourself to take deep breaths
enjoyable breaths because Ireally do believe that a deep
(40:10):
breath can be an enjoyableexperience it can really be
something that feels physicallygood.
It's hard to take a deep breathand not have your mind
immediately sort of clarify.
It's hard to take a deep breathand not feel your shoulders
relax.
For some people it takes a fewbreaths before they can actually
(40:31):
take a deep breath because theygot to work some of that stress
and muscle tension out.
But if you took the reframe thatwas I am here now and then
expand your awareness toeverything around you right and
use your sense all of yoursenses to broaden your awareness
(40:52):
and put your attention on yourbreath you're going to find that
you quickly quickly as in 30 4060 seconds you will quickly
shift the way you're feeling nowyou can go right back I mean all
you got to do is go right backto that thought and lock on it
because it's a thought that'smaking you tense and if you want
(41:15):
to you can go back to it butthat might be the moment to say
to yourself I'm staying here nowI am safe here and now and that
statement to yourself that I amsafe is huge.
It's going to have an enormousimpact on your body and in doing
(41:37):
so that will have an impact onyour brain these are interactive
things right your brain yourbody your mind they impact each
other and you can use any anydimension of those to help the
others so yeah there's a sneakyway to get your friend to relax
there's a there's a good way foryou to get yourself to a state
(41:58):
of at least some relaxation andthen of course there's
distraction right and thatunfortunately is what a lot of
people use.
Yeah people will distractthemselves and unfortunately the
things we use to distractourselves can become addictions.
SPEAKER_00 (42:15):
Yeah yeah that's a whole podcast yeah yeah maybe
we'll talk about distractionstomorrow yeah and I want to put
it out there I want to talkabout not right now because
we're out of time but this onecomes up a lot what if
relaxation means I'm lazy it'samazing what we do to ourselves.
(42:35):
Mm-hmm fun stuff all right sothanks for hanging out today
we're gonna go relax at the gymand distractions and breath work
yep exactly exactly okay so wewill see you later
We are on the line.
SPEAKER_03 (00:10):
Oh, good.
It's a beautiful red sky as thesun comes up.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (00:16):
Shortest days of the year now.
SPEAKER_00 (00:18):
I'll say it.
SPEAKER_03 (00:19):
For the next, what is it, 20 20-something days, the
days are going to feel gonna getshort, short, short.
And then for 20 days after that,they're gonna feel short, short,
short.
And then all of a sudden, boom,it's gonna start to feel like
days are getting longer.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Magical.
SPEAKER_03 (00:40):
It's just mathematics, you know, ellipses
going around the bodies and andyou know what's the word?
I've lost the word.
Infinite satellites universe.
Oh my god, I'm having a brainfart.
(01:01):
I've lost a word.
Go ahead, tell me to relax.
SPEAKER_00 (01:05):
Relax.
Just relax.
Oh just come down.
SPEAKER_03 (01:12):
Satellites do what around I'm asking a word person
here.
Satellites do what going aroundthe world?
Satellites are orbit.
Orbiting.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (01:25):
That wasn't me for anyone.
For anyone listening, that wasin the chat.
SPEAKER_03 (01:31):
They're helping because I got you're here.
SPEAKER_00 (01:34):
Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (01:35):
It's funny how when you miss a word, when you can't
find a word, the harder you try.
This is actually a good segue.
The harder you try, the furtherthe word seems to go away from
you.
And you you you you frown andyou tense up and you damn,
where's that word?
And it's a word I use, and Iknow this word, and I I can even
(01:56):
see this word.
And then the harder you try, andthat's why I said tell me to
relax, because today's topic isrelaxation.
Yeah, how relaxed are you rightnow?
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
There's a reason we're talking about this today,
I think.
Yeah, this morning, not sorelaxed.
Just thinking about Christmasand everything.
SPEAKER_03 (02:24):
Yeah, yeah.
I wonder how many people wake upin these shortening days because
of the way the earth orbitsaround the sun.
I wonder how many wake up in astate of non-relaxation.
I wonder what you would callthat.
People will call it stress,people call it anxiety, people
(02:45):
would call it mental absorption,fixation.
Yeah, I think it's a time ofyear, especially, you know,
around here, where people areare shifting their lives because
it's turned into winter all of asudden.
So there's all those things thatneed to be done.
Sitting here still looking atthe hose that hasn't been put
(03:06):
away.
You know, and then they havethese big holidays coming up
where they're going to see awhole bunch of people, whether
it's Thanksgiving or Christmasor both.
And there's obligationsassociated with that.
And that, of course, means moneymost of the time.
And some people are just sobuttoned down.
(03:27):
They save all year long.
I knew someone that would saveall year long waiting for
November 1st.
And on November 1st, they wouldjust go and start decorating the
house, spending money onChristmas shopping and rap, and
and they would be done about youknow December 15th, and they
(03:50):
would have a room set aside intheir house with all this stuff
in it, all these things ready togo.
The whole house been onced over,and everything is been.
(05:31):
So the reason I thought aboutrelaxation is the other day I
was watching a video, and it wasa video on some doctor treating
somebody for something, right?
And the doctor, you just gottalook at this doctor and you're
saying, you know, what a tightass.
Right?
Like that's like this doctor isjust so focused and so rigid,
(05:56):
and so and the doctor comes inand he's got some thing in his
hand, and a needle of some sort,and he walks right up to the
patient and he's ready to tojust jab.
And he looks at the patient forjust a split second and says,
Relax, and then goes jab.
Where is this?
SPEAKER_00 (06:17):
Just on a on a video on oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (06:21):
No, it wasn't meant to be funny.
Well, then it was real.
unknown (06:26):
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03 (06:27):
There's a doctor providing a treatment, some
documentary.
Anyway, the point that I'mtrying to make is it's funny how
that happens.
Like, you know, we say it to ourclients that come in, we put
them in a comfortable chair, welower the lights, maybe put on
some background music or putsome nice smells in the air.
And then we say, Okay, it's timeto relax.
And they're in a hypnotistchair, they have no clue what's
(06:51):
gonna happen.
They're they're they'rethinking, Oh my god, it's
happening.
And and we're saying, relax.
So I thought, you know, weshould examine this idea of
relaxation and what it is andhow it happens, and what are
some techniques?
Because I think it's probably ithas the potential to be a huge
(07:18):
personal skill.
Yeah, right.
Like I put that on my resume.
If if I was if I was applyingfor some management position, I
put on my resume, I have theability to relax in 30 seconds.
I have the ability to detachfrom the situation and relax my
mind and my body to a point ofclarity in 30 seconds.
SPEAKER_00 (07:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (07:41):
I think that's amazing.
And I think just about everybodywould love to have that skill.
I think it's it's a prettyamazing thing.
So I think it's worth talkingabout relaxation.
I'm in the middle of designingand breaking up chunks to do a
sleep program for the school,and there's a series of reframes
(08:03):
that I use, and there's one thatI'm I am, you know, it's a it's
a simple idea, and I had to useit on myself the other night.
I because the reason I know thisstuff, the reason I I've
experienced this stuff isbecause I've been a person who's
had sleep issues, an inabilityto relax my mind and body.
(08:28):
So the simple reframe thatyou're going to experience on
school is, you know, sleep is anatural state.
When the mind is relaxed and thebody is relaxed, it happens.
SPEAKER_00 (08:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (08:40):
And that's the way it's been since you were born,
before you were born.
When your mind and your body arerelaxed, you will just naturally
fall into sleep.
But how do I relax?
Have any famous stories aboutrelaxing clients?
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
Excuse me.
Sometimes they'll say to me, uh,you know, I'm not I'm not
relaxed enough yet.
I'm just not there kind ofthing.
And so we'll do extra techniquesof uh let's say going down a set
of stairs or imagining uh thebeautiful place again.
(09:19):
Uh I like I like to use onewhere I'm having them paint uh
in a beautiful place.
So they're using a paintbrush intheir mind and they're painting
in and slowly becoming more realand detailed.
I think when we get theimagination involved, uh uh it's
very easy to find yourself moreand more relaxed.
(09:43):
And whether or not, I want tomake it clear whether or not you
can see in detail or not, orjust sense things are there, or
just pretend things are there,it's easier to relax.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:57):
Yeah.
So I I think you've named awhole bunch of great techniques.
You know, I think when it comesto tension, when it comes to
non-relaxation, I think it'simportant to realize that it's
it's in degrees.
It's in it's not a on-offswitch.
And I think, you know, that thatdodges relax.
(10:20):
That's that's thinking it's anon-off switch.
And it isn't an on-off switch,and distraction is a great
technique.
But I think about back in theday when I used to practice law
and I used to go see my sisterregularly for massage, because
it just I was the opposite ofrelaxed all of the time.
(10:44):
And and she said to me, I I lieddown on the table and she
started to work on an area and Istarted to laugh.
And she said basically, like, ohmy god, what we say in in
massage is there's tight andthen there's really tight and
then there's ticklish.
And the ticklish is thatultra-level of non-relaxation.
(11:10):
And I always remember the storyof a client I had, and she came
in and she got herself allbundled up and in the chair, and
then she just started giggling.
Oh my god, it's happening.
Oh my god, it's we're doing it,oh my god, it's happening.
And of course, there was no wayin the world she was going to go
into a theta state when she wasthat high on alert and that so
(11:32):
completely tight.
SPEAKER_02 (11:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:34):
So I think sometimes it's good to realize that
tension takes us to the point ofnervous laughter sometimes.
SPEAKER_01 (11:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:44):
And uh yeah, it's good to recognize, you know,
when we're in situations, ifwe're in a situation and we're
so stressed that we startlaughing about it, right?
Then the other person, peopleyou're dealing with, they're
gonna think you're dismissing itas unimportant because you're
laughing.
But I think that that's amisunderstanding.
SPEAKER_02 (12:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:06):
And that when people are giggling, when people are
giving you nervous laughter,they're actually more stressed
than they normally are.
This is extreme stress.
And so I think it's good to seethat, first of all.
What degree of non-relaxation amI in?
(12:28):
Right.
And I don't ever think that it'sever worked for anybody ever to
say to somebody, okay, relax.
SPEAKER_00 (12:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:38):
It's not something we do on command.
And if it's obvious that theperson is not relaxed, there are
other things and better thingsto do.
SPEAKER_00 (12:52):
Think about it too, when when we have somebody in or
going into hypnosis or they'regetting ready in the chair, we
don't say relax first.
We say taking a deep breath.
SPEAKER_03 (13:05):
There we go.
That to me is the first piece ofgood advice.
Go with it.
SPEAKER_00 (13:08):
Oh, that's it.
SPEAKER_03 (13:15):
That's why it's like trying to get Hilary to talk.
That's why I talk too much.
SPEAKER_00 (13:23):
No, but it's it's yeah, it's true.
Like we we want Tike's allexcited with our laughter.
We want people to relax, but thebest thing to start that process
is to change the conditions inthe body.
Right.
And so we we are learning moreand more about breath work in
(13:47):
society.
We're hearing more and moreabout it and how how good it is
for slowing down the heart rate,changing the mind in a way where
it starts to slow down.
Yeah, I I don't know all thescience of it, but it definitely
changes the, you know, the body.
SPEAKER_03 (14:09):
We can use our we can use our model of the mind,
right?
Which suggests that theunconscious mind, the deepest
part of the mind, is receivingmessages from the conscious and
subconscious mind of alert,being on alert, kicking in the
sympathetic nervous system, andfocusing our attention.
(14:30):
And this is stuff I think it'simportant to talk about, talk
about attention, talk aboutawareness.
We we narrow our attention tothat which is in front of us.
We then lose our awareness ofeverything else around us.
Yeah, our eyes dilate, our bloodpressure goes up, our breathing
(14:51):
shallows, and we are now fullyready for fight or flight.
We're now fully prepared, andthe body does that all on its
own.
So to know that there's thatdeep connection between what you
think and how your bodyresponds, and how the body can
be shifted out of this state bytaking some of these
(15:16):
characteristics and thesecharacteristics of focus and
forcing the opposite.
So to tell somebody, be aware ofyour peripheral vision is a
great thing, right?
Now, just for a moment,yourself, be aware of your
peripheral vision and notice howthat relaxes you.
(15:37):
And then take a deep breath,because your breath shallows
when you're in this state, takea deep breath and notice how
that relaxes you.
Now just move your shouldersaround and notice how that
relaxes you because you haveyour sub your unconscious mind
has received messages from yourconscious and subconscious mind
to get in full alert, triggerthis sympathetic nervous system.
(16:01):
Now you are physically giving itthe message back.
Don't need it, let it go, we'reokay.
And these are really easy firststeps to move people to
relaxation.
And that's why, like you said,I'm the same way.
I always start with the breath.
Yeah, a deep breath is a reallyeasy way to lessen tension, to
(16:27):
lessen that that fight or flightstate, to reduce it.
And the then I one of thetechniques I use is be aware of
all the sounds in the room.
SPEAKER_02 (16:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (16:39):
Right.
Just be aware of all the soundsin the room.
And just the awareness ofrequires an openness, right?
It requires a I don't focus now,I I actually unfocus, right?
And by unfocusing, I'm makingmyself aware.
And these are basically theopposites of what goes on when
(17:05):
you're in that heightenedsympathetic nervous system state
that is the opposite ofrelaxation, right?
Yeah.
And so to know that, to knowthat if I can recognize in
myself, then I'm tense, thatthat too is a skill to be able
to, you know, say, okay, I'mtense.
(17:26):
You know, let's take a deepbreath and let's try to figure
out what I'm tense about, right?
What what am I afraid of?
What am I concerned about?
SPEAKER_00 (17:36):
Yeah.
No, I was just gonna say, like,usually we only recognize it
when we start to feel it in thebody.
And if I if I imagine, you know,somebody who's tense, going from
tense to non-tense, non-tense.
They're sort of taking theirconcentration from their head
(17:57):
and their and their torso andflowing it outwards.
That's what I see anyway, when Ithink of that.
We can get very caught up inthis, you know, exactly what I
see out my eyes.
I'm bringing in information,it's I'm feeling it in my chest,
it's tight.
I'm I'm all centered here, butnot centered in a good good way.
SPEAKER_03 (18:22):
And like that's okay, that's our life.
Every once in a while, dodgybarks on the church.
SPEAKER_00 (18:30):
Yeah, so uh they're we're sort of taking you from
being all caught up in the thearea just in front of you, just
around your head and your andyour torso, to being aware of
it's sort of funny because westretch outwards first and then
(18:50):
we go inwards, but we're focusedon our inner world instead of
our body.
We let go of the body in a way.
Many clients say, you know, I II feel like I don't even have a
body, like I can't even, youknow, not not to freak anyone
out or anything, but like I, youknow, I I thought about moving
(19:10):
my arm and I just didn't wantto.
SPEAKER_03 (19:13):
I do that all the time with my clients.
When they are, you know, whenthey are in a very focused
state.
I want to talk about attentionand awareness in a second, but
when they're in a very focusedstate, and I will use uh a
technique called a body scan ora body relaxation, which is just
moving from up the body from thefeet to the top of the head,
(19:36):
systematically being aware ofthat body part, putting your
attention there, then lettingthe attention go on the premise
that and the phrase I use is youknow, you can, you know, your
feet now are totally relaxed.
You don't need to be aware ofthem anymore.
You can completely let them gobecause we're not going to use
(19:56):
them for a little while.
And that's that's just uh anincredible message to the mind
that says, I don't need to havethat sensory aspect of me turned
on.
And we talk about I usetechniques like let it drop
away, it's gone out of yourawareness now, it's taking care
of itself, right?
These kinds of statements arereally useful when it comes to
(20:22):
using, like I said uh before,like attention and awareness.
Attention, I think it'simportant to see.
Uh I had a meditation teachersay this to me, and I've just
loved it ever since.
You know, and I use it when I domy pre-talks with my with my
clients.
You know, I'm I'm picking up apen, I'm holding it in my hand,
(20:43):
and that's attention.
Attention is like holdingsomething in your hand.
You now have the ability to tomanipulate it, to examine it, to
understand it.
But if I'm looking down at myglasses now and I say I want to
put my attention to my glasses,I have to put the pen down and
(21:06):
then pick up the glasses.
So my attention is like my hand.
It's an amazingly useful tooland it can do all kinds of
things, but it can only reallyhold one thing at a time.
And so, in my attention, right,I try and I'll battle with
myself to pay attention.
You know, if I'm sitting in ahypnosis chair and the hypnotist
(21:29):
is talking to me about relaxing,I'm trying to turn my attention
away from the things that I'mthinking towards the sound of
the hypnotist's voice.
And that's what I always do.
I say it out loud, and now yourattention is completely focused
on the sound of my voicefollowing along and enjoying a
(21:52):
deep hypnotic trance.
It's just about shiftingattention.
So the first step often is notto go from the pen to the
glasses, from the thing to thething.
SPEAKER_02 (22:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:04):
The first step is to let go of the pen and be aware
of all the things you can holdin your mind.
And now let's focus on theglasses.
So there's a step, I think, inrelaxation where you move
towards just broad awareness.
Broad awareness, the sounds inthe room, the feeling of the
chair underneath you, the soundof the furnace hissing, these
(22:28):
kinds of things, you move themtowards broad awareness and then
bring them into attention,right?
The the body and the mind isreally trying to take care of
you all the time.
And when somebody's externalinstructions are to move your
attention from this to this, itis the natural tendency of the
(22:48):
mind to say, why?
Right?
Why are you doing that?
What are you doing that for?
I don't want to do that.
I'm not going to do what youtell me to do.
These are just sort of naturalreactions because the mind is
trying to take care of you.
It's trying to protect you.
It has now chosen something tobe focused on that's causing
this anxiety, that's causingthis tension inside you.
(23:09):
It's picked something and it'snot going to just walk away from
that until it's resolved, untilit's has a sense of safety.
Right.
And I think one of the biggestmistakes hypnotists make is they
just don't pay attention to thestate of relaxation of the
client.
And they start to move intohypnosis with a client before
(23:30):
the client is really prepared tostart receiving it.
SPEAKER_02 (23:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (23:34):
So I think attention and awareness are interesting
concepts that can be used in theprocess of moving from tension
to relaxation.
SPEAKER_00 (23:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think about what you just saidabout how we can sometimes, as
hypnotists, move yeah, movepeople into working on their
mind before they're relaxed.
And for any budding hypnotistsor hypnotists that are listening
to this, if it's in our, youknow, we teach hypnotists, so
(24:09):
chances are they might listen tothis.
I think it is really importantto become very aware of, you
know, seeing what your client isgoing through.
Sometimes you'll notice thatthey'll get all set up and then
they'll, you know, we'll say,take a deep breath, but you
almost want to watch for anotherdeep breath, right?
(24:31):
Going down the stairs, do-do-do,you know, and then suddenly
without prompt, they're takinganother deep breath.
Things like that.
A lot of clients with me, whenwe get to the beautiful place,
they smile, they start to smile.
I think personally, I thinkthat's um that means they're
really in it, right?
(24:53):
Yeah.
And and and you're not gonna besaying, Are you relaxed yet?
Are you relaxed enough?
SPEAKER_03 (24:58):
Are you let's check now?
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
Yeah, yeah.
You just have to become moreaware of how that relaxation
looks.
And it's gonna be different foreverybody, right?
Sometimes, sometimes I haveclients that don't seem relaxed,
but when they come out ofhypnosis, they're like, wow,
that was amazing.
SPEAKER_03 (25:21):
Yeah, I think sometimes people have an amazing
experience even when they don'tgo deep, even when they don't go
completely relaxed.
There is a technique in hypnosisof just doing a hand drop.
What that is, is first, ofcourse, you get permission from
the client that you might touchthem and touch them on the hand
or the wrist.
And they, you know, 99% ofclients that they don't care,
(25:41):
that's fine.
But I think it's important topause and get that permission.
And then all you do is simplylift up the wrist and tell them
to just allow it to be held byyou, allow all the weight to be
in my hands, and you just pickup the arm at the wrist and you
give it a little shake.
And you can tell a lot abouttheir state of relaxation from
(26:04):
that.
You'll have everything from theclient lifting their arm
themselves and throwing theirarm down when you drop it, and
you'll be able to measuretension when you just give it a
gentle shake from side to side.
You know, a relaxed muscle isgonna just jiggle and sit there,
and the tense muscle is notgonna move.
You're gonna feel theresistance.
(26:25):
So there are ways of testingclients' relaxation.
I think that what's reallyimportant is to realize that the
command, relax, is an absolutelyuseless one.
It can quite frequently triggertension.
(26:47):
Like, why the hell do you wantme to relax?
What's gonna happen, right?
So the the command of relaxationis not helpful.
And then, of course, you know,like you've already talked about
it, and I think the breath isjust so important.
I start every every session withbreath.
It's a great way to shiftattention, it's a great way to
(27:11):
regulate, deregulate thesympathetic nervous system to
get it to just shut down, getinto that parasympathetic state.
It's the parasympathetic statethat allows the mind to relax
because the mind's on alert.
It's the control center untilthe body's relaxed, the mind's
not going to relax.
And so it's really interestingto see how those kinds of tools
(27:32):
work.
I use breath all the time.
There's all kinds of breathtechniques.
Maybe we could talk about someof those tomorrow.
But it's that that shifting ofawareness.
So although I'll use it inhypnosis, say, okay, it's time
for a nice deep cleansingbreath.
I don't think you can say thatto your friend, right?
You're you're at the mall,something's happening that's got
(27:54):
your friend stressed, and uhit's you can say it, yeah, just
take a deep breath, but it'llprobably just piss them off.
Right?
So here's a sneaky way to helppeople relax when you see people
in that state.
It's really sneaky.
It's did you hear that?
(28:14):
And that forces them to open uptheir awareness.
Where did that come from?
What's that sound?
And it forces them to open up,right?
And then you can just mimicbecause people are naturally
mimics.
You just you say, just wait asecond, just wait a second, I
want to hear this.
And you take a deep breath, youlisten, and they're just gonna
(28:38):
mimic that.
They're just gonna automaticallymimic that, and you go, Can't
you hear that?
No, I don't hear anything.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There was something there, I wassure there was something there,
and just in that process,they're going to be guided out
of their deep state of focusinto a broader sense of
(28:59):
awareness, a seeking outsidethemselves.
They're going to naturally movetowards relaxation.
And now, when you've done that,just redirect their attention,
right?
Let's go over there and look atthose, right?
Yeah, let's let's go get somechocolate.
Want some chocolate, right?
SPEAKER_00 (29:19):
Yeah, that always helps.
That always helps.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
So it's it's knowing that the the parasympathetic
nervous system is going to beactivated when your body starts
to do parasympathetic things.
SPEAKER_02 (29:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:38):
So moving attention away from what they're focused
on, expanding awareness, usingphysical techniques like
breathing, these are all ways tomove into relaxation.
And when it comes to things likevisualization or
compartmentalization in that inthe person.
(30:00):
mind and hypnosis.
One of the things that I, one ofthe tools I use all the time, I
use it with myself every day,all the time.
I imagine a table.
I imagine a table in front of meand I take this thing that's got
my full attention and got mereally lit up and fired up and
stressed out and I place it onthe table.
(30:22):
And I say, I'm not losing it.
I'm not giving up on it.
I'm just putting it down for awhile.
It's not helping me to stayfocused on it.
Most people are very aware thattheir tension and their stress
is not helping them.
You don't have to tell themthat.
But if you give them thatopportunity to say I'm just
going to put this down for awhile, right?
Just like you know you use atechnique of them pulling it
(30:46):
outside themselves.
What do you explain that?
SPEAKER_00 (30:49):
Yeah so if someone is tense will see where it is in
the body let's say it's in thein the stomach they'll imagine
or feel like they are graspingonto this tense we just use the
word energy in the stomach andthey're grasping onto it and
(31:12):
hauling it out of themselves,pulling it out of themselves,
throwing it out there in frontof them or placing it out there
in front of them.
And and what that does is itseparates it's it's now outside
of yourself, right?
When it's when we imagine orfeel like it's inside of us it
(31:33):
it's like we can't run away fromit in in a way right and so
taking it and sort of onceremoving it from the the body
it's out there then to make iteven more out there and not in
in the body I'll say what doesthat look like right what it
(31:54):
what what do you sense that isout there and it then it it it
feels like it's even moreremoved because how can a how
can a shovel be in my body righthow can a set of bricks be in my
body how can a blob of goo orslime or whatever it is I mean
it's endless what these thingslook like.
But so so then it it it removesit even more.
(32:18):
And and then we'll find out youknow depending if it's a
limiting belief or just not justan emotion but an emotion or
pattern or whatever it is thenwe go through a process of
either giving it back tosomebody or doing parts work
with it or whatever is meant tohappen.
SPEAKER_03 (32:37):
But it wash away in the ring.
SPEAKER_00 (32:40):
And some people just that they they get ahead of me
in the process I'm like okaywell where did this come from oh
well it's already gone I alreadylike threw it away okay okay
we'll just do that.
And the important thing here isto I trust my client's
subconscious mind more than thethings that I can make up to to
(33:05):
do for them or with them rightthe the things I can take them
through.
If their subconscious mind issaying oh it's it's like it's
stuck in my rib cage like it'sgooey and it's not coming out
and or if it's out there andit's sad or if there you know it
trust trust you know if if ifsomething comes out of the body
(33:28):
and it's sad right away to methat's that's parts work right
but we're not going to get ridof it.
We're going to work on it.
So all we you know and again I'msort of speaking to any
hypnotist will listening to thisin the future but just because
we have a maybe a a techniquedon't cookie cutter the whole
(33:49):
session you know you need to beable to sort of turn on a dime
if something happens.
SPEAKER_03 (33:55):
Yeah I think that creativity is one of the single
most important abilities that ahypnotist has to be creative in
the moment to use metaphor inthe moment to be a bit of a poet
at times using concepts andwords.
So what would you say to peoplewho just acknowledge to
(34:17):
themselves I'm stressed I needto relax I'm stressed I need to
relax like they've come in tosee me they say I'm aggressive.
Let's say it's you know any oldperson is or any any old people
listening any old people justpeople just people being people
(34:38):
they're out there living theirlives in the world and they know
by their reaction and thetension in their body and the
the unhappiness they have withthe situation that they want to
relax you're aware that you needto relax we know that saying to
(35:00):
yourself just relax is not gonnabe helpful.
SPEAKER_00 (35:04):
Just stop it just stop it just stop it oh my gosh
that's what is that money pythonfor anyone listening no it's um
bob newhart bob new heart bobnew heart i would well i mean
just as we have spoken about Iwould have them focus on maybe
something around them taking adeep breath and I suppose my my
(35:28):
mind instantly goes totechniques I I have that issue
with your natural hypnotismwe've spoken about this before
so I'm trying to pull back fromthat and just give you sort of
the basics but yeah I would Iwould ask them to notice their
breath and I also do the theidea of listening to things
(35:52):
around hearing things I like theone where it's I want you to
hear the most distant sound andthen they're listening and then
and then hear something halfwayfrom that let's say right and
then hear the closest soundsright so they're now they're
(36:14):
moving between sounds that'sreally opening the awareness of
that yeah having a hard timewith that one because again my
mind just goes to techniques butif someone just randomly came up
to me.
SPEAKER_03 (36:27):
So so here's the reframe I suggest I've heard
this said and I can't source it.
I can tell you that I've heardit a lot in my years and I've
used it with clients who areresistant to it a little bit but
as as I said we resist somebodyelse telling us to relax.
We don't necessarily resistourselves.
(36:50):
For most of us we use the pastto inform the future what we
cling to in our past are themistakes and the negatives the
mistakes we've made and thenegative things we've
experienced.
And that creates a sense of fearabout the future because we're
always attending into the futureyou know what am I trying to do?
(37:13):
What am I trying to accomplish?
What do I need?
How is the future going to getbetter or worse?
What's in the future that I needto be afraid of because of my
experiences of the past and sowe we live this kind of crazy
pendulum that swingsdramatically from memories of
the past to fears of the futureand back again back and forth
(37:35):
back and forth.
And most of the time when we'restressed or when we're
frustrated right what we'resaying to ourselves is think, oh
here this comes again here'sthis mess again and how can I
keep from having this mess in myfuture right so when you can
recognize that activity in yourmind you're already way ahead
(37:58):
you're already able to say I'mstarting to understand why I'm
not relaxing why I can't relax.
And so I think as a reframe youask yourself I have this problem
I have this fear but am Iexperiencing it here now?
Am I experiencing it here now?
(38:21):
It's amazing how many problemswe could make a list.
We have a whole list of problemsbut in this moment right now is
that problem going on so that'sthat's a first I think a very
useful reframe here and nownothing's going on I'm sitting
here looking out the window theonly thing going on are thoughts
(38:43):
thoughts in the form ofremembering bad experiences
thoughts in the form ofprojecting future fears you grab
yourself out of that thoughtprocess and you realize that
right here right now right hereright now it's not going on and
then you grab that right hereright now well where am I and
(39:05):
now you'll naturally take a deepbreath and you'll start to
become aware of the room thatyou're in the space that you're
in the area that you're in andyou'll start to open up your
senses your vision and yourhearing and your sense of smell
and you can say oh you know likeI I imagine you know I've I've
seen it I've seen it I've goneto the mall and I've watched
(39:28):
people have meltdowns in themall and it's it's funny because
they're in the mall I mean it'sjust a fun place right there's
Cinnabon you can smell it rightthere's music you can hear it
there is there's people andsmiles there's little kids
playing there's a lot of reasonsto be happy to be in the mall a
(39:48):
lot of people walk in the mallto go I hate this I hate people
I hate this environment I hatethe stress right but in that
moment if you grab back thepresent moment and you expand
your awareness and you allowyourself to take deep breaths
enjoyable breaths because Ireally do believe that a deep
(40:10):
breath can be an enjoyableexperience it can really be
something that feels physicallygood.
It's hard to take a deep breathand not have your mind
immediately sort of clarify.
It's hard to take a deep breathand not feel your shoulders
relax.
For some people it takes a fewbreaths before they can actually
(40:31):
take a deep breath because theygot to work some of that stress
and muscle tension out.
But if you took the reframe thatwas I am here now and then
expand your awareness toeverything around you right and
use your sense all of yoursenses to broaden your awareness
(40:52):
and put your attention on yourbreath you're going to find that
you quickly quickly as in 30 4060 seconds you will quickly
shift the way you're feeling nowyou can go right back I mean all
you got to do is go right backto that thought and lock on it
because it's a thought that'smaking you tense and if you want
(41:15):
to you can go back to it butthat might be the moment to say
to yourself I'm staying here nowI am safe here and now and that
statement to yourself that I amsafe is huge.
It's going to have an enormousimpact on your body and in doing
(41:37):
so that will have an impact onyour brain these are interactive
things right your brain yourbody your mind they impact each
other and you can use any anydimension of those to help the
others so yeah there's a sneakyway to get your friend to relax
there's a there's a good way foryou to get yourself to a state
(41:58):
of at least some relaxation andthen of course there's
distraction right and thatunfortunately is what a lot of
people use.
Yeah people will distractthemselves and unfortunately the
things we use to distractourselves can become addictions.
SPEAKER_00 (42:15):
Yeah yeah that's a whole podcast yeah yeah maybe
we'll talk about distractionstomorrow yeah and I want to put
it out there I want to talkabout not right now because
we're out of time but this onecomes up a lot what if
relaxation means I'm lazy it'samazing what we do to ourselves.
(42:35):
Mm-hmm fun stuff all right sothanks for hanging out today
we're gonna go relax at the gymand distractions and breath work
yep exactly exactly okay so wewill see you later
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