January 8, 2025 • 40 mins
The transition to second semester of college is so important – and often hidden – that we’ve decided to share this episode again. You and your student may be taken by surprise when the start of the second semester of college seems so difficult. In this episode, Vicki and Lynn explore why some students may experience the “second semester blues” and why some parents feel they need to increase their involvement. We share strategies you can use to calm your fears and help your student make the most of this fresh start.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Vicki Nelson (00:00):
Hi everybody.
This week is an Encore episode.
We're re-releasing one of ourearlier episodes, essential at
this time of year.
You may have missed it thefirst time around or maybe it
wasn't relevant for you at thattime.
It's about the transition tothe second semester of college.
You know everybody talks aboutthat first transition that
(00:23):
happens in the fall, but there'sanother transition during the
second semester and it's alittle more hidden.
You know everybody talks aboutthat first transition that
happens in the fall, but there'sanother transition during the
second semester and it's alittle more hidden.
So here you go, because this issuch an important topic.
Here's the second semester ofcollege, the transition no one
talks about.
We hope it's helpful.
Announcer (00:53):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already in college, this podcast is for you.
You'll find food for thoughtand information about college
and about navigating thatdelicate balance of guidance,
involvement and knowing when toget out of the way.
(01:14):
Join your hosts, vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
support and a celebration ofthe amazing experience of having
a child in college.
Vicki Nelson (01:30):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
I'm Vicki Nelson and I am acollege professor and a former
director of academic advisingand I have three daughters who
have all gone to college andcome out on the other side.
We've all survived.
Lynn Abrahams (01:49):
And my name's Lynn Abrahams.
I'm a learning disabilityspecialist.
I work with college students.
I am also the mom of two sons,so between the two of us we have
the girls and the boys covered,and we're here to talk about
(02:09):
parenting college students.
Vicki Nelson (02:12):
And today, very specifically, we want to talk a
little bit about second semesterof college.
You know the first semester ofcollege gets a lot of press and
a lot of thinking about whatgoes on.
It's a very busy semester oftransitions, of parents worrying
(02:33):
of parents adjusting to theempty nest, parents and students
transitioning to new roles anda new life, learning what
college is about, both from thestudent perspective and from the
parent perspective.
There's a lot to think aboutand a lot that goes on in that
first semester and then we cometo the end of it and we think
(02:56):
we're all done and really thereare seven more semesters for
many students and sometimes evenmore than that Sometimes more.
So the path continues and secondsemester has its own sort of
nature and rhythm.
So we thought we'd talk alittle bit about that today.
(03:16):
You know everyone's unique andevery student is unique.
Every parent is unique and therelationship between students
and parents are unique.
But there's a certain timeline,there's a certain rhythm and
some universals for everybody.
So it may take some parents bysurprise when the second
(03:40):
semester seems a little bitdifficult, and we think it's
important that you know thatyou're not alone If all of a
sudden this has reared its headand you weren't expecting it,
because it feels as though thisshould be a breeze now and
there's nothing to it and thatthere shouldn't be a problem.
(04:01):
And because of that no one talksabout it.
Everyone talked about thetransition in the fall, Everyone
talked about the empty nest,Everyone talked about their kids
going away to college and bysecond semester you're supposed
to be over it all and no onetalks about it.
But we're going to talk aboutit a little bit today.
We're going to change thatBecause there is a kind of a
(04:25):
loss again, just as there was inthe fall, but it's a different
kind of loss this time and it'spartially because they for most
students they've been home for anice long winter break.
Over the holidays You've hadthem home again, they've been
back under your roof and yourealize how much they've changed
(04:47):
.
We have an earlier podcastabout what to expect when they
come home for break and thatlong winter break, and you might
want to go back and listen tothose and you do realize that
the person who came home atwinter break is not the person
that went away in the fall, andso you're much more aware of how
(05:09):
much your student is changingas time goes along.
Lynn Abrahams (05:12):
I think that impacts our role too, because
sometimes we feel that we're notas needed.
Ah, yes.
Because they're going off.
You know they're going back andwe don't.
You know we don't have as muchof a role to play.
I do remember when my older sonwent back to college on the
(05:34):
second semester and I doremember him saying that he
found his people and it feltlike he was quite happy to go
back and it just reminded methat that's a little step in the
development.
You know that.
You know our kids are going totake those steps away and that's
(05:54):
a good thing, yeah.
Vicki Nelson (05:56):
But I remember feeling that They've lived into
that independence a little bitin that first semester and, yeah
, they're going back to theirpeople to their friends and to a
life that they've begun to puttogether.
Lynn Abrahams (06:11):
for many of them, Yep, sometimes they could go
the other way too, and theycould be very nervous about
going back, and so that could bealso a pretty emotional leaving
again.
Vicki Nelson (06:26):
And I think we're surprised by the emotion on both
sides because we thought, oh,you know, there were all those
tears in September and now it'sroutine, but it's really not too
routine yet.
Lynn Abrahams (06:40):
I think any transition can be difficult for
at least a lot of students.
Vicki Nelson (06:44):
And you know, as we talk about this, we also have
to recognize too that by theend of this long winter break we
may be very happy that they'regoing back, so don't feel left
out if you're doing a littlehappy dance because it's time
for your student to go back toschool Right, that's very normal
too, and it's this mix that'ssometimes so difficult and it's
(07:08):
an interesting time for studentstoo, and I think it's important
that we keep that in mind thatsome students experience a
little bit of what we sometimescall the second semester blues.
It's a little bit difficult andreally when you think about it
(07:29):
it's a natural reaction.
It's winter and in many placesin the country that means it's
cold and it's dark and you don'tsee the sunlight that much.
It's kind of hard to getenthusiastic about a lot.
You had this wonderful breakthat included holidays and
family and relaxing time andthat's over.
(07:53):
We all experienced that, thatpost holiday slump a little bit,
once all of the celebration andexcitement is over.
So that long break waswonderful.
I mean, how many of us like togo back to work on Monday
morning?
after we've had a long weekendand also the novelty of the
college experience is worn off.
(08:14):
Students know the hard workthat's ahead of them.
It's now just move along to thenext step and the idea that
summer vacation and May justseems a lifetime away.
(08:35):
It seems like a long time untilthey're going to get a break.
So often, both students andtheir parents are taken by
surprise that there's a lotgoing on, and so then we panic a
little bit because we haven'theard about this before, whereas
we worried about that emptynest.
But we knew that was coming,and so one of the things that we
(08:58):
can really do is help ourstudents to understand that what
they're feeling, whatever it is, is completely normal, and that
other people probably areexperiencing it too maybe not
talking about it, but feeling itand that it does usually pass
and they come out on the otherside.
Lynn Abrahams (09:19):
You know, some of the students who I work with
feel very proud of finishingthat first semester and feel
thrilled that they can do it.
I mean, I often tell mystudents that the goal of their
first semester is to end thesemester knowing they can do
(09:41):
college.
Vicki Nelson (09:43):
So they're excited to go back.
Lynn Abrahams (09:44):
So they might be very excited about going back.
So that's another.
Vicki Nelson (09:50):
As opposed to that uncertainty in the fall of, can
I do it?
What's it going to be like?
And now, yes, I can do it.
I want to go do it again, andthat sense of accomplishment
spurs them forward.
So, there are lots of specificthings.
Just to think quickly aboutsome of the things that might be
(10:14):
causing concern to studentsabout returning.
It's a return to reality.
I'm going to go back and I knowthere's going to be a routine.
I'm going to haveresponsibilities, I'm going to
have early morning classes, I'mgoing to have lots of work.
It's the same feeling that,really, that we all feel at the
end of a vacation, when it'stime to go back to work, as much
(10:37):
as I love my job.
There's a return to reality.
That happens there, and perhapsthe optimism of new resolutions
have already worn off.
We make those New Year'sresolutions and some of us make
it through a week or two beforewe aren't keeping up with our
resolutions.
So there may be that andthere's really no fanfare this
(11:00):
time.
It's just go.
There isn't a big welcome weekand celebrations and a
convocation.
Really, the honeymoon is overand now it's just down to doing
what you need to do.
Lynn Abrahams (11:12):
And sometimes students walk right into that
situation.
You know, knowing what theworkload is going to be, what
the situation is going to feellike, but a lot depends on how
the first semester went.
Vicki Nelson (11:24):
Ah, yeah.
(11:47):
And you know if it wasn't such agreat first semester.
You know students are concernedand wondering how they can, you
know, turn things around, howthey can, you know, dig out of
or not feel as intimidated, youknow, by being in college.
And that might be.
We might, as parents, we mightadd to that a little bit, maybe
unknowingly, because if thefirst semester didn't go very
well, we might have spent sometime over winter break having
some conversations with ourstudent, which is a good thing.
But now there's a little addedpressure.
I expect you to do better thissemester.
(12:08):
I expect you to turn thingsaround.
And so there's a little morehanging over your head.
In that way, some students maybe experiencing some second
thoughts about their major.
They came in the fall sayingthis is what I want to do, and
perhaps and hopefully took aclass in that subject, and now
(12:33):
they're having second thoughtsand so this thing that I all,
through high school, said thisis what I want to do isn't right
, but I haven't found a newpassion yet, and sometimes
that's a good thing, becauseit's a whole lot better to do
(12:55):
that questioning after the firstsemester than it is after you
graduate.
Going into senior year anddeciding you hate your major is
a little bit tough, but itreally does make it feel like
this is a moment of decision andit's hard, I think, for
students to hit pause a littlebit and say, okay, that major's
not right, but I don't know yetwhat is and it's okay if I'm in
(13:20):
between for a semester.
So it feels like, okay, I needto make a decision.
And another thing for manystudents is, even at middle of
this first year they may havesome friends who are not going
to be returning in the springthat either decided that college
(13:41):
is not right I wasn't ready, Ineed a break and so they're not
going to be coming back, or whohave perhaps transferred to
another college or just failedout for whatever reason.
Some of the people that theywere close to in the fall are
not going to be coming back andit feels a little bit at a loss.
(14:02):
And even some friends who arecoming back a student may be
thinking a little bit, thinkmore thoughtfully about their
choice of friends.
It may be time to move awayfrom those friends of
convenience from the firstsemester, of the people who just
(14:22):
happened to live down the hallor were in this class and, you
know, maybe beginning to think.
I need to think a little bitmore about who my social circle
and friends are.
Lynn Abrahams (14:33):
I think that's a really common thing that a lot
of students make immediatefriends when they get to college
and then realize when they comeback for that second semester
that that may not be what theywant, and they may also be
getting more involved in theirmajor or they want to connect
(14:54):
with people who have moresimilar interests right you know
, want to make some shifts, andsometimes that's a really good
thing.
Vicki Nelson (15:00):
Yeah yeah, At the beginning of first semester, one
of the major concerns so manystudents have is will I have any
friends?
Announcer (15:09):
right.
Vicki Nelson (15:09):
And so anyone that they can sort of grab and
connect with works.
But then, as time goes along,you begin to question that a
little bit.
Lynn Abrahams (15:19):
I think that's one of the biggest changes in
second semester.
The first semester was a lotabout survival surviving it.
And then the second semester.
Changes can occur.
Vicki Nelson (15:33):
Yeah, time to settle down and rethink.
Lynn Abrahams (15:36):
And I think also, you know, they're coming back
from winter break and that couldhave been a time of some
shifting changes with homerelationships.
You know, I think sometimeswhen people go away and then
they come back, some of theirrelationships change.
(15:58):
So either a romanticrelationship might split up or
it might be that old friendsdon't quite feel like that's
what.
Vicki Nelson (16:09):
That connection isn't quite there.
Lynn Abrahams (16:11):
in the same way, so that could also happen.
Connection isn't quite there inthe same way, so that could
also happen.
And then, of course, there'sbeing home and hearing everyone
else's stories and hearing howgreat life is for everyone else
that could be.
You know, the grass is alwaysgreener everywhere else.
Vicki Nelson (16:30):
So between being home and also social media
definitely feeds that thatpeople are posting the pictures
and the stories of everythingwonderful and it does always
seem as though, wow, everyoneeverywhere else is having such a
good time.
Why am I just having to work sohard?
Or?
Work so hard to find friends orsomething.
Lynn Abrahams (16:51):
And I think that that means that sometimes this
is the time that students willtalk about transferring.
Vicki Nelson (16:58):
And.
Lynn Abrahams (16:59):
I think that's a part of the.
It's often part of the processof settling into college to talk
about transferring, becauseit's sort of thinking through
gee, I can go somewhere else,and then often they choose to be
where they are after thinkingthat through, and sometimes
(17:21):
that's not something to beafraid of.
I mean, I think as parentssometimes we get very nervous
when our students think oh,they've only been in school for
one semester and they'rethinking about transferring, and
it's just not unusual at allfor students to think that
through.
It doesn't mean they're actuallygoing to leave, right.
Vicki Nelson (17:40):
Just knowing that you have options helps.
You feel as though deciding tostay which many students do,
most students do, but thedecision to stay becomes an
affirmative decision of a choiceto do that.
So in a lot of ways, with allof these things going on second
(18:02):
semester, it really is a muchmore thoughtful return to
college than that first one.
Students know what to expect.
Some of those are wonderful andsome of those are.
You know reality Difficult andthey have some mixed feelings.
But everyone expects you to besettled in and you may not feel
(18:27):
that way.
So there's a little bit of adisconnect in that way, which is
part of what often causesparents to worry.
There's this interestingphenomenon that happens that
often parents' involvementactually increases during
students' second semester ofcollege.
And really, when you thinkabout all the things we just
(18:50):
talked about, that's whatparents are seeing, that's what
parents are hearing.
There were those goodexperiences in the fall and not
so good.
So we have lots of reasons toworry a little bit more and to
perhaps want to now step in alittle more than maybe we should
(19:10):
, because we recognize that ourstudent is experiencing some of
those second semester blues.
Or maybe grades weren't verygood in the fall and there were
other issues.
There might have been socialissues, there might have been
behavioral issues and we say,okay, now we see what college is
(19:33):
like, will this continue?
We want to step in.
Or maybe grades were great inthe fall and we want to make
sure our student is able tomaintain those grades and we're
worried about whether they'll beable to do that.
Lynn Abrahams (19:48):
You know?
Another thing that happenssecond semester is spring break,
which can be a crazy time or itdepends.
Sometimes that's when our kidswant to go take a trip or go
places where traditional collegestudents go to do their party
(20:09):
thing.
So spring break can be and notall students do that sometimes.
Vicki Nelson (20:16):
But but it's legend, right, and so, as
parents, we've heard about itand and seen it in the movies
and and all, and so we worrywhat is what is my student going
to want to do for spring break?
And the reality is manystudents just go home or many
students do an alternativespring break activity where they
go off with a group and they gobuild houses for Habitat.
(20:40):
There are all sorts of thingsthat students do, but there is
this little looming thing ofspring break that can cause
parents to worry a little bit.
Lynn Abrahams (20:51):
Um, and so, if you find yourself getting more
involved in the second semester,you know, it's probably a good
time to stop and think throughwhat's going on and why you feel
that way.
Um, so, you know, and part ofit might just be that, um, your
students, um, you know, vent toyou, and you've heard all the
(21:17):
difficult times.
But, keep in mind, remember thatyou're the one who gets the
most difficult stories.
I mean, you're the safe placeand so when students need to
vent, you're the one thatthey're going to go to.
So it's a good thing to keepthat in mind and keep some
perspective, because you're thesafe place.
Vicki Nelson (21:40):
It really is almost a two-sided thing.
What students put out veryoften on social media, on their
Instagram and whatever elsethey're doing these days, is all
the wonderful.
Right else they're doing thesedays is all the wonderful, and
then what they come home oftenwith for their parents is the
venting about the things thatare not going so well, about
(22:04):
classes and professors and theserequirements and the dorms and
the food and the lack of sociallife, or too much social life,
and we begin to wonder howstudents could possibly survive.
So there's lots that's on ourmind as we're sending our
(22:25):
students off and that causes usto want to get a little bit more
involved, perhaps during thatsecond semester, and we need to
think carefully.
Sometimes it's probablyappropriate, but sometimes we
just want to think about okay,why am I feeling this?
Because no one's talking aboutthis second semester, but what
(22:49):
we also can keep in mind andkeep reminding our students of
is that this is a fresh start.
Lynn Abrahams (22:55):
Yes.
Vicki Nelson (22:57):
The second semester is you're at the same
place most of the time, but it'snew classes, new professors,
maybe some new friends, maybesome new friends learning what
(23:19):
happened well and not so well inthe first semester and now
being able to put that intopractice.
So it is a new beginning anddoesn't need to be more of the
same, and students need to beprepared for those mixed
feelings as do.
We both parents and students,and break has its own stress.
(23:39):
So it may feel very good toreturn, not only for parents who
are ready to have theirstudents out of the house,
perhaps, but also that studentssay okay, now it's time to get
back into my normal routine.
But a little wiser than I was,in the fall.
Lynn Abrahams (24:00):
And it always feels good to have a fresh start
.
I have to say, one of the thingsI love about working in a
college environment is thatfeeling that every semester
begins new, yes, and everysemester is a brand-new new
start and new, wonderful thingscan happen.
And yet we're basing, we're,we're leaning on the experience
(24:23):
we have from that last semester.
So students are coming back,you know, having gone through
the rhythm of one semester, andso they know more about what's
expected of them and oftenthey're not as overwhelmed.
They know a little bit moreabout how the social and the
(24:45):
academic pieces mesh together.
They can build on some ofconfidence Again.
I've had a lot of students whowere so thrilled that they've
made it through that firstsemester and feeling so good
that they want to take that nextstep forward, whatever that may
be.
Vicki Nelson (25:05):
They really gain a lot of college knowledge during
that first semester and thatcan give them confidence, even
if the knowledge is now spendtheir first semester again
surviving and making sure theycan do it.
Lynn Abrahams (25:38):
And then the next semester is a time to get
involved get involved in clubs,get involved in the community,
in the student government orwhatever, wherever they feel
like they fit.
Vicki Nelson (25:53):
So many students, when they come in September
first semester, say you know,I'm not going to join any
activities, I just want to focuson my studying, and that's a
great goal.
But being involved in thecampus community actually
students who do things likeparticipate in extracurricular
(26:18):
activities- and clubs and evenwho have a small job on campus
academically do better.
They need to be a little morefocused, and it's a good thing,
and second semester is a greattime to start to do that.
Lynn Abrahams (26:36):
I have some students who you know I've spent
time working with them aroundhow to approach and don't want
to do, you know, try these newways.
But by second semester they'reready to roll and so they're
(27:03):
getting their books, you know,audio version or they're
deciding to approach note-takingin a different way, or try some
kind of new strategy taking ina different way, or try some
kind of new strategy.
Vicki Nelson (27:16):
They can focus on one or two new things because
they've got some other thingsunder control and they know that
they can do it.
And being involved in thecommunity also changes the way
you view your experience, Ithink, particularly for perhaps
some of those students who werethinking about a transfer yeah,
(27:37):
and as we said earlier that'sit's not A typical a lot of
students start to think abouttransferring and those are some
important conversations.
I think you know we have awhole podcast we can do on
transferring and thinking aboutthat and they, those students,
(27:57):
really need to think carefullyabout those options and whether
that's really what they want todo.
But sometimes just knowingyou're thinking about it opens
you up to enjoying yourexperience a little bit more.
I know we've mentioned on anearlier podcast about Harlan
Cohen's book the Naked Roommateand there's a whole story in the
(28:22):
title of that one.
We'll put a link to it in theshow notes.
But he talks about during hisfirst year deciding at mid-year
that he wanted to transfer, andjust knowing he had made that
decision opened up hisexperience.
In the second semester thepressure was off and he had a
(28:43):
wonderful second semester At thesame school.
At the same school.
Yes, just because the pressurewas off and he had a wonderful
second semester At the sameschool.
At the same school.
Yes, just because the pressurewas off, I think he ended up
actually transferring.
Lynn Abrahams (28:52):
I think he did.
Vicki Nelson (28:53):
But I've talked to so many students who are
juniors and seniors and say Ithought about it and I am so
glad I didn't transfer but, justyou know, instead chose to
participate in more on campus.
So it seems a littlecontradictory I'm thinking about
leaving, but I want to do more.
(29:13):
But it's a way to really decidewhether the community is right
for you and to set some goalsfor the semester.
Here's what I want to do andhere's what I hope to accomplish
, and maybe some of that isaround some of those extra
curriculars.
So we've talked a little bit.
Well, we've talked a lot, Iguess, about a lot of the big
(29:35):
ideas and the theoretical thingsabout why students might be
having mixed feelings, whyparents have mixed feelings and
may want to get more involvedfeelings, why parents have mixed
feelings and may want to getmore involved.
I think it might make sense togo through a little bit of some
strategies, some what are somethings that parents can actually
do, both to calm their ownfears and and to help their
(30:01):
student at the same time,student at the same time real
kind of action plan.
And so one of the things thatwe've talked about is you know,
this is a time to listen a lot,and that doesn't mean that you
need to have an answer or asolution to everything, but just
really listen to your studentand hear what they have to say.
Lynn Abrahams (30:26):
And remind them that you know that concerns are
pretty common the secondsemester.
They're not alone and that'spart of what happens.
It might be a good time to takea look at you know your own
expectations for your student.
(30:47):
Are they realistic?
Are you expecting too much fromyour students too quickly?
Are you you know what are youexpecting and remembering that
this is a huge transition fromhigh school to college.
Vicki Nelson (31:06):
And it's still continuing.
It's not something that happensin the first couple of weeks
and then they're done.
Lynn Abrahams (31:12):
And every semester holds its own special
little challenges.
So, yes, every semester, butthink about how you're
supporting your student.
This might be a wonderful timeto connect with other parents,
either online or in person.
Talking to other people can bereally soothing and calming.
Vicki Nelson (31:37):
And informative.
Yes, informative, you getinformation too.
Lynn Abrahams (31:41):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Vicki Nelson (31:59):
So this could be a great time to do that, wanting
to perhaps stay in closercontact.
But giving them that space isreally the beginning of that
process of showing your studentthat they can handle things and
that you believe that they canhandle things, and not to jump
(32:19):
in too much.
I think it also helps toremember, as they're getting
ready to go and we're feelingthis concern, that often it's
the leaving that's the hardest,that moment of leaving turn and
walk away.
Or your student turns and walksaway.
Or I remember dropping my kidsoff at daycare and nursery
(32:51):
school and it was that moment ofleaving that was the hardest.
And sometimes you know, theywere crying, crying, and then I
sat in the car and cried andthen I called and the daycare
provider said, oh, they're fine.
Two minutes after you left theywere fine, they moved on.
So you know we feel those tugs,but remembering that you know
(33:13):
it's that moment when they goafter, after break, and one of
the things that you can do is tosend them a you know, an
absolutely wonderful welcomeback to college care package
that gets there within the firstcouple of days of them being
back, and just that's a way ofreaching out and being involved
(33:35):
and just sending them a message.
Lynn Abrahams (33:38):
And again, remember that our role is to be
in the background.
Role is to be in the backgroundto you know, listen, point our
students towards resources.
It's not our job to call theresources, to call, you know,
the school.
It's our job to say to our kids, gee, if you're struggling,
(33:59):
maybe you could go here or go,you know, talk to other people.
Um.
So our role is, you know, onthe back, um supporting them, um
helping them to create, um somegoals and some action plans, um
, so that they have sort of amomentum that can make this
(34:20):
semester move.
Um, you know, if it's it'simportant to talk about last
semester again and learn frommistakes, learn from areas of
difficulty, learn from, you know, whatever happened For some
students.
It may be some challenges withacademics For some students and
(34:42):
maybe challenges living inresidence halls, living with a
roommate, the social piece.
It's really good to you know,talk honestly about some of
those things that have happened.
Announcer (34:58):
Yeah.
Vicki Nelson (34:58):
And I think, reminding them again and again
that it's a fresh start.
Yes, absolutely, and to takeadvantage of all of these things
.
I think some students feelperhaps that they're afraid to
ask for help now in the secondsemester because they're
supposed to know it all by now.
(35:19):
And it's one thing in themiddle of September, when I was
brand new, if I needed to askwhere to find the advising
office or where I could get atutor.
But I shouldn't be asking thosethings by January and reminding
them that it's still part ofthat learning curve.
And maybe, you know, justencouraging your student to plan
(35:41):
some new things, to do somethings differently this semester
, to plan some new things, to dosome things differently this
semester, whether that's newactivities or new ways of doing
things, just try something new,shake it up.
It's middle of winter, you know.
Do something that's a littlebit different, but not to make
any major decisions right now.
That time when you first goback in the second semester may
(36:03):
not be the time to make a finaldecision about, perhaps about
changing your major or abouttransferring.
You know, just give it sometime to settle into that second
semester a little bit.
Maybe getting an on campus jobif they haven't had an on campus
job, not only because it's alittle bit of extra cash, which
(36:25):
every good student loves, butalso it's a way to connect with
people on campus and get to knowpeople and get to know how
things work on the campus, andthat's a good thing.
But if it's winter and there areall of these things going on,
(36:46):
and if your student is reallyseriously unhappy, to encourage
them to take advantage ofcounseling at every school has
counseling centers and thepeople who work in the college
counseling centers are used tothe rhythm of college life and
they're used to the kinds ofissues that college students
(37:08):
deal with, and so they're reallyequipped to talk with students
and help them.
So encouraging your student totake advantage of those sorts of
things.
So there are some things asparents that we could do to
actually feel as though we'retaking some action, but also to
remember that there are somewonderful things.
(37:30):
We've talked about all of theseconcerns, but there are some
wonderful things about thatsecond semester.
That newness of classes andprofessors and ways of doing
things is all brand new.
The fact that students arereturning with all of that
college knowledge that they'vegotten in the first semester.
(37:52):
They know how now to surviveand to thrive a little more in
their college experience.
Lynn Abrahams (37:59):
And they know some of the mistakes that are
common to make and how to makechanges to avoid them mistakes
that are common to make and howto make changes to avoid them.
So this is a it's a wonderfulnew beginning to to redo some
things.
Vicki Nelson (38:15):
Yeah, if they need to build, build on everything
from that first semester.
So this is a different kind ofgoodbye at the end of winter
break, as your student returnsfor second semester, and it may
seem a little bit anticlimactic,it's not that high drama big
goodbye that happens in the fallwhen you first drop your
(38:39):
student off.
It's a kind of a send-off thatis a little more informed, a
little more considered, you know, and in some ways it's a little
more poignant.
There's that emotional thingthat's going on, but it's
another opportunity to savorthat moment and recognize it as
(39:00):
just another step along in thatlong journey that continues.
Lynn Abrahams (39:07):
Each step is a step forward.
Yes.
Vicki Nelson (39:10):
Sometimes there's a step backwards and then
another step forward.
Announcer (39:13):
It's part of it.
Vicki Nelson (39:14):
It's all moving toward that finish line of
commencement there, so we hopethat you found some useful
information here.
We hope that you want to joinus for some future conversations
.
If you do, please subscribe tothe podcast.
Wherever you listen to podcastsand spread the word, share it
(39:38):
with some friends and maybethey'll listen, and then you'll
have some things in common thatyou can talk about.
Visit the College ParentCentral website for more
articles related to these topicsand some show notes.
We'll list some of the booksthat we talk about, or some of
those things, there, and we hopeyou'll continue to join us.
(40:01):
So till next time.
Bye, bye to join us.
So till next time, bye-bye.
Hi everybody.
This week is an Encore episode.
We're re-releasing one of ourearlier episodes, essential at
this time of year.
You may have missed it thefirst time around or maybe it
wasn't relevant for you at thattime.
It's about the transition tothe second semester of college.
You know everybody talks aboutthat first transition that
(00:23):
happens in the fall, but there'sanother transition during the
second semester and it's alittle more hidden.
You know everybody talks aboutthat first transition that
happens in the fall, but there'sanother transition during the
second semester and it's alittle more hidden.
So here you go, because this issuch an important topic.
Here's the second semester ofcollege, the transition no one
talks about.
We hope it's helpful.
Announcer (00:53):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already in college, this podcast is for you.
You'll find food for thoughtand information about college
and about navigating thatdelicate balance of guidance,
involvement and knowing when toget out of the way.
(01:14):
Join your hosts, vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
support and a celebration ofthe amazing experience of having
a child in college.
Vicki Nelson (01:30):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
I'm Vicki Nelson and I am acollege professor and a former
director of academic advisingand I have three daughters who
have all gone to college andcome out on the other side.
We've all survived.
Lynn Abrahams (01:49):
And my name's Lynn Abrahams.
I'm a learning disabilityspecialist.
I work with college students.
I am also the mom of two sons,so between the two of us we have
the girls and the boys covered,and we're here to talk about
(02:09):
parenting college students.
Vicki Nelson (02:12):
And today, very specifically, we want to talk a
little bit about second semesterof college.
You know the first semester ofcollege gets a lot of press and
a lot of thinking about whatgoes on.
It's a very busy semester oftransitions, of parents worrying
(02:33):
of parents adjusting to theempty nest, parents and students
transitioning to new roles anda new life, learning what
college is about, both from thestudent perspective and from the
parent perspective.
There's a lot to think aboutand a lot that goes on in that
first semester and then we cometo the end of it and we think
(02:56):
we're all done and really thereare seven more semesters for
many students and sometimes evenmore than that Sometimes more.
So the path continues and secondsemester has its own sort of
nature and rhythm.
So we thought we'd talk alittle bit about that today.
(03:16):
You know everyone's unique andevery student is unique.
Every parent is unique and therelationship between students
and parents are unique.
But there's a certain timeline,there's a certain rhythm and
some universals for everybody.
So it may take some parents bysurprise when the second
(03:40):
semester seems a little bitdifficult, and we think it's
important that you know thatyou're not alone If all of a
sudden this has reared its headand you weren't expecting it,
because it feels as though thisshould be a breeze now and
there's nothing to it and thatthere shouldn't be a problem.
(04:01):
And because of that no one talksabout it.
Everyone talked about thetransition in the fall, Everyone
talked about the empty nest,Everyone talked about their kids
going away to college and bysecond semester you're supposed
to be over it all and no onetalks about it.
But we're going to talk aboutit a little bit today.
We're going to change thatBecause there is a kind of a
(04:25):
loss again, just as there was inthe fall, but it's a different
kind of loss this time and it'spartially because they for most
students they've been home for anice long winter break.
Over the holidays You've hadthem home again, they've been
back under your roof and yourealize how much they've changed
(04:47):
.
We have an earlier podcastabout what to expect when they
come home for break and thatlong winter break, and you might
want to go back and listen tothose and you do realize that
the person who came home atwinter break is not the person
that went away in the fall, andso you're much more aware of how
(05:09):
much your student is changingas time goes along.
Lynn Abrahams (05:12):
I think that impacts our role too, because
sometimes we feel that we're notas needed.
Ah, yes.
Because they're going off.
You know they're going back andwe don't.
You know we don't have as muchof a role to play.
I do remember when my older sonwent back to college on the
(05:34):
second semester and I doremember him saying that he
found his people and it feltlike he was quite happy to go
back and it just reminded methat that's a little step in the
development.
You know that.
You know our kids are going totake those steps away and that's
(05:54):
a good thing, yeah.
Vicki Nelson (05:56):
But I remember feeling that They've lived into
that independence a little bitin that first semester and, yeah
, they're going back to theirpeople to their friends and to a
life that they've begun to puttogether.
Lynn Abrahams (06:11):
for many of them, Yep, sometimes they could go
the other way too, and theycould be very nervous about
going back, and so that could bealso a pretty emotional leaving
again.
Vicki Nelson (06:26):
And I think we're surprised by the emotion on both
sides because we thought, oh,you know, there were all those
tears in September and now it'sroutine, but it's really not too
routine yet.
Lynn Abrahams (06:40):
I think any transition can be difficult for
at least a lot of students.
Vicki Nelson (06:44):
And you know, as we talk about this, we also have
to recognize too that by theend of this long winter break we
may be very happy that they'regoing back, so don't feel left
out if you're doing a littlehappy dance because it's time
for your student to go back toschool Right, that's very normal
too, and it's this mix that'ssometimes so difficult and it's
(07:08):
an interesting time for studentstoo, and I think it's important
that we keep that in mind thatsome students experience a
little bit of what we sometimescall the second semester blues.
It's a little bit difficult andreally when you think about it
(07:29):
it's a natural reaction.
It's winter and in many placesin the country that means it's
cold and it's dark and you don'tsee the sunlight that much.
It's kind of hard to getenthusiastic about a lot.
You had this wonderful breakthat included holidays and
family and relaxing time andthat's over.
(07:53):
We all experienced that, thatpost holiday slump a little bit,
once all of the celebration andexcitement is over.
So that long break waswonderful.
I mean, how many of us like togo back to work on Monday
morning?
after we've had a long weekendand also the novelty of the
college experience is worn off.
(08:14):
Students know the hard workthat's ahead of them.
It's now just move along to thenext step and the idea that
summer vacation and May justseems a lifetime away.
(08:35):
It seems like a long time untilthey're going to get a break.
So often, both students andtheir parents are taken by
surprise that there's a lotgoing on, and so then we panic a
little bit because we haven'theard about this before, whereas
we worried about that emptynest.
But we knew that was coming,and so one of the things that we
(08:58):
can really do is help ourstudents to understand that what
they're feeling, whatever it is, is completely normal, and that
other people probably areexperiencing it too maybe not
talking about it, but feeling itand that it does usually pass
and they come out on the otherside.
Lynn Abrahams (09:19):
You know, some of the students who I work with
feel very proud of finishingthat first semester and feel
thrilled that they can do it.
I mean, I often tell mystudents that the goal of their
first semester is to end thesemester knowing they can do
(09:41):
college.
Vicki Nelson (09:43):
So they're excited to go back.
Lynn Abrahams (09:44):
So they might be very excited about going back.
So that's another.
Vicki Nelson (09:50):
As opposed to that uncertainty in the fall of, can
I do it?
What's it going to be like?
And now, yes, I can do it.
I want to go do it again, andthat sense of accomplishment
spurs them forward.
So, there are lots of specificthings.
Just to think quickly aboutsome of the things that might be
(10:14):
causing concern to studentsabout returning.
It's a return to reality.
I'm going to go back and I knowthere's going to be a routine.
I'm going to haveresponsibilities, I'm going to
have early morning classes, I'mgoing to have lots of work.
It's the same feeling that,really, that we all feel at the
end of a vacation, when it'stime to go back to work, as much
(10:37):
as I love my job.
There's a return to reality.
That happens there, and perhapsthe optimism of new resolutions
have already worn off.
We make those New Year'sresolutions and some of us make
it through a week or two beforewe aren't keeping up with our
resolutions.
So there may be that andthere's really no fanfare this
(11:00):
time.
It's just go.
There isn't a big welcome weekand celebrations and a
convocation.
Really, the honeymoon is overand now it's just down to doing
what you need to do.
Lynn Abrahams (11:12):
And sometimes students walk right into that
situation.
You know, knowing what theworkload is going to be, what
the situation is going to feellike, but a lot depends on how
the first semester went.
Vicki Nelson (11:24):
Ah, yeah.
(11:47):
And you know if it wasn't such agreat first semester.
You know students are concernedand wondering how they can, you
know, turn things around, howthey can, you know, dig out of
or not feel as intimidated, youknow, by being in college.
And that might be.
We might, as parents, we mightadd to that a little bit, maybe
unknowingly, because if thefirst semester didn't go very
well, we might have spent sometime over winter break having
some conversations with ourstudent, which is a good thing.
But now there's a little addedpressure.
I expect you to do better thissemester.
(12:08):
I expect you to turn thingsaround.
And so there's a little morehanging over your head.
In that way, some students maybe experiencing some second
thoughts about their major.
They came in the fall sayingthis is what I want to do, and
perhaps and hopefully took aclass in that subject, and now
(12:33):
they're having second thoughtsand so this thing that I all,
through high school, said thisis what I want to do isn't right
, but I haven't found a newpassion yet, and sometimes
that's a good thing, becauseit's a whole lot better to do
(12:55):
that questioning after the firstsemester than it is after you
graduate.
Going into senior year anddeciding you hate your major is
a little bit tough, but itreally does make it feel like
this is a moment of decision andit's hard, I think, for
students to hit pause a littlebit and say, okay, that major's
not right, but I don't know yetwhat is and it's okay if I'm in
(13:20):
between for a semester.
So it feels like, okay, I needto make a decision.
And another thing for manystudents is, even at middle of
this first year they may havesome friends who are not going
to be returning in the springthat either decided that college
(13:41):
is not right I wasn't ready, Ineed a break and so they're not
going to be coming back, or whohave perhaps transferred to
another college or just failedout for whatever reason.
Some of the people that theywere close to in the fall are
not going to be coming back andit feels a little bit at a loss.
(14:02):
And even some friends who arecoming back a student may be
thinking a little bit, thinkmore thoughtfully about their
choice of friends.
It may be time to move awayfrom those friends of
convenience from the firstsemester, of the people who just
(14:22):
happened to live down the hallor were in this class and, you
know, maybe beginning to think.
I need to think a little bitmore about who my social circle
and friends are.
Lynn Abrahams (14:33):
I think that's a really common thing that a lot
of students make immediatefriends when they get to college
and then realize when they comeback for that second semester
that that may not be what theywant, and they may also be
getting more involved in theirmajor or they want to connect
(14:54):
with people who have moresimilar interests right you know
, want to make some shifts, andsometimes that's a really good
thing.
Vicki Nelson (15:00):
Yeah yeah, At the beginning of first semester, one
of the major concerns so manystudents have is will I have any
friends?
Announcer (15:09):
right.
Vicki Nelson (15:09):
And so anyone that they can sort of grab and
connect with works.
But then, as time goes along,you begin to question that a
little bit.
Lynn Abrahams (15:19):
I think that's one of the biggest changes in
second semester.
The first semester was a lotabout survival surviving it.
And then the second semester.
Changes can occur.
Vicki Nelson (15:33):
Yeah, time to settle down and rethink.
Lynn Abrahams (15:36):
And I think also, you know, they're coming back
from winter break and that couldhave been a time of some
shifting changes with homerelationships.
You know, I think sometimeswhen people go away and then
they come back, some of theirrelationships change.
(15:58):
So either a romanticrelationship might split up or
it might be that old friendsdon't quite feel like that's
what.
Vicki Nelson (16:09):
That connection isn't quite there.
Lynn Abrahams (16:11):
in the same way, so that could also happen.
Connection isn't quite there inthe same way, so that could
also happen.
And then, of course, there'sbeing home and hearing everyone
else's stories and hearing howgreat life is for everyone else
that could be.
You know, the grass is alwaysgreener everywhere else.
Vicki Nelson (16:30):
So between being home and also social media
definitely feeds that thatpeople are posting the pictures
and the stories of everythingwonderful and it does always
seem as though, wow, everyoneeverywhere else is having such a
good time.
Why am I just having to work sohard?
Or?
Work so hard to find friends orsomething.
Lynn Abrahams (16:51):
And I think that that means that sometimes this
is the time that students willtalk about transferring.
Vicki Nelson (16:58):
And.
Lynn Abrahams (16:59):
I think that's a part of the.
It's often part of the processof settling into college to talk
about transferring, becauseit's sort of thinking through
gee, I can go somewhere else,and then often they choose to be
where they are after thinkingthat through, and sometimes
(17:21):
that's not something to beafraid of.
I mean, I think as parentssometimes we get very nervous
when our students think oh,they've only been in school for
one semester and they'rethinking about transferring, and
it's just not unusual at allfor students to think that
through.
It doesn't mean they're actuallygoing to leave, right.
Vicki Nelson (17:40):
Just knowing that you have options helps.
You feel as though deciding tostay which many students do,
most students do, but thedecision to stay becomes an
affirmative decision of a choiceto do that.
So in a lot of ways, with allof these things going on second
(18:02):
semester, it really is a muchmore thoughtful return to
college than that first one.
Students know what to expect.
Some of those are wonderful andsome of those are.
You know reality Difficult andthey have some mixed feelings.
But everyone expects you to besettled in and you may not feel
(18:27):
that way.
So there's a little bit of adisconnect in that way, which is
part of what often causesparents to worry.
There's this interestingphenomenon that happens that
often parents' involvementactually increases during
students' second semester ofcollege.
And really, when you thinkabout all the things we just
(18:50):
talked about, that's whatparents are seeing, that's what
parents are hearing.
There were those goodexperiences in the fall and not
so good.
So we have lots of reasons toworry a little bit more and to
perhaps want to now step in alittle more than maybe we should
(19:10):
, because we recognize that ourstudent is experiencing some of
those second semester blues.
Or maybe grades weren't verygood in the fall and there were
other issues.
There might have been socialissues, there might have been
behavioral issues and we say,okay, now we see what college is
(19:33):
like, will this continue?
We want to step in.
Or maybe grades were great inthe fall and we want to make
sure our student is able tomaintain those grades and we're
worried about whether they'll beable to do that.
Lynn Abrahams (19:48):
You know?
Another thing that happenssecond semester is spring break,
which can be a crazy time or itdepends.
Sometimes that's when our kidswant to go take a trip or go
places where traditional collegestudents go to do their party
(20:09):
thing.
So spring break can be and notall students do that sometimes.
Vicki Nelson (20:16):
But but it's legend, right, and so, as
parents, we've heard about itand and seen it in the movies
and and all, and so we worrywhat is what is my student going
to want to do for spring break?
And the reality is manystudents just go home or many
students do an alternativespring break activity where they
go off with a group and they gobuild houses for Habitat.
(20:40):
There are all sorts of thingsthat students do, but there is
this little looming thing ofspring break that can cause
parents to worry a little bit.
Lynn Abrahams (20:51):
Um, and so, if you find yourself getting more
involved in the second semester,you know, it's probably a good
time to stop and think throughwhat's going on and why you feel
that way.
Um, so, you know, and part ofit might just be that, um, your
students, um, you know, vent toyou, and you've heard all the
(21:17):
difficult times.
But, keep in mind, remember thatyou're the one who gets the
most difficult stories.
I mean, you're the safe placeand so when students need to
vent, you're the one thatthey're going to go to.
So it's a good thing to keepthat in mind and keep some
perspective, because you're thesafe place.
Vicki Nelson (21:40):
It really is almost a two-sided thing.
What students put out veryoften on social media, on their
Instagram and whatever elsethey're doing these days, is all
the wonderful.
Right else they're doing thesedays is all the wonderful, and
then what they come home oftenwith for their parents is the
venting about the things thatare not going so well, about
(22:04):
classes and professors and theserequirements and the dorms and
the food and the lack of sociallife, or too much social life,
and we begin to wonder howstudents could possibly survive.
So there's lots that's on ourmind as we're sending our
(22:25):
students off and that causes usto want to get a little bit more
involved, perhaps during thatsecond semester, and we need to
think carefully.
Sometimes it's probablyappropriate, but sometimes we
just want to think about okay,why am I feeling this?
Because no one's talking aboutthis second semester, but what
(22:49):
we also can keep in mind andkeep reminding our students of
is that this is a fresh start.
Lynn Abrahams (22:55):
Yes.
Vicki Nelson (22:57):
The second semester is you're at the same
place most of the time, but it'snew classes, new professors,
maybe some new friends, maybesome new friends learning what
(23:19):
happened well and not so well inthe first semester and now
being able to put that intopractice.
So it is a new beginning anddoesn't need to be more of the
same, and students need to beprepared for those mixed
feelings as do.
We both parents and students,and break has its own stress.
(23:39):
So it may feel very good toreturn, not only for parents who
are ready to have theirstudents out of the house,
perhaps, but also that studentssay okay, now it's time to get
back into my normal routine.
But a little wiser than I was,in the fall.
Lynn Abrahams (24:00):
And it always feels good to have a fresh start
.
I have to say, one of the thingsI love about working in a
college environment is thatfeeling that every semester
begins new, yes, and everysemester is a brand-new new
start and new, wonderful thingscan happen.
And yet we're basing, we're,we're leaning on the experience
(24:23):
we have from that last semester.
So students are coming back,you know, having gone through
the rhythm of one semester, andso they know more about what's
expected of them and oftenthey're not as overwhelmed.
They know a little bit moreabout how the social and the
(24:45):
academic pieces mesh together.
They can build on some ofconfidence Again.
I've had a lot of students whowere so thrilled that they've
made it through that firstsemester and feeling so good
that they want to take that nextstep forward, whatever that may
be.
Vicki Nelson (25:05):
They really gain a lot of college knowledge during
that first semester and thatcan give them confidence, even
if the knowledge is now spendtheir first semester again
surviving and making sure theycan do it.
Lynn Abrahams (25:38):
And then the next semester is a time to get
involved get involved in clubs,get involved in the community,
in the student government orwhatever, wherever they feel
like they fit.
Vicki Nelson (25:53):
So many students, when they come in September
first semester, say you know,I'm not going to join any
activities, I just want to focuson my studying, and that's a
great goal.
But being involved in thecampus community actually
students who do things likeparticipate in extracurricular
(26:18):
activities- and clubs and evenwho have a small job on campus
academically do better.
They need to be a little morefocused, and it's a good thing,
and second semester is a greattime to start to do that.
Lynn Abrahams (26:36):
I have some students who you know I've spent
time working with them aroundhow to approach and don't want
to do, you know, try these newways.
But by second semester they'reready to roll and so they're
(27:03):
getting their books, you know,audio version or they're
deciding to approach note-takingin a different way, or try some
kind of new strategy taking ina different way, or try some
kind of new strategy.
Vicki Nelson (27:16):
They can focus on one or two new things because
they've got some other thingsunder control and they know that
they can do it.
And being involved in thecommunity also changes the way
you view your experience, Ithink, particularly for perhaps
some of those students who werethinking about a transfer yeah,
(27:37):
and as we said earlier that'sit's not A typical a lot of
students start to think abouttransferring and those are some
important conversations.
I think you know we have awhole podcast we can do on
transferring and thinking aboutthat and they, those students,
(27:57):
really need to think carefullyabout those options and whether
that's really what they want todo.
But sometimes just knowingyou're thinking about it opens
you up to enjoying yourexperience a little bit more.
I know we've mentioned on anearlier podcast about Harlan
Cohen's book the Naked Roommateand there's a whole story in the
(28:22):
title of that one.
We'll put a link to it in theshow notes.
But he talks about during hisfirst year deciding at mid-year
that he wanted to transfer, andjust knowing he had made that
decision opened up hisexperience.
In the second semester thepressure was off and he had a
(28:43):
wonderful second semester At thesame school.
At the same school.
Yes, just because the pressurewas off and he had a wonderful
second semester At the sameschool.
At the same school.
Yes, just because the pressurewas off, I think he ended up
actually transferring.
Lynn Abrahams (28:52):
I think he did.
Vicki Nelson (28:53):
But I've talked to so many students who are
juniors and seniors and say Ithought about it and I am so
glad I didn't transfer but, justyou know, instead chose to
participate in more on campus.
So it seems a littlecontradictory I'm thinking about
leaving, but I want to do more.
(29:13):
But it's a way to really decidewhether the community is right
for you and to set some goalsfor the semester.
Here's what I want to do andhere's what I hope to accomplish
, and maybe some of that isaround some of those extra
curriculars.
So we've talked a little bit.
Well, we've talked a lot, Iguess, about a lot of the big
(29:35):
ideas and the theoretical thingsabout why students might be
having mixed feelings, whyparents have mixed feelings and
may want to get more involvedfeelings, why parents have mixed
feelings and may want to getmore involved.
I think it might make sense togo through a little bit of some
strategies, some what are somethings that parents can actually
do, both to calm their ownfears and and to help their
(30:01):
student at the same time,student at the same time real
kind of action plan.
And so one of the things thatwe've talked about is you know,
this is a time to listen a lot,and that doesn't mean that you
need to have an answer or asolution to everything, but just
really listen to your studentand hear what they have to say.
Lynn Abrahams (30:26):
And remind them that you know that concerns are
pretty common the secondsemester.
They're not alone and that'spart of what happens.
It might be a good time to takea look at you know your own
expectations for your student.
(30:47):
Are they realistic?
Are you expecting too much fromyour students too quickly?
Are you you know what are youexpecting and remembering that
this is a huge transition fromhigh school to college.
Vicki Nelson (31:06):
And it's still continuing.
It's not something that happensin the first couple of weeks
and then they're done.
Lynn Abrahams (31:12):
And every semester holds its own special
little challenges.
So, yes, every semester, butthink about how you're
supporting your student.
This might be a wonderful timeto connect with other parents,
either online or in person.
Talking to other people can bereally soothing and calming.
Vicki Nelson (31:37):
And informative.
Yes, informative, you getinformation too.
Lynn Abrahams (31:41):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Vicki Nelson (31:59):
So this could be a great time to do that, wanting
to perhaps stay in closercontact.
But giving them that space isreally the beginning of that
process of showing your studentthat they can handle things and
that you believe that they canhandle things, and not to jump
(32:19):
in too much.
I think it also helps toremember, as they're getting
ready to go and we're feelingthis concern, that often it's
the leaving that's the hardest,that moment of leaving turn and
walk away.
Or your student turns and walksaway.
Or I remember dropping my kidsoff at daycare and nursery
(32:51):
school and it was that moment ofleaving that was the hardest.
And sometimes you know, theywere crying, crying, and then I
sat in the car and cried andthen I called and the daycare
provider said, oh, they're fine.
Two minutes after you left theywere fine, they moved on.
So you know we feel those tugs,but remembering that you know
(33:13):
it's that moment when they goafter, after break, and one of
the things that you can do is tosend them a you know, an
absolutely wonderful welcomeback to college care package
that gets there within the firstcouple of days of them being
back, and just that's a way ofreaching out and being involved
(33:35):
and just sending them a message.
Lynn Abrahams (33:38):
And again, remember that our role is to be
in the background.
Role is to be in the backgroundto you know, listen, point our
students towards resources.
It's not our job to call theresources, to call, you know,
the school.
It's our job to say to our kids, gee, if you're struggling,
(33:59):
maybe you could go here or go,you know, talk to other people.
Um.
So our role is, you know, onthe back, um supporting them, um
helping them to create, um somegoals and some action plans, um
, so that they have sort of amomentum that can make this
(34:20):
semester move.
Um, you know, if it's it'simportant to talk about last
semester again and learn frommistakes, learn from areas of
difficulty, learn from, you know, whatever happened For some
students.
It may be some challenges withacademics For some students and
(34:42):
maybe challenges living inresidence halls, living with a
roommate, the social piece.
It's really good to you know,talk honestly about some of
those things that have happened.
Announcer (34:58):
Yeah.
Vicki Nelson (34:58):
And I think, reminding them again and again
that it's a fresh start.
Yes, absolutely, and to takeadvantage of all of these things
.
I think some students feelperhaps that they're afraid to
ask for help now in the secondsemester because they're
supposed to know it all by now.
(35:19):
And it's one thing in themiddle of September, when I was
brand new, if I needed to askwhere to find the advising
office or where I could get atutor.
But I shouldn't be asking thosethings by January and reminding
them that it's still part ofthat learning curve.
And maybe, you know, justencouraging your student to plan
(35:41):
some new things, to do somethings differently this semester
, to plan some new things, to dosome things differently this
semester, whether that's newactivities or new ways of doing
things, just try something new,shake it up.
It's middle of winter, you know.
Do something that's a littlebit different, but not to make
any major decisions right now.
That time when you first goback in the second semester may
(36:03):
not be the time to make a finaldecision about, perhaps about
changing your major or abouttransferring.
You know, just give it sometime to settle into that second
semester a little bit.
Maybe getting an on campus jobif they haven't had an on campus
job, not only because it's alittle bit of extra cash, which
(36:25):
every good student loves, butalso it's a way to connect with
people on campus and get to knowpeople and get to know how
things work on the campus, andthat's a good thing.
But if it's winter and there areall of these things going on,
(36:46):
and if your student is reallyseriously unhappy, to encourage
them to take advantage ofcounseling at every school has
counseling centers and thepeople who work in the college
counseling centers are used tothe rhythm of college life and
they're used to the kinds ofissues that college students
(37:08):
deal with, and so they're reallyequipped to talk with students
and help them.
So encouraging your student totake advantage of those sorts of
things.
So there are some things asparents that we could do to
actually feel as though we'retaking some action, but also to
remember that there are somewonderful things.
(37:30):
We've talked about all of theseconcerns, but there are some
wonderful things about thatsecond semester.
That newness of classes andprofessors and ways of doing
things is all brand new.
The fact that students arereturning with all of that
college knowledge that they'vegotten in the first semester.
(37:52):
They know how now to surviveand to thrive a little more in
their college experience.
Lynn Abrahams (37:59):
And they know some of the mistakes that are
common to make and how to makechanges to avoid them mistakes
that are common to make and howto make changes to avoid them.
So this is a it's a wonderfulnew beginning to to redo some
things.
Vicki Nelson (38:15):
Yeah, if they need to build, build on everything
from that first semester.
So this is a different kind ofgoodbye at the end of winter
break, as your student returnsfor second semester, and it may
seem a little bit anticlimactic,it's not that high drama big
goodbye that happens in the fallwhen you first drop your
(38:39):
student off.
It's a kind of a send-off thatis a little more informed, a
little more considered, you know, and in some ways it's a little
more poignant.
There's that emotional thingthat's going on, but it's
another opportunity to savorthat moment and recognize it as
(39:00):
just another step along in thatlong journey that continues.
Lynn Abrahams (39:07):
Each step is a step forward.
Yes.
Vicki Nelson (39:10):
Sometimes there's a step backwards and then
another step forward.
Announcer (39:13):
It's part of it.
Vicki Nelson (39:14):
It's all moving toward that finish line of
commencement there, so we hopethat you found some useful
information here.
We hope that you want to joinus for some future conversations
.
If you do, please subscribe tothe podcast.
Wherever you listen to podcastsand spread the word, share it
(39:38):
with some friends and maybethey'll listen, and then you'll
have some things in common thatyou can talk about.
Visit the College ParentCentral website for more
articles related to these topicsand some show notes.
We'll list some of the booksthat we talk about, or some of
those things, there, and we hopeyou'll continue to join us.
(40:01):
So till next time.
Bye, bye to join us.
So till next time, bye-bye.
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