August 6, 2025 • 57 mins
Summer may be waning, but college prep for soon-to-be new college students is ramping up. Vicki and Elizabeth sat down to record a late summer pre-college episode to let parents know some of the things they shouldn’t bother about at this late date and some of the things that should still get done. It’s important to know the difference. We quickly realized that although there were a few “don’t bother” items, the list of things to make sure you cover was significantly longer. This episode will help you sort out the things you can let go from the “must do” tasks. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself with many items already checked off your list, but if not, now is the time to get busy.
Thank you for listening!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already in college, this podcast is for you.
You'll find food for thoughtand information about college
and about navigating thatdelicate balance of guidance,
involvement and knowing when toget out of the way.
(00:31):
Join your hosts as they sharesupport and a celebration of the
amazing experience of having achild in college.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
This is the place where we talkabout all kinds of things that
have to do with being the parentof a student who is getting
ready to go to college, who isin college.
Sometimes we even touch on whathappens after college.
My name is Vicki Nelson.
I am one of the co-hosts ofthis podcast.
I come to this topic from twopoints of view.
(01:12):
I am a college professor ofcommunication, and so I work
with college students everysingle day, and I have worked in
advising and worked withstudents and parents in that
respect.
And then, probably even moreimportant, I am the parent of
three daughters who have allgone to college and they have
(01:33):
graduated from college and we'vesurvived the experience.
So I look at this from a coupleof points of view, and I am
here with one of our co-hoststoday, and I'm going to let her
introduce herself.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Thanks, vicki.
I am Elizabeth Hamblin.
I am a learning disabilityspecialist at a college's
disability services office, aspeaker and a writer.
I am the author of Seven Stepsto College Success and I am the
parent of two college graduatesof very different stripes one
art school graduate and oneengineering school graduate.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
So we have it all.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
We covered the range.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
We look at this topic from all kinds of angles and
sometimes we're very happy tohave guests here with us and to
interview them, and we alwayslearn so much from them.
And then sometimes we seem tojust have a topic that pops up
that, as people who work in thisfield, we start talking about
(02:37):
and then say you know what?
That should be a podcastepisode.
And I think that's what we'vegot today, something that we
just want to toss around alittle bit.
This episode is coming out inAugust, early-ish in August,
although it doesn't matterwhenever you happen to be
listening to it.
(02:58):
But what we were thinking aboutis okay, at that point in the
summer, it's getting prettyclose to time for students to
head off to school in a coupleof weeks or a few weeks, and I
remember, you know, that's whenI really started to panic and
say, oh, my goodness, what hasto happen between now and the
(03:19):
time I take you on move-in day?
So we wanted to look at that andoriginally we thought, okay,
let's split things up and saywhat are the things that by the
time it's August, we say youknow, just don't bother, you
know it's water under the bridge, just don't bother.
And what are the things that wesay okay, there's still time,
(03:42):
you need to do that.
And one of the things I thinkwe both discovered as we did
that was the list of don'tbother is pretty short Because
there's still.
You know, even if all you haveis a week or two, there's still
a lot you can do.
It might be a little crazierthan if you had started earlier,
(04:03):
but there's not a lot that wewould say don't bother.
So let's start with that list.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I was going to say, and Vicki.
But even though it's a shortlist, I think it's important for
parents to hear from those ofus who've been there and through
, because there's so muchpressure on this and there's a
lot of excitement about it, andyou know's a lot of excitement
about it and you know, a lot ofus want to be like the great
parent who does everything rightand, first of all, accept the
(04:31):
fact that you will not and evenif you Doesn't exist, even if
you did, your kids wouldn'trecognize it or give you credit
for it, and I think so, you know.
And social media will certainlyget you wound up about all of
the things and my gosh, it'sJuly.
Whatever you haven't done, fillin the blank, and it's easy to
(04:52):
feel like an inadequate parentor a parent who's behind, and so
you know, I'm hoping that,though brief, this list will
make a few people breathe alittle more easily.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, Take a breath, yeah Okay, will make a few
people breathe a little moreeasily.
Take a breath, yeah, okay.
So the first thing I thought ofwhen I was sort of
brainstorming this was the dormroom shopping.
There is such focus I don'tknow what people do now that Bed
, bath, beyond is not inbusiness anymore but you get the
list of you've got to have thisand you've got to have that and
(05:24):
you've got to have that andit's got to look perfect and all
of that, and that's fine andit's fun to do some of that
shopping.
But if you haven't done it, youknow again, take a breath,
because there's online shopping.
Once your student is there,there are probably a store or
(05:44):
two wherever your student isgoing to be.
Nobody is away from anythingand sometimes it actually makes
sense to wait and see what theroom is going to look like, see
what your roommate brings, seewhat you feel you need and what
you don't.
So if you haven't done a lot ofdorm shopping by now, you know,
give that a little rest anddon't spend your time running
(06:06):
around to do that.
And the second thing is I wouldsay, don't try to cram in all
the advice you think you need togive your student ever, because
it's going to be overwhelmedand you know, okay, you got to
remember this and you got to dothis and don't do that.
(06:28):
And here's my wisdom and all ofthat, dole it out in little bits
.
If you haven't talked about itby now in some ways, just take
the pressure off.
They're not going to heareverything you say anyway.
And kind of along with that,don't try to cram all the fun.
(06:49):
I've got to cram all the funactivities in before they leave.
We've got to do this together.
We've got to do that together.
We've got to spend all of thisquality time before they go,
because they also they also wantto be with their friends, right
, and they also need time withtheir friends.
(07:11):
And so if there are some thingsyou didn't get to do, there
will be breaks, there will befamily weekend, there will be
other summers and there will betimes.
So not trying to do it all.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
And you know this is a common phrase among parents of
college-going students.
You know, this is the time ofyear that they're soiling the
nest, so to speak.
Yes, yes.
They want as much distance aspossible.
Some of them and everything isan eye roll because they're
getting ready to move on totheir adult life and they kind
of can't wait to get there.
(07:47):
So the more we're trying tosuggest things to them, probably
the less open they'll be.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
And I think it's really important that you say
that, elizabeth, because it'sreally a relief to a lot of
parents to hear that that'snormal, oh gosh, yeah.
Lot of parents to hear thatthat's normal, oh gosh, yeah.
You know, I did a workshop atorientation one summer and it
was probably mid July somewherearound there, and we talked
about this and you know thatthat and and a parent came up to
(08:17):
me afterward and said I am soglad you said that it's like.
It's like I have a changeling.
My daughter and I never foughtbefore and we're fighting all
summer and it was really arelief for her to hear that that
is really a normal thing,testing those limits and kind of
it's a way to make the leavingeasier for everybody, even
(08:42):
though it's unconscious.
So so that's important.
I have two more quick ones Foreverybody, even though it's
unconscious.
So that's important.
I have two more quick ones andone is don't worry about packing
, because maybe your student isone of those who has lists and
has carefully packed everythingand maybe practiced packed to
see that everything fits and allof that.
(09:04):
But chances are better thatpacking is going to happen the
night before you leave, andoften with one big trash bag
that everything gets shoved into.
There's something about thepacking that makes the
experience real and the studentsall over the country are
(09:26):
procrastinating and putting itoff and putting it off, and moms
and dads are oh, you've got toget organized, you've got to get
packed, and they'll do it, andthey will forget some things and
you will either send them tothem, or they will buy new ones,
or you'll take them at familyweekend, or they'll do without.
Will buy new ones, or you'lltake them at family weekend, or
(09:48):
they'll do without.
So you know, relax on thepacking.
I mean it was the same with allthree of my girls and they're
very different personalities,but the waiting on packing was
there.
And the last one, I think, is areally important one, and that
is at this point, asking yourstudents for their passwords to
their portal, to their email.
You know, just so I can checkand make sure you haven't missed
(10:09):
something.
And you know, and that's notreally for me, that's not really
even a it's not too late, it'sdon't ever do it, don't ask for
their passwords Controversial.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
take Becky.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Well, I really think don't ask for their passwords.
Talk about why you want theirpasswords and why you're not
asking them for them so thatthey have an opportunity to try
on their own to be responsiblefor checking their email and
(10:44):
things may get missed.
But if you think of the biggergoal, which is for your student
to learn independence andresponsibility and to feel in
adult charge of their life, itreally negates that.
When you say and give me yourpassword so that I can check,
(11:05):
that really I think sends themessage of I don't trust that
you're going to be able to dothis.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And, to be honest, if that's really how you feel, you
know it might be time to thinkabout whether your student is
ready.
I know you guys are, you know,buying and packing and have made
the deposit, but if yourstudent is not going to be able
to manage themselves at allwithout you being in their email
, that to me is a red flag.
And.
I know here.
(11:32):
You know I'm a learningdisability specialist and I know
some parents say, well, I'mdoing this to help them.
There are different ways toapproach that too.
Now, first of all, I do want tomention that at some schools,
sharing your passwords withanybody, including your parents,
is a violation of thetechnology code and it can get
your student in trouble.
So that's the first thing toconsider.
(11:56):
And then the second is thereare ways to help your student
with their email without youtaking it over.
And you know, students mature atdifferent times and rates and
it may be you know an issue foryour student and you think that
they can handle other things.
But one of the things you coulddo is, once a week, you guys
get on Zoom and you look at theemail with them and you suggest
(12:20):
to them ways to filter.
You know I, as a collegelearning disability specialist,
I'm always telling my studentsplease unsubscribe from all of
these lists.
If you want to buy again fromwhatever store you just bought
something from, they'll send you15% off, but it will just.
You know, part of emailmanagement is just eliminating
(12:40):
all that clutter, so I don'twant to spend too much time on
that.
But I think, and you guys havea wonderful episode on
communication with your collegestudent.
So while we're saying don'tbother, do bother listening to
that episode, because that canbe part of the communication too
.
Is you know how?
often are you guys going to bein touch and can you talk about
(13:02):
the email as part of that?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
And we can put that in the show notes so people can
find that.
But yeah, it's not that youtotally ignore the topic, but
you talk about it instead ofsaying give me those passwords.
So think about that.
Now comes the list of whatthere's still time to do but you
need to focus on.
(13:25):
So we have a few things thatwe've thought of and they're
kind of in random order and youknow, just hopefully you'll
listen to this list and say, oh,already done, oh, already done.
And then there might be acouple um that you haven't
thought about.
So um, one that I have um is tohave your student check their
(13:51):
schedule.
Chances are they have a scheduleby now.
Not everywhere.
Every school does itdifferently and it may be that
they won't get a schedule, aclass schedule, until they get
to school.
It may be they'll make theirown schedule when they get to
school or made their ownschedule over the summer.
But whatever it is, this is agood time to check to see that
(14:13):
it's done, if it's supposed tobe, and do they have the correct
classes that they thought theyshould take?
Do they have anything that's aprerequisite for something that
they want to take in the futureIf they're an athlete, check
that the schedule doesn'tconflict with practices.
(14:35):
Usually, coaches send theinformation to their team.
You know we're going topractice every afternoon at
three o'clock or practices aregoing to be in the evening and
they want to check that, ortheater rehearsals or music
rehearsals.
You know, if you have a classthat meets Tuesday and Thursday
(14:56):
at seven o'clock and the playrehearses every evening, that's
a problem.
So this is a good, goodopportunity to check their
schedule.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I, like him, have that schedule of classes.
It can be really useful to yourstudent if they're open to this
with you to set up a weeklyschedule for them to follow.
So you know, one of the biggestchallenges and changes once
your students get to college isthey only have to be in classes
(15:31):
12 to 15 hours a week.
Now it often works out well forthe athletes and the students
who are in, you know,performances that have
rehearsals, students who work.
It imposes structure on theirtime, and so, if that is not
something that's true for yourstudent trying to create a
routine for them to follow andso we'll put the link in the
(15:54):
show notes to the page on mywebsite, there are lots of free
tools for students and you cancheck those all out.
That would be also a good thingto try and do right now is look
at what's there, but this onekind of walks them through
thinking about a schedule.
Are there things they want tomake sure they do every week?
You know they won't know howmany hours a week they need to
(16:15):
study, and so, um, I we juststart with six hours a week
spent per class on readings andresponses and whatever it is,
and the whole idea is that thatwill change as they see how
things are going, um, but itjust gives them a starting point
to not you know sort offlounder.
When they get there, they go toclass.
Nothing's really quote, unquote, due like read this before next
(16:39):
week.
And I, you know, I see a lot ofstudents where they don't know
what, where the time went fromweek to week because they
haven't structured it, and soall they know is they haven't
done the readings for class, orthey're finishing the work at
the last minute, but they can'teven account for what they did
the rest of the time.
So that's one thing to thinkabout.
And so also, yes, please, I'mgoing to jump in, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I want you to, Because I really think that is
important information.
Two things about the schedule,and one you mentioned, but you
just kind of passed over it, andthat is you know we start with
six hours a week per class interms of study time.
When I say that to my studentsmy first year students they are
(17:25):
shocked, yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Oh, interesting.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Because they are used to doing most of their work in
high school, at school, wow.
And then spending, you know,maybe a couple of hours in the
evening on schoolwork for all oftheir subjects.
And so when I say, you know,the full rule of thumb is for
every hour you spend in class,you should be spending two hours
(17:49):
outside, and that means aboutsix hours per subject per week.
They're shocked, wow.
So that conversation is reallyimportant.
And then the idea of even thoughyou don't know exactly how much
time it's going to take youblocking out the time, because
they tend to look at a scheduleof you know, here are my classes
(18:10):
and here are my athleticpractices, or here's my my on my
on campus job, and you blockthat out, but then studying will
happen when I have a chanceRight, rather than saying, oh
look, I have a two hour block inthe morning between classes.
I'm going to mark that forstudy time or or whatever.
(18:33):
So what you're talking about?
Creating a kind of a blockschedule that may change Right,
and that's At least it gives youa starting point.
It's so important.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I think it's just a way of thinking about it.
And two, because a lot of mystudents aren't booked up every
moment of every day, although Ido have some of those students.
It allows for some preferences.
So, do you know, do you want to?
If you don't have class untilone, what time are you?
And you know, realistically,what time do you really get up?
Are you getting up at 12 foryour one o'clock class?
(19:05):
Okay, that means you knowyou're probably staying up till
two.
That's also good.
Are you effective from 11 toone?
You know you do some of thestudying then.
So it's engaging them andthinking about their preferences
.
You know, do you want to haveone day of the weekend that you
don't do any work?
That's great.
But then that 24 hours we'retalking about for four classes
(19:28):
needs to be scheduled in theother way.
So there's freedom in it.
But just having a startingpoint of knowing every Tuesday,
from two to four, I'm going tolibrary and I'm going to work on
the chemistry.
It's counterintuitive, butscheduling and routine allows
for flexibility.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Yeah, and the choices .
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Yeah.
So while we're talking aboutthis, they may not want to do
this with you and the choices.
And some parents talk aboutschools now having academic
coaches, some upperclassmen whomight meet with your student
once a week or once a month orwhatever it is, to kind of check
in with them and see howthey're doing.
There may be workshops on timemanagement and organization and
(20:29):
note taking.
My disability specialist had.
You know, for parents ofstudents with disabilities who
are used to having those kindsof things available through, you
know, the office in charge ofdisability services.
A lot of offices don't do thosethings because they're not
required to.
We don't have learningdisability specialists at a lot
(20:50):
of schools so that functionmight be filled by the tutoring
center, the counseling center,the academic dean's office,
whatever it is.
So just because it doesn'texist through our office doesn't
mean it doesn't exist.
Let's talk about the counselingcenter and nobody wants to
think that their kid is going toneed some help.
(21:11):
But everything is an adjustment.
Everything is an adjustment andI was just listening to our
(21:33):
friend Jill Grimes, the collegedoc, in conversation with Harlan
Cullen, another one of ourwonderful friends, about the
fact that you know this stuff isthere for a reason and that you
encourage your students to notto wait until it's an emergency.
You know, make sure theyunderstand how long it might
take to get an appointment, howthey get an appointment and what
tutoring is there.
Is there a generic tutoringcenter?
Are there specialized helprooms for math and science
particularly?
You've seen, if there's awriting center, do you have to
(21:53):
make an appointment or is itonly drop-in so at least your
students will go in knowing whothey can go to if they, you know
, find that they need it?
And, you know, emphasize andnormalize the idea that we
wouldn't have these things if wedidn't think students needed
them.
You know, a number of studentshave done really well in high
school and they've never neededany help, and it can be a real
(22:15):
identity issue for them to be ina position because, you know,
often they have now, you know,surrounded themselves with
students kind of at the sameacademic level as themselves and
they're not standing out andthings are meant to be
challenging.
The common phrase in our fieldis this is not grade 13.
And so normalize the fact thata lot of students struggle.
(22:40):
Those who seek help tend to bemore successful because they've
at least acknowledged that I am.
If they have access, alreadyget into what's either called
(23:00):
the learning management system,the LMS or what's the other word
Course management system thing,cms.
They have different brand names, blackboard or Canvas or
whatever, and you know, sit downwith a student, poke around,
see if you can figure out.
Have the professors loaded thesyllabi, yet Expect those to
(23:20):
change.
Sorry, professor Nelson, notyours, not yours.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Oh, I put tentative in capital letters at the top of
my syllabus.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
But just also to get them comfortable with looking
around, seeing all the differentplaces where stuff could be,
you know, so to speak, hiding.
You know things that aren'tobvious when you get on a
website, and so those are justare there to kind of ease that
transition, make them hopefullyfeel a little bit more
comfortable and informed whenthey get there.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, that's so important.
I see students floundering inthose first few weeks.
And you know, many of us asprofessors tend to just assume
they're going to what's clearand how to do that, so that
(24:19):
everything isn't brand new.
There are some things you'renot going to be able to prepare
for, that you'll get to campusand get hit in the face with
something that you hadn'tanticipated.
But anything that you can takesone more thing off your plate
of something brand new that youhave to learn.
So also, you know we're talkingabout a lot of things that
(24:44):
students need to do, as I, youknow, sort of thought about this
list.
I realized a lot of it is haveyour student do this, have your
student do this.
But parents can also think aboutwhat are the conversations that
they really want to have.
Elizabeth, you mentioned ouryou know our podcast episode on
communication and that'simportant.
(25:06):
But sort of what are the what'sthe bottom line of the issues
that you feel you need to talkto your student about before
they go, and if you can thinkabout that in early August
rather than the night beforethey go, and you suddenly need
to do that, but also reallythinking about what are the
(25:29):
important ones and what couldwait or whatnot, so that you're
not you're having lots of goodconversations with your student
during this month, but not toomany and filtering them out a
little bit because they'reoverwhelmed.
And so you know what are thethings we really need to talk
(25:49):
about and it's very personal,you know.
But you might talk about howare we going to communicate and
how much are we going tocommunicate.
You know, are we going to talkon the phone once a about how
are we going to communicate andhow much are we going to
communicate?
You know, are we going to talkon the phone once a week?
Are we going to text five timesa day?
There's no right or wrong, butmaking sure you're on the same
wavelength is important.
Talking about FERPA the FederalEducational Rights and Privacy
(26:11):
Act and we've got podcastepisodes oh, family, family
educational rights, yeah.
It's federal family.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
I don't know it's Family Educational Rights
Privacy Act.
Okay, but it is a federal thing.
It is indeed.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That's where I got that.
Just call it FERPA.
We've got articles and podcastson that, so you know we'll link
to those and not get into ithere.
But you know, have theconversations, that of the
things that really matter, anddon't wait until the last minute
for those.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
You know I'm thinking , as we're talking about
communication too.
I think in my head I'm alwaysthinking about parents, you know
, trying to wanting to reach outto students and you know be
often involved with them.
But there are some studentswhere situations where it's the
reverse, where the student isconstantly texting the parent,
(27:05):
and I think you guys have talkedabout that too.
You know you may want to setsome expectations for you know
and reassurances.
I know you can do this, youknow, and I think you're going
to be great and I want you tohandle some things, and so you
know I'm going to respond to youafter I get home from work, and
so you just need to know that.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
So you know, and that goes along with your, your list
of of finding supports oncampus.
Yeah, so sometimes it's.
You know I'm not going to texthome because I know I've I've
got somewhere on campus that Ican go and get some support.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
You know, and you know me, all this stuff that
we're talking about.
If you are a parent of astudent who isn't headed to
college imminently but is stillin high school, there are lots
of implications here for whatyou could be doing with your
student while they're still inhigh school.
If you want to feel good aboutthem going off and you want them
to feel good, think aboutplaces where you are doing
(28:08):
things for them, rather thanshowing them how to do it and
then letting them go forth andmake a couple of mistakes and
figure some things out.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I can link in the show notes.
We actually have an e-book ontips for using that senior year
to get ready, so we'll link tothat too.
But there are some things thateverybody should really get on,
and I know you were thinking interms of housing accommodations.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
So this is so.
Forgive me, folks, because I'mgoing to put on my disability
specialist hat here for a minuteand speak to these families.
Something that I see in a lotof Facebook groups is parents
saying you know, my studentreally would benefit from having
a single room based on theirdisability.
There is limited housing at alot of colleges not all of them
(29:06):
and so for some schools therewill be a limit to how many
singles they are able to approveand this is, by the way,
neither legal nor medical advice.
You know they essentially haveto.
If they decide it is the onlyway to accommodate a student in
housing, they will have toprovide them with a single.
But what that means is whoqualifies for a single may vary.
(29:29):
And all of this is also to saythat, because those
conversations are so complicated, the sooner your student makes
the request, the more likelythat they will at least be in
that conversation.
So now is the time.
Now as far as other kinds ofaccommodations, so academic
accommodations, obviously don'tkick in until your student is
(29:52):
starting classes.
However, it can be a reallygood idea for them to get
registered with their disabilityservices offices now, and that
way, day one when classes begin,they'll be set.
Some of my colleagues prefer tohave this happen closer to the
start of the semester, so theonly thing you could do right
(30:12):
now is at least look onlinetogether with your students, see
what they say about disabilityregistration, disability
services registration, andfollow along with whatever they
say.
Now be aware if your studentwrote about their disability in
their application to the college, that does not mean they are
(30:34):
registered and that informationhasn't been shared with our
office.
So there is a process to followand your student must follow it
.
Now, speaking of independenceand self-advocacy, some of your
students are not going to wantto register with our office
right now.
They want to start college andsee how it goes.
The research talks about a lotof reasons they don't register
(30:56):
with us At first.
I want to reassure you thatthere is no deadline.
If they don't do it before theystart classes, or they don't do
it before midterms, or theydon't do it before finals, there
is no restriction on when theycan register.
What happens once they registeris a whole other conversation,
and you can read my book tolearn more about that.
(31:18):
But it's not that if they don'tdo it now, they can never.
So have that reassurance, andit's a good time to talk to them
about you know why you thinkthey should make sure they have
the self-awareness to do that,to register with us.
They understand they have allthe documents that they need.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
All right, I could go on for too long, so um and and
you know, I often have studentsbecause if they need an
accommodation for class, then Iget a letter.
They they need to give me aletter, um, and sometimes it's
they get extended time on anexam or they they are allowed to
(31:57):
use a laptop to take notes andwhatever that impacts the
classroom.
I need to know that.
But I often have students whogive me that letter right at the
beginning and then never usethe accommodation.
And that's but that's fine.
I mean, some really need to butsome don't.
(32:18):
But they've got that safety netthere that if they decide at
the last minute wow, now thatI've heard about what her tests
were like, I really want to usethe extended time.
If they haven't had that inplace, then it may not happen in
time for the test, so that'sreally a good idea.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
So for the show notes , I have two blog posts that I
will send to you.
One of them is to give youtalking points to try to talk to
your student about registeringwith our office, and the other
speaks directly to them, and alot of what's in there reflects
what the research tells us aboutwhy students don't register.
Really.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
We're going to have so much information in our show
notes for this episode, which isgood.
Listen to it and then go andfollow up with what you need.
Well, it wouldn't be theCollege Parents Central podcast
if we didn't talk about books.
So I have one thing to sayabout textbooks, and then I know
, elizabeth, you had a couple ofbooks that you wanted to
(33:20):
mention, one of which is one ofmy new favorites.
But the one thing I wanted tosay is, for most students, at
many places you can find out nowwhat your textbooks are going
to be.
(33:45):
Go if the bookstore has awebsite or part of the portal
and you go there often if youjust type in the course name or
the course number or something,it will tell you what the books
are, and I think there are somefederal regulations around that.
Now I know they're asking us asprofessors very early to give
them that information sostudents can get it.
So it's worth checking out.
And then you might just want towait till you get to campus and
(34:10):
do the old fashioned way.
You go to the bookstore and youget an armful of the books you
need and you've got them.
But often you can order them atthe bookstore and they will
have them all packaged up andwaiting for you which is really
nice.
Or you can find out what thebooks are and you order them
online, and sometimes you canget them cheaper online.
(34:30):
Sometimes you can get them usedonline.
But if you're going to do that,now is the time to do it,
because if you wait until thesemester begins and you try to
order them online, you may betwo or three weeks into the
semester before you get yourbooks and I don't know what
other people do, but by thefirst week I'm assigning a
chapter.
(34:51):
So think about if you can getthat information, try to track
it down and order the books, andthen, while you're ordering,
there's some good ones to get.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Yes, but before we get to that and the disability
angle, if you are a student, ifyour student is going to ask for
, for instance, e-copies ofhardcover books A they need to
be registered with our officeand, b that should happen soon,
because if there isn't an e-bookavailable, the publisher didn't
(35:22):
create one.
We can create a PDF that isaccessible to text-to-speech
software using special software.
It has to be scanned, and thoseare things that cannot happen
in a day for your student tohave their book.
So these kinds of things areimportant to think about.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
It's so nice to have that technology now.
Many, many, many years ago, oneof the things I did when I had
kids home and I was home withthe kids for the college they
would bring me a textbook and abox of cassette tapes and when
(36:01):
my kids were napping or afterthey went to bed at night, I
would sit with the textbook andread the book into it and take a
box of cassettes back and itwould go to the students.
So the technology is wonderfulnow.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And that dates me, doesn't it?
Speaker 3 (36:22):
I mean, I remember for recordings for the blind and
dyslexic, I have seen studentswith the yellow cassette players
.
So, speaking of books, there'ssome stuff to help you prepare
and to help your student prepare, and all of these folks have
been guests on the podcast soyou can listen to them talk.
(36:43):
But I recommend their books.
So, first and foremost, theKing of College Advice, harlan
Cohen, author of the NakedRoommate, appropriately so, and
it's something like 107 tips.
It's a great book for yourstudent to read.
He normalizes a lot of thingsand makes them think about
(37:04):
situations that probably aren'tat their radar.
There's a version just forparents If your student is not a
reader or you are not a reader.
He is online on Instagram andTikTok, primarily with video
tips.
He also has an online coursefor coaching for students, and I
(37:24):
think there's coaching forparents as well.
So those are some things tothink about.
Also, test anxiety no more byDr Bianca Bush, and we did an
episode with her too.
Even if your student doesn'thave test anxiety currently
doesn't mean that they will, butjust the strategies in there
(37:45):
for trying to relax and she'sgot some good study strategies
in there and that's worth it.
And this one I know has anaudio book.
I double checked.
I don't know if Harlan's doesand I'm not going to clickety
clack while we're talking to seeSpeaking of study strategies.
Outsmart your Brain by DanWillingham is we have got to get
(38:07):
him on here.
It's my favorite, oh my gosh.
It's all about how to study incollege and it's all practical.
It's broken into reallydigestible chunks.
He's a professor of psychologyand it is all based on the
research, and so that is onethey really should read ahead of
(38:29):
time or listen to.
There's an audio book for thatand, rounding the corner, our
friend Jill Grimes, who we'vealso interviewed the ultimate,
truly ultimate college healthhandbook, and that is one where
I would recommend having a copyat home that you keep and one
that you send to school and they, you know, there's some
(38:49):
chapters you might want to havethem look at now.
There's all sorts of stuffabout substances and drinking
and some really important youknow things for students
transitioning to college, andthen there's this sort of like
when do you know if you shouldgo to the health center?
And so, in case your student isquite ill and not really
capable of looking through herbook, you want to have a copy at
(39:16):
home to make sure that you canlook this stuff up and tell them
whether it's bad enough, youknow, or that you don't know
what that rash looks like.
Perhaps they should go.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
And Jill's book is not one that a student is going
to sit down and read, Rightright, but it is so important
just to have to.
Okay, now, I need to grab itoff the shelf when the time
comes.
It's so good.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah, and I think, but there are some chapters in
there that might be worthreading in advance.
You know, and I was justlistening she was just on
Harlan's podcast talking aboutyou know how sometimes one
person in a social group ends upbeing the caretaker of
everybody else, and so those arediscussions that you might want
to have with your student, andwe've had Jill Jill's been on
the podcast, I think twice.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Well, she's got interesting things, so you know
there are all these places toget this information.
Yeah, okay, I want to just whipthrough a couple more, because
you know we can just keep goingand going, and going here, this
is a good time, if you haveyounger siblings at home, to get
(40:20):
them involved in the send-offso that they feel involved in
this process, and I can link toone of the articles on the
College Parent Central websiteand I think we even talked about
it in a podcast episode.
But it can be hard on thoseyounger siblings when somebody
goes away, so it would be goodto work them into the process.
(40:45):
And then it's also a good timeto just go back and review
everything that's come over thesummer.
There's this flood ofinformation that students get
emails from the college andparents get emails from the
college, but mostly students.
So you know, it's really goodto say have we missed anything?
(41:05):
Let me go back and just sort ofreview all of that and whether
your student as you're reviewingwhether the student has done
sometimes there are requiredtutorials that they need to do
over the summer.
There's often one on alcoholAlcohol EDU is a common one.
There's often one on alcoholAlcohol EDU is a common one.
(41:27):
Sometimes there's a tutorial onacademic integrity that they're
required to do over the summer,and there may be other things
as well, and I remember one ofmy daughters then it was two in
the morning, the night before weleft to take her to college and
she was there working throughthis because she suddenly
realized she wasn't allowed tocheck into her room until she
(41:47):
had done this.
So you know, finding out earlywhether there are some of those.
There's just so muchinformation.
There's health information too.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Yes.
So speaking of health, andagain this is sort of a
disability services angle andthe reason your student needs to
register is like they'rechoosing their meal plan and at
a lot of schools freshmen arerequired to have a certain level
of meal plan.
But be aware that colleges areset up, you know, dining
(42:20):
services to accommodate a bunchof different needs based on
health conditions.
But you want to register withthe disability services office.
Your student might be able totalk to the nutritionist at the
school and, you know, make surethat their needs can be met.
Again, the housing stuff is areally big deal right now, but
(42:41):
you know there may be some otherconsiderations that your
student needs, like I said, thebooks in advance.
So don't wait on that stuff andlook now.
You can find, even if yourstudent wants to wait, you can
look at the disabilitydocumentation requirements.
Make sure that you're sendingthem with, you know, an
electronic copy of whatever theyneed to register with us.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
And you know, it occurs to me as you talk through
everything we've talked aboutso often, as you're saying, well
, for disabilities, for studentswith disabilities, but so much
of that applies to everybody.
So, you know, I hope parentsdon't tune out when they hear
that, because I mean, I've beensaying this for years as we talk
about things that, oh yeah, butthat applies to everyone.
(43:26):
Or, oh yeah, I see that withall my students or whatever.
The other thing about healthforms is seeing what forms they
need to do, what forms do theyneed to take, and thinking about
a health care proxy andthinking about HIPAA release
(43:47):
forms, so that when you knowwhen your student is 18, they're
considered an adult and ifsomething happens and they're
incapacitated for some reasonthey've been in an accident or
whatever you need to have apower of attorney or HIPAA
release or something to be ableto get information and and do
that.
(44:08):
There's a great website, um,called mama bear legal forms and
uh, I know, I know Joe Grimeshas talked about it too Um, so
I'll list that in the show notes, um, and it's a great place to
go and see what the forms are.
There are templates there andthings to really talk to your
student and think about you knowwhat health forms and also, if
(44:32):
they haven't had their physical,now's the time, because they
need to have a physical, usuallybefore they go.
So there's all of that.
This is a last chance for anyyou know real basic life skills
that your student might need.
Do they know how to do laundry?
(44:52):
I remember asking a class onetime it was all freshmen and
this was near the end of theyear and you know what was the
hardest thing, what was thehardest transition?
And, honest to goodness, Ithink a third of the class
raised their hand and saidlearning how to do laundry, and
it wasn't just the guys.
When I went away to college, mycollege roommate had to teach
(45:14):
me how to do laundry with thewashing machine because it was
different than what we had athome.
So you know just what do theydo?
Do they do they know, have theinformation they need about
health insurance?
Do they have a health insurancecard?
Do they know how to, if theytake medications?
Do they know how to renew aprescription?
Just all of those basic things.
(45:36):
What are the things that matter?
Speaker 3 (45:39):
And Vicki, you know, make sure you know if you're
thinking that the college healthcenter is going to refill your
students' prescriptions.
That may not be something thatthey do, so you need to look at
that now.
And as I'm thinking, we talkedabout sources of support.
The counseling office may onlyoften they only will see a
student for a certain length oftime and then refer them off
(46:02):
campus, which means you have tofind a therapist and pay for
that, and also their frequencywith which they can meet with
students per week may be limited.
So if you have a student youalready know has a mental health
condition, find out whetherwhoever is serving them right
now can do that across statelines.
Has, you know, the rightlicensing to do it.
(46:23):
On zoom, the continuity of carepiece is really important.
So those these are discussions.
I should have put that in.
They do that right now.
All right, this is the do withit right now.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
So so you got kind of a long list.
Yeah, Sorry no not you, I'm notyou, I'm talking to parents, we
have created for you all this.
but hopefully you are listeningto this and saying, yes, oh good
, yes, I've done that, yes, I'vedone that.
And then there may be a coupleof things I would say, you know,
(46:54):
sort of bottom line, and thenthere are just a couple of quick
other category things.
But this is the time in thelast couple of weeks that,
before you take your student, tofocus on the positive, to focus
on the excitement, to help themget really excited about what's
coming and not nervous Nervesare natural, but this is the
(47:19):
time to really you've got this,you can do it.
Oh, it's going to be thiswonderful thing that's ahead,
and really make sure, yes, we'vegot to get these things done,
but it's going to be good, it'sgoing to be great in doing that.
So there are two other quickcategories that I think we can
(47:39):
do in just a couple of minutesthat we might want to think
about, and the first I'd like tomention is what if your student
is not going away to collegebut is going to be living at
home?
And you know, except for some ofthe housing and the food stuff
and all everything we've talkedabout still applies, but there
(47:59):
are a couple of other kind ofspecial circumstances, and one
would be if they're going to beliving at home, really talking
about how things might bedifferent.
You know, it's not Elizabethyou mentioned earlier.
It's not 13th grade, so you'regoing to be a college student
(48:20):
now, not a high school student.
Yes, the academics are going tobe different, but are we, is
the dynamic at home going to bea little different?
Am I still going to, or, youknow, are you still going to
have a curfew?
If you had a curfew, are you,you know?
Are you going to use the familycar?
Do you have your own car?
(48:40):
What are the limitations andwhat's going to help your
student really feel as thoughsomething is different?
It sounds silly, but one thingmight be do they want to
redecorate their room to reallyfeel as though.
Okay, it's a fresh start, it'ssomething new.
If you have a big family andthey're living at home, do they
(49:04):
have a separate quiet space tostudy?
Or are they going to go to thelibrary every day to study
because there's too muchcommotion in a home?
Just really thinking about howit might be different?
And if they're commuting whichobviously it would be if they're
living home how are they goingto commute?
Are they commuting by publictransportation?
(49:25):
Are they going to drive?
I would suggest this is a goodtime to do a couple of practice
runs and find out how long ittakes, find out where they need
to park if they're driving, canthey get a parking permit now
and not wait until September tojust make it, you know, make it
feel a little different and thatthey feel comfortable in how
(49:45):
it's going to work.
So they're not adding that atthe beginning, in September?
And then, elizabeth, you had acouple of thoughts for returning
not freshmen, but returningstudents coming back.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
So for parents, who might already have done a send
off but are listening to thisanyway, if your student was
given temporary accommodationsthrough the Disability Services
Office, now is the time to makesure that.
I mean, it was probably a fewmonths ago, to be honest, but
never.
It's a good time now to figureout what they the reason they
(50:20):
were given temporary, what theschool expected them to go, get
as far as documentation and tryto reserve that now you know.
And if your student isreturning from a leave and there
are lots of different reasonswhy, but sometimes it's because
they were not doing well,perhaps their mental health was
(50:40):
really suffering or they justweren't up to the task at the
time and they left mid-semesteror took a year off or whatever.
Talking to them about how theysee this year going, you know
what lessons they may havelearned from their experience
and obviously, with mentalhealth that's not really
relevant, but if they got to apoint of crisis, you know how
(51:03):
will they avoid that this time.
And for students who ran intoacademic trouble, you know what
is their plan for making surethat that does not happen
another time.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yeah, that's really important.
And if they're just coming backfor sophomore year, you know
they had an okay first year andnow they're moving into
sophomore year.
There is a thing calledsophomore slump.
Oh yeah, um, you know we have aI think we did a podcast and I
(51:34):
know there are a couple ofarticles on the website.
I'll link to those in the shownotes.
A long list in the show notes,um, but it's worth a
conversation of what to expect.
Sophomore year is very differentfrom first year and if students
aren't prepared for some of thedifferences, it can really take
them by surprise.
So yeah, long, long, long, longlist of things that are going
(51:57):
to be in the show notes, of waysto follow up and dig a little
deeper and included in thatwe'll link to.
I want to mention two things,and then I want Elizabeth to
mention a little more about herbook and some great tools that
(52:19):
you have on your website.
So there is an e-book onCollege Parents Central.
It was new this spring, brandnew ebook on the summer before
college and it's a survivalguide for parents and it was
intended, you know, for parentsto start in June and think about
(52:39):
what do you do as you gothrough the summer.
but it's not too late to kind oflook at that and see, you know,
okay, I'm right on that targetand and here's what I need to do
.
And then it also has a sort oflittle bonus section at the end
about you know, once you'vedropped them off, some things to
think about.
So, um, the summer beforecollege ebook is one thing, and
(53:01):
then, if you have that firstyear student, we have an email
series that you can registeryour student for for the fall,
called first term.
Students get an email once aweek through the 15 weeks of the
semester of some things tothink about at that point,
(53:22):
because we dump all of thisinformation on them in the
summer and they get orientationand they get stuff and then they
come in the beginning, in thefirst six weeks and then by the
middle of the semester theydon't remember any of it.
So some comes along.
So those are two things thatwe'll link to in the show notes
and your book, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (53:43):
Thank you, and I mean Vicki's got so much good stuff
and you know she and she and weboth do Thank you, but I joined
this podcast after being a fanfor a long time, so that's why
I'm here, and so if you want toknow more about the preparation
for a smooth college transition,my book is called Seven Steps
(54:05):
to College Success A Pathway forStudents with Disabilities.
It talks about the changes inthe disability law, and those
are really important to consideras your student moves their way
through high school, because alot of the supports that they
may be accustomed to will not bethere, which is why we talk
about self-advocacy andself-determination and all of
(54:25):
those things.
But, as often happens, even ifyou don't have a student with a
disability, you might want tosee if your library has the book
and go check out the sectionson step three, and steps three
and four are about expectationsfor students you know
academically at college and alsothe self-management
(54:45):
expectations and somesuggestions for how to get them
used to those things, and so Ithink that that section is
relevant for all students.
So see if your library has it,order it.
Speaker 2 (54:57):
So much of what you talk about is relevant for all
students.
I think so, yeah, thanks.
And then you have all kinds offree tools for students too.
Speaker 3 (55:09):
So you know I mean, listen, dan Willingham is the
expert, but I meet one-on-onewith students through my job and
so any tools that I use withthem are available for free.
If you go to the free resources, I think, section of my website
and just pull down, you'll seecollege student tools, my tools
(55:31):
for time management, strategiesfor reading effectively,
strategies for test preparation,some goal setting for students
who are kind of on track butjust like to be a little bit
more proactive about thinkingabout how last week went, what
they want to do differently nextweek.
You know what think aboutwhat's working well, sort of a
(55:53):
metacognitive exercise.
It's all available for free onmy website.
It's ldadvisorycom and that'llbe in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
Oh, you bet.
So I think, when we thoughtabout this episode, we thought
well, this will reassure parents, this is what not to bother
with and this is what you stillshould do, and it feels as
though we have just dumped anawful lot of stuff.
But pick what works, beselective.
Don't get crazy over the nextcouple of weeks.
(56:22):
It's not as though your studentis headed to college and you
are not going to see or talk tothem again for a whole year.
Things can be spread out.
Take it easy, relax and spendsome time together, but not too
much.
Talk about things, but not toomuch, and just do it all
(56:42):
perfectly, yeah yeah yeah, yeah,and know that there is no such
thing as a perfect way to do itand anything you do will help
your student and it's awonderful, exciting adventure.
And you are not done.
Don't let anybody tell you that, okay, you're sending your
(57:03):
school to college.
You're done Because it'sdifferent.
Parenting is different once youhave a student in college, but
you have a hugely important roleas coach, kind of on the
sidelines, and they'll stillneed you, don't worry.
Thanks for spending time withus, thanks for listening and
(57:26):
enjoy the ride.
Speaker 3 (57:28):
We'll see you next time.
Thanks, vicki, bye-bye.
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already in college, this podcast is for you.
You'll find food for thoughtand information about college
and about navigating thatdelicate balance of guidance,
involvement and knowing when toget out of the way.
(00:31):
Join your hosts as they sharesupport and a celebration of the
amazing experience of having achild in college.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Welcome to the College Parent Central podcast.
This is the place where we talkabout all kinds of things that
have to do with being the parentof a student who is getting
ready to go to college, who isin college.
Sometimes we even touch on whathappens after college.
My name is Vicki Nelson.
I am one of the co-hosts ofthis podcast.
I come to this topic from twopoints of view.
(01:12):
I am a college professor ofcommunication, and so I work
with college students everysingle day, and I have worked in
advising and worked withstudents and parents in that
respect.
And then, probably even moreimportant, I am the parent of
three daughters who have allgone to college and they have
(01:33):
graduated from college and we'vesurvived the experience.
So I look at this from a coupleof points of view, and I am
here with one of our co-hoststoday, and I'm going to let her
introduce herself.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Thanks, vicki.
I am Elizabeth Hamblin.
I am a learning disabilityspecialist at a college's
disability services office, aspeaker and a writer.
I am the author of Seven Stepsto College Success and I am the
parent of two college graduatesof very different stripes one
art school graduate and oneengineering school graduate.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
So we have it all.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
We covered the range.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
We look at this topic from all kinds of angles and
sometimes we're very happy tohave guests here with us and to
interview them, and we alwayslearn so much from them.
And then sometimes we seem tojust have a topic that pops up
that, as people who work in thisfield, we start talking about
(02:37):
and then say you know what?
That should be a podcastepisode.
And I think that's what we'vegot today, something that we
just want to toss around alittle bit.
This episode is coming out inAugust, early-ish in August,
although it doesn't matterwhenever you happen to be
listening to it.
(02:58):
But what we were thinking aboutis okay, at that point in the
summer, it's getting prettyclose to time for students to
head off to school in a coupleof weeks or a few weeks, and I
remember, you know, that's whenI really started to panic and
say, oh, my goodness, what hasto happen between now and the
(03:19):
time I take you on move-in day?
So we wanted to look at that andoriginally we thought, okay,
let's split things up and saywhat are the things that by the
time it's August, we say youknow, just don't bother, you
know it's water under the bridge, just don't bother.
And what are the things that wesay okay, there's still time,
(03:42):
you need to do that.
And one of the things I thinkwe both discovered as we did
that was the list of don'tbother is pretty short Because
there's still.
You know, even if all you haveis a week or two, there's still
a lot you can do.
It might be a little crazierthan if you had started earlier,
(04:03):
but there's not a lot that wewould say don't bother.
So let's start with that list.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I was going to say, and Vicki.
But even though it's a shortlist, I think it's important for
parents to hear from those ofus who've been there and through
, because there's so muchpressure on this and there's a
lot of excitement about it, andyou know's a lot of excitement
about it and you know, a lot ofus want to be like the great
parent who does everything rightand, first of all, accept the
(04:31):
fact that you will not and evenif you Doesn't exist, even if
you did, your kids wouldn'trecognize it or give you credit
for it, and I think so, you know.
And social media will certainlyget you wound up about all of
the things and my gosh, it'sJuly.
Whatever you haven't done, fillin the blank, and it's easy to
(04:52):
feel like an inadequate parentor a parent who's behind, and so
you know, I'm hoping that,though brief, this list will
make a few people breathe alittle more easily.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, Take a breath, yeah Okay, will make a few
people breathe a little moreeasily.
Take a breath, yeah, okay.
So the first thing I thought ofwhen I was sort of
brainstorming this was the dormroom shopping.
There is such focus I don'tknow what people do now that Bed
, bath, beyond is not inbusiness anymore but you get the
list of you've got to have thisand you've got to have that and
(05:24):
you've got to have that andit's got to look perfect and all
of that, and that's fine andit's fun to do some of that
shopping.
But if you haven't done it, youknow again, take a breath,
because there's online shopping.
Once your student is there,there are probably a store or
(05:44):
two wherever your student isgoing to be.
Nobody is away from anythingand sometimes it actually makes
sense to wait and see what theroom is going to look like, see
what your roommate brings, seewhat you feel you need and what
you don't.
So if you haven't done a lot ofdorm shopping by now, you know,
give that a little rest anddon't spend your time running
(06:06):
around to do that.
And the second thing is I wouldsay, don't try to cram in all
the advice you think you need togive your student ever, because
it's going to be overwhelmedand you know, okay, you got to
remember this and you got to dothis and don't do that.
(06:28):
And here's my wisdom and all ofthat, dole it out in little bits
.
If you haven't talked about itby now in some ways, just take
the pressure off.
They're not going to heareverything you say anyway.
And kind of along with that,don't try to cram all the fun.
(06:49):
I've got to cram all the funactivities in before they leave.
We've got to do this together.
We've got to do that together.
We've got to spend all of thisquality time before they go,
because they also they also wantto be with their friends, right
, and they also need time withtheir friends.
(07:11):
And so if there are some thingsyou didn't get to do, there
will be breaks, there will befamily weekend, there will be
other summers and there will betimes.
So not trying to do it all.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
And you know this is a common phrase among parents of
college-going students.
You know, this is the time ofyear that they're soiling the
nest, so to speak.
Yes, yes.
They want as much distance aspossible.
Some of them and everything isan eye roll because they're
getting ready to move on totheir adult life and they kind
of can't wait to get there.
(07:47):
So the more we're trying tosuggest things to them, probably
the less open they'll be.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
And I think it's really important that you say
that, elizabeth, because it'sreally a relief to a lot of
parents to hear that that'snormal, oh gosh, yeah.
Lot of parents to hear thatthat's normal, oh gosh, yeah.
You know, I did a workshop atorientation one summer and it
was probably mid July somewherearound there, and we talked
about this and you know thatthat and and a parent came up to
(08:17):
me afterward and said I am soglad you said that it's like.
It's like I have a changeling.
My daughter and I never foughtbefore and we're fighting all
summer and it was really arelief for her to hear that that
is really a normal thing,testing those limits and kind of
it's a way to make the leavingeasier for everybody, even
(08:42):
though it's unconscious.
So so that's important.
I have two more quick ones Foreverybody, even though it's
unconscious.
So that's important.
I have two more quick ones andone is don't worry about packing
, because maybe your student isone of those who has lists and
has carefully packed everythingand maybe practiced packed to
see that everything fits and allof that.
(09:04):
But chances are better thatpacking is going to happen the
night before you leave, andoften with one big trash bag
that everything gets shoved into.
There's something about thepacking that makes the
experience real and the studentsall over the country are
(09:26):
procrastinating and putting itoff and putting it off, and moms
and dads are oh, you've got toget organized, you've got to get
packed, and they'll do it, andthey will forget some things and
you will either send them tothem, or they will buy new ones,
or you'll take them at familyweekend, or they'll do without.
Will buy new ones, or you'lltake them at family weekend, or
(09:48):
they'll do without.
So you know, relax on thepacking.
I mean it was the same with allthree of my girls and they're
very different personalities,but the waiting on packing was
there.
And the last one, I think, is areally important one, and that
is at this point, asking yourstudents for their passwords to
their portal, to their email.
You know, just so I can checkand make sure you haven't missed
(10:09):
something.
And you know, and that's notreally for me, that's not really
even a it's not too late, it'sdon't ever do it, don't ask for
their passwords Controversial.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
take Becky.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Well, I really think don't ask for their passwords.
Talk about why you want theirpasswords and why you're not
asking them for them so thatthey have an opportunity to try
on their own to be responsiblefor checking their email and
(10:44):
things may get missed.
But if you think of the biggergoal, which is for your student
to learn independence andresponsibility and to feel in
adult charge of their life, itreally negates that.
When you say and give me yourpassword so that I can check,
(11:05):
that really I think sends themessage of I don't trust that
you're going to be able to dothis.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And, to be honest, if that's really how you feel, you
know it might be time to thinkabout whether your student is
ready.
I know you guys are, you know,buying and packing and have made
the deposit, but if yourstudent is not going to be able
to manage themselves at allwithout you being in their email
, that to me is a red flag.
And.
I know here.
(11:32):
You know I'm a learningdisability specialist and I know
some parents say, well, I'mdoing this to help them.
There are different ways toapproach that too.
Now, first of all, I do want tomention that at some schools,
sharing your passwords withanybody, including your parents,
is a violation of thetechnology code and it can get
your student in trouble.
So that's the first thing toconsider.
(11:56):
And then the second is thereare ways to help your student
with their email without youtaking it over.
And you know, students mature atdifferent times and rates and
it may be you know an issue foryour student and you think that
they can handle other things.
But one of the things you coulddo is, once a week, you guys
get on Zoom and you look at theemail with them and you suggest
(12:20):
to them ways to filter.
You know I, as a collegelearning disability specialist,
I'm always telling my studentsplease unsubscribe from all of
these lists.
If you want to buy again fromwhatever store you just bought
something from, they'll send you15% off, but it will just.
You know, part of emailmanagement is just eliminating
(12:40):
all that clutter, so I don'twant to spend too much time on
that.
But I think, and you guys havea wonderful episode on
communication with your collegestudent.
So while we're saying don'tbother, do bother listening to
that episode, because that canbe part of the communication too
.
Is you know how?
often are you guys going to bein touch and can you talk about
(13:02):
the email as part of that?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
And we can put that in the show notes so people can
find that.
But yeah, it's not that youtotally ignore the topic, but
you talk about it instead ofsaying give me those passwords.
So think about that.
Now comes the list of whatthere's still time to do but you
need to focus on.
(13:25):
So we have a few things thatwe've thought of and they're
kind of in random order and youknow, just hopefully you'll
listen to this list and say, oh,already done, oh, already done.
And then there might be acouple um that you haven't
thought about.
So um, one that I have um is tohave your student check their
(13:51):
schedule.
Chances are they have a scheduleby now.
Not everywhere.
Every school does itdifferently and it may be that
they won't get a schedule, aclass schedule, until they get
to school.
It may be they'll make theirown schedule when they get to
school or made their ownschedule over the summer.
But whatever it is, this is agood time to check to see that
(14:13):
it's done, if it's supposed tobe, and do they have the correct
classes that they thought theyshould take?
Do they have anything that's aprerequisite for something that
they want to take in the futureIf they're an athlete, check
that the schedule doesn'tconflict with practices.
(14:35):
Usually, coaches send theinformation to their team.
You know we're going topractice every afternoon at
three o'clock or practices aregoing to be in the evening and
they want to check that, ortheater rehearsals or music
rehearsals.
You know, if you have a classthat meets Tuesday and Thursday
(14:56):
at seven o'clock and the playrehearses every evening, that's
a problem.
So this is a good, goodopportunity to check their
schedule.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I, like him, have that schedule of classes.
It can be really useful to yourstudent if they're open to this
with you to set up a weeklyschedule for them to follow.
So you know, one of the biggestchallenges and changes once
your students get to college isthey only have to be in classes
(15:31):
12 to 15 hours a week.
Now it often works out well forthe athletes and the students
who are in, you know,performances that have
rehearsals, students who work.
It imposes structure on theirtime, and so, if that is not
something that's true for yourstudent trying to create a
routine for them to follow andso we'll put the link in the
(15:54):
show notes to the page on mywebsite, there are lots of free
tools for students and you cancheck those all out.
That would be also a good thingto try and do right now is look
at what's there, but this onekind of walks them through
thinking about a schedule.
Are there things they want tomake sure they do every week?
You know they won't know howmany hours a week they need to
(16:15):
study, and so, um, I we juststart with six hours a week
spent per class on readings andresponses and whatever it is,
and the whole idea is that thatwill change as they see how
things are going, um, but itjust gives them a starting point
to not you know sort offlounder.
When they get there, they go toclass.
Nothing's really quote, unquote, due like read this before next
(16:39):
week.
And I, you know, I see a lot ofstudents where they don't know
what, where the time went fromweek to week because they
haven't structured it, and soall they know is they haven't
done the readings for class, orthey're finishing the work at
the last minute, but they can'teven account for what they did
the rest of the time.
So that's one thing to thinkabout.
And so also, yes, please, I'mgoing to jump in, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I want you to, Because I really think that is
important information.
Two things about the schedule,and one you mentioned, but you
just kind of passed over it, andthat is you know we start with
six hours a week per class interms of study time.
When I say that to my studentsmy first year students they are
(17:25):
shocked, yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Oh, interesting.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Because they are used to doing most of their work in
high school, at school, wow.
And then spending, you know,maybe a couple of hours in the
evening on schoolwork for all oftheir subjects.
And so when I say, you know,the full rule of thumb is for
every hour you spend in class,you should be spending two hours
(17:49):
outside, and that means aboutsix hours per subject per week.
They're shocked, wow.
So that conversation is reallyimportant.
And then the idea of even thoughyou don't know exactly how much
time it's going to take youblocking out the time, because
they tend to look at a scheduleof you know, here are my classes
(18:10):
and here are my athleticpractices, or here's my my on my
on campus job, and you blockthat out, but then studying will
happen when I have a chanceRight, rather than saying, oh
look, I have a two hour block inthe morning between classes.
I'm going to mark that forstudy time or or whatever.
(18:33):
So what you're talking about?
Creating a kind of a blockschedule that may change Right,
and that's At least it gives youa starting point.
It's so important.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I think it's just a way of thinking about it.
And two, because a lot of mystudents aren't booked up every
moment of every day, although Ido have some of those students.
It allows for some preferences.
So, do you know, do you want to?
If you don't have class untilone, what time are you?
And you know, realistically,what time do you really get up?
Are you getting up at 12 foryour one o'clock class?
(19:05):
Okay, that means you knowyou're probably staying up till
two.
That's also good.
Are you effective from 11 toone?
You know you do some of thestudying then.
So it's engaging them andthinking about their preferences
.
You know, do you want to haveone day of the weekend that you
don't do any work?
That's great.
But then that 24 hours we'retalking about for four classes
(19:28):
needs to be scheduled in theother way.
So there's freedom in it.
But just having a startingpoint of knowing every Tuesday,
from two to four, I'm going tolibrary and I'm going to work on
the chemistry.
It's counterintuitive, butscheduling and routine allows
for flexibility.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Yeah, and the choices .
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Yeah.
So while we're talking aboutthis, they may not want to do
this with you and the choices.
And some parents talk aboutschools now having academic
coaches, some upperclassmen whomight meet with your student
once a week or once a month orwhatever it is, to kind of check
in with them and see howthey're doing.
There may be workshops on timemanagement and organization and
(20:29):
note taking.
My disability specialist had.
You know, for parents ofstudents with disabilities who
are used to having those kindsof things available through, you
know, the office in charge ofdisability services.
A lot of offices don't do thosethings because they're not
required to.
We don't have learningdisability specialists at a lot
(20:50):
of schools so that functionmight be filled by the tutoring
center, the counseling center,the academic dean's office,
whatever it is.
So just because it doesn'texist through our office doesn't
mean it doesn't exist.
Let's talk about the counselingcenter and nobody wants to
think that their kid is going toneed some help.
(21:11):
But everything is an adjustment.
Everything is an adjustment andI was just listening to our
(21:33):
friend Jill Grimes, the collegedoc, in conversation with Harlan
Cullen, another one of ourwonderful friends, about the
fact that you know this stuff isthere for a reason and that you
encourage your students to notto wait until it's an emergency.
You know, make sure theyunderstand how long it might
take to get an appointment, howthey get an appointment and what
tutoring is there.
Is there a generic tutoringcenter?
Are there specialized helprooms for math and science
particularly?
You've seen, if there's awriting center, do you have to
(21:53):
make an appointment or is itonly drop-in so at least your
students will go in knowing whothey can go to if they, you know
, find that they need it?
And, you know, emphasize andnormalize the idea that we
wouldn't have these things if wedidn't think students needed
them.
You know, a number of studentshave done really well in high
school and they've never neededany help, and it can be a real
(22:15):
identity issue for them to be ina position because, you know,
often they have now, you know,surrounded themselves with
students kind of at the sameacademic level as themselves and
they're not standing out andthings are meant to be
challenging.
The common phrase in our fieldis this is not grade 13.
And so normalize the fact thata lot of students struggle.
(22:40):
Those who seek help tend to bemore successful because they've
at least acknowledged that I am.
If they have access, alreadyget into what's either called
(23:00):
the learning management system,the LMS or what's the other word
Course management system thing,cms.
They have different brand names, blackboard or Canvas or
whatever, and you know, sit downwith a student, poke around,
see if you can figure out.
Have the professors loaded thesyllabi, yet Expect those to
(23:20):
change.
Sorry, professor Nelson, notyours, not yours.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Oh, I put tentative in capital letters at the top of
my syllabus.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
But just also to get them comfortable with looking
around, seeing all the differentplaces where stuff could be,
you know, so to speak, hiding.
You know things that aren'tobvious when you get on a
website, and so those are justare there to kind of ease that
transition, make them hopefullyfeel a little bit more
comfortable and informed whenthey get there.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, that's so important.
I see students floundering inthose first few weeks.
And you know, many of us asprofessors tend to just assume
they're going to what's clearand how to do that, so that
(24:19):
everything isn't brand new.
There are some things you'renot going to be able to prepare
for, that you'll get to campusand get hit in the face with
something that you hadn'tanticipated.
But anything that you can takesone more thing off your plate
of something brand new that youhave to learn.
So also, you know we're talkingabout a lot of things that
(24:44):
students need to do, as I, youknow, sort of thought about this
list.
I realized a lot of it is haveyour student do this, have your
student do this.
But parents can also think aboutwhat are the conversations that
they really want to have.
Elizabeth, you mentioned ouryou know our podcast episode on
communication and that'simportant.
(25:06):
But sort of what are the what'sthe bottom line of the issues
that you feel you need to talkto your student about before
they go, and if you can thinkabout that in early August
rather than the night beforethey go, and you suddenly need
to do that, but also reallythinking about what are the
(25:29):
important ones and what couldwait or whatnot, so that you're
not you're having lots of goodconversations with your student
during this month, but not toomany and filtering them out a
little bit because they'reoverwhelmed.
And so you know what are thethings we really need to talk
(25:49):
about and it's very personal,you know.
But you might talk about howare we going to communicate and
how much are we going tocommunicate.
You know, are we going to talkon the phone once a about how
are we going to communicate andhow much are we going to
communicate?
You know, are we going to talkon the phone once a week?
Are we going to text five timesa day?
There's no right or wrong, butmaking sure you're on the same
wavelength is important.
Talking about FERPA the FederalEducational Rights and Privacy
(26:11):
Act and we've got podcastepisodes oh, family, family
educational rights, yeah.
It's federal family.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
I don't know it's Family Educational Rights
Privacy Act.
Okay, but it is a federal thing.
It is indeed.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That's where I got that.
Just call it FERPA.
We've got articles and podcastson that, so you know we'll link
to those and not get into ithere.
But you know, have theconversations, that of the
things that really matter, anddon't wait until the last minute
for those.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
You know I'm thinking , as we're talking about
communication too.
I think in my head I'm alwaysthinking about parents, you know
, trying to wanting to reach outto students and you know be
often involved with them.
But there are some studentswhere situations where it's the
reverse, where the student isconstantly texting the parent,
(27:05):
and I think you guys have talkedabout that too.
You know you may want to setsome expectations for you know
and reassurances.
I know you can do this, youknow, and I think you're going
to be great and I want you tohandle some things, and so you
know I'm going to respond to youafter I get home from work, and
so you just need to know that.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
So you know, and that goes along with your, your list
of of finding supports oncampus.
Yeah, so sometimes it's.
You know I'm not going to texthome because I know I've I've
got somewhere on campus that Ican go and get some support.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
You know, and you know me, all this stuff that
we're talking about.
If you are a parent of astudent who isn't headed to
college imminently but is stillin high school, there are lots
of implications here for whatyou could be doing with your
student while they're still inhigh school.
If you want to feel good aboutthem going off and you want them
to feel good, think aboutplaces where you are doing
(28:08):
things for them, rather thanshowing them how to do it and
then letting them go forth andmake a couple of mistakes and
figure some things out.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I can link in the show notes.
We actually have an e-book ontips for using that senior year
to get ready, so we'll link tothat too.
But there are some things thateverybody should really get on,
and I know you were thinking interms of housing accommodations.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
So this is so.
Forgive me, folks, because I'mgoing to put on my disability
specialist hat here for a minuteand speak to these families.
Something that I see in a lotof Facebook groups is parents
saying you know, my studentreally would benefit from having
a single room based on theirdisability.
There is limited housing at alot of colleges not all of them
(29:06):
and so for some schools therewill be a limit to how many
singles they are able to approveand this is, by the way,
neither legal nor medical advice.
You know they essentially haveto.
If they decide it is the onlyway to accommodate a student in
housing, they will have toprovide them with a single.
But what that means is whoqualifies for a single may vary.
(29:29):
And all of this is also to saythat, because those
conversations are so complicated, the sooner your student makes
the request, the more likelythat they will at least be in
that conversation.
So now is the time.
Now as far as other kinds ofaccommodations, so academic
accommodations, obviously don'tkick in until your student is
(29:52):
starting classes.
However, it can be a reallygood idea for them to get
registered with their disabilityservices offices now, and that
way, day one when classes begin,they'll be set.
Some of my colleagues prefer tohave this happen closer to the
start of the semester, so theonly thing you could do right
(30:12):
now is at least look onlinetogether with your students, see
what they say about disabilityregistration, disability
services registration, andfollow along with whatever they
say.
Now be aware if your studentwrote about their disability in
their application to the college, that does not mean they are
(30:34):
registered and that informationhasn't been shared with our
office.
So there is a process to followand your student must follow it
.
Now, speaking of independenceand self-advocacy, some of your
students are not going to wantto register with our office
right now.
They want to start college andsee how it goes.
The research talks about a lotof reasons they don't register
(30:56):
with us At first.
I want to reassure you thatthere is no deadline.
If they don't do it before theystart classes, or they don't do
it before midterms, or theydon't do it before finals, there
is no restriction on when theycan register.
What happens once they registeris a whole other conversation,
and you can read my book tolearn more about that.
(31:18):
But it's not that if they don'tdo it now, they can never.
So have that reassurance, andit's a good time to talk to them
about you know why you thinkthey should make sure they have
the self-awareness to do that,to register with us.
They understand they have allthe documents that they need.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
All right, I could go on for too long, so um and and
you know, I often have studentsbecause if they need an
accommodation for class, then Iget a letter.
They they need to give me aletter, um, and sometimes it's
they get extended time on anexam or they they are allowed to
(31:57):
use a laptop to take notes andwhatever that impacts the
classroom.
I need to know that.
But I often have students whogive me that letter right at the
beginning and then never usethe accommodation.
And that's but that's fine.
I mean, some really need to butsome don't.
(32:18):
But they've got that safety netthere that if they decide at
the last minute wow, now thatI've heard about what her tests
were like, I really want to usethe extended time.
If they haven't had that inplace, then it may not happen in
time for the test, so that'sreally a good idea.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
So for the show notes , I have two blog posts that I
will send to you.
One of them is to give youtalking points to try to talk to
your student about registeringwith our office, and the other
speaks directly to them, and alot of what's in there reflects
what the research tells us aboutwhy students don't register.
Really.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
We're going to have so much information in our show
notes for this episode, which isgood.
Listen to it and then go andfollow up with what you need.
Well, it wouldn't be theCollege Parents Central podcast
if we didn't talk about books.
So I have one thing to sayabout textbooks, and then I know
, elizabeth, you had a couple ofbooks that you wanted to
(33:20):
mention, one of which is one ofmy new favorites.
But the one thing I wanted tosay is, for most students, at
many places you can find out nowwhat your textbooks are going
to be.
(33:45):
Go if the bookstore has awebsite or part of the portal
and you go there often if youjust type in the course name or
the course number or something,it will tell you what the books
are, and I think there are somefederal regulations around that.
Now I know they're asking us asprofessors very early to give
them that information sostudents can get it.
So it's worth checking out.
And then you might just want towait till you get to campus and
(34:10):
do the old fashioned way.
You go to the bookstore and youget an armful of the books you
need and you've got them.
But often you can order them atthe bookstore and they will
have them all packaged up andwaiting for you which is really
nice.
Or you can find out what thebooks are and you order them
online, and sometimes you canget them cheaper online.
(34:30):
Sometimes you can get them usedonline.
But if you're going to do that,now is the time to do it,
because if you wait until thesemester begins and you try to
order them online, you may betwo or three weeks into the
semester before you get yourbooks and I don't know what
other people do, but by thefirst week I'm assigning a
chapter.
(34:51):
So think about if you can getthat information, try to track
it down and order the books, andthen, while you're ordering,
there's some good ones to get.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Yes, but before we get to that and the disability
angle, if you are a student, ifyour student is going to ask for
, for instance, e-copies ofhardcover books A they need to
be registered with our officeand, b that should happen soon,
because if there isn't an e-bookavailable, the publisher didn't
(35:22):
create one.
We can create a PDF that isaccessible to text-to-speech
software using special software.
It has to be scanned, and thoseare things that cannot happen
in a day for your student tohave their book.
So these kinds of things areimportant to think about.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
It's so nice to have that technology now.
Many, many, many years ago, oneof the things I did when I had
kids home and I was home withthe kids for the college they
would bring me a textbook and abox of cassette tapes and when
(36:01):
my kids were napping or afterthey went to bed at night, I
would sit with the textbook andread the book into it and take a
box of cassettes back and itwould go to the students.
So the technology is wonderfulnow.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And that dates me, doesn't it?
Speaker 3 (36:22):
I mean, I remember for recordings for the blind and
dyslexic, I have seen studentswith the yellow cassette players
.
So, speaking of books, there'ssome stuff to help you prepare
and to help your student prepare, and all of these folks have
been guests on the podcast soyou can listen to them talk.
(36:43):
But I recommend their books.
So, first and foremost, theKing of College Advice, harlan
Cohen, author of the NakedRoommate, appropriately so, and
it's something like 107 tips.
It's a great book for yourstudent to read.
He normalizes a lot of thingsand makes them think about
(37:04):
situations that probably aren'tat their radar.
There's a version just forparents If your student is not a
reader or you are not a reader.
He is online on Instagram andTikTok, primarily with video
tips.
He also has an online coursefor coaching for students, and I
(37:24):
think there's coaching forparents as well.
So those are some things tothink about.
Also, test anxiety no more byDr Bianca Bush, and we did an
episode with her too.
Even if your student doesn'thave test anxiety currently
doesn't mean that they will, butjust the strategies in there
(37:45):
for trying to relax and she'sgot some good study strategies
in there and that's worth it.
And this one I know has anaudio book.
I double checked.
I don't know if Harlan's doesand I'm not going to clickety
clack while we're talking to seeSpeaking of study strategies.
Outsmart your Brain by DanWillingham is we have got to get
(38:07):
him on here.
It's my favorite, oh my gosh.
It's all about how to study incollege and it's all practical.
It's broken into reallydigestible chunks.
He's a professor of psychologyand it is all based on the
research, and so that is onethey really should read ahead of
(38:29):
time or listen to.
There's an audio book for thatand, rounding the corner, our
friend Jill Grimes, who we'vealso interviewed the ultimate,
truly ultimate college healthhandbook, and that is one where
I would recommend having a copyat home that you keep and one
that you send to school and they, you know, there's some
(38:49):
chapters you might want to havethem look at now.
There's all sorts of stuffabout substances and drinking
and some really important youknow things for students
transitioning to college, andthen there's this sort of like
when do you know if you shouldgo to the health center?
And so, in case your student isquite ill and not really
capable of looking through herbook, you want to have a copy at
(39:16):
home to make sure that you canlook this stuff up and tell them
whether it's bad enough, youknow, or that you don't know
what that rash looks like.
Perhaps they should go.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
And Jill's book is not one that a student is going
to sit down and read, Rightright, but it is so important
just to have to.
Okay, now, I need to grab itoff the shelf when the time
comes.
It's so good.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah, and I think, but there are some chapters in
there that might be worthreading in advance.
You know, and I was justlistening she was just on
Harlan's podcast talking aboutyou know how sometimes one
person in a social group ends upbeing the caretaker of
everybody else, and so those arediscussions that you might want
to have with your student, andwe've had Jill Jill's been on
the podcast, I think twice.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Well, she's got interesting things, so you know
there are all these places toget this information.
Yeah, okay, I want to just whipthrough a couple more, because
you know we can just keep goingand going, and going here, this
is a good time, if you haveyounger siblings at home, to get
(40:20):
them involved in the send-offso that they feel involved in
this process, and I can link toone of the articles on the
College Parent Central websiteand I think we even talked about
it in a podcast episode.
But it can be hard on thoseyounger siblings when somebody
goes away, so it would be goodto work them into the process.
(40:45):
And then it's also a good timeto just go back and review
everything that's come over thesummer.
There's this flood ofinformation that students get
emails from the college andparents get emails from the
college, but mostly students.
So you know, it's really goodto say have we missed anything?
(41:05):
Let me go back and just sort ofreview all of that and whether
your student as you're reviewingwhether the student has done
sometimes there are requiredtutorials that they need to do
over the summer.
There's often one on alcoholAlcohol EDU is a common one.
There's often one on alcoholAlcohol EDU is a common one.
(41:27):
Sometimes there's a tutorial onacademic integrity that they're
required to do over the summer,and there may be other things
as well, and I remember one ofmy daughters then it was two in
the morning, the night before weleft to take her to college and
she was there working throughthis because she suddenly
realized she wasn't allowed tocheck into her room until she
(41:47):
had done this.
So you know, finding out earlywhether there are some of those.
There's just so muchinformation.
There's health information too.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Yes.
So speaking of health, andagain this is sort of a
disability services angle andthe reason your student needs to
register is like they'rechoosing their meal plan and at
a lot of schools freshmen arerequired to have a certain level
of meal plan.
But be aware that colleges areset up, you know, dining
(42:20):
services to accommodate a bunchof different needs based on
health conditions.
But you want to register withthe disability services office.
Your student might be able totalk to the nutritionist at the
school and, you know, make surethat their needs can be met.
Again, the housing stuff is areally big deal right now, but
(42:41):
you know there may be some otherconsiderations that your
student needs, like I said, thebooks in advance.
So don't wait on that stuff andlook now.
You can find, even if yourstudent wants to wait, you can
look at the disabilitydocumentation requirements.
Make sure that you're sendingthem with, you know, an
electronic copy of whatever theyneed to register with us.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
And you know, it occurs to me as you talk through
everything we've talked aboutso often, as you're saying, well
, for disabilities, for studentswith disabilities, but so much
of that applies to everybody.
So, you know, I hope parentsdon't tune out when they hear
that, because I mean, I've beensaying this for years as we talk
about things that, oh yeah, butthat applies to everyone.
(43:26):
Or, oh yeah, I see that withall my students or whatever.
The other thing about healthforms is seeing what forms they
need to do, what forms do theyneed to take, and thinking about
a health care proxy andthinking about HIPAA release
(43:47):
forms, so that when you knowwhen your student is 18, they're
considered an adult and ifsomething happens and they're
incapacitated for some reasonthey've been in an accident or
whatever you need to have apower of attorney or HIPAA
release or something to be ableto get information and and do
that.
(44:08):
There's a great website, um,called mama bear legal forms and
uh, I know, I know Joe Grimeshas talked about it too Um, so
I'll list that in the show notes, um, and it's a great place to
go and see what the forms are.
There are templates there andthings to really talk to your
student and think about you knowwhat health forms and also, if
(44:32):
they haven't had their physical,now's the time, because they
need to have a physical, usuallybefore they go.
So there's all of that.
This is a last chance for anyyou know real basic life skills
that your student might need.
Do they know how to do laundry?
(44:52):
I remember asking a class onetime it was all freshmen and
this was near the end of theyear and you know what was the
hardest thing, what was thehardest transition?
And, honest to goodness, Ithink a third of the class
raised their hand and saidlearning how to do laundry, and
it wasn't just the guys.
When I went away to college, mycollege roommate had to teach
(45:14):
me how to do laundry with thewashing machine because it was
different than what we had athome.
So you know just what do theydo?
Do they do they know, have theinformation they need about
health insurance?
Do they have a health insurancecard?
Do they know how to, if theytake medications?
Do they know how to renew aprescription?
Just all of those basic things.
(45:36):
What are the things that matter?
Speaker 3 (45:39):
And Vicki, you know, make sure you know if you're
thinking that the college healthcenter is going to refill your
students' prescriptions.
That may not be something thatthey do, so you need to look at
that now.
And as I'm thinking, we talkedabout sources of support.
The counseling office may onlyoften they only will see a
student for a certain length oftime and then refer them off
(46:02):
campus, which means you have tofind a therapist and pay for
that, and also their frequencywith which they can meet with
students per week may be limited.
So if you have a student youalready know has a mental health
condition, find out whetherwhoever is serving them right
now can do that across statelines.
Has, you know, the rightlicensing to do it.
(46:23):
On zoom, the continuity of carepiece is really important.
So those these are discussions.
I should have put that in.
They do that right now.
All right, this is the do withit right now.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
So so you got kind of a long list.
Yeah, Sorry no not you, I'm notyou, I'm talking to parents, we
have created for you all this.
but hopefully you are listeningto this and saying, yes, oh good
, yes, I've done that, yes, I'vedone that.
And then there may be a coupleof things I would say, you know,
(46:54):
sort of bottom line, and thenthere are just a couple of quick
other category things.
But this is the time in thelast couple of weeks that,
before you take your student, tofocus on the positive, to focus
on the excitement, to help themget really excited about what's
coming and not nervous Nervesare natural, but this is the
(47:19):
time to really you've got this,you can do it.
Oh, it's going to be thiswonderful thing that's ahead,
and really make sure, yes, we'vegot to get these things done,
but it's going to be good, it'sgoing to be great in doing that.
So there are two other quickcategories that I think we can
(47:39):
do in just a couple of minutesthat we might want to think
about, and the first I'd like tomention is what if your student
is not going away to collegebut is going to be living at
home?
And you know, except for some ofthe housing and the food stuff
and all everything we've talkedabout still applies, but there
(47:59):
are a couple of other kind ofspecial circumstances, and one
would be if they're going to beliving at home, really talking
about how things might bedifferent.
You know, it's not Elizabethyou mentioned earlier.
It's not 13th grade, so you'regoing to be a college student
(48:20):
now, not a high school student.
Yes, the academics are going tobe different, but are we, is
the dynamic at home going to bea little different?
Am I still going to, or, youknow, are you still going to
have a curfew?
If you had a curfew, are you,you know?
Are you going to use the familycar?
Do you have your own car?
(48:40):
What are the limitations andwhat's going to help your
student really feel as thoughsomething is different?
It sounds silly, but one thingmight be do they want to
redecorate their room to reallyfeel as though.
Okay, it's a fresh start, it'ssomething new.
If you have a big family andthey're living at home, do they
(49:04):
have a separate quiet space tostudy?
Or are they going to go to thelibrary every day to study
because there's too muchcommotion in a home?
Just really thinking about howit might be different?
And if they're commuting whichobviously it would be if they're
living home how are they goingto commute?
Are they commuting by publictransportation?
(49:25):
Are they going to drive?
I would suggest this is a goodtime to do a couple of practice
runs and find out how long ittakes, find out where they need
to park if they're driving, canthey get a parking permit now
and not wait until September tojust make it, you know, make it
feel a little different and thatthey feel comfortable in how
(49:45):
it's going to work.
So they're not adding that atthe beginning, in September?
And then, elizabeth, you had acouple of thoughts for returning
not freshmen, but returningstudents coming back.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
So for parents, who might already have done a send
off but are listening to thisanyway, if your student was
given temporary accommodationsthrough the Disability Services
Office, now is the time to makesure that.
I mean, it was probably a fewmonths ago, to be honest, but
never.
It's a good time now to figureout what they the reason they
(50:20):
were given temporary, what theschool expected them to go, get
as far as documentation and tryto reserve that now you know.
And if your student isreturning from a leave and there
are lots of different reasonswhy, but sometimes it's because
they were not doing well,perhaps their mental health was
(50:40):
really suffering or they justweren't up to the task at the
time and they left mid-semesteror took a year off or whatever.
Talking to them about how theysee this year going, you know
what lessons they may havelearned from their experience
and obviously, with mentalhealth that's not really
relevant, but if they got to apoint of crisis, you know how
(51:03):
will they avoid that this time.
And for students who ran intoacademic trouble, you know what
is their plan for making surethat that does not happen
another time.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yeah, that's really important.
And if they're just coming backfor sophomore year, you know
they had an okay first year andnow they're moving into
sophomore year.
There is a thing calledsophomore slump.
Oh yeah, um, you know we have aI think we did a podcast and I
(51:34):
know there are a couple ofarticles on the website.
I'll link to those in the shownotes.
A long list in the show notes,um, but it's worth a
conversation of what to expect.
Sophomore year is very differentfrom first year and if students
aren't prepared for some of thedifferences, it can really take
them by surprise.
So yeah, long, long, long, longlist of things that are going
(51:57):
to be in the show notes, of waysto follow up and dig a little
deeper and included in thatwe'll link to.
I want to mention two things,and then I want Elizabeth to
mention a little more about herbook and some great tools that
(52:19):
you have on your website.
So there is an e-book onCollege Parents Central.
It was new this spring, brandnew ebook on the summer before
college and it's a survivalguide for parents and it was
intended, you know, for parentsto start in June and think about
(52:39):
what do you do as you gothrough the summer.
but it's not too late to kind oflook at that and see, you know,
okay, I'm right on that targetand and here's what I need to do
.
And then it also has a sort oflittle bonus section at the end
about you know, once you'vedropped them off, some things to
think about.
So, um, the summer beforecollege ebook is one thing, and
(53:01):
then, if you have that firstyear student, we have an email
series that you can registeryour student for for the fall,
called first term.
Students get an email once aweek through the 15 weeks of the
semester of some things tothink about at that point,
(53:22):
because we dump all of thisinformation on them in the
summer and they get orientationand they get stuff and then they
come in the beginning, in thefirst six weeks and then by the
middle of the semester theydon't remember any of it.
So some comes along.
So those are two things thatwe'll link to in the show notes
and your book, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (53:43):
Thank you, and I mean Vicki's got so much good stuff
and you know she and she and weboth do Thank you, but I joined
this podcast after being a fanfor a long time, so that's why
I'm here, and so if you want toknow more about the preparation
for a smooth college transition,my book is called Seven Steps
(54:05):
to College Success A Pathway forStudents with Disabilities.
It talks about the changes inthe disability law, and those
are really important to consideras your student moves their way
through high school, because alot of the supports that they
may be accustomed to will not bethere, which is why we talk
about self-advocacy andself-determination and all of
(54:25):
those things.
But, as often happens, even ifyou don't have a student with a
disability, you might want tosee if your library has the book
and go check out the sectionson step three, and steps three
and four are about expectationsfor students you know
academically at college and alsothe self-management
(54:45):
expectations and somesuggestions for how to get them
used to those things, and so Ithink that that section is
relevant for all students.
So see if your library has it,order it.
Speaker 2 (54:57):
So much of what you talk about is relevant for all
students.
I think so, yeah, thanks.
And then you have all kinds offree tools for students too.
Speaker 3 (55:09):
So you know I mean, listen, dan Willingham is the
expert, but I meet one-on-onewith students through my job and
so any tools that I use withthem are available for free.
If you go to the free resources, I think, section of my website
and just pull down, you'll seecollege student tools, my tools
(55:31):
for time management, strategiesfor reading effectively,
strategies for test preparation,some goal setting for students
who are kind of on track butjust like to be a little bit
more proactive about thinkingabout how last week went, what
they want to do differently nextweek.
You know what think aboutwhat's working well, sort of a
(55:53):
metacognitive exercise.
It's all available for free onmy website.
It's ldadvisorycom and that'llbe in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
Oh, you bet.
So I think, when we thoughtabout this episode, we thought
well, this will reassure parents, this is what not to bother
with and this is what you stillshould do, and it feels as
though we have just dumped anawful lot of stuff.
But pick what works, beselective.
Don't get crazy over the nextcouple of weeks.
(56:22):
It's not as though your studentis headed to college and you
are not going to see or talk tothem again for a whole year.
Things can be spread out.
Take it easy, relax and spendsome time together, but not too
much.
Talk about things, but not toomuch, and just do it all
(56:42):
perfectly, yeah yeah yeah, yeah,and know that there is no such
thing as a perfect way to do itand anything you do will help
your student and it's awonderful, exciting adventure.
And you are not done.
Don't let anybody tell you that, okay, you're sending your
(57:03):
school to college.
You're done Because it'sdifferent.
Parenting is different once youhave a student in college, but
you have a hugely important roleas coach, kind of on the
sidelines, and they'll stillneed you, don't worry.
Thanks for spending time withus, thanks for listening and
(57:26):
enjoy the ride.
Speaker 3 (57:28):
We'll see you next time.
Thanks, vicki, bye-bye.
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