October 15, 2025 • 24 mins
Just when you think your student has settled in to that first semester of college it’s time for a reality check. Mid-semester is a great time for you to check in with your student to see how the semester is going. In this episode Lynn and Vicki discuss potential concerns, available resources, and specific conversations that can help you and your student connect at this important time.
Thank you for listening!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
Welcome to the College Parent Central Podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already incollege, this podcast is for
you.
You'll find food for thought andinformation about college and
about navigating that delicatebalance of guidance,
involvement, and knowing when toget out of the way.
(00:31):
Join your hosts, Vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
support and a celebration of theamazing experience of having a
child in college.
SPEAKER_01 (00:48):
Hi, I'm Vicki Nelson, and I am a professor of
communication and academicadvisor at a small liberal arts
college.
SPEAKER_02 (00:56):
And my name's Lynn Abrahams.
I also work at a small liberalarts college.
I am a learning disabilityspecialist.
And I also do some neuropsychevaluations.
SPEAKER_01 (01:09):
And you work with a lot of students who have
learning differences.
And I have the girls.
I have three daughters who haveall finished college and come
out on the other side.
SPEAKER_02 (01:22):
And I have two sons.
So between the two of us, wecover all the bases.
My two boys, one went throughcollege and actually came back
home before he left again tofind to get a job.
And then my other son went toschool for about a year and then
stepped out.
(01:43):
So he, you know, eventually willbe going back to college.
So I have two boys.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
And I have the girls, and we've got it all
covered.
And our interest in working withcollege parents began when our
kids started college, and werealized even though we work in
higher ed, it was a completelyoverwhelming process.
So we're hoping to make the roleof college parent just a little
bit more approachable and alittle easier for others as they
(02:10):
start that journey.
SPEAKER_02 (02:12):
So today what we'd like to talk about is
mid-semester check-in.
What happens in the middle ofthe semester?
Because that's an importantmoment.
SPEAKER_01 (02:25):
Yeah, that middle of the semester also often comes
around a whole lot sooner thanstudents expect it.
Right.
But it's a really great timefrom a professor's perspective,
it's a great time to givestudents a little bit of
feedback, and in some cases,it's a real reality check of how
(02:49):
the semester is going.
Some students may have had a lotof work in the first some half
of the semester, or not so much,because a lot of the first part
of the first semester is reallyjust getting used to what the
course is, getting used to theinstructor.
(03:09):
So that mid-semester time, whichmay or may not come with midterm
exams, but it definitely comesusually with something, if not a
midterm exam, a midterm project,or some kind of test or
something, comes at abouthalfway on the calendar, but
(03:29):
it's not necessarily halfwaythrough the work because often
there is more work that's goingto happen in the second half of
the semester since so much ofthe early part was just everyone
getting their bearings andfiguring out what the what the
course is going to be about.
But midterm grades are really asource of information for
(03:55):
students.
Um and successful students willuse that information.
It's feedback.
Here's how things seem to begoing now.
It's nothing um concrete that'sgoing to live on with the
student.
SPEAKER_02 (04:11):
You know, I've I've noticed, well, a number of my
students um talk about thedifference between high school
and college in terms of themiddle of the semester.
In high school, students get alot more feedback often.
And in college, sometimes theydon't get as much.
So when they do get feedback,it's it's really, really
(04:32):
important.
Um and you know, that's that'swhen they can stop and make some
changes, you know, in in whatthey're in in how they're
approaching school.
SPEAKER_01 (04:45):
Um So in in high school, they're often getting a
lot of daily assignments andmaybe weekly quizzes and and a
lot of that that may or may nothappen in a college class.
SPEAKER_02 (04:57):
Right.
And in terms of get getting alot of assignments or a lot of
feedback, that usually decreasesthe anxiety.
So when students have to wait toget information, that can be,
you know, anxiety provoking.
But um, but that's what happensin in college.
Um, and it's really good forstudents to go to professors and
ask um how they feel they'redoing or you know, get more
(05:21):
feedback if they can.
SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
Prior to midterm.
SPEAKER_02 (05:24):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:26):
Because it feels like a lot when it comes all at
once in the middle of thesemester.
And especially if there's been amidterm exam uh that that can
carry some some weight.
Uh and not all schools havegrades at midterm.
Right.
So so some schools, uh well, ourschool gives um uh just an
(05:52):
indication.
So students get a a an S forsatisfactory, if they're C or
above, they're you know, they'repassing, they're they're they're
solid.
Um then they could get anunsatisfactory, which means
they're passing, but notnecessarily if they keep doing
(06:13):
what they're doing, it's may notbe the outcome they're hoping
for.
Uh and then um an F is an F isan F, but uh there usually
aren't too many of those atmidterm.
SPEAKER_02 (06:26):
Right.
So I think that, you know, Ithink there's sort of three
different areas that that um isimportant for our students to
look at at midterm.
What's going on academically,what's going on socially, and
then what's going on in terms ofhow they feel about being there
emotionally.
Um and so, you know, theacademic piece, you know, you
(06:49):
mentioned that it's you know,you get some academic feedback.
For the students that I workwith, that's a time to take a
look at what's what some of thestrategies are that they could
be working on.
Um what would you say, Vicky?
I because you're a communicationprofessor, I think of you as you
know, an expert in and what whatkinds of conversations do you
(07:11):
think parents could be havingwith their kids at midterm to
help them, to support them?
SPEAKER_01 (07:17):
Well, I think I think the first thing would be
to ask whether they've gottensome feedback.
Uh it's a little more formal atsome schools.
We we assign a grade.
At some schools, they may get anactual letter grade at midterm,
but it at some schools there maybe nothing.
(07:38):
And and it may put more uh onuson the student to take the first
step and go to the professor andsay, it's midterm time.
Can you give me a sense of howI'm doing?
Uh, especially if there hasn'tbeen a lot of feedback up until
that point.
Maybe, maybe they've done apaper, maybe they've had one
(08:01):
test and it's a little hard.
So I think parents need to askstudents whether they've gotten
any feedback, and then they needto ask students whether they've
followed up on any feedback thatthey've gotten.
Um I think I think this is agood point in the semester for
(08:25):
parents to think about how theylisten to their students.
So sometimes it may have as muchto do with the listening that we
do as it does with the thequestions that we that we ask
and listen between the lines asstudents are telling you
whatever they're telling you.
SPEAKER_02 (08:43):
You know, listening is such a huge thing.
I'm I'm trying to think of, youknow, talking to my own kids,
and I tend to listen but thinkabout what I'm gonna say to
them.
And I tend to listen and thinkabout the advice I want to give
them.
That's really hard to stopdoing.
SPEAKER_01 (09:03):
Yeah.
I think I think we see that asour role as parents.
Right.
You know, it's my job to giveyou advice, it's my job to guide
you and tell you what to do.
And we need to do that, butsometimes we need to put that
aside while we just listen towhat they have to say.
There are times when that's allstudents need.
They just need to vent.
And they they they don't wantthe advice right now, they just
(09:26):
want someone to listen.
And sometimes we need to listenbetween the lines as well.
What not just what are the wordsthat they're saying, but they
may be dropping some hints andwaiting to see how we respond to
those hints.
And then that's going todetermine how much more they
tell us or how much more theyshare, or whether whether they
(09:51):
want us probing or asking morequestions.
What's our attitude is going todetermine how much they're
willing to tell us.
Right.
And remembering that both atmidterm and at the end of the
semester, grades go to studentsand they're not going to go to
the parents.
(10:12):
So we're really only going toknow what we know through the
filter of what our students tellus.
And so asking open questions,sometimes just throwing out some
hypotheticals.
You know, if things weren'tgoing well, could you be talking
to a professor, not asking thestudent to commit to, yes, I got
(10:33):
a an unsatisfactory grade atmidterm.
SPEAKER_02 (10:38):
It is a good time in the semester to ask students
where they could go to get someextra support.
SPEAKER_01 (10:46):
Right.
Right.
And and it might be theprofessor and it might be some
of the other resources.
Uh and so rather than tellingthem how to fix it, maybe asking
them what do you think you coulddo to fix it?
I I might know, I might have ananswer, and I might know it's
(11:07):
talk to the professor and go totutoring, but asking my student,
you know, what do you think youcould do is going to let the
student take control of thesituation?
SPEAKER_02 (11:18):
Right.
And there are a lot ofresources.
Um, so you're right, suggestingis the way to go.
You know, counseling, tutoring,um, you know, along with working
with the professor, um, youknow, going to their advisor,
um, thinking about evenwithdrawing from a class, you
(11:38):
know, is a possibility.
I mean, there are all kinds ofchoices, but again, it's not our
job as the parents to tell themwhat to do.
It's our job to maybe make somesuggestions, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (11:50):
And I think the key word that you used is choices.
SPEAKER_02 (11:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:53):
So it's a it it the mid-semester is a time, uh a
decision time, uh, and lookingat the options and looking at
the choices.
And the choice is to continuedoing the same thing or to make
some changes.
But it really has to be thestudent who makes those choices.
(12:13):
And and it's hard as a parent tosit back and uh perhaps see that
my student isn't making thechoice I wish they would make.
Uh, and and I think sitting backdoesn't necessarily mean you
can't express how you feel.
(12:34):
Um so so being honest in yourreactions, it's it's going to be
up to you to do whatever youthink is appropriate.
But I'm I'm disappointed thatthat you're n maybe not putting
in enough time or so honesty.
SPEAKER_02 (12:53):
Yes, yeah.
It's important to be honest aswell as not tell our kids what
to do, even though we want to.
SPEAKER_01 (13:00):
Right.
None of which is an easy task.
Um so you mentioned the advisor.
SPEAKER_02 (13:07):
Um it's a good idea for students to talk with their
advisor.
You know, the advisor is aresource.
That's a person who's there umto help, to help our students,
you know, to to talk aboutcourses, to talk about, you
know, whether they want to dropor add, to talk about dealing
with different professors, totalk, you know, to really talk
(13:29):
through whatever's going on.
And if it's issues with theacademics or issues with the
with the course, the you know,the advisor's, you know, a
perfect person to go to.
And that's part of what theywhat their job is.
Um so you know, that's uhadvisors are sort of a hidden
(13:50):
gem, and a lot of a lot ofstudents don't realize that, you
know, they're really there tohelp them.
SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
Yeah.
And the beauty of being anadvisor is that I'm not
evaluating and grading thestudent.
Yes.
So as a professor, I can beparticularly helpful to the
student who's struggling in myclass, who needs help with the
subject matter, or who needshelp in in finding direction on
(14:17):
how to approach the topic.
But as an advisor, I can be moreneutral in listening, and I can
be that sounding board and andwork with the student.
And the student knows that I amreally just there to advocate
and to help the student withoutthat grade hanging over our head
(14:38):
that I'm eventually going tohave to give you a grade in this
in this subject.
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (14:45):
You know, the other area that um that things can
change a lot in midterm is umthe social area.
So, you know, a lot of studentsthat make friends with the most
convenient people at thebeginning.
You know, they they move into adorm and and don't know anyone,
(15:06):
so they make best friends withtheir roommate or people on the
floor, or you know, it's it's umthe first people they meet, they
usually connect with.
Well, by midterm, things haveshifted a little bit, and maybe
that's the time that some of ourstudents take a look at, you
know, their group of theirsocial group and say, well, gee,
maybe this isn't the rightsocial group for me.
(15:28):
Or maybe I want to meet peoplewho also are interested in the
kind of things that I'minterested in.
You know, my people in mybusiness management class, you
know, it might be aroundinterests.
Um, it might be um it might bethe time of the semester that
students start looking at clubsand adding in other things to
(15:52):
meet people of similarinterests.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
You know, uh so many students when they start are
hesitant, I think, to to jumpinto a lot of extracurricular
activities and clubs that theysay, I I want to focus on my on
my studies, and and good foryou, you want to do well, but uh
that that sense of balance isreally important.
(16:14):
That uh you know, just workingand studying all the time is not
necessarily helpful.
Um, neither is playing all ofthe time.
Right, right.
You need to find that balance,but um thinking about how much
time am I spending on, you know,those three areas of of work,
(16:36):
because so many students havejobs now and socializing and
academics and studying, and am Ibalancing the three?
And um recognizing that there'smore time in college outside of
the classroom than there was inhigh school.
And am I am I doing that thatsort of rule of thumb, which is
(16:58):
for every hour I spend in class,I should be spending two hours
outside, and uh oh gosh, I'mreally not anywhere near that.
Or I'm I'm trying to hold down aa full-time job at the same time
that I'm a full-time student.
Because if you do thatmathematical formula of two
(17:18):
hours outside for every hour inclass and you're a full-time
student, that's often a 40-houra week commitment right there.
So so midterm is that time whenthe social thing is shifting and
the academic thing is shifting,and also trying to find that
that balance uh to make it allwork.
(17:40):
And sometimes trying to findsome alone time.
Social, the having friends andfinding new friends and all of
that social activity iswonderful, but sometimes just
finding some time on their ownis is important, and is part of
the that that other piece of theemotional aspect of what's going
(18:08):
on right now in the middle ofthe semester.
SPEAKER_02 (18:10):
Right.
So, you know, the middle of thesemester, so so things are
shifting academically, they'reshifting socially, but this also
might be the time that studentseither, you know, either the
light bulbs go off and they say,gee, this is working for me.
I really like it here, you know,I can do college, that kind of
(18:31):
thrill.
But it also could be the timewhen students say, Oh my God, I
want to go home.
You know, I don't know if I likeit here.
I think I might want to transferto another school.
Or this is the time of someshifting.
And um, certainly as you know,parents, I think it's important
to let that happen, you know, totalk about it, to let all those
(18:54):
feelings come out, becausethat's the only way they get
sort of dealt with.
Um, but this is a time that, youknow, all kinds of things can
pop up.
SPEAKER_01 (19:04):
And that's when that listening piece is important
again.
And and it does feel as thoughtransferring may in some ways be
the new normal, um, that so manystudents transfer from one
institution to another, and umthey use that term swirling.
(19:24):
Sometimes the students come andthey go.
Um, and and you're right, Ithink midterm time is the time
when when it that the realitycheck hits and the end of the
semester still seems a long wayoff, and friend groups maybe
falling apart, and and there'sjust a lot uh going on that
(19:48):
students feel unsettled.
And so I think as parents it'shelpful as part of that
listening to try to helpstudents get to the root of why
they're thinking they don't wantto be here anymore, whether it's
I want to transfer somewhereelse or I just want to drop out
of school.
And and that's when a lot ofthose why questions are helpful.
(20:12):
Well, why?
What because it's not working.
Well, why do you think it's notworking?
Can you be specific what isn'tworking and um probing a little
bit?
SPEAKER_02 (20:22):
Sometimes I have found working with my students
that sometimes talking abouttransferring is actually really
positive because in talking itthrough, students will sort of
figure out what's reallyimportant and what's not.
And sometimes just that justlooking at it is a way for some
of our students to reclaim theirdecision to to go to the school
(20:47):
wherever they are.
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
Right.
And and if they are thinkingabout transferring, it sort of
frees them up to not worry somuch about how things are going,
and then all of a sudden theystart to go well, and they start
start to go a little bit better.
SPEAKER_02 (21:02):
Um You know, it's funny, we uh one of the books
that we talk about a lot um isum Heart by Harlan Cohen.
He wrote the book, The NakedRoommate, and um he also wrote
one version for for parents, buthe talks about his own story,
and I remember him saying thatyou know he went to a university
by midterm he wanted to leave.
(21:23):
And um he once he made thedecision to leave, he started
having a great time becausebecause the pressure was off.
Yes, you know, and that's whenhe started to relax and you know
meet meet other people.
Um and then there's also thatwhole piece that you know, if
you do leave, you pick upyourself and leave wi with you,
(21:44):
you know.
So any issues that you're havingcome usually comes.
SPEAKER_01 (21:47):
Is it the school or is it me?
Right.
Is is it going to be differentsomewhere else?
Um, and maybe asking if there,you know, what is there
something you could change thatmight make it better?
Right.
Would it be better if you triedto live asked about living in a
different residence hall orchanged your major?
Uh, because back to the academicpiece, by midterm, maybe a time
(22:10):
when students who thought theyknew what they wanted to do now
have discovered that's not thefield they want to be in, and
that's very unsettling.
SPEAKER_02 (22:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (22:19):
Um, and so, you know, is there one thing you
could change, or who can youtalk to on campus about whatever
it is that is making youunhappy?
SPEAKER_02 (22:29):
You know, for students with learning
differences, I find somestudents um try to go to college
and not get the support thatthey were getting in high school
because they want to try it ontheir own, which makes a lot of
good sense.
Um, but at that point inmidterm, that might be the time
that students may say, you knowwhat, I do need a little extra
(22:51):
support.
Or it might be the other waywhere midterm students might
realize that um that they can docollege, you know, that that
they're thrilled that this isworking.
Yeah.
And um, you know, maybe a littlecorrections here and there, but
this is this is all going well.
So, you know, it definitely isthe time to kind of reassess.
SPEAKER_01 (23:13):
Um so midterm is is that that time of decisions, the
time of reality check, which canbe good or not so good, and uh
recognizing that there arechoices that you can make um to
keep all the options open, butdon't burn any bridges.
Students who say, I think I wantto leave.
(23:35):
Uh just I think sometimes askingfor a little wait time, let's
let's not can can we can youmake it through to the end of
the semester rather than leavingright now, if you can make it
through to the end of thesemester and see how things are
later, or at least you'd betransferring with some credits.
(23:58):
So um looking at all of thosepieces and how they fit
together.
The the the academic piece, thesocial piece, the emotional
piece, the work school balance,uh, that mid-semester is about
the point when you've got a fewweeks behind you now and can
begin to to think about whatwhat's working and great time to
(24:22):
make some decisions and seewhere you go from there.
Yeah.
And and as parents, we canguide, we can listen, we can
make some suggestions, and thenwe let them do what they're
going to do.
See what happens.
So good luck to mid semestertime to everyone, and uh we'll
(24:45):
see everybody next time.
Bye bye.
Welcome to the College Parent Central Podcast.
Whether your child is justbeginning the college admission
process or is already incollege, this podcast is for
you.
You'll find food for thought andinformation about college and
about navigating that delicatebalance of guidance,
involvement, and knowing when toget out of the way.
(00:31):
Join your hosts, Vicki Nelsonand Lynn Abrahams, as they share
support and a celebration of theamazing experience of having a
child in college.
SPEAKER_01 (00:48):
Hi, I'm Vicki Nelson, and I am a professor of
communication and academicadvisor at a small liberal arts
college.
SPEAKER_02 (00:56):
And my name's Lynn Abrahams.
I also work at a small liberalarts college.
I am a learning disabilityspecialist.
And I also do some neuropsychevaluations.
SPEAKER_01 (01:09):
And you work with a lot of students who have
learning differences.
And I have the girls.
I have three daughters who haveall finished college and come
out on the other side.
SPEAKER_02 (01:22):
And I have two sons.
So between the two of us, wecover all the bases.
My two boys, one went throughcollege and actually came back
home before he left again tofind to get a job.
And then my other son went toschool for about a year and then
stepped out.
(01:43):
So he, you know, eventually willbe going back to college.
So I have two boys.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
And I have the girls, and we've got it all
covered.
And our interest in working withcollege parents began when our
kids started college, and werealized even though we work in
higher ed, it was a completelyoverwhelming process.
So we're hoping to make the roleof college parent just a little
bit more approachable and alittle easier for others as they
(02:10):
start that journey.
SPEAKER_02 (02:12):
So today what we'd like to talk about is
mid-semester check-in.
What happens in the middle ofthe semester?
Because that's an importantmoment.
SPEAKER_01 (02:25):
Yeah, that middle of the semester also often comes
around a whole lot sooner thanstudents expect it.
Right.
But it's a really great timefrom a professor's perspective,
it's a great time to givestudents a little bit of
feedback, and in some cases,it's a real reality check of how
(02:49):
the semester is going.
Some students may have had a lotof work in the first some half
of the semester, or not so much,because a lot of the first part
of the first semester is reallyjust getting used to what the
course is, getting used to theinstructor.
(03:09):
So that mid-semester time, whichmay or may not come with midterm
exams, but it definitely comesusually with something, if not a
midterm exam, a midterm project,or some kind of test or
something, comes at abouthalfway on the calendar, but
(03:29):
it's not necessarily halfwaythrough the work because often
there is more work that's goingto happen in the second half of
the semester since so much ofthe early part was just everyone
getting their bearings andfiguring out what the what the
course is going to be about.
But midterm grades are really asource of information for
(03:55):
students.
Um and successful students willuse that information.
It's feedback.
Here's how things seem to begoing now.
It's nothing um concrete that'sgoing to live on with the
student.
SPEAKER_02 (04:11):
You know, I've I've noticed, well, a number of my
students um talk about thedifference between high school
and college in terms of themiddle of the semester.
In high school, students get alot more feedback often.
And in college, sometimes theydon't get as much.
So when they do get feedback,it's it's really, really
(04:32):
important.
Um and you know, that's that'swhen they can stop and make some
changes, you know, in in whatthey're in in how they're
approaching school.
SPEAKER_01 (04:45):
Um So in in high school, they're often getting a
lot of daily assignments andmaybe weekly quizzes and and a
lot of that that may or may nothappen in a college class.
SPEAKER_02 (04:57):
Right.
And in terms of get getting alot of assignments or a lot of
feedback, that usually decreasesthe anxiety.
So when students have to wait toget information, that can be,
you know, anxiety provoking.
But um, but that's what happensin in college.
Um, and it's really good forstudents to go to professors and
ask um how they feel they'redoing or you know, get more
(05:21):
feedback if they can.
SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
Prior to midterm.
SPEAKER_02 (05:24):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:26):
Because it feels like a lot when it comes all at
once in the middle of thesemester.
And especially if there's been amidterm exam uh that that can
carry some some weight.
Uh and not all schools havegrades at midterm.
Right.
So so some schools, uh well, ourschool gives um uh just an
(05:52):
indication.
So students get a a an S forsatisfactory, if they're C or
above, they're you know, they'repassing, they're they're they're
solid.
Um then they could get anunsatisfactory, which means
they're passing, but notnecessarily if they keep doing
(06:13):
what they're doing, it's may notbe the outcome they're hoping
for.
Uh and then um an F is an F isan F, but uh there usually
aren't too many of those atmidterm.
SPEAKER_02 (06:26):
Right.
So I think that, you know, Ithink there's sort of three
different areas that that um isimportant for our students to
look at at midterm.
What's going on academically,what's going on socially, and
then what's going on in terms ofhow they feel about being there
emotionally.
Um and so, you know, theacademic piece, you know, you
(06:49):
mentioned that it's you know,you get some academic feedback.
For the students that I workwith, that's a time to take a
look at what's what some of thestrategies are that they could
be working on.
Um what would you say, Vicky?
I because you're a communicationprofessor, I think of you as you
know, an expert in and what whatkinds of conversations do you
(07:11):
think parents could be havingwith their kids at midterm to
help them, to support them?
SPEAKER_01 (07:17):
Well, I think I think the first thing would be
to ask whether they've gottensome feedback.
Uh it's a little more formal atsome schools.
We we assign a grade.
At some schools, they may get anactual letter grade at midterm,
but it at some schools there maybe nothing.
(07:38):
And and it may put more uh onuson the student to take the first
step and go to the professor andsay, it's midterm time.
Can you give me a sense of howI'm doing?
Uh, especially if there hasn'tbeen a lot of feedback up until
that point.
Maybe, maybe they've done apaper, maybe they've had one
(08:01):
test and it's a little hard.
So I think parents need to askstudents whether they've gotten
any feedback, and then they needto ask students whether they've
followed up on any feedback thatthey've gotten.
Um I think I think this is agood point in the semester for
(08:25):
parents to think about how theylisten to their students.
So sometimes it may have as muchto do with the listening that we
do as it does with the thequestions that we that we ask
and listen between the lines asstudents are telling you
whatever they're telling you.
SPEAKER_02 (08:43):
You know, listening is such a huge thing.
I'm I'm trying to think of, youknow, talking to my own kids,
and I tend to listen but thinkabout what I'm gonna say to
them.
And I tend to listen and thinkabout the advice I want to give
them.
That's really hard to stopdoing.
SPEAKER_01 (09:03):
Yeah.
I think I think we see that asour role as parents.
Right.
You know, it's my job to giveyou advice, it's my job to guide
you and tell you what to do.
And we need to do that, butsometimes we need to put that
aside while we just listen towhat they have to say.
There are times when that's allstudents need.
They just need to vent.
And they they they don't wantthe advice right now, they just
(09:26):
want someone to listen.
And sometimes we need to listenbetween the lines as well.
What not just what are the wordsthat they're saying, but they
may be dropping some hints andwaiting to see how we respond to
those hints.
And then that's going todetermine how much more they
tell us or how much more theyshare, or whether whether they
(09:51):
want us probing or asking morequestions.
What's our attitude is going todetermine how much they're
willing to tell us.
Right.
And remembering that both atmidterm and at the end of the
semester, grades go to studentsand they're not going to go to
the parents.
(10:12):
So we're really only going toknow what we know through the
filter of what our students tellus.
And so asking open questions,sometimes just throwing out some
hypotheticals.
You know, if things weren'tgoing well, could you be talking
to a professor, not asking thestudent to commit to, yes, I got
(10:33):
a an unsatisfactory grade atmidterm.
SPEAKER_02 (10:38):
It is a good time in the semester to ask students
where they could go to get someextra support.
SPEAKER_01 (10:46):
Right.
Right.
And and it might be theprofessor and it might be some
of the other resources.
Uh and so rather than tellingthem how to fix it, maybe asking
them what do you think you coulddo to fix it?
I I might know, I might have ananswer, and I might know it's
(11:07):
talk to the professor and go totutoring, but asking my student,
you know, what do you think youcould do is going to let the
student take control of thesituation?
SPEAKER_02 (11:18):
Right.
And there are a lot ofresources.
Um, so you're right, suggestingis the way to go.
You know, counseling, tutoring,um, you know, along with working
with the professor, um, youknow, going to their advisor,
um, thinking about evenwithdrawing from a class, you
(11:38):
know, is a possibility.
I mean, there are all kinds ofchoices, but again, it's not our
job as the parents to tell themwhat to do.
It's our job to maybe make somesuggestions, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (11:50):
And I think the key word that you used is choices.
SPEAKER_02 (11:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:53):
So it's a it it the mid-semester is a time, uh a
decision time, uh, and lookingat the options and looking at
the choices.
And the choice is to continuedoing the same thing or to make
some changes.
But it really has to be thestudent who makes those choices.
(12:13):
And and it's hard as a parent tosit back and uh perhaps see that
my student isn't making thechoice I wish they would make.
Uh, and and I think sitting backdoesn't necessarily mean you
can't express how you feel.
(12:34):
Um so so being honest in yourreactions, it's it's going to be
up to you to do whatever youthink is appropriate.
But I'm I'm disappointed thatthat you're n maybe not putting
in enough time or so honesty.
SPEAKER_02 (12:53):
Yes, yeah.
It's important to be honest aswell as not tell our kids what
to do, even though we want to.
SPEAKER_01 (13:00):
Right.
None of which is an easy task.
Um so you mentioned the advisor.
SPEAKER_02 (13:07):
Um it's a good idea for students to talk with their
advisor.
You know, the advisor is aresource.
That's a person who's there umto help, to help our students,
you know, to to talk aboutcourses, to talk about, you
know, whether they want to dropor add, to talk about dealing
with different professors, totalk, you know, to really talk
(13:29):
through whatever's going on.
And if it's issues with theacademics or issues with the
with the course, the you know,the advisor's, you know, a
perfect person to go to.
And that's part of what theywhat their job is.
Um so you know, that's uhadvisors are sort of a hidden
(13:50):
gem, and a lot of a lot ofstudents don't realize that, you
know, they're really there tohelp them.
SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
Yeah.
And the beauty of being anadvisor is that I'm not
evaluating and grading thestudent.
Yes.
So as a professor, I can beparticularly helpful to the
student who's struggling in myclass, who needs help with the
subject matter, or who needshelp in in finding direction on
(14:17):
how to approach the topic.
But as an advisor, I can be moreneutral in listening, and I can
be that sounding board and andwork with the student.
And the student knows that I amreally just there to advocate
and to help the student withoutthat grade hanging over our head
(14:38):
that I'm eventually going tohave to give you a grade in this
in this subject.
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (14:45):
You know, the other area that um that things can
change a lot in midterm is umthe social area.
So, you know, a lot of studentsthat make friends with the most
convenient people at thebeginning.
You know, they they move into adorm and and don't know anyone,
(15:06):
so they make best friends withtheir roommate or people on the
floor, or you know, it's it's umthe first people they meet, they
usually connect with.
Well, by midterm, things haveshifted a little bit, and maybe
that's the time that some of ourstudents take a look at, you
know, their group of theirsocial group and say, well, gee,
maybe this isn't the rightsocial group for me.
(15:28):
Or maybe I want to meet peoplewho also are interested in the
kind of things that I'minterested in.
You know, my people in mybusiness management class, you
know, it might be aroundinterests.
Um, it might be um it might bethe time of the semester that
students start looking at clubsand adding in other things to
(15:52):
meet people of similarinterests.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
You know, uh so many students when they start are
hesitant, I think, to to jumpinto a lot of extracurricular
activities and clubs that theysay, I I want to focus on my on
my studies, and and good foryou, you want to do well, but uh
that that sense of balance isreally important.
(16:14):
That uh you know, just workingand studying all the time is not
necessarily helpful.
Um, neither is playing all ofthe time.
Right, right.
You need to find that balance,but um thinking about how much
time am I spending on, you know,those three areas of of work,
(16:36):
because so many students havejobs now and socializing and
academics and studying, and am Ibalancing the three?
And um recognizing that there'smore time in college outside of
the classroom than there was inhigh school.
And am I am I doing that thatsort of rule of thumb, which is
(16:58):
for every hour I spend in class,I should be spending two hours
outside, and uh oh gosh, I'mreally not anywhere near that.
Or I'm I'm trying to hold down aa full-time job at the same time
that I'm a full-time student.
Because if you do thatmathematical formula of two
(17:18):
hours outside for every hour inclass and you're a full-time
student, that's often a 40-houra week commitment right there.
So so midterm is that time whenthe social thing is shifting and
the academic thing is shifting,and also trying to find that
that balance uh to make it allwork.
(17:40):
And sometimes trying to findsome alone time.
Social, the having friends andfinding new friends and all of
that social activity iswonderful, but sometimes just
finding some time on their ownis is important, and is part of
the that that other piece of theemotional aspect of what's going
(18:08):
on right now in the middle ofthe semester.
SPEAKER_02 (18:10):
Right.
So, you know, the middle of thesemester, so so things are
shifting academically, they'reshifting socially, but this also
might be the time that studentseither, you know, either the
light bulbs go off and they say,gee, this is working for me.
I really like it here, you know,I can do college, that kind of
(18:31):
thrill.
But it also could be the timewhen students say, Oh my God, I
want to go home.
You know, I don't know if I likeit here.
I think I might want to transferto another school.
Or this is the time of someshifting.
And um, certainly as you know,parents, I think it's important
to let that happen, you know, totalk about it, to let all those
(18:54):
feelings come out, becausethat's the only way they get
sort of dealt with.
Um, but this is a time that, youknow, all kinds of things can
pop up.
SPEAKER_01 (19:04):
And that's when that listening piece is important
again.
And and it does feel as thoughtransferring may in some ways be
the new normal, um, that so manystudents transfer from one
institution to another, and umthey use that term swirling.
(19:24):
Sometimes the students come andthey go.
Um, and and you're right, Ithink midterm time is the time
when when it that the realitycheck hits and the end of the
semester still seems a long wayoff, and friend groups maybe
falling apart, and and there'sjust a lot uh going on that
(19:48):
students feel unsettled.
And so I think as parents it'shelpful as part of that
listening to try to helpstudents get to the root of why
they're thinking they don't wantto be here anymore, whether it's
I want to transfer somewhereelse or I just want to drop out
of school.
And and that's when a lot ofthose why questions are helpful.
(20:12):
Well, why?
What because it's not working.
Well, why do you think it's notworking?
Can you be specific what isn'tworking and um probing a little
bit?
SPEAKER_02 (20:22):
Sometimes I have found working with my students
that sometimes talking abouttransferring is actually really
positive because in talking itthrough, students will sort of
figure out what's reallyimportant and what's not.
And sometimes just that justlooking at it is a way for some
of our students to reclaim theirdecision to to go to the school
(20:47):
wherever they are.
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
Right.
And and if they are thinkingabout transferring, it sort of
frees them up to not worry somuch about how things are going,
and then all of a sudden theystart to go well, and they start
start to go a little bit better.
SPEAKER_02 (21:02):
Um You know, it's funny, we uh one of the books
that we talk about a lot um isum Heart by Harlan Cohen.
He wrote the book, The NakedRoommate, and um he also wrote
one version for for parents, buthe talks about his own story,
and I remember him saying thatyou know he went to a university
by midterm he wanted to leave.
(21:23):
And um he once he made thedecision to leave, he started
having a great time becausebecause the pressure was off.
Yes, you know, and that's whenhe started to relax and you know
meet meet other people.
Um and then there's also thatwhole piece that you know, if
you do leave, you pick upyourself and leave wi with you,
(21:44):
you know.
So any issues that you're havingcome usually comes.
SPEAKER_01 (21:47):
Is it the school or is it me?
Right.
Is is it going to be differentsomewhere else?
Um, and maybe asking if there,you know, what is there
something you could change thatmight make it better?
Right.
Would it be better if you triedto live asked about living in a
different residence hall orchanged your major?
Uh, because back to the academicpiece, by midterm, maybe a time
(22:10):
when students who thought theyknew what they wanted to do now
have discovered that's not thefield they want to be in, and
that's very unsettling.
SPEAKER_02 (22:19):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (22:19):
Um, and so, you know, is there one thing you
could change, or who can youtalk to on campus about whatever
it is that is making youunhappy?
SPEAKER_02 (22:29):
You know, for students with learning
differences, I find somestudents um try to go to college
and not get the support thatthey were getting in high school
because they want to try it ontheir own, which makes a lot of
good sense.
Um, but at that point inmidterm, that might be the time
that students may say, you knowwhat, I do need a little extra
(22:51):
support.
Or it might be the other waywhere midterm students might
realize that um that they can docollege, you know, that that
they're thrilled that this isworking.
Yeah.
And um, you know, maybe a littlecorrections here and there, but
this is this is all going well.
So, you know, it definitely isthe time to kind of reassess.
SPEAKER_01 (23:13):
Um so midterm is is that that time of decisions, the
time of reality check, which canbe good or not so good, and uh
recognizing that there arechoices that you can make um to
keep all the options open, butdon't burn any bridges.
Students who say, I think I wantto leave.
(23:35):
Uh just I think sometimes askingfor a little wait time, let's
let's not can can we can youmake it through to the end of
the semester rather than leavingright now, if you can make it
through to the end of thesemester and see how things are
later, or at least you'd betransferring with some credits.
(23:58):
So um looking at all of thosepieces and how they fit
together.
The the the academic piece, thesocial piece, the emotional
piece, the work school balance,uh, that mid-semester is about
the point when you've got a fewweeks behind you now and can
begin to to think about whatwhat's working and great time to
(24:22):
make some decisions and seewhere you go from there.
Yeah.
And and as parents, we canguide, we can listen, we can
make some suggestions, and thenwe let them do what they're
going to do.
See what happens.
So good luck to mid semestertime to everyone, and uh we'll
(24:45):
see everybody next time.
Bye bye.
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