Between shows in a busy weekend at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Caroline Rhea pulled up a chair to the Comedy Roundtable.
Caroline Rhea is a stand-up comedian and actress, best known for her role as Hilda Spellman on the ABC hit series Sabrina The Teenage Witch, and numerous comedy specials on Comedy Central, HBO and Showtime. Caroline is currently starring in Disney Channel’s Sydney to the Max, and hosts Caroline and Friends, her hit game show for Game Show Network, now in its second season. She is a regular panelist on ABC's Match Game with Alec Baldwin, and is often on other game shows such as Hollywood Squares and Funny You Should Ask. Caroline was the host of the Caroline Rhea Show, has appeared as Linda Flynn Fletcher on Phineas and Ferb for over 10 seasons, and has guest starred on many hit series, including Two Broke Girls, The Mark Maron Show, and The Grinder. Caroline starred as Noleta Nethercott in the cult classic series Sordid Lives, and reprised her role in the film A Very Sordid Wedding, which ranked #1 on Amazon Films for a full month following its release. Most recently, she can be seen on the dais of Comedy Central’s Roast of Alec Baldwin. This marks Caroline's 30th year as a stand up comedian.
Note about the episode artwork: Adam looks a bit different in the picture, must have been the lighting.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Ladies and gentleman, comedy roundtable these are
great questions. Yes, goodcomedian a math question. Really
good question. Thank you. Thisis so much fun you guys. That is
a good question. And thatlightning round was so fun.
That's a really good question.
comedy fans con versationenthusiast it is a brand new
(00:21):
episode of the comedy roundtablepull up a chair settle in. We
have a great conversation foryou this episode. Let's get this
party started. Jamie BendelJamie, Hernan, Adam. Hey
look at you getting in on thegame. I appreciate that. Usually
(00:42):
you're so negative about himgiving me the big intro.
I just figured people deserve tohear it in stereo.
I didn't even know that ourpodcast was available in stereo.
Yeah, it is actually. Andactually, if you put the SAP
button, it's available inSpanish. We have
saved a cheer for you ourlistener and we've also saved
the chair here at the roundtablefor our guest this evening.
Caroline Ray,when will Jada Pinkett arrived.
This is the only round tablethat I will see. She'll be here
(01:04):
shortly. Why would anyone go onthat show? be terrified? Yeah.
Are there shows that you've beenon where you've been intimidated
by the host?
Just you Jamie that would bethat is? Roseanne show. We both
got hysterical. Like we got thegiggles Yeah. Because she didn't
know what to ask me. She wasn'treading anything that was
(01:24):
prepared. She was I was justlike, the other person to talk
to you I kill was. I didn't killbut I was on magic. Magic
Johnson's last show. The very,very last show. They were
literally patrolling guests. AndI've worked at Paramount. And
then when Caroline when you dothe show, we'll do the show. I'm
like, Okay, I'll do the show.
And then I knew it wasn't goingsuper well because he looked and
it was like he was several weeksin. He's like, which one is my
(01:46):
camera? Oh, all right, bad sign.
We're literally in a diner I'mat the point of my career will
work for pie.
It's got the greatest dessertmenu menus, like 13 pages long.
It's got all kinds of pictures.
It's got everything frompictures. Doesn't that say
something? You don't go to afancy restaurant and they have
pictures. I like the picture.
(02:08):
Whenpeople come in drunk at three in
the morning. They're like, Ican't read it. But I think I
want that.
I think that gives you likeMargaritaville shrimp and lamb
chops on the same menu. You'relike, okay, we're getting
extensive here.
I would like Jimmy Buffett andAundrea Bocelli to sing. That's
my feeling is that the truth inadvertising, probably for
profile pics, and menu pics isabout the same. They use the
(02:32):
same filtering. Right now onreality. All right, well, we are
here at the round table in thecorner of the landmark diner
punch line comedyclub in between shows, the 15
shows the Jamie books are on. Bythe way in the next time I'm
here. I'd like to do one threeand five.
Who does that?
Jamie's back to work back towork.
(02:52):
But first show is great. Great,good audience. The materials new
like it's all good stuff. Sowe're gonna do this really quick
because you have to get on backon stage for the 10 o'clock
show. Isn't live No, no, no, no.
Okay. Yeah. All right. So wehave three subjects All right.
Of which you will only utilizeto Yes, when will die forever
one will not be utilized. Yoursubject choices are summer camp.
(03:13):
underdogs or good sports. Why Iget to you just pick one. Oh,
summer camp summer camp startingwith Adam.
Okay, so I attended summers campas a kid and my fondest memory
of summer camp was the firstgirl I ever kissed was at summer
(03:35):
camp. Do you remember the firstguy you ever kissed?
Of course I do. And what's whatwas the story there? I can't I
still haven't worked through itin therapy. I hate him so much.
This is like triggered vomitwhen I think of them. Oh. Jerk.
Yeah, but I loved summer camp.
Okay. Did you ever kiss a boysummer camp course I did. Not
only do I kiss a boy summercamp. But the first boy that I
ever loved David Lister. Oh, whowe used to play tetherball
(03:58):
together at tennis camp. By theway, if I didn't go to tennis
camp, I wouldn't be an actressbecause I was in love with my
drama counselor. Oh, summer campdrama. I gotta tell you
something. Here's a weird thingthat happened in my life in the
last few years. I meet everyonefrom my past. In the last three
years, I have met three men andthey're all Libras two born the
same day one I hadn't seen in 45years when I hadn't seen in 25
(04:19):
years. And when I hadn't seen in20 years, which just proves that
when a man says I will call youback he means within his
lifetime. There's never likedon't hold out for the weekend
like so. The ball tournament.
Yeah, it's a tetherballtournament. So I was at a
restaurant and I went with mybest friend and we were to
pasties in New York and it waslike really late and we
(04:40):
shouldn't have been going and itwas like 10 o'clock at night.
And we went with Craig Bierkoand my friend Jennifer Yeah, and
Jennifer and I got there firstand she looked over at this
woman and she goes oh my god, Ithink that's my college roommate
but it can't be because she hasher hair the exact same way that
she wore it when we were incollege. I go Jan we aren't we
look exactly the same. lipstickI've been wearing since I was 11
(05:01):
Silvercity. Pink we all do.
We're just older teenagers,right? So then we walk over and
she sees her, right? Yeah. Andthen as we're at the table, I
go, You know what? I've been tothis restaurant three times.
Every time I'm at thisrestaurant and sequins beltro.
Chris Martin turns around goes,well, this is a fourth time and
I see Gwyneth and I'm like, Oh,this is where I know ever so
vaguely. And so we chat. Andthen we have dinner and the
entire night, Craig Bierko isconvinced that these girls are
(05:22):
staring at him. But I haven'tbeen on screen and I'm a chick
magnet, right? So I know thatthese young girls are staring at
me and not him. But he'sconvinced. So instead of walking
into the restaurant this way, wego around and we pass these
girls. Yes. And then he's like,can we please pass them? They've
been making eye contact with me.
And I'm like, This is gonna be abad one. This isn't gonna work.
(05:43):
Partner and they're like, Oh, myGod, were you. Okay, and I go,
Yeah, so then now we're at thetable where the college roommate
was. And this guy says to me,Caroline, and I go Hi. I just
thought, okay, not fat headed.
But at the time I had a talkshow, ya know, people know.
Yeah, people know your name.
Especially in New York. So goCarolina, Carolina. If I saw
you, I go high. Like it wouldn'tbe a weird thing. So he goes, he
(06:07):
goes Carolina, David Lister, andI go David Lister to Deerpath
lane. Weston mass. Oh, 2193 bornAugust 6 19. And he's like this
a bit. And then I wrote a pilotcalled called Plan B, because my
fiancee and I had broken up. Andthen I met him and I was like,
Well, clearly, I meant to marryhim. And this was the timing.
(06:28):
Clearly, he married an Austriangirl who could barely speak
English and settle over abouther baby all the time. So baby,
so he settled for somebody else.
Yeah,obviously. Anyway, did you say?
Yeah. Is that where you grew up?
No. That's where he grew up.
In Wayland mass for a while.
Deerpath lane? Yes. Your SocialSecurity. Now we live in Boston
(06:48):
Post Roadin Wayland, different town
Wayland, where we're right nextto each other. So close. Just
like right next to each other.
It was great until I had mydaughter the happiest time of my
life was summer camp. I went forseven years. Nice. Yes. We've
talked about this. Counselors.
Yeah. So let's pretend that youare teaching drama at a summer
camp in upstate New York, whichI have done. We are your
(07:11):
campers. Okay. The four of usneed to act out a scene. Okay.
So give us each character, ascene a little direction. And
let's make some magic summercamp.
Okay, do we have to have a playin mind because I had to write a
play literally type it into thetypewriter from my brain.
Because when I said I was goingto pick up the scripts, I was
actually writing making out withRichard Stevenson for three days
(07:31):
and then go back and literallywrote a script into the
typewriter. I'm not kidding.
Yeah. Okay. So are you going todo the scene or how am I going
to direct you're gonna do thisright? CG character.
Okay. Are you all right? I'mDorothy. Okay. All right. You're
the scaredy cat. Lion. Right?
That makes sense. You're the TinMan checks out and you're the
Scarecrow. Okay. Okay. It saidseen when I'm leaving. And I'm
(07:53):
like, Well, I'm gonna miss allof you so much. Why will you
with me? Don't go out your door.
needy, needy.
I don't care if you leave.
Yeah. All right. That's the onlyone I believed out of the three
of you. That's the only one Ibelieve.
(08:14):
First of all, this is somebodygetting in the car. Probably a
Volvo station wagon. And I'mbeing told that was amazing. You
were amazing. The part we toldDorothy, the snapper. Dorothy
are so good. Let's just makesure that we're all on the same
page.
I have something completelyunrelated but related. Yeah.
Okay, so this is a girl manquestion. Can I just do that?
(08:36):
Sure. Of course. Okay. I I wassent flowers and chocolates in
1950. Because I went to aconcert with a friend of mine.
Yeah. And he's and then hestayed at the house for like two
days in the guest house. And hesent flowers and chocolates.
Nice. And he loves my dog Stellaand I wrote back as Stella. I
(08:58):
said, thank you. I just want totell you your dream boat and I'm
in love with you. But I'mdelirious because of the
chocolate which apparently youdidn't know is poisonous dogs,
to dogs. And I said, thisreminds me of Romeo and Juliet,
which I have eaten many copiesof because she's a dog. Right?
And But Mommy was upset becauseit reminded her that when she
was in college, she had to playthe nurse even though she was
(09:19):
only 20. Because the nurse isthe equivalent Shakespearean
equivalent of the sitcomneighbor. Right, right. Yes,
yeah, right. Or the court jesteror whatever. And then I said
yours forever. Well, at leastsix to eight hours according to
poison control.
First of all, it's nice how muchStella knows you he
(09:39):
hearted it? That's it. Yeah, novolley back. No,
you just farted it.
Yeah. harden it. Yeah, that'snot good.
Does that to a dog?
You know what that's you'restealing three days and you can
you imagine the diagnosis. Oh,geez. Doesn't know emojis don't
even mean Yeah.
(10:00):
Up till I said because we havebeen talking about language love
languages I said I just want youto know that I've changed with
My Love Languages, whatever minewhatever the one that is most
irritated by writing comedy andhaving it hearted. That's the
best my language. Eight was, yaknow? So is that a very harsh
response on my part? No, no,that was Daisley later he has
(10:20):
texted me saying hey, can wecatch up this weekend and talk
and I'm like, fuck no wecan't No just hurt that hurt it
hurt it back loved it but if Isay that to heart no.
Oh all right. My question aboutsummer camp. I never went to
(10:46):
sleep over summer camp. I wentto daycare not the same. Yeah,
we called that what was it toolong in your setup, I
was the day camper. And do youthink that that just leaves me
as a flawed adult?
It makes me feel one of twothings. One you had a problem
(11:07):
and we're worried about peeingin your sleeping bag.
Homesickness dayI just wasn't I was wasn't
overly interested in camp but Ithink now as an adult and I hear
everybody tell the camp storiesbiggest adult camp counselor for
anyone I know oh my God wouldn'tJamie have been you weren't you
camp counseled your three girlsthrough their entire childhood,
(11:28):
youknow, like I can't compensated
that you did. I was a kid I hadovercompensated.
As an adult, I was gonna saycompensated I need my buzzer was
broken. It's not I keep passingin. And I'm like a second
behind.
You have a 10 o'clock showcoming up. This segment. Yeah,
(11:49):
quick. So we will be back withmore of the comedy round table
here at the punch line comedyclub in Atlanta, Jamie, Jamie
and Adam our guest Caroline Ray.
100 years ago, there were100,000 tigers in the wild.
Today. There are his view is3200 the earth wild animals
(12:13):
can't speak up when they needhelp. But we can be the voice
for those who have no voicevisit world wildlife.org
Hi, I'm Carson Kressley have allthe resources in the world
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For more than 140 years,American Humane has been working
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Visit American humane.org Forsimple ways to build a more
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Hi, friends, welcome to they'reterrified and tipsy. My name is
(12:58):
Courtney. And I'm Stephanie.
Since we have very differentfeelings about scary movies, we
decided to share our emotionalstruggles with you all. So grab
a glass of wine, your favoritecouch blanket and get comfy and
enjoy the ride with us. You canfind our terrified and tipsy on
Instagram and Twitter plus allthe podcast platforms for links
head over to tipsy pi.comCheers.
(13:19):
comedy round two roundtablereturns our guest the very
talented is Caroline Ray, youknow I've always thought of you
as Johnny Carson and justhearing your voice now doing
this. This is what you're meantto be doing. Right? Yes.
All right. So we are here we'rebetween shows punch line comedy
club in Atlanta back out on theroad doing a bunch of gigs.
(13:39):
A bunch of gigs. I'm doing aspecial so I've been out there
writing new materialworking on new material doing
all this new right? Yeah, no,no, it was great. always
entertaining. Always. Always soneedy. Right. Please tell me and
forgot for a little while inthere during COVID. I thought
oh, God, we're done. Like we'renot getting I'm not gonna get to
(14:00):
do this. And what you I don'tknow if you feel this as a
comedian, but for me, it isseriously how I process my life.
It is like, absolutely must talkto people and know that we're
all feeling the same thing.
Right? It is our connection andwhat we have in common that
makes it interesting. Absoluteright. It's actually beautiful.
Yeah. So it was very depressingto me. Yeah. And I got very
depressed during COVID likethinking, Oh, God, we're never
(14:22):
gonna do this again. And then Iwas so afraid of it. And then
when I finally got COVID, and Iwas okay, I ran to the stage.
And I have not gotten off itsince then.
Yeah, well, and it's back whereyou belong.
It's of all the things I get todo. This is the one where I'm
like completely happiest doing.
Oh, that's awesome. Yourremaining subjects to choose
(14:44):
from are either underdogs orgood sports, I guess underdogs.
underdogs starting wherewhen I grew up it was pronounced
Canadiens was the underdogalways the underdog? I thought
bronze was the highest you couldget at the The Olympics when I
was no idea your bronze or youdidn't get any Yeah,
(15:05):
I felt so bad for me. I waslike, Oh, you got to silver
bronze is so much better. Okayunderdogs I have a question for
you if that's my topic. Yesma'am. Your Did you fucking call
me ma'am and I am probably thesame age as you. Oh my god. Yes
ma'am. As you fire back Oh, yesma'am, ma'am which is I've
(15:26):
always said it's southern for nolonger Hi. We cannot say that
closing. Okay listen, listenYeah, underdogs your lawyers
you're obviously very smartfocused individuals that you
were able to get through lawschool that's not easy and then
you went to article or whateverthey call it here in this
country. What do you call thatwhen your State Bar yeah you
pass the bar but when you workfor the articling is what they
(15:46):
call it in Canada attorney.
Attorney. Yeah, but I know thisanswer with Jamie because he
actually is first and foremost acomedian but like you're the
underdogs. Did you just want tobe comics? Like what are you
doing the deal with like,podcasts with funny people? Did
you want to be a lawyer? Or didyou feel obligated to become
one?
I just like talking to funnypeople.
You know what? That's badanswer. What's on you? You're
(16:07):
Taurus, what are you?
What's so funny? What's funny,you know, what's funny?
Let's get through the question,then I want to do this part. Do
this.
Tell me first I said, Are you aTaurus? No. Are you a lawyer on
me? Legally? You tell me youtell me do you know that
I show you my sign? Objectionasked
(16:28):
an answer. So I would tell youthat I know the astrological
wizard the witch. Yeah,I know. I got it right too many
times today. But I want to knowlike, you're obviously this this
to me. If you've spent so muchof your life and that's a lot of
discipline to get through tobecome a lawyer. Why are you
doing this? You are theunderdogs of comedy.
Yeah. My son doesn't support it.
I'm I'm on like a February 19.
(16:51):
So I'm like an Aquarius Piscescusp.
Are you really? Yeah. Okay. Allright. Anything you've said
tonight? What about you Libra?
Oh, you're a Libra. Yes. So aGemini a Libra and you're kind
of an Aquarius, but you'rereally more of a Pisces.
I'm like the day that itswitches based on what news?
Pull up. Yeah.
But then you'd be all the airsigns. Okay, so what is the
(17:11):
deal? It you're not fulfilled aslawyers. I'm an Aries Aquarius
rising Taurus Moon, Gemini,Venus. Extreme fixed planets in
Virgo. What do you need to know?
Are we supposed to get alongAries and Aquarius is in Pisces
very much. Okay, because we haveit.
I'm so glad you let me know.
Otherwise, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't have had anyappreciation of that. All right,
(17:33):
under dogs. Adam. Let's go. Allright. underdogs. So do you like
hot dogs? I love hot dogs. happymemories of them. So I
like to put my condiments underthe hot dog buns. I'll actually
do condiment first and then hotdog on top of it. Okay, and what
are your condiments of choice?
So I go full Chicago dog. Okay,which is which is I go tomatoes.
I go relish I go a pickle spear.
(17:56):
I go chopped onions. I go amustard on the underneath it's
mustard and then a little celerysalt is your hot dog still
in the back? I was like your hotdog is deep is the bar
it's it looks like a salad kindof thing on top of our dog.
Looks like it looks like itlooks like a bald man with just
(18:17):
the top Yeah, closed. Yeah,Jamie.
Wow, there's a million differentother dirtier ways of saying
that. That one was there aquestion? Yes. Just telling me
about the guy was asking whattop girl economists you like?
Very standard has to be Americanmustard not Dijon. I hate Dijon
ruins the entire yellow mustard.
I like the yellow mustard andthe yellow cheese. It's so
tacky. Okay, no ketchup though.
(18:40):
No, no, I don't want the cheeseon the hotdog. I'm just saying
in terms of like genericcoloring. I like that. I have to
have ketchup, relish andmustard. Okay, perfect. That's a
good dog. That's a good, that'sit. That isn't good. And we call
them steamed A's in Quebec. CMACMA, CMA. CMA is a hot dog
messy. So what's the question?
Just we're just talking aboutyour dog. James, okay. All
right, theUS Men's National Soccer Team
(19:04):
will take the field in Qatar inaround 12 hours as a heavy
underdog against the Netherlandsdespite taking a shot to the
Netherlands in the match againstIran. Christian Pulisic is
expected to play in the game.
What is the time that you had toplay injured so to speak in your
comedy or acting career, I wasin
my first professional play and apiano literally fell on me
(19:26):
before I went onstage likecrushed my foot. And I was
literally offstage and on stageand it was like nothing had
happened.
It wasn't like a piano fallingfrom
backstage and it like fell on myfoot. I'm sure if it had just
happened, and I didn't have tobe somewhere. I would have been
hospitalized. The pain was soenormous. I think it broke every
single one of my toes. But Ijust went on stage there's some
(19:47):
weird thing that happens thatyou're so present on stage. I
also write before my Jim Connorat horseback riding camp.
Cochise the world's oldesthorse, because I got to Cochise
I got to pay for First of allthe horses and I picked this
horse because I knew he would gothe slowest while I was grooming
him. He also stood on my foot,but I knew I was gonna get in
(20:09):
trouble for being right. So Iwas like, please get off my
fight he's hard of hearing hecould easily get here would you
will saywas it the cane that gave it
away that he was old?
Man said to me today at thisdoor, girl, you're still out
(20:29):
here working? What am I theworld's oldest prostitute? You
think? Do you think I'm gonna doretire? I go, would you like to
pay for my daughter to go tocollege?
Right. All right. My questionabout underdogs. If you could
only root for one if I could.
Yeah, and you had to pick? Wouldyou choose always to root for
the underdog or always to rootfor the favorite? Do you
(20:53):
guys just play like Dungeons andDragons for six hours and then
come up with questions? Totally,totally. Do in our parents
basement. We are nerd men. Andwe have bonded in a group person
choose the underdog.
Choosing the underdogs. Let'slet this favorite excuse
yourself. All right, she's gotto get back on stage.
(21:14):
The three of you now you figureout who that was. Oh,
bah bah bum thankyou to our guest Caroline Ray
this episode here of comedyround table punch line comedy
Club, inside the landmark dinerin Atlanta, Georgia. If you want
to come watch us make thissausage alive. You can find
Caroline online at Caroline refor the number for real on Tik
Tok or Instagram or in a townnear you. For Jamie Jamie and
(21:37):
Adam budgetair back where youfound it. We will see you next
time here on the comedy roundtable.
Girls and boys in poverty aroundthe world are dreaming of a
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Ladies and gentleman, comedy roundtable these are
great questions. Yes, goodcomedian a math question. Really
good question. Thank you. Thisis so much fun you guys. That is
a good question. And thatlightning round was so fun.
That's a really good question.
comedy fans con versationenthusiast it is a brand new
(00:21):
episode of the comedy roundtablepull up a chair settle in. We
have a great conversation foryou this episode. Let's get this
party started. Jamie BendelJamie, Hernan, Adam. Hey
look at you getting in on thegame. I appreciate that. Usually
(00:42):
you're so negative about himgiving me the big intro.
I just figured people deserve tohear it in stereo.
I didn't even know that ourpodcast was available in stereo.
Yeah, it is actually. Andactually, if you put the SAP
button, it's available inSpanish. We have
saved a cheer for you ourlistener and we've also saved
the chair here at the roundtablefor our guest this evening.
Caroline Ray,when will Jada Pinkett arrived.
This is the only round tablethat I will see. She'll be here
(01:04):
shortly. Why would anyone go onthat show? be terrified? Yeah.
Are there shows that you've beenon where you've been intimidated
by the host?
Just you Jamie that would bethat is? Roseanne show. We both
got hysterical. Like we got thegiggles Yeah. Because she didn't
know what to ask me. She wasn'treading anything that was
(01:24):
prepared. She was I was justlike, the other person to talk
to you I kill was. I didn't killbut I was on magic. Magic
Johnson's last show. The very,very last show. They were
literally patrolling guests. AndI've worked at Paramount. And
then when Caroline when you dothe show, we'll do the show. I'm
like, Okay, I'll do the show.
And then I knew it wasn't goingsuper well because he looked and
it was like he was several weeksin. He's like, which one is my
(01:46):
camera? Oh, all right, bad sign.
We're literally in a diner I'mat the point of my career will
work for pie.
It's got the greatest dessertmenu menus, like 13 pages long.
It's got all kinds of pictures.
It's got everything frompictures. Doesn't that say
something? You don't go to afancy restaurant and they have
pictures. I like the picture.
(02:08):
Whenpeople come in drunk at three in
the morning. They're like, Ican't read it. But I think I
want that.
I think that gives you likeMargaritaville shrimp and lamb
chops on the same menu. You'relike, okay, we're getting
extensive here.
I would like Jimmy Buffett andAundrea Bocelli to sing. That's
my feeling is that the truth inadvertising, probably for
profile pics, and menu pics isabout the same. They use the
(02:32):
same filtering. Right now onreality. All right, well, we are
here at the round table in thecorner of the landmark diner
punch line comedyclub in between shows, the 15
shows the Jamie books are on. Bythe way in the next time I'm
here. I'd like to do one threeand five.
Who does that?
Jamie's back to work back towork.
(02:52):
But first show is great. Great,good audience. The materials new
like it's all good stuff. Sowe're gonna do this really quick
because you have to get on backon stage for the 10 o'clock
show. Isn't live No, no, no, no.
Okay. Yeah. All right. So wehave three subjects All right.
Of which you will only utilizeto Yes, when will die forever
one will not be utilized. Yoursubject choices are summer camp.
(03:13):
underdogs or good sports. Why Iget to you just pick one. Oh,
summer camp summer camp startingwith Adam.
Okay, so I attended summers campas a kid and my fondest memory
of summer camp was the firstgirl I ever kissed was at summer
(03:35):
camp. Do you remember the firstguy you ever kissed?
Of course I do. And what's whatwas the story there? I can't I
still haven't worked through itin therapy. I hate him so much.
This is like triggered vomitwhen I think of them. Oh. Jerk.
Yeah, but I loved summer camp.
Okay. Did you ever kiss a boysummer camp course I did. Not
only do I kiss a boy summercamp. But the first boy that I
ever loved David Lister. Oh, whowe used to play tetherball
(03:58):
together at tennis camp. By theway, if I didn't go to tennis
camp, I wouldn't be an actressbecause I was in love with my
drama counselor. Oh, summer campdrama. I gotta tell you
something. Here's a weird thingthat happened in my life in the
last few years. I meet everyonefrom my past. In the last three
years, I have met three men andthey're all Libras two born the
same day one I hadn't seen in 45years when I hadn't seen in 25
(04:19):
years. And when I hadn't seen in20 years, which just proves that
when a man says I will call youback he means within his
lifetime. There's never likedon't hold out for the weekend
like so. The ball tournament.
Yeah, it's a tetherballtournament. So I was at a
restaurant and I went with mybest friend and we were to
pasties in New York and it waslike really late and we
(04:40):
shouldn't have been going and itwas like 10 o'clock at night.
And we went with Craig Bierkoand my friend Jennifer Yeah, and
Jennifer and I got there firstand she looked over at this
woman and she goes oh my god, Ithink that's my college roommate
but it can't be because she hasher hair the exact same way that
she wore it when we were incollege. I go Jan we aren't we
look exactly the same. lipstickI've been wearing since I was 11
(05:01):
Silvercity. Pink we all do.
We're just older teenagers,right? So then we walk over and
she sees her, right? Yeah. Andthen as we're at the table, I
go, You know what? I've been tothis restaurant three times.
Every time I'm at thisrestaurant and sequins beltro.
Chris Martin turns around goes,well, this is a fourth time and
I see Gwyneth and I'm like, Oh,this is where I know ever so
vaguely. And so we chat. Andthen we have dinner and the
entire night, Craig Bierko isconvinced that these girls are
(05:22):
staring at him. But I haven'tbeen on screen and I'm a chick
magnet, right? So I know thatthese young girls are staring at
me and not him. But he'sconvinced. So instead of walking
into the restaurant this way, wego around and we pass these
girls. Yes. And then he's like,can we please pass them? They've
been making eye contact with me.
And I'm like, This is gonna be abad one. This isn't gonna work.
(05:43):
Partner and they're like, Oh, myGod, were you. Okay, and I go,
Yeah, so then now we're at thetable where the college roommate
was. And this guy says to me,Caroline, and I go Hi. I just
thought, okay, not fat headed.
But at the time I had a talkshow, ya know, people know.
Yeah, people know your name.
Especially in New York. So goCarolina, Carolina. If I saw
you, I go high. Like it wouldn'tbe a weird thing. So he goes, he
(06:07):
goes Carolina, David Lister, andI go David Lister to Deerpath
lane. Weston mass. Oh, 2193 bornAugust 6 19. And he's like this
a bit. And then I wrote a pilotcalled called Plan B, because my
fiancee and I had broken up. Andthen I met him and I was like,
Well, clearly, I meant to marryhim. And this was the timing.
(06:28):
Clearly, he married an Austriangirl who could barely speak
English and settle over abouther baby all the time. So baby,
so he settled for somebody else.
Yeah,obviously. Anyway, did you say?
Yeah. Is that where you grew up?
No. That's where he grew up.
In Wayland mass for a while.
Deerpath lane? Yes. Your SocialSecurity. Now we live in Boston
(06:48):
Post Roadin Wayland, different town
Wayland, where we're right nextto each other. So close. Just
like right next to each other.
It was great until I had mydaughter the happiest time of my
life was summer camp. I went forseven years. Nice. Yes. We've
talked about this. Counselors.
Yeah. So let's pretend that youare teaching drama at a summer
camp in upstate New York, whichI have done. We are your
(07:11):
campers. Okay. The four of usneed to act out a scene. Okay.
So give us each character, ascene a little direction. And
let's make some magic summercamp.
Okay, do we have to have a playin mind because I had to write a
play literally type it into thetypewriter from my brain.
Because when I said I was goingto pick up the scripts, I was
actually writing making out withRichard Stevenson for three days
(07:31):
and then go back and literallywrote a script into the
typewriter. I'm not kidding.
Yeah. Okay. So are you going todo the scene or how am I going
to direct you're gonna do thisright? CG character.
Okay. Are you all right? I'mDorothy. Okay. All right. You're
the scaredy cat. Lion. Right?
That makes sense. You're the TinMan checks out and you're the
Scarecrow. Okay. Okay. It saidseen when I'm leaving. And I'm
(07:53):
like, Well, I'm gonna miss allof you so much. Why will you
with me? Don't go out your door.
needy, needy.
I don't care if you leave.
Yeah. All right. That's the onlyone I believed out of the three
of you. That's the only one Ibelieve.
(08:14):
First of all, this is somebodygetting in the car. Probably a
Volvo station wagon. And I'mbeing told that was amazing. You
were amazing. The part we toldDorothy, the snapper. Dorothy
are so good. Let's just makesure that we're all on the same
page.
I have something completelyunrelated but related. Yeah.
Okay, so this is a girl manquestion. Can I just do that?
(08:36):
Sure. Of course. Okay. I I wassent flowers and chocolates in
1950. Because I went to aconcert with a friend of mine.
Yeah. And he's and then hestayed at the house for like two
days in the guest house. And hesent flowers and chocolates.
Nice. And he loves my dog Stellaand I wrote back as Stella. I
(08:58):
said, thank you. I just want totell you your dream boat and I'm
in love with you. But I'mdelirious because of the
chocolate which apparently youdidn't know is poisonous dogs,
to dogs. And I said, thisreminds me of Romeo and Juliet,
which I have eaten many copiesof because she's a dog. Right?
And But Mommy was upset becauseit reminded her that when she
was in college, she had to playthe nurse even though she was
(09:19):
only 20. Because the nurse isthe equivalent Shakespearean
equivalent of the sitcomneighbor. Right, right. Yes,
yeah, right. Or the court jesteror whatever. And then I said
yours forever. Well, at leastsix to eight hours according to
poison control.
First of all, it's nice how muchStella knows you he
(09:39):
hearted it? That's it. Yeah, novolley back. No,
you just farted it.
Yeah. harden it. Yeah, that'snot good.
Does that to a dog?
You know what that's you'restealing three days and you can
you imagine the diagnosis. Oh,geez. Doesn't know emojis don't
even mean Yeah.
(10:00):
Up till I said because we havebeen talking about language love
languages I said I just want youto know that I've changed with
My Love Languages, whatever minewhatever the one that is most
irritated by writing comedy andhaving it hearted. That's the
best my language. Eight was, yaknow? So is that a very harsh
response on my part? No, no,that was Daisley later he has
(10:20):
texted me saying hey, can wecatch up this weekend and talk
and I'm like, fuck no wecan't No just hurt that hurt it
hurt it back loved it but if Isay that to heart no.
Oh all right. My question aboutsummer camp. I never went to
(10:46):
sleep over summer camp. I wentto daycare not the same. Yeah,
we called that what was it toolong in your setup, I
was the day camper. And do youthink that that just leaves me
as a flawed adult?
It makes me feel one of twothings. One you had a problem
(11:07):
and we're worried about peeingin your sleeping bag.
Homesickness dayI just wasn't I was wasn't
overly interested in camp but Ithink now as an adult and I hear
everybody tell the camp storiesbiggest adult camp counselor for
anyone I know oh my God wouldn'tJamie have been you weren't you
camp counseled your three girlsthrough their entire childhood,
(11:28):
youknow, like I can't compensated
that you did. I was a kid I hadovercompensated.
As an adult, I was gonna saycompensated I need my buzzer was
broken. It's not I keep passingin. And I'm like a second
behind.
You have a 10 o'clock showcoming up. This segment. Yeah,
(11:49):
quick. So we will be back withmore of the comedy round table
here at the punch line comedyclub in Atlanta, Jamie, Jamie
and Adam our guest Caroline Ray.
100 years ago, there were100,000 tigers in the wild.
Today. There are his view is3200 the earth wild animals
(12:13):
can't speak up when they needhelp. But we can be the voice
for those who have no voicevisit world wildlife.org
Hi, I'm Carson Kressley have allthe resources in the world
kindness is the most precious.
For more than 140 years,American Humane has been working
to protect animals in disasterson farms on the silver screen.
And in zoos and aquariums caringfor the world's vanishing
(12:36):
creatures. You can help too, bymaking humane choices every day.
Visit American humane.org Forsimple ways to build a more
caring and compassionate worldfor all of us.
Hi, friends, welcome to they'reterrified and tipsy. My name is
(12:58):
Courtney. And I'm Stephanie.
Since we have very differentfeelings about scary movies, we
decided to share our emotionalstruggles with you all. So grab
a glass of wine, your favoritecouch blanket and get comfy and
enjoy the ride with us. You canfind our terrified and tipsy on
Instagram and Twitter plus allthe podcast platforms for links
head over to tipsy pi.comCheers.
(13:19):
comedy round two roundtablereturns our guest the very
talented is Caroline Ray, youknow I've always thought of you
as Johnny Carson and justhearing your voice now doing
this. This is what you're meantto be doing. Right? Yes.
All right. So we are here we'rebetween shows punch line comedy
club in Atlanta back out on theroad doing a bunch of gigs.
(13:39):
A bunch of gigs. I'm doing aspecial so I've been out there
writing new materialworking on new material doing
all this new right? Yeah, no,no, it was great. always
entertaining. Always. Always soneedy. Right. Please tell me and
forgot for a little while inthere during COVID. I thought
oh, God, we're done. Like we'renot getting I'm not gonna get to
(14:00):
do this. And what you I don'tknow if you feel this as a
comedian, but for me, it isseriously how I process my life.
It is like, absolutely must talkto people and know that we're
all feeling the same thing.
Right? It is our connection andwhat we have in common that
makes it interesting. Absoluteright. It's actually beautiful.
Yeah. So it was very depressingto me. Yeah. And I got very
depressed during COVID likethinking, Oh, God, we're never
(14:22):
gonna do this again. And then Iwas so afraid of it. And then
when I finally got COVID, and Iwas okay, I ran to the stage.
And I have not gotten off itsince then.
Yeah, well, and it's back whereyou belong.
It's of all the things I get todo. This is the one where I'm
like completely happiest doing.
Oh, that's awesome. Yourremaining subjects to choose
(14:44):
from are either underdogs orgood sports, I guess underdogs.
underdogs starting wherewhen I grew up it was pronounced
Canadiens was the underdogalways the underdog? I thought
bronze was the highest you couldget at the The Olympics when I
was no idea your bronze or youdidn't get any Yeah,
(15:05):
I felt so bad for me. I waslike, Oh, you got to silver
bronze is so much better. Okayunderdogs I have a question for
you if that's my topic. Yesma'am. Your Did you fucking call
me ma'am and I am probably thesame age as you. Oh my god. Yes
ma'am. As you fire back Oh, yesma'am, ma'am which is I've
(15:26):
always said it's southern for nolonger Hi. We cannot say that
closing. Okay listen, listenYeah, underdogs your lawyers
you're obviously very smartfocused individuals that you
were able to get through lawschool that's not easy and then
you went to article or whateverthey call it here in this
country. What do you call thatwhen your State Bar yeah you
pass the bar but when you workfor the articling is what they
(15:46):
call it in Canada attorney.
Attorney. Yeah, but I know thisanswer with Jamie because he
actually is first and foremost acomedian but like you're the
underdogs. Did you just want tobe comics? Like what are you
doing the deal with like,podcasts with funny people? Did
you want to be a lawyer? Or didyou feel obligated to become
one?
I just like talking to funnypeople.
You know what? That's badanswer. What's on you? You're
(16:07):
Taurus, what are you?
What's so funny? What's funny,you know, what's funny?
Let's get through the question,then I want to do this part. Do
this.
Tell me first I said, Are you aTaurus? No. Are you a lawyer on
me? Legally? You tell me youtell me do you know that
I show you my sign? Objectionasked
(16:28):
an answer. So I would tell youthat I know the astrological
wizard the witch. Yeah,I know. I got it right too many
times today. But I want to knowlike, you're obviously this this
to me. If you've spent so muchof your life and that's a lot of
discipline to get through tobecome a lawyer. Why are you
doing this? You are theunderdogs of comedy.
Yeah. My son doesn't support it.
I'm I'm on like a February 19.
(16:51):
So I'm like an Aquarius Piscescusp.
Are you really? Yeah. Okay. Allright. Anything you've said
tonight? What about you Libra?
Oh, you're a Libra. Yes. So aGemini a Libra and you're kind
of an Aquarius, but you'rereally more of a Pisces.
I'm like the day that itswitches based on what news?
Pull up. Yeah.
But then you'd be all the airsigns. Okay, so what is the
(17:11):
deal? It you're not fulfilled aslawyers. I'm an Aries Aquarius
rising Taurus Moon, Gemini,Venus. Extreme fixed planets in
Virgo. What do you need to know?
Are we supposed to get alongAries and Aquarius is in Pisces
very much. Okay, because we haveit.
I'm so glad you let me know.
Otherwise, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't have had anyappreciation of that. All right,
(17:33):
under dogs. Adam. Let's go. Allright. underdogs. So do you like
hot dogs? I love hot dogs. happymemories of them. So I
like to put my condiments underthe hot dog buns. I'll actually
do condiment first and then hotdog on top of it. Okay, and what
are your condiments of choice?
So I go full Chicago dog. Okay,which is which is I go tomatoes.
I go relish I go a pickle spear.
(17:56):
I go chopped onions. I go amustard on the underneath it's
mustard and then a little celerysalt is your hot dog still
in the back? I was like your hotdog is deep is the bar
it's it looks like a salad kindof thing on top of our dog.
Looks like it looks like itlooks like a bald man with just
(18:17):
the top Yeah, closed. Yeah,Jamie.
Wow, there's a million differentother dirtier ways of saying
that. That one was there aquestion? Yes. Just telling me
about the guy was asking whattop girl economists you like?
Very standard has to be Americanmustard not Dijon. I hate Dijon
ruins the entire yellow mustard.
I like the yellow mustard andthe yellow cheese. It's so
tacky. Okay, no ketchup though.
(18:40):
No, no, I don't want the cheeseon the hotdog. I'm just saying
in terms of like genericcoloring. I like that. I have to
have ketchup, relish andmustard. Okay, perfect. That's a
good dog. That's a good, that'sit. That isn't good. And we call
them steamed A's in Quebec. CMACMA, CMA. CMA is a hot dog
messy. So what's the question?
Just we're just talking aboutyour dog. James, okay. All
right, theUS Men's National Soccer Team
(19:04):
will take the field in Qatar inaround 12 hours as a heavy
underdog against the Netherlandsdespite taking a shot to the
Netherlands in the match againstIran. Christian Pulisic is
expected to play in the game.
What is the time that you had toplay injured so to speak in your
comedy or acting career, I wasin
my first professional play and apiano literally fell on me
(19:26):
before I went onstage likecrushed my foot. And I was
literally offstage and on stageand it was like nothing had
happened.
It wasn't like a piano fallingfrom
backstage and it like fell on myfoot. I'm sure if it had just
happened, and I didn't have tobe somewhere. I would have been
hospitalized. The pain was soenormous. I think it broke every
single one of my toes. But Ijust went on stage there's some
(19:47):
weird thing that happens thatyou're so present on stage. I
also write before my Jim Connorat horseback riding camp.
Cochise the world's oldesthorse, because I got to Cochise
I got to pay for First of allthe horses and I picked this
horse because I knew he would gothe slowest while I was grooming
him. He also stood on my foot,but I knew I was gonna get in
(20:09):
trouble for being right. So Iwas like, please get off my
fight he's hard of hearing hecould easily get here would you
will saywas it the cane that gave it
away that he was old?
Man said to me today at thisdoor, girl, you're still out
(20:29):
here working? What am I theworld's oldest prostitute? You
think? Do you think I'm gonna doretire? I go, would you like to
pay for my daughter to go tocollege?
Right. All right. My questionabout underdogs. If you could
only root for one if I could.
Yeah, and you had to pick? Wouldyou choose always to root for
the underdog or always to rootfor the favorite? Do you
(20:53):
guys just play like Dungeons andDragons for six hours and then
come up with questions? Totally,totally. Do in our parents
basement. We are nerd men. Andwe have bonded in a group person
choose the underdog.
Choosing the underdogs. Let'slet this favorite excuse
yourself. All right, she's gotto get back on stage.
(21:14):
The three of you now you figureout who that was. Oh,
bah bah bum thankyou to our guest Caroline Ray
this episode here of comedyround table punch line comedy
Club, inside the landmark dinerin Atlanta, Georgia. If you want
to come watch us make thissausage alive. You can find
Caroline online at Caroline refor the number for real on Tik
Tok or Instagram or in a townnear you. For Jamie Jamie and
(21:37):
Adam budgetair back where youfound it. We will see you next
time here on the comedy roundtable.
Girls and boys in poverty aroundthe world are dreaming of a
better life and a brighterfuture. Children International
(22:00):
and friends like you are givingthese children a chance to
achieve their dreams by ensuringthat they have access to health
care, education, life skills andmore. So they can grow, thrive
and believe in themselves. Learnmore about children
International and join us in ourlife changing work@children.org
today. If we continue to consumeour natural resources at the
(22:25):
rate we do now, by 2050 it couldtake three Earths to meet our
needs. The earth can't speak upwhen it needs help. But we can
be the voice for those who haveno voice visit world
wildlife.org The Amazonrainforest is being cut down so
fast that by 2030 55% of UKcould be completely wiped out.
The Earth forest can't speak upwhen they need help. But we can
(22:48):
be the voice for those who haveno voice visit world
wildlife.orgHave you ever received a wrong
email? Sure you have we allhave. But did your wrong email
lead you on a two year questacross England to a psychiatrist
in Berlin and ultimately to afuneral minded? I'm Rob Collins
and this is square peg outbreak.
(23:14):
A few years ago I accidentallygot sucked into the bizarre
world of a vengeful one eyedBritish curmudgeon on a decade's
long mission to get his brotherthrown in jail.
And he actually used it like adagger. He's got away with it so
far, and things got weird.
What they wanted to do wasreally hurting. They wanted to
give him a good beating.
(23:36):
For something mysterious aboutit. I want to find out. Yes, he
can fit a square peg into around hole.
Podcast the newsletter said itwas so riveting that they
couldn't stop listening. Checkout all eight episodes at square
peg podcast.com or search forsquare peg wherever you listen
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