March 9, 2023 • 31 mins
Greg Behrens joined the Comedy Roundtable in a live performance at the ATL Comic Convention in Atlanta, Georgia.
Greg Behrens is a comedian from Atlanta, GA. He has performed at theaters, clubs, dive bars, backyards and living rooms across the U.S. for the last 12 years. Greg is the creator and host of Jokin' Off: A Comedy Battle, a one liner joke writing competition. He is also the co-creator/host of Comedy Island, a Survivor themed comedy competition featured at clubs and comedy festivals throughout the southeast. Greg was a semi-finalist in the Laughing Skull Comedy Festival and the San Francisco Int'l Comedy Competition, and also a finalist in the Devil Cup at Broadway Comedy Club in NYC. He has been featured at many other top fests in the country as well, including, Limestone Comedy Fest, The Boston Comedy Festival, Red Clay Comedy Festival and many more! In addition to stand-up, Greg is also a veteran writer/cast member with Atlanta's premiere live sketch comedy troupe, Sketchworks. Greg's comedy can be found on Audible or at www.gregularcomedy.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
My friend invited me to go to one of those escape the
(00:02):
room games.
You know what I'm talking about,like you and your friends, you
solve a series of puzzles andescape from a room. I was like,
Yeah, dude, I don't think I'd bevery good at that. And he was
like, why not? And I was like,because I can't even figure out
how to get out of going rightnow. Don't know how the added
(00:23):
pressure of a timer is going toimprove my problem solving. I
can't escape this conversationreally. And the only thing on
the line is our friendship. Thatwas already on shaky ground. I
like that'sa horror movie simulator.
I like and I like horror filmsbut who went to the Saw movies
and was like, Dude, this shouldbe an activity. Like no, I'm
(00:48):
going to a trap house it betterBlanca two Chainz.
Ladies and gentleman comedyroundtable coming up on this
episode. The subjects for thisepisode are yes, Jeff asks my
bedtime or a pirate's life forme.
Sometimes you have to buygroceries at Dollar General.
(01:10):
Yeah, relax, Jamie.
You have to do it so fast. Theyonly last for like a couple
days. And I can't go that's justme and my wife with the
time machine. So I use the timeof night.
We have saved a chair for youour listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Greg Barents. Hi. Hi,welcome to the roundtable. This
(01:34):
episode is actually beingrecorded not at the landmark
diner where we normally areadjacent to the punch line
comedy Club. Instead, we are atthe Georgia World Congress
Center part of the Atlanta comicconvention and we have a live
audience. Yes.
Good job live. Yeah, oh, they'reloving it.
All right. Today, our pod castlisteners not necessarily to
(01:54):
ours, our job over the next 30minutes or so is to convert
them, Greg. If we don't, it'sdefinitely gonna be guest
driven. We're not paying if wehave plenty of subscribers and
listeners to the podcast. And ifthese numbers don't
significantly move, I'll neverget to do it again. Do a good
enough job persuading ouraudience here
on the show today, there will bea survey if you will raise your
(02:17):
hand if you would be willing toparticipate in the survey. If
you would not be willing toparticipate in the survey,
please keep your hand down.
I have never been more of agentle liar than when coming up
with excuses for why I cannotstay on the line to complete a
brief survey. Do you have timeto listen to a freezer aisle? I
really don't have been parkedhere for some time now. And I
(02:39):
need to getin the bill. Oh, you stay on the
line to have that conversation.
Yeah, I think that's polite ofyou. Like I usually just hang
up, I say do you have time for abrief survey, I usually just
hang out this isa there's a clear option because
they don't stay on the line withyou. So you give them the false
hope that you will stay on theline. They connect you and then
you hang up no guilt. They'rehappy they go home. They're
like, You know what I wastalking to this guy Adam today.
Very nice guy. And I think heactually did the survey. They
(03:00):
don't have any idea.
Disagree. Disagree. I think itsown conversation. That's the
upside of the phone is that youcan literally just hit one
button and it's over. You'reout. It's not like you're in an
Uber. And he's like, Would yoube really willing to take a
survey? And you're like, Well,you kind of have me captive, and
I'm not going anywhere. Or hestarts telling you about how
much he likes Trump or how muchhe likes Biden, you're like, Oh,
(03:22):
please don't do this to me.
So I feel like you guys don'tgive the dollar to the food
bank, either at the grocerystore. Oh, boy.
I think you made a lot ofjudgments about it.
Like, it's like two seconds.
Literally, they're looking atme. Can't say yes, I'll do it.
And then I asked them to justhide behind the register as I
(03:43):
depart. They're gonna staredown. So there's enough
of them seeing you. Yeah,that's okay. It's the guilt
factor. I will at the grocerystore almost always good.
Because I it's important to mefor some reason that the lady at
the grocery store thinks highlyof me. Like, it's so important
to me that like because Iusually shop at the same grocery
store. So I'm like, I do neverwant to be afraid to enter a
line. Because I don't think shelikes.
(04:08):
That is the place where I fakemy fake wealth more than any
other place. Grocery stores.
Will you do? $1? No, I will dotwo Oh $5
Because I have that muchdisposable income.
Why? Give $5 to the food bank.
I'm gonna need directions tothat food bank to pick up some
canned goods.
(04:30):
And they're like Mr. Disposableincome. Why do you have generic
bacon in your card? Like,why do you have to save some
money so I could donate at theend?
Okay, okay. It's for the kidsisn't coupons here?
I cannot my donation. You'rejust actually responsible.
Let me ask you this. Are youstill like, are you What do you
feel about you? You're your owncheckout. You know, do you still
(04:50):
the guy or do you go to thecheckout, if you can, like the
self checkout?
I like the self checkout. Yeah,because I'm earning my groceries
at that pointby stealing them. Right. That's
what most people do with theself checkout. There is a
certainfear, you know that I think I
probably paid twice for most ofthem because I scan as scan. I
hear the beep there. Yep.
(05:10):
I think the best self checkoutscam is to get like, highly like
the go to Whole Foods right? Andyou get like the really good
oranges. And then you just plugit in his oranges. Right? And
it's like, I've got like theexotic sumo tangerines, but I'm
like, oranges for them. Let'sgo. I'm out.
This is why comedy roundtable isthe favorite podcast of all
(05:31):
criminals out there.
A lot of barley packs thatyou're normally getting.
This is actually the first timeI'm learning that there are
fancy oranges.
Oh, yeah. There's like the Sumowas
pretty Yeah, I didn't know. It'sdifferent. I thought it was
orange. That's,well, there's a naval
and I just want to point out tothe gentleman in the back who
has the mask on I'm not staringyou down. I'm just trying to
(05:51):
read your eyes because I can'tsee whether you're laughing at
us. So I just want I'm justlooking
at laughing with those eyes oris it smiling?
shoulder shrug ofacknowledgement in there
someplace. little ripple laughsI need positive feedback. It's
like doing stand up in a roomthat's fully lit where you can
see everyone's expression.
Alright, it's always terrifying.
(06:12):
Soon the roundtable, we go through
and we do lightning roundquestions. And we pick topics
you answer the topics one at atime. Okay, okay. The subjects
for this episode are Yes Chefpast my bedtime or a pirate's
life for me. One,I pick one. Oh, yes, Chef.
(06:38):
Let's do that. Yes, Chef. Yes.
Starting with Adam.
All right. So with Yes, chef,the question immediately becomes
what do you make? Is this yourgo to dish but secondly, a
follow up? Question is, whatdish do you have a recollection
of faking liking for someonethat you cared about? Okay,
we'll start with what do youmake?
What do I okay today? Well,Jamie texted me earlier. I was
(07:01):
making Indian food. I was makingbutter chicken in my instant
pot. Nice. Yeah, it was rock atit. Yeah, I'm your Indian foods
on point. I am very good at it.
more to it than chicken andbutter. Yes, there is more to it
than chicken and butter hascilantro and a lot of spices.
With the Indianfood that's always got me a
little bit worried about tryingto do it is because I always
(07:22):
think it's got 1000 differentspices that I gotta get in order
to make it well. Is that not thecase? I'm thinking you stay with
curries and you're good. I mean,I use like salt paprika, cayenne
pepper basics. Garam Masala.
Okay,now we're going crazy. Yeah.
(07:42):
I mean, it's a mix all the stuffis theirs. You could just buy a
like if you go to the farmersmarket, you could just buy a
premade one and throw thatquantity in there. Now this is
like frozen butter chicken isare we talking about? Oh no. I
mean like by the seasoning liketo go to Whole Foods and then
there's like the regularseasoning. Well, Mr. Disposable
(08:05):
income over here and his wholefoods shopping trips? Yeah. No,
I don't have the money. That'swhy I have to fake my oranges.
Sometimes you have to buygroceries at Dollar General.
Yeah, relax, Jamie.
Yeah, so I actually recentlydiscovered that there is a
massive business in gently usedfruits and vegetables.
(08:25):
There is yeah, that isabsolutely true. That there's
ugly fruit.
Is that going to restaurants? Idon't I don't know.
Oh, hang on a second beforeanybody asks anymore. I really
don't know what I'm talkingabout. I read the headline and
kind of glanced over the rest ofthe episodes tell you but I know
that I was impressed with theamount of ugly fruit that people
buy this dude built this wholebusiness around it.
(08:47):
It's the produce that doesn'tlook good for the supermarket,
right? Like all the you know,kind of deform. Yeah. The
Misfits. Yeah, that's a good wayof putting it.
Used fruit No, not used for.
Acknowledged I didn't read thewhole article. So I got close
with the idea that of a skimmerthat wasn't in vegetables that
were going to a store you couldparticipate in this guy
(09:10):
basically says, I'll send you abox of stuff that doesn't look
right. And I'm sending it to youas a discount. So you might get
some undersized. Sumo oranges.
A big fan of the produce box.
Yeah, quick shipment.
Yeah. So do you get those?
I do get those. Yeah, they'refantastic. They're like you just
the only problem with that, likefruit and vegetables and stuff.
You have to do it so fast. Likeyeah, they only last for like, a
(09:32):
couple days. And I can't go it'sjust me and my wife. I can't go
through that big box of stuff,you know, right. But I guess
it's getting wasted. It's gonnaget thrown out. Yeah, either
way. So like, I can pay somebodyto shoot me so I'm gonna throw
it out for him.
Right. So wait, okay, so couldyou then create a business we're
(09:52):
gonna have a followup question here that's being
completely ignored. No, no,we're gonna get a follow up.
Is Could you could you likeeverybody is notorious for
having too much stuff. Right?
And that they're not reallyutilizing, would you subscribe
to a service where you could geta shipment of some other
person's random stuff? Yes.
I think that would be awesome.
(10:13):
Like, you could just mystery.
It's justgoing through other people's
stuff. They're like,is there any contingencies of
what they can? I don't know.
I guess you could makecontingency. If you can sign up
first, but basically say, youryour sign up and you go send me
a mystery box once a month. Andthen if you were a participant,
(10:34):
you then could ship out boxes,you get
a do you get the bio, like, do Iget Greg's no oxen? I'm like,
no, no, not a refrigerated boxis clearly not
just be it would be a box thatwould show up. And it might just
be stuff that I wanted to throwaway. But instead, I'm shipping
to you to throw away.
Yeah, it's a brilliant idea. Notreally well, it just the other
(10:55):
day, ugly fruit thing. And youthink it's like, I did start the
whole session with I've beenreading a lot about the root.
And then when I pushed you on ita little bit, you're like, okay,
just read the headline. fleshingout
the idea of what we all do. Weall say we read about ugly
garage stuff. Ugly garage stuff.
Yeah, ugly attic stuff,I think. Yeah. Okay. Second,
second. Part two is, can youremember faking liking something
(11:21):
for a person you cared about?
I do pretend to like some mealsthat my wife prepares. And then
I and she always knows. Like,she can always tell that I don't
like it like that. And I try tobe nice about it. And it's, I
don't know. Honestly, I can'tthink of a specific dish. But
she would tell you that I'm abetter cook than she is. But
(11:43):
she'll cook for me sometimes.
And then she'll say, you don'tlike this. Like, while I'm Oh,
you know, like, while I'm eatingit. Like I can tell. Yeah, she
can absolutely tell every singletime that I don't like it. And
that salt all of my cooking.
Yeah, you said so much salt.
Yeah, I had an incident withsomeone who, who knows if she's
listening to the podcast or not.
(12:04):
I live with her. She's marriedto me. I call her a wife, but
I'm not sure she's gonna listento the podcast. Half the time
she is at the time. She's not.
So Lisa, if you're listening, goahead and just push the 32nd
button twice. Yeah, earmark andfor me, but yeah, she made a saw
a spaghetti sauce the other day.
And she was so like, happy withit. Right. She's like, isn't it
so good? isn't so good. I did alot of different stuff today.
(12:26):
But I was like, This is too.
Right. Like, it's so much morethan what you normally do. Like,
it's so but I didn't say that. Iwas like, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I
can tell. Okay, sowrong approach because now
you're gonna get that same sauceagain. Yeah,
I couldn't. I couldn't do it toher though. She was really
excited about how it turned outafter a lot of work.
That whole section is just gonnabe one long beep oh, no sound
(12:48):
like you're discussing the wholetime but it's just gonna be
be that's good. That'll be good.
What did you say about my sauce?
II think it's great that she does
call me out on it. Becauseotherwise I would keep it to
myself. You know, and say like,and just pretend that I would
get that horrible meal again,you know, like, I don't want to
get that.
(13:09):
But what you could and thismight be a different way to
approach it is remake the mealcorrectly. I know you tried to
make this Oh, but here's whatit's supposed.
Oh, that is so harsh. Like Iwork when I get in marital
trouble on the show. And I saysomething that my wife is gonna
hear and she's gonna get angry.
(13:31):
Jamie usually follows it up withsomething that's significantly
worse. So I appreciate that. Iappreciate you giving me cover
again. I really really adoreyou.
Alright, Jamie? Yes, chef is thecategory what sort of evil plans
have you been cooking up in yourmind lately?
You evil plans? I don't know. Idon't necessarily feel like I
(13:56):
have evil planthat's what they that's what
they're that's what everyonethat no that's what the real
evil. That's why it's such anice guy.
I am. I am a fairly nice guy.
Like I don't run a lot of scams.
time like the present? Yeah.
Well, now you got me thinkingabout things that I could
program into the self checkoutto just Yeah, fancier oranges.
(14:21):
Yeah, upgrade your orange game.
When you're thinking evil plans.
I want you to aim higher. Greg,I want you to go beyond higher
than self checkout scan premiumorange. I want you to actually
hear the Atlanta comicconvention. There are lots of
villains walking the thevillain, right if you're gonna
adopt a villainous persona,I was. Yeah, if you need
(14:42):
recruits, this is the place tobe okay.
He is so thinking I'm gonna getcancelled whatever I say.
No, I'm not famous enough to getcancelled. Okay, there you go.
All right. All right. Yes, Jeff.
Yes, Chef, what is S C? critfood treat that you make for
yourself that would beshockingly gross to other people
(15:04):
who shockingly grows. Usual orodd where you go, I when I have
the chance I love, I improvedyour question. Also. You can
also say a shockingly grossthing that your wife makes at
Food treat, right?
(15:29):
Says he's the better cook. Yeah,I'm
gonna give you an example. I'mgonna let me give you an exam.
Okay, that would have wore meout here the other day. I so
because it's Lent. Yeah, I giveup snacking for the most part,
which means justso people are listening so not
be listening to the podcastinland. Don't worry. You're
(15:50):
okay. We taped it.
Okay, but, so, like my go tostuff that I would normally eat
for snacks. Like, by way ofexample, pretzels or something.
I don't eat during Lent. And ifyou looked at how much of my
(16:11):
diet consisted of not meals, butsnacks, you would have a
different appreciation for themental gymnastics that I go
through trying to figure out.
Okay, that's a long way ofsaying that. I found myself in
the kitchen with a small flourtortilla. Some barbecue sauce.
Okay. bacon bits. Okay, parmesancheese
(16:41):
you see what I mean? How you go?
Yeah, but it was actuallysomewhat tasty. Yeah, it wasn't
necessary.
Adam ri had said that we hadgiven up snacking, there would
have been a bigger gasp in thecrowd. I think that's
not that's a fat joke, I guess.
No.
Okay, yeah. But is theresomething Oh, the flag. So is
(17:02):
there something that you makewhere you go, this is a I make
for myself and Ilike okay, this isn't this isn't
something that I make. But it'skind of like a gross, like that
I'm a, I just dip things into,like Nutella jar. You know,
like, oh, and it often will likeleave things. You know, like,
I'll just make toast and there'sjust like, dip it into the you
(17:25):
know, there's like crumbs thereand my wife will get past that.
Okay. Or the Yeah, like thepeanut butter. Like a messy
Dipper. Yeah, like I stick likepretzel rods.
Everything tell him Yeah, it'sand the other the other. So I
did that. And I also like I amspeaking of spaghetti sauce. I
(17:45):
also will sometimes enjoy justeating spaghetti sauce with a
spoon right out of the Oh,that's gross, right? Yeah, no,
yeah. I just like spaghettisauce.
It will not hurt feelings if youall leave. All Yes. Now we may
have time. Yeah. spoonfuls ofspaghetti sauce. I
(18:07):
know. It's gross.
But if you like it, what brandare we telling you? This isn't
like Ragu. Oh,you're opening a jar of cold
Ragu. AndI'm telling you is so tasty.
You. You may think it's crazyspoonful of Ragu.
Yeah, to try it with a smoothiestraw. It's much better.
(18:27):
I know a guy who eats rawhotdogs like just because
hotdogs are fully cooked I guessapparently, all you're doing so
it's not that that'ssignificantly worse than that. I
honestly judged him the harshestof all people but reached out to
me as well. i But I hear whatyou're saying. Because there are
times where I will sometimes dipdirectly into the rag whatever
(18:50):
the thing is. And if it's breaksoff, yes. And then you some time
passes the next time you open ityou play a game of is that
partial crackeror yes, I'm big with graham
crackers like I stay and thenthere's like graham cracker
crumbs all in the jar and mywife was good. That
grosses in harm. I think weshould let the audience go to
our first break.
(19:10):
All right, we'll be back withmore of comedy Roundtable. My
mom likesto compare me with my siblings,
which I don't think is fair.
Like my little sister is alawyer. She teaches law at an
Ivy League school. Now I'musually powering through a
hangover on weekdays. Not thesame, you can measure our
success the same, like she likesto measure success based on
(19:32):
wealth and status and even justgenerally having your life
together. So my sister's nailingit, but I'm a comedian. I like
to measure success based on howmany struggling magicians I'm
friends with. It's six. One ofthem is my drug dealer. So don't
(19:57):
even think my sister has a drugdealer. It's like it's your
fault. whywe'd like a monster I do have a
magician drug dealer which isnot as fun as it sounds like
(20:20):
pulling it out of weird placeslike he just was like
abracadabra and half my paycheckdisappears
my main guy like, you know,like, if you buy weed, you can't
just rely on one guy. You gottahave a deep bench, you know, a
(20:44):
football team. Eventually, likeyour main guy will go on the DL.
You know, our drug dealers go onthe J. L. Like they go to jail.
Basically. You got to put inyour second string man, you
know, like your second stringguys like the guy who takes too
many chances and those numbersaren't as good but you're
(21:04):
playing them once in a while. Mysecond string guys too bold.
Like, he always wants to meet mein public. Like he wanted to
meet me in the parking lot of aBass Pro Shops. Noon on Black
Friday. Oh, no. And I did itbecause he called the place
Yeah. So I pull off there andhe's like, way out in the middle
(21:27):
of the parking lot by himself onthe busiest day of the year.
Right in front of them. There'stwo cops like right here. And
they're doing that but that cop69 Like
this is exposition. I know hehasn't seen him either because
(21:50):
he's drinking a beer in his carHey, you know there's two cops
like right there. I think ittakes the bag away and he just
fires to my chest.
Like what you should probablyget the fuck out of here that
kind of weed go seek and I'm atnow we still better than your
(22:15):
third string man. You never wantto go into third string guy. You
know football. He's the guy thatdoesn't even play that position
normally, like he sells meth andXanax but central location.
Back here comedy round tablelive audience here at Atlanta
(22:37):
comic convention. We actuallyhave some of our youngest live
guest attendees not necessarilyoutside our demo of listener in
the show. We appreciateeverybody being here as part of
the Atlanta comic convention. Weare here with our guests
comedian Greg Barron. I'm JamieBendele. Jamie Hernan Adam Haig
are your hosts here the comedyroundtable we have two remaining
subjects to cover they are pastmy bedtime or a pirate's life
(23:01):
for me.
Oh, let's do the bedtime on mybest my bedtime. Curious
starting with Adam.
So when I was little I used tothink that everything cool must
be occurring past my bedtime.
Right? But then I was alwaysfrustrated with going to bed
because I was like all the coolstuffs about to happen. Can you
think of anything you thoughtwas awesome as a kid? And turns
out to be kind of lame?
(23:23):
Oh, man. I think like when I wasa kid, I always just wanted to
be older. Right? And then olderhappen that when I did that, and
I was like, Man, I just kind ofwant to be a kid. Right? Like
it's awful. Butyeah, driving independence
living on my own to be so great.
Yeah, but then it's like, thisisn't fun. You know? Like, these
(23:45):
are bills.
That may be the greatest goal.
Getting older, because youalways will
crush it. Yeah, I did. Want toaccomplish a goal. You set the
bar low.
Yeah. I can't wait to get older.
Well, right. Yeah. I got that.
You always die at the moment.
Your oldest. That'syour keys trying to be heavy.
(24:15):
You tried. You will always youcan't beat your own record.
Oh my god. It's like Confuciusover here. Yeah, well, listen,
you know, this is what I thinkis cool.
Yeah, I think I agree, though,like staying up past your
bedtime is like that's, yeah,nothing's happening. Like I stay
up late all the time. And I'mjust watching TV. Like I could
(24:39):
have done that all day.
I mean, I'm really tired in themorning. Like,
it doesn't mean you don't wakeup in the morning. It just means
you're gonna be really tired.
Yeah, it's actually way more funto sleep in the morning than it
is at night. I'd rather go tobed super late and then just
sleep during theday so true. That's right.
(25:00):
actually afraid Jamie if I ateGreg goo straight out of the
jar, that that would also be themoment that I broke my record
for being the oldest and I diedwith a jar of Ragu.
No, because my wife found outshe's doing somebody loved
the whole funeral.
I don't know that you want herto know how much you love it.
(25:22):
Like it's, it's probably notgreat.
I don't keep those kinds ofsecrets. It keeps the big
news not much.
Like the four ladies I have inChicago. That's that's
different. is totally fine.
Everybody knows you got todisclose enough things that it
makes it seem like Well,clearly, you can't have other
secrets.
I'm being completely honest. Heeven told me about the Ragu.
(25:46):
Which should be kept a secret.
I could see the people at yourfuneral like they're all
whispering as they're likewalking into the viewing and be
like, did you hear you? Ialready had a cold jar of Ragu
and a spoon in his mouth.
That'd be your Elvis on thetoilet moment.
Oh my god, what happened? Whowould probably spat her out?
(26:06):
Like I've been knifed orsomething and there'd be red
everywhere in the middle. My godhe was stabbed.
Eat as much Ragu that you feelyour veins are just flowing with
it. Just spill forth.
Alright, what daytime activitythat you do on a regular basis?
Would you be okay doing if youcould only do it while snoring.
(26:29):
I could only do it whilesnoring. Oh my god,
I guess you can still talk. Youcan still you just
you're just just snoring thewhole time. I mean, I guess
while I'm cooking, because itwould keep my wife out of the
kitchen while I'm doing it. LikeI'm not I don't mean it in that
way. I just found a repellent.
Yeah, like she I snore horriblywhen I sleep and she hates it
(26:52):
like I will. I'll get likekicked in the ribs and punched
in the ribs. And you couldsnore while you're cooking.
Yeah, just I got this just stayout of the kitchen.
Yeah, because yeah, it's justlike, I get distracted really
easily when I try to do that.
And if she's like asking mesomething, and she works at home
during the day, and you know, ifshe doesn't if she's got
(27:15):
downtime, she'll just say, Oh,hey, what are you doing? Like,
oh, now I can't concentrate atall.
All right past my bedtime. Whenwas the last time you stayed up?
All night?
(27:35):
All night. It's been a littlewhile. I think the last time I
was doing a gig in likeHuntsville, and I had to come
home afterwards. And I didn'tget home until like 530 in the
morning just driving. Okay, stayup. Yeah, just like kind of stay
up to get home because I hadsomewhere and then get to sleep
(27:56):
for like an hour. You know, as anight owl thing with
my kids love to stay up allnight like my kids. And I am
like, they always want me to doit with them. Like they're like,
Dad, let's go let's stay up allnight. Let's, you know, let's
all nighter. It is hard the nextday would be that like they seem
to recover after a good theyfall asleep at like, you know,
9 (28:18):
10am and they're awake at two and good. I'm out for the whole
weekend. If I try and do that.
Now I do how to stay up allnight. But I do have a secret,
which is I find that there's atime machine I go into when I
play video games with my kidsand like, it's weird. It's like
I can move, which 10 minutes inthe video game is actually like
three hours in real life. SoI've only been playing the video
(28:41):
game for a short amount of time,but well, and my wife was like,
you've been playing that gamefor three hours. And I'm like,
no, no, no, pretty sure I'veonly played three games. So it's
a time machine so I use the TimeMachine.
Thank you for our live audiencehere at the Atlanta awesome
comic convention. Continue tosupport the comedy round table
puts chair back where you foundit. We'll see you next episode
(29:02):
probably Back live at the punchline comedy Club, inside
landmark diner in the heart ofBuckhead for Jamie, Jamie and
Adam. See you next time.
The other day I gave $5 to ananti bullying charity. I didn't
(29:23):
want to but they cornered me. Iwas like, What is this? I came
out of a store and they startedthreatening me with all these
facts about teen suicide. I waslike take my money please. Like
don't shove me in a locker. Likefor the bullies. Like
what's happening here like andthey took my last $5 It was my
(29:47):
lunch money that they took thebullying chair. I was like you
know what, this is actually apretty effective campaign. I had
no idea it was like this outhere and I'm afraid to go back
to that store because I thinkthey're gonna be there. I was
actually at a gas station on theway down here. It's my favorite
restaurant. I must have beenputting off some kind of like
(30:07):
vibe of success. Because a dudewith gold teeth asked me for $1
I was like, That's sweet of you.
I don't know. What about mypleasure casual wardrobe would
lead you to believe that Ididn't just put my life savings
on pump for That's very kind ofyou to think that I would have
(30:29):
$1 I do have one but if I'mgoing to hand that out to a
stranger at a gas station, I'mgoing to need to move a few
things around. Since we handedthese out willy nilly, I don't
even have valuable teeth. Theseare just yellow. We're not the
same. And I said all this outloud so he just kind of walked
(30:53):
off. I don't know if we ever gotthe dollar. I feel like the
tattoos are pretty goodindicator that I'm not great
with money. All tattoos are justgrim reminders of different
times I had $80 Like that's awhole piece or four
My friend invited me to go to one of those escape the
(00:02):
room games.
You know what I'm talking about,like you and your friends, you
solve a series of puzzles andescape from a room. I was like,
Yeah, dude, I don't think I'd bevery good at that. And he was
like, why not? And I was like,because I can't even figure out
how to get out of going rightnow. Don't know how the added
(00:23):
pressure of a timer is going toimprove my problem solving. I
can't escape this conversationreally. And the only thing on
the line is our friendship. Thatwas already on shaky ground. I
like that'sa horror movie simulator.
I like and I like horror filmsbut who went to the Saw movies
and was like, Dude, this shouldbe an activity. Like no, I'm
(00:48):
going to a trap house it betterBlanca two Chainz.
Ladies and gentleman comedyroundtable coming up on this
episode. The subjects for thisepisode are yes, Jeff asks my
bedtime or a pirate's life forme.
Sometimes you have to buygroceries at Dollar General.
(01:10):
Yeah, relax, Jamie.
You have to do it so fast. Theyonly last for like a couple
days. And I can't go that's justme and my wife with the
time machine. So I use the timeof night.
We have saved a chair for youour listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Greg Barents. Hi. Hi,welcome to the roundtable. This
(01:34):
episode is actually beingrecorded not at the landmark
diner where we normally areadjacent to the punch line
comedy Club. Instead, we are atthe Georgia World Congress
Center part of the Atlanta comicconvention and we have a live
audience. Yes.
Good job live. Yeah, oh, they'reloving it.
All right. Today, our pod castlisteners not necessarily to
(01:54):
ours, our job over the next 30minutes or so is to convert
them, Greg. If we don't, it'sdefinitely gonna be guest
driven. We're not paying if wehave plenty of subscribers and
listeners to the podcast. And ifthese numbers don't
significantly move, I'll neverget to do it again. Do a good
enough job persuading ouraudience here
on the show today, there will bea survey if you will raise your
(02:17):
hand if you would be willing toparticipate in the survey. If
you would not be willing toparticipate in the survey,
please keep your hand down.
I have never been more of agentle liar than when coming up
with excuses for why I cannotstay on the line to complete a
brief survey. Do you have timeto listen to a freezer aisle? I
really don't have been parkedhere for some time now. And I
(02:39):
need to getin the bill. Oh, you stay on the
line to have that conversation.
Yeah, I think that's polite ofyou. Like I usually just hang
up, I say do you have time for abrief survey, I usually just
hang out this isa there's a clear option because
they don't stay on the line withyou. So you give them the false
hope that you will stay on theline. They connect you and then
you hang up no guilt. They'rehappy they go home. They're
like, You know what I wastalking to this guy Adam today.
Very nice guy. And I think heactually did the survey. They
(03:00):
don't have any idea.
Disagree. Disagree. I think itsown conversation. That's the
upside of the phone is that youcan literally just hit one
button and it's over. You'reout. It's not like you're in an
Uber. And he's like, Would yoube really willing to take a
survey? And you're like, Well,you kind of have me captive, and
I'm not going anywhere. Or hestarts telling you about how
much he likes Trump or how muchhe likes Biden, you're like, Oh,
(03:22):
please don't do this to me.
So I feel like you guys don'tgive the dollar to the food
bank, either at the grocerystore. Oh, boy.
I think you made a lot ofjudgments about it.
Like, it's like two seconds.
Literally, they're looking atme. Can't say yes, I'll do it.
And then I asked them to justhide behind the register as I
(03:43):
depart. They're gonna staredown. So there's enough
of them seeing you. Yeah,that's okay. It's the guilt
factor. I will at the grocerystore almost always good.
Because I it's important to mefor some reason that the lady at
the grocery store thinks highlyof me. Like, it's so important
to me that like because Iusually shop at the same grocery
store. So I'm like, I do neverwant to be afraid to enter a
line. Because I don't think shelikes.
(04:08):
That is the place where I fakemy fake wealth more than any
other place. Grocery stores.
Will you do? $1? No, I will dotwo Oh $5
Because I have that muchdisposable income.
Why? Give $5 to the food bank.
I'm gonna need directions tothat food bank to pick up some
canned goods.
(04:30):
And they're like Mr. Disposableincome. Why do you have generic
bacon in your card? Like,why do you have to save some
money so I could donate at theend?
Okay, okay. It's for the kidsisn't coupons here?
I cannot my donation. You'rejust actually responsible.
Let me ask you this. Are youstill like, are you What do you
feel about you? You're your owncheckout. You know, do you still
(04:50):
the guy or do you go to thecheckout, if you can, like the
self checkout?
I like the self checkout. Yeah,because I'm earning my groceries
at that pointby stealing them. Right. That's
what most people do with theself checkout. There is a
certainfear, you know that I think I
probably paid twice for most ofthem because I scan as scan. I
hear the beep there. Yep.
(05:10):
I think the best self checkoutscam is to get like, highly like
the go to Whole Foods right? Andyou get like the really good
oranges. And then you just plugit in his oranges. Right? And
it's like, I've got like theexotic sumo tangerines, but I'm
like, oranges for them. Let'sgo. I'm out.
This is why comedy roundtable isthe favorite podcast of all
(05:31):
criminals out there.
A lot of barley packs thatyou're normally getting.
This is actually the first timeI'm learning that there are
fancy oranges.
Oh, yeah. There's like the Sumowas
pretty Yeah, I didn't know. It'sdifferent. I thought it was
orange. That's,well, there's a naval
and I just want to point out tothe gentleman in the back who
has the mask on I'm not staringyou down. I'm just trying to
(05:51):
read your eyes because I can'tsee whether you're laughing at
us. So I just want I'm justlooking
at laughing with those eyes oris it smiling?
shoulder shrug ofacknowledgement in there
someplace. little ripple laughsI need positive feedback. It's
like doing stand up in a roomthat's fully lit where you can
see everyone's expression.
Alright, it's always terrifying.
(06:12):
Soon the roundtable, we go through
and we do lightning roundquestions. And we pick topics
you answer the topics one at atime. Okay, okay. The subjects
for this episode are Yes Chefpast my bedtime or a pirate's
life for me. One,I pick one. Oh, yes, Chef.
(06:38):
Let's do that. Yes, Chef. Yes.
Starting with Adam.
All right. So with Yes, chef,the question immediately becomes
what do you make? Is this yourgo to dish but secondly, a
follow up? Question is, whatdish do you have a recollection
of faking liking for someonethat you cared about? Okay,
we'll start with what do youmake?
What do I okay today? Well,Jamie texted me earlier. I was
(07:01):
making Indian food. I was makingbutter chicken in my instant
pot. Nice. Yeah, it was rock atit. Yeah, I'm your Indian foods
on point. I am very good at it.
more to it than chicken andbutter. Yes, there is more to it
than chicken and butter hascilantro and a lot of spices.
With the Indianfood that's always got me a
little bit worried about tryingto do it is because I always
(07:22):
think it's got 1000 differentspices that I gotta get in order
to make it well. Is that not thecase? I'm thinking you stay with
curries and you're good. I mean,I use like salt paprika, cayenne
pepper basics. Garam Masala.
Okay,now we're going crazy. Yeah.
(07:42):
I mean, it's a mix all the stuffis theirs. You could just buy a
like if you go to the farmersmarket, you could just buy a
premade one and throw thatquantity in there. Now this is
like frozen butter chicken isare we talking about? Oh no. I
mean like by the seasoning liketo go to Whole Foods and then
there's like the regularseasoning. Well, Mr. Disposable
(08:05):
income over here and his wholefoods shopping trips? Yeah. No,
I don't have the money. That'swhy I have to fake my oranges.
Sometimes you have to buygroceries at Dollar General.
Yeah, relax, Jamie.
Yeah, so I actually recentlydiscovered that there is a
massive business in gently usedfruits and vegetables.
(08:25):
There is yeah, that isabsolutely true. That there's
ugly fruit.
Is that going to restaurants? Idon't I don't know.
Oh, hang on a second beforeanybody asks anymore. I really
don't know what I'm talkingabout. I read the headline and
kind of glanced over the rest ofthe episodes tell you but I know
that I was impressed with theamount of ugly fruit that people
buy this dude built this wholebusiness around it.
(08:47):
It's the produce that doesn'tlook good for the supermarket,
right? Like all the you know,kind of deform. Yeah. The
Misfits. Yeah, that's a good wayof putting it.
Used fruit No, not used for.
Acknowledged I didn't read thewhole article. So I got close
with the idea that of a skimmerthat wasn't in vegetables that
were going to a store you couldparticipate in this guy
(09:10):
basically says, I'll send you abox of stuff that doesn't look
right. And I'm sending it to youas a discount. So you might get
some undersized. Sumo oranges.
A big fan of the produce box.
Yeah, quick shipment.
Yeah. So do you get those?
I do get those. Yeah, they'refantastic. They're like you just
the only problem with that, likefruit and vegetables and stuff.
You have to do it so fast. Likeyeah, they only last for like, a
(09:32):
couple days. And I can't go it'sjust me and my wife. I can't go
through that big box of stuff,you know, right. But I guess
it's getting wasted. It's gonnaget thrown out. Yeah, either
way. So like, I can pay somebodyto shoot me so I'm gonna throw
it out for him.
Right. So wait, okay, so couldyou then create a business we're
(09:52):
gonna have a followup question here that's being
completely ignored. No, no,we're gonna get a follow up.
Is Could you could you likeeverybody is notorious for
having too much stuff. Right?
And that they're not reallyutilizing, would you subscribe
to a service where you could geta shipment of some other
person's random stuff? Yes.
I think that would be awesome.
(10:13):
Like, you could just mystery.
It's justgoing through other people's
stuff. They're like,is there any contingencies of
what they can? I don't know.
I guess you could makecontingency. If you can sign up
first, but basically say, youryour sign up and you go send me
a mystery box once a month. Andthen if you were a participant,
(10:34):
you then could ship out boxes,you get
a do you get the bio, like, do Iget Greg's no oxen? I'm like,
no, no, not a refrigerated boxis clearly not
just be it would be a box thatwould show up. And it might just
be stuff that I wanted to throwaway. But instead, I'm shipping
to you to throw away.
Yeah, it's a brilliant idea. Notreally well, it just the other
(10:55):
day, ugly fruit thing. And youthink it's like, I did start the
whole session with I've beenreading a lot about the root.
And then when I pushed you on ita little bit, you're like, okay,
just read the headline. fleshingout
the idea of what we all do. Weall say we read about ugly
garage stuff. Ugly garage stuff.
Yeah, ugly attic stuff,I think. Yeah. Okay. Second,
second. Part two is, can youremember faking liking something
(11:21):
for a person you cared about?
I do pretend to like some mealsthat my wife prepares. And then
I and she always knows. Like,she can always tell that I don't
like it like that. And I try tobe nice about it. And it's, I
don't know. Honestly, I can'tthink of a specific dish. But
she would tell you that I'm abetter cook than she is. But
(11:43):
she'll cook for me sometimes.
And then she'll say, you don'tlike this. Like, while I'm Oh,
you know, like, while I'm eatingit. Like I can tell. Yeah, she
can absolutely tell every singletime that I don't like it. And
that salt all of my cooking.
Yeah, you said so much salt.
Yeah, I had an incident withsomeone who, who knows if she's
listening to the podcast or not.
(12:04):
I live with her. She's marriedto me. I call her a wife, but
I'm not sure she's gonna listento the podcast. Half the time
she is at the time. She's not.
So Lisa, if you're listening, goahead and just push the 32nd
button twice. Yeah, earmark andfor me, but yeah, she made a saw
a spaghetti sauce the other day.
And she was so like, happy withit. Right. She's like, isn't it
so good? isn't so good. I did alot of different stuff today.
(12:26):
But I was like, This is too.
Right. Like, it's so much morethan what you normally do. Like,
it's so but I didn't say that. Iwas like, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I
can tell. Okay, sowrong approach because now
you're gonna get that same sauceagain. Yeah,
I couldn't. I couldn't do it toher though. She was really
excited about how it turned outafter a lot of work.
That whole section is just gonnabe one long beep oh, no sound
(12:48):
like you're discussing the wholetime but it's just gonna be
be that's good. That'll be good.
What did you say about my sauce?
II think it's great that she does
call me out on it. Becauseotherwise I would keep it to
myself. You know, and say like,and just pretend that I would
get that horrible meal again,you know, like, I don't want to
get that.
(13:09):
But what you could and thismight be a different way to
approach it is remake the mealcorrectly. I know you tried to
make this Oh, but here's whatit's supposed.
Oh, that is so harsh. Like Iwork when I get in marital
trouble on the show. And I saysomething that my wife is gonna
hear and she's gonna get angry.
(13:31):
Jamie usually follows it up withsomething that's significantly
worse. So I appreciate that. Iappreciate you giving me cover
again. I really really adoreyou.
Alright, Jamie? Yes, chef is thecategory what sort of evil plans
have you been cooking up in yourmind lately?
You evil plans? I don't know. Idon't necessarily feel like I
(13:56):
have evil planthat's what they that's what
they're that's what everyonethat no that's what the real
evil. That's why it's such anice guy.
I am. I am a fairly nice guy.
Like I don't run a lot of scams.
time like the present? Yeah.
Well, now you got me thinkingabout things that I could
program into the self checkoutto just Yeah, fancier oranges.
(14:21):
Yeah, upgrade your orange game.
When you're thinking evil plans.
I want you to aim higher. Greg,I want you to go beyond higher
than self checkout scan premiumorange. I want you to actually
hear the Atlanta comicconvention. There are lots of
villains walking the thevillain, right if you're gonna
adopt a villainous persona,I was. Yeah, if you need
(14:42):
recruits, this is the place tobe okay.
He is so thinking I'm gonna getcancelled whatever I say.
No, I'm not famous enough to getcancelled. Okay, there you go.
All right. All right. Yes, Jeff.
Yes, Chef, what is S C? critfood treat that you make for
yourself that would beshockingly gross to other people
(15:04):
who shockingly grows. Usual orodd where you go, I when I have
the chance I love, I improvedyour question. Also. You can
also say a shockingly grossthing that your wife makes at
Food treat, right?
(15:29):
Says he's the better cook. Yeah,I'm
gonna give you an example. I'mgonna let me give you an exam.
Okay, that would have wore meout here the other day. I so
because it's Lent. Yeah, I giveup snacking for the most part,
which means justso people are listening so not
be listening to the podcastinland. Don't worry. You're
(15:50):
okay. We taped it.
Okay, but, so, like my go tostuff that I would normally eat
for snacks. Like, by way ofexample, pretzels or something.
I don't eat during Lent. And ifyou looked at how much of my
(16:11):
diet consisted of not meals, butsnacks, you would have a
different appreciation for themental gymnastics that I go
through trying to figure out.
Okay, that's a long way ofsaying that. I found myself in
the kitchen with a small flourtortilla. Some barbecue sauce.
Okay. bacon bits. Okay, parmesancheese
(16:41):
you see what I mean? How you go?
Yeah, but it was actuallysomewhat tasty. Yeah, it wasn't
necessary.
Adam ri had said that we hadgiven up snacking, there would
have been a bigger gasp in thecrowd. I think that's
not that's a fat joke, I guess.
No.
Okay, yeah. But is theresomething Oh, the flag. So is
(17:02):
there something that you makewhere you go, this is a I make
for myself and Ilike okay, this isn't this isn't
something that I make. But it'skind of like a gross, like that
I'm a, I just dip things into,like Nutella jar. You know,
like, oh, and it often will likeleave things. You know, like,
I'll just make toast and there'sjust like, dip it into the you
(17:25):
know, there's like crumbs thereand my wife will get past that.
Okay. Or the Yeah, like thepeanut butter. Like a messy
Dipper. Yeah, like I stick likepretzel rods.
Everything tell him Yeah, it'sand the other the other. So I
did that. And I also like I amspeaking of spaghetti sauce. I
(17:45):
also will sometimes enjoy justeating spaghetti sauce with a
spoon right out of the Oh,that's gross, right? Yeah, no,
yeah. I just like spaghettisauce.
It will not hurt feelings if youall leave. All Yes. Now we may
have time. Yeah. spoonfuls ofspaghetti sauce. I
(18:07):
know. It's gross.
But if you like it, what brandare we telling you? This isn't
like Ragu. Oh,you're opening a jar of cold
Ragu. AndI'm telling you is so tasty.
You. You may think it's crazyspoonful of Ragu.
Yeah, to try it with a smoothiestraw. It's much better.
(18:27):
I know a guy who eats rawhotdogs like just because
hotdogs are fully cooked I guessapparently, all you're doing so
it's not that that'ssignificantly worse than that. I
honestly judged him the harshestof all people but reached out to
me as well. i But I hear whatyou're saying. Because there are
times where I will sometimes dipdirectly into the rag whatever
(18:50):
the thing is. And if it's breaksoff, yes. And then you some time
passes the next time you open ityou play a game of is that
partial crackeror yes, I'm big with graham
crackers like I stay and thenthere's like graham cracker
crumbs all in the jar and mywife was good. That
grosses in harm. I think weshould let the audience go to
our first break.
(19:10):
All right, we'll be back withmore of comedy Roundtable. My
mom likesto compare me with my siblings,
which I don't think is fair.
Like my little sister is alawyer. She teaches law at an
Ivy League school. Now I'musually powering through a
hangover on weekdays. Not thesame, you can measure our
success the same, like she likesto measure success based on
(19:32):
wealth and status and even justgenerally having your life
together. So my sister's nailingit, but I'm a comedian. I like
to measure success based on howmany struggling magicians I'm
friends with. It's six. One ofthem is my drug dealer. So don't
(19:57):
even think my sister has a drugdealer. It's like it's your
fault. whywe'd like a monster I do have a
magician drug dealer which isnot as fun as it sounds like
(20:20):
pulling it out of weird placeslike he just was like
abracadabra and half my paycheckdisappears
my main guy like, you know,like, if you buy weed, you can't
just rely on one guy. You gottahave a deep bench, you know, a
(20:44):
football team. Eventually, likeyour main guy will go on the DL.
You know, our drug dealers go onthe J. L. Like they go to jail.
Basically. You got to put inyour second string man, you
know, like your second stringguys like the guy who takes too
many chances and those numbersaren't as good but you're
(21:04):
playing them once in a while. Mysecond string guys too bold.
Like, he always wants to meet mein public. Like he wanted to
meet me in the parking lot of aBass Pro Shops. Noon on Black
Friday. Oh, no. And I did itbecause he called the place
Yeah. So I pull off there andhe's like, way out in the middle
(21:27):
of the parking lot by himself onthe busiest day of the year.
Right in front of them. There'stwo cops like right here. And
they're doing that but that cop69 Like
this is exposition. I know hehasn't seen him either because
(21:50):
he's drinking a beer in his carHey, you know there's two cops
like right there. I think ittakes the bag away and he just
fires to my chest.
Like what you should probablyget the fuck out of here that
kind of weed go seek and I'm atnow we still better than your
(22:15):
third string man. You never wantto go into third string guy. You
know football. He's the guy thatdoesn't even play that position
normally, like he sells meth andXanax but central location.
Back here comedy round tablelive audience here at Atlanta
(22:37):
comic convention. We actuallyhave some of our youngest live
guest attendees not necessarilyoutside our demo of listener in
the show. We appreciateeverybody being here as part of
the Atlanta comic convention. Weare here with our guests
comedian Greg Barron. I'm JamieBendele. Jamie Hernan Adam Haig
are your hosts here the comedyroundtable we have two remaining
subjects to cover they are pastmy bedtime or a pirate's life
(23:01):
for me.
Oh, let's do the bedtime on mybest my bedtime. Curious
starting with Adam.
So when I was little I used tothink that everything cool must
be occurring past my bedtime.
Right? But then I was alwaysfrustrated with going to bed
because I was like all the coolstuffs about to happen. Can you
think of anything you thoughtwas awesome as a kid? And turns
out to be kind of lame?
(23:23):
Oh, man. I think like when I wasa kid, I always just wanted to
be older. Right? And then olderhappen that when I did that, and
I was like, Man, I just kind ofwant to be a kid. Right? Like
it's awful. Butyeah, driving independence
living on my own to be so great.
Yeah, but then it's like, thisisn't fun. You know? Like, these
(23:45):
are bills.
That may be the greatest goal.
Getting older, because youalways will
crush it. Yeah, I did. Want toaccomplish a goal. You set the
bar low.
Yeah. I can't wait to get older.
Well, right. Yeah. I got that.
You always die at the moment.
Your oldest. That'syour keys trying to be heavy.
(24:15):
You tried. You will always youcan't beat your own record.
Oh my god. It's like Confuciusover here. Yeah, well, listen,
you know, this is what I thinkis cool.
Yeah, I think I agree, though,like staying up past your
bedtime is like that's, yeah,nothing's happening. Like I stay
up late all the time. And I'mjust watching TV. Like I could
(24:39):
have done that all day.
I mean, I'm really tired in themorning. Like,
it doesn't mean you don't wakeup in the morning. It just means
you're gonna be really tired.
Yeah, it's actually way more funto sleep in the morning than it
is at night. I'd rather go tobed super late and then just
sleep during theday so true. That's right.
(25:00):
actually afraid Jamie if I ateGreg goo straight out of the
jar, that that would also be themoment that I broke my record
for being the oldest and I diedwith a jar of Ragu.
No, because my wife found outshe's doing somebody loved
the whole funeral.
I don't know that you want herto know how much you love it.
(25:22):
Like it's, it's probably notgreat.
I don't keep those kinds ofsecrets. It keeps the big
news not much.
Like the four ladies I have inChicago. That's that's
different. is totally fine.
Everybody knows you got todisclose enough things that it
makes it seem like Well,clearly, you can't have other
secrets.
I'm being completely honest. Heeven told me about the Ragu.
(25:46):
Which should be kept a secret.
I could see the people at yourfuneral like they're all
whispering as they're likewalking into the viewing and be
like, did you hear you? Ialready had a cold jar of Ragu
and a spoon in his mouth.
That'd be your Elvis on thetoilet moment.
Oh my god, what happened? Whowould probably spat her out?
(26:06):
Like I've been knifed orsomething and there'd be red
everywhere in the middle. My godhe was stabbed.
Eat as much Ragu that you feelyour veins are just flowing with
it. Just spill forth.
Alright, what daytime activitythat you do on a regular basis?
Would you be okay doing if youcould only do it while snoring.
(26:29):
I could only do it whilesnoring. Oh my god,
I guess you can still talk. Youcan still you just
you're just just snoring thewhole time. I mean, I guess
while I'm cooking, because itwould keep my wife out of the
kitchen while I'm doing it. LikeI'm not I don't mean it in that
way. I just found a repellent.
Yeah, like she I snore horriblywhen I sleep and she hates it
(26:52):
like I will. I'll get likekicked in the ribs and punched
in the ribs. And you couldsnore while you're cooking.
Yeah, just I got this just stayout of the kitchen.
Yeah, because yeah, it's justlike, I get distracted really
easily when I try to do that.
And if she's like asking mesomething, and she works at home
during the day, and you know, ifshe doesn't if she's got
(27:15):
downtime, she'll just say, Oh,hey, what are you doing? Like,
oh, now I can't concentrate atall.
All right past my bedtime. Whenwas the last time you stayed up?
All night?
(27:35):
All night. It's been a littlewhile. I think the last time I
was doing a gig in likeHuntsville, and I had to come
home afterwards. And I didn'tget home until like 530 in the
morning just driving. Okay, stayup. Yeah, just like kind of stay
up to get home because I hadsomewhere and then get to sleep
(27:56):
for like an hour. You know, as anight owl thing with
my kids love to stay up allnight like my kids. And I am
like, they always want me to doit with them. Like they're like,
Dad, let's go let's stay up allnight. Let's, you know, let's
all nighter. It is hard the nextday would be that like they seem
to recover after a good theyfall asleep at like, you know,
9 (28:18):
10am and they're awake at two and good. I'm out for the whole
weekend. If I try and do that.
Now I do how to stay up allnight. But I do have a secret,
which is I find that there's atime machine I go into when I
play video games with my kidsand like, it's weird. It's like
I can move, which 10 minutes inthe video game is actually like
three hours in real life. SoI've only been playing the video
(28:41):
game for a short amount of time,but well, and my wife was like,
you've been playing that gamefor three hours. And I'm like,
no, no, no, pretty sure I'veonly played three games. So it's
a time machine so I use the TimeMachine.
Thank you for our live audiencehere at the Atlanta awesome
comic convention. Continue tosupport the comedy round table
puts chair back where you foundit. We'll see you next episode
(29:02):
probably Back live at the punchline comedy Club, inside
landmark diner in the heart ofBuckhead for Jamie, Jamie and
Adam. See you next time.
The other day I gave $5 to ananti bullying charity. I didn't
(29:23):
want to but they cornered me. Iwas like, What is this? I came
out of a store and they startedthreatening me with all these
facts about teen suicide. I waslike take my money please. Like
don't shove me in a locker. Likefor the bullies. Like
what's happening here like andthey took my last $5 It was my
(29:47):
lunch money that they took thebullying chair. I was like you
know what, this is actually apretty effective campaign. I had
no idea it was like this outhere and I'm afraid to go back
to that store because I thinkthey're gonna be there. I was
actually at a gas station on theway down here. It's my favorite
restaurant. I must have beenputting off some kind of like
(30:07):
vibe of success. Because a dudewith gold teeth asked me for $1
I was like, That's sweet of you.
I don't know. What about mypleasure casual wardrobe would
lead you to believe that Ididn't just put my life savings
on pump for That's very kind ofyou to think that I would have
(30:29):
$1 I do have one but if I'mgoing to hand that out to a
stranger at a gas station, I'mgoing to need to move a few
things around. Since we handedthese out willy nilly, I don't
even have valuable teeth. Theseare just yellow. We're not the
same. And I said all this outloud so he just kind of walked
(30:53):
off. I don't know if we ever gotthe dollar. I feel like the
tattoos are pretty goodindicator that I'm not great
with money. All tattoos are justgrim reminders of different
times I had $80 Like that's awhole piece or four
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