September 22, 2025 • 23 mins
Everyone's favourite DILF (Dad I Like to Follow... obviously) Sean Szeps stops by to talk all things poop... poop songs, poop pyjamas, and the most mortifying poop incident we wouldn't wish on a single soul. Three clues, it involves the Sydney Harbour Bridge, a Maccas cup, and live tv.
Then, we are setting down some rules for teenagers to make this world a much safer place for all of us! Don't be dramatic, we're not banning them completely...
And Art unpacks one of the wildest conspiracies on the internet... glitter. But is it really a conspiracy if we know the truth?
Have some additional rules for teenagers? Share them with us https://www.speakpipe.com/concealedwithartsimone
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hello, and welcome to the palanquins.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
And my name is Artsimone and I need to get
something off my chest. I have ever bophobia. Yes that's true,
I do have ever bo phobia. And I hear going,
what is that? Well, it's actually the fear of teenagers.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
And are you with me?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Have you self diagnosed yourself just like I have as
well in this moment, because teenagers are scary. They're absolutely
terrible human beings. I don't even think they're actually humans
by that point. They're weird in between us that make
our lives living hells. And I don't even have teenager
like I don't live with any. I mean, it's sure
that some of my street, but yet they infect my
(00:46):
day to day life despite my choice to try and
avoid them. You know what it's like, you're going down
to the shops. Oh, there's a few hanging out the
front of coals. You know, you'll walk past them and
they'll say a little remark and go. Or you'll be
on the train and they're and their music and running
up and down the aisles and causing a big old
ruckers making each other laugh. No, or I don't know,
(01:07):
maybe you'll be dressed up in drag and walking the street,
going to a gig, minding your own business, and then
they start squawking stuff at you and saying mean things.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I don't like it. I don't like them.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I don't think they should be part of society, and
I think in this moment, we should actually bring in
some rules for the teens of Australia. Hear me out,
hear me out. I've got a few different rules that
I think we should put into place. Okay, Now, first
of all, I don't want to ban them completely, because
I know they're useful. They're great working at McDonald's on
the drive through, they're great packing the shelves at Cole's
(01:38):
night time, so they do have their place in society.
But outside of the workforce and school, I think we
should put some rules and some caveats on their existence.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So I've made some rules. Don't worry.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
They're nothing unrealistic or unreasonable, super simple and easy to
follow for the teens of our nation. So the first
thing that I have for you is no loitering at all.
Just like when you're on a flight from Australia to
the US and they put that little announcement on that
says you can't loiter around the toilets. Same thing for
the teens. If I have to follow the rules on
a plane, they can do it in society. So no loitering,
(02:12):
always moving, always constant movement. And I think that's also
good for the health and safety of them as well,
because you know, we've got to keep moving. Not all
the kids are doing I was kick anymore, okay, there's
not big intakes on that. They're not playing their netball,
So I just want them always moving at all times.
Second of all, pairs only. If there's more than two,
it's a pack. So pairs, no packs, only two. If
(02:34):
there's three, one has to go. It's going to break
up some relationships with friends. It's going to be tragic.
But that's not my problem, you know. Welcome to the
real world. Okay, pairs only, thank you very much. Third
of all, no eye contact. Okay, no eye contact with
me unless I invite it, just like.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
You would with a hippogriff.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know where you have to bow to the hippogriff
before it invites you into its space. I don't want
you to give me any eye contact unless I open
up the conversation with my eye contact just like that.
Very simple, very simple rules. Also, we need a bit
of a time limit from when they're allowed outside of
the house, so beyond school hours. I think they should
just be allowed out of the house from like three
point fifteen to three forty five because that's enough time
(03:12):
to get home unless they are going to a sporting practice,
but again no loitering.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
They have to go straight there.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
If they are seen in society outside of those times,
I think they are allowed to be with a parent
or guardian. That is acceptable. And lastly, don't worry, this
isn't for all the teen years. Okay, I'm thinking this
is probably thirteen to eighteen on their eighteenth birthday.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Just like they do their driver's test.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Before they do that, they can sit a lovely little
sit me down test and also one on one with
a verified adult to see that they are ready to
head into society and become one of the people. So please,
I implore you to join my change dot org petition.
Please sign on that and I will be setting that
to Anthony Albanezi and as my Chemical Romance do say
in their song teenagers scare the living shit out of me.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
This is the palate cleanser.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Get ready because you've got a special guests and a
lot of shit talking.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I'm Sean, and one time I pooped into a McDonald's
cup on the side of the highway.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Hello, Sean, how are you?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I'm really good.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
How are you? I'm doing really well?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And I'll tell you what we've started off today quite
well because I am always down for talking shit and
I think that's exactly what we're going to be doing
today after your little teaser there. Okay, so you've pooped
into a McDonald's cup.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Do you want to tell me that story? Or can
I already ask in advance?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Why McDonald's cup if you've got a personal vendetta against
the big Golden arches, or it's.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
The exact opposite.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
When I drive into the Maca's drive through, they go, oh,
it's you again. I don't even need to order. They're like,
here he is, and they alert everyone Sean's back. So
that's why it was available, because I had just finished
oh ice latte with almond milk, oh no sugar, and
it was good and maybe too good.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It was so good you had to expel something. Are
you traditionally a cup poa or.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
No?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
No, no, it was the first time, I'm and I
hope it's not the last.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh are you telling me it was a slightly pleasurable
experience for you?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I think I was just so surprised that my aim
was so good.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That I want to try again, just to see if
it was a flu.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Now, I tell you what, something like that is my
worst nightmare, because I do a lot of traveling, of course,
and I do a lot of traveling in full drag.
And the issue is when you need to go to
the bathroom and you're dressed like a drag queen. It
is not an easy process. It is not an easy
process because there are layers upon layers upon layers between
(05:54):
me and my between me down there is and it's
it's not very easy, and I've so much so luckily
it hasn't happened to me. But I have so many
drag girl friends that have pissed themselves, especially in elevators
when they just almost back to the hotel room or
so I'm just out and about and you just got
to let it happen. So I'm glad that that hasn't
(06:15):
happened to me yet, Nor have I had to poop
into a McDonald's cup.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
But sit the scene for me. So it's a lovely
sunny day.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
It's a lovely sunny day. I've just got off air
on the Today Show. I finished my segment and I
jump into the car and I'm driving home. I actually
have plans that I'm going to go into the city
to the pop Mark to just do a little bit
of hunting. Maybe I'll find a la boo boo. But
then my stomach starts to growl, and I'm thinking to myself,
(06:48):
it's okay, just let out a two baby.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
No, you can never trust a fat, never trust a fat.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Please, you weren't there to tell me. So I go
to just let out a teeny tiny test just to
test not the turtle hit, and I knew within a
second that I was not going to be able to
continue the test. The test had failed. I had failed
(07:17):
the test. But I am on the highway. And not
only am I on the highway, I am headed looking
directly at the Sydney Harbor Bridge. So if you're not
from city and you're listening to this, there is no
more iconic massive bridge that you can't just like.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Turn off of No.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
No, So I make a decision. You have You've got
to act fast, and these situations are if I turn
off immediately, I'm fourteen minutes from my house.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Okay, you're doing so. You're doing the mats in your head.
You do calculating, Look, how can I.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Make this work?
Speaker 3 (07:51):
I'm not going to make it to Popmark. Am I
going to find a bathroom there? Am I going to
take a poop on a labuobu?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I think there's some people that may have done that
to try and get a further ahead into line. I'm
sure it's happened before.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Now I'm not reading everything I know. Maybe you could
have jumped a cue.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
You could have just said foreshadowing. I wouldn't have made it.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
No, so I chuck Ayui.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I flipped the car onto the other side of the road,
and I'm headed as fast as I can home, thinking
you can do this. I start doing that mental talk
that we only do when things are really really good
or really really bad. You got this, Sean. You're you
are bigger than this. You are braver than this. You
have held in things longer than this. It's not like
you're on survivor standing on one peg trying to win
(08:37):
a million dollars. You're just driving home to do a poop. Well,
guess what I couldn't wait it was it was so
obvious that this was not just a regular tootle tootle.
This was an illness poop. This was something inside of
you needs to exit. You ate something wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
There's a damien ins of you, and it's going to
come at regardless. So what point do you decide, I'm
just going to have to do this, like there's no
other option that you've calculated anything.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Look, it's the sweat dripping off the back of my
like it's hitting my back so intensely. I'm gonna suit,
by the way, because I've just got off television. I'm
going a two piece suit. I have full makeup and hair,
and the sweat is sweating. And I realize, because I'm
sure you can picture this, but maybe not all listeners can.
That highway off of the bridge, there are no you
(09:30):
can't park on the side, There is no exit lanes.
You are just on it. So I pull over into
what is one singular like a breakdown area that says
like no parking, no stopping. This is for people who
are professional trady vest people. That's what the sign said
the verbatim boom hazard, chuck it. But then I haven't
(09:53):
thought further than that. All I know is you're on
the side of the road.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Get out of the car and poop on the side
of the road. This is already the worst moment of
your life. And I look to the left and they're
in the cup holder is my Macca's ice latte, a
large cup? And I hovered above it.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Do you have that moment as as this is happening,
the deed is happening where you go?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Is it too much? Is it going to overflow? Will
the cup overflow? Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:23):
One hundred percent? These questions are flooding through me. But
we're talking millisecond s, babe, We're talking. It's wabam bam,
pants off, bell off, throwing. I'm screaming, I'm yelling. I
think I'm singing, like just to really, I just released
a poop song nationally, so it felt really like good timing.
And I hover above that cup and I let it rip,
(10:45):
And let me tell you, I nailed it good?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And was it a good poop? You know the worst
thing that could be if it was just not a
good one?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Oh, it was a great one. And I did think
in that moment, I wonder if Art's among won one
has talk to me about this on the podcast, and
here we are.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
How did you did get rid of this cup? By
the way, just throw it out the window? What did
you do?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Did you go back to McDonald's and say, there's something
wrong with this drink? Can I have a refund?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Did you do that?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:09):
How did you spin this to make it work in
your scenario?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I wasn't going to throw it on the side of
the road because I am not the type of person
that needs to get arrested for doing an ellegial activity
and polluting this great planet. I decided, because I was
obviously a trash individual who was deserving of this situation,
that I needed to drive home with it for the
thirteen minutes. And I made it home. And you know
(11:33):
what I did when I got home? Baby?
Speaker 1 (11:35):
What did you do? Another one?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
I jumped in the shower.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
This isn't the first poop themed thing within your life.
Did you say you had a poop song?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Can you tell me about your poop song?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
It would be an honor and a privilege. So I'm
a children's entertainer, Like, that's what I do is I
make parenting content for parents and for their kids. And
I have just always been a singer, always been a performer.
But when I thought about doing music, I was like,
I'm not going to be able to just do like
an ABC song. I got to do it in a
(12:13):
way that's me and my brand is comedic. And I
just was looking at my kids and the songs they
like to listen to when you have little nuggets running
around your house, the stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Nuggets, Dunce sag nuggets.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
This episode, and so I wrote a song about poop
to make them laugh in the car, because that's what
one does. And then they just started to humm it,
and I thought we're onto something here. The next thing
you know, he has a song called It's Pooh Time
and an album on the way.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I hope we can get your song on drag Rice
first to Lipsing too, because I think that'd be quite fun.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
God Australia versus the world, We're coming at you the
full circle.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
That'd be incredible. But I guess you know, human kids
love it. They love this.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
What's your opinions on Skibbity toilet Love.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
It's in my top five on Spotify.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Is there is there a lot of people occupying the
children's entertainment who section like, do you have any competitors
out there that you know, that old Ronda out there
who's got to something like let's take a dump dump
dump dump.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I don't know. I'm just workshopping that as well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
That honestly based off of the competition I have that
is that version that you've just written would be in
the top five. No. Actually, in the poop space and
in the farts space, the competition is wild.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah, poopoo bum Bum written by poop poo man. Uh,
he's massive. And when I talk massive, I'm not talking
hundreds of thousands, I'm talking millions and millions. The dude
is raking it in with his poopy bum and poopy
taco song.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Oh my god. Well, I didn't know what was so
competitive out there.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I thought you'd really hit a niche there, But no,
I've got a pretty good idea that it's going to
be doing all right for you, you and your lovely
poose songs there.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
But you did not think this is what you'd be
doing today, did you?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
So?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
You do online content for families. How did you get
into the family space. I'm someone very far removed from
that world. I don't know why because I look like
a giant children's toy. But what brought you to that
style of content and where you are now?
Speaker 3 (14:29):
So I was a social media expert for my whole career.
So I started as a community manager, worked my way
up to head of social and digital and advertising, and
I was always in charge of and working with influencers.
So that's been my job since the introduction really of
bloggers and then influencers, and so I've always kind of
been watching and observing and seeing is there something I
(14:52):
could do. When my husband and I had children via surrogacy,
that story, which is not very common, was popular and
I posted about it on social media, just to a
couple hundred friends. And then the next thing you know,
I'm on podcasts, and then I'm on television, and then
(15:12):
I'm on radio. The story starts to kind of pick
up on its own. My husband is an Australian journalist,
and so that was helpful and getting the story out,
and I think the audience just grew naturally from there.
And it was about a year in maybe two when
I was making more money on Instagram than I was
making at my advertising job that I'd been doing for
(15:33):
ten years, that I decided, maybe this is a kind
of niche that I can fill. Of queer parenting. The
transition really occurred during the pandemic, so everyone's at home
reels are introduced. I have a lot of free time.
I was an actor, a comedian, so I just start
making reels like everybody else is doing, and mine just
(15:53):
started to take off. And that's the story. That's what
she wrote.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Now, by sharing your story, have you had any feedback
from other Rainbow families out there on how hearing your
process and what you went through has been able to
be something they could apply to their own life or
get more information out of it, or start their own families.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
I mean, as you will know more than anyone, the
queer community can be quite divisive in their opinions about everything,
but especially on issues that are specific to our community.
And so the queer community is quite divided about surrogacy,
They're quite divided about having children. So I wouldn't say
(16:35):
that it is the most supportive audience in the world.
Most of the people who find the story and interesting
are mothers who want to raise the next generation of
kids who feel safe and confident and can have families
one day. That being said, I have, you know, hundreds
of beautiful people who ever reached out and said I
(16:57):
read your book, I saw that video, I watched you
on the drum. I didn't realize that the option you
and your husband chose even existed, and really you only
need one or two of those for it to feel
worth it. So I don't really think about the messages
I get from people saying why didn't you just not
have kids and leave that to the streets.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So I got to stop messaging you.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I'm like, god, embarrassing, Oh my god, I hope I
use my burner.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
No.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Yeah, I think it's really wonderful because there's all different
paths we can choose to go down as queer people,
and for someone like me, having a family was not
something I ever thought was possible. So it's really exciting
to meet other people that have managed to make that
a reality and do it very well, because it gives
me hope that maybe one day I can have a
little a little nugget with me. But until then, though,
(17:46):
it's just me and the cats, But I don't know.
Would you prefer a cat or a kid?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I have a cat?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Oh my god, you got both? Well, you just live.
You've got it all, don't you.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
And I really really like my cat.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
You've got poop songs, poop pajamas, You've got kids, You've
got a cup full of pooth. Your cup is full.
You're doing very well. You're doing very well.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The Soapbox.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I like to gift space on my podcast audio time
on my podcast. I like to give back to the community,
and in this case, the pooh community. So I have
my thirty second Soapbox segment, and I thought it'd be
nice to throw thirty seconds to you to use my
podcast for whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
You might want to sing some of your songs. You
might want to tell.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Us about your latest pooh oh. There's got to be
a good alliteration there, pooh projects.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
That's good.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Run.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It's up to you.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
So, Sean Zepps, there's thirty seconds on the clock.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Go. People are going to think that this was planned,
and maybe it was. But on top of my poo song,
it's pooh time, I also did a poop pajama collaboration.
This is no joke. It's out in the world. They're
almost sold out. But I literally made poop pajamas and
to finish out this thirty seconds, it's pooh time number two.
Time better hurry before it's too late. Got a feeling
(19:18):
in my tummy, straight to my bummy. I don't think
I can wait wait, wait, and that's all.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
You ah three so one. Wow, you got a lot
in there.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I think you're the first person that's actually been very
coherent within their thirty seconds. Most people will freak out
and they just start mumbling. You got a song, you
got a product, and you got a lot of shit talk.
And I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Sure, thank you, oh well, thank you so much for
joining us here today. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
And I can't wait to go and listen to your
entire discography on the way home tonight.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Thanks for having me er.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Conspiracy theories, the luckness not real, Bigfoot not really? Or
either what else is conspiracy theory? Or the moon landing
did it happen? I don't care.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
I wasn't there, but there's one.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Conspiracy theory that I love to think about and theorize
on with my friends and even with enemies.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I don't mind.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I'll talk to anyone about it. Because if you heard
the glitter conspiracy theory, what's the glitter conspiracy theory? Thank
you for asking, because it all stems from this interview
that happened in twenty eighteen with the world's biggest manufacturer
of glitter, and the interviewer asks this representative from the factory,
would you know who your biggest client is? And the
(20:36):
representative goes, oh, yeah, we definitely know who that is
and what industry they're from. And the interview's like, oh
who is it. They're like, oh, no, I can't tell you.
And then the interviewer says, well, why why can't you
tell us? And the representative goes, oh, because they wouldn't
want you to know. What do you mean they wouldn't
want us to know. So then the interviewer even goes,
(20:57):
will you tell me off record? And the representa wouldn't.
So this caused a massive like glitter storm in the
world of drag queens, glitter lovers, and just general conspiracy
theorists because who is using all the glitter. But the
other thing that came out of this interview was another
(21:18):
statement by the representative from the glitter factory, and they
said along the lines of well, where a glitter factory?
So everything that we produce is technically called glitter. What
do you mean? What else are you producing? What do
you mean everything you produce? What is going on inside
(21:40):
the walls of the glitter factory?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Where is it? Where is it coming from? Where is
it going? He was buying it, he was using it.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So there's some theories out there, one of them which
I think is pretty obvious. I don't think they need
to hide it. Is a cosmetic industry. Everyone knows the
use glitter. I'm wearing it on my face right today.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
No.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Another one, someone thinks that the funeral industry is using it.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
I don't know. Why are they having parties with all
the corpses?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Like what's going on? Is glitter really good at keeping
people looking youthful?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Another one is food products or the toothpaste industry. I mean,
glitter is technically like a microplastic, so I can understand,
like in toothpaste, because that has a little like that
grit that you use to like brush your teeth. But
I don't think they'd want to hide it, like everyone
kind of knows. Another one is the boating industry, used
in like paints and stuff to make all the boats
look nice. But yet again, I don't think it's a
(22:29):
secret that glitter and shimmer is used, and mica powder
and all of that is used in paints because you
look at like cars and everything.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I like glitter.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
My car's glittering if you put in the sunlight. But
the most popular conspiracy theory out of this of who
is the biggest consumer apparently is the US military. I
don't want to go on a list. I don't want
to get you watched. I don't want people to start
knocking on my door. This is all allegedly I don't know,
but everyone seems to think it's the military. But the
(22:58):
biggest question is who do you know who it is
who is using all the glitter. I've got some tea
for you here today because I.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Know it's me.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yes, I am the world's largest consumer of glitter. I
have the world's largest supply, and no, no, you can't
borrow any. Thank you so much for joining me here
on the palate cleanser. And don't forget next week we've
(23:31):
got a regular episode of Concealed and our extra special
guest is a bit of a cunning linguist and does.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Really get to live the best of both worlds. Anyway,
my name is Zimone. I'll see you next time. Bye.
Hello, and welcome to the palanquins.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
And my name is Artsimone and I need to get
something off my chest. I have ever bophobia. Yes that's true,
I do have ever bo phobia. And I hear going,
what is that? Well, it's actually the fear of teenagers.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
And are you with me?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Have you self diagnosed yourself just like I have as
well in this moment, because teenagers are scary. They're absolutely
terrible human beings. I don't even think they're actually humans
by that point. They're weird in between us that make
our lives living hells. And I don't even have teenager
like I don't live with any. I mean, it's sure
that some of my street, but yet they infect my
(00:46):
day to day life despite my choice to try and
avoid them. You know what it's like, you're going down
to the shops. Oh, there's a few hanging out the
front of coals. You know, you'll walk past them and
they'll say a little remark and go. Or you'll be
on the train and they're and their music and running
up and down the aisles and causing a big old
ruckers making each other laugh. No, or I don't know,
(01:07):
maybe you'll be dressed up in drag and walking the street,
going to a gig, minding your own business, and then
they start squawking stuff at you and saying mean things.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I don't like it. I don't like them.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I don't think they should be part of society, and
I think in this moment, we should actually bring in
some rules for the teens of Australia. Hear me out,
hear me out. I've got a few different rules that
I think we should put into place. Okay, Now, first
of all, I don't want to ban them completely, because
I know they're useful. They're great working at McDonald's on
the drive through, they're great packing the shelves at Cole's
(01:38):
night time, so they do have their place in society.
But outside of the workforce and school, I think we
should put some rules and some caveats on their existence.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So I've made some rules. Don't worry.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
They're nothing unrealistic or unreasonable, super simple and easy to
follow for the teens of our nation. So the first
thing that I have for you is no loitering at all.
Just like when you're on a flight from Australia to
the US and they put that little announcement on that
says you can't loiter around the toilets. Same thing for
the teens. If I have to follow the rules on
a plane, they can do it in society. So no loitering,
(02:12):
always moving, always constant movement. And I think that's also
good for the health and safety of them as well,
because you know, we've got to keep moving. Not all
the kids are doing I was kick anymore, okay, there's
not big intakes on that. They're not playing their netball,
So I just want them always moving at all times.
Second of all, pairs only. If there's more than two,
it's a pack. So pairs, no packs, only two. If
(02:34):
there's three, one has to go. It's going to break
up some relationships with friends. It's going to be tragic.
But that's not my problem, you know. Welcome to the
real world. Okay, pairs only, thank you very much. Third
of all, no eye contact. Okay, no eye contact with
me unless I invite it, just like.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
You would with a hippogriff.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know where you have to bow to the hippogriff
before it invites you into its space. I don't want
you to give me any eye contact unless I open
up the conversation with my eye contact just like that.
Very simple, very simple rules. Also, we need a bit
of a time limit from when they're allowed outside of
the house, so beyond school hours. I think they should
just be allowed out of the house from like three
point fifteen to three forty five because that's enough time
(03:12):
to get home unless they are going to a sporting practice,
but again no loitering.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
They have to go straight there.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
If they are seen in society outside of those times,
I think they are allowed to be with a parent
or guardian. That is acceptable. And lastly, don't worry, this
isn't for all the teen years. Okay, I'm thinking this
is probably thirteen to eighteen on their eighteenth birthday.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Just like they do their driver's test.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Before they do that, they can sit a lovely little
sit me down test and also one on one with
a verified adult to see that they are ready to
head into society and become one of the people. So please,
I implore you to join my change dot org petition.
Please sign on that and I will be setting that
to Anthony Albanezi and as my Chemical Romance do say
in their song teenagers scare the living shit out of me.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
This is the palate cleanser.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Get ready because you've got a special guests and a
lot of shit talking.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I'm Sean, and one time I pooped into a McDonald's
cup on the side of the highway.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Hello, Sean, how are you?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I'm really good.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
How are you? I'm doing really well?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And I'll tell you what we've started off today quite
well because I am always down for talking shit and
I think that's exactly what we're going to be doing
today after your little teaser there. Okay, so you've pooped
into a McDonald's cup.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Do you want to tell me that story? Or can
I already ask in advance?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Why McDonald's cup if you've got a personal vendetta against
the big Golden arches, or it's.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
The exact opposite.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
When I drive into the Maca's drive through, they go, oh,
it's you again. I don't even need to order. They're like,
here he is, and they alert everyone Sean's back. So
that's why it was available, because I had just finished
oh ice latte with almond milk, oh no sugar, and
it was good and maybe too good.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It was so good you had to expel something. Are
you traditionally a cup poa or.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
No?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
No, no, it was the first time, I'm and I
hope it's not the last.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh are you telling me it was a slightly pleasurable
experience for you?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I think I was just so surprised that my aim
was so good.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That I want to try again, just to see if
it was a flu.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Now, I tell you what, something like that is my
worst nightmare, because I do a lot of traveling, of course,
and I do a lot of traveling in full drag.
And the issue is when you need to go to
the bathroom and you're dressed like a drag queen. It
is not an easy process. It is not an easy
process because there are layers upon layers upon layers between
(05:54):
me and my between me down there is and it's
it's not very easy, and I've so much so luckily
it hasn't happened to me. But I have so many
drag girl friends that have pissed themselves, especially in elevators
when they just almost back to the hotel room or
so I'm just out and about and you just got
to let it happen. So I'm glad that that hasn't
(06:15):
happened to me yet, Nor have I had to poop
into a McDonald's cup.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
But sit the scene for me. So it's a lovely
sunny day.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
It's a lovely sunny day. I've just got off air
on the Today Show. I finished my segment and I
jump into the car and I'm driving home. I actually
have plans that I'm going to go into the city
to the pop Mark to just do a little bit
of hunting. Maybe I'll find a la boo boo. But
then my stomach starts to growl, and I'm thinking to myself,
(06:48):
it's okay, just let out a two baby.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
No, you can never trust a fat, never trust a fat.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Please, you weren't there to tell me. So I go
to just let out a teeny tiny test just to
test not the turtle hit, and I knew within a
second that I was not going to be able to
continue the test. The test had failed. I had failed
(07:17):
the test. But I am on the highway. And not
only am I on the highway, I am headed looking
directly at the Sydney Harbor Bridge. So if you're not
from city and you're listening to this, there is no
more iconic massive bridge that you can't just like.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Turn off of No.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
No, So I make a decision. You have You've got
to act fast, and these situations are if I turn
off immediately, I'm fourteen minutes from my house.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Okay, you're doing so. You're doing the mats in your head.
You do calculating, Look, how can I.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Make this work?
Speaker 3 (07:51):
I'm not going to make it to Popmark. Am I
going to find a bathroom there? Am I going to
take a poop on a labuobu?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I think there's some people that may have done that
to try and get a further ahead into line. I'm
sure it's happened before.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Now I'm not reading everything I know. Maybe you could
have jumped a cue.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
You could have just said foreshadowing. I wouldn't have made it.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
No, so I chuck Ayui.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I flipped the car onto the other side of the road,
and I'm headed as fast as I can home, thinking
you can do this. I start doing that mental talk
that we only do when things are really really good
or really really bad. You got this, Sean. You're you
are bigger than this. You are braver than this. You
have held in things longer than this. It's not like
you're on survivor standing on one peg trying to win
(08:37):
a million dollars. You're just driving home to do a poop. Well,
guess what I couldn't wait it was it was so
obvious that this was not just a regular tootle tootle.
This was an illness poop. This was something inside of
you needs to exit. You ate something wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
There's a damien ins of you, and it's going to
come at regardless. So what point do you decide, I'm
just going to have to do this, like there's no
other option that you've calculated anything.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Look, it's the sweat dripping off the back of my
like it's hitting my back so intensely. I'm gonna suit,
by the way, because I've just got off television. I'm
going a two piece suit. I have full makeup and hair,
and the sweat is sweating. And I realize, because I'm
sure you can picture this, but maybe not all listeners can.
That highway off of the bridge, there are no you
(09:30):
can't park on the side, There is no exit lanes.
You are just on it. So I pull over into
what is one singular like a breakdown area that says
like no parking, no stopping. This is for people who
are professional trady vest people. That's what the sign said
the verbatim boom hazard, chuck it. But then I haven't
(09:53):
thought further than that. All I know is you're on
the side of the road.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Get out of the car and poop on the side
of the road. This is already the worst moment of
your life. And I look to the left and they're
in the cup holder is my Macca's ice latte, a
large cup? And I hovered above it.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Do you have that moment as as this is happening,
the deed is happening where you go?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Is it too much? Is it going to overflow? Will
the cup overflow? Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:23):
One hundred percent? These questions are flooding through me. But
we're talking millisecond s, babe, We're talking. It's wabam bam,
pants off, bell off, throwing. I'm screaming, I'm yelling. I
think I'm singing, like just to really, I just released
a poop song nationally, so it felt really like good timing.
And I hover above that cup and I let it rip,
(10:45):
And let me tell you, I nailed it good?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And was it a good poop? You know the worst
thing that could be if it was just not a
good one?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Oh, it was a great one. And I did think
in that moment, I wonder if Art's among won one
has talk to me about this on the podcast, and
here we are.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
How did you did get rid of this cup? By
the way, just throw it out the window? What did
you do?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Did you go back to McDonald's and say, there's something
wrong with this drink? Can I have a refund?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Did you do that?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:09):
How did you spin this to make it work in
your scenario?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I wasn't going to throw it on the side of
the road because I am not the type of person
that needs to get arrested for doing an ellegial activity
and polluting this great planet. I decided, because I was
obviously a trash individual who was deserving of this situation,
that I needed to drive home with it for the
thirteen minutes. And I made it home. And you know
(11:33):
what I did when I got home? Baby?
Speaker 1 (11:35):
What did you do? Another one?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
I jumped in the shower.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
This isn't the first poop themed thing within your life.
Did you say you had a poop song?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Can you tell me about your poop song?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
It would be an honor and a privilege. So I'm
a children's entertainer, Like, that's what I do is I
make parenting content for parents and for their kids. And
I have just always been a singer, always been a performer.
But when I thought about doing music, I was like,
I'm not going to be able to just do like
an ABC song. I got to do it in a
(12:13):
way that's me and my brand is comedic. And I
just was looking at my kids and the songs they
like to listen to when you have little nuggets running
around your house, the stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Nuggets, Dunce sag nuggets.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
This episode, and so I wrote a song about poop
to make them laugh in the car, because that's what
one does. And then they just started to humm it,
and I thought we're onto something here. The next thing
you know, he has a song called It's Pooh Time
and an album on the way.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I hope we can get your song on drag Rice
first to Lipsing too, because I think that'd be quite fun.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
God Australia versus the world, We're coming at you the
full circle.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
That'd be incredible. But I guess you know, human kids
love it. They love this.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
What's your opinions on Skibbity toilet Love.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
It's in my top five on Spotify.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Is there is there a lot of people occupying the
children's entertainment who section like, do you have any competitors
out there that you know, that old Ronda out there
who's got to something like let's take a dump dump
dump dump.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I don't know. I'm just workshopping that as well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
That honestly based off of the competition I have that
is that version that you've just written would be in
the top five. No. Actually, in the poop space and
in the farts space, the competition is wild.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Oh wow.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah, poopoo bum Bum written by poop poo man. Uh,
he's massive. And when I talk massive, I'm not talking
hundreds of thousands, I'm talking millions and millions. The dude
is raking it in with his poopy bum and poopy
taco song.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Oh my god. Well, I didn't know what was so
competitive out there.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I thought you'd really hit a niche there, But no,
I've got a pretty good idea that it's going to
be doing all right for you, you and your lovely
poose songs there.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
But you did not think this is what you'd be
doing today, did you?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
So?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
You do online content for families. How did you get
into the family space. I'm someone very far removed from
that world. I don't know why because I look like
a giant children's toy. But what brought you to that
style of content and where you are now?
Speaker 3 (14:29):
So I was a social media expert for my whole career.
So I started as a community manager, worked my way
up to head of social and digital and advertising, and
I was always in charge of and working with influencers.
So that's been my job since the introduction really of
bloggers and then influencers, and so I've always kind of
been watching and observing and seeing is there something I
(14:52):
could do. When my husband and I had children via surrogacy,
that story, which is not very common, was popular and
I posted about it on social media, just to a
couple hundred friends. And then the next thing you know,
I'm on podcasts, and then I'm on television, and then
(15:12):
I'm on radio. The story starts to kind of pick
up on its own. My husband is an Australian journalist,
and so that was helpful and getting the story out,
and I think the audience just grew naturally from there.
And it was about a year in maybe two when
I was making more money on Instagram than I was
making at my advertising job that I'd been doing for
(15:33):
ten years, that I decided, maybe this is a kind
of niche that I can fill. Of queer parenting. The
transition really occurred during the pandemic, so everyone's at home
reels are introduced. I have a lot of free time.
I was an actor, a comedian, so I just start
making reels like everybody else is doing, and mine just
(15:53):
started to take off. And that's the story. That's what
she wrote.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Now, by sharing your story, have you had any feedback
from other Rainbow families out there on how hearing your
process and what you went through has been able to
be something they could apply to their own life or
get more information out of it, or start their own families.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
I mean, as you will know more than anyone, the
queer community can be quite divisive in their opinions about everything,
but especially on issues that are specific to our community.
And so the queer community is quite divided about surrogacy,
They're quite divided about having children. So I wouldn't say
(16:35):
that it is the most supportive audience in the world.
Most of the people who find the story and interesting
are mothers who want to raise the next generation of
kids who feel safe and confident and can have families
one day. That being said, I have, you know, hundreds
of beautiful people who ever reached out and said I
(16:57):
read your book, I saw that video, I watched you
on the drum. I didn't realize that the option you
and your husband chose even existed, and really you only
need one or two of those for it to feel
worth it. So I don't really think about the messages
I get from people saying why didn't you just not
have kids and leave that to the streets.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So I got to stop messaging you.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I'm like, god, embarrassing, Oh my god, I hope I
use my burner.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
No.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Yeah, I think it's really wonderful because there's all different
paths we can choose to go down as queer people,
and for someone like me, having a family was not
something I ever thought was possible. So it's really exciting
to meet other people that have managed to make that
a reality and do it very well, because it gives
me hope that maybe one day I can have a
little a little nugget with me. But until then, though,
(17:46):
it's just me and the cats, But I don't know.
Would you prefer a cat or a kid?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I have a cat?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Oh my god, you got both? Well, you just live.
You've got it all, don't you.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
And I really really like my cat.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
You've got poop songs, poop pajamas, You've got kids, You've
got a cup full of pooth. Your cup is full.
You're doing very well. You're doing very well.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The Soapbox.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I like to gift space on my podcast audio time
on my podcast. I like to give back to the community,
and in this case, the pooh community. So I have
my thirty second Soapbox segment, and I thought it'd be
nice to throw thirty seconds to you to use my
podcast for whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
You might want to sing some of your songs. You
might want to tell.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Us about your latest pooh oh. There's got to be
a good alliteration there, pooh projects.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
That's good.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Run.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It's up to you.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
So, Sean Zepps, there's thirty seconds on the clock.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Go. People are going to think that this was planned,
and maybe it was. But on top of my poo song,
it's pooh time, I also did a poop pajama collaboration.
This is no joke. It's out in the world. They're
almost sold out. But I literally made poop pajamas and
to finish out this thirty seconds, it's pooh time number two.
Time better hurry before it's too late. Got a feeling
(19:18):
in my tummy, straight to my bummy. I don't think
I can wait wait, wait, and that's all.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
You ah three so one. Wow, you got a lot
in there.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I think you're the first person that's actually been very
coherent within their thirty seconds. Most people will freak out
and they just start mumbling. You got a song, you
got a product, and you got a lot of shit talk.
And I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Sure, thank you, oh well, thank you so much for
joining us here today. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
And I can't wait to go and listen to your
entire discography on the way home tonight.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Thanks for having me er.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Conspiracy theories, the luckness not real, Bigfoot not really? Or
either what else is conspiracy theory? Or the moon landing
did it happen? I don't care.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
I wasn't there, but there's one.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Conspiracy theory that I love to think about and theorize
on with my friends and even with enemies.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I don't mind.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I'll talk to anyone about it. Because if you heard
the glitter conspiracy theory, what's the glitter conspiracy theory? Thank
you for asking, because it all stems from this interview
that happened in twenty eighteen with the world's biggest manufacturer
of glitter, and the interviewer asks this representative from the factory,
would you know who your biggest client is? And the
(20:36):
representative goes, oh, yeah, we definitely know who that is
and what industry they're from. And the interview's like, oh
who is it. They're like, oh, no, I can't tell you.
And then the interviewer says, well, why why can't you
tell us? And the representative goes, oh, because they wouldn't
want you to know. What do you mean they wouldn't
want us to know. So then the interviewer even goes,
(20:57):
will you tell me off record? And the representa wouldn't.
So this caused a massive like glitter storm in the
world of drag queens, glitter lovers, and just general conspiracy
theorists because who is using all the glitter. But the
other thing that came out of this interview was another
(21:18):
statement by the representative from the glitter factory, and they
said along the lines of well, where a glitter factory?
So everything that we produce is technically called glitter. What
do you mean? What else are you producing? What do
you mean everything you produce? What is going on inside
(21:40):
the walls of the glitter factory?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Where is it? Where is it coming from? Where is
it going? He was buying it, he was using it.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So there's some theories out there, one of them which
I think is pretty obvious. I don't think they need
to hide it. Is a cosmetic industry. Everyone knows the
use glitter. I'm wearing it on my face right today.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
No.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Another one, someone thinks that the funeral industry is using it.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
I don't know. Why are they having parties with all
the corpses?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Like what's going on? Is glitter really good at keeping
people looking youthful?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Another one is food products or the toothpaste industry. I mean,
glitter is technically like a microplastic, so I can understand,
like in toothpaste, because that has a little like that
grit that you use to like brush your teeth. But
I don't think they'd want to hide it, like everyone
kind of knows. Another one is the boating industry, used
in like paints and stuff to make all the boats
look nice. But yet again, I don't think it's a
(22:29):
secret that glitter and shimmer is used, and mica powder
and all of that is used in paints because you
look at like cars and everything.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I like glitter.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
My car's glittering if you put in the sunlight. But
the most popular conspiracy theory out of this of who
is the biggest consumer apparently is the US military. I
don't want to go on a list. I don't want
to get you watched. I don't want people to start
knocking on my door. This is all allegedly I don't know,
but everyone seems to think it's the military. But the
(22:58):
biggest question is who do you know who it is
who is using all the glitter. I've got some tea
for you here today because I.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Know it's me.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yes, I am the world's largest consumer of glitter. I
have the world's largest supply, and no, no, you can't
borrow any. Thank you so much for joining me here
on the palate cleanser. And don't forget next week we've
(23:31):
got a regular episode of Concealed and our extra special
guest is a bit of a cunning linguist and does.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Really get to live the best of both worlds. Anyway,
my name is Zimone. I'll see you next time. Bye.
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