February 25, 2025 • 20 mins
Today's episode dives into the empowerment found in setting boundaries, especially for moms. We explore the challenges of saying no and how it can lead to greater confidence and peace.
• Discussing the emotional weight of saying yes too often
• Sharing personal stories of confidence highs and lows
• Five key areas to focus on for boundary-setting: time, friendships, parenting, social media, and marriage
• Practical steps for implementing boundaries in daily life
• Encouragement to celebrate the power of self-love through saying no
If this episode resonated with you, share it with another mom who you think might like to hear this reminder!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ciera (00:03):
You're listening to Confidently Beautiful with Ciera
, a podcast to help you stayconfidently beautiful, because
we all have confidence inside us.
We just need to bring it outand I'm here to show you how
Body image, dreams, parenting,style, personality and more.
Here we cover it all.
Get ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
Ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
(00:28):
Welcome back to the ConfidentlyBeautiful podcast.
I am your host, sierra.
This podcast is all aboutconfidence, beauty and helping
moms feel their best in everyseason of life.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that can be really
tough but is so freeing.
This is saying no, settingboundaries and protecting our
own peace.
Like I know, I am so not goodat this, but it's something that
I'm driving to be better at andI actually have come a long way
(00:51):
.
But before we get into it,let's do a little confidence
check in, because we all havehighs and lows and I like to
share a little bit of mine sothat you can see a little
glimpse into my life, and it'sfun to hear a different
perspective from another mom.
My confidence high is that mylittle guy's first birthday
party was just a couple weeksago and I feel like it was a
huge success.
We went all out with a cutesmiley face, one cool dude theme
(01:14):
, and it was adorable.
It was everything I wanted itto be and it was a lot of fun.
We actually had to postpone itbecause he was sick the first
time we were going to do it, soI was really happy that we were
able to get it all put togetherand it actually ended up being
better that we had to postponeit because some more people were
able to be there that weren'tgoing to before, and it just
turned out really great.
It was really fun.
(01:34):
It was just fun to see himhappy.
He was a little bit confusedabout what was going on, but had
a really good time and it justwas one of those mom moments
where, like, okay, I like puttogether the party that I had in
my head and I did it and I madethis really sweet memory.
I mean, he's not going toremember much, but I definitely
will, so that was a fun thing tobe able to do.
And then my confidence low wasthat the weather is warming up,
(01:59):
which is wonderful I'm so happyabout, but that also means that
I'm wearing fewer layers.
I'm wearing fewer sweaters, andhiding in my warm, comfy
clothes is a lot harder when I'mwearing more short sleeves and
I'm just becoming a little bitmore self-conscious.
It's been a year since I've hadbaby boy and I am just like, oh
, I'm not where I feel like Iwanted to be.
(02:21):
So having that confidence iskind of hard right now, but I am
working on it.
It's something that I reallyreally am trying.
I think women in general, but Ithink especially moms like we
just it's something that can bereally hard, but it's a mindset
and framework that we need tojust embrace our bodies for what
(02:41):
they are and ignore the numberon the scale, and I am trying to
focus more on doing things thatare helping me to feel good and
be able to be the best mom thatI can be for my little kids.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Today we're going to be talkingabout boundaries and the power
of saying no, and why is sayingno so hard, especially for moms?
(03:01):
Why is the pressure alwaysthere to feel like we have to
please everyone, to be able tobe everything to everyone, we
have to do everything foreveryone?
I don't know why we have that,but saying no, I have learned,
is not selfish.
It is a way that you can becomeand show up as the best person
for the people in your life thatyou love and care for, and I
(03:24):
feel that confidence comes fromknowing what serves you and what
doesn't.
So that will give you theconfidence of when to say no,
when to say yes, and it givesyourself permission to protect
your time and your energy andyour peace.
Setting boundaries in key areas.
I went through and I thought offive areas in life that I feel
(03:45):
like can be problem areas withsetting boundaries or maybe
tricky areas to figuring out howto set your boundaries, but
also can be very freeing in lotsof different ways in your life
if you can set the properboundaries.
But before we dive into thosefive things, let's take a quick
minute to hear a little bitabout Flowdesk and why I love
this for my email system.
(04:06):
All of my listeners who are adoula, a photographer, you have
an Etsy shop, you have aclothing boutique, you're an
esthetician, you're a realtor,you have a house cleaning
business, you're a life coach,whatever it is if you have a
small business, listen up,because I have something for you
.
I have come across an amazingemail system.
It is flowdeskcom slash C,slash, confident.
If you go there, you can get50% off your very first year.
(04:29):
That's a big deal.
50% off, that's awesome.
Flowdesk is amazing, and let metell you why I love it.
I can segment all of mycustomers into different,
basically groups.
Think of it that way and I canhave it so that if somebody
joins my email list, they areautomatically sent out a drip of
emails.
I changed it to it so that itwas over a week time, but you
(04:49):
can completely customize it toyourself and this will
automatically get them set up onyour email campaign.
Get them the information thatyou're wanting, send out those
freebies, whatever it is thatyou're offering.
It automatically sends it tothem for you, and you can easily
create emails that you can sendas often as you want.
I do mine once a week and it'sjust so easy.
I have the template, I have mybrand, I can make it all look
(05:11):
the same every week, so I havethat consistency and I
absolutely love it.
So go to flow desk F L O,deskcom, slash C, slash
confident, and you can get 50%off your first year.
Let's get back to the episode.
All right, we're back.
So setting boundaries in keyareas of our life.
I have five areas that I thinkare going to be very beneficial
(05:33):
in setting boundaries.
The first one is boundarieswith your time.
You don't have to say yes toevery single play date, every
volunteer request or every extraresponsibility.
I constantly am getting likePTO emails for my kids school
saying we need volunteers forthat, we need volunteers for
this, and I want to be super,super involved.
But I am just at a stage whereI still have two young kids at
(05:54):
home and so it's hard to say yesto everything, and so I have
had to learn how to set upboundaries to protect my my time
with my other two little kidsnot do too much, but also to
feel like I'm doing enough, thatI'm involved with my older kids
.
One thing that I have foundthat's really helpful when I'm
setting boundaries with my timeis to think of these questions.
(06:14):
If something comes up, I askmyself does this align with my
priorities and my family corevalues, my personal core values
and also my family core values?
If it does, then I can considersaying yes.
If it doesn't, that's like anautomatic no for me, if it
doesn't align with my prioritiesor throws them out of whack
like I'm just not going to bedoing it.
(06:34):
And then the other thing Ithink of is are my
non-negotiables.
Being that, so non-negotiablesto me?
I think of some different areasin my life that are like yes,
this will happen.
So, for example, like familydinner, this is a really big
non-negotiable for me.
I try very hard to not havethings interfere with our family
dinner time, even if we have tohave a five minute family
(06:55):
dinner time or I won't be eatingdinner because maybe I'm going
out with some friends, but Istill sit there with my kids
while they eat their dinner andSeth and I will talk with them.
That's like a non-negotiablefor me.
So if this is going to preventsomething that is like a
non-negotiable from happening,then the answer is going to be
no.
Or am I saying yes out of guilt, like this is a big one?
(07:18):
Do I really want to do this?
Or am I just saying yes becauseI feel like I have to?
Those are some questions that Iask myself.
That helps me to be able todistinguish whether or not I
should say yes or no, becauseour time is precious and we
don't want to be giving it awaytoo freely.
Number two is boundaries infriendship and family.
So not every relationship ishealthy or uplifting.
We all know that we have somepeople in our lives.
I'm sure that we don't feellike our best selves when we're
(07:41):
around.
It's okay to distance yourselffrom that negativity or the
people who drain you.
If you leave not feeling good,it doesn't mean you don't love
them, it doesn't mean that youdon't care about them, but you
can distance yourself a littlebit.
You don't have to say yes toeverything.
I have learned to set myexpectations of people in my
life to where they can meet them, like where, what, like, what
(08:03):
is their capacity Like?
And then I bring my expectationdown, like so that it meets
them, so that I'm not likehaving all these high hopes and
then realizing they don't,they're not even capable of
doing this for me, or maybe theydon't even have these
priorities for me, so then I'mautomatically going to be let
down.
So setting those boundaries canbe very helpful.
I've learned to say things likeI love you, but I can't take
(08:25):
this on right now, and it's okay.
I don't have to solveeveryone's problems.
I want to solve everyone'sproblems, but I don't have to,
and so setting those boundariescan be very helpful.
Boundaries and parenting oh mygoodness, mom guilt oh, it's is
so real.
I have done podcast episodes onthis.
I can link them in the shownotes.
But oh man, mom guilt is, it'sa thing.
(08:47):
But I just try and rememberthat I don't have to fulfill
every request from my kids,which is so hard, because you
know, we want to give our kidsthe world.
But teaching our kids torespect our time, like saying
things like mom needs 10 minutesof quiet time right now, then
we can play, do that rather thanjust being like a slave to like
doing whatever it is that theywant to do.
I'm at the stage where my kidsare getting older and they just
(09:08):
want to do everything and I'mstill trying to protect their
boundaries as well.
I'm still trying to teach themhow to protect their boundaries,
how to protect their time, howto protect their priorities, and
so I have had to learn to sayfor their benefit, sometimes
like just to protect theirpriorities, and so I have had to
learn to say for their benefit,sometimes like just to protect
their time is, I would love tosign you up for that class.
Would you like to do this classor soccer this season?
(09:30):
Because we need to be carefulwith your time and where you're
spending all your energy.
Because I need to protect them,I need to let them still be
kids, I need to not let them beon such a strict and rigid
schedule all the time.
And then I've also kind oflearned this with like teaching
them about money and likefinance, like that would be
great, but this camp is $200 andwe're going to do soccer and
(09:51):
that one's $150.
So which one would you like todo?
Because I think we shouldprobably just pick one so we can
use our money on all sorts ofdifferent interests that we all
have as a family.
And teaching in those kinds ofboundaries, and I think the
modeling the boundaries for themhelps them to grow into
confident and self-respectingadults.
It's going to teach them to dothings that I would want them to
(10:11):
do as they are adults.
Number four is boundaries withsocial media and comparison.
So about like a couple of timesa year, usually like usually
about the beginning of the yearand then like around fall time,
then I will do like a socialmedia clean out and I will
unfollow or mute accounts thatjust don't make me feel good,
(10:32):
that I just am tired of seeingon my feed, or I just feel blah
or anxious afterwards afterseeing them.
I just I either unfollow themcompletely or just mute the
accounts and get it off my feed,and I do that, you know them.
I just I either unfollow themcompletely or just mute the
accounts and get it off my feed,and I do that, you know, like I
said, a couple of times a yearand I think that has been really
helpful with my social mediause.
Another huge thing with mysocial media use is I went into
(10:54):
the settings on my phone.
I can't think of what, the what, the exact word is, but it's
basically like a time limit, ascreen limit.
I sent a screen limit on myphone and I said, okay, for
social media apps I only want 30minutes a day.
That's what I have on my phone.
And because I found that allthose like times where you're
like, oh, carpool pickup, Istill have five minutes before
the kids come out, so you startscrolling, or maybe you have 10
(11:17):
minutes before an appointment,or you're in the waiting room
and you don't have kids with you, so bugging you, so you're like
, oh, I'm just going to takethis time to check some social
media, all those things add upand I found that I was using so
much more like your phone willtell you your usage and I was
using so much more than Ithought I was and I was like,
wow, what an unproductive use ofmy time for one thing.
(11:38):
Like I can be doing so manybutterfings and I mean I'm not
against like scrolling andlaughing at the reels and the
TikToks and all the things, likeI definitely do that, I do my
fair share and Seth and I sendeach other things.
But I think that there is areally healthy balance and
finding that boundary is reallyimportant.
So I have found that, havingthat on my phone, it will just
pop up as I'm like if I open theapp, it will pop up and say
(12:01):
time time screen limit and itwill like block it out and it
even I love it because it willeven like fade it out on my home
screen.
Like if I go to the app like soI can't even really open the
thing without it popping up andsaying like hey, are you sure
you want to open this app?
You're out of minutes for theday, and so then I can decide
like, oh, remind me in 15minutes, I'm going to just do 15
(12:22):
more minutes or I can get outof it, or I could just ignore it
and I definitely could do thatif I wanted to but I think
having that reminder is helpfulfor setting that boundary.
Creating a digital space thatinspires and lifts me is like
another thing that I reallytried with social media,
especially because I post onsocial media for my you know,
for this account and for my Etsyshop.
I'm posting on social media alot, so I'm really really
(12:45):
careful about what I'm postingon social media.
I'm making sure that it isuplifting.
It uplifts not just me butanyone who's going to be seeing
it.
I don't want to be on one ofthose accounts that somebody's
going to want to mute orunfollow, and so I try that
really hard for everything thatI post on my own feed.
And then also I do that witheven my personal stuff.
I think about like okay, if mykids see this in 10 years, are
(13:07):
they going to be happy that Iposted this, or are they going
to be like mom, why'd you dothat?
And so stuff like that, like Iwant it to inspire and uplift,
and even for myself, like I wantto be, you know, posting good
things, and it doesn't mean thatI have to like just post the
highlight reel.
I think that social mediadefinitely gets like a bad rep
for that.
I do try and make sure thatwhat I am posting is uplifting
(13:29):
and something that I would wantto go back and look at later in
the future.
Okay, I just had a classicSierra moment.
My computer died and so wemoved situations and you might
hear a little bit of differentsound because I am in a
different spot.
I had to be closer to thecharger, but that is definitely
a Sierra move.
I never had anything charged.
My husband's like how do youeven function?
(13:50):
Everything is always very lowpower so.
But we are plugged in and weare good, so you may hear an
adjustment in the audio, but weare going to keep going as we
are continuing to talk aboutboundaries.
So, continuing on with theboundaries with social media and
comparison, I talked a lotabout like what I personally do
with my social media apps andhow that is very helpful for me.
(14:11):
Another thing with comparisonthat's easy to fall into that
comparison trap with socialmedia and so I have found that
if I can focus on givingsomebody a compliment each day
like a real live person that Isee in the real life, not just
on social media.
If I can give them a complimenteach day, that can be really
helpful.
And then also, if I amcommenting on social media or
like via text or anything thatis digital like that, then I try
(14:34):
and make sure that I am sayinguplifting, happy comments,
something that I would actuallysay to them in real life and
just uplift the people that I amtalking to.
This sounds so cheesy, but lookat yourself in the eyes each
morning.
Be grateful for yourself.
I have found that this reallyhelps with the comparison.
If you start your day trulylooking at yourself and just
(14:56):
being grateful for the personthat you are, then you can be a
lot more compassionate withyourself as you are going
through and seeing other peopleand maybe comparing a little bit
of where they are and where youwould like to be.
And the fifth and final areathat we set boundaries is with
our marriage or our partnership.
Whatever relationship it isthat you have.
(15:18):
Communicating our needs is key.
I have almost been married for14 years, which is crazy.
It will be 14 years this yearand we have been, but we have
been together for so much longer.
We have been together since2007.
So we know each other likepretty pretty well and but I
have learned in all these yearsof being together that
communicating needs is key.
(15:39):
My husband is not a mind reader, as much as I would like him to
be, he is not a mind reader.
And so if I don't tell him whatit is that I'm wanting or what
it is that I'm needing, thenhe's not going to know.
And I think oftentimes we justassume that people in our lives
have the same desires andpriorities and wants that we do,
and they may not.
And so even if you think thatthey're picking up on cues and
(16:00):
stuff, they're probably not,because they don't think that's
as important to them as it is toyou.
Research shows that couples whoset clear boundaries around
responsibilities and personaltime have higher relationship
satisfaction.
I think that is so true If youare feeling like you're being
used and neglected and that youwere doing all of the hard heavy
lifting, you're going to havereally negative feelings towards
(16:24):
that person.
So setting those boundaries upfront, I think, can be super
helpful.
What my husband and I do is wehave a weekly check-in.
We are lucky and we have mycute sister who is willing to
hang out with our kids for anhour every Sunday.
I do pay her, but she's willingto hang out with the kids for
an hour every Sunday so we canhave a little power hour is what
(16:46):
we call it, and this is when wecan.
We will like start with aprayer and then we talk about
our calendar, our finances, weset goals, discuss any needs or
things that are bothering us,like anything that and just
anything that we need to unpackin that hour.
It's like if that is the timeto do it.
We have no kids and so we justlike unpack it all and we make
sure that we are especially onthe same page with our finances
(17:10):
and with our schedules, becausewe are running kids everywhere
and he needs to be places, Ineed to be places, so we're just
trying to make sure thateverything is covered.
So those are the five areasthat I thought of with setting
boundaries that I think can bevery, very useful for us if we
can set the boundaries in thoseareas.
So some practical ways to startimplementing boundaries are to
(17:33):
start small.
This is a lot of stuff, butjust start small and just choose
one of those five areas thatyou feel the most drained, if
only one of those areas couldchange, which one would make the
biggest difference in your life?
And just start with that one.
Have a go-to phrase.
Think of something that you cansay within that category that
you pick.
If you're thinking that youwant to choose the category of
(17:54):
family and friends and settingthat boundary, then think what's
your go-to phrase going to be?
Maybe it's going to be I can'tcommit to that right now, but
thank you for thinking of me sothat will maybe say it'd be what
you say if somebody asks you todo something or go somewhere or
do something that you don'tfeel like you can do.
And then remind yourself thatsaying no to one thing means
that you get to say yes tosomething that you really,
(18:16):
really feel that matters, likesomething that's going to be
within your priorities and yournon-negotiables, and so saying
no will always lead to a yes.
And remember that boundariesare a form of self-love.
You are worthy of peace andspace and energy for all of the
things that bring you joy.
It doesn't mean that we won'tever have to do things that we
don't want to do.
I mean definitely we will, butwe can set those boundaries and
(18:40):
we can learn how to set up ourlife to be the way that we would
want it to be.
That's going to bring us themost confidence and the most joy
.
So my challenge for this weekis to practice saying no to at
least once, in a way that honorsyour own confidence and your
well-being.
Thank you for listening.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with another mom
(19:01):
who you think might like to hearthis reminder, and let's
connect on Instagram.
I love to hear from you.
Dm me and tell me what boundaryyou're setting about this week,
or post about it and tag me.
I love to hear from you.
Keep shining, keep settingthose boundaries and remember
you are confidently beautiful.
Did you know that I finally didit?
I finally have an emailnewsletter and I'm so excited.
(19:23):
I have put together a brand newwebsite,
confidentlybeautifulwithciera.
com C-I-E-R-A.
com, and you can sign up for mynewsletter there.
I will have a newsletter fullof my favorite things podcast
episodes that maybe you havemissed.
Anything beauty and self-carerelated is going to be there.
It's going to be full of thingsthat I hope bring some value to
(19:46):
you.
So if this is something thatyou are interested in signing up
for, head on to my websiteconfidentlybeautifulwithciera.
com and sign up for thenewsletter, or you can click the
link in my bio or in the shownotes and it will take you
directly there, and I can't waitto be in your inbox.
Thanks for listening.
Connect with me on Instagram atconfidentlybeautifulpodcast and
(20:08):
share this episode with someonein your life who could use a
little reminder of just howamazing they already are.
Stay confidently beautiful.
You're listening to Confidently Beautiful with Ciera
, a podcast to help you stayconfidently beautiful, because
we all have confidence inside us.
We just need to bring it outand I'm here to show you how
Body image, dreams, parenting,style, personality and more.
Here we cover it all.
Get ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
Ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
(00:28):
Welcome back to the ConfidentlyBeautiful podcast.
I am your host, sierra.
This podcast is all aboutconfidence, beauty and helping
moms feel their best in everyseason of life.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that can be really
tough but is so freeing.
This is saying no, settingboundaries and protecting our
own peace.
Like I know, I am so not goodat this, but it's something that
I'm driving to be better at andI actually have come a long way
(00:51):
.
But before we get into it,let's do a little confidence
check in, because we all havehighs and lows and I like to
share a little bit of mine sothat you can see a little
glimpse into my life, and it'sfun to hear a different
perspective from another mom.
My confidence high is that mylittle guy's first birthday
party was just a couple weeksago and I feel like it was a
huge success.
We went all out with a cutesmiley face, one cool dude theme
(01:14):
, and it was adorable.
It was everything I wanted itto be and it was a lot of fun.
We actually had to postpone itbecause he was sick the first
time we were going to do it, soI was really happy that we were
able to get it all put togetherand it actually ended up being
better that we had to postponeit because some more people were
able to be there that weren'tgoing to before, and it just
turned out really great.
It was really fun.
(01:34):
It was just fun to see himhappy.
He was a little bit confusedabout what was going on, but had
a really good time and it justwas one of those mom moments
where, like, okay, I like puttogether the party that I had in
my head and I did it and I madethis really sweet memory.
I mean, he's not going toremember much, but I definitely
will, so that was a fun thing tobe able to do.
And then my confidence low wasthat the weather is warming up,
(01:59):
which is wonderful I'm so happyabout, but that also means that
I'm wearing fewer layers.
I'm wearing fewer sweaters, andhiding in my warm, comfy
clothes is a lot harder when I'mwearing more short sleeves and
I'm just becoming a little bitmore self-conscious.
It's been a year since I've hadbaby boy and I am just like, oh
, I'm not where I feel like Iwanted to be.
(02:21):
So having that confidence iskind of hard right now, but I am
working on it.
It's something that I reallyreally am trying.
I think women in general, but Ithink especially moms like we
just it's something that can bereally hard, but it's a mindset
and framework that we need tojust embrace our bodies for what
(02:41):
they are and ignore the numberon the scale, and I am trying to
focus more on doing things thatare helping me to feel good and
be able to be the best mom thatI can be for my little kids.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Today we're going to be talkingabout boundaries and the power
of saying no, and why is sayingno so hard, especially for moms?
(03:01):
Why is the pressure alwaysthere to feel like we have to
please everyone, to be able tobe everything to everyone, we
have to do everything foreveryone?
I don't know why we have that,but saying no, I have learned,
is not selfish.
It is a way that you can becomeand show up as the best person
for the people in your life thatyou love and care for, and I
(03:24):
feel that confidence comes fromknowing what serves you and what
doesn't.
So that will give you theconfidence of when to say no,
when to say yes, and it givesyourself permission to protect
your time and your energy andyour peace.
Setting boundaries in key areas.
I went through and I thought offive areas in life that I feel
(03:45):
like can be problem areas withsetting boundaries or maybe
tricky areas to figuring out howto set your boundaries, but
also can be very freeing in lotsof different ways in your life
if you can set the properboundaries.
But before we dive into thosefive things, let's take a quick
minute to hear a little bitabout Flowdesk and why I love
this for my email system.
(04:06):
All of my listeners who are adoula, a photographer, you have
an Etsy shop, you have aclothing boutique, you're an
esthetician, you're a realtor,you have a house cleaning
business, you're a life coach,whatever it is if you have a
small business, listen up,because I have something for you
.
I have come across an amazingemail system.
It is flowdeskcom slash C,slash, confident.
If you go there, you can get50% off your very first year.
(04:29):
That's a big deal.
50% off, that's awesome.
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Let's get back to the episode.
All right, we're back.
So setting boundaries in keyareas of our life.
I have five areas that I thinkare going to be very beneficial
(05:33):
in setting boundaries.
The first one is boundarieswith your time.
You don't have to say yes toevery single play date, every
volunteer request or every extraresponsibility.
I constantly am getting likePTO emails for my kids school
saying we need volunteers forthat, we need volunteers for
this, and I want to be super,super involved.
But I am just at a stage whereI still have two young kids at
(05:54):
home and so it's hard to say yesto everything, and so I have
had to learn how to set upboundaries to protect my my time
with my other two little kidsnot do too much, but also to
feel like I'm doing enough, thatI'm involved with my older kids
.
One thing that I have foundthat's really helpful when I'm
setting boundaries with my timeis to think of these questions.
(06:14):
If something comes up, I askmyself does this align with my
priorities and my family corevalues, my personal core values
and also my family core values?
If it does, then I can considersaying yes.
If it doesn't, that's like anautomatic no for me, if it
doesn't align with my prioritiesor throws them out of whack
like I'm just not going to bedoing it.
(06:34):
And then the other thing Ithink of is are my
non-negotiables.
Being that, so non-negotiablesto me?
I think of some different areasin my life that are like yes,
this will happen.
So, for example, like familydinner, this is a really big
non-negotiable for me.
I try very hard to not havethings interfere with our family
dinner time, even if we have tohave a five minute family
(06:55):
dinner time or I won't be eatingdinner because maybe I'm going
out with some friends, but Istill sit there with my kids
while they eat their dinner andSeth and I will talk with them.
That's like a non-negotiablefor me.
So if this is going to preventsomething that is like a
non-negotiable from happening,then the answer is going to be
no.
Or am I saying yes out of guilt, like this is a big one?
(07:18):
Do I really want to do this?
Or am I just saying yes becauseI feel like I have to?
Those are some questions that Iask myself.
That helps me to be able todistinguish whether or not I
should say yes or no, becauseour time is precious and we
don't want to be giving it awaytoo freely.
Number two is boundaries infriendship and family.
So not every relationship ishealthy or uplifting.
We all know that we have somepeople in our lives.
I'm sure that we don't feellike our best selves when we're
(07:41):
around.
It's okay to distance yourselffrom that negativity or the
people who drain you.
If you leave not feeling good,it doesn't mean you don't love
them, it doesn't mean that youdon't care about them, but you
can distance yourself a littlebit.
You don't have to say yes toeverything.
I have learned to set myexpectations of people in my
life to where they can meet them, like where, what, like, what
(08:03):
is their capacity Like?
And then I bring my expectationdown, like so that it meets
them, so that I'm not likehaving all these high hopes and
then realizing they don't,they're not even capable of
doing this for me, or maybe theydon't even have these
priorities for me, so then I'mautomatically going to be let
down.
So setting those boundaries canbe very helpful.
I've learned to say things likeI love you, but I can't take
(08:25):
this on right now, and it's okay.
I don't have to solveeveryone's problems.
I want to solve everyone'sproblems, but I don't have to,
and so setting those boundariescan be very helpful.
Boundaries and parenting oh mygoodness, mom guilt oh, it's is
so real.
I have done podcast episodes onthis.
I can link them in the shownotes.
But oh man, mom guilt is, it'sa thing.
(08:47):
But I just try and rememberthat I don't have to fulfill
every request from my kids,which is so hard, because you
know, we want to give our kidsthe world.
But teaching our kids torespect our time, like saying
things like mom needs 10 minutesof quiet time right now, then
we can play, do that rather thanjust being like a slave to like
doing whatever it is that theywant to do.
I'm at the stage where my kidsare getting older and they just
(09:08):
want to do everything and I'mstill trying to protect their
boundaries as well.
I'm still trying to teach themhow to protect their boundaries,
how to protect their time, howto protect their priorities, and
so I have had to learn to sayfor their benefit, sometimes
like just to protect theirpriorities, and so I have had to
learn to say for their benefit,sometimes like just to protect
their time is, I would love tosign you up for that class.
Would you like to do this classor soccer this season?
(09:30):
Because we need to be carefulwith your time and where you're
spending all your energy.
Because I need to protect them,I need to let them still be
kids, I need to not let them beon such a strict and rigid
schedule all the time.
And then I've also kind oflearned this with like teaching
them about money and likefinance, like that would be
great, but this camp is $200 andwe're going to do soccer and
(09:51):
that one's $150.
So which one would you like todo?
Because I think we shouldprobably just pick one so we can
use our money on all sorts ofdifferent interests that we all
have as a family.
And teaching in those kinds ofboundaries, and I think the
modeling the boundaries for themhelps them to grow into
confident and self-respectingadults.
It's going to teach them to dothings that I would want them to
(10:11):
do as they are adults.
Number four is boundaries withsocial media and comparison.
So about like a couple of timesa year, usually like usually
about the beginning of the yearand then like around fall time,
then I will do like a socialmedia clean out and I will
unfollow or mute accounts thatjust don't make me feel good,
(10:32):
that I just am tired of seeingon my feed, or I just feel blah
or anxious afterwards afterseeing them.
I just I either unfollow themcompletely or just mute the
accounts and get it off my feed,and I do that, you know them.
I just I either unfollow themcompletely or just mute the
accounts and get it off my feed,and I do that, you know, like I
said, a couple of times a yearand I think that has been really
helpful with my social mediause.
Another huge thing with mysocial media use is I went into
(10:54):
the settings on my phone.
I can't think of what, the what, the exact word is, but it's
basically like a time limit, ascreen limit.
I sent a screen limit on myphone and I said, okay, for
social media apps I only want 30minutes a day.
That's what I have on my phone.
And because I found that allthose like times where you're
like, oh, carpool pickup, Istill have five minutes before
the kids come out, so you startscrolling, or maybe you have 10
(11:17):
minutes before an appointment,or you're in the waiting room
and you don't have kids with you, so bugging you, so you're like
, oh, I'm just going to takethis time to check some social
media, all those things add upand I found that I was using so
much more like your phone willtell you your usage and I was
using so much more than Ithought I was and I was like,
wow, what an unproductive use ofmy time for one thing.
(11:38):
Like I can be doing so manybutterfings and I mean I'm not
against like scrolling andlaughing at the reels and the
TikToks and all the things, likeI definitely do that, I do my
fair share and Seth and I sendeach other things.
But I think that there is areally healthy balance and
finding that boundary is reallyimportant.
So I have found that, havingthat on my phone, it will just
pop up as I'm like if I open theapp, it will pop up and say
(12:01):
time time screen limit and itwill like block it out and it
even I love it because it willeven like fade it out on my home
screen.
Like if I go to the app like soI can't even really open the
thing without it popping up andsaying like hey, are you sure
you want to open this app?
You're out of minutes for theday, and so then I can decide
like, oh, remind me in 15minutes, I'm going to just do 15
(12:22):
more minutes or I can get outof it, or I could just ignore it
and I definitely could do thatif I wanted to but I think
having that reminder is helpfulfor setting that boundary.
Creating a digital space thatinspires and lifts me is like
another thing that I reallytried with social media,
especially because I post onsocial media for my you know,
for this account and for my Etsyshop.
I'm posting on social media alot, so I'm really really
(12:45):
careful about what I'm postingon social media.
I'm making sure that it isuplifting.
It uplifts not just me butanyone who's going to be seeing
it.
I don't want to be on one ofthose accounts that somebody's
going to want to mute orunfollow, and so I try that
really hard for everything thatI post on my own feed.
And then also I do that witheven my personal stuff.
I think about like okay, if mykids see this in 10 years, are
(13:07):
they going to be happy that Iposted this, or are they going
to be like mom, why'd you dothat?
And so stuff like that, like Iwant it to inspire and uplift,
and even for myself, like I wantto be, you know, posting good
things, and it doesn't mean thatI have to like just post the
highlight reel.
I think that social mediadefinitely gets like a bad rep
for that.
I do try and make sure thatwhat I am posting is uplifting
(13:29):
and something that I would wantto go back and look at later in
the future.
Okay, I just had a classicSierra moment.
My computer died and so wemoved situations and you might
hear a little bit of differentsound because I am in a
different spot.
I had to be closer to thecharger, but that is definitely
a Sierra move.
I never had anything charged.
My husband's like how do youeven function?
(13:50):
Everything is always very lowpower so.
But we are plugged in and weare good, so you may hear an
adjustment in the audio, but weare going to keep going as we
are continuing to talk aboutboundaries.
So, continuing on with theboundaries with social media and
comparison, I talked a lotabout like what I personally do
with my social media apps andhow that is very helpful for me.
(14:11):
Another thing with comparisonthat's easy to fall into that
comparison trap with socialmedia and so I have found that
if I can focus on givingsomebody a compliment each day
like a real live person that Isee in the real life, not just
on social media.
If I can give them a complimenteach day, that can be really
helpful.
And then also, if I amcommenting on social media or
like via text or anything thatis digital like that, then I try
(14:34):
and make sure that I am sayinguplifting, happy comments,
something that I would actuallysay to them in real life and
just uplift the people that I amtalking to.
This sounds so cheesy, but lookat yourself in the eyes each
morning.
Be grateful for yourself.
I have found that this reallyhelps with the comparison.
If you start your day trulylooking at yourself and just
(14:56):
being grateful for the personthat you are, then you can be a
lot more compassionate withyourself as you are going
through and seeing other peopleand maybe comparing a little bit
of where they are and where youwould like to be.
And the fifth and final areathat we set boundaries is with
our marriage or our partnership.
Whatever relationship it isthat you have.
(15:18):
Communicating our needs is key.
I have almost been married for14 years, which is crazy.
It will be 14 years this yearand we have been, but we have
been together for so much longer.
We have been together since2007.
So we know each other likepretty pretty well and but I
have learned in all these yearsof being together that
communicating needs is key.
(15:39):
My husband is not a mind reader, as much as I would like him to
be, he is not a mind reader.
And so if I don't tell him whatit is that I'm wanting or what
it is that I'm needing, thenhe's not going to know.
And I think oftentimes we justassume that people in our lives
have the same desires andpriorities and wants that we do,
and they may not.
And so even if you think thatthey're picking up on cues and
(16:00):
stuff, they're probably not,because they don't think that's
as important to them as it is toyou.
Research shows that couples whoset clear boundaries around
responsibilities and personaltime have higher relationship
satisfaction.
I think that is so true If youare feeling like you're being
used and neglected and that youwere doing all of the hard heavy
lifting, you're going to havereally negative feelings towards
(16:24):
that person.
So setting those boundaries upfront, I think, can be super
helpful.
What my husband and I do is wehave a weekly check-in.
We are lucky and we have mycute sister who is willing to
hang out with our kids for anhour every Sunday.
I do pay her, but she's willingto hang out with the kids for
an hour every Sunday so we canhave a little power hour is what
(16:46):
we call it, and this is when wecan.
We will like start with aprayer and then we talk about
our calendar, our finances, weset goals, discuss any needs or
things that are bothering us,like anything that and just
anything that we need to unpackin that hour.
It's like if that is the timeto do it.
We have no kids and so we justlike unpack it all and we make
sure that we are especially onthe same page with our finances
(17:10):
and with our schedules, becausewe are running kids everywhere
and he needs to be places, Ineed to be places, so we're just
trying to make sure thateverything is covered.
So those are the five areasthat I thought of with setting
boundaries that I think can bevery, very useful for us if we
can set the boundaries in thoseareas.
So some practical ways to startimplementing boundaries are to
(17:33):
start small.
This is a lot of stuff, butjust start small and just choose
one of those five areas thatyou feel the most drained, if
only one of those areas couldchange, which one would make the
biggest difference in your life?
And just start with that one.
Have a go-to phrase.
Think of something that you cansay within that category that
you pick.
If you're thinking that youwant to choose the category of
(17:54):
family and friends and settingthat boundary, then think what's
your go-to phrase going to be?
Maybe it's going to be I can'tcommit to that right now, but
thank you for thinking of me sothat will maybe say it'd be what
you say if somebody asks you todo something or go somewhere or
do something that you don'tfeel like you can do.
And then remind yourself thatsaying no to one thing means
that you get to say yes tosomething that you really,
(18:16):
really feel that matters, likesomething that's going to be
within your priorities and yournon-negotiables, and so saying
no will always lead to a yes.
And remember that boundariesare a form of self-love.
You are worthy of peace andspace and energy for all of the
things that bring you joy.
It doesn't mean that we won'tever have to do things that we
don't want to do.
I mean definitely we will, butwe can set those boundaries and
(18:40):
we can learn how to set up ourlife to be the way that we would
want it to be.
That's going to bring us themost confidence and the most joy
.
So my challenge for this weekis to practice saying no to at
least once, in a way that honorsyour own confidence and your
well-being.
Thank you for listening.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it with another mom
(19:01):
who you think might like to hearthis reminder, and let's
connect on Instagram.
I love to hear from you.
Dm me and tell me what boundaryyou're setting about this week,
or post about it and tag me.
I love to hear from you.
Keep shining, keep settingthose boundaries and remember
you are confidently beautiful.
Did you know that I finally didit?
I finally have an emailnewsletter and I'm so excited.
(19:23):
I have put together a brand newwebsite,
confidentlybeautifulwithciera.
com C-I-E-R-A.
com, and you can sign up for mynewsletter there.
I will have a newsletter fullof my favorite things podcast
episodes that maybe you havemissed.
Anything beauty and self-carerelated is going to be there.
It's going to be full of thingsthat I hope bring some value to
(19:46):
you.
So if this is something thatyou are interested in signing up
for, head on to my websiteconfidentlybeautifulwithciera.
com and sign up for thenewsletter, or you can click the
link in my bio or in the shownotes and it will take you
directly there, and I can't waitto be in your inbox.
Thanks for listening.
Connect with me on Instagram atconfidentlybeautifulpodcast and
(20:08):
share this episode with someonein your life who could use a
little reminder of just howamazing they already are.
Stay confidently beautiful.
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