October 24, 2023 • 18 mins
Ever found yourself in a sticky situation, only to realize that reaching out could have saved you a lot of stress? I am here to guide you through the seemingly daunting process of asking for help. I'll share my personal experiences and tips that will equip you to confidently seek assistance, ensuring you're not left stranded in challenging times. In our enlightening chat, you will learn about raising your hand at the right time and approaching the right people to enhance your life experiences.
This episode sheds light on the art of asking for help and how to graciously receive it. Through my experiences and struggles, we'll dive into how seeking help is not a weakness but a testament to your strength. We'll also discuss how to recognize when someone may need your help and how to make mindful requests. So, tune in to this empowering conversation and step up your game in harnessing the power of asking for help. By the end of this chat, you'll be better equipped to reach out when required and will understand the profound impact it can have on your life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ciera (00:03):
You are listening to Confidently Beautiful with Ciera
, a podcast to help you stayconfidently beautiful, because
we all have confidence inside us.
We just need to bring it outand I'm here to show you how
Body image, dreams, parentingstyle, personality and more.
Here we cover it all.
Get ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
Hello, welcome back to anotherepisode of Confidently Beautiful
(00:28):
with Ciera.
I am your host, Ciera, and I'mso happy to have you here
listening, whether you're afirst-time listener or a
frequent listener.
Thank you so much for takingtime out of your day and I hope
that you can get some goodnuggets from today's episode.
Today I wanted to talk aboutraising your hand.
Raising your hand and askingfor help can be one of the
hardest things, so I was.
It was funny.
(00:49):
I actually wrote the notes likethe outline for this episode.
Every time I do an episode, Ikeep it pretty unscripted.
I like to have it reallyauthentic and real and like I'm
actually having a conversationwith you.
I imagine that I'm just sittinghere talking with my closest
friends, and I like to keep itreally natural.
But I do have an outlinetypically that I use to make
(01:12):
sure that I'm hitting all thepoints that I want to, and
especially if I am having aguest on the show, then I want
to make sure I am getting all oftheir expertise and all of
their knowledge into the wholeepisode.
So I kind of give myself alittle outline.
But a funny story is I wroteout the outline for this episode
in particular.
I thought I would call it raiseyour hand.
(01:35):
I know for me there are a lot oftimes in my life when I do need
to raise my hand and ask forhelp, and it can sometimes be
really, really hard.
There have been times when Ihave just like suffered through
something or I have just feltlike, well, I'll figure it out
and I've just pushed my waythrough, and I then look later,
or like when I finally did raisemy hand and ask for help and I
(01:57):
think, oh man, if I had justreached out to this expert or I
had just asked somebody for someassistance, like how much
easier it would have been.
Whether it's just likeknowledge that I need or if it's
actual service, like physicalservice, that I need, or like
emotional support.
I think about that with, likemy therapy experiences, like if
(02:18):
I just pushed through somethingand I don't ask for help then,
versus the times when I actuallylike would take the time to go
to therapy and I would take thetime to learn and I would take
the expertise of the therapistand all of that like how much
easier it was to get throughcertain situations when I did
reach out to a professional.
So that is kind of like mythought process of how I wanted
(02:41):
to, why I wanted to do thisepisode and it was funny because
I did this outline, and then Iget a text from one of my really
good friends and I feel likeright now, in this stage of
motherhood and the age of likeI'm in my 30s and just life is
just busier.
My husband's career is a lotmore established.
(03:03):
He's busier and kids are keepme busier.
I'm pregnant.
That keeps me busy.
I have my own business and myown goals is keeping me busy and
I think a lot of my friends arein the same boat, and so I
don't talk to this friend asoften as I would like to.
But I was so glad that shereached out because she was like
the perfect example.
(03:24):
She knows that I'm always therefor her.
When we do see each other, it'sgreat.
She's one of my best friendsand somebody that I have been
friends with for a really longtime.
But it can be hard even to askyour best friend for some help,
and she had texted me and sheneeded some help and fortunately
I was able to do it and so Iwas able to commit and help her.
(03:44):
But and then I told her thankyou for asking and she just kind
of joked about sometimes likethings that make her need to be
a little bit more of a healthierperson and actually ask for
help, and I thought how true isthat statement?
Like we are not necessarilybeing healthy people if we are
not asking for help when we needit, if we're not going to the
(04:08):
experts and asking them fortheir guidance when we need it.
And so I have 10 ways that Ipersonally have increased my
confidence in raising my handand asking for help, because it
can be really really hard to do,even to your closest friends,
but there's no reason to besuffering in silence, and so I
am not an expert at this, butthese are 10 things that I
(04:29):
personally have done or havefound that have helped me in
times when I do need to raise myhand and ask for help, that
have helped to just make thingsa little bit easier.
So this can be anything frommental health, physical health,
childhood caretaking, marriage,house parenting, like literally
anything, and there's so manyways that we can raise our hand
(04:52):
and ask for help.
So my very first suggestion isto write your list of your five
people and it doesn't have to befive, but that's just a good
number.
But who are your people thatyou can go to and you are
comfortable asking for help?
Or maybe you're not totallycomfortable, but you're the most
comfortable asking for help.
(05:12):
So this could be a mom, thiscould be your spouse, this could
be a really, really good friend.
Like who are you the mostcomfortable asking?
And I think it's important todo that now, before you are in
that like crisis mode or in thatoverwhelm, whatever it is
you're feeling when you'reneeding to ask for help, because
(05:34):
if you can do it when you havea clear mind, then you're gonna
be able to think more clearlyokay, these are the people that
I need to go to to ask for somehelp or for some knowledge or
whatever it is you're lookingfor.
Number two I like to rememberthat I'm not the only one Like
that is something for me inparticular, like with my house.
Like I struggle with my houseafter I have babies I think
(05:59):
probably most moms do but thatis like a big thing for me.
Like that's the very last thingthat I want to be doing when I
have a newborn.
I love the newborn stage and soI just want to like soak in all
those baby snuggles and all thethings.
But then I have my other kidsthat I want to make sure I'm
getting attention to and all ofthat.
(06:20):
And then I have my own personalcare that I want to make sure
I'm like maintaining and I'mactually taking a shower and I'm
doing the things that will helpme to feel good.
And then I also have like theconnection with my husband that
I want to make sure I'm spendingthat time.
I probably, like, my biggestlove language with my husband is
quality time, and so, like me,spending that quality time with
him is really important.
(06:41):
So my house work is not apriority a lot of the time
because I have all those otherthings, but when I have like a
newborn baby, then it isdefinitely like that that's the
last thing that I want to bedoing, but also, at the same
time, for my mental sanity.
I need to have a peacefulenvironment.
(07:02):
So it can be really, really hardfor me right after I have
babies with my house, because Ineed that, I need the clean
space, I need to not have thechaos of the clutter, but I also
have all those other needs thatare a little bit more important
.
So it's really hard for me tojust shed the embarrassment and
(07:22):
just be like it's okay.
My house is a disaster becauseI'm taking care of the areas
that I also need and to ask forhelp during those times when,
like, I maybe am embarrassedwith how many dishes are in the
kitchen sink or how dirty thefloors are.
I have a lot of tile in myhouse and the tile can get so
dirty and so just to shed theembarrassment and remember that
(07:46):
I'm not the only one.
There's a lot of other peoplethat like, maybe their house is
the same for whatever reason,for whatever their reasons are,
and to like and just be likeit's okay.
This is just a time in my life,like it's not gonna be like
this forever, and I need alittle bit of help right now and
that's okay.
So that's just an example, butjust to remember that you're
never the only one.
(08:06):
Whatever it is you'restruggling with, you're never
the only one who's alone in it.
My third tip that can be helpfulin asking for help is to
practice gratitude.
So when I obviously whensomebody helps you, you're
extremely grateful, and so tothank them and I mean that's
kind of common knowledge likeyou're gonna thank somebody
(08:26):
who's helping you but also topractice the gratitude before
you even go and ask for help.
For example, when you have asick child, you can have
gratitude that you haveresources at your fingertips.
There are some of my favoriteaccounts that I follow on
Instagram that can help to giveme knowledge and it's almost
like I'm raising my hand andasking them for help.
(08:48):
Maybe I'm not physically askingthem, but I'm like going to
their Instagram accounts and I'mgetting like Shannon Tripp.
She's one that I like.
I love Shannon.
She's a nurse and she postsawesome stuff and she talks a
lot about like sick kids andwellness, and so like raising my
hand and asking for help.
It could just be me like I mean, she doesn't see me raising my
(09:09):
hand and asking for help, but itcould be me purchasing one of
her courses or just reading ablog post that she has, or
listening to one of her podcastepisodes, and that could be me
raising my hand and asking forhelp and then, if I need more
help, then I can be gratefulthat I had that resource of like
Instagram or whatever, but thenI can be grateful that I have
(09:29):
other resources Like I have adoctor that I can call and I can
just be grateful andappreciative of all of the
resources that I have and thentake advantage of them.
So they're there, like I'mgonna be and I'm grateful for
them, so why am I not gonna takeadvantage of them?
So that is like, probably notsomething that you would think
(09:50):
of when you're thinking ofraising your hand and asking for
help, but having that gratitudemindset before you go in and
ask for help whatever it is thatyou're asking has been really
helpful to me to when I'm askingfor help and for knowledge or
assistance or whatever it is.
The fourth one is to rememberthat someone might need me more
(10:10):
than I need them.
There is maybe a friend in yourlife who is maybe craving some
sort of connection or likefeeling like maybe you have
helped them a lot in the pastand like them, they're feeling
like I just want to do somethingfor this person and so maybe
you asking for some help couldactually help them just as much,
(10:30):
or maybe more, than it could behelping you.
And the fifth one is to prefaceit with please say no if you
can't.
Because I, for me, I hate itwhen I feel like I'm asking
somebody and they're saying yesout of obligation.
So I always like to preface itlike you are not the first
person I am asking, like andeven if they are like it's okay,
(10:52):
I have other choices, becausein reality we do, we all have
other choices, and so I alwaysjust like to preface it with
please say no if you can't, andthen it removes the guilt from
me, so that's on them.
If they say yes and they likereally can't or whatever, then I
have done.
I mean, I have done my part andI have asked for help and I've
been a healthy person that way.
(11:13):
But I've also been like pleasedon't put yourself out if this
is not something that you can do, and then I can feel like I am
guilt free from asking them forany help.
Number six is to allow someoneto help when they offer.
Sometimes for me that can bereally hard, and there are times
this is like a healthy.
This is a hard one that youhave to have like a good balance
(11:34):
, because, yes, there aresometimes when, like people are
asking to help but maybe it'ssomething that is actually not
going to necessarily help you.
You can still be so gratefulthat they are willing to help,
but you don't have to feel likeyou have to allow them to.
But then there are times whensomebody is offering to help and
(11:56):
it really would be helpful andyou don't need to be like
superwoman and just say, no,it's okay, don't worry about it,
but just allow them to help.
You don't need to worry aboutthey're.
They're the ones who areoffering, so you don't need to
worry about, like, theirschedule, their whatever it is
that they have going on in theirlife like they're offering to
help you.
(12:16):
So allow them to if it, ifthey're offering to help you
with something that you're likeactually that's really not going
to be helpful.
Maybe you could give them asuggestion.
I have found that, likesometimes they will, somebody
will say, hey, would it behelpful if I did this, or can I
do this for you, and maybe thatparticular thing wouldn't be
helpful, but I can think ofsomething else that would, and
(12:36):
so you can just gratefully andnicely thank them for being
willing to help and say you know, what would actually be even
more helpful is if you did this,or is if you could talk to me
about this or teach me aboutthis, or whatever it is.
Number seven is to say nolovingly to the things that
won't help.
So that kind of goes along withwhat I was just talking about
(12:57):
just kind of pivot, like if it's, if it's actually like more
going to be more, moreburdensome for you.
People have such goodintentions.
And just to remember that likewe are so grateful that people
are willing to help or or wantto offer their advice or their
expertise, but maybe there aresometimes when it's not going to
help, and so if maybe someone'soffering some advice that maybe
(13:19):
is actually not super helpfulto you or not good for your
mental health, then just tothank them like thank you so
much for caring, and then maybejust to pivot them in a
direction that might be a littlebit more helpful for you.
And it's okay to say nolovingly, like it's okay.
You don't have to feelobligated that you have to say
yes.
Number eight is to hire help.
This is obviously a wonderfulblessing if you are, and when
(13:44):
you are able to do this, andeven if it's just like a
one-time thing, like it's okay,like to pay somebody to do
something that you are perfectlycapable of doing, but maybe you
just don't want to or you wouldrather put your time and your
energy and your resources intosomething else.
Like you don't need to feelguilty about hiring help if
(14:06):
you're able.
Number nine is to don't justblindly follow, but to ask
questions.
So I think, like we do, we canthink of this oftentimes with,
like medical stuff.
Like we raise our hands, we askthe doctors like, please help,
I need help with this.
But you don't need to justblindly follow all of their
(14:28):
advice.
You can also do your ownresearch.
You can follow your ownintuition, um, whether it's like
mama intuition, if it'ssomething for your child or if
it's something for you and justto follow your own intuition, to
do your own research, and youdon't have to just blindly
follow the experts.
This doesn't have just have tobe medical.
This could be anything.
(14:48):
This could be.
I think we can get really suckedinto, um, like the social media
world, like even this podcast,for example.
Like we can get.
We can get really sucked intoinfluencers and experts in
certain fields, like, uh,minimalists or um, cleaning
accounts or or beauty accountsor like anything um, we can.
(15:10):
We can get sucked into their at, their expertise, their
knowledge, and they're like youshould do this, like you need
this.
This will change your life.
Don't wash your hair every day,take this supplement or do this
type of exercise.
Like we're getting thrown somuch advice and so many things
and so we don't need to justlike blindly follow, like, even
(15:31):
if it's somebody that weabsolutely love and that we
follow and that we have donetheir stuff before and we've
taken their advice before andthat we've really loved it,
don't just blindly follow.
As you are searching for adviceor help with something, do your
own research, listen to yourintuition, ask questions when
you're able and, um, you will.
(15:52):
This can be a really reallyhelpful tool in raising your
hand and asking for help, likeyou can ask for help, but you
can also form your own opinions.
You can also get your ownknowledge and you can also know
for yourself what you should bedoing in certain situations.
And number 10 I've kind oftalked on this really already,
but just to to ask an expert.
(16:12):
So, whether that is likeactually physically talking to
someone or, um, maybe you have afriend who has been through an
experience like, yes, they could, they could be considered an
expert in something because theyhave gone through it.
So, if you're a first-time momand you are like, is this normal
, like should I be feeling thisway, like, or whatever it is, or
(16:33):
just I just need somebody tojust let me just get the words
out and just somebody who hasbeen there, somebody who's had a
miscarriage before, somebodywho has, um, dealt with like
infertility or infidelity fromtheir husband or whatever,
whatever it is that you're goingthrough that you need help with
, ask an expert or somebodywho's gone through it and that
(16:55):
can be really helpful in yourhealing.
Or you're going through theprocess of a certain trial or a
certain experience, or raisingkids or whatever it is that you
are going through.
So those are my 10 tips.
I hope that that was helpful.
But next time you find yourselffeeling overwhelmed, stressed,
unsure, just feeling like youcan't get anything done, or you
(17:18):
need help with an idea or likehow to execute it, something it
doesn't even need to be anythingnegative, like it could be like
I'm really really excited to bedoing this, but I have
absolutely no idea how like it'sokay to ask somebody.
Ask somebody to help you, askfor help, raise your hand.
Don't suffer in silence, don'tdrag out the process longer than
(17:38):
it needs to be, when you couldget some really really helpful
knowledge or expertise orhands-on assistance, and I hope
that this can be helpful in yourlife, whatever it is that
you're doing motherhood, career,marriage, personal anything
have a beautiful day and stayconfidently beautiful, and I
will talk to you next week.
Thanks for listening.
(17:59):
Connect with me on instagram atconfidently beautiful podcast
and share this episode withsomeone in your life who could
use a little reminder of justhow amazing they already are.
Stay confidently beautiful.
You are listening to Confidently Beautiful with Ciera
, a podcast to help you stayconfidently beautiful, because
we all have confidence inside us.
We just need to bring it outand I'm here to show you how
Body image, dreams, parentingstyle, personality and more.
Here we cover it all.
Get ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
Hello, welcome back to anotherepisode of Confidently Beautiful
(00:28):
with Ciera.
I am your host, Ciera, and I'mso happy to have you here
listening, whether you're afirst-time listener or a
frequent listener.
Thank you so much for takingtime out of your day and I hope
that you can get some goodnuggets from today's episode.
Today I wanted to talk aboutraising your hand.
Raising your hand and askingfor help can be one of the
hardest things, so I was.
It was funny.
(00:49):
I actually wrote the notes likethe outline for this episode.
Every time I do an episode, Ikeep it pretty unscripted.
I like to have it reallyauthentic and real and like I'm
actually having a conversationwith you.
I imagine that I'm just sittinghere talking with my closest
friends, and I like to keep itreally natural.
But I do have an outlinetypically that I use to make
(01:12):
sure that I'm hitting all thepoints that I want to, and
especially if I am having aguest on the show, then I want
to make sure I am getting all oftheir expertise and all of
their knowledge into the wholeepisode.
So I kind of give myself alittle outline.
But a funny story is I wroteout the outline for this episode
in particular.
I thought I would call it raiseyour hand.
(01:35):
I know for me there are a lot oftimes in my life when I do need
to raise my hand and ask forhelp, and it can sometimes be
really, really hard.
There have been times when Ihave just like suffered through
something or I have just feltlike, well, I'll figure it out
and I've just pushed my waythrough, and I then look later,
or like when I finally did raisemy hand and ask for help and I
(01:57):
think, oh man, if I had justreached out to this expert or I
had just asked somebody for someassistance, like how much
easier it would have been.
Whether it's just likeknowledge that I need or if it's
actual service, like physicalservice, that I need, or like
emotional support.
I think about that with, likemy therapy experiences, like if
(02:18):
I just pushed through somethingand I don't ask for help then,
versus the times when I actuallylike would take the time to go
to therapy and I would take thetime to learn and I would take
the expertise of the therapistand all of that like how much
easier it was to get throughcertain situations when I did
reach out to a professional.
So that is kind of like mythought process of how I wanted
(02:41):
to, why I wanted to do thisepisode and it was funny because
I did this outline, and then Iget a text from one of my really
good friends and I feel likeright now, in this stage of
motherhood and the age of likeI'm in my 30s and just life is
just busier.
My husband's career is a lotmore established.
(03:03):
He's busier and kids are keepme busier.
I'm pregnant.
That keeps me busy.
I have my own business and myown goals is keeping me busy and
I think a lot of my friends arein the same boat, and so I
don't talk to this friend asoften as I would like to.
But I was so glad that shereached out because she was like
the perfect example.
(03:24):
She knows that I'm always therefor her.
When we do see each other, it'sgreat.
She's one of my best friendsand somebody that I have been
friends with for a really longtime.
But it can be hard even to askyour best friend for some help,
and she had texted me and sheneeded some help and fortunately
I was able to do it and so Iwas able to commit and help her.
(03:44):
But and then I told her thankyou for asking and she just kind
of joked about sometimes likethings that make her need to be
a little bit more of a healthierperson and actually ask for
help, and I thought how true isthat statement?
Like we are not necessarilybeing healthy people if we are
not asking for help when we needit, if we're not going to the
(04:08):
experts and asking them fortheir guidance when we need it.
And so I have 10 ways that Ipersonally have increased my
confidence in raising my handand asking for help, because it
can be really really hard to do,even to your closest friends,
but there's no reason to besuffering in silence, and so I
am not an expert at this, butthese are 10 things that I
(04:29):
personally have done or havefound that have helped me in
times when I do need to raise myhand and ask for help, that
have helped to just make thingsa little bit easier.
So this can be anything frommental health, physical health,
childhood caretaking, marriage,house parenting, like literally
anything, and there's so manyways that we can raise our hand
(04:52):
and ask for help.
So my very first suggestion isto write your list of your five
people and it doesn't have to befive, but that's just a good
number.
But who are your people thatyou can go to and you are
comfortable asking for help?
Or maybe you're not totallycomfortable, but you're the most
comfortable asking for help.
(05:12):
So this could be a mom, thiscould be your spouse, this could
be a really, really good friend.
Like who are you the mostcomfortable asking?
And I think it's important todo that now, before you are in
that like crisis mode or in thatoverwhelm, whatever it is
you're feeling when you'reneeding to ask for help, because
(05:34):
if you can do it when you havea clear mind, then you're gonna
be able to think more clearlyokay, these are the people that
I need to go to to ask for somehelp or for some knowledge or
whatever it is you're lookingfor.
Number two I like to rememberthat I'm not the only one Like
that is something for me inparticular, like with my house.
Like I struggle with my houseafter I have babies I think
(05:59):
probably most moms do but thatis like a big thing for me.
Like that's the very last thingthat I want to be doing when I
have a newborn.
I love the newborn stage and soI just want to like soak in all
those baby snuggles and all thethings.
But then I have my other kidsthat I want to make sure I'm
getting attention to and all ofthat.
(06:20):
And then I have my own personalcare that I want to make sure
I'm like maintaining and I'mactually taking a shower and I'm
doing the things that will helpme to feel good.
And then I also have like theconnection with my husband that
I want to make sure I'm spendingthat time.
I probably, like, my biggestlove language with my husband is
quality time, and so, like me,spending that quality time with
him is really important.
(06:41):
So my house work is not apriority a lot of the time
because I have all those otherthings, but when I have like a
newborn baby, then it isdefinitely like that that's the
last thing that I want to bedoing, but also, at the same
time, for my mental sanity.
I need to have a peacefulenvironment.
(07:02):
So it can be really, really hardfor me right after I have
babies with my house, because Ineed that, I need the clean
space, I need to not have thechaos of the clutter, but I also
have all those other needs thatare a little bit more important
.
So it's really hard for me tojust shed the embarrassment and
(07:22):
just be like it's okay.
My house is a disaster becauseI'm taking care of the areas
that I also need and to ask forhelp during those times when,
like, I maybe am embarrassedwith how many dishes are in the
kitchen sink or how dirty thefloors are.
I have a lot of tile in myhouse and the tile can get so
dirty and so just to shed theembarrassment and remember that
(07:46):
I'm not the only one.
There's a lot of other peoplethat like, maybe their house is
the same for whatever reason,for whatever their reasons are,
and to like and just be likeit's okay.
This is just a time in my life,like it's not gonna be like
this forever, and I need alittle bit of help right now and
that's okay.
So that's just an example, butjust to remember that you're
never the only one.
(08:06):
Whatever it is you'restruggling with, you're never
the only one who's alone in it.
My third tip that can be helpfulin asking for help is to
practice gratitude.
So when I obviously whensomebody helps you, you're
extremely grateful, and so tothank them and I mean that's
kind of common knowledge likeyou're gonna thank somebody
(08:26):
who's helping you but also topractice the gratitude before
you even go and ask for help.
For example, when you have asick child, you can have
gratitude that you haveresources at your fingertips.
There are some of my favoriteaccounts that I follow on
Instagram that can help to giveme knowledge and it's almost
like I'm raising my hand andasking them for help.
(08:48):
Maybe I'm not physically askingthem, but I'm like going to
their Instagram accounts and I'mgetting like Shannon Tripp.
She's one that I like.
I love Shannon.
She's a nurse and she postsawesome stuff and she talks a
lot about like sick kids andwellness, and so like raising my
hand and asking for help.
It could just be me like I mean, she doesn't see me raising my
(09:09):
hand and asking for help, but itcould be me purchasing one of
her courses or just reading ablog post that she has, or
listening to one of her podcastepisodes, and that could be me
raising my hand and asking forhelp and then, if I need more
help, then I can be gratefulthat I had that resource of like
Instagram or whatever, but thenI can be grateful that I have
(09:29):
other resources Like I have adoctor that I can call and I can
just be grateful andappreciative of all of the
resources that I have and thentake advantage of them.
So they're there, like I'mgonna be and I'm grateful for
them, so why am I not gonna takeadvantage of them?
So that is like, probably notsomething that you would think
(09:50):
of when you're thinking ofraising your hand and asking for
help, but having that gratitudemindset before you go in and
ask for help whatever it is thatyou're asking has been really
helpful to me to when I'm askingfor help and for knowledge or
assistance or whatever it is.
The fourth one is to rememberthat someone might need me more
(10:10):
than I need them.
There is maybe a friend in yourlife who is maybe craving some
sort of connection or likefeeling like maybe you have
helped them a lot in the pastand like them, they're feeling
like I just want to do somethingfor this person and so maybe
you asking for some help couldactually help them just as much,
(10:30):
or maybe more, than it could behelping you.
And the fifth one is to prefaceit with please say no if you
can't.
Because I, for me, I hate itwhen I feel like I'm asking
somebody and they're saying yesout of obligation.
So I always like to preface itlike you are not the first
person I am asking, like andeven if they are like it's okay,
(10:52):
I have other choices, becausein reality we do, we all have
other choices, and so I alwaysjust like to preface it with
please say no if you can't, andthen it removes the guilt from
me, so that's on them.
If they say yes and they likereally can't or whatever, then I
have done.
I mean, I have done my part andI have asked for help and I've
been a healthy person that way.
(11:13):
But I've also been like pleasedon't put yourself out if this
is not something that you can do, and then I can feel like I am
guilt free from asking them forany help.
Number six is to allow someoneto help when they offer.
Sometimes for me that can bereally hard, and there are times
this is like a healthy.
This is a hard one that youhave to have like a good balance
(11:34):
, because, yes, there aresometimes when, like people are
asking to help but maybe it'ssomething that is actually not
going to necessarily help you.
You can still be so gratefulthat they are willing to help,
but you don't have to feel likeyou have to allow them to.
But then there are times whensomebody is offering to help and
(11:56):
it really would be helpful andyou don't need to be like
superwoman and just say, no,it's okay, don't worry about it,
but just allow them to help.
You don't need to worry aboutthey're.
They're the ones who areoffering, so you don't need to
worry about, like, theirschedule, their whatever it is
that they have going on in theirlife like they're offering to
help you.
(12:16):
So allow them to if it, ifthey're offering to help you
with something that you're likeactually that's really not going
to be helpful.
Maybe you could give them asuggestion.
I have found that, likesometimes they will, somebody
will say, hey, would it behelpful if I did this, or can I
do this for you, and maybe thatparticular thing wouldn't be
helpful, but I can think ofsomething else that would, and
(12:36):
so you can just gratefully andnicely thank them for being
willing to help and say you know, what would actually be even
more helpful is if you did this,or is if you could talk to me
about this or teach me aboutthis, or whatever it is.
Number seven is to say nolovingly to the things that
won't help.
So that kind of goes along withwhat I was just talking about
(12:57):
just kind of pivot, like if it's, if it's actually like more
going to be more, moreburdensome for you.
People have such goodintentions.
And just to remember that likewe are so grateful that people
are willing to help or or wantto offer their advice or their
expertise, but maybe there aresometimes when it's not going to
help, and so if maybe someone'soffering some advice that maybe
(13:19):
is actually not super helpfulto you or not good for your
mental health, then just tothank them like thank you so
much for caring, and then maybejust to pivot them in a
direction that might be a littlebit more helpful for you.
And it's okay to say nolovingly, like it's okay.
You don't have to feelobligated that you have to say
yes.
Number eight is to hire help.
This is obviously a wonderfulblessing if you are, and when
(13:44):
you are able to do this, andeven if it's just like a
one-time thing, like it's okay,like to pay somebody to do
something that you are perfectlycapable of doing, but maybe you
just don't want to or you wouldrather put your time and your
energy and your resources intosomething else.
Like you don't need to feelguilty about hiring help if
(14:06):
you're able.
Number nine is to don't justblindly follow, but to ask
questions.
So I think, like we do, we canthink of this oftentimes with,
like medical stuff.
Like we raise our hands, we askthe doctors like, please help,
I need help with this.
But you don't need to justblindly follow all of their
(14:28):
advice.
You can also do your ownresearch.
You can follow your ownintuition, um, whether it's like
mama intuition, if it'ssomething for your child or if
it's something for you and justto follow your own intuition, to
do your own research, and youdon't have to just blindly
follow the experts.
This doesn't have just have tobe medical.
This could be anything.
(14:48):
This could be.
I think we can get really suckedinto, um, like the social media
world, like even this podcast,for example.
Like we can get.
We can get really sucked intoinfluencers and experts in
certain fields, like, uh,minimalists or um, cleaning
accounts or or beauty accountsor like anything um, we can.
(15:10):
We can get sucked into their at, their expertise, their
knowledge, and they're like youshould do this, like you need
this.
This will change your life.
Don't wash your hair every day,take this supplement or do this
type of exercise.
Like we're getting thrown somuch advice and so many things
and so we don't need to justlike blindly follow, like, even
(15:31):
if it's somebody that weabsolutely love and that we
follow and that we have donetheir stuff before and we've
taken their advice before andthat we've really loved it,
don't just blindly follow.
As you are searching for adviceor help with something, do your
own research, listen to yourintuition, ask questions when
you're able and, um, you will.
(15:52):
This can be a really reallyhelpful tool in raising your
hand and asking for help, likeyou can ask for help, but you
can also form your own opinions.
You can also get your ownknowledge and you can also know
for yourself what you should bedoing in certain situations.
And number 10 I've kind oftalked on this really already,
but just to to ask an expert.
(16:12):
So, whether that is likeactually physically talking to
someone or, um, maybe you have afriend who has been through an
experience like, yes, they could, they could be considered an
expert in something because theyhave gone through it.
So, if you're a first-time momand you are like, is this normal
, like should I be feeling thisway, like, or whatever it is, or
(16:33):
just I just need somebody tojust let me just get the words
out and just somebody who hasbeen there, somebody who's had a
miscarriage before, somebodywho has, um, dealt with like
infertility or infidelity fromtheir husband or whatever,
whatever it is that you're goingthrough that you need help with
, ask an expert or somebodywho's gone through it and that
(16:55):
can be really helpful in yourhealing.
Or you're going through theprocess of a certain trial or a
certain experience, or raisingkids or whatever it is that you
are going through.
So those are my 10 tips.
I hope that that was helpful.
But next time you find yourselffeeling overwhelmed, stressed,
unsure, just feeling like youcan't get anything done, or you
(17:18):
need help with an idea or likehow to execute it, something it
doesn't even need to be anythingnegative, like it could be like
I'm really really excited to bedoing this, but I have
absolutely no idea how like it'sokay to ask somebody.
Ask somebody to help you, askfor help, raise your hand.
Don't suffer in silence, don'tdrag out the process longer than
(17:38):
it needs to be, when you couldget some really really helpful
knowledge or expertise orhands-on assistance, and I hope
that this can be helpful in yourlife, whatever it is that
you're doing motherhood, career,marriage, personal anything
have a beautiful day and stayconfidently beautiful, and I
will talk to you next week.
Thanks for listening.
(17:59):
Connect with me on instagram atconfidently beautiful podcast
and share this episode withsomeone in your life who could
use a little reminder of justhow amazing they already are.
Stay confidently beautiful.
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