Ep #173 The Judgment Detox Every Parent Needs I Riffing On My Book (7)

The mom in Target who judged me for my kids' meltdowns did me a favor. She showed me how toxic judgment was destroying my parenting. A few years later when a wise human shared this thought with me, I knew it was a keeper, "No one is worthy of my judgment, and everyone is worthy of my love."
 
In this episode, I'm diving deep into Chapter 3 of my book, "Nothing Has Gone Wrong Here," and sharing the judgment detox that saved my sanity (and my relationship with my kids). Whether you're judging yourself for yelling, judging your kids for not listening, or feeling judged by other parents, this episode is your permission slip to let it all go.
 
What I'm sharing:

• The Target Checkout Moment that made me realize I was grading myself on my kids' behavior (spoiler: your parenting report card doesn't include their meltdowns)
• The Dangerous Myth that compliant kids = good parenting (and why your "perfect" child might be struggling MORE than your "difficult" one)
• The Mindset Shift that transformed my triggered 10-year-old from "rude and entitled" to a kid who just needed understanding
• The Freedom Formula: How "nothing has gone wrong here" becomes your nervous system's new best friend

 Key Takeaways:

1. Your child's behavior doesn't mean anything about you: it only means something about them
2. Meltdowns are information, not report cards: they're signs something isn't working for your child, not that you're failing
3. Compliant doesn't equal healthy: internal meltdowns of shame can be just as concerning as external tantrums
4. When you judge less, you understand more: curiosity opens doors that criticism slams shut
5. The goal isn't no meltdowns: it's knowing what to do when they happen

Quotes from This Episode:

"An emotional meltdown is a sign that something isn't working for your child, not a sign that you're a parenting screw up."

"Just because they're not melting down doesn't necessarily mean everything's working either. A compliant child could be struggling just as much as a disobedient child."

"Their behavior doesn't mean anything about you. It only means something about them."

"When I slowed down and reminded myself she's doing the best she can, even if it's not very good right now, everything changed."

When facing challenging behavior, ask yourself:

1. How would things change if I saw my child's behavior as evidence they were struggling?
2. How easy or hard would it be to shift my interpretation of their behavior?
3. Is continuing to judge this behavior serving me or my child?
4. Would I want someone to respond to ME this way?

Before the next episode, think of ONE situation that's currently challenging with your kids, something that triggers you or makes you want to judge (them or yourself). Have it ready, because next episode we're creating your personalized "Get Ready for Anything Plan."

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