May 16, 2022 • 31 mins
This episode is all about sex: sex as a learning experience, sex as communication, sex as art. Noam shares the story of a relationship that first communicated primarily through sex. Writer Mark O’Halloran and Intimacy Coordinator Ita O’Brien talk about creating and choreographing the sexiest scenes in Conversations With Friends. And we hear stories about a slumber party surprise, not hot public sex at Burning Man, and the fear of god after losing your virginity.
Rachel Bell
http://rachelbell.info/
Michelle Murphy
https://www.michellemurphytalks.com/
https://www.instagram.com/meeshoffleash/
Nir Benita
https://instagram.com/nirbenita
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/conversations-with-friends-strangers--5711089/support.
Rachel Bell
http://rachelbell.info/
Michelle Murphy
https://www.michellemurphytalks.com/
https://www.instagram.com/meeshoffleash/
Nir Benita
https://instagram.com/nirbenita
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/conversations-with-friends-strangers--5711089/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Straw hut media penetration one and slow with them two
and three and four and then second not of eight
and lift it and five and six and seven. You know,
cross through to orgasm.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Welcome to Conversations with Friends and Strangers.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I'm Maggie, I'm Nolahm.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
In the show, we take a closer look at the
complicated relationships in the Hulu series Conversations with Friends.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
We'll meet some of the cast and crew, chat with experts,
and share our own kind of sexy, kind of uncomfortable,
but relatable stories about the messy relationships we find ourselves
in today.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Sex Yes, sex. Do you think sex is its own language? Well,
you know what I think? Yeah, I do know what
you think, And soon everyone else will too, because today
Noam shares a story about a guy who communicated best
in bed, exclusively in bed. He was not multilingual. We
will learn what goes into crafting a great sex scene
(00:57):
with writer Mark O'Halloran and intimacy coordin Eat It O'Brien,
and then we'll hear a couple of first time stories.
It's probably gonna get a little bit steamy. Should we
jump right in? I'm ready no for play?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Then?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Oh, Lord, Okay, here's your recap. In this episode, they
have sex for the first.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Time, says sex.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
They have sex.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
They have sex, but we'll get there once up at
a time.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
First thing, she gets to Nick's house, they talk about
what they're about to do.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Then they have sex.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Then they have sex, and it's it's pretty hot.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
And it's very hot. It's also her first time having
sex with a man.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yeah, and it's it's kind of awkward, but it's sweet.
And when she leaves, she immediately texts Bobby not to
tell her what happened, but to get together with her
and watch a movie.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
And Francis is kind of a dick. When they hang out,
they have a little fight.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, they do, and Francis and Nick have sex again.
This time they talk a little bit about Melissa and
again some more about Bobby.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And then Nick casually drops he's going away for the summer,
and it's awkward again.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Francis apologizes to Bobby for being a dick, and it's
water under the bridge. By the end of the episode,
it feels like maybe things are kind of fizzling out
between Francis and Nick.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Melissa, however, wants to use a quote from one of
Francis's poems in an essay in her new book, and
she invites Francis and Bobby to join them on their
holiday in Croatia.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
The plot fects, it's it's not real crying. I swear
I'm happy.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Antoine and I met at the bar where I worked
in Paris, lukech. I would change his name, but it's
so common. It's kind of the perfect fight name.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I was very much attracted to him the second I
saw him. There was definitely a quickening there. The problem
was that this was about a year after I moved
to Paris, and my French well it was basic minus
and his English was even worse than that. With other
people around, we kind of managed a decent level of
and and kind of awkward looks and smiles. It was
(03:03):
kind of I think it was sweet. And one night
I locked us in the second finished closing and he
kissed me. And that point I couldn't even understand what
he did as a job. The best I got was
building climate legos for students.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Building climate legos for students.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yes, I know, I don't know what that meant.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
To me either, but that's do you think that's because
your French was bad or do you think that's because
he had a really confusing job?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Yeah, a little bit of both. Yeah. So we walked
together back to his place and it was almost daybreak,
It was like almost metro hour. We found another form
of communication that night, which was sex. It was a
physical conversation we had was much more profound than we intended.
It was so natural and so good. It frightened us.
(03:48):
For the next six months, we used to Goo Google
Translate and reverse so and music to try and talk
until until I finally spoke French properly, but I still
switched back to English time we had to fight.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Was that because you felt like you were better at
fighting in English? Or was it to punish him?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It was kind of like, why do we even bother
speaking French? Not that I learned French for him. It
was definitely a very good incentive, very much kind of
like a sensory education kind of flank, which I learned
French through having sex.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
That's the most French thing I've ever heard in my life.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I mean, you have to, you know, you learn as
you go. Yeah, hands on, if I had to.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I don't want to hurt your marriage. My marriage is
survived several affairs already.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Oh ready, I just never been party to them.
Speaker 7 (04:44):
I see, yeah, I mean lines like that you don't
throw away like that's your work is done for you.
Why fuck around with this?
Speaker 3 (04:51):
That's writer Marco Hallerin.
Speaker 7 (04:53):
She almost laughs at him, and she almost laughs at
her own brazenness for being there. And then they say
let's go upstairs. I think capturing that that wasn't quite
in the novel. It suggested that it's there, but the
dialogue for it wasn't there, and so finding those moments
were really great. And also Alison plays moments like that
(05:16):
so brilliantly because she brings a number of layers to it.
She plays the awkwardness. I can't believe I'm here, I'm here,
I'm in charge, I'm doing this, I'm driving this. What
the fuck am I doing? So like I loved that's
that's kind of rich material for someone to be able
to write.
Speaker 8 (05:32):
You know, if you'll probably tell me something, m.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
This is kind of awkward.
Speaker 8 (05:43):
I've never had sex with the mom before, right, Is
it odd that I didn't type beforehand?
Speaker 7 (05:53):
It's downy at certainly with that sex scene, which is
episode three, there was it was there was a huge,
huge amount in there, and we moved around a few things.
She had to say to him that it was the
first time that she had sex with the man. Bobby
was very live in their conversation. She mentions Bobby quite
a lot, and then there's the physical release of her crying.
(06:14):
That's a lot to fit into a scene, and it's
a lot to fit into a scene in which we
have just seen them, you know, go through quite athletic
sex and enjoy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Themselves athletic sex. No One, what'd you call what they
have in this episode athletic sex? I mean, I've had
more athletic sex than that, Yeah, because we know that now.
But I think what I would call Nick and Francis's
experience in this episode, it's very intimate sex.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Hello, Maggie and No One. I am Eita O'Brien. I'm
an intimacy coordinator and I worked on conversation with friends
as well as normal people.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
If this is the first time you're hearing about the
job intimacy coordinator and you're like, where is this university
and what are the classes like? Hold on a second.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
An intimacy coordinator is a practitioner who brings a professional
structure and process to working with intimacy in theater, TV,
and film.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Believe it or not. Up until very recently, there was
no professional process or a practitioner to work through and
create intimate content.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And I'm so so sorry for this idiom here, but
we are about to learn how the sassage gets made.
I really didn't need that.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So if you think of a stunt coordinator, we're very
much akin to that practitioner who is there to listen
to the director and then either create the best stunt,
make sure then that rehearsals are put in place. They're
going to teach the actors really good techniques, and then
once they've taught everything and assessed the risk and put
(07:47):
in safe all the safety measures, then they're going to
choreograph either that stunt or fight really clearly so that
everybody knows what they're doing. Serves the director's vision, serves
as storytelling, serves the character, so that by the time
you get up in front of the camera, the actors
can bring the best themselves and act thess socks off
and create a really good fight or stunt. So that's
exactly what we're doing with the Internet content.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
When Eita explains it like that, it's hard to believe
it's taken so long for the role of intimacy coordinator
to exist and it's still not totally mainstream yet.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
So in avoid of a professional approach and professional process,
the contents very often with the elephant in the room,
it would be that thing of you read the script,
as in where you've read script, you know there's a
sex in there, so you know, let's say no more.
Nobody will consider it, nobody will talk about it until
the day onset, and then invariably the director will go, well,
(08:39):
this is what I want, okay, either one of two things.
You to go away, work it out for yourselves and
come back and show me what you've created, or this
is what I want. Get on front of the camera,
so the director might be able to speak about their vision,
but then having that open conversation with everybody, you know,
so it's not just what the director wants. Where the
camera's place is going to be part of what serves
(09:00):
a director's vision. What the lighting is, you know, the
right clothes and therefore the right modesty garments. If a
character is supposed to be naked, yes, it doesn't mean
that the actor. In fact, it's very important that, especially
if you're performing simulated sexual content, that you're never going
to have naked genitalia, you know, touching. It's not suitable
to exchange fluids in your workplace, you know, so of
(09:22):
course you're going to have genitalia coverings. All of that
needs to be discussed and considered. There's an artistic journey
through to that.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
There's the gradual building of tension between characters too.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
It might start with a gaze, then you know, flirting
until it opens up into physical touch and then physical
intimate content ek sex that.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Actually gets a body dance. You know, you have having
someone who understands anatomy, who understands physics, physical anatomy, who
understands the anatomy of arousal, and again bringing choreographic you know,
I absolutely, you know, bring all my training as a dancer.
I absolutely work incounts of eights or have you know,
preps of intercourse you know, and penetration one and slow
rhythm too, and three and four and then second not
(10:06):
debate and lifted five and six and seven across through
to orgasm and then once it's known, once the actors
have done it. A few times they can release on
it and then then they can go and free flow.
But both of them have absolutely understood the rhythm of
the body danced together. It's two people expressing themselves through
their physicality, through their bodies, and in that place, that's
(10:26):
where you know, an intimacy coordinator can bring the skills
of body awareness, rhythm, choreography, clear physical storytelling and putting
in place agreement and consent. And then it means added
actor can be free and open and bring all of
themselves freely to what this character is, what this relationship is,
and what this particular moment of the storytelling is.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
It's beautiful, bit more of a kind of a third
wheel situation, but they're actually puppeteers. Yes, it's very magical.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Yeah, when we were learning about all this stuff, my
mind went straight to some of the horror stories I've
heard over the years from actresses who'd had traumatic experiences
filming sex scenes.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yes, it has been historically women that have sort of
been put upon, But this work is for everybody. It
actually is about bringing parity to everybody, and that's for
the director. You know that the actors, no matter what
sexuality or your gender you are, and it's really important
that we've really opened that out. And then it's not
just for those in front of the camera or the director,
(11:29):
it's also for the crew. It's about putting in place
a professional process for everybody in their workplace. This is
their day of work. It really gets me, you know
when people say you're here for the girl, right, Yeah,
and it's like you wouldn't say to a stunt coordinator,
you're here for the person playing the goodie. You get
about the person playing the baddie. It's ridiculous, isn't it. Yeah,
(11:52):
And also for me, that attitude actually keeps the woman
as a victim. Let's throw that out. Let's just open
it out. This is about a pro that allows everybody
to be professional, everybody to watch at the top of
the game, to the top of their skill in whatever
role they are, and everybody working openly creatively, artistically, being
listened to and heard to create really good art, be
(12:13):
it in theater, to be your film.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, I think that. You know, one of the big
things about normal people was like the sex scenes are
very good, and I think that that's still true and
I think that holds true for conversations with friends too,
So I think that that's really a testament to how
effective this is. That these sex scenes are so powerful,
and you didn't lose any magic by being respectful and
(12:37):
by having everybody consent. In fact, it enhances the experience
for the viewer.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Exactly. On the contrary, it felt much more realistic, which
is so important, especially because of the people watching it,
especially well also women, but not only women and their
partners and all the people having sex, just humans having sex.
A good example of people respecting their boss and having
a really good time. So great, Jack, Yeah, I don't
(13:06):
know if you like Maggie, I send you a lot
of memes about how on screen women can just you know,
climax from penetration so easily, and things like that that
we watch growing up and we think that we're not normal.
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Sorry, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
My eyes are watering, it's all it's it's not real crying.
I swear. I'm happy it sort of happened before.
Speaker 8 (13:36):
When when it's with Bobby, she says, it's the symptom
of my repressed nature. You can ask her about it,
only please don't ever.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's actually such a complex moment. You know, both released,
there's joy, there's pent up in motion like you know,
you could you could go on again, and I don't
want to analyze all of it, but it was so
delicate that moment, that journey through to the intimate encounter
then into the release of that, you know, that delicacy,
that was just you know, incredible and what Alison brings
(14:16):
to that is just stunning.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Yeah. Yeah, definitely, And I think that that was done
really well because that's, you know, another one of those moments.
I think that in the book it's easy to imagine
or easier to imagine than it is to you know,
bring into a physical space. And I think that was
really well done.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Isn't it amazing because it's so complex, It has so
much in it that you can just feel and knowing
your body, but trying to articulate all of it even
you can't possibly do, but it tells you so much.
Speaker 7 (14:46):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Nom Have you ever cried after sex?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Not in a good way?
Speaker 9 (14:52):
Have you?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
I don't think so. You know, if I did, I
repressed it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Yeah, maybe allergies.
Speaker 9 (14:58):
You know, I've got something in my.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay, so we're going to take a quick break and
then when we come back some first times first time
with a woman, first time.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
With a man, first time in a sex stent with
forty other couples.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
That's a weird one. Be right back, Welcome back. Today,
we're talking about sex, sex as a form of communication,
(15:33):
sex on camera as an art form, and first time
sex too.
Speaker 6 (15:36):
I'm Rachel Bell. I live in Queen's I'm a poet
and marketing professional. About to turn twenty nine in two weeks.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yeah, nearly birthday. Girl.
Speaker 6 (15:49):
I have always, I mean since I was like, I
think in sixth grade, knew that I was attracted Well,
the sixth grade was the first time I told anyone
I was attracted to women. I knew I was attracted
to women when I saw Therman playing Poison Ivy and
that one Batman movie that was one person.
Speaker 7 (16:05):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
She just pritted, like we feel so funny. A few
years ago, when I first moved to New York, there's
a friend of mine, let's call her Alicia, who I
thought was very beautiful, very impressive. She had a cool job,
and she was like very fun to be around. I
had met her because I was really good friends with
her roommate and she was dating a guy and it
(16:27):
was like ninety seven degrees one day in New York,
and she texted me and I was like, Hey, it's
going to be really hot the rest of the day.
None of my window units are set up in my
new apartment. I just moved. And I remember last time
we were at your place, your room was like crispy cold,
and she was like, do you mind if I spend
the night at your place tonight because I'm gonna just
(16:48):
be miserable. I won't be able to sleep here. And
I was like, yeah, of course, Like it'll be fun.
We'll like watch YouTube videos and whatever, like I just
got a new hair straightener, you know. I was like
snumber party, Bye's best time, you know.
Speaker 9 (17:03):
And of course I.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
Always thought she was very beautiful. And she came over
and we hung out for like five hours, like talking.
I don't even know what we were doing.
Speaker 9 (17:13):
The whole time.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
We're just laying on my bed because that's tiny room,
and at one point she kind of scooches close to
me and it's like, you smell so good. And it
was like when Jimmy neutron has a brain blast and
they like go in his ear and zoom through his
whole brain. That was what it was like in the moment,
I like recontextualize everything that had happened between us for
(17:34):
the past six hours, and I was like, oh my god,
we're going to have sex. This is not bestie time,
this is for play that we're doing. I've been reading
it all wrong because to me women, I'm a classic
bisexual woman in that women are perfect and beautiful and
why would any of them ever want me? And I
(17:55):
don't know how to approach them. Men are stupid and
easy and I know how they work, like that's very doable.
So I just did never courage me that she wanted
to have sex with me. So she had sex and
it was awesome, and then she had tickets to see
Cardi B perform on a boat the next day. And
(18:15):
this was right before Cardi B's first hit song, Botak
Yellow came out, and I was like, oh, I know
she is, but I haven't listened to her music very much.
She uninvited her boyfriend, they were in no relationship. Uninvited
her boyfriend, invited me, and we went on a boat
and saw Cardi B performed Botak Yellow on like the
Hudson River together and we are also still friends to
(18:38):
this day.
Speaker 9 (18:40):
That's first of all, that's that's great.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
It's a beautiful story.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
It's a beautiful story.
Speaker 10 (18:45):
Can you tell me a little but can you talk
a little bit about like the difference, Like this was
your first time having sex with a woman you'd obviously
had sex with men before. Was there like a learning
curve where you like or was it like this is
the same as my body. So I'm just gonna like
do what I know I like, and I'm gonna hope,
you know, see what happens.
Speaker 6 (19:02):
Yeah, that's important to mention. I think I am very
much a believer in like the most fun sex. It
requires and involves a lot of talking communication, especially, I
think because it's not always easy to make.
Speaker 9 (19:15):
A girl come.
Speaker 6 (19:16):
And so I'm with her and I start to, you know,
lower myself, and I just look up at her and
I say, straight up, I'm going to be like a
fourteen year old boy down here. Please feel free to
just tell me what you want me to do, because
like that's what I needed, and like I was gonna
cry myself to sleep if I didn't bring her to orgasm.
(19:39):
So like, I don't know if what you like is
what I like, but if it's not the same, just
give me some directions and she did and it worked
out perfectly, and I felt like a.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Fucking chant dude.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Yeah, I mean like, I know how often people fail
with me, so like the fact that I was able
to do it, I was like, first of all, they've
raised my state, and secondly, I was walking on sunshine.
I was like floating on a cloud for like a
week at least. Even now, I'm feeling kind of like
thick swinging about it.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I guess air conditioning has some serious sex appeal.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Can air conditioning have sex appeal?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I mean apparently, And oddly enough it factors into this
next story as well.
Speaker 11 (20:26):
I was at burning Man and it was my first
year at burning Man.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
This is Michelle Murphy.
Speaker 11 (20:31):
I also want to confess I just feel like a
dick being like this story takes Plice a burning Man.
But I went, and I've been going for a while now,
but this was my first year out there, and I
knew I really wanted to go to the orgy Dome,
which is like non at burning Man. It is the
(20:52):
dome that hosts the orchies, and it's like very it's
talked about because there's air conditioning, which is like a
really hot commodity. When you're at Burningman, You're like, I
would fuck for ac truly, I will do whatever it takes.
And I was probably more sexually adventurous than my boyfriend
at the time, and so I was like really wanting
(21:12):
us to go. He was open to being persuaded, but
he was definitely persuaded. Like I was the one who
was leading the charge. We you know, bike through the dust,
and we pull up to the orgy dome and there's
a line outside of it, and I understand. You know,
there are play parties where you're like, we have to
transition the people from the outside to the inside, and
we take them to this room, and then you go
to this room and you hear the rules and consent.
(21:34):
But this was very much just like a single file
line that starts to weave into the dome. And meanwhile
I see like friends of friends who I don't really
want to be making small talk in a line, like
I wouldn't even want to see them at an amusement
park line much less, and like, you guys are here
to fuck too, Like what are I wonder if we'll
(21:55):
see you in there? I hope we don't. And so
it's just like the most mundane daily life situations. But
we're in line for the orgy, and so we get
closer and now we're like transitioning inside, and we see
so quickly that the giant not giant. Actually the very
small dome is separated into two areas and one is
(22:19):
called just for us, and there's a sign that indicates that,
and the other is welcome to Join. And I said
giant because the welcome to Join room is giant, but
it is also empty, and the just for us room
is full of so many people just banging it out.
And he and I had not had the conversation of
(22:39):
like we're doing this in a capacity where if somebody approaches,
will like incorporate them or whatever, you know, Like we
were only as comfortable as just for us, but there
was literally no room, like there were so many limbs
and it wasn't hot. We kind of just stand there
incredibly awkwardly, where I feel like a bro. I'm just like, uh,
(23:00):
do should take off my bra Like I don't know
what to do. And he and I keep looking in
the Welcome to Joining room because it looks beautiful and
there's like cushions and it's just it's just like looks
so appealing, but what if we what if we like
get into deep there and someone approaches us and we
don't want to shame them for you know what I mean,
like they're yeah, So eventually we like we wait for
(23:24):
a couple to finish, and then they they leave, And
even though a couple had just left, there still was
not a lot of space, like we were carving out
space for ourselves because the logistics were the most challenging
part about it, and there was no there was no
payback of it being sexy, like it was just limbs.
We were just navigating through limbs and stepping over people
(23:47):
and being like, oh, pardon us, excuse me, you know,
like just not at all hot. And then we lay
down and also it's like we're so we're both so distracted.
We're like not at all present because really this fucking
sucks ass.
Speaker 9 (24:03):
But we're there.
Speaker 11 (24:04):
It's yeah, the ac and and just like it's it's
as if we had felt like we had bought tickets
to this thing and we had to see it through,
you know, like which we don't. You can always leave
the tour guide if you're having a bad time and
you're walking around Rome and you're like, I don't act
like you could just leave, you know, so whatever, we
didn't do that, we didn't leave.
Speaker 12 (24:25):
I see, like, how long did you last in the
in the sex dome? And that is the ultimate question
sex clinics. It felt like an hour. I think maybe
six minutes. Like we started, we started just having sex.
And this is this is another clinical element. It was
just you know, put it in. There was not like
a hot because it wasn't even hot to make out
(24:46):
with each other, which again I really thought it would
be baistic and like I wanted.
Speaker 11 (24:50):
To see people and I but then I didn't, you know,
and so we're just like their missionary style. And it's
and there's like a foot that's like keeps edging into
my periphery and then it's like full on in front
of my face and like between my boyfriend at the
time and my face, and I'm like Jesus Christ, and
I just had this like zoom out moment where I
(25:13):
was like, I feel so far from home. I feel
so far from my Catholic mother, which like usually I'm
trying to get as far away from that situation of
being raised that way as possible.
Speaker 9 (25:26):
But this is this is like too much.
Speaker 11 (25:29):
And since then I have I've indulged in like much
more hedonistic stuff that has been like battier than that
orgy dome. But in that moment, I was like, this
is terrible, and so I basically asked him while he
was like in me, I was like, can we please leave?
And he was like I thought you would never ask
(25:50):
you or the one who wanted to call here, like,
let's get out of here. And so we just we
just like grab our garments whatever they are, and we
just like book it, and yeah, it felt it felt amazing.
Once we exited, we realized also that AC wasn't even
(26:12):
doing us that many favors. You have so many bodies
in the room. It was so hot, it was like muggy,
you know. And we went back to my camp and
people asked how it was, and we were like, it
was absolutely terrible.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Why is it so hard to get out of uncomfortable
situations sometimes?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, I don't know. I mean I think it's a
skill that comes with age. And remember, consent is something
you can revoke at any time, right right.
Speaker 5 (26:43):
Consent is like a thing you have to figure out
by yourself first before you realize that is for me,
that's why I discovered.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Remember my friend nir he has a story about his
first time having sex and it deals with consent.
Speaker 5 (26:54):
It takes time to realize what his concent means.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
For you and maybe also eventul god.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
I remember the first time I had sex, I was
like so eager to do it already. I was seventeen.
For me, I was like super old. All of my
friends didd already and I was just like, let's get
over with it. And I came over to this guy
from the internet. He was like six years or five
years older than me, but he took me on his
(27:21):
scooter and the whole way there I had an erection.
I was so excited just by sitting behind him on
the bike. And we get there and he opens the
door and I see he's very very hot roommate and
I'm like, fuck, I should have The roommate is nice,
(27:43):
and we're sitting and we're smoking and we're drinking, and
then we're going to the room and we're having sex
and I fucked him for the first time. We never
had apprentication before, and it was fine, and he was like, Okay,
do you want to come And I was like, no,
I'm fine. I don't want to count like it's fine
for me. I was too shocked from this whole situation.
(28:05):
And then he asked me, do you only me to
call my roommate to enter, and I was like yes.
It was like somebody is listening upstairs, so he comes in.
But then he fucked me, and I remember like being
fucked and like literally not understanding what's going on and
(28:29):
not realizing the whole situation and just being incomplete shock.
And then like the day after I couldn't remember if
he used the contum or not because of this shock.
I felt so bad about myself and I don't know
him dirty and just horrible. And the morning after everything happened,
(28:52):
a window fell on me and I was hospitalized for
like two weeks. Oh my god, God is punishing me
for having sex, and I didn't have sex for like
three months.
Speaker 6 (29:04):
After Jesus, I would come to this exact same conclusion.
Speaker 5 (29:12):
I learned a lot about myself because the guts that
you have to find in yourself to just say no,
it's almost like you're saying no to yourself at the
same time, because nobody wants to say no to anyone.
Nobody wants to be in that place of saying no
or like being rejected, and for me, it was like,
I don't want to reject this person because I felt
(29:32):
rejected many times in my life. I didn't feel good.
I learned with time and many guys that it's okay
to say no.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Yeah, please teach me how to say no better.
Speaker 9 (29:43):
I feel like some.
Speaker 13 (29:44):
Of it comes with respecting yourself and your desires, because
a lot of the time it's like we're literally just
putting another person's comfort ahead of our own. Rather than
making this other person uncomfortable, we'd rather just be uncomfort
ball and then we can move on from it.
Speaker 9 (30:03):
And that, I think is something that comes maybe with with.
Speaker 13 (30:06):
Asian experience, realizing that no, actually what you want in
your own safety and comfort should be the number one
priority in all of your.
Speaker 9 (30:15):
Situations.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
And it takes people longer than others.
Speaker 13 (30:43):
I know.
Speaker 14 (30:45):
It's had a show.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Any This show is hosted and produced by me, Maggie
Bowles and me no I'm Gadweiser. It's written and edited
by me, with assistant edit by Noam. Our supervising producer
is Ryan Tillotson, with help from Tyler Nielsen, Frank Driscoll,
Nick Bailey and the entire Straw Hut team. Theme music
is by Maggie Glass and Square Fish, and big thanks
(31:10):
to Ariya Vashi, Lauren Thorpe, Exavior Salas, and the Hulu.
Speaker 14 (31:14):
Team Magery Smile, A Little Child, A Little Child,
Straw hut media penetration one and slow with them two
and three and four and then second not of eight
and lift it and five and six and seven. You know,
cross through to orgasm.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Welcome to Conversations with Friends and Strangers.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I'm Maggie, I'm Nolahm.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
In the show, we take a closer look at the
complicated relationships in the Hulu series Conversations with Friends.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
We'll meet some of the cast and crew, chat with experts,
and share our own kind of sexy, kind of uncomfortable,
but relatable stories about the messy relationships we find ourselves
in today.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Sex Yes, sex. Do you think sex is its own language? Well,
you know what I think? Yeah, I do know what
you think, And soon everyone else will too, because today
Noam shares a story about a guy who communicated best
in bed, exclusively in bed. He was not multilingual. We
will learn what goes into crafting a great sex scene
(00:57):
with writer Mark O'Halloran and intimacy coordin Eat It O'Brien,
and then we'll hear a couple of first time stories.
It's probably gonna get a little bit steamy. Should we
jump right in? I'm ready no for play?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Then?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Oh, Lord, Okay, here's your recap. In this episode, they
have sex for the first.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Time, says sex.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
They have sex.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
They have sex, but we'll get there once up at
a time.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
First thing, she gets to Nick's house, they talk about
what they're about to do.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Then they have sex.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Then they have sex, and it's it's pretty hot.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
And it's very hot. It's also her first time having
sex with a man.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yeah, and it's it's kind of awkward, but it's sweet.
And when she leaves, she immediately texts Bobby not to
tell her what happened, but to get together with her
and watch a movie.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
And Francis is kind of a dick. When they hang out,
they have a little fight.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, they do, and Francis and Nick have sex again.
This time they talk a little bit about Melissa and
again some more about Bobby.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And then Nick casually drops he's going away for the summer,
and it's awkward again.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Francis apologizes to Bobby for being a dick, and it's
water under the bridge. By the end of the episode,
it feels like maybe things are kind of fizzling out
between Francis and Nick.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Melissa, however, wants to use a quote from one of
Francis's poems in an essay in her new book, and
she invites Francis and Bobby to join them on their
holiday in Croatia.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
The plot fects, it's it's not real crying. I swear
I'm happy.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Antoine and I met at the bar where I worked
in Paris, lukech. I would change his name, but it's
so common. It's kind of the perfect fight name.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I was very much attracted to him the second I
saw him. There was definitely a quickening there. The problem
was that this was about a year after I moved
to Paris, and my French well it was basic minus
and his English was even worse than that. With other
people around, we kind of managed a decent level of
and and kind of awkward looks and smiles. It was
(03:03):
kind of I think it was sweet. And one night
I locked us in the second finished closing and he
kissed me. And that point I couldn't even understand what
he did as a job. The best I got was
building climate legos for students.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Building climate legos for students.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Yes, I know, I don't know what that meant.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
To me either, but that's do you think that's because
your French was bad or do you think that's because
he had a really confusing job?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Yeah, a little bit of both. Yeah. So we walked
together back to his place and it was almost daybreak,
It was like almost metro hour. We found another form
of communication that night, which was sex. It was a
physical conversation we had was much more profound than we intended.
It was so natural and so good. It frightened us.
(03:48):
For the next six months, we used to Goo Google
Translate and reverse so and music to try and talk
until until I finally spoke French properly, but I still
switched back to English time we had to fight.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Was that because you felt like you were better at
fighting in English? Or was it to punish him?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It was kind of like, why do we even bother
speaking French? Not that I learned French for him. It
was definitely a very good incentive, very much kind of
like a sensory education kind of flank, which I learned
French through having sex.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
That's the most French thing I've ever heard in my life.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I mean, you have to, you know, you learn as
you go. Yeah, hands on, if I had to.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I don't want to hurt your marriage. My marriage is
survived several affairs already.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Oh ready, I just never been party to them.
Speaker 7 (04:44):
I see, yeah, I mean lines like that you don't
throw away like that's your work is done for you.
Why fuck around with this?
Speaker 3 (04:51):
That's writer Marco Hallerin.
Speaker 7 (04:53):
She almost laughs at him, and she almost laughs at
her own brazenness for being there. And then they say
let's go upstairs. I think capturing that that wasn't quite
in the novel. It suggested that it's there, but the
dialogue for it wasn't there, and so finding those moments
were really great. And also Alison plays moments like that
(05:16):
so brilliantly because she brings a number of layers to it.
She plays the awkwardness. I can't believe I'm here, I'm here,
I'm in charge, I'm doing this, I'm driving this. What
the fuck am I doing? So like I loved that's
that's kind of rich material for someone to be able
to write.
Speaker 8 (05:32):
You know, if you'll probably tell me something, m.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
This is kind of awkward.
Speaker 8 (05:43):
I've never had sex with the mom before, right, Is
it odd that I didn't type beforehand?
Speaker 7 (05:53):
It's downy at certainly with that sex scene, which is
episode three, there was it was there was a huge,
huge amount in there, and we moved around a few things.
She had to say to him that it was the
first time that she had sex with the man. Bobby
was very live in their conversation. She mentions Bobby quite
a lot, and then there's the physical release of her crying.
(06:14):
That's a lot to fit into a scene, and it's
a lot to fit into a scene in which we
have just seen them, you know, go through quite athletic
sex and enjoy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Themselves athletic sex. No One, what'd you call what they
have in this episode athletic sex? I mean, I've had
more athletic sex than that, Yeah, because we know that now.
But I think what I would call Nick and Francis's
experience in this episode, it's very intimate sex.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Hello, Maggie and No One. I am Eita O'Brien. I'm
an intimacy coordinator and I worked on conversation with friends
as well as normal people.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
If this is the first time you're hearing about the
job intimacy coordinator and you're like, where is this university
and what are the classes like? Hold on a second.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
An intimacy coordinator is a practitioner who brings a professional
structure and process to working with intimacy in theater, TV,
and film.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Believe it or not. Up until very recently, there was
no professional process or a practitioner to work through and
create intimate content.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And I'm so so sorry for this idiom here, but
we are about to learn how the sassage gets made.
I really didn't need that.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So if you think of a stunt coordinator, we're very
much akin to that practitioner who is there to listen
to the director and then either create the best stunt,
make sure then that rehearsals are put in place. They're
going to teach the actors really good techniques, and then
once they've taught everything and assessed the risk and put
(07:47):
in safe all the safety measures, then they're going to
choreograph either that stunt or fight really clearly so that
everybody knows what they're doing. Serves the director's vision, serves
as storytelling, serves the character, so that by the time
you get up in front of the camera, the actors
can bring the best themselves and act thess socks off
and create a really good fight or stunt. So that's
exactly what we're doing with the Internet content.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
When Eita explains it like that, it's hard to believe
it's taken so long for the role of intimacy coordinator
to exist and it's still not totally mainstream yet.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
So in avoid of a professional approach and professional process,
the contents very often with the elephant in the room,
it would be that thing of you read the script,
as in where you've read script, you know there's a
sex in there, so you know, let's say no more.
Nobody will consider it, nobody will talk about it until
the day onset, and then invariably the director will go, well,
(08:39):
this is what I want, okay, either one of two things.
You to go away, work it out for yourselves and
come back and show me what you've created, or this
is what I want. Get on front of the camera,
so the director might be able to speak about their vision,
but then having that open conversation with everybody, you know,
so it's not just what the director wants. Where the
camera's place is going to be part of what serves
(09:00):
a director's vision. What the lighting is, you know, the
right clothes and therefore the right modesty garments. If a
character is supposed to be naked, yes, it doesn't mean
that the actor. In fact, it's very important that, especially
if you're performing simulated sexual content, that you're never going
to have naked genitalia, you know, touching. It's not suitable
to exchange fluids in your workplace, you know, so of
(09:22):
course you're going to have genitalia coverings. All of that
needs to be discussed and considered. There's an artistic journey
through to that.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
There's the gradual building of tension between characters too.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
It might start with a gaze, then you know, flirting
until it opens up into physical touch and then physical
intimate content ek sex that.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Actually gets a body dance. You know, you have having
someone who understands anatomy, who understands physics, physical anatomy, who
understands the anatomy of arousal, and again bringing choreographic you know,
I absolutely, you know, bring all my training as a dancer.
I absolutely work incounts of eights or have you know,
preps of intercourse you know, and penetration one and slow
rhythm too, and three and four and then second not
(10:06):
debate and lifted five and six and seven across through
to orgasm and then once it's known, once the actors
have done it. A few times they can release on
it and then then they can go and free flow.
But both of them have absolutely understood the rhythm of
the body danced together. It's two people expressing themselves through
their physicality, through their bodies, and in that place, that's
(10:26):
where you know, an intimacy coordinator can bring the skills
of body awareness, rhythm, choreography, clear physical storytelling and putting
in place agreement and consent. And then it means added
actor can be free and open and bring all of
themselves freely to what this character is, what this relationship is,
and what this particular moment of the storytelling is.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
It's beautiful, bit more of a kind of a third
wheel situation, but they're actually puppeteers. Yes, it's very magical.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Yeah, when we were learning about all this stuff, my
mind went straight to some of the horror stories I've
heard over the years from actresses who'd had traumatic experiences
filming sex scenes.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yes, it has been historically women that have sort of
been put upon, But this work is for everybody. It
actually is about bringing parity to everybody, and that's for
the director. You know that the actors, no matter what
sexuality or your gender you are, and it's really important
that we've really opened that out. And then it's not
just for those in front of the camera or the director,
(11:29):
it's also for the crew. It's about putting in place
a professional process for everybody in their workplace. This is
their day of work. It really gets me, you know
when people say you're here for the girl, right, Yeah,
and it's like you wouldn't say to a stunt coordinator,
you're here for the person playing the goodie. You get
about the person playing the baddie. It's ridiculous, isn't it. Yeah,
(11:52):
And also for me, that attitude actually keeps the woman
as a victim. Let's throw that out. Let's just open
it out. This is about a pro that allows everybody
to be professional, everybody to watch at the top of
the game, to the top of their skill in whatever
role they are, and everybody working openly creatively, artistically, being
listened to and heard to create really good art, be
(12:13):
it in theater, to be your film.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, I think that. You know, one of the big
things about normal people was like the sex scenes are
very good, and I think that that's still true and
I think that holds true for conversations with friends too,
So I think that that's really a testament to how
effective this is. That these sex scenes are so powerful,
and you didn't lose any magic by being respectful and
(12:37):
by having everybody consent. In fact, it enhances the experience
for the viewer.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Exactly. On the contrary, it felt much more realistic, which
is so important, especially because of the people watching it,
especially well also women, but not only women and their
partners and all the people having sex, just humans having sex.
A good example of people respecting their boss and having
a really good time. So great, Jack, Yeah, I don't
(13:06):
know if you like Maggie, I send you a lot
of memes about how on screen women can just you know,
climax from penetration so easily, and things like that that
we watch growing up and we think that we're not normal.
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Sorry, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
My eyes are watering, it's all it's it's not real crying.
I swear. I'm happy it sort of happened before.
Speaker 8 (13:36):
When when it's with Bobby, she says, it's the symptom
of my repressed nature. You can ask her about it,
only please don't ever.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's actually such a complex moment. You know, both released,
there's joy, there's pent up in motion like you know,
you could you could go on again, and I don't
want to analyze all of it, but it was so
delicate that moment, that journey through to the intimate encounter
then into the release of that, you know, that delicacy,
that was just you know, incredible and what Alison brings
(14:16):
to that is just stunning.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Yeah. Yeah, definitely, And I think that that was done
really well because that's, you know, another one of those moments.
I think that in the book it's easy to imagine
or easier to imagine than it is to you know,
bring into a physical space. And I think that was
really well done.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Isn't it amazing because it's so complex, It has so
much in it that you can just feel and knowing
your body, but trying to articulate all of it even
you can't possibly do, but it tells you so much.
Speaker 7 (14:46):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Nom Have you ever cried after sex?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Not in a good way?
Speaker 9 (14:52):
Have you?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
I don't think so. You know, if I did, I
repressed it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Yeah, maybe allergies.
Speaker 9 (14:58):
You know, I've got something in my.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay, so we're going to take a quick break and
then when we come back some first times first time
with a woman, first time.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
With a man, first time in a sex stent with
forty other couples.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
That's a weird one. Be right back, Welcome back. Today,
we're talking about sex, sex as a form of communication,
(15:33):
sex on camera as an art form, and first time
sex too.
Speaker 6 (15:36):
I'm Rachel Bell. I live in Queen's I'm a poet
and marketing professional. About to turn twenty nine in two weeks.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yeah, nearly birthday. Girl.
Speaker 6 (15:49):
I have always, I mean since I was like, I
think in sixth grade, knew that I was attracted Well,
the sixth grade was the first time I told anyone
I was attracted to women. I knew I was attracted
to women when I saw Therman playing Poison Ivy and
that one Batman movie that was one person.
Speaker 7 (16:05):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
She just pritted, like we feel so funny. A few
years ago, when I first moved to New York, there's
a friend of mine, let's call her Alicia, who I
thought was very beautiful, very impressive. She had a cool job,
and she was like very fun to be around. I
had met her because I was really good friends with
her roommate and she was dating a guy and it
(16:27):
was like ninety seven degrees one day in New York,
and she texted me and I was like, Hey, it's
going to be really hot the rest of the day.
None of my window units are set up in my
new apartment. I just moved. And I remember last time
we were at your place, your room was like crispy cold,
and she was like, do you mind if I spend
the night at your place tonight because I'm gonna just
(16:48):
be miserable. I won't be able to sleep here. And
I was like, yeah, of course, Like it'll be fun.
We'll like watch YouTube videos and whatever, like I just
got a new hair straightener, you know. I was like
snumber party, Bye's best time, you know.
Speaker 9 (17:03):
And of course I.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
Always thought she was very beautiful. And she came over
and we hung out for like five hours, like talking.
I don't even know what we were doing.
Speaker 9 (17:13):
The whole time.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
We're just laying on my bed because that's tiny room,
and at one point she kind of scooches close to
me and it's like, you smell so good. And it
was like when Jimmy neutron has a brain blast and
they like go in his ear and zoom through his
whole brain. That was what it was like in the moment,
I like recontextualize everything that had happened between us for
(17:34):
the past six hours, and I was like, oh my god,
we're going to have sex. This is not bestie time,
this is for play that we're doing. I've been reading
it all wrong because to me women, I'm a classic
bisexual woman in that women are perfect and beautiful and
why would any of them ever want me? And I
(17:55):
don't know how to approach them. Men are stupid and
easy and I know how they work, like that's very doable.
So I just did never courage me that she wanted
to have sex with me. So she had sex and
it was awesome, and then she had tickets to see
Cardi B perform on a boat the next day. And
(18:15):
this was right before Cardi B's first hit song, Botak
Yellow came out, and I was like, oh, I know
she is, but I haven't listened to her music very much.
She uninvited her boyfriend, they were in no relationship. Uninvited
her boyfriend, invited me, and we went on a boat
and saw Cardi B performed Botak Yellow on like the
Hudson River together and we are also still friends to
(18:38):
this day.
Speaker 9 (18:40):
That's first of all, that's that's great.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
It's a beautiful story.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
It's a beautiful story.
Speaker 10 (18:45):
Can you tell me a little but can you talk
a little bit about like the difference, Like this was
your first time having sex with a woman you'd obviously
had sex with men before. Was there like a learning
curve where you like or was it like this is
the same as my body. So I'm just gonna like
do what I know I like, and I'm gonna hope,
you know, see what happens.
Speaker 6 (19:02):
Yeah, that's important to mention. I think I am very
much a believer in like the most fun sex. It
requires and involves a lot of talking communication, especially, I
think because it's not always easy to make.
Speaker 9 (19:15):
A girl come.
Speaker 6 (19:16):
And so I'm with her and I start to, you know,
lower myself, and I just look up at her and
I say, straight up, I'm going to be like a
fourteen year old boy down here. Please feel free to
just tell me what you want me to do, because
like that's what I needed, and like I was gonna
cry myself to sleep if I didn't bring her to orgasm.
(19:39):
So like, I don't know if what you like is
what I like, but if it's not the same, just
give me some directions and she did and it worked
out perfectly, and I felt like a.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Fucking chant dude.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Yeah, I mean like, I know how often people fail
with me, so like the fact that I was able
to do it, I was like, first of all, they've
raised my state, and secondly, I was walking on sunshine.
I was like floating on a cloud for like a
week at least. Even now, I'm feeling kind of like
thick swinging about it.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I guess air conditioning has some serious sex appeal.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Can air conditioning have sex appeal?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I mean apparently, And oddly enough it factors into this
next story as well.
Speaker 11 (20:26):
I was at burning Man and it was my first
year at burning Man.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
This is Michelle Murphy.
Speaker 11 (20:31):
I also want to confess I just feel like a
dick being like this story takes Plice a burning Man.
But I went, and I've been going for a while now,
but this was my first year out there, and I
knew I really wanted to go to the orgy Dome,
which is like non at burning Man. It is the
(20:52):
dome that hosts the orchies, and it's like very it's
talked about because there's air conditioning, which is like a
really hot commodity. When you're at Burningman, You're like, I
would fuck for ac truly, I will do whatever it takes.
And I was probably more sexually adventurous than my boyfriend
at the time, and so I was like really wanting
(21:12):
us to go. He was open to being persuaded, but
he was definitely persuaded. Like I was the one who
was leading the charge. We you know, bike through the dust,
and we pull up to the orgy dome and there's
a line outside of it, and I understand. You know,
there are play parties where you're like, we have to
transition the people from the outside to the inside, and
we take them to this room, and then you go
to this room and you hear the rules and consent.
(21:34):
But this was very much just like a single file
line that starts to weave into the dome. And meanwhile
I see like friends of friends who I don't really
want to be making small talk in a line, like
I wouldn't even want to see them at an amusement
park line much less, and like, you guys are here
to fuck too, Like what are I wonder if we'll
(21:55):
see you in there? I hope we don't. And so
it's just like the most mundane daily life situations. But
we're in line for the orgy, and so we get
closer and now we're like transitioning inside, and we see
so quickly that the giant not giant. Actually the very
small dome is separated into two areas and one is
(22:19):
called just for us, and there's a sign that indicates that,
and the other is welcome to Join. And I said
giant because the welcome to Join room is giant, but
it is also empty, and the just for us room
is full of so many people just banging it out.
And he and I had not had the conversation of
(22:39):
like we're doing this in a capacity where if somebody approaches,
will like incorporate them or whatever, you know, Like we
were only as comfortable as just for us, but there
was literally no room, like there were so many limbs
and it wasn't hot. We kind of just stand there
incredibly awkwardly, where I feel like a bro. I'm just like, uh,
(23:00):
do should take off my bra Like I don't know
what to do. And he and I keep looking in
the Welcome to Joining room because it looks beautiful and
there's like cushions and it's just it's just like looks
so appealing, but what if we what if we like
get into deep there and someone approaches us and we
don't want to shame them for you know what I mean,
like they're yeah, So eventually we like we wait for
(23:24):
a couple to finish, and then they they leave, And
even though a couple had just left, there still was
not a lot of space, like we were carving out
space for ourselves because the logistics were the most challenging
part about it, and there was no there was no
payback of it being sexy, like it was just limbs.
We were just navigating through limbs and stepping over people
(23:47):
and being like, oh, pardon us, excuse me, you know,
like just not at all hot. And then we lay
down and also it's like we're so we're both so distracted.
We're like not at all present because really this fucking
sucks ass.
Speaker 9 (24:03):
But we're there.
Speaker 11 (24:04):
It's yeah, the ac and and just like it's it's
as if we had felt like we had bought tickets
to this thing and we had to see it through,
you know, like which we don't. You can always leave
the tour guide if you're having a bad time and
you're walking around Rome and you're like, I don't act
like you could just leave, you know, so whatever, we
didn't do that, we didn't leave.
Speaker 12 (24:25):
I see, like, how long did you last in the
in the sex dome? And that is the ultimate question
sex clinics. It felt like an hour. I think maybe
six minutes. Like we started, we started just having sex.
And this is this is another clinical element. It was
just you know, put it in. There was not like
a hot because it wasn't even hot to make out
(24:46):
with each other, which again I really thought it would
be baistic and like I wanted.
Speaker 11 (24:50):
To see people and I but then I didn't, you know,
and so we're just like their missionary style. And it's
and there's like a foot that's like keeps edging into
my periphery and then it's like full on in front
of my face and like between my boyfriend at the
time and my face, and I'm like Jesus Christ, and
I just had this like zoom out moment where I
(25:13):
was like, I feel so far from home. I feel
so far from my Catholic mother, which like usually I'm
trying to get as far away from that situation of
being raised that way as possible.
Speaker 9 (25:26):
But this is this is like too much.
Speaker 11 (25:29):
And since then I have I've indulged in like much
more hedonistic stuff that has been like battier than that
orgy dome. But in that moment, I was like, this
is terrible, and so I basically asked him while he
was like in me, I was like, can we please leave?
And he was like I thought you would never ask
(25:50):
you or the one who wanted to call here, like,
let's get out of here. And so we just we
just like grab our garments whatever they are, and we
just like book it, and yeah, it felt it felt amazing.
Once we exited, we realized also that AC wasn't even
(26:12):
doing us that many favors. You have so many bodies
in the room. It was so hot, it was like muggy,
you know. And we went back to my camp and
people asked how it was, and we were like, it
was absolutely terrible.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Why is it so hard to get out of uncomfortable
situations sometimes?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, I don't know. I mean I think it's a
skill that comes with age. And remember, consent is something
you can revoke at any time, right right.
Speaker 5 (26:43):
Consent is like a thing you have to figure out
by yourself first before you realize that is for me,
that's why I discovered.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Remember my friend nir he has a story about his
first time having sex and it deals with consent.
Speaker 5 (26:54):
It takes time to realize what his concent means.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
For you and maybe also eventul god.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
I remember the first time I had sex, I was
like so eager to do it already. I was seventeen.
For me, I was like super old. All of my
friends didd already and I was just like, let's get
over with it. And I came over to this guy
from the internet. He was like six years or five
years older than me, but he took me on his
(27:21):
scooter and the whole way there I had an erection.
I was so excited just by sitting behind him on
the bike. And we get there and he opens the
door and I see he's very very hot roommate and
I'm like, fuck, I should have The roommate is nice,
(27:43):
and we're sitting and we're smoking and we're drinking, and
then we're going to the room and we're having sex
and I fucked him for the first time. We never
had apprentication before, and it was fine, and he was like, Okay,
do you want to come And I was like, no,
I'm fine. I don't want to count like it's fine
for me. I was too shocked from this whole situation.
(28:05):
And then he asked me, do you only me to
call my roommate to enter, and I was like yes.
It was like somebody is listening upstairs, so he comes in.
But then he fucked me, and I remember like being
fucked and like literally not understanding what's going on and
(28:29):
not realizing the whole situation and just being incomplete shock.
And then like the day after I couldn't remember if
he used the contum or not because of this shock.
I felt so bad about myself and I don't know
him dirty and just horrible. And the morning after everything happened,
(28:52):
a window fell on me and I was hospitalized for
like two weeks. Oh my god, God is punishing me
for having sex, and I didn't have sex for like
three months.
Speaker 6 (29:04):
After Jesus, I would come to this exact same conclusion.
Speaker 5 (29:12):
I learned a lot about myself because the guts that
you have to find in yourself to just say no,
it's almost like you're saying no to yourself at the
same time, because nobody wants to say no to anyone.
Nobody wants to be in that place of saying no
or like being rejected, and for me, it was like,
I don't want to reject this person because I felt
(29:32):
rejected many times in my life. I didn't feel good.
I learned with time and many guys that it's okay
to say no.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Yeah, please teach me how to say no better.
Speaker 9 (29:43):
I feel like some.
Speaker 13 (29:44):
Of it comes with respecting yourself and your desires, because
a lot of the time it's like we're literally just
putting another person's comfort ahead of our own. Rather than
making this other person uncomfortable, we'd rather just be uncomfort
ball and then we can move on from it.
Speaker 9 (30:03):
And that, I think is something that comes maybe with with.
Speaker 13 (30:06):
Asian experience, realizing that no, actually what you want in
your own safety and comfort should be the number one
priority in all of your.
Speaker 9 (30:15):
Situations.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
And it takes people longer than others.
Speaker 13 (30:43):
I know.
Speaker 14 (30:45):
It's had a show.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Any This show is hosted and produced by me, Maggie
Bowles and me no I'm Gadweiser. It's written and edited
by me, with assistant edit by Noam. Our supervising producer
is Ryan Tillotson, with help from Tyler Nielsen, Frank Driscoll,
Nick Bailey and the entire Straw Hut team. Theme music
is by Maggie Glass and Square Fish, and big thanks
(31:10):
to Ariya Vashi, Lauren Thorpe, Exavior Salas, and the Hulu.
Speaker 14 (31:14):
Team Magery Smile, A Little Child, A Little Child,
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