“Bottom is where you turn up” with Cara Pifko

Mom of two. Actor, creator, and many other hats. She is a warm hearted soul who finds the joy in the now. She has always been very close to my heart. Sit with us as we discuss:
Music
Scuba diving
Parenting
“Restart Your Art”
Trying to find your balance
Flintstone vitamins 
Fighting the brothers for food
‘Squish squish’
Nature
City
Deciding to have children
Being happy with what you have and who you are
Forgiveness
Human connection
Creating classes off of ideas
Being open to receive
Being in dialogue with a higher power

So put on your chill and come listen in. 

Join me on IG:
michaelvieyraphotography 

Join me on IG:
michaelvieyraphotography

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:08):
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from the heart.

(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted. Oh.
This is me yapping into thatWelcome to the beach.
And then when I Appiah, peoplehave to kind of consider who has

(00:52):
the better voice because theyboth have pretty decent voices.
Well, doesn't that make it kindof like a voice off? And we
could like, take votes at theend and see who wins. I'm not
quite sure what the prize is.
Well, I know what the prize is.
That's for sure. But I thinkpeople are going to handily vote
for myself. You disagree? I do.

(01:17):
Can you control the situation?
No. Can we can we move on? Yes.
Check check. Check check. Isound cool. I sound cool.
I sound cooler. I sound cooler.

(01:38):
On what about music you is that?
How important is music in yourlife?
You know what's weird is when Iwas growing up, pretty much the
only music I listened to wasBilly Joel.
I'm already done talking to you.
is horribleand cut. Well, I don't know.
Okay, BareNaked. Ladies, therewas a Barenaked Ladies should I

(02:02):
can I stay now? Are you okay?
Sure. Okay, probationary. I'llcontinue that. Okay. So my
brother took me out to learn howto drive when I was 15. And we
listened to that Billy Joel.
What's it called? Heart attack?
EQ EQ. Yeah.
No, no. Yeah, I just did.

(02:25):
Jimmy was done with both boats.
But yeah, you're right. You meangive you a heart attack. I can
do what I know by now.
And like, my brother would pumpthe brakes on heart attack. This
is somehow the beginning of adriving lesson. Oh, my God. I

(02:48):
don't know. There was somethingI don't know. It was because
secular Jewish. I don't know.
But like, music wasn't really apart of my life. Yeah. Except
like playing saxophone in theband and that you played the
saxophone, alto saxophone. Getout of here and flute. I might.
Should I leave?

(03:09):
Does that mean you can stillplay today?
I have a flute. And thesaxophone is like basically the
same thing. Just the B and the Cis different fingering but yeah,
I could probably get by on asaxophone. But it's been a
while. Flute I could I couldpull out right now and just jam.
I've always wanted to do thesaxophone. Really? Yeah. What
didyou play? I played the drums.
That's nothing like a saxophone?

(03:32):
No, that's why I say I've alwayswanted to play the saxophone.
Did you play No, just justseriously? Just drums?
Yeah, yeah, I tried to guitardidn't take well,
and you've got some learningcurve. But
But you did play and let me letme switch the music store. story
then what is was playing musicever important to you in the

(03:55):
sense of who you were?
Yeah. There was. There was aChristmas concert. And I had
like a, I had a solo. Andsomething came over me when the
solo started. And I stood up infront of like, the whole, like,
it's the theater, right? Likethe theater is church. Yeah. And

(04:17):
so like, standing up and havingthose whatever it was 16 bars of
fleet no saxophone, excuse me.
By that point. It was saxophone.
I don't know. There's just batsthat like, you know, when you're
in that performance zone andlike it's like scuba diving.

(04:38):
It's it's it's like flying. It'slike dreaming. There's some sort
of other switch that comes overyou It's like a It's being
transported to another realm.
And that in that that thatperformance did its performance.
It's not like the music inparticular.
So you were the playing music isimportant to your soul.

(05:00):
Yeah. And now I'm able to, like,take music into my being and
absorb it the same way as a goodfriendship or conversation or
good food sits. It's all justsort of the same thing with a
different texture,if you will. How often do you
pick it up now? The two of usapps?

(05:22):
Sacks? I don't have the fluteOh, pick up like, I don't know,
once a month.
That is awesome. And you sit andplay for a while? Yeah, you're
okay. Ijust expressed through it. No,
that's not true. Usually warm upwith Scarborough Fair.
Right after Billy Joel, youlisten to some Billy Joel and

(05:43):
and you play Scarborough.
And then and then for somereason, it's a Jewish thing
again, whatever I sing wheneverI play always comes out sounding
somehow Jewish.
Don't know why are you Jewish?
We are raisedso secular. Yeah. Okay. I don't
identify that way necessarily.

(06:03):
But it's definitely a piece ofwho I am. Yeah, history. Yeah.
Like there's traditions that yougrow up in. Did you what kind of
traditions Did you grew up in?
You know what we were solidCatholics. And it served its
purpose. But at the at the pointI became an adult, I was like,
Okay, I'm moving on. But the onething I will tell you that is

(06:26):
neat is finding out things likethis about somebody you had no
idea. Really, you didn't knowthat. Not at all. And you were
in band. You were saying not ina band, but in band high school
band. Yeah. Because that doesmake you a dork. But it's still
cool that you know, you weredoing that. You said something
that made me kind of excited,because you said something about

(06:48):
scuba diving. And I've beenscuba diving a few times and in
the Caribbean. And I'm not ascuba diver as a matter of fact,
I I lied to the to the guy onthe dock renting every
certified. Yeah. Because, youknow, I told him because the
like in St. Thomas, the islandbefore we had taken a class. So
we scubadived, like the resort dive

(07:08):
class. That wasme. Yeah. But I mean, still, we
were in the ocean, and it wasbig time. But could I did I know
what I was doing by myself?
Nope. And I told him I did andhe gave me gave me the stuff.
And when I was by the dock, Inoticed the sign that said we
were like 75 feet down. And Iwas like, holy shit. I'm scared.

(07:30):
shitlesslike, all of the things to lie.
About. Like that is your life.
I was a kid. I didn't know. Atthat time. I don't know. 14.
Jesus. Yeah, I don't thinkyou're even supposed to be
diving at that age.
Oh, really? No, no, you can diveat any age. No, actually,
I'm looking into this right now.
Because there's the age limit of12. My son is about to turn 12

(07:51):
Yeah. And we've been waiting foryears because he wants to dice
Good for him. Yeah. And I gotcertified in high school. We did
like a biology. Third grade.
Okay, so growing up in Canada,there's like a grade 13 I know
we're aliens, but that's okay.
And we went on this like trip toJamaica, for a biology study

(08:13):
trip, marine biology. And it wassuper cool. But you had to get
the certification first. AndToronto has like, no open water
like there's a lake. So it wasthey called it wreck diving,
which was the best way to put itpretty
much. Great. Throw some stuffout into the pool there. It's a
wreck dive go get the toy.

(08:38):
wasn't quite that bad. But theVille visibility was terrible.
And it was freezing cold. Buteventually we got to Jamaica and
got to like collect specimensfrom the ocean and bring them
back and study them. So your sonhas dived? No, no, that was from
when I was in great news. Sorry.
Yeah. And no, he's he's going totrain this summer, though. I am
reallyexcited for him. It's awesome.

(09:00):
Yeah, it's brilliant. It's agreat thing to do. Everybody
should do it at least once.
Oh, my God. Do you know themovie? The Abyss? Yeah. That's
like that's, that's the moviethat will make anybody wants to
dive except that other bits.
It's a one way ticket. Andhopefully,
yeah, I'm not sure why that'sthe one you want them to watch.
Good Lord. That woman came up.
Did you guys make any way?

(09:23):
Have you really never dove sinceyou were 14?
I have it as an adult. I havenot. I've done it three times.
And I think they were all withinthe same year. Wow. But they
were it was brilliant. I don'tcare that I was a kid. It was
awesome. And tell you the truth.
Even though I shouldn't havebeen diving when I lied. It was
brilliant. It was I wouldn'ttake it back for anything. If I

(09:44):
was down there by myself. Whichyou're not supposed to. We went
together they were getting theysaid oh well you and your
brother go together then Okay,great. But next thing I knew it
was like Joey was off somewhereelse. And so it was scary as it
should have been but all I haveNo regrets doing it, of course,
because I live. That's why Ihave no regrets. But it was
awesome. Say your motto. I live,because I have no regrets

(10:07):
because I lived.
Sounds official motto in theresomewhere.
Sounds like you have a model ofshiny on the inside.
That was forced.
That was an inside joke. Well,good for you. I'm glad that this
has all happened and for yourkid, and I'm glad you're making

(10:28):
it happen for him. Yeah, one ofthe things for me, Kara is with
my mom, she made so many thingshappen, that there's no way I
can look back and say I'm not aproduct of who she helped round
me out to be. And so I'm glad tohear that you're doing things
that that you want him to do,but that he wants to do?

(10:49):
Yeah, I guess I sort of feellike that's part of my job as a
parent is to pay attention towhat they're interested in and
open the doors to let themcontinue doing those things.
Yeah. It's a fine line therebetween becoming like a
helicopter parent and openingdoors for them.
It's tough as you know, I am nota parent, but man, I got to

(11:10):
assume it's hard to want toprotect them from every every
little thing.
parenthood is a bramble bush.
I don't know what that is,like, a mixed like a ball of
winding sticks that binds intoitself. Like a like a like a
like a tumbleweed. Okay. It'slike it. There is no straight

(11:35):
line. There is no path throughthere is no tunnel of light.
It's just a day by day figuringout and hoping to God doing
something, some combination ofthe right things. But anyway,
the started with a compliment.
So could have just gone withthat.
Well, no, but you know what yourpoint is there? Because it's
like, when I think of it, it'slike, you know what, just 10

(11:58):
seconds ago, you were a kidyourself? Yeah. And now you get
you're supposed to figure outoh, here's how you're supposed
to do this thing. Yep. I don'tknow, man. I mean, it's a great
thing, parenting and it's hardand all those things.
Well, there's this whole liketransition that occurs. Sure,
I'm not alone in it. But like,when, okay, so, boom, you're

(12:20):
pregnant, you know, your babiescome in a baby's going. And
you've got all these ideas oflike, what kind of parent you're
going to be, and then babycomes, and then everything
shifts. And then you sort ofrealize, no structure is
actually important. I might notbe able to pull off being the
hippie mom that I was hoping tobe because Oh, wow, that

(12:42):
structure is important. And thenyou go, you take your kid to
school for the first time, orpreschool or whatever. And just
like the separation anxiety,it's massive. And then they
start growing up, and you cansee their own personality and
just that balancing act. Mydaughter the other day said
something about like, I'm gladwe have a fun family. Okay, I'm

(13:03):
like a fun family. So yeah,we're not You're not a strict
family. We're a fun family.
Like, yes.
That's awesome. She's four orfive?
No, she's eight. Wow. Yeah.
How old is the older kid?
11. Just about that's I don'tknow what happened. I know. I'm
sorry. Wow. It'slike you've never called me in
eight years? Well,that's not entirely true.

(13:28):
Well, congratulations on that.
That's not that's not an easytask, I would assume. No.
But you know, when I'm sort ofhelping people through different
parts of their lives, cominginto parenthood, it's like,
whatever your top prioritiesaren't, I think this would
probably translate to other lifetransitions. But I'll just stick
to the thought that when you'removing into parenthood, it's

(13:51):
like, whatever your toppriorities are in life, those
will stick around. But whateverwas priority number five or six,
there ain't gonna be room forthat.
Yeah, I can see your prioritiesslipping through considerably.

(14:11):
Some, by us still play theflute. And I'm always writing
and I'm always dancing, and Istill have an acting career. And
I'm a creative soul. Soyou're busy. Oh, yes. And you've
mentioned earlier, I don't knowthis is what you were referring
to. But you have what I don'teven a mindfulness workshop.
What would you call it? You do?

(14:34):
I put it under the umbrella ofcreativity coaching. Okay, okay.
But it's life coaching andacting coaching and voiceover
coaching. And then there's myfavorite clients are the ones
that are looking for thatcombination of their spiritual
life and their creative life.
Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, Itook your course and that is a

(14:56):
good point to have. It's, theydo coincide.
Yeah. It's that that chord I'mso thank you for coming to that
that means the world to me.
Yeah, it was nice. It was reallycool.
That was special. I considerthat like my signature program.
But because that like, rightlike it went through all of the
chakras and power centers orwhatever you want to call it to

(15:19):
empower who you are as acreative being, and it was fun,
it was fun watching you growinside of it, like find your,
your writing voice again, thatwas really amazing. It was
neat, because that was at a timewhen I was pretty down and out.
And so to be able to find thatsort of fulfillment, it was
genuinely helpful to be ajumping off point to becoming

(15:42):
better.
Yeah, that was a nice group. Iappreciate that.
Well, you know, staying on thatkind of point. How are you in
general? Oh, geez, I when I seeyou, man, you always have a
brilliant smile. And your eyesare always they look happy? Is

(16:05):
that where you are? Are youlegitimately happy all the time?
Always happy all the time,of course. But I think you see
my point, are you most of thetime you feel good?
We are a mosaic of polaropposites. Are we not?
I think so. I think so too.

(16:25):
So I think in my real life andin my creative life, I embrace
the pendulum swings, shifts.
Yeah, I'm I'm a big feeler. So Ifeel everything big. Yeah. So I
swing swing back. And I had acase, for a long time, I've

(16:46):
expressed myself in like, Songhooks. And when I was feeling
like I was being too pendulumswinging? I don't know. Okay,
can I sing a little song hook,of course, coming to balance is
inviting the arms of thependulum swaying in. So coming

(17:07):
to balance is inviting the armsof the pendulum swing in, just
like making less out of theswings. And to me, that's what a
mindfulness practice is, isfinding that central point, and

(17:32):
being able to come to thatregularly, but I don't believe
in balance anymore. So I changedit to coming to harmony, but it
doesn't fitthe shape of the song very well
anymore.
So I stuck with ballads, becauselyrically, it makes sense. Yeah.
But you know what I mean? Like,balance isn't really attainable,

(17:56):
because we're always shifting.
But you've got a mindfulnesspractice, how would you describe
it? I'm just, I'm juststruggling.
I think it takes took me a longtime. I don't know how long it
would take a lot of people but Ihad a lot of anger and
negativity in my life, prior toself care. So at the point of
doing it, it's taken me manyyears to kind of get to the

(18:17):
point of okay, let's, let's fixit by this doing this, or let's
just put ourselves in this mood.
But as I tell my therapist, it'sa it's a it's a chore.
chore. Yeah. Which part?
Maintaining can't think of theword but being in a being in a

(18:43):
good mood, and being in a badmood, take work either way. And
so I think it's easier. Somepeople will say the work as even
either way, I think being in abad mood is easier in this world
we live in, I think it's muchharder to be in a good mood,
because of all the obstaclesthis world has presented us. And

(19:05):
so and that's for me,personally, as I always like to
say, I'm just a schmo. I don't,don't listen to me, I'm just
telling you how I feel. And butfor me, it's definitely a chore.
It's hard. Now, I don't mindthat chore. And maybe some
people don't want to use choresand negative word, but it just,
I gotta put in the work, man.
And I am. I'm thankful that I dobecause I am in a good place,

(19:27):
but it's work. As it is yournames mean that it's comes
easier to you.
I think the homes are ponderingwhat you've just shared and that
relationship to being in a goodmood as we're I went through a

(19:54):
period of what you wouldcertainly call depression and So
I was listening to you talkabout it, I was thinking about
how, how those steps reallyoccurred to move to something
beyond it. And I don't know, oneof the things that I did was I
started doing conversationsinterviews rather on, like

(20:18):
Instagram, okay, differentpeople who are artists that I
respect. And basically, thefundamental question underneath
all of those interviews was, isart valuable. And it helps to
interview other people about it.
Because, you know, you can getover yourself and move to a

(20:38):
place of at least, you know,well, isn't in service of
somebody else, and listening toother people talk about their
work and how they do it, and whyand all of those things really
helped make the shift. And Ithink that was part of the root
of the depression was thatbecause I am a creative being

(20:59):
like that's is fundamental towho I am. So if I was out of
touch with that as being ofvalue or important or and I'll
just stick with a value thenwhat else is there I mean,
there's been but then there'sjust there's being an

(21:20):
experience. And then I found ACourse in Miracles and
conversations with God andEckhart Tolle and before that,
the artists way and the FourAgreements and these guidebooks
to help along the way and Iguess I found that they helped

(21:40):
offer quicker ways in shorterpaths around the chaos of the
mind into we're here to have anexperience we're here in this
like, meat sack of a human body.

(22:06):
We're talking about meyou and not all of us, but you
know, we're, we're that's that'ssort of my spiritual point of
view, if you will, is is thatwe're, we're souls having a
human experience.
Do you get stuck in depression?
Are you there for days? Or areyou Is it easy for you to come
out?

(22:27):
Not now, because I just don'tsink as low as there was, you
know, some chemical aspects ofit. I found a supplement. And I
take them twice a day. Oh, getout of here. Oh, for sure. I'll
send you a picture of them. It'sawesome. There's like it's
naturally said or just like, Imean, I do order it online, but
it's basically over the counterstuff. It's not right. Those

(22:49):
kinds of, you know, whateverpharmaceuticals or whatever, but
that it helps like they'rethey're aspects of it that are
chemical and notFlintstone vitamins are there.
You still love those?
I was candy for this fat boy.
Which color was your favorite?
What? Two Three say Orange.

(23:09):
Orange is always the favorite.
And tick Tex. Orange, orangetick checks. Yeah, don't give me
a green tic tac. No, no, no,thank you,
orange Flintstones. Oh my God.
Now I want one. Orange stone.

(23:31):
We were me and my brother havealways been big boys. And there
was a time when we got scolded,yelled at by my mom to stop
eating the damn, please don'tvitamins. Well, you should to
complain when? One a day. Okay.
We used to have fights in thehouse over Nutella.

(23:54):
Yeah, no, may I just interruptyou? I was not aware of Nutella
until I don't know. 10 yearsago.
Really? Oh, no. That was athing. That was that. That
that's that's a tub worthfighting. Oh my god. food in my
house was ridiculous thing.
Okay, so I've got two olderbrothers. One is six years older
than me. One is nine years olderthan me. I'm the baby Shaka. Are
you shocked?

(24:17):
No. Why do you say that?
I think it's probably obviousthat okay, maybe but anyway,
whatever. And so when the tellerwas in the house, I would like
have to grab it and run likestraight out of the sure bag.
And then grab a spoon or just myfinger and run and whatever I
could manage to get whilerunning into my mouth was all I

(24:40):
would get because they'rechasing you. That's right. Yeah,
same with pizza. Okay, this isperhaps inappropriate or gross,
but I'll share it anyway, that Idid learn how to roll an entire
piece of pizza up and eat it inone bite. Because otherwise I
wouldn't get it because theywould come after my food. What
the heck that happened manytimes. I'm
what I need to see films of yourfamily. What went so horribly

(25:05):
wrong?
Like this little girl?
The fact that you knew you hadto do it that way quickly or
wasn't going to happen?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Quickly.
Holy cow.
I don't that all the time. Oh,yeah. Don't get me started about
brother torturestory. How What's your family
dynamic now?

(25:25):
My eldest brother lives in SanFrancisco. And he's got two kids
and a wife. And then I've gotYeah, but what's your
dynamic? How do you get alongwith these people? These people?
Yeah, well, you know, we'vegrown up and there was a lot of
bonding that's happened over thelast, I don't know, three, four
years because my dad's gottenolder as parents do. And a lot

(25:50):
of just physical ailments andclose to death last December.
Anyway, want to hear spiritualstory? I'll tell you that one,
maybe. But that whole takingcare of our dad has brought you
closer. Yeah. Yeah, in a bigway. It's kind of credible.
We've like become this like, Idon't know. Powerful. Almost

(26:12):
businessy dynamic. Yeah. In away, like there's just, you
know, like, but then we try tokeep it fun with like, instead
of Do you agree to that? Yeah, Iagree to that. Yeah. Now we've
got squish, squish. So if we allagree on something, because in
text threads or whatever, oreven in like, Zoom meetings, or
whatever will be like squish,squish. Yeah. Okay. Everybody
agrees.

(26:33):
Squish. Squish. Is somethinginside joke with you guys. Yeah,
it gets it doesn't make sense.
No, but I like it. There's athing to be said. When you look
we all agree. Squish, squish.
Right? Exactly. I'm in on thispoint. So at some point, I'm
going to tell you squish,squish. And it'll mean exactly
that it won't have an ulteriormeaning. But you know, when it's

(26:57):
weird when things when tragedyhappens, that's when you find
out the character of people. Andit's one of the things I've
always missed. And you'll knowyou'll recognize it as soon as I
say it, but who we were as acountry right after 911
Regardless of your politics,it's like we were all as one we
all loved each other. It was theworld was great for the country

(27:18):
was great for six months, andthen it was like, Okay, let's go
back to hating each other. Idon't know. Anyway, I don't want
to go too far off on that butbut I do I did love that moment.
Yeah, yeah.
Cara,Michael cara cara, Cara? And the
mocha.

(27:39):
Cara, whenit's weird when I was talking to
you earlier about scuba divingand all that. You know, what's
weird to me is the as kids andeven young adults, we can't wait
to go lay out the ocean swim inthe ocean. And then I feel
personally like a lot of us wejust don't end up swimming in

(28:01):
the ocean anymore. When's thelast time you swam in the ocean?
Thinking long time, right. Well,no, probably not. Because I take
my kids. Oh, yeah. That's a goodpoint. So I can't remember
exactly. But it wasn't that longago. Well, and

(28:21):
that's a good point, too,because you got kids so you
don't necessarily have thefreedom to just if you want to
go to the ocean to go unlessyou're taking your kids and it's
become a day.
Well, right. But on the otherhand, because I'm the bear and I
get to choose which activitieswe do so sometimes I What's the
word like relent or plan thingsaround things? They like that

(28:44):
just they like that? I don't youknow, yeah, certain games or
places or what have you thataren't my thing like Dave and
Busters or something like do youknow that place? Yeah, yeah,
there's one right here. Okay, soI would be happy to never go to
a David Buss. I like pinballdon't get me wrong. Okay.
Totally pin but you can add itto my dork list. Okay. You feel

(29:04):
it's a big list it is and butsometimes I get to, you know,
pick the fun thing to do. So ifI need some beach time, we go to
a beach day and then I get tofrolic in the waves with my job.
Nice. So when was the last timeyou went? You swim in the ocean?

(29:25):
Why is that so hard to answer?
Not specifically,but within the last three years?
Oh, yes.
Many times within the lastGoddess. I mean, I even went
scuba diving like two years ago,just before December before the
pandemic. Did I tell you that Iwent scuba diving? Yeah. When
you were 14. Paying attention. Iwas just getting flan.

(29:49):
Yeah, the beach is important. Ilove it. I'm just really
surprised that I haven't been inso long.
Well, can you fix?
I can, but I'm not driving.
These days and I could find away out there. And, and I'm
going to because I know it'sbeen on my mind lately, but I
just wish sometimes you justwish things were a little easier
just with the nature of what'sgoing on in my life. That's all.

(30:14):
How do you get access to? Idon't know, nature
it's hard you know, Iessentially take the metro
places or, or access as a hub ofan offshoot of the metro. It

(30:35):
helps take you places, but it'stough.
Even just like go hug a tree.
Wow.
I don't know what's worse, thething that laughing the hardest

(31:02):
it's weird, you know, because Iam not a camper. But I do. I do
love nature. And I do love theocean. If somebody said, Where
would you Why don't you knowthat people will say you live in
the ocean or the mountains. Iread live at the ocean. I lived
in Redondo Beach for a longtime, many years ago. And it was
I don't know, one block awayfrom the ocean. Oh my god, I
would go out there. And I don'tknow if you've been but the

(31:26):
there's the ocean. And then it'slike a wall that raises up.
Okay. And so if you're up on thestreet, you're looking down at
the ocean. It's not a cliff, butit's just an embankment, if you
will, but but large. And sothere's always be benches out
there on the sidewalk. And youcan just go and watch the waves.

(31:46):
I can hear the waves in my homewith the windows open that
night. And I'll be able to tellyou there was no better thing
than that. That was brilliant.
I once filmed a TV movie or miniseries in South Africa and
outside my window. I could hearhorses just like you just live

(32:08):
in. Yeah, winning and puffing orwhatever the what's it called
nailing No.
Oh, that. I think that's calledmotive. Here's something though
that you won't. He won'tunderstand. I can't imagine. I
live in the city as you wellknow. Yeah, I love it. I sleep

(32:34):
with my windows open. And it'ssafe. I'm on the third floor and
nobody can get to me. But I knowyou didn't ask but I thought
well, maybe she cares.
I care. I just don't know whereyou're going with it. So I don't
know.
Well, here's where I'm going.
Which is you know, we talkedabout hearing the waves and
hearing the horses do the ropeand who Bobo? I love hearing the
people outside screaming atthree o'clock in the morning.

(32:59):
And the sirens and theyhelicopters and you know the
couple next door Megan sweetlove are yelling at each other.
Not all the time. I don't wantto hear her yelling at each
other all the time. But everyonce in a while. It's like oh,
how interesting. It's I don'tknow why I've always been that
city guy. And I don't know wherethat came from. I didn't grow up

(33:21):
in the city. I wasjust gonna ask. Yeah, where were
you born? Where did you whatkind of I grew up in
LA County but not LA. And then Ispent most of my life most of my
upbringing was in the suburbsout in West Covina.
West Covina.
There's not asong. It's a whole series.
Anyway, sorry. Go on. So anyway,you were born in West Covina or

(33:42):
grew up there.
Yeah. But that's neither herenor there. The point is, is that
somehow or another I've youknow, I've moved all over this
county of ours, LA. And somehowI've just kind of grown to
really enjoy the sounds of acity. If there's life to it. My
brother says, like, How can youlive out here? And I'm like, you

(34:04):
know, I can totally understandwhere you say that. Especially
because he's from Orange County.
And it just, it's the life. It'salive. And it's just, it's
weird. And yeah, it doesn'tsmell good. And but I don't
know, there's just life here andI dig
it. No, I get that. Because itlike, just how you're describing

(34:27):
it to that, that it's alive.
Yes. It's what's happening.
There's a pulse. There's aheartbeat. There's an organic, I
don't know. It's almost likegoing kind of back to the
mindfulness approach to life.
Like if you take a bigger enoughperspective, then you can get
outside of yourself and seewhere we're connected or where
we're all part of something. Andwhen you look at it that way,

(34:51):
then yeah, the whole city Imean, shoot when you get up in
an aeroplane and you look downyou see like the whole frickin
planet below ese, right? Yeah.
So you know, that kind ofperspective. Like, yeah, you can
kind of you know, you're flyingback into LA and there's that
urban sprawl and you're justlike, Whoa, that's a whole lot.
A lot of people.

(35:12):
When you see it from in the air,it's like, what are we doing?
Oh, totally. Yeah.
But I don't know. It's it'scoming to harmony.
And it's neat, because thatharmony is a great thing. And we
all need it, and I want it. Butif I go out to I don't know,
wherever that harmony is, NewHampshire, whatever. I don't

(35:36):
know, wherever it's country. AndI can only take that for so long
before I'm like, Okay.
New Hampshire.
I don't know stuff.
Is that the epitome of somethingfor you? I don't have much of a
reference point.
Here it is. I was thinking ofone of those. One of those North
South Carolina, I have a friendthat just moved to South

(35:59):
Carolina and North one of theCarolinas, and she showed me a
video and pictures of her place.
And it's just country and andshe's not rich. She's just got a
nice little modest home. Butshe's got land all the way
around her. And it's just like,Oh my God, that's brilliant.
What a great getaway. That wouldbe. But I wouldn't want to live
there.

(36:20):
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know. That's just me. Itotally get why somebody would
want to live there.
I think that's one of the thingsI like about LA though, like
when I said born and raised inToronto School in Montreal, came
down here whatever 18 years agoor so. Yeah. And I remember one
of the days that I fell in lovewith California was hiking in

(36:43):
Topanga mountains. Oh, sure. Andthen driving straight to the
beach, or on swimming in theocean for sure. And then walking
up to I don't know one of thosebeach your doggies. Yeah,
Moonshadow anyway one of thoseDukes for sure. Right. And like
they're walking up to Dukes andhaving some like you know, see

(37:04):
foodie type meal and I feel likehey, look at me Yeah, yeah,
hiking it Oh, come on, and thenthe sunset like it you know what
struck me when I first came toLA Tom here there is a sense of
dreams becoming reality of ofpeople committing to a vision of

(37:28):
taking something that the wholenature of this town is all about
taking something from an ideainto a real I mean, like it's
built into the ground here it'syou know, you go back to the
Gold Rush or what have you. It'slike it's there's just the I
don't know what the energeticpower lines of this area of the

(37:51):
world but there's just somethingvibrant and I remember smelling
it and feeling it when I firstcame here have that sense of
like, follow through? Andis that more of a testament to
LA? Or is it show that where youcame from? What was it Montreal,
Toronto? That maybe that wasjust like not a very fulfilling

(38:13):
place for you?
I can't say that either. It'syou know, it's kind of like I
was saying about you know, beingraised Jewish it's like it's who
I am like I am that so I couldnever turn my back on it there's
so much there that isn't here interms of like the theater

(38:34):
culture and and the thecommunity that the world of
theater performers and it's justsure coming from Montreal and
theater school there and then inToronto, like the culture of
theatre in Toronto is so richand that was my tribe and I miss
it. Nice. I'm going back forpart of the summer for like a

(38:57):
month. I'd be really nice toinvest back into that try
for you. You'll see old faces orno Yeah, okay. Yeah. I want to
ask you something. And you know,I'm no I don't have any kids as
you know and I guess my questionto you is, are you happy slash

(39:22):
content with where your lifecame to where it is now? Having
kids and being married is iteverything you thought it would
be in? Yeah, did it was likenah, Michael is as tough as
anything else in lifethat's a long breath.

(39:43):
Yeah, I think a wonder numbertwo.
Okay, that's, I can take thatdoesn't seem like an easy task.
Can I just take a minute?

(40:03):
Yeah. You okay?
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm not likeemotional. I'm okay. Pondering
while you'redoing that I'll sing the song
that you sang earlier. You'regonna sing my song I was going
to and then I remembered, Idon't know the words coming to

(40:26):
balancing get back to thinkingabout what you're thinking,
Okay, fine. Okay, look, I grewup as a person who never planned
on having children. Like I waspretty dead set against it. Wow.
But I'm trying to remember whenI had I did like a past life

(40:51):
regression. And it was in thatpast life regression that I came
to understand why I didn't wantto have children in this
lifetime. Because I was awareI've people have reflected me,
for me to meet back at me mywhole life that I carry, kind of
like a mother archetype or amother. way of being I

(41:14):
generally, it's easy for me tonurture and to call together and
to hold people and encouragepeople and some of the things
that we associate with, withwith a mother archetype, if you
will. But in the past liferegression, I got flashes and,
and, and physical memory, I wantto describe it as have numerous,

(41:39):
very tragic experiences asmother deaths, children being
taken from me, me not surviving,sick children. You know, and
just getting those flashes ofmemory memory of an uncaught

(42:01):
imagination, whatever, I don'tcare, but it is, I believed it.
And the memory of like sittingat the bedside of my dying small
child, like it's just, I get it,I suddenly got it. Like, why
didn't want to do it. And thenwhat? The shift came around my

(42:25):
parents, and realizing that theyweren't getting any younger. And
if I was going to that, it wastime and it was later for me, I
had my first child at 34. Butit's just I don't know how to
describe it, something shifted.

(42:47):
It just shifted. And thensuddenly, I was on the other
side of it. And I was ready andwilling and wanting. And it's,
it's I'm trying to get aroundthe cliches. What are the
cliches? There's the it's thekind of love that doesn't exist,

(43:10):
aside from with your child. Oh,sure. That kind of cliche, of
course. So I'm trying to expandon that somehow of like, how it
has helped me see a greaterpicture of life and getting
outside of myself and caring forsomeone and all those things,

(43:33):
which all still seem likecliches. I'm wondering why I'm
having such a hard time kind ofgetting to the root of it. But
it's fun, and it's playful, andit's difficult, and it's
challenging, and all of thosethings. And of course, I
wouldn't I wouldn't change itfor the world. I don't know. Not
happy with not being able to getpast the cliches.
Well, I don't know if this helpsyou at all, but I know for me,

(43:54):
I'm unhappy with where I am. Andbelieve it or not, I really
truly am. And I think that'sbecause I'm happy inside my
soul. But what I've, what I haveexpected to be here when I was
younger, hell no. Are youkidding? No way. I had much
better things planned. And, butthe reality of it is, okay,

(44:17):
well, what would you have donedifferent? As well as
specifically? I don't know, butbut I would have chosen, I would
have taken the same path. Iwould have still gone for the
same things. Yeah. Okay. I wouldhave done it differently in a
way that made me make theoutcome better. But but it's

(44:39):
weird, because I mean, I feellike where I am now would make
me think, oh, yeah, I should.
Yeah. I should have done this orshould have done that. But in my
mind, I'm just like, No, I didwhat I wanted to do. It's just
here's where we are. And I'mcool.
It kind of associates back intothe conversation about regrets.
And I think that with a sense ofacceptance with a sense of Be

(45:04):
here now with a sense of this iswhere I am. Yeah. And any thing
other than being where you arenow is an incredible waste of
energy. Oh, for sure. And then,I don't know just that.
But you know what I would saythat's where the chore comes in

(45:25):
that I mentioned earlier. Okay.
Yeah, go out. Why? Because Idon't think
people get easily stuck in thisis what it is where they don't
understand know, you can riseabove it, just by becoming happy
with who you are. Which becauseI didn't know it. And it's so

(45:46):
helpful to just to hold on mythroat is doing this thing.
And so ultimately, once peoplerealize, oh, look, if you could
just be happy. You could justsit right here in your little
home and not do a goddamn thingif you wanted to, and be happy.

(46:09):
Because you're allowing yourselfto be, but people don't
understand that they want tolament or they don't have, and
thus making themselves unhappy.
She likes to take long breaths.

(46:32):
It's a byproduct of actuallylistening. That's very true. And
not just you know, yeah. Waitingfor you to stop talking. So I
can say what I've already beenpre conceiving for the last six
minutes of you talking.
Listen, to understand not toreply.
Right? Yeah. Yeah. So I do findthat there are elements that I

(46:55):
like, when you talk about, like,you know, be happy. That was
that was a big part of myexploration for me for a long
time, too. I interviewed peopleabout it and asked people about
it, like, what does happy mean?
What does that feel like? Yes.
And I think some of the resultsof my research, if you will, is
really the power of choice. Andit's difficult for me to say

(47:19):
that because I know that when Iwas in my depression, that that
would have made me punch you inthe teeth. Yep. For sure. If
you'd said that to me. And, andI kind of resent the whole pull
yourself up by your bootstrapskind of attitude. Yeah, yeah.
I was gonna sock someone in theface because I was suicidal. And

(47:40):
they said, hey, everything'sgonna be alright. And I was
like, I'll bring your face overhere real quick, so I can punch
you.
Uh huh. Man, it's, it's wild toreflect. Isn't it? Like to
those?
Okay, I don't even know who thatguy was. Yeah. Me,
Adams. I have another song aboutthat.

(48:01):
Oh, you're gonna sing anothersong?
Okay, very now. I'm not anyway.
Is it? Is it another discooriginal? Yes, I'll hear it.
bottom is where you turn up.
Bottom, his where you turn.

(48:25):
bottom is where you turn up.
It's was part of a whole playgood out of context.
I mean, that you can just dothat. If somebody, anybody who
needs to hear that gets it.
Right. Like it's, it's the placewhere you find yourself. And
it's also the turning point.
Yep. And that's when you know,you're really at bottom.

(48:47):
Yeah. And you know what, I thinkyou'll agree with me, and I
always feel bad because I neverknow how to say these things or
how to articulate them, as wellas you might. But I think we
realize there's way at thebottom of you we need these
travesties or the tragedies andwhatnot to happen in our lives

(49:09):
to make us realize, Okay, howare we going to make ourselves
better? Yeah, because this suckswhatever we did up to this
point, this blows, we need to dosomething to rise above it. And
which is why I love to say, Ifeel like I'm talking about
myself a lot right now, but I'mgonna do it anyway. But that's
why I like to say I'm a muchhappier better person today than

(49:33):
I was that I have been in mywhole life. And that's amazing
even for me to hear myself saythat. And it's because of the
work I put in the self care and,and understanding that okay, I
can either sit here and lamentthat I don't have fuck, and I
may as well kill myself, too. Ihave nothing and I couldn't be

(49:56):
happier.
Well, you know I've known youfor enough years to be able to
be witness to that journey and Iwill second it. Nice thanks.
It's beautiful what I'm seeingnow Merce there's there's a
there's a light in you. There'sa love, there's a presence,
there's an ease. There's like alack of fighting against the

(50:17):
world. Sure. I want to say,Yeah, there's definitely my
negative sarcastic self wasenjoyable to me only. But I
enjoyed it. And I didn't realizeoh, yeah, not everything was hip
toit. It's kind of places got its
place. Yeah.
But it's nice, because now thatit's gone. People do say that,

(50:40):
Oh, they see you seem happierand blah, blah, blah. And I'm
like, Yeah, but but the funny. Idon't want the funny to go away.
Because funny comes from thatsarcastic,
you know, what's different aboutit, too, I observe is that I
feel like when you and I firststarted to get to know each
other, that there was the senseof like, I felt like I had to

(51:02):
like, dig through thepresentation of
I totally get you, right. So youthrough of digging through the
presentation of the facade. Andlike, I remember trying to,
like, convince you or show youthat I could see your soft
heart. You remember that stage?

(51:23):
I don't recall you doing that. Ifelt like we had made that
connection. Right away. I didn'tknow. Like, there
was like, like, I see you. I seeyou. You can't hide from me,
because I see you.
I think as I was tellingsomebody recently that I think
it was always with this gruffdemeanor. Yeah, that, but

(51:46):
anybody who knew me or that Iwould allow you to know me, saw
that it was really a teddy bearinside.
Exactly. And I remember you didused to use that phrase. It's
just the difference is a hiddenteddy bear under rubble.
Yeah, who wants to dig throughall the rubble? Yeah, totally
soundslike wearing the teddy bear
costume on the outside, which Iwill tell you at the time when

(52:08):
you're simple. That's the wordyou're more accessible.
And because as to what I wasjust gonna say the nobody. When
you're when you aren't Mr.
gruff, I think it's Mr. Griffinsteam, technically. But you
don't realize that you're theonly one digging it or that you
could be happier. And I did havepeople at the time that were

(52:31):
close to me, that would explainto me, Hey, you, you know, you
can you could be happier. Youjust have to work at it. And I
was just like, Nope, no, thanks.
And, and so now that I did workat it, it's like, oh, yeah, you
know, people talk about regretsis like, it's not a huge regret.

(52:53):
But I guess if anything, if Ihad one regret in my life, it
would be that I didn't strive tobe happier earlier on.
As sort of my thing recently isrealizing some of those things,
those things that are like analbatross around your neck and
probably have been for years.
And then, and then the work orsituation or revelation, or that

(53:16):
kind of hit bottom and turn upplace where you realize I need
to do things differently. Yeah,I need to do things differently.
Now, right? I am done. I refusethat that turning point, right,
that after that, you know, youactually do make some shifts,

(53:36):
you actually do do somethingsomething differently, right?
And the like, just blindingepiphany of like, Whoa, this is
so much easier on the other sideof that giant thing that I've
been carrying for, like how manyyears and it's like, Why did I

(53:58):
wait, butI don't know if for you, but if
the thing was, I think is whenyou are in that position, you
all of a sudden say okay, whatand your body almost naturally
opens itself up to opportunity,have fun. And for me, and I say

(54:19):
again, I talk freely about mysuicidal thoughts at the time.
So when I had that, all of asudden one day, I look at this
meme by Maya Angelou and, andthen later on, I saw variants of
that from Will Smith, which Iloved his variants as well.

(54:39):
Which said, Okay, I get it. It'snot your fault. So now what are
you going to do about it? And Iwas like, holy shit. Okay. Damn,
that one floored me.
Okay, it's not your fault. Now,what are you going to do about
it? Yeah. like you being you inthat sentence now, what am I

(55:04):
going to do about it?
No, what is Will Smith gonna dofor me? Just kidding. Yeah, what
am I gonna do about it? It'slike for so for me, it's like,
yeah, I've got all these thingsand I'm these burdens in my mind
that I'm carrying. And thissucks. My life sucks, and I'll
kill myself the fucking sucks.
And then, you know, here'ssomebody say, Hey, I get it. I
hear you. And this stuffhappened to you, and it's not

(55:25):
your fault. But what are yougoing to do about it?
I heard one recently that I'vebeen puzzling around. That said
something about forgiveness is asolo act.
I love it. I love it.
I do do. But it takesdirt. It's huge. I told you one

(55:52):
years ago, which I stillembrace, which is oftentimes you
have to accept the apology thatnever came. And it's just, it's
so true. I mean, God, we canbeat ourselves up all day. Or we
can say, You know what? I'mokay. That person wronged me,
but I'm okay. Yeah. Doesn't meanyou have to go and be nice and

(56:13):
let them borrow your car. But itdoes say there's no reason to
turn your nose up at them whenthey pass by. Because you're
only hurting yourself. Theydon't care.
Yeah. Or, like, block the wholerelationship because of an
apology that you're never gonnaget

(56:33):
right. That's not to say thatyou can't set boundaries, but to
does say, or stop beatingyourself up. You can say, Oh,
they mentioned that person'sname. Now my mad boy is like,
Oh, okay. Well, you're onlyhurting yourself, brother.
Yeah, chill. Adam, nice were youdoing now? I remember the second

(57:02):
part. God has stepped aside andlet the Muse through. You.
bottom is where you turn or wishyou Googe he wishes I would shut
up a gonna sing his wishesI mentioned before, didn't mean

(57:23):
for later. Or wish you would geteaten up by a NAND gate. Right?
Your face doesn't rhyme.
Phase is not designed to matchanything. Of course it doesn't
rhyme.

(57:43):
I don't even think you know whatyou're saying anymore. That's
fine. You ready? Yeah.
I give you a fat fabulousmusical intro. Do you mean I've
been ready? I don't know. Butone of the things I always think

(58:06):
is most important for us as apeople is human connection. And
and then. So I think it's toughwhen people don't have a nice
source. Friends, whether it's agroup of friends or one friend.

(58:27):
Do you feel like you have thatin your life?
Yes. But yeah, I've, I'vesomething about the way my life
has evolved is I have not thatmany people. Not what not that

(58:49):
many people. Okay, that I keepclose by choice?
I guess. So.
What do you mean? Why do youguess? It seems like such a
strong decision on your part?
Well, the answer is yes. Bychoice just because I do believe
that we all co create our life.
So what we have in front of usis what we've created, or is the

(59:16):
lesson that needs to come up oris the lesson that is coming up
and it's awkward to say that toyou know, not knowing all of the
details of the hardships thatyou face or someone else faces
but it's dumb. I'll just go withit anyway. And

(59:38):
well wait, what do you mean theit's those hardships that we all
try to figure out together thathelped create that need
together? We're helping eachother
I don't disagree. What's thewhat's the but at the end of
that sentence, though,everybody I know has a big butt.

(01:00:02):
Michaels is everyone's Godvague, but
I don't know how often your momtold you you were a good singer
never doing that. Never. That'swhy I do it. Now it's my act of
rebellion.
It's been a long time, Kara.
Well, you know, rebellion can goon for a while. It's true,
especially as you uncoveraspects of your young self that

(01:00:26):
need nurturing and so then itcomes out in abundance
inappropriately.
That was a long, long sentence.
So, yes, I do have a smallhandful. Of Okay, two, three.
Okay. That I keep close. I don'tknow why I don't I don't know.

(01:00:48):
It's something I'm looking at. Ifeel like I don't do friendship
very well, in the long term. Idon't know. I you know what, you
know, what's the truth? I do somuch better in presence in
person. And I am a I'm a triplePisces, and so like, if
something isn't right in frontof me. Yeah. It's like it
doesn't exist.

(01:01:08):
Are you that type of friend whodoesn't want to make plans?
That's probably pretty true.
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. plans,plans, plans. Plans is a
commitment. Ha man, a commitmentis an expectation. Dictation is
like an anchor.
Yeah, that in what your privatetime? Yeah. If you make plans,

(01:01:29):
you're the one that's likegetting ready to go. And you're
like, Am I really going?
Oh, yeah, that's totally me.
It's a shame. Imean, it's such a shame. It's
just so far different from mythoughts. Really?
Okay, so enlightened me. Whatwould it What else could it look
like? What are your thoughts?
I don't mean, I don't havethoughts on how you're
approaching No, no.
In your world. Yeah.

(01:01:50):
What is just a my life option. Iwant friends. I want to be able
to communicate and see peopleand hey, you want to go to a
movie? Yeah. Let's go grablunch. I want those things. And
there, yes. I won't deny that.
Sometimes. There'll be aperipheral friend that I've made
plans with that. I'm like, do Ireally want to go? I think
that's true of all of us. But Iwant I want to go hang out with

(01:02:14):
people I give a shit about.
I do too. I don't know what thatis. A fierce protection of wine
downtime, or maybe because mylife is so busy.
That's a good point. You are sobusy with family. I've got

(01:02:34):
like four careers and two kids.
Like,last thing I have is time for
you and coffee.
I guess. Yeah.
I think that's valid.
Okay, have a good night.
I'm done talking to you.
Well, you can't be done talkingto me because of them didn't
talk to me. You quit. You'refired. Got to accept the apology

(01:03:00):
that never came?
Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a goodone.
It is. But it doesn't relatehere.
No, it doesn't.
I was just circling back. I likeit. I don't know, I
think I perhaps put a buffer upagainst friendships because I
had an idea that I only wantedto spend time in valuable
friendships. But that doesn'treally track because I have a

(01:03:25):
lot of valuable friends valuablefriendships that I just don't
maintain. Well.
You mean that havefailed on your level because of
your allowance?
Because of my time management?
Okay. When did this become atherapy session?
I think two seconds ago when Isaid Cara it doesn't have to be

(01:03:52):
you can talk about whatever youwant to talk about. I don't
care.
No, but I think you're right,that connection is hugely
important. And, you know, I findI find weird things I find like
an open mic or a creative circleor I'll build a group that has
you do open mic somewhere. Well,it's not caught. It's not
comedian open mic. It's likepoetry in creative expression

(01:04:16):
and characters. Yeah.
Okay. So let me ask you this. Idid not know that. No big deal.
But is that would you at somepoint, say, Oh, hey, Vieyra. At
some point, I'm doing this openmic on my poetry even if you'd
like to come by. Yeah. Allright. I mean, but no, but would
you say that without meprompting you right now?
Yes, the only but at the end ofthat sentence is sometimes

(01:04:39):
they're women's groupsunderstood. And so they're like,
I'm not the one doing it.
However, what I am doing more ofis creating the kinds of
environments that I want to haveand that does include multi
gender. Because I appreciate thevalue of women's groups deeply
and also in the groups that I'mcreating. Yeah, I for me, for

(01:05:00):
me, I want to make it open.
Yeah,I can see we're both worries. I
don't. But as you know, I dolike to write poetry. But it's
one of those things that I'm notnecessarily secure. And I just
do it, because I like to.

(01:05:21):
Well, one of the groups that I'mstarting soon is called the
creative soul workshop. Yeah.
And part of the design of thatis for people who wouldn't just
like, hey, I've got four slotsopen, what a great idea, come
and do it. It's more of anurturing, and helping craft the
writing and helping rehearse andpracticing and facing whatever
is coming up and then moving toa kind of, like the word

(01:05:45):
showcase, but like a share.
Like, this is what I'm doingrecently. It's like, I'll find
one person who's into something,and then I'll build a whole
program for them.
Okay.
Somebody who's fresh.
Yeah. Huh. Like this acting fordirectors thing that I'm doing
right now. Yeah, that came fromone conversation with one dad,

(01:06:06):
who is a director and our kidswere in the pool. And we were
like, throwing rocks intobasically playing fetch with our
daughters. Okay. And he waslike, Have you ever taught an
acting class for directors? AndI'm like, No, I'm as I'm gonna
like receiving all this like,information about how the course

(01:06:26):
would work. I like I can createcourses all the time. It's like,
a weird obsession. Iwas having lunch today. And
somehow it came up that I wouldbe a good mme for actors who
need to be prostitutes onthe side is was that the title
of the course. This is nota real course. But today, I

(01:06:47):
don't have a title for it yet.
So I'm open and you've got one.
But I literally started likeimagining how it would work like
the health care benefits and themonthly check ins and retreats.
But the John's so there's likethis healthy environment, like I
have a weird, a weird obsession,ability lean toward creating

(01:07:08):
programs for like, practicallyanything.
But anyway, the acting fordirectors came from this like
one person. And same with thisother course I did a while back
called act now. And that wasalso like, there was one actor
who needed this whole programthat just also this is it's this

(01:07:31):
mother thing I birth, I birththings. Well, it's
good, because what I hear isthat you just leave yourself
open to opportunity.
Yeah. Picasso at the LePenGilles? It's a play by Steve
Martin. Do you know? Yeah, oneof the lines that really struck
me was he was open to receiveit. Yeah. Right. Right. Did that

(01:07:53):
resonate for you too? For real?
No, at the time, no. But now mylife 100% Yeah.
That, that live living with theintention, and flexibility and
space, to be able to be open toreceive it, it being inspiration
or space holding for otherpeople.

(01:08:16):
Anything, just generalknowledge? Yeah, stop thinking
you know everything and justopen yourself up to what you
don't know.
That's one of the big takeawaysDo you know A Course in
Miracles? No. So I won't go intoall backstory about it. But one
of the big takeaways from it isthat for me is that questions

(01:08:37):
are life and answers or death?
Because Oh, because deathanswers are closed, they're
finished. It's done. I know whatthat is checkmark done underline
bold period. Whereas a question,a question is the opposite of
question is open. It's curious.
It's seeking it's available.
It's it's it's it hopeful, it'sit's open.

(01:09:04):
And that's part of what I'menjoying about these
conversations that I'm havingwith different people is I know
how I, I know the course I takeas far as how I want to maintain
happiness and evolve into abetter person. But at the same
time, the reason I want to dothis is because I want to see

(01:09:24):
how you guys do it. And it maybe simpler, it may be much more
difficult, but I want to see howit's done. I don't want to be
locked into what I think isright.
Can you see that again? Orclarify? Like you want to see
how other people what,how other people find their
happiness and maintain theirhappiness and evolve into a

(01:09:45):
better version of who they are.
Well, you're very gentle leaderthen because I didn't realize
that was the premise and that'sexactly what we've been doing.
So good job. Yeah. Yeah,no, I'm really smart.
I'm really good.
I don't even smoke pot. Now, Imean, yeah, that is ultimately

(01:10:12):
why why I'm doing this. And I'mglad you didn't know if you
didn't know, maybe that wouldhave changed the tone of our
conversation. But, but, but thefact of the matter is, here we
are, here we are, and, and ifsomebody happens to eavesdrop on
our conversation, I want them tobe able to either just enjoy it,
because we're stupid idiots, orharder to get something from it,

(01:10:36):
you know? And if they do, that'sgreat. And if they don't cool,
I'm sure they'll they'll let meknow that as well.
Conversations with God wasanother one that was
revolutionary for that kind ofshift. Yeah. The whole concept
of of writing a dialogue betweenyou and God or your higher self,

(01:11:00):
or the universe or spirit, orjust that which is greater or a
bigger point of view is asimplest way, or more atheist
way of describing it would bejust like, speaking to the part
of you that has greater vision,like, remember, we were talking
about being in an aeroplane andseeing the whole planet? Oh,

(01:11:23):
yeah. So even just that, thatdifferent perspective, that
bigger perspective. So being indialogue with that Universal
Spirit, or God or that greaterperspective, and then writing
and writing back and forth?
Dang, I mean, the books are mindblowing. But I also took from it

(01:11:46):
the practice of doing that, andhaving dialogues back and forth.
And similarly, it's probably notas good it's definitely not as
good but whatever it wascathartic to write back and
forth with different aspects ofself in different aspects of
what I perceived the voices ofspirit or different spirits or

(01:12:11):
guides to be and then from thenI then had guides in my own
language, that's language I likethat I call on for support. Or
when I go into meditation, thatI think my guides after and I'm
going into a moment that'spotentially full of conflict,

(01:12:32):
and I call on my guidesbeforehand, and then I just
don't feel alone, which is kindof another version of what you
were saying about community,except minus imaginary.
Highly Evolved imaginaryfriends.

(01:12:53):
I mean, it's tough for me to gothere with you on that, but, but
I liked it. It works for you.
And I'm not being sarcastic atall. I know you're laughing but
I really mean thatdoes come off as a little like
pity.
Oh, God, no. I will if it doescome across that way. I can only
apologize. Yeah. My my tone isjust that.

(01:13:15):
I'm self conscious.
I might be more of that. I don'tknow. But for me, it's like no,
if they're imaginary, then Ijust sets a weird odd tone for
me but maybe that's just becausemy misunderstanding. But
while the truth is I don't thinkthey're imaginary well, doesn't

(01:13:35):
that now who's taking a longpause? Yeah, it
was a sarcastic lung buzzI think I've ever heard of a
sarcastic long here it wasYeah, for sure.

(01:13:59):
Replaying those five seconds inmy head
that was a long pause. It was asarcastic long pause they laugh
at me. Why do I feel high? I amnot high. I don't know. Got this
like,do you get that feeling often?

(01:14:20):
Yeah, I guess I do.
Do you smoke often or do yousmoke at all?
I have a close relationship withmarijuana Yes. Gotcha. Not much
these days no. Okay. No it's I'mthere's no residue in my body at
this moment.

(01:14:41):
And that's and that you know, Ihave no I'm totally ignored on
marijuana. So as if you do smokea lot of marijuana. Is it
possible to kind of get themarijuana giggles when you're
not even smoking?
Maybe there. You could arguethere's trace amounts or
something the next day but notreally. Okay, now Really no If
anything, it's like when when wego to a place of expansion when

(01:15:09):
we allow ourselves to. Okay,tangent, kind of, yeah. One of
the, a new program I'm evolvingis an advanced Acting Program
having to do with blurring thelines at the edges of reality

(01:15:30):
essentially. Okay. Essentiallyspatial awareness and connecting
so much to the space around youthat you feel less attached to
the edges of your form. Do youknow Have I lost you already
know? Great. And I did find whenI started delving into this and

(01:15:53):
researching it and talking toquantum physician physicists was
that word quantum smart people.
So quantum smart people if I'mnot mistaken.
Thanks for the fact check. ThatSteve is it quantum smart
people?
Why did you see Steve?
Wow.
I don't know what's going onhere.
No, I'm serious.
I guess because subliminally Iknew what you were thinking of

(01:16:16):
some guy named Steve.
Did I tell you that before? No.
Dude. In the course of twoweeks, I met three Steve's
All right, just so you knowNostradamus my my go to guys
name when I'm calling outsomebody in a gag is Steve
collarwhat you will but I've been
freaking out about my threeSteve's recently who are all

(01:16:37):
quantum mathematicians one sortor another one is an acting
professor. One is actualscientist and the other one is a
Yale graduate who's like supercreative and I literally had a
meeting with three Steve's in a24 hour period
where they all dressed in blackon the Eagles Hotel California

(01:16:57):
album cover Okay, that was asarcastic sign. No, I heard it.
I actually heard the dragonready to spew some flames
1976 I am a dragon. Anyway,seriously? What a validation.

(01:17:18):
All right, I do feel high. Soanyway, when I started delving
into this playground of playingwith the losing the edges of my
form. Yeah. I sound so totallycrazy.
YeahI started to feel this sense of

(01:17:44):
expansion to the point offeeling high when I'm not I'm
not the first person toexperience this. I have a mentor
in my life and she says that shedoes not do any plant medicines.
But she meditates for so long.
That she goes to the kinds ofstates that having done plant
medicine just once or twice shecan compare and that it's very

(01:18:06):
similar. Oh, by that I Okay, I'mgonna bite my tongue now. Oh,
come because I'm feeling shy.
Okayyou're too shy shy? That'll be
cut because that's Oh sure.

(01:18:28):
registered trademarks onthat I Okay, fine. See, you need
you need my my handwrittensongs. I like to turn up shut up
song.
It's not turn up. Shut up. How'sit go? bottom is where your
turn. Right?
I sure wish that you would shutup. Oh, I see you like your

(01:18:49):
version of my song. Oh,I thought that was the next
line. No, it's not. Right. Idon't like it so much anymore.
Okay,I'm not gonna bite my tongue. I
do believe and there is scienceto back this that we have more
control over our mind there ismore access to the relationship
between mind and body and spiritnot as separate entities with

(01:19:12):
mind as the solo primary leader.
But that when we can drop into aheart or body or spirit and
allow those to be primary, evenfor a short period of time, that
it realigns our system and howwe relate to the world and how
we relate to others, how wecommunicate how we create how we

(01:19:33):
channel how we flow throughlife, how we create life because
thought creates manifestationit's how things actually work.
I've become far less mazed Whenweird things happen like you
saying Steve and I know you'relike that's just my go to name

(01:19:54):
but I've got my three Steve'sthat I've been freaking out
about for like three months.
Okay. So the fact that you wouldsay that aim is just like, see,
that's how the universe actuallyworks. But maybe
I'm misunderstanding. I feltlike you just said you're
becoming far less amazed atthose revelations
because I'm not amazed, like,Oh my God, that's totally crazy.
I can't believe you said Steve,but I don't think said

(01:20:18):
validation of that's how thingsactually. But
you were just amazed a secondago, Kara when it happened.
Can't find now I'm reallyshowing up again.
No.
Yes, you're right. I was amazed.
I'm not trying to play devil'sadvocate. I'm just trying to
figure out.
Okay, I was amazed, but it'salso just a validation.

(01:20:42):
A Gotcha. I'm with you. It wasboth amazing, but still yet a
validation? Yes. And you'reactually being amazed at the
validation of it. Yes.
Okay. I'm with you.
I'm talking about things I don'tnormally talk about and I feel
like I will be perceived ascrazy. Do you think I'm crazy?
Nevermind. I don't care. It'sokay. It's okay. It's okay.

(01:21:06):
Now, I'm going to tell you,you're crazy. For sure. Just
based on the last threesentences.
Can you edit those out? QuickOh, I'm gonna stick a Beatles
song.
To it right over it together.
It's like when the celebritiesflip off the paparazzi so they
can't publish the shots.

(01:21:26):
Right now.
Shut up.
I got nothing.
You got nothing.
Have you ever had a bundle offun tonight?
I have had a bundle of funtonight.

(01:21:48):
Yeah, this was pretty cool. I'mreally glad you came. And I've
really had a fortunateexperience with this project.
And, yeah, I really have andeverybody's different. And it's
just it's a different path, man.
It's like you just mentionedearlier, it's like I'm opening

(01:22:10):
myself up to this. And learning.
And it's kind of cool.
I am really excited for you. AndI love you dearly. And I'm
really happy that you're findingthis like outlet and method of
like, you've talked good. Andyou listen good. And you're a

(01:22:32):
good person and a good friendand a good leader. And this is a
really great avenue to exploreall of those pieces. And I'm
really excited to see it allcome through like this and
honored to be in the firstbundle of fun people. And yeah,
this has been a very uniqueexperience

(01:22:57):
I think this has been the you'vebeen the most hive guests that
I've had so far.
I am not Hi.
Hi No, wink wink, wink thereis there are no chemical
alterationsanyway because I know you're not
sound like I'm high because I'mnot I just said I'm gonna cut it
out, Kika you don't have to endwith a fight.

(01:23:21):
When that'd be awesome though.
Like, I'd love to hear you throwthe headphones off and say I'm
out here Raya, and then use bothwater out of here.
While a lot allthis is bullshit. What? What's
that bit about? Famous, okay,we're going to play a game right
nowI'm going to try to explain what

(01:23:42):
I'm thinking of, and you'regoing to try to figure it out
who who I'm talking about. Allright, okay. He's a famous
writer. Sure. From I think the50s. And he was brought into a
sound studio and he was given ascript. And he thought that the
script was badly written. Don'tknow. Nevermind, but he had the
best of you know the answer I doin this somewhere in the depths

(01:24:08):
of my mind that I can't findright.
And it was an author. Yes. Whocame into a studio? Yes. To read
a script of his of his book.
No, it was a script that wasgiven to him or just a script.
This is I can almost hear thewords. I'm gonna have to circle
back to this. It's not going tocome right now. Did he say call
me Ishmael? No. Raya, let's go.
Oh, he said, This sickens me.

(01:24:40):
You sicken me. No, really.
That's you know what? When gamenight rolls around, I don't want
you on my team. Wow.
You better hope to God thatwe're not playing Scattegories
I just I you know, we workreally, really well together. In
a lot of ways, I don't know, thefact that you can't call up this

(01:25:03):
name for me right now. It's notgiving me hope for
I don't want to make you feeldumb by telling you that it's
Kurt Vonnegut.
Okay. It's not Kurt Vonnegut.
Well, it's got elven wrath.
Let's go. Okay, raised stayinhere.
You're keeping my daughter.
Yeah.
She's good dog. Oh, my goodness.
I apologize for all themeandering, but that's also part

(01:25:24):
of what this is right?
Uh, yeah, but we're done rightnow. We're just goofing.
Well, it's been a real treat.
And thank you for having me.
I like it. I've really enjoyedhaving you as I've always, you
know, I'm a big fan of you andalways have been and so I was

(01:25:45):
really happy that you were notjust wanting to come but you
were eager to come and that wasthat made me feel good. That's
definitely. All right. Well, Ithink we decided that I had the
better voice, right.
Like and Subscribe my friendsand subscribe, put it in the
comments of whose voice isbetter. We'll leave it to the

(01:26:07):
people.
That's fair enough democracy.
I'm alright with that. Kara, canyou tell Andrew to take us out?
Andrew, take us out. Who isAndrew? Does that mean he plays
the musicAlright, you guys, thanks for

(01:26:28):
coming out. That was awesome.
We're going to be back in acouple of weeks. So hopefully
you'll join us then. And if youfeel so inclined, please leave a
positive review on any of yourfavorite platforms. And if you
didn't like us, of course, thisis Xavier McGillicuddy signing
out for today. It's MichaelVieyra. You knucklehead See you

(01:26:49):
later