September 14, 2022 • 48 mins
Joe Vieyra.
Joey.
My brother.
My pain in the ass.
Along with his wife, my saviors.
I love them both.
He currently works in a cubicle but his passion is and always has been cooking.
We sat down and talked about all these things:
Breaking a bone as an adult
Keeping up with the next guy
His infamous shorts
Being married for thirty years
Reacting to his son coming out
Wedding fashion
‘First-Impression Joe’
Deep sea fishing
Scouting
So put on your chill and come listen in.
Come join me on IG: michaelvieyraphotography
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michaelvieyraphotography
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:08):
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from the heart.
(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted here. There's a story
that I've never told you. AndI'm not sure if you'll how
(00:54):
you'll see it. But you rememberwhen you got Sucker Punched
behind the centerfield baseballdiamond? Sure. And you got a
huge black, I think you mighthave even gotten to the
hospital. So not too long afterthat, or was I was maybe 13. At
(01:15):
most. I had a baseball game, youknow, a week or two later. And I
went to the snack stand beforethe game started. And, and I saw
the guy that hit you. And I wasall prepared. I was like, what?
I'm going to take this guy rightnow, blah, blah, blah. And I
(01:42):
think if I had to be honest withmyself, I think I chickened out.
He was out of high school. I was13. And I was afraid so I didn't
do anything. All right. Theyever tell you that?
I don't think so. I don'tremember it anyways, would
(02:03):
you? You say it's all right nowand I believe you but at the
time, would you have been like,what why didn't you do anything?
No, I wouldn't have expected youto do anything. It was kind of
my own comeuppance for beingstupid with the guy and, and he
hit me and I was like you saidit was a sucker punch. But, you
(02:24):
know, I was pushing his buttons.
Bottom line is he avoided me forlike two months. Word was he was
afraid I was gonna tear him up.
And so he just didn't come comearound as often. So I'm
surprised you saw him at theballpark? Because he didn't come
around any of the usual placesfor a long time.
(02:48):
That is surprising. But I guessnot really surprising. He wasn't
a big guy by any means. Butbecause of that he was very
Napoleonic. You know.
He was yeah, he was prettymuscular, though. Yeah. But, but
no. Again, I knew it was my ownfault. So I'm irritated as I was
(03:09):
when it happened. I wasn't likeI didn't swear vengeance on
that.
Sure. Had you ever been hurt?
Otherwise, like broken bones oranything? I don't recall. Geez,
my know, you know, restraints,restraints, you know, a sling or
something like that, you know,for the pulled muscles and
(03:30):
stuff, but I never brokeanything. I've never broken
anything until I was when I wasabout six years ago. And when I
was I was on a boat. Littlefishing boat. We were docked. We
weren't we weren't out we'rejust having drinks on the boat.
(03:51):
Whatever. Sure. Just partying.
Yeah, not even party. It wasjust real casual. Like really
not here now. And as I said, wewere up the captain see, you
know, a pie. So we were comingdown the ladder to probably go
refill our drinks probably. Andcoming down and I slipped and
slipped on a run. And you know,it's one of those things that
(04:15):
happens in slow motion. And it'slike, well, if I tried to stop
myself from falling down, I'mgoing to put my leg through the
long runs and snap it off. So Ibetter just ride this thing all
the way down and hope for a softlanding. And you know, 300
pounds. I don't think you everget a soft landing. So you know,
I broke my tibia and I had tostay off it for a long time and,
(04:40):
and Gosh, darn it if that didn'tage me 10 years. I was doing
pretty good up until that point.
What do you mean in the factthat you had to take the layoff
or the bone itself?
The whole big picture of it Mikethe Uh, because of my size, the
(05:04):
doctor say you got the full castand everything, but you can't
walk on it because you'll puttoo much weight on it. And, you
know, it's it's fractured, andit'll split of you. So you got
literally stay off it for sixweeks. I think it turned into
like nine weeks. Yeah. And then.
And with that happening, my allmy muscles, especially my legs,
(05:26):
you know the app. How do you sayatrophy? Yep. And so this large
body of mine that has beensupported by my, my legs and my
legs would power me throughanything. And now there is no
muscle there at all. And, youknow, I just don't have the
(05:51):
range I used to have. Well,and you've been feeling it?
Because you seem to be doingokay until recently. But you've
been feeling it all these years.
Yeah, yeah, it's just been. It'sjust, every time I think I'm
taking two steps forward, andthen I feel like I gotta take a
step backwards. Sometimes itfeels like somebody hit me in my
(06:15):
thigh with a baseball bat. JustDamn. So that's surprising to
me. Because one of the things Iadmire about you is, you are a
big guy. And I think you werebeing sweet with a 300 pounds, I
think you're probably biggerthan that.
I am now at the time I was 300.
Gotcha.
(06:38):
But you you make being a big guylook easy. Meaning you don't
seem encumbered by it. You doall the normal things, and you
get around and look at thathustle on that guy. Sure. So how
much of that is accurate? Andhow much of it is just you try
(06:59):
not to look like you're a bigoverweight guy?
Well, sure, that's part of it. Idon't want to ever look like
that big heavy sloth guy that weall know. Yeah. You know, just
can't get up can do anything forhimself. Yeah. And he's talking
about me. And we're not usingnames here. I understood. So.
(07:20):
But yeah, I always prided myselfthat I could dress myself, well,
I can, you know, do anythinganybody else is doing. I can,
you know, ride my bike with thekids or run around a park and
all of that good stuff. And,boy, in the last six years, I've
really lost a lot of thosethings.
(07:44):
You couldn't get on a bike todayif you wanted to.
Um, well, I couldn't becauseI've put so much weight on that.
bike isn't bike not comfortable?
Not comfortable. And it's, Idon't know that it would hold me
at the tires, you know? Sure. Iguess I had my ride my bike when
I was at 300 pounds, it would,you know, it was a tough deal
with the tires. And so now Imean, now I'm pushing 353 60. So
(08:06):
yeah. But you know, it is whatit is. I tried to stay active.
You know, I live in the momentyou know, something's happening.
I'll never turn something down.
But the flipside is, the nextday, I'm going to pay for it,
because I'm going to beexhausted.
(08:28):
I like that, though. You know,you do keep trying to know,
you're going to Disneylandpretty soon with your with your
work. And I've told you pointblank, or do you think you're
gonna kill yourself just walkingaround? But I know who you are.
And you're like, No, I can doit. And it's like, I want to say
no, you can't. But it's like, Iknow, at the end of the day, you
(08:49):
will. But as you said, the nextday, you're gonna pay for it.
Yeah, absolutely. You know, it'seasy, but you don't want to be
the guy to sit out or misssomething or whatever. You know,
the other day, we had a worksoftball game. And I was dying
to be in this thing. Yeah, Iwould love to have been in it.
And but I thought, you know, myson's getting married in two
(09:14):
weeks, do I really want take achance of, you know, hurting my
leg worse. So I'm at a cast or Ineed a crutch or something.
Right? You know, so I sat on thebench the whole time. And I had
fun. I was part of the team andeverybody cheering him on and
whatnot, but you do have to knowyour limitations. That's true.
Sure. You know, when you're 15years old, 20 years old, you're
(09:37):
indestructible right? Nothinggood. Nothing can stop you. You
don't listen to your adults,your seniors, your parents. You
don't you know? Yeah, it mightbe true for you guys. It's not
true for me. And shit. Iapologize but shit. I'm here I
am pushing 60 years old. I gotan email the other day from some
(09:59):
guy I went to school with. Andevery now and then I'd hear from
it was no big deal. But when Irealized that email was, he
wants me to be on the team toput together the 40 year
anniversary 40 year anniversary,I've been out of school for 40
years. What is that is, youknow, and that whole thing just
(10:23):
kind of came to fruition for meabout a month ago when I became
a grandfather. And this is like,I'm not old enough to be a
grandfather. Yeah. I barely haveany gray hair. Right? All guys
sit on the porch,right? I think I hear that's a
common cry from a lot of peopleis like, I'm not old enough,
blah, blah, blah. But, but nowthat we're older, it really hits
(10:44):
you. Because I see it. It's likeyou're not a grandfather. No
way. And then one thing I'vetold you before, I know I often
when I see people that were ourteen idols, if you will, and now
they're either dying or justlook old. And I'm like, Holy
shit, what do we look like? Ifthey look like they're dying and
(11:05):
look that way?
Well, you know, I mean, alongwith everybody else, you know,
make fun of Mick Jagger outthere. And you know, he's was
that rocking it out before wewere born.
He's, he's sold his soul. He didsome Sure. He looks amazing. But
thenyou know, our band. You know,
the guys, we grew up with VanHalen. I didn't verify this, but
I heard that Sammy is going on75 Holy cow. It's just like,
(11:30):
what? That doesn't make sense.
Yeah, the red rocker. You knowthat guy. But then again, you
see, you see the old and Davidand, and you just don't know
where he's coming from anymore?
Well, he is odd, but he looksgood. He looks healthy.
God bless him. I hope he is butyou know, with his little short,
(11:53):
you know, businessman haircutand, you know, wearing a vest
instead of, you know, Rainbowpants.
I thought he looked good. Youmentioned earlier that you know
how to dress and you had all Iever see you. Where's the black
shorts? Walking shorts?
That's true. That's true. It'swhat is it's my comfort level.
(12:14):
All right. And I've been thereblack for purpose, you know, you
know, I buy? I don't know if Idrip today's lunch on my pants.
And you know, no one's gonnanotice it. And if I'm working in
the kitchen and are workingoutside and I bumped into
something, you know, I'm notgonna get a grease stain. You
know, I,you got it all planned out.
That's it. It's the perfectthing. You're gonna wear your,
(12:35):
your formal dress shorts to yourson's wedding.
God if I if I could, I wouldtrust me.
I think everybody would expectit. Nobody would bat an eye,
except for my wife. And I thinkshe's the only one that says
something that I'm gonna listento.
I know for me. You know, I'm abig boy. I'm pushing 250. And I
(13:04):
don't know if I'm content withthat, or resolve to it. But I
guess my question to you is, isthat where are you? Do you like,
Yeah, I'm a big guy, but whocares? Or would you just much
rather be thinner, man?
(13:24):
Oh, without a doubt, I'd want tobe a thinner person. Although,
you know, I don't see myself ina size 36 pen, you know, 145
pounds, right? I can't everremember being that guy. But,
but it's not good. And it's nothealthy. And the only reason I'm
really this weight is, you know,diabetes and other medical
(13:46):
issues I have. It's themedications you take for these
things. Don't make it easy tolose weight. Matter of fact,
they almost make it easier toput on weight. And so that's,
you know, just been a constantbattle with me. And
there are some that you checkwith your doctor, there are some
that to help you lose weight atthe same time.
(14:08):
It's, it's, it's as opposed sideeffect that it's opposed to we
originally asked my doctor aboutit two years ago, they weren't
ready to give it to me. And Idon't know if they just didn't
want to pay for it on their endor whatever. But but I'm in
discussions right now with my,my diabetic specialist. And so I
(14:32):
might be getting it in the nextmonth or so. Okay, well, good.
Yeah.
But you're in a good frame ofmind. Either way.
Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I'm,I'm blessed in many ways and,
and I'm happy for that. And,again, to me, it's important,
whoever you are, that you dressright. And you look right. And
(14:54):
even if I'm in shorts, I don'tthink there's anything wrong
with being in shorts. If ifThey're nice and they're clean.
And, and, you know you'rewearing good shoes and, and a
nice shirt, you know? By sureyou know me and nine times out
of 10 I'm going to wear blackPolo. You know, cut right at
(15:17):
hangs right.
As much as I love to make fun ofyou about the shorts. You do
look good. You don't look likeslovenly fat guy. No, by any
stretch. So good for you.
Yeah, definitely. It'simportant. I don't. I don't
accept that at any level. Don'twant to be that guy.
(15:40):
You have been married for over30 years. For God's sake,
don't get a ribbon.
I don't know. I don't know. Whatdo you get? It doesn't make
sense how? I can see somebodybeing married like, yeah, we've
been married. We were marriedfor nine years, we ran our
course. And now you've beenmarried for 30 years? What?
(16:01):
Yeah, what'sthe deal? How? You know, who
knows how I definitely know.
When I was a young man, highschool, I suppose that I never
saw myself being married oneperson forever, because just
didn't seem like that was athing that people did.
You know? Yeah. Meaning theyalways divorced early. Sure.
(16:24):
Everybody.
I knew, you know, divorcedearly, you know, you know, new
divorce. And our family and mygrandparents were separated all
the time. And, you know, divorceand friends. And just like,
well, I guess you know, you dowhat you do until you're tired
of it, and you move on. But no,Gail and I have been together.
(16:51):
Since since we graduated school,basically. Yeah. And you were
still in high school. Right? Ihad just graduated, and she is a
school year younger than I amso. But we met, we met right
after I graduated, and then wegot married five years to the
(17:11):
day afterwards. So coming up onthe 28th of this month, will be
40 years together.
Well, congratulations. I have aquestion mark. Joey, you sort of
you met her just right out ofhigh school. didn't date that
(17:32):
much in the scheme of life? Whatmakes you decide? Yep, this is
the one for the rest of my life.
You know, again, this mightsound stupid or ugly, but you
know, to be real. I know, it'dbe the rest of my life. You
(17:54):
know, butwait a minute, you actually
thought I may get married. Andman, maybe we'll get divorced in
a few years.
Not a few years. But you know, Iwasn't looking to rush out of it
or anything of that nature. Ijust said, you know, in my mind,
nobody was married forever. Justdidn't happen anymore. But it
(18:16):
wasn't for, you know, lack ofeffort, you got to try and kind
of want and I've never been tothe point where I was like, this
is old, and I'm done with it.
You know, this? Yeah, we haveproblems or arguments. Sure.
But, you know, nothing to say.
That's it. I'm walking away fromthis
right. But going into it, youthought this may not last
(18:38):
forever. Why enter into it? Ifthat's the case?
Well, I felt as though I waslooking at it like everyone else
did everyone else that we hadknown got divorced when they got
married? They were? Yeah, thisis the one you know. And, but it
wasn't the one obviously. So.
You know, so you just go into,you know, hey, well, this looks
(18:59):
really good. And I really, youknow, I think I can make this
work. If I don't, then I guessI'm divorced in 12 years, you
know, butI see what you're saying. You're
willing to you're willing totake the risk either way.
Yeah, I was willing to take therisk and make the effort and,
(19:19):
and not that I thought it was arisk. I thought well, this is a
you know, I mean, on any otherwager you make in life, you
know, I thought this was my besteducated decision is to stay
with this girl because I thinkwe could make a good team.
Nice. And it's proven itself.
I think so. I think as a asparents, we were good. You know,
(19:42):
there's good cop, bad cop forthe kids. For sure. As as people
in a community I think we'vebeen good. I'm usually the one
out front, but I can't I alwayssay I can't do anything without
Gil to support me. So You know,she always helps out with
everything.
(20:03):
There's a great dynamic betweenthe two of you, although
ultimately, at the end of theday, Gail is kind of quiet. And
at the same time, it's like, oh,no, she's quite loud. You guys
work well together. One thing Idon't like about it when
somebody when a couple shows upis like, the one person talks
and the other person goes andsits down on the couch. Yeah.
(20:23):
And it's like both both youguys, it's like, oh, no, you
both are showing up.
Or answering the questions forsomebody else or anything of
that nature. No, you have to beindependent people, you got to
be able to show that. Otherwise,you know, I don't know. I guess
that's why those people getdivorced. Because that's
something I would want to do.
(20:45):
Yeah, good for you. And youguys. I mean, you go into the
dying days together at thispoint. I gotta
imagine. And that's a scarything to you know, you think
about it getting older. And it'slike, Man, I don't want to, I
don't want to get sick and, andtax her with all of that, you
(21:06):
know? Sure. responsibility andduty and stuff. So. But yeah,
you know, one day a time we'llget there. If
she goes first. Can I move herewith you?
Yeah. This has been taped. Okay,we'll talk about later.
(21:27):
Joey. Your your son came out? Idon't know, eight years ago or
so. And I was curious to getyour thoughts on how you're
dealing with it now. And, moreimportantly, how you dealt with
it at the time?
(21:47):
You know, gotcha. I think I've,I've dealt with it over time. As
well, as anybody. You know, Ithere's some people are, you
know, maybe even in movies orwhatever, where they make it
look like, Oh, we're so happy.
You've told us this. And yeah,sure. Yeah, I started, you know,
maybe I'm just too old school,whatever. We grew up in that
(22:12):
environment. Right. But itwasn't, it was easy to be happy
about per se, you know,because definitely, you're
right. We're old school we grewup with everybody was, you know,
all the bad words, you can thinkof homosexuality, and all of a
sudden, we're expected to justgo Oh, okay. It's cool. Right?
Now, that's an excuse for sure.
(22:36):
And I'm glad that my frame ofmind and has changed. You know,
180 degrees, weighed 180, or360. I think it's 180. Somewhere
in there. But one of the thingsI like about you is I saw the
struggle of what the fuck? Butat the same time, it's like,
(22:59):
okay, I can do this. And youdid.
But I guess, you know, the firstand foremost is, I have a great
relationship with both my boys.
I mean, we've just done so muchtogether. I've been a big part
of their lives on purpose. I've,I've put myself into their lives
as a baseball coach or scoutleader or whatever, whatever
(23:25):
activity they were doing. Howcan I help you make the best of
this be better at it? Yeah. And,and so we've had a really good
friendship, father and sonrelationship. So, you know, when
your son comes to you, and youhave nothing but the utmost
respect for him and everythinghe does. You know, if he comes
(23:46):
up to me with something I'm notexpecting, I got to just kind of
stop and step back and say,Okay, this is this is what he
needs to do. And it's not aboutme. And so was I happy for it.
No, wasn't happy for it. Could Iaccept it and move forward with
(24:12):
him? Yeah, I can. And I and Ineeded to. There's just, if you
had asked me 20 years ago, I'dsay, Man, That better not
happen. The fact that at thattime when it did happen, it's
like, Okay, I'll go down thatpath with you. That's what you
(24:32):
need. Yeah,it's weird, because I feel like
if you did do it more as ateenager or a 20 year old, you
might have that bad reaction.
But because you know, I'm now asan a man, and you know who he
is. There's that, that love thatjust can't be tossed aside.
Sure. And I am impressed. Idon't know if you are impressed
(24:53):
with yourself, but just theacceptance alone, like okay, I'm
not happy with this, but I'mgoing to accept it in See where
I go with it? By allowingyourself to do that you've
ultimately got to where you arenow, which is what I think is
you can correct me if I'm wrongfully accepting of it.
Yeah. chuckled because well, asyou know, he's he's getting
(25:17):
married here shortly. Yeah. Andterrific young man who I guess,
you know, in any mannerism, youknow, if you want to, you want
your child to meet somebody,they can have a great
relationship with, you know,then this is that individual.
For sure. Yeah, he's a greatguy. Yeah.
But we were all together. Andwe're talking about, like, you
(25:40):
know, this wedding dress andblah, blah, blah, and who needs
to wear what, you know, notwedding dress for them, but for
Gail? And what are you going towear? And Gail starts telling me
and I said, No, no, no, no. Youhave to wait. With me, was it?
What do you wait? I said, Well,I you know, I went online, I did
all my research and gave weddingfashion and I've got a fantastic
(26:03):
shirt picked out for you guys.
And they're like, Oh, God, what?
What did he do? Yeah. So, matterof fact, you're going to enjoy,
you're going to enjoy this shirtwhen you see it. But it's again,
it's nothing offensive. It'sjust just something that's
totally hip and out of my lane.
And I thought, You know what,I'm gonna make this shirt look
good.
Oh, man, I'm afraid. I'm afraidbecause I know it's going to be
(26:28):
something weird. Not weird.
There's just, it's not likegoing to be SpongeBob
SquarePants. But it's definitelygoing to have that sort of luau
feeling to it.
Yeah. You know what it? Yeah.
Okay, I'll go with that.
Well, good. I'm glad I'm happyfor you, dude. Because, man, you
got to hold on to so many peoplehold on to the anger of what
(26:49):
they can't control. And, man, itjust makes your life difficult.
Again, you know, they're yourchildren and and why? Why waste
time being upset about somethinglike that? You know, yeah. Be
more upset if, you know one ofthem was on drugs or you know,
abused a partner or something ofthat nature. But you know, this
(27:12):
is who you are. Andyou're talking about Cameron
mentioned. Oh, name'sJoey. Do you remember when you
were? Were just starting todrive? What your customized
license plate read.
It's just starting to dry. Yeah,you got a custom.
(27:33):
I had a custom plate. But thatwas that was my second car. That
I remember. So I don't know.
All right, settle down.
When you had a job had money.
Michael, I kid.
You were you had a license platethat red? b r n 2x? L? Yes. Yes.
(27:58):
Because you were such as a gogetter. You though I'm born to
excel. There you go. Now, I ofcourse, thought it was born to
extra large or you did? Okay.
That being said, you had a lotof aims and goals. And you went
to culinary school, and you wentand did this in that. And now
that we're older, I think thisis a good question for both of
(28:23):
us. But ultimately, are youcontent with where you ended up?
I am Mike, you know, likeanybody else, you know, how
many? How many waiters are inLA? That wanted to be actors?
Yeah. It's not that they're notgood. It's not that they
(28:43):
weren't. Right. It just didn'thappen for them. And they'll
tell you the same thing about arestaurant. You know, 10 guys
can open a restaurant, and onlyfour of them are going to
survive. Right? Yeah. And butyou got to be pretty darn lucky
just to be one of those 10 guysin the first place. So, you
know, I've, I've had my hand anda couple of things. And some
(29:06):
things did better than others,for whatever reason, you know,
none of them ever really made merich, per se. But they were all
rewarding. I had a greatexperience doing all of them.
And at the end of the day, youknow, here it is, all this time
later. And that's like, yeah,you know what, I, I took a shot.
(29:26):
And I did well, awesome. And atthis point, you know, actually,
as you know, I just started arecent job, which is totally out
of my wheelhouse. But don't needto get into that other than the
fact that after doing what I'vebeen doing for 35 years, 45
years, maybe I was like, Okay,I've I've done everything. I can
(29:50):
step away from it now and Idon't need to, I don't need to
challenge myself that hardanymore. I gave it a shot. And
I'm at it Absolutely nothing I'mnot proud of, you know, I I
serve great food. I made peoplehappy. Yeah, yeah, I'm good with
all thatI agree with you, you know, it's
like you were I don't think Idon't think you were necessarily
(30:12):
reflecting me. But I fit thatexample you gave about being an
actor and I didn't make it, butI was still good. But you same
thing, you're a great cook.
That's what you were doingpursuing. And it never took off
to a level where you would thinkoh, yeah, he does this. But God
(30:33):
damn you, you put in the effortand never give up. Yeah, you're
still doing it.
I still do it. I like it. Youknow, it's, it's a lot of fun.
And, and I get paid a few extrabucks here and there to do it
anyways. But yeah, it's moreabout being in the kitchen and
that kind of buddy buddy systemyou have in there, you know,
(30:56):
you're in there, and you'reyelling and screaming and, and
trying to get things done. Atthe end of the day you have
share a drink together, shakehands and go home. You know, no,
there's no anger there. It'sjust people working hard. And so
yeah. You know, it's hard towalk away from a team like that.
Yeah, something that works sowell together.
(31:18):
Yeah. I enjoy that.
You. Your sense of who you arethese days has changed. Not too
long ago, a few years ago, Iused to fondly call you first
impression, Joe. Because whenpeople would meet you, they are
(31:38):
that Joe? He's a great guy. He'slike, Oh, shit, you must have
just met him as a vote, I wouldthink. But now you have changed.
And I've talked to you aboutthis before. But something's
different about you, for sure.
And you're a better person. Asyou know, I've studied self care
for many years now. And I thinkI'm a better different person.
But I'm seeing it in you. AndI'm wondering, is it am I? Is
(32:03):
that it? Or is that true? Orhave you been working on
something?
I think everybody tries tobetter themselves. But to
honestly sit here and say, Youknow what, Michael, I, you know,
I pray to God, and I cross myfingers. And I hope I'm giving
you the best Joe all day longthat I can. No, I don't, I don't
(32:26):
realize I'm making a change ordifference in what it was 515
years ago. But I can't speak tothe fact that I've heard this
from a couple of people. So it'slike, maybe I was a bit of a
jerk. Because I've had two orthree people saying, dude, you
really seem like you're in abetter place.
Dude, I will tell you pointedlythat before, I might say, Yeah,
(32:51):
my brother Joe. But I think Ieven said it recently. It was
like, Yeah, my brother Joe. He'sa good friend of mine.
Yeah, well, you know, you and Ihave gone through a lot of
challenges in the last fewyears. And I think somehow
that's, you know, led us todepend on each other and
appreciate each other a littlebit more than we have in the
(33:13):
past. And so it's kind of aunique, a unique thing. But you
know, bottom line is we'rebrothers. And, you know, we
found that respect for eachother, which, which is cool.
Because, you know, a lot offamilies lose that.
Yeah. And I don't want to pressthe negative, but I never
thought we would you. You are acurse, you know, and I don't
(33:35):
want to take credit for it byany stretch. But I know when I
was, when you allowed me to stayin your home, I was very often
listening to self help tapes, ifyou will. And because I was in
your, in your room, you wereoverhearing these, did any of
that have some sort ofsubconscious level into your
brain?
(33:56):
You know, to me, it was whitenoise. But you know, people say
you pick things up like that. Soit is possible, but I never
looked at it that way.
Gotcha. Well, kudos to you.
Because I will tell you, as I'vealready said, but I wanted to
make a stronger point that Yeah,you were a fucking jerk. And now
it's like who's the nice guy?
(34:19):
I'll take it. Thank you verymuch here Well, I'll tell you
something that made you feelbetter and been trying to figure
out how to do it and that is getback out on the water and do
some some saltwater fishing. Islove getting out there on the
water and relaxing and you catchsomething it's a bonus.
(34:40):
Otherwise, have another beardenjoy the afternoon. You know,
that's such a great way to spenda day in the sun.
Wow. So that's like a happyplace for you. Oh, man.
It is and I don't get thereanywhere near enough. And you
know, I'm not a big fan of thewhat they call a cattle boat
right where I was just gonna askya That's so hard to tell you
(35:01):
get on a boat and you might be90 people and you might be 35.
But at the same time, no, youdon't have a boat. So at the
same time, you don't want to gocharter a boat where it's just
yourself, do you? Oh,I can't. I mean, it's just cost
prohibitive.
Oh, gotcha. But, but if you ifyou could afford it, you would?
Yeah, I probably would. I'm sureI would invite a handful of
(35:24):
people, you know, hopefully, twoor three guys could join me.
Well, I'm just trying to strikedown the point that if it is
your happy place, and none ofyour friends could go, would you
still just go by yourself? Youknow, cost be damned.
Yeah, I probably would, althoughI'm a big believer in the buddy
(35:47):
system. And that is, you know,you shouldn't ever go anywhere
like that on your own.
Well, you know, you're going tocharter the boat. You're gonna
have a captain.
Oh, okay. I'm sorry, is thatwe're going back to where I have
my own boat. No, I justmean where where you have to
charter the boat. You got acrew? No friends going with you?
Yeah, absolutely. I would dothat in a heartbeat. Yeah. I was
real fortunate once. I went onone of these big cattle boats.
(36:10):
And I tell you, the boat couldhold 99 people. There was four
of us that day on the boat plus,plus a cruise over seven people
on the boat that holds 99. Yeah.
Holy cow. That was awesome.
That's a rarity, right? Oh,absolutely. Yeah.
And they, they had done a fewtrips with them. So they knew
(36:32):
who I was. And they were goingto cancel the ride. And I was
gonna say and then when they sawthat I was one of the people
coming on board. They said,Okay, we'll go.
They said first impression. Joe.
Come on in.
He tipped us last time, right.
He's been working on himself.
Let him in.
Yeah, but yeah, there's time ifyou want to feel good about
(36:55):
yourself and reset yourself.
Yeah, day on the ocean. Can'tget better than that.
It's pretty great. I love theocean. I don't know that I like
fishing though. Like you do? I'mnot sure. Wherever you were you
got into that but do love beingout on the ocean.
Fishing the fight? Was a fish.
First of all, you got to figureout what he wants. You know, how
(37:19):
what are you going to put lurehim in with? Right? Do you have
the right bait? Do you have theright style hook? All of the
things that go into that? And?
And then you know, is it theright time of day? Is he hungry?
Are you getting them goingupstream or downstream? Then
you're you got to find thehiding spots and the ocean.
(37:42):
There's obviously a world ofhiding spots.
That's why it almost seems likeit'd be more fun to be the
captain of your own boat to dothat.
Yeah, sure. You You foundthe fish. Yeah. I don't know.
That's just me.
Well, it's kind of the flipside. You know, if I could do it
myself, it'd be great. But thecaptain, he goes out on these
(38:05):
waters every day. So he knows.
He's probably got, you know, sixor eight spots, or his go to
spots? And nine times out of 10He'll find you something. So and
you you've been involved withthe Boy Scouts of America for
way too long, right?
(38:27):
I don't say wait too long, butlong enough.
You You started with the kids?
Of course you start withyourself. You're a boy scout
Eagle Scout, right? Did you makeEagle? No, no, no,
no. Did you apply?
Or like and I don't remember. Ithink you were Cub Scout? No, at
most. Yeah. But so I went intoBoy Scouts, and from what I can
(38:49):
seriously remember is there wasa star Scout life Scout, Eagle
Scout. And my impression was,Oh, if you get to be life Scout,
then is your scout for life.
Right? Forever membership.
I don't need to do anything.
Yeah. And but I never really hadanybody explained that to me.
And it explained. Certainlynobody ever explained the
(39:13):
benefits of being an EagleScout. Yeah. So it was real
loose and, and I and I wouldalways say you know, in the
summertime, we would go campingat Joshua Tree. And in the
wintertime, we would go campingat Joshua Tree. Yes, that was
(39:33):
our one spot that we'd go to outin the desert. That was it.
I thought you're gonna see inthe wintertime, our camping spot
was comfort inthat would have been good. But I
rememberwhen I went camping with my I
don't know somebody somewhere.
You were even there. And I waslike a two week scenario. And we
were sleeping in tents. And thenone day they said, hey, if
(39:58):
anybody wants to sleep in theapartments, we have apartments
have my hands shot up so fast.
Yeah, I want to sleep in theapartment. Shut up. But you
still see. Joey so you were withthe scouts. With your boys, you
went took them through it. Andthe curiosity for me is now your
your kids have been out of itfor 10 plus years, it seems. And
(40:21):
and you're still involved? Tellme why?
Well, first of all, it mightseem like the boys have been out
that long, but they reallyhaven't. Mitchell's continued to
give back, even when he was incollege. And Cameron, I would
(40:43):
probably say as recent as five,six years ago, he would still be
involved. And you know, ofcourse, they were in Boy Scouts,
your boy scout until you're 18.
But you're in Order of theArrow, you remain a Boy Scout
until you're 21, which they bothdid. And then they continued to
assist as adults till they'reabout 2425. So that being said,
(41:05):
yeah, they weren't with theregular 1214 year old kids,
though. They were with the olderscouts doing their thing. But I
just saw it as a way to giveback to the program that gave so
much to our family and for me tohelp the community because you
know, this, obviously, thesewere all kids who lived in our
(41:29):
neighborhoods. And they deservedas good a program, as that's
what my son said. So it'scertainly nowhere near the
program I had when I was a kid,you know, and I loved the
program. When I was a kid, I wasthrilled to be a boy scout. And
for my son's to do the thingsthat they've done. Now, I want
(41:51):
to make sure every kid has thatchance. That's neat. Absolutely.
And I've always thought, from myperspective, that there was also
just like, a sense of it givesyou something to do.
Um, I don't know, in a good way,yeah, I get that. And, you know,
(42:14):
that's one of the caveats Ilearned a long time ago was,
when you want something done,ask the guy that's busiest. The
guy that's busiest knows how tomanage his time and to get
things done. And so that I'vealways used that. When I was a
Scouter, I would pick somebodyto help me delegate whatever.
(42:35):
But in hindsight, I realizedsomebody did that to me first.
And then so that's, that's howthat works, you know? So there
was always something to do. Itwasn't that I was looking for
something to do it just it wasthere. And, and you do it
(42:56):
because someone has to, and I'mnot going to wait for someone
else to step up, I'll just putmy hand up and say, it's done.
I've got it. So, but um, youknow, some of my best friends
and you've had a lot of them,they the good people that like
minded people, and they're goodadults and, and their kids are
(43:18):
good. And yeah.
You know, one of the thingsabout all those friends is you
guys get together every sooften, I don't know, six months
a year, but you do scotch andcigars in the backyard. And
that's got to be a great thingfor your soul.
(43:39):
The Oh yeah. Yeah, you know. Andwhen not only when I do it, I do
it. I love it immensely, and Ilove the Brotherhood shared. But
these guys, they're always sograteful when they come over
because they just don't do thisotherwise. And it's unfortunate.
I don't know why people lettheir lives get too busy or
(44:02):
where they you know, they tiethemselves to work or whatever
it is. But you know, if you canbreak away for a few hours and
just be guys telling guy jokesdoing guy stuff. Yeah, everybody
needs that source.
I'm afraid to ask but what'swhat's a good joke? Let's skip
(44:24):
it. But good for you and goodfor them. Because I agree with
you does. It's too easy,especially as we become adults
to slip away.
Yeah, absolutely. But, you know,communities now. Diversity is a
good thing. It needs tocontinue. We need to be
(44:45):
welcoming. But and I don't knowit could be because COVID It's
made it more amplified. Butpeople are again shutting
themselves off from otherpeople. They're not being
accepting have of people unlikethemselves, right? And it's
like, what was the feeling onpeople? Like, why can't you? You
(45:09):
know, welcome everybody, how isit possible that we have this
hatred or contempt for differentpeople? It's just, you know,
we're all people, whatever itis.
Yeah. I agree. 100% Yeah, it'sbaffling. But I wanted to say
(45:29):
that I'm very thankful to youand Gail, for taking me in when
I became homeless. You know,yeah, yes. I wasn't there all
the time. I did do the streetsfor a little while. But at the
end of the day, and I know itwas more Gail's push to get me
into your house. Thankfully, youaccepted it. And, and I'm very
(45:54):
grateful to both of you, becauseI would not be in the room we're
sitting in right now. My newapartment, if it weren't for
you, guys, somuch, I I could never imagine
that it was going to take thatthree years that they told you
upfront. Oh, yeah, there's gonnabe three years in the system
(46:14):
before we even see a court wentfast. And, and it's like, wow,
you know, how do they know thatnumber? That's just ridiculous.
Andwell, yeah, because they just
keep denying you. They knowthey're gonna deny you for two
years. Yeah.
So yeah, you know, I mean, thatwasn't easy. You know, there are
plenty of times when we'll getagitated one way or the other,
(46:38):
you or me, and, you know, we hadto work through that. But we
did, and I'm glad we did. AndI'm glad that we were able to
give you that support. So yaknow, problem.
All right. Well, big Jovi. I'mglad. Glad you're my brother.
I'm glad you gave me this time.
I was just telling somebody elsethat I was excited. I was going
(47:03):
to be interviewing you because Ithink I even said this earlier
that although we're close. Wedon't really have these in depth
conversations. And so it's nice.
I appreciate it. I'm glad I canhear but I thought I thought you
were gonna tell me more aboutfight club
(47:33):
All right, you guys. Thanks forcoming out. That was awesome.
We're going to be back in acouple of weeks. So hopefully
you'll join us then. And if youfeel so inclined, please leave a
positive review on any of your,your favorite platforms. And if
you didn't like us, of course,this is Xavier McGillicuddy
signing out for today. It'sMichael Vieyra. You knucklehead
(47:54):
See you later
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from the heart.
(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted here. There's a story
that I've never told you. AndI'm not sure if you'll how
(00:54):
you'll see it. But you rememberwhen you got Sucker Punched
behind the centerfield baseballdiamond? Sure. And you got a
huge black, I think you mighthave even gotten to the
hospital. So not too long afterthat, or was I was maybe 13. At
(01:15):
most. I had a baseball game, youknow, a week or two later. And I
went to the snack stand beforethe game started. And, and I saw
the guy that hit you. And I wasall prepared. I was like, what?
I'm going to take this guy rightnow, blah, blah, blah. And I
(01:42):
think if I had to be honest withmyself, I think I chickened out.
He was out of high school. I was13. And I was afraid so I didn't
do anything. All right. Theyever tell you that?
I don't think so. I don'tremember it anyways, would
(02:03):
you? You say it's all right nowand I believe you but at the
time, would you have been like,what why didn't you do anything?
No, I wouldn't have expected youto do anything. It was kind of
my own comeuppance for beingstupid with the guy and, and he
hit me and I was like you saidit was a sucker punch. But, you
(02:24):
know, I was pushing his buttons.
Bottom line is he avoided me forlike two months. Word was he was
afraid I was gonna tear him up.
And so he just didn't come comearound as often. So I'm
surprised you saw him at theballpark? Because he didn't come
around any of the usual placesfor a long time.
(02:48):
That is surprising. But I guessnot really surprising. He wasn't
a big guy by any means. Butbecause of that he was very
Napoleonic. You know.
He was yeah, he was prettymuscular, though. Yeah. But, but
no. Again, I knew it was my ownfault. So I'm irritated as I was
(03:09):
when it happened. I wasn't likeI didn't swear vengeance on
that.
Sure. Had you ever been hurt?
Otherwise, like broken bones oranything? I don't recall. Geez,
my know, you know, restraints,restraints, you know, a sling or
something like that, you know,for the pulled muscles and
(03:30):
stuff, but I never brokeanything. I've never broken
anything until I was when I wasabout six years ago. And when I
was I was on a boat. Littlefishing boat. We were docked. We
weren't we weren't out we'rejust having drinks on the boat.
(03:51):
Whatever. Sure. Just partying.
Yeah, not even party. It wasjust real casual. Like really
not here now. And as I said, wewere up the captain see, you
know, a pie. So we were comingdown the ladder to probably go
refill our drinks probably. Andcoming down and I slipped and
slipped on a run. And you know,it's one of those things that
(04:15):
happens in slow motion. And it'slike, well, if I tried to stop
myself from falling down, I'mgoing to put my leg through the
long runs and snap it off. So Ibetter just ride this thing all
the way down and hope for a softlanding. And you know, 300
pounds. I don't think you everget a soft landing. So you know,
I broke my tibia and I had tostay off it for a long time and,
(04:40):
and Gosh, darn it if that didn'tage me 10 years. I was doing
pretty good up until that point.
What do you mean in the factthat you had to take the layoff
or the bone itself?
The whole big picture of it Mikethe Uh, because of my size, the
(05:04):
doctor say you got the full castand everything, but you can't
walk on it because you'll puttoo much weight on it. And, you
know, it's it's fractured, andit'll split of you. So you got
literally stay off it for sixweeks. I think it turned into
like nine weeks. Yeah. And then.
And with that happening, my allmy muscles, especially my legs,
(05:26):
you know the app. How do you sayatrophy? Yep. And so this large
body of mine that has beensupported by my, my legs and my
legs would power me throughanything. And now there is no
muscle there at all. And, youknow, I just don't have the
(05:51):
range I used to have. Well,and you've been feeling it?
Because you seem to be doingokay until recently. But you've
been feeling it all these years.
Yeah, yeah, it's just been. It'sjust, every time I think I'm
taking two steps forward, andthen I feel like I gotta take a
step backwards. Sometimes itfeels like somebody hit me in my
(06:15):
thigh with a baseball bat. JustDamn. So that's surprising to
me. Because one of the things Iadmire about you is, you are a
big guy. And I think you werebeing sweet with a 300 pounds, I
think you're probably biggerthan that.
I am now at the time I was 300.
Gotcha.
(06:38):
But you you make being a big guylook easy. Meaning you don't
seem encumbered by it. You doall the normal things, and you
get around and look at thathustle on that guy. Sure. So how
much of that is accurate? Andhow much of it is just you try
(06:59):
not to look like you're a bigoverweight guy?
Well, sure, that's part of it. Idon't want to ever look like
that big heavy sloth guy that weall know. Yeah. You know, just
can't get up can do anything forhimself. Yeah. And he's talking
about me. And we're not usingnames here. I understood. So.
(07:20):
But yeah, I always prided myselfthat I could dress myself, well,
I can, you know, do anythinganybody else is doing. I can,
you know, ride my bike with thekids or run around a park and
all of that good stuff. And,boy, in the last six years, I've
really lost a lot of thosethings.
(07:44):
You couldn't get on a bike todayif you wanted to.
Um, well, I couldn't becauseI've put so much weight on that.
bike isn't bike not comfortable?
Not comfortable. And it's, Idon't know that it would hold me
at the tires, you know? Sure. Iguess I had my ride my bike when
I was at 300 pounds, it would,you know, it was a tough deal
with the tires. And so now Imean, now I'm pushing 353 60. So
(08:06):
yeah. But you know, it is whatit is. I tried to stay active.
You know, I live in the momentyou know, something's happening.
I'll never turn something down.
But the flipside is, the nextday, I'm going to pay for it,
because I'm going to beexhausted.
(08:28):
I like that, though. You know,you do keep trying to know,
you're going to Disneylandpretty soon with your with your
work. And I've told you pointblank, or do you think you're
gonna kill yourself just walkingaround? But I know who you are.
And you're like, No, I can doit. And it's like, I want to say
no, you can't. But it's like, Iknow, at the end of the day, you
(08:49):
will. But as you said, the nextday, you're gonna pay for it.
Yeah, absolutely. You know, it'seasy, but you don't want to be
the guy to sit out or misssomething or whatever. You know,
the other day, we had a worksoftball game. And I was dying
to be in this thing. Yeah, Iwould love to have been in it.
And but I thought, you know, myson's getting married in two
(09:14):
weeks, do I really want take achance of, you know, hurting my
leg worse. So I'm at a cast or Ineed a crutch or something.
Right? You know, so I sat on thebench the whole time. And I had
fun. I was part of the team andeverybody cheering him on and
whatnot, but you do have to knowyour limitations. That's true.
Sure. You know, when you're 15years old, 20 years old, you're
(09:37):
indestructible right? Nothinggood. Nothing can stop you. You
don't listen to your adults,your seniors, your parents. You
don't you know? Yeah, it mightbe true for you guys. It's not
true for me. And shit. Iapologize but shit. I'm here I
am pushing 60 years old. I gotan email the other day from some
(09:59):
guy I went to school with. Andevery now and then I'd hear from
it was no big deal. But when Irealized that email was, he
wants me to be on the team toput together the 40 year
anniversary 40 year anniversary,I've been out of school for 40
years. What is that is, youknow, and that whole thing just
(10:23):
kind of came to fruition for meabout a month ago when I became
a grandfather. And this is like,I'm not old enough to be a
grandfather. Yeah. I barely haveany gray hair. Right? All guys
sit on the porch,right? I think I hear that's a
common cry from a lot of peopleis like, I'm not old enough,
blah, blah, blah. But, but nowthat we're older, it really hits
(10:44):
you. Because I see it. It's likeyou're not a grandfather. No
way. And then one thing I'vetold you before, I know I often
when I see people that were ourteen idols, if you will, and now
they're either dying or justlook old. And I'm like, Holy
shit, what do we look like? Ifthey look like they're dying and
(11:05):
look that way?
Well, you know, I mean, alongwith everybody else, you know,
make fun of Mick Jagger outthere. And you know, he's was
that rocking it out before wewere born.
He's, he's sold his soul. He didsome Sure. He looks amazing. But
thenyou know, our band. You know,
the guys, we grew up with VanHalen. I didn't verify this, but
I heard that Sammy is going on75 Holy cow. It's just like,
(11:30):
what? That doesn't make sense.
Yeah, the red rocker. You knowthat guy. But then again, you
see, you see the old and Davidand, and you just don't know
where he's coming from anymore?
Well, he is odd, but he looksgood. He looks healthy.
God bless him. I hope he is butyou know, with his little short,
(11:53):
you know, businessman haircutand, you know, wearing a vest
instead of, you know, Rainbowpants.
I thought he looked good. Youmentioned earlier that you know
how to dress and you had all Iever see you. Where's the black
shorts? Walking shorts?
That's true. That's true. It'swhat is it's my comfort level.
(12:14):
All right. And I've been thereblack for purpose, you know, you
know, I buy? I don't know if Idrip today's lunch on my pants.
And you know, no one's gonnanotice it. And if I'm working in
the kitchen and are workingoutside and I bumped into
something, you know, I'm notgonna get a grease stain. You
know, I,you got it all planned out.
That's it. It's the perfectthing. You're gonna wear your,
(12:35):
your formal dress shorts to yourson's wedding.
God if I if I could, I wouldtrust me.
I think everybody would expectit. Nobody would bat an eye,
except for my wife. And I thinkshe's the only one that says
something that I'm gonna listento.
I know for me. You know, I'm abig boy. I'm pushing 250. And I
(13:04):
don't know if I'm content withthat, or resolve to it. But I
guess my question to you is, isthat where are you? Do you like,
Yeah, I'm a big guy, but whocares? Or would you just much
rather be thinner, man?
(13:24):
Oh, without a doubt, I'd want tobe a thinner person. Although,
you know, I don't see myself ina size 36 pen, you know, 145
pounds, right? I can't everremember being that guy. But,
but it's not good. And it's nothealthy. And the only reason I'm
really this weight is, you know,diabetes and other medical
(13:46):
issues I have. It's themedications you take for these
things. Don't make it easy tolose weight. Matter of fact,
they almost make it easier toput on weight. And so that's,
you know, just been a constantbattle with me. And
there are some that you checkwith your doctor, there are some
that to help you lose weight atthe same time.
(14:08):
It's, it's, it's as opposed sideeffect that it's opposed to we
originally asked my doctor aboutit two years ago, they weren't
ready to give it to me. And Idon't know if they just didn't
want to pay for it on their endor whatever. But but I'm in
discussions right now with my,my diabetic specialist. And so I
(14:32):
might be getting it in the nextmonth or so. Okay, well, good.
Yeah.
But you're in a good frame ofmind. Either way.
Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I'm,I'm blessed in many ways and,
and I'm happy for that. And,again, to me, it's important,
whoever you are, that you dressright. And you look right. And
(14:54):
even if I'm in shorts, I don'tthink there's anything wrong
with being in shorts. If ifThey're nice and they're clean.
And, and, you know you'rewearing good shoes and, and a
nice shirt, you know? By sureyou know me and nine times out
of 10 I'm going to wear blackPolo. You know, cut right at
(15:17):
hangs right.
As much as I love to make fun ofyou about the shorts. You do
look good. You don't look likeslovenly fat guy. No, by any
stretch. So good for you.
Yeah, definitely. It'simportant. I don't. I don't
accept that at any level. Don'twant to be that guy.
(15:40):
You have been married for over30 years. For God's sake,
don't get a ribbon.
I don't know. I don't know. Whatdo you get? It doesn't make
sense how? I can see somebodybeing married like, yeah, we've
been married. We were marriedfor nine years, we ran our
course. And now you've beenmarried for 30 years? What?
(16:01):
Yeah, what'sthe deal? How? You know, who
knows how I definitely know.
When I was a young man, highschool, I suppose that I never
saw myself being married oneperson forever, because just
didn't seem like that was athing that people did.
You know? Yeah. Meaning theyalways divorced early. Sure.
(16:24):
Everybody.
I knew, you know, divorcedearly, you know, you know, new
divorce. And our family and mygrandparents were separated all
the time. And, you know, divorceand friends. And just like,
well, I guess you know, you dowhat you do until you're tired
of it, and you move on. But no,Gail and I have been together.
(16:51):
Since since we graduated school,basically. Yeah. And you were
still in high school. Right? Ihad just graduated, and she is a
school year younger than I amso. But we met, we met right
after I graduated, and then wegot married five years to the
(17:11):
day afterwards. So coming up onthe 28th of this month, will be
40 years together.
Well, congratulations. I have aquestion mark. Joey, you sort of
you met her just right out ofhigh school. didn't date that
(17:32):
much in the scheme of life? Whatmakes you decide? Yep, this is
the one for the rest of my life.
You know, again, this mightsound stupid or ugly, but you
know, to be real. I know, it'dbe the rest of my life. You
(17:54):
know, butwait a minute, you actually
thought I may get married. Andman, maybe we'll get divorced in
a few years.
Not a few years. But you know, Iwasn't looking to rush out of it
or anything of that nature. Ijust said, you know, in my mind,
nobody was married forever. Justdidn't happen anymore. But it
(18:16):
wasn't for, you know, lack ofeffort, you got to try and kind
of want and I've never been tothe point where I was like, this
is old, and I'm done with it.
You know, this? Yeah, we haveproblems or arguments. Sure.
But, you know, nothing to say.
That's it. I'm walking away fromthis
right. But going into it, youthought this may not last
(18:38):
forever. Why enter into it? Ifthat's the case?
Well, I felt as though I waslooking at it like everyone else
did everyone else that we hadknown got divorced when they got
married? They were? Yeah, thisis the one you know. And, but it
wasn't the one obviously. So.
You know, so you just go into,you know, hey, well, this looks
(18:59):
really good. And I really, youknow, I think I can make this
work. If I don't, then I guessI'm divorced in 12 years, you
know, butI see what you're saying. You're
willing to you're willing totake the risk either way.
Yeah, I was willing to take therisk and make the effort and,
(19:19):
and not that I thought it was arisk. I thought well, this is a
you know, I mean, on any otherwager you make in life, you
know, I thought this was my besteducated decision is to stay
with this girl because I thinkwe could make a good team.
Nice. And it's proven itself.
I think so. I think as a asparents, we were good. You know,
(19:42):
there's good cop, bad cop forthe kids. For sure. As as people
in a community I think we'vebeen good. I'm usually the one
out front, but I can't I alwayssay I can't do anything without
Gil to support me. So You know,she always helps out with
everything.
(20:03):
There's a great dynamic betweenthe two of you, although
ultimately, at the end of theday, Gail is kind of quiet. And
at the same time, it's like, oh,no, she's quite loud. You guys
work well together. One thing Idon't like about it when
somebody when a couple shows upis like, the one person talks
and the other person goes andsits down on the couch. Yeah.
(20:23):
And it's like both both youguys, it's like, oh, no, you
both are showing up.
Or answering the questions forsomebody else or anything of
that nature. No, you have to beindependent people, you got to
be able to show that. Otherwise,you know, I don't know. I guess
that's why those people getdivorced. Because that's
something I would want to do.
(20:45):
Yeah, good for you. And youguys. I mean, you go into the
dying days together at thispoint. I gotta
imagine. And that's a scarything to you know, you think
about it getting older. And it'slike, Man, I don't want to, I
don't want to get sick and, andtax her with all of that, you
(21:06):
know? Sure. responsibility andduty and stuff. So. But yeah,
you know, one day a time we'llget there. If
she goes first. Can I move herewith you?
Yeah. This has been taped. Okay,we'll talk about later.
(21:27):
Joey. Your your son came out? Idon't know, eight years ago or
so. And I was curious to getyour thoughts on how you're
dealing with it now. And, moreimportantly, how you dealt with
it at the time?
(21:47):
You know, gotcha. I think I've,I've dealt with it over time. As
well, as anybody. You know, Ithere's some people are, you
know, maybe even in movies orwhatever, where they make it
look like, Oh, we're so happy.
You've told us this. And yeah,sure. Yeah, I started, you know,
maybe I'm just too old school,whatever. We grew up in that
(22:12):
environment. Right. But itwasn't, it was easy to be happy
about per se, you know,because definitely, you're
right. We're old school we grewup with everybody was, you know,
all the bad words, you can thinkof homosexuality, and all of a
sudden, we're expected to justgo Oh, okay. It's cool. Right?
Now, that's an excuse for sure.
(22:36):
And I'm glad that my frame ofmind and has changed. You know,
180 degrees, weighed 180, or360. I think it's 180. Somewhere
in there. But one of the thingsI like about you is I saw the
struggle of what the fuck? Butat the same time, it's like,
(22:59):
okay, I can do this. And youdid.
But I guess, you know, the firstand foremost is, I have a great
relationship with both my boys.
I mean, we've just done so muchtogether. I've been a big part
of their lives on purpose. I've,I've put myself into their lives
as a baseball coach or scoutleader or whatever, whatever
(23:25):
activity they were doing. Howcan I help you make the best of
this be better at it? Yeah. And,and so we've had a really good
friendship, father and sonrelationship. So, you know, when
your son comes to you, and youhave nothing but the utmost
respect for him and everythinghe does. You know, if he comes
(23:46):
up to me with something I'm notexpecting, I got to just kind of
stop and step back and say,Okay, this is this is what he
needs to do. And it's not aboutme. And so was I happy for it.
No, wasn't happy for it. Could Iaccept it and move forward with
(24:12):
him? Yeah, I can. And I and Ineeded to. There's just, if you
had asked me 20 years ago, I'dsay, Man, That better not
happen. The fact that at thattime when it did happen, it's
like, Okay, I'll go down thatpath with you. That's what you
(24:32):
need. Yeah,it's weird, because I feel like
if you did do it more as ateenager or a 20 year old, you
might have that bad reaction.
But because you know, I'm now asan a man, and you know who he
is. There's that, that love thatjust can't be tossed aside.
Sure. And I am impressed. Idon't know if you are impressed
(24:53):
with yourself, but just theacceptance alone, like okay, I'm
not happy with this, but I'mgoing to accept it in See where
I go with it? By allowingyourself to do that you've
ultimately got to where you arenow, which is what I think is
you can correct me if I'm wrongfully accepting of it.
Yeah. chuckled because well, asyou know, he's he's getting
(25:17):
married here shortly. Yeah. Andterrific young man who I guess,
you know, in any mannerism, youknow, if you want to, you want
your child to meet somebody,they can have a great
relationship with, you know,then this is that individual.
For sure. Yeah, he's a greatguy. Yeah.
But we were all together. Andwe're talking about, like, you
(25:40):
know, this wedding dress andblah, blah, blah, and who needs
to wear what, you know, notwedding dress for them, but for
Gail? And what are you going towear? And Gail starts telling me
and I said, No, no, no, no. Youhave to wait. With me, was it?
What do you wait? I said, Well,I you know, I went online, I did
all my research and gave weddingfashion and I've got a fantastic
(26:03):
shirt picked out for you guys.
And they're like, Oh, God, what?
What did he do? Yeah. So, matterof fact, you're going to enjoy,
you're going to enjoy this shirtwhen you see it. But it's again,
it's nothing offensive. It'sjust just something that's
totally hip and out of my lane.
And I thought, You know what,I'm gonna make this shirt look
good.
Oh, man, I'm afraid. I'm afraidbecause I know it's going to be
(26:28):
something weird. Not weird.
There's just, it's not likegoing to be SpongeBob
SquarePants. But it's definitelygoing to have that sort of luau
feeling to it.
Yeah. You know what it? Yeah.
Okay, I'll go with that.
Well, good. I'm glad I'm happyfor you, dude. Because, man, you
got to hold on to so many peoplehold on to the anger of what
(26:49):
they can't control. And, man, itjust makes your life difficult.
Again, you know, they're yourchildren and and why? Why waste
time being upset about somethinglike that? You know, yeah. Be
more upset if, you know one ofthem was on drugs or you know,
abused a partner or something ofthat nature. But you know, this
(27:12):
is who you are. Andyou're talking about Cameron
mentioned. Oh, name'sJoey. Do you remember when you
were? Were just starting todrive? What your customized
license plate read.
It's just starting to dry. Yeah,you got a custom.
(27:33):
I had a custom plate. But thatwas that was my second car. That
I remember. So I don't know.
All right, settle down.
When you had a job had money.
Michael, I kid.
You were you had a license platethat red? b r n 2x? L? Yes. Yes.
(27:58):
Because you were such as a gogetter. You though I'm born to
excel. There you go. Now, I ofcourse, thought it was born to
extra large or you did? Okay.
That being said, you had a lotof aims and goals. And you went
to culinary school, and you wentand did this in that. And now
that we're older, I think thisis a good question for both of
(28:23):
us. But ultimately, are youcontent with where you ended up?
I am Mike, you know, likeanybody else, you know, how
many? How many waiters are inLA? That wanted to be actors?
Yeah. It's not that they're notgood. It's not that they
(28:43):
weren't. Right. It just didn'thappen for them. And they'll
tell you the same thing about arestaurant. You know, 10 guys
can open a restaurant, and onlyfour of them are going to
survive. Right? Yeah. And butyou got to be pretty darn lucky
just to be one of those 10 guysin the first place. So, you
know, I've, I've had my hand anda couple of things. And some
(29:06):
things did better than others,for whatever reason, you know,
none of them ever really made merich, per se. But they were all
rewarding. I had a greatexperience doing all of them.
And at the end of the day, youknow, here it is, all this time
later. And that's like, yeah,you know what, I, I took a shot.
(29:26):
And I did well, awesome. And atthis point, you know, actually,
as you know, I just started arecent job, which is totally out
of my wheelhouse. But don't needto get into that other than the
fact that after doing what I'vebeen doing for 35 years, 45
years, maybe I was like, Okay,I've I've done everything. I can
(29:50):
step away from it now and Idon't need to, I don't need to
challenge myself that hardanymore. I gave it a shot. And
I'm at it Absolutely nothing I'mnot proud of, you know, I I
serve great food. I made peoplehappy. Yeah, yeah, I'm good with
all thatI agree with you, you know, it's
like you were I don't think Idon't think you were necessarily
(30:12):
reflecting me. But I fit thatexample you gave about being an
actor and I didn't make it, butI was still good. But you same
thing, you're a great cook.
That's what you were doingpursuing. And it never took off
to a level where you would thinkoh, yeah, he does this. But God
(30:33):
damn you, you put in the effortand never give up. Yeah, you're
still doing it.
I still do it. I like it. Youknow, it's, it's a lot of fun.
And, and I get paid a few extrabucks here and there to do it
anyways. But yeah, it's moreabout being in the kitchen and
that kind of buddy buddy systemyou have in there, you know,
(30:56):
you're in there, and you'reyelling and screaming and, and
trying to get things done. Atthe end of the day you have
share a drink together, shakehands and go home. You know, no,
there's no anger there. It'sjust people working hard. And so
yeah. You know, it's hard towalk away from a team like that.
Yeah, something that works sowell together.
(31:18):
Yeah. I enjoy that.
You. Your sense of who you arethese days has changed. Not too
long ago, a few years ago, Iused to fondly call you first
impression, Joe. Because whenpeople would meet you, they are
(31:38):
that Joe? He's a great guy. He'slike, Oh, shit, you must have
just met him as a vote, I wouldthink. But now you have changed.
And I've talked to you aboutthis before. But something's
different about you, for sure.
And you're a better person. Asyou know, I've studied self care
for many years now. And I thinkI'm a better different person.
But I'm seeing it in you. AndI'm wondering, is it am I? Is
(32:03):
that it? Or is that true? Orhave you been working on
something?
I think everybody tries tobetter themselves. But to
honestly sit here and say, Youknow what, Michael, I, you know,
I pray to God, and I cross myfingers. And I hope I'm giving
you the best Joe all day longthat I can. No, I don't, I don't
(32:26):
realize I'm making a change ordifference in what it was 515
years ago. But I can't speak tothe fact that I've heard this
from a couple of people. So it'slike, maybe I was a bit of a
jerk. Because I've had two orthree people saying, dude, you
really seem like you're in abetter place.
Dude, I will tell you pointedlythat before, I might say, Yeah,
(32:51):
my brother Joe. But I think Ieven said it recently. It was
like, Yeah, my brother Joe. He'sa good friend of mine.
Yeah, well, you know, you and Ihave gone through a lot of
challenges in the last fewyears. And I think somehow
that's, you know, led us todepend on each other and
appreciate each other a littlebit more than we have in the
(33:13):
past. And so it's kind of aunique, a unique thing. But you
know, bottom line is we'rebrothers. And, you know, we
found that respect for eachother, which, which is cool.
Because, you know, a lot offamilies lose that.
Yeah. And I don't want to pressthe negative, but I never
thought we would you. You are acurse, you know, and I don't
(33:35):
want to take credit for it byany stretch. But I know when I
was, when you allowed me to stayin your home, I was very often
listening to self help tapes, ifyou will. And because I was in
your, in your room, you wereoverhearing these, did any of
that have some sort ofsubconscious level into your
brain?
(33:56):
You know, to me, it was whitenoise. But you know, people say
you pick things up like that. Soit is possible, but I never
looked at it that way.
Gotcha. Well, kudos to you.
Because I will tell you, as I'vealready said, but I wanted to
make a stronger point that Yeah,you were a fucking jerk. And now
it's like who's the nice guy?
(34:19):
I'll take it. Thank you verymuch here Well, I'll tell you
something that made you feelbetter and been trying to figure
out how to do it and that is getback out on the water and do
some some saltwater fishing. Islove getting out there on the
water and relaxing and you catchsomething it's a bonus.
(34:40):
Otherwise, have another beardenjoy the afternoon. You know,
that's such a great way to spenda day in the sun.
Wow. So that's like a happyplace for you. Oh, man.
It is and I don't get thereanywhere near enough. And you
know, I'm not a big fan of thewhat they call a cattle boat
right where I was just gonna askya That's so hard to tell you
(35:01):
get on a boat and you might be90 people and you might be 35.
But at the same time, no, youdon't have a boat. So at the
same time, you don't want to gocharter a boat where it's just
yourself, do you? Oh,I can't. I mean, it's just cost
prohibitive.
Oh, gotcha. But, but if you ifyou could afford it, you would?
Yeah, I probably would. I'm sureI would invite a handful of
(35:24):
people, you know, hopefully, twoor three guys could join me.
Well, I'm just trying to strikedown the point that if it is
your happy place, and none ofyour friends could go, would you
still just go by yourself? Youknow, cost be damned.
Yeah, I probably would, althoughI'm a big believer in the buddy
(35:47):
system. And that is, you know,you shouldn't ever go anywhere
like that on your own.
Well, you know, you're going tocharter the boat. You're gonna
have a captain.
Oh, okay. I'm sorry, is thatwe're going back to where I have
my own boat. No, I justmean where where you have to
charter the boat. You got acrew? No friends going with you?
Yeah, absolutely. I would dothat in a heartbeat. Yeah. I was
real fortunate once. I went onone of these big cattle boats.
(36:10):
And I tell you, the boat couldhold 99 people. There was four
of us that day on the boat plus,plus a cruise over seven people
on the boat that holds 99. Yeah.
Holy cow. That was awesome.
That's a rarity, right? Oh,absolutely. Yeah.
And they, they had done a fewtrips with them. So they knew
(36:32):
who I was. And they were goingto cancel the ride. And I was
gonna say and then when they sawthat I was one of the people
coming on board. They said,Okay, we'll go.
They said first impression. Joe.
Come on in.
He tipped us last time, right.
He's been working on himself.
Let him in.
Yeah, but yeah, there's time ifyou want to feel good about
(36:55):
yourself and reset yourself.
Yeah, day on the ocean. Can'tget better than that.
It's pretty great. I love theocean. I don't know that I like
fishing though. Like you do? I'mnot sure. Wherever you were you
got into that but do love beingout on the ocean.
Fishing the fight? Was a fish.
First of all, you got to figureout what he wants. You know, how
(37:19):
what are you going to put lurehim in with? Right? Do you have
the right bait? Do you have theright style hook? All of the
things that go into that? And?
And then you know, is it theright time of day? Is he hungry?
Are you getting them goingupstream or downstream? Then
you're you got to find thehiding spots and the ocean.
(37:42):
There's obviously a world ofhiding spots.
That's why it almost seems likeit'd be more fun to be the
captain of your own boat to dothat.
Yeah, sure. You You foundthe fish. Yeah. I don't know.
That's just me.
Well, it's kind of the flipside. You know, if I could do it
myself, it'd be great. But thecaptain, he goes out on these
(38:05):
waters every day. So he knows.
He's probably got, you know, sixor eight spots, or his go to
spots? And nine times out of 10He'll find you something. So and
you you've been involved withthe Boy Scouts of America for
way too long, right?
(38:27):
I don't say wait too long, butlong enough.
You You started with the kids?
Of course you start withyourself. You're a boy scout
Eagle Scout, right? Did you makeEagle? No, no, no,
no. Did you apply?
Or like and I don't remember. Ithink you were Cub Scout? No, at
most. Yeah. But so I went intoBoy Scouts, and from what I can
(38:49):
seriously remember is there wasa star Scout life Scout, Eagle
Scout. And my impression was,Oh, if you get to be life Scout,
then is your scout for life.
Right? Forever membership.
I don't need to do anything.
Yeah. And but I never really hadanybody explained that to me.
And it explained. Certainlynobody ever explained the
(39:13):
benefits of being an EagleScout. Yeah. So it was real
loose and, and I and I wouldalways say you know, in the
summertime, we would go campingat Joshua Tree. And in the
wintertime, we would go campingat Joshua Tree. Yes, that was
(39:33):
our one spot that we'd go to outin the desert. That was it.
I thought you're gonna see inthe wintertime, our camping spot
was comfort inthat would have been good. But I
rememberwhen I went camping with my I
don't know somebody somewhere.
You were even there. And I waslike a two week scenario. And we
were sleeping in tents. And thenone day they said, hey, if
(39:58):
anybody wants to sleep in theapartments, we have apartments
have my hands shot up so fast.
Yeah, I want to sleep in theapartment. Shut up. But you
still see. Joey so you were withthe scouts. With your boys, you
went took them through it. Andthe curiosity for me is now your
your kids have been out of itfor 10 plus years, it seems. And
(40:21):
and you're still involved? Tellme why?
Well, first of all, it mightseem like the boys have been out
that long, but they reallyhaven't. Mitchell's continued to
give back, even when he was incollege. And Cameron, I would
(40:43):
probably say as recent as five,six years ago, he would still be
involved. And you know, ofcourse, they were in Boy Scouts,
your boy scout until you're 18.
But you're in Order of theArrow, you remain a Boy Scout
until you're 21, which they bothdid. And then they continued to
assist as adults till they'reabout 2425. So that being said,
(41:05):
yeah, they weren't with theregular 1214 year old kids,
though. They were with the olderscouts doing their thing. But I
just saw it as a way to giveback to the program that gave so
much to our family and for me tohelp the community because you
know, this, obviously, thesewere all kids who lived in our
(41:29):
neighborhoods. And they deservedas good a program, as that's
what my son said. So it'scertainly nowhere near the
program I had when I was a kid,you know, and I loved the
program. When I was a kid, I wasthrilled to be a boy scout. And
for my son's to do the thingsthat they've done. Now, I want
(41:51):
to make sure every kid has thatchance. That's neat. Absolutely.
And I've always thought, from myperspective, that there was also
just like, a sense of it givesyou something to do.
Um, I don't know, in a good way,yeah, I get that. And, you know,
(42:14):
that's one of the caveats Ilearned a long time ago was,
when you want something done,ask the guy that's busiest. The
guy that's busiest knows how tomanage his time and to get
things done. And so that I'vealways used that. When I was a
Scouter, I would pick somebodyto help me delegate whatever.
(42:35):
But in hindsight, I realizedsomebody did that to me first.
And then so that's, that's howthat works, you know? So there
was always something to do. Itwasn't that I was looking for
something to do it just it wasthere. And, and you do it
(42:56):
because someone has to, and I'mnot going to wait for someone
else to step up, I'll just putmy hand up and say, it's done.
I've got it. So, but um, youknow, some of my best friends
and you've had a lot of them,they the good people that like
minded people, and they're goodadults and, and their kids are
(43:18):
good. And yeah.
You know, one of the thingsabout all those friends is you
guys get together every sooften, I don't know, six months
a year, but you do scotch andcigars in the backyard. And
that's got to be a great thingfor your soul.
(43:39):
The Oh yeah. Yeah, you know. Andwhen not only when I do it, I do
it. I love it immensely, and Ilove the Brotherhood shared. But
these guys, they're always sograteful when they come over
because they just don't do thisotherwise. And it's unfortunate.
I don't know why people lettheir lives get too busy or
(44:02):
where they you know, they tiethemselves to work or whatever
it is. But you know, if you canbreak away for a few hours and
just be guys telling guy jokesdoing guy stuff. Yeah, everybody
needs that source.
I'm afraid to ask but what'swhat's a good joke? Let's skip
(44:24):
it. But good for you and goodfor them. Because I agree with
you does. It's too easy,especially as we become adults
to slip away.
Yeah, absolutely. But, you know,communities now. Diversity is a
good thing. It needs tocontinue. We need to be
(44:45):
welcoming. But and I don't knowit could be because COVID It's
made it more amplified. Butpeople are again shutting
themselves off from otherpeople. They're not being
accepting have of people unlikethemselves, right? And it's
like, what was the feeling onpeople? Like, why can't you? You
(45:09):
know, welcome everybody, how isit possible that we have this
hatred or contempt for differentpeople? It's just, you know,
we're all people, whatever itis.
Yeah. I agree. 100% Yeah, it'sbaffling. But I wanted to say
(45:29):
that I'm very thankful to youand Gail, for taking me in when
I became homeless. You know,yeah, yes. I wasn't there all
the time. I did do the streetsfor a little while. But at the
end of the day, and I know itwas more Gail's push to get me
into your house. Thankfully, youaccepted it. And, and I'm very
(45:54):
grateful to both of you, becauseI would not be in the room we're
sitting in right now. My newapartment, if it weren't for
you, guys, somuch, I I could never imagine
that it was going to take thatthree years that they told you
upfront. Oh, yeah, there's gonnabe three years in the system
(46:14):
before we even see a court wentfast. And, and it's like, wow,
you know, how do they know thatnumber? That's just ridiculous.
Andwell, yeah, because they just
keep denying you. They knowthey're gonna deny you for two
years. Yeah.
So yeah, you know, I mean, thatwasn't easy. You know, there are
plenty of times when we'll getagitated one way or the other,
(46:38):
you or me, and, you know, we hadto work through that. But we
did, and I'm glad we did. AndI'm glad that we were able to
give you that support. So yaknow, problem.
All right. Well, big Jovi. I'mglad. Glad you're my brother.
I'm glad you gave me this time.
I was just telling somebody elsethat I was excited. I was going
(47:03):
to be interviewing you because Ithink I even said this earlier
that although we're close. Wedon't really have these in depth
conversations. And so it's nice.
I appreciate it. I'm glad I canhear but I thought I thought you
were gonna tell me more aboutfight club
(47:33):
All right, you guys. Thanks forcoming out. That was awesome.
We're going to be back in acouple of weeks. So hopefully
you'll join us then. And if youfeel so inclined, please leave a
positive review on any of your,your favorite platforms. And if
you didn't like us, of course,this is Xavier McGillicuddy
signing out for today. It'sMichael Vieyra. You knucklehead
(47:54):
See you later
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