August 10, 2022 • 62 mins
Erin Darling is full of energy, honesty, and loyalty. We met ten years ago while doing stand-up. I was instantly taken to her and we had many great talks and photo shoots over the years.
Erin has her own podcast titled Hot Pizza Ass.
Today we talk about
second chances
ghosting
dating apps
the friend zone
skipping kindergarten
jogging the streets of hollywood
leggings
cigars
self-care
sensitivity
...and more
So put on your chill and listen in.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:08):
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting when you're going
through sit in a darkened room,just allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from my heart.
(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted.
I feel like this podcast is kindof like taking a nap. Yep. While
(00:49):
podcasting.
Just don't fall asleep. It's thepodcast version of an app.
That's how you should brand it.
Get your merch done like thatAncash version of a nap. Yeah,
if a podcast was a nap, thisone.
I don't know if that's a sellingpoint.
You would be shocked one of myfavorite podcasts. It's called
(01:13):
nothing much happens.
Oh, I like that sogood. It's actually sleep
stories or just relaxingstories? Yeah, and I feel like
her whole audience is peoplethat want a nap podcast.
I feel like this fits thatcategory. And I hadn't even
thought about that.
Yeah, 100% fits that category.
Especially because if this isthe vibe, yeah, you're probably
(01:33):
not going to have anyone that'slike, fucking up the energy
level. You know, I'm sayinglike, it's gonna stay, chill and
calm. People can relax andlisten to it. Yep. They can tune
out and listen to it. They canfall asleep to it's like a lot
of purposes to this podcastidea.
And you know, what's funny isI'm looking through the, you
(01:54):
know, I use Buzzsprout as ahost. And they asked you to
categorize it. And they didn'thave a lot of categories that
lend itself to what you'retalking about. Oh, and I'm
surprised I feel like whatyou're all those things. You're
saying? It's like, yeah, I wantit. That's how I want to
categorize it. All right. Butyou know, what, all these stars,
(02:16):
it makes me wonder what's thewhen was the last time that you
laid out under the stars withsomebody?
Oh, well, you know, I think itwas in December. I was in Costa
Rica for my birthday. It wasbeautiful. And the area that we
were in was pretty remote, andkind of high up in the
(02:39):
mountains. So the visibility wasjust incredible. Got to see a
lot of stars. Like it was thetype of thing where you could
actually pull out one of thoseapps like a constellation app.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where it tellsyou Oh, that's Andromeda. That's
the Big Dipper. Yeah, and I, wejust did that for a little bit.
And that was really cool, too.
Because in LA you can't do that.
(03:04):
Now, you got to go to at leastPalm Springs or Lancaster. Were
there a lot of people out therethat night?
No. We were the only peoplethere. Who are you with? I was
with the guy. I'm seeing. It'ssuch a weird story.
Awesome. Yeah.
(03:24):
I mean, like, my, I guess,boyfriend at the time. But we
ended up breaking up for a fewmonths and then got back
together. Okay, that happens.
Yeah. So and I mean, even now,we're not even public. Like
we're very. We're being veryprotective.
Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. But you'reenjoying it. You're enjoying
(03:48):
your time.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's always hard, isn't it?
Because you, you, I don't knowabout you. But for me once you
break with broken up, and thenyou decide, okay, we're gonna
give it another try. That's thescariest time for me.
Oh, my God. I mean, I've done ita few times. And it's
(04:08):
terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. What wasyour experience?
My experiences, which was, I'malready in pain, because they
broke up with me. And do I wantto do that again? Am I literally
saying yeah, go ahead and knockme down again. I didn't want to
fall in love again. And I was Iwas still in love. So it turned
(04:29):
out at the end of the day, itturned out where we broke up
again and I was a little biteasier with it. But that fear
going in is just like this. It'sone of those things that you
really have to overcome. Am Igoing to do this? Am I not going
to do this?
Did you ever feel like you wereable to let the past be the past
and truly forgive that person?
(04:53):
I think so. On a quick thought.
I really think I did. Cuz we hada lot of time together and and
it was good time. So yeah, onceI realized, Okay, I'm going to
do this again. I was ready tocommit.
Wow. Okay, so I've been insituations like that where that
was not the result. I felt likethe person was never able to
(05:17):
give me a true honest secondshot it won't we when we tried
to like rekindle things, right.
I've been in experiences wherethat did not work. There was no
real forgiveness and with noforgiveness, there's no future.
Yep, I can't even take one dayforward with no forgiveness. Oh,
(05:37):
me,too. I had a very small actually
a very generous threshold, Iwould say for like, what I was
willing to put up with. Yeah.
But when I was done, I was done.
I was like, No, absolutely not.
This is not working. But I'vehad opportunities where it does
work out really beautifully.
And, you know, we're talkingabout courage, I feel like that
is one of the most courageousthings that you can do is to
(05:59):
truly choose forgiveness, to thepoint where it's not like I
forgive you, and you're livingyour life over here. It's like I
forgive you enough to getinvolved with you, again, to put
my heart on a fucking cuttingboard, like give you the knife,
right, trust that you won'tslice it open.
(06:20):
And if I will truly believe inthat forgiveness, yes. As
opposed to just kind of goingalright, I'm gonna let it go.
No, I believe what you'resaying. And I'm ready to move
on.
So much trust is involved inthat. You know, it's so funny.
It's I think that, like, themore I grow up, and the more I
mature, the way I see trustissues is very different. I at
one point, I used to think trustis like, believing someone won't
(06:44):
cheat on you. And then Irealized it is so much deeper
than that. Yeah, trust isbelieving that someone that has
the ability to hurt you, hasalso the ability to have
restraint and to notto have restraint and to not
hurt you hurt you. And isn'tthat amazing that they can still
(07:05):
do it?
Oh, yeah. And a lot of the timesI think it is unintentional. And
you know, people you're gonnaget hurt in relationships and
friendships, like just walkingthrough this world, you are
going to get hurt. But I thinkthat it takes so much trust to
be able to open yourself up tosomeone and literally, you're
(07:27):
like teaching them the ways thatthey can bring you the more
someone learns about you.
Here's what you can do to me.
Yeah, you're giving them aguidebook,
all your trauma. And being like,Here you go. It's funny with
this what you will,right. So this is a roadmap to
my heart. Go ahead and break it.
Yeah. You know, it's funnybecause you had done podcasts
(07:48):
on, on ghosting. And I don'tknow if it's ghosting has always
existed. I don't feel like itexisted until it actually became
a term but I think ghosted byfriends, for God's sake, girls,
mainly. Where it's like, wait aminute, we were best friends for
45 years. How are you just gone?
Why? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
(08:09):
Best friends. Bestfriends. Should you? Yeah.
Wait, did that ever getresolved? Did they ever come
back into your life?
No. And I'm not I'm not denyingaccountability for that. I mean,
maybe obviously, there wassomething said or done that
would make them do that. That Ihave to go. Okay, maybe I did
something. But fucking tell me.
I don't know. It's always thatweird thing that I always say.
(08:35):
I'm just like, Well, I wouldnever do that. And it's like,
Yeah, but you're how you dothings are not our everybody
does things. So you guys got tolet it go. But it's still
undeniably weird.
Yeah. Yeah, that is reallyweird. I am, you know, it's so
funny is the person who I didthat podcast with. Yeah, it's
(08:57):
called Ghost Hunters. And Idon't think it's on the internet
anymore. Okay. I did thatpodcast with another comedian.
And we ended up actually likehaving a falling out. And we
stopped working on that project.
How ironic. I know. And wedidn't go see each other. We had
a conversation. We didn't talkfor a few years, but we actually
(09:17):
got back in contact and kind ofit was a really beautiful
reunion that's kind of on thissame topic that we're talking
about right now. Because we, youknow, acknowledge what happened.
We both apologized. We didn'treally talk about it in detail
or didn't feel the need to hashout the nitty gritty of like,
(09:38):
this is how I felt well, this ishow like we do any of that like
therapy like times that justmakes you mad all over again.
Right. It's like reliving andtalking to nothing but like we
both apologized for the waysthat we had hurt the other
people hurt the relationship orwhatever, and then just move
forward and we're like, we don'treally need to discuss any
further. Like I'm Choosing to beyour friend now with the person
(10:00):
that you are today. And we bothgrown and we both changed. And
it was just a really coolexperience. And I feel like she
taught me so much about, youknow, forgiveness and moving
forward. And just being like,yeah, none of that really
matters. Like the past isgenuinely the past. Like, it's
(10:22):
not even the recent past at thispoint, you know, it's something
that happened, we don't need togo into it. And let's just move
forward because we did have agood friendship. And we did have
a lot of great memories and weaccomplished some really cool
things together. And we both arenow pro ghosting.
(10:46):
I don't know what that means.
Oh, you're in favor of ghosting?
Yes,we are now in favor of ghosting.
Yeah, horriblewire. Why is it's just easier?
No, not because it's easier, Ithink because in some
circumstances, I truly believeghosting is okay. And in some
circumstances, I feel like it'snot only okay, it's warranted.
(11:09):
Okay, I get the warranted butgive me the easy example. What's
the one that sometimes it's justeasier?
Okay. So for example, there wasa brief period of time when I
was single this year where I wason a dating app. And I was
hanging out with maybe there waslike three people I went on a
few dates with. And by a few Imean, like, maybe the Max was
three, no more than three. It'sa few. Sure. And, you know,
(11:33):
nothing physical happened withthese people. Except, like, I
think I kissed I think I kissedtwo of them. But, um, but
nothing more than that. And itwasn't like we never had any
conversations about being in arelationship being exclusive,
like nothing that seemed toindicate that it was important
that this relationship wasimportant moving forward, right?
(11:53):
Sure. Even though all of themhad the potential to move
forward. It was just one ofthose things where it's like, I
had these experiences. And then,you know, after the second date,
it was just kind of like, I tendto step back, and I kind of want
to see what the other persondoes. And granted, they could be
doing the exact same thing withme. Sure. I want to know how she
(12:14):
does or does, she wants to seeme and, and at that point, if I
don't hear from someone withinlike a week, I pretty much just
stop talking to them. Like Idon't really put in the effort
at that point. If you don't geteven get like a check in text or
like, Hey, how are you? Or like,thinking of you like if none of
(12:34):
that happens? totally happy withjust letting it go. And letting
the experiences be what theywere. And I don't think that
anyone needs to really explainit like nothing happened. I
don't think that required aconversation. I
think that requires a goodbye.
Yeah, I don't think it requiresghosting.
I don't know if that's Gaussian.
That's just like, oh, we kind ofdrifted apart.
(12:56):
Yeah, I mean, not even driftedparts. Like we weren't even
close.
We weren't even on the door, thesame Titanic door.
But you know, What's so weird islike, technically, you know,
like a second date is kind of abig deal. If you think about it,
because the first date, I feellike anyone can get a first
date, right? Like, it's like,let's see what happens. It's
very low stakes. But if youdecide you want to see that
person, again, it means thatlike you're interested, and you
(13:18):
agreed to that, it means thatthere's mutual interest. So it
is kind of weird that like aftera second date, who were just
like, you know, whatever. Go onwith our lives.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah. Because I'm like, whathappened to this interest. But
then also, it's weird, becausewhen anytime you meet someone on
an app, you have to assume thatthey're still on this app.
They're meeting other peopleconstantly and interacting right
(13:40):
with other people, like in theapp and in the real world. So
it's like you never really know.
And you also, most likely aren'tdisclosing all of that to a
person that you're just barelystarting to see you.
Yeah, that's why your generationit's so weird. Because for me
growing up, you just didn'tknow. It's like, I know that
person is out there somewhere,and they're gonna know they're
(14:01):
dating. But what are you goingto do? Now? You guys have to
like, you'll actually see themon your little dating apps. Good
trying to hook up and it's justodd.
Yeah, you know, I don't havethat many experiences on dating
apps. Like I don't have a well,gotcha, gotcha. Yeah. Like I,
(14:21):
there was a brief period oftime, like I said, a few months
ago, where I was on a datingapps for a short period of time.
Yeah. And before that, there wasalso a short period of time
where I was dating, like,various people for like, right
before the pandemic. And thenbefore that, I feel like there
was a period in like, 2016 or2017 When I was on the apps, but
(14:45):
like, I'm not the type of personthat's always on them. Do you
like them? Um, I don't feel asnegatively about them as I think
a lot of people do.
Okay, yeah, that's good. It'sworked for you.
It does not work for me. But Ifeel like I've been treated
(15:06):
well. I feel like I've hadpositive experiences. The most
part. Yeah, there's obviously acouple of lemons in the bunch
where you're just like, whathappened there?
You were so cool.
But on average, I feel like I'vehad good experiences, whether or
not they move forward. And Ithink that moving forward, is
the thing that people getattached to, right. Like, it's
(15:29):
so easy to write people off andbe like, they're awful. They
suck, or, Oh, they ghosted mewhatever. But did they treat
you? Well, when you were intheir company? Like did? Were
they thoughtful? Did they listento you? Did you have fun with
them? Like, why are we soattached to the outcome all the
time, like, sometimes I justfeel like experiences are
(15:52):
experiences with people, and alot of them are, if you look at
most of relationships in yourlife, a lot of them probably are
low stakes. Like you haveprobably have a small handful of
people who really are thosepeople that can break your heart
that like really deserve thatattention, that are really,
really there for you that arelike really good friends or, you
(16:12):
know, people that you've dated.
I feel like that's a very, verysmall handful. But most people
that we interact with, and thatwe know, like, it is pretty
casual.
Here is an odd thing that youmade that I thought of by what
you just said. If you if you'reever pressed to like, come up
with that list of your numbers,right? I couldn't tell you the
(16:36):
name. I couldn't give you thelist. I don't know that. I don't
know their names. I don't knowwho they are. And it's like
weird. How did you have thatsort of interaction? And yet you
can't years later, tell me whothat was? That's a little odd.
What do you mean? Well, you havesuch intimacy with a person in
your life at some point. Andthen you can't even remember
(16:56):
them.
Oh, you mean like, people you'vebeen in relationships with
no people simply the methane actof sex? Oh, okay. Now you feel
like you know, everybody?
Um, I don't consider I guess Idon't consider a lot of I would
(17:20):
put a lot of those in my casualbucket like, like my meaningful.
Yeah.
Everyone I'vehad, I didn't realize there's a
casual bucket, but you're right,there is a casual bucket.
Yeah, they're not in my handful.
The proverbial handful.
Yeah, we just established you'renever gonna forget the handful
(17:41):
got no,no, a lot of those people aren't
in the handful. You know, thepeople that are I could tell
you, are youAaron, are you the type that
always? Not in a bad way? But Ido always have to be with
somebody? Um,ooh, that's a hard question.
Because I don't think so. But Ihave gone through periods where
(18:01):
I've been in, like, back to backrelationships. And I always
think that's kind of weird.
Like, I remember I went througha period where I went, and like,
I had three back to back yearlong relationships. Yeah. And I,
at the time, I wasn't asinterested or as well versed in
(18:23):
healing, per se, as I am now.
I'm definitely not an expertnow. But I think I'm what like,
I'm, I'm way more self aware,that's the best way to describe
it. I'm more self aware of thefact that like, people need to
process things like if yourheart is broken, your heart is
broken, and other person isn'tgonna fix that. And I don't
really know, like, I can'treally speak for me back then,
(18:44):
like, why I got into these backto back relationships, if it was
a distraction, or if I genuinelywas like, You know what, I love
this person, or if that personwas just there, and it just
seemed easy, or they providedsome sort of meaning. I mean,
because all three of thoserelationships, like meant
something to me clearly, but Idon't, I can't really tell you
(19:07):
why I like jumped into them. ButI don't think it was the best.
Because especially sorry tocommunicate, you know, I cut you
off. I said, especiallyconsidering the fact that the
beginning of every relationshipthat you jump into, which is
also intertwined with the endingof another one, those first
(19:28):
couple of months are not fair tothat person that you're jumping
into the new relationship with,because you are still obsessing
about that person. Probablyyou're still thinking about it.
You're healing you're probablyprojecting all of it. Yeah. And
so that's not really fair forthat person. Whether or not
they've been like waiting in thewings like waiting to date you
(19:49):
and loving you the whole time orthey're willing to put up with
this because they knew that theywere going to treat you right
whatever it was. That period oftime is not conducive to
building a strong relationship?
For sure. And I know thatbecause I've lived it. Yeah. And
it hasn't gone well.
It's tough.
(20:10):
Yeah. Like I remember I, one ofthese relationships, I was in
these back to backrelationships. I had broken up
with someone who, like nothingwent wrong in our relationship.
I just thought it was clear, Iwas never going to be a priority
to them. And through theiractions and the things that they
were doing. There were just alot of question marks of like,
(20:32):
Am I important to you at all,like a year in? Yeah, if I'm
your girlfriend, and like,you're not saying I love you
like after, after a year, I feltI'm not a priority. I just think
I need to say goodbye to thisperson. And if you, you know,
miss me, or you want to figurethis out, you know where to find
(20:52):
me, right? Yeah. But that brokemy heart so much, because,
because nothing did happen. AndI think I felt at the time, I
didn't really know how toexpress my needs in a way that
like, now that person won't lastin my life, like more than two
months. Like six weeks I'd bedone. Yeah. But I was so young.
(21:15):
Actually. It's probably aroundthe time I met you for the first
time.
But 1011 years ago. Yep.
I was such a baby. I was reallynot confident. Oh, especially
when it came to like talkingabout my needs are my emotional
needs or whatever. You know,like, I wasn't really good at
that back then.
(21:37):
It's weird because I see youtoday and then as very strong.
And but in love as I know youwere good friends, but we're not
great friends. So I know who youare a little bit. And that you
do seem like love is yourweakness. Oh.
Oh, you think it's my weakness?
Like, what do you mean by that?
(22:01):
Not your weakness in like, itmakes you a bad person. But your
weakness in that do fall Europe.
You're a fool for love.
Yeah, you know, I It's so weirdthat you say that? Because like
I don't even really know if I'vebeen actually I know I haven't
(22:22):
been in earth shattering me movethe world walk over fire type of
love ever. I 100% have never metthat person yet. Never. So it's
really interesting that you saythat I do. Put a lot on the line
for my relationships. Myfriendships like I do stuff. You
(22:45):
know, for a friend forboyfriends like I definitely
give a lot. And believe inpeople a
lot. You are that I see that.
Love that about you. I love thatabout me too. I think it's
awesome. And it sometimes itfrustrates me what a great
reaction to what I just said,for you.
(23:07):
I love that about me. Yeah, Ido. Yeah, no, no, I do. I think
it's I think it's a reallybeautiful thing. Because if you
make it into my circle, andyou're, you know, a friend and
if there's anything I can do tohelp you and be there for you.
If I have that ability, likeI'll do it.
(23:31):
Honestly, what you just said ishow I met you. That's the girl I
met. And that's still the girlthat I feel that I know. That's
awesome. Yeah, it is good foryou. I liked that about
you. still hurt. Hollywoodhasn't changed.
Now you're still a bitch. Okay,wait, it looks like you do have
(23:52):
something to say what?
Yeah, so I feel like I didn'tquite finish my thought. Got a
little bit distracted. Okay. Butwhat I was saying is when I was
in that relationship, that I waskind of unconfident and I ended
it because I didn't feel like Iwas a priority to this person. I
got into a relationship rightafter that was someone who was
(24:16):
just kind of always around. Andthey were a good person,
actually really great friend.
And I think a great guy. Butthat was kind of a version of
me. I would say settling,because I'd known this person
(24:38):
for so long. And I didn't reallyever want to date them before it
was a friend. It was a friend. Itook someone out of the
friendzone Yeah, that's tough.
It definitely was. It was kindof an achievement for them.
Because like wow,I hooked up with Aaron Darlene
(25:01):
Yeah, in her moment ofvulnerability. Good for you.
That's the best time man. Hey, Iwant to see a movie. Yeah, but
you know what, tell me. When Isaid settling, I didn't even
mean that in a bad way. It wasjust kind of like, everyone
around me was confused. Like,what? I don't understand this.
(25:23):
But this person, like I had somuch fun with them. And that's
awesome right there. I know. AndI'll never regret taking someone
out of the friendzone in thatway agreed. We like collaborated
on a bunch of things together.
We had so much fun. This personcracked me up. Yeah, we like he
was really supportive and cool.
(25:45):
And ended up not working out forlike a series of actually kind
of bad reasons. But when thetime when it lasted, like dating
someone that is a friend thatyou kind of share a friend group
with was so fun. Like we had ablast. Yeah, the breakup was
hard, though, because we sharedthat course. So there were some
(26:07):
sides that were taken. And Ifelt like a lot of it was
political considering like, whathappened like this person. I'm
pretty sure cheated on me.
Because someone told someoneelse told me and was like, Hey,
is it okay? If I tell my friendto date, boo, boo, boo, this
(26:27):
guy's name here. Because theyhad so much fun at that party
last night. And I just thoughtit might be awkward if you guys
were still seeing each other.
And I was like, what?
Why would we not be seeing eachother? Hold on?
Yeah. So basically, someoneasked, like, tried to get the
download for her friend. Yeah.
Right. And so that was a weirdbreakup. I was really upset
(26:50):
about that. I like it. Sorry,pal. And I had some friends.
take sides and choose him. Thathurts. Yeah. Especially
considering how it ended. Itreally hurt. Right? You hurt a
lot.
I feel Yeah. And I'm sorry.
Yeah. And this is the friendzoneguy. Yeah, I took him out of the
(27:12):
friendzone. And thatmakes you have regret for that a
little bit?
Oh, it was see. That's what I'msaying about settling. That's
why you can never settle inrelationships. Because even if
it's someone that you think youknow, or no matter what the
circumstances are of the settleof the settler that you let into
(27:33):
your life. No matter whathappens, if there's a breakup,
you're still gonna go throughheartache, and you're still
gonna have to heal. Yeah, so youmight as well be healing from a
relationship that you really,really wanted to be in 100% the
whole time not someone that youkind of dated because you were
heartbroken or they were thereor, you know, I've had friends
(27:54):
have dated people that arefamous just because they thought
it was cool to date someonefamous. Sure. I was like, you're
still settling, it doesn'tmatter. Because you don't like
this person. Really. You don'tlike how they're treating you.
It's kind of gross. You likewhat they represent? Yeah, it
means something to you. Andthat's all fine. Your choices
are fine. But when that personbreaks your heart, you're gonna
(28:15):
have to heal no matter what.
Or at the very least, and it maysound ugly, but if if you're
gonna do that, recognize thatyou're doing that dating, you're
just dating this famous personbecause,
yeah, I mean, some, I don'tknow, that's the thing. It's
like, I don't feel I don't feellike I can judge anyone for
decisions that they make.
Because I think that life is usmaking decisions to have
(28:37):
different experiences, if youshould to experience a famous
person taking you out, like havethat experience. I want it right
just to like why not, but you dohave to know that no matter who
you're dating, or no matterwhat's going on, like if they
end up breaking up with you oryou break up with them or
whatever. Yeah, the healinghappens regardless. So do you
(29:00):
want to be healing for arelationship when you're driving
down the street and you seetheir face on the Billboard?
I see what you're saying. I gotto jump back a while back about
48 minutes ago, you saidsomething about who you were 10
years ago when we met and whenwe met Aaron. Do you know where
(29:24):
we met the store they commit theSpanish for Comedy Store.
A store is a word the follow?
They go media. Thanks sorefreshing my memory. Hold on. I
think I'm gonna have a coughattack. Oh we're just gonna roll
(29:44):
through it. See, even your coughsounds good. And the microphone.
sounded great.
I'm not dead. Aaron. Thanks.
He's for asking. Are you okay?
Oh, good lord. She only caresabout herself you have the best
(30:14):
little night voice. You have theluckiest boyfriends ever because
they get to hear your stupidlittle night voice.
Honestly, I did it. I was wakingup from a nap. And I had a night
voice today before I came hereand I called my boyfriend and he
was like, Oh my God. I just wishI was there right now.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I have a good whisperyvoice. You do. Yeah,
(30:36):
let me try. Okay. All right.
Well, I'm gonna affect it toobad, but I'm gonna go for it
anyway. Okay. Hey, Aaron, what'sgoing on? Oh, my God. That's
horrible. Who are you? I'm done.
That's it. That's all I got thatwas it. Yeah. And then I
critiqued myself. Immediately. Ithought that was good. Hold on.
(30:57):
Now see how that's all it takesis for somebody to like whatever
you did for you to change yourmind.
No, I thought that was goodbehavior and what's going on
part that was good. Yeah, thatwas a part of his doing. That
was good. You have a good nightvoice to oh,
I'm validated and now I feelgood. Yeah, thanks, Aaron.
darlin, everyone. I always callyou darling. And I always feel
(31:18):
like, I can't be the only onewho does that. Yeah, a lot of
people call me. Yeah, it's neat.
It's a fun little name to say.
Yeah, I love that name. Yeah,darling.
Real name, right. Yes, Aaron. Sowe met at the Comedy Store. And
we were doing an open mic night.
And wasn't an open mic. It was ashow.
(31:39):
It was a booked show. Whathere's how I was told because I
was one that was only my secondshow. And the term that I was
told it's called a bringer.
Yeah, it was a bringer show.
Okay. Yes, you're right. It wasnot an open mic. That would be
that is completely different.
That wasbelow us. Yes. Bring are
correct. Which are basicallyopen mics with bring your friend
(31:59):
comics. Yeah, new comics areyour friends pay?
Here's what I loved about you.
Is your energy at the time. Itwas everything we've been
talking about. You were soconfident, and you were working
the greenroom like, but nothere's the thing. You weren't
working the greenroom. You weremoving around in the way I saw
it. You were making everybodyrelax. How are you? What do you
(32:21):
do bippity bop. And there waspart of me that was like, well,
maybe she just networking. Andit was like even if she's just
networking guy. He seems reallycool. Which was it? What are you
are you? Are you really cool? Orwere you? Were you just
networking? Who are you?
Well, let me say this. That wasa decade ago. Yeah. And right
(32:44):
now we're recording a podcast.
So I mean, what do you thinkthat means you were networking?
Well, that's,I feel like I was building
relationships. I consider you afriend. Yeah. Worked in a bunch
of different capacitiestogether. Yeah. And I think
you're the only person. I reallyremember from that night.
(33:09):
I don't remember anybody else.
I don't remember anybody else.
And you talk about our workingrelationship. You're right. I
just realized because I just hada podcast with me it actually
opened my, my podcast, shoes. Myfirst guest is Yeah. And I
remember we were talking I waslike, we've done 15 shoots
together. And then I justrealized right now, you're the
you're the runner up there. Youand I have sat easily, five to
(33:32):
10 times.
Yeah, I've referred you forjobs. Yeah. Have someone reach
out to me recently asking forgood photographers. And album
covers, like, I think you'veprobably you've referred me for
castings before. Yeah, broughtyou in? Yeah, I think that we've
done a really good job of like,actually having a relationship.
(33:54):
It's neat. And you can give methe honest answer, because I
don't give a shit. But I see youmore as a friend, even though we
do have work ties. And I do helpyou if I can. And as you just
said, you helped me but uh,you're more my friend than you
are some sort of work.
colleague.
I agree. I feel us a friend Tim.
Yeah. Yeah, totally. So I don'tknow. I think it networking is
(34:16):
such an interesting thing.
Because the word itself justfeels so it feels so gross. It
feels so like, disingenuous, butI think networking at its best
isn't networking. It's buildingrelationships. And I like that,
you know, like, you never reallyknow what friendships or
(34:37):
relationships are going to payoff. So I think it's always best
to not look at them likeanything that is going to pay
off. I think that you buildrelationships. Like just imagine
every relationship that you'rebuilding is something that you
will build for 10 plus years. Sodo you actually want to put in
that time because time isprecious, right? So do you
(34:59):
actually like this person, doyou connect with them? Like,
could you get lost in theconversation or record a podcast
like in their lives?
I definitely. As I've gottenolder, I've gotten to the point
where I know if I if I'm feelinglike, do I want to go to this
thing? I'll just say, I'm notcoming. Yeah, I'm not gonna go.
No thanks. It's just gonna SAPwhatever energy I have toward my
(35:22):
life at that moment. And I'drather live my own life it. I
don't know what I'm saying. ButI think I've made my point.
Darlene, what is? I like how wewere talking now about your
confidence and how it's grown inthe last 10 years? What was
young Aaron? Like? Were you shy?
Did you have bullies? Were you abully? What was your deal?
(35:44):
I think all of the above. Solittle Aaron, was I skipped a
grade, what grade kindergarten?
Which gives kindergartensilly someone who can read
really well. All right, so I wasadvanced in that category. So
they were like, she's ready tobe in first grade. Okay, so I
(36:06):
went to first grade with theconsent of my parents. So I was
in kindergarten for maybe threemonths. So that did a couple of
things. One of them being ittook me out of my social circle
and put me in a new one. Yeah,it also made me really young for
my peer group, because I'm alsoborn, like in December, which
(36:27):
was like the cutoff date at thetime. So it put me two years
behind my peer group for therest of my education life. And
it put me in a new situationwhere I had to learn all new
rules. I didn't have like theorientation or the first day of
school with everyone else. Sosometimes I got in trouble. And
(36:48):
also, I'm not advanced acrossthe board. Like I'm not just
reading. Yeah, I'm not strong inmath. Like there's a lot of
subjects that like, I'm mediocreat, I'm okay. Yeah, right. But
it put me in a situation where Ilike really had to hustle ever
since I was little to catch upand to learn everything and, and
also to make friends and Iwasn't necessarily super
(37:12):
outgoing as a kid. So that washard. And I remember feeling
like I didn't really have a lotof friends and trying to make
them always felt kind of weird.
And I remember feeling like Iwanted like, I wanted more
friends. I wanted like thisgroup of people to like me, and
(37:34):
I think that my mom would try tohelp me. But brownies or dance
class.
But what about the simpleelement of day to day where
you're eating lunch by yourself?
Did kids play with you atrecess?
No, not I don't really rememberthat kind of stuff. Like, I
don't think I was sitting aloneat lunch. Like it's possible on
(37:54):
the first day of in first grade.
I was in first grade, like noone knew me. And maybe that's
what happened. I don't reallyremember. But yeah, I think that
that was kind of hard for me. Ithink ever since then. I've been
hustling, like, ever since I waslike five or six. And then I
also feel like I kind of therewere times when I feel like I
(38:19):
was like a little like impatientor just kind of I don't know. I
feel like I did have like anattitude for sure. So maybe I
was like a little bit of a bullyat times as well. I think I
don't know, I think I honestlyit's so hard to think about what
(38:40):
I was going through because Ifeel like those years for me.
Yeah, we're really differentthan like a lot of other
people's experiences. How comebecause of that, because of
getting promoted and having tolike start over and like three
months in and not really meetingfriends. The way that a lot of
(39:04):
people would on the first day ofschool like having to catch up.
And then also being reallyyoung. Like think of how long
that affected me. Like thataffected me the most going
through puberty. When peoplestarted to drive. I can drive
for two years. I couldn't driveuntil the last semester of my
senior year. Right? You knowwhat I mean? All of these
(39:25):
things. I couldn't date myparents will let me date till I
was 16 guess when I was 16.
Basically my senior year,like you dated anyway. Right now
I'm like fake boyfriends like inyou know, like, oh, I have a
crush on Jimmy. And you know,you had a weird cartoon voice at
the time I did. That alsostunted my development.
(39:49):
Well, that development came innice and handy. But yeah,
I don't know a lot of peoplethat kind of had like the
experience that I had. In thatsense. It had
to be very specific because Iknow people that did get jumped
up and had to do the same thingsyou're talking about. But you're
carrying a lot of weight with itin the storytelling, whereas
those people that I know arejust like, oh, yeah, I just I
(40:10):
skipped a grade.
Yeah, I think that it affectedme a lot. Yeah, actually,
specifically, I think maybe inmy work ethic, which I think in
many ways has helped me, but ina lot of ways, I think that it
has not helped my mental health.
How's your mental health today?
These days? Are you good? Is ittough? I'm great. You're great.
(40:33):
Yeah, good. How are you? I'mbetter than I've ever been in my
life. It's awesome. I got betterthan I've ever done
in my life. That makes me sohappy. Yeah. It's all the work.
Youknow what it is, it's all the
work we put in you. You do selfcare. I mean, I know you just
talked about chakras and cuttingcord ceremonies. Do you? What do
(40:53):
you do for yourself care?
Anything?
So many things? I mean, I feellike self care is, it can be
anything Correct? Right? Yeah.
Um, but for me, my version ofself care, like, I journal a
lot. Um, I try now to be waybetter at listening to my body I
(41:17):
used to power through if I wasexhausted or tired, I would rely
on you know, caffeine.
Stimulants to be like, yeah,like, I'm just gonna power
through this day, no matterwhat, yeah, and then get
exhausted or not know your time.
Yeah, and not be able to sleepat night, because I just had so
much caffeine and like, justgetting these cycles that
(41:39):
weren't doing much for me. Andfor what like to get some random
work done. That doesn't evenmean anything long term, you
know. So I think listening to mybody has been really important,
just like listening to my spiritand my thoughts by meditating.
And by journaling. And then Ithink just really like, like,
understanding that. And this onewas really hard for me. But I
(42:07):
think one of the biggest thingsthat has changed my life is
understanding that there arecertain things that are really
out of my control. And life is aseries of experiences that I
think are meant to be enjoyed.
(42:29):
Yeah, awesome. So if I'm notenjoying my day to day life, if
I'm stressing myself out, orjust like focused on some random
work that isn't necessarily lifechanging, it's not like I'm
writing my opus right now. I'mlike, turning in a writer's
packet for an assignment. Youknow what I mean? It's like,
those things are so temporal. Somake sure that you are still
(42:50):
getting out into nature, like,yeah, look up at the sky. See,
the stars, like have themoments, go to dinner, like make
the time to have the nice dinnerwith a glass of wine that you
wanted to try, like, the timefor the moments.
It's one of the things I missmost without, without being able
to drive is the nature of visitsgoing out to the beach, looking
(43:12):
at the stars, going to the, youknow, a hike somewhere? I don't
really go on hikes, but you knowwhat I mean? And, but I still
find my way, you know, I make upfor it by getting outside and
doing whatnot. But yeah, whenyou said looking up at the
stars, it's like, Fuck, I justmissed miss being able to drive
to the beach at night and chill.
Yeah, that's, I think that'swhat I'm trying to say is, yeah,
(43:35):
life is unpredictable. You'renot in control of a lot of it.
So make time for the moments. Iwas talking to a friend last
night who hadn't seen in abouttwo years who told me a story
and I had no idea that this hadhappened to them, but they were
in a really weird freakaccident. That happened while
(43:57):
they were driving in their carhydroplaned on the freeway
scariest thing in the world,right turned around and they
ended up hitting like a senatordivide but they were on the
shoulder. The airbags deployed,they didn't know it was going to
happen. They couldn't see ifanything was coming their way if
they're going to get hit by atruck or a car. And they ended
up being okay. Thank God. Yeah.
But obviously the car wastotaled and that sucks. But I
(44:21):
just think like about the stufflike that can happen.
You never know when it's gonnahappen. Yeah, and that's just
from driving and it starts torain. You know, like,
like, yeah, there's something soinnocuous
so innocuous and something likeyou have to get home like you're
(44:44):
doing something you have todrive home you know, like it
just happened. Yeah. And to methat story is just like damn
like that. There's never knowyou talk about that never know
stories. I have a friend Whojust today I found out, was
having breakfast yesterday had alittle cafe by herself and was
(45:04):
attacked by, you know somebodyon drugs and started punching
her. And she had, like, I had tobe pulled off and she had to go
to the hospital. She's okay.
But, you know, here you are justhaving your coffee, enjoying the
beautiful day outside and nextthing you know you're attacked.
(45:27):
You just never know what's gonnahappen. That's awful. Horrible.
Yeah.
And I bring it up because it'scompletely different, but still
the same idea as the hydroplane.
It's just like, you're justdriving down the road and all of
a sudden, wet oil. Boom.
I mean, thank God that, youknow, obviously the attack.
(45:50):
Awful, but thank God she wasokay. Because who knows that
person could have had a weapon.
Like There sure are things thatcould have gone way worse. That
was also completely out of hercontrol. You know? 100% Thank
the Lord. She's all right. Soscary ones last time. You were
really scared. Really scared?
Yeah. Like really,really, really scared?
(46:14):
Oh, I don't. I don't know howto. I don't know. God. What a
great question to think aboutthough, but I couldn't. Can't
give you the answer right now.
Because it just was so long ago.
Yeah, I don't think I have agreat answer to that question.
Right off the top of my head waslast time you were mildly
scared.
(46:37):
There's often times you know, Ilive in the buzz of Hollywood.
And so sometimes you'll walkoutside and you're like, Okay,
what's this guy gonna do? Howmuch? How much? Do I have to
pretend like I'm a badass? Don'tmess with me? Or are you just
gonna keep walking? And sothat's where you're kind of,
like, I'll take care of myself,I got no problem with that. But
(46:59):
at the same time, I can't denythat I'm mildly scared that
something's gonna happen.
Yeah, I've I used to run a lotout in the streets. And I'm not
even meaning that just like asaying, like, in the streets. I
mean, like, I would literallyrun in the streets of Hollywood,
I would like, put on my joggingshoes, and just, like do laps
(47:22):
around Hollywood Boulevard andduring, like, through through
this area, but honestly, I hadto stop doing this. Three years
ago, because Hollywood hasbecome so scary. And people do
attack other people. And Iremember times, just like, you
know, I'd be on a jog orsomething. And he'd be, like,
(47:45):
running right next to a homelessperson or an encampment. I mean,
I remember sometimes being kindof freaked out about that.
Because sometimes these peoplelike really, like really look at
you. And you can tell thatthey're not really there, or
they're on some sort of drugs,right? And it never really
(48:05):
scared me that much. Because Iwas like, I can run whatever.
But the problem is like, that's,like a really unfair assumption,
I think, because I don't knowwhat that person is going to do.
And I don't know what they have.
And I don't know, you know, howaggressive they are and who they
think I am. You know, they'rejust like, oh, is my enemy.
(48:27):
And thing for me is it's notlike we're in a gang land, if
you will. These people that areon the streets that are hurt you
in Hollywood, are people who areon drugs and don't know better.
It's a different animal, forsure. And I would definitely
advise you, I'm glad you're notjuggling the streets of
Hollywood.
Yeah, not anymore. I had to geta gym membership. So Oh,
(48:53):
yeah. I miss exercising on thestreets. Just kidding. I don't
scratch Hollywood. I don'trecommend
you can go to Hollywood HighSchool and run the track.
I guess that's possible. Imean, it's a thing. But yeah,
you get in there. Yeah. Like youjust walk up and you're just
like dT dt. I'm here.
(49:14):
I'm not sure why you would makethat little dT d dt. Sound
me knocking on this chain linkfence dT dt dt.
I see. I didn't know that wasthe tune of a chain link fence.
Yeah, I don't know how to makethe chain link fence. No,
I would imagine you've got tohop the fence. Oh, God, that
sounds terrible. Okay, you'reathletic. You can hop a fence.
(49:35):
Yeah, butI also wear leggings and they're
expensive and I don't want torip them.
Throw up.
What if you were buying $100Liking oh, by the way, what they
costthe Why don't you buy some legs
from pantyhose. What?
See through tights. No. You haveto buy something. That's the
(49:59):
problem. But if you buy lowquality leggings you wash them
twice they start to fall apartor the ask at sea through and
that's bad you know? Especiallyif you're gonna run the track at
a frickin High Schoolokay settle down then bring it
down just a notch ranksee through clothes at a frickin
High School with minors andshit. No
(50:19):
All right I got you get arrestedyou definitely wound up. I will
tell you this. I see a lot ofstuff for you ladies on the
Tiktok through Amazon that seemlike they're pretty good. And
then for low prices.
Okay, now he's now he's anexpert on women's
(50:39):
clothes. I'm an expert on notbuying Lulu bizarre for $100
Yeah, it's got you got Frenchmustard. Aaron, do you smoke
cigars? No, like never had oneonce.
I have tried a cigar. But why?
(51:01):
Why would I ask her? Why wouldyou
try one? Why would you ask methis question? Aaron, you
strike me as somebody who's soadventurous and gregarious. I
could see you chillin at a happyhour somewhere smoking a cigar.
Where where are these cigarhappy hours. I've never even
seen this before.
(51:21):
All right before the day, youcould smoke cigars in an outdoor
patio.
Imagine me just outside likesomewhere I could totally. Yes.
Hey guys, cigar. So like, Oops.
I'm not sure where your soundeffects come from. Do you know
where do you know? Wait, wouldyou smoke a cigar?
Yeah, I mean, I would try when Idon't like smoking a lot of
(51:45):
things to be honest. I'm very,very sensitive.
Okay, sensitive health wiser,sensitive. moralistically. What
do you mean,emotionally? That's true. Um,
no, I'm sensitive. Like, I'msensitive to smoke. I'm
sensitive to allergens. Andenergetically like, whoa, whoa,
you walk into my this room youlike have a bad vibe. Yeah, I
(52:08):
will feel it.
I can see that. I think that'strue of a lot of artists. I feel
it. I can tell if somebody'sgot, like, I don't want to be
near that person.
Yeah, like when when I parked inthe parking structure? What
happened? Well, I walked up toyou. And you asked me a
question. I think you were like,how are you feeling? Yeah. And I
(52:32):
was like, Oh, he knows I'mhaving a bad vibe right now. I
was stressed out, I was stressedout.
First of all, I could traffic, Icould tell that you had weight
on your shoulders. But you wouldyou would explain to everything
that was going on at that timewith you. So I knew. Let me ask
you this. I want to I want tothese are two important
(52:54):
questions I want to approachwith you. Who do you have in
your life right now that you'reextremely grateful to have that
they're there?
Wow. Well, my dad, it's Father'sDay today. Yes. And I have the
joy and the pleasure in thislifetime, to have the most
(53:15):
amazing family. But today inparticular, I'm thinking about
my dad, and the ways that he hadshown so much love and
generosity and patience for me.
And really everyone in ourfamily and probably most people
he encounters even casuallyYeah, he's a very loving person.
He gives a lot of himself going.
(53:39):
I'm not necessarily he, I mean,he's very social. But he's, I
feel like he kind of has like anmore internal energy. He's
outgoing in the sense that like,he loves talking to people. But
when he talks to you, he reallymakes you feel heard and seen.
He doesn't check out like helistens and he engages and he
(54:01):
will talk to you back. Right.
And I love the openness that hehas. And the older that I get,
the more I get to experiencethat especially when I come to
him with vulnerability or withquestions or things I'm facing
and things that stress me out.
(54:22):
The more open he has been withhis personal experiences. And
sometimes I realize we don'talways really know our parents,
like, some parents don't feelreally comfortable. Yeah,
opening up in certain ways. Someof them I think it's
because they don't, they don'trealize they can, because we
don't let them we don't let themknow that
we don't let them be human. Yes.
And I think sometimes like theyfeel like they need to be so
(54:45):
strong. And you know, I feellike my mom has that my mom has
this air about her of shows youto tell me when I was little
like I'm not your friend. I'myour mom. That's true, though.
And I feel like it's still likethat and now the older I I got
the more I want her to be myfriends
fucking you know what tell herand I should tell her what you
just told me.
(55:05):
Yeah, I want her to be my friendI want to know about, you know,
her life and her pastexperiences and how she feels
about her day to day existence.
And I agree, you know, and Ilike an in a real level. I feel
like sometimes people talk inplatitudes, or, you know, can
they dance around the subject,but yeah, especially parents.
(55:26):
Yes. And I would just like loveto know, like, just be real,
like, level with me. Like, whatdo you really? Like, why is this
important to you? Or like, whydoes that bother you? And
don't clam up? Tell me. Tell me.
I can see something's on yourmind.
Yeah. Why is it so hardsometimes to get to know? People
(55:49):
like that? Sometimes even thepeople closest to you? It's
really hard toget it is weird. I always say
that to other people that it's Ifeel like sometimes it's so much
easier to be open with astranger. Yeah. Yeah. It's
weird. Yeah. What about you?
Somebody that's important in mylife. I'm grateful for you know
who it is. It's my brother. Mybrother's great. He used to we
(56:13):
used to have a truculentrelationship. And, and he's,
he's turned a coat. I've turneda coat. And I really enjoy His
company. I just told himyesterday. I was because he was
here. I was like, Dude, I reallyenjoy you. So thank you for
allowing yourself and forallowing me
oh, you should start a podcastwith him and call it truculent.
(56:34):
turncoats. Man would want tohear two people. Good Lord, it
can be ahead. All right, I'mgonna do it. Check Hewlett
turncoat via the fightingPodcast Network. Darling. I'll
produce it.
It'll just be your 18th podcast.
Yeah, I'lljust hold up signs in the corner
(56:55):
of topics that you can fightabout. You run out of things to
say it was just died down.
I don't know that we would needan additional list. I think our
the list that we have would bewould be just fine.
Okay, we'd start with airing outall of your grievances. There
we go. There we go for a while.
But it's awesome. We do. We havetalked about our grievances
before. And it's nice. It'snice. You know, when you turn
(57:16):
and when you're vulnerable withyourself, you're vulnerable with
everybody. And how peoplerespond to you is who you give
them in the first place. And sothat's that's kind of what's
happened. That's nice. We bothare very vulnerable with each
other.
How people respond to you is whoyou give them in the first
place. Right? Not what you givethem. It's who you give. Wow,
(57:40):
who am I giving today?
I like who you are.
That makes one of us.
Just kidding, just kidding.
defies everything you just saidall the whole time you've been
here. Alright, I got one morequestion. And I'm gonna let you
go. So we just asked you whoyou're grateful for. Right? Yes.
So who that exists? That's stillalive. Do you miss right now?
(58:05):
That's not around.
That's not around. Oh, someonethat's still alive. They miss
Yeah. Damn.
Doo doo doo doo.
(58:26):
I know. I feel like it needssecond to answer that. That's
right. Okay, so I'll tell youwhat I was thinking. There's a
person in my life, or who was inmy life, who I did have feelings
of missing them. But I think itwas a connection that needed to
(58:49):
end. And I think the pain ofending it was what made me feel
like I missed them. But I'vedone so much healing surrounding
that situation, that I don'tfeel as if I miss them anymore.
I don't. And I think that'sreally, really good for me. But
(59:12):
there were times when I thoughtit was very difficult to
differentiate between the wholeyou know, do I actually miss
them? Or is this like trauma?
Yep. Because a lot of time,you're right. It's just trauma.
And there's a difference. And Ithink we have to remember that,
especially when it comes to likeour own personal healing. And I
(59:34):
think that's what people meanwhen they say, choose yourself,
prioritize yourself, focus onyourself if you're going through
a breakup or hard time orwhatever it is. Because choosing
yourself sometimes means like,doing that work to realize, like
I am better off now or that wasa trauma bond or this was
(59:57):
dysfunctional, and it's betterfor me to be outside of it, then
to be inside of it. And I thinkthat's what that is. That's
choosing you. Okay, that'sfocusing on you. And I think
focusing on you doesn't mean tobe an island. It doesn't mean to
exclude other people. It doesn'tmean to necessarily cut people
off or make these foreverdecisions. But I think choosing
(01:00:18):
you means making the bestchoices for you and your well
being every single day. Lovethat right? Yeah, having no
shame about it. Yeah.
And you know what, Aaron, youreally have to, in my opinion,
because it's only going to makeyou better for everybody else.
And within that, of course,you're going to be better for
yourself.
(01:00:41):
You know what, I'm gonna missthis screensaver.
You can take it with you if youwant. Is it
on YouTube? Yeah. Okay, then. Iguess I'll have it wherever I
go.
Well, then you don't need meanymore. I'm coming to bummed
out.
To come here if I want to watch.
Yeah, it was agreed under thegun and done. Aaron, I hope you
(01:01:02):
had fun.
I had a lot of fun. Thank youfor having me on your podcast.
This is a great idea.
I like it. I'm glad you werehere. Yeah, me too. Aaron can
show Andrew to take us out.
Andrew, take us outall right, you guys. Thanks for
(01:01:27):
coming out. That was awesome.
We're gonna be back in a coupleof weeks. So hopefully you'll
join us then. And if you feel soinclined, please leave a
positive review on any of your,your favorite platforms. And if
you didn't like us, of course,this is Xavier McGillicuddy
signing out for today. It'sMichael Vieyra. You knucklehead
(01:01:48):
See you later
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting when you're going
through sit in a darkened room,just allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from my heart.
(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted.
I feel like this podcast is kindof like taking a nap. Yep. While
(00:49):
podcasting.
Just don't fall asleep. It's thepodcast version of an app.
That's how you should brand it.
Get your merch done like thatAncash version of a nap. Yeah,
if a podcast was a nap, thisone.
I don't know if that's a sellingpoint.
You would be shocked one of myfavorite podcasts. It's called
(01:13):
nothing much happens.
Oh, I like that sogood. It's actually sleep
stories or just relaxingstories? Yeah, and I feel like
her whole audience is peoplethat want a nap podcast.
I feel like this fits thatcategory. And I hadn't even
thought about that.
Yeah, 100% fits that category.
Especially because if this isthe vibe, yeah, you're probably
(01:33):
not going to have anyone that'slike, fucking up the energy
level. You know, I'm sayinglike, it's gonna stay, chill and
calm. People can relax andlisten to it. Yep. They can tune
out and listen to it. They canfall asleep to it's like a lot
of purposes to this podcastidea.
And you know, what's funny isI'm looking through the, you
(01:54):
know, I use Buzzsprout as ahost. And they asked you to
categorize it. And they didn'thave a lot of categories that
lend itself to what you'retalking about. Oh, and I'm
surprised I feel like whatyou're all those things. You're
saying? It's like, yeah, I wantit. That's how I want to
categorize it. All right. Butyou know, what, all these stars,
(02:16):
it makes me wonder what's thewhen was the last time that you
laid out under the stars withsomebody?
Oh, well, you know, I think itwas in December. I was in Costa
Rica for my birthday. It wasbeautiful. And the area that we
were in was pretty remote, andkind of high up in the
(02:39):
mountains. So the visibility wasjust incredible. Got to see a
lot of stars. Like it was thetype of thing where you could
actually pull out one of thoseapps like a constellation app.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where it tellsyou Oh, that's Andromeda. That's
the Big Dipper. Yeah, and I, wejust did that for a little bit.
And that was really cool, too.
Because in LA you can't do that.
(03:04):
Now, you got to go to at leastPalm Springs or Lancaster. Were
there a lot of people out therethat night?
No. We were the only peoplethere. Who are you with? I was
with the guy. I'm seeing. It'ssuch a weird story.
Awesome. Yeah.
(03:24):
I mean, like, my, I guess,boyfriend at the time. But we
ended up breaking up for a fewmonths and then got back
together. Okay, that happens.
Yeah. So and I mean, even now,we're not even public. Like
we're very. We're being veryprotective.
Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. But you'reenjoying it. You're enjoying
(03:48):
your time.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's always hard, isn't it?
Because you, you, I don't knowabout you. But for me once you
break with broken up, and thenyou decide, okay, we're gonna
give it another try. That's thescariest time for me.
Oh, my God. I mean, I've done ita few times. And it's
(04:08):
terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. What wasyour experience?
My experiences, which was, I'malready in pain, because they
broke up with me. And do I wantto do that again? Am I literally
saying yeah, go ahead and knockme down again. I didn't want to
fall in love again. And I was Iwas still in love. So it turned
(04:29):
out at the end of the day, itturned out where we broke up
again and I was a little biteasier with it. But that fear
going in is just like this. It'sone of those things that you
really have to overcome. Am Igoing to do this? Am I not going
to do this?
Did you ever feel like you wereable to let the past be the past
and truly forgive that person?
(04:53):
I think so. On a quick thought.
I really think I did. Cuz we hada lot of time together and and
it was good time. So yeah, onceI realized, Okay, I'm going to
do this again. I was ready tocommit.
Wow. Okay, so I've been insituations like that where that
was not the result. I felt likethe person was never able to
(05:17):
give me a true honest secondshot it won't we when we tried
to like rekindle things, right.
I've been in experiences wherethat did not work. There was no
real forgiveness and with noforgiveness, there's no future.
Yep, I can't even take one dayforward with no forgiveness. Oh,
(05:37):
me,too. I had a very small actually
a very generous threshold, Iwould say for like, what I was
willing to put up with. Yeah.
But when I was done, I was done.
I was like, No, absolutely not.
This is not working. But I'vehad opportunities where it does
work out really beautifully.
And, you know, we're talkingabout courage, I feel like that
is one of the most courageousthings that you can do is to
(05:59):
truly choose forgiveness, to thepoint where it's not like I
forgive you, and you're livingyour life over here. It's like I
forgive you enough to getinvolved with you, again, to put
my heart on a fucking cuttingboard, like give you the knife,
right, trust that you won'tslice it open.
(06:20):
And if I will truly believe inthat forgiveness, yes. As
opposed to just kind of goingalright, I'm gonna let it go.
No, I believe what you'resaying. And I'm ready to move
on.
So much trust is involved inthat. You know, it's so funny.
It's I think that, like, themore I grow up, and the more I
mature, the way I see trustissues is very different. I at
one point, I used to think trustis like, believing someone won't
(06:44):
cheat on you. And then Irealized it is so much deeper
than that. Yeah, trust isbelieving that someone that has
the ability to hurt you, hasalso the ability to have
restraint and to notto have restraint and to not
hurt you hurt you. And isn'tthat amazing that they can still
(07:05):
do it?
Oh, yeah. And a lot of the timesI think it is unintentional. And
you know, people you're gonnaget hurt in relationships and
friendships, like just walkingthrough this world, you are
going to get hurt. But I thinkthat it takes so much trust to
be able to open yourself up tosomeone and literally, you're
(07:27):
like teaching them the ways thatthey can bring you the more
someone learns about you.
Here's what you can do to me.
Yeah, you're giving them aguidebook,
all your trauma. And being like,Here you go. It's funny with
this what you will,right. So this is a roadmap to
my heart. Go ahead and break it.
Yeah. You know, it's funnybecause you had done podcasts
(07:48):
on, on ghosting. And I don'tknow if it's ghosting has always
existed. I don't feel like itexisted until it actually became
a term but I think ghosted byfriends, for God's sake, girls,
mainly. Where it's like, wait aminute, we were best friends for
45 years. How are you just gone?
Why? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
(08:09):
Best friends. Bestfriends. Should you? Yeah.
Wait, did that ever getresolved? Did they ever come
back into your life?
No. And I'm not I'm not denyingaccountability for that. I mean,
maybe obviously, there wassomething said or done that
would make them do that. That Ihave to go. Okay, maybe I did
something. But fucking tell me.
I don't know. It's always thatweird thing that I always say.
(08:35):
I'm just like, Well, I wouldnever do that. And it's like,
Yeah, but you're how you dothings are not our everybody
does things. So you guys got tolet it go. But it's still
undeniably weird.
Yeah. Yeah, that is reallyweird. I am, you know, it's so
funny is the person who I didthat podcast with. Yeah, it's
(08:57):
called Ghost Hunters. And Idon't think it's on the internet
anymore. Okay. I did thatpodcast with another comedian.
And we ended up actually likehaving a falling out. And we
stopped working on that project.
How ironic. I know. And wedidn't go see each other. We had
a conversation. We didn't talkfor a few years, but we actually
(09:17):
got back in contact and kind ofit was a really beautiful
reunion that's kind of on thissame topic that we're talking
about right now. Because we, youknow, acknowledge what happened.
We both apologized. We didn'treally talk about it in detail
or didn't feel the need to hashout the nitty gritty of like,
(09:38):
this is how I felt well, this ishow like we do any of that like
therapy like times that justmakes you mad all over again.
Right. It's like reliving andtalking to nothing but like we
both apologized for the waysthat we had hurt the other
people hurt the relationship orwhatever, and then just move
forward and we're like, we don'treally need to discuss any
further. Like I'm Choosing to beyour friend now with the person
(10:00):
that you are today. And we bothgrown and we both changed. And
it was just a really coolexperience. And I feel like she
taught me so much about, youknow, forgiveness and moving
forward. And just being like,yeah, none of that really
matters. Like the past isgenuinely the past. Like, it's
(10:22):
not even the recent past at thispoint, you know, it's something
that happened, we don't need togo into it. And let's just move
forward because we did have agood friendship. And we did have
a lot of great memories and weaccomplished some really cool
things together. And we both arenow pro ghosting.
(10:46):
I don't know what that means.
Oh, you're in favor of ghosting?
Yes,we are now in favor of ghosting.
Yeah, horriblewire. Why is it's just easier?
No, not because it's easier, Ithink because in some
circumstances, I truly believeghosting is okay. And in some
circumstances, I feel like it'snot only okay, it's warranted.
(11:09):
Okay, I get the warranted butgive me the easy example. What's
the one that sometimes it's justeasier?
Okay. So for example, there wasa brief period of time when I
was single this year where I wason a dating app. And I was
hanging out with maybe there waslike three people I went on a
few dates with. And by a few Imean, like, maybe the Max was
three, no more than three. It'sa few. Sure. And, you know,
(11:33):
nothing physical happened withthese people. Except, like, I
think I kissed I think I kissedtwo of them. But, um, but
nothing more than that. And itwasn't like we never had any
conversations about being in arelationship being exclusive,
like nothing that seemed toindicate that it was important
that this relationship wasimportant moving forward, right?
(11:53):
Sure. Even though all of themhad the potential to move
forward. It was just one ofthose things where it's like, I
had these experiences. And then,you know, after the second date,
it was just kind of like, I tendto step back, and I kind of want
to see what the other persondoes. And granted, they could be
doing the exact same thing withme. Sure. I want to know how she
(12:14):
does or does, she wants to seeme and, and at that point, if I
don't hear from someone withinlike a week, I pretty much just
stop talking to them. Like Idon't really put in the effort
at that point. If you don't geteven get like a check in text or
like, Hey, how are you? Or like,thinking of you like if none of
(12:34):
that happens? totally happy withjust letting it go. And letting
the experiences be what theywere. And I don't think that
anyone needs to really explainit like nothing happened. I
don't think that required aconversation. I
think that requires a goodbye.
Yeah, I don't think it requiresghosting.
I don't know if that's Gaussian.
That's just like, oh, we kind ofdrifted apart.
(12:56):
Yeah, I mean, not even driftedparts. Like we weren't even
close.
We weren't even on the door, thesame Titanic door.
But you know, What's so weird islike, technically, you know,
like a second date is kind of abig deal. If you think about it,
because the first date, I feellike anyone can get a first
date, right? Like, it's like,let's see what happens. It's
very low stakes. But if youdecide you want to see that
person, again, it means thatlike you're interested, and you
(13:18):
agreed to that, it means thatthere's mutual interest. So it
is kind of weird that like aftera second date, who were just
like, you know, whatever. Go onwith our lives.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah. Because I'm like, whathappened to this interest. But
then also, it's weird, becausewhen anytime you meet someone on
an app, you have to assume thatthey're still on this app.
They're meeting other peopleconstantly and interacting right
(13:40):
with other people, like in theapp and in the real world. So
it's like you never really know.
And you also, most likely aren'tdisclosing all of that to a
person that you're just barelystarting to see you.
Yeah, that's why your generationit's so weird. Because for me
growing up, you just didn'tknow. It's like, I know that
person is out there somewhere,and they're gonna know they're
(14:01):
dating. But what are you goingto do? Now? You guys have to
like, you'll actually see themon your little dating apps. Good
trying to hook up and it's justodd.
Yeah, you know, I don't havethat many experiences on dating
apps. Like I don't have a well,gotcha, gotcha. Yeah. Like I,
(14:21):
there was a brief period oftime, like I said, a few months
ago, where I was on a datingapps for a short period of time.
Yeah. And before that, there wasalso a short period of time
where I was dating, like,various people for like, right
before the pandemic. And thenbefore that, I feel like there
was a period in like, 2016 or2017 When I was on the apps, but
(14:45):
like, I'm not the type of personthat's always on them. Do you
like them? Um, I don't feel asnegatively about them as I think
a lot of people do.
Okay, yeah, that's good. It'sworked for you.
It does not work for me. But Ifeel like I've been treated
(15:06):
well. I feel like I've hadpositive experiences. The most
part. Yeah, there's obviously acouple of lemons in the bunch
where you're just like, whathappened there?
You were so cool.
But on average, I feel like I'vehad good experiences, whether or
not they move forward. And Ithink that moving forward, is
the thing that people getattached to, right. Like, it's
(15:29):
so easy to write people off andbe like, they're awful. They
suck, or, Oh, they ghosted mewhatever. But did they treat
you? Well, when you were intheir company? Like did? Were
they thoughtful? Did they listento you? Did you have fun with
them? Like, why are we soattached to the outcome all the
time, like, sometimes I justfeel like experiences are
(15:52):
experiences with people, and alot of them are, if you look at
most of relationships in yourlife, a lot of them probably are
low stakes. Like you haveprobably have a small handful of
people who really are thosepeople that can break your heart
that like really deserve thatattention, that are really,
really there for you that arelike really good friends or, you
(16:12):
know, people that you've dated.
I feel like that's a very, verysmall handful. But most people
that we interact with, and thatwe know, like, it is pretty
casual.
Here is an odd thing that youmade that I thought of by what
you just said. If you if you'reever pressed to like, come up
with that list of your numbers,right? I couldn't tell you the
(16:36):
name. I couldn't give you thelist. I don't know that. I don't
know their names. I don't knowwho they are. And it's like
weird. How did you have thatsort of interaction? And yet you
can't years later, tell me whothat was? That's a little odd.
What do you mean? Well, you havesuch intimacy with a person in
your life at some point. Andthen you can't even remember
(16:56):
them.
Oh, you mean like, people you'vebeen in relationships with
no people simply the methane actof sex? Oh, okay. Now you feel
like you know, everybody?
Um, I don't consider I guess Idon't consider a lot of I would
(17:20):
put a lot of those in my casualbucket like, like my meaningful.
Yeah.
Everyone I'vehad, I didn't realize there's a
casual bucket, but you're right,there is a casual bucket.
Yeah, they're not in my handful.
The proverbial handful.
Yeah, we just established you'renever gonna forget the handful
(17:41):
got no,no, a lot of those people aren't
in the handful. You know, thepeople that are I could tell
you, are youAaron, are you the type that
always? Not in a bad way? But Ido always have to be with
somebody? Um,ooh, that's a hard question.
Because I don't think so. But Ihave gone through periods where
(18:01):
I've been in, like, back to backrelationships. And I always
think that's kind of weird.
Like, I remember I went througha period where I went, and like,
I had three back to back yearlong relationships. Yeah. And I,
at the time, I wasn't asinterested or as well versed in
(18:23):
healing, per se, as I am now.
I'm definitely not an expertnow. But I think I'm what like,
I'm, I'm way more self aware,that's the best way to describe
it. I'm more self aware of thefact that like, people need to
process things like if yourheart is broken, your heart is
broken, and other person isn'tgonna fix that. And I don't
really know, like, I can'treally speak for me back then,
(18:44):
like, why I got into these backto back relationships, if it was
a distraction, or if I genuinelywas like, You know what, I love
this person, or if that personwas just there, and it just
seemed easy, or they providedsome sort of meaning. I mean,
because all three of thoserelationships, like meant
something to me clearly, but Idon't, I can't really tell you
(19:07):
why I like jumped into them. ButI don't think it was the best.
Because especially sorry tocommunicate, you know, I cut you
off. I said, especiallyconsidering the fact that the
beginning of every relationshipthat you jump into, which is
also intertwined with the endingof another one, those first
(19:28):
couple of months are not fair tothat person that you're jumping
into the new relationship with,because you are still obsessing
about that person. Probablyyou're still thinking about it.
You're healing you're probablyprojecting all of it. Yeah. And
so that's not really fair forthat person. Whether or not
they've been like waiting in thewings like waiting to date you
(19:49):
and loving you the whole time orthey're willing to put up with
this because they knew that theywere going to treat you right
whatever it was. That period oftime is not conducive to
building a strong relationship?
For sure. And I know thatbecause I've lived it. Yeah. And
it hasn't gone well.
It's tough.
(20:10):
Yeah. Like I remember I, one ofthese relationships, I was in
these back to backrelationships. I had broken up
with someone who, like nothingwent wrong in our relationship.
I just thought it was clear, Iwas never going to be a priority
to them. And through theiractions and the things that they
were doing. There were just alot of question marks of like,
(20:32):
Am I important to you at all,like a year in? Yeah, if I'm
your girlfriend, and like,you're not saying I love you
like after, after a year, I feltI'm not a priority. I just think
I need to say goodbye to thisperson. And if you, you know,
miss me, or you want to figurethis out, you know where to find
(20:52):
me, right? Yeah. But that brokemy heart so much, because,
because nothing did happen. AndI think I felt at the time, I
didn't really know how toexpress my needs in a way that
like, now that person won't lastin my life, like more than two
months. Like six weeks I'd bedone. Yeah. But I was so young.
(21:15):
Actually. It's probably aroundthe time I met you for the first
time.
But 1011 years ago. Yep.
I was such a baby. I was reallynot confident. Oh, especially
when it came to like talkingabout my needs are my emotional
needs or whatever. You know,like, I wasn't really good at
that back then.
(21:37):
It's weird because I see youtoday and then as very strong.
And but in love as I know youwere good friends, but we're not
great friends. So I know who youare a little bit. And that you
do seem like love is yourweakness. Oh.
Oh, you think it's my weakness?
Like, what do you mean by that?
(22:01):
Not your weakness in like, itmakes you a bad person. But your
weakness in that do fall Europe.
You're a fool for love.
Yeah, you know, I It's so weirdthat you say that? Because like
I don't even really know if I'vebeen actually I know I haven't
(22:22):
been in earth shattering me movethe world walk over fire type of
love ever. I 100% have never metthat person yet. Never. So it's
really interesting that you saythat I do. Put a lot on the line
for my relationships. Myfriendships like I do stuff. You
(22:45):
know, for a friend forboyfriends like I definitely
give a lot. And believe inpeople a
lot. You are that I see that.
Love that about you. I love thatabout me too. I think it's
awesome. And it sometimes itfrustrates me what a great
reaction to what I just said,for you.
(23:07):
I love that about me. Yeah, Ido. Yeah, no, no, I do. I think
it's I think it's a reallybeautiful thing. Because if you
make it into my circle, andyou're, you know, a friend and
if there's anything I can do tohelp you and be there for you.
If I have that ability, likeI'll do it.
(23:31):
Honestly, what you just said ishow I met you. That's the girl I
met. And that's still the girlthat I feel that I know. That's
awesome. Yeah, it is good foryou. I liked that about
you. still hurt. Hollywoodhasn't changed.
Now you're still a bitch. Okay,wait, it looks like you do have
(23:52):
something to say what?
Yeah, so I feel like I didn'tquite finish my thought. Got a
little bit distracted. Okay. Butwhat I was saying is when I was
in that relationship, that I waskind of unconfident and I ended
it because I didn't feel like Iwas a priority to this person. I
got into a relationship rightafter that was someone who was
(24:16):
just kind of always around. Andthey were a good person,
actually really great friend.
And I think a great guy. Butthat was kind of a version of
me. I would say settling,because I'd known this person
(24:38):
for so long. And I didn't reallyever want to date them before it
was a friend. It was a friend. Itook someone out of the
friendzone Yeah, that's tough.
It definitely was. It was kindof an achievement for them.
Because like wow,I hooked up with Aaron Darlene
(25:01):
Yeah, in her moment ofvulnerability. Good for you.
That's the best time man. Hey, Iwant to see a movie. Yeah, but
you know what, tell me. When Isaid settling, I didn't even
mean that in a bad way. It wasjust kind of like, everyone
around me was confused. Like,what? I don't understand this.
(25:23):
But this person, like I had somuch fun with them. And that's
awesome right there. I know. AndI'll never regret taking someone
out of the friendzone in thatway agreed. We like collaborated
on a bunch of things together.
We had so much fun. This personcracked me up. Yeah, we like he
was really supportive and cool.
(25:45):
And ended up not working out forlike a series of actually kind
of bad reasons. But when thetime when it lasted, like dating
someone that is a friend thatyou kind of share a friend group
with was so fun. Like we had ablast. Yeah, the breakup was
hard, though, because we sharedthat course. So there were some
(26:07):
sides that were taken. And Ifelt like a lot of it was
political considering like, whathappened like this person. I'm
pretty sure cheated on me.
Because someone told someoneelse told me and was like, Hey,
is it okay? If I tell my friendto date, boo, boo, boo, this
(26:27):
guy's name here. Because theyhad so much fun at that party
last night. And I just thoughtit might be awkward if you guys
were still seeing each other.
And I was like, what?
Why would we not be seeing eachother? Hold on?
Yeah. So basically, someoneasked, like, tried to get the
download for her friend. Yeah.
Right. And so that was a weirdbreakup. I was really upset
(26:50):
about that. I like it. Sorry,pal. And I had some friends.
take sides and choose him. Thathurts. Yeah. Especially
considering how it ended. Itreally hurt. Right? You hurt a
lot.
I feel Yeah. And I'm sorry.
Yeah. And this is the friendzoneguy. Yeah, I took him out of the
(27:12):
friendzone. And thatmakes you have regret for that a
little bit?
Oh, it was see. That's what I'msaying about settling. That's
why you can never settle inrelationships. Because even if
it's someone that you think youknow, or no matter what the
circumstances are of the settleof the settler that you let into
(27:33):
your life. No matter whathappens, if there's a breakup,
you're still gonna go throughheartache, and you're still
gonna have to heal. Yeah, so youmight as well be healing from a
relationship that you really,really wanted to be in 100% the
whole time not someone that youkind of dated because you were
heartbroken or they were thereor, you know, I've had friends
(27:54):
have dated people that arefamous just because they thought
it was cool to date someonefamous. Sure. I was like, you're
still settling, it doesn'tmatter. Because you don't like
this person. Really. You don'tlike how they're treating you.
It's kind of gross. You likewhat they represent? Yeah, it
means something to you. Andthat's all fine. Your choices
are fine. But when that personbreaks your heart, you're gonna
(28:15):
have to heal no matter what.
Or at the very least, and it maysound ugly, but if if you're
gonna do that, recognize thatyou're doing that dating, you're
just dating this famous personbecause,
yeah, I mean, some, I don'tknow, that's the thing. It's
like, I don't feel I don't feellike I can judge anyone for
decisions that they make.
Because I think that life is usmaking decisions to have
(28:37):
different experiences, if youshould to experience a famous
person taking you out, like havethat experience. I want it right
just to like why not, but you dohave to know that no matter who
you're dating, or no matterwhat's going on, like if they
end up breaking up with you oryou break up with them or
whatever. Yeah, the healinghappens regardless. So do you
(29:00):
want to be healing for arelationship when you're driving
down the street and you seetheir face on the Billboard?
I see what you're saying. I gotto jump back a while back about
48 minutes ago, you saidsomething about who you were 10
years ago when we met and whenwe met Aaron. Do you know where
(29:24):
we met the store they commit theSpanish for Comedy Store.
A store is a word the follow?
They go media. Thanks sorefreshing my memory. Hold on. I
think I'm gonna have a coughattack. Oh we're just gonna roll
(29:44):
through it. See, even your coughsounds good. And the microphone.
sounded great.
I'm not dead. Aaron. Thanks.
He's for asking. Are you okay?
Oh, good lord. She only caresabout herself you have the best
(30:14):
little night voice. You have theluckiest boyfriends ever because
they get to hear your stupidlittle night voice.
Honestly, I did it. I was wakingup from a nap. And I had a night
voice today before I came hereand I called my boyfriend and he
was like, Oh my God. I just wishI was there right now.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I have a good whisperyvoice. You do. Yeah,
(30:36):
let me try. Okay. All right.
Well, I'm gonna affect it toobad, but I'm gonna go for it
anyway. Okay. Hey, Aaron, what'sgoing on? Oh, my God. That's
horrible. Who are you? I'm done.
That's it. That's all I got thatwas it. Yeah. And then I
critiqued myself. Immediately. Ithought that was good. Hold on.
(30:57):
Now see how that's all it takesis for somebody to like whatever
you did for you to change yourmind.
No, I thought that was goodbehavior and what's going on
part that was good. Yeah, thatwas a part of his doing. That
was good. You have a good nightvoice to oh,
I'm validated and now I feelgood. Yeah, thanks, Aaron.
darlin, everyone. I always callyou darling. And I always feel
(31:18):
like, I can't be the only onewho does that. Yeah, a lot of
people call me. Yeah, it's neat.
It's a fun little name to say.
Yeah, I love that name. Yeah,darling.
Real name, right. Yes, Aaron. Sowe met at the Comedy Store. And
we were doing an open mic night.
And wasn't an open mic. It was ashow.
(31:39):
It was a booked show. Whathere's how I was told because I
was one that was only my secondshow. And the term that I was
told it's called a bringer.
Yeah, it was a bringer show.
Okay. Yes, you're right. It wasnot an open mic. That would be
that is completely different.
That wasbelow us. Yes. Bring are
correct. Which are basicallyopen mics with bring your friend
(31:59):
comics. Yeah, new comics areyour friends pay?
Here's what I loved about you.
Is your energy at the time. Itwas everything we've been
talking about. You were soconfident, and you were working
the greenroom like, but nothere's the thing. You weren't
working the greenroom. You weremoving around in the way I saw
it. You were making everybodyrelax. How are you? What do you
(32:21):
do bippity bop. And there waspart of me that was like, well,
maybe she just networking. Andit was like even if she's just
networking guy. He seems reallycool. Which was it? What are you
are you? Are you really cool? Orwere you? Were you just
networking? Who are you?
Well, let me say this. That wasa decade ago. Yeah. And right
(32:44):
now we're recording a podcast.
So I mean, what do you thinkthat means you were networking?
Well, that's,I feel like I was building
relationships. I consider you afriend. Yeah. Worked in a bunch
of different capacitiestogether. Yeah. And I think
you're the only person. I reallyremember from that night.
(33:09):
I don't remember anybody else.
I don't remember anybody else.
And you talk about our workingrelationship. You're right. I
just realized because I just hada podcast with me it actually
opened my, my podcast, shoes. Myfirst guest is Yeah. And I
remember we were talking I waslike, we've done 15 shoots
together. And then I justrealized right now, you're the
you're the runner up there. Youand I have sat easily, five to
(33:32):
10 times.
Yeah, I've referred you forjobs. Yeah. Have someone reach
out to me recently asking forgood photographers. And album
covers, like, I think you'veprobably you've referred me for
castings before. Yeah, broughtyou in? Yeah, I think that we've
done a really good job of like,actually having a relationship.
(33:54):
It's neat. And you can give methe honest answer, because I
don't give a shit. But I see youmore as a friend, even though we
do have work ties. And I do helpyou if I can. And as you just
said, you helped me but uh,you're more my friend than you
are some sort of work.
colleague.
I agree. I feel us a friend Tim.
Yeah. Yeah, totally. So I don'tknow. I think it networking is
(34:16):
such an interesting thing.
Because the word itself justfeels so it feels so gross. It
feels so like, disingenuous, butI think networking at its best
isn't networking. It's buildingrelationships. And I like that,
you know, like, you never reallyknow what friendships or
(34:37):
relationships are going to payoff. So I think it's always best
to not look at them likeanything that is going to pay
off. I think that you buildrelationships. Like just imagine
every relationship that you'rebuilding is something that you
will build for 10 plus years. Sodo you actually want to put in
that time because time isprecious, right? So do you
(34:59):
actually like this person, doyou connect with them? Like,
could you get lost in theconversation or record a podcast
like in their lives?
I definitely. As I've gottenolder, I've gotten to the point
where I know if I if I'm feelinglike, do I want to go to this
thing? I'll just say, I'm notcoming. Yeah, I'm not gonna go.
No thanks. It's just gonna SAPwhatever energy I have toward my
(35:22):
life at that moment. And I'drather live my own life it. I
don't know what I'm saying. ButI think I've made my point.
Darlene, what is? I like how wewere talking now about your
confidence and how it's grown inthe last 10 years? What was
young Aaron? Like? Were you shy?
Did you have bullies? Were you abully? What was your deal?
(35:44):
I think all of the above. Solittle Aaron, was I skipped a
grade, what grade kindergarten?
Which gives kindergartensilly someone who can read
really well. All right, so I wasadvanced in that category. So
they were like, she's ready tobe in first grade. Okay, so I
(36:06):
went to first grade with theconsent of my parents. So I was
in kindergarten for maybe threemonths. So that did a couple of
things. One of them being ittook me out of my social circle
and put me in a new one. Yeah,it also made me really young for
my peer group, because I'm alsoborn, like in December, which
(36:27):
was like the cutoff date at thetime. So it put me two years
behind my peer group for therest of my education life. And
it put me in a new situationwhere I had to learn all new
rules. I didn't have like theorientation or the first day of
school with everyone else. Sosometimes I got in trouble. And
(36:48):
also, I'm not advanced acrossthe board. Like I'm not just
reading. Yeah, I'm not strong inmath. Like there's a lot of
subjects that like, I'm mediocreat, I'm okay. Yeah, right. But
it put me in a situation where Ilike really had to hustle ever
since I was little to catch upand to learn everything and, and
also to make friends and Iwasn't necessarily super
(37:12):
outgoing as a kid. So that washard. And I remember feeling
like I didn't really have a lotof friends and trying to make
them always felt kind of weird.
And I remember feeling like Iwanted like, I wanted more
friends. I wanted like thisgroup of people to like me, and
(37:34):
I think that my mom would try tohelp me. But brownies or dance
class.
But what about the simpleelement of day to day where
you're eating lunch by yourself?
Did kids play with you atrecess?
No, not I don't really rememberthat kind of stuff. Like, I
don't think I was sitting aloneat lunch. Like it's possible on
(37:54):
the first day of in first grade.
I was in first grade, like noone knew me. And maybe that's
what happened. I don't reallyremember. But yeah, I think that
that was kind of hard for me. Ithink ever since then. I've been
hustling, like, ever since I waslike five or six. And then I
also feel like I kind of therewere times when I feel like I
(38:19):
was like a little like impatientor just kind of I don't know. I
feel like I did have like anattitude for sure. So maybe I
was like a little bit of a bullyat times as well. I think I
don't know, I think I honestlyit's so hard to think about what
(38:40):
I was going through because Ifeel like those years for me.
Yeah, we're really differentthan like a lot of other
people's experiences. How comebecause of that, because of
getting promoted and having tolike start over and like three
months in and not really meetingfriends. The way that a lot of
(39:04):
people would on the first day ofschool like having to catch up.
And then also being reallyyoung. Like think of how long
that affected me. Like thataffected me the most going
through puberty. When peoplestarted to drive. I can drive
for two years. I couldn't driveuntil the last semester of my
senior year. Right? You knowwhat I mean? All of these
(39:25):
things. I couldn't date myparents will let me date till I
was 16 guess when I was 16.
Basically my senior year,like you dated anyway. Right now
I'm like fake boyfriends like inyou know, like, oh, I have a
crush on Jimmy. And you know,you had a weird cartoon voice at
the time I did. That alsostunted my development.
(39:49):
Well, that development came innice and handy. But yeah,
I don't know a lot of peoplethat kind of had like the
experience that I had. In thatsense. It had
to be very specific because Iknow people that did get jumped
up and had to do the same thingsyou're talking about. But you're
carrying a lot of weight with itin the storytelling, whereas
those people that I know arejust like, oh, yeah, I just I
(40:10):
skipped a grade.
Yeah, I think that it affectedme a lot. Yeah, actually,
specifically, I think maybe inmy work ethic, which I think in
many ways has helped me, but ina lot of ways, I think that it
has not helped my mental health.
How's your mental health today?
These days? Are you good? Is ittough? I'm great. You're great.
(40:33):
Yeah, good. How are you? I'mbetter than I've ever been in my
life. It's awesome. I got betterthan I've ever done
in my life. That makes me sohappy. Yeah. It's all the work.
Youknow what it is, it's all the
work we put in you. You do selfcare. I mean, I know you just
talked about chakras and cuttingcord ceremonies. Do you? What do
(40:53):
you do for yourself care?
Anything?
So many things? I mean, I feellike self care is, it can be
anything Correct? Right? Yeah.
Um, but for me, my version ofself care, like, I journal a
lot. Um, I try now to be waybetter at listening to my body I
(41:17):
used to power through if I wasexhausted or tired, I would rely
on you know, caffeine.
Stimulants to be like, yeah,like, I'm just gonna power
through this day, no matterwhat, yeah, and then get
exhausted or not know your time.
Yeah, and not be able to sleepat night, because I just had so
much caffeine and like, justgetting these cycles that
(41:39):
weren't doing much for me. Andfor what like to get some random
work done. That doesn't evenmean anything long term, you
know. So I think listening to mybody has been really important,
just like listening to my spiritand my thoughts by meditating.
And by journaling. And then Ithink just really like, like,
understanding that. And this onewas really hard for me. But I
(42:07):
think one of the biggest thingsthat has changed my life is
understanding that there arecertain things that are really
out of my control. And life is aseries of experiences that I
think are meant to be enjoyed.
(42:29):
Yeah, awesome. So if I'm notenjoying my day to day life, if
I'm stressing myself out, orjust like focused on some random
work that isn't necessarily lifechanging, it's not like I'm
writing my opus right now. I'mlike, turning in a writer's
packet for an assignment. Youknow what I mean? It's like,
those things are so temporal. Somake sure that you are still
(42:50):
getting out into nature, like,yeah, look up at the sky. See,
the stars, like have themoments, go to dinner, like make
the time to have the nice dinnerwith a glass of wine that you
wanted to try, like, the timefor the moments.
It's one of the things I missmost without, without being able
to drive is the nature of visitsgoing out to the beach, looking
(43:12):
at the stars, going to the, youknow, a hike somewhere? I don't
really go on hikes, but you knowwhat I mean? And, but I still
find my way, you know, I make upfor it by getting outside and
doing whatnot. But yeah, whenyou said looking up at the
stars, it's like, Fuck, I justmissed miss being able to drive
to the beach at night and chill.
Yeah, that's, I think that'swhat I'm trying to say is, yeah,
(43:35):
life is unpredictable. You'renot in control of a lot of it.
So make time for the moments. Iwas talking to a friend last
night who hadn't seen in abouttwo years who told me a story
and I had no idea that this hadhappened to them, but they were
in a really weird freakaccident. That happened while
(43:57):
they were driving in their carhydroplaned on the freeway
scariest thing in the world,right turned around and they
ended up hitting like a senatordivide but they were on the
shoulder. The airbags deployed,they didn't know it was going to
happen. They couldn't see ifanything was coming their way if
they're going to get hit by atruck or a car. And they ended
up being okay. Thank God. Yeah.
But obviously the car wastotaled and that sucks. But I
(44:21):
just think like about the stufflike that can happen.
You never know when it's gonnahappen. Yeah, and that's just
from driving and it starts torain. You know, like,
like, yeah, there's something soinnocuous
so innocuous and something likeyou have to get home like you're
(44:44):
doing something you have todrive home you know, like it
just happened. Yeah. And to methat story is just like damn
like that. There's never knowyou talk about that never know
stories. I have a friend Whojust today I found out, was
having breakfast yesterday had alittle cafe by herself and was
(45:04):
attacked by, you know somebodyon drugs and started punching
her. And she had, like, I had tobe pulled off and she had to go
to the hospital. She's okay.
But, you know, here you are justhaving your coffee, enjoying the
beautiful day outside and nextthing you know you're attacked.
(45:27):
You just never know what's gonnahappen. That's awful. Horrible.
Yeah.
And I bring it up because it'scompletely different, but still
the same idea as the hydroplane.
It's just like, you're justdriving down the road and all of
a sudden, wet oil. Boom.
I mean, thank God that, youknow, obviously the attack.
(45:50):
Awful, but thank God she wasokay. Because who knows that
person could have had a weapon.
Like There sure are things thatcould have gone way worse. That
was also completely out of hercontrol. You know? 100% Thank
the Lord. She's all right. Soscary ones last time. You were
really scared. Really scared?
Yeah. Like really,really, really scared?
(46:14):
Oh, I don't. I don't know howto. I don't know. God. What a
great question to think aboutthough, but I couldn't. Can't
give you the answer right now.
Because it just was so long ago.
Yeah, I don't think I have agreat answer to that question.
Right off the top of my head waslast time you were mildly
scared.
(46:37):
There's often times you know, Ilive in the buzz of Hollywood.
And so sometimes you'll walkoutside and you're like, Okay,
what's this guy gonna do? Howmuch? How much? Do I have to
pretend like I'm a badass? Don'tmess with me? Or are you just
gonna keep walking? And sothat's where you're kind of,
like, I'll take care of myself,I got no problem with that. But
(46:59):
at the same time, I can't denythat I'm mildly scared that
something's gonna happen.
Yeah, I've I used to run a lotout in the streets. And I'm not
even meaning that just like asaying, like, in the streets. I
mean, like, I would literallyrun in the streets of Hollywood,
I would like, put on my joggingshoes, and just, like do laps
(47:22):
around Hollywood Boulevard andduring, like, through through
this area, but honestly, I hadto stop doing this. Three years
ago, because Hollywood hasbecome so scary. And people do
attack other people. And Iremember times, just like, you
know, I'd be on a jog orsomething. And he'd be, like,
(47:45):
running right next to a homelessperson or an encampment. I mean,
I remember sometimes being kindof freaked out about that.
Because sometimes these peoplelike really, like really look at
you. And you can tell thatthey're not really there, or
they're on some sort of drugs,right? And it never really
(48:05):
scared me that much. Because Iwas like, I can run whatever.
But the problem is like, that's,like a really unfair assumption,
I think, because I don't knowwhat that person is going to do.
And I don't know what they have.
And I don't know, you know, howaggressive they are and who they
think I am. You know, they'rejust like, oh, is my enemy.
(48:27):
And thing for me is it's notlike we're in a gang land, if
you will. These people that areon the streets that are hurt you
in Hollywood, are people who areon drugs and don't know better.
It's a different animal, forsure. And I would definitely
advise you, I'm glad you're notjuggling the streets of
Hollywood.
Yeah, not anymore. I had to geta gym membership. So Oh,
(48:53):
yeah. I miss exercising on thestreets. Just kidding. I don't
scratch Hollywood. I don'trecommend
you can go to Hollywood HighSchool and run the track.
I guess that's possible. Imean, it's a thing. But yeah,
you get in there. Yeah. Like youjust walk up and you're just
like dT dt. I'm here.
(49:14):
I'm not sure why you would makethat little dT d dt. Sound
me knocking on this chain linkfence dT dt dt.
I see. I didn't know that wasthe tune of a chain link fence.
Yeah, I don't know how to makethe chain link fence. No,
I would imagine you've got tohop the fence. Oh, God, that
sounds terrible. Okay, you'reathletic. You can hop a fence.
(49:35):
Yeah, butI also wear leggings and they're
expensive and I don't want torip them.
Throw up.
What if you were buying $100Liking oh, by the way, what they
costthe Why don't you buy some legs
from pantyhose. What?
See through tights. No. You haveto buy something. That's the
(49:59):
problem. But if you buy lowquality leggings you wash them
twice they start to fall apartor the ask at sea through and
that's bad you know? Especiallyif you're gonna run the track at
a frickin High Schoolokay settle down then bring it
down just a notch ranksee through clothes at a frickin
High School with minors andshit. No
(50:19):
All right I got you get arrestedyou definitely wound up. I will
tell you this. I see a lot ofstuff for you ladies on the
Tiktok through Amazon that seemlike they're pretty good. And
then for low prices.
Okay, now he's now he's anexpert on women's
(50:39):
clothes. I'm an expert on notbuying Lulu bizarre for $100
Yeah, it's got you got Frenchmustard. Aaron, do you smoke
cigars? No, like never had oneonce.
I have tried a cigar. But why?
(51:01):
Why would I ask her? Why wouldyou
try one? Why would you ask methis question? Aaron, you
strike me as somebody who's soadventurous and gregarious. I
could see you chillin at a happyhour somewhere smoking a cigar.
Where where are these cigarhappy hours. I've never even
seen this before.
(51:21):
All right before the day, youcould smoke cigars in an outdoor
patio.
Imagine me just outside likesomewhere I could totally. Yes.
Hey guys, cigar. So like, Oops.
I'm not sure where your soundeffects come from. Do you know
where do you know? Wait, wouldyou smoke a cigar?
Yeah, I mean, I would try when Idon't like smoking a lot of
(51:45):
things to be honest. I'm very,very sensitive.
Okay, sensitive health wiser,sensitive. moralistically. What
do you mean,emotionally? That's true. Um,
no, I'm sensitive. Like, I'msensitive to smoke. I'm
sensitive to allergens. Andenergetically like, whoa, whoa,
you walk into my this room youlike have a bad vibe. Yeah, I
(52:08):
will feel it.
I can see that. I think that'strue of a lot of artists. I feel
it. I can tell if somebody'sgot, like, I don't want to be
near that person.
Yeah, like when when I parked inthe parking structure? What
happened? Well, I walked up toyou. And you asked me a
question. I think you were like,how are you feeling? Yeah. And I
(52:32):
was like, Oh, he knows I'mhaving a bad vibe right now. I
was stressed out, I was stressedout.
First of all, I could traffic, Icould tell that you had weight
on your shoulders. But you wouldyou would explain to everything
that was going on at that timewith you. So I knew. Let me ask
you this. I want to I want tothese are two important
(52:54):
questions I want to approachwith you. Who do you have in
your life right now that you'reextremely grateful to have that
they're there?
Wow. Well, my dad, it's Father'sDay today. Yes. And I have the
joy and the pleasure in thislifetime, to have the most
(53:15):
amazing family. But today inparticular, I'm thinking about
my dad, and the ways that he hadshown so much love and
generosity and patience for me.
And really everyone in ourfamily and probably most people
he encounters even casuallyYeah, he's a very loving person.
He gives a lot of himself going.
(53:39):
I'm not necessarily he, I mean,he's very social. But he's, I
feel like he kind of has like anmore internal energy. He's
outgoing in the sense that like,he loves talking to people. But
when he talks to you, he reallymakes you feel heard and seen.
He doesn't check out like helistens and he engages and he
(54:01):
will talk to you back. Right.
And I love the openness that hehas. And the older that I get,
the more I get to experiencethat especially when I come to
him with vulnerability or withquestions or things I'm facing
and things that stress me out.
(54:22):
The more open he has been withhis personal experiences. And
sometimes I realize we don'talways really know our parents,
like, some parents don't feelreally comfortable. Yeah,
opening up in certain ways. Someof them I think it's
because they don't, they don'trealize they can, because we
don't let them we don't let themknow that
we don't let them be human. Yes.
And I think sometimes like theyfeel like they need to be so
(54:45):
strong. And you know, I feellike my mom has that my mom has
this air about her of shows youto tell me when I was little
like I'm not your friend. I'myour mom. That's true, though.
And I feel like it's still likethat and now the older I I got
the more I want her to be myfriends
fucking you know what tell herand I should tell her what you
just told me.
(55:05):
Yeah, I want her to be my friendI want to know about, you know,
her life and her pastexperiences and how she feels
about her day to day existence.
And I agree, you know, and Ilike an in a real level. I feel
like sometimes people talk inplatitudes, or, you know, can
they dance around the subject,but yeah, especially parents.
(55:26):
Yes. And I would just like loveto know, like, just be real,
like, level with me. Like, whatdo you really? Like, why is this
important to you? Or like, whydoes that bother you? And
don't clam up? Tell me. Tell me.
I can see something's on yourmind.
Yeah. Why is it so hardsometimes to get to know? People
(55:49):
like that? Sometimes even thepeople closest to you? It's
really hard toget it is weird. I always say
that to other people that it's Ifeel like sometimes it's so much
easier to be open with astranger. Yeah. Yeah. It's
weird. Yeah. What about you?
Somebody that's important in mylife. I'm grateful for you know
who it is. It's my brother. Mybrother's great. He used to we
(56:13):
used to have a truculentrelationship. And, and he's,
he's turned a coat. I've turneda coat. And I really enjoy His
company. I just told himyesterday. I was because he was
here. I was like, Dude, I reallyenjoy you. So thank you for
allowing yourself and forallowing me
oh, you should start a podcastwith him and call it truculent.
(56:34):
turncoats. Man would want tohear two people. Good Lord, it
can be ahead. All right, I'mgonna do it. Check Hewlett
turncoat via the fightingPodcast Network. Darling. I'll
produce it.
It'll just be your 18th podcast.
Yeah, I'lljust hold up signs in the corner
(56:55):
of topics that you can fightabout. You run out of things to
say it was just died down.
I don't know that we would needan additional list. I think our
the list that we have would bewould be just fine.
Okay, we'd start with airing outall of your grievances. There
we go. There we go for a while.
But it's awesome. We do. We havetalked about our grievances
before. And it's nice. It'snice. You know, when you turn
(57:16):
and when you're vulnerable withyourself, you're vulnerable with
everybody. And how peoplerespond to you is who you give
them in the first place. And sothat's that's kind of what's
happened. That's nice. We bothare very vulnerable with each
other.
How people respond to you is whoyou give them in the first
place. Right? Not what you givethem. It's who you give. Wow,
(57:40):
who am I giving today?
I like who you are.
That makes one of us.
Just kidding, just kidding.
defies everything you just saidall the whole time you've been
here. Alright, I got one morequestion. And I'm gonna let you
go. So we just asked you whoyou're grateful for. Right? Yes.
So who that exists? That's stillalive. Do you miss right now?
(58:05):
That's not around.
That's not around. Oh, someonethat's still alive. They miss
Yeah. Damn.
Doo doo doo doo.
(58:26):
I know. I feel like it needssecond to answer that. That's
right. Okay, so I'll tell youwhat I was thinking. There's a
person in my life, or who was inmy life, who I did have feelings
of missing them. But I think itwas a connection that needed to
(58:49):
end. And I think the pain ofending it was what made me feel
like I missed them. But I'vedone so much healing surrounding
that situation, that I don'tfeel as if I miss them anymore.
I don't. And I think that'sreally, really good for me. But
(59:12):
there were times when I thoughtit was very difficult to
differentiate between the wholeyou know, do I actually miss
them? Or is this like trauma?
Yep. Because a lot of time,you're right. It's just trauma.
And there's a difference. And Ithink we have to remember that,
especially when it comes to likeour own personal healing. And I
(59:34):
think that's what people meanwhen they say, choose yourself,
prioritize yourself, focus onyourself if you're going through
a breakup or hard time orwhatever it is. Because choosing
yourself sometimes means like,doing that work to realize, like
I am better off now or that wasa trauma bond or this was
(59:57):
dysfunctional, and it's betterfor me to be outside of it, then
to be inside of it. And I thinkthat's what that is. That's
choosing you. Okay, that'sfocusing on you. And I think
focusing on you doesn't mean tobe an island. It doesn't mean to
exclude other people. It doesn'tmean to necessarily cut people
off or make these foreverdecisions. But I think choosing
(01:00:18):
you means making the bestchoices for you and your well
being every single day. Lovethat right? Yeah, having no
shame about it. Yeah.
And you know what, Aaron, youreally have to, in my opinion,
because it's only going to makeyou better for everybody else.
And within that, of course,you're going to be better for
yourself.
(01:00:41):
You know what, I'm gonna missthis screensaver.
You can take it with you if youwant. Is it
on YouTube? Yeah. Okay, then. Iguess I'll have it wherever I
go.
Well, then you don't need meanymore. I'm coming to bummed
out.
To come here if I want to watch.
Yeah, it was agreed under thegun and done. Aaron, I hope you
(01:01:02):
had fun.
I had a lot of fun. Thank youfor having me on your podcast.
This is a great idea.
I like it. I'm glad you werehere. Yeah, me too. Aaron can
show Andrew to take us out.
Andrew, take us outall right, you guys. Thanks for
(01:01:27):
coming out. That was awesome.
We're gonna be back in a coupleof weeks. So hopefully you'll
join us then. And if you feel soinclined, please leave a
positive review on any of your,your favorite platforms. And if
you didn't like us, of course,this is Xavier McGillicuddy
signing out for today. It'sMichael Vieyra. You knucklehead
(01:01:48):
See you later
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