December 14, 2022 • 60 mins
Tom Farnan is an actor notoriously known for his lounge persona, Velvet Tom. Soft spoken, he carries a big bite. Today he discusses:
Getting married before COVID
Losing his car to parking tickets
Falling in love with Velvet Tom
Falling in love with his wife, Thaphne
The dawning of Velvet Tom
Working at The Dresden with Marty and Elayne
Exploring the future
Growing up Farnan
Mom’s health
Looking back
Becoming a better person
Living through Velvet Tom
Focusing on the good
So put on your chill and come listen in.
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michaelvieyraphotography
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:08):
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from the heart.
(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted. Have you got married
during the pandemic? Right?
Yeah, no, before, right beforethe pandemic,
(00:51):
right before the and, Tom, I sawa picture on social media. Is
that the woman you've been withfor a while? Or was she brand
new?
That is well, I mean, when yousay for a while, I mean, it's
been since 2017. So okay. Yeah.
So five, five years around theend of it. Yeah. So. And we we
got Vegas married December 2019.
(01:18):
Awesome. Is that mean? Exactly?
It means you went to a littlechapel.
We, we we got married at theTropicana hotel, right by the
pool. I had this big waterfallrushing down. And, and it was it
was something that I wanted todo right away. She'd been
(01:39):
married before I I've not. Andwe just, it just sounds so
weird, because it was the end of2019. And we were in my
intention of us getting marriedas to let's start out 2020 with
a with a bang. And, and then.
And then three months laterlocked down happen.
(02:05):
Kind of fortuitous, though ifyou're going to get married,
wouldn't it be great? Wouldn'tit be great to be able to just
chill with this person for thenext two years?
That is exactly what we got outof it is that we? Whatever
happened during that time wasjust devastating. To many
people. Yes, of course. We werekind of having a, we were coping
(02:31):
we were having a great time withbeing at home. You know, she was
in the middle of jobs. She founda job during COVID. Daphne is
her name. She found a job duringCOVID and started working at
that. And that was 100% remoteand was always going to be from
(02:52):
the very start. And still is.
Tom, I gotta ask you rightthere, no matter what, whether
you're married, or whetheryou're dating, spending that
much time with somebody as weall came to learn can be rough.
So even though you were freshlyin love still, how did that go
for you?
It really, I don't know, itworked out. We just created that
(03:14):
that was the time that we'vecreated rituals with one
another. That was really ourtime. Because we both knew that
we weren't going to have ahoneymoon after that or in our
way our honeymoons are a littledifferent. You know, we go out
to the desert for four days anddo absolutely nothing.
(03:36):
And knowing you how you are thatsays everything. That's that's
what you do. You get in touchwith nature.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I tried to Ididn't ever really think that I
was like, was not really much ofan outdoorsy kid. You know, I
don't know if I did a lot ofdrawing comic books and Dungeons
(03:57):
and Dragons. A lot of indoorthings.
Were you a nerd?
I don't know. I think it wasjust an I was I think it was
nerdy Jason. I don't think Inerd it out.
I think Tom if you don't knowthen you might have been a nerd.
Well, did you were you are younerdy about anything?
(04:21):
I think I'm I'm nerd passionate.
But I do not think I'm a nerd.
See? That's where I think I amlike I Oh, damn. So I may be a
nerd. You might be a nerd. Oh,just because of our products or
proximityjust because you're here
to nerd impasse can't be in thesame room.
(04:42):
I don't think it can happen.
I don't know. I think that onceI lost my car out in LA that's
where I got in touch with naturebecause I had to get to work
somehow. AndTom, I always thought you rode a
bike around town because youwere such an investment.
mentalists but there was becauseyou lost your car.
(05:03):
Yeah, no, I will. Theenvironmentalist part was, was
sort of a after thing.
Okay for me, and the car wasstolen.
Now the car wasn't stolen. I'm ascofflaw. And I got tickets on
the car and the car was takenaway by the city of LA. Look at
you. That's what happened.
Man that had to be. You know,listen, a lot of a lot of shit
(05:26):
happens in our lives. Butsomething like that, even though
it might seem I don't know if itshould be trivial to some.
That's huge. That had to have ahuge effect on your psyche.
Did you know? I? I'm pretty sureI saw it coming. And I tried to
whittle down the debt as much asI could. Yeah, along the way. I
(05:49):
don't mess around with thatanymore. If I get a ticket, I
pay it immediately. You can doit online. It's very easy. So
easy. Take care of it rightaway. So
I think we just ended up becauseI know I did. I took advantage
of the extensions, the timeextensions that give you to pay
it. And you're thinking, well,that's only 25 bucks. Okay, now
(06:09):
it's only 65 bucks. And nextthing you know, it's like well,
fuck it, then just, I'm justgonna not pay it. And it's like,
Oops, you're in trouble.
No boy. And it just goes intosome deeper bravado because this
isn't the first city have doneit in. God, Tom.
So you're one of those peoplethat will I was gonna say don't
(06:30):
never learns their lesson. Buthave you learned your lesson?
Oh, absolutely. Yes. Yeah, Idon't mess around. I I don't.
I've got I've gotten I've gottentwo tickets on that on the car
that we have. Prius V, it's mywife's car, but I'm on it. I'm
(06:53):
all official on it. So I butboth times have been have been
work related. So the first timeI got a ticket was out and out
in front of Francine Selkirk 'soffice casting office. I was
going in for a callback, it waspouring rain, and it never rains
(07:17):
here. And I found a meter rightin front of you minutes on it. I
was scraped probably at thattime, I was probably still
scraping. So I didn't so or No,no, I thought that I could just
beat the clock. I thought Icould go in, do the callback
come out. Of course, while I waswhile I was gone, I get sick.
(07:41):
And I pay it immediately. Good.
Second time was four I was doingI was at a fitting for another
commercial. And I was in what Ididn't think was a no parking
zone, paid it immediately. So itwas just fortunate that though
there was there was money comingin order for me to take care of
(08:04):
that situation right now.
I think that's the mostimportant part. Unless you're
some sort of ego centric typeperson. The only reason you're
not paying your tickets isbecause you're broke.
That was the long and short ofit. I remember where that car
(08:25):
got taken. And you know what,there was some karma around that
car. Anyway, it had a leaky fuelline. So I was dumping gas all
the time. So son of a bitch, itbeing taken, save me hundreds of
dollars that I'd already putinto it. And that was the last
car that I had for probablyabout 10 years.
(08:49):
The woman I thought that you hadmarried was a woman that I had
met back when we when you wereworking with me in my
photography. I don't rememberher name. But you were with her
for a while and living with her.
Yes. You guys seemed like acouple that was going to had
longevity too. But no. Where didwhere did that go? And then how
did you so quickly find your newwife or your wife?
(09:16):
It really all happened fast. Butthat previously previous
relationship she she decidedthat she didn't want to live in
Los Angeles anymore. And Ididn't really I don't I don't
(09:36):
know. I mean as much as we hadlongevity there was I didn't
really want to move and she knewthat I didn't want to leave Los
Angeles,where she given you that option
to go with her.
I guess the option was there,but she didn't really push it
because we'd had so manyquestions about how this is the
(09:57):
place this is the final placeafter all. All the different
places that I've lived, this isthe final place. And I don't
know if I could make where shemoved, which is East Coast like
she moved like, way east coast.
snowstorms, and yeah, such EastCoast and that I can't do that,
that that didn't appeal to me.
(10:21):
And I guess the middle agedperson in me said I would
probably end up resenting thisrelationship if I move all the
way over there. So I think thatwe, I think that we wanted to
leave on top.
Oh, look, the way you put that.
That's nice.
And so do you talk to her still?
Yeah, we chat once in a whileshe's uses my Netflix. Plus
(10:44):
another friend uses my Netflix,but you know, they're cracking
down on that. They certainly areyour man that's gonna end soon.
So I think that's, you know, andI had to cancel that account
anyway, because I just couldn'tafford it. I was spending money
on things that I already have.
And another relationship, so Idon't really need to sort of
(11:05):
carry that on. But really, itwas just sort of a, you know, I
know how tough things are.
But you've brought up a goodpoint and that that you know,
your middle age, so I don't knowhow old you are. But yeah, I'm
assuming you're middle aged. Andyou went from one relationship,
and then found a new girl andthen got married? I wouldn't
(11:30):
call that normal. Do you thinkyou are lucky? Did it seem
normal?
i Well, boy. How do I I mean, itseemed normal to me. I just I
(11:54):
when she left i i embracedputting myself out there again.
So love it. Love that. So andfound my my current wife, we
found each other on a datingapp. We both swiped I don't even
know what direction you swipeanymore. I still don't get
(12:17):
stuff. So, but anyway, we swipedboth in that direction. Yeah,
she was in the neighborhood. Iwas in the neighborhood. And
there is sort of a Seinfeld ingeographic desirability if you
remember thatsort of show makes it it makes
it so much better. Because I wasstill on a bike. I was still
walking around. And I wasn't youknow, sort of on the east side
(12:38):
of Los Feliz so I was stillgonna ask him Tom around,
because I'm not driving anymore.
And I was curious about this.
How was her? How did she take itwhen you said oh, I don't have a
car?
She was fine with it. Nothingmore, nothing less.
No. I mean, she knew what I didshe a when she when she got a
(13:02):
hold of my social media shefound my all my lounge act
stuff. She found all of myvelvet Tom's things okay. And
she, she absolutely fell in lovewith my velvet Tom persona
changes a lot. Now, I gotta saythat that's, you know, I need to
keep on singing witchcraft toher to keep her interested. But
(13:23):
but she does like that she likesthat I have a full service
lounge act and that I bust assin order to.
I think what you're humblysaying Is she was impressed by
this thing that you're doing andshe took to it. And it was like,
I don't care whether he'sdriving a car or not. This guy's
got some shit going on.
(13:43):
She's, she's seen some shit. Soshe knew exactly what she was
getting into with me. You know,the no car having bicycling to
audition. Sometimes bicycle legto those gigs. I remember a
coupleit's admirable man. It really is
the fact that you've been doingthat for so long. Following your
dream, right. Otherwise, you'dbe working in the cubicle
(14:06):
somewhere. Yeah. Having a car?
Yeah. At a car payment. Yes,exactly. And a car insurance. I
mean, not to say that we don'thave those things right now. But
we're almost at the end of allof that.
Well, good for you. I'm glad youfound somebody. I am curious
(14:26):
how, what, what a first date isfor Tom Farnan. Out of meeting
somebody on App?
Well, I don't think I'm going toinvite him to see me sing or
anything. Like, I don't thinkit's anything like that. I think
it's very low key. It's justit's probably drinks and then
we'll just see where we go fromthere. I don't know that just
(14:49):
sounds like every other line ona dating app. Let's meet for
drinks and see where it goesfrom there. But
but it's so true. Why not? Idon't want to go I don't want
to. I don't want to be And 150bucks on a steak dinner on you
to try and impress you, I'drather just say, hey, let's see
if we got a feel for each other.
That is, you know, I think it'sabout sort of meeting in a
(15:12):
vulnerable place or if, in ourcase, because we knew the
neighborhood so well, we met ata place that we both been before
so figured it out. It was notfig arose the study right there
on Vermont, which I think isstill, I think still is, but I
(15:36):
don't know, we'd have to checkit out. When we lived in Los
Fields up until a up until acouple of weeks ago, because in
being married, we also had theluck of the draw of becoming
homeowners. So now we have ahouse, too. That's awesome.
It really is something.
(15:56):
Is that something you want toshare with me? How did you come
across, going from riding abike, no card and now we own a
house?
I am the luckiest person in theworld. Love it. I think I am
wrong with luck. I I think it'sluck. You know, I just I think
it was something that when Idecided to get down on one knee
(16:19):
and have absolutely nothing butjust that just sort of sure the
bravado of just saying, Look, Idon't know how much further we
want to take this. But let'stake it all the way. Let's let's
do this. Yeah, we had beendating two years. And I I think
that I look back on my pastrelationships. And I'm just
(16:41):
saying there was just the voicein my head is it Don't waste
this one's time. Please justdon't do it. Go forward with
her. AndDaniel. So did you know that was
the way to go? Or were youthinking don't waste your time?
And you're like, No, I don'twant to waste your time. And I
want to spend the rest of mylife with her.
(17:02):
It is it was it was that? It wasit was like she's the one the
way that? I don't know. I just Idon't think that I'd ever been
the way that I don't know. Thethe way that she takes care of
(17:26):
me is like no other person Icouldn't. I just felt so loved
for loved fell taken care of,like, can you give me an example
ad is you know, I do one ofthese podcasts? I started a
podcast during COVID. Yeah,called Bad timing with velvet.
(17:49):
Tom, you know, so just, and I'mnot commercial doing a little
commercial. I'm just sayingthat. You know, I couldn't
believe that there wasn't anyother podcasts with the title.
Bad timing. I can't believe Igot that. Yeah, I hear me,
right. So I started one of thesethings. And I just remember this
lady, you know, I mean, she, andit's not the gifts, it's just
the she just knows, she knowsme. And, you know, she got me
(18:15):
this old timey mic and I havethis computer and I took these
gifts and put it together andstart doing a podcast. So and I
probably wouldn't have had thosethings if she weren't in my
life. I mean, she saw what I wasdoing. She's She she saw the
auditions coming in. She is myvoice off camera knew when I
(18:36):
need somebody she she sees. Shesees the importance and
everything that I do, even whenI don't and how can I how can I
not have that person in my life?
Yeah, it sounds great. Is thereYou seem like a vulnerable
person. Are you the type that doyou allow yourself to cry with
(18:57):
her if you need to? Or are youdo you hold your tears back? No,
we cry nice. It's importantplenty of things we cry
never cry about methere was a time
wow there's nothing awkwardgoing on in here. We're just
(19:21):
talking about stuff.
I I stopped calling you stopcalling. I don't
you know, it is nice. Youmentioned that but I haven't
seen you and I'm gonna guessfive plus years. And and just as
they say it's like I just sawyou yesterday.
I agree. Yeah. Just likeyesterday.
(19:44):
Tell me about the success andthe struggle of velvet. Tom. I
know that your your big thing. Idon't know if you're even
actually still doing it. Butthat is part of why you were on
a bike and that why you weren'tbeing able to pay tickets. So we
all know the story. We don'tcare about the struggle. We are
all actors and we all get it.
Right. But what about yourpsyche? You're a middle aged
(20:05):
man. Now you're still pursuingit. How does that affect you?
Are you still strong and like, Idon't give a shit. I'll keep
going until the end. Or you'relike, shit, when is this dream
gonna stop? Or what am I what amI? You know what I'm saying?
All of it. And I think all thoseconversations happen. I think
(20:29):
Ville the top, I was, I wasrecalling this because I
remember saying in high schoolbecause I kind of knew that I
wanted to perform. I knew thatacting was the thing I wanted to
do, since I was single digitsthere and wasn't really that
great at it for a really longtime. And but still pursued it
(20:55):
and saw saw that I got betterand stuff. So I just kept on
doing I was like, alright, this.
This sounds fun. This isn'tgonna stop but I do remember in
high school saying that, youknow, if the actor thing doesn't
work out, I want to be allowedjacked. Because there were so
many. There was just, it was somuch in the periphery. You know,
(21:16):
so much even in Sesame Streetepisodes with Guy Smiley, or you
know, or Tony Clifton, you know,getting to growing up in
television from the 70s and 80s.
And getting to see AndyKaufman's antics. Yeah. And what
(21:36):
was another influence? Oh, it'sa living there was sunny man.
The lounge piano lounge, satlike in the center of the of the
set, which was that sort ofrotating restaurant in the sky
that they all worked at. And itwas more workplace comedy. Yeah.
And he was he was hateable. Buthe was the cord gesture of the
(22:02):
room. Yeah, he took all theshit. But he made all the music.
And there was something. Nickthe lounge singer, you know,
Bill Murray's version of it,there's just so much of it that
I loved. And I loved thateverybody hated that person so
much and had disgust and disdainfor that person. I don't know
(22:25):
why I got off on it. Like, like,I really liked that. And I held
on to this notion of doing doinga lounge act and something sort
of hit when I was in theaterschool in Chicago. And then
after that, I, I admired thisone teacher who was one of my
characters, he was a characterstudy student, Tom EULAs, his
(22:48):
name and he's a pretty wellrenowned actor in Chicago. And
it's got it's got tons ofcredits and sort of recreated
Scrooge in Chicago did thatevery year, he was very famous
Ebenezer Scrooge, I don't knowif he still does or not, but
really like a lot of things thathe said about character work and
about just really taking it totaking it whole to a different
(23:10):
place. And, and the characterhad a different name at one
point, which I don't evenremember the name because the
name came from a kid. And shedidn't it was just the
inflection and her voice, wherethe name velvet Tom came from,
and my friend Paul and I, inChicago, somebody that I
(23:31):
graduated with, he, he had to goto, he was like my hanging out,
buddy, we'd go to bars. He wasmy bar, buddy. And, and, and
plus, you know, it just wasn'tmy bar buddy is like, he was a
really, really good friend. Andto the point where he said, Hey,
you know what, we're gonna gohit this one place later. But
while we do, I got a friend'sparty we have to go to. And it
(23:56):
was in Goose Island. And it wasthis beautiful house move a
really, really swanky house thathad a tree growing in the
atrium. Indoors, I remember. Andit was a no booze party. And it
was somebody's like graduationslash birthday party. And in
there was kids at the party. AndI was doing improv then. So I
(24:19):
was doing comedy sports knew abunch of improv games. So I
started hanging out with thekids and doing improv. This is
the 90s Beanie Babies were stillhot. True. And this one kid sat
me down and introduced me to allof her Beanie Babies. And and,
(24:42):
no, no, it's just that, youknow, she's like, here's my
frog. His name's hopper. Here'smy line. His name's Leo. And
then she hands me this blackpanther. And I guessed his name.
I was like, Let me guess hisname is Shadow and she goes, No,
it's velvet, Tom. Hi, everyone,Paul has looked at one another.
(25:04):
We're like velvet. Tom is bornhere with a kid showing me
Beanie Babies. But I mean, thatis the uncoolest story about
health elvetham came to be butit was it just it began there.
I will tell you that I totallyget what you mean. But it
actually is pretty cool.
(25:24):
I know. It's just usually itwould become accidental, like
during an act, but it was. Itwas such a very sweet. It was a
sweet moment. Yeah, it reallywas that started that whole
thing.
Tom, I don't know if yousubliminally subconsciously
evaded the question. But I'mcurious how your psyche is doing
(25:48):
now, with the success or lack ofsuccess with velvet. Tom.
I was just going to come backaround to that because I knew
because I wanted to get to theI. I can't help but tell the
origin story because it's it'sit because it's adorable. Yeah,
that was adorable. But how is mypsyche? It's well, let's see.
Okay, so lately velvet. Tom. Iappear with a friend of mine,
(26:11):
Quincy, she has me on as aguest. So usually I get to
perform about two or three timesa year. I was heading over at
the Dresden a lot hanging outwith Marty and Elaine and
singing with them to I think Iwas like one of the last
showcases because they used todo Wednesday night showcases. I
think I was probably one of thelast ones before locked down.
(26:34):
And thatis definitely something fun to
be able to say that you wereshowcasing with Marty and
Elaine,it. It was amazing. They were
awesome. And I don't know why Iwasn't doing it earlier. It was
just in the last few years.
Yeah. I don't know why it wasn'tover. Yeah.
I mean, you belong there.
So there's that Miss, there'smissed opportunities, those
those things that sort of notmay like why wasn't hanging out
(26:56):
over there. And it was a hangoutplace. But it didn't ever occur
to me to go up and sing withthem. It didn't I don't I don't
know why it didn't occur to me.
But I'm finally glad that I camearound and did it because it did
it led to a lot of I still I wasgoing through old voice messages
because they said my voicemailwas full and I had to I had to
(27:17):
delete one. And there was onefrom Elaine saying that somebody
had canceled and they wanted toknow if I could showcase tonight
while somebody had this stomachflu or something like that. But
Elaine, if I'm notmistaken, very specifically, you
save that message. Oh, for sure.
Yeah,absolutely. Yeah, that is the
one. That's one of the ones thatI saved. And I got to they got
(27:37):
to be guests on my podcast. Theywere the last guests. So I
wanted to get them and recordthem because I don't know.
People didn't know what the hellwas going on during that. So
they didn't. So we didn't knowif they were going to make it
back. Yeah, for sure. It's not,it's public knowledge that, you
(27:59):
know, Marty had had some healthproblems before, like he had
like a little mini heart attackafter a set one night. And it
was all due to, you know, someother thing that was happening
on his body that got correctedand he was feeling he was
feeling good news feelingbetter. And just as he was about
to sort of make a regular returnto the drums COVID happened and
(28:22):
then that just kind of put themaway. And
well, it's nice to know that youhave them on tape. Tell me
again, the name of your podcastthat they were on
bad timing with velvet, Tom.
Nice. Okay, psyche, you knowwhat it goes? It goes it's
different from day to day andand I asked myself, like, What
(28:42):
the hell are you doing? Or whatthe hell aren't you doing? I got
a lot of paralysis around thiswhole career thing lately. And
you know, I just crossed. I'mpart of the 5.0 club now. So I
just turned 50. Yeah. And, youknow, it is it gnaws at me that
I don't have TV credits. Butthen last fall, I was flown to
(29:05):
South Africa to be a husband andin a commercial, where I just
did Canadian crosses in and gotto visit Cape Town, South Africa
for the first time and thatwasn't even on the bucket list
of places that I would go to andhere work was taking me there
and back first class flatbusiness class, which was
(29:30):
wonderful and, and the just whatI had to get in order just to do
that was work and among itself,so I don't know, man, you know,
it's, it's peaks and valleys.
Are you finding your way out ofvelvet, Tom?
(29:55):
I don't know what you mean.
Because you're getting older.
you're 50 and you're having thisa predilection about what your
direction is. Are you thinking,Okay, it's time to move on from
velvet Tom?
I No, no, no, no, I just wrote apress release the other day and
submitted myself to, to forBroto. Which it's, it's a jazz
(30:21):
club out in the valley. Okay. SoI've been lucky to be able to
perform at a lot of differentHollywood venues. But I mean,
there's a lot of Valley placesthat I haven't gone. They have
book X pages. So I wrotesomething up, I tried to ride on
the whole excitement of comingin eighth for this concert. And
(30:44):
I didn't know if I was gonna gothe full length. I mean, you
just do it. It's just all it is,is votes. All it is, is just
asking for votes reaching out tofamily and friends. And, you
know, some votes costed money.
But like I said, That's betweenyou and your pocketbook. I'm not
going to shill. I'm going to goget new skills, technical
skills, you are going to do thatoutside of Yeah. Yeah, we've
(31:05):
been talking abouthow does that make you feel the
fact that you're going thatyou've resolved that that's what
you're going to do?
Because I have a love for it. Ican't say that I eat drink and
sleep entertainment. All thetime. If I do that, then I just
get resentful and see peoplethat I know. So yeah, I mean,
(31:25):
what's the point they know whatyou mean? What's the void in in
consuming and consuming all ofthat when, when I know that I
have other loves, and I haveother interests and also, and it
goes back to my relationship Ihave, I have love and support
and so now I have freedom toexplore those things where I
(31:48):
didn't feel like I had thatfreedom because you're always
chasing I mean, I was justalways pedaling and always
pedaling and always pedaling thenext thing so so it never it did
it felt it feels less like acarrot on a stick these days
than it did then. And alsocarrying on as you know, I mean
(32:11):
you just keep on writing and youjust keep on sort of chasing it
but this add on I could probablywalk away and be fine. I am I'm
turning into the old man I'vekind of always been I'm kind of
I don't know if you can track asfar as you know, I don't I don't
know if we can meet ourcurmudgeon this together. But
(32:31):
you know, I, I've always had acurmudgeon a side. I think my
bright side is always sort ofcome through stronger. But
there's always been a curmudgeonII side, and I'm growing into
it. And I kind of liked thatguy. So I think I could probably
say piss on this and just andwalk away with it. And probably
feel nothing. You know, it'sjust your mind changes about
(32:53):
things. And really, if you wantto change anything about
yourself new The first thing ischange your mind.
100% And the thing that happensthere was a lot of us especially
in acting and or the arts, weget locked in almost to the
mindset what I said a momentago, where it's just like, Nope,
I'm doing this till the day Idie. And not not leaving
yourself any chance of hey, thisain't working out. Let's let's
(33:16):
go do something else.
This whole career thing has beena Michael Corleone. It's just
like, just when I get outsomething pulls me back in. It
is and it's it's happened a fewtimes just when I'm resolving my
self to the idea that maybe Iwill go find something else or
(33:39):
maybe there is a different maybethere is a different avenue of
this business that I can take. Ithink a lot of people come out
here thinking that actor, actor,actor, actor out film editor
becomes totally, you know, ithappens all the time after after
after Foley.
I ended up going to film editingschool at one point.
(34:00):
Now, yeah, so you're anAngeleno. Yeah. You're a diehard
have been here. Did you goanywhere else did you leave LA
to you know,that's a great point. Because I
always say, Listen, I was bornand raised here in Los Angeles,
and I love it and we've builtwhen people say I hate the
people in LA blah, blah. It'slike no, you don't you hate the
people that moved here. Becausethe people that are here were
(34:23):
cool. But it's a really goodpoint, Tom, because I envy that
people. I don't know about you,but if you came here or were an
Angeleno, but the people thatcame here, I'm impressed. You
actually wanted to do something,and you came here to do it. I
was already here. I didn't haveto go anywhere. And so there's
nothing to be impressed by me. Iwas just like, oh, okay, I'll do
(34:45):
this thing that's 20 minutesaway. So now I really do. I'm
impressed by the people whosaid, let's pick up and move and
go to LA.
What were your other options?
for legitimate options,none, they were all just side
jobs and I didn't know what todo. And it was really quick
though I was in junior college,I was, I don't know, 19 When I
(35:08):
went to acting school, I went tothe American Academy of Dramatic
Arts in Pasadena and loved it.
And when I came out of there, Iwas like, they love me here. I'm
gonna go into the big world and,and be a big star because
everybody here at this littlepond loves me. And when I went
(35:28):
to the Big Co is just envelopedby Rip tides and currents. And I
was like, What the fuck? Howcome? No, no, I'm not a star.
Right. But I loved it. And I wasstill doing it. And I found jobs
throughout the way that Ienjoyed that kept me happy. But
(35:50):
how about now isnow is is different, as I've
said to many people, you know,I'm, I hate to say I'm disabled,
because that really imprisonsme. So just understand that I'm
not imposing on myself, but Ihave these disabilities that
don't allow me to do muchreally, I'm homebound. I, I
can't really work. Even peoplesay, Well, why don't you work
(36:12):
from home on the computer? Andhonestly, it's enough work for
me just to get this podcast upand running. So I don't do much,
but I gotta tell you what, Tom,I don't care. Because I've done
so much work on myself the lastfew years. I'm happy man. And if
I didn't even even if I didn'thave the podcast, I'm cool. I'll
sit here in my little apartment.
(36:36):
I'll watch movies, because Ilove movies. And I'm cool.
This, in and of itself is anextension. This podcast. Because
when I was thinking about whatI, when I wanted to do it, I was
like, Oh, I have these tools.
And I can put it to use and it'ssomething to do. And I don't
(36:59):
think my wife has listened toone episode. Oh, wow. Of my
podcasts, which is fine. Youknow, I don't think it is. I
don't think it's our thing. It'snot my podcast. I think it's
just podcast in general. But itwas another extension. I you
know, there was there willalways be an entertainer vein in
(37:19):
you. Correct. And this is thisis that 100% This is and this is
outreach. And you said you weredoing work on yourself and I
tell you what, like, deciding todo outreach is some of the best
work.
(37:40):
Tom I know 100% What you mean, Idon't know that I did it
purposefully. But I liked theway you say it and I agree with
it.
Yeah. I and I like the otherexperience like this, I remember
when when you first introducedthis, I think you sent me a text
(38:00):
in June. And I'd been thinkingabout it for a long time and
then and then basically mysummer was just a whirlwind and
still remains to be and but Ifinally found some I finally
found a moment because this issomething that interested me
(38:21):
right off the bat. Especiallydoing it when you mentioned
about doing it in the darkbecause it reminded me of
because I did Chicago for alittle bit and I did an improv
in Chicago and there was animprov format called the bat
where everybody was in the darkthe audience the performers,
(38:44):
performers would just sit onstage in the dark and you would
really have to compromise youragendas through sound and and it
was a great way to create Foleypeople would do sound effects
create some things coming nearyou know, but it was like
listening to Old Time Radiowhich is another huge genre love
(39:08):
that love old time radioespecially all the recorded
things because they sat inlittle sweaty rooms and you know
choked each other with their owncigarette smoke and created
created these plays. It'samazing so I fail to remember
(39:31):
what I where I was going withthat but
well I do know that you startedtalking about the darkness in
this in what I'm doing. Oh yeah.
So I was as as I know people whoare happened to be listening
know from description that weare in a darkened room. And I
don't know how well it works foreverybody. But I know for most
(39:53):
of my guests. It does helpthere's a there was a sense of
Something happening here of justwe're not just chillin, we're
chillin. Yeah. And as I, as Ilike to say, we're not putting
on a show, we're just, we'rejust talking.
This isn't. Yeah. You, youmentioned that I don't want to
(40:17):
make this sound like this is anopportunity for performance. But
this is still sort of atouchstone to say, hey, people,
I'm still, I'm still here.
Yeah. And, you know, no, I don'twant to talk about myself all
that so much, but, but I don'tmind saying that. One of the
things I told one of my friendswhen I was starting this is I
(40:40):
honestly don't care if nobodylistens. I'll just keep doing
it, because I love doing it. Andthat's not fair to myself. I do
care. As I always say, if oneperson listens, then that was
worth it. I hate that saying,but I get it. And if one person
listens, and they are touched bysomething, Tom said, Man, I just
fucking I love it.
(41:00):
Well, that's that's the beautyof creation, man. I mean, if you
put something out there and justone person listens to it. Yeah,
that's amazing. I was lookingback at my insights have of
where people have listened to mypodcast and all over the world.
(41:20):
Crazy. And that is that is. Thatis crazy. All I did was just
sort of put it out on a platformand somebody decided to listen
to it. I mean, whether theylistened to 30 seconds of it, or
I mean, whatever. It it reachedthat far. And I get that is
something that just sort oftouches me. Of course, it's
(41:45):
mostly in the US, but I'm big inGermany, just like the Hoth.
You kind of look like him with amustache.
Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Yes, themustache.
So you know what I'd really loveto know about you is your
upbringing, because you are.
You're kind of a dork. You're alittle nerdy. You're kind of
(42:08):
cool. You're a little handsome.
So you're all these weird thingsblended together. I would love
to know about the upbringing,who was cool mom and dad, who
was a dick of mom and dad.
I, you know, I think they bothhad their own. They had their
(42:31):
own times, but I they had theirown moments, let me say. But I
think that I think that dad gotgot the most attention for being
cool. Mom. Mom crack down on us.
But that to say that my dadwasn't. I learned so much from
(42:53):
my dad. I mean, my dad, he'sbeen gone for nine years now.
And there isn't a day that he'snot in my head. There isn't a
day or a moment that I thinkabout learning something from
him in his own little way.
Because when he was around hiskids, or especially it was
(43:13):
around me, we're getting olderbecause we had a few years
between us. I think my dad hadprobably cracked his 40s by the
time that I came around. So Iwas I was late in the lineup. I
got three older sisters. I'msort of four and a half years
behind my youngest sister. SoI'm
still in the element of you arespoiled.
(43:37):
Again, I have spoiled. Yeah.
From their perspective. Yes,yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Had
all the things any boy couldever want. Probably Tom earlier
than it could should have. Andmaybe it wasn't exactly. But
yes, I did. Absolutely.
How in the world. Did you justcome to that realization right
(43:59):
now? Because I heard it hearyou. How did you not know you
were spoiled before this moment?
I think it's just that I'd neversaid it out loud. It wasn't
necessarily a come to it. But Ijust went home. I just went home
to Kansas City, Missouri iswhere I'm from. And we were just
(44:20):
back there saying my mom, whosebirthday was July 24. And it was
her 87th birthday. Amazing. Yes.
So and she's still going despitehealth issues. Yeah. And right
now her house sits empty exceptwith all of our memories. And
(44:41):
she is some she's livingsomewhere else. We had to get
her out of the house. The housewent through a renovation on the
main floor and is a good starterhome for anybody blah blah blah.
REMAX Where is she now? She'sjust down the street. She is
just down the street. We'resomeone who's taking care of
her. She lives alone in herapartment. She's got one of her
(45:03):
cats.
Tom, I'm sorry that the housewas too big. The house
was becoming something unwieldyfor her. She just couldn't
manage the house. She couldn'tmanage living in the house. And
it had the condition of it wasjust deteriorating,
deteriorating.
So how does that make you feel?
Because it's because in my mind,I don't, I guess I don't want to
(45:27):
lead you. But that would make methink, okay, my mom's definitely
at her last years.
Well, honestly, when she firstgot her cancer diagnosis about
11 or 12 years ago, Omar, herhealth when her health went
down, this is a relativelyhealthy woman who rarely, you
(45:52):
know, had a glass of wine on aspecial occasion. Yeah, okay. So
this, she did not. She, I don'tknow if she treated her body
like a temple. But you know, shedidn't treat it like a garbage
can either. You know, most ofour meals were cooked at home.
You know, we learned to do allthese things. She was a you
know, very domestic, veryhealthy, and then all of a
(46:13):
sudden God got multiple myelomaand that our health went down
fast. And we really thought thatwe were going to lose her years
ago. And believe me, there havebeen scares upon scares upon
scares last year. Yeah, again,another scare. And
once you got the cancer, and thenine years ago, were she living
(46:34):
by herself for the most part.
Now my dad was still alive. Sosort of a cross time of losing
him. And then watching her evenmore deteriorate more just due
to chemo really?
And it sounds like without youeven telling me that she's
probably still in good spirit.
She Yeah, it's it's somethingyou know, she's she's definitely
(46:55):
a different mom. But she'spretty clear headed. And she's
still got she's still got all ofher faculties man. I mean, she
is She weighs 100 Vishwas minus100. I mean, she is really just
very, very tiny, frail and tiny.
But during this trip we weregoing through, we were going
(47:17):
through memories. And we had awhole bunch of memories to get
through when, you know, foundsome memories that we thought
that we had lost and such. But Iremember just my sister sort of
telling stories and everything.
And I remember, in 1986, theRoyals went to the World Series,
and my dad took me aside likethe rough, but I got to hear
(47:43):
because I was what it was. I was14 So my I heard the story from
my sister saying that first atfirst dad didn't want to take me
because he couldn't drink withme. He couldn't like he couldn't
celebrate, be He. He was takinghis son. I don't like that. Oh,
(48:05):
no, no, I find it to be veryfunny. Because that's just part
of my that's just part of ourfamily's sense of humor, and
part of where it comes from. ButI laughed because I had these I
opened up this album and I saw Isaw these ticket stubs that I
had saved for the world's niceyeah. But I mean, I guess I kind
(48:28):
of understand I don't have kids,myself. And my wife and I aren't
are doing any family planning.
Tom, you and I always whenpeople say I have no regrets. I
always kind of scoff because Ithink we all have regrets so we
don't have to be huge, but tosome level we have a regret. I
(48:51):
don't know. I'm not asking whatyour regrets are but what would
you tell young Tom? What wouldyou tell a 20 year old Tom Have
you had a chance to talk to himtoday
lead with compassion and empathyin everything you do. And
(49:14):
humanity.
Man, I love that dude. Yeah,it's so much better than you
know. Make sure to invest inthis or blah blah blah. It's
like no, this is about creatinga better person to help create a
better world that's awesome.
(49:34):
YeahI don't know I mean, personal
journey. I think that I I thinkthat I became a bad person and
came back around.
But um, I'm sorry, when were youa bad person?
I don't know. You know, I mean,those are the things I don't
want to get into but I have tosay it out loud that you know, I
(49:57):
I've had my moments. Yeah, whereIf I wasn't kind, okay, and
may I ask how you got out of it?
Or you came back around togoodness,
I think it was, I think therewas a lot of positive outreach
that I think it was abouthitting hitting a point where I
(50:22):
couldn't work and operate likethis anymore. And had to
strangely had to really sort ofdig in deep and be very selfish
to discover, to discover all ofit. And you know, they tell you,
is this an acting school? Andyou know, you hear it a million
(50:45):
times, and especially whenyou're in acting schools, the
time you don't listen to aboutbeing the moment be in the
moment. Yeah, it's just like,there's, there's no other place
to be no other place than here.
And now. Yep. And it is aconstant. It's a constant
reminder. It's, it's on my mindmore than I more than I know it
because I had to train I had toretrain myself. And it is
(51:08):
possible, it is possible fromgoing to be kind of a well, I
don't know, kind of a jerk goingfrom being a jerk. Let's just
there's no kind of about it, tocoming around and discovering
some things about yourself.
(51:30):
Letting yourself off the hookfor things that you've held. For
a long time.
Did you find your own path tothat? Or somebody helped you?
I think, no, I had help. I had alot of help.
purposeful, help somebody thatintervened, or you went to them?
He both, you know, I think itwas talking to talking to a
friend, and then it was and thenit was then it was outreach. And
(51:56):
then it's never that just hasn'tstopped. Because that was just a
tool. Yeah, that you learn.
I have to pay you the biggestcompliment that if somebody had
said, Oh, Tom Farnan was a badperson and a jerk. During this
time of his life. I would saythe world we're talking about
(52:17):
the different Tom. Because youwere so nice. You've always been
nice. I've never seen a hint ofyou. Like, you know, when
somebody was bad before you cankind of see like, oh, shit,
okay. Yeah, I saw his bad side.
You've never had that.
I guess probably, you know,during the like, when I started
(52:43):
seeing you in the rooms. Youknow, when when we, when I first
met you, and we've when we firststarted building a relationship,
I think I was probably I mean, Iwas on my bike. So I was at a
pretty low point then. So thatthat was when the self discovery
was starting. So it wasn'treally that long ago. I
(53:08):
so I knew you really were ajerk?
No, you knew me like after thefact. After the worst of it.
Yeah. Yes.
And I got to ask you, becausenow I'm curious. Now you're my
teacher. I know who I used tobe. And I wasn't a jerk. But
(53:30):
let's just say some might say Ihad jerk qualities. And I don't
believe I have those anymore.
I'm a new guy. And but I've gotto say that I do think it's
work. I work at who I am everysingle day, every single minute.
It's easier every day. Butthere's no denying that it's
work. Do you want now thatyou're no longer a bad person?
(53:55):
Is it just that's the way it is?
Or do you like me have to workat it every single day? Every
single minute?
Oh, yeah. No, you have to work.
It is it is something. And,look, it's not about. It's not
about selfishness. It's aninvestment. You are reinvesting
in yourself. Every day, likeI've always said that happiness
(54:17):
is more is is more of a settingthan it is a goal because
everybody wants to be happy.
Well, I mean, you can wake upand decide to be happy and then
take the steps on what it takesfor you to be happy. Yeah,
again, train your train yourselfto do that. And I mean, as far
(54:43):
as a good person, I'd have tosay that I'm better than I was.
And again, it is just a reminderof it's a reminder of letting
yourself off the hook for oldbusiness, getting old business
out of your life because There'sa life ahead. And if you're
still going to, if you're stillgoing to focus on the old
(55:06):
business, then that's exactlywhere you're going to be. So
it's a very good point. So itreally is letting go of
resentments. And that getseasier when you get older.
Because I mean, as you know,it's just like, you just don't
have time, you don't have themental space to waste on such on
a lot of trivialities that comeby and, and I have to chalk it
(55:27):
up to, you know, getting togetting to have these years to
get older and realize it. Imean, imagine at my worst time,
and then I just get hit by a carand then it's just all over.
Just that yeah, that fuckingguy. And that's the end the
(55:51):
memory that Sue has of me. Oh,that jerk he dying truly awful.
Yeah, good riddance. But now Igot a chance to make it better.
You know, not that you asked.
But back to the what would whatwould I tell old Michael or 20
year old Michael, I will tellyou this. I wish I would conduct
myself and take care of myself.
(56:16):
Mentally then as I do now.
Because, you know, I know who Iwas back then. And I knew what I
was covering up and pretendingto be. And I'm so much more
comfortable. Not pretending tobe shit. But who I am.
Yeah, I like I like, I liketransparent. Well, look, being a
(56:41):
guy and being young, we think wehave very little to lose. Yeah.
And we, we operate on that. Weoperate on that sort of danger.
Yeah. And, and eventually, atleast that's what it was for me
is that I was just, I was justreally tired of putting myself I
(57:05):
just recognize it as insanity.
And all of it. I mean, this allsounds sort of, you know, it all
sounds sort of like AAA andstuff. And I'd have to say that
that kind of fellowship hadsomething to do with it. I mean,
not necessarily the A part butyou know,
you know, it's funny because Ido recognize even though I'm not
in the program, I do understandthe program from other friends
(57:28):
and and at first I was reluctantwhen I was like, the my course
of action is it's just like thecourse of action of AAA and I'm
not involved with them butBarbara Barbara was just that
was old me talking, refusing toimprove. And then when I finally
just accepted though, like fuckit it is like a so what
(57:53):
I started out humble. I wasn'thumble for a while I got
humility back I think is the Ithink is it's sort of the Ark of
the story is discoveringhumility and in there is the
word human and discoveringhumanity.
Do you think velvet Tom hashumility? I
think he has more of it than Ihave. I learned a lot from
(58:15):
velvet, Tom, because velvet Tomgives me the permission to say
some of the things that I don'tget to say, oh, yeah, he does.
And, and that's okay. Becausethose things are on people's
minds. Anyway. It's, it's just,it's just music. And I've always
regarded it as a Jazz Pop actwith a wink. And I'm doing the
(58:36):
same thing and have been doingfor 20 years that the same thing
that postmodern jukebox is doingthat Richard cheese is doing. I
mean, we're all really sort ofdoing the same thing. And we're
doing it all our way. And themore the merrier. Really, I tell
you what, there needs to be morelounge. As far as I'm concerned.
I like it.
(58:58):
Tom, you're going to yes, you'regonna riff a goodbye song filled
with Tom style for us.
Um, do you want to improvisesong or do you want
improvised right now you'rekicking us out, go.
The darkness is lighting up. Thedarkness is lighting. Find the
(59:20):
lie. Find the lights thatsprites. Now you're gonna want
to follow that light. It's bigand bright. Follow that light
all the way. Follow the light.
Follow that light. Follow thatlight to the end of the day
(59:51):
all right, you guys. Thanks forcoming out. That was awesome.
We're going to be back in acouple of weeks. So hopefully
you'll join us then. And if youfeel so inclined, please leave
Leave a positive review on anyof your, your favorite
platforms. And if you didn'tlike us, of course, this is
Xavier McGillicuddy signing outfor today it's Michael Vieyra
You knucklehead See you later
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about aslong as it comes from the heart.
(00:28):
I hope even just a small part ofit resonates with you. Some of
it will, some of it won't. Andthat's okay. But I'm just glad
you're here. I really do loveall of you. And thanks for
coming. Let's get this thingstarted. Have you got married
during the pandemic? Right?
Yeah, no, before, right beforethe pandemic,
(00:51):
right before the and, Tom, I sawa picture on social media. Is
that the woman you've been withfor a while? Or was she brand
new?
That is well, I mean, when yousay for a while, I mean, it's
been since 2017. So okay. Yeah.
So five, five years around theend of it. Yeah. So. And we we
got Vegas married December 2019.
(01:18):
Awesome. Is that mean? Exactly?
It means you went to a littlechapel.
We, we we got married at theTropicana hotel, right by the
pool. I had this big waterfallrushing down. And, and it was it
was something that I wanted todo right away. She'd been
(01:39):
married before I I've not. Andwe just, it just sounds so
weird, because it was the end of2019. And we were in my
intention of us getting marriedas to let's start out 2020 with
a with a bang. And, and then.
And then three months laterlocked down happen.
(02:05):
Kind of fortuitous, though ifyou're going to get married,
wouldn't it be great? Wouldn'tit be great to be able to just
chill with this person for thenext two years?
That is exactly what we got outof it is that we? Whatever
happened during that time wasjust devastating. To many
people. Yes, of course. We werekind of having a, we were coping
(02:31):
we were having a great time withbeing at home. You know, she was
in the middle of jobs. She founda job during COVID. Daphne is
her name. She found a job duringCOVID and started working at
that. And that was 100% remoteand was always going to be from
(02:52):
the very start. And still is.
Tom, I gotta ask you rightthere, no matter what, whether
you're married, or whetheryou're dating, spending that
much time with somebody as weall came to learn can be rough.
So even though you were freshlyin love still, how did that go
for you?
It really, I don't know, itworked out. We just created that
(03:14):
that was the time that we'vecreated rituals with one
another. That was really ourtime. Because we both knew that
we weren't going to have ahoneymoon after that or in our
way our honeymoons are a littledifferent. You know, we go out
to the desert for four days anddo absolutely nothing.
(03:36):
And knowing you how you are thatsays everything. That's that's
what you do. You get in touchwith nature.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I tried to Ididn't ever really think that I
was like, was not really much ofan outdoorsy kid. You know, I
don't know if I did a lot ofdrawing comic books and Dungeons
(03:57):
and Dragons. A lot of indoorthings.
Were you a nerd?
I don't know. I think it wasjust an I was I think it was
nerdy Jason. I don't think Inerd it out.
I think Tom if you don't knowthen you might have been a nerd.
Well, did you were you are younerdy about anything?
(04:21):
I think I'm I'm nerd passionate.
But I do not think I'm a nerd.
See? That's where I think I amlike I Oh, damn. So I may be a
nerd. You might be a nerd. Oh,just because of our products or
proximityjust because you're here
to nerd impasse can't be in thesame room.
(04:42):
I don't think it can happen.
I don't know. I think that onceI lost my car out in LA that's
where I got in touch with naturebecause I had to get to work
somehow. AndTom, I always thought you rode a
bike around town because youwere such an investment.
mentalists but there was becauseyou lost your car.
(05:03):
Yeah, no, I will. Theenvironmentalist part was, was
sort of a after thing.
Okay for me, and the car wasstolen.
Now the car wasn't stolen. I'm ascofflaw. And I got tickets on
the car and the car was takenaway by the city of LA. Look at
you. That's what happened.
Man that had to be. You know,listen, a lot of a lot of shit
(05:26):
happens in our lives. Butsomething like that, even though
it might seem I don't know if itshould be trivial to some.
That's huge. That had to have ahuge effect on your psyche.
Did you know? I? I'm pretty sureI saw it coming. And I tried to
whittle down the debt as much asI could. Yeah, along the way. I
(05:49):
don't mess around with thatanymore. If I get a ticket, I
pay it immediately. You can doit online. It's very easy. So
easy. Take care of it rightaway. So
I think we just ended up becauseI know I did. I took advantage
of the extensions, the timeextensions that give you to pay
it. And you're thinking, well,that's only 25 bucks. Okay, now
(06:09):
it's only 65 bucks. And nextthing you know, it's like well,
fuck it, then just, I'm justgonna not pay it. And it's like,
Oops, you're in trouble.
No boy. And it just goes intosome deeper bravado because this
isn't the first city have doneit in. God, Tom.
So you're one of those peoplethat will I was gonna say don't
(06:30):
never learns their lesson. Buthave you learned your lesson?
Oh, absolutely. Yes. Yeah, Idon't mess around. I I don't.
I've got I've gotten I've gottentwo tickets on that on the car
that we have. Prius V, it's mywife's car, but I'm on it. I'm
(06:53):
all official on it. So I butboth times have been have been
work related. So the first timeI got a ticket was out and out
in front of Francine Selkirk 'soffice casting office. I was
going in for a callback, it waspouring rain, and it never rains
(07:17):
here. And I found a meter rightin front of you minutes on it. I
was scraped probably at thattime, I was probably still
scraping. So I didn't so or No,no, I thought that I could just
beat the clock. I thought Icould go in, do the callback
come out. Of course, while I waswhile I was gone, I get sick.
(07:41):
And I pay it immediately. Good.
Second time was four I was doingI was at a fitting for another
commercial. And I was in what Ididn't think was a no parking
zone, paid it immediately. So itwas just fortunate that though
there was there was money comingin order for me to take care of
(08:04):
that situation right now.
I think that's the mostimportant part. Unless you're
some sort of ego centric typeperson. The only reason you're
not paying your tickets isbecause you're broke.
That was the long and short ofit. I remember where that car
(08:25):
got taken. And you know what,there was some karma around that
car. Anyway, it had a leaky fuelline. So I was dumping gas all
the time. So son of a bitch, itbeing taken, save me hundreds of
dollars that I'd already putinto it. And that was the last
car that I had for probablyabout 10 years.
(08:49):
The woman I thought that you hadmarried was a woman that I had
met back when we when you wereworking with me in my
photography. I don't rememberher name. But you were with her
for a while and living with her.
Yes. You guys seemed like acouple that was going to had
longevity too. But no. Where didwhere did that go? And then how
did you so quickly find your newwife or your wife?
(09:16):
It really all happened fast. Butthat previously previous
relationship she she decidedthat she didn't want to live in
Los Angeles anymore. And Ididn't really I don't I don't
(09:36):
know. I mean as much as we hadlongevity there was I didn't
really want to move and she knewthat I didn't want to leave Los
Angeles,where she given you that option
to go with her.
I guess the option was there,but she didn't really push it
because we'd had so manyquestions about how this is the
(09:57):
place this is the final placeafter all. All the different
places that I've lived, this isthe final place. And I don't
know if I could make where shemoved, which is East Coast like
she moved like, way east coast.
snowstorms, and yeah, such EastCoast and that I can't do that,
that that didn't appeal to me.
(10:21):
And I guess the middle agedperson in me said I would
probably end up resenting thisrelationship if I move all the
way over there. So I think thatwe, I think that we wanted to
leave on top.
Oh, look, the way you put that.
That's nice.
And so do you talk to her still?
Yeah, we chat once in a whileshe's uses my Netflix. Plus
(10:44):
another friend uses my Netflix,but you know, they're cracking
down on that. They certainly areyour man that's gonna end soon.
So I think that's, you know, andI had to cancel that account
anyway, because I just couldn'tafford it. I was spending money
on things that I already have.
And another relationship, so Idon't really need to sort of
(11:05):
carry that on. But really, itwas just sort of a, you know, I
know how tough things are.
But you've brought up a goodpoint and that that you know,
your middle age, so I don't knowhow old you are. But yeah, I'm
assuming you're middle aged. Andyou went from one relationship,
and then found a new girl andthen got married? I wouldn't
(11:30):
call that normal. Do you thinkyou are lucky? Did it seem
normal?
i Well, boy. How do I I mean, itseemed normal to me. I just I
(11:54):
when she left i i embracedputting myself out there again.
So love it. Love that. So andfound my my current wife, we
found each other on a datingapp. We both swiped I don't even
know what direction you swipeanymore. I still don't get
(12:17):
stuff. So, but anyway, we swipedboth in that direction. Yeah,
she was in the neighborhood. Iwas in the neighborhood. And
there is sort of a Seinfeld ingeographic desirability if you
remember thatsort of show makes it it makes
it so much better. Because I wasstill on a bike. I was still
walking around. And I wasn't youknow, sort of on the east side
(12:38):
of Los Feliz so I was stillgonna ask him Tom around,
because I'm not driving anymore.
And I was curious about this.
How was her? How did she take itwhen you said oh, I don't have a
car?
She was fine with it. Nothingmore, nothing less.
No. I mean, she knew what I didshe a when she when she got a
(13:02):
hold of my social media shefound my all my lounge act
stuff. She found all of myvelvet Tom's things okay. And
she, she absolutely fell in lovewith my velvet Tom persona
changes a lot. Now, I gotta saythat that's, you know, I need to
keep on singing witchcraft toher to keep her interested. But
(13:23):
but she does like that she likesthat I have a full service
lounge act and that I bust assin order to.
I think what you're humblysaying Is she was impressed by
this thing that you're doing andshe took to it. And it was like,
I don't care whether he'sdriving a car or not. This guy's
got some shit going on.
(13:43):
She's, she's seen some shit. Soshe knew exactly what she was
getting into with me. You know,the no car having bicycling to
audition. Sometimes bicycle legto those gigs. I remember a
coupleit's admirable man. It really is
the fact that you've been doingthat for so long. Following your
dream, right. Otherwise, you'dbe working in the cubicle
(14:06):
somewhere. Yeah. Having a car?
Yeah. At a car payment. Yes,exactly. And a car insurance. I
mean, not to say that we don'thave those things right now. But
we're almost at the end of allof that.
Well, good for you. I'm glad youfound somebody. I am curious
(14:26):
how, what, what a first date isfor Tom Farnan. Out of meeting
somebody on App?
Well, I don't think I'm going toinvite him to see me sing or
anything. Like, I don't thinkit's anything like that. I think
it's very low key. It's justit's probably drinks and then
we'll just see where we go fromthere. I don't know that just
(14:49):
sounds like every other line ona dating app. Let's meet for
drinks and see where it goesfrom there. But
but it's so true. Why not? Idon't want to go I don't want
to. I don't want to be And 150bucks on a steak dinner on you
to try and impress you, I'drather just say, hey, let's see
if we got a feel for each other.
That is, you know, I think it'sabout sort of meeting in a
(15:12):
vulnerable place or if, in ourcase, because we knew the
neighborhood so well, we met ata place that we both been before
so figured it out. It was notfig arose the study right there
on Vermont, which I think isstill, I think still is, but I
(15:36):
don't know, we'd have to checkit out. When we lived in Los
Fields up until a up until acouple of weeks ago, because in
being married, we also had theluck of the draw of becoming
homeowners. So now we have ahouse, too. That's awesome.
It really is something.
(15:56):
Is that something you want toshare with me? How did you come
across, going from riding abike, no card and now we own a
house?
I am the luckiest person in theworld. Love it. I think I am
wrong with luck. I I think it'sluck. You know, I just I think
it was something that when Idecided to get down on one knee
(16:19):
and have absolutely nothing butjust that just sort of sure the
bravado of just saying, Look, Idon't know how much further we
want to take this. But let'stake it all the way. Let's let's
do this. Yeah, we had beendating two years. And I I think
that I look back on my pastrelationships. And I'm just
(16:41):
saying there was just the voicein my head is it Don't waste
this one's time. Please justdon't do it. Go forward with
her. AndDaniel. So did you know that was
the way to go? Or were youthinking don't waste your time?
And you're like, No, I don'twant to waste your time. And I
want to spend the rest of mylife with her.
(17:02):
It is it was it was that? It wasit was like she's the one the
way that? I don't know. I just Idon't think that I'd ever been
the way that I don't know. Thethe way that she takes care of
(17:26):
me is like no other person Icouldn't. I just felt so loved
for loved fell taken care of,like, can you give me an example
ad is you know, I do one ofthese podcasts? I started a
podcast during COVID. Yeah,called Bad timing with velvet.
(17:49):
Tom, you know, so just, and I'mnot commercial doing a little
commercial. I'm just sayingthat. You know, I couldn't
believe that there wasn't anyother podcasts with the title.
Bad timing. I can't believe Igot that. Yeah, I hear me,
right. So I started one of thesethings. And I just remember this
lady, you know, I mean, she, andit's not the gifts, it's just
the she just knows, she knowsme. And, you know, she got me
(18:15):
this old timey mic and I havethis computer and I took these
gifts and put it together andstart doing a podcast. So and I
probably wouldn't have had thosethings if she weren't in my
life. I mean, she saw what I wasdoing. She's She she saw the
auditions coming in. She is myvoice off camera knew when I
(18:36):
need somebody she she sees. Shesees the importance and
everything that I do, even whenI don't and how can I how can I
not have that person in my life?
Yeah, it sounds great. Is thereYou seem like a vulnerable
person. Are you the type that doyou allow yourself to cry with
(18:57):
her if you need to? Or are youdo you hold your tears back? No,
we cry nice. It's importantplenty of things we cry
never cry about methere was a time
wow there's nothing awkwardgoing on in here. We're just
(19:21):
talking about stuff.
I I stopped calling you stopcalling. I don't
you know, it is nice. Youmentioned that but I haven't
seen you and I'm gonna guessfive plus years. And and just as
they say it's like I just sawyou yesterday.
I agree. Yeah. Just likeyesterday.
(19:44):
Tell me about the success andthe struggle of velvet. Tom. I
know that your your big thing. Idon't know if you're even
actually still doing it. Butthat is part of why you were on
a bike and that why you weren'tbeing able to pay tickets. So we
all know the story. We don'tcare about the struggle. We are
all actors and we all get it.
Right. But what about yourpsyche? You're a middle aged
(20:05):
man. Now you're still pursuingit. How does that affect you?
Are you still strong and like, Idon't give a shit. I'll keep
going until the end. Or you'relike, shit, when is this dream
gonna stop? Or what am I what amI? You know what I'm saying?
All of it. And I think all thoseconversations happen. I think
(20:29):
Ville the top, I was, I wasrecalling this because I
remember saying in high schoolbecause I kind of knew that I
wanted to perform. I knew thatacting was the thing I wanted to
do, since I was single digitsthere and wasn't really that
great at it for a really longtime. And but still pursued it
(20:55):
and saw saw that I got betterand stuff. So I just kept on
doing I was like, alright, this.
This sounds fun. This isn'tgonna stop but I do remember in
high school saying that, youknow, if the actor thing doesn't
work out, I want to be allowedjacked. Because there were so
many. There was just, it was somuch in the periphery. You know,
(21:16):
so much even in Sesame Streetepisodes with Guy Smiley, or you
know, or Tony Clifton, you know,getting to growing up in
television from the 70s and 80s.
And getting to see AndyKaufman's antics. Yeah. And what
(21:36):
was another influence? Oh, it'sa living there was sunny man.
The lounge piano lounge, satlike in the center of the of the
set, which was that sort ofrotating restaurant in the sky
that they all worked at. And itwas more workplace comedy. Yeah.
And he was he was hateable. Buthe was the cord gesture of the
(22:02):
room. Yeah, he took all theshit. But he made all the music.
And there was something. Nickthe lounge singer, you know,
Bill Murray's version of it,there's just so much of it that
I loved. And I loved thateverybody hated that person so
much and had disgust and disdainfor that person. I don't know
(22:25):
why I got off on it. Like, like,I really liked that. And I held
on to this notion of doing doinga lounge act and something sort
of hit when I was in theaterschool in Chicago. And then
after that, I, I admired thisone teacher who was one of my
characters, he was a characterstudy student, Tom EULAs, his
(22:48):
name and he's a pretty wellrenowned actor in Chicago. And
it's got it's got tons ofcredits and sort of recreated
Scrooge in Chicago did thatevery year, he was very famous
Ebenezer Scrooge, I don't knowif he still does or not, but
really like a lot of things thathe said about character work and
about just really taking it totaking it whole to a different
(23:10):
place. And, and the characterhad a different name at one
point, which I don't evenremember the name because the
name came from a kid. And shedidn't it was just the
inflection and her voice, wherethe name velvet Tom came from,
and my friend Paul and I, inChicago, somebody that I
(23:31):
graduated with, he, he had to goto, he was like my hanging out,
buddy, we'd go to bars. He wasmy bar, buddy. And, and, and
plus, you know, it just wasn'tmy bar buddy is like, he was a
really, really good friend. Andto the point where he said, Hey,
you know what, we're gonna gohit this one place later. But
while we do, I got a friend'sparty we have to go to. And it
(23:56):
was in Goose Island. And it wasthis beautiful house move a
really, really swanky house thathad a tree growing in the
atrium. Indoors, I remember. Andit was a no booze party. And it
was somebody's like graduationslash birthday party. And in
there was kids at the party. AndI was doing improv then. So I
(24:19):
was doing comedy sports knew abunch of improv games. So I
started hanging out with thekids and doing improv. This is
the 90s Beanie Babies were stillhot. True. And this one kid sat
me down and introduced me to allof her Beanie Babies. And and,
(24:42):
no, no, it's just that, youknow, she's like, here's my
frog. His name's hopper. Here'smy line. His name's Leo. And
then she hands me this blackpanther. And I guessed his name.
I was like, Let me guess hisname is Shadow and she goes, No,
it's velvet, Tom. Hi, everyone,Paul has looked at one another.
(25:04):
We're like velvet. Tom is bornhere with a kid showing me
Beanie Babies. But I mean, thatis the uncoolest story about
health elvetham came to be butit was it just it began there.
I will tell you that I totallyget what you mean. But it
actually is pretty cool.
(25:24):
I know. It's just usually itwould become accidental, like
during an act, but it was. Itwas such a very sweet. It was a
sweet moment. Yeah, it reallywas that started that whole
thing.
Tom, I don't know if yousubliminally subconsciously
evaded the question. But I'mcurious how your psyche is doing
(25:48):
now, with the success or lack ofsuccess with velvet. Tom.
I was just going to come backaround to that because I knew
because I wanted to get to theI. I can't help but tell the
origin story because it's it'sit because it's adorable. Yeah,
that was adorable. But how is mypsyche? It's well, let's see.
Okay, so lately velvet. Tom. Iappear with a friend of mine,
(26:11):
Quincy, she has me on as aguest. So usually I get to
perform about two or three timesa year. I was heading over at
the Dresden a lot hanging outwith Marty and Elaine and
singing with them to I think Iwas like one of the last
showcases because they used todo Wednesday night showcases. I
think I was probably one of thelast ones before locked down.
(26:34):
And thatis definitely something fun to
be able to say that you wereshowcasing with Marty and
Elaine,it. It was amazing. They were
awesome. And I don't know why Iwasn't doing it earlier. It was
just in the last few years.
Yeah. I don't know why it wasn'tover. Yeah.
I mean, you belong there.
So there's that Miss, there'smissed opportunities, those
those things that sort of notmay like why wasn't hanging out
(26:56):
over there. And it was a hangoutplace. But it didn't ever occur
to me to go up and sing withthem. It didn't I don't I don't
know why it didn't occur to me.
But I'm finally glad that I camearound and did it because it did
it led to a lot of I still I wasgoing through old voice messages
because they said my voicemailwas full and I had to I had to
(27:17):
delete one. And there was onefrom Elaine saying that somebody
had canceled and they wanted toknow if I could showcase tonight
while somebody had this stomachflu or something like that. But
Elaine, if I'm notmistaken, very specifically, you
save that message. Oh, for sure.
Yeah,absolutely. Yeah, that is the
one. That's one of the ones thatI saved. And I got to they got
(27:37):
to be guests on my podcast. Theywere the last guests. So I
wanted to get them and recordthem because I don't know.
People didn't know what the hellwas going on during that. So
they didn't. So we didn't knowif they were going to make it
back. Yeah, for sure. It's not,it's public knowledge that, you
(27:59):
know, Marty had had some healthproblems before, like he had
like a little mini heart attackafter a set one night. And it
was all due to, you know, someother thing that was happening
on his body that got correctedand he was feeling he was
feeling good news feelingbetter. And just as he was about
to sort of make a regular returnto the drums COVID happened and
(28:22):
then that just kind of put themaway. And
well, it's nice to know that youhave them on tape. Tell me
again, the name of your podcastthat they were on
bad timing with velvet, Tom.
Nice. Okay, psyche, you knowwhat it goes? It goes it's
different from day to day andand I asked myself, like, What
(28:42):
the hell are you doing? Or whatthe hell aren't you doing? I got
a lot of paralysis around thiswhole career thing lately. And
you know, I just crossed. I'mpart of the 5.0 club now. So I
just turned 50. Yeah. And, youknow, it is it gnaws at me that
I don't have TV credits. Butthen last fall, I was flown to
(29:05):
South Africa to be a husband andin a commercial, where I just
did Canadian crosses in and gotto visit Cape Town, South Africa
for the first time and thatwasn't even on the bucket list
of places that I would go to andhere work was taking me there
and back first class flatbusiness class, which was
(29:30):
wonderful and, and the just whatI had to get in order just to do
that was work and among itself,so I don't know, man, you know,
it's, it's peaks and valleys.
Are you finding your way out ofvelvet, Tom?
(29:55):
I don't know what you mean.
Because you're getting older.
you're 50 and you're having thisa predilection about what your
direction is. Are you thinking,Okay, it's time to move on from
velvet Tom?
I No, no, no, no, I just wrote apress release the other day and
submitted myself to, to forBroto. Which it's, it's a jazz
(30:21):
club out in the valley. Okay. SoI've been lucky to be able to
perform at a lot of differentHollywood venues. But I mean,
there's a lot of Valley placesthat I haven't gone. They have
book X pages. So I wrotesomething up, I tried to ride on
the whole excitement of comingin eighth for this concert. And
(30:44):
I didn't know if I was gonna gothe full length. I mean, you
just do it. It's just all it is,is votes. All it is, is just
asking for votes reaching out tofamily and friends. And, you
know, some votes costed money.
But like I said, That's betweenyou and your pocketbook. I'm not
going to shill. I'm going to goget new skills, technical
skills, you are going to do thatoutside of Yeah. Yeah, we've
(31:05):
been talking abouthow does that make you feel the
fact that you're going thatyou've resolved that that's what
you're going to do?
Because I have a love for it. Ican't say that I eat drink and
sleep entertainment. All thetime. If I do that, then I just
get resentful and see peoplethat I know. So yeah, I mean,
(31:25):
what's the point they know whatyou mean? What's the void in in
consuming and consuming all ofthat when, when I know that I
have other loves, and I haveother interests and also, and it
goes back to my relationship Ihave, I have love and support
and so now I have freedom toexplore those things where I
(31:48):
didn't feel like I had thatfreedom because you're always
chasing I mean, I was justalways pedaling and always
pedaling and always pedaling thenext thing so so it never it did
it felt it feels less like acarrot on a stick these days
than it did then. And alsocarrying on as you know, I mean
(32:11):
you just keep on writing and youjust keep on sort of chasing it
but this add on I could probablywalk away and be fine. I am I'm
turning into the old man I'vekind of always been I'm kind of
I don't know if you can track asfar as you know, I don't I don't
know if we can meet ourcurmudgeon this together. But
(32:31):
you know, I, I've always had acurmudgeon a side. I think my
bright side is always sort ofcome through stronger. But
there's always been a curmudgeonII side, and I'm growing into
it. And I kind of liked thatguy. So I think I could probably
say piss on this and just andwalk away with it. And probably
feel nothing. You know, it'sjust your mind changes about
(32:53):
things. And really, if you wantto change anything about
yourself new The first thing ischange your mind.
100% And the thing that happensthere was a lot of us especially
in acting and or the arts, weget locked in almost to the
mindset what I said a momentago, where it's just like, Nope,
I'm doing this till the day Idie. And not not leaving
yourself any chance of hey, thisain't working out. Let's let's
(33:16):
go do something else.
This whole career thing has beena Michael Corleone. It's just
like, just when I get outsomething pulls me back in. It
is and it's it's happened a fewtimes just when I'm resolving my
self to the idea that maybe Iwill go find something else or
(33:39):
maybe there is a different maybethere is a different avenue of
this business that I can take. Ithink a lot of people come out
here thinking that actor, actor,actor, actor out film editor
becomes totally, you know, ithappens all the time after after
after Foley.
I ended up going to film editingschool at one point.
(34:00):
Now, yeah, so you're anAngeleno. Yeah. You're a diehard
have been here. Did you goanywhere else did you leave LA
to you know,that's a great point. Because I
always say, Listen, I was bornand raised here in Los Angeles,
and I love it and we've builtwhen people say I hate the
people in LA blah, blah. It'slike no, you don't you hate the
people that moved here. Becausethe people that are here were
(34:23):
cool. But it's a really goodpoint, Tom, because I envy that
people. I don't know about you,but if you came here or were an
Angeleno, but the people thatcame here, I'm impressed. You
actually wanted to do something,and you came here to do it. I
was already here. I didn't haveto go anywhere. And so there's
nothing to be impressed by me. Iwas just like, oh, okay, I'll do
(34:45):
this thing that's 20 minutesaway. So now I really do. I'm
impressed by the people whosaid, let's pick up and move and
go to LA.
What were your other options?
for legitimate options,none, they were all just side
jobs and I didn't know what todo. And it was really quick
though I was in junior college,I was, I don't know, 19 When I
(35:08):
went to acting school, I went tothe American Academy of Dramatic
Arts in Pasadena and loved it.
And when I came out of there, Iwas like, they love me here. I'm
gonna go into the big world and,and be a big star because
everybody here at this littlepond loves me. And when I went
(35:28):
to the Big Co is just envelopedby Rip tides and currents. And I
was like, What the fuck? Howcome? No, no, I'm not a star.
Right. But I loved it. And I wasstill doing it. And I found jobs
throughout the way that Ienjoyed that kept me happy. But
(35:50):
how about now isnow is is different, as I've
said to many people, you know,I'm, I hate to say I'm disabled,
because that really imprisonsme. So just understand that I'm
not imposing on myself, but Ihave these disabilities that
don't allow me to do muchreally, I'm homebound. I, I
can't really work. Even peoplesay, Well, why don't you work
(36:12):
from home on the computer? Andhonestly, it's enough work for
me just to get this podcast upand running. So I don't do much,
but I gotta tell you what, Tom,I don't care. Because I've done
so much work on myself the lastfew years. I'm happy man. And if
I didn't even even if I didn'thave the podcast, I'm cool. I'll
sit here in my little apartment.
(36:36):
I'll watch movies, because Ilove movies. And I'm cool.
This, in and of itself is anextension. This podcast. Because
when I was thinking about whatI, when I wanted to do it, I was
like, Oh, I have these tools.
And I can put it to use and it'ssomething to do. And I don't
(36:59):
think my wife has listened toone episode. Oh, wow. Of my
podcasts, which is fine. Youknow, I don't think it is. I
don't think it's our thing. It'snot my podcast. I think it's
just podcast in general. But itwas another extension. I you
know, there was there willalways be an entertainer vein in
(37:19):
you. Correct. And this is thisis that 100% This is and this is
outreach. And you said you weredoing work on yourself and I
tell you what, like, deciding todo outreach is some of the best
work.
(37:40):
Tom I know 100% What you mean, Idon't know that I did it
purposefully. But I liked theway you say it and I agree with
it.
Yeah. I and I like the otherexperience like this, I remember
when when you first introducedthis, I think you sent me a text
(38:00):
in June. And I'd been thinkingabout it for a long time and
then and then basically mysummer was just a whirlwind and
still remains to be and but Ifinally found some I finally
found a moment because this issomething that interested me
(38:21):
right off the bat. Especiallydoing it when you mentioned
about doing it in the darkbecause it reminded me of
because I did Chicago for alittle bit and I did an improv
in Chicago and there was animprov format called the bat
where everybody was in the darkthe audience the performers,
(38:44):
performers would just sit onstage in the dark and you would
really have to compromise youragendas through sound and and it
was a great way to create Foleypeople would do sound effects
create some things coming nearyou know, but it was like
listening to Old Time Radiowhich is another huge genre love
(39:08):
that love old time radioespecially all the recorded
things because they sat inlittle sweaty rooms and you know
choked each other with their owncigarette smoke and created
created these plays. It'samazing so I fail to remember
(39:31):
what I where I was going withthat but
well I do know that you startedtalking about the darkness in
this in what I'm doing. Oh yeah.
So I was as as I know people whoare happened to be listening
know from description that weare in a darkened room. And I
don't know how well it works foreverybody. But I know for most
(39:53):
of my guests. It does helpthere's a there was a sense of
Something happening here of justwe're not just chillin, we're
chillin. Yeah. And as I, as Ilike to say, we're not putting
on a show, we're just, we'rejust talking.
This isn't. Yeah. You, youmentioned that I don't want to
(40:17):
make this sound like this is anopportunity for performance. But
this is still sort of atouchstone to say, hey, people,
I'm still, I'm still here.
Yeah. And, you know, no, I don'twant to talk about myself all
that so much, but, but I don'tmind saying that. One of the
things I told one of my friendswhen I was starting this is I
(40:40):
honestly don't care if nobodylistens. I'll just keep doing
it, because I love doing it. Andthat's not fair to myself. I do
care. As I always say, if oneperson listens, then that was
worth it. I hate that saying,but I get it. And if one person
listens, and they are touched bysomething, Tom said, Man, I just
fucking I love it.
(41:00):
Well, that's that's the beautyof creation, man. I mean, if you
put something out there and justone person listens to it. Yeah,
that's amazing. I was lookingback at my insights have of
where people have listened to mypodcast and all over the world.
(41:20):
Crazy. And that is that is. Thatis crazy. All I did was just
sort of put it out on a platformand somebody decided to listen
to it. I mean, whether theylistened to 30 seconds of it, or
I mean, whatever. It it reachedthat far. And I get that is
something that just sort oftouches me. Of course, it's
(41:45):
mostly in the US, but I'm big inGermany, just like the Hoth.
You kind of look like him with amustache.
Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Yes, themustache.
So you know what I'd really loveto know about you is your
upbringing, because you are.
You're kind of a dork. You're alittle nerdy. You're kind of
(42:08):
cool. You're a little handsome.
So you're all these weird thingsblended together. I would love
to know about the upbringing,who was cool mom and dad, who
was a dick of mom and dad.
I, you know, I think they bothhad their own. They had their
(42:31):
own times, but I they had theirown moments, let me say. But I
think that I think that dad gotgot the most attention for being
cool. Mom. Mom crack down on us.
But that to say that my dadwasn't. I learned so much from
(42:53):
my dad. I mean, my dad, he'sbeen gone for nine years now.
And there isn't a day that he'snot in my head. There isn't a
day or a moment that I thinkabout learning something from
him in his own little way.
Because when he was around hiskids, or especially it was
(43:13):
around me, we're getting olderbecause we had a few years
between us. I think my dad hadprobably cracked his 40s by the
time that I came around. So Iwas I was late in the lineup. I
got three older sisters. I'msort of four and a half years
behind my youngest sister. SoI'm
still in the element of you arespoiled.
(43:37):
Again, I have spoiled. Yeah.
From their perspective. Yes,yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Had
all the things any boy couldever want. Probably Tom earlier
than it could should have. Andmaybe it wasn't exactly. But
yes, I did. Absolutely.
How in the world. Did you justcome to that realization right
(43:59):
now? Because I heard it hearyou. How did you not know you
were spoiled before this moment?
I think it's just that I'd neversaid it out loud. It wasn't
necessarily a come to it. But Ijust went home. I just went home
to Kansas City, Missouri iswhere I'm from. And we were just
(44:20):
back there saying my mom, whosebirthday was July 24. And it was
her 87th birthday. Amazing. Yes.
So and she's still going despitehealth issues. Yeah. And right
now her house sits empty exceptwith all of our memories. And
(44:41):
she is some she's livingsomewhere else. We had to get
her out of the house. The housewent through a renovation on the
main floor and is a good starterhome for anybody blah blah blah.
REMAX Where is she now? She'sjust down the street. She is
just down the street. We'resomeone who's taking care of
her. She lives alone in herapartment. She's got one of her
(45:03):
cats.
Tom, I'm sorry that the housewas too big. The house
was becoming something unwieldyfor her. She just couldn't
manage the house. She couldn'tmanage living in the house. And
it had the condition of it wasjust deteriorating,
deteriorating.
So how does that make you feel?
Because it's because in my mind,I don't, I guess I don't want to
(45:27):
lead you. But that would make methink, okay, my mom's definitely
at her last years.
Well, honestly, when she firstgot her cancer diagnosis about
11 or 12 years ago, Omar, herhealth when her health went
down, this is a relativelyhealthy woman who rarely, you
(45:52):
know, had a glass of wine on aspecial occasion. Yeah, okay. So
this, she did not. She, I don'tknow if she treated her body
like a temple. But you know, shedidn't treat it like a garbage
can either. You know, most ofour meals were cooked at home.
You know, we learned to do allthese things. She was a you
know, very domestic, veryhealthy, and then all of a
(46:13):
sudden God got multiple myelomaand that our health went down
fast. And we really thought thatwe were going to lose her years
ago. And believe me, there havebeen scares upon scares upon
scares last year. Yeah, again,another scare. And
once you got the cancer, and thenine years ago, were she living
(46:34):
by herself for the most part.
Now my dad was still alive. Sosort of a cross time of losing
him. And then watching her evenmore deteriorate more just due
to chemo really?
And it sounds like without youeven telling me that she's
probably still in good spirit.
She Yeah, it's it's somethingyou know, she's she's definitely
(46:55):
a different mom. But she'spretty clear headed. And she's
still got she's still got all ofher faculties man. I mean, she
is She weighs 100 Vishwas minus100. I mean, she is really just
very, very tiny, frail and tiny.
But during this trip we weregoing through, we were going
(47:17):
through memories. And we had awhole bunch of memories to get
through when, you know, foundsome memories that we thought
that we had lost and such. But Iremember just my sister sort of
telling stories and everything.
And I remember, in 1986, theRoyals went to the World Series,
and my dad took me aside likethe rough, but I got to hear
(47:43):
because I was what it was. I was14 So my I heard the story from
my sister saying that first atfirst dad didn't want to take me
because he couldn't drink withme. He couldn't like he couldn't
celebrate, be He. He was takinghis son. I don't like that. Oh,
(48:05):
no, no, I find it to be veryfunny. Because that's just part
of my that's just part of ourfamily's sense of humor, and
part of where it comes from. ButI laughed because I had these I
opened up this album and I saw Isaw these ticket stubs that I
had saved for the world's niceyeah. But I mean, I guess I kind
(48:28):
of understand I don't have kids,myself. And my wife and I aren't
are doing any family planning.
Tom, you and I always whenpeople say I have no regrets. I
always kind of scoff because Ithink we all have regrets so we
don't have to be huge, but tosome level we have a regret. I
(48:51):
don't know. I'm not asking whatyour regrets are but what would
you tell young Tom? What wouldyou tell a 20 year old Tom Have
you had a chance to talk to himtoday
lead with compassion and empathyin everything you do. And
(49:14):
humanity.
Man, I love that dude. Yeah,it's so much better than you
know. Make sure to invest inthis or blah blah blah. It's
like no, this is about creatinga better person to help create a
better world that's awesome.
(49:34):
YeahI don't know I mean, personal
journey. I think that I I thinkthat I became a bad person and
came back around.
But um, I'm sorry, when were youa bad person?
I don't know. You know, I mean,those are the things I don't
want to get into but I have tosay it out loud that you know, I
(49:57):
I've had my moments. Yeah, whereIf I wasn't kind, okay, and
may I ask how you got out of it?
Or you came back around togoodness,
I think it was, I think therewas a lot of positive outreach
that I think it was abouthitting hitting a point where I
(50:22):
couldn't work and operate likethis anymore. And had to
strangely had to really sort ofdig in deep and be very selfish
to discover, to discover all ofit. And you know, they tell you,
is this an acting school? Andyou know, you hear it a million
(50:45):
times, and especially whenyou're in acting schools, the
time you don't listen to aboutbeing the moment be in the
moment. Yeah, it's just like,there's, there's no other place
to be no other place than here.
And now. Yep. And it is aconstant. It's a constant
reminder. It's, it's on my mindmore than I more than I know it
because I had to train I had toretrain myself. And it is
(51:08):
possible, it is possible fromgoing to be kind of a well, I
don't know, kind of a jerk goingfrom being a jerk. Let's just
there's no kind of about it, tocoming around and discovering
some things about yourself.
(51:30):
Letting yourself off the hookfor things that you've held. For
a long time.
Did you find your own path tothat? Or somebody helped you?
I think, no, I had help. I had alot of help.
purposeful, help somebody thatintervened, or you went to them?
He both, you know, I think itwas talking to talking to a
friend, and then it was and thenit was then it was outreach. And
(51:56):
then it's never that just hasn'tstopped. Because that was just a
tool. Yeah, that you learn.
I have to pay you the biggestcompliment that if somebody had
said, Oh, Tom Farnan was a badperson and a jerk. During this
time of his life. I would saythe world we're talking about
(52:17):
the different Tom. Because youwere so nice. You've always been
nice. I've never seen a hint ofyou. Like, you know, when
somebody was bad before you cankind of see like, oh, shit,
okay. Yeah, I saw his bad side.
You've never had that.
I guess probably, you know,during the like, when I started
(52:43):
seeing you in the rooms. Youknow, when when we, when I first
met you, and we've when we firststarted building a relationship,
I think I was probably I mean, Iwas on my bike. So I was at a
pretty low point then. So thatthat was when the self discovery
was starting. So it wasn'treally that long ago. I
(53:08):
so I knew you really were ajerk?
No, you knew me like after thefact. After the worst of it.
Yeah. Yes.
And I got to ask you, becausenow I'm curious. Now you're my
teacher. I know who I used tobe. And I wasn't a jerk. But
(53:30):
let's just say some might say Ihad jerk qualities. And I don't
believe I have those anymore.
I'm a new guy. And but I've gotto say that I do think it's
work. I work at who I am everysingle day, every single minute.
It's easier every day. Butthere's no denying that it's
work. Do you want now thatyou're no longer a bad person?
(53:55):
Is it just that's the way it is?
Or do you like me have to workat it every single day? Every
single minute?
Oh, yeah. No, you have to work.
It is it is something. And,look, it's not about. It's not
about selfishness. It's aninvestment. You are reinvesting
in yourself. Every day, likeI've always said that happiness
(54:17):
is more is is more of a settingthan it is a goal because
everybody wants to be happy.
Well, I mean, you can wake upand decide to be happy and then
take the steps on what it takesfor you to be happy. Yeah,
again, train your train yourselfto do that. And I mean, as far
(54:43):
as a good person, I'd have tosay that I'm better than I was.
And again, it is just a reminderof it's a reminder of letting
yourself off the hook for oldbusiness, getting old business
out of your life because There'sa life ahead. And if you're
still going to, if you're stillgoing to focus on the old
(55:06):
business, then that's exactlywhere you're going to be. So
it's a very good point. So itreally is letting go of
resentments. And that getseasier when you get older.
Because I mean, as you know,it's just like, you just don't
have time, you don't have themental space to waste on such on
a lot of trivialities that comeby and, and I have to chalk it
(55:27):
up to, you know, getting togetting to have these years to
get older and realize it. Imean, imagine at my worst time,
and then I just get hit by a carand then it's just all over.
Just that yeah, that fuckingguy. And that's the end the
(55:51):
memory that Sue has of me. Oh,that jerk he dying truly awful.
Yeah, good riddance. But now Igot a chance to make it better.
You know, not that you asked.
But back to the what would whatwould I tell old Michael or 20
year old Michael, I will tellyou this. I wish I would conduct
myself and take care of myself.
(56:16):
Mentally then as I do now.
Because, you know, I know who Iwas back then. And I knew what I
was covering up and pretendingto be. And I'm so much more
comfortable. Not pretending tobe shit. But who I am.
Yeah, I like I like, I liketransparent. Well, look, being a
(56:41):
guy and being young, we think wehave very little to lose. Yeah.
And we, we operate on that. Weoperate on that sort of danger.
Yeah. And, and eventually, atleast that's what it was for me
is that I was just, I was justreally tired of putting myself I
(57:05):
just recognize it as insanity.
And all of it. I mean, this allsounds sort of, you know, it all
sounds sort of like AAA andstuff. And I'd have to say that
that kind of fellowship hadsomething to do with it. I mean,
not necessarily the A part butyou know,
you know, it's funny because Ido recognize even though I'm not
in the program, I do understandthe program from other friends
(57:28):
and and at first I was reluctantwhen I was like, the my course
of action is it's just like thecourse of action of AAA and I'm
not involved with them butBarbara Barbara was just that
was old me talking, refusing toimprove. And then when I finally
just accepted though, like fuckit it is like a so what
(57:53):
I started out humble. I wasn'thumble for a while I got
humility back I think is the Ithink is it's sort of the Ark of
the story is discoveringhumility and in there is the
word human and discoveringhumanity.
Do you think velvet Tom hashumility? I
think he has more of it than Ihave. I learned a lot from
(58:15):
velvet, Tom, because velvet Tomgives me the permission to say
some of the things that I don'tget to say, oh, yeah, he does.
And, and that's okay. Becausethose things are on people's
minds. Anyway. It's, it's just,it's just music. And I've always
regarded it as a Jazz Pop actwith a wink. And I'm doing the
(58:36):
same thing and have been doingfor 20 years that the same thing
that postmodern jukebox is doingthat Richard cheese is doing. I
mean, we're all really sort ofdoing the same thing. And we're
doing it all our way. And themore the merrier. Really, I tell
you what, there needs to be morelounge. As far as I'm concerned.
I like it.
(58:58):
Tom, you're going to yes, you'regonna riff a goodbye song filled
with Tom style for us.
Um, do you want to improvisesong or do you want
improvised right now you'rekicking us out, go.
The darkness is lighting up. Thedarkness is lighting. Find the
(59:20):
lie. Find the lights thatsprites. Now you're gonna want
to follow that light. It's bigand bright. Follow that light
all the way. Follow the light.
Follow that light. Follow thatlight to the end of the day
(59:51):
all right, you guys. Thanks forcoming out. That was awesome.
We're going to be back in acouple of weeks. So hopefully
you'll join us then. And if youfeel so inclined, please leave
Leave a positive review on anyof your, your favorite
platforms. And if you didn'tlike us, of course, this is
Xavier McGillicuddy signing outfor today it's Michael Vieyra
You knucklehead See you later
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