“The tension made it sexy” with Jennifer Capriccio

I shot a few times with Jennifer Capriccio. She has wonderful energy. Very intelligent. Fun to talk to. 
So put on your chill and come listen in.  
She talks about:
Passionate anger
Voice overs
Moving to Madrid
Making new friends there
Burning Man
Will she ever get married
Seeking out her father
Crying is healthy
Ghosting
Comedy
Allowing herself to be free

Join me on IG:
michaelvieyraphotography

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:08):
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust allowing you to eavesdrop.
I tell my guests, no politics,no religion, but otherwise, I
don't care what we talk about,as long as it comes from the
heart. I hope even just a smallpart of it resonates with you.

(00:31):
Some of it will, some of itwon't. And that's okay. But I'm
just glad you're here. I reallydo love all of you. And thanks
for coming. Let's get this thingstarted here.
And you're not wanting to haveyour your wings clipped? That's
exactly right. Don't fuck withyou. If you know something about
me that I will tell you this,that I would not want to make

(00:54):
you mad.
I wouldn't think that would bewise. And why? How does somebody
you know, I know you threw outthe Latina thing a second ago.
But how does somebody get soangry, but yet so loving? Most
of the time? You know, it's it'sfunny that you start with this
part of the conversation becauseI think it's because

(01:21):
and forgive me for saying this.
But I find that in Americansociety, we have like a little
bit of trouble with emotions,particularly the emotion around
anger or frustration. Like wethink it's bad. Okay. But I
think in other cultures, like,Latin culture, some European
countries, Israelis like thatkind of fiery people, we don't

(01:42):
see it as a problem. So we'revery comfortable with it. So
when we're mad, we're mad forreal, we don't gloss it over. We
don't make it politicallycorrect. If we're mad, you'll
know about it. And it's okay.
And then you're done with it.
But here, it's like it's aproblem.

(02:03):
You know what it is? It's notthe problem itself. It's the
fact that nobody wantsconfrontation. And you guys
Latina, and we don't problemwith but I'm Latino. So yeah,
until I know what you mean. It'slike, I don't have the problem
with the confrontation. BecauseI'm not really mad at you. Yeah.
I'm just passionate about whatI'm talking about. Correct?
Yeah. Or, you know, when, incertain instances, it could be

(02:24):
that I'm mad at you. But it'sokay. I don't want to kill you.
But we got to talk about itdirectly. And I don't want to
pretend that I'm not mad at you,or that I'm not passionate about
something. Why do I have to toneit down so you can feel
comfortable? That really, Istarted really having a problem.
And one of the reasons why Idecided to move to Spain.

(02:46):
Believe it or not, because I gottired of just people saying, Oh,
you're so confrontational oryou're angry? And it's like, no,
man, this is the way we heard.
You felt like you were beingaccused a lot in America. Yeah,
by your good friends or people.
Um, some good friends. Not notso much my good friends, but

(03:06):
like my ex boyfriend had aproblem with it. Some some
people like it just happened tome, on my way back from Burning
Man. Which was reallyinteresting, because here's this
guy. Oh, Jen, your tone justwent from conversational to
aggressive. And I'm like,really? How so? And he's like,
because suddenly and then helike suddenly, like, looks me in
the eyes directly. And I'm like,Oh, is it because I'm looking

(03:30):
directly at you. But in themeantime, he's like, accusing me
of all sorts of things. And thenhe proceeds to be like, What
nationality are you again? AndI'm like, I see where you're
going with it. You're gonnayou're gonna tell me that
because I'm Cuban, Spanish,Italian. I'm aggressive. And I'm
firing. I'm like, Don't fuckwith me. They know what you're
trying tosay that? Because it makes me

(03:51):
afraid to be so close to youright now.
Hear me say what? You're like,Bitch Don't fuck with me right
now. Yeah. And that was I waslike, wow, that's why I'm not
here anymore. It is funnybecause I was seeing a woman who
was Sri Lankan. And I don't knowwhat I don't know if that

(04:12):
dictates anything. But she waspassionate, as well. And we all
we found ourselves arguingconsiderably. And at the end of
the day, nothing but love. Yeah,correct. Yeah. But my roommate
at the time, who was Anglo, andhis Anglo girlfriend, Barry's,
like, why are you guys fightingall the time? Like, why do you
guys never fight? It's justweird. It is weird. i It almost

(04:38):
makes me nervous.
Because it's like, what are youhiding there? Like, why are you
and I find that here we end uptrying to be so
it's like a psychology sessionall the time. Every time people
tried to talk to each other.
Everything's so politicallycorrect or so. You know,
everybody's trying to give eachother the thing

(05:00):
therapy, that nobody's reallysaying what they really want to
say. It's tough that bothers me.
Because in this new age that welive in which I don't mind, I'm
a big fan of this new age thatwe live in. We want to be
careful. I want to be thoughtfulof your feelings. Yes. 100%. I'm
not saying we should throw thataway. But I think we're going
overboard where people are justnot really seeing. And I don't

(05:20):
mean, really say what you wantto say, like Trump's style.
That's inconsiderate. Do you seewhat I'm saying? No, they're
strict ways of saying, yeah.
What you want to say withoutbeing offensive or ridiculous.
But, but I find that people arenot even addressing what they
really should be addressing.
They're just not talking aboutthe pink elephant in the room.

(05:42):
It's like, no, it's gray.
It's just sitting there. What iswhat's sitting there? Let's
let's talk about it. Yeah, thisis an that bothers me. Here's
the thing. In my opinion, Ithink oftentimes, we think,
Well, I'm ready to talk aboutit. Why can't you Why or why
can't we talk about it? And Ithink we as people who are
passionate, don't recognizethat, oh, maybe just because I'm

(06:06):
ready to talk. Maybe they arenot. That's true, too. Some
people are not ready to helptalk about it, or they have an
inability to talk about certainthings. Yeah. Some people are
passive aggressive. People likethat tend to not want to ever
address anything directly. Andthey want to find ways around
it. And they want to get you tothat boiling point. Yeah. And

(06:27):
then they want it but see, eventalking about it gets me going
because I feel it's like whetherthey intend to or not, it ends
up being really manipulative.
And I'm like, what a waste offucking time, bro. Like, you're
spent. you're expending all thisenergy trying to go around shit,
and denying and deflecting. Andthen rather than just like,

(06:50):
address it directly be done withit. I don't know if you're
getting there as well as I didnow that I'm getting older, and
we're all getting older. So I'mnot saying you're old by any
stretch. But as you as you risein age, don't you kind of just
like, Okay, I don't need thatenergy in my life anymore. I'm
going to let you go. Totally.
And I've I've realized thatbecause I'm my style is direct
the amount of passive aggressivepeople as much as I may love

(07:14):
them, they may be great peoplethat I can have around, it needs
to be zero to minimal.
Because they really fuck withme. They just really bad for my
health. They're bad for myhouse.
It's so weird, and I can'tstress this enough. You're such
a sweet woman. I am a big fan ofyou. But God damn if I wouldn't

(07:37):
be afraid if you were mad at me.
You know, I'm both and I have mylimits. And I want that and I
actually put up with a lot likeI observe I give people a lot of
rope. Okay. And you know,inevitably they either take the
rope to come along with you oror they hang themselves with the
rope. We are notgreat, great friends, but we're

(07:57):
friends. Yeah. Have you evergiven me that rope?
I think I give everybody therope. But it's differently
because we see each other insuch small spurts and it tends
to be professional. SoI think it's kind of the rope
isn't necessary we have it's notnecessary. Like we have a very
good rapport. I find that I thathappens more with definitely

(08:17):
with boyfriends,business relationships, or close
friends, you know. And I like toobserve a lot while I give them
rope because that's how Ilearned about them
and ask you a dumb question.
Have you ever been in afistfight?

(08:39):
No, not really. But I would haveloved to have made a fist
fist right now. There's beeninstances where? Oh man, I want
to just punch your face. Are youa Scorpio? I'm not my mother is
and my grandfather who raised meis a Scorpio and not my ex

(09:00):
boyfriend. The one prior to thatone was a Scorpio. So it's an
energy that I know well what'syour sign? Leo Virgo.
I gotta golisten audiobooks. I just
started to do audiobooks. I juststarted listening to audiobooks.

(09:21):
And I used to hate them. I waslike, No, I want to read I want
my imagination to flare. Andbecause my vision has gone bad
old man, that now I'm listeningto audiobooks and I love it. Do
you? Are you doing anything? Iwould be interested in listening
to well, who knows? You know whoAlexandria Ocasio Cortez is
worse. Okay. So they just cameout with a book on her life like
her beginnings. She got to whereshe is. Yeah. And they did in

(09:43):
both English and Spanish. Shedid the Spanish book, dude.
See the queen of the resistance?
And do you read it? So you readit in Spanish? We didn't Spanish
and there's some little piecesin English, but I read it in
Spanish and then there wasanother
Alba did the English that mayonly assist in sample. Now what

(10:05):
I just pretended to say inSpanish was let me hear a little
sample although I just saidgobbly gook about it. I'm here.
I want to kick it escape.
Michael Kay getthe liberal experience. Yeah.
I'm not even joking. But in thein the last into Castilian Don't
stop me. I'm in charge here.
That's awesome. I love it. NowI'm learning the Castilian. Oh,

(10:27):
definitely. Yeah. which I likebetter. Because sexy. It's cool.
I like it. It's fun. So I justlove languages and accent here's
the difference. And you'llunderstand because your Spanish
and, and understand. But like,if I learned to speak Spanish,
which I was trying for thelongest time, I want to learn to
speak like Antonio Banderas, youknow, have you ever heard them?

(10:49):
And invariably, it comes outlike my deal, Joey.
Michael, like my tea,smoked a joint with Cheech and
Chong is still about publicpeace law. It's like God. Okay,
thanks.
But no, I like I like the soundof that. That's good. Yeah.
Because, you know, moving toMadrid. I know, we're gonna talk

(11:12):
about that. Shut up, I got aquestion for you. Don't be don't
be jelly. Dude, you're doingeverything you do so much. And
there's every reason for anyindividual to be jealous of you.
Why and how you're I know, youmove to Madrid or you are moving
to Madrid in the process. I knowyou're going back and forth to
America, you're going to Italy,you're on all sorts of places.

(11:35):
How are you doing this?
Well, I gotta tell you, it's adream that I've had for a long
time. Europe has always calledon me. And I knew in some way, I
was always going to end up inEurope, for personal and
professional reasons. And whenCOVID came, and everything
started going,at home, record at home,

(11:58):
everything at home, everythingwent very digital, like we
didn't really need to be inperson with each other anymore,
which I thought was horrible.
But I said to myself, Oh, thisis also good, this is going to
have its perks. And there was alot of remote work from home in
any industry. So I said,You know what, I don't really

(12:20):
need to be in La 24/7.
And particularly as a voiceoverartist,
so why not expand? Keep so Istarted kind of nurturing my
voiceover career even more. Ihad a few years where I was
like, kinda like, on the fritzand you know, sort of really
down and out and my, my entirecareer was kind of like a little

(12:45):
bit of a pause, and I said, I'mgonna fire this shit up again.
And I started with my voiceovercareer, which is the easiest one
to tackle.
And so I just started coaching alittle bit with a friend who's
an angel who coached me and justcleaned me up, because he's
like, Jen, you know what you'redoing, we just need to clean you
up a little bit. And I startedbooking again.

(13:05):
And the minute I broke up withmy boyfriend, too, and bought my
ticket to Spain, I startedbooking even more that makes
sense.
And I said, my, I said tomyself, Okay, remote work.
Many people do it graphicdesigners do it, crypto, people
do it. Voiceover artists can doit. There's no reason why cannot

(13:25):
be in Spain, and work all myAmerican jobs. And I remember I
told my agent at TSD. I'm like,This is what I'm doing. And
she's, how's that gonna work outand the time difference? And I'm
like, don't worry about it. Letme deal with that with the time
difference. And you went intothat, that male voice?
Let me deal with the timedifference. Yeah. And so I did

(13:46):
it. I went to Madrid.
And the bookings just keptcoming. And so immediately, I
already knew this was going tohappen. I made connections with
two people, one who had aprivate studio and one
production house that theirbread and butter is actually
dubbing because, you know, inSpain, they dub all the movies

(14:07):
into Spanish. Oh, sure. Very fewtheaters show the original
versions. So their bread andbutter is dubbing and then they
do video games as well andaudiobooks and all that. And so
a friend of mine from here andengineer friend of mine had
connected me with thatproduction house a place called
perfect sound. And I went Iauditioned for them. Now I'm in
their voice bank. And they said,By the way, if you ever need to

(14:28):
use the studios and rent thestudios are at your disposal. So
I was like, great. So I hadplaces to record right away. And
when the bookings came, I hadplaces to record and everything
was seamless. But tell me aboutthe hows and the whys. Like at
some point when you realize toyourself, I'm moving to Spain.
Where was your heart? Whereyou're afraid to go? What about
your friends that you areleaving behind? You know what,

(14:51):
Michael? It was very sad. Irealized that in LA I knew many
people, but I had very fewfriends. Sure. So in that way,
it wasn'thard, it was sad. But I was
like, I'm ready to leave, Ireally was really sad and
depressed in LA.
The energy at the city haschanged as well. The energy is
very low vibration, and I wasjust really unhappy. And I was

(15:14):
really unhappy in myrelationship as well. So and
going back to what I saidearlier, I already knew I had
one I had wanted to go to Europefor a long time.
So I just did it. I just I saidnow now's the time when the
pandemic came, I said the momentthe pandemic eases. I'm out
here.
Was I scared? Yeah, a littlebit, because I was like, Oh, my

(15:36):
fucking god, am I like, right todo this? Like, am I gonna be
able to keep my jobs? Am I justcrazy in the head? But I said, I
don't you know, when I came toLA, I knew one person.
What about moving to Madrid?
What? You didn't know anybodyout there? How would you know? I
had a couple of friends. Okay,actually. So you had help
finding a place? Are you stilllooking for a place? No, I what
I did is I saved some money. AndI said, I'm gonna go, my first

(15:59):
trip is going to be two monthsto three months.
And I'm just going to rent likea really nice Airbnb, I'm going
to spend the money in a nicepart of town. And I'm going to
enjoy. And that's exactly what Idid. And I found the place that
I had envisioned, I said, I wanta place with a lot of light. And
those floor to ceiling Spanishdoors. Yeah, that's exactly what

(16:23):
I found. And it's not like itwas super pricey. It wasn't
cheap. It wasn't price. It waslike, right on. And I had the
money I had saved it. Because Isaid, I want to be in a place of
beauty where I feel good.
Because after you know, livingin front of a fucking homeless
encampment on Martel street, Iwas like, I need beauty. Yeah.
And that's exactly what it was.

(16:45):
It was great. And it was a greatpart of town. Do you know, are
you going to be able to affordthat for some time?
Well, I'll tell you what the thehost of the apartment, and I
ended up ended up becomingreally good friends.
And so when I had to stay a fewextra weeks, she brought down
the price for me. And so now Ihave the ability to go back.

(17:07):
Yeah. And she'll give me abetter rate. But this time
around, when I go back, I'llhave my visa permit. So I'll
probably maybe stay there for amonth until I find a place that
I'm going to rent now for like ayear at least. And I saw
pictures on your social mediawhen you went back out there
maybe in July. And it seemedlike it was within three days,

(17:29):
you were already hanging outwith a group of people.
Because I speak the language soI can integrate in society real
quick. And you know me I have agood personality like I'm out
there. Here's something that's alittle weird. Not weird is not
the word. Here's somethingthat's a little I remember, you
texted me you're like, how doyou have that already? And okay,
so here's my question.
Unfiltered. Is it have anythingto do with the fact that you're

(17:50):
kind of a good? Kind of a goodlooking? You're a good looking
woman? Does that have anythingto do with that? Yeah, I'm sure.
I mean, yeah, it's a tool. Okay.
Not that a tool that I usemanipulatively. But I think
people are drawn to what theyfind attractive or beautiful. It
opens a door for sure. And if ontop of that, your cool peeps,

(18:11):
then you know, it's awesome.
It's awesome. Yeah, no, I agree.
Good. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure thathas a lot to do with it. Like
I'm very attractive. So a lot ofpeople will call me over to
their table all the time. That'snot true. Why are you looking at
me like that? Good, Lord. You'relike, oh my god, what am I
supposed to say to this guy?
Are we going back to that thingwhere you're like, This is what
you should say. It's your cute.
Wow. I'm kidding. Oh, yeah. It'sreally funny. I love you,

(18:35):
Michael. Yeah, I love you back.
I think the other reason why Ithink it was easy to make
friends out there is becauselike, LA, I'm sorry to say I
found that people over there arepeople.

(18:56):
There's some soul in there.
There's like some life. Yeah.
They don't forget to be humanbeings. And they're open to
meeting people. They're open.
They're just open. And you gottaremember Madrid is like a very
Cosmo city. In fact, it remindsme a lot of New York. Yeah.
They're almost like Sistercities.
And they're welcoming a lot ofimmigration. So you have a lot

(19:18):
of Ukrainians now that have comeover, who are getting their
papers done real quick andreally easy. And you have tons
of Latin people now. I mean, Iwent to spin Spain 10 years ago,
and I've seen the difference.
The amount of Latin people I sawthis time around was
unbelievable. Yeah. You know,they're going back to the
motherland. Right. So there's soa lot of English spoken over

(19:40):
there. Not really. It's funny.
For some reason, Spanish peopledon't like to speak English.
Yeah. Yeah. But at the sametime, they're kind of fascinated
by it. And they think it'sreally cool. Like the comment I
got all the time, which wasreally, really cute. They were
like, We're just so impressed.
Have you had your ability tospeak English so well in Spanish

(20:03):
and how you can switch back andforth from one to the other?
They think that's very cool. Buton the general, they don't
necessarily, which is why theydub all their movies. They don't
really, it's like, they're notthat interested in speaking
English. I'm not sure why thatis.
And I always tell them, I'mlike, Look, it's only to your
advantage, like, Forget whateveryou may think of Americans, if
it's like, if it's a sentimentand you don't want to speak

(20:26):
English, but certain mensentiments about Americans,
whatever, forget that, put thataside. Just think about it.
Like, hey, the more languagesyou know, the more doors will
open. True. I know. As avoiceover artist, I do English
and Spanish. It's open doors.
Yeah. And they're like, Yeah,you're right. But it's funny,
they speak a ton of otherlanguages, like a lot of French
are the actors, that you'remeeting actors, regular people,

(20:49):
musicians, but I do want to meetmore actors, like this time
around, when I go back, I feellike I'm gonna meet more people
in the business. This first timewas just like, I'm open to
meeting anybody.
Have you connected with a loveinterest at this point?
I connected with this French guythat actually stayed at the same

(21:10):
Airbnb where I stayed for fourdays, and I thought he was
insufferable.
And that's kind of when I knew Iwas like, Oh, this is gonna end
up in something.
And the, the host is of the,they call it B. So in Spanish,
they call apartments B. Sothe host who became a really

(21:31):
good friend of mine, she's like,you know, you should call him
up. He's, he's got a good headon his shoulders. And she
somehow kind of made it set itup. And we ended up going out on
two dates.
And it was fucking awesome.
Okay, because we had a lot ofconversation, and we didn't
necessarily agree on everything.

(21:52):
So it was, you know, fiery, butthen, at the end, I realized I
was like, we actually have morethings in common than I thought,
and we agree and more pointsthan I actually thought we
would. And then it got reallysexy. You know, of course, tell
us about the sexual becausethe conversation got sexy, and
the energy got sexy. And youknow, the, the tension made it

(22:13):
sexy. And that's the thing withthe tension. The tension can't
cross that line to like, dude,now you're just bugging me.
Yeah. Now you're just annoying.
Yeah, it's got to have thatright kind of tension where it
creates sexiness, but not like,Oh, you're I can't wait to get
out of here. Yeah, you're ahateful, awful person.
And he just was like, right. Andthen you know, of course, the

(22:35):
accent Come on now dared toaccent I love accents. And I
think for me, even on a dude,wouldn't it straight and I'm
like, do that sexy max. Andthey do it. Yeah. And for me, I
was coming from a relationshipwhere I was with a guy who was
not decisive whoyou know, I'm not the kind of

(23:00):
girl where like, you got to payfor everything. Oh, sure, girl.
But when you go too much in theother direction is like, well.
And so here comes this Frenchguy. And he prides himself in
being very much like, this isthe way you treat a woman and,
and whether I agree completelyor not, it was just so fucking
nice to be taken out to be takenout to quality places. Yeah, and

(23:25):
not have a fucking dude complainabout it.
I was like, ah, and then you'rehot, and you got the accent and
we have good conversation. Itwas great. And he's probably
dressed well, he was dressed,you know, simple, like he
dressed a lot in black. Butwell, yeah, it looked good on
him. And then, you know, on oursecond date, we ended up going

(23:45):
out real late in the streets ofMadrid can be very sexy, and
bohemian. So we're walkingaround the Bohemian
neighborhoods and like peopleare playing guitar and shit. And
some of the alleys are a littleyou're holding T. And we're like
kissing on the street and stuff.
I was like, Ah, this is fun.
Like a movie. Awesome. It wasgreat. It was awesome. But so

(24:06):
only the two dates. Well,because it was towards the tail
end of my stay. But he's gonnastay in Madrid.
So you can find him. You guyshave been on the phone texting
him. Yeah. Okay. Good for you.
So he's staying in Madrid. AndI'm going back there. There's a
lot of people moving to Madridreally is incredible.

(24:27):
All right, so I'm moving toMadrid. You gotta come to Madrid
at least to visit. How long canI stay with you if I'm just
visiting?
Sorry, I really had to burp.
Wow. Yeah, really seemed likethat was a response to my
question.
As you can stay as long as Iburp for the length of my book.

(24:49):
I feel like that could be 30seconds or less. You can stay as
long as you want for you to fallin love with Madrid. I totally
would. It's a place I want tovisit. So that's on the what
whatYou're top of the list Greek
Greece, Greece, I've been toGreece, you have been, yeah,
Athens for a length of time. Youknow, it was a real interesting
way that I got there. I gothired. It was kind of like an

(25:11):
educational project. Okay, and Igot hired with two other guys.
Ian's eons ago to play highschool students. You know how
you know people in their 20s and30s getting hired to play pie so
you don't have to explain I getit and it was all about these
three students traveling throughcertain places in Europe and as

(25:34):
we traveled we educated peopleon the places. So that took us
through Italy, and then Greeceand we ended up in Patras which
is a little town that I did notknow about that you can take a
ferry from Brindisi in Italy,Tabata, and when we got there
was fucking carnival. I waslike, oh, man, this is amazing.

(25:56):
And then we went up to Greece,to Greece to Athens. And that
was pretty fucking cool. Howlong were you up there?
In Greece itself? We might havebeen a week no more than a week,
between the two places. Ithought you were gonna say a
couple of days a week isawesome. Yeah. I think just just
little short of a week.

(26:17):
Because you know, we were on aschedule, we were shooting. So
we were like, boom, boom, boom,on a schedule.
And you're getting paid to beout there. We were getting paid
to be out what a life. That'sbullshit. You know, act. Our
sense is paid to hotels pay.
Yeah, I remember this one night.
I don't remember all thedetails. But I remember when in
Italy. We were not supposed tobe going out late. And me and

(26:39):
these two other guys knock out?
Sure. While the producer slept.
And we snuck out for a night onthe town. It was great and got
away with it. You know, andthat's Europe has that magic? I
don't know how to explain it. Ithas that fucking magic.
You've been to Burning Man foras long as I can remember. I've

(27:02):
always seen the pictures insocial media. And you've always
told me about it. Yeah. And theone thing I love about your
pictures there is that you areinvolved. You're always wearing
the cool costumes. And you looklike oh, wow, you look like a
barrier, a brochure of whatBurning Man should be. So I'm
wondering as much fun as I seeyou having? What's the amount of

(27:25):
fun you're not having? Do youhave any regrets or
embarrassments from being outthere? No regrets. Okay, but
it's harsh environment. In whatway?
Dude, first of all, you're in adesert where nothing lives. It's
like inhabitable? Surely, yeah.
Andit's characterized by this dusty
powder we call Playa dust.

(27:48):
That's very soft, but it's veryalkaline. And that starts kind
of corroding, it thinks it isvery, it dries things from your
skin to the bikes to everythinggets in your lungs, I would
imagine your lungs, so you haveto wear a mask. Wow.
So sometimes we have thesethings called wideouts, which is
like a dust storm. It's like asnow almost. And when it gets

(28:13):
really bad, you can't see pastyour hand. And that's when you
go What the fuck am I doinghere? Why do I do this? Because
it's miserable at that moment.
It's miserable. And it'sdifficult. And it's a little
scary, but it's part of the fun.
And it really kind of makes youstronger mentally because now
you're like, Well, I got tosurvive. Yeah. So what do you

(28:36):
mean? You mean, there is a sensethat I'm in trouble here? If
you're not prepared? You couldbe in trouble. And how are you?
How could you not be prepared?
What can you do to prepare foryou? If you're you're not
prepared? If you don't have LEDlights on your body, and people
can't see you can get run over?
Oh, wow. You're not prepared ifyou don't have goggles, if you
don't have a mask, if you don'thave a camo pack with water. So

(29:00):
you're constantly carrying someshoes. You've got a backpack of
all this stuff. For the just incase. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Do you
think most people are preparedlike that?
Yeah. Very few people I've seenand yeah, most people are
because they know, it's, it'snot. It's no joke.
So those are the not fun momentsthat you're like, Oh, wow. Okay.

(29:24):
All right, I forgot. And there'snot enough of those moments that
you would think I don't want tocome back here again. No. I
think there's more of theamazing moments that you're
like, This is why I put up withthe shit. This is why I do this
and end up with a tank full ofdust. Take a moment to think
about this just for a second.
But what are some of thoseamazing moments that you can
share with me?

(29:44):
From conversations with people,it's the people once they walk
in through those gates, it'slike they change for the better.
Yeah, that's why they callBernie man, a social experiment.
And it really is it's not like afestival. Okay? It's not like a
Like coachhouse Music Festival,no, police No, not even close.
It really is a socialexperiment. So some of those

(30:08):
rewarding moments are the peopleyou meet the encounters and
interactions you have with thosepeople, some being
conversations, some been justmoments in time or having a
drink with them or doingsomething crazy with them.
Getting on the art cars isalways like a great experience.
Because here are these likemoving pieces of art that

(30:29):
usually have a DJ. And you'rejust riding around this playa.
And when you look out, it's likeimagine the Disney light parade.
Yeah, on steroids, mushrooms,and cocaine. Like, times 1000.
And it's an ocean of lights andpeople.

(30:49):
And you're like, Wow, this isfucking amazing. How are you
moving about the Burning Manfestival moving bikes.
And you're going with byyourself? Are you walking around
with other friends? You can doeither. I mean, like, once
you're there, you can eithertake off and ride solo, or you
can go with friends or with asmall group of friends. And

(31:11):
there's establishing points thatyou're able to find your way
back to wherever you're camping.
You always know where yourcampus because the city, it's
built like a city withaddresses, like like streets and
avenues. So you always knowwhere your camp is, unless you
have a really bad sense ofdirection. But you know, it's
not also that kind of placewhere you can be on your way to

(31:31):
see a friend and get sidetrackedand a day later you show up. Or
you went out in a group and somepeople kind of got lost. And
that's okay, too. Do you thinkmost people conduct themselves
in a way that they would athome? Or do people drink too
much and do too many drugs? Idon't think anybody that goes to

(31:52):
Burning Man conducts themselvesthe way they would at home.
And what do I mean by that? AndI mentioned a party way. Okay. I
mean, in a party way, but alsobeyond that, meaning, yes. or so
people who have super fuckingblasted, you don't necessarily
have to be blasted to have agreat time at burning. But what

(32:13):
I mean by them not acting likethe way they act at home is
whether they're blasted on drugsor not.
I find that they become who theyreally want to be. Sure. It's
like they have, you know, it'slike studio 54 was like that.
Studio 54 was known for that,which is why I'm always so
fascinated by him. Like, I wishI would have been there. It was

(32:35):
known to be this place wherepeople felt very free. And you
saw everything in anything. Andit was so colorful and unique.
Nobody looked the same. AndBurning Man is a little like
that.
Where people really become theygive themselves license to be
who they really want to be. Howmany years have you gone? This

(32:55):
was my fifth. And are you goingto go again? I'm always gonna go
unless there's somethingprofessional keeping me or some
heavy reason to not make itthat's how much I love it. Do
you see your starts at BurningMan? Because my birthday is just
a few days before. So that's tome. That's where my year starts.
Good. Do you prepare for itbefore you go? Because you

(33:19):
always have a bunch of differentcostumes. I do. I get my
costumes online. And you know,I'm like, What am I gonna wear
this year? Some are old costumesthat I you know, refurbished
refurbish or put on in adifferent way. Yeah, add or
subtract. They're nice. They'realways fun to look at. And I
mean, you're equipped like mytent I've had already for this
year's tent is done already. Igotta I gotta upgrade. But like

(33:40):
your equipment, your you havehad it now. So
nobody's gonna see your tentbecause you're never gonna be in
it. Oh, no, not true. Okay, nottrue. You know, you need rest,
even if it's in the middle ofthe day. Well, you know what's
funny is in any social mediapicture I see of Burning Man
from anybody. Yeah. I neverrecall seeing where they live. I

(34:03):
just thought nobody takes apicture. Right? Why not? If
that's where they're at a lot.
Yeah, right. It's just likehome. It's not that you're there
a lot. Yeah. But you do need aplace to change into your
fabulous outfits. You do need tosleep otherwise you won't last.
There is a lot of nudity outthere. Are you part of that?
Sometimes? Yeah. Yeah. I don'tnecessarily like to walk around

(34:26):
the in deep Playa with nobottoms. Some people do that.
But a lot of topless or justpasties. And within my camp, we
are campus like an acro yogadancers kind of camp. So within
our camp, there's definitely alot of nudity and we feel very
comfortable. We had opencommunal showers, and nobody's
staring at you in the wrong wayor in the wrong place. So yeah,

(34:49):
within our camp, there's a lotof what an amazing sense of
freedom for that. That's goodfor you. It's great. Yeah, it's
great to be able to see peoplebehave themselves.
All around fucking nudity. It'slike, Oh, my God, Jesus, Lord,
different world, though it'shard to get I appreciate what
you're saying. But at the sametime, it's like we're so used to

(35:11):
having been embarrassed bynudity. Yeah. That anyway, as
you see somebody nude, it'slike, Oh, look.
I mean, I wouldn't do a walkingdown Hollywood Boulevard correct
granted, of course, which is whyit makes this place so special
to it's like, oh, we can go to aplace where it's okay. Right.
And people don't have to beweird about it.
Good. It's wonderful. It's verygood. You Were you always this

(35:34):
free? Or did that come at acertain point in your adulthood?
No, I think that came a littlelater. I think the seeds of that
were always there. But maybe Ididn't have the right context.
And Burning Man definitelyprovided that context. It just
like lit the fire. It turned onthat Jean. Nice. Did you feel it
when it happened? Totally. Yeah.
What a great feeling. Yeah. Andwhen I got there, I was like,

(35:58):
Oh, I'm home. I always call ithome. It's like, we're home.
So it costs a lot of money,Bertie, man, it can I mean, the
ticket is like something like400 something dollars, then they
also have low income tickets,where you can apply and explain,
explain your financialsituation, whatever, whatever.
And you may be awarded a lowerincome ticket. And then there's

(36:20):
the situation of the camps, likeyou can either camp with a camp
be affiliated with a camp thatcould have anything from a
decent camp fee to what we callthe turnkey camps for bougie
people who want to walk into acamp where everything's set and
ready to go, and they paysomething like 10,000
Yeah, sounds awesome. You know,everything's fair. Yeah. And you

(36:42):
have people who go totallyrogue. Yeah. And then there's an
area for them. For people whowant to camp rug. Is there do
either like an RV? That's what Iwas gonna say. Or just a tent?
Or you know, because I don'tcamp I, Irv RVs are great for
burning them. In fact, I thinknext year, I'm gonna do an RV.

(37:04):
Which I can park within my camp.
Do you can do a tent, you can doan RV.
Or you can do a Europe thatwould seem like a tissue to
really add up. You know, it's apain in the butt to build it.
Yeah, I'm not into that. I justwant to, I can be a little
bougie. If you do build a riot,if you build it, they will come.
Nevermind, people will come toyour tent.

(37:28):
Do you?
Do you ever wonder, I think Ithink some of all all of us do
as we get older and we're notmarried. Do you ever wonder?
Damn, am I ever gonna getmarried?
Yeah, and I still want to getmarried. I just don't know if
it's going to be like atraditional marriage on paper or

(37:50):
if it's going to be more of likea spiritual marriage where we
just have like a spiritualceremony, but there is not the
legality of it. Meaning at somepoint you do if you did get
married, there would seem to besome sort of entailment to it.
You're not just going to beGoldie Hawn and Kurt Russell
living together? Yeah, no, Iwould like it to have some kind
ofpresentation in society where we

(38:10):
acknowledge Oh, wow, yeah. Whywould you like that?
Think there's something romanticabout it. Fairy Tale ish about
it. But I think there's alsosomething
if you think going back toBurning Man, again, which is a

(38:30):
very tribal type of event. Ifyou think about tribe and
society, it is really nice tocement that commitment or that
love in public and say I lovethis person, and I want to be
with this person. That's why itdoesn't have to be like an
expensive wedding. But to to ifI mean, if you want to go that
route, that's fine, too. I'm notputting it just because it's
expensive doesn't mean itdoesn't have soul. That's the

(38:53):
person's choice.
But to declare that in front ofa group of friends is kind of
nice. And to have them celebratewith you. That joy is kind of
nice. It is nice. Only thing Iwould say to what you were
saying about the cost is for me,whenever I see somebody going
above and beyond on theirwedding, and knowing that their

(39:14):
finances don't fit that sort ofthing. I just it's just like, I
feel so bad because I'm like youcould be doing so much more free
to benefit your future thanhaving this over the top
wedding. Sure. That probablyisn't even yours. You're
probably their parents areprobably paying for it. Yeah.
Anyway, that's just my nonsense.
That's to say, I mean, like ifif you can afford it, or then by

(39:35):
all means, you know, it's likesome of those weddings are a lot
of fun and they make for greatpictures. One of the things I
feel like I got from your answeris you don't need that. Yeah,
you're you're not married but Idon't need to be married yet. I
don't need to but I feel likeI'm ready for I feel like I'm
after a few failed relationshipsthat

(40:00):
kind of wasted my time. Becauseof course you always learn
something but like, I mean, it'sokay to say that was a fucking
waste of time. Yeah.
Especially the last one.
I feel like I'm ready for. I'mready for like that guy who's
gonna be like myhe's going to be power couple

(40:20):
with me. Or who's going to belike that is gonna be my
I don't know my partner in crimemy main my
a lot of things. I don't needhim to be everything for me, but
who's gonna be that person? I'mlike, Yeah, it's so weird, Jen,
because I don't know if you feelthe same way. But what you just

(40:41):
said, I've met so many womenthat I thought, yeah, I'm
digging you. I get this. We areclicking. And then it's like,
oh, no, you weren't it. Nowyou're gone?
I don't know. I just feel likewe never really know until the
end of the day. And even thatend of the day, you don't know

(41:01):
when that day is going to come?
I hopefully that makes sense.
Because it makes sense in myhead. But I realized that it may
be confusing. I'm just sayingsometimes you just we think we
found that person and realizethat's not that person.
Yeah, and the unfortunate partis that, as you just said, you
don't really know until you gothrough it. Yeah.

(41:21):
And yeah, I mean, that kind ofhappened in my last
relationship. I'm like, Ah, thisis it. And then I was like, No,
that is not it at all. How longdid that take?
I want to say for me to reallyrealize this is not it.
It took a minute. It took like,two and a half years. Yeah.

(41:44):
Because even though I sawcertain signs at the beginning,
I'm the kind of person thatalways wants to give the person
an opportunity and give myselfan opportunity within that
circumstance.
I want to maybe be like, I waswrong, or I wasn't so asserted,
or there was room forimprovement, or growth or

(42:05):
difference or whatever. Yeah.
But sometimes you go, Oh, wow,those signs that I saw at the
beginning, actually, were right,or they didn't really change or
they became an issue later.
There were those little flagsthat you're like, oh, that that
ended up becoming a real issue.
It's one of those things thatfor me, as I've gotten older and
started delved more into my selfcare,

(42:30):
those red flags that we always Iused to think the same as yours,
like, Ah, let me let's just keepgoing. And we'll see what
happens with that. It's like nowthose red flags are. Yeah,
they're there for a reason.
Yeah. Boo. Yeah. Boohoo? Itsucks. But
yeah, we can and then cuz also,you're like, Well, nobody's
perfect. So it's like, themoment you see a flag, you're

(42:51):
like, What do I do? I cut itoff, I run away. You know, like,
you can't do that either.
Because then you're never givingyourself an opportunity. If I
were to do that, every time Isee a sign of something, I
wouldn't even date anybody.
That's very, it's a very goodpoint. It's a fucking mindfuck.
Yeah.
So I don't know. I don't haveit, figure it out. But figure it
out. We're all waiting for theanswer. He says, Good, Lord.

(43:14):
We're all waiting for thewedding right now. I haven't
figured it out. But in in themeantime, can you say I do like
like, you're getting married,but in Espanol, please.
Ooh, that would? How would I saythat in Spanish? To say, if
someone were to propose to me,no, no. Do you take so and so to

(43:34):
be your lawfully wedded husband?
See the demo? I take I take it.
Good. All right.
But we'll see. We'll see what'sbeen brings. I don't know what's
behind that little eye thatmischievous eye you dismayed?
You've got something up yoursleeve and Spain.

(43:55):
I do wonder if I'm like, I needto stop dating American men.
Maybe I need to try somethingelse. I could see you with more
international flair. Yeah, I do.
So two dozen. A Spanish guy butsome international person.
Somebody that matches you.
Someone that has travelled alot. Someone that has an
international feel andunderstanding. You've been

(44:17):
dating the gringos thus far inAmerica. My last two my last
three relationships wereAmerican. Yeah. And American
Americans who had not traveledmuch. They're not a department.
The last one. I mean, my lastboyfriend was from Hawaii. Yeah.
And had only been in Hawaii,California, I think

(44:39):
New Orleans shortly and New Yorkwhen he was 19 for like a few
days. I mean, this guy had nottraveled at all. That was hard.
I think that eventually we camenot because it's a problem for
me that you haven't seen theworld but then
that international field is notthere and I there is a way of

(44:59):
looking at The world in a way ofmaneuvering yourself in the
world that when you have thatkind of worldly experience or
whatever you've seen, you justsee things differently. When you
have that. I do, I was luckyenough to have traveled a lot
when I was little with mygrandparents took me many
places. Then I also went toBoston University, which is a

(45:20):
very well known University forhis international crowd. Okay.
So all my friends wereInternational, a lot of I had a
lot of Arab friends, Turkish,Japanese, Lebanese, Lebanese,
Saudi friends, plus Americans,some Latin, so I was around a

(45:43):
lot of international people allthe time and love to that. I'd
love tosee your parents stay together.
Now my parents divorced bearwhen I was barely a year old
that should did not last. Didyou have a relationship with
your parents once theyseparated? Not with my father,

(46:03):
my father kind of went MIA.
That's a sad story. He's goneand gone. Never saw him after. I
saw him for the first time late,much later, as an adult as a
young adult.
And that didn't really goanywhere. And it's like, I guess
he never really wanted arelationship with me. And that

(46:24):
fucked with me for a long time,because I didn't know why I was
like, What's wrong with me?
Sure. Of course. Well, how old?
Were you at the reunion there? Imust have been like 2425. And he
who put that together? I soughthim out? And he said, No. He
said, sure. I'll meet with you.
And when you guys met, did heseem to be receptive to Was he

(46:44):
happy to see you?
I'll tell you how it happened.
It I found he's a dentist. And Ifound I because when I was
little, they always told me we,you know, your father kind of
went MIA and we tried to trackhim down until we just got tired
of tracking him down. There wasthis theory that he had left to

(47:05):
Europe kind of running away fromhis responsibilities for a
while, but because mygrandfather was very well off at
the time. He's like, we don'tneed him, fuck him, whatever.
Later, when I got the bug oflike, I need to meet my father.
I just went to the fuckingYellow Pages. Simple.

(47:28):
None of thisdeep registry.com D registry and
eventually I found him. And longstory short, I showed up at his
practice. Wow, New York. And Iknocked on the door. And the
student opened the door. And Irecognized him from pictures.
And he said, Hi. And I said, I'mlooking for John Capriccio. And

(47:51):
he said, That would be me andwho may you be? And I said I'm
your daughter. It was like afucking movie. And he just like,
you know, he was like, takenaback. But at the same time,
this dude is a very sort ofcold, non emotion do even though
he's Italian does not showemotion. So for something like
that to happen and not betotally like, losing it or like

(48:13):
off your rocker. He kept it cooland scientific and collected and
cold.
Like, wow, I am not youroffspring.
But he was at work. He was atwork, but it was I caught I seem
to have caught him at the end ofthe day. From what I remember.

(48:33):
Because there was not there wasnobody there anymore. It's
almost like I caught him almostOh, on the way out. Not a
patient not a nurse's. No, no.
Okay, so he should have beenable to react. Yeah, he should
have been free to react. Yeah.
Which was really strange. Sowe had a conversation. And, you
know, I don't want to get intoall the details. But it's almost

(48:55):
like he acted like he hadn't. Hehadn't seen me in three years. I
was like, You're so fuckingweird. Like I had just gone off
to college, and came and comeback. But he hadn't seen us and
he had never said I was maybe20. Yeah.
Did you leave that meeting?

(49:15):
feeling empty.
I left that meeting feeling alittle confused, but victorious
that I had found him. Sure. Andthen he did take me to dinner to
meet some of the family membersshortly after, okay. And then
after that is when he said hewas going to come pick me up
again and seek me out and hejust never showed again. It's

(49:35):
like he abandoned me again.
Did that hurt? Yeah, of course.
Because I again, I couldn'tunderstand why.
You know, Psych. Was my auditionmad, Lucky.
Like that. Everything's inAudition.
Do you? You make you make methink a question I always like

(49:57):
to ask people is Do you cry?
How often and when was the lasttime you cried? Oh, yeah, I cry
often. I feel like you have toif you want to be seen, and if
you don't want your body to getgo haywire. Yeah.
Because the Body Keeps the Scoreif there's actually a book
called The Body Keeps the Score,you know? Yeah, I like the body
will remember like, it'll if youdon't get that shit out, like

(50:19):
you will have health issues. Doyou cry? No, then over the
simplest things are now it's gotto be sizable.
I think it's got to be sizable,unless I'm super stressed than
any little thing could make meyou know, a little ungrounded.
But that would be if I'm goingthrough something already. Or
when I'm super stressed aboutsomething.

(50:41):
It's weird becauseI rarely cry over something
sizable. But if something thetruth hits me, if somebody if
I'm watching America's GotTalent, which I do,
and they tell me some inspiringstory about this, and that and
the other, I'll be out. Or ifsomebody gives a great
performance, and I see the truthin it, I don't care if it's

(51:03):
sucks, or if it's great. I'll beballing.
That's interesting. That's thebigger things you kind of keep
it together more. Yeah, I thinkthere's a lot of things were I
always I come from a sense of aplace of jobs, where I was
always doing some sort ofsecurity work. Sure. And so I'm
always prepared. Right? Andso that's why I think sometimes

(51:25):
the big things, I'm more incontrol, but those little things
that touched my heart. What doyou think is the the one emotion
or concept that hits you? Thehardest? Where you like, lose
it?
Like, truth? Truth? Interesting.
Like, for example, for me, it'sabandonment, obviously. Oh, wow.
Any kind of that's whyI've always had a dream of

(51:47):
adopting and I pick up straydogs all the time. Because I
abandonment for me, it's like ano, no. Yeah. And it hurts me.
Nobody should be abandoned. Isthere any protective Source
within you to thwart againstthat? Are you do you have a wall
up?

(52:07):
To protect me from the pain ofabandonment, not from the pain
of abandonment from I'm notgoing to put myself in a
position to be abandoned?
I mean, sure, I'm sure. Yeah.
Because in a way, why would Iwant to put myself in a position
to be? Well, nobody would and Idon't mean to don't want to
break it down. If but if it'snot necessary, but I'm just
saying, because youbecause it affected you so bad

(52:31):
about being abandoned? You're ina position now is like, Wow,
that guy seems like he mayabandon me. So I'm not gonna
give him the time. I'm done withthat guy. Even though he was
doing nothing about abandoningyou.
I think, yeah, there might be alittle bit of that. Or I'm
alwaysmy radar might be up as in like,
are they going to leave or, butI'm cured. I feel like I've

(52:57):
gotten to a point where it's notlike a big fear, in the sense
where I'm not chronically beinglike, Oh, my God, I have
abandonment issues. And I'mgonna manifest this all over the
place, right.
But, and maybe that's why Ibecause I'm so independent.
Like, if shit happens, I havemyself. If people leave, I have

(53:20):
myself. You know, all you need,which is all you need. And I
think that's a healthy way ofhandling, find your happiness,
you're going to be fine nomatter what. But I do feel that
if they're seeing if there's, Ifeel like I've I've gotten to
know people, both from my actingtraining and my job as a

(53:41):
personal trainer, I've had toobserve people a lot. And I do
feel that, you know, loyalty ishard to come. So in some way,
people are always going toabandon ship in some way for
some reason. Yeah. So eventhough I don't try to be fearful
about that, or manifested, I amaware that human beings can be

(54:01):
like that. Yeah, they'll evenabandon themselves.
What do you mean by that?
They will betray themselves,they will abandon themselves by
not whether it's not caring forthemselves enough or being
dishonest with themselves orgiving up on themselves? Yeah.
I can see that, you know?

(54:23):
Yeah.
It's weird, because there's somany times for yourself, I can
see where it's difficult. Therecomes a time when anybody gets
close to say, the sense ofsuicide or just deep depression.
It's easier at that point, tokind of abandon yourself whether
you want to or not, yeah, thepart that always kills me, is

(54:47):
when it's a friend of any sensethat abandons you without and
I'm talking. I've talked aboutthis before, so but whatever.
Ghosting, you know, yeah, I hatethe ghosting thing.
And I don't mean relationships.
I mean, simple like, you've gota friend if you had me, and you
kept calling me and I didn'tcall you back. Yeah, what the
fuck Michael, I think that'sbullshit. I hate ghosting. I

(55:08):
mean, one thing is, hey, thissituation has gotten to a point
where I have to maybe pull awayand not engage for safety
reasons. That's different. Butfucking ghosting. What the fuck
is that? I mean, it's hateful.
It is, really is it's bullshit.
It's really a bad habit. Andpeople are doing it in business.

(55:32):
They're doing it in friendships,they're doing it in
relationships, it's become we'veaccepted it like it's something
good and normal. And it's notpeople. It's not. It's fucking
bullshit. Yeah, I feel verypassionate about Yeah, it's
unnecessary. It's unnecessary.
It's such a cowardly way ofliving. It is. It's a very, it's

(55:55):
a very passive, aggressive,cowardly way of living.
But because now we can swipethis way, or whatever, or just
shut it off or not. And it'slike, wow, less and less. People
are really going to lose allability to confront life. They
have and confrontation for somereason has such a bad
connotation. It's like no, confront front means front, giving

(56:18):
it the front, right, like,giving face looking forward to
address something. It doesn'thave to be a bad thing. People
think confrontation is war. No,that's a misconception. And
especially since there's so muchthat can be done before you
actually ghost I think in mostpeople's scenarios, people ghost
before they realize no if youjust had this confrontation,
told them why you're thinkingabout ghosting them. You

(56:42):
probably would still be friends.
Yeah. Just so they chickenshitimmediately, which I find so
weak. And so pathetic. Yeah, Idon't like it.
But yeah, do you want to put ona cape and you me will be like
they're super twins will be thiswill go around combating
ghosting. Ghosting people. Andit will go will be the

(57:02):
Ghostbusters there. Oh my god.
So you do voiceovers on and youdon't do comedy? I
definitely not comedy. I admirethose people that do comedy. Oh
my god. Why? Because that'sfucking rough to stand there.
Yeah. And try to make peoplelaugh, which I know is not what

(57:24):
they're thinking about. They'rethinking about it.
Which is even more scary,because they're thinking about
truth and sharing their truthand sharing who they really are.
Which is even more scary in thatkind of scenario. Oh, my God, I
have so much respect forstandard. Comedians, can I ask
you we ever considered give it ashot? Yeah. You don't thought
about it? And I feel like Iwould love to, but I don't know

(57:46):
that I would have the balls.
Okay. So I will quickly sharewith myself because I want to
put this back on you. I did it.
I took the class really went upat the improv. And it was
awesome. It was awesome. Now,it's something I'd always wanted
to do. I wasn't necessarilyafraid of it. But it's always
takes a lot of nerves to get upon stage like that. But I would

(58:06):
tell you that if it's eversomething you wanted to do, you
should do it. And it's going tohelp you immensely as an actor
as any sort of performance. Art.
I have done improv, which Ireally like right, love that. I
did Groundlings Yeah. Oh, myGod, I found very hard, but I
had a blast. And I didUCB which I really love. Yeah.

(58:27):
And then, you know, at the endof at the end of the course, it
always ends with theperformance. Right. And that was
awesome. That's awesome. That'sthe same thing that's kind of
like in that world. But to standsolo in front of a mic and ooh,
here's my thoughts. Yeah, rough.

(58:48):
I have a lot of admiration forstand up comedians, and I had a
handful of friends here who weregreat stand up comedians who now
have left lathat I really always admired.
I'm like, Wow, you guys. Am Ione of those great stand up.
Comedians. I didn't know youwere a stand up comedian. Yeah,
but now that you know when yousay yeah, it's been a great
friend and I admire you. Yes. Idon't think that's the same.

(59:11):
You're not saying the samething. Nevermind. Now that I
know you do stand up. Yeah, Irespect you even more.
Now like, Oh, shit. I'm notbuying it. Yeah, I'm not buying
it. I'm not crying right now.
You're not making me cry. Don'tcry. All right. I won't cry. No,
but I didn't know you do that. Iwould love it. Don't do it. Oh,
I did it. The one time when Idid this school. Then I did it

(59:34):
three more times. So four timestotal. And all the cool places
Comedy Store and blah, blah,blah. You're brave. I am brave
man.
But at the end of the day, I waslike, Yeah, I don't want to keep
putting myself through this.
Now, did you did you? How do youfeel when you were up there?

(59:54):
Like did you were you nervous?
Was your mind ever like oh mygod and make people laugh or
like, you know, that's greatquestion out loud.
Laughing enough there. Here'sthe thing, because even the most
experienced comedians haveconfessed to me. They're like,
you know, today people weredoing what Howard crowd they
were not laughing. It'sdifferent to them. Yeah. Well,
we do know that I do know fromfollowing comedians that

(01:00:14):
nowadays, the audience isdifferent. It's so PC, that it's
tough. Yeah. So I get that. Butback when I did it back in like
2008 was pre PC two. Yes. It waspre PG 13. I was talking about
sacks and Baba Baba. Yeah. Andbut at the time
I was doing, you know, it wasright in the heart of doing

(01:00:34):
commercial casting. And so asyou well know, whenever you guys
would come in for the audition,I would bring you in the room.
Yeah. And I'd give this big oldexplanation. Yeah. And I'd
always try to be funny while I'mdoing it. Yeah. So it was easy.
It was the same thing. It was atransference of that to go up.
So that first thing I did atthe, with the school was great.
I did that at the improv. Thefucking house went nuts. I was

(01:00:56):
brilliant. Then the next one wasa comedy store. And by the
nature of how it works, which Iwon't bore you with. I didn't go
up. I was told to be there at730. I went up at like, 215.
Wow. And you know, I couldliterally count how many people
were in there. And while I wason stage, I was like, now I'm
done. I'm ready to just go home.
I don't even want to finish theset. And I don't think I did. I
think I just truncated it andgot the hell out of there. Wow.

(01:01:17):
So there's all those variablesthat come into play, but but as
far as being nervous andwhatnot, never nervous, but
definitely that sense of, Well,this is no fun. If there's only
gonna if I had to wait thislong, and there's nobody here.
Yeah.
Wow, you, I commend you. I don'tthink I have the balls you did.

(01:01:39):
You did? Improv. I did improv.
But I still I'm telling youstand up comedy is different.
Well, it wasn't. Maybe I'mthinking about it differently.
Maybe I shouldn't be thinkingabout it differently. I will say
this, it is different. It's twodifferent beasts. You got a
bunch of people around you whenyou're doing improv you're
working off of people. Yeah. Soyou definitely have more of a
secure cord solo up there. Likeyou're telling your shit.

(01:02:00):
There's, it's a different beastto do. different beast. Yep.
You and I had met back in theday we were doing we were doing
a photo session. Yeah. And Iremember thinking at the time,
you know, I'm impressed. There'snot too often that I'm kind of
intimidated by somebody. And Iremember feeling intimidated.

(01:02:24):
AndI don't know if at the time that
was a facade of who you weretrying to present yourself to be
okay. Or who that's exactly whoyou were, I don't know. But you
seem softer, in the best way.
Not like in a woman female,right, just as a human being
now. Now you do. And I'mwondering, is that something

(01:02:49):
that you see to be true? Isthere been? Have you transformed
in any way to something softer?
Or is that I might just seensomething different? Are you
looking to transform?
Interesting. So I thinkmaybe what you mean by softer
is, I think beforebecause I've always had to

(01:03:12):
survive in some way. I had moreof a tough persona all the time.
And now it's not that thatperson has gone away at all, but
now I'm not as afraid to be justchill sometimes are more
vulnerable, or softer, in a way,like more, less intimidating.

(01:03:37):
But I also don't want to have toworry about not intimidating
people. Say that again. I alsodon't have to, I don't want to
have to worry about notintimidating people. Like if
they're intimidated by me.
That's their problem. Got it.
But I did feel like I was likeMaybe is there a reason why I'm
being tough woman all the time,and I wasn't doing it on purpose

(01:03:58):
necessarily. But I think it wasmy fighter. You know, I just
felt like I had tofight everything or I had to,
you know, fend for myself. Now,I feel because I feel that
people perceive that maybethere's something a little soft
drapey is because I feel moretaken care of by the universe.
As in like ooh, now the starsare aligned there's something

(01:04:21):
actually carrying me throughwhich in a way will allow me to
fully transform into who I'vealways wanted to be like, who I
already have been being but fullon with no reservations, no
hesitation, more into that moreinto my artist self more into my

(01:04:41):
freaky self or like, you know,some people feel I'm like such a
nice person, which I am, butthere's a edgier side of me as
well. That doesn't always comeout. And some people catch it.
Some people don't not be afraidto explore all those personal
honors and put them out there.
You know, and I would contendthat you said the universe but I

(01:05:04):
see it's you that's the selfcare that you do. You've become
happier in your heart and soulthat has allowed you to, to just
open yourself up to say, hey,you know what? I don't need to
put on this wall anymore ofintimidating you. You're either
gonna get me or you don't. I'mcool. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

(01:05:24):
Find me intimidating, which isfunny, because you're a badass
bitch.
That's why, even though I'msofter, some people still find
me intimidating for differentreasons. Yeah. Some people when
they see the more glamorous partof me that intimidates them.
Some people are more intimidatedby the tough girl.
It's depends who they are.
They're intimidated by differentthings. Does that make you feel

(01:05:47):
any way when they feel that way?
About you?
Yeah, that's a great question.
It makes me feel. I thinkthere's a part of me that feels
kind of good about it. Butthere's a part of me that also
feel sad, because it makes mefeel lonely. And I'm like, Oh,
you're not getting me or you getpart of me or or, or I'm sad

(01:06:08):
that this part of me intimidatesyou some way but I can't do
anything about that. Becauseit's whatever is going on with
you or or nothing's going onwith you. It is just the
chemistry. It is who I am. Andmaybe that has a certain kind of
reaction in you or not, orwhatever. So there's sometimes
nothing to do about it. There'snothing that you not nobody
needs to do about it'sunfortunately true because you

(01:06:30):
hit the nail on the head. Itreally is more about them. And
at the same time, it's likewell, can I be doing anything
different? Yeah, I guess I couldbe a little bit here but within
reason because you don't want tochange your
you could tweak here and we'retalking over me by the way. I'm
sorry. I'm just kidding. Look,if you guys missed it, she just
threw out one of those great bigCapriccio smiles. It was

(01:06:52):
awesome.
She I'm sorry. Oh, raise myhand. No, no, she's soft into
submissive?
Yes, lady, lady in the black.
She raised her hand. No, that'sthe thing is we cannot change
who we are. Listen, I always saylisten, if you're a jerk, please
try to recognize it takeaccountability for it. And and

(01:07:14):
correct that because nobodywants that. Sure. But if you're
like, look, this is who I am.
I'm not meaning to come across.
Here's the thing.
We cannot just say like a lot ofpeople will be fond of saying,
I'm just keeping it real. No,you're not. You're just being a
jerk.
But if you want to speakhonestly and forthrightly and

(01:07:35):
constructively, and people arestill being put off by that.
Well, okay. That's kind of onthem. Yeah. Yeah. Because to,
to, again, going back to the PCthing, how much do you censor
yourself or manipulate yourselfto to try to accommodate other
people Hence, what we startedsome of this conversation with

(01:07:58):
of like, oh, some people have anissue with they perceive me as
aggressive when I'm too direct,or my fiery Latina is like,
okay, look, I can be aware ofthat I can tone it, I can see if
there's something happeningwithin me that's making it too
much. Or am I I'm goingoverboard. But there's gonna be
a limit to how much I tailorthat because this is who I am.

(01:08:18):
And if you also have a problemwith that, then we're not a good
match. Right? You know, I cannotchange myself completely to make
you feel comfortable.
And I go where people get me.
You have to, there's only somuch we can do. Yeah, yeah.
Before you actually betrayyourself and become someone
you're not well and then youkind of seem like you are giving

(01:08:38):
me a sense of are you looking totransform even further who you
are now? Are you happy with no,I think I want to go even
further. I feel like there'smore to explore and more that
can be out there. With lessreservation.
You think you still havereservation and you're in who
you are? Maybe about certainthings or or more like certain

(01:09:00):
things about me that I'm justdiscovering that I'm like, why
want to put that out there?
I think you're very freespirited.
I think you have a lot of loveto share. I do. That's true. I
think you're faced here then youneed to be and I wish you would
shut the fuck up as far as thatgoes. Just kidding. The look she
just gave me like she just gaveit don't go there. Fine, I'm

(01:09:20):
afraid. Can't you see I'm notlooking at you anymore.
He's looking off to the side nowguys
should have not said that. No,you have everything. You have a
lot of great things about youand and I do wish the best for
you because you give that backout. You give that hope back out

(01:09:40):
to other people. And I like thatabout you. Thank you. You're
welcome. Yeah, if there's onething I want to do is inspire
people. Whether it's directly orjust by being and living my
dreams and hopefully be aninspiration to someone who might
be trying to do the same, dude.
However, I can be an inspirationAnd I would love that. That's
awesome. Yeah, that's the bestwe can do for each other, we

(01:10:04):
inspire each other and elevateeach other. And sometimes you
don't have to do it by savingpeople. Like, that's not my
thing. You don't save anybody.
Or, but you can just do it bybeing living your truth. And
then you'll inspire people.
That's one of my things is Ialways try to as much as I've
improved or transformed in thelast few years. And somebody

(01:10:24):
will ask, you know, when peopleask for advice, they don't
really want the advice. Theyjust want to talk. Yeah. And
that's taken me a long time tolearn as I'm trying to shove
down their their heads. Here'sthis advice, take it. And it's
like, oh, no, they just want totalk Shut up. They just want to
vent. They want to be heard. Sounderstandable.

(01:10:44):
Anyway, I will be at your placein Madrid, probably in say,
November battery. Well, let mearrive first. Let's see when I
get there. It's all going todepend on my visa.
All right, so then depend onthat consulate. When I come
though, I'm gonna be there forprobably four months minimum.
Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be tough.
No, I think I'm gonna kick youout. Before that. I thought I

(01:11:05):
said, you said I had as muchtime as whatever it took. I'm
kidding. Oh, wow. I don't knowwhat to do with this now. How
much time do I have to stay withyou? You better make it a good
number because I'm not comingfor two weeks. Just get there.
Stop busting my balls. Just getthere. All right. Do me a favor.
Tell Andrew to take us out toAndrew. Who's Andrew? Just say

(01:11:26):
Andrew, take us out. Andrew,take us out.
All right, you guys. Thanks forcoming out. That was awesome.
We're going to be back in acouple of weeks. So hopefully
you'll join us then. And if youfeel so inclined, please leave a

(01:11:47):
positive review on any of yourfavorite platforms. And if you
didn't like us, of course, thisis Xavier McGillicuddy signing
out for today. It's MichaelVieyra. You knucklehead See you
later