July 27, 2022 • 46 mins
Maria is a beautiful, creative being. She is loved by many and open to all. I am honored to have her as my first guest, and my life has been enriched by getting to know this woman over the last fifteen years. Most of those years she spent as my main photographic muse.
We talk about creeps in Hollywood, her miscarriage, pregnancy, Nintendo, and plenty more.
So put on your chill and listen in.
#Miaeden #Mariatvrdy #Creepsinhollywood #Metoo #Usingaprofessionalname #Empathy #Pregnancy #Miscarriage #Selfcare #Nintendo #Dealingwithdisability #Kylecease #Inspirationalmemes
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:08):
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust Yap, allowing you to
eavesdrop. I tell my guests, nopolitics, no religion, but
otherwise, I don't care what wetalk about as long as it comes
from the heart. I hope even justa small part of it resonates
(00:31):
with you. Some of it will, someof it won't. And that's okay.
But I'm just glad you're here. Ireally do love all of you. And
thanks for coming. Let's getthis thing started.
Oh. Me have i Okay, so we'regonna start here? And to which I
would guess, right off the bat,I would say I'm probably your
(00:51):
best friend. Right?
Absolutely.
Not sure why you're laughingabout that.
You? We have you have known melonger than many people. And
you've definitely known me moreintimately than most. And for in
(01:11):
a professional work. You know,everything? Yeah. Everything.
It's funny you say that? BecauseI remember once we were talking
about all the work we do, andyou had said, you oftentimes use
our photography shoots, astherapy. Do you recall that? And
(01:35):
if so, what did you mean bythat?
Yeah, I mean, when we, you and Ishoot, it's like, I mean, I,
it's a place for me to expressmyself without words. And just
(01:55):
kind of be where I'm at. Even ifthat's just even in the moment,
which is so wonderful. It'sjust, you don't get to really be
in the moment that much in life.
So it's just, it's therapy to besomewhere and just be there. And
kind of explore what's going on.
(02:21):
I don't know if if you had thesame feeling? I know you did. I
don't know why I'm saying Idon't know if you did, but I
shot a million people, men andwomen. And I was always the most
comfortable and adventurous withyou. And I don't know why I felt
(02:42):
that way. I still don't even asI'm saying it. I don't know, why
do you?
So one thing I've been thinkingabout is that we, you know,
working when we when we workedin casting together, and you
know, you started just doinglike, Instagram pics of the day.
(03:02):
Yeah. And you would just takephotos and like, you know, I was
kind of your beginning. Verytrue object. Yeah. And so I just
think, you know, like, at thatpoint, maybe even you thought
this is just like, this sillything are, you know, it's
(03:23):
something I enjoy. Not silly,but something I enjoy, but
didn't know. I mean, theevolution that it would take and
you know, you're extremelytalented. And so it was just
kind of, I don't know, I feellike that's kind of like that. I
feel that it's because of ourbackground and the fact that we
(03:45):
were working companions andfriends before we started taking
photos. You know,that's true, too. And almost by
virtue of what you were saying,maybe it's because we were kind
of, even though you've beenmodeling Well, before I got you.
It was a little bit of we're init together from the start.
Yeah, definitely. I think weare. We both really wanted a
(04:11):
place to like grow and and begreat, artistically. So
did you ever feel like you werecheating when you were shoot
with other photographers?
It sometimes Yeah.
Not seriously, really?
No, I mean, damn you. I mean.
Yes. And no, you know, I alwaysit's good for me to shoot with
(04:37):
other photographers, but Ialways enjoyed shooting with you
because there's that. What 30minutes of me adjusting to this
stranger, you know? Yeah. Andactually, honestly, I found that
if I shot with anyone other thanyou, I'd want to I'd prefer to
shoot with women.
(05:00):
So was that therewas a little bit less getting
comfortable time? I don't know,you know,
I think that's inherent in thetype of photography that you
probably I just felt, you know,but yeah, I didn't have to, you
know, like, do I need to have myguard up? Or, you know, I know,
my younger years dealing withphotography and photographers, I
(05:22):
have some weird, creepy storiesI can imagine. Oh, please tell
me one.
Well, my agent, my first mobile,he's my first manager. He, he's
from New York, he was like,amazing. He was, he was an
amazing anyways, he set me upwith this photographer who's
(05:44):
fairly famous from Australia.
And I used to do makeup for himand also shoot with him. And he,
you know, I honestly was justreally vulgar. And, you know, he
wanted me to like, Nam In my20s. So, and he wanted me to use
a cucumber. And just like, kindof, and, you know, this is not,
(06:09):
I'm not wanting to be a pornstar. That's not even wasn't the
route and it was very awkwardbecause it was my manager too,
that had connected me and timefriends. And he was, like I
said, he is he is on was apretty famous photographer. So I
put a rift and I mean, I never,you know, that was like, kind of
(06:34):
the end of thatrelationship able to escape
that, or did you just play it?
I like was able to escape it byplaying it out. It's not like I
just like, I'm neverunfortunately, I wish I was, but
I've never had been like aperson that's just like, fuck
you. And you get angry. I kindof like laughed it off and
(06:55):
played it off. And, you know,like, didn't do what he wanted
to do, but held the cute, youknow, it's like I played the
line, which is unfortunate, butit's true about me like I never
was. I know who you are. Ididn't get upset. Like,
honestly, I would hope that if Ihave a daughter, she would.
(07:18):
Yeah. But yeah.
Yeah, you do have a sense, in myopinion of wanting everybody to
think you're nice. Yeah. Yeah,to you. A little too much. You
wish that would change.
I wish it would change. But Ijust don't even think. I mean,
(07:39):
this literally just happenedtoday. I was telling my fiancee
that I couldn't find my debitcard. And he goes, Oh, I saw it
in the house. And I saw a cardand I just throw it away. And I
was like, Oh, that's okay. Andmy fiance. I wasn't upset at
all. I was like, Oh, that'sokay. I just ordered a new one.
And he was like, You're soweird. He's like, people get
(07:59):
angry at least. Like, like, youshould be angry. That's so true.
Um, I was like, it's not worthit. I already handled it.
Okay, but you know, what I thinkof that is because I've changed
so much and like, for me, I'mtotally with you. It's like,
okay, I'm not gonna look, Ican't control that. So I'm not
gonna let it get me. What is Idon't want to dictate how you
(08:21):
feel. But I want you to tell mewhy. Why is it that you're able
to get past that?
Well, like the, like the debitcard, or like, you know, the
debit card. The debit cardsituation is exactly that. It's
just like, there's way too manyother things in life to be upset
about. And I, one thing Iappreciate about that I don't
(08:44):
get that angry is that when I doget angry people know
something's wrong. True. Myanger if it comes, there's a
problem. Yeah, and I know whatto write, like, even for me. The
dealing with, like, sexual ones,but that kind of stuff. The
(09:04):
other stuff. To me, there's alittle bit of socialization and
some things that I definitelydidn't have down in my 20s. I
don't know if I would have beenin that situation. Now. I
probably would have told the guyI probably would have told him
off in a nice way. Yeah, I wouldhave said that's inappropriate.
But in my 20s, I was, you know,and also I was like, still, like
(09:27):
I said he he was had arelationship with my manager.
And so yeah, but anyways, Ithink
you're still in that vein. Imean, I don't know. But are you
would you in this day and agewould you laugh it off and then
still continue to shoot? Orwould it be time to walk out the
door? No, I think that it'spossible. I still catch myself
(09:47):
laughing off things thathonestly it's like, your that's
not really funny to you, youknow, but at the same time, I
also don't feel Yeah, I don't Idon't know. How I would have
reacted in that situation? Ithink it would have been a
little different. I would havejust said, That's not. I'm not
into this.
(10:09):
I hate it because not, I hate itas a photographer. Yeah. But I
hate it more as your friendknowing that that that had
happened. mean there's nothingwe can do or could do blah,
blah, blah, but ugh.
Yeah. And it's unfortunate. It'sunfortunate. I mean.
(10:36):
Interestingly enough, I couldtell you another story, but not
it wasn't about a photographer,but you can tell. But a good, a
good, not a good but adisgusting Hollywood story. And
actually, I was, againintroduced to this guy through
my manager. So isn't that weird?
This, he, this guy was a DisneyExec. And he seemingly was very
(10:59):
professional upfront, you know,he, I only met him at Disney.
And, you know, I don't know ifI'm allowed to say.
Any names? No,of course not. So, you know, he.
I met him a couple of timesthere. And it was very
(11:24):
professional. And he said, youknow, was gonna just kind of
assist me with my real. And itseemed fine. And then I think
probably the third or fourthtime that we were going to meet
up, he said, he invited me todinner. Now the dinner was the
switch. Basically, I think itwas like, the day before dinner,
(11:47):
I received something fromVictoria's Secret. And I did go
see him at dinner I should nothave but I did. And he basically
offered you know, he said he wasmarried and had kid and he just
wanted someone who understoodthe deal and you know, would
(12:08):
take care of basically kind oftake care of me or help me.
Yeah. And also help what hecould with the career and I sat
and had dinner with him. Andthen I went home. And obviously,
I was I was devastated. I crieda lot. I wasn't actually at that
(12:32):
time. I was in a relationship.
And I told, you know, told myboyfriend what happened. And he
was kind of the Hollywood typehimself. Yeah. So he's like, you
know, this happens and not, youknow, weird reaction. It was a
weird reaction. I was, you know,really upset. I thought it was
(12:53):
terrible. Just thinking aboutlike, his wife and kids. And
yeah, even if they agreed to it,how terrible that must be sure.
I don't know. So, yeah. That'sanother interesting.
I mean, it's amazing, becausenot only I mean, those are just
(13:13):
two stories enough that arelike, more than enough. And they
both happened to you.
Right? Yeah. Well, I mean, andthat's, I mean, I really don't
want our conversation to justlike, end up being about that.
But I have I have, you know,probably. Well, and I think I'll
tell you, I yeah, I do think Imean, I'm not blaming myself by
(13:36):
any any means. But you know, me,and I'm a really, like, open
person, right? And people feelsafe around me. Very true. And
that doesn't mean that I deserveit or anything. I'm not saying
that. But it just, it just makespeople feel comfortable. So
(13:58):
I know what you mean. Yeah, youdefinitely. You don't seem like
there's a stop button. And itnot in a bad way. You just seem
very open and receptive. Yeah.
So sometimes, peoplemisinterpret it and misuse and
abuse it. Yeah. Well, tell me agood story. What your good
Hollywood story.
(14:19):
Good Hollywood story. I mean,you and I are.
That's true. Do you rememberwhen we were we met?
I remember us like actuallygetting because you know, we
worked. We went to a play withcat with with my friend.
(14:39):
Kelly. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
That's that's how we met and Ididn't I didn't put two and two
together when we met at work. Idon't know what a year later.
Yeah, I mean, or even less, youknow, and I was
like, oh, hi be another new girlhere. But when I met you, you
were Maria right? And you hadlong hair. And I was just like,
(15:03):
oh, this I don't know why I justdidn't connect the dots but
Maria me I tend to be different.
Like, even my my stepson, likewhen he really wants something,
or when he's like trying to talkme into something, he will pull
out Maria keys manipulating you?
(15:27):
Yeah, he's like, Maria, pleaseMaria. Like he
thinks that's the name you wantto be called? It's
like the I don't know what itis. It's a weird, but he does.
Please marry up.
What is the deal? Maria, becauseI do call you Maria. And every
once in a while I call you me?
Because it's ingrained in me.
But a few years ago, you hadmentioned Hey, I wouldn't mind
(15:49):
if you called me Maria again.
Why? How come?
Okay, well, as I'm sitting herewith you thinking about things,
and the whole using meowinstead, Maria. Some of it is
what we just talked about. Someof it was my experiences that I
had had, as Maria trying to bean actor model. And I thought
(16:15):
that naming myself aprofessional name, and saying to
myself, Mia Eden is aprofessional, and you can
separate a need to separate,like who you are, personally
from your professional persona,which I felt would empower me in
(16:35):
situations like that I had beenin in the past, you know, I had
hoped that it would like, let metake, like my private side, and
personal side, and even some oflike, even some of these
kindnesses and understand thatsometimes like, I can't do that
(16:57):
I have to be, you know, thebusiness, you got to step up and
be a professional. So I thinkthat's what I happened. I was
like, I wanted me to be my, anentity that was, you know, just
respected as a professional,basically. And then I could
still have Maria be the personaland private person.
(17:22):
I would say that you have beenMIA for so long, that you
probably can see yourself on apersonal level as me at this
point.
I do. And that's the thing. Theinteresting thing is that I
don't think it helped at all. Ican't change who I am. And even
working on myself even working,trying to be more assertive, or
(17:46):
whatever, in these situations.
It's just hard for me, I'm just,I. It's against my nature. So
now more than anything, Iprevent myself from being in
situations that I know areprobably not the best for me.
Luckily, at this point, I'mcertainly not desperate for any
opportunities. When it comes towork, Oh, good. I want to go
(18:11):
into if my agent gets me anaudition, fantastic. If work
that I got in the past got me ajob. Right. Awesome. But I'm not
trying to make new relationshipswith people and go through any
kind of power. You know,like, it makes it easy on your
soul. Yeah, yeah. I know youpretty well. And I, for them, I
(18:37):
think you're pretty well puttogether emotionally. But you do
have issues at times where you,it's hard for you to rise above
it. But I guess my point is, doI have you? Do I have it? Right?
Are you kind of do you have yourshit together?
(19:01):
I I don't always feel like I do.
But I do think I have a prettygood understanding of my Yeah, I
have a pretty good understandingof my emotional needs. And I
have like, a lot of empathy forother people too. So I kind of
(19:21):
have, I feel like good emotionalintelligence.
I think for you, you still putother people before yourself
though, as far as your ownemotional needs?
Probably. No, I do. Andinterestingly enough, it's one
(19:48):
of the things that I think I'vebasically decided it's not going
to change Andwhat's what's specific? What do
you mean? What's not gonnachange?
I just, it's really, you know,whatever, I think that my mom
(20:12):
actually told me when I was twoyears old, you know, like, a
little thing that if anybody waslike, sad around me or mad
around me that I would want togive them hugs. And she was
like, I mean, you know, that'svery weird, like strangers. Be
cool. So it's kind of like, youknow, for a long time for a long
(20:35):
time. And still, sometimes I getfrustrated with myself, because
it's like, no, like, if I had afriend that told me, they're
not, you know, whatever it maybe different situation, you're
like, putting them other peoplefirst, I would be like, don't do
that, you know, and so I do getfrustrated. But then a lot of
times, it's like, it's just kindof who I am. And I get fresh. I
(20:58):
mean, honestly, I get frustratedif I feel that I'm not. I've
been frustrated lately. BecauseI feel like I'm not doing enough
for other people for like, theworld for people for other
people. While caring for myfamily, and but like, you know,
I used to work with kids. Andoh, when you're not doing
(21:22):
something not doing so much ofthat, and I've been feeling
very, not great about that. Youknow, like, I don't know, is
it something you're going to getback to? Or you're just not
sure.
I hope so. But right now, weactually have a family business.
It's only he and I right now. Soand it's growing, which is
(21:44):
great. Nice.
And what's going on in thebelly?
So I got a baby going on. Andyeah, four months pregnant.
Crazy.
It's insane. I thought that Iwas gonna have long blonde hair
with extensions, right now. Andthe best body ever. That was my
(22:11):
goal. I like, you know, after Ihad a miscarriage during the
pandemic, and it was really hardand lonely. But I kind of like
got I, it took about a year forme to process it.
What's the what do you mean bylonely?
(22:34):
Mom? It I mean, it was duringthe pandemic. And when I got
pregnant, it wasn't something wewant planned or wanted. So there
was a little bit of you know,and it was a lot going on. It
was stressful. But I obviouslywas, and I yeah, probably when I
(22:59):
first found out, I really wasn'texcited about it. Then you go to
the doctor, no one's allowed togo with you. So it was me by
myself. And it just kind of feltlike I was pregnant by myself.
You know, like, it's hard forthe person in who you're living
with. Like, it's not obvious,you know, you don't have this
big belly right away. Right. Sothere's a disconnect. It's like,
(23:22):
you're kind of you are alone,you know? I mean, and then I
basically, you know, didn't findout. I went to my 12 week,
screening, ultrasound. And whenI got there, and it was again,
alone, I had this the fetus wasonly about seven weeks. And you
(23:50):
know, they they said they didn'tsay, This baby's gone, gone or
anything, they just said, Isthere a problem? Is there
something wrong with yourtiming? Or maybe it's younger,
so I had to wait two more weeks.
I pretty much knew there wasn'tanything wrong with the timing
like I I'm, like clockwork,yeah. So I pretty much knew that
something had happened. But Iwaited two weeks, no growth,
(24:14):
went to the doctor and demandedthat someone just tell me like,
I'm having a miscarriage. Youmean no one no one would no one
would say to me, you just lostyour baby. Like you felt like
they shouldn't say to me, youjust you're having a miscarriage
or you had a miscarriage. Andyes, in my mind, like someone
(24:36):
should have. I was one whobasically looked at my doctor's
eyes and said I had a missedmiscarriage. And she said, it
seems so it's just like, youknow, it was that really, it
just really suckedand not being able to have your
partner right there at thatmoment, too. Yeah, yeah,
(24:57):
totally. And also because I feellike and I don't know if anybody
other I'm sure women would feelthis way. But like, it felt like
almost a made up situation. Thatwas heartbreaking. Yeah, I mean,
I would wake up in the middle ofthe night and just like, feel
like I was in a nightmare.
Because I had this living, I hada living being inside, and then
(25:19):
it was gone. So I just, I just,it was, you know, and when
you're in it, you feel like,you're never gonna have that
opportunity again. And in a way,you don't like I now have a
baby, but I don't believe Imean, it's not the same spirit.
Maybe it is. But I don't thinkso.
(25:42):
Oh, yeah, I see what you'resaying. I would feel like it's a
new spirit.
I think it's a new spirit. Andso that Spirit came and hung out
with me for a little while. Andyeah. See, seems like to me made
a good decision. There is lessconcerns now. Like, I was really
wondering how I was going tohave the pregnant, you know, if
(26:05):
how childbirth was going tohappen was like, I shouldn't be
alone. So that these things Icame to peace with. And I also
had just, you know, my family,my partner and my stepson don't
really want another one. I mean,they say that, but you know,
(26:30):
Ready or not, and, and so I hadcome to peace. I said, Mom, I'm
just going to be a stepmom. Andthere's some positives about
that, because I could have somealone time sometimes. Yeah, it's
already really hard to be astepmom and be running a
business with your person. Youknow, it's pretty all consuming,
(26:51):
and you're going to be an oldermom. Yes.
I know. You're an older mom. Youwant to tell me? I'm 41? Yeah,
well, I'mMonday, Monday. Happy birthday.
Thank you. That's crazy, though.
And so yeah, it is.
Yeah. Well, you know, surprisedthe hell out of me, and I'll pay
(27:12):
this compliment was I don't knowif it's a compliment. But, uh,
thank you, really. But back inmy day of all my, you know,
homelessness and suicidal drama.
When I came out of all that, Idon't even know if he told me.
But if you remember, but one dayhe told me, I can't believe you
came out of that you are, you'rea warrior v. And man, that meant
(27:33):
a lot to me. And I say thatright back to you. Because I
remember when the miscarriagehappened. And you're pretty
happy, obviously down and youcame out of it really well. And
I say to you, you're a warrior.
Thanks me. Yeah, well, I mean,part of it is that we don't
(27:57):
really have a choice. I mean,you know, that you do have a
choice, you have a choice tobasically get up and find some
joy or get up and be angry andsad all the time. Right. And so
like, honestly, angry and sad,it gets exhausting.
(28:18):
Yeah. There's a great quote fromMaya Angelou. And I can't
remember the exact words, butit's like, you know, alright, so
these circumstances are not yourfault. But you're not going to
be you don't have to be definedby them.
Yeah. I, I'm, I am still superproud of you. I don't know. I
(28:44):
just like, I have seen youbecome a different person. I
feel like, in so many ways.
Yeah. I'm glad because I feelthat in myself, and I'm glad to
know that people that care aboutme see it as well. Yeah,
definitely see it. It's weird,because some times some of the
(29:05):
people that are close to me,don't see it. And I'm a little
befuddled by that. But yetpeople who see me every once in
a while, are like, hey, what'schanged about you?
Interesting. So you're bringingup something I thought about
like that. People who? I thinkit's a big mistake that we make
(29:30):
in our relationships withpeople, especially what you
said, like people that you seeall the time are more
frequently. Yeah. We make thisassumption and we start living
under this assumption that weknow that person, you know what
I'm saying? So like, we justfill in the blanks. We basically
(29:51):
assume like, I know this person,I don't. So we're not we're not
allowing for what is actuallyalways happening with people.
which is they're changing,they're making different, like,
you know, inside we like at anypoint in our life can just be
like, I don't like this. Youknow, I said earlier, there's
things I can't change aboutmyself. But a lot of times
(30:13):
there's things that it's like,Wait, I don't I'm gonna stop
doing that, like, I'm just donewith that. And when we're Yeah,
like, I understand I wasthinking it's the biggest
problem and even myrelationship, on my part is
assuming that I know what'sgoing on with my partner all the
time. I do not. I do not know.
You mean in his soul? Yeah, likewhat's going on? And what kind
(30:34):
of person he is today. Versusyesterday,
Welcome to courage under the stars with Michael
Vieyra. That's me, I am MichaelVieyra. Here I speak off the
cuff with people that I findinteresting, where you're going
to sit in a darkened room andjust Yap, allowing you to
eavesdrop. I tell my guests, nopolitics, no religion, but
otherwise, I don't care what wetalk about as long as it comes
from the heart. I hope even justa small part of it resonates
(00:31):
with you. Some of it will, someof it won't. And that's okay.
But I'm just glad you're here. Ireally do love all of you. And
thanks for coming. Let's getthis thing started.
Oh. Me have i Okay, so we'regonna start here? And to which I
would guess, right off the bat,I would say I'm probably your
(00:51):
best friend. Right?
Absolutely.
Not sure why you're laughingabout that.
You? We have you have known melonger than many people. And
you've definitely known me moreintimately than most. And for in
(01:11):
a professional work. You know,everything? Yeah. Everything.
It's funny you say that? BecauseI remember once we were talking
about all the work we do, andyou had said, you oftentimes use
our photography shoots, astherapy. Do you recall that? And
(01:35):
if so, what did you mean bythat?
Yeah, I mean, when we, you and Ishoot, it's like, I mean, I,
it's a place for me to expressmyself without words. And just
(01:55):
kind of be where I'm at. Even ifthat's just even in the moment,
which is so wonderful. It'sjust, you don't get to really be
in the moment that much in life.
So it's just, it's therapy to besomewhere and just be there. And
kind of explore what's going on.
(02:21):
I don't know if if you had thesame feeling? I know you did. I
don't know why I'm saying Idon't know if you did, but I
shot a million people, men andwomen. And I was always the most
comfortable and adventurous withyou. And I don't know why I felt
(02:42):
that way. I still don't even asI'm saying it. I don't know, why
do you?
So one thing I've been thinkingabout is that we, you know,
working when we when we workedin casting together, and you
know, you started just doinglike, Instagram pics of the day.
(03:02):
Yeah. And you would just takephotos and like, you know, I was
kind of your beginning. Verytrue object. Yeah. And so I just
think, you know, like, at thatpoint, maybe even you thought
this is just like, this sillything are, you know, it's
(03:23):
something I enjoy. Not silly,but something I enjoy, but
didn't know. I mean, theevolution that it would take and
you know, you're extremelytalented. And so it was just
kind of, I don't know, I feellike that's kind of like that. I
feel that it's because of ourbackground and the fact that we
(03:45):
were working companions andfriends before we started taking
photos. You know,that's true, too. And almost by
virtue of what you were saying,maybe it's because we were kind
of, even though you've beenmodeling Well, before I got you.
It was a little bit of we're init together from the start.
Yeah, definitely. I think weare. We both really wanted a
(04:11):
place to like grow and and begreat, artistically. So
did you ever feel like you werecheating when you were shoot
with other photographers?
It sometimes Yeah.
Not seriously, really?
No, I mean, damn you. I mean.
Yes. And no, you know, I alwaysit's good for me to shoot with
(04:37):
other photographers, but Ialways enjoyed shooting with you
because there's that. What 30minutes of me adjusting to this
stranger, you know? Yeah. Andactually, honestly, I found that
if I shot with anyone other thanyou, I'd want to I'd prefer to
shoot with women.
(05:00):
So was that therewas a little bit less getting
comfortable time? I don't know,you know,
I think that's inherent in thetype of photography that you
probably I just felt, you know,but yeah, I didn't have to, you
know, like, do I need to have myguard up? Or, you know, I know,
my younger years dealing withphotography and photographers, I
(05:22):
have some weird, creepy storiesI can imagine. Oh, please tell
me one.
Well, my agent, my first mobile,he's my first manager. He, he's
from New York, he was like,amazing. He was, he was an
amazing anyways, he set me upwith this photographer who's
(05:44):
fairly famous from Australia.
And I used to do makeup for himand also shoot with him. And he,
you know, I honestly was justreally vulgar. And, you know, he
wanted me to like, Nam In my20s. So, and he wanted me to use
a cucumber. And just like, kindof, and, you know, this is not,
(06:09):
I'm not wanting to be a pornstar. That's not even wasn't the
route and it was very awkwardbecause it was my manager too,
that had connected me and timefriends. And he was, like I
said, he is he is on was apretty famous photographer. So I
put a rift and I mean, I never,you know, that was like, kind of
(06:34):
the end of thatrelationship able to escape
that, or did you just play it?
I like was able to escape it byplaying it out. It's not like I
just like, I'm neverunfortunately, I wish I was, but
I've never had been like aperson that's just like, fuck
you. And you get angry. I kindof like laughed it off and
(06:55):
played it off. And, you know,like, didn't do what he wanted
to do, but held the cute, youknow, it's like I played the
line, which is unfortunate, butit's true about me like I never
was. I know who you are. Ididn't get upset. Like,
honestly, I would hope that if Ihave a daughter, she would.
(07:18):
Yeah. But yeah.
Yeah, you do have a sense, in myopinion of wanting everybody to
think you're nice. Yeah. Yeah,to you. A little too much. You
wish that would change.
I wish it would change. But Ijust don't even think. I mean,
(07:39):
this literally just happenedtoday. I was telling my fiancee
that I couldn't find my debitcard. And he goes, Oh, I saw it
in the house. And I saw a cardand I just throw it away. And I
was like, Oh, that's okay. Andmy fiance. I wasn't upset at
all. I was like, Oh, that'sokay. I just ordered a new one.
And he was like, You're soweird. He's like, people get
(07:59):
angry at least. Like, like, youshould be angry. That's so true.
Um, I was like, it's not worthit. I already handled it.
Okay, but you know, what I thinkof that is because I've changed
so much and like, for me, I'mtotally with you. It's like,
okay, I'm not gonna look, Ican't control that. So I'm not
gonna let it get me. What is Idon't want to dictate how you
(08:21):
feel. But I want you to tell mewhy. Why is it that you're able
to get past that?
Well, like the, like the debitcard, or like, you know, the
debit card. The debit cardsituation is exactly that. It's
just like, there's way too manyother things in life to be upset
about. And I, one thing Iappreciate about that I don't
(08:44):
get that angry is that when I doget angry people know
something's wrong. True. Myanger if it comes, there's a
problem. Yeah, and I know whatto write, like, even for me. The
dealing with, like, sexual ones,but that kind of stuff. The
(09:04):
other stuff. To me, there's alittle bit of socialization and
some things that I definitelydidn't have down in my 20s. I
don't know if I would have beenin that situation. Now. I
probably would have told the guyI probably would have told him
off in a nice way. Yeah, I wouldhave said that's inappropriate.
But in my 20s, I was, you know,and also I was like, still, like
(09:27):
I said he he was had arelationship with my manager.
And so yeah, but anyways, Ithink
you're still in that vein. Imean, I don't know. But are you
would you in this day and agewould you laugh it off and then
still continue to shoot? Orwould it be time to walk out the
door? No, I think that it'spossible. I still catch myself
(09:47):
laughing off things thathonestly it's like, your that's
not really funny to you, youknow, but at the same time, I
also don't feel Yeah, I don't Idon't know. How I would have
reacted in that situation? Ithink it would have been a
little different. I would havejust said, That's not. I'm not
into this.
(10:09):
I hate it because not, I hate itas a photographer. Yeah. But I
hate it more as your friendknowing that that that had
happened. mean there's nothingwe can do or could do blah,
blah, blah, but ugh.
Yeah. And it's unfortunate. It'sunfortunate. I mean.
(10:36):
Interestingly enough, I couldtell you another story, but not
it wasn't about a photographer,but you can tell. But a good, a
good, not a good but adisgusting Hollywood story. And
actually, I was, againintroduced to this guy through
my manager. So isn't that weird?
This, he, this guy was a DisneyExec. And he seemingly was very
(10:59):
professional upfront, you know,he, I only met him at Disney.
And, you know, I don't know ifI'm allowed to say.
Any names? No,of course not. So, you know, he.
I met him a couple of timesthere. And it was very
(11:24):
professional. And he said, youknow, was gonna just kind of
assist me with my real. And itseemed fine. And then I think
probably the third or fourthtime that we were going to meet
up, he said, he invited me todinner. Now the dinner was the
switch. Basically, I think itwas like, the day before dinner,
(11:47):
I received something fromVictoria's Secret. And I did go
see him at dinner I should nothave but I did. And he basically
offered you know, he said he wasmarried and had kid and he just
wanted someone who understoodthe deal and you know, would
(12:08):
take care of basically kind oftake care of me or help me.
Yeah. And also help what hecould with the career and I sat
and had dinner with him. Andthen I went home. And obviously,
I was I was devastated. I crieda lot. I wasn't actually at that
(12:32):
time. I was in a relationship.
And I told, you know, told myboyfriend what happened. And he
was kind of the Hollywood typehimself. Yeah. So he's like, you
know, this happens and not, youknow, weird reaction. It was a
weird reaction. I was, you know,really upset. I thought it was
(12:53):
terrible. Just thinking aboutlike, his wife and kids. And
yeah, even if they agreed to it,how terrible that must be sure.
I don't know. So, yeah. That'sanother interesting.
I mean, it's amazing, becausenot only I mean, those are just
(13:13):
two stories enough that arelike, more than enough. And they
both happened to you.
Right? Yeah. Well, I mean, andthat's, I mean, I really don't
want our conversation to justlike, end up being about that.
But I have I have, you know,probably. Well, and I think I'll
tell you, I yeah, I do think Imean, I'm not blaming myself by
(13:36):
any any means. But you know, me,and I'm a really, like, open
person, right? And people feelsafe around me. Very true. And
that doesn't mean that I deserveit or anything. I'm not saying
that. But it just, it just makespeople feel comfortable. So
(13:58):
I know what you mean. Yeah, youdefinitely. You don't seem like
there's a stop button. And itnot in a bad way. You just seem
very open and receptive. Yeah.
So sometimes, peoplemisinterpret it and misuse and
abuse it. Yeah. Well, tell me agood story. What your good
Hollywood story.
(14:19):
Good Hollywood story. I mean,you and I are.
That's true. Do you rememberwhen we were we met?
I remember us like actuallygetting because you know, we
worked. We went to a play withcat with with my friend.
(14:39):
Kelly. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
That's that's how we met and Ididn't I didn't put two and two
together when we met at work. Idon't know what a year later.
Yeah, I mean, or even less, youknow, and I was
like, oh, hi be another new girlhere. But when I met you, you
were Maria right? And you hadlong hair. And I was just like,
(15:03):
oh, this I don't know why I justdidn't connect the dots but
Maria me I tend to be different.
Like, even my my stepson, likewhen he really wants something,
or when he's like trying to talkme into something, he will pull
out Maria keys manipulating you?
(15:27):
Yeah, he's like, Maria, pleaseMaria. Like he
thinks that's the name you wantto be called? It's
like the I don't know what itis. It's a weird, but he does.
Please marry up.
What is the deal? Maria, becauseI do call you Maria. And every
once in a while I call you me?
Because it's ingrained in me.
But a few years ago, you hadmentioned Hey, I wouldn't mind
(15:49):
if you called me Maria again.
Why? How come?
Okay, well, as I'm sitting herewith you thinking about things,
and the whole using meowinstead, Maria. Some of it is
what we just talked about. Someof it was my experiences that I
had had, as Maria trying to bean actor model. And I thought
(16:15):
that naming myself aprofessional name, and saying to
myself, Mia Eden is aprofessional, and you can
separate a need to separate,like who you are, personally
from your professional persona,which I felt would empower me in
(16:35):
situations like that I had beenin in the past, you know, I had
hoped that it would like, let metake, like my private side, and
personal side, and even some oflike, even some of these
kindnesses and understand thatsometimes like, I can't do that
(16:57):
I have to be, you know, thebusiness, you got to step up and
be a professional. So I thinkthat's what I happened. I was
like, I wanted me to be my, anentity that was, you know, just
respected as a professional,basically. And then I could
still have Maria be the personaland private person.
(17:22):
I would say that you have beenMIA for so long, that you
probably can see yourself on apersonal level as me at this
point.
I do. And that's the thing. Theinteresting thing is that I
don't think it helped at all. Ican't change who I am. And even
working on myself even working,trying to be more assertive, or
(17:46):
whatever, in these situations.
It's just hard for me, I'm just,I. It's against my nature. So
now more than anything, Iprevent myself from being in
situations that I know areprobably not the best for me.
Luckily, at this point, I'mcertainly not desperate for any
opportunities. When it comes towork, Oh, good. I want to go
(18:11):
into if my agent gets me anaudition, fantastic. If work
that I got in the past got me ajob. Right. Awesome. But I'm not
trying to make new relationshipswith people and go through any
kind of power. You know,like, it makes it easy on your
soul. Yeah, yeah. I know youpretty well. And I, for them, I
(18:37):
think you're pretty well puttogether emotionally. But you do
have issues at times where you,it's hard for you to rise above
it. But I guess my point is, doI have you? Do I have it? Right?
Are you kind of do you have yourshit together?
(19:01):
I I don't always feel like I do.
But I do think I have a prettygood understanding of my Yeah, I
have a pretty good understandingof my emotional needs. And I
have like, a lot of empathy forother people too. So I kind of
(19:21):
have, I feel like good emotionalintelligence.
I think for you, you still putother people before yourself
though, as far as your ownemotional needs?
Probably. No, I do. Andinterestingly enough, it's one
(19:48):
of the things that I think I'vebasically decided it's not going
to change Andwhat's what's specific? What do
you mean? What's not gonnachange?
I just, it's really, you know,whatever, I think that my mom
(20:12):
actually told me when I was twoyears old, you know, like, a
little thing that if anybody waslike, sad around me or mad
around me that I would want togive them hugs. And she was
like, I mean, you know, that'svery weird, like strangers. Be
cool. So it's kind of like, youknow, for a long time for a long
(20:35):
time. And still, sometimes I getfrustrated with myself, because
it's like, no, like, if I had afriend that told me, they're
not, you know, whatever it maybe different situation, you're
like, putting them other peoplefirst, I would be like, don't do
that, you know, and so I do getfrustrated. But then a lot of
times, it's like, it's just kindof who I am. And I get fresh. I
(20:58):
mean, honestly, I get frustratedif I feel that I'm not. I've
been frustrated lately. BecauseI feel like I'm not doing enough
for other people for like, theworld for people for other
people. While caring for myfamily, and but like, you know,
I used to work with kids. Andoh, when you're not doing
(21:22):
something not doing so much ofthat, and I've been feeling
very, not great about that. Youknow, like, I don't know, is
it something you're going to getback to? Or you're just not
sure.
I hope so. But right now, weactually have a family business.
It's only he and I right now. Soand it's growing, which is
(21:44):
great. Nice.
And what's going on in thebelly?
So I got a baby going on. Andyeah, four months pregnant.
Crazy.
It's insane. I thought that Iwas gonna have long blonde hair
with extensions, right now. Andthe best body ever. That was my
(22:11):
goal. I like, you know, after Ihad a miscarriage during the
pandemic, and it was really hardand lonely. But I kind of like
got I, it took about a year forme to process it.
What's the what do you mean bylonely?
(22:34):
Mom? It I mean, it was duringthe pandemic. And when I got
pregnant, it wasn't something wewant planned or wanted. So there
was a little bit of you know,and it was a lot going on. It
was stressful. But I obviouslywas, and I yeah, probably when I
(22:59):
first found out, I really wasn'texcited about it. Then you go to
the doctor, no one's allowed togo with you. So it was me by
myself. And it just kind of feltlike I was pregnant by myself.
You know, like, it's hard forthe person in who you're living
with. Like, it's not obvious,you know, you don't have this
big belly right away. Right. Sothere's a disconnect. It's like,
(23:22):
you're kind of you are alone,you know? I mean, and then I
basically, you know, didn't findout. I went to my 12 week,
screening, ultrasound. And whenI got there, and it was again,
alone, I had this the fetus wasonly about seven weeks. And you
(23:50):
know, they they said they didn'tsay, This baby's gone, gone or
anything, they just said, Isthere a problem? Is there
something wrong with yourtiming? Or maybe it's younger,
so I had to wait two more weeks.
I pretty much knew there wasn'tanything wrong with the timing
like I I'm, like clockwork,yeah. So I pretty much knew that
something had happened. But Iwaited two weeks, no growth,
(24:14):
went to the doctor and demandedthat someone just tell me like,
I'm having a miscarriage. Youmean no one no one would no one
would say to me, you just lostyour baby. Like you felt like
they shouldn't say to me, youjust you're having a miscarriage
or you had a miscarriage. Andyes, in my mind, like someone
(24:36):
should have. I was one whobasically looked at my doctor's
eyes and said I had a missedmiscarriage. And she said, it
seems so it's just like, youknow, it was that really, it
just really suckedand not being able to have your
partner right there at thatmoment, too. Yeah, yeah,
(24:57):
totally. And also because I feellike and I don't know if anybody
other I'm sure women would feelthis way. But like, it felt like
almost a made up situation. Thatwas heartbreaking. Yeah, I mean,
I would wake up in the middle ofthe night and just like, feel
like I was in a nightmare.
Because I had this living, I hada living being inside, and then
(25:19):
it was gone. So I just, I just,it was, you know, and when
you're in it, you feel like,you're never gonna have that
opportunity again. And in a way,you don't like I now have a
baby, but I don't believe Imean, it's not the same spirit.
Maybe it is. But I don't thinkso.
(25:42):
Oh, yeah, I see what you'resaying. I would feel like it's a
new spirit.
I think it's a new spirit. Andso that Spirit came and hung out
with me for a little while. Andyeah. See, seems like to me made
a good decision. There is lessconcerns now. Like, I was really
wondering how I was going tohave the pregnant, you know, if
(26:05):
how childbirth was going tohappen was like, I shouldn't be
alone. So that these things Icame to peace with. And I also
had just, you know, my family,my partner and my stepson don't
really want another one. I mean,they say that, but you know,
(26:30):
Ready or not, and, and so I hadcome to peace. I said, Mom, I'm
just going to be a stepmom. Andthere's some positives about
that, because I could have somealone time sometimes. Yeah, it's
already really hard to be astepmom and be running a
business with your person. Youknow, it's pretty all consuming,
(26:51):
and you're going to be an oldermom. Yes.
I know. You're an older mom. Youwant to tell me? I'm 41? Yeah,
well, I'mMonday, Monday. Happy birthday.
Thank you. That's crazy, though.
And so yeah, it is.
Yeah. Well, you know, surprisedthe hell out of me, and I'll pay
(27:12):
this compliment was I don't knowif it's a compliment. But, uh,
thank you, really. But back inmy day of all my, you know,
homelessness and suicidal drama.
When I came out of all that, Idon't even know if he told me.
But if you remember, but one dayhe told me, I can't believe you
came out of that you are, you'rea warrior v. And man, that meant
(27:33):
a lot to me. And I say thatright back to you. Because I
remember when the miscarriagehappened. And you're pretty
happy, obviously down and youcame out of it really well. And
I say to you, you're a warrior.
Thanks me. Yeah, well, I mean,part of it is that we don't
(27:57):
really have a choice. I mean,you know, that you do have a
choice, you have a choice tobasically get up and find some
joy or get up and be angry andsad all the time. Right. And so
like, honestly, angry and sad,it gets exhausting.
(28:18):
Yeah. There's a great quote fromMaya Angelou. And I can't
remember the exact words, butit's like, you know, alright, so
these circumstances are not yourfault. But you're not going to
be you don't have to be definedby them.
Yeah. I, I'm, I am still superproud of you. I don't know. I
(28:44):
just like, I have seen youbecome a different person. I
feel like, in so many ways.
Yeah. I'm glad because I feelthat in myself, and I'm glad to
know that people that care aboutme see it as well. Yeah,
definitely see it. It's weird,because some times some of the
(29:05):
people that are close to me,don't see it. And I'm a little
befuddled by that. But yetpeople who see me every once in
a while, are like, hey, what'schanged about you?
Interesting. So you're bringingup something I thought about
like that. People who? I thinkit's a big mistake that we make
(29:30):
in our relationships withpeople, especially what you
said, like people that you seeall the time are more
frequently. Yeah. We make thisassumption and we start living
under this assumption that weknow that person, you know what
I'm saying? So like, we justfill in the blanks. We basically
(29:51):
assume like, I know this person,I don't. So we're not we're not
allowing for what is actuallyalways happening with people.
which is they're changing,they're making different, like,
you know, inside we like at anypoint in our life can just be
like, I don't like this. Youknow, I said earlier, there's
things I can't change aboutmyself. But a lot of times
(30:13):
there's things that it's like,Wait, I don't I'm gonna stop
doing that, like, I'm just donewith that. And when we're Yeah,
like, I understand I wasthinking it's the biggest
problem and even myrelationship, on my part is
assuming that I know what'sgoing on with my partner all the
time. I do not. I do not know.
You mean in his soul? Yeah, likewhat's going on? And what kind
(30:34):
of person he is today. Versusyesterday,
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