Ep. 159 Why So Many Adult Children Aren’t Launching & How Midlife Parents Can Reduce Their Anxiety

Are you feeling anxious about your adult child who just isn’t launching?
You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not a bad parent.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1.  Why today’s young adults are facing a drastically different—and harder—world than previous generations

2.  How phones, cannabis, and constant cultural pessimism are impacting motivation and mental health

3.  What you can do to move from guilt and frustration to calm, clarity, and more effective support

🎧 Listen now this episode will help you see the bigger picture and reclaim a sense of power and peace—no matter where your child is on their journey.

 

Send us a text

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Episode Transcript

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover why
your child struggling to launchisn't a sign that you failed as
a parent.
Welcome to Creating MidlifeCalm, a podcast dedicated to
empowering midlife minds toovercome anxiety, stop feeling
like crap and become morepresent with your family, all
while achieving greater successat work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over

(00:24):
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
experience teaching mentalwellness.
Welcome to the podcast.
Let me share with you an emailthat I got from a listener.
My adult child is struggling andall I can do is offer support.
You said it's a tough time foryoung people and that really hit
home.

(00:44):
My child feels like they'llalways be working just to get by
with little hope of everbecoming financially
independent.
They're not very self-motivated,and a bachelor's degree hasn't
led to a decent job.
I want them to get it together,but I also know they're on their
own path.
I feel powerless.
Are you in this boat?

(01:05):
From where I sit, it'sovercrowded with loving,
thoughtful parents trying tomake sense of their children's
situation.
In this episode, you'll discoverwhy so many adult children are
struggling to launch and howunderstanding the why can bring
midlife parents more calm,insight and compassion.

(01:25):
On Thursday, I'll sharepractical strategies you can
use, not just for your child'sbenefit, but to support your own
wellbeing.
As always, I'll end this episodewith an inner challenge to help
reduce your anxiety, worry, andsense of helplessness.
You may feel alone, but you'renot.
One of the most common andemotionally exhausting themes I

(01:47):
hear from midlife clients andfriends is watching their grown
child feel stuck living at home,unemployed or underemployed,
drifting without direction ordrive.
You may be asking, did I dosomething wrong?
Did I enable this?
Why can't they just take thenext step?

(02:08):
You might feel guilty,frustrated, angry, or even
resentful that your midlifeyears are being disrupted by
these worries.
But let's zoom out.
According to Pew Research andthe US Census Bureau, nearly one
in four adults, age 25 to 34 nowlive with their parents.
A number that's steadily risenover the past two decades.

(02:31):
Why?
Because today's 25 year oldshave lived through nine 11, the
iPhone revolution, the 2008housing crash, a pandemic, two
Trump presidencies, and now thebeginning of an AI revolution,
two of these events wouldreshape a generation.
They have had eight.

(02:51):
The world your child is enteringis fundamentally different than
the one you stepped into.
Housing costs have soared, wageshaven't kept pace.
Student loan debt is crushingand many of the clear job
ladders you may have relied onhave collapsed.
The pathway forward for yourchild is not clear.
It's not defined, and it is noteasy.

(03:14):
When we were young, landing ajob with benefits and a path
forward, I.
Even right out of high schoolwasn't unusual.
One of my high school classmateswho finished near the bottom of
the class went into sales and isnow doing incredibly well.
A few years ago, he told me Iwould never get hired today.
The internet has changedeverything.

(03:36):
My strength connecting withpeople doesn't really count so
much anymore.
Back in the good old days, noone asked if a job came with
insurance.
It just did.
That's your first takeaway.
The job market today is nothinglike it was when you launched
into it.
Today, most companies wantspecialized candidates ready to

(03:59):
perform on day one, and if ayoung person didn't complete the
right internships they can findthemselves lost and excluded.
As one of my young clients saidto me, I just wanna be part of
the rat race, but I can't figureout how to get in the maze.
Even applying for a job nowoften means working with a
resume expert who understandsSEO, tailoring each application

(04:23):
to match keywords, and that'sbefore networking or connections
even come to play.
Every week.
I hear the same thing from myclients.
I want stable work.
I want a job that gives metraining and a future, and
that's coming from people withno degrees as well as people
with advanced degrees.
If this sounds foreign, it maymean your corner of the economy

(04:46):
has been insulated.
That is wonderful.
But for many, there are fewerreal pathways.
As parents, we need tounderstand how this world has
changed and we need to stopasking, what did I do wrong?
And start asking, how can Isupport my child without blaming
them?

(05:07):
Without losing myself in theprocess.
On top of this, today's 24 7news cycle constantly broadcast
the message that America isbroken, that hopelessness seeps
in.
Let me share a story.
When I was running my innerchallenge program in a local
middle school one year, I waswarned that the incoming sixth

(05:28):
graders were tough.
They were difficult.
The first day they lived up tothe hype, but I met their
resistance with surprise, and Ipraised every small effort.
Week after week, I focused ontheir strengths.
By the end of the year, theyasked me, are we your best inner
challenge class ever?

(05:48):
My point, today's young peoplehave grown up in a culture where
from both sides of the aisle,the message has been, nothing
works.
America is broken.
If you're 45, 50, or 70, you'veseen the country overcome
challenges.
If you're 25, nearly half yourlife has been dominated by
messages that inspirehopelessness.

(06:11):
So what do young people do?
Many turn to the two nationalpastimes that offer instant
relief.
Their phones and pot.
Yes, cannabis.
The average young adult spendssix to seven hours a day on
their phone.
Social media, gaming apps andporn are designed to create
endless dopamine loops.

(06:31):
This isn't laziness, it'sneurobiology.
Think about how hard it is foryou to manage your phone.
It's doubly hard for youngpeople.
Constant stimulation makesordinary tasks like applying for
jobs, cleaning, or returningcalls feel draining or
stressful.
A few weeks ago, one of myclients in her mid twenties came

(06:54):
in very anxious.
Her part-time job wanted her totake a certification exam, and
she was freaking out.
She said, I should study, butI'm too scared to fail.
but If I pass, they'll promoteme to full-time with insurance.
The first thing we did was lookat her phone usage.
Seven and a half hours a day andher sleep six hours a night,

(07:18):
often staying up on TikTok.
I explained to her that fear offailure is normal, but with that
much screen time and poor sleep,her anxiety is being fueled by
lifestyle as much as the testitself.
I asked her for the next twoweeks before the test if she
would be willing to adjust herphone use, go to the library and

(07:40):
study and see what happens.
The first day she did this, shetexted me, oh my God, I actually
studied for two hours.
Two weeks later, she passed thetest and learned what all of us
learned in our twenties, how tomanage her time a bit better,
though we didn't have the phoneto contend with.

(08:00):
Now let's talk about cannabis orweed or pot or whatever it's
called in your household.
It's legal in many states.
Often it's used to unwind orconnect socially, just like
alcohol in your youth.
But young adults are turning toit more frequently and often
without guidance.

(08:20):
Cannabis use often starts as ashort-term solution, but over
time tolerance builds.
what was occasional, and socialbecomes chronic.
I.
And chronic use is more thanonce a week, We know that
chronic use can lowermotivation, worsen mood, and
increase anxiety.
If you wanna deeper dive onthis, listen to episode 1 57

(08:44):
where I explore how cannabis canquietly worsen anxiety, drive
disconnection, and lowerinitiative.
Today I'm sharing what youngpeople are teaching me.
They want purpose, security, andconnection just like you do.
But it's important for you tounderstand that the world
they're launching into is verydifferent than the one that you

(09:07):
launched into.
One of the best pieces ofparenting advice I ever got was
for my longtime businesspartner's husband.
Their kids are a decade olderthan mine, and I asked, what
should I expect when my kids hittheir twenties?
He said, they'll need you untilthey're 30.
That was 14 years ago, and hewas right.

(09:28):
It used to be you left home at18 with a suitcase and a dream
for many that's no longer thenorm.
If your child isn't launching,please tune in on Thursday for
strategies that just might makea difference, not only for you,
but for your child.
Your inner challenge this weekis to let go of your shame
story.

(09:48):
Your child not launching isn't apersonal failure.
It's not your child's either.
It's a cultural, economic, andneurological storm that many
families are trying to navigate.
Simply notice your thoughts andemotions about what I've shared.
Are you thinking, Hey, mj, youare just making excuses.
They just need to buck up.

(10:10):
Or is your heart softening,allowing you to see your child
with more compassion andunderstanding?
Get curious instead of critical.
That shift from judgment tocuriosity will help you show up
stronger and more supportive.
So be sure to join me onThursday when we'll explore how
to support without enabling.

(10:32):
If you know other midlifeparents going through this,
please forward the episode tothem.
Thanks for listening to creatingMidlife Calm.