Have you ever felt the quiet anxiety of stepping into midlife without a roadmap or recognition?
This episode is your invisible graduation ceremony—honoring the transition no one prepared you for.
.Here’s what you’ll take away from this episode:
- Why anxiety in midlife is normal—and often a sign you’re being called into leadership.
- How to cultivate coping skills that are rooted in presence, not performance.
- The surprising power of quiet transitions and how they shape your influence and purpose.
Listen now to honor your own midlife graduation and step into the role you’ve been preparing for all along.
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In today's episode, we'll celebrate
(00:02):
your graduation to midlife.
Built-in Microphone (00:04):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
(00:25):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:29):
Welcome to the podcast, it's graduation
season, and today I want towelcome you to a graduation
ceremony that was neverofficially scheduled.
There are no caps and gowns, nomarching bands or diplomas, and
yet you are graduating.
Welcome to midlife.
This is the first major lifetransition that doesn't come
(00:50):
with a ceremony.
No one throws you a party forturning 41 or 52 or 67 but
something significant isshifting.
There's a quiet crossing takingplace, and like many rites of
passage, you might not realizeyou're in it until you're
halfway through.
Unlike the loud, brightcommencement of young adulthood
(01:11):
where dreams are shouted fromstages and applause encourages
you to chase achievement,midlife whispers.
It taps you on the shoulder inthe early hours of the morning,
or it sits with you in carpoollines, budget meetings, or
visits with aging parents.
It shows up in unexpectedquestions.
Is this it?
(01:32):
Why do I still feel like I'm 30inside?
how do my parents' facessuddenly appear in the mirror?
Why do I see my mother's handsin my own.
Midlife often surprises you.
It comes faster than youexpected.
Maybe like many others youthought by now you'd feel wise,
confident, surefooted, butinstead you might feel like
(01:55):
you're improvising just withgrayer hair and more
responsibilities.
Here's the truth.
Midlife is the moment you'rehanded the torch.
Not in a spotlight, not on astage, but in a quiet passing of
trust.
When life asks you to go deeperinto who you really are, not
just for yourself, but for thebenefit of others, your family,
(02:18):
your coworkers, your community.
It's the handoff you didn't knowwas coming, and yet here you are
carrying it.
And that torch, it doesn't shineon individual ambition anymore.
It lights the way for leadershipcare and service.
Not the loud, kind.
(02:39):
The steady kind., the kind thathelps you become someone others
look to, that invites you toguide instead of prove.
To ground your daily life.
Not in self-promotion, but inthe common good for all.
I remember the moment Igraduated into midlife, though
there was no ceremony.
No announcement, just a phonecall.
(03:02):
A family member reached out,very upset.
One of her children, was introuble with the law.
I told her I'd call my dad.
He was a lawyer with an uncannyability to find light in any
storm.
At the time he was in his earlyeighties, wintering in Florida I
called and explained thesituation.
To be honest, I thought he'dsay, don't worry, Mary Jane,
(03:25):
I'll be on the next plane home.
Instead, he listened and quietlyhe said, oh, that's terrible,
and I trust you'll find a way tohelp them through it.
That was it.
No putting on his cape, noflying home.
I hung up the phone and satdown.
(03:46):
I was stunned.
I took a breath.
And then another, and to behonest, quite a few more.
My dad, who had always knownwhat to do, had just handed the
torch to me quietly.
Clearly, I.
It was his way of saying, nowit's your turn.
After a few minutes, I gatheredmyself.
(04:09):
I called a friend who was alawyer and got solid advice.
The crisis lasted a while and Idid the best I could offering
support, showing up, helpingguide the family member through
the mess.
Years later, at my dad'sfuneral, one of his friends
approached me.
He told me that during the weekI had called, he'd been visiting
(04:30):
my dad in Florida.
They had spent that afternoontalking about how they needed to
stop jumping in to fix thingsfor their adult children.
How at some point, the best giftwas to step back To trust that
their kids could find their ownstrength when life got hard.
There was no fanfare in thatmoment, but something shifted.
I wasn't just absorbing wisdomanymore.
(04:53):
I was offering it.
I had to step in to what I hadlearned.
I had to step in to what I knew,I had to step in to the
resources around me.
And yes, it was scary.
Very scary, to be honest, tocarry the torch instead of
follow it.
But when my dad said, I trust,you'll help them.
(05:16):
Something crystallized in methat I could have never learned
any other way.
Midlife doesn't ask you toaspire in the same way young
adulthood once did.
It doesn't beg you to climbladders or collect trophies.
Instead, it asks something farmore difficult.
And far more meaningful.
It asks you to lead with whatyou've learned, to live with
(05:40):
intention, clarity, and purpose,and to give what you can to the
people and places that matter somuch in your life.
You're becoming a culturecarrier.
A wisdom keeper, a value and abridge builder.
You're now the one shapingfamilies, teams, communities,
(06:00):
and institutions, not justthrough ambition, but through
integrity, stability, andpresence.
You're being called not just tosucceed.
But to serve, this is midlife.
This is leadership in midlife,and it may not look like what
you expected.
Midlife today isn't what it wasfor your parents.
(06:23):
We live in times of greatuncertainty.
You might be launching a secondcareer due to changes in your
industry coming to terms withthe limits of your current job
raising children and caring foraging parents, or learning to
find your voice in spaces whereyou used to stay quiet.
Midlife used to mean slowingdown and enjoying the life you
(06:45):
built, but for many peopletoday, it is a time of learning
to stay stable and being a lightin all this uncertainty and
confusion.
A time to support those who areyoung and finding their way, and
those who are elderly, who arecoming to terms with the
limitations of aging.
You're not becoming, you arebeing, you are in between.
(07:10):
And that in between space, it'ssacred, it's fertile with
possibility, but often it isn'twhat you imagined when you were
younger.
Midlife has a way of calling youto things that you never even
considered but land in your lap.
For me, it was the story abovewhere my dad called me into
service for a family member.
(07:32):
I can look back now, two decadeslater, and it still takes my
breath away, but inside of me,that is the moment where I
stopped taking and began giving.
You too, are being called.
Don't let fear have you turn toyour phone instead of turning
toward being a real agent ofsupport and change to those who
(07:55):
are around you.
Those who are real, not virtual.
There is no other life stagethat surrounds you with so many
people of all ages, real peoplewho will benefit from real
connection.
Real challenges that can't besolved or supported by hitting a
like, but will benefit from youtapping into the wisdom and life
(08:16):
experience you have, but oftenunderestimate.
Find your voice in meetings.
Hold your children accountablewhen they lose their way, and
mentor that young colleague whois struggling in their job.
Do what is best for the future.
Not just your future, not justyour children's future, but all
(08:38):
of ours future.
Do this again and again andagain.
This is midlife.
Yes, there's grief in thisstage.
The loss of certain dreams, thechanging of your body, the
shifting of roles.
Sometimes it feels like you'rewalking an unmarked trail with
(08:58):
no signs to say you're doing itright.
Trust yourself.
You have come a long way fromyour high school or college
graduation.
You have a lot to offer.
Don't fool yourself intoparalyzation by saying, I'm not
enough.
I'm not sure.
(09:19):
Gently push yourself forward andoffer what it is that you can.
It will be enough.
Yes, there will be anxiety asyou step in to being part of the
solution.
Push through your anxiousness.
And offer anyway.
Move your focus to how you cancontribute to the development of
(09:43):
others.
And in doing this you willdevelop yourself.
This development in midlifeoften comes with a quiet
grounding of joy that you don'tnotice in the moment.
But in looking back, It shows upwith a sense of pride, a sense
of I didn't let my fear keep mefrom being part of the solution,
(10:06):
keep me from helping others whoI care about.
So today, on this invisiblegraduation day, here's what I
want to remind you.
You're not late to life.
You're right on time.
Even if it doesn't feel like it.
Midlife isn't a crisis.
It's a calling to offer what youcan to others.
(10:28):
You are now the elder intraining.
Even if you don't feel wise.
Others are watching how youcarry responsibilities, how you
handle uncertainty, how youspeak truth with compassion.
The world needs your presencemore than your performance.
Just make your corner of it alittle more sane, a little more
(10:49):
humane, a little more generous,because if you do that, that's
the kind of leadership midlifewas made for.
May you carry your torch withsteadiness.
May you use its light, not onlyto see, but to help others find
their way.
Your Inner Challenge for thisweek is twofold.
(11:10):
First, move your invisibletassel to the other side of your
cap.
And second, send this to one ofyour friends who you would love
to celebrate your midlifegraduation.
I'll be back on Thursday sharingmy dream commencement speech for
those graduating from highschool and college, something
that you can pass on to theminstead of a card.
M.J. Murray Va (11:34):
Congratulations, graduate.
Thanks for listening to creatingMidlife Calm.
In today's episode, we'll celebrate
(00:02):
your graduation to midlife.
Built-in Microphone (00:04):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
(00:25):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:29):
Welcome to the podcast, it's graduation
season, and today I want towelcome you to a graduation
ceremony that was neverofficially scheduled.
There are no caps and gowns, nomarching bands or diplomas, and
yet you are graduating.
Welcome to midlife.
This is the first major lifetransition that doesn't come
(00:50):
with a ceremony.
No one throws you a party forturning 41 or 52 or 67 but
something significant isshifting.
There's a quiet crossing takingplace, and like many rites of
passage, you might not realizeyou're in it until you're
halfway through.
Unlike the loud, brightcommencement of young adulthood
(01:11):
where dreams are shouted fromstages and applause encourages
you to chase achievement,midlife whispers.
It taps you on the shoulder inthe early hours of the morning,
or it sits with you in carpoollines, budget meetings, or
visits with aging parents.
It shows up in unexpectedquestions.
Is this it?
(01:32):
Why do I still feel like I'm 30inside?
how do my parents' facessuddenly appear in the mirror?
Why do I see my mother's handsin my own.
Midlife often surprises you.
It comes faster than youexpected.
Maybe like many others youthought by now you'd feel wise,
confident, surefooted, butinstead you might feel like
(01:55):
you're improvising just withgrayer hair and more
responsibilities.
Here's the truth.
Midlife is the moment you'rehanded the torch.
Not in a spotlight, not on astage, but in a quiet passing of
trust.
When life asks you to go deeperinto who you really are, not
just for yourself, but for thebenefit of others, your family,
(02:18):
your coworkers, your community.
It's the handoff you didn't knowwas coming, and yet here you are
carrying it.
And that torch, it doesn't shineon individual ambition anymore.
It lights the way for leadershipcare and service.
Not the loud, kind.
(02:39):
The steady kind., the kind thathelps you become someone others
look to, that invites you toguide instead of prove.
To ground your daily life.
Not in self-promotion, but inthe common good for all.
I remember the moment Igraduated into midlife, though
there was no ceremony.
No announcement, just a phonecall.
(03:02):
A family member reached out,very upset.
One of her children, was introuble with the law.
I told her I'd call my dad.
He was a lawyer with an uncannyability to find light in any
storm.
At the time he was in his earlyeighties, wintering in Florida I
called and explained thesituation.
To be honest, I thought he'dsay, don't worry, Mary Jane,
(03:25):
I'll be on the next plane home.
Instead, he listened and quietlyhe said, oh, that's terrible,
and I trust you'll find a way tohelp them through it.
That was it.
No putting on his cape, noflying home.
I hung up the phone and satdown.
(03:46):
I was stunned.
I took a breath.
And then another, and to behonest, quite a few more.
My dad, who had always knownwhat to do, had just handed the
torch to me quietly.
Clearly, I.
It was his way of saying, nowit's your turn.
After a few minutes, I gatheredmyself.
(04:09):
I called a friend who was alawyer and got solid advice.
The crisis lasted a while and Idid the best I could offering
support, showing up, helpingguide the family member through
the mess.
Years later, at my dad'sfuneral, one of his friends
approached me.
He told me that during the weekI had called, he'd been visiting
(04:30):
my dad in Florida.
They had spent that afternoontalking about how they needed to
stop jumping in to fix thingsfor their adult children.
How at some point, the best giftwas to step back To trust that
their kids could find their ownstrength when life got hard.
There was no fanfare in thatmoment, but something shifted.
I wasn't just absorbing wisdomanymore.
(04:53):
I was offering it.
I had to step in to what I hadlearned.
I had to step in to what I knew,I had to step in to the
resources around me.
And yes, it was scary.
Very scary, to be honest, tocarry the torch instead of
follow it.
But when my dad said, I trust,you'll help them.
(05:16):
Something crystallized in methat I could have never learned
any other way.
Midlife doesn't ask you toaspire in the same way young
adulthood once did.
It doesn't beg you to climbladders or collect trophies.
Instead, it asks something farmore difficult.
And far more meaningful.
It asks you to lead with whatyou've learned, to live with
(05:40):
intention, clarity, and purpose,and to give what you can to the
people and places that matter somuch in your life.
You're becoming a culturecarrier.
A wisdom keeper, a value and abridge builder.
You're now the one shapingfamilies, teams, communities,
(06:00):
and institutions, not justthrough ambition, but through
integrity, stability, andpresence.
You're being called not just tosucceed.
But to serve, this is midlife.
This is leadership in midlife,and it may not look like what
you expected.
Midlife today isn't what it wasfor your parents.
(06:23):
We live in times of greatuncertainty.
You might be launching a secondcareer due to changes in your
industry coming to terms withthe limits of your current job
raising children and caring foraging parents, or learning to
find your voice in spaces whereyou used to stay quiet.
Midlife used to mean slowingdown and enjoying the life you
(06:45):
built, but for many peopletoday, it is a time of learning
to stay stable and being a lightin all this uncertainty and
confusion.
A time to support those who areyoung and finding their way, and
those who are elderly, who arecoming to terms with the
limitations of aging.
You're not becoming, you arebeing, you are in between.
(07:10):
And that in between space, it'ssacred, it's fertile with
possibility, but often it isn'twhat you imagined when you were
younger.
Midlife has a way of calling youto things that you never even
considered but land in your lap.
For me, it was the story abovewhere my dad called me into
service for a family member.
(07:32):
I can look back now, two decadeslater, and it still takes my
breath away, but inside of me,that is the moment where I
stopped taking and began giving.
You too, are being called.
Don't let fear have you turn toyour phone instead of turning
toward being a real agent ofsupport and change to those who
(07:55):
are around you.
Those who are real, not virtual.
There is no other life stagethat surrounds you with so many
people of all ages, real peoplewho will benefit from real
connection.
Real challenges that can't besolved or supported by hitting a
like, but will benefit from youtapping into the wisdom and life
(08:16):
experience you have, but oftenunderestimate.
Find your voice in meetings.
Hold your children accountablewhen they lose their way, and
mentor that young colleague whois struggling in their job.
Do what is best for the future.
Not just your future, not justyour children's future, but all
(08:38):
of ours future.
Do this again and again andagain.
This is midlife.
Yes, there's grief in thisstage.
The loss of certain dreams, thechanging of your body, the
shifting of roles.
Sometimes it feels like you'rewalking an unmarked trail with
(08:58):
no signs to say you're doing itright.
Trust yourself.
You have come a long way fromyour high school or college
graduation.
You have a lot to offer.
Don't fool yourself intoparalyzation by saying, I'm not
enough.
I'm not sure.
(09:19):
Gently push yourself forward andoffer what it is that you can.
It will be enough.
Yes, there will be anxiety asyou step in to being part of the
solution.
Push through your anxiousness.
And offer anyway.
Move your focus to how you cancontribute to the development of
(09:43):
others.
And in doing this you willdevelop yourself.
This development in midlifeoften comes with a quiet
grounding of joy that you don'tnotice in the moment.
But in looking back, It shows upwith a sense of pride, a sense
of I didn't let my fear keep mefrom being part of the solution,
(10:06):
keep me from helping others whoI care about.
So today, on this invisiblegraduation day, here's what I
want to remind you.
You're not late to life.
You're right on time.
Even if it doesn't feel like it.
Midlife isn't a crisis.
It's a calling to offer what youcan to others.
(10:28):
You are now the elder intraining.
Even if you don't feel wise.
Others are watching how youcarry responsibilities, how you
handle uncertainty, how youspeak truth with compassion.
The world needs your presencemore than your performance.
Just make your corner of it alittle more sane, a little more
(10:49):
humane, a little more generous,because if you do that, that's
the kind of leadership midlifewas made for.
May you carry your torch withsteadiness.
May you use its light, not onlyto see, but to help others find
their way.
Your Inner Challenge for thisweek is twofold.
(11:10):
First, move your invisibletassel to the other side of your
cap.
And second, send this to one ofyour friends who you would love
to celebrate your midlifegraduation.
I'll be back on Thursday sharingmy dream commencement speech for
those graduating from highschool and college, something
that you can pass on to theminstead of a card.
M.J. Murray Va (11:34):
Congratulations, graduate.
Thanks for listening to creatingMidlife Calm.
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