Episode 6: Discipline vs. Development: Raising Respectful, Resilient Kids

🚨 NEW EPISODE ALERT!

🚨 Are you struggling with how to discipline your kids effectively without breaking their spirit? Do you wonder if you're too strict or too lenient? In this episode of Dad Mode Activated, we’re tackling one of the biggest parenting challenges, finding the balance between discipline and development.

🔥 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:

✔️ The key differences between discipline and development

✔️ Common discipline mistakes parents make (and how to fix them!)

✔️ Why kids need to be heard, not just seen – how active listening changes everything

✔️ Long-term effects of different parenting styles on your child’s future

✔️ Practical discipline strategies to raise respectful, resilient kids

✔️ The power of encouragement in shaping behavior

✔️ How to hold kids accountable with age-appropriate responsibilities

🎯 Parenting isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress. Join me as we break down real-world strategies that will help you raise kids who are not only well-behaved but also emotionally intelligent, responsible, and confident.

💬 QUESTION FOR YOU: What’s one discipline strategy that works for your family? Drop your thoughts in the comments below! ⬇️

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parenting is a journey, not a destination. Keep Dad Mode Activated, because your kids need you to lead, listen, and love every step of the way.

👍 Like, share, and subscribe to help more dads navigate the wild world of fatherhood! 🚀 #DadModeActivated #ParentingPodcast #Fatherhood #DisciplineVsDevelopment #RaisingKids #PositiveParenting #GentleDiscipline #ActiveListening #FatherhoodGoals #RespectfulParenting #ParentalGuidance #RaisingResilientKids #ParentingTips

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to Dad Mode Activated. I'm your host, Matt, and today we're diving into a

(00:15):
topic that every parent faces. Discipline versus development. How do we balance teaching
respect, setting boundaries, and helping our kids grow into strong, resilient individuals
without being too harsh or too lenient? If you've ever wondered how to discipline effectively
while still fostering your child's growth, this episode's for you. But before we dive

(00:38):
in, make sure to like, subscribe, and follow the podcast so you don't miss future episodes.
Your support really does help us reach more dads who need this conversation. And hey,
you never know. You might find this episode valuable, so you could share it with another
dad who could use some encouragement or some advice, guidance if you will. But let's dig in.

(01:00):
So for this first piece, we're going to talk about understanding discipline versus development.
So let's start with the big question. What's the difference between discipline and development?
Discipline is about correcting behavior, setting boundaries, and teaching respect. Development
is about helping kids grow emotionally, mentally, and socially. Too much focus on discipline without

(01:27):
development, you risk creating obedience without understanding. So too much development, though,
without discipline, you might raise a child who struggles with accountability. So the real
talk portion of this, discipline isn't just about punishment. It's about guiding kids for the right

(01:47):
behaviors and helping them learn from mistakes. So for example, when your child talks back to you,
do you A, punish them immediately with no discussion? B, do you ignore it and just kind
of hope they grow out of it? Or C, address the behavior and teach why respect matters? We're

(02:10):
going to talk about the why a lot in this episode. But of those three answers, really C is the goal.
It's not just about stopping the bad behavior. It's about teaching kids why respect and responsibility
matter. To drive this point home, imagine a workplace where employees are only ever punished

(02:32):
for mistakes, but they're never developed through coaching and support. They don't get the
why behind that was a mistake. Would they thrive in that environment? Probably not. I would say
most likely not. And the same principle applies to parenting. Discipline without development
creates compliance, but not character. So this leads us to one of the biggest misconceptions

(02:59):
about discipline, that it has to be harsh in order to be effective. And really the truth is
is the most effective discipline is firm, fair, and focused on long term growth. So let's expand
on this with a key term and it's not going to be, it's not as scary as it sounds, but
authoritative parenting. So this style balances high expectations with warmth and support,

(03:27):
creating really fostering an environment where kids feel safe, but also understand accountability.
And there are studies out there that show that authoritative parenting leads to the most well
adjusted children, those who are competent, independent, emotionally intelligent, and all
of those things. Another term to consider is positive discipline. And this one's just an

(03:49):
approach that focuses on guiding rather than punishing. It doesn't mean letting kids get
away with bad behavior either, but rather redirecting their actions in a way that teaches
self-control and responsibility. The next piece here is the long term impact of discipline styles.

(04:10):
So the way we discipline our kids today will really shape the kind of adults they become.
So let's look at the effects of different parenting styles, authoritarian, strict rules,
harsh punishments, little warmth, which can lead to obedience, right, but also fear and low self-esteem.

(04:32):
Permissive, few rules, lots of warmth, which can result in children having these feelings of
entitlement and lack of self-discipline. Neglectful, no rules, no warmth, could lead to insecurity,
behavioral issues and difficulty in relationships, and then authoritative.

(04:54):
Clear rules, firm but fair discipline, and lots of warmth, which could produce confident, resilient,
and responsible adults. So what kind of adult do you want your child to become so you can start
shaping that person today through your approach to discipline and development?
The next piece we're going to cover, the most common discipline mistakes parents make. So we've

(05:21):
all been there, discipline is tough. We all make mistakes. So let's talk about seven, what I would
say, major discipline mistakes that parents make and how to fix them. Reacting instead of teaching.
So really you're punishing out of frustration instead of using the moment as a teaching

(05:41):
opportunity. So you're being very reactive, you're not looking at the behavior, driving
their behavior. Being inconsistent, kids need clear and predictable boundaries. So this isn't
something where, you know, the consequence, matching the action, it matches today, but maybe tomorrow
we won't do it. That's going to make it more confusing for the child. Over-relying on punishment,

(06:06):
encouraging good behavior is just as important as correcting bad behavior. And I do this a lot in
the workplace too. You know, I don't seek to provide punishment. I'm actually really interested in
saying that was a good, that was a good decision. Let's keep doing that. Let's not do these. And
here's why. Anyway, ignoring emotional needs. So many behavioral issues stem from unmet emotional

(06:37):
needs. Not modeling the behavior you expect. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for
at times. And they really learn by watching us. So model that behavior that you expect from them.
Failing to follow through. So I mentioned this a little bit ago. If you set consequences, you
you must enforce them. Using shame as a tool.

(07:02):
Correction should be constructive. Not something that's going to break the child down or be damaging
to them. This next piece, why kids need to be heard, not just seen. So this is something that's
very important to me. Because it is a mistake at times that I've seen parents make is you see your

(07:26):
child, but you're not truly hearing them. So what that means is it's not just what they are vocalizing.
It's their behavior as well. It's important to understand that kids communicate in various
different ways. It's not just going to be them saying things to act out or it'll be

(07:47):
it'll be the things that they're doing, their body language, how they're reacting to certain
situations. It might just mean they need a little help understanding. So kids don't just need physical
presence. They do need to feel heard, valued and understood. And when children feel unheard,
they may act out or withdraw. Try asking what I would recommend really is try asking your child

(08:11):
tell me what's going on instead of just assuming and that'll really work on building trust and
connection with them. So some tips on how to actively listen to your child. I know it's going
to sound silly, but this is the thing. Make eye contact. Put down any distractions. Give them your
full attention. Ask open-ended questions instead of are you okay? Can you tell me how you how that

(08:40):
made you feel might be more applicable? And then repeat and validate. So saying things like
I hear you saying you're frustrated because of X. It really does make kids feel
acknowledged like you're understanding what they're saying. And then when kids know they are heard,

(09:00):
they are more likely to respect rules, communicate openly and develop more emotional intelligence.
All right, so teaching accountability through age appropriate responsibilities.
So kids need responsibility to grow into accountable adults and really here's how and I've only broken

(09:21):
it into three pieces for toddlers. Simple tasks. Pick up your toys and make sure you show them why
that's important. For elementary age children, chores like feeding a pet or setting the table,
cleaning up the table after dinner for example. And then teens, you really want to look harder at

(09:46):
managing time, homework, personal hygiene. Giving kids responsibility early helps them become
accountable later in life. And then the role of encouragement and discipline. So encouragement
is just as powerful as discipline. Like I've mentioned earlier, kids respond better to positive

(10:10):
reinforcement than fear-based punishment. So if you remember we talked a little bit about how would
an employee react if all they ever were told was nope that's not right. But we don't really explain
the why behind why that isn't right. They need to know what good looks like. So praising effort

(10:31):
and not necessarily just the results are important. For example, your kid comes home,
you check the grades, let's say they've got an F in a class. So you go through and you look and
they've turned in every single assignment. So it's not a matter of effort. They're doing really well
at providing effort to go after that grade and get it up from an F. But they're just not getting the

(10:56):
results that they need to. So maybe that's something where they need help in a different way. So remember
it's not necessarily about what kids are saying verbally. It's things just like that where you
dig into it a little bit and say, hey, you know what, you're trying really hard. But you might need
some help here. Well, let's figure out how to help you. And then celebrating small wins. Using that

(11:19):
same scenario. You know, your child trying really hard, putting a lot of effort in, the grades just
don't reflect that, but they're trying. And then they turn it in a paper and they get a C. That's
amazing. That's a huge jump up from an F, I would say. But that kind of tells you, hey, we're on the
right track here. Let's keep trying this. And then encourage perseverance instead of punishing

(11:44):
failure. So again, same scenario with with the grades, something that'll come up throughout a
child's life. Keep on top of saying, hey, you know what, let's keep after it. Let's keep after it.
Let's get these turned in. You know, do you need tutoring? Maybe I'm really good personally at math.
I will sit with you and I will help you learn that or social studies or whatever the topic may be.

(12:07):
But don't let them give up because that'll be important later in life. It's a phrase I use
pretty regularly. It is easier to do nothing. But it's a little bit more fruitful to do something.
So you just have to point them in the direction of what that something is at times.

(12:28):
All right. And finally, for dads in particular, parenting really isn't about perfection. Every
episode I've made so far hasn't talked about being perfect. It's about what I've learned,
things that work, sometimes things that don't work, and stuff that might help you along the way.
And really every day we're faced with moments where we can choose to react out of frustration,

(12:52):
you know, be a reactive type of parent, or we can respond intentionally, meaning we're taking
the whole situation into account. We're not just looking at what was said verbally. We're not just
hearing it and reacting and hoping that it gets better later. We're intentionally looking a bit
deeper to figure out how we can help. And again, the goal is not to be the perfect dad, but to be

(13:17):
the dad who shows up, listens, and leads with wisdom. Because we work kids once too. So, you know,
there are a lot of things that we tried that worked, didn't work. We knew what we could get away with
and what we couldn't. So a challenge for you this week, identify one area where you can shift from
reactive discipline to proactive teaching. I'm not going to give you the answer. It's just something

(13:40):
that would be useful to really evaluate for yourself. If you're not sure, hit me up. I don't
mind helping or giving advice. Then implement one active listening technique when your child
does talk to you. And I know, like I said, it might sound silly, but eye contact. That's a big deal.
Put your phone down. Stop what you're doing. Turn around and just, what was that? You might be

(14:06):
talking about Godzilla and Roblox. You never know, but it's important to them. So just hear them out.
It's going to make them feel like they are heard and not just seen. And then model one positive
behavior you want your child to develop. So for example, drink coffee in the morning.

(14:26):
Coffee cup is dirty. You put it in the sink. And it's still dirty in the sink. Or wash the coffee
cup. Put it away. It's clean. Dry it off. All of the fun stuff. Put it in the dishwasher, whatever
your circumstances are. But honestly, kids will see things just like that and say, well, I should
probably do that too. Or encourage them to do it. Everybody's different, but I think those types

(14:51):
of things do work. All right. So like I mentioned in the beginning of the episode, make sure you
like, subscribe, all the fun stuff. And if you don't want to do it here on YouTube, that's okay.
Or on my actual podcast feeds, I'm all over the place at this point. But mainly Apple podcast,

(15:11):
you know, at Dad Mode activated Spotify, same thing. Dad mode activated. And then right here on
YouTube. But I do want to thank you guys for tuning in. Just remember to keep showing up,
keep leading. And remember, always keep Dad Mode activated. See you next time.