Episode 7: The Working Dad’s Dilemma – Balancing Work, Family & Avoiding Burnout - Dad Mode Activated: Fatherhood Unfiltered

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome back to Dad Mode Activated. I'm your host, Matt, and today we're diving into one

(00:12):
of the biggest struggles every working dad faces, the challenges of balancing a career,
family, and personal time. It's hard to believe we're already on episode seven, eight, technically,
episode seven nonetheless. If you've ever felt like you're constantly running on empty, trying to
juggle work deadlines, family responsibilities, and the need for personal downtime, this episode's

(00:36):
for you. In this series, we'll explore a number of things, why work-life balance feels impossible,
and what to do about it, how fatherhood expectations have changed over time, the real impact of stress
and overwork on family relationships, practical strategies to reclaim your time and energy,

(01:01):
how to overcome dad guilt and set boundaries, ways to model healthy balance for your kids,
and then why this topic matters. Fatherhood isn't just about providing financially,
it's about being emotionally present and engaged, yet many of us feel torn between the

(01:22):
demands of our careers and the need to be involved dads. So before we dive in, take a moment, like,
subscribe, and comment, tell me what's your biggest challenge as a working dad? So let's
start that conversation and support each other.
The reality of work-life balance for today's dad, so let's just be honest about it, balance often

(01:47):
feels like an illusion. What makes work-life balance so hard? It could be the 24-7 work culture,
you know, technology keeps us connected to work around the clock. There's career pressure, many
jobs demand long hours, leaving little time for family, the fear of missing out, FOMO, as it's

(02:10):
more commonly known as, the constant pull between professional growth and personal responsibilities
really does create stress. And then unrealistic expectations. Society often pressures dads to
be perfect providers and present parents without acknowledging the struggle. So here's a fact for
you, according to a 2023 Pew Research study, 63% of fathers say they don't spend enough time with

(02:39):
their children due to work obligations. Another study found that working fathers today spend
three times more time with their kids than fathers did in the 1960s, yet we still feel like that's
just not enough. So here's a case study for you. So John, a senior project manager, found himself

(03:03):
constantly exhausted, always answering emails at home, missing important family moments.
And then after a seven-year-old son said, dad, do you even know my favorite color? John had a
wake-up call. He started setting work boundaries, prioritizing short but meaningful moments with
his family. And then within months, he felt less guilt, more connection with his kids, and greater

(03:27):
career satisfaction. And the biggest takeaway from that is work-life balance isn't about giving
equal time to everything. It's about making intentional choices. So really the action step
coming out of this piece is, you know, for this week, track how you spend your time. We've talked
in another episode where you map those things out, and I know it's a pain in the rear, but map

(03:53):
those things out and see where you're spending your time. Are you investing in what truly matters?
So now we're going to talk about the hidden cost of overworking and what it does to your family.
So another fact here, studies show that parents who work more than 50 hours per week report higher
stress levels, increased health issues, and weaker emotional connections with their children.

(04:20):
So there's kind of a ripple effect with overworking. There's physical health risks,
chronic stress leads to high blood pressure, poor sleep, and weight gain. There's emotional
detachment. Long work hours can make dads feel distant from their families, strained marriages
or relationships. Work stress often spills into relationships leading to conflict and

(04:46):
disconnection. And then missed milestones. Many dads regret missing important life moments with
their kids due to their work demands. So another case study here. So David, a corporate manager,
decided to scale back his hours after realizing that his kids barely spoke to him anymore.

(05:08):
By making small shifts like blocking family time as a non-negotiable
event, he regained that lost connection with his family without hurting his career.
So again, the big takeaway, overworking doesn't just impact you. It impacts your family's
emotional well-being. So another action step. There's been a lot of those throughout this

(05:30):
season already, but identify one area where you can reclaim time for your family,
whether it's leaving work on time or unplugging from emails after 6pm or whenever your work
schedule ends. And then another challenge for this week. Implement one small change,
whether it's turning off your phone during dinner or taking 15 minutes of uninterrupted

(05:54):
time with your kids. These micro adjustments do add up.
Over time. So another question for you guys. What's your biggest struggle with work life balance?
Looking forward to the comments there. So the next segment, we're going to talk about the

(06:14):
evolution of fatherhood then versus now. So fatherhood has changed drastically over the past 50 years
even. The traditional role of fathers, we were expected to be the sole providers focusing on
work while mothers handled childcare. Work life balance wasn't a concern because work and home

(06:38):
roles were clearly separated. Studies from the 1960s again show that fathers spent less than
30 minutes per day, per day, engaging with their children. So that's a big challenge for
fathers. So let's throw around some facts here. According to research from the National

(06:59):
Fatherhood Initiative, fathers in the 1960s primarily saw their role as financial providers
with less than 20% reporting active participation in daily child rearing tasks.
So then we jump into modern fatherhood and a new standard kind of fact here. From Pew Research,

(07:20):
it shows that today's father spent three times more with their children than fathers did in the 1960s.
So I talked about that a little bit before, but they still feel like, are we doing enough?
So then what's changed? So more households rely on dual incomes, meaning dads now share more

(07:42):
parenting duties. So society expects fathers to be both providers and emotionally engaged caregivers.
Workplaces are slowly adapting to paternity leave and flexible work schedules. And then another case
study. So we've got Jason, a marketing executive, found himself constantly torn between work

(08:05):
commitments and family time. After restructuring his schedule and setting non-negotiable family hours,
we reported higher job satisfaction and improved family relationships. So again,
we talk about the challenges of the modern dad work expectations versus family time.
And many dads really do struggle with rigid work schedules that don't accommodate parenting

(08:31):
responsibilities. So there's a lot of guilt and pressure that comes with that. Even when spending
time with your family, many dads feel guilty about not working more or not being present enough.
So you can kind of see that dilemma there. And then the lack of support. So unlike working mothers,
fathers are often expected to just figure it out without workplace accommodations or cultural

(08:58):
understanding. So another fact here, a 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found
that 74% of working fathers experience stress related to balancing work and family life.
74% feel like that number should be higher. But they're the psychologists. So we'll go with it.

(09:22):
So, you know, let's kind of talk about what modern dads need. And that's really support from
employers, flexible schedules, remote work options, if that's a thing, and paternity leave. A lot of
places are starting to make that pivot now. But not all. There's some emotional awareness. So

(09:43):
recognizing the importance of mental health and self care. And then the community and conversation
and then the community and conversations. More discussions about fatherhood challenges
should be shared about what our responsibilities look like at home. So the biggest takeaway from
this fatherhood today is about more than just financial support. It's about emotional presence

(10:09):
and active parenting. Another action step here. This week, try to have a conversation with your
spouse or co parent, depending on your circumstance, about how responsibilities are shared in your home.
Are there ways to make parenting duties more balanced?

(10:29):
All right, for this next segment, why work life balance feels impossible?
So let's be honest, work life balance often feels like an illusion. No matter how much we try to
split our time between work, family, and our personal responsibilities, there really doesn't
ever seem like there's enough hours in the day. The expectation to be successful in your career,

(10:53):
while also being an engaged and present father can feel overwhelming. So why does it seem like
that balance is impossible? And more importantly, what can we do about it? So in this piece here,
we're going to cover the biggest obstacles preventing balance for working dads, the psychological toll

(11:13):
of always feeling like we're falling short, the role of technology and workplace expectations,
and keeping us always on, how to shift your mindset and take control of your time.
So, and then we'll also cover the biggest obstacles to work life balance. The always on

(11:36):
work culture is something that contributes to a lot of work life balance issues. So
I'm going to throw another fact out there. 2023 American Institute of Stress.
I would love to speak with them. American Institute of Stress found that 68% of working
fathers feel pressured to be available for work outside of regular hours.

(11:59):
With smartphones and email notifications, many of us never really are fully off the clock.
Companies expect quick responses, even on weekends or after hours or, you know, phone calls for
escalations, things like that. Remote work has really kind of blurred the lines between work

(12:21):
and home life, making it hard to disconnect. So another quick case study here, James, a financial
analyst, realized he was spending an extra two hours-ish every evening responding to work emails.
We've all been there, but he had to set a hard rule. No emails after, let's say,

(12:44):
6pm again, whatever your work schedule is, but no emails after 6pm. And then he was able to notice
an immediate improvement in his stress levels and family interactions. And really family
interactions can be a number of things. It could just be you sitting there with your spouse or
your children watching a movie. Just don't engage with those work things. Set that boundary. So

(13:08):
your action step from this, if possible, establish a clear boundary with your employer about when
you're available. Try setting an auto-respond or like an out-of-office message for any after-hour
emails. And it could be something very professional. I'm currently not monitoring my emails, but I

(13:28):
will get back to you as soon as possible on the next business day. It could be that simple for
you. Obviously communicate that first. Don't just do it. Have the conversation. The next piece,
we're constantly pressured, or it feels like we're pressured to succeed at work. So I'm going to
throw another fact. Research from the Harvest Business Review found that 65% of fathers worry

(13:54):
that prioritizing family could hurt their careers. Many dads feel pressure to work extra hours to
prove their dedication and to try and secure promotions. The fear of being seen as less
committed to their jobs prevents fathers from setting boundaries. Society still rewards long

(14:16):
hours, even though research shows productivity declines with overworking. So another case study,
Chris, an attorney, used to take on extra cases to impress his boss, but after his health started
to decline due to stress, he negotiated for a flexible schedule that allowed him to leave work

(14:38):
earlier twice a week. His career stayed on track, but his family life and well-being also improved
significantly. So another action step. Have an honest conversation with your employer about
measurable work performance rather than hours long. That's something that I actually exercise

(15:03):
even today. I'm not there to make sure that I physically see you at work as often as I feel
like I should. I'm more interested in the body of work that you present and that things are
getting done, that the teams are still performing, they're receiving regular feedback, a whole number
of things. But if the schedule that your folks are working is the most important piece to you,

(15:27):
I think you may be missing the rest of the pie because there's a whole lot to it.
So the guilt of missing family moments, we're going to throw another fact in here. There's a lot
of those in this episode. A study by the National Fatherhood Initiative, National Fatherhood
Initiative, found that 57% of working dads feel guilty about not spending enough time with their

(15:51):
kids. When we're at work, we feel guilty for not working harder and it kind of creates that never
ending feeling like we're not enough. And then another piece here. So case study wise, Mark,
a sales executive, used to miss all of a sudden soccer games after realizing the guilt that he

(16:13):
felt was affecting his mood. He blocked out one game per week on his calendar as a non-negotiable
event. His son did take notice and their relationship improved dramatically. So another action step,
again, there's a lot of those too. Identify one recurring family event that you can commit to,

(16:34):
no matter what. So now we're going to talk about the unrealistic expectation that we can somehow
do it all. And social media is a big part of this. It glorifies the super dad image, making us feel
like we should be excelling at everything. And in reality, no one can give 100% to everything at

(17:01):
once, myself included. The key is prioritizing what truly matters rather than trying to do it all.
So another fact, a 2022 American Psychological Association report found that 78% of fathers
feel pressure to perform at high levels, both at work and at home, which leads to chronic stress.

(17:24):
And stress is about the last thing we need to generate more of for ourselves. So the takeaway
here, balance isn't about doing everything perfectly. It's about making intentional choices.
And the action step here is to make a list of three priorities in your life right now.

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Focus on those and give yourself permission to just let go of the rest. Give yourself permission
to let go of the rest. And really, kind of the final thoughts on why balance feels impossible.
It's because we live in a culture that rewards overwork, but overwork doesn't mean productivity.

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It's okay to say no to things that don't align with your priorities, and then small boundaries
can add up over time. So just take a shot at identifying one small boundary you can set this
week, whether it's turning off work notifications at a certain hour or dedicating uninterrupted time
with your family. And then ultimately, you have to ask yourself, what's the hardest part of work-life

(18:33):
balance for you? I'd be interested to see what you guys have to say to that. And the next piece,
we're going to talk about the super dad myth. So have you ever felt like you have to do it all?
Work long hours, be a hands-on father, support your spouse, stay in shape, keep up with your

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personal hobbies, somehow still find time to sleep? If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.
There's really an unspoken expectation that modern dad should excel in every aspect of life,
and it's honestly exhausting, extremely exhausting actually. So there's these impossible

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expectations placed on working fathers, right? And we can break it down in a number of different
ways, but we can talk about how trying to be a super dad leads to burnout. We talked about that
in a prior episode. The real consequences of spreading yourself too thin, you are going to
miss something. And if you didn't sit and make your list, not the Santa Claus list, check it

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twice, maybe you should, but you will miss something if you start spreading yourself too thin.
And then how to redefine success in a way that serves your family. So the burden of being super
dad, right? But here's another fact about it. A 2023 report talks from the American Psychological

(20:04):
Association. Again, 78% of fathers feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be a high achiever at work
and highly engaged parent at home. We're told to be providers, but also nurturers. We need to be
successful in our careers, but 100% available for our kids. We should have personal growth and hobbies,

(20:27):
but also be fully present at home. We must be emotionally supportive partners, but also strong
and resilient. And in reality, no one can give 100% to everything at the same time. So we're
going to tackle another case study for Adam, a corporate executive and father of three, tried

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to be the best at everything until he hit a breaking point. His stress levels skyrocketed,
it wasn't sleeping well, and his marriage started to suffer. After taking or talking,
after talking with the counselor, he realized he needed to prioritize what truly mattered
and give himself permission to let go of those unrealistic expectations. So for this action

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step here, identify one unrealistic expectation you've placed on yourself and just let it go.
So if it's possible, unrealistic, keep that in mind, still pay your bills. The cost of trying to do it
all. So another fun fact talks about the Harvard Business Journal and parents and parents who try

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to do it all and how they experience higher rates of anxiety, which is a buzzword these days, and
burnout. So what happens when we try to take on too much? Chronic fatigue. So trying to juggle
everything leaves little time to rest. Short tempered parenting exhaustion really does make it

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harder to be patient with our kids. Strain marriages when we're always in go mode or dad mode.
When we're always in dad mode, relationships could suffer. Neglecting self care. The first thing to
go really is often our own well-being. We stop working out, stop combing our hair, stop combing

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our beards. Yep, I need to do that. So we're going to talk another case study here. So Mark,
an entrepreneur and dad of two, believed he had to grind 24 sevens to succeed. And the results
really, he was irritable all the time, disconnected from his wife, missing key moments with his kids.
Once he started setting work boundaries and prioritizing self care, his productivity improved

(22:50):
and his relationships strengthened. So look at your daily schedule. What's one thing you can
delegate, eliminate, or reduce to free up time for what truly matters. Now we can talk about social
media's role in this whole super dad myth. So another fact, a study from the National Fatherhood

(23:11):
Initiative found that social media increases comparison stress for 62% of dads. We see the
picture perfect fathers doing it all career success, active parenting, fitness, fun hobbies,
and then we feel like we're falling short. What we don't see though, is the exhaustion,

(23:33):
the struggles, the behind the scenes, sacrifices, things that don't make it to social media.
And then you start to kind of realize that these dads are just like we are.
So another person here, Chris, who's a father of one, found himself comparing his parenting

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to influencers online and we've all seen them. He felt like he wasn't doing enough.
And then he realized that social media really only shows highlight reels, which is true
and not reality. So social media can inspire, but it shouldn't define our expectations of
fatherhood. So what I would recommend, and I'm actually in the middle of doing this myself right

(24:15):
now is taking a social media break for 24 hours. Ideally, mine has been a little bit longer,
and it's been fantastic, but focus on what really matters, which is your own journey as a dad.
So how do we redefine success as a dad? You know, instead of chasing the impossible,

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we should really be focusing on what truly matters. Presence over perfection, your kids don't need a
perfect dad. They need an engaged one. Quality over quantity, even short, meaningful interactions
have lasting impact. Progress over pressure. Growth takes time. And there's no more

(24:58):
time. And there's no such thing as a perfect dad. So this week, choose an area where you can release
the pressure, release the pressure to be perfect and focus on being present instead. And then
what's one expectation you've placed on yourself that you do need to let go? I would love to hear
about some of those and I'll share mine too with you privately. Oh, maybe I'll share a bunch of it

(25:22):
on the show. I haven't decided yet. So in this next piece, the cost of overworking stress, health,
impact on relationships, and it's something we all struggle with. Many of us have been
well conditioned to believe that working longer hours equals success. But what happens when that

(25:42):
success comes at the expense of our mental health, our physical health, relationships,
overall happiness. So we're going to cover things like the physical and emotional toll of working
too much, how work stress affects your parenting and marriage, signs you might be overworking,
and how to adjust, and then some strategies to regain control of your work life balance.

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So first up, it's going to be the toll of overworking on your health in general.
So here's another fact. According to the CDC, working more than 55 hours per week,
more than 55 hours per week increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and high blood pressure.

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That's from the CDC. Lack of sleep leads to weakened immune systems and increased risk of burnout.
Chronic stress raises cortisol levels leading to weight gain, anxiety, and fatigue. And then poor
work life balance often results in neglecting exercise, healthy eating, and self-care in general.

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So for this action step, just take an honest look at your weekly hours. If they consistently
exceed 50 hours, consider setting a hard stop time each day. So now we're going to talk about
how overworking affects your family. And studies have shown that kids with overworked parents report
feeling emotionally disconnected from them, even when they're physically present.

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Kids crave emotional availability, not just financial security. Spouses often feel neglected
when work takes priority. That's just a fact. Missing important events like school plays or
bedtime routines affects long-term relationships. So my recommendation is set a weekly family priority,

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whether it's game night, bedtime stories, or weekend outings, just commit to it,
mark it off in your calendar, don't do anything but that, just make it happen.
So here are some signs you might be overworking. And really, I would say if you experience

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three or more of these, it's probably time to reevaluate.
So if you're overworking, you're going to have to stay awake, constant exhaustion, even after you
go to sleep and you wake up, increased irritability or lack of patience, feeling guilty when you're
not working, missed important family events, lack of personal time or hobbies, increased stress

(28:23):
or anxiety. So if we had to do this, we should sit back and identify one work-related activity,
work-related, not family-related, or things you do around the house, an actual work-related activity.
You can reduce, delegate, or eliminate this week and really focus on yourself.

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So regaining control of your whole work-life balance does involve setting boundaries. Maybe
it's no emails after a certain time. Use your vacation dates. Unuse PTO unless you have an
unlimited PTO plan, but even then it's not a badge of honor to just not use it. Prioritize your

(29:05):
self-care, exercise, sleep, relaxation, those all matter. And then communicate with your employer,
your boss or whomever. Advocate for a better balance. So what I'd ask you to focus on here is to choose
one habit to change to reduce overworking. And then kind of ask yourself, have you ever felt trapped

(29:30):
in work overload? So in this next segment, we're going to talk about some time management
strategies for dads. And really, what's really driving it is there doesn't seem to be enough
time in the day. Work, parenting, everything else. It's easy to feel like you're always behind.

(29:51):
But what if I told you time management isn't about working harder? It really is about working
smarter. I know that's super cliche, but that's a true thing. So here are some things we're going
to cover. The 80-20 rule, and we'll talk about that more here, but how small shifts create
big results. Why traditional time management advice doesn't work for dads. Practical strategies to

(30:18):
reclaim hours in your week. And then how to be present for your family without sacrificing your
career. So I'm going to throw another fact out here. From the Bureau of Labor Statistics,
the average full-time working dad spends three to five hours per day on job-related tasks

(30:39):
outside of scheduled work hours, three to five hours per day. And you're not even at work and
you're still doing work stuff. So most productivity tips or things that you could find online,
I want to get better at doing X, Y, and Z. I want to really excel. None of those tips focus on

(31:01):
family responsibilities, not that I found. They're very few and far between. Work faster advice
doesn't really account for interruptions and dads. There's a lot of those. And then trying to schedule
every minute, we talked about making a list of what we do, but trying to schedule every minute
of what we're doing just creates more stress. So instead of time management, focus on energy

(31:28):
management. Prioritizing tasks when you have the most energy and reserve low energy times for
simple activities. For example, I love waking up early and I am my most productive early in the
morning. By the time afternoon rolls around, I kind of feel like I want to take a nap. I kind of feel
like I don't want to do anything. That's my low energy time. And then by the time the evening

(31:51):
comes around, I'm right back at it. I'm ready to go until bedtime. And then I just completely crash.
But that's me. Everybody's different. So now talking about the 80-20 rule, another fact here,
the Pareto principle states that 80% of results come from 20% of actions. The Pareto principle,

(32:13):
principle, Google it, it's cool, states that 80% of results come from 20% of actions. So 20% of your
work creates 80% of your success. So identify and focus on those tasks. 20% of your family
interactions create 80% of their emotional connection. Prioritize quality over quantity.

(32:37):
So look at your to-do list. If you made one, I still recommend it. I can help you. But I would
suggest making it so you can go through and eliminate, delegate, or delay the bottom 20% of your
tasks. For those low energy times, right? High energy, low energy. I gave you the example. Everybody's

(33:01):
times. And then there are three somewhat simple strategies for busy dads to reclaim time,
time blocking, reserve specific hours for work and family. Now we talked about scheduling every
hour of your day is just not conducive to your long-term success. But blocking a regular

(33:25):
chunk of time could go a long way. For example, Taco Tuesdays. We do that. I don't do anything else,
but Taco Tuesday on Tuesday evening. But I'm still there. Batching tasks. Group together similar
tasks to reduce switching, you know, from time to time. And then the two minute rule. If something

(33:48):
takes less than two minutes, just do it immediately. And it might sound ridiculous, but less than two
minutes. Just go knock it out. And then it's done. You can worry about something else. And then
really again, what I would recommend is identifying one time wasting habit and replace it with an
efficient routine. So that's on you. That's not on me. I do these things. So how to be president

(34:15):
home without sacrificing work. You know, kids remember quality interactions over quantity.
Even 10 minutes of focused attention can strengthen those bonds. So set a non-negotiable family
activity for this week. Just a non-negotiable. We're going to do this regardless, whether it's
reading before bed, tech free dinners, no cell phones or anything like that. Or maybe you guys

(34:40):
are going to go out on a Sunday and just do something. It's up to you. But I would recommend
trying one new time management strategy and then just let me know how it goes. And then maybe we
can talk about what your biggest time wasting habit is. Could be listening to this podcast.
I doubt it. It's very informative. I'm kind of awesome. So in this next piece, we're going to

(35:02):
talk about the art of being present and how to maximize quality time. But honestly, sometimes
we're home, but we're really not there. Our bodies are present, but our minds are still at work on
our phones or thinking about tomorrow's responsibilities. But what if I told you that being fully present
is one of the most impactful things you can do for your family? So some of the things we can talk

(35:26):
about here is the science behind quality time versus quantity time, how distraction is damaging
to your family relationships, and then simple strategies to create deeper connections, as well
as some practical ways to be mentally present, mentally and emotionally present at home. So

(35:47):
according to a study from the Journal of Marriage and Family, children who experience consistent,
high quality interactions with their parents develop stronger emotional security and resilience.
So again, quality time is in about how many hours you spend. It's about how you're engaged
while you're in those moments. A 10 minute meaningful conversation is more valuable than an hour

(36:12):
of half focused interaction. Kids remember how you made them feel, not just the number of hours
you were home. So ideally, or ideally really what I'm recommending is identifying one moment
each day where you can be fully present, whether it's bedtime stories, dinner, school drop off,

(36:36):
school pickup. There are little chunks of time where you can really put forth the effort and
have a good quality conversation or quality time with your children. But then we can talk about
how distraction is really hurting your family. A 2022 study from Common Sense Media found that 72%
of children feel frustrated when their parents are distracted by their phones.

(37:04):
We've all done that. Multitasking makes it harder to form deep emotional bonds. So when kids don't
feel seen or heard, they stop opening up. Partners can also feel neglected when they're physically
mentally absent, when they're physically there and mentally absent. So try a distraction free hour

(37:27):
every evening, just every evening, whether your kids are there or not, depending on your circumstances,
put away your phones, TV, other interruptions and just have a conversation with the people that are
in the room. It's kind of a big deal. So here are some again, practical ways to be more present.
The eye contact rule. When your child talks to you, stop what you're doing and look at them.

(37:53):
A device free type of family time, create a no phone zone. You can even make a sign. You can
make it rhyme all the time. But do that during meals or bedtime. Schedule one on one time.
It sounds so silly to say that out loud. But scheduled one on one time. That's something as

(38:15):
simple as planning a small outing with each child to build individual bonds. It actually goes a long
way. Do that myself. I really love doing it. So choose one way to be more present in your daily
interactions. We just talked about a few of them. So just give it a shot. So now let's talk about

(38:39):
some self care for dads. Why it's essential, not selfish. And really, we neglect these things. And
it's not selfish, but we really do need to take care of ourselves. Too many of us believe that
prioritizing our own well being is selfish. But the truth is, if you don't take care of yourself,

(38:59):
you really can't take care of your family. So we're going to cover things like why self care
isn't selfish. It's essential. Physical and mental health benefits of self care.
How neglecting yourself impacts your family. And then practical, time efficient self care strategies.

(39:21):
So a 2023 study, again, American Psychological Association reports that 72% of fathers report
feeling burned out, but only 25% actively engage in self care. Self care isn't about indulgence or
indulging. It's about preventing burnout. Neglecting yourself leads to irritability, fatigue, and

(39:46):
stress overload. Your family needs you at your best, not just physically present. So take a shot
and identify one small self care habit that you can start today. Or we can talk about how neglecting
yourself hurts your family. So studies show that children of stressed overwork parents

(40:09):
are more likely to experience anxiety and emotional struggles. If you're constantly exhausted,
or you always say you're tired, or your patient's level drops, neglecting sleep and diet could lead
to irritability, poor health, your relationship with your spouse suffers when you're drained.
Again, if you're constantly saying, well, I'm just tired, it might be time to look at something

(40:34):
differently. But for this week, or going forward, prioritize better sleep. I talked before in another
episode, set a bedtime, just set one and stick to it. Mine's coming up actually. I'm going to do that.
So here's some practical self care tips. Three of them really move your body. Even a 15 minute

(40:59):
walk can reduce stress. We've talked about that in another episode. Mindfulness and deep breathing,
taking five deep breaths when you feel overwhelmed or a lot better than doing nothing.
Short recharge breaks, read, listen to music, or do something enjoyable every single day.
Now, I had talked in another episode, I like to take naps on the weekends. During the week,

(41:25):
not so much. But I do some of these other things here, 15 minute walk, deep breaths,
when I'm feeling overwhelmed, taking those short recharge breaks, all of those things are important
and will really help you in the long run and the short short run, short term.
So pick one self care habit and schedule it into your week. If it's not on this list, that's okay.

(41:48):
Just pick one and then go do it. I'm not going to judge you. I don't even know who you are.
Next, we're going to talk about how to overcome dad guilt and set boundaries. And really, this is
something that eats away at a lot of us is that dad guilt. And you really do know the feeling. I

(42:09):
know you do. But when you're at work, you feel guilty for not being with your family. When you're
with your family, you feel guilty for not working harder. It's a never ending cycle that leaves
us drained, stressed, and feeling like we're constantly falling short. So a couple of things
we're going to cover here, why dad guilt is so common and where it comes from, how unrealistic

(42:32):
expectations fuel guilt and stress, how to set healthy boundaries without feeling selfish,
and then strategies to silence guilt and be more confident in your role. So we're going to talk about
more research here from 2023. Pew research, 57% of fathers feel like they don't spend enough time with their children.

(42:57):
Remember I mentioned that earlier. Despite spending three times more time with their kids than fathers in the 1960s.
Remember when I talked about that earlier? Hopefully it's all kind of making sense because society tells us we need to excel at everything.
Career, fatherhood, marriage, fitness, all kinds of stuff. The always on work culture makes us feel guilty for not doing enough at home.

(43:25):
And then we try to compare ourselves to the unrealistic portrayals or depictions of fathers on social media or fatherhood on social media.
So again, write down your top three priorities as a father. Focus on what truly matters instead of feeling guilty about what doesn't.
Just write them down, like top three things and don't lie to yourself. It's just not worth it. Nobody's watching. We're not going to judge your list.

(43:51):
But your top three things as a father, top three priorities. Just try it.
So again, we talked about a study from the American Psychological Association where 74% of fathers experience stress from trying to do it all, trying to meet unrealistic standards, things like that.

(44:12):
That can lead to burnout. Guilt is often fueled by things we think we should do rather than focusing on what's realistic and meaningful.
Comparing yourself to other dads, especially on social media, the highlight reels only amplifies guilt.
So take a look and identify one should expectation that isn't realistic and just let it go.

(44:39):
And I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I want to throw some examples out, but I'm not trying to get in trouble.
Anyway, setting boundaries without feeling selfish. So research shows that fathers who set clear boundaries between work and family time report higher job satisfaction and stronger family relationships, saying no to unnecessary obligations makes room for what really matters.

(45:03):
Work-life balance isn't about equal time, but about intentional time.
So communicating those expectations with your boss, your spouse, your kids, it'll help reduce conflict.
So choose one work boundary. Set it this week. Talk to your boss. Talk to your work. Stick with it. Just give it a shot.
So now we're going to tackle a tough one, building a strong relationship with your spouse while juggling responsibilities.

(45:33):
While fatherhood is demanding, we can't forget one of the most important relationships in your life is your spouse.
If you have one, circumstances are different for everybody. I'm just saying, but when work, parenting and stress take over, marriages and partnerships often get put on the back burner.
But the truth is a strong relationship with your spouse makes you a better father.

(45:55):
So a couple of things we're going to cover. Why relationships suffer when fatherhood and careers take priority?
How to stay connected even with a busy schedule, small daily habits that strengthen relationships, and then how to communicate needs and expectations effectively.
So why do relationships suffer when parenting takes over?

(46:19):
And studies have shown that 67% of couples experiencing a decline in relationship satisfaction after having children.
Because the parenting shift or parenting shifts the focus from an us to them, leading to kind of an emotional distance.
Stress and fatigue may communication breakdowns more frequent. Many dads prioritize working kids, but forget to nurture their marriage.

(46:49):
So schedule one intentional conversation with your spouse if you have one this week, no kids, no distraction, and just kind of see what happens.
Or we can talk about, you know, how to stay connected despite a busy schedule because research from the Gottman Institute shows that small daily interactions like texting your spouse during the day.

(47:12):
The long term relationship satisfaction daily check ins, even if it's a five minute chat, keep the bond strong shared experiences like cooking together or watching a show, reinforce connection, expressing appreciation regularly builds goodwill and prevents resent.

(47:33):
Resentment, sorry. So pick one small daily habit to stay connected with your spouse. Just try it. Just pick one. I'm not going to pick it for you. I can if you message me, but I don't know if you want me to do that.
But couples who practice active listening techniques do often report higher marital satisfaction. So you want to stay away from things like the fix it mode. I'm going to fix it all. Sometimes your spouse just need you to listen.

(48:04):
Understand I statements, instead of blame, I feel overwhelmed versus you never help.
Those are two different things. Schedule relationship check ins to discuss stress, parenting and goals. Personally, I don't do this one. But I feel like I need to feel like I'm going to try it just to see what happens.

(48:26):
So I can have that 10 minute checking conversation this week, maybe about how we're both feeling. You should guys should you should try it too.
So you can get one small habit this week to try and strengthen your relationship.
And now we're going to bounce on over to teaching kids resilience by modeling behavior. So one of the greatest gifts we can give children is the ability to handle life challenges with confidence.

(48:53):
And the best way to teach them is by modeling balance in our own lives. So when kids see their father setting boundaries, managing stress and prioritizing family, they learn how to do the same.
So we'll talk through things like why kids learn resilience from their parents, how work life balance influences children's emotional health, practical ways to show your kids how to manage stress and responsibilities, and then how to have meaningful conversations

(49:22):
about balance and well being.
So studies show that children of parents who model work life balance are more likely to develop healthy stress management skills.
Kids absorb our behaviors. If we're constantly stressed, they will learn that stress is normal.
If they see a set boundaries, prioritize self care and value relationships, they'll internalize those habits.

(49:48):
Parents that openly discuss managing stress and time help children develop coping mechanisms for their own lives.
So your action from this one, choose one way to model healthy balance, whether it's unplugging from work during family time, exercising regularly, or talking openly about stress management.

(50:14):
Or we can talk about research from the American Academy of Pediatrics, who's found that children whose parents demonstrate healthy work life boundaries are more likely to develop emotional security and self confidence.
When dads are emotionally available, kids feel more secure.
Overworking can make children feel neglected, even if we're working for them.

(50:39):
Prioritizing family connection fosters strong emotional well being in children.
So implement a weekly check in conversation with your kids.
Talk about stress, talk about emotions and balance and feelings and all of those things and just kind of see what happens. You might learn a lot.
Three strategies to show kids how to manage stress, verbalize your choices.

(51:03):
Explain why you're taking a break or explain why you're setting a boundary.
Show them healthy coping habits, exercise, write a journal, engage in a hobby with them, or practice your own personal hobbies.
Let them watch you do it. I don't know.
Create family downtime.
Make tech free evenings or engage in a weekly or weekend routine. Make it a priority.

(51:30):
So just choose one small habit to model healthy balance for your kids this week.
And it'll help teach your kids resilience by modeling that balance.
And then the last piece we've covered a ton in this episode, work life balance, time management, self care relationships, and even teaching resilience to our kids.

(51:54):
So let's bring it all together with some long term strategies that will keep moving, keep us moving in the right direction.
So we'll cover things like how to implement long term change without being overwhelmed, simple habits to stay balanced, even during busy seasons, and then a final challenge to take action today.
I've had a lot of those, but there's just one at the end. If you had to do one, do that one.

(52:20):
So kind of recapping some of the key lessons for this episode balance isn't about equal time. It's about intentional time.
Let go of the super dad myth. Perfection isn't the goal. Boundaries matter at work at home and for yourself.
Being present is more valuable than being perfect. Your kids learn from your actions. So model balance and resilience.

(52:50):
Studies show that habits take an average of 66 days to form. Small consistent changes lead to lasting transformation.
So start small. Choose one change at a time. Instead of trying to overhaul everything all at once and then track your progress.
Again, we talked about writing things down, write down what's working and adjust where needed.

(53:13):
Hold yourself accountable. Tell a friend, tell your spouse, make a journal, tell on yourself. That could be helpful.
But really just choose one small change and commit to doing it for the next 30 days. And this final challenge, right?
Your three step challenge. Like I said, if you had to do any of them, I would recommend doing this one.

(53:35):
Identify one work boundary that you will enforce. Pick one way to be more present with your family.
And then choose one self care habit to protect your mental health and physical health.
If you want me to read them again, I'll do it just for fun and I have nothing else to do but go to bed here in a minute.
Identify a work boundary. Pick a way to be more present with your family. And then choose a self care habit that will help you protect your mental and physical health.

(54:05):
So dads, just remember, you know, we've got a lot on our plates, perceived, implied and otherwise.
But no matter what, you're not alone in this. So I just want you to understand that you've got this small steps can lead to big changes.
And I appreciate you guys for listening in. So take a couple shots of those actions and remember to keep dad mode activated.

(54:30):
I'll catch you next time.

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Episode 7: The Working Dad’s Dilemma – Balancing Work, Family & Avoiding Burnout

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 7: The Working Dad’s Dilemma – Balancing Work, Family & Avoiding Burnout