October 23, 2024 • 33 mins
Through Articulation, Becca recounts her challenging return to religious roots, shaped by early indoctrination and the quest for genuine connection within a church community. This story sets the stage for her transformative life in Ohio, where faith and community catalyzed new beginnings.
Becca opens up about the emotional turmoil and isolation often experienced during such transitions, shedding light on the darker realities within religious institutions. The conversation also highlights her journey toward liberation from fear and shame, and how these changes have influenced her approach to parenting and spirituality. Becca's candid reflections provide a universal perspective on faith, urging listeners to embrace an open-minded understanding of human experience.
Finally, we tackle the often-taboo topics of marriage and divorce, challenging societal and religious expectations. Through Becca's story, we explore the importance of personal happiness over conformity, introducing the concept of "uncoupling" as a healthier approach to separation. Alright f*ck this.....just head to her Only Fans
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
So I've been in it all.
Then I, at around 15, I'm like,fuck, all this shit, this is
stupid.
I can't do this anymore.
I don't even I don't want tosubscribe to any of this,
because for me, my dad is ahypocrite.
That's how it felt like.
It's like what?
What are these?
All these hypocrites everywhere?
I just I can't even get onboard with this stuff anymore.
So I left, did my own thinguntil I was about 20.
(00:28):
But this is often when peoplecloser in their adult life end
up getting saved.
Or back at church orrecommitting their life to the
Lord is when they typically havesome type of it's not always,
but some type of trauma rightwhen they're feeling really
lonely, really broken, reallyfucked up.
And so that's what happened tome.
I had a two-year relationshipwith a really narcissistic,
abusive man, and after I got outof that which took so much for
me to get out of that I reallyjust needed some sense of safety
(00:49):
in my life, some sense of like,peace, some sense of like I was
not a piece of shit.
And so I ended up going back tochurch and that's where I met
my, the guy who I ended upmarrying, and he was in the Navy
.
So at the time it was likemilitary, of course, virginia
Beach, right, what do you expect?
And then he's like, oh no, Iwant to get out and actually be
(01:12):
in ministry.
I was like, yeah, I was back tolike.
I was back to like subscribingto Christianity and like and
taking it on.
I don't do thingshalf-heartedly.
When I'm loyal to something,I'm loyal.
So I dove back in and I reallyfound I really had a very strong
relationship with Jesus Legitright, like I was the one who
(01:35):
was the biggest worshiper when Itook prayer serious, like this
wasn't like a show for me, likeit was legitimately became my
identity, it's who I was and itwas oozing out of every pore.
And then we ended up moving toOhio because he wanted to plant
a church.
No way, get the hell out.
(01:56):
Now he's from here, he's fromOhio.
So it wasn't that weird that hewanted to move here.
So I was kind of along for theride.
So we got here.
We ended up not church planning, we ended up partnering with
another church that was in itsbaby stage kind of, and we ended
up going on staff there.
I was working on my counselingdegree and so I have a natural
(02:17):
like.
I'm a natural leader.
I have natural leadershiptendencies and I love speaking,
so it just it was like a perfectfit for me to just start
working at the church, so Iliterally ended up on staff as a
pastor for several years.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Jeez, yeah, and now this church.
When you say you started, hewent to start playing.
Why, like?
Why not just join forces withthe church that you guys were
going to in Virginia?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, that's a great question.
Or find a church similar.
Yeah.
So I believe that, based oneverything he shared with me,
and what he would answer thatquestion to be, would be that he
felt like this strong pull onhis heart to come back to Ohio
and to do ministry here and then, as far as a church plant goes,
I honestly think that was a lotof brainwashing and I think he
would agree with that now, rightLike I don't think he knew that
(03:09):
at the time, but he grew upwith his entire life being told
oh, you have a calling in yourlife, oh, you're supposed to go
into ministry.
And when you are a young childand you're being told that,
you're basically being told thedirection and it's from God,
mouth from god.
Can you imagine what that doesto a person over time, after
they've been told it again andagain and again?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
it's like so, yeah, it's sick.
It's sickening to even thinkabout that because, like there's
so much that's taken advantageof, I mean, yeah, he's you know
it's not bad.
Yeah, it's sick, but anyhow, thepeople who married my mom, the,
the priest who married my momand dad is.
I was watching this.
She said, oh yeah, he made thatlist.
There's like a list of allthese fucking pedophile priests
(03:52):
and yeah, they don't go anywhere, they just get moved to
different churches, differentparishes.
So I looked at it.
She was right, he married her.
I don't know where he's at now,but out.
But it's just like yo as achild, just like you're saying
from god, like a career path isone thing, but like imagine
something like that and thenlike it's from god, and then
like you're fucked for, like forfor eternity.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I mean, yeah, it's sick, but I'm sorry, go ahead
yeah no, I think it's one thingto call out children's giftings
like oh you're, you're naturallygifted at leading, or you're
really good at like engineeringtype stuff, but to be like
you're supposed to like.
Oh you're, you're naturallygifted at leading, or you're
really good at like engineeringtype stuff, but to be like
you're supposed to do this,you're supposed to be in like in
general, it's just fucked up.
But then, yes, add the god toit and you're just like I don't
(04:34):
want to run away from god Idon't want to right so that's
how we ended up.
I was so glad we didn't churchplant because I didn't want to,
but then, and actually whathappened ended up being like I
had some bad experiences in thatchurch for sure.
The senior pastor ended upbeing a stone-cold narcissist
and, like like everyone, hisreputation is completely ruined
(04:58):
around this entire area.
Now the church doesn't existanymore.
It was like there, that's awhole.
That's a whole other episode,but I would probably never do
that anyway.
But that's not actually whatcaused my whole walking away
from it.
I just started asking this iswhat it goes back to.
When we first started talking.
I started asking hard questionsto myself at some point and
being like why do I believe this?
(05:19):
How does it serve me?
Do I believe this?
Because someone told me tobelieve this.
And so I ended up, long storyshort, ended up first stepping
down out of ministry and stoppedworking at the church.
Then I left the church, and whenI say left the church, I mean I
left the church at largecompletely.
I will go to a church if I needto go to a funeral or wedding,
(05:39):
but that's going to be it, and Ihave no judgment of those who
go.
It's not a problem if someone'slike, oh, I love my church and
I go, it's OK, that's not it,this is for me, right, this is
what I'm choosing for me.
And then the most painful yearof my life was the year after I
left the church, and that wasdeconstructing completely, where
I got down to like really hardquestions about Christianity and
(06:02):
about my beliefs and came tothe conclusion that I could not
subscribe to being a Christiananymore because the staple
pillar beliefs are reallyactually founded in fear masked
with love, and so I still dobelieve in a higher power.
I do believe I'm spiritualstill and I feel connected to a
(06:25):
higher power.
And what's wild is like all thegiftings I had which in the
church, in my church, would havebeen called like prophetic or
whatever, like I still have allof these giftings and things
that I can operate in, becausehere's the truth.
We are all wearing lenses, soeverything I experienced,
spiritually speaking, in thechurch and in Christianity was
real, all of it was real.
(06:49):
It's just that I saw it allthrough the lens of Christianity
versus just the lens of beinghuman and having spiritual
experiences, which is much moreopen minded, right, much more
like a universal approach.
And so I have it's hard to tellpeople, because you got to also
understand being in ministry.
I was a pastor for several years, so the majority of people that
followed me on social media,the majority of people I was
(07:10):
friends with, they're all stillin church or they're Christians
or whatever, and I'm walkingaway from it and I'm starting to
speak up about it Like no, noone was okay with that.
I literally had no friends foran entire year.
It was the loneliest year of mylife.
I I literally had no friendsfor an entire year.
It was the loneliest year of mylife.
I had no one and on top of thefact that I had no one every day
because I was wrestling with itwasn't like an easy switch.
(07:33):
It wasn't like I don't thinkI'm a Christian anymore.
This was like peeling layers ofmy flesh off of me.
That is how fucking painfulthis process was.
Every fucking day for at leasta year straight, I thought I was
going to go to fucking hellbecause I also believed in hell,
right.
So like this stuff, andespecially from a young age, for
(07:53):
me you can have other peopleI've talked to other people
deconstruct and they're likethey still.
It really wasn't a hard process.
It was like a little bitpainful but it was hard.
But like this was my fuckingidentity at a DNA, like cellular
level, like I can't even putwords to how much this was my
identity.
You could have asked anybodywho went to my church.
They're like oh no, she was onthe front row, like she was.
She was like so gifted, likeher relationship with the Lord
(08:16):
was so real, like it was allreal and it was all I knew of me
, which was why it was sopainful to let go, because it's
all who I knew me to be.
So that was really really rough.
But the beauty of that, aftergetting through it, it was
(08:40):
actually wild how much fear andshame that I didn't know I lived
in actually just started likedissipating.
It was actually fucking wild.
So like sexually speaking, evenas a parent like those are two
separate things as a parent,like in the way that I talked
with my kids so, for instance,let's go with the parenting.
(09:01):
Here's an example.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Oh can we go.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
No, we can go with that too.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Here's an example.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Oh, can we go?
No, we can go with that too.
I don't care.
I had fear, and this would be anormal parent thing around.
Oh my gosh, are my kids goingto turn out good?
And if they don't, like, I needto make sure this is pressure.
I need to make sure I'm doingwhat I need to do in order that
they turn out okay.
And are they turn out okay andare they making the best choices
(09:29):
?
And, oh my gosh, are they doingthis or they do it?
You wouldn't have thought thatabout me as a parent if you
witnessed me, but that energywas inside me, okay, and it was
almost like once I deconstructedChristianity.
I was just like they're gonnabe great, I'm gonna.
I I stopped taking thingspersonally, so I stopped being
in reactive mode when they woulddo shit.
So now it wasn't about me.
So, because it wasn't about me,it was just like, hey, like
you've got like this attitudeand I know it's not about me so
(09:50):
like what's going on, some shitgoing on in your life?
Like can I support you?
If you don't want to talk now,do you want to talk later?
Like there's this ease that cameupon me as a parent and here's
the biggest thing I have such atrust in their own individual
journeys.
Do I know what the fuck they'regoing to look like their
journeys?
Oh, not at all, but I have noagenda to direct them and to
(10:12):
tell them your journeys shouldlook like this and you need to
do this.
Not with college, not withgetting married, not with having
children, not with jobs,nothing.
Because I trust them, and thebiggest thing I do is I send
them back to trusting themselves, to loving themselves, to going
with their inner wisdom, andthat was something not only was
I never taught, but, like theworld at large, isn't taught.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Absolutely.
They're definitely not taughtthat I mean.
So, all right, so that wasparenting.
Was that makes that makes awhole lot of sense.
Parenting wise that makes thatmakes a whole, whole lot of
sense.
Were your children, I guess?
Uh, were they involved in thechurch?
Is what I was, okay, was itdifficult?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
for them they probably didn't like it anyway
it was easiest for my youngestbecause she was in the least
amount.
Um, I think she missed thecommunity like people, when she,
when we left, but like that waspretty much it.
The the older two.
Let's see my daughter, myoldest daughter, had actually
deconstructed before I did.
She just didn't really talkabout it.
(11:12):
She told me a little bit ofstuff but like she didn't really
completely talk to me about it.
So my kids are 19, almost 18,and then 12.
So like they're older and thishappened about five years ago.
So like they're older and thishappened five, about five years
ago.
So it would have been like 14,13 and right around that same
age you were, when you were likefuck this shit, but then you
(11:33):
got when everything took a turnfor the worse yeah so it was, um
, I think actually it was lesshard for them, for us walking
away from the church anddeconstructing Christianity,
than it was for what came after,because what came after was a
deconstruction of everything.
See, I thought that was it.
I was like, okay, that wasreally hard, that was tough and
(11:54):
like, okay, I know who I am nowlike all this stuff.
And actually it's a dominoeffect, because what happens is
I didn't stop questioningeverything and so I started
questioning marriage.
And what do I believe aboutmarriage and why do I believe it
and do I want it?
And have I just been okay withit?
Because it's, you know, decentenough and that's why I want it
Like.
So we haven't like made likethis public, because we're not
(12:18):
telling people on social media,nor will we ever, but I don't,
it's going to be publiceventually.
Anyway, october 1st last year,I told my husband that I didn't
want to be married anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
That was fairly recently.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Nine months, yeah, and how?
And he was he still.
Was he still active in the inthe church?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
No, so he ended up leaving the church as well,
leaving ministry and thenleaving the church.
He, though, when I had starteddeconstructing, he was still
like kind of starting to go toother churches just to figure
out if there was like, if hestill wanted to do that.
So his deconstruction journeywas behind mine, which actually
made it even harder for me too.
(13:00):
Right, because I'm goingthrough this and he's just like,
oh my God, she's going to hell.
Oh my God, like you know,because I'm going through this,
and he's just like, oh my God,she's going to hell.
Oh my God, like you know what Imean Like he's, he's having all
his fears come up too, becausehe hasn't actually so at this
point.
I don't know that he would sayhe's not a Christian, though we
probably landed in differentplaces as far as what we
completely believe or don'tbelieve at this point, but we
(13:20):
both respect each other's.
You, you know where we landed,and, just like each other, he
doesn't go to church, doesn'tever want to go to church again.
Well, I mean, he looks back andhe's like, damn I, he had such
a desire in high school to be inarchitecture, and he has like
skills at that.
That's like a really thing.
He has gifting and passion andlike love for it.
And he looks at all the years hespent in ministry after the
(13:42):
navy and and he's just like Ifeel like I wasted my fucking
life.
I wasted a degree, I wastedlike what the fuck did I do?
And I don't ever believeanything's a waste.
Can it feel like that?
Yeah, and also it's only awaste if you decide not to learn
anything, not to glean anything, not to appreciate anything.
(14:03):
So even like if you learnsomething about yourself, it
wasn't a waste.
And sometimes I think those arethe most beautiful stepping
stones to see, like, damn, Iwent through that and it didn't
take me under, or maybe it didtake me under for a while, but
here I am today, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
He took the divorce well though.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
So I was very, always , very honest with him.
So a couple years prior to that, I had already kind of said
like I am just having thesethoughts of being alone, like
not being married anymore, Notbecause I want anyone else, Like
I literally just am, I'm justlike.
So I was just like reallyhonest with him.
(14:43):
So I just told him I would keeptabs on or like keep coming up
to him and talking to him aboutit Over the next several years.
I just told him like I'mwrestling with it.
Still I don't know what I want.
I felt very confused and here'swhere the biggest confusion is,
because now again, like I'm notliving under this pressure of
God hates divorce right, BecauseI don't believe in that shit
(15:03):
anymore, under this pressure ofGod hates divorce, right,
because I don't believe in thatshit anymore.
I don't subscribe to that.
So that's not there.
But what I was sitting under ismassive societal pressure.
Because he's a good guy, he's agood man.
There's no, there's no likeaffairs going on.
You know he like he's hot, hetakes care of the bills.
(15:23):
You know, like he shows up as adad.
Like what the fuck would younot want him for?
Like these are the thoughtsgoing in my head.
Any woman would want him as ahusband.
You're fucking crazy.
Like so I've got all of thosethoughts hitting me and then
thinking about what it's goingto do to my kids, potentially
like just the heartache thatthat would cause for them.
(15:44):
And then all of the backlashfrom other people.
I wasn't actually concernedwhatsoever about being lonely,
and I still am not, and that'sbecause I actually want to be
alone.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, I mean you know with the three kids and married
for so many years and alwayswrapped up in these churches.
It's like who would blame you.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, so it took.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Real quick.
Jesus did say and again, I'mnot a preacher, but I did.
I do know this.
My dad told me this when youpray, like, go into your closet
and pray like you don't have togo to church, you don't have to
go, like the church is within us, church, you don't have to go,
like the church is within us.
But what fucks it all up is manand woman and fucking these
wacky ass establishments thatput these you know, false
(16:32):
expectations um on who god is.
I believe I believe that's just, I don't know.
That's all I got on that.
But yeah, yeah, but you had arelationship with him before and
you know it sucks that youdon't go to church.
Like, yeah, you're one of thoselike, get the fuck out of here.
Like you know, I'm a hugehypocrite too, but that's my
(16:54):
problem.
I commit too many sins, butthat's why I don't have a super
strong relationship.
But it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I mean I think he'll forgive me and I'll just keep
carrying on, hopefully sofreeing to not live under the
pressure of feeling like I'm asinner or sinning.
And what's funny is when I saythat it's easy to think like,
well, you just do whatever thefuck you want, then never feel
bad about it.
No, because I have a moralcompass, right.
Like I actually have a goodheart, because what I actually
(17:20):
believe about humans is that weare born and our nature is love.
I don't actually believe we'reborn sinners and our nature is
like hate and evil.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe that.
And so for me it's so easy tobe loving and I love better now
than when I was a Christian.
Like I love better, I give moreforgiveness more freely.
(17:41):
This is the craziest part aboutit.
So, anyway, back to what whatyou said.
Like I don't have jesus.
Like me and him don't have anyproblems with each other yeah
you're basically a better humanthan you were, like morally.
Yeah, yeah, that says, that saysa lot, you know, yeah yeah,
yeah, but 21 I mean just tofinish that kind of close that
part out like 21, 21 yearsmarried.
(18:03):
So I was 21 when I got married,21.
My daughter's 19.
I could not fathom her gettingmarried in two years and she
won't because she is smart.
My point is you're a child at21.
Your brain isn't even fullydeveloped and I chose to stand
on an altar and tell someone Iwould spend the rest of my life
(18:23):
with them, not knowing who I'dbe in seven years, let alone 70.
Because we're always changing.
So for me again, this kind ofgoes to where I say, like I
don't have any problems withpeople in other religions or
people who are Christians, likeeverybody has their own journey,
but for me personally I won'tever again and I cannot get on
board with, for me, the idea ofmarriage.
(18:46):
It feels daunting and actuallykind of fucked up to do that and
to say that to somebody when Iknow I'm constantly evolving and
changing and I don't want tojust say like this is it for the
rest of my life, for multiplereasons.
And that ties all the way intolike sexual liberation too right
(19:07):
, like that's part of that too.
I, I won't marry again.
I'm not, I'm not getting rid ofhim so that I can find somebody
like I don't, I'm fine beingsingle, like I have no problem
with that.
I just think there's someculture out there I heard this.
This is wild.
There's some culture that onlyallows their people to get
married for a seven-yearcontract.
(19:27):
Basically, you get married forseven years.
Then you have to go back infront of whoever it is and be
like hey, do you guys want torecommit to seven more, or is
this season done?
seasons over that's smart asshit seasons done well and the
other?
The other fucked up part is toact like, because something
(19:49):
ended in divorce, that it's afailure.
That's just fuckery yeah it canjust be the end of a chapter,
the end of a book, like I canlook back at that and be like
that was beautiful, I'm so gladI had that season in my life and
also now as a new chapter.
Not, it doesn't mean it was afailure.
There's so much stigma putaround divorce, not just in
(20:11):
religion in society.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
It's so fucked up and it's like she's divorced or oh,
she's divorced, like it's yeah,and like I can't speak on this
from first-hand experience,obviously because I've chosen
not to get married or be in acommitted relationship and I'm
36 yeah, with a child in the way, which is like you know, all
(20:33):
everybody's fucking, my food, myfamily's just like, well, you
know, I don't even want to getinto it, but the bottom line is,
I see, um, I see a lot ofpeople close in my life that are
so unhappily married andwhether they're stepping out of
the marriage, either party orthey just go home after work and
(20:55):
they're dreading it and they'rejust sitting there and they're
just like they fucking can'tstay in their lives.
It's like a lot of the timespeople stick around because of,
because of the god thing andlike this god, you know, does he
want that?
You know I can't, I can't speakon that, but he definitely
doesn't want you fuckingstepping out and then breaking
(21:18):
each other's hearts and andcausing all sorts of trauma and
damage and then it ending anyway.
So like yeah, get the fuck, youknow, do whatever you gotta do
and it's just, yeah, marriagefor myself.
I'm smart enough to realizethat I'd get completely
complacent.
Even being in a relationship, Iget completely complacent.
(21:39):
And then you know it's notgonna be forever anyway, because
everything's temporary.
So I'm gonna invest my entirelife into you place and, and
then you know it's not going tobe forever anyway, because
everything's temporary.
So, all right, I'm going toinvest my entire life into you
and then you're probably rippedaway from me or I'll be ripped
away from you.
One of those two is going tohappen.
Maybe we'll live long enough to, like, enjoy a nice life
together, blah, blah, blah.
But in all reality, I don't wantto end up lonely.
That's one of my things.
Right, if that's what I wasgoing to ask you if you didn't
(22:01):
have children.
If, like, for instance,somebody like myself, like most,
if you're a woman, 36, and youdon't have a child, you're
probably looking to 100% settledown so you can have a kid,
right, if you want children.
So people don't, for for thatreason as well.
Um, because they can't have akid outside of wedlock.
Like you know, me and myco-parent are doing and taking
(22:23):
the judgment from others, andyou know what?
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, I don't give a fuck likeyeah, you guys, everyone can
fuck off.
She's a good, healthy woman andshe's gonna give a help,
hopefully, god willing, birth toa healthy baby and that baby
will have so much less damagesthat I had with my parents
sticking together.
So exactly yeah, no, I agreecompletely miserable married
(22:45):
life to yeah, no, it's somethingto be said, though.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Again it goes back to like, uh, marriage being put on
a pedestal, right, that idea ofthings and then just not
thinking outside the box tothink like, well, if you're not
married, then it can't, that'snot gonna be good for the child.
That's not true.
Like most, there are so manykids in homes that are married,
homes that are in the shit showlike it's.
All these bullshit beliefspeople subscribe to.
And I just think like there aremultiple ways to do it, and I
feel like I'm meeting more andmore and more people my age and
(23:13):
younger, especially where you'reseeing an uprising of like fuck
the status quo, fuck thetradition, fuck the way things
have always been.
I'm going to do it my way.
Why does it have to be that way?
There's so much morequestioning going on.
That's really, reallybeneficial, because people are
taking things that were tabooand being like this shit ain't
going to be taboo, no more.
I'm about to just own it, likewho fucking cares.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, 100%.
I mean because there's peoplewilling to.
You know whether we just can'tfall in line because we're not
fucking cheap or we, you know,don't have technology goes a
long way, obviously, letting usexpress our feelings to multiple
um people, right and and orhaving like an audience of some
sort.
You know, fuck, that I'm notjust following what everybody
(23:57):
else does just because, like,we're supposed to do that and
it's going to be even more like.
Your situation is just crazy,becca, because you know it must
have took, like you said, a year, just ripping you apart.
Luckily he handled it prettywell and you kept up the
communication, things are goodwith him and everything.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's only gotten better.
Like it was definitely hard inthe beginning when I finally
told him and made the decision,and that's understandable, like
he's heartbroken because hewants to stay married, like he
would you know, and that's whathe thought would be the case for
the rest of his life.
(24:36):
But I think that what we'vedone is actually it's called
uncoupling, basically, where youstop sleeping in the same
bedroom, you stop sleepingtogether completely, but you're
still in the same house for awhile and then you eventually
separate out of house and thendivorce.
And so we were honest, we toldthe kids pretty quickly too.
(24:57):
So they honestly like they'vetaken it so well and I think,
because they're seeing the factthat we treat each other with
respect and care like it's not aproblem, it's not a problem.
And also I think that people areso like, oh my God, divorce is
traumatizing to children.
No, divorce actually isn'ttraumatizing to children.
(25:19):
What's traumatizing is the wayit's handled.
Yeah, with people screaming andyelling and fucking beating
each other up and like, okay,that's trauma, right, having
conversations, honestconversations, vulnerable
conversations with your kidsabout what you've chosen and why
you've chosen it, and that wasanother thing that was really
hard for me, though I'll behonest.
It was very painful to knowlike I'm telling them and I'm
(25:42):
being honest with them.
I'm like this is on me, likeyour dad isn't choosing this,
I'm choosing this, and here'sthe reason why.
Um that, to know like you'rebreaking up the family, you know
to be in alignment withyourself instead of like abuse
or something it's like.
Oh well, society is like.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well, that's right, right let me just hold on let me
get my ass beat for like afucking couple weeks and then
I'll get divorced and then, likeyou know, if that you know
obviously that wasn't the case,then it's okay.
God, society is like you know.
Even though inside you werekilling you, you know it's, it
was crushing you well, yeah, andhere's the alternative.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
The alternative is I stay married for the sake of
marriage and for the sake of nothurting people's feelings, and
so, therefore, I am then out ofalignment with myself, and you
know what that does I becomeresentful, as bitter as fire.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
That's what when I see that manifesting in so many
people's lives and I hate to sayit, I see it on a regular basis
and I wish we would have wentlive on this, because maybe some
people could have could havelearned um some things.
But anyhow, I do, before wewrap this thing up, I have one
last question for you.
Or I'm sorry I did.
I cut you off my bed.
(26:59):
I I mean, were you sayingsomething?
I just was worried oh no, I'llactually.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I think the only thing I was going to say was
about the kids was really cool.
Is that at this point all ofthe kids are like no, I think
this is great.
I'm glad you're being true toyourself.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
That's where they're at now yeah, and you know you
guys have a good, positiverelationship.
So it's like, yeah, you guysare an example of you know, know
, yeah, you got married, you hadthree beautiful kids, I'm sure,
and like awesome life withreligion kind of intertwined
somehow.
(27:33):
That probably wasn't a positivething for you guys, but you
know, now you have, it's nothingbesides positive, like wow, and
it's fresh too.
So you, you know, resentmentsaren't there and it's healthy,
it's healthy for the kids and Ihope I can do that with this
woman who, you know, she'samazing, she's awesome, she's
cool.
Issues we're not likecompatible on a day-to-day basis
(27:55):
.
It's just, it just doesn't work, I mean, and we're smart enough
to realize that.
So, rather than just come onthe honky dory, come on, move in
and now you're gonna, you know,be stuck here pretty much and,
you know, or we'll get married,because that's what your parents
want.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
But come on, it's like it doesn't work that way no
, and I think that you canactually show be better parents,
because you're both honoringyourself and your desires.
Like you can be a better parentto that girl or to that.
Is it a girl?
Did you say it was a girl?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
go to the baby.
We don't know, we have no idea.
We have no idea.
Yeah, she, she, yeah.
She doesn't believe in modernmedicine either.
You said you gave birth at home, um, to your third.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
That's what yeah, yeah she'll do great yeah, well
because midwives won't take youon, unless if you're a high risk
anyway.
So it's going to be safe andyou're going to be close to a
hospital if you need it.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
But the truth is that we've only been giving birth in
hospitals, like it's somethingwrong with us, for you know the
last what hundred years, orsomething before that everyone
gave birth at home, okay okay,yeah, yeah, and like people like
you know, people close to us,will be like, really, and like
she'll dive into it becauseshe's studied on this stuff, and
like they don't pay attentionanyways, to like what's the
(29:09):
point?
I know, like, why even get intoit?
You know what I mean.
You're not going to change thatperson's like, uh, belief
system, but it's crazy, yeah,but I have a question, becca,
one last one, if you don't mindwhat happens when we die?
Now that, like, I don't know,I'm just, I'm just curious, not
that you actually have theanswer, but I've answered this
question to uh, first of all.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
I am shocked that your question did not reference
sexual liberation that I that Ireferenced.
I was expecting that, and thennow he's like oh wait, I do have
two questions, then we're goingto do a whole nother podcast on
that.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
You're probably going to be the host in this podcast.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
By then my OnlyFans should be taken off.
What happens when we die?
So no one knows.
No one fucking knows.
But here's what I will say whenyou look at research of people
who have had near-deathexperiences because their body
has died for, like you know,five minutes, 10 minutes, 12
(30:09):
minutes, like there's allthere's so much studies on that
right and they have near-deathexperiences and they, they, they
will like literally share withthe others, taking information
from them about what happened.
They all have the sameexperience, pretty much.
They all like maybe at firstit's dark, but not necessarily,
but then there's like this lightand there's like the greatest
(30:30):
feeling of like peace and joyand happiness, and they didn't
want to come back from it.
That is not from justChristians who have had
near-death experiences.
It's from people who areMuslims, people who are atheists
, people who are agnostic, it'sfrom everyone.
And so, for me, what happens tous after we die?
Well, you can't destroy matterand I believe that we are all.
(30:53):
Our bodies decompose, but Ibelieve we are a soul and we are
inside a body.
I don't believe like who is theversion of me that's aware of
this body, right, like who isthe version of me that's aware
of my mind and my mindset andwhat my thoughts are like
there's, there's a higher self,if you will, your soul, whatever
you want to call it there's.
That's how you have, like deepintuition and knowing.
(31:13):
That's why people can know thefuture before it happens, with
different things.
Right, like it's.
It's this higher connection toa universal power.
I don't know, I don't know allthe specifics, but I guess what
I'm trying to say is I believewe existed before in the form of
a soul and I believe that'swhat we go back to and that it's
going to be great and maybe weend up as a human again in the
(31:34):
future.
I have no fucking idea, but Iam not scared of death.
Do I want to die right now?
No, I'd like to see my childrenand have a lot more sex, but no
, I I don't know, but also Ifeel at peace about it it sounds
like it now.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I'd rather continue this conversation like forever,
like not forever, but for awhile.
But there's these pancakes,these chocolate chip pancakes
that I have, like that I'mstarving to get.
But you're definitely comingback on this podcast 100%
because we've got Oli fans totalk about and some sexual
(32:10):
liberation and all the thingsthat society will judge us for.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
It's the best.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I love it.
I feel like you haven't arrived.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Until you have haters .
Speaker 1 (32:22):
That's so true and you're definitely arriving.
I mean, you're articulate,you're fucking sexy and you've
been through some shit, soyou're going to help some people
.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Of course.
Well, you're welcome back hereanytime, Becca.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Awesome.
I'm excited to come back again.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
So I've been in it all.
Then I, at around 15, I'm like,fuck, all this shit, this is
stupid.
I can't do this anymore.
I don't even I don't want tosubscribe to any of this,
because for me, my dad is ahypocrite.
That's how it felt like.
It's like what?
What are these?
All these hypocrites everywhere?
I just I can't even get onboard with this stuff anymore.
So I left, did my own thinguntil I was about 20.
(00:28):
But this is often when peoplecloser in their adult life end
up getting saved.
Or back at church orrecommitting their life to the
Lord is when they typically havesome type of it's not always,
but some type of trauma rightwhen they're feeling really
lonely, really broken, reallyfucked up.
And so that's what happened tome.
I had a two-year relationshipwith a really narcissistic,
abusive man, and after I got outof that which took so much for
me to get out of that I reallyjust needed some sense of safety
(00:49):
in my life, some sense of like,peace, some sense of like I was
not a piece of shit.
And so I ended up going back tochurch and that's where I met
my, the guy who I ended upmarrying, and he was in the Navy
.
So at the time it was likemilitary, of course, virginia
Beach, right, what do you expect?
And then he's like, oh no, Iwant to get out and actually be
(01:12):
in ministry.
I was like, yeah, I was back tolike.
I was back to like subscribingto Christianity and like and
taking it on.
I don't do thingshalf-heartedly.
When I'm loyal to something,I'm loyal.
So I dove back in and I reallyfound I really had a very strong
relationship with Jesus Legitright, like I was the one who
(01:35):
was the biggest worshiper when Itook prayer serious, like this
wasn't like a show for me, likeit was legitimately became my
identity, it's who I was and itwas oozing out of every pore.
And then we ended up moving toOhio because he wanted to plant
a church.
No way, get the hell out.
(01:56):
Now he's from here, he's fromOhio.
So it wasn't that weird that hewanted to move here.
So I was kind of along for theride.
So we got here.
We ended up not church planning, we ended up partnering with
another church that was in itsbaby stage kind of, and we ended
up going on staff there.
I was working on my counselingdegree and so I have a natural
(02:17):
like.
I'm a natural leader.
I have natural leadershiptendencies and I love speaking,
so it just it was like a perfectfit for me to just start
working at the church, so Iliterally ended up on staff as a
pastor for several years.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Jeez, yeah, and now this church.
When you say you started, hewent to start playing.
Why, like?
Why not just join forces withthe church that you guys were
going to in Virginia?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, that's a great question.
Or find a church similar.
Yeah.
So I believe that, based oneverything he shared with me,
and what he would answer thatquestion to be, would be that he
felt like this strong pull onhis heart to come back to Ohio
and to do ministry here and then, as far as a church plant goes,
I honestly think that was a lotof brainwashing and I think he
would agree with that now, rightLike I don't think he knew that
(03:09):
at the time, but he grew upwith his entire life being told
oh, you have a calling in yourlife, oh, you're supposed to go
into ministry.
And when you are a young childand you're being told that,
you're basically being told thedirection and it's from God,
mouth from god.
Can you imagine what that doesto a person over time, after
they've been told it again andagain and again?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
it's like so, yeah, it's sick.
It's sickening to even thinkabout that because, like there's
so much that's taken advantageof, I mean, yeah, he's you know
it's not bad.
Yeah, it's sick, but anyhow, thepeople who married my mom, the,
the priest who married my momand dad is.
I was watching this.
She said, oh yeah, he made thatlist.
There's like a list of allthese fucking pedophile priests
(03:52):
and yeah, they don't go anywhere, they just get moved to
different churches, differentparishes.
So I looked at it.
She was right, he married her.
I don't know where he's at now,but out.
But it's just like yo as achild, just like you're saying
from god, like a career path isone thing, but like imagine
something like that and thenlike it's from god, and then
like you're fucked for, like forfor eternity.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I mean, yeah, it's sick, but I'm sorry, go ahead
yeah no, I think it's one thingto call out children's giftings
like oh you're, you're naturallygifted at leading, or you're
really good at like engineeringtype stuff, but to be like
you're supposed to like.
Oh you're, you're naturallygifted at leading, or you're
really good at like engineeringtype stuff, but to be like
you're supposed to do this,you're supposed to be in like in
general, it's just fucked up.
But then, yes, add the god toit and you're just like I don't
(04:34):
want to run away from god Idon't want to right so that's
how we ended up.
I was so glad we didn't churchplant because I didn't want to,
but then, and actually whathappened ended up being like I
had some bad experiences in thatchurch for sure.
The senior pastor ended upbeing a stone-cold narcissist
and, like like everyone, hisreputation is completely ruined
(04:58):
around this entire area.
Now the church doesn't existanymore.
It was like there, that's awhole.
That's a whole other episode,but I would probably never do
that anyway.
But that's not actually whatcaused my whole walking away
from it.
I just started asking this iswhat it goes back to.
When we first started talking.
I started asking hard questionsto myself at some point and
being like why do I believe this?
(05:19):
How does it serve me?
Do I believe this?
Because someone told me tobelieve this.
And so I ended up, long storyshort, ended up first stepping
down out of ministry and stoppedworking at the church.
Then I left the church, and whenI say left the church, I mean I
left the church at largecompletely.
I will go to a church if I needto go to a funeral or wedding,
(05:39):
but that's going to be it, and Ihave no judgment of those who
go.
It's not a problem if someone'slike, oh, I love my church and
I go, it's OK, that's not it,this is for me, right, this is
what I'm choosing for me.
And then the most painful yearof my life was the year after I
left the church, and that wasdeconstructing completely, where
I got down to like really hardquestions about Christianity and
(06:02):
about my beliefs and came tothe conclusion that I could not
subscribe to being a Christiananymore because the staple
pillar beliefs are reallyactually founded in fear masked
with love, and so I still dobelieve in a higher power.
I do believe I'm spiritualstill and I feel connected to a
(06:25):
higher power.
And what's wild is like all thegiftings I had which in the
church, in my church, would havebeen called like prophetic or
whatever, like I still have allof these giftings and things
that I can operate in, becausehere's the truth.
We are all wearing lenses, soeverything I experienced,
spiritually speaking, in thechurch and in Christianity was
real, all of it was real.
(06:49):
It's just that I saw it allthrough the lens of Christianity
versus just the lens of beinghuman and having spiritual
experiences, which is much moreopen minded, right, much more
like a universal approach.
And so I have it's hard to tellpeople, because you got to also
understand being in ministry.
I was a pastor for several years, so the majority of people that
followed me on social media,the majority of people I was
(07:10):
friends with, they're all stillin church or they're Christians
or whatever, and I'm walkingaway from it and I'm starting to
speak up about it Like no, noone was okay with that.
I literally had no friends foran entire year.
It was the loneliest year of mylife.
I I literally had no friendsfor an entire year.
It was the loneliest year of mylife.
I had no one and on top of thefact that I had no one every day
because I was wrestling with itwasn't like an easy switch.
(07:33):
It wasn't like I don't thinkI'm a Christian anymore.
This was like peeling layers ofmy flesh off of me.
That is how fucking painfulthis process was.
Every fucking day for at leasta year straight, I thought I was
going to go to fucking hellbecause I also believed in hell,
right.
So like this stuff, andespecially from a young age, for
(07:53):
me you can have other peopleI've talked to other people
deconstruct and they're likethey still.
It really wasn't a hard process.
It was like a little bitpainful but it was hard.
But like this was my fuckingidentity at a DNA, like cellular
level, like I can't even putwords to how much this was my
identity.
You could have asked anybodywho went to my church.
They're like oh no, she was onthe front row, like she was.
She was like so gifted, likeher relationship with the Lord
(08:16):
was so real, like it was allreal and it was all I knew of me
, which was why it was sopainful to let go, because it's
all who I knew me to be.
So that was really really rough.
But the beauty of that, aftergetting through it, it was
(08:40):
actually wild how much fear andshame that I didn't know I lived
in actually just started likedissipating.
It was actually fucking wild.
So like sexually speaking, evenas a parent like those are two
separate things as a parent,like in the way that I talked
with my kids so, for instance,let's go with the parenting.
(09:01):
Here's an example.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Oh can we go.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
No, we can go with that too.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Here's an example.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Oh, can we go?
No, we can go with that too.
I don't care.
I had fear, and this would be anormal parent thing around.
Oh my gosh, are my kids goingto turn out good?
And if they don't, like, I needto make sure this is pressure.
I need to make sure I'm doingwhat I need to do in order that
they turn out okay.
And are they turn out okay andare they making the best choices
(09:29):
?
And, oh my gosh, are they doingthis or they do it?
You wouldn't have thought thatabout me as a parent if you
witnessed me, but that energywas inside me, okay, and it was
almost like once I deconstructedChristianity.
I was just like they're gonnabe great, I'm gonna.
I I stopped taking thingspersonally, so I stopped being
in reactive mode when they woulddo shit.
So now it wasn't about me.
So, because it wasn't about me,it was just like, hey, like
you've got like this attitudeand I know it's not about me so
(09:50):
like what's going on, some shitgoing on in your life?
Like can I support you?
If you don't want to talk now,do you want to talk later?
Like there's this ease that cameupon me as a parent and here's
the biggest thing I have such atrust in their own individual
journeys.
Do I know what the fuck they'regoing to look like their
journeys?
Oh, not at all, but I have noagenda to direct them and to
(10:12):
tell them your journeys shouldlook like this and you need to
do this.
Not with college, not withgetting married, not with having
children, not with jobs,nothing.
Because I trust them, and thebiggest thing I do is I send
them back to trusting themselves, to loving themselves, to going
with their inner wisdom, andthat was something not only was
I never taught, but, like theworld at large, isn't taught.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Absolutely.
They're definitely not taughtthat I mean.
So, all right, so that wasparenting.
Was that makes that makes awhole lot of sense.
Parenting wise that makes thatmakes a whole, whole lot of
sense.
Were your children, I guess?
Uh, were they involved in thechurch?
Is what I was, okay, was itdifficult?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
for them they probably didn't like it anyway
it was easiest for my youngestbecause she was in the least
amount.
Um, I think she missed thecommunity like people, when she,
when we left, but like that waspretty much it.
The the older two.
Let's see my daughter, myoldest daughter, had actually
deconstructed before I did.
She just didn't really talkabout it.
(11:12):
She told me a little bit ofstuff but like she didn't really
completely talk to me about it.
So my kids are 19, almost 18,and then 12.
So like they're older and thishappened about five years ago.
So like they're older and thishappened five, about five years
ago.
So it would have been like 14,13 and right around that same
age you were, when you were likefuck this shit, but then you
(11:33):
got when everything took a turnfor the worse yeah so it was, um
, I think actually it was lesshard for them, for us walking
away from the church anddeconstructing Christianity,
than it was for what came after,because what came after was a
deconstruction of everything.
See, I thought that was it.
I was like, okay, that wasreally hard, that was tough and
(11:54):
like, okay, I know who I am nowlike all this stuff.
And actually it's a dominoeffect, because what happens is
I didn't stop questioningeverything and so I started
questioning marriage.
And what do I believe aboutmarriage and why do I believe it
and do I want it?
And have I just been okay withit?
Because it's, you know, decentenough and that's why I want it
Like.
So we haven't like made likethis public, because we're not
(12:18):
telling people on social media,nor will we ever, but I don't,
it's going to be publiceventually.
Anyway, october 1st last year,I told my husband that I didn't
want to be married anymore.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
That was fairly recently.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Nine months, yeah, and how?
And he was he still.
Was he still active in the inthe church?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
No, so he ended up leaving the church as well,
leaving ministry and thenleaving the church.
He, though, when I had starteddeconstructing, he was still
like kind of starting to go toother churches just to figure
out if there was like, if hestill wanted to do that.
So his deconstruction journeywas behind mine, which actually
made it even harder for me too.
(13:00):
Right, because I'm goingthrough this and he's just like,
oh my God, she's going to hell.
Oh my God, like you know,because I'm going through this,
and he's just like, oh my God,she's going to hell.
Oh my God, like you know what Imean Like he's, he's having all
his fears come up too, becausehe hasn't actually so at this
point.
I don't know that he would sayhe's not a Christian, though we
probably landed in differentplaces as far as what we
completely believe or don'tbelieve at this point, but we
(13:20):
both respect each other's.
You, you know where we landed,and, just like each other, he
doesn't go to church, doesn'tever want to go to church again.
Well, I mean, he looks back andhe's like, damn I, he had such
a desire in high school to be inarchitecture, and he has like
skills at that.
That's like a really thing.
He has gifting and passion andlike love for it.
And he looks at all the years hespent in ministry after the
(13:42):
navy and and he's just like Ifeel like I wasted my fucking
life.
I wasted a degree, I wastedlike what the fuck did I do?
And I don't ever believeanything's a waste.
Can it feel like that?
Yeah, and also it's only awaste if you decide not to learn
anything, not to glean anything, not to appreciate anything.
(14:03):
So even like if you learnsomething about yourself, it
wasn't a waste.
And sometimes I think those arethe most beautiful stepping
stones to see, like, damn, Iwent through that and it didn't
take me under, or maybe it didtake me under for a while, but
here I am today, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
He took the divorce well though.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
So I was very, always , very honest with him.
So a couple years prior to that, I had already kind of said
like I am just having thesethoughts of being alone, like
not being married anymore, Notbecause I want anyone else, Like
I literally just am, I'm justlike.
So I was just like reallyhonest with him.
(14:43):
So I just told him I would keeptabs on or like keep coming up
to him and talking to him aboutit Over the next several years.
I just told him like I'mwrestling with it.
Still I don't know what I want.
I felt very confused and here'swhere the biggest confusion is,
because now again, like I'm notliving under this pressure of
God hates divorce right, BecauseI don't believe in that shit
(15:03):
anymore, under this pressure ofGod hates divorce, right,
because I don't believe in thatshit anymore.
I don't subscribe to that.
So that's not there.
But what I was sitting under ismassive societal pressure.
Because he's a good guy, he's agood man.
There's no, there's no likeaffairs going on.
You know he like he's hot, hetakes care of the bills.
(15:23):
You know, like he shows up as adad.
Like what the fuck would younot want him for?
Like these are the thoughtsgoing in my head.
Any woman would want him as ahusband.
You're fucking crazy.
Like so I've got all of thosethoughts hitting me and then
thinking about what it's goingto do to my kids, potentially
like just the heartache thatthat would cause for them.
(15:44):
And then all of the backlashfrom other people.
I wasn't actually concernedwhatsoever about being lonely,
and I still am not, and that'sbecause I actually want to be
alone.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, I mean you know with the three kids and married
for so many years and alwayswrapped up in these churches.
It's like who would blame you.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, so it took.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Real quick.
Jesus did say and again, I'mnot a preacher, but I did.
I do know this.
My dad told me this when youpray, like, go into your closet
and pray like you don't have togo to church, you don't have to
go, like the church is within us, church, you don't have to go,
like the church is within us.
But what fucks it all up is manand woman and fucking these
wacky ass establishments thatput these you know, false
(16:32):
expectations um on who god is.
I believe I believe that's just, I don't know.
That's all I got on that.
But yeah, yeah, but you had arelationship with him before and
you know it sucks that youdon't go to church.
Like, yeah, you're one of thoselike, get the fuck out of here.
Like you know, I'm a hugehypocrite too, but that's my
(16:54):
problem.
I commit too many sins, butthat's why I don't have a super
strong relationship.
But it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I mean I think he'll forgive me and I'll just keep
carrying on, hopefully sofreeing to not live under the
pressure of feeling like I'm asinner or sinning.
And what's funny is when I saythat it's easy to think like,
well, you just do whatever thefuck you want, then never feel
bad about it.
No, because I have a moralcompass, right.
Like I actually have a goodheart, because what I actually
(17:20):
believe about humans is that weare born and our nature is love.
I don't actually believe we'reborn sinners and our nature is
like hate and evil.
I don't believe that.
I don't believe that.
And so for me it's so easy tobe loving and I love better now
than when I was a Christian.
Like I love better, I give moreforgiveness more freely.
(17:41):
This is the craziest part aboutit.
So, anyway, back to what whatyou said.
Like I don't have jesus.
Like me and him don't have anyproblems with each other yeah
you're basically a better humanthan you were, like morally.
Yeah, yeah, that says, that saysa lot, you know, yeah yeah,
yeah, but 21 I mean just tofinish that kind of close that
part out like 21, 21 yearsmarried.
(18:03):
So I was 21 when I got married,21.
My daughter's 19.
I could not fathom her gettingmarried in two years and she
won't because she is smart.
My point is you're a child at21.
Your brain isn't even fullydeveloped and I chose to stand
on an altar and tell someone Iwould spend the rest of my life
(18:23):
with them, not knowing who I'dbe in seven years, let alone 70.
Because we're always changing.
So for me again, this kind ofgoes to where I say, like I
don't have any problems withpeople in other religions or
people who are Christians, likeeverybody has their own journey,
but for me personally I won'tever again and I cannot get on
board with, for me, the idea ofmarriage.
(18:46):
It feels daunting and actuallykind of fucked up to do that and
to say that to somebody when Iknow I'm constantly evolving and
changing and I don't want tojust say like this is it for the
rest of my life, for multiplereasons.
And that ties all the way intolike sexual liberation too right
(19:07):
, like that's part of that too.
I, I won't marry again.
I'm not, I'm not getting rid ofhim so that I can find somebody
like I don't, I'm fine beingsingle, like I have no problem
with that.
I just think there's someculture out there I heard this.
This is wild.
There's some culture that onlyallows their people to get
married for a seven-yearcontract.
(19:27):
Basically, you get married forseven years.
Then you have to go back infront of whoever it is and be
like hey, do you guys want torecommit to seven more, or is
this season done?
seasons over that's smart asshit seasons done well and the
other?
The other fucked up part is toact like, because something
(19:49):
ended in divorce, that it's afailure.
That's just fuckery yeah it canjust be the end of a chapter,
the end of a book, like I canlook back at that and be like
that was beautiful, I'm so gladI had that season in my life and
also now as a new chapter.
Not, it doesn't mean it was afailure.
There's so much stigma putaround divorce, not just in
(20:11):
religion in society.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
It's so fucked up and it's like she's divorced or oh,
she's divorced, like it's yeah,and like I can't speak on this
from first-hand experience,obviously because I've chosen
not to get married or be in acommitted relationship and I'm
36 yeah, with a child in the way, which is like you know, all
(20:33):
everybody's fucking, my food, myfamily's just like, well, you
know, I don't even want to getinto it, but the bottom line is,
I see, um, I see a lot ofpeople close in my life that are
so unhappily married andwhether they're stepping out of
the marriage, either party orthey just go home after work and
(20:55):
they're dreading it and they'rejust sitting there and they're
just like they fucking can'tstay in their lives.
It's like a lot of the timespeople stick around because of,
because of the god thing andlike this god, you know, does he
want that?
You know I can't, I can't speakon that, but he definitely
doesn't want you fuckingstepping out and then breaking
(21:18):
each other's hearts and andcausing all sorts of trauma and
damage and then it ending anyway.
So like yeah, get the fuck, youknow, do whatever you gotta do
and it's just, yeah, marriagefor myself.
I'm smart enough to realizethat I'd get completely
complacent.
Even being in a relationship, Iget completely complacent.
(21:39):
And then you know it's notgonna be forever anyway, because
everything's temporary.
So I'm gonna invest my entirelife into you place and, and
then you know it's not going tobe forever anyway, because
everything's temporary.
So, all right, I'm going toinvest my entire life into you
and then you're probably rippedaway from me or I'll be ripped
away from you.
One of those two is going tohappen.
Maybe we'll live long enough to, like, enjoy a nice life
together, blah, blah, blah.
But in all reality, I don't wantto end up lonely.
That's one of my things.
Right, if that's what I wasgoing to ask you if you didn't
(22:01):
have children.
If, like, for instance,somebody like myself, like most,
if you're a woman, 36, and youdon't have a child, you're
probably looking to 100% settledown so you can have a kid,
right, if you want children.
So people don't, for for thatreason as well.
Um, because they can't have akid outside of wedlock.
Like you know, me and myco-parent are doing and taking
(22:23):
the judgment from others, andyou know what?
I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, I don't give a fuck likeyeah, you guys, everyone can
fuck off.
She's a good, healthy woman andshe's gonna give a help,
hopefully, god willing, birth toa healthy baby and that baby
will have so much less damagesthat I had with my parents
sticking together.
So exactly yeah, no, I agreecompletely miserable married
(22:45):
life to yeah, no, it's somethingto be said, though.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Again it goes back to like, uh, marriage being put on
a pedestal, right, that idea ofthings and then just not
thinking outside the box tothink like, well, if you're not
married, then it can't, that'snot gonna be good for the child.
That's not true.
Like most, there are so manykids in homes that are married,
homes that are in the shit showlike it's.
All these bullshit beliefspeople subscribe to.
And I just think like there aremultiple ways to do it, and I
feel like I'm meeting more andmore and more people my age and
(23:13):
younger, especially where you'reseeing an uprising of like fuck
the status quo, fuck thetradition, fuck the way things
have always been.
I'm going to do it my way.
Why does it have to be that way?
There's so much morequestioning going on.
That's really, reallybeneficial, because people are
taking things that were tabooand being like this shit ain't
going to be taboo, no more.
I'm about to just own it, likewho fucking cares.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, 100%.
I mean because there's peoplewilling to.
You know whether we just can'tfall in line because we're not
fucking cheap or we, you know,don't have technology goes a
long way, obviously, letting usexpress our feelings to multiple
um people, right and and orhaving like an audience of some
sort.
You know, fuck, that I'm notjust following what everybody
(23:57):
else does just because, like,we're supposed to do that and
it's going to be even more like.
Your situation is just crazy,becca, because you know it must
have took, like you said, a year, just ripping you apart.
Luckily he handled it prettywell and you kept up the
communication, things are goodwith him and everything.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's only gotten better.
Like it was definitely hard inthe beginning when I finally
told him and made the decision,and that's understandable, like
he's heartbroken because hewants to stay married, like he
would you know, and that's whathe thought would be the case for
the rest of his life.
(24:36):
But I think that what we'vedone is actually it's called
uncoupling, basically, where youstop sleeping in the same
bedroom, you stop sleepingtogether completely, but you're
still in the same house for awhile and then you eventually
separate out of house and thendivorce.
And so we were honest, we toldthe kids pretty quickly too.
(24:57):
So they honestly like they'vetaken it so well and I think,
because they're seeing the factthat we treat each other with
respect and care like it's not aproblem, it's not a problem.
And also I think that people areso like, oh my God, divorce is
traumatizing to children.
No, divorce actually isn'ttraumatizing to children.
(25:19):
What's traumatizing is the wayit's handled.
Yeah, with people screaming andyelling and fucking beating
each other up and like, okay,that's trauma, right, having
conversations, honestconversations, vulnerable
conversations with your kidsabout what you've chosen and why
you've chosen it, and that wasanother thing that was really
hard for me, though I'll behonest.
It was very painful to knowlike I'm telling them and I'm
(25:42):
being honest with them.
I'm like this is on me, likeyour dad isn't choosing this,
I'm choosing this, and here'sthe reason why.
Um that, to know like you'rebreaking up the family, you know
to be in alignment withyourself instead of like abuse
or something it's like.
Oh well, society is like.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well, that's right, right let me just hold on let me
get my ass beat for like afucking couple weeks and then
I'll get divorced and then, likeyou know, if that you know
obviously that wasn't the case,then it's okay.
God, society is like you know.
Even though inside you werekilling you, you know it's, it
was crushing you well, yeah, andhere's the alternative.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
The alternative is I stay married for the sake of
marriage and for the sake of nothurting people's feelings, and
so, therefore, I am then out ofalignment with myself, and you
know what that does I becomeresentful, as bitter as fire.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
That's what when I see that manifesting in so many
people's lives and I hate to sayit, I see it on a regular basis
and I wish we would have wentlive on this, because maybe some
people could have could havelearned um some things.
But anyhow, I do, before wewrap this thing up, I have one
last question for you.
Or I'm sorry I did.
I cut you off my bed.
(26:59):
I I mean, were you sayingsomething?
I just was worried oh no, I'llactually.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I think the only thing I was going to say was
about the kids was really cool.
Is that at this point all ofthe kids are like no, I think
this is great.
I'm glad you're being true toyourself.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
That's where they're at now yeah, and you know you
guys have a good, positiverelationship.
So it's like, yeah, you guysare an example of you know, know
, yeah, you got married, you hadthree beautiful kids, I'm sure,
and like awesome life withreligion kind of intertwined
somehow.
(27:33):
That probably wasn't a positivething for you guys, but you
know, now you have, it's nothingbesides positive, like wow, and
it's fresh too.
So you, you know, resentmentsaren't there and it's healthy,
it's healthy for the kids and Ihope I can do that with this
woman who, you know, she'samazing, she's awesome, she's
cool.
Issues we're not likecompatible on a day-to-day basis
(27:55):
.
It's just, it just doesn't work, I mean, and we're smart enough
to realize that.
So, rather than just come onthe honky dory, come on, move in
and now you're gonna, you know,be stuck here pretty much and,
you know, or we'll get married,because that's what your parents
want.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
But come on, it's like it doesn't work that way no
, and I think that you canactually show be better parents,
because you're both honoringyourself and your desires.
Like you can be a better parentto that girl or to that.
Is it a girl?
Did you say it was a girl?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
go to the baby.
We don't know, we have no idea.
We have no idea.
Yeah, she, she, yeah.
She doesn't believe in modernmedicine either.
You said you gave birth at home, um, to your third.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
That's what yeah, yeah she'll do great yeah, well
because midwives won't take youon, unless if you're a high risk
anyway.
So it's going to be safe andyou're going to be close to a
hospital if you need it.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
But the truth is that we've only been giving birth in
hospitals, like it's somethingwrong with us, for you know the
last what hundred years, orsomething before that everyone
gave birth at home, okay okay,yeah, yeah, and like people like
you know, people close to us,will be like, really, and like
she'll dive into it becauseshe's studied on this stuff, and
like they don't pay attentionanyways, to like what's the
(29:09):
point?
I know, like, why even get intoit?
You know what I mean.
You're not going to change thatperson's like, uh, belief
system, but it's crazy, yeah,but I have a question, becca,
one last one, if you don't mindwhat happens when we die?
Now that, like, I don't know,I'm just, I'm just curious, not
that you actually have theanswer, but I've answered this
question to uh, first of all.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
I am shocked that your question did not reference
sexual liberation that I that Ireferenced.
I was expecting that, and thennow he's like oh wait, I do have
two questions, then we're goingto do a whole nother podcast on
that.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
You're probably going to be the host in this podcast.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
By then my OnlyFans should be taken off.
What happens when we die?
So no one knows.
No one fucking knows.
But here's what I will say whenyou look at research of people
who have had near-deathexperiences because their body
has died for, like you know,five minutes, 10 minutes, 12
(30:09):
minutes, like there's allthere's so much studies on that
right and they have near-deathexperiences and they, they, they
will like literally share withthe others, taking information
from them about what happened.
They all have the sameexperience, pretty much.
They all like maybe at firstit's dark, but not necessarily,
but then there's like this lightand there's like the greatest
(30:30):
feeling of like peace and joyand happiness, and they didn't
want to come back from it.
That is not from justChristians who have had
near-death experiences.
It's from people who areMuslims, people who are atheists
, people who are agnostic, it'sfrom everyone.
And so, for me, what happens tous after we die?
Well, you can't destroy matterand I believe that we are all.
(30:53):
Our bodies decompose, but Ibelieve we are a soul and we are
inside a body.
I don't believe like who is theversion of me that's aware of
this body, right, like who isthe version of me that's aware
of my mind and my mindset andwhat my thoughts are like
there's, there's a higher self,if you will, your soul, whatever
you want to call it there's.
That's how you have, like deepintuition and knowing.
(31:13):
That's why people can know thefuture before it happens, with
different things.
Right, like it's.
It's this higher connection toa universal power.
I don't know, I don't know allthe specifics, but I guess what
I'm trying to say is I believewe existed before in the form of
a soul and I believe that'swhat we go back to and that it's
going to be great and maybe weend up as a human again in the
(31:34):
future.
I have no fucking idea, but Iam not scared of death.
Do I want to die right now?
No, I'd like to see my childrenand have a lot more sex, but no
, I I don't know, but also Ifeel at peace about it it sounds
like it now.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I'd rather continue this conversation like forever,
like not forever, but for awhile.
But there's these pancakes,these chocolate chip pancakes
that I have, like that I'mstarving to get.
But you're definitely comingback on this podcast 100%
because we've got Oli fans totalk about and some sexual
(32:10):
liberation and all the thingsthat society will judge us for.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
It's the best.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I love it.
I feel like you haven't arrived.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Until you have haters .
Speaker 1 (32:22):
That's so true and you're definitely arriving.
I mean, you're articulate,you're fucking sexy and you've
been through some shit, soyou're going to help some people
.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Of course.
Well, you're welcome back hereanytime, Becca.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Awesome.
I'm excited to come back again.
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