Episode-03 | Decoding SMV: Valuing People Differently

Ever wondered why dating seems more complicated than a Rubik's cube? This episode unpacks the complexities of men's and women's desires, focusing on the intriguing concept of sexual market value. We break down how factors such as age, status, personality, attractiveness, and resources create a dynamic interplay in the dating arena. We promise you, this isn't your run-of-the-mill relationship chat.

We also turn the spotlight on an often-ignored topic – the challenges women in their 50s face while navigating the sea of love. With a compelling exploration of how intelligence, resources, and even hypergamy can impact a woman’s sexual market value, this episode promises to be an eye-opener. But we don’t stop there! We delve into how men can enhance or reduce a woman’s value by their presentation.

Finally, we open a can of worms on the impact of pornography on male impotence. We dissect how it desensitizes men, and, in turn, affects their perception of women's bodies. This episode is brimming with thoughtful advice for both genders on how to safeguard against the potential pitfalls of ignoring reality. Get ready for a candid, revealing discussion on sexual market value and gender dynamics in relationships. You won't listen to your love songs the same way again!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Men want women that want what they have, and women
want men that have what theywant.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
So my takeaway from that is everyone wants to be
enough.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
So men want to be enough and women want to get
enough.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
And then I see where you're coming from and I don't
necessarily think it impliesthat the guy's not willing to
grow Like it can obviously itcan.
But I can think about myself.
I know that when I was lookingfor a wife, I was looking for
someone who loved me and I couldsee it.
It was clear to me that what Ihave is who I am and what I have

(00:37):
is enough to be happy for us tobuild a relationship and be
happy for the rest of our lives.
And I know that.
I stayed away from people who,like I've, got a family member.
Her love language is gifts andI've always known that.
And her person made millions ofdollars and got her lots of
fancy gifts all the time.

(00:57):
Right, and nothing's wrong withthat.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Her tank was full.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
There's nothing wrong with that.
But I know I want to becomfortable enough to say I have
a woman that I know, no matterwhat goes down, she's gonna hang
out with.
If we have to sleep in the car,she's gonna hang out with me
still.
And that's just something thatI wanted and I look for in the
heart of my woman before I said,okay, it's comfortable to marry

(01:23):
this person.
Now, I had a lot when I gotmarried, but I know life happens
and if you end up with thewoman, that requires ever this
is then the focus is not on me.
If she required it, hey, yougotta make sure you gotta have a
nice house and you gotta have anice car and you can buy me
nice gifts.
It's about figuring out whather core values were.

(01:43):
That's the bottom line, becauseit's not like my wife doesn't
like nice things, but her corevalues have nothing to do with
having nice things.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
So in the last episode we talked a little bit
about sexual market value, andthis week I've got a lot of
questions about sexual marketvalue.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
So this episode is gonna be about sexual market
value, Tis yeah, we'll probablysay sexual market value like 87
times.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
I wanted to go a little deeper in that, because
the other statement I'm hearingis you shouldn't marry someone's
potential, because that tendsto build frustration on both
sides.
I'm frustrated that you're notgrowing fast enough and he's
frustrated that you're pushingtoo hard Again this kind of goes
down that path.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
that my love-hate relationship with relationship
advice, because I can understandthe spirit of that statement
you shouldn't marry a guy'spotential but who are we talking
to?
Are we talking to a20-something-year-old?
Are we talking to?

Speaker 2 (02:39):
a.
The age definitely matters inthat, or are we talking to a
40-something-year-old?

Speaker 3 (02:43):
You see what I'm saying.
So you can't, but I get thespirit of the question right.
I get the spirit of thequestion and potential about
what, like that, matters, alsothe context of the potential.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
It's like potential to use grammar correctly versus
potential to grow in his job.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
So, whatever the potential is.
So, for example, I'm the womanWhatever's in my mind that I'm
looking for.
I see that he may almost bethere and just needs a little
bit of a push.
So I could be looking forsomebody that speaks well,
somebody that has a lot of money, somebody that works hard,
travels a lot, whatever it is.
But they may not be there yet.
So you tell yourself they'renot there yet, but I think

(03:22):
they're gonna get there.
So let me jump on board.
But what happens when theydon't get there?

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Yeah, I'm less inclined to wanna do that what
you just described, and it couldbe that I am not 20-something
anymore, but I'm not inclined to.
I would describe that as aproject.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
There are a lot of women today that say they don't
want a project, which is why yousee so many women clamoring for
what we call a high-value man,or another way they say it is
that they're waiting for the manat the finish line.
So go, live your life and buildand grow your wealth and then,
when you're done, we'll gettogether, as opposed to we get

(04:01):
together when we're younger andwe grow and build together.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, even that, I feel, is I don't know I guess
I'm trying to work through.
I think I would maybe fall inthe Goldilocks porridge of that
of the perfect middle.
Like I don't want a guy thathas no career right now, is
trying to build a career, butthat you can have a stable

(04:23):
career in a profession and stillmove up in that profession.
Like I don't wanna get you atyour tippy-top peak, because
then there are no memories,there are no like hey, this was.
Do you remember that time wehad to get that really difficult
situation?
You're not gonna have thosetogether.
Like you can still growtogether but you don't have to.
I guess maybe that would belike established together,

(04:46):
become established together,versus we're growing from.
Hey, I'm an accounting major atCarolina, oh, you're an
accounting major at Carolina too.
Cool, let's date and getmarried when you like.
Start off at the shotgun of therace to continue that visual.
Then the question that I wouldwanna ask is what do you wanna

(05:06):
do next?
Like you're not done, where areyou gonna go next?
So I guess drive is important increating that establishment,
because I see myself that way.
I said I'm like, as I'mdescribing all of these things,
I'm finding myself describing amale version of myself, but
different enough to be differentnot to be a male, annabelle.
But where is he gonna go next?

(05:27):
What does he wanna do?
He's had, he's gone pretty farin the race.
He's beaten a lot of the otherpeople.
We're gonna kill this like racescenario to death, aren't we?
He's got out in front of thepack, so what's he gonna do with
that?
If he's built a business, is hegonna sell the business?
Is he gonna build anotherbusiness?
Because once you've done that,once you can do it again.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
Agreed, and I think most men are always pursuing
something, so initially they maybe pursuing wealth, then
they're pursuing family, thenthey're pursuing their charities
or whatever their passions maybe.
So I do think most men aregonna have something that
they're going after.
That's fair.
That's fair.
So does that change whether youwant someone at the finish line

(06:10):
or not?

Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think I don't want the full finish line, not the
full finish line.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Okay, you wanna boost him a little bit.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
But I don't want the shotgun Because I'm not at the
age of a shotgun.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
Okay, a 40 year old shotgun.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
No, that is concerning on so many levels.
Bannon, what are your thoughts?
We're just like going on.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
I know this is turning to a woman conversation.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Feel free to chime in .

Speaker 3 (06:33):
Yeah, I needed to let you guys get it out.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
I mean, today we are drinking tea out of tea cups.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Yeah, so a woman doesn't want potential?
My first reaction to thatstatement is I just don't wanna
have that conversation in a witha public audience, because as
soon as I answer that questionone way, I can think of a whole
slew of other scenarios wherethe answer would be different.
So I'm just saying this for thesake of our audience, that me

(07:00):
personally, I do a lot ofone-on-one coaching and the
reason I have love haterelationship with dating advice
is because there's a lot of goodadvice out there.
There's a lot of bad advice outthere.
People don't know thedifference.
And then the other problem is alot of good advice is not good
for everybody, you know and youhave to navigate these things.
When you ask the question aboutpotential and then I listened to

(07:22):
this conversation you guys justhad.
You guys were specificallytalking about potential and
gathering resources and successand that sort of thing.
And the reason why theconversation gets dangerous to
me is because if we have thatconversation and, let's say, we
conclude that women don't want aproject, and we can easily find

(07:42):
a post online that says I don'twant a project, don't marry a
guy for his potential, let'sjust leave it at the-.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
That does sound very Instagrammable, yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
Think about that.
So when I see something likethat, I say to myself I
understand the spirit of thatmessage but, it's a damaging
message to women, and here's thereason why.
Because now what?
And specifically to youngerwomen, because you know what
that message, I guess,encourages in younger women is
not to let the guy have anydownside, like he has to be all

(08:12):
upside.
That's the way it comes acrossto the younger women, and even
to older women, I think, aboutemotional intelligence.
Women are gonna have to, inmost cases, carry the load with
regard to emotional intelligence.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Sure, yeah, they're gonna have to right.
We have girls nights builtaround that very conduct.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
Listen, but think about the message that we just
said.
I don't want a guy, I don'twant a project.
So I'm trying to get you guysto understand that.
What I'm saying is that Iunderstand the spirit of those
types of messages, but I alsothink that they drive a negative
rhetoric in a lot of cases,right.
So it's okay if we're gonna talkthrough it, but it's okay if we

(08:50):
put that message out there, butalso put that message out there
to say to people hey, learn howto discern what that actually
means, like, what's a project toyou is not a project to her.
And this is the trouble with.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
So maybe if you say like single projects might not
be that bad, but like a fullhome renovation is not gonna
work out well.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
But and here's what came to mind for me, because
I've actually heard women saythings like if he doesn't know
how to communicate, if hedoesn't know how to love me, if
he doesn't know how.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
He doesn't know you.
He can't know how to love youif he doesn't know you.
There's some of it is like justnatural learning one another.
There's basic communicationwhich I think is I'm gonna ask
you out on a date a couple ofdays in advance, not what are
you doing for drinks.
And it's five.
You're like what are you doingfor drinks later?
I'm at home, I've decided myday is done.

(09:46):
I've opened up my bottle ofwine.
It doesn't include you becauseyou didn't ask early enough.
Like literally, that justhappened to me.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yeah, and the only point I'm trying to make behind
all of that is that I understandthe spirit of the message and
I've gotten to a place right nowwhere I look at every post or
message like that that'sside-handedly trying to give
advice to people and I askmyself is it helpful?
Is it useful?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
I experienced that statement not so much from
coaches, but from just womensaying I don't wanna.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
But where did they get that thought from?

Speaker 1 (10:21):
They grandma, fair enough.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
But you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
I don't think my grandmother has there's
generations before that willexpress how challenging their
relationship with their man was.
So they're advising theirdaughters.
Here's how you do it so thatyou don't go through what I went
through, and it probably ismostly in the African-American
community.
But a lot of women, especiallyin the what generation is this?

(10:45):
35-ish to 45-ish, oh wow,millennials.
So a lot of millennial women, Ithink, have that perspective
where they want someone.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
We have coined.
Girl boss, that was us.
You're welcome everyone outthere.
So when I hear you don't want aproject, I run through, knowing
that I just said it a momentago.
But I knew what I meant byproject.
I knew what I meant by I don'twant a whole home renovation,
having you learn me, just like Ilearn you.

(11:19):
That's called building arelationship.
You have to do it with when youmake a new adult friend, which
is a whole different level ofhard than it was in college or
even when you were in like thirdgrade, when you're like, hey,
you like that, I like that too,let's be best friends.
It doesn't work like that now.
It's weird if you do that to anadult.
But I think some of the wholeyou don't want a man, that's a
project, because that comes in,because women don't really

(11:43):
listen to what guys say and theythink they heard something
different.
It's the joke of where a guywill list and, like movies, do
this all the time.
He'll list all these things andsay, but that looks really
pretty on you, or your eyes lookreally good today.
Oh my God, they do.
And so they only heard that.
They didn't hear the housescrumbling around us.

(12:05):
My car is broken down.
I actually just got fired today, but your eyes look so pretty
and you hear your eyes look sopretty and that's it.
And so I think that's where theyou don't want a man, that's a
project is listen to what theysay and how they say it, Cause
guys are gonna tell you.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah, so Is it their?

Speaker 2 (12:22):
project.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
I don't think so definitely they know.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
So here's the takeaway I want people to have
from this conversation.
I don't believe women shouldaccept projects, project men in
the right context.
But the problem is do womenunderstand what the distinction
is between learning a person andlearning a person and learning
how to have a relationship?
with them versus a project andmy whole problem around the

(12:48):
conversation in a general public, typical sense, when you write
it down like that is that thepeople on the other side reading
it will apply it whatever it ishappening in their life right
now with their person or withthe people that they're in
contact with and that messagecan confirm, give them a
confirmation that's alreadybiased in a direction.

(13:09):
Yeah, confirmation bias, youget what I'm trying to say For
sure, yeah.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with saying with a woman
saying I don't want a projectguy, but I have a problem with
the information out there.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
I think where I am is you're saying it's dangerous to
put the message out there andI'm saying the message is
already out there and has beenreceived.
How do we help women have adifferent perspective in terms
of what they should proceed with?
We talk about it One, not one.
Two things that I see, not seeTwo things I hear that women say
.
That tells me that they alreadyhave that mindset of not

(13:42):
wanting a potential is wanting ahigh value man, which means an
established man, he has a lot ofmoney, he has a strong network.
And also the statement wherewomen say if he wanted to, he
would, which means he should beemotionally intelligent enough
to know what my needs are andknow how to take care of me.
So those two things tell me Idon't want to do any work with a

(14:04):
man.
So the women already have themindset.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
So I understand where you say coaches should not be
disseminating that message butso I just want to correct you a
little bit because I'm notsaying coaches shouldn't be
disdaining that message.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
That's not the message I'm trying to get across
.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
I'm just saying we've had this conversation a few
times, right.
I'm just saying that's my issue, my issue with the general
coaching, mainly from post andsometimes from coaches.
When you're talking to ageneral audience of a full
breath of demographic, that isproblematic, right, but in your

(14:38):
practice and in my practice wesit down and we talk to people
individually and we hone in onthat particular question.
I got no problem with a womansaying to me that she doesn't
want a project guy, but I mightask her what does that mean?
And if she talks about this, Iknow how to correct it, but if
she talks about that, I can sayokay, I can go down that path
with you.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
That's the only thing I'm trying to say that makes
sense.
I think that's why one of thereasons why the About Good
Company podcast isn't fiveminutes long because there's a
lot to the topics that wediscuss.
There's a lot to nuance orperspectives on different
questions.
That's why we have this andit's not here.
You're three things you need toknow today about dating.

Speaker 3 (15:16):
And that's why and I'm glad you said that, because
I've always wanted a platformwhere I can voice my concern
about the fact that people won'ttake the information and
discern about it.
They just eat it, they just takeit right and then they apply it
.
If it's again, if it confirmsthe bias that they already have,

(15:38):
they just take it.
And I'm at the place now where,just like, we've been talking
about therapy over these yearsand now everybody's going to
therapy because it's becomingacceptable norm In this day and
age, I think everybody needs adating coach.
Most people, I should say mostpeople need a dating coach and
they should at least startexploring dating coaches and

(15:59):
learning some information andgetting some skills and so forth
.
And we gotta get to the topicat hand sometime today.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
I know I'm dying to really understand the sexual
market value thing.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
Listen.
Sexual market value.
This is a treacherousconversation.
Well, stay with me, I thinkit's a treacherous conversation
to have, and people have hadsome real visceral responses to
just the idea of it specificallywomen, and I understand why.
So, before we get started withthis conversation, I just need

(16:29):
everybody to know that thepeople at this table are not
having these conversations toweaponize the message right.
We're having theseconversations to open up
dialogue and give peopleperspectives so that they can
have better results in theirdating life, because that's what
we want.
We want better outcomes forpeople.

(16:50):
I'm not gonna tell you what'sright, I'm not gonna tell you
what's wrong.
I wanna help you have a betterperspective so you can choose
what's right or what's wrong.
So, at a very high level, I'mgonna suggest that the sexual
market value and there's sexualmarketplace.
Let's talk about the sexualmarketplace and we're gonna talk
about sexual market value andjust to try to give a definition

(17:13):
that's high level and peoplecan stay with us in the
conversation.
There is a distinction betweena person's value, ie personal
worth, and sexual market value.
Sexual market value is the ideaof.
You know, women are the productto men, men are the product to

(17:35):
women.
So how valuable are you as aproduct to a man in the context
of relationships, sex dating andthat sort of thing and vice
versa?
Miss woman, mr man, howvaluable are you?
to a woman in the context ofrelationships, sex dating and

(18:00):
that sort of thing.
So we make that distinctionright.
And the reason we have to makethat distinction upfront is
because the general problem thatwe start off with in society
today is that women have atendency to conflate their
sexual market value with a man'ssexual market value.
What I mean by that is that welook at a person because we

(18:22):
think personal worth.
So the first thing we thinkabout is how much money does a
person have?
Where do they come from?
Do they have a house?
What kind of education?
How much money?

Speaker 2 (18:30):
That was the base of our conversation about projects.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
These are some things that are in a guy's sexual
market value column His abilityto gain resources, right.
And that could be education,job, money, all of those things
that's in his sexual marketvalue column, right.
And there's some other thingsin his sexual his height is in
his sexual market value column,his personality.

(18:54):
There's a list of things, butlet's just stick with the first
one, right, the monetary value.
Let's just call it monetaryvalue for now.
Education and that sort ofthing.
That's in his sexual marketvalue column, but that's not in
a woman's sexual market valuecolumn, right.
And this is where the problemstarts, because I talk to 40
plus old women all the time andthey lead with I have my own

(19:15):
house, I have my own car, I gotmy own job and I have my blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
And they lead with that to aguy.
And in this conversation thatwe have, we say that a guy
doesn't care about that.
Now stick with me for a minute,because women wanna push back
on that statement.
What do you mean?
A guy doesn't care about howmuch money I got.
You would think he'd be happythat I'm independent and he

(19:35):
doesn't have to take care of me.
You think he'd be happy of blah, blah, blah, blah.
Or the women say he'sintimidated because I have these
things and none of that's true.
None of that's true, butthey're caveats, all sorts of
caveats, but I'm just trying tolay the groundwork for the
conversation right now.
And laying that groundwork, Ihave to say that those things
that are in the man's sexualmarket value around education,

(19:56):
money, resources and all thosethings are not in a woman's
sexual market column right.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
So you're saying sexual market value is what the
other side finds attractive.
Yes, so whatever is in a man'ssexual value column is what a
woman finds attractive.
Exactly what's in a woman'ssexual value column is what a
man finds attractive.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
What a man finds valuable in the context of sex
relationships, dating and soforth.
That's the way I wanna put itout there.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
Okay.
So I pulled up an articlebecause I wanted to know how the
internet defined these things.
And so male sexual market value, how it breaks out by
percentage age is 7%.
In calculating this value score, age is 7%, status is 13%,
personality is 9%.

(20:46):
Game is 30%.
Looks F%, resources 6%.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
I was surprised by the resources thing, because I
do think that ranks higher.
But again, this is just onesource of how they calculate.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
Where did that?

Speaker 2 (21:02):
come from.
This came from the power moves.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
The power moves.
Okay, Is that a website or apersonal it?

Speaker 2 (21:07):
is a website that also has courses, forums, blogs.
They are establishingthemselves as an expert in this
space.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
So my take on that is that is someone's
interpretation of it and they'retrying to build on it a little
bit, which is fine.
But again, for the sake, okay,go ahead.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Okay, so that is the short term and, interestingly
enough, it's different for longterm.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
Okay, so long term, yes, Long term.
Male sexual market value age is10%.
Status is 23%.
Personality is 18%.
Apparently, that matters alittle bit more if you're gonna
spend the rest of your life withthe person Looks.
15% matters less resources 27%shoots on up to where we think

(21:56):
it should be and game 7%.
Gotta drop in that game score,well, that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
if you're talking short term, long term, then that
makes total sense.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
Okay, so let's do the women, okay.
Okay.
Women short term, or femalesexual marketplace short term is
ages 8%.
Status is 1%, personality 2%game 9% resources 0%, looks 80%,
looks 80.

Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah, Okay on the short term.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Looking at the long term for women age 26%.
Status 6%.
Personality 16%.
Again, we wanna like the personlooks 29%.
Resources 3%.
Faithfulness enters in a wholenew category with this at 20%.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
So here's the first thing I wanna point out in that,
like we've gotten to the pointnow because this sexual market
value conversation is being hadat a lot of tables, but it's
also half of the planet hasnever heard of it before and
hadn't considered it Definitely,and that's telling.
Women's resources was 0% shortterm, and I think you said 3%.

(23:14):
Long term, 3% or 6%, but it'sstill way down there and that's
the reason why we say a mandoesn't care about that stuff.
Now, one of the things I'll sayto the demographic of people
that I talk to mostly areworking class people.
So if you were to ask a workingclass man who's making $50,000,
does he care how much a woman,much money a woman makes, he's

(23:36):
probably going to say yes.
But if you turn around and put$3 million in that guy's bank
account and you're asking thatsame question, he's going to
care less.
He's not going to care.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Would it be fair to say instead of care, because
care makes it sound like it'slike I can take it or leave it.
Would it be preferred?
Could you use that?

Speaker 3 (23:57):
Keep in mind we're talking about what's in the
sexual market value column andthe only thing I say when I say
I don't care, meaning it doesn'tcontribute to your sexual
market value.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
It could be a nice ad , but it's not ranking and is
important to me.

Speaker 3 (24:13):
And here is where other pushback comes back along
that conversation, becausepeople will give this example.
We talked about it on the driveover here today.
I think Chris Rock made a jokethat said Beyonce can work at
Burger King and million dollarguy could come in and be like oh
my God, you're super fine, Iwant to take you to be mine.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Be my girl.
That could happen.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
I liked the rhyme though I thought that was really
good, I made it.
I didn't know it.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
We discovered that today.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
JC working at Burger King, no woman's going to come
in and take on a JC, right?
You get what I'm saying.
So the only idea I'm trying tobring up here is that people use
that type of example sometimesand then women will push back
and say there's no millionaireguy that's going to take a woman
from Burger King.
Now, first of all, the entireplot lines on that, I know so

(25:02):
it's.
This is what I'm trying to getto.
When it comes to education and awoman's resources and her
experience, it matters to highvalue guys in a sense, because
what a high value guy does likeis an intelligent woman, right?
So that education and thoseresources and that experience

(25:22):
can gosh I'm having a loss forwords can indicate, can be an
indication of her level ofintelligence, right?
And that's why thisconversation gets so muddy
sometimes, because all over theplace out there in the world,
we're saying women, guys don'tcare about your education and
your money, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it has to be put in contextin order to say that.

(25:44):
I would word it this way howmuch money you're making, your
car and your, whatever youraccomplishments, does not go
into your sexual market valuecolumn.
What goes into your sexualmarket value column, is your
intelligence Right.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
So, like your wit, you're the not the stuff on
paper that you can show, but thestuff you experience in real
life.

Speaker 3 (26:07):
At the end of the day .
At the end of the day, there'sa list of things that are in a
woman's sexual market valuecolumn, and the only thing I'm
trying to get over in this firstpart of the conversation is I'm
trying to help women understandwhy they shouldn't conflate the
list the man's list with theirlist.
They shouldn't do that.
I think we've effectively laidthe groundwork for what sexual

(26:29):
market value is and let me justline it up.
Let me just line up a couple ofthings.
I'm coming to this conversationwith love and empathy and I'm
not trying to weaponize any ofthese.
Sure, I just want to shareperspective, right?
So in this space you'll hear.
The part of the problem with, Idon't know, the way God created
us all and set this wholeplanet up, is that a woman's

(26:51):
sexual market value is at herpeak in her early 20s.
Is that her peak already?
So throughout the course oflife, a woman's sexual market
value declines over time.
A guy's sexual market valueincreases over time.
Totally Right.
That message gets weaponized towomen and that's the reason why

(27:11):
they push back on thisconversation so much.
We can get into the details.
I was hoping you were going toask me what do you mean by that?
I was hoping you were going tono.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
It makes sense based on how we've laid out the fact
that resources for a man arereally important.
Moving forward I mean thedifference between the long-term
and short-term percentages,like personality, starts to get
a little bit better and mattermore.
Resources matter more, looksmatter less, and that's.

Speaker 3 (27:36):
Wait a minute.
Are you talking about for women?

Speaker 2 (27:39):
or for men In this percentage that I read oh okay,
Got it.
Like from the power moves orthe expert we're using for today
.
So that makes a ton of sensethat over time his sexual market
value would increase.
Guys also age really well.
They look better when they getolder.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah.
So a woman's sexual marketvalue is at its peak in her
early 20s and the reason that isbecause some of the biggest
players in a woman's sexualmarket value is her youth and
her fertility Totally, and herbeauty, Yep, and those are at a
max when 20.
Right and over time thosethings decrease.
And think about a 20-year-oldguy his sexual market value is

(28:19):
probably the lowest in his 20s,Right.
Only thing he's got going forhim is looks and maybe he's in
shape.
That's all he's got going forhim.
But the things that areimportant to women his ability
to protect and provide resourcesand does he have status, all of
those things that are in hissexual market value, color that
they're lowest in his 20s.
Right, and then over time itrises.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Okay, so where do they cross?
I don't hang on, I'm going toget there.
I'm going to get there, I'mgoing to get there.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
Come on, man, but here, for the sake of getting
started, 20s, we've covered that.
Now let's go to age 50.
Let's do so.
Let's take the 50-year-oldwoman.
She's got a fabulous job, she'sgot a fabulous house, she's
making tons of money, and let'seven say she looks good.
Yeah, like she's beautiful.
Yeah, Put a pin in that for aminute.

(29:07):
We know what the woman lookslike and we know what her
situation is Like.
And let's take a 50-year-oldguy and he's, let's just say,
working class engineering guymaking 90 something thousand
dollars and took good care ofhimself, and he's in shape and
doesn't have a whole bunch ofkids.
Let's say both of these peopledon't have kids, right, and
they're at 50 years old andacross the board, everything's

(29:29):
equal Good job, good money, goodhouse, good whatever.
There are two things that goagainst a woman.
One thing is hypergamy.
You know what hypergamy isDefine please.
Define.
You might have to look it up soI can put the but the idea of
hypergamy is a woman's naturalinclination to either date marry
across or up right.

(29:49):
She won't marry or date down instatus.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Now given those puzzle pieces.
She's 50 years old and I've gotto add this other statement the
more successful a woman gets,the fewer options she has with
regard to dating, because she'slimiting her pool.
Because of hypergamy.
Mainly because of hypergamy,right, because the more
successful she gets, the morepeople, more men, are now below

(30:17):
her, if you will, from a statusperspective, right.
So her pool is just gettingsmaller and smaller the more she
accomplishes.
So let's take this home.
So we got a 50 year old woman,50 year old man.
Based on what I just told you,hypergamy has already limited
her pool because she won't datedown.
And the 50 plus year old women,like, they hate this

(30:40):
conversation and they hatepeople who talk about it and
they hate the idea of it andthey push back, and I completely
understand.
But here's one thing that Iknow I work in the matchmaking
industry and I'm just going tosay to you that the hardest
person to match, the hardestdemographic to match in
matchmaking, is a 50 year oldwoman.

(31:01):
And then the reason being isbecause a lot of the times,
these women are divorced yeah,right, and if they're in a
matchmaking space, generallythey're on the upper middle
class or upper class, right.
So they've had experience withhigh value men, right?
So they're at 50 years old andthey left their husband, or

(31:23):
their husband left them, butthey found themselves on the
dating market and nobody wants a50 year old one, but I'm saying
that hyperbole a little bitSure.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
But not every 50 year old woman is equal to the other
50 year old woman.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
But the reason I even bring it up is because that is
a demographic that we, asmatchmakers, know is a very hard
demographic to match.
And the reason it's a harddemographic to match is because
50 year old women want 50 yearold guys.
Give or take five years right,but if you find a 50 year old
guy who's high value, he has nointerest in a 50 year old.

(32:01):
His interests are in women,generally from age 30 something
to 40, let's say 48.
And that's really why that's?

Speaker 2 (32:11):
I was going to say 42 .
Yeah, yeah, I was going to saythat's really why.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
And some of those 50 year olds will go even lower
than that.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
Yeah, yeah.
But you see what I'm saying,you see why.
And who loves 50 year old women?
70 year old men love 50 yearold women, absolutely love them.
60 somethings and 70s love 50year old women and 50 year old
women don't like those guys.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Working through.
All of that makes sense.
It makes sense based on, if youlook at just generic numbers,
average people.
All of that makes sense.
The world feels very differentnow in the sense that there are
I guess this is going back alittle bit to the sexual market

(32:55):
value of women.
With regards to educationprofession, like more and more
women are in a professional job,they have careers.
Statistics across the boardtalk about how couples are
prolonging having children intotheir 30s or and women are
delaying getting married as asociety because more women are

(33:21):
in university settings, aregetting postgraduate degrees,
are going on to higherprofessions.
Are they forcing that hypergamyon themselves by going higher
faster or more of them being atthat level?
I don't know if that makessense.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Does that make sense?
It makes sense.
What I would say to that ismost people have never heard
that word hypergamy.
They don't know what it is.
They don't know it's a thing.
So let's start there.
Most people don't even knowwhat it is.
And keep in mind it's moreabout the biology of a woman and
her natural inclination to makesure that she marries up.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
You're actually pretty spot on your definition
because it says right herearound the chart that I'm
looking at.
Hypergamy is a fundamental,innate female drive to seek men
who are better than they are.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
So when you say, are they women who are getting
better educations and betterjobs, are they forcing
themselves into hypergamy?
Yes, they are.
They aren't forcing themselvesinto hypergamy.
Hypergamy is a thing already,whether they got a job or not.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
They're limiting their options.
Okay, that's a better way tosay that.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
And listen.
The reason why I want to havethis conversation is because I
just really want to help women'sperspectives.
The reason why that's soimportant is because I know tons
of women who've gone to schooland gotten PhDs and all of these
things and they absolutelydon't want to hear.
That has no value and that'snot what I'm saying.

(34:51):
That's what I'm trying to helppeople.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
If anything, that makes it harder for them to find
somebody right.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
Yeah, but my point is I want the takeaway from this
conversation to not be that youreducation doesn't mean anything
, because that's not what I'msaying.
Nobody wants to hear.
They went to school all thistime and worked this hard and
got all of these thingsaccomplished in this act and it
doesn't mean anything, and Iunderstand why people get mad at
that when they hear it.

(35:18):
But again, in this space, menweaponize those messages towards
the women and women weaponizetheir messages towards the men,
and I'm trying to diffuse alittle bit of that.
I want a safe space to explainwhat sexual market value is,

(35:39):
hypergamy and these concepts.
I want a safe space to explainthat and then we can talk about
it.
So then, to your point,hypergamy exists whether they
went to school or not.
But to your point also, this isthe reason why I said at the
beginning of the conversationthat the more successful a woman
gets, the smaller her pool gets, because the further she rises,

(36:00):
the more men are beneath herand her natural inclination is
to be hypergamous and wantsomebody of higher status.
Now we say, a woman will dateacross and up, but for the most
part, is up.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
It says lukewarm is the way that they describe women
dating at their own status.
They're lukewarm about it.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
In a pinch you'll drink that lukewarm coffee, but
you're not going to pick thatlukewarm coffee, yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
I care about people and I care about people feeling
bad, and that's the reason why Iwas nervous about having this
conversation, because I justwant people's perspectives to be
better.
But they got to understand theway the world works right.
Because one of my really bigfrustrations with both men and
women is that.
Let's take age as a perfectexample.

(36:47):
50-year-old guy is successfuland he wants a woman that's 25
years old to 40.
Women's response to that ishe's a pedophile.
First of all, 20-year-old womanis not a kid, right.
But women go straight to theshames and insults pretty quick
when they don't fall into thecategory.
They feel like they've beenleft out of the party, so to

(37:08):
speak.
Age is a very important one totalk about, but that's a
biological thing and age, beauty, fertility, is in a woman's
sexual market value column.
The shaming, insults they don'thelp the situation and it's not
going to change anything.
So my frustration with men andwomen alike is that women will

(37:31):
tell men what they like and menwill push back against it and be
mad at them for liking thatthing.
Same thing with women Womenwill tell women what they like
and what's important to them andthe men will push back and get
mad at them.
Did I say both of them?
Or did I say the same thingtwice?
But you guys get the point, soI'm trying.
So let me get and I was thinkingabout the age thing, but let's

(37:53):
just talk about attractivenessin general.
I'm taking pictures of the ladytoday and one of the
conversations I have in my prepcalls when I'm taking profile
photos for people is, obviously,I want them to have effective
photos and I go down this pathof questioning because a lot of
the time they'll tell me whatthey want to do and if it's
contrary to what I think iseffective for them, then we got

(38:16):
to have a little debate or talkabout it a little bit and let's
use one like makeup.
I will often ask a woman andagain, this is for the sake of
our audience this is in thecontext of us taking photos for
a matchmaking profile that Ithink are effective.
So I'll ask about makeup and awoman will say I don't want to

(38:37):
put on any makeup.
And my question will be do youever wear makeup?
Because if you never wearmakeup then I wouldn't ask you
to put on makeup.
But if you say to me I onlywear makeup on special occasions
, so I only wear makeup when I'mgoing here or when I'm going
there, then I'm going to say puton some makeup.
This whole thing is a marketingexercise.
Yeah, yeah, we're trying tomarket you, so don't tell me you

(39:00):
want to put in as little effortas you can to do this thing.
And I used the restaurant menuas a metaphor or analogy a lot
of the time, and I did this withher yesterday.
I said think about the menu.
You go and you look atrestaurant menu and you see this
big juicy cheeseburger and itlooks all wet and juicy and it

(39:21):
looks delicious.
But when that burger comes outand you look at it on your plate
, it often doesn't look anythinglike it did.
Bring in the photo, yeah, youtake a bite of that hamburger
and you're like man, this thingis delicious, absolutely
delicious.
The restaurant has sold you onthis hamburger and you are
coming back to get thathamburger, or Greek, you guys

(39:43):
with me so far.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
I'm with you, yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
Now, the point I'm making is, if the menu wasn't
such that it can entice you toat least get the hamburger in
front of you then you would havenever had the opportunity to
take a bite and understand howgood it is.
Right, yeah, yeah, I'm not arefugee and I do this a lot with
men.
Also because, per theconversation we were having
before we got on the podcasttoday, when you said you wished

(40:09):
that men would, oh yeah, wouldactually not take bathroom
selfies.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, their photos are awful and Like terrible.

Speaker 3 (40:17):
Yeah, and I get that from and I'm gonna get back on
point, but I wanna touch thatfor a minute.
I get that from all women andTinder.
We talked about this in thelast.
Tinder did the study and cameback and said 80% of men are
unattractive right, and I get.
What Tinder did is tookinformation from their dating
app.
So the better way to say thatis 80% of men online are

(40:40):
unattractive.
Yeah, because I know that 80%of men in this world are not
unattractive but, 90% pluspercent of men refuse to present
themselves point blank.
They just refuse to presentthemselves.
They'll show themselves, butthey won't present themselves
Like.
They won't put on nice clothes,they won't take the sunglasses
off, they won't get the fish outof their hand, they won't get

(41:02):
the fish through the back.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Most of the guys Blurry photos Hats Most of the
guys yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Haircuts, the whole.
Thing.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
And Again, there are a lot of movies about this Very
content.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
But that's a great point also with regard to the
whole sexual market value, orthe thing I was saying just
before this.
Like guys are out therecomplaining that women won't
talk to them and they'recomplaining that women are too
picky and they're complainingthat there's some truths to that
, but my point is they'recontributing to it.
They're contributing to thatand everybody's telling them

(41:36):
that, but they are pushing back,like they refuse to, and that
just does not make sense to me.
I did a profile shoot with aguy two weeks ago and I asked
him.
I said hey, I need you to get ahaircut and I need you to.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
How does that go over when you ask how many of them
do you have to ask to get theirhaircut?
What percentage would you say?

Speaker 3 (41:55):
Most it depends.
Here's the example.
You know what I had Glassesthat automatically transition to
dark when you go outside.
Oh yeah, and Don't love those.
Yeah, and he needed a haircut.
So I said to him in love andconcern and empathy hey, man, I
need you to get a haircut andI'd like you to go get some
frames.
Just go buy some frames.

(42:16):
You don't have to have glassesin them, but you wear glasses.
So I want you to have onglasses, but they can't be dark,
because women have it.
In order for you to haveeffective photos, women has to
see your eyes Right, so makesure she can see you.
Those are my instructions tothe guy Come back to me when
you're ready.
He came back, he got a littlebit trimmed off.
He told me he liked his hair alittle longer, okay, and he

(42:38):
decided he was not going to goget some frames.
And I was like, okay, but I'm alittle bit annoyed because I
want to help.
Sure, yeah, and that's a.
That was low hanging fruit,like I'm not asking them to go
get your arms to be 10 inchbiceps or 20 inch biceps.
I'm not asking for anything ornot asking you to buy a whole
new suit Like yeah, exactly, butthe idea of that whole point is

(43:03):
that men push back against thethings that women say they want,
and then they complain thatwomen don't want to talk to them
, and there's a whole list ofthings that women push back
against men.
Let's touch on the peace thingfor a minute, just for a quick
minute.
Because we've had this peaceconversation for another time.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
And I have a question that we'll get to as soon as
you finish this peace thing.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
So this conversation came up because I don't know if
it was a show on television andbasically there's some rhetoric
out there that says be a man'speace.
And women's response to that,instead of saying hey, how can I
learn how to be a man's peaceInstead?

Speaker 2 (43:45):
of having that what I said.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
It's exactly what you said.
It was what about my peace?
And peace is not in a woman'sand the man's sexual market
value column for a woman, butpeace is in a man's and a
woman's sexual market valuecolumn to a man.
So the answer to your questionis that just because we're
saying give peace to the guy,we're not saying that you don't

(44:08):
deserve peace.
We're trying to say is thatthis is one of the things that
will help you be more successfulin getting the outcomes that
you want, if you understand mento know that they want peace,
and if you understand that andyou take the perspective of okay
, now that I understand that,let me go figure out what that

(44:28):
means.
That's all.
All I'm doing is perspectiveshifting at this point, right?

Speaker 2 (44:32):
So is it the outcome of a man having peace?
Will give off the things thatgive women peace or contribute
to them.
You can say that but reflect.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
I guess you can say that, but I'm trying to get you
to not conflate the two, becausewhat you're doing right now is
you're trying to say but.
I'm trying to figure out how Ican get some peace Right.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yes, I'm not going to deny it.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
Yes, that's fine.
I like peace.
Yeah, that's fine.
Only thing I'm trying to say,the only thing.
I'm trying to say is that peaceis in a woman's sexual market
value.
Column for a guy.
Peace is not in a guy's sexualmarket value column for a woman.
It doesn't mean that it's lessimportant that you have peace.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
It just means that it's not on the scale, it's not
adding to your sexual marketvalue?

Speaker 3 (45:23):
That's all I'm trying to say.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
So here's my question Can you change your sexual
market value?
So here's because some of thesethings because we've talked
about age a lot you can't changeyour age, but we also talk
about how attractiveness, likesome of that can change, like
you can, if you're just thereare some things you can do and
some things you can do unlessyou have a boo-coos of money.

(45:46):
But you can buy skincareproducts and makeup.
The whole point of makeup is itmakes you look youthful and
fresh and clean.
I guess All of those things.
And so that is something thatwomen do.
It's a lot of women changingtheir sexual market value.
I think a lot of it, becauseyou just said that the peak is

(46:09):
like early 20s and then it goesdown.
So I don't know, can you changeyour value?

Speaker 3 (46:15):
The answer is kinda yes.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
But again, let's talk about men first.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
Sure, they seem to be a little easier to discuss.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
Men have more opportunity to change to better
their sexual market valuebecause it can change up or down
.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Because they're going toward it.
Women are coming away from it.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
Exactly, exactly so.
The message I want to give hereis men have much more
opportunity to increase theirmarket value.
Women have less opportunity toincrease their sexual market
value.
They can, but they have lessopportunity.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
One way that I've heard it put is that women are
born with their value and theymust retain it.
Men are born with no value andthey must gain it, so they have
to work over time.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Oh, there's so much to that.
It's to unpack.
That's a lot of things rightthere.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yeah, so you have your youth, you have your
fertility, you have yourvirginity or your purity, all
the things that men findattractive, and those things
will decline over time.
So you have to do your best tohold on to it.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
The conversations that are having with these new
generations and the feminismmovement is that we can go out
and we can have as much sex asthe men are having, we can sleep
with as many people and we canbe sexually liberated blah, blah
, blah, blah, blah.
And to your point, a woman isborn with a lot of value, like
just out of the shoe, and thatvalue decreases over time.

(47:41):
You got a whole generation ofwomen out there who really think
it's okay, mentally andphysically, to be like men and
I'm not condoning men sleepingaround and being promiscuous,
but I am saying that theramifications are different and
there's a whole generation ofwomen who don't believe that,
and when they find out about it,when they get to the point in

(48:03):
life where they understand thatit's true, it's too late.
You can't turn back the handsof time at that point.
These aren't new ideas and newconcepts.
They're just things that peopleare unaware of, and my approach
is I really want women tounderstand men better so that
they don't get upset about thethings that men like and the way

(48:25):
men are.
If you understand them better,you won't get as upset about it
and then you can do something tomake yourself more valuable in
the sexual marketplace to menright.
Same message goes to men.
I want men to understand womenbetter, because if you
understand like, for instance,men will get mad at a woman and
call her a gold digger becauseshe wants to do that has a good

(48:46):
job right.
But if you sit down and youtalk to a guy and help a guy
understand that it's not so muchabout the money.
What she needs is the securityof knowing that you can protect
her and that you have theability to gain resources right
so that you could take care of afamily that's built inside of a
woman.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
So if you look at the going back to this, the Power
Moves chart and their pie charton long term female sexual
marketplace value things youcan't change age looks, to an
extent, like I think you can doa decent amount, depending on
your income level, which will beyour resources.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
So let me, let me say something about looks, because
I separate looks and appearance.
Okay, right, and appearance issomething you can do something
about looks you cannot.
So I think here's how Icategorize looks Looks are
things you can't change youcan't change the color of your
skin.
You can't change your height.
Change your age Like those arethings you can't change.
Appearance you can change allday long.

(49:41):
You can lose weight, you cangain weight.
You can cut your hair, you cancolor your hair.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
This chart does not separate age from looks.
So looks in this one, I think,is going with physical
appearance.
Okay, so you can change.
That sort of resources you canchange, but that's 3% on this
long term scale.
For women.
For women, faithfulness is 20%.
I would say that to.
You can improve yourunderstanding of people, but I

(50:07):
think that is an innate thing.
Like you're not a cheater.
Like if maybe you can relearnthat I don't know, maybe that's
another conversation as youshake your head.
Yes, it's another way.
Yeah, this is great, love it.
And personality is has 16%value here in this long term
scale.
You can improve yourpersonality, you can learn how

(50:29):
to be social, but sometimesthat's also innate.
So I'm going to go with alittle bit of half and half on
that.
Like you can't make yourself anextrovert if you're an
introvert.
That is absolutely true, and soyou're like, if you are a lover
of a cocktail party, like you'retruly here, like that's where
you like, thrive, and that'swhere your personality is going
to be on full display.
But if you don't love that.
That's not going to be a greatspot for you.

(50:52):
And then status 6%.
Not a lot of value in that, butyou can probably change that.
Like the ones that you canchange, I think you can change
your status.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Oh yeah, you can absolutely change the status and
so I thought you were sayingcan you change the percentage?

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Oh, no, not the percentage.

Speaker 3 (51:08):
Some of the one, actually most of the ones you
can change are not the highestpercentage Bomp bomp, bomp, I
know, but you see why I saidit's a tough conversation to
have with women and, quitehonestly, we're at a point now
where I just really wish thatthe women, the older women
who've come to theserealizations and understandings,
would reach back to the youngerwomen and say hey guys, that's

(51:32):
not going to work out too wellfor you, right?

Speaker 2 (51:34):
So you have to be ready to hear that, that's a big
like youth is wasted on theyoung, isn't that the phrase?
Yeah, I definitely love beingin my 30s more than I loved
being in my 20s, cause I feellike I have lived a little bit,
have experienced some stuff andknow myself way better than I
did before, which makes likesome of this, some of these

(51:57):
things that we've talked abouttoday, make more sense.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
One of the comments I've heard is from women is that
it seems unfair that they peakat 21 when, as you're saying,
you don't really know yourselfyet.
You haven't, you don't have anyexperience.
But what men would say is thatgood, we don't want you to know
yourself or have any experiencenecessarily because you're
coming in with preconceivednotions and habits that create

(52:24):
conflict in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
Literally just had a guy say that to me.
Oh wow, two weeks ago Actually,it was like a month and a half
ago and I was so aggravated byhis Because I was like you're a
horrible person, so you want awoman who doesn't know anything,
so that you can tell her howshe's supposed to think and
dominate her life.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
I was so hot right now thinking about it.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
And that wasn't.
And it wasn't because I waslike do you think that you're
worth that?
Like you're not that great.

Speaker 3 (52:53):
Yep, so here's, that's a great great.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
He was awesome and fantastic and every was like
very desirable by every womanaround him and he was like no, I
want a 21 year old.
I'd be like that makes a littlebit more sense because you like
you've, you're top tier, right,this dude was not Got you, he's
not top tier Nope.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
So so hang in there In the mid level.

Speaker 3 (53:15):
That is great that you said that.
Right, I got real, real hot, Iknow, and that is the.
That's the typical response andin some cases.
No, I was about to say in somecases it's warranted.
But here's what I want you todo.
I want you to separate that guy, throw the guy out and just put
a man in that space.
Sometimes I wish we could throwthat guy out and just put a man
in that space.
And this is exactly one ofthose things that not going to

(53:39):
change about.
You can be mad about it.
All you want is just not goingto change about men.
It's just not going to changebecause it's built into a guy's.
What less experience for from awoman translates to some men is
is less damage.
Sure, yeah, that's what Itranslate less damage and fewer
pieces that I got to put backtogether, because some do mess

(54:00):
you up or and this goes back towhy we Single people have to the
single men have to stop beingmean to the single women because
they get damaged and they turnaround and hurt people.
It is that whole thing.
But that's great.
I totally get what you'resaying.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Right.

Speaker 3 (54:17):
And I can understand your response to this guy,
especially if you turn aroundand look at him and said, but
dude, you're not all that,because we?

Speaker 2 (54:24):
I just really interpreted that as a complete
lack of self-awareness.
That is precious and adorableand you could want that, but
what do you have that's going tomake that worth it?
Well, he's a Be it like Hold on.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
Let's dig into that for a minute because,
remembering our lastconversation when we were
talking about the formula ofknow yourself right, know your
person and know what your personwants from you.
Self-awareness thing is a bigproblem out there in the world,
huge and and going along withthis whole sexual market value

(54:57):
conversation, and I'm going togo back to the older women A lot
of that problem exists with theolder women.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Right.

Speaker 3 (55:04):
I've got a person that's very close to me, very
close to me, and she divorcedher husband at age 54.
Both of them own some fault inthe demise of, but at the end of
the day she left the marriage.
Right Now, when she left themarriage and got back out there
on the scene, it's not a scene,she's like a bloodbath.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Well, hang on.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
This dude was high value, millions, not a bad
looking guy in shape, businessguy.
But the reason why I'm bringingthis up?
Because this range of womenhave experienced that type of
dude but they don't understandthat when they leave that dude
there's not another one of themwaiting for him, know it.
And the self-awareness thingcomes into play there, because

(55:49):
they leave those situationsthinking that I need another guy
like that and that guy justdoesn't exist.
Not that he doesn't exist, butthose guys don't want 50 for
your old women, and that's justa fact.
If you're trying to have a longterm meaning for a relationship
.
Part of the problem hypergamy isone issue and then the woman's
youth and fertility and all ofthose things play a role.

(56:10):
Because, let's just say, mywife is 13 years younger than me
, let's say I was 13 yearsyounger than her, and then that
means today she would be 55 andI would be 40.
Right Now I'm a 40 year old andI'm doing real good for myself.
Now I got a 50, 40 year oldwife at home.

(56:31):
Now, listen, I'm just simplysaying because I'm not, I got to
be careful that I'm notcondoning any of this or that.
I'm saying that all men orwhatever any of that kind of
stuff, but just based on ournatural inclinations and our
sexual market value, beliefs andunderstandings.
That's more of a problem,because she's 54, she doesn't

(56:54):
hit menopause and she don't wantsex no more.
He going strong at 40.
So what is he to do?
What is he to do?
He's strong at 40 and 54, shegot hot flashes and can't have
sex no more.
All I'm saying is that can itwork?
Yeah, it can work.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
Menopause, the conversation women don't have.
Has it worked before?

Speaker 3 (57:11):
It has worked before.
I wouldn't recommend it topeople because it's just fraught
with peril, so to speak.
Peril One of the things Iwanted to say about today's
society sexual market value formen.
Sex is important to women, andthis is a conversation that I
think gets had out of context alot of the time too, because

(57:32):
what we'll often say is that sexis more important to men than
it is to women, and women willoften push back against that
conversation and say absolutelyit's not more important.
But the truth of the matter isthis sex has a different effect
on men and their psyches andtheir mental health than it does
on women.

(57:53):
I'm saying good or bad, betterwords, I'm just saying different
.
And sex is much more of astronger motivation to men than
it is to women.
And me, being a guy, I canspeak to some of these things on
a level that sounds crazy.
But just me being a guy andunderstanding how the drive of

(58:13):
sexual desire can overtake yoursensibilities much more than
that potential to do it in awoman's space is the reason why
I say it has a different effectand I wish women understood that
.
I wish they understood that fora couple of reasons.
Number one they could be saferif they understood that, because
they wouldn't do certain things.
And you can say all day longthat I don't care how I dress, I

(58:35):
don't care what I do, I don'tcare why, blah, blah.
God shouldn't force himself onme, or he shouldn't do this, or
anything.
And I agree with that 100%.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
But I just made clear that your emphasis noted.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
Yeah, I agree with that.
But they understood howdangerous it is that they play
with that.
Sometimes they like they, theyget close to it, whatever it
means.
I'm not saying anythingspecific here.
I'm just saying I want women tounderstand.
I want them to receive the ideathat sex is not the same for
women as it is for men.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Okay, yeah, that's what I want to receive.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
And the reason they push back on it is because we
weaponize that message to and wesay, hey, sex is more important
to guys than it is to women,and it's not right.
But it's different and you gotto understand that different
women are different.
Yeah, but the last thing Iwanted to say about that is
today's society is in bigtrouble with regard to the men's

(59:29):
sexual market value at age 50,because sex is still a component
of a guy's sexual market value,and there are 20 year old
impotent guys today because ofporn art, and if they're 20 year
olds, you know they're 30 yearolds.

Speaker 2 (59:44):
That is interesting.

Speaker 3 (59:45):
So here's one of the things that women have to be
concerned about, right, youcan't just assume that you found
a 45 year old, 50 year old highvalue dude.
You can't just assume that he'sgoing to make things happen in
the bedroom Like you can't dothat anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Did you like take a shot before we had this podcast?
I feel like you were like freeflowing over there.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
I do, I love it.
I do want to know maybe a sillyquestion, but how does
pornography contribute to maleimpotence?
A couple of ways.

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Let's make it.
Let's just give the simplestanswer.
The simplest answer to that ishe basically wears away his
sensation, his ability to besensationalized, from a woman.
He wears that away.
Think about this Give me a handfor a minute.
Just give me a hand.
Y'all can't see this at home,but they're holding hands.
I know myself and I know mybody enough to know how to make

(01:00:39):
it feel good.
So I do this to myself.
Oh, that does feel good.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
Yep, okay, holding hands, noted, holding hands.
I'm pulsing my hand.

Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
I'm trying to give her a sensation, to help her
understand that if I do thisevery day to myself and now I
come to you your body cannotgive me that sensation.
It's impossible for your bodyto give me that sensation.
So what have I done?
I've worn away my sensation, mysensibility to a woman's body.

(01:01:09):
So that's the short answer towhy pornography can affect
impotence.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
That's an interesting way of putting that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
I know it's absolutely true and we'll go in
anyway.
I know it's.
That's just one of the things.
That's just one of the things.
The other thing is this Let megive a blanket statement and say
the reason why I thinkpornography contributes to
impotency.
The biggest reason is becauseit desensitizes men.
That's the blanket statement,right?

(01:01:35):
Because think about it, we livein a day and age now where
pornography starts at age 10.
Like, as soon as they get thesmartphone, they got access to
pornography.
My point is, when I was 10years old, there was no such
thing, there was no internet,right?
The best I could do was look ata magazine.
When I went over my bestfriend's house every I don't
know once a month maybe and hisdad had a Playbore magazine, and

(01:02:00):
Playbore is not porn.
It's soft, yeah, it's very soft, yeah, right.
So now you take a 10-year-oldwho starts watching a woman get
slammed, slapped, abused.
He starts that at 10 years old.
Let's say he starts at 13 yearsold.
I'm telling you, when a guy,when a young boy, experiences

(01:02:20):
this, they take one or two rows.
It's just like drugs.
Some people might be able totake a drug and say, wow, that
was an awesome experience andfeeling.
But let me not do that everyday.
Save that for when I want tohave a really good time.
And then they go live theirlife.
And then there's the other guywho says whew, that was good,
let me do that again.
Whew, that was good, let me dothat again, right.

(01:02:42):
So he says he's got 10 years todo it and now he can't not do
it because if he doesn't do ithis body won't act right.
Like he can't stop thinking.

Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:02:52):
The young guy is in this space and now he's 21 and
he's already beat up all of hissensitivity.
So you let him down with awoman that don't that?
Just feels like laying downwith a pillow.
Wow, you give him a saying.
This is all anecdotal typestuff that I'm saying but yeah,
I get it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
That's just sad.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
You guys take care of yourself so that you can rise
above the rest when you get intoyour fifties.
There's one quote I'll put outthere and I got to look up the
lady who gave this quote and itsays you can ignore reality, but
you can't ignore theconsequence of reality.
And my takeaway from that is tomen and women alike stop

(01:03:34):
getting mad about these thingsand stop trying to change the
reality of things, because youcan't change the reality of some
things and you can close youreyes to it and stick your head
in the sand and say that, hey, Ican sleep with 300 guys if he
can sleep with 300 women, youcan do that, but you're not
going to get past theconsequences of reality when the

(01:03:55):
day is done.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Where do we go from?

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
here,