211. The Truth Behind Wanting Your Ex to Regret Losing You & How To Really Move On After Divorce

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How to Turn Your Obsession Over His Regret Into Your Superpower...

Have you ever found yourself fixated on whether your ex regrets walking away, hoping one day he would feel the loss as deeply as you have?

In the throes of life after divorce, it's completely normal to imagine your ex regretting his decision not to hold on tighter. This episode unfolds a fresh perspective by exploring how this desire can shape your healing journey for the better.

1. Learn why giving yourself permission to want his regret can be a surprisingly empowering move.
2. Understand the power of the Law of Attraction and how ensuring your mindset will transform your healing process.
3. Discover the profound journey to becoming an unforgettable woman who no longer waits to be chosen but does the choosing herself.

Tune in now to transform your energy and discover how focusing on your growth can become the ultimate act of self-love and empowerment.

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A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
How often do you obsess over whether or not your
ex regrets letting you go?
In this episode, we're divinginto the raw truth of wanting
him to feel this loss While youreclaim your power, heal and
become the woman he'll neverforget.
Hi love.

(00:22):
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave and build back yourconfidence.
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.

(00:52):
One of the most common things Ihear from you when we're
chatting in the DMs or whereverright, is that you know you
don't want him back in the waythat he has been behaving, but
you certainly want your fantasyversion of him back.
And what you really want morethan anything is for him to

(01:12):
regret, right, regret that hedidn't work harder, regret that
he let you go, regret that he,you know, didn't treat you
better, all these things, right,you want him to regret and I
got to tell you I'm kind of herefor it, right?
But let's unpack all the waysin which this is impacting your

(01:34):
divorce recovery journey and theways that we can just sort of
tighten it up.
So in this episode, we're goingto first talk about the reasons
.
I give you permission for thiswhole sort of thought process,
right, obsessing over wantinghim to regret you.
I actually give you permission.
I want to talk with you alittle bit about that.

(01:54):
The second thing we're going totalk about is karma, and you
just double checking that yoursis where you want it to be.
And the third one thing thatwe're going to discuss is who
are you, the woman, who is thiswoman that he's never going to
forget, right?
How do you know that you arestepping into her and embodying

(02:18):
her?
All right, let's dig in.
So, first things first, you wanthim to regret, and I think
that's beautiful, because ifhe's steeped in that sense,
right, that felt sense of regret, that would mean that he was

(02:42):
grieving, really grieving, theloss of what you shared, of your
role in his life and of hislived experiences with you.
And I want him to grieve.
I want him to grieve deeply theloss of you, the loss of you
know, the life that you dreamed.
I want him to grieve deeply andI want him to feel that fully,

(03:06):
but maybe for different reasonsthan you do.
The reason I want him to grieveit fully is because I want him
to become a better man.
I don't want him to perpetuatethis same relationship breakdown
, this same relationship loss,these you know unhealthy
attachment style patterns andbehaviors, this lack of intimacy
, this lack of loyalty orfidelity or accountability, this

(03:30):
lack of emotional intelligenceor conflict resolution.
I want him to become a betterman because the world needs more
better men.
I don't want him to regretlosing you because I want him to
suffer, because a world full ofsuffering men only makes for a
world full of suffering women.

(03:52):
So I want him to get better,and when you start obsessing
over whether or not he regrets,I want you to send up a prayer
that he grieves, that he becomesa better man, and I want to
give you full permission todesire for him to grieve.

(04:13):
But I think, in the way I'mframing it, you can sense here
that I'm there's a softening inthe way that I'm presenting it
versus how you think of it.
Right, you think of it.
You want him to hurt becauseyou're hurting, and I want him
to become a better man.
And I think at the end of theday, you do too, especially if

(04:33):
you have children with himbecause you want him to be a
better man for your children.
But this piece of theconversation leads into the
second thing I want to discuss,which is karma.
Right, when you want him tohurt simply because you hurt,
that means that what you'reputting out into the world is
suffering, and from a law ofattraction standpoint, from a

(04:53):
vibrational standpoint, I don'twant you wishing suffering on
people, because that's what youare going to call right back to
yourself, is more suffering.
And so there has to be thisslight shifting of your mindset
right, where you are okay withyour grief process, not like yay
, this feels like shit andtherefore I am pleased, right.

(05:17):
But an acceptance that we allhave to face our feelings and
move through them in order to befree of them, and that we want
the same thing for him, right.
But I think that what we reallyhave to look at here is that a
victim wants him to suffer,right, like I am a victim

(05:39):
because I am suffering and so Iwant him to suffer, which then
makes him a victim.
It's that victim mindset rightwhich is like, where I pity
myself and I want to be betterthan other people, rather than I
want to foster emotionalvulnerability and intimacy in
relationships and I want torelease judgment because I can

(06:00):
see that everywhere in the worldwe are judging each other, we
are falling apart as a society,and so I want you to shift.
If you're wanting him to hurtfor the sake of hurting, I want
you to shift out of that becauseyou can't get to the place I
know you want to get to fromthat mindset.
I want you to go from victim tovictorious right.

(06:21):
I want you to get to.
I want to become this woman henever forgets, because I'm going
to do that from a place ofempowerment, from badassness,
not from a place of I want himto pity me and I want people to
pity me, and I pity me and Iwant him to hurt.
I, at the end of the day, oftensee women in the world waiting

(06:45):
to be chosen rather than doingthe choosing.
We've talked about that a goodbit here on the podcast and
we're probably going to bangthat drum for a very long time
Because, at the end of the day,when we, when us choosing self
right, like me, choosing me,like me, saying like hot damn, I
gosh, I am just it feels sogood to choose me when that

(07:10):
choosing of self doesn't feel assatiating, as good as
empowering, as aligned, asdelicious as someone else
choosing me.
There's work to do, friend.
There's work to do around me,knowing my worth, living into my
worth, really feeling groundedin my worth.
And can I tell you I am stillin that process right here, me,
dawn.

(07:31):
I am still in the process ofbeing able to choose myself on
deeper, more powerfully rootedlevels than ever before, layer
by layer, by layer, and I'mdoing it so much these days in
such ways like it's intoxicating, but like man, if you had asked
me 10 years ago if I hadself-love, I would have been

(07:53):
like what are you even talkingabout?
It hurts my brain.
Maybe not 10 years ago,probably longer, but I digress.
So I want you to move from Iwant him to hurt to I want him
to grieve, because grieving, orI want him to regret, right To I
want him to grieve.
I want him to grieve too, and Iwant you to grieve.

(08:15):
And then I want you to learnhow to choose yourself so
powerfully.
You can't ever lose right,because you're with you, you
choose you and then, from thatplace of energetic alignment,
you can have whatever you want.
It's hard for you to believeright now, because it feels like
you've lost everything.
I know and listen, it's not alight switch of a journey.

(08:39):
It comes layer after layerafter layer.
Not a light switch of a journey.
It comes layer after layerafter layer.
But that love is how you becomethe woman he never forgets.
Is you move so deeply intoalignment with the truth of who
you are?
You become such a powerfullygrounded woman who can just
point and choose what she wantsand it comes to her.

(09:01):
That is my vision for you.
That's the stuff that keeps meup at night.
How can I help you get fromhere to there?
That's the stuff that gives mechills that you become a woman
who never again settles for lessthan alignment.
And I think, in order to dothat, you know, producer Joy and

(09:24):
I were having this reallyinteresting conversation today
about well, but did a traumacause it?
Or is it just that we don't knowourselves well, sometimes right
, like when we don't choosemarriages that are ripe with
intimacy and vulnerability?
Is that because we had sometrauma always beforehand?
No, I don't think so.
Not always For some of us.
For me, it certainly was.
It was related to trauma, butnot everybody had this horribly

(09:47):
traumatic childhood and thentherefore chose a partner that
had, less than you know,wonderful vulnerability and
intimacy.
I think sometimes we just growup in childhoods where there
wasn't a lot of intimacy withour parents, and so we didn't
learn how to do intimacy.
We didn't learn how to doemotional vulnerability.
Maybe we had lovely parents,but they didn't know how to be

(10:08):
vulnerable, and so we just neverlearned how to do that.
And so then we came along withsomebody who just sort of, you
know, doesn't have those traitseither, and it seemed normal, it
seemed right, it seemed goodenough, it seemed fine, it
seemed like gosh, I'm going totake this person at their word.
But then they ended up, youknow, not being worthy of your
word, their word, whatever.

(10:30):
And so I think that thisbecoming the woman that he never
forgets involves you not justchoosing yourself powerfully,
but also getting to knowyourself on a level that you've
never known yourself before, andthat means getting way outside
of your comfort zone and gettingto know yourself and the nooks
and crannies of you, what youlove and what you don't love,

(10:55):
the gifts that you have thatyou've never tapped into, and
leaning into spaces that causeyou to feel vulnerable,
uncomfortable, insecure, butthat you work through those
until you gosh just feelunshakable.
You know, bend, but don't break.
So this is a call right to leaninto spaces that you've not

(11:19):
leaned into before.
This is a call to, yes, obsessover whether or not he's
grieving, to pray for him, thathe grieves deeply so that he can
become a better man, and thenget refocused on you becoming
the kind of woman who doesn'tsettle, who knows she can choose
, who is so comfortable withvulnerability and intimacy that

(11:45):
you know yourself so well,inside and out, that you can't
be taken advantage of.
You can't be manipulated, youcan't be gaslighted.
You know that we can only bemanipulated and gaslighted to
the extent that we are not intouch with ourselves and aligned
.
Well, when I am in alignment,love, when I am deeply in touch

(12:06):
with my intuition, I cannot begaslit or manipulated.
Can you say whether or notyou're that deeply grounded in
your intuition and that alignedin your energy right now?
Gosh, golly, I don't want youto continue being manipulated
and gaslit, but howmanipulatable we are is directly
tied to our self-worth and howaligned we are.

(12:28):
So this is your call to actionto shift that obsession about
his regret to an obsession withyour own personal power and
alignment and a prayer that hegrieves deeply so that he can
become a better man, becausethat is what's better for all of
us.

(12:49):
If you haven't jumped on ourwait list yet for a different D
word, our 12-month healingcocoon where we definitely are
offering you the path right tothis version of yourself where
there's intimacy andvulnerability and all the tools
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yours to just soak up and stepinto this ideal version of

(13:12):
yourself.
The waitlist is open for alimited time where you get these
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Scroll down to the show notes,click through the questions and
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Can't wait to see you there.
Peace, dear.

(13:41):
Divorce Diary is a podcast byMyCoachJohn.
You can find more at my coachjohncom.