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What if Your Biggest Secret is the Key to Healing Post-Divorce?
We've all hidden away parts of ourselves in fear that if exposed, they might lead to rejection or judgment. But what if embracing these aspects could be the pivotal step towards profound healing and personal transformation after a divorce?
In this episode, you'll discover how vulnerability can become your greatest strength, why facing your inner shadows can lead to newfound power and joy, and how transformative techniques like EMDR and IFS can create lasting changes in your life.
Start your journey towards true healing today—listen to this episode and uncover the hidden strength that lies within your most vulnerable moments.
Post Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided Journaling
Join The list for A Different D Word, our personalized healing program.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if the thing you're most ashamed of the part
of you, that you keep lockedaway terrified someone might see
it, was actually the key toyour deepest healing?
I know that sounds impossibleand scary, but I've lived it and
in this episode I'm going totell you about the moments when
I was fully exposed post-divorcemy rawest, most broken, most
(00:20):
shame-filled self, and how,instead of rejection, I found
something else entirely.
Stay with me because this mightjust be the next door for you
to walk through and breakthrough.
Hi love, welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,
(00:45):
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
Let's take a tour, if you will,of my post-divorce healing.
(01:12):
We're going to make three mainstops today, and the first one
goes a little like this I wassitting in my therapist's office
sweet, sweet Gerda absolutelyconvinced that if I said the
thing out loud, she would lookat me differently, that she
would confirm the worst fear Ihad about myself.
But what actually happened isshe held space, she didn't turn
(01:32):
away and for the first timewhere I took that leap off the
cliff of vulnerability, I feltthe tiniest bit lighter.
And this is what I need you toknow is that healing doesn't
happen, it cannot happen, inisolation.
We can heal a certain amount inisolation, but when we let
ourselves be really seen, itshifts something.
I'm going to unpack this wholestory and share all the moments
(01:57):
in that season when I took thatrisk and when everything started
to change and then stop.
Two is going to be where wefast forward way past that
season, to when I was in aweek-long EMDR training where I
had no choice because therapists, we practice on each other
right.
I had no choice but to let mydissociated trauma parts surface
.
This is where I startedpracticing IFS and EMDR in this
(02:21):
really artful way.
I was in a room full ofstrangers, therapists no less.
I was so dysregulated that thefacilitator had to step in and
do her fancy EMDR magic just tobring me back.
It was messy, it was raw, butby the end of that week I had
unraveled, I had rewoven myselfin ways I didn't even realize
were possible.
And that's the thing.
(02:41):
Every time I've let someonewitness my shadows, I've walked
away lighter.
And yet this is where you oftenget stuck, where most women get
stuck, because what if theyfind something inside themselves
that they can't unsee?
So many women have said that tome.
And then at the end of theepisode we're going to take a
look at why so many womenhesitate to take the leap,
(03:04):
whether it's going to that nextstep, using that next tool, that
next program, even justacknowledging their truth out
loud.
Most women avoid.
The fear isn't actually abouttime or money, it's about facing
what's inside.
But let me tell you, after twodecades of doing this work, not
one woman I've worked with hasever regretted walking towards
(03:26):
herself.
Not one.
Because on the other side offear is power, joy and abundance
.
So we'll wrap up the episodetalking about some of those
experiences.
I've seen women take that leapand be all the better for it.
Take that leap and be all thebetter for it.
(03:48):
All right, gerda's officepost-divorce.
So I had been dating and holycrap that post-divorce dating
even though there was a periodof time where I was completely
single.
Right, I made the choice to becompletely single and really
work on myself.
But once I started dating again, I dropped back into my
(04:10):
repetition compulsion right.
Remember this is pre-EMDR,pre-homeopathy, pre-quantum
healing.
So this is where I was heavilyrelying on talk therapy and
somatics at the time.
Right, yoga, inner child worknot to the extent of IFS, inner
child work and a lot of somatics, right, Like actively doing
anger, doing sadness, thesetypes of things.
(04:31):
I had a picture of my youngself on my bathroom mirror.
I was doing a lot of journaling.
These were the tools I wasfocusing on at the time, but the
repetition compulsion right.
My subconscious patterns to dowith intimate relationships were
pretty entrenched and so it wastough for it to change.
So when I sat on her sofa andI'm sure you can relate to this
(04:53):
I had this stuck feeling in mythroat, this burning feeling in
my stomach, and my heart wasracing and I was like I can't
say it, I have to say it.
I can't say it, I have to sayit right.
And there were just some thingsthat I needed to reveal about
some messes I made in the worldof dating.
These are things that I talkabout more intimately inside our
program, not necessarily forthe whole world on the internet,
(05:16):
but I knew that I needed totake that leap and let her hold
that space and I did.
I said the things right and shewas so nurturing and maternal
with me in those moments that itreally helped unhook a bit of
shame.
That gave me more courage.
So then when she encouraged meto go tell the women's group she
(05:37):
led that I was in.
I was able to do it again.
And then when she recommendedthat I go do this personal
development workshop called theLiving Course, I was able to do
it even more.
And then when she recommendedthat I go do this personal
development workshop called theLiving Course, I was able to do
it even more.
And what was really interestingabout that is the Living Course
was like a very public settingwhere people work on their pain
in a fairly public way.
(05:59):
And I was motivated to do thesethings because I was, like you
know, a year, 18 monthspost-divorce, two years and in
many ways I felt worse than ever.
So you know, I had made acommitment to myself that I was
going to heal this stuff to itsroot and so I was motivated.
So I took her recommendation andI'm sitting in this hot seat,
(06:19):
day one of the living course,and there's multiple coaches.
There's a lead coach, multiplecoaches, and then there's like a
horseshoe full of otherparticipants and then there's a
room full of like observersslash helpers, slash right.
It's like a really interestingforum for healing and I had that
same sort of heart racing,feeling like I cannot believe I
(06:39):
signed up for this.
What the hell was I thinking?
But as the weekend unfolded andthe room full of people was sort
of like Care Bear staring right, like beaming supportive energy
, I soaked it up and I thinkthat's the piece that women miss
is that we're so guarded, we'reso protected, we're so used to
(07:02):
being wounded right that we keepthat guard up.
We are subconsciously keepingthe guard up and blocking our
own healing.
So, even though I was doingthis public thing that I was
sure would cause me to puke,actually what happened is I
softened and I exhaled and Ifelt safer in my own body at the
(07:24):
end of the weekend, and sothese were very powerful
post-divorce experiences where Ifundamentally shifted my
confidence in that season bysort of being able to sit with
my own pain and have it mirroredback to me in such a healing
way that I felt less shame aboutwho I was or how I got here,
(07:46):
the underlying causes that ledme to pick that partner in the
first place.
Now the intensity, I would say,is even more when we fast
forward to when I'm EMDRtraining, and this is where
things really really took on adifferent pace of healing.
Because when you add EMDR tothese moments of vulnerability,
(08:08):
to these moments of embodiment,you add EMDR and all of a sudden
, that subconscious repetitioncompulsion gets even better.
Like you know, you can shiftthat pattern even more
profoundly, and so I had alreadydone, you know, the completed
EM like basic EMDR training, andI had already been practicing
EMDR for a while.
But I went to this week-longadvanced training where they
(08:29):
utilized also parts theory orinternal family systems, which
you've heard us talk about here.
And when I sat in that roomfull of strangers and really
wanted to get the benefit oflearning how to do this, I had
to let all this stuff surface.
And you know, as someclinicians are more experienced
(08:51):
than others, the clinician I gotpaired with wasn't the most
skilled clinician, and so, frommy experience, how it felt,
right, those young, dissociatedparts of me that had picked my
ex-husband, they didn't feelcompletely safe with the
therapist facilitator that I wasworking with, but that's what
the trainers were there for,right.
And so you know, it was first arevelation to me how parts of
(09:15):
self worked in that training andthat I was finally able to
attend to those parts of me morethan just inner child work.
I can't it's hard to evencapture or describe the profound
differences between inner childwork and this sort of broad
strokes approach to looking atchildhood wounds versus IFS and
(09:35):
the specificity with which wecan see that.
Oh no, there are parts of selfthat have a strategy and they
have a methodology and they havebeen using these adaptive
methods to help keep me safe andprotected and from getting hurt
again, and they have helped mewiggle out of tight spots.
These adaptive methods to helpkeep me safe and protected and
from getting hurt again, andthey have helped me wiggle out
of tight spots.
And there is a profounddifference between inner child.
So if you've already done innerchild work and you're like, hmm
(09:56):
, what's IFS?
Like wow, it is such a deeperapproach, and so even in me
meeting my own parts, there wasa relief that came from that
training and then in thefacilitator and a handful of the
other therapists, seeing thosevulnerable parts of me and
accepting me and still findingme to be not just accepting me,
(10:20):
right, but like we would get outof training and we might go to
lunch together or we might chit,chat or whatever and talk about
our practices, and these otherwomen would still be like, wow,
you know, that thing you do isamazing.
Or wow, tell me more about that, right.
Like it wasn't just that theyaccepted me, but they found
value in the way I approached mywork or my life or just who I
was.
So, rather than my worst fearbeing confirmed that in these
(10:44):
deeply vulnerable parts of methat felt so broken, so out of
control, so dysregulated, soyoung, do you ever have that
experience where, like, on theone hand, you're like I am a
badass, independent woman and Icould probably get through
anything and be fine.
I would be hurting, but like Iwould be fine and I could still
take care of the house and thekids and the whatever.
But then have these other partsof you that feel so profoundly
(11:06):
incapable of doing anythingbecause they feel so young and
scared, independent or just outof control, and both of those
energies can live inside of usat once, and that's what we're
getting at here with this typeof vulnerable work, is, those
parts have to come to know eachother and to create cohesion
inside of you, to both feel seen, heard, understood.
(11:28):
And that's what happened for methere with the fancy EMDR magic
, and I got even better.
But then fast forward toanother season in my life where
at the first time, I was workingwith a homeopath and she gave
me a remedy.
I felt so raw, exposed andashamed because I knew she had
(11:49):
seen something in me that even Icouldn't face.
And that's very often howhomeopathy works.
Right, we come and we tell hera story and the homeopath can
spot the imbalanced energy andman did she and she nailed it
and I got such immediate relieffrom that remedy.
But I also had to sit with theoh shit.
(12:11):
I have been carrying aroundthis energy and people have
probably sensed it for a verylong time.
But in each of these moments,my most shame-filled parts, raw,
hidden, unworthy, laid bare.
These people did not turn away.
They held me there in my mostbroken state until I could hold
myself.
(12:31):
And that is what we do in adifferent D word, because true
healing is not available untilwe do these deeper pieces.
You are predictably going tocontinue your repetition
compulsions.
You're going to continueattracting the things that
attracted your first partner,your second partner, the guys
(12:53):
you've been dating, the jobsyou've been having, the
relationship you know, like allthe things, until we go to those
spaces and feel seen, heard,understood, held, loved,
accepted, and it's terrifying.
But that's also why I can sithere on the podcast today and
(13:13):
share vulnerable things, becauseI've done so much of the behind
the scenes work to love andaccept myself.
Even if you don't, I can stillsit with, like I stand by what I
said and I know that it ishelping other people speak up
and stand in their truth andfind their power.
(13:38):
No-transcript.
There are a handful of thingsthat they talk about.
Right, I don't have time, Idon't have the money, I don't
have the space, I just don'thave something I need.
Right, and that's true, thereis some resource internally
that's missing for women to say,yes, I can approach this work.
(14:00):
You know, when producer Joy andI, many years ago, before we
launched the podcast and wewould talk about her doing EMDR
therapy and she's like I'mafraid of what I will find, you
know that's not exactly what shesaid but, like you know, I'm
afraid of what's going to happen.
Who am I going to be after thatprocess?
Who am I going to be Right?
And so when women say there'ssomething missing for me to be
able to commit to this, I'mafraid, I'm afraid it's not
(14:22):
going to be a good fit, I'mafraid to commit, I'm afraid to
take that next step, and theymay list a whole host of
resources that are missing.
What I want you to know that Ihear is that, yes, there are
resources missing for you tofeel safe to do this deeper work
that's the piece is to godeeper.
(14:44):
You have to feel like there isenough resource that you are
safe enough to go deeper.
And so what I watch women do issay, like when I feel safer,
then I will approach the work.
But what they're missing isthat you will not fundamentally
feel safer until you do the work.
So it's this catch 22,.
Which do you do first for untilyou do the work?
(15:05):
So it's this catch 22,.
Which do you do first?
Right, take the leap or wait.
And so I want you to really sitwith that right.
I agree with you you are notwell resourced enough right now
to do this deeper work.
There's too much insecurity,whether it's financial,
emotional, psychological,support system, right, there's
just not enough of some thingsfor you to feel safe to move
(15:30):
forward into this deeper work.
But that's the point of theprogram.
Love is that it gap fills thosemissing resources.
Because what I know of thewomen who have joined this
program and I have worked within the past is that no one has
ever regretted going deeper.
(15:51):
No one has ever found a woundthat they couldn't heal, no one
has ever regretted feelingdeeper peace or deeper
empowerment.
Because that is the point ofthe tools we use here is they
function on such a deep level.
It's almost like this is such afunny therapist thing to reveal
(16:13):
is very often, after someonedoes a couple of EMDR sessions
or takes a homeopathic remedy ortwo, those issues are so sort
of deleted right, like thenegative beliefs or the issues
or the disease vectors I callthem.
Sometimes they're so deletedfrom the brain they can't even
find them anymore and they'relike, oh, I don't know, I must
(16:36):
have had a good night's sleep.
It's like they can't evenremember how they felt in the
weeks previous before the EMDRor the homeopathic remedy and
they always sort of attribute itto like, oh, I must have gotten
a good night's sleep or, youknow, it must have been that
book that I read it.
Just, you know it's like it'sso profound it's hard to even
put your finger on sometimes howthe pain is.
(16:58):
Just, you know layers of it,not all of it at once.
And producer Joy and I had thisconversation actually we sort of
got into a tussle about it,like maybe three weeks ago.
I'm like looking at her forconfirmation where she was like,
oh, you know, that session youdid with Kate, I wonder if that
is the thing that really shiftedthis particular dynamic between
us recently.
And I like cackled and she waslike rude Because we don't
(17:21):
realize how profound all ofthese steps and layers of
healing they create thistransformation.
And wow, I've just never seen awoman regret all of that.
And so I want you to notice, ifyou tend to say to yourself I
will go deeper when I feel safer, when I feel ready or when
whatever, right that actually,what you're missing is the very
(17:43):
thing that's going to facilitatethe safety and that is a
profound and comprehensivesupport system that is tailored
to you, using these quantumtechniques that are absolutely
going to dial in to the parts ofyou that you are the most
ashamed to sit with, the partsof you that you've been denying
(18:04):
their own healing process.
I know you felt that there areparts of you that you have been
denying.
You've been treating them asthough they're not worthy of
healing, because you can't standto face them.
You can't stand to let otherpeople face them, and so those
parts remain like baby in acorner, waiting for Patrick
Swayze to say nobody puts babyin a corner.
(18:26):
I am Patrick Swayze.
So if you have questions aboutour program, if anything I've
said has resonated with youtoday, I want you to scroll to
the bottom of the episode andfind the link where it says sign
up to book a call or to findout more about the program.
I want you to fill out thatform or jump on Instagram and
(18:50):
send me a DM.
Either way, let's just have theconversation.
Sometimes people say like ah, Idon't want to take the leap if
it's not a good fit.
I don't want you to take theleap if it's not a good fit
either.
We are here to help people getmassive transformations, not to
have people flounder and not besatisfied with their results and
struggle and suffer and rightlike that's not good for anyone.
(19:12):
So let's have the conversationand let's see if this is the
right fit for you so that youcan have your transformation, so
that we can pull baby out of acorner.
I love you so much.
Scroll down, click the link.
Peace, dear.
(19:37):
Divorce Diary is a podcast byMyCoachDawn.
You can find more atmycoachjohncom.
What if the thing you're most ashamed of the part
of you, that you keep lockedaway terrified someone might see
it, was actually the key toyour deepest healing?
I know that sounds impossibleand scary, but I've lived it and
in this episode I'm going totell you about the moments when
I was fully exposed post-divorcemy rawest, most broken, most
(00:20):
shame-filled self, and how,instead of rejection, I found
something else entirely.
Stay with me because this mightjust be the next door for you
to walk through and breakthrough.
Hi love, welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,
(00:45):
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
Let's take a tour, if you will,of my post-divorce healing.
(01:12):
We're going to make three mainstops today, and the first one
goes a little like this I wassitting in my therapist's office
sweet, sweet Gerda absolutelyconvinced that if I said the
thing out loud, she would lookat me differently, that she
would confirm the worst fear Ihad about myself.
But what actually happened isshe held space, she didn't turn
(01:32):
away and for the first timewhere I took that leap off the
cliff of vulnerability, I feltthe tiniest bit lighter.
And this is what I need you toknow is that healing doesn't
happen, it cannot happen, inisolation.
We can heal a certain amount inisolation, but when we let
ourselves be really seen, itshifts something.
I'm going to unpack this wholestory and share all the moments
(01:57):
in that season when I took thatrisk and when everything started
to change and then stop.
Two is going to be where wefast forward way past that
season, to when I was in aweek-long EMDR training where I
had no choice because therapists, we practice on each other
right.
I had no choice but to let mydissociated trauma parts surface
.
This is where I startedpracticing IFS and EMDR in this
(02:21):
really artful way.
I was in a room full ofstrangers, therapists no less.
I was so dysregulated that thefacilitator had to step in and
do her fancy EMDR magic just tobring me back.
It was messy, it was raw, butby the end of that week I had
unraveled, I had rewoven myselfin ways I didn't even realize
were possible.
And that's the thing.
(02:41):
Every time I've let someonewitness my shadows, I've walked
away lighter.
And yet this is where you oftenget stuck, where most women get
stuck, because what if theyfind something inside themselves
that they can't unsee?
So many women have said that tome.
And then at the end of theepisode we're going to take a
look at why so many womenhesitate to take the leap,
(03:04):
whether it's going to that nextstep, using that next tool, that
next program, even justacknowledging their truth out
loud.
Most women avoid.
The fear isn't actually abouttime or money, it's about facing
what's inside.
But let me tell you, after twodecades of doing this work, not
one woman I've worked with hasever regretted walking towards
(03:26):
herself.
Not one.
Because on the other side offear is power, joy and abundance
.
So we'll wrap up the episodetalking about some of those
experiences.
I've seen women take that leapand be all the better for it.
Take that leap and be all thebetter for it.
(03:48):
All right, gerda's officepost-divorce.
So I had been dating and holycrap that post-divorce dating
even though there was a periodof time where I was completely
single.
Right, I made the choice to becompletely single and really
work on myself.
But once I started dating again, I dropped back into my
(04:10):
repetition compulsion right.
Remember this is pre-EMDR,pre-homeopathy, pre-quantum
healing.
So this is where I was heavilyrelying on talk therapy and
somatics at the time.
Right, yoga, inner child worknot to the extent of IFS, inner
child work and a lot of somatics, right, Like actively doing
anger, doing sadness, thesetypes of things.
(04:31):
I had a picture of my youngself on my bathroom mirror.
I was doing a lot of journaling.
These were the tools I wasfocusing on at the time, but the
repetition compulsion right.
My subconscious patterns to dowith intimate relationships were
pretty entrenched and so it wastough for it to change.
So when I sat on her sofa andI'm sure you can relate to this
(04:53):
I had this stuck feeling in mythroat, this burning feeling in
my stomach, and my heart wasracing and I was like I can't
say it, I have to say it.
I can't say it, I have to sayit right.
And there were just some thingsthat I needed to reveal about
some messes I made in the worldof dating.
These are things that I talkabout more intimately inside our
program, not necessarily forthe whole world on the internet,
(05:16):
but I knew that I needed totake that leap and let her hold
that space and I did.
I said the things right and shewas so nurturing and maternal
with me in those moments that itreally helped unhook a bit of
shame.
That gave me more courage.
So then when she encouraged meto go tell the women's group she
(05:37):
led that I was in.
I was able to do it again.
And then when she recommendedthat I go do this personal
development workshop called theLiving Course, I was able to do
it even more.
And then when she recommendedthat I go do this personal
development workshop called theLiving Course, I was able to do
it even more.
And what was really interestingabout that is the Living Course
was like a very public settingwhere people work on their pain
in a fairly public way.
(05:59):
And I was motivated to do thesethings because I was, like you
know, a year, 18 monthspost-divorce, two years and in
many ways I felt worse than ever.
So you know, I had made acommitment to myself that I was
going to heal this stuff to itsroot and so I was motivated.
So I took her recommendation andI'm sitting in this hot seat,
(06:19):
day one of the living course,and there's multiple coaches.
There's a lead coach, multiplecoaches, and then there's like a
horseshoe full of otherparticipants and then there's a
room full of like observersslash helpers, slash right.
It's like a really interestingforum for healing and I had that
same sort of heart racing,feeling like I cannot believe I
(06:39):
signed up for this.
What the hell was I thinking?
But as the weekend unfolded andthe room full of people was sort
of like Care Bear staring right, like beaming supportive energy
, I soaked it up and I thinkthat's the piece that women miss
is that we're so guarded, we'reso protected, we're so used to
(07:02):
being wounded right that we keepthat guard up.
We are subconsciously keepingthe guard up and blocking our
own healing.
So, even though I was doingthis public thing that I was
sure would cause me to puke,actually what happened is I
softened and I exhaled and Ifelt safer in my own body at the
(07:24):
end of the weekend, and sothese were very powerful
post-divorce experiences where Ifundamentally shifted my
confidence in that season bysort of being able to sit with
my own pain and have it mirroredback to me in such a healing
way that I felt less shame aboutwho I was or how I got here,
(07:46):
the underlying causes that ledme to pick that partner in the
first place.
Now the intensity, I would say,is even more when we fast
forward to when I'm EMDRtraining, and this is where
things really really took on adifferent pace of healing.
Because when you add EMDR tothese moments of vulnerability,
(08:08):
to these moments of embodiment,you add EMDR and all of a sudden
, that subconscious repetitioncompulsion gets even better.
Like you know, you can shiftthat pattern even more
profoundly, and so I had alreadydone, you know, the completed
EM like basic EMDR training, andI had already been practicing
EMDR for a while.
But I went to this week-longadvanced training where they
(08:29):
utilized also parts theory orinternal family systems, which
you've heard us talk about here.
And when I sat in that roomfull of strangers and really
wanted to get the benefit oflearning how to do this, I had
to let all this stuff surface.
And you know, as someclinicians are more experienced
(08:51):
than others, the clinician I gotpaired with wasn't the most
skilled clinician, and so, frommy experience, how it felt,
right, those young, dissociatedparts of me that had picked my
ex-husband, they didn't feelcompletely safe with the
therapist facilitator that I wasworking with, but that's what
the trainers were there for,right.
And so you know, it was first arevelation to me how parts of
(09:15):
self worked in that training andthat I was finally able to
attend to those parts of me morethan just inner child work.
I can't it's hard to evencapture or describe the profound
differences between inner childwork and this sort of broad
strokes approach to looking atchildhood wounds versus IFS and
(09:35):
the specificity with which wecan see that.
Oh no, there are parts of selfthat have a strategy and they
have a methodology and they havebeen using these adaptive
methods to help keep me safe andprotected and from getting hurt
again, and they have helped mewiggle out of tight spots.
These adaptive methods to helpkeep me safe and protected and
from getting hurt again, andthey have helped me wiggle out
of tight spots.
And there is a profounddifference between inner child.
So if you've already done innerchild work and you're like, hmm
(09:56):
, what's IFS?
Like wow, it is such a deeperapproach, and so even in me
meeting my own parts, there wasa relief that came from that
training and then in thefacilitator and a handful of the
other therapists, seeing thosevulnerable parts of me and
accepting me and still findingme to be not just accepting me,
(10:20):
right, but like we would get outof training and we might go to
lunch together or we might chit,chat or whatever and talk about
our practices, and these otherwomen would still be like, wow,
you know, that thing you do isamazing.
Or wow, tell me more about that, right.
Like it wasn't just that theyaccepted me, but they found
value in the way I approached mywork or my life or just who I
was.
So, rather than my worst fearbeing confirmed that in these
(10:44):
deeply vulnerable parts of methat felt so broken, so out of
control, so dysregulated, soyoung, do you ever have that
experience where, like, on theone hand, you're like I am a
badass, independent woman and Icould probably get through
anything and be fine.
I would be hurting, but like Iwould be fine and I could still
take care of the house and thekids and the whatever.
But then have these other partsof you that feel so profoundly
(11:06):
incapable of doing anythingbecause they feel so young and
scared, independent or just outof control, and both of those
energies can live inside of usat once, and that's what we're
getting at here with this typeof vulnerable work, is, those
parts have to come to know eachother and to create cohesion
inside of you, to both feel seen, heard, understood.
(11:28):
And that's what happened for methere with the fancy EMDR magic
, and I got even better.
But then fast forward toanother season in my life where
at the first time, I was workingwith a homeopath and she gave
me a remedy.
I felt so raw, exposed andashamed because I knew she had
(11:49):
seen something in me that even Icouldn't face.
And that's very often howhomeopathy works.
Right, we come and we tell hera story and the homeopath can
spot the imbalanced energy andman did she and she nailed it
and I got such immediate relieffrom that remedy.
But I also had to sit with theoh shit.
(12:11):
I have been carrying aroundthis energy and people have
probably sensed it for a verylong time.
But in each of these moments,my most shame-filled parts, raw,
hidden, unworthy, laid bare.
These people did not turn away.
They held me there in my mostbroken state until I could hold
myself.
(12:31):
And that is what we do in adifferent D word, because true
healing is not available untilwe do these deeper pieces.
You are predictably going tocontinue your repetition
compulsions.
You're going to continueattracting the things that
attracted your first partner,your second partner, the guys
(12:53):
you've been dating, the jobsyou've been having, the
relationship you know, like allthe things, until we go to those
spaces and feel seen, heard,understood, held, loved,
accepted, and it's terrifying.
But that's also why I can sithere on the podcast today and
(13:13):
share vulnerable things, becauseI've done so much of the behind
the scenes work to love andaccept myself.
Even if you don't, I can stillsit with, like I stand by what I
said and I know that it ishelping other people speak up
and stand in their truth andfind their power.
(13:38):
No-transcript.
There are a handful of thingsthat they talk about.
Right, I don't have time, Idon't have the money, I don't
have the space, I just don'thave something I need.
Right, and that's true, thereis some resource internally
that's missing for women to say,yes, I can approach this work.
(14:00):
You know, when producer Joy andI, many years ago, before we
launched the podcast and wewould talk about her doing EMDR
therapy and she's like I'mafraid of what I will find, you
know that's not exactly what shesaid but, like you know, I'm
afraid of what's going to happen.
Who am I going to be after thatprocess?
Who am I going to be Right?
And so when women say there'ssomething missing for me to be
able to commit to this, I'mafraid, I'm afraid it's not
(14:22):
going to be a good fit, I'mafraid to commit, I'm afraid to
take that next step, and theymay list a whole host of
resources that are missing.
What I want you to know that Ihear is that, yes, there are
resources missing for you tofeel safe to do this deeper work
that's the piece is to godeeper.
(14:44):
You have to feel like there isenough resource that you are
safe enough to go deeper.
And so what I watch women do issay, like when I feel safer,
then I will approach the work.
But what they're missing isthat you will not fundamentally
feel safer until you do the work.
So it's this catch 22,.
Which do you do first for untilyou do the work?
(15:05):
So it's this catch 22,.
Which do you do first?
Right, take the leap or wait.
And so I want you to really sitwith that right.
I agree with you you are notwell resourced enough right now
to do this deeper work.
There's too much insecurity,whether it's financial,
emotional, psychological,support system, right, there's
just not enough of some thingsfor you to feel safe to move
(15:30):
forward into this deeper work.
But that's the point of theprogram.
Love is that it gap fills thosemissing resources.
Because what I know of thewomen who have joined this
program and I have worked within the past is that no one has
ever regretted going deeper.
(15:51):
No one has ever found a woundthat they couldn't heal, no one
has ever regretted feelingdeeper peace or deeper
empowerment.
Because that is the point ofthe tools we use here is they
function on such a deep level.
It's almost like this is such afunny therapist thing to reveal
(16:13):
is very often, after someonedoes a couple of EMDR sessions
or takes a homeopathic remedy ortwo, those issues are so sort
of deleted right, like thenegative beliefs or the issues
or the disease vectors I callthem.
Sometimes they're so deletedfrom the brain they can't even
find them anymore and they'relike, oh, I don't know, I must
(16:36):
have had a good night's sleep.
It's like they can't evenremember how they felt in the
weeks previous before the EMDRor the homeopathic remedy and
they always sort of attribute itto like, oh, I must have gotten
a good night's sleep or, youknow, it must have been that
book that I read it.
Just, you know it's like it'sso profound it's hard to even
put your finger on sometimes howthe pain is.
(16:58):
Just, you know layers of it,not all of it at once.
And producer Joy and I had thisconversation actually we sort of
got into a tussle about it,like maybe three weeks ago.
I'm like looking at her forconfirmation where she was like,
oh, you know, that session youdid with Kate, I wonder if that
is the thing that really shiftedthis particular dynamic between
us recently.
And I like cackled and she waslike rude Because we don't
(17:21):
realize how profound all ofthese steps and layers of
healing they create thistransformation.
And wow, I've just never seen awoman regret all of that.
And so I want you to notice, ifyou tend to say to yourself I
will go deeper when I feel safer, when I feel ready or when
whatever, right that actually,what you're missing is the very
(17:43):
thing that's going to facilitatethe safety and that is a
profound and comprehensivesupport system that is tailored
to you, using these quantumtechniques that are absolutely
going to dial in to the parts ofyou that you are the most
ashamed to sit with, the partsof you that you've been denying
(18:04):
their own healing process.
I know you felt that there areparts of you that you have been
denying.
You've been treating them asthough they're not worthy of
healing, because you can't standto face them.
You can't stand to let otherpeople face them, and so those
parts remain like baby in acorner, waiting for Patrick
Swayze to say nobody puts babyin a corner.
(18:26):
I am Patrick Swayze.
So if you have questions aboutour program, if anything I've
said has resonated with youtoday, I want you to scroll to
the bottom of the episode andfind the link where it says sign
up to book a call or to findout more about the program.
I want you to fill out thatform or jump on Instagram and
(18:50):
send me a DM.
Either way, let's just have theconversation.
Sometimes people say like ah, Idon't want to take the leap if
it's not a good fit.
I don't want you to take theleap if it's not a good fit
either.
We are here to help people getmassive transformations, not to
have people flounder and not besatisfied with their results and
struggle and suffer and rightlike that's not good for anyone.
(19:12):
So let's have the conversationand let's see if this is the
right fit for you so that youcan have your transformation, so
that we can pull baby out of acorner.
I love you so much.
Scroll down, click the link.
Peace, dear.
(19:37):
Divorce Diary is a podcast byMyCoachDawn.
You can find more atmycoachjohncom.
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