April 8, 2025 • 24 mins
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Think being a "good woman" will magically transform your post-divorce life? You might be doing it all wrong without even realizing it!
We all want to move on and create a better life after divorce, but focusing too much on "doing good" and "being good" can actually keep you stuck. In this episode, Dawn Wiggins gets real about how true manifesting is more about your vibe than your checklist.
- Find out how perfectionism tied to fear and shame might be keeping you in a rut.
- Get the scoop on clearing out those low-vibe emotions so you can level-up your energy game.
- Dive into the "feel good paradox" and switch up how you align your inner energy with what you really want.
It's time to stop just doing and start feeling—tune in and change the way you manifest your future today!
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've been trying to manifest your best
post-divorce life by being agood person and getting
everything right, you mightactually be blocking the very
life you're trying to call in.
Hi love, welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
(00:21):
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
If you were watching myinstagram stories, you know I've
(00:56):
been sort of on this aboutwhere I see women getting it
quote unquote wrong with regardsto manifestation.
Right, when I took theinstagram poll in my stories and
asked people do they relatemore to being good and doing
good or feeling good when itcomes to manifesting, I think
something like 80 somethingpercent of people said they try
to do good and be good whenthey're working on their
manifestation.
(01:16):
So I knew I had to record thispodcast episode, right?
So in today's episode, we aregoing to talk about the good
girl trap, where I have justseen that most women I work with
are focused on doing itperfectly Vision boards,
affirmations being positive 24-7, but that perfectionism is
actually rooted in fear and notfaith.
(01:37):
So we're going to talk aboutwhy chasing good is keeping you
stuck.
And then, later on, we aregoing to talk about the feel
good paradox, because there's atruth that most people won't
tell you you don't manifest fromyour to-do list.
You manifest from youremotional frequency or vibration
, and if you're constantlystressed about getting it right,
(01:57):
your energy is actually out ofalignment with what you're
desiring.
So we're going to talk aboutwhat to do instead.
And then, finally, we're goingto talk about the real reason
it's not working.
And you might be thinking youknow, I am doing all the right
things, much like I think womenthought about in their marriage.
Right, I am doing all the rightthings, really focusing on
being a good partner, a goodspouse, a good wife.
(02:18):
Why isn't anything changing?
And so later in the episode,we're going to break down one of
the key energetic shifts youneed to make so that your
post-divorce manifestationsstart to flow and continue
flowing.
Let's dig in.
Okay, first things first, thegood girl trap.
(02:39):
Right, we want to get good atmanifesting because we want to
feel better, right, what's thereason we all want to manifest
something?
It's because we believe that inthe having of the manifestation
, we are going to feel better,our life will improve in some
way.
And so typically we're, youknow, sort of thinking up these
things.
We want to manifest from aplace of pain right, from a
(03:01):
place of discomfort.
It's like, oh, I don't feel asgood as I want to, but if I had
this thing I would feel better.
And therefore I want to makesure I have this, you know
manifestation process that getsme from here to there.
But when we are trying to do itperfectly or good, and we're
trying to be positive all thetime, it actually is blocking or
(03:21):
, at a minimum, keeping youstuck in that negative emotional
state.
So perfectionism in general oh,my good old friend,
perfectionism, right is rootedin primarily, I would say, two
emotions fear and shame, right.
So the first one let's talkabout is fear, which is like an
(03:44):
anxiety, right, a sense that I'mnot okay, I'm in danger, I
can't protect myself, I can'tprovide for myself, right, that
I'm not going to be okay,something bad is going to happen
, like fear, I'm not held, I'mnot safe.
And the second one is shame,which is, if I am not perfect, I
am going to feel all the shamethat I have stored up like a
(04:09):
chipmunk in the wintertime.
Right Over the course of myentire life I'm going to become
in touch with that shame and Ihave to outrun it.
So, because if I feel it Imight self-destruct.
And so, right, we develop thesesort of perfectionistic
approaches to things to block us, to keep us from having to feel
our shame, and so when we'retrying to do a good job,
(04:35):
manifesting, it's really becausewe're running away from
reconciling our fear and ourshame.
And when we are sort ofchecking the boxes of
manifesting using, like Imentioned, vision boards and
affirmations and positivity andall of that, what we still have
hidden in our emotional trunk isall of that low vibe, emotion
(04:57):
that has to be purged from thesystem.
Right, because it's still inyou, that vibration is still in
your body, and you can't fake avibration.
Very, very often we cangaslight ourselves and the world
into thinking it's fine.
And, don't get me wrong, thereare a lot of times when I know
there's a vibration stuck in mybody and I am going to be
(05:20):
intentionally positive andintentionally maybe suppress it
or bypass it for a period oftime until I can work on it to
release it, right?
So let's say, you know, I wakeup in the morning with a
particular stressor on my mindand I'm going to say, okay,
today I'm going to well, forright now I'm going to get up
(05:42):
and focus on some reallygrounding thoughts.
Right, like my God is not a Godof chaos, that his God I don't
mean to call God, him right, butGod is source energy, is
intending for me to feel joyfuland safe that those are, these
are just very, very groundingthoughts, right, and that every
time I expand my capacity forfaith and trust in source energy
(06:03):
, it works out right.
And that every time I expand mycapacity for faith and trust in
source energy, it works outright.
Everything is always workingout for me.
So I might rehearse thesereally grounding, positive
thoughts to align my energy withthem.
Now I know that in the back ofmy mind there's still this stuck
vibration right, and so thenI'm going to put a pin in that
(06:26):
stuck vibration right, and sothen I'm going to put a pin in
that, and when I have time laterin the day, I might
intentionally sit with, allowmyself to feel that feeling.
Do some bilateral stimulation,take a homeopathic remedy, do
some somatic work to move thatvibration out because I know
it's in there.
I want you to start reallyhearing that we can't fake the
vibrational work and that if youfeel like you've been doing
(06:50):
manifestation quote unquote well, being good, doing good, that
you're missing a piece of it,right, and those vibes have to
be reconciled and purged.
And I think for women who areparticularly dissociative and
(07:11):
what do I mean by dissociative?
I mean can't successfully getin touch with certain emotions,
like, are you in touch withfeeling shame?
Most of us are in touch withfeeling fear, right, we sort of
live in a state of, I think inmodern culture, right, we sort
of live in a heightened state ofinsecurity, anxiety, fear,
whatever.
But are you in touch withfeeling shame?
And if you're not, right, oh,why is that particular emotion
(07:31):
dissociated for you?
Are you someone who tends tothink a lot, overthink a lot?
Do you know where feelings arein your body?
When you sit with a feeling,are you able to successfully
move it by attending to it, bybilaterally stimulating it, by
using EFT, by using somatics?
If not, and they stay stuck,there's something in there
(07:54):
that's holding it there and Iwould guess that there's a
dissociative process going on,right?
So this is an invitation tostart getting curious about how
to more effectively work withthe vibrations of fear and shame
, to move them up and out ofyour body.
All right, let's talk about thefeel good paradox, because we
(08:18):
can't manifest from a to-do list.
Right, it's an emotionalfrequency, and so how do we get
our energy aligned with ourdesires?
How do we get our energyaligned with our desires?
How do we get our energyaligned with our desires?
So, very, very often I thinkespecially as women but quite
frankly, I watched my husband dothis too we want to do the
(08:38):
right thing.
We want to prioritize whatneeds to get done, we want to
take care of other people, wewant to really make sure we are
doing a good job, we're takingcare of our responsibilities, we
are planning for our future.
We're like just doing thethings that we have to do, right
.
But when we don't pause andcheck in with how we're actually
feeling and make a conscious,intentional choice to feel
(09:00):
better in that moment, we'redirectly working against our
manifestational goals, becausethe things we desire are high
vibe, and so we don't have to beperfectly high vibe all the
time, but we need ourpredominant vibration about the
thing we want to manifest to behigh and when we're exhausted
(09:23):
and stressed and angry andbitter.
And exhausted and stressed andangry and bitter, that's not
high vibe, it's opposite ofwhere we're trying to go.
And so how to get your vibe tomatch your desire?
Well, what are the littlethings you could do throughout
your day that would improve yourvibration?
(09:45):
And so this is just a reallyimportant lifestyle shift.
It's not a one and done kind ofthing.
It's a wake up in the morningand get grounded with the
statements.
When I walk into my closet,which thing inspires me most?
You know, when I come down thestairs, which music would help
(10:07):
me feel best, which music wouldhelp me feel best when I am
thinking, overthinkingthroughout the day which
thoughts make me feel best, andthen picking the thoughts that
lead to better feelings.
(10:28):
When I am moving through myworkday, very often there's a
to-do list.
Right, when you're movingthrough your kitchen, your home,
there's a to-do list.
Which thing on your to-do listdo you have the least resistance
around?
Would you rather wash a fewdishes or switch that load of
laundry?
Would you rather water theplants or do the next?
Right, like when you prioritizethe thing that has the least
resistance.
Often you can get some momentum,and momentum is the thing that
(10:50):
calls in manifestations.
What you focus on gets momentum.
So when we're constantlypicking the hardest task first,
very often then we're getting anegative energetic momentum and
then shit goes downhill, right.
So which things can you doaround your home life, around
your work life, that can getsome momentum around feeling
(11:14):
good?
This is why I'm so in love withthings like somatics and
homeopathy, because they're veryquick to move the energy and to
get momentum and your vibrationgoing in a different direction,
right.
So you can't, if you have anyresistance to doing somatic
things like throwing pillows ordancing or, you know, just
(11:38):
moving things through your body.
It's really, really importantto look that, because if you're
staying stuck in your mind,you're not going to have very
much success with manifestations, because the mind overthinks
and each of those thoughtstriggers a feeling, and very
often they're negative, right,and so we have to really be in
(12:00):
touch with but how are youfeeling in your body and
reaching for the thing that'sgoing to help you feel?
Good is what is so very, veryimportant.
Good is what is so very, veryimportant, and so what are some
of the thoughts that help you tofeel best.
Now where I think people getstuck in.
(12:25):
This step of the process bringsme to the third issue, which is
the real reason it's not working.
Well, when you start tounderstand okay, it's not what I
do, it's how I feel and I needto feel good.
What do most of us do?
9.9 times out of 10 when wewant to feel good?
We reach for something outsideof ourselves to feel better A
drink, a phone screen, a guy,something to purchase, something
(12:51):
to do with our children orsomewhere to go right.
It's like we rely so heavily onan external solution to an
internal vibrational issue thatyou're not developing the
capacity to shift your vibrationwithout needing something
(13:14):
external to you.
And then it's like well, crap,I have been thinking like if I
could just get a different job,or if I could just get a
different house, or if I couldjust get a different partner, if
I could just get a differentwhatever.
And those things aren't allavailable to us right now.
Right, if I could just go onthe perfect vacation, or if I
could just buy these reallygreat bodysuit I want, like it
(13:36):
will solve my problem and itwon't love, it won't, if my ex
would just start acting right.
Or if I could just you name it,that's not embodying a high
vibration, it's relying on anexternal solution, and that is
what we have been trained to doin a modern society to consume
something in order to feelbetter, and so it is very much a
(14:00):
skill to drop into your bodyand to be able to shift your
vibration, and that is the realreason it's not working for you.
So I want you to join with menow, taking a big deep breath
and really dropping into yourbody and for most of us, just
(14:24):
dropping into our bodies comeswith triggers.
There's something in there youdon't want to feel.
There's something in there youdon't want to be aware of or
conscious of, and then we'rerunning away from it rather than
alchemizing it, transmuting it,metabolizing it, whatever
phrase lands or resonates withyou.
And so what can you reach forright now, as we're sitting
(14:47):
together, that would feel good.
Now, what would feel good forme to reach for is going to be
completely different than whatwould feel good for you to reach
for, so you have to play withit.
One of the things Producer Joyand I've been working on this
morning and Producer Joyespecially, she has such a gift
(15:07):
is making a manifestation, avision board, to do with the
women that we spoke with as wewere enrolling this past couple
of weeks and months for adifferent D word.
Every woman that we spoke to orthat filled out a form is
currently on a vision board forus to manifest Any of the women
that were not able to join forwhatever reason.
(15:29):
We want to help usher in ourfall enrollment right.
We want to be very intentionalabout holding space for each of
you that we spoke to, met with,listened to you know, express
some interest, some need, and sothis is one of the things
that's making us feel reallygood right now this beautiful
(15:50):
board with all these beautifulnames of each of you that is
part of our community.
Producer Joy put all thisbeautiful artwork on there and
all these beautifulmanifestational phrases, and I
have a lot of different carddecks right, like manifesting
card decks and affirmations andthings like that.
It's just so beautiful, right.
So looking at that right now,it feels so good.
(16:13):
When I think about things likeeverything is always working out
for me and how much I havepracticed that over the years
and I know it's so true Iimmediately start to feel better
.
When I think about the flowersI have planted in little pots
around my yard and how they'reblooming so beautifully, I
immediately start to feel good.
(16:33):
When I think about the power ofhomeopathy, I get so freaking
excited.
I can't help it Now.
I have problems.
Right, I have plenty ofproblems.
I have pain in my body, likeright this minute I have pain in
my body.
So it's not that I just have aneasier life than you.
(16:57):
I mean, maybe in some ways,maybe not, I don't know right.
But life is life Like.
Life is always going to bringstressors and pain and contrast.
There is no such thing asmanifesting a life without
contrast.
That does not exist.
It's not a thing.
So but what's the differencebetween how I do it and maybe
how you do it?
I've learned that what I focuson is what I manifest.
(17:20):
So when I feel pain in my body,I get really excited that I
know I have a solution for it.
When I feel some stressor inlife, I get really excited
because I know that everythingis always working out for me and
something about the stressor isgoing to bring me to the next
level, and I also know thatsource energy is always going to
guide me towards the path ofmost allowance.
(17:41):
It's always going to guide metowards the solutions.
So anytime I perceive a problem, rather than focus on the
problem or get into power,struggle with it.
Or get into power, strugglewith it or get resentful about
it or anxious about it, I amprone to anxiety.
Friend right, like my endocrinesystem, right is primed because
of early childhood trauma foranxiety.
(18:02):
So.
But when I start those feelingsto come up, I say hello,
anxious feelings.
Are these true or are thesefalse?
What I actually know to be true, based on my experience, is
that everything is alwaysworking out for me.
That when I trust my wise self,my high mind, source energy, I
(18:25):
am guided down a path to asolution.
That I am not expected to beperfect, I'm expected to be
accountable.
That I don't have to be perfect, I can let go of those things.
That even when I have madeknuckleheaded choices, I have
still been guided out of thosewith minimal consequence,
because my heart and my mind arecentered on wanting to grow,
(18:48):
learn and be in alignment andwanting to feel good.
Now you might be thinking toyourself but isn't this selfish,
john, feeling good and focusingon?
You know all of this, and maybe, maybe it is.
Do you know how often at nightor throughout the day, I'll tell
my daughter if she has someneed?
(19:08):
Like I, have to find a way tofeel good first, otherwise you
and I are going to bounce off ofeach other in angry, stressful
ways, and that is not going toserve either of us.
So I need some time to find afeeling good place before I can
do this next thing.
Or you know, what would reallyhelp me, kiddo, is if I could
find this feeling good place andthen we and then I can say
(19:29):
whatever, right?
So it's like, when I'm in afeeling good place, is that
really selfish or does it meanthat I end up having more
capacity to connect with andserve the people in my life whom
I love deeply, including you?
Do you think it's easier tomake podcast content from a
feeling good place or from afeeling shitty place, right?
(19:50):
So I think when we get intothat lie of it's selfish to feel
good, it's a real problem,because we end up, without
meaning, to spreading negativevibes rather than positive vibes
.
And remember you can't fake avibration.
I'll leave you with this finalthought, sometimes one of the
(20:20):
most powerful things that canhelp us shift our vibration and
feel more aligned is feelingtruly seen, held and understood,
because very often, until wehave that moment where we feel
truly seen and listen, the goalis to be able to feel truly seen
and understood by self right,like by our, with our like, to
really be able to like, trulyhold space for ourselves from a
(20:44):
place of loving eyes and graceand understanding right.
But very often the way the pathto that is by feeling truly
seen by someone else.
And so let's do a littlevibration assessment, right,
like, let's do a, let's practice.
Let's practice right here andright now.
(21:05):
So I would love the opportunityfor you to feel into for
yourself how feeling truly seenand understood has the power to
shift your vibration and unhooksome resentment or stuckness in
your body.
(21:25):
Okay, so here's a call to action.
I want you to send me a DM.
So hop on Instagram at DawnWiggins.
If you're not on Instagram,then you can do it via email,
right?
Hello at mycoachedawncom.
Hop on Instagram and send me aDM and answer this what do you
wish people understood betterabout your experience with
(21:49):
divorce and afterwards?
Better about your experiencewith divorce and afterwards what
do you wish people understoodbetter about your experience
with this whole freaking divorcething.
Now let's test this.
Is there truly somethingpowerful in you sharing that
with me, me hearing it, meseeing you, me understanding it,
(22:10):
me validating it?
And does that free something upinside of you to be able to
move your vibration up thevibrational scale?
Because very often, oncesomething is really acknowledged
, really truly acknowledged,there's a lot more space to
wiggle it.
Does that make any sense?
(22:34):
So let's test it right.
What if I'm wrong?
Let's you know, trust, butverify.
I want to know, and I want toknow not just right what you
wish I or we or peopleunderstood about your experience
, but I want to know if thisfeels helpful to you.
Once we've done it, once we'vedone the exercise in shifting
your vibration, does it allowyou to step into a feeling good
(22:58):
place more than you did before?
All right, cannot wait to hearfrom Peace.
If you've been trying to manifest your best
post-divorce life by being agood person and getting
everything right, you mightactually be blocking the very
life you're trying to call in.
Hi love, welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
(00:21):
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
If you were watching myinstagram stories, you know I've
(00:56):
been sort of on this aboutwhere I see women getting it
quote unquote wrong with regardsto manifestation.
Right, when I took theinstagram poll in my stories and
asked people do they relatemore to being good and doing
good or feeling good when itcomes to manifesting, I think
something like 80 somethingpercent of people said they try
to do good and be good whenthey're working on their
manifestation.
(01:16):
So I knew I had to record thispodcast episode, right?
So in today's episode, we aregoing to talk about the good
girl trap, where I have justseen that most women I work with
are focused on doing itperfectly Vision boards,
affirmations being positive 24-7, but that perfectionism is
actually rooted in fear and notfaith.
(01:37):
So we're going to talk aboutwhy chasing good is keeping you
stuck.
And then, later on, we aregoing to talk about the feel
good paradox, because there's atruth that most people won't
tell you you don't manifest fromyour to-do list.
You manifest from youremotional frequency or vibration
, and if you're constantlystressed about getting it right,
(01:57):
your energy is actually out ofalignment with what you're
desiring.
So we're going to talk aboutwhat to do instead.
And then, finally, we're goingto talk about the real reason
it's not working.
And you might be thinking youknow, I am doing all the right
things, much like I think womenthought about in their marriage.
Right, I am doing all the rightthings, really focusing on
being a good partner, a goodspouse, a good wife.
(02:18):
Why isn't anything changing?
And so later in the episode,we're going to break down one of
the key energetic shifts youneed to make so that your
post-divorce manifestationsstart to flow and continue
flowing.
Let's dig in.
Okay, first things first, thegood girl trap.
(02:39):
Right, we want to get good atmanifesting because we want to
feel better, right, what's thereason we all want to manifest
something?
It's because we believe that inthe having of the manifestation
, we are going to feel better,our life will improve in some
way.
And so typically we're, youknow, sort of thinking up these
things.
We want to manifest from aplace of pain right, from a
(03:01):
place of discomfort.
It's like, oh, I don't feel asgood as I want to, but if I had
this thing I would feel better.
And therefore I want to makesure I have this, you know
manifestation process that getsme from here to there.
But when we are trying to do itperfectly or good, and we're
trying to be positive all thetime, it actually is blocking or
(03:21):
, at a minimum, keeping youstuck in that negative emotional
state.
So perfectionism in general oh,my good old friend,
perfectionism, right is rootedin primarily, I would say, two
emotions fear and shame, right.
So the first one let's talkabout is fear, which is like an
(03:44):
anxiety, right, a sense that I'mnot okay, I'm in danger, I
can't protect myself, I can'tprovide for myself, right, that
I'm not going to be okay,something bad is going to happen
, like fear, I'm not held, I'mnot safe.
And the second one is shame,which is, if I am not perfect, I
am going to feel all the shamethat I have stored up like a
(04:09):
chipmunk in the wintertime.
Right Over the course of myentire life I'm going to become
in touch with that shame and Ihave to outrun it.
So, because if I feel it Imight self-destruct.
And so, right, we develop thesesort of perfectionistic
approaches to things to block us, to keep us from having to feel
our shame, and so when we'retrying to do a good job,
(04:35):
manifesting, it's really becausewe're running away from
reconciling our fear and ourshame.
And when we are sort ofchecking the boxes of
manifesting using, like Imentioned, vision boards and
affirmations and positivity andall of that, what we still have
hidden in our emotional trunk isall of that low vibe, emotion
(04:57):
that has to be purged from thesystem.
Right, because it's still inyou, that vibration is still in
your body, and you can't fake avibration.
Very, very often we cangaslight ourselves and the world
into thinking it's fine.
And, don't get me wrong, thereare a lot of times when I know
there's a vibration stuck in mybody and I am going to be
(05:20):
intentionally positive andintentionally maybe suppress it
or bypass it for a period oftime until I can work on it to
release it, right?
So let's say, you know, I wakeup in the morning with a
particular stressor on my mindand I'm going to say, okay,
today I'm going to well, forright now I'm going to get up
(05:42):
and focus on some reallygrounding thoughts.
Right, like my God is not a Godof chaos, that his God I don't
mean to call God, him right, butGod is source energy, is
intending for me to feel joyfuland safe that those are, these
are just very, very groundingthoughts, right, and that every
time I expand my capacity forfaith and trust in source energy
(06:03):
, it works out right.
And that every time I expand mycapacity for faith and trust in
source energy, it works outright.
Everything is always workingout for me.
So I might rehearse thesereally grounding, positive
thoughts to align my energy withthem.
Now I know that in the back ofmy mind there's still this stuck
vibration right, and so thenI'm going to put a pin in that
(06:26):
stuck vibration right, and sothen I'm going to put a pin in
that, and when I have time laterin the day, I might
intentionally sit with, allowmyself to feel that feeling.
Do some bilateral stimulation,take a homeopathic remedy, do
some somatic work to move thatvibration out because I know
it's in there.
I want you to start reallyhearing that we can't fake the
vibrational work and that if youfeel like you've been doing
(06:50):
manifestation quote unquote well, being good, doing good, that
you're missing a piece of it,right, and those vibes have to
be reconciled and purged.
And I think for women who areparticularly dissociative and
(07:11):
what do I mean by dissociative?
I mean can't successfully getin touch with certain emotions,
like, are you in touch withfeeling shame?
Most of us are in touch withfeeling fear, right, we sort of
live in a state of, I think inmodern culture, right, we sort
of live in a heightened state ofinsecurity, anxiety, fear,
whatever.
But are you in touch withfeeling shame?
And if you're not, right, oh,why is that particular emotion
(07:31):
dissociated for you?
Are you someone who tends tothink a lot, overthink a lot?
Do you know where feelings arein your body?
When you sit with a feeling,are you able to successfully
move it by attending to it, bybilaterally stimulating it, by
using EFT, by using somatics?
If not, and they stay stuck,there's something in there
(07:54):
that's holding it there and Iwould guess that there's a
dissociative process going on,right?
So this is an invitation tostart getting curious about how
to more effectively work withthe vibrations of fear and shame
, to move them up and out ofyour body.
All right, let's talk about thefeel good paradox, because we
(08:18):
can't manifest from a to-do list.
Right, it's an emotionalfrequency, and so how do we get
our energy aligned with ourdesires?
How do we get our energyaligned with our desires?
How do we get our energyaligned with our desires?
So, very, very often I thinkespecially as women but quite
frankly, I watched my husband dothis too we want to do the
(08:38):
right thing.
We want to prioritize whatneeds to get done, we want to
take care of other people, wewant to really make sure we are
doing a good job, we're takingcare of our responsibilities, we
are planning for our future.
We're like just doing thethings that we have to do, right
.
But when we don't pause andcheck in with how we're actually
feeling and make a conscious,intentional choice to feel
(09:00):
better in that moment, we'redirectly working against our
manifestational goals, becausethe things we desire are high
vibe, and so we don't have to beperfectly high vibe all the
time, but we need ourpredominant vibration about the
thing we want to manifest to behigh and when we're exhausted
(09:23):
and stressed and angry andbitter.
And exhausted and stressed andangry and bitter, that's not
high vibe, it's opposite ofwhere we're trying to go.
And so how to get your vibe tomatch your desire?
Well, what are the littlethings you could do throughout
your day that would improve yourvibration?
(09:45):
And so this is just a reallyimportant lifestyle shift.
It's not a one and done kind ofthing.
It's a wake up in the morningand get grounded with the
statements.
When I walk into my closet,which thing inspires me most?
You know, when I come down thestairs, which music would help
(10:07):
me feel best, which music wouldhelp me feel best when I am
thinking, overthinkingthroughout the day which
thoughts make me feel best, andthen picking the thoughts that
lead to better feelings.
(10:28):
When I am moving through myworkday, very often there's a
to-do list.
Right, when you're movingthrough your kitchen, your home,
there's a to-do list.
Which thing on your to-do listdo you have the least resistance
around?
Would you rather wash a fewdishes or switch that load of
laundry?
Would you rather water theplants or do the next?
Right, like when you prioritizethe thing that has the least
resistance.
Often you can get some momentum,and momentum is the thing that
(10:50):
calls in manifestations.
What you focus on gets momentum.
So when we're constantlypicking the hardest task first,
very often then we're getting anegative energetic momentum and
then shit goes downhill, right.
So which things can you doaround your home life, around
your work life, that can getsome momentum around feeling
(11:14):
good?
This is why I'm so in love withthings like somatics and
homeopathy, because they're veryquick to move the energy and to
get momentum and your vibrationgoing in a different direction,
right.
So you can't, if you have anyresistance to doing somatic
things like throwing pillows ordancing or, you know, just
(11:38):
moving things through your body.
It's really, really importantto look that, because if you're
staying stuck in your mind,you're not going to have very
much success with manifestations, because the mind overthinks
and each of those thoughtstriggers a feeling, and very
often they're negative, right,and so we have to really be in
(12:00):
touch with but how are youfeeling in your body and
reaching for the thing that'sgoing to help you feel?
Good is what is so very, veryimportant.
Good is what is so very, veryimportant, and so what are some
of the thoughts that help you tofeel best.
Now where I think people getstuck in.
(12:25):
This step of the process bringsme to the third issue, which is
the real reason it's not working.
Well, when you start tounderstand okay, it's not what I
do, it's how I feel and I needto feel good.
What do most of us do?
9.9 times out of 10 when wewant to feel good?
We reach for something outsideof ourselves to feel better A
drink, a phone screen, a guy,something to purchase, something
(12:51):
to do with our children orsomewhere to go right.
It's like we rely so heavily onan external solution to an
internal vibrational issue thatyou're not developing the
capacity to shift your vibrationwithout needing something
(13:14):
external to you.
And then it's like well, crap,I have been thinking like if I
could just get a different job,or if I could just get a
different house, or if I couldjust get a different partner, if
I could just get a differentwhatever.
And those things aren't allavailable to us right now.
Right, if I could just go onthe perfect vacation, or if I
could just buy these reallygreat bodysuit I want, like it
(13:36):
will solve my problem and itwon't love, it won't, if my ex
would just start acting right.
Or if I could just you name it,that's not embodying a high
vibration, it's relying on anexternal solution, and that is
what we have been trained to doin a modern society to consume
something in order to feelbetter, and so it is very much a
(14:00):
skill to drop into your bodyand to be able to shift your
vibration, and that is the realreason it's not working for you.
So I want you to join with menow, taking a big deep breath
and really dropping into yourbody and for most of us, just
(14:24):
dropping into our bodies comeswith triggers.
There's something in there youdon't want to feel.
There's something in there youdon't want to be aware of or
conscious of, and then we'rerunning away from it rather than
alchemizing it, transmuting it,metabolizing it, whatever
phrase lands or resonates withyou.
And so what can you reach forright now, as we're sitting
(14:47):
together, that would feel good.
Now, what would feel good forme to reach for is going to be
completely different than whatwould feel good for you to reach
for, so you have to play withit.
One of the things Producer Joyand I've been working on this
morning and Producer Joyespecially, she has such a gift
(15:07):
is making a manifestation, avision board, to do with the
women that we spoke with as wewere enrolling this past couple
of weeks and months for adifferent D word.
Every woman that we spoke to orthat filled out a form is
currently on a vision board forus to manifest Any of the women
that were not able to join forwhatever reason.
(15:29):
We want to help usher in ourfall enrollment right.
We want to be very intentionalabout holding space for each of
you that we spoke to, met with,listened to you know, express
some interest, some need, and sothis is one of the things
that's making us feel reallygood right now this beautiful
(15:50):
board with all these beautifulnames of each of you that is
part of our community.
Producer Joy put all thisbeautiful artwork on there and
all these beautifulmanifestational phrases, and I
have a lot of different carddecks right, like manifesting
card decks and affirmations andthings like that.
It's just so beautiful, right.
So looking at that right now,it feels so good.
(16:13):
When I think about things likeeverything is always working out
for me and how much I havepracticed that over the years
and I know it's so true Iimmediately start to feel better
.
When I think about the flowersI have planted in little pots
around my yard and how they'reblooming so beautifully, I
immediately start to feel good.
(16:33):
When I think about the power ofhomeopathy, I get so freaking
excited.
I can't help it Now.
I have problems.
Right, I have plenty ofproblems.
I have pain in my body, likeright this minute I have pain in
my body.
So it's not that I just have aneasier life than you.
(16:57):
I mean, maybe in some ways,maybe not, I don't know right.
But life is life Like.
Life is always going to bringstressors and pain and contrast.
There is no such thing asmanifesting a life without
contrast.
That does not exist.
It's not a thing.
So but what's the differencebetween how I do it and maybe
how you do it?
I've learned that what I focuson is what I manifest.
(17:20):
So when I feel pain in my body,I get really excited that I
know I have a solution for it.
When I feel some stressor inlife, I get really excited
because I know that everythingis always working out for me and
something about the stressor isgoing to bring me to the next
level, and I also know thatsource energy is always going to
guide me towards the path ofmost allowance.
(17:41):
It's always going to guide metowards the solutions.
So anytime I perceive a problem, rather than focus on the
problem or get into power,struggle with it.
Or get into power, strugglewith it or get resentful about
it or anxious about it, I amprone to anxiety.
Friend right, like my endocrinesystem, right is primed because
of early childhood trauma foranxiety.
(18:02):
So.
But when I start those feelingsto come up, I say hello,
anxious feelings.
Are these true or are thesefalse?
What I actually know to be true, based on my experience, is
that everything is alwaysworking out for me.
That when I trust my wise self,my high mind, source energy, I
(18:25):
am guided down a path to asolution.
That I am not expected to beperfect, I'm expected to be
accountable.
That I don't have to be perfect, I can let go of those things.
That even when I have madeknuckleheaded choices, I have
still been guided out of thosewith minimal consequence,
because my heart and my mind arecentered on wanting to grow,
(18:48):
learn and be in alignment andwanting to feel good.
Now you might be thinking toyourself but isn't this selfish,
john, feeling good and focusingon?
You know all of this, and maybe, maybe it is.
Do you know how often at nightor throughout the day, I'll tell
my daughter if she has someneed?
(19:08):
Like I, have to find a way tofeel good first, otherwise you
and I are going to bounce off ofeach other in angry, stressful
ways, and that is not going toserve either of us.
So I need some time to find afeeling good place before I can
do this next thing.
Or you know, what would reallyhelp me, kiddo, is if I could
find this feeling good place andthen we and then I can say
(19:29):
whatever, right?
So it's like, when I'm in afeeling good place, is that
really selfish or does it meanthat I end up having more
capacity to connect with andserve the people in my life whom
I love deeply, including you?
Do you think it's easier tomake podcast content from a
feeling good place or from afeeling shitty place, right?
(19:50):
So I think when we get intothat lie of it's selfish to feel
good, it's a real problem,because we end up, without
meaning, to spreading negativevibes rather than positive vibes
.
And remember you can't fake avibration.
I'll leave you with this finalthought, sometimes one of the
(20:20):
most powerful things that canhelp us shift our vibration and
feel more aligned is feelingtruly seen, held and understood,
because very often, until wehave that moment where we feel
truly seen and listen, the goalis to be able to feel truly seen
and understood by self right,like by our, with our like, to
really be able to like, trulyhold space for ourselves from a
(20:44):
place of loving eyes and graceand understanding right.
But very often the way the pathto that is by feeling truly
seen by someone else.
And so let's do a littlevibration assessment, right,
like, let's do a, let's practice.
Let's practice right here andright now.
(21:05):
So I would love the opportunityfor you to feel into for
yourself how feeling truly seenand understood has the power to
shift your vibration and unhooksome resentment or stuckness in
your body.
(21:25):
Okay, so here's a call to action.
I want you to send me a DM.
So hop on Instagram at DawnWiggins.
If you're not on Instagram,then you can do it via email,
right?
Hello at mycoachedawncom.
Hop on Instagram and send me aDM and answer this what do you
wish people understood betterabout your experience with
(21:49):
divorce and afterwards?
Better about your experiencewith divorce and afterwards what
do you wish people understoodbetter about your experience
with this whole freaking divorcething.
Now let's test this.
Is there truly somethingpowerful in you sharing that
with me, me hearing it, meseeing you, me understanding it,
(22:10):
me validating it?
And does that free something upinside of you to be able to
move your vibration up thevibrational scale?
Because very often, oncesomething is really acknowledged
, really truly acknowledged,there's a lot more space to
wiggle it.
Does that make any sense?
(22:34):
So let's test it right.
What if I'm wrong?
Let's you know, trust, butverify.
I want to know, and I want toknow not just right what you
wish I or we or peopleunderstood about your experience
, but I want to know if thisfeels helpful to you.
Once we've done it, once we'vedone the exercise in shifting
your vibration, does it allowyou to step into a feeling good
(22:58):
place more than you did before?
All right, cannot wait to hearfrom Peace.
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