226. What If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes 😍 Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce

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For many women, the aftermath of divorce is riddled with self-doubt and relentless self-criticism, hampering the path to healing. 

What if the true step towards renewal isn't in trying to fix perceived flaws but in transforming the lens through which you view yourself?

This episode unravels the profound impact of retraining your brain to see yourself with Loving Eyes, offers a powerful exercise to diminish the hold of self-criticism, and reveals how embracing self-kindness can lead to an unstoppable sense of self-worth.

Dive into this transformative journey—tune in now to learn how the practice of Loving Eyes can redefine your narrative and invite abundant self-love into your life!

Post Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided Journaling

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A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
After divorce, it is easy to see yourself through the
harshest lens, picking apartwhat went wrong, what you could
have done differently or how youshould be healing faster.
But what if the real key tomoving forward isn't fixing
yourself but seeing yourselfthrough a different lens?
Today we're diving into lovingeyes, a powerful practice to

(00:20):
shift the way you see yourself,soften self-judgment and finally
embrace the woman you'rebecoming.
Hi, love, welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,

(00:41):
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
Process your grief, find thehealing you crave and build back
your confidence.
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.

(01:10):
Okay, let's be honest.
The way you look at yourself isa habit, and think about it.
When you look in the mirror, doyou automatically scan for what
you love or for what you hate?
Ooh, you know it.
Right there, right, right there.
Most of us have trainedourselves to see our flaws first
, but your brain can beretrained.
And stick with me because in aminute I'm going to share.
The simple act of changing howyou see yourself can shift your

(01:30):
entire sense of self-worth.
Because what we need to beaiming for is what if you saw
yourself like someone who lovesyou?
Imagine for a second that youcould borrow the eyes of someone
who truly adores you, like yourbest friend, your child, your
dog.
What would they see in you?
So, by the end of this episode,I'll walk you through a

(01:53):
powerful exercise that will helpyou stop seeing yourself
through a lens of criticism andstart seeing yourself with
kindness and the love youdeserve.
Kindness and the love youdeserve.
Okay, loving eyes.
This is the tool I want you tostart practicing and it's going
to be most impactful if you canstart with a little journaling.

(02:17):
Right, I want you to sit downwith your journal and I want you
to start writing down.
Sit down with your journal andI want you to start writing down
the people, places and thingswhere you are looking through
your eyes in a loving way atthem, whatever they are right.
So for me I talked about lastepisode.
It's a little put the FrenchieSometimes these days my daughter

(02:39):
although post-divorce, itwouldn't have been that Very
often nature I will see throughloving eyes.
Very often.
I will watch really cute stuffon Instagram through loving eyes
.
These days, I don't know, Ifeel like loving eyes is more my
state of being, like I just seeso many things through loving
eyes my patients all the time.
Right, they'll be sharingsomething deeply painful and
I'll find myself smiling in love, and I don't know if that

(03:03):
sounds weird to you or not, butlike I just love you so much.
But that has come as a resultof all this work all these years
, right?
So I want you to sit down withyour journal, drop into your
body and write several sentencesabout what loving eyes feels
like in your body.
What is it about these people,places or things that feels so

(03:27):
good to you?
Why are they so easy to love?
That friend, loving eyes isyour natural state of being, and
that might be the mostimportant thing I've said in
this podcast episode, or couldsay in this podcast episode that
loving eyes is your naturalstate of being.
And now I want you to thinkabout how much of your day you

(03:50):
spend in loving eyes.
In your natural state, is itmore or less than the, you know,
average?
And so that's really somethingfor you to look at, because our
intelligent creator created usand this world through loving
eyes.
Everything around us isimmensely beautiful, but we have

(04:14):
literally trained ourselves tolook at ourselves and the world
around us through a lens ofcriticism, finding flaws
everywhere we look.
Finding flaws everywhere welook, and what that does is it
separates us from our, or itgives us the perception of
separation, right, or theabsence of love in our existence
.
And then we feel like shit andwonder why.
And so this is your call toreally look at the habit with

(04:39):
which you see the world aroundyou, and especially yourself.
So, once you've sat with andyou've journaled this sense of
loving eyes, I want you to trysomething even harder.
I want you to sit down in frontof a mirror and I want you to
close your eyes, and I want youto drop into your body, find the

(05:01):
sensation of loving eyestowards that other person, place
or thing where it's so easy foryou to see them through the
lens of love.
And then I want you to openyour eyes in the mirror and see
how long you can hold it withyourself.
Now, for some of you, you won'tbe able to even open your eyes,
because the idea of looking inthe mirror in that vulnerable

(05:24):
way is so intolerable.
It's going to feel impossibleand that my love is the issue,
right.
And so if you are able to openyour eyes for a moment and hold
it and see maybe youngerversions of yourself, can you
see like you know you, when youwere a baby or a teenager or

(05:45):
various points in your life?
This is now combining mirrorwork with the idea of loving
eyes and, oh man, that'sadvanced level crap right there.
And so once you've got a senseof, okay, I can tackle this
loving eyes in the mirror workor I'm not there yet, dawn, okay
, great.
Now let's look at our next step.

(06:06):
From that sort of seated,comfortable place where you've
been able to find loving eyestowards someone else, I want you
to consider just doing a littlebutterfly tap when you're
locked into that body awareness,that loving eyes sensation,
just anchoring in the lovingeyes sensation, just gently

(06:30):
crossing your arms across yourbody or just, you know, with
your hands on your lap, justleft, right tapping, and just
allowing yourself to feel thegood feeling of what it feels
like to love someone else sodeeply.
And remember, the reason weneed to pick someone where
there's no split energy aroundit right is because we really
want to be able to call in thatloving eye sensation Really get

(06:51):
it clear in the body.
And then I want you to thinkabout the least threatening
version of yourself you as ababy, right Least threatening
Like who couldn't love baby you.
And then just think abouthaving loving eyes towards your
baby self.
You're doing that butterfly tapand just noticing that baby you
deserves so much love andbelonging.

(07:13):
And that's where we start,friend.
And then, after baby you, we'llprobably start getting into
zones where you're going to comeup with all sorts of reasons
why maybe you weren't lovable.
And that's the issue, right,where we have to start shifting
those negative beliefs intopositive ones.

(07:35):
Like I did my best, I am worthyof love.
I don't have to be perfect, I'mworthy of acceptance and just
capturing an extra microsecondof loving eyes towards self.
If you make this a dailypractice for five minutes, just

(07:56):
five minutes, it doesn't evenhave to be daily.
If you did it like, let's say,four days a week for five
minutes, what's that?
20 minutes in your week ofloving eyes practice, you will
start to change the habit of theway you look at yourself and
from there, from the place ofself-acceptance, self-love,

(08:16):
loving eyes towards self, youwill start to see the world
through loving eyes.
But that's a process and ittakes practice and it takes
intention, and I know you can doit and so you have to take a
look at is there lots ofresistance to doing this work?
Shit, yeah, there is lots ofresistance to doing this.
Loving eyes, mirror work.

(08:36):
But then we must measure thatagainst.
You want beautiful relationships, you want abundance in your
life, you don't want to bejudged by people and so right
now, if you're sort of stuck injudgment, the habit of judgment
by looking at yourself and otherpeople through criticism, then
you are attracting judgment toyourself.

(08:58):
There's sort of no avoiding it.
So it's like, well, do I feelresistance to doing this work?
Yes, but what feels stronger,the resistance to doing this
work or the urge to create thisabundant, delicious, yummy life
where you feel peace andexcitement and you're calling in
manifestations left and rightand one directly leads to the

(09:18):
other love.
So just to recap, loving eyesis your natural state of being
and the way that you habituallylook at yourself is probably not
that way.
So changing the process ofmoving one into the other is
sort of the birthplace from allabundance love, the birthplace

(09:39):
of all abundance that you arelonging to call in.
So drop into your body, grabyour journal, do some mirror
work and start to change thehabit through which you see
yourself and watch everything inyour life shift, because,
remember, a woman who lovesherself is un-freaking-stoppable
.
I love you so much.

(10:01):
Peace.