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What if the real reason you stayed in your marriage wasn't what everyone assumes—and what if unraveling wasn't the worst thing that could happen?Â
If you've ever felt trapped by fear, exhaustion, or shame about leaving—or not leaving—a marriage, you aren't alone. The truth is, "staying for the kids" is rarely the whole story, and the collapse you fear may already be with you. But what if there’s another way to find your footing and rebuild, even in your rawest, most depleted moments?
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- The invisible toll divorce takes on women’s bodies and minds, and the overlooked reasons so many of us stay long after we know it’s over
- Stories of radical courage, resilience, and starting over from scratch—even when it means losing friends, facing shame, or letting go of every comfort
- Groundbreaking homeopathic and therapeutic strategies to help you heal, stabilize your nervous system, and reclaim your sense of self—so you don’t have to do it the hard way
Press play now for a deeply honest, hope-filled conversation that just might give you the clarity (and relief) you’ve been waiting for.
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Instagram: (@dawnwiggins)
Instagram: (@coachtiffini)
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
People think that I stayed for the kids.
I didn't.
It was really complicated.
I didn't leave sooner because Iwas scared of losing the health
insurance.
I stayed because I was onanxiety meds and needed needed
the weekly therapy.
I was terrified that if I leftI'd unravel.
(00:32):
Hi, love, Welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
I'm your host, Dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
You are going to love thisepisode.
(00:58):
Just some of the highlights arewhen producer Joy tells us
about how she couldn't get outof bed for days at a time and
was losing her hair just postseparation.
Coach Tiffany tells us a storyof what happens in the airplane
hangar when military men comeback from deployment and the
wives in the back of the roomthat have the folders in their
hand.
We talk about, if we were doingit all over again, the
(01:21):
homeopathic remedies we wouldchoose, and at the very end we
have a listener shout out youdon't want to miss it, Loves.
It is week two of our new DearDivorce Diary reboot Fun story.
Last week, when we recorded ourfirst episode with this new
format, it was MercuryRetrograde and we had so many
tech issues which I'm sure youcould hear.
(01:41):
And it's just reallyinteresting.
As we rolled in this morningand we plugged in the same tech,
went through the same process,everything worked beautifully.
I was like, ladies, have youever had such an obvious Mercury
retrograde experience in yourlife?
We don't, I don't know.
Super interesting, right?
Mercury retrograde actuallyaffects technology.
Like that's the thing.
(02:01):
It's like double check yourtext message.
Don't press send on the emailunless you're super sure.
Like it's the time when, oh,like did the Coldplay thing
happen during Mercury Retrograde?
It's like a tech right, Likethat.
Like that is a MercuryRetrograde experience, All right
.
So welcome producer Joy,Welcome coach Tiffany.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Good morning sort of fear around unraveling right the
kids piece, sure, like I thinka lot of us have said.
We've heard so many people sayyou know they stayed for the
kids.
I know that's what a lot ofwhat my mom said, but it's way
more complex than that and Ithink we have a lot of stories
to tell about that.
Okay, so when I was gettingdivorced, I had been diagnosed
(03:04):
for a couple of years withcluster headaches and I for sure
, was medically dependent onhealth insurance.
And that was in a day wherepreexisting conditions were
still a really big deal.
So literal health insurance wasa problem for me and I was
often in and out of the hospital, and so it was a really big
deal for me to get divorced andnot know sort of how I wasn't
(03:26):
close to my family.
I wasn't sure how I was goingto literally actually care for
myself, a financially but Bphysically, when I was sick.
A lot of times I was up in thenight.
It was a really, really darktime.
But I also think I was sodisassociated that I was just
sort of like I'll just figure itout.
But I can also acknowledge thatmy ex didn't fight me on a lot
(03:48):
of stuff.
So had I had to deal with that,had I had to contend with
additional conflict like a highconflict divorce, maybe I
wouldn't have had the bandwidthto do it.
I sort of got this big shot ofcourage around the divorce
proceeding and I was like I'lljust start my own practice and
sort of all of this, right, I'lljust move to the beach and buy
(04:09):
a convertible and all the things.
And I did all of that and itwas sort of actually after that
was all executed that I startedpanicking.
It was like I leaped first andlooked second and then like
literally spent like many, manyweeks panicking about what I had
done after the fact.
So I almost like lived througha reverse of this, but I was for
(04:31):
sure already in a verycollapsed state when I left.
I think that very often when wethink about if I leave, I'll
unravel, it's more.
It's so much more thanfinancial.
It's so much more than how am Igoing to manage the kids.
I think for most women we'realready in somewhat of a
collapsed adrenal state, acollapsed hormonal state.
There are so many women who Iknow are listening right now
(04:55):
that are in artificialperimenopause.
Menopause has come too earlybecause of the adrenal fatigue
and the adrenal burnout, womengoing through menopause who are
getting divorced.
And it's like 10X worse becausewhen you don't have balanced
hormonal health, you don't havemental health, and taking on a
(05:16):
trauma of this magnitude feelsimpossible.
So it's really interesting howdivorce hits women differently
than men because we don't havethe same capacity.
Typically this isn't always thecase, right, but from a health
standpoint, from a hormonalstandpoint, from a childcare
standpoint and then very oftenfrom a financial standpoint
(05:39):
right From a capacity to earnand provide, it's just really an
uphill battle for women.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
My marriage was very much a marriage of appearances.
You know, being to someone inthe military, being married to
him, you know he had a verysuccessful military career and
he was on a lot of deploymentsand you know he was higher
ranking.
You know he even got a bronzemedal from George Bush
personally.
You know there were balls toattend, there were expectations
and things that we needed tolive by as a couple and we would
(06:11):
actually counsel other militarycouples about their marriages
and the state of their marriagesand I remember looking back at
that and thinking if I leave,I'm going to blow everything up.
Literally, I'm going to bloweverything up If I leave.
I'm going to blow everything up.
Literally, I'm going to bloweverything up.
And all of these people thathave looked to us as an example
and look to us as everything,the only person that really knew
what was going on, you know,were my mom and my best friend
(06:32):
at the time, and that was it.
I didn't tell anybody aboutwhat I was dealing with, so
there was almost this thing ofbeing seen as a fraud.
Like, if I walk out right now,people, you know what's
everybody going to think aboutme?
Number two how is it going toaffect his career?
Right, I remember if no one hasever had an experience in the
military, when the guys comeback from deployments, it's this
great big celebration and theycall you into an airplane hangar
(06:54):
and you watch the plane landand they file in and it's this
big processional thing and it'svery impactful, like it's
freaking amazing to watch andexperience that.
But there were always thesewives in the back of the room
holding folders and everyoneknew what it was.
They were the wives waiting toserve their husbands when they
got off the plane with divorcepapers, right.
No shit, yeah.
So that was a fucking thing.
(07:15):
Right, I became one of thosewives, yeah, but I left during a
deployment, which was aterrible thing, because when the
guys are down range and thewives leave, they're put on
suicide watch.
They cannot have their weapons,they cannot report to the
active field, so they'rebasically sitting there until
they get cleared.
(07:35):
You know psychiatrically thatthey're safe enough to go back
into battle.
So I knew by me leaving,especially during a time of
deployment, that that was goingto be a huge thing.
But I didn't feel like I hadany other choice.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
That's that self-abandonment piece right.
It's like how long do Iself-abandon before I decide to
face how this is going to feel?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, no-transcript, but it had to be at the right
(08:31):
time.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm watching this with a dear friend of mine right
now who's trying to figure out,who's trying to be very
strategic in her exit right,because I think so often it has
to do with finances or abuse.
You know that if you're notstrategic about it, what's it
going to unleash inside of him,whether it's to do with abuse,
or financial abuse or substanceabuse or right like, if I'm not
(08:57):
strategic enough, what is goingto be the downstream consequence
?
And when you don't have all ofyour own money right, when you
don't have your own financialresource, I think it really
shifts something in your mindabout confidence or capacity to
leave feeling like you don'thave control or a way to provide
for yourself.
(09:17):
It's really.
It causes a freeze right.
It's really paralyzingparalyzing.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I had this conversation with my mom just
two weeks ago when I was there,and she said, tiffany, I
remember you calling me andsaying I have to do something
and I have to have a planbecause I can't come back there
meaning there, to where I wasfrom Because if I do I will
never get out.
And she's like I remember thosewords and I thought my, my god
and my mom was terrified for me.
(09:44):
You know, because instead ofchoosing to go back with family,
I chose to move, like, evenfurther away.
That's how you ended up inMyrtle because you knew you
couldn't go back and you knewyou couldn't stay where you were
right yeah, and so there wasthis period, and when I tell you
guys that I hadn't worked in mymarriage, but maybe the first
three months, because mostmilitary wives don't work
(10:04):
especially- when the kids areyounger, you know because,
especially in time of activedeployment again, I'm talking
almost 20 years ago, military,not present day.
I don't know what it's like nowfor these wives, but I know back
then, when we were in a veryactive wartime, the wives didn't
work because everything cateredaround the deployments and the
guys were gone so much that thelast thing you wanted to do was
ruin the time at home, wentworking or whatever.
(10:25):
So I remember when I movedthere, I had an associate's
degree, but I hadn't worked infour years.
I had no clue what I was doing.
And so when I ended up movingto Myrtle, the pieces fell into
place as far as me getting aplace to stay, but I had no job.
The pieces fell into place asfar as me getting a place to
(10:48):
stay, but I had no job.
I had nothing.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I left my marriage with a car $6,000, and a dining
room table.
How'd you put the?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
dining room table in the car I ran a U-Haul.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I did run a U-Haul and I had some other stuff right
and I did get a little bit of astorage unit, but I didn't have
a lot of stuff.
I rented a furnished place downthere and I just remember just
this feeling of being terrified,of not being able to provide
for my daughter and I didn'twant to fall back on my parents
because I knew if I went back towhere my parents were, there
was a part of me that was justgoing to not give up but just
(11:21):
find excuses to not be the bestmom that I possibly could,
because I had all these otherpeople who would step up and
help me raise her.
And that's just not the mindsetI was in.
And plus, I was stubborn ashell.
Like, let's be honest.
I mean, I'm still stubborn ashell in a lot of ways right and
I just wanted to prove that.
I could fucking do it Like.
That's what I wanted to showeverybody.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Right.
First of all, that gave megoosebumps.
Tiffany, I love that you werebrave.
That's so brave enough for youto do and take your daughter and
kind of step into.
This isn't how.
This is what I want an exampleof marriage to be for my
daughter, so that's superempowering.
My experience was sodebilitating because I had three
(12:00):
, three and under excuse me, Ihad three, seven, and the twins
were five when I kicked him out,right, so like I say he leaves,
but I actually kicked him out,it was, but I I didn't get out
of bed for days because I didn'tknow what to do and how do you
go from?
And that shame that you feelright Like I protected him.
(12:24):
I knew, I knew the marriage thatwe had, but like nobody maybe,
my best friend at the time, butI never verbalized it, I never
talked about it because he wasthe good guy, he was the captain
America.
There was like so there'sobviously it's me, obviously I'm
the problem, like there was somuch shame in my marriage
(12:46):
falling apart.
And my, how do I, how do Iexplain this to my girls when
he's always the fun dad and hecomes home and he plays with
them and he's, you know, likeWomen would go, she's such a
good dad and because he doesn'tbabysit your kids and like but
in reality, like I knew, knew,but I didn't know like my body
(13:07):
completely shut down.
I lost like 40 pounds in amonth and a half.
I lost half my hair, likemetabolically adrenal, like I
had collapsed, collapsed.
Yeah, the divorce diet is real,ladies, it is real, okay, right
because, like you throw upanything you eat, like your body
cannot handle it.
It's so overloaded with all ofthe.
(13:27):
But I think what I, what Ipersonally struggled with, was
rectifying the man that I knewhe really was versus the man he
was acting, and so it was sohard for me to, because parts
now I understand it's partsright.
(13:49):
But then this is all before, allmy hard work and the education
that I have and knowing my body,enough, right, but as the woman
who, just who, is in fight orflight, it was completely
polarized, like it is incrediblydifficult to see through the
(14:10):
fog.
Yeah, it's, it's impossible.
Like you just don't see it, youdon't see how the way right to
put one foot in front of theother, to rebuild.
You know, like it's just.
And then you grieve the lifethat you didn't, you never like
you didn't really have, buteverybody you had the fantasy,
(14:31):
yeah right, yeah, yes, so.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
So I remember sitting on my bedroom floor on the
phone with you, Joy, for hoursone day and we were talking
about attachment styles, EMDR,but like boundaries, right, I
kept saying.
I kept saying, okay, I'mwilling to believe in him with
you, but he's going to move atthe pace of boundaries.
(14:56):
You have to be willing to letgo in order to move forward.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Yeah, but it was I had to do that for me, right.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Like.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I had to know I was worthy of the boundaries and I
was worthy of and do the hardwork of like.
Okay, if I say this thing outloud, like it's gotta be rock
solid.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I can't be the person who yes, you can come over and
visit the girls, Cause my girlswere young at the time, so he
would come to our home and Iwould leave, because that that
disruption right.
Right.
So that worked out for us.
But so I had to be the one thatwas just like, okay, we're
going to, we're going tomaintain a visitation schedule
(15:37):
and be able to maintain myselfand work on myself and dig deep
into how did I get here and howdid this happen?
How am I being so transparentto all these people that I've
been transparent with for adecade Fake transparent, didn't
actually know.
Right right, but they were likeweren't actually, and so it's a
(16:01):
lot of like big conversationswith friends of like no, this is
actually how it was.
I just protected him, orprotected us, or protected my
children.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I relate to that so much.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
You know like it was.
It's having those conversationsof not no, I mean, it's true he
loved my children and he was agood dad, but he wasn't a good
father.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Like all these things , that kind of the parts,
explaining the parts andunderstanding the parts myself
and the parts within myself andworking through all of that
Mm-hmm within myself and andworking through all of that, I
think it's really interesting toconsider how much self
abandonment around the way weprotect, protect how it looks
(16:47):
right, ourselves and themarriage yeah, I think it's so
interesting.
And then so much coverup Right.
I protected him for a long timeand I still feel like I do even
though it's you know X amountof years later.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
like I still, I would have rather taken the fall in
all of this than him lose hiscareer, and that's what I was
willing to do.
I was willing to sacrifice areputation, sacrifice anything,
to make sure that when I walkedaway it wasn't going to affect
(17:17):
him adversely for everythingthat he had worked so hard for.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
That's crazy.
I mean, tiffany, that's a layer, that it's got to be military
we can't relate to.
Oh, absolutely Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
And I mean you know when you leave and I again I
don't.
I'm not speaking to today'smilitary community, but back
then, when you left, I knew whatleaving meant and it meant that
all of my friends were notgoing to support me or help me
move.
You know, I had one friend andshout out to her you know who
you are, you are my.
Irish she carted her threechildren in a U-Haul with me and
(17:54):
my child and helped me move,didn't care about appearances,
didn't care how it looked.
Her and her husband were verysupportive of me through this
journey and they're stillfriends today of me.
But I lost everything.
I lost everything and it tookme a really long time to rebuild
.
And it was I don't know, it wasit was a crazy experience.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I sort of love that about the experience, though
Like because I think I amtypically such a control freak,
I would cling to things thatwere not good for me until I
there was no choice.
I had no choice.
Like losing everything was sortof the reason I could start
over like Phoenix style, right,it's like until it was all
stripped I was still going tocling to something to avoid
(18:46):
facing myself.
Does that make sense?
It was like in the losing ofeverything I could then really
look at who I was, how I'd beenliving, what I needed, what
right, a rebuild, like a totalremodel, and I just often look
back and think like dang, I amso stubborn, that's what it took
(19:09):
, right.
But I think that most peopleexperience that that it really
takes being sort of out ofoptions before we're really
willing to look.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's like rock uh, rock bottom
, like stripped, stripped awayall of the comforts, all of the
you know, all of that.
Illusions Right Right you knowall of that Right, right, and so
(19:40):
I do think that there is apower to being maybe not
necessarily- at your lowest, butat your barest, at your rawest,
and at your worst, honestlyLike that's how I felt.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
You know, and I have so many clients that struggle
with the things that they did intheir marriage or post marriage
that they feel guilty about.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Yeah, oh yeah, that they acted in their marriage
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
One hundred percent it's like they're with other
partners and they're like Idon't even recognize that person
and I'm like isn't itinteresting how people that we
have trauma bonds to, or whenour attachment style is not
secure and we're reaching forpeople for different reasons,
how out of character we can actin our marriage?
Whether it's infidelity,physical violence, emotional
abuse like we can become nastytoo 100 and then when we get out
(20:25):
of that we're like is that meright?
I don't feel like that kind ofpartner inside.
I feel like I'm a loving, loyalperson, more than one thing can
be true, yes.
Yeah, but I also want to kicksomebody's ass, Like I don't
know, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yes, yes, it's like that level of anger.
Oh my goodness, have you everlistened to Carrie Underwood
albums?
There is a whole lot of feistygirl stuff going on in there
right.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Can we talk for a moment about women who are going
through all of this that we'redescribing right Like if I left,
if I leave, I'd unravel right?
Can we just talk about how mostwomen out there are doing that
without homeopathy and marvel athow that can be possible?
I mean, we did it withouthomeopathy, but if you could go
(21:14):
back and do it again and makeone change it would have been.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
One change would definitely be the homeopathy.
The other change would I wouldhave got my ass in therapy much
sooner.
I would have done the EMDR, theIFS parts work, the somatics,
like all of that.
But homeopathy and look, I'msomebody that was on
antidepressants for over adecade Same you know they were
my best friend and the resultsthat I have gotten
homeopathically you can'tcompare, it feels like I'm just
(21:47):
stepping into myself, not thatI'm being altered by something
else, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
That's it, it's the it's.
That's what homeopathy doesright it strips away all things
that are not you you know, andit leaves like the purest vessel
, you know.
But when you think about thatcollapsed state for instance,
joy, right, when you were in bedfor days and your hair was
falling out and you were losingall this weight right, like
homeopathy has an immediateanswer to all of that.
So you have capacity, you know,and it's not an overnight thing
(22:14):
and it doesn't mean that it'slike a light switch and it's
just easy.
Homeopathy isn't quote unquote,easy, but it's comprehensive
and faster and it does thingsthat therapy can never do.
And it's just so interesting toconsider.
And that doesn't mean, right,I'm burning down all other
modalities because we combineIFS and EMDR, right, and
(22:36):
remineralization and propernutrition and all of that, you
know, but it's just sointeresting.
If there's one thing, right, Icould tell women about this
collapsed state that I thinkmost people are in when they're
trying to make the decision toleave or get their strategy
together.
Right, it's like you cannotignore your body because it's
(22:57):
the vessel that you're asking toexecute on this strategy and
it's so depleted and it doesn'thave to be.
I think is is the theme, right,it doesn't have to be this hard
.
We've gotten so used to itbeing this hard and it doesn't
have to be, which is why I lovehow we approach it, cause we do
(23:17):
it so differently than a sort ofany other program I know of.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Well, even the IFS work that I do with people like
that is my obsession.
I'm on fire about IFS becauseevery single person is different
in their work.
Every single session that Ihave with an individual person
is different in their work andfor me, the IFS work tells the
story of why.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
And.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I feel like so many women are staying on this
stagnant place in their divorcejourney, where they don't
understand the cycles, and sothey're frozen and afraid to
move forward because they'reafraid of making a mistake.
They can't trust theirintuition, they can't trust
themselves and they can.
They can't so through the IFSwork.
It's explaining.
This is why this is the answer.
It's like a roadmap for all ofyour shit and it's going to tell
(24:05):
you how to trust yourself.
It's going to trust you how toget to the earth.
Teach you how to get to theplaces that you want to be.
Like all of that.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I love.
I love the IFS piece that umcause all of that, but for me
it's like IFS was able to givemyself grace, like it's a part
of me and like step into thetruth of I am the.
I am a gracious, loving, loyal,kind person, but I'm also this
(24:34):
person too and I, this person,needs to be seen and be held as
much as this person does.
More, more, right we right.
Like it's okay for me to be, tohave to have needs.
That's not a good way to put it.
It's okay for me to need to beseen as well.
Right?
That doesn't make me selfish.
I liked.
(24:54):
I liked the IFS sphere right,like it's all of it.
It's not just this, the brokenpieces of you.
You get to hold all of it.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
And I I love that joy because I feel like, as women
specifically, we are taught topush away all of the negative
things that don't fit in ourfamily standards, our society
standards.
So IFS is a way to repair all ofthat and to look at all of the
negative things that don't fitin our family standards, our
society standards.
So IFS is a way to repair allof that and to look at all of
those parts of ourselves thatwant to make us cringe and push
away and say no, like I need tolove that part of myself because
she's just as important as thenormal way that's like the
(25:28):
answer that's the answer rightIs learning to love and accept
and hold grace for so.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
This weekend we were playing Mario Party Jamboree and
I'm such a law of attractionjunkie it's next level.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I have to know what character you were real quick.
What's?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
your go-to Mario Party character.
Oh, good call.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Peach.
Okay, I'm Yoshi Joy.
Do you play?
Grace loves Yoshi.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
I like the.
It's like the the crystal peach.
She's rose gold or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, rose goldpeach.
I love her too, I can.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I can be known to like win a game because a I'm
super competitive, but B I I usethe law of attraction to
approach everything Right.
And so we played in the morningand I was like in a super good
mood and so it's easy to winthen.
And then we played in theevening and I was not in a good
mood.
My how things can fall apart soquickly.
So last night we're playing andI start off and I'm like fourth
(26:26):
right, like I'm coming from theback and I'm having all these
feelings and normally I'll relyon high vibe strategies to like
affect how my dice roll or likehow I make my decisions or
whatever right, like it'sbananas.
How much I use Law of Attractionjust to play freaking Jamboree,
okay.
But long story longer.
(26:47):
I was doing parts workinternally while we were playing
last night because I was havingsuch intense internally
emotions and I was really tryingto filter it for my family's
sake as much as possible and Ipivoted like I'm.
I worked on something lastnight that I think has been like
decades coming loves.
(27:08):
But I was like okay, I'm havingreally big feelings and I am
going to approach these the wayI approach cluster headaches,
like everything is working outfor me, having really big
feelings, and I am going toapproach these the way I
approach cluster headaches Likeeverything is working out for me
.
These really big feelings arefor me, they're not against me.
The fact that I'm having reallybig feelings does not mean that
I have to lose this game.
I can use these really bigfeelings to my advantage to win
this game.
And so then I would you like,punch in the air to get your
(27:30):
dice block, or whatever you'rerolling, I don't know Right.
And so I'm like, okay, I'mgoing to use these really big
feelings, and this is all inside, and I'm going to have the
perfect role, and then I wouldgo, and then whatever, and
wouldn't you know it, like Ifreaking, came from behind and
at some point had like sevenstars.
And so the point of that storyis we are so afraid of being
(27:53):
judged or feeling our ownfeelings or that right.
Like we resist, we avoid, webypass.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
And it's like we facade.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yes, if we could like in that moment, for me to
understand that I could use allof those feelings for good, all
those painful feelings couldbenefit me.
It just created a deeper levelof self-acceptance and a lack of
resistance inside of my ownbody, right Like, oh, I'm
feeling some big feelings rightnow.
Cool Instead of gross.
Right, it's like that's peaceTo be able to feel it all, hold
(28:29):
it all, accept it all and trustthat it can like life is still
going to be even more amazingand that all the tools are just
waiting around the corner for usand man just let it in.
You know.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, for sure, don.
You were just talking abouthomeopathy and what a game
changer it is for women in this,in this particular season.
We did it the hard, all threeof us did it the hard way
without homeopathy.
Right like we.
We did the grind, but like zerostars.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Do not recommend.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
No, not at all if you , if you could say to the woman
who is in this fight or fightfreezing in her bed, like what
would be a recommendation, youwould have to even just start
homeopathy.
Where do you even start?
To this woman.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Obviously, having your case taken is where you get
the most profoundtransformation.
But I am a big fan of peopletrying shit.
All of this is out there foryou.
Don't let gatekeepers tell youyou can't use the things.
I think there are two remediesthat come to mind for this
particular moment in time.
Is out there for you.
Like, don't let gatekeeperstell you you can't, you know,
use the things.
(29:40):
I think there are two remediesthat come to mind for this
particular moment in time, maybethree.
I think one is Califos.
It's a nerve remedy, it and itcomes in a cell salt too.
You've heard me talk about cellsalts and I'm a big fan of
bioplasma.
Like 12 and one cell salts, Ithink, is a really important
thing in this season of lifebecause you're demineralized,
you're burnt out, right.
So a cell salt is a reallybasic 12 and one bioplasma
highlands Great.
(30:00):
You could find it on Amazon.
I'm happy to send anybody theselinks or stick them in the show
notes.
I think Califos in a 30 C is areally great one for just tired
and wired, and then I thinksepia 30 C or 200 C is fantastic
.
That's for the woman who is soburnt out of giving she just
wants to crawl in a hole and andbe in a hole right, she is
(30:23):
angry, she is agitated, she'soverstimulated and she just
wants to hide so very badly.
And that's sepia.
And I know sepia has been agame changer for all three of us
.
For sure it's coach Tiffany'sfavorite.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
It's my favorite, it's not necessarily the one.
Sepia is a game changer.
I don't want to rage.
It's not necessarily the oneyou need most but it's your
favorite one yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah, fun fact, I love it for my hormonal teenager
because it's easier for me toall right, this is, you know,
like for me to internalize, likeit's not her.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
It's hormonal.
She's just overstimulated,she's over whatever.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
Take a dose and we'll reconvene in a few minutes.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yeah, that's the other one I would recommend is
pulsatilla, right, so there's.
So I think there's two sides ofthis coin.
There's the woman who's so shutdown and withdrawn and just
wants to hide from the world,but then there's the woman who's
got a history of abandonment,and the way that that gets
manifested is around dependencyand weepiness and a fear of
leaving.
And I hate the word clingy right, but clingy right Like so for
(31:30):
the woman who's having thatexperience, like she can't leave
because she can't fathom howshe's going to do it alone and
she feels panicky aboutseparation at all.
Right, that's pulsatilla.
So it just sort of depends onhow you're experiencing it.
You know, both pulsatilla andCPR are hormonal remedies but
they just have different mentalpictures and you know, if you've
tried homeopathy and it didn'twork for you, it doesn't mean it
(31:50):
doesn't work.
It means it wasn't the rightremedy for you.
Right, and so it's because ithas to be at least similar to
what your mental, emotional andphysical state are.
It has to resonate in those allthree spheres to some extent.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Excellent.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Our listener shout out today is Kelly, with the
unicorn emoji.
Kelly, I have no doubt you area unicorn.
Thank you so much for beinghere, because without you there
is no us.
So shoot me a DM at DawnWiggins on Instagram, kelly, and
I want to know so badly whereyou are in your journey, how we
can support you better andpersonally.
(32:27):
Thank you for being a premiumsubscriber.
So much love, peace.
Dear Divorce Diary is a podcastby my coach.
You can find more atmycoachjohncom.
People think that I stayed for the kids.
I didn't.
It was really complicated.
I didn't leave sooner because Iwas scared of losing the health
insurance.
I stayed because I was onanxiety meds and needed needed
the weekly therapy.
I was terrified that if I leftI'd unravel.
(00:32):
Hi, love, Welcome to DearDivorce Diary, the podcast
helping divorcees go beyond talktherapy to process your grief,
find the healing you crave andbuild back your confidence.
I'm your host, Dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
You are going to love thisepisode.
(00:58):
Just some of the highlights arewhen producer Joy tells us
about how she couldn't get outof bed for days at a time and
was losing her hair just postseparation.
Coach Tiffany tells us a storyof what happens in the airplane
hangar when military men comeback from deployment and the
wives in the back of the roomthat have the folders in their
hand.
We talk about, if we were doingit all over again, the
(01:21):
homeopathic remedies we wouldchoose, and at the very end we
have a listener shout out youdon't want to miss it, Loves.
It is week two of our new DearDivorce Diary reboot Fun story.
Last week, when we recorded ourfirst episode with this new
format, it was MercuryRetrograde and we had so many
tech issues which I'm sure youcould hear.
(01:41):
And it's just reallyinteresting.
As we rolled in this morningand we plugged in the same tech,
went through the same process,everything worked beautifully.
I was like, ladies, have youever had such an obvious Mercury
retrograde experience in yourlife?
We don't, I don't know.
Super interesting, right?
Mercury retrograde actuallyaffects technology.
Like that's the thing.
(02:01):
It's like double check yourtext message.
Don't press send on the emailunless you're super sure.
Like it's the time when, oh,like did the Coldplay thing
happen during Mercury Retrograde?
It's like a tech right, Likethat.
Like that is a MercuryRetrograde experience, All right
.
So welcome producer Joy,Welcome coach Tiffany.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Good morning sort of fear around unraveling right the
kids piece, sure, like I thinka lot of us have said.
We've heard so many people sayyou know they stayed for the
kids.
I know that's what a lot ofwhat my mom said, but it's way
more complex than that and Ithink we have a lot of stories
to tell about that.
Okay, so when I was gettingdivorced, I had been diagnosed
(03:04):
for a couple of years withcluster headaches and I for sure
, was medically dependent onhealth insurance.
And that was in a day wherepreexisting conditions were
still a really big deal.
So literal health insurance wasa problem for me and I was
often in and out of the hospital, and so it was a really big
deal for me to get divorced andnot know sort of how I wasn't
(03:26):
close to my family.
I wasn't sure how I was goingto literally actually care for
myself, a financially but Bphysically, when I was sick.
A lot of times I was up in thenight.
It was a really, really darktime.
But I also think I was sodisassociated that I was just
sort of like I'll just figure itout.
But I can also acknowledge thatmy ex didn't fight me on a lot
(03:48):
of stuff.
So had I had to deal with that,had I had to contend with
additional conflict like a highconflict divorce, maybe I
wouldn't have had the bandwidthto do it.
I sort of got this big shot ofcourage around the divorce
proceeding and I was like I'lljust start my own practice and
sort of all of this, right, I'lljust move to the beach and buy
(04:09):
a convertible and all the things.
And I did all of that and itwas sort of actually after that
was all executed that I startedpanicking.
It was like I leaped first andlooked second and then like
literally spent like many, manyweeks panicking about what I had
done after the fact.
So I almost like lived througha reverse of this, but I was for
(04:31):
sure already in a verycollapsed state when I left.
I think that very often when wethink about if I leave, I'll
unravel, it's more.
It's so much more thanfinancial.
It's so much more than how am Igoing to manage the kids.
I think for most women we'realready in somewhat of a
collapsed adrenal state, acollapsed hormonal state.
There are so many women who Iknow are listening right now
(04:55):
that are in artificialperimenopause.
Menopause has come too earlybecause of the adrenal fatigue
and the adrenal burnout, womengoing through menopause who are
getting divorced.
And it's like 10X worse becausewhen you don't have balanced
hormonal health, you don't havemental health, and taking on a
(05:16):
trauma of this magnitude feelsimpossible.
So it's really interesting howdivorce hits women differently
than men because we don't havethe same capacity.
Typically this isn't always thecase, right, but from a health
standpoint, from a hormonalstandpoint, from a childcare
standpoint and then very oftenfrom a financial standpoint
(05:39):
right From a capacity to earnand provide, it's just really an
uphill battle for women.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
My marriage was very much a marriage of appearances.
You know, being to someone inthe military, being married to
him, you know he had a verysuccessful military career and
he was on a lot of deploymentsand you know he was higher
ranking.
You know he even got a bronzemedal from George Bush
personally.
You know there were balls toattend, there were expectations
and things that we needed tolive by as a couple and we would
(06:11):
actually counsel other militarycouples about their marriages
and the state of their marriagesand I remember looking back at
that and thinking if I leave,I'm going to blow everything up.
Literally, I'm going to bloweverything up If I leave.
I'm going to blow everything up.
Literally, I'm going to bloweverything up.
And all of these people thathave looked to us as an example
and look to us as everything,the only person that really knew
what was going on, you know,were my mom and my best friend
(06:32):
at the time, and that was it.
I didn't tell anybody aboutwhat I was dealing with, so
there was almost this thing ofbeing seen as a fraud.
Like, if I walk out right now,people, you know what's
everybody going to think aboutme?
Number two how is it going toaffect his career?
Right, I remember if no one hasever had an experience in the
military, when the guys comeback from deployments, it's this
great big celebration and theycall you into an airplane hangar
(06:54):
and you watch the plane landand they file in and it's this
big processional thing and it'svery impactful, like it's
freaking amazing to watch andexperience that.
But there were always thesewives in the back of the room
holding folders and everyoneknew what it was.
They were the wives waiting toserve their husbands when they
got off the plane with divorcepapers, right.
No shit, yeah.
So that was a fucking thing.
(07:15):
Right, I became one of thosewives, yeah, but I left during a
deployment, which was aterrible thing, because when the
guys are down range and thewives leave, they're put on
suicide watch.
They cannot have their weapons,they cannot report to the
active field, so they'rebasically sitting there until
they get cleared.
(07:35):
You know psychiatrically thatthey're safe enough to go back
into battle.
So I knew by me leaving,especially during a time of
deployment, that that was goingto be a huge thing.
But I didn't feel like I hadany other choice.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
That's that self-abandonment piece right.
It's like how long do Iself-abandon before I decide to
face how this is going to feel?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, no-transcript, but it had to be at the right
(08:31):
time.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm watching this with a dear friend of mine right
now who's trying to figure out,who's trying to be very
strategic in her exit right,because I think so often it has
to do with finances or abuse.
You know that if you're notstrategic about it, what's it
going to unleash inside of him,whether it's to do with abuse,
or financial abuse or substanceabuse or right like, if I'm not
(08:57):
strategic enough, what is goingto be the downstream consequence
?
And when you don't have all ofyour own money right, when you
don't have your own financialresource, I think it really
shifts something in your mindabout confidence or capacity to
leave feeling like you don'thave control or a way to provide
for yourself.
(09:17):
It's really.
It causes a freeze right.
It's really paralyzingparalyzing.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I had this conversation with my mom just
two weeks ago when I was there,and she said, tiffany, I
remember you calling me andsaying I have to do something
and I have to have a planbecause I can't come back there
meaning there, to where I wasfrom Because if I do I will
never get out.
And she's like I remember thosewords and I thought my, my god
and my mom was terrified for me.
(09:44):
You know, because instead ofchoosing to go back with family,
I chose to move, like, evenfurther away.
That's how you ended up inMyrtle because you knew you
couldn't go back and you knewyou couldn't stay where you were
right yeah, and so there wasthis period, and when I tell you
guys that I hadn't worked in mymarriage, but maybe the first
three months, because mostmilitary wives don't work
(10:04):
especially- when the kids areyounger, you know because,
especially in time of activedeployment again, I'm talking
almost 20 years ago, military,not present day.
I don't know what it's like nowfor these wives, but I know back
then, when we were in a veryactive wartime, the wives didn't
work because everything cateredaround the deployments and the
guys were gone so much that thelast thing you wanted to do was
ruin the time at home, wentworking or whatever.
(10:25):
So I remember when I movedthere, I had an associate's
degree, but I hadn't worked infour years.
I had no clue what I was doing.
And so when I ended up movingto Myrtle, the pieces fell into
place as far as me getting aplace to stay, but I had no job.
The pieces fell into place asfar as me getting a place to
(10:48):
stay, but I had no job.
I had nothing.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I left my marriage with a car $6,000, and a dining
room table.
How'd you put the?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
dining room table in the car I ran a U-Haul.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I did run a U-Haul and I had some other stuff right
and I did get a little bit of astorage unit, but I didn't have
a lot of stuff.
I rented a furnished place downthere and I just remember just
this feeling of being terrified,of not being able to provide
for my daughter and I didn'twant to fall back on my parents
because I knew if I went back towhere my parents were, there
was a part of me that was justgoing to not give up but just
(11:21):
find excuses to not be the bestmom that I possibly could,
because I had all these otherpeople who would step up and
help me raise her.
And that's just not the mindsetI was in.
And plus, I was stubborn ashell.
Like, let's be honest.
I mean, I'm still stubborn ashell in a lot of ways right and
I just wanted to prove that.
I could fucking do it Like.
That's what I wanted to showeverybody.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Right.
First of all, that gave megoosebumps.
Tiffany, I love that you werebrave.
That's so brave enough for youto do and take your daughter and
kind of step into.
This isn't how.
This is what I want an exampleof marriage to be for my
daughter, so that's superempowering.
My experience was sodebilitating because I had three
(12:00):
, three and under excuse me, Ihad three, seven, and the twins
were five when I kicked him out,right, so like I say he leaves,
but I actually kicked him out,it was, but I I didn't get out
of bed for days because I didn'tknow what to do and how do you
go from?
And that shame that you feelright Like I protected him.
(12:24):
I knew, I knew the marriage thatwe had, but like nobody maybe,
my best friend at the time, butI never verbalized it, I never
talked about it because he wasthe good guy, he was the captain
America.
There was like so there'sobviously it's me, obviously I'm
the problem, like there was somuch shame in my marriage
(12:46):
falling apart.
And my, how do I, how do Iexplain this to my girls when
he's always the fun dad and hecomes home and he plays with
them and he's, you know, likeWomen would go, she's such a
good dad and because he doesn'tbabysit your kids and like but
in reality, like I knew, knew,but I didn't know like my body
(13:07):
completely shut down.
I lost like 40 pounds in amonth and a half.
I lost half my hair, likemetabolically adrenal, like I
had collapsed, collapsed.
Yeah, the divorce diet is real,ladies, it is real, okay, right
because, like you throw upanything you eat, like your body
cannot handle it.
It's so overloaded with all ofthe.
(13:27):
But I think what I, what Ipersonally struggled with, was
rectifying the man that I knewhe really was versus the man he
was acting, and so it was sohard for me to, because parts
now I understand it's partsright.
(13:49):
But then this is all before, allmy hard work and the education
that I have and knowing my body,enough, right, but as the woman
who, just who, is in fight orflight, it was completely
polarized, like it is incrediblydifficult to see through the
(14:10):
fog.
Yeah, it's, it's impossible.
Like you just don't see it, youdon't see how the way right to
put one foot in front of theother, to rebuild.
You know, like it's just.
And then you grieve the lifethat you didn't, you never like
you didn't really have, buteverybody you had the fantasy,
(14:31):
yeah right, yeah, yes, so.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
So I remember sitting on my bedroom floor on the
phone with you, Joy, for hoursone day and we were talking
about attachment styles, EMDR,but like boundaries, right, I
kept saying.
I kept saying, okay, I'mwilling to believe in him with
you, but he's going to move atthe pace of boundaries.
(14:56):
You have to be willing to letgo in order to move forward.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Yeah, but it was I had to do that for me, right.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Like.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I had to know I was worthy of the boundaries and I
was worthy of and do the hardwork of like.
Okay, if I say this thing outloud, like it's gotta be rock
solid.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I can't be the person who yes, you can come over and
visit the girls, Cause my girlswere young at the time, so he
would come to our home and Iwould leave, because that that
disruption right.
Right.
So that worked out for us.
But so I had to be the one thatwas just like, okay, we're
going to, we're going tomaintain a visitation schedule
(15:37):
and be able to maintain myselfand work on myself and dig deep
into how did I get here and howdid this happen?
How am I being so transparentto all these people that I've
been transparent with for adecade Fake transparent, didn't
actually know.
Right right, but they were likeweren't actually, and so it's a
(16:01):
lot of like big conversationswith friends of like no, this is
actually how it was.
I just protected him, orprotected us, or protected my
children.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I relate to that so much.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
You know like it was.
It's having those conversationsof not no, I mean, it's true he
loved my children and he was agood dad, but he wasn't a good
father.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Like all these things , that kind of the parts,
explaining the parts andunderstanding the parts myself
and the parts within myself andworking through all of that
Mm-hmm within myself and andworking through all of that, I
think it's really interesting toconsider how much self
abandonment around the way weprotect, protect how it looks
(16:47):
right, ourselves and themarriage yeah, I think it's so
interesting.
And then so much coverup Right.
I protected him for a long timeand I still feel like I do even
though it's you know X amountof years later.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
like I still, I would have rather taken the fall in
all of this than him lose hiscareer, and that's what I was
willing to do.
I was willing to sacrifice areputation, sacrifice anything,
to make sure that when I walkedaway it wasn't going to affect
(17:17):
him adversely for everythingthat he had worked so hard for.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
That's crazy.
I mean, tiffany, that's a layer, that it's got to be military
we can't relate to.
Oh, absolutely Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
And I mean you know when you leave and I again I
don't.
I'm not speaking to today'smilitary community, but back
then, when you left, I knew whatleaving meant and it meant that
all of my friends were notgoing to support me or help me
move.
You know, I had one friend andshout out to her you know who
you are, you are my.
Irish she carted her threechildren in a U-Haul with me and
(17:54):
my child and helped me move,didn't care about appearances,
didn't care how it looked.
Her and her husband were verysupportive of me through this
journey and they're stillfriends today of me.
But I lost everything.
I lost everything and it tookme a really long time to rebuild
.
And it was I don't know, it wasit was a crazy experience.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I sort of love that about the experience, though
Like because I think I amtypically such a control freak,
I would cling to things thatwere not good for me until I
there was no choice.
I had no choice.
Like losing everything was sortof the reason I could start
over like Phoenix style, right,it's like until it was all
stripped I was still going tocling to something to avoid
(18:46):
facing myself.
Does that make sense?
It was like in the losing ofeverything I could then really
look at who I was, how I'd beenliving, what I needed, what
right, a rebuild, like a totalremodel, and I just often look
back and think like dang, I amso stubborn, that's what it took
(19:09):
, right.
But I think that most peopleexperience that that it really
takes being sort of out ofoptions before we're really
willing to look.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's like rock uh, rock bottom
, like stripped, stripped awayall of the comforts, all of the
you know, all of that.
Illusions Right Right you knowall of that Right, right, and so
(19:40):
I do think that there is apower to being maybe not
necessarily- at your lowest, butat your barest, at your rawest,
and at your worst, honestlyLike that's how I felt.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
You know, and I have so many clients that struggle
with the things that they did intheir marriage or post marriage
that they feel guilty about.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Yeah, oh yeah, that they acted in their marriage
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
One hundred percent it's like they're with other
partners and they're like Idon't even recognize that person
and I'm like isn't itinteresting how people that we
have trauma bonds to, or whenour attachment style is not
secure and we're reaching forpeople for different reasons,
how out of character we can actin our marriage?
Whether it's infidelity,physical violence, emotional
abuse like we can become nastytoo 100 and then when we get out
(20:25):
of that we're like is that meright?
I don't feel like that kind ofpartner inside.
I feel like I'm a loving, loyalperson, more than one thing can
be true, yes.
Yeah, but I also want to kicksomebody's ass, Like I don't
know, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yes, yes, it's like that level of anger.
Oh my goodness, have you everlistened to Carrie Underwood
albums?
There is a whole lot of feistygirl stuff going on in there
right.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Can we talk for a moment about women who are going
through all of this that we'redescribing right Like if I left,
if I leave, I'd unravel right?
Can we just talk about how mostwomen out there are doing that
without homeopathy and marvel athow that can be possible?
I mean, we did it withouthomeopathy, but if you could go
(21:14):
back and do it again and makeone change it would have been.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
One change would definitely be the homeopathy.
The other change would I wouldhave got my ass in therapy much
sooner.
I would have done the EMDR, theIFS parts work, the somatics,
like all of that.
But homeopathy and look, I'msomebody that was on
antidepressants for over adecade Same you know they were
my best friend and the resultsthat I have gotten
homeopathically you can'tcompare, it feels like I'm just
(21:47):
stepping into myself, not thatI'm being altered by something
else, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
That's it, it's the it's.
That's what homeopathy doesright it strips away all things
that are not you you know, andit leaves like the purest vessel
, you know.
But when you think about thatcollapsed state for instance,
joy, right, when you were in bedfor days and your hair was
falling out and you were losingall this weight right, like
homeopathy has an immediateanswer to all of that.
So you have capacity, you know,and it's not an overnight thing
(22:14):
and it doesn't mean that it'slike a light switch and it's
just easy.
Homeopathy isn't quote unquote,easy, but it's comprehensive
and faster and it does thingsthat therapy can never do.
And it's just so interesting toconsider.
And that doesn't mean, right,I'm burning down all other
modalities because we combineIFS and EMDR, right, and
(22:36):
remineralization and propernutrition and all of that, you
know, but it's just sointeresting.
If there's one thing, right, Icould tell women about this
collapsed state that I thinkmost people are in when they're
trying to make the decision toleave or get their strategy
together.
Right, it's like you cannotignore your body because it's
(22:57):
the vessel that you're asking toexecute on this strategy and
it's so depleted and it doesn'thave to be.
I think is is the theme, right,it doesn't have to be this hard
.
We've gotten so used to itbeing this hard and it doesn't
have to be, which is why I lovehow we approach it, cause we do
(23:17):
it so differently than a sort ofany other program I know of.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Well, even the IFS work that I do with people like
that is my obsession.
I'm on fire about IFS becauseevery single person is different
in their work.
Every single session that Ihave with an individual person
is different in their work andfor me, the IFS work tells the
story of why.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
And.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I feel like so many women are staying on this
stagnant place in their divorcejourney, where they don't
understand the cycles, and sothey're frozen and afraid to
move forward because they'reafraid of making a mistake.
They can't trust theirintuition, they can't trust
themselves and they can.
They can't so through the IFSwork.
It's explaining.
This is why this is the answer.
It's like a roadmap for all ofyour shit and it's going to tell
(24:05):
you how to trust yourself.
It's going to trust you how toget to the earth.
Teach you how to get to theplaces that you want to be.
Like all of that.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I love.
I love the IFS piece that umcause all of that, but for me
it's like IFS was able to givemyself grace, like it's a part
of me and like step into thetruth of I am the.
I am a gracious, loving, loyal,kind person, but I'm also this
(24:34):
person too and I, this person,needs to be seen and be held as
much as this person does.
More, more, right we right.
Like it's okay for me to be, tohave to have needs.
That's not a good way to put it.
It's okay for me to need to beseen as well.
Right?
That doesn't make me selfish.
I liked.
(24:54):
I liked the IFS sphere right,like it's all of it.
It's not just this, the brokenpieces of you.
You get to hold all of it.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
And I I love that joy because I feel like, as women
specifically, we are taught topush away all of the negative
things that don't fit in ourfamily standards, our society
standards.
So IFS is a way to repair all ofthat and to look at all of the
negative things that don't fitin our family standards, our
society standards.
So IFS is a way to repair allof that and to look at all of
those parts of ourselves thatwant to make us cringe and push
away and say no, like I need tolove that part of myself because
she's just as important as thenormal way that's like the
(25:28):
answer that's the answer rightIs learning to love and accept
and hold grace for so.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
This weekend we were playing Mario Party Jamboree and
I'm such a law of attractionjunkie it's next level.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I have to know what character you were real quick.
What's?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
your go-to Mario Party character.
Oh, good call.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Peach.
Okay, I'm Yoshi Joy.
Do you play?
Grace loves Yoshi.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
I like the.
It's like the the crystal peach.
She's rose gold or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, rose goldpeach.
I love her too, I can.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I can be known to like win a game because a I'm
super competitive, but B I I usethe law of attraction to
approach everything Right.
And so we played in the morningand I was like in a super good
mood and so it's easy to winthen.
And then we played in theevening and I was not in a good
mood.
My how things can fall apart soquickly.
So last night we're playing andI start off and I'm like fourth
(26:26):
right, like I'm coming from theback and I'm having all these
feelings and normally I'll relyon high vibe strategies to like
affect how my dice roll or likehow I make my decisions or
whatever right, like it'sbananas.
How much I use Law of Attractionjust to play freaking Jamboree,
okay.
But long story longer.
(26:47):
I was doing parts workinternally while we were playing
last night because I was havingsuch intense internally
emotions and I was really tryingto filter it for my family's
sake as much as possible and Ipivoted like I'm.
I worked on something lastnight that I think has been like
decades coming loves.
(27:08):
But I was like okay, I'm havingreally big feelings and I am
going to approach these the wayI approach cluster headaches,
like everything is working outfor me, having really big
feelings, and I am going toapproach these the way I
approach cluster headaches Likeeverything is working out for me
.
These really big feelings arefor me, they're not against me.
The fact that I'm having reallybig feelings does not mean that
I have to lose this game.
I can use these really bigfeelings to my advantage to win
this game.
And so then I would you like,punch in the air to get your
(27:30):
dice block, or whatever you'rerolling, I don't know Right.
And so I'm like, okay, I'mgoing to use these really big
feelings, and this is all inside, and I'm going to have the
perfect role, and then I wouldgo, and then whatever, and
wouldn't you know it, like Ifreaking, came from behind and
at some point had like sevenstars.
And so the point of that storyis we are so afraid of being
(27:53):
judged or feeling our ownfeelings or that right.
Like we resist, we avoid, webypass.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
And it's like we facade.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yes, if we could like in that moment, for me to
understand that I could use allof those feelings for good, all
those painful feelings couldbenefit me.
It just created a deeper levelof self-acceptance and a lack of
resistance inside of my ownbody, right Like, oh, I'm
feeling some big feelings rightnow.
Cool Instead of gross.
Right, it's like that's peaceTo be able to feel it all, hold
(28:29):
it all, accept it all and trustthat it can like life is still
going to be even more amazingand that all the tools are just
waiting around the corner for usand man just let it in.
You know.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, for sure, don.
You were just talking abouthomeopathy and what a game
changer it is for women in this,in this particular season.
We did it the hard, all threeof us did it the hard way
without homeopathy.
Right like we.
We did the grind, but like zerostars.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Do not recommend.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
No, not at all if you , if you could say to the woman
who is in this fight or fightfreezing in her bed, like what
would be a recommendation, youwould have to even just start
homeopathy.
Where do you even start?
To this woman.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Obviously, having your case taken is where you get
the most profoundtransformation.
But I am a big fan of peopletrying shit.
All of this is out there foryou.
Don't let gatekeepers tell youyou can't use the things.
I think there are two remediesthat come to mind for this
particular moment in time.
Is out there for you.
Like, don't let gatekeeperstell you you can't, you know,
use the things.
(29:40):
I think there are two remediesthat come to mind for this
particular moment in time, maybethree.
I think one is Califos.
It's a nerve remedy, it and itcomes in a cell salt too.
You've heard me talk about cellsalts and I'm a big fan of
bioplasma.
Like 12 and one cell salts, Ithink, is a really important
thing in this season of lifebecause you're demineralized,
you're burnt out, right.
So a cell salt is a reallybasic 12 and one bioplasma
highlands Great.
(30:00):
You could find it on Amazon.
I'm happy to send anybody theselinks or stick them in the show
notes.
I think Califos in a 30 C is areally great one for just tired
and wired, and then I thinksepia 30 C or 200 C is fantastic
.
That's for the woman who is soburnt out of giving she just
wants to crawl in a hole and andbe in a hole right, she is
(30:23):
angry, she is agitated, she'soverstimulated and she just
wants to hide so very badly.
And that's sepia.
And I know sepia has been agame changer for all three of us
.
For sure it's coach Tiffany'sfavorite.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
It's my favorite, it's not necessarily the one.
Sepia is a game changer.
I don't want to rage.
It's not necessarily the oneyou need most but it's your
favorite one yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah, fun fact, I love it for my hormonal teenager
because it's easier for me toall right, this is, you know,
like for me to internalize, likeit's not her.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
It's hormonal.
She's just overstimulated,she's over whatever.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
Take a dose and we'll reconvene in a few minutes.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yeah, that's the other one I would recommend is
pulsatilla, right, so there's.
So I think there's two sides ofthis coin.
There's the woman who's so shutdown and withdrawn and just
wants to hide from the world,but then there's the woman who's
got a history of abandonment,and the way that that gets
manifested is around dependencyand weepiness and a fear of
leaving.
And I hate the word clingy right, but clingy right Like so for
(31:30):
the woman who's having thatexperience, like she can't leave
because she can't fathom howshe's going to do it alone and
she feels panicky aboutseparation at all.
Right, that's pulsatilla.
So it just sort of depends onhow you're experiencing it.
You know, both pulsatilla andCPR are hormonal remedies but
they just have different mentalpictures and you know, if you've
tried homeopathy and it didn'twork for you, it doesn't mean it
(31:50):
doesn't work.
It means it wasn't the rightremedy for you.
Right, and so it's because ithas to be at least similar to
what your mental, emotional andphysical state are.
It has to resonate in those allthree spheres to some extent.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Excellent.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Our listener shout out today is Kelly, with the
unicorn emoji.
Kelly, I have no doubt you area unicorn.
Thank you so much for beinghere, because without you there
is no us.
So shoot me a DM at DawnWiggins on Instagram, kelly, and
I want to know so badly whereyou are in your journey, how we
can support you better andpersonally.
(32:27):
Thank you for being a premiumsubscriber.
So much love, peace.
Dear Divorce Diary is a podcastby my coach.
You can find more atmycoachjohncom.
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