September 9, 2025 • 26 mins
Trust and money go hand in hand after divorce—yet both feel broken. When the person who swore forever betrayed you, even opening your wallet can feel unsafe.
You’ll Learn
- Why money feels emotionally risky after betrayal.
- How your nervous system links financial fear to past trust wounds.
- The first step to rebuilding safety with money in your body—not just your bank account.
💎 Want money to feel safe again? Join A Different D Word
and build nervous-system safety alongside financial confidence.
When trust is broken in marriage, it doesn’t just live in your memories—it shows up in how you relate to money. Bills, budgets, even dreams of independence can trigger the same body-wide fear you felt in betrayal.
In this episode, I share how to understand the trust-money connection, and what your nervous system needs to feel grounded again. When money feels safe, you stop shrinking and start creating a future you actually trust.
Money after divorce doesn’t have to feel unsafe—healing starts in your nervous system.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: (@dawnwiggins)
Instagram: (@coachtiffini)
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
As a divorced woman, you don't just have trust issues
, you have receipts.
You trusted the man who sworeforever and he let you down.
You trust your therapist, thesupplement protocol, the rebound
relationship and, even with allof the best intentions, not
enough lasting relief.
So now you're asking who andwhy should I trust again?
(00:25):
Why should I trust you with mymoney?
And today I am answering youstraight Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave and build back yourconfidence.
(00:47):
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
Is this an episode about trustor is this an episode about
(01:15):
money?
It's both and it's awkward andit's sticky and really, what we
do in life, we do in life.
So when we struggle to trust,it's going to impact our
relationship with people and ourrelationship with ourselves,
our relationship with our higherpower and our relationship with
our money.
It is all intersecting.
And so today in this episode, weare going to unpack number one
(01:35):
the nervous system wound ofbroken trust.
How that functions, becauseit's actually very wise right.
Your nervous system is tryingto keep you from dying, and so
we want to really understand theway your nervous system is
approaching trust, but also howto help recover it, heal it.
Right, because otherwise you'regoing to stay in a mistrusting
place forever and ever and ever.
(01:56):
And then we are also going totalk about what real trust feels
like.
And I don't know about you, butI will tell you that this season
of my life right, let's say, inthe last five years I've been
able to access the most trustever, the most faith ever, right
.
So I think most of us cominginto this level of deep healing
never really knew what truetrust really felt like, and I
(02:19):
think it's hard to have a senseof what you're reaching for if
you've never felt it.
So we're going to frame thatfor you today.
Right, because real trust isn'tblind faith.
It's a space where you canactually rage, cry, collapse and
not be dropped.
So let's dig in, ladies.
How's it feel to talk abouttrust and money?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
My two favorite topics.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
I was going to say this feels really exciting now,
like now me a year ago, twoyears ago, right.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
But now I'm like, yeah, let's talk about it oh, my
goodness, you know, it justflashed in my mind, joey.
Remember a couple years ago wewere standing in my kitchen and
you were like dawn, I will neverhave as much money as you and I
was like look at you arguingfor your limitations and you
were so mad at me.
Is it okay that I said thatthere?
It's funny, right?
(03:16):
Like we, really, we really getmarried to our negative beliefs
sometimes.
Like really really married toour negative beliefs, yeah, okay
.
So let's talk about the nervoussystem, right, and how it's
really just trying to protect usand so it's trying to block us
from making decisions.
Because it's like gatheringdata, right, the reticular
activating system, the nervoussystem, these, these structural
apparatuses in our bodies, right, are really they're gathering
(03:39):
data and they're saying like,nope, this is what happened last
time, this is what happenedlast time, this is what happened
last time and they'renegatively predicting the future
to try to protect us, right?
So just give me your sort ofoff-the-cuff reactions to that.
Right.
How have either of younavigated where your body is
like screaming at you don't doit when your maybe values around
(04:00):
healing or recovery or faith,or like trusting me or some
other healer.
Right, you've had to likenavigate your nervous system
screaming versus like wisdomwhispering.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I think my body has known what I needed for a really
long time, and so has my mindright.
But there were always excusesand reasons why I couldn't do it
, the most, of course, being mydaughter, you know and I would
use that card all the time thatI'm a single mom.
I can't afford it, I don't havethe time, I don't have the
energy.
And then being in corporateRight, and I had this badass job
(04:38):
and I just didn't have thespace to feel like I could give
myself anything other than beingin survival mode.
And I remember always tellingmyself when she gets older it'll
be different, when she getsolder, I'll do this, I'll do
that.
And then one day I couldn't goanymore, like I could not
literally push forward anymore.
(04:58):
Nothing was working for me.
All of my old techniques, allof the old impulses that I had,
all of my old techniques, all ofthe old impulses that I had the
shopping binges, right, yeah,the alcohol, the partying, the
hookups, everything kind of cameto this screaming halt and it
was like you're not doing thisanymore, like none of this is
(05:18):
working.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I think that story is common.
I would like if we could do anInstagram poll right now, right,
and pull all of our listenersin this exact moment, like I
would be so curious to know howmany of them have hit that wall
before, where they've used everytool there that usually works
and like it's not working.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, I mean it?
Was like a damn breaking,breaking right, like literally.
There came a moment where noneof my old tricks were working.
Nothing was keeping the painback anymore, nothing was
keeping the bullshit awayanymore.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Like I was out in the open, in my mind, body,
everything was saying like wecaught you, like we're done,
yeah, we can't go anymore yeahand I think that a lot of the
women we work with, that that'sthe moment where they came to us
or, like, made the decision towork with us right, because they
(06:14):
too were in that moment whereit was like, oh shit, nothing's
working anymore and I'm in aspiral that I can't arrest,
right, I can't get the airplaneto lift anymore, and I know that
for our listeners that thismoment in time, one of the
riskiest places to trust afterdivorce is with money, because
(06:35):
you know you've invested beforeit didn't stick.
Why would this be different?
And it brings me to one of thewomen we've very recently worked
with who had that exact fear,and I do think she also chose to
work with us because she was inthat tailspin, right, and so I
want you to listen to her andwhat she has to say about her
(06:55):
experience here.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
I think the hardest part about saying yes to this
program was making the financialcommitment to work on myself.
I could so easily justify allthe reasons why I didn't deserve
to spend the money on takingcare of myself and trusting that
this program was worth it justfelt so scary.
During the first session, Ifelt a noticeable shift.
I felt truly seen and there wasthis glimmer of hope that this
(07:21):
was gonna be different.
To the woman listening andnervous to say yes, I would just
say don't wait, take the leap,because you are worth it.
Don and Tiffany have beenamazing.
They have such a heart for thisprogram and it's been
life-changing to work with them.
They met me where I was at andthey have walked alongside me on
(07:43):
my healing journey, and it wasby far the best investment I
have ever made for myself.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
It makes me laugh that I'm a poster child for
therapy, but it's kind of fun.
I'm still so grateful for youguys.
I never in my wildest dreamswould imagine that finding a
podcast would have radicallychanged my life.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
My goodness, when I hear her say these things,
because I remember being on acall with her.
I was sitting actually in thecar at my kid's school and this
is someone who has two jobs,maybe even three jobs.
Actually, Tiffany, does shehave three jobs?
She's?
Speaker 4 (08:25):
got a lot of jobs right, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Right, it's like it was not a, it was not a small
thing.
This is not somebody who's like, oh, like I don't have the
money, but like, maybe she didlike this.
No, she's got a lot of jobs andwe were really trying to find a
way to work with her.
And because we do reallyflexible payment over here right
, because we know, as women, weare under, chronically under
supported in our society.
Like we spend way too much timesending, selling women
(08:48):
supplements to feel less tiredrather than supporting them in a
way that actually helps themnot be tired Right.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
It's ridiculous, right, but I remember being on
the call with her and I rememberthat she was so desperate and
but the money was such a scarything and it's funny because she
sort of has become like aposter child for our process,
right, like all in on thehomeopathy and the IFS and all
the things, and I know she'sworked her tail off with you,
coach Tiffany, and IFS and, um,yeah, she's coming to retreat
(09:18):
with us this year and it's beenamazing.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah, it's been amazing.
Didn't you work with her on thepayments?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
So we have done that with many women, right?
Whether they needed to skip apayment or they needed to extend
their payments.
Yes, we always find for a womanwho's ready to say yes, we have
done whatever it takes to workwith them to get them what they
need, because I do not believethat people should not have
(09:46):
access to the medicine that theyneed, right?
Am I saying that?
Right, like, how would youladies say that?
I do believe that we all haveto be willing to take that leap
of faith, right, we all have tobe willing to choose to heal,
right, but also, I think we allhave a heart.
If a woman is willing to cometo the table, we are going to
(10:09):
match her effort.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yes, that just gave me chills.
Yes, if you are willing to cometo the table, we will meet you
there and we will figure it outwith you.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Work with you, yeah 100%, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
But it's when, first of all, I love her so much.
When she said she was theposter child for therapy, like
that is my story.
I was in, I was in therapy fordecades, right Like decades
before I started actually usingtools and not just, not just
talk therapy, but like I loveher so much and her willingness
(10:44):
to like, say like this, wasreally, really scary.
But I'm so excited, right Like,look how far we and I'm excited
to the next step.
But I think that it's sopowerful because you have to
have ownership, like it's, youhave to have a buy-in, you have
to be able to come to the tablein order for it to work.
(11:06):
Because if it's just, if it'seasy, or if it's if it's like
passive or like um, just showingup to the therapist's office,
like it doesn't, it doesn'tpenetrate.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
You don't have the grit the grit, but there's that
moment right, where the nervoussystem is saying don't do it,
problem, bad danger.
And wisdom is maybe whisperinglike go, go, go.
And there's a level ofdissonance that sits inside of
us in that moment that I thinkis very difficult to hold Right.
(11:37):
And I still think it happens,even on this team.
Right, like, let's say, let'ssay we're tackle some new big
goal or task, or I come up withsome batshit insane idea, or I
say, ooh, I think you need a newor different remedy.
Right, and even on the teamsometimes that like oh, how do I
(11:58):
hold this tension that I'mfeeling about this decision?
Right, there's, my body isscreaming risk.
Wisdom is saying go.
It's like being on the gas andthe brake at the same time.
I think it's a really hardmoment for people.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I think there's power in in recognizing nervous
system Like.
But to to like nervous systemto me is such a beautiful thing
because it it's's.
It's literally a runway ofsomething that you need to work
on.
If your nervous system isactivated because of money,
that's because you have scarcitymindset great, let's address
(12:34):
that.
Like it's.
It's literally a spreadsheet, abullet point, blueprints.
It's laid out for you torecognize.
So, while it is a pain pointand it's really really scary,
like if you have money concerns,great, let's address that,
(12:54):
because that is something that'snot healed within you.
Right, right, right.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
So, and you know what , joy to your point, right, if
there are, if your nervoussystem is screaming about money,
like how many of us think, andand like not me, unfortunately
but how many people think, right, if your nervous system is
screaming about money that thesolution to that is to pull back
, because actually what thenervous system usually needs is
(13:23):
full on expression.
Right, and I don't mean likemindless spending, that's not
what I mean, right, but thatfear that the nervous system has
, it needs discharge, it needsexpression, it needs to scream,
it needs to cry, it needs to.
I don't know what is the soundof money fears.
If you could say that out loud,what does everybody think?
What would money fear soundlike if you vocalized it really
(13:44):
out loud in the woods?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
joy like a, like a velociraptor.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Like I'm not gonna do it because people have earbuds
in, but like, like, think of avelociraptor, that's what I'd be
like right, and so it's reallyinteresting, because our
instincts are to pull back, areto suppress or repress, and most
people, I think, don'tunderstand that nervous system
activation, whether it's aboutmoney or any other thing.
(14:10):
What it actually needs isfull-blown discharge, full-blown
expression.
Most of the time not always,but most of the time it's like a
dot that doesn't connect.
Tiff, tiff, you had something.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Well, so first off, it's Jurassic Park.
It's my favorite part, you knowwhere he's in the rainstorm and
that cute little thing ismaking all those cute little
sounds.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Wait, this is an Easter egg for Ashley.
For my ride or die.
Okay, hang on.
It goes like this Be carefulwith your ears Ready.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Okay, yes, that's what money sounds like to me.
It's like the sweet sounds oflike healing and like, oh, I
could do this, everything's okay.
And then shit hits the fan andthat thing's attacking you in a
Jeep.
Okay, like that's basicallywhat happens.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I'm doing that impression of that dinosaur
since that movie came out,whatever that number of years is
.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about, but it's almost
like when I think about it,it's like the risk versus the
reward.
So, quick story, right, when Iwas in corporate.
This was post therapy, postEMDR, anything in my world like
post EMDR that did not feelaligned with me.
My nervous system was screaming.
It was like abandon ship linewith me.
(15:22):
My nervous system was screaming.
It was like abandon ship, sos.
We need to get the hell out ofhere.
So I did not last very much incorporate very long post EMDR
and therapy, because it nolonger felt aligned with who I
was and I don't think it everdid Right.
So when I made the decision tocome home that day and tell my
partner hey, surprise, I'm goingto be a life coach and I'm
going to start my certificationprograms, right?
(15:45):
So let me tell you this.
So then he's like yeah, yeah,all in.
And I said look, I just want togive this a year and see what
happens, and if it doesn't work,I promise I'll pivot whatever.
Two months into my program, myboss flies over from Australia
for my corporate job to tell methat I've been laid off, so I
have nothing, I have no income.
(16:06):
At that point I'm still gettingmy certifications.
I'm still halfway through myprogram and I thought you know
what F it?
I'm going for it Because Icould no longer sit in that
space any longer where I wassurrounding myself with things
that did not feel like me.
And I'm thinking, if I've spentmoney padding the pockets of
other men in their roles, intheir companies, what would it
(16:27):
feel like if I invested thatmuch in myself?
And I have never fucking lookedback.
And I'm not going to sit hereand lie to you and say that it
was not scary, that I did nothave issues with me.
And even the testimonial wejust heard God love her.
I loved her because everysingle time we would start an
IFS session I would say how areyou feeling?
(16:48):
And she would say I'm effingterrified right now, and I loved
that because she was honestabout it, because healing is not
this warm, fuzzy bubble thatwe're going to put you in.
You know we're going to takeyou out to these parts that you
need to heal yourself, but weare going to hold you through it
and I promise you.
It is like an experience thatyou will never have anywhere
else ever.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, I think that's the thing.
Right Is, the solution isalways bigger than the problem.
The solution is always biggerthan the problem, but you have
to like I will not bore yougetting in the weeds because we
could get into, like the crazyplaces of my philosophical mind,
right, but think about that.
The solution is always biggerthan the problem, but the
problem feels so big to youright now.
(17:30):
So imagine how big the solutionis.
But can you say yes to asolution that big?
I think that's where women getscared and they back down Right
and at the end of the day.
I don't think women realize that, that their lack of belief in
themselves is what tanks, iswhat blocks the solution.
Right, we really want to.
We really have a tendency toexternalize no, it's this, it's
(17:53):
that, it's this, it's that.
No, the solution is always,always bigger than the problem.
But many people struggle torecognize the solution when it
shows up or receive it.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Right.
So one of the things I didactually when I started this um
healing journey is is on mymirror.
It says why, why not?
Why not me?
Why not now?
I wrote it on my mirror becausewhy can't I be the woman that
(18:25):
has abundance, why can't I bethe woman that has complete
healing?
What makes X, y and Z womenspecial?
I'm a freaking beast.
Why not me?
Why-hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I love that.
That's amazing.
Okay, let's talk for a momentabout earned trust and what real
earned trust feels like.
Like that's something thatwe've worked really hard on the
three of us on this team, overthe last year plus right, like
building real forged trust.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Forged, forged.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, you know what's it look like in relationships.
What's it look like with God.
What's it look like with money?
What's it look like with self?
What's it look like?
What's real forged trust?
Look like what's real forgedtrust.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Look like Non-abandonment right.
Looks like non-abandonment inthe ugly.
That's the thing, right.
I always had trust issues.
I'm like the trust issue girlwith everybody, with friendships
, everything around me is athreat.
Post-homeopathy, I don'texperience that anymore.
There is almost this thingwhere I've taken all the walls
down, I have taken my safety netout and I am literally base,
(19:47):
jumping off the building andjust saying here we go.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Here we go, it's going to be fine and yeah, and
literally, I'm trusting that theuniverse is going to help me
out and I will tell you thatpost homeopathy I have every
single area of my life haschanged.
I have more authenticfriendships, women who I truly,
truly trust, trust to stand bymy side.
You know I trust Dawn and Joyimmensely on this team.
I know where we're going.
(20:11):
We have an incredible future.
Together we are changing lives.
We are healing.
We are so anchored in this workand so passionate about what we
do to show up every day forthese women.
You know my romanticrelationship with my partner has
changed in every aspect, beingable to lean into, trusting him
(20:32):
and honestly trusting theuniverse that everything is
going to work out, everything isfine, and even in those dark
moments.
I'm not saying that my life isperfect, because it's certainly
not, but even in those darkmoments I now have the
understanding that there arepeople around me who I trust to
catch me in those moments andshow my vulnerability to, and
that is something I've neverbeen able to experience without
homeopathy and the modalities weuse Preach.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Every area of your life is different, right you?
know a really strange, randomarea of my life that's different
is my refrigerator.
It's just automaticallyorganized itself.
It's like we didn't try toorganize the refrigerator, it
just is organized.
Now I don't know it's weird,but, um, I spend way less money
(21:18):
these days, like, I don't panicby things that, um, you know,
instagram sells me like, oh,this supplement, or oh, whatever
, this pair of pants, or oh,this, I don't know.
Like, I just don't like, maybe,escape shop the way I used to.
Um, I don't need to run away onvacations the way I used to.
I don't like you know what Imean.
(21:42):
Like it's just peace and calmand, um, I don't, yeah, I don't
know, I don't have to chasedoctor's appointments the way I
used to.
Everything's just moreefficient and calm and present
and, um, trust, right, I canmake crazy decisions and it's
going to be okay.
It just is.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
One of the biggest things for me, that is, I don't
overcommit overcommit in myspending, overcommit in my time,
overcommit in my family, justbecause I don't need to
constantly be like I lose myphone more than I know where it
(22:25):
is, because I don't need thatconstant stipulation anymore in
terms of shopping or food or, um, like that's a big thing for me
, since it's like I don't.
I don't overeat.
I don't have the need toconstantly be busy, being
(22:46):
stimulated, being distractedfrom your pain, whether it's
doom shopping or doom scrolling,yes, I don't have to.
I trust myself more than I haveever trusted myself because of
home shopping, that right, that.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah, yeah, and it's not any one thing, right.
It's the understanding andconnecting with and supporting
the parts of self.
It's the feeling safe to feelfeelings and share them with the
people around you, in yourinner circle, and then um not
get rejected or judged, you know, or shamed.
(23:21):
Um, right, and it's doing thaton a daily, daily, daily basis,
which is what the containers weoffer provide, right?
It's this immersive experiencewhere the solution is bigger
than the problem, because it'simmersive, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And I think too, from an IFS perspective, clearly
there's parts that want to keepall of that stuff hidden when
we're having bad days, right,and we're having good days.
Sometimes there's parts inthere that don't want us to
celebrate because we feel likeit's temporary and we feel like,
you know, is it reallyimportant enough to share?
We have touched every part ofthese women's lives that we have
held for the last 12 months.
We have celebrated everythingfrom them being able to have
(24:02):
coffee by themselves, to havedinner on their own, to walk on
the beach.
You know all the way up to, youknow the worst days, you know
where they had, days in court,days with custody issues with
the ex, all kinds of thingsright and so I think it really
conditions people to know that,no matter what it is, how big,
how monumental, how small, howminute you might feel, we hold
(24:24):
it all and there's something somagical about being seen in that
.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I agree, yeah, because loves your fear isn't
that you'll fail again, it'sthat you'll hand your heart and
money over and no one will catchyou.
But that's exactly what webuilt this for is to catch you,
and in letting us catch you ishow you're able to grow that
(24:53):
faith that the universe is goingto catch you right.
It's in the practice, in realtime, that things start to move.
So, gentle reminder, doors toDDW this year close September
20th that is around the cornerand we will not be enrolling
again until next year inSeptember.
(25:14):
So either send me a DM thatsays money and we can chat in
the DMs right, or you can scrolldown to the show notes and you
can book a call with me.
Let us earn your trust momentby moment.
We love you so much.
Peace, dear.
(25:44):
Divorce Diary is a podcast bymy coach, dawn.
You can find more atmycoachdawncom.
As a divorced woman, you don't just have trust issues
, you have receipts.
You trusted the man who sworeforever and he let you down.
You trust your therapist, thesupplement protocol, the rebound
relationship and, even with allof the best intentions, not
enough lasting relief.
So now you're asking who andwhy should I trust again?
(00:25):
Why should I trust you with mymoney?
And today I am answering youstraight Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave and build back yourconfidence.
(00:47):
I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
Is this an episode about trustor is this an episode about
(01:15):
money?
It's both and it's awkward andit's sticky and really, what we
do in life, we do in life.
So when we struggle to trust,it's going to impact our
relationship with people and ourrelationship with ourselves,
our relationship with our higherpower and our relationship with
our money.
It is all intersecting.
And so today in this episode, weare going to unpack number one
(01:35):
the nervous system wound ofbroken trust.
How that functions, becauseit's actually very wise right.
Your nervous system is tryingto keep you from dying, and so
we want to really understand theway your nervous system is
approaching trust, but also howto help recover it, heal it.
Right, because otherwise you'regoing to stay in a mistrusting
place forever and ever and ever.
(01:56):
And then we are also going totalk about what real trust feels
like.
And I don't know about you, butI will tell you that this season
of my life right, let's say, inthe last five years I've been
able to access the most trustever, the most faith ever, right
.
So I think most of us cominginto this level of deep healing
never really knew what truetrust really felt like, and I
(02:19):
think it's hard to have a senseof what you're reaching for if
you've never felt it.
So we're going to frame thatfor you today.
Right, because real trust isn'tblind faith.
It's a space where you canactually rage, cry, collapse and
not be dropped.
So let's dig in, ladies.
How's it feel to talk abouttrust and money?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
My two favorite topics.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
I was going to say this feels really exciting now,
like now me a year ago, twoyears ago, right.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
But now I'm like, yeah, let's talk about it oh, my
goodness, you know, it justflashed in my mind, joey.
Remember a couple years ago wewere standing in my kitchen and
you were like dawn, I will neverhave as much money as you and I
was like look at you arguingfor your limitations and you
were so mad at me.
Is it okay that I said thatthere?
It's funny, right?
(03:16):
Like we, really, we really getmarried to our negative beliefs
sometimes.
Like really really married toour negative beliefs, yeah, okay
.
So let's talk about the nervoussystem, right, and how it's
really just trying to protect usand so it's trying to block us
from making decisions.
Because it's like gatheringdata, right, the reticular
activating system, the nervoussystem, these, these structural
apparatuses in our bodies, right, are really they're gathering
(03:39):
data and they're saying like,nope, this is what happened last
time, this is what happenedlast time, this is what happened
last time and they'renegatively predicting the future
to try to protect us, right?
So just give me your sort ofoff-the-cuff reactions to that.
Right.
How have either of younavigated where your body is
like screaming at you don't doit when your maybe values around
(04:00):
healing or recovery or faith,or like trusting me or some
other healer.
Right, you've had to likenavigate your nervous system
screaming versus like wisdomwhispering.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I think my body has known what I needed for a really
long time, and so has my mindright.
But there were always excusesand reasons why I couldn't do it
, the most, of course, being mydaughter, you know and I would
use that card all the time thatI'm a single mom.
I can't afford it, I don't havethe time, I don't have the
energy.
And then being in corporateRight, and I had this badass job
(04:38):
and I just didn't have thespace to feel like I could give
myself anything other than beingin survival mode.
And I remember always tellingmyself when she gets older it'll
be different, when she getsolder, I'll do this, I'll do
that.
And then one day I couldn't goanymore, like I could not
literally push forward anymore.
(04:58):
Nothing was working for me.
All of my old techniques, allof the old impulses that I had,
all of my old techniques, all ofthe old impulses that I had the
shopping binges, right, yeah,the alcohol, the partying, the
hookups, everything kind of cameto this screaming halt and it
was like you're not doing thisanymore, like none of this is
(05:18):
working.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I think that story is common.
I would like if we could do anInstagram poll right now, right,
and pull all of our listenersin this exact moment, like I
would be so curious to know howmany of them have hit that wall
before, where they've used everytool there that usually works
and like it's not working.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, I mean it?
Was like a damn breaking,breaking right, like literally.
There came a moment where noneof my old tricks were working.
Nothing was keeping the painback anymore, nothing was
keeping the bullshit awayanymore.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Like I was out in the open, in my mind, body,
everything was saying like wecaught you, like we're done,
yeah, we can't go anymore yeahand I think that a lot of the
women we work with, that that'sthe moment where they came to us
or, like, made the decision towork with us right, because they
(06:14):
too were in that moment whereit was like, oh shit, nothing's
working anymore and I'm in aspiral that I can't arrest,
right, I can't get the airplaneto lift anymore, and I know that
for our listeners that thismoment in time, one of the
riskiest places to trust afterdivorce is with money, because
(06:35):
you know you've invested beforeit didn't stick.
Why would this be different?
And it brings me to one of thewomen we've very recently worked
with who had that exact fear,and I do think she also chose to
work with us because she was inthat tailspin, right, and so I
want you to listen to her andwhat she has to say about her
(06:55):
experience here.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
I think the hardest part about saying yes to this
program was making the financialcommitment to work on myself.
I could so easily justify allthe reasons why I didn't deserve
to spend the money on takingcare of myself and trusting that
this program was worth it justfelt so scary.
During the first session, Ifelt a noticeable shift.
I felt truly seen and there wasthis glimmer of hope that this
(07:21):
was gonna be different.
To the woman listening andnervous to say yes, I would just
say don't wait, take the leap,because you are worth it.
Don and Tiffany have beenamazing.
They have such a heart for thisprogram and it's been
life-changing to work with them.
They met me where I was at andthey have walked alongside me on
(07:43):
my healing journey, and it wasby far the best investment I
have ever made for myself.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
It makes me laugh that I'm a poster child for
therapy, but it's kind of fun.
I'm still so grateful for youguys.
I never in my wildest dreamswould imagine that finding a
podcast would have radicallychanged my life.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
My goodness, when I hear her say these things,
because I remember being on acall with her.
I was sitting actually in thecar at my kid's school and this
is someone who has two jobs,maybe even three jobs.
Actually, Tiffany, does shehave three jobs?
She's?
Speaker 4 (08:25):
got a lot of jobs right, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Right, it's like it was not a, it was not a small
thing.
This is not somebody who's like, oh, like I don't have the
money, but like, maybe she didlike this.
No, she's got a lot of jobs andwe were really trying to find a
way to work with her.
And because we do reallyflexible payment over here right
, because we know, as women, weare under, chronically under
supported in our society.
Like we spend way too much timesending, selling women
(08:48):
supplements to feel less tiredrather than supporting them in a
way that actually helps themnot be tired Right.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
It's ridiculous, right, but I remember being on
the call with her and I rememberthat she was so desperate and
but the money was such a scarything and it's funny because she
sort of has become like aposter child for our process,
right, like all in on thehomeopathy and the IFS and all
the things, and I know she'sworked her tail off with you,
coach Tiffany, and IFS and, um,yeah, she's coming to retreat
(09:18):
with us this year and it's beenamazing.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah, it's been amazing.
Didn't you work with her on thepayments?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
So we have done that with many women, right?
Whether they needed to skip apayment or they needed to extend
their payments.
Yes, we always find for a womanwho's ready to say yes, we have
done whatever it takes to workwith them to get them what they
need, because I do not believethat people should not have
(09:46):
access to the medicine that theyneed, right?
Am I saying that?
Right, like, how would youladies say that?
I do believe that we all haveto be willing to take that leap
of faith, right, we all have tobe willing to choose to heal,
right, but also, I think we allhave a heart.
If a woman is willing to cometo the table, we are going to
(10:09):
match her effort.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yes, that just gave me chills.
Yes, if you are willing to cometo the table, we will meet you
there and we will figure it outwith you.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Work with you, yeah 100%, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
But it's when, first of all, I love her so much.
When she said she was theposter child for therapy, like
that is my story.
I was in, I was in therapy fordecades, right Like decades
before I started actually usingtools and not just, not just
talk therapy, but like I loveher so much and her willingness
(10:44):
to like, say like this, wasreally, really scary.
But I'm so excited, right Like,look how far we and I'm excited
to the next step.
But I think that it's sopowerful because you have to
have ownership, like it's, youhave to have a buy-in, you have
to be able to come to the tablein order for it to work.
(11:06):
Because if it's just, if it'seasy, or if it's if it's like
passive or like um, just showingup to the therapist's office,
like it doesn't, it doesn'tpenetrate.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
You don't have the grit the grit, but there's that
moment right, where the nervoussystem is saying don't do it,
problem, bad danger.
And wisdom is maybe whisperinglike go, go, go.
And there's a level ofdissonance that sits inside of
us in that moment that I thinkis very difficult to hold Right.
(11:37):
And I still think it happens,even on this team.
Right, like, let's say, let'ssay we're tackle some new big
goal or task, or I come up withsome batshit insane idea, or I
say, ooh, I think you need a newor different remedy.
Right, and even on the teamsometimes that like oh, how do I
(11:58):
hold this tension that I'mfeeling about this decision?
Right, there's, my body isscreaming risk.
Wisdom is saying go.
It's like being on the gas andthe brake at the same time.
I think it's a really hardmoment for people.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I think there's power in in recognizing nervous
system Like.
But to to like nervous systemto me is such a beautiful thing
because it it's's.
It's literally a runway ofsomething that you need to work
on.
If your nervous system isactivated because of money,
that's because you have scarcitymindset great, let's address
(12:34):
that.
Like it's.
It's literally a spreadsheet, abullet point, blueprints.
It's laid out for you torecognize.
So, while it is a pain pointand it's really really scary,
like if you have money concerns,great, let's address that,
(12:54):
because that is something that'snot healed within you.
Right, right, right.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
So, and you know what , joy to your point, right, if
there are, if your nervoussystem is screaming about money,
like how many of us think, andand like not me, unfortunately
but how many people think, right, if your nervous system is
screaming about money that thesolution to that is to pull back
, because actually what thenervous system usually needs is
(13:23):
full on expression.
Right, and I don't mean likemindless spending, that's not
what I mean, right, but thatfear that the nervous system has
, it needs discharge, it needsexpression, it needs to scream,
it needs to cry, it needs to.
I don't know what is the soundof money fears.
If you could say that out loud,what does everybody think?
What would money fear soundlike if you vocalized it really
(13:44):
out loud in the woods?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
joy like a, like a velociraptor.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Like I'm not gonna do it because people have earbuds
in, but like, like, think of avelociraptor, that's what I'd be
like right, and so it's reallyinteresting, because our
instincts are to pull back, areto suppress or repress, and most
people, I think, don'tunderstand that nervous system
activation, whether it's aboutmoney or any other thing.
(14:10):
What it actually needs isfull-blown discharge, full-blown
expression.
Most of the time not always,but most of the time it's like a
dot that doesn't connect.
Tiff, tiff, you had something.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Well, so first off, it's Jurassic Park.
It's my favorite part, you knowwhere he's in the rainstorm and
that cute little thing ismaking all those cute little
sounds.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Wait, this is an Easter egg for Ashley.
For my ride or die.
Okay, hang on.
It goes like this Be carefulwith your ears Ready.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Okay, yes, that's what money sounds like to me.
It's like the sweet sounds oflike healing and like, oh, I
could do this, everything's okay.
And then shit hits the fan andthat thing's attacking you in a
Jeep.
Okay, like that's basicallywhat happens.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I'm doing that impression of that dinosaur
since that movie came out,whatever that number of years is
.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about, but it's almost
like when I think about it,it's like the risk versus the
reward.
So, quick story, right, when Iwas in corporate.
This was post therapy, postEMDR, anything in my world like
post EMDR that did not feelaligned with me.
My nervous system was screaming.
It was like abandon ship linewith me.
(15:22):
My nervous system was screaming.
It was like abandon ship, sos.
We need to get the hell out ofhere.
So I did not last very much incorporate very long post EMDR
and therapy, because it nolonger felt aligned with who I
was and I don't think it everdid Right.
So when I made the decision tocome home that day and tell my
partner hey, surprise, I'm goingto be a life coach and I'm
going to start my certificationprograms, right?
(15:45):
So let me tell you this.
So then he's like yeah, yeah,all in.
And I said look, I just want togive this a year and see what
happens, and if it doesn't work,I promise I'll pivot whatever.
Two months into my program, myboss flies over from Australia
for my corporate job to tell methat I've been laid off, so I
have nothing, I have no income.
(16:06):
At that point I'm still gettingmy certifications.
I'm still halfway through myprogram and I thought you know
what F it?
I'm going for it Because Icould no longer sit in that
space any longer where I wassurrounding myself with things
that did not feel like me.
And I'm thinking, if I've spentmoney padding the pockets of
other men in their roles, intheir companies, what would it
(16:27):
feel like if I invested thatmuch in myself?
And I have never fucking lookedback.
And I'm not going to sit hereand lie to you and say that it
was not scary, that I did nothave issues with me.
And even the testimonial wejust heard God love her.
I loved her because everysingle time we would start an
IFS session I would say how areyou feeling?
(16:48):
And she would say I'm effingterrified right now, and I loved
that because she was honestabout it, because healing is not
this warm, fuzzy bubble thatwe're going to put you in.
You know we're going to takeyou out to these parts that you
need to heal yourself, but weare going to hold you through it
and I promise you.
It is like an experience thatyou will never have anywhere
else ever.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, I think that's the thing.
Right Is, the solution isalways bigger than the problem.
The solution is always biggerthan the problem, but you have
to like I will not bore yougetting in the weeds because we
could get into, like the crazyplaces of my philosophical mind,
right, but think about that.
The solution is always biggerthan the problem, but the
problem feels so big to youright now.
(17:30):
So imagine how big the solutionis.
But can you say yes to asolution that big?
I think that's where women getscared and they back down Right
and at the end of the day.
I don't think women realize that, that their lack of belief in
themselves is what tanks, iswhat blocks the solution.
Right, we really want to.
We really have a tendency toexternalize no, it's this, it's
(17:53):
that, it's this, it's that.
No, the solution is always,always bigger than the problem.
But many people struggle torecognize the solution when it
shows up or receive it.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Right.
So one of the things I didactually when I started this um
healing journey is is on mymirror.
It says why, why not?
Why not me?
Why not now?
I wrote it on my mirror becausewhy can't I be the woman that
(18:25):
has abundance, why can't I bethe woman that has complete
healing?
What makes X, y and Z womenspecial?
I'm a freaking beast.
Why not me?
Why-hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I love that.
That's amazing.
Okay, let's talk for a momentabout earned trust and what real
earned trust feels like.
Like that's something thatwe've worked really hard on the
three of us on this team, overthe last year plus right, like
building real forged trust.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
Forged, forged.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, you know what's it look like in relationships.
What's it look like with God.
What's it look like with money?
What's it look like with self?
What's it look like?
What's real forged trust?
Look like what's real forgedtrust.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Look like Non-abandonment right.
Looks like non-abandonment inthe ugly.
That's the thing, right.
I always had trust issues.
I'm like the trust issue girlwith everybody, with friendships
, everything around me is athreat.
Post-homeopathy, I don'texperience that anymore.
There is almost this thingwhere I've taken all the walls
down, I have taken my safety netout and I am literally base,
(19:47):
jumping off the building andjust saying here we go.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Here we go, it's going to be fine and yeah, and
literally, I'm trusting that theuniverse is going to help me
out and I will tell you thatpost homeopathy I have every
single area of my life haschanged.
I have more authenticfriendships, women who I truly,
truly trust, trust to stand bymy side.
You know I trust Dawn and Joyimmensely on this team.
I know where we're going.
(20:11):
We have an incredible future.
Together we are changing lives.
We are healing.
We are so anchored in this workand so passionate about what we
do to show up every day forthese women.
You know my romanticrelationship with my partner has
changed in every aspect, beingable to lean into, trusting him
(20:32):
and honestly trusting theuniverse that everything is
going to work out, everything isfine, and even in those dark
moments.
I'm not saying that my life isperfect, because it's certainly
not, but even in those darkmoments I now have the
understanding that there arepeople around me who I trust to
catch me in those moments andshow my vulnerability to, and
that is something I've neverbeen able to experience without
homeopathy and the modalities weuse Preach.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Every area of your life is different, right you?
know a really strange, randomarea of my life that's different
is my refrigerator.
It's just automaticallyorganized itself.
It's like we didn't try toorganize the refrigerator, it
just is organized.
Now I don't know it's weird,but, um, I spend way less money
(21:18):
these days, like, I don't panicby things that, um, you know,
instagram sells me like, oh,this supplement, or oh, whatever
, this pair of pants, or oh,this, I don't know.
Like, I just don't like, maybe,escape shop the way I used to.
Um, I don't need to run away onvacations the way I used to.
I don't like you know what Imean.
(21:42):
Like it's just peace and calmand, um, I don't, yeah, I don't
know, I don't have to chasedoctor's appointments the way I
used to.
Everything's just moreefficient and calm and present
and, um, trust, right, I canmake crazy decisions and it's
going to be okay.
It just is.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
One of the biggest things for me, that is, I don't
overcommit overcommit in myspending, overcommit in my time,
overcommit in my family, justbecause I don't need to
constantly be like I lose myphone more than I know where it
(22:25):
is, because I don't need thatconstant stipulation anymore in
terms of shopping or food or, um, like that's a big thing for me
, since it's like I don't.
I don't overeat.
I don't have the need toconstantly be busy, being
(22:46):
stimulated, being distractedfrom your pain, whether it's
doom shopping or doom scrolling,yes, I don't have to.
I trust myself more than I haveever trusted myself because of
home shopping, that right, that.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah, yeah, and it's not any one thing, right.
It's the understanding andconnecting with and supporting
the parts of self.
It's the feeling safe to feelfeelings and share them with the
people around you, in yourinner circle, and then um not
get rejected or judged, you know, or shamed.
(23:21):
Um, right, and it's doing thaton a daily, daily, daily basis,
which is what the containers weoffer provide, right?
It's this immersive experiencewhere the solution is bigger
than the problem, because it'simmersive, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And I think too, from an IFS perspective, clearly
there's parts that want to keepall of that stuff hidden when
we're having bad days, right,and we're having good days.
Sometimes there's parts inthere that don't want us to
celebrate because we feel likeit's temporary and we feel like,
you know, is it reallyimportant enough to share?
We have touched every part ofthese women's lives that we have
held for the last 12 months.
We have celebrated everythingfrom them being able to have
(24:02):
coffee by themselves, to havedinner on their own, to walk on
the beach.
You know all the way up to, youknow the worst days, you know
where they had, days in court,days with custody issues with
the ex, all kinds of thingsright and so I think it really
conditions people to know that,no matter what it is, how big,
how monumental, how small, howminute you might feel, we hold
(24:24):
it all and there's something somagical about being seen in that
.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I agree, yeah, because loves your fear isn't
that you'll fail again, it'sthat you'll hand your heart and
money over and no one will catchyou.
But that's exactly what webuilt this for is to catch you,
and in letting us catch you ishow you're able to grow that
(24:53):
faith that the universe is goingto catch you right.
It's in the practice, in realtime, that things start to move.
So, gentle reminder, doors toDDW this year close September
20th that is around the cornerand we will not be enrolling
again until next year inSeptember.
(25:14):
So either send me a DM thatsays money and we can chat in
the DMs right, or you can scrolldown to the show notes and you
can book a call with me.
Let us earn your trust momentby moment.
We love you so much.
Peace, dear.
(25:44):
Divorce Diary is a podcast bymy coach, dawn.
You can find more atmycoachdawncom.
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