December 9, 2025 • 35 mins
If the holidays feel heavier this year—even the tiny decisions that shouldn’t take this much out of you—there’s a reason. After divorce, women carry an invisible load no one prepares us for. The planning, the negotiating, the managing, the remembering, the holding-it-all-together… it piles up until your body feels like it’s running on fumes.
And that overwhelm you keep blaming on weakness or poor coping?
It’s not that.
It’s decision fatigue—and the version divorced women face during the holidays is unlike anything you dealt with before.
In this episode, we break down the hidden loop that keeps you exhausted:
– why making every decision alone pushes your system into overdrive
– how living in “fix it / manage it / hold it all” mode disconnects you from ease
– the subtle ways grief shows up through your holiday choices
– and why this season feels so much harder than it looks from the outside
Most importantly, you’ll learn the first real step toward breaking that cycle—so you can stop white-knuckling your way through December and start making choices that are kind to your body, not destructive to it.
You’re not failing.
You’re not too emotional.
You’re not “bad at the holidays.”
You’re overwhelmed because you’ve been carrying more than anyone can see.
Come sit with us. Let’s walk you out of the spiral together.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: (@dawnwiggins)
Instagram: (@coachtiffini)
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (02:02):
The holidays feel like one endless string of
decisions you're making alone.
Decision fatigue doesn't justdrain you, it actually rips you
out of your feminine energy.
All the planning, managing,negotiating, holding it all
together, it pushes you straightinto your masculine and actually
affects your hormones.
(02:24):
It creates low progesterone, itcreates estrogen dominance
running the show, no softness,no ease, just that tight wired,
overthinking version of you.
So if you felt foggy, snappy,emotional, or even like small
choices feel impossible, thisisn't you feeling, it's your
body begging for a differentsolution.
Come on in because we are gonnawalk you out of the decision
(02:47):
fatigue spiral and back into theenergy and the hormones that
actually support you.
Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave, and build back yourconfidence.
(03:08):
I'm your host, Don Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer, and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
Okay, in today's episode, we'regonna unpack the actual hormone
(03:31):
loop that decision fatiguereinforces.
The, you know, moving out ofyour feminine into your
masculine and the hormonefallout that sort of then
maintains that loop.
And so we're gonna talk abouthow a body stuck in the
masculine can't sustainprogesterone and it drains it.
And when progesterone drops,estrogen steps in and what that
(03:51):
looks like and how to break thatcycle.
We are also going to talkstrategy, right?
Like, how do we get you out ofthis decision fatigue spiral?
So we're gonna give you threevery clear strategies to help
slow down the intensity of thespiral that you're in and help
(04:12):
climb back out, back into moreof a feminine existence this
holiday season.
And then towards the end of thisepisode, stay tuned because
we're gonna talk about howdecision fatigue isn't just
about exhaustion and masculineand feminine, but it's also an
element of your grief process.
And so if you don't connectthese dots, it's gonna be harder
to move through your griefwithin the context of decision
(04:34):
fatigue.
So make sure you listen to theend so you are connecting the
dots on how to get a release andrelief from this grief that
keeps calling to you viadecision fatigue.
Darling dears, good morning.
Welcome.
I'm so glad to see you.
Good morning.
Yes, good morning.
Will you help me welcome our twonew premium subscribers, Lisa
(04:58):
and Tanya?
unknown (05:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:01):
Hey ladies, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02 (05:03):
I'm so glad you're here.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
We get so excited, right, with premium subscribers
because, well, A, then they'regonna be in the premium
workshop, right?
If you're a premium subscriber,not only do you get all of the
Thursday episodes, which arelike where we do the healing,
not just learning about healing,but there are also live
workshops.
So our next one is December16th, and it's on rebuilding
(05:26):
self-worth after divorce.
So Lisa and Tanya cannot wait tosee you in that premium
workshop.
You also get access to thingsthat nobody else gets access to.
So$5 a month premium.
If you're not in what are youdoing, loves?
Come join Lisa and Tanya.
We are so excited to have youwith us.
So, like, welcome, welcome,welcome.
We are beaming our care bearstare, right?
(05:46):
R.
Okay, let us dig into thehormone loop of decision
fatigue.
And I think this is a little bitof a teaser for our Thursday
episode, our Thursday premiumepisode, right?
Where we are gonna have a behindthe mic of the three of us
talking about all the ways inwhich we have experienced the
(06:08):
fallout of themasculine-feminine polarity in
us being way too hustle, notenough flow in our lives, right?
So it's gonna be like a juicybehind-the-scenes conversation.
But let's talk a little bitabout what women this holiday
season are really strugglingwith when the decision fatigue
(06:28):
really jacks up the hormonesbecause it gets us into this
fight-flight, drive, drive,drive.
And then we can't rest, we can'trelax, we can't fall asleep
right, we can't stay asleepright, we can't feel present, we
can't connect with our kiddos orlike the people around us
because we are literally sowound up in this estrogen
dominant space.
SPEAKER_02 (06:49):
I for one am so excited about this episode
because I don't really feel likeat least in my circle, that that
that it's common to connect thetwo between decision fatigue and
you how it and how it affectsyour hormones or the day-to-day
and how your your hormones areshifted by the imbalance of your
(07:10):
decisions.
SPEAKER_01 (07:13):
I think that we in many ways it's it's like we've
been functioning like this aswomen for so long, it's just
become the new normal.
Like, especially in a modernsociety, to just like have to
push.
I'm sort of mad about it.
Like, we don't take care ofsingle moms in the way, like as
a society, right?
And it's and it it's destroyingour metabolic function, our
(07:37):
adrenals.
It's like, it's wild.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (07:41):
I'm always mind blown by how like I was married
to someone who was very lowfunctioning and I had to make
all the decisions anyway.
How isolating it felt after wewere divorced, and I continued
making all the decisions.
Like I didn't feel I don't thinkI recognized how isolating it
was in the marriage because Ihad this person to at least
bounce ideas off of, even if hewasn't helping me make
(08:04):
decisions, it was just like thevalidation of great job, babe.
Yeah, that sounds great.
And it's right, but then likeafter divorce, I continue making
every single decision and itfelt so overwhelming.
Like I just remember wanting toit's so hard, I feel like, too,
as a woman, trying to be thenurture and the disciplinarian.
You know, it's like trying tofind the balance between you're
(08:26):
grounded and I just want to loveon you right now.
Having everyone tell you you'retoo soft or you're too hard, or
it's really, really difficult tofind a balance when you don't
have a partner.
SPEAKER_01 (08:36):
A partner.
And we talk about it a lot, Ithink like maybe out of
resentment, or I don't know, youcould just hear a woman saying,
like, and then I was the mom andthe dad, like Mother's Day and
Father's Day, like you know, wesort of have like a tone in the
voice when we talk about what itis to be a divorced woman and
all the things that we have tocarry.
But then I think women don'trealize the actual downstream
(09:00):
effects that that has on theirhormone cycle.
And then many of us, I think,end up on a birth control pill
or on an IUD or something thatthen masks some of that hormonal
burnout or fatigue, right?
But then we're not sleeping welland we're angry and we can't
shed our resentment, and wedon't realize it's because we
are our progesterone is tanked.
(09:20):
I gave Joy a dose ofprogesterone, like a high
potency dose of progesteronethis morning, and she's like,
What did you do?
And it like immediatelydownshifted her nervous system,
right?
All of a sudden she said shefelt floaty, and that's the
thing.
We're supposed to have enoughprogesterone to feel floaty, to
feel like progesterone ishormones it progesterone is
(09:41):
nature's natural anti-anxietyhormone.
And so, like, it's like, okay,we can drive and drive and
drive, and then we can be on aon an artificial, uh, like a
birth control pillar orwhatever, but it's not actually
gonna replace the depletedprogesterone that allows us to
shift out of anger and anxietyand just rest.
SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
I've never felt more in control of my hormones since
I've gone off birth control.
And I was somebody that's beenon birth control since I've been
16 years old.
You were scared.
I was terrified.
I was terrified.
And and when I tell you now thatI'm so in tune with what my body
is doing when it's telling mewhat it needs, like all these
things.
(10:28):
I don't have cramps anymore.
I no longer know when myperiod's even coming unless I
have it on a calendar.
Yeah, right.
I'm not ragey, I don't feel likeI want to cry, I don't want to
kill everyone.
It's just this beautiful likeexperience of like, oh, this
isn't so bad.
SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
Being in dwell indwelled with your body, there
like there's such a differencebetween, but I think it's such a
and I don't want to bash modernmedicine because it has its
place for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
But I think it's absolutely right, right, right.
SPEAKER_02 (10:56):
So I also think it's such a shame that we know
something's wrong.
We don't really know what'swrong, but we know something's
wrong.
We know our bodies aren't thisisn't this should not be normal.
And we go to the doctor, I sawthis t-shirt that says, Let me
guess, I need to lose weight, Ineed to drink more water, I need
to rest, and it's this is noryour your labs are in the normal
(11:19):
range.
Like because we go to we go tothe doctor looking for solutions
and help, but it's there modernmedicine is missing the mark.
Like instead of instead offinding the core of why your
progestion's low or or or innormal range, but it's not like
(11:40):
it's it's not right for yourbody, it's not right, and so
they just tell you to loseweight and drink more water and
give you a pill.
SPEAKER_00 (11:48):
I feel like there's so many people though that are
seeking answers now, like in thecircle of women that I am
talking about, it's so funnyonce they know that like we do
homeopathy and everything, orthat's something that I'm into,
or they go in and see like thehuge pharmacy that's in my
freaking bathroom.
They have so many questionsbecause people are so curious
about it.
Because I feel like for yearsand years, it's like my friends
(12:09):
that have been on anti-anxiety,anti-depression for decades, and
are still feeling like they'restuck in a slump or the same
result.
And I find it interesting, andI'll share this.
Like, my daughter recently triedone of those medications, and
she had been on homeopathy formonths, and she said, Well, you
know, the site gave it to herand said, Well, this is just for
sleep.
And she took one pill.
And I told Dawn the nextmorning, like, she basically
(12:32):
came up and handed me the wholebottle and said, Don't ever let
me take these again.
Because she said, It makes mefeel like a zombie.
I feel so foggy, I cannot, Idon't feel like I'm in control
of anything.
But how how many people insociety feel that way?
And it's like these pills kindof help us.
And again, I'm not slamming itbecause I was on it for decades,
but I do feel like coming intothis side of it, I feel like.
(12:54):
But I think we didn't know thisside existed.
We didn't know.
No, right.
But I feel more myself than I'veever had in years since I've
been on homeopathy, and I feelvery healthy and very mentally
strong.
SPEAKER_01 (13:06):
So we have we have a homeopathic answer for this,
right?
And our Dustin Homeopathics hasa product for gentle hormone
support.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like, holy crap, like
this is part of my story, likejust send us an email, hello at
my coach dawn, or shoot us a DMor like send a smoke signal.
Like, we we do have a productthat we developed that helps
(13:26):
balance estrogen andprogesterone and will very, very
much help break this decision,fatigue, exhaustion, masculine
driving loop.
So you're not alone there,right?
And that's part of why wedevelop this product because
it's just I don't think womenunderstand it all enough.
And if you haven't taken ournervous system recovery type
(13:47):
quiz, we get into the weeds andall of this.
You can find that usually in theshow notes or Instagram bio.
There are lots of places to takeour oh, on our website, it's a
pop-up.
Yeah, definitely want to grabthe quiz too.
Okay, let's talk aboutstrategies other than our
destined hormone balanceproduct.
Like that's fantastic.
That's part of the answer.
But also there's a behavioralpart, right?
Where we have to startfunctioning differently.
(14:09):
We have to start letting it seepinto our bones that the way
we're approaching decisionmaking, the way we're
approaching life, it's through alens of masculinity that we can
drive, we can push, we canoverperform.
And none of that is feminine.
So let's talk a bit about how wecan literally strategize and
shift how we make decisions sothat they are actually nurturing
(14:32):
to our body, mind, spirit, andnot depleting, right?
So the first thing let's talkabout is we very often when
we're making choices, we'retrying to figure out what the
right choice is.
What's the right thing to do?
What's the right thing?
Like, if you had a dollar forevery time you heard a woman say
what's the right thing to do,like we would all be retired,
yeah?
Like we could retire all thewomen.
(14:53):
Like, yeah, yeah, uh, we couldset up a trust fund, anyways.
So the new question we need towe need to ask ourselves is what
is the kindest choice for mybody right now?
I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (15:07):
So I can go, go I can I I'm speaking more into
this on our Thursday episodepremium episode, but just a
snippet is like I know that Ihave I'm I struggle with ADD, I
struggle with people pleasing, Istruggle with very hard things
(15:30):
that homeopathy is is you know,we're working on
homeopathically, but in theinterim, I have really started
kind of owning what is mine totake care of and what is my
husband's to take care of.
For instance, like him asking mewhat the weather's like when I'm
working.
(15:51):
So he's expecting me to stopwhat I'm doing to look up the
weather when he is capable ofdoing so.
So like strategy going into justclearly giving guidelines of
what I can do and what you cando.
You know what I mean?
Like my children, my childrenare the same way, mom.
(16:11):
What am I supposed to do forhomework?
Well, I guess you should go lookon your agenda, you know what I
mean?
Like being being able to kind ofreprogram my family from relying
on me to handle everything.
Like that's that should not haveever been my role, and that's
what I kind of trained everybodyto do because I was so in the
(16:35):
need to be relevant and controlall of that.
So just strategy for me issaying, Okay, well, I guess you
can handle that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:45):
Damn, what's the kindest choice for my body?
And it's retraining everybodyelse around you, too, right?
I remember post-divorce, I had alot of decision fatigue around
the holidays because when Iwould go home to Pennsylvania,
both me and my ex's family werein the same town.
And so I had all of thesedecisions to make around how am
(17:05):
I gonna split time?
You know, how are they gonna seemy daughter?
And then, you know, when theyinvite me to stay, or my
daughter says, Mommy, I reallywant you to stay.
Like that was hard because thekindest thing to my body would
have been like, uh no.
But I didn't do that a lot then,and so I let a lot of boundaries
be crossed.
A lot of conversations came upthat should have never happened.
Um I tolerated a lot.
(17:27):
I tolerated so much just to keepthe peace between families.
And then there just came a daywhen I just didn't anymore.
You know, I said, no, I I don'thave to do this anymore.
I don't have to do that anymore.
I don't have to sit at yourkitchen table and hear you, you
know, give your little jabs andyour passive aggressiveness.
Like, I don't want to do thatshit anymore.
(17:47):
And so I started making veryclear boundaries around what the
holidays looked like for me sothat they weren't a time of
stress anymore.
They were actually a time that Icould literally enjoy.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
I post divorce was absolutely the queen of not of
trying to make the right choiceand not the kind choice for my
body.
And that is why I ended up withcluster headaches for 15 years,
why I ended up developingrheumatoid arthritis in my early
40s because I chronicallyfocused on the right choice
(18:20):
versus what my body wasscreaming for.
And I know all of that was bornout of attachment, wounding, and
abandonment and all of thethings, but it has been such a
transformation to be able tohonor my body.
And actually, post-divorce, Iquit my job, and that's when I
opened my practice because mybody was asking for rest and I
(18:41):
couldn't give it what it neededwhen I had to punch a clock for
somebody else.
And actually, that point ofdivorce and owning that decision
was such a profound, like sortof line of demarcation in my own
healing journey.
And I think, in as much as I wasso lonely and all of my
attachment wounds were flared,and I was having such a hard
(19:01):
time being alone, and I wasestranged from several family
members and whatnot, it was likein that quiet space where I
didn't have all the other peopleto consider, I could actually
sit with what is the kindestchoice for my body.
And I did a lot of yoga and alot of beachwalking and a lot of
resting and probably a lot ofbedrotting, honestly, um, on top
(19:22):
of all those things.
But it was when I started toreally taste what health could
be, and those were very earlypost-divorce days, and I still
default, like my default, andy'all are watching me struggle
through this right now, but isto hustle and grind and not to
do what my body is asking for.
I really want to be of serviceto everyone else.
(19:44):
That is my default.
It is a trauma-based umresponse, and I still catch
myself doing it.
And as a team, we've talkedabout recently, right?
How to sort of renegotiate howour business, our workflows, so
that I can hustle and grindless.
Cause that's it's it's my go-to.
So, this question, what's thekind of choice for my body?
(20:07):
I am owning it for myself aswell.
unknown (20:09):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:10):
So tell me, so talk a little bit um about reducing
the invisible decisions.
Like, how are you makingdecisions differently to
prioritize kindness for yourbody instead of other people's
comfort?
SPEAKER_01 (20:27):
It's a lot of telling people no, and that is a
very hard thing to do for mestill.
And and I've gotten so good atit, right?
There are lots of places where Ican do it, but I am very, very
quick to assess like what yourexperience of this relationship
is and to want to prioritizeyour experience of this
relationship over mine.
And that's beautiful.
(20:48):
I don't dislike that thing aboutmyself at all, but it's when I
do it to the detriment of mybody, like when my body starts
breaking down, that's when it'sout of balance, right?
So I very recently had to tell acouple of returning clients that
I could not see them and I hadto refer them to Tiffany, and I
have asked Tiffany actually tochange some of our workflows.
(21:08):
Like, there are just there arethings to reduce decision
fatigue, literally, right?
I said, Tiffany, can you holdthese questions that you ask me
every morning?
Can you hold them for onemeeting so that we can sit down
and have one meeting where Ianswer all of your questions so
I'm not having to, you know,receive that inbound thing.
Yeah, and context shift and andmake more decisions, right?
(21:29):
Like let's make a little tightspace where that happens.
What else?
Uh I mean, similarly, likebouncing stuff back to my
husband has been really, reallyimportant.
I think that he avoids his ownfeelings around abandonment by
wanting to please me, but inwanting to please me, he's sort
of always asking for the nextorder.
(21:50):
And I want him to be a generaland not a not a soldier, you
know.
So, like bouncing back to him,no, you're the general, you can
make decisions.
I think I've been doing thatwith both of you a lot more
lately.
Like, nope, I trust yourdecision making.
And and that comes with knowingthat not every decision any of
the three of us make is gonnaalways be spot on.
But it's like very much betterto empower you to make the
(22:12):
decisions.
This is the same thing with ourkids, to empower them to make
the decisions and then just walkthrough when mistakes happen or
or things happen, right?
Just walk through that together.
Like, cool.
I posted this thing to mystories recently, actually, that
when we teach kids about themistakes we make, it makes them
less anxious and strongerdecision makers.
(22:32):
When we don't tell them or teachthem about our everyday, daily
mistakes, it fuels anxiety andfear-based living and this sort
of perception that they have tobe perfect, or like, you know,
so it creates like performanceanxiety and whatnot, right?
So what a gift to just makemistakes together as a team or
as parents with our children andjust like be open and vulnerable
(22:54):
and honest about it all.
So it's like relinquishingcontrol is how I don't have to
make so many invisibledecisions.
Asking for what I need, beingwilling to ask for help and
receive help.
I cannot say enough about howmany women just really feel like
a burden when they receive helpand it and it keeps us stuck in
the masculine, you know?
Yeah, yeah, it does.
SPEAKER_00 (23:16):
I talk to my daughter about that all the
time.
Yeah.
Like about, and it's I never Ifeel like a lot of parents are
conditioned too to say, well, ifwe educate them, they won't make
the same mistakes as us.
I never went in with thatmindset.
My thing is I'm gonna educateyou and share so that you see
witness in the moment so thatwhen you do fuck up, we're right
(23:37):
there together.
You know what I mean?
Like you know that you can cometo mom and talk about it, and
it's not like you're so ashamed.
SPEAKER_01 (23:43):
We cannot eliminate mistake making.
That is how we learn and grow,right?
It's about I want you to see howI respond to making a mistake.
I want you to see me treatmyself with love and respect
when I make a mistake.
I want you to see me also growfrom it, right?
But I want you to see me treatmyself with grace and love and
respect when I make a mistake.
SPEAKER_02 (24:02):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
This is like a um this is like asoapbox for me, equipping other
rather than control, likeequipping my children to make
mistakes, own their ownthemselves, um, because I can't
control everything.
Like so they're gonna hearthings that I don't know about,
(24:25):
or they're gonna do things thatI don't know about, but giving
them the safety of nobody'sperfect.
I don't expect them to be Jesus.
I expect them to be accountable.
It's like my it's I will die onthat hill.
My my my sub box.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
So let's talk about the decisions that we've
automated where possible.
Like, you know, sort of standardresponses, because decision
automation, I think sometimes isa shortcut when you are because
this process we're justdiscussing, like giving up
control, empowering the peoplearound us, like that we didn't
just come to this overnight,right?
(25:03):
This was like a pile of work.
So, first things first, right,like destined homeopathic
hormone support blend.
Second thing, right, like startsurrendering control and asking
what's the kind of stretch formy body.
Third thing, like be willing toreceive help and let go of that
burden issue, right?
And let's talk about likeautomated decisions, the things
that it's like I'm notnegotiating this.
(25:26):
It's just like like for theholidays, like buy 10 points and
every time you little babypoinsettas, and anytime you go
somewhere, you just did pointsat done.
Like not having to make uniquegifts for every person, like
that kind of thing.
Like um, like what thing can youjust like wash or repeat?
Whether that's like mealplanning.
Like for now, it's like, nope,actually, we eat the same meal
(25:47):
five nights a week.
I don't know.
Like, what are some things thatare very real, like where we can
reduce decision fatigue for theshort run while we get our, you
know, endocrine system andmetabolic system like just more
balanced.
Any hacks like that that y'alldid during recovery, I
definitely will do the eat thesame meal all the time to
(26:08):
reduce.
I will also sometimes skipdirtying dishes because it's
less less washing or you know, Idon't know, like I'll wear the
same outfit multiple days in arow.
And you could call thatdepression, and maybe it is a
sign of you know, there'sdepletion happening, but like I
will do that consciously becauseI don't it reduces the decision
(26:29):
I have to make of what to wearin the morning and then it
reduces how much laundry at theend of the week.
So there are seasons where Iwill just do these things that
you know they're definitelysigns of depletion.
Great, I'm working on it, I'mactively in solution, but like
this is what I do to reducedecision fatigue.
Not responding to every textmessage as it comes in, like
waiting until the end of the dayand responding to them all then,
(26:51):
right?
It's like batching behaviors,right?
So that I'm not constantlyhaving to shift my brain and be
responsive.
And um, I will very often leavemany, many tasks until after
I've showered or the nextmorning or where I'm fresher,
right?
Like just not expecting my bodyto do the thing when it doesn't
have the energy to do it.
How about y'all?
(27:11):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
In my in my healing journey, I went through seasons
of saying no, like I said no toeverything, like parties, get
togethers, just because I was sodepleted and I was so trying to
find what was right for my bodyand this new era of always
pleasing everybody, but likealso you can't pour from an
(27:36):
empty cup.
And my cup was so empty and sodry for so long.
Um, real, you know, like beingvery aware of my capacity, being
very aware of being able to beon, having to go to all the
parties and do all theget-togethers and all the cookie
exchanges and all of the giftexchanges and all like you're
(27:57):
constantly on, and notnecessarily performative because
I do, you know, like your peopleare your people for a reason,
but when you're constantlyhaving to have conversations,
update, you know, like where arethe kids?
How are they handling this?
What are you doing, like whatare you doing?
And um, and then the pity looksof like, oh, and it's like it
(28:20):
caused it, it's work to maintainyour vibration in yourself, no
matter how lovely the peopleare.
They're coming from a lovingspace, hopefully, but so I did a
lot of saying no.
I did a lot of um homemade giftsinstead of purchase gifts
because I enjoy creating.
And so I would do, you know,like um, I don't know, like
(28:44):
homemade coffee syrups orwhatever, whatever, you know,
whatever my my Instagram hadgiven me that week or whatever.
Um, because it was l easier forme to stay at home in my little
bubble to create a gift than itwas to go out and think through
what would this person enjoy?
What right, decision, decisionand being in public.
I wasn't avoiding public, butit's it's extra energy spent,
(29:07):
right?
Um 100%.
What are what are some of theother things that I did?
I was very intentional.
I tried to be very intentional,is a good way to put it.
SPEAKER_00 (29:17):
I was gonna say that, Joy.
Like I just started assessingeverything and everyone around
me.
And I tell women all the time,like, they'll say, Well, I went
out with a friend and then likeI came home and I just felt
depleted.
Then that's not the right friendright now for this season.
Right.
Like you should be spending timewith people who are bringing
your energy levels up, who youleave feeling full instead of
(29:38):
depleted.
Um, and sometimes there's justcertain friends that don't fit
into this season of your lifebecause all they want to do is
trauma dump their shit on you,or you know, they want to pull
information.
Like I could always tell thefriends who genuinely were
asking questions because theycared and who was just nosy.
You know, and like that wouldkill me.
So I think for me, you know,also one of the biggest
(30:00):
decision-making things is like Ifeel like women feel like
because they share a child withsomebody that that person gets a
free pass to text them aboutwhatever, whenever.
And so there was a time rightafter my divorce where I was
like, if it is not about ourdaughter, we do not need to
speak about it, you know, andthere are specific apps that the
(30:21):
court can order that they cangive you where you have to
communicate through an app,right?
SPEAKER_01 (30:26):
I have a dear friend who's going through a divorce,
and her Soonabe ex just recentlymoved out, and um they have
three kids and they moved outinto a one-bedroom apartment.
And she was like, What's hisplan?
Do I like I guess I need to lethim stay the weekend at our and
I was like, no, right there,right?
She started going indecision-making mode, trying to
(30:48):
solve for him that he made thisXYZ decision, and I'm like, cut
it right there, right?
But it's also where you couldsee, like, oh, also now she's
not gonna have her kids somedays, and maybe they just have
to sleep in the living room, orI don't know, right?
It's gonna be whatever it'sgonna be.
But A, she doesn't have to solveit, but B, she'd rather focus on
helping him solve that than sitwith the empty house.
(31:10):
So it's like the decisionfatigue and the driving comes
from running away from thegrief, which is our final sort
of talking point today.
So let's talk about this, right?
Is that sometimes we choosedecision fatigue because we're
running from grief.
Because every choice we make islike an echo of like, no, it's
different this year, it'sdifferent this year, it's
different this year.
So it's like your nervous systemcaught between belonging to a
(31:33):
past life and trying to build anew one and not wanting to just
sit in what there is to feel andto process it.
And so then sometimes we driveinto this decision fatigue to
escape the thing that we don'twant to feel.
But there's a huge price to pay,right?
Because you are gonna have thisvery real hormonal cascade that
(31:57):
is going to further interruptyour overall health and
wellness.
We can't run from grief foreverwithout there being a massive
consequence.
So the better choice is to sitwith what you're feeling, do
some journaling, do somebreathing, and just feel.
SPEAKER_00 (32:18):
And I think a lot of women too in this season,
they're so lonely that theydon't want to say the wrong
thing or say the no's becausethey don't want people to leave
them because then they feel likethey're gonna feel more alone.
Where I am here to tell you thatweeding those people out of your
circle and getting uh just a fewpeople in your circle that are
literally like these beautifulballs of energy in this season
(32:42):
is gonna make you feel so muchbetter.
I always found that I could tellbecause if I felt more lonely in
a room than I felt by myself,and that was a majority of the
time post-divorce, where I wouldjust feel more lonely being in
the room with a hundred peoplethan I did at home by myself.
They were the wrong people, theyweren't seeing me, you know,
(33:03):
they were just seekinginformation.
SPEAKER_02 (33:06):
And listen, if you if you if our listeners out
there are feeling like theydon't have people, like let me
be your people.
I'm not playing such a hypewoman.
I want to be like I wanna Iwanna hype you up, I want to
hear your wins.
Like I want to be the thatpeople is like shout out to the
um Lisa and Tanya again becausethey made a choice.
(33:28):
They're a choice.
Like, I want to be we weliterally live to be your
people.
So um I'm super excited and Iwant to hear all about your
wins.
Like, send them in.
SPEAKER_01 (33:41):
Homework, homework.
If you are not sending us yourwins, you are not fully leaning
in to your own healing andrecovery.
I don't want to say thatabsolutely, right?
I'm sure there are exampleswhere that is not the case, but
like there is a way to heal thatis well-rounded, and then
there's a way to heal that'snot, and celebrating your wins
and being celebrated and beingopen to receiving us celebrating
(34:03):
you, that is one of the keythings we see women really
struggling in ourselves and thewomen we work with, being open
to receive love and support.
And so just the simple act ofsending us a voice note about
your wins and letting uscelebrate you is absolutely
taking steps about being open toreceive.
It's cueing to the universe.
(34:24):
I am ready to receive more andbetter than what I have had.
So please, please, please do notskip that step.
This is your homework for thisweek.
Email us at hello at my co seanor send us a voice note at Dawn
Wiggins on Instagram, and we aregonna celebrate with you.
We are gonna share your win onthe podcast.
It can be anonymous, totallyanonymous, but be in this part
(34:46):
of the healing process becauseit's far more essential than you
realize.
SPEAKER_02 (34:52):
I wish you guys could see me because I'm doing
like a little jig.
Like just a little habitance.
SPEAKER_01 (34:58):
Okay, make sure to catch us on our Thursday episode
this week where the three of us,it's gonna, it's a new, it's a
new type style of of episodethat we have not done before.
It's called Behind the Mic,where we're just literally
shooting the shit aboutsomething active that we are,
you know, dealing with in ourpersonal lives.
(35:18):
And it's, you know, different,vulnerable, but so often we
notice that we are having thesereally powerful conversations
when we have not hit record, andthat's dumb.
So check us for the Thursdayepisode where we do a behind the
mic, the three of us, talkingthrough what's real and what's
good in life right now.
(35:39):
We love you so much.
Peace.
The holidays feel like one endless string of
decisions you're making alone.
Decision fatigue doesn't justdrain you, it actually rips you
out of your feminine energy.
All the planning, managing,negotiating, holding it all
together, it pushes you straightinto your masculine and actually
affects your hormones.
(02:24):
It creates low progesterone, itcreates estrogen dominance
running the show, no softness,no ease, just that tight wired,
overthinking version of you.
So if you felt foggy, snappy,emotional, or even like small
choices feel impossible, thisisn't you feeling, it's your
body begging for a differentsolution.
Come on in because we are gonnawalk you out of the decision
(02:47):
fatigue spiral and back into theenergy and the hormones that
actually support you.
Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave, and build back yourconfidence.
(03:08):
I'm your host, Don Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer, and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
Okay, in today's episode, we'regonna unpack the actual hormone
(03:31):
loop that decision fatiguereinforces.
The, you know, moving out ofyour feminine into your
masculine and the hormonefallout that sort of then
maintains that loop.
And so we're gonna talk abouthow a body stuck in the
masculine can't sustainprogesterone and it drains it.
And when progesterone drops,estrogen steps in and what that
(03:51):
looks like and how to break thatcycle.
We are also going to talkstrategy, right?
Like, how do we get you out ofthis decision fatigue spiral?
So we're gonna give you threevery clear strategies to help
slow down the intensity of thespiral that you're in and help
(04:12):
climb back out, back into moreof a feminine existence this
holiday season.
And then towards the end of thisepisode, stay tuned because
we're gonna talk about howdecision fatigue isn't just
about exhaustion and masculineand feminine, but it's also an
element of your grief process.
And so if you don't connectthese dots, it's gonna be harder
to move through your griefwithin the context of decision
(04:34):
fatigue.
So make sure you listen to theend so you are connecting the
dots on how to get a release andrelief from this grief that
keeps calling to you viadecision fatigue.
Darling dears, good morning.
Welcome.
I'm so glad to see you.
Good morning.
Yes, good morning.
Will you help me welcome our twonew premium subscribers, Lisa
(04:58):
and Tanya?
unknown (05:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:01):
Hey ladies, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02 (05:03):
I'm so glad you're here.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
We get so excited, right, with premium subscribers
because, well, A, then they'regonna be in the premium
workshop, right?
If you're a premium subscriber,not only do you get all of the
Thursday episodes, which arelike where we do the healing,
not just learning about healing,but there are also live
workshops.
So our next one is December16th, and it's on rebuilding
(05:26):
self-worth after divorce.
So Lisa and Tanya cannot wait tosee you in that premium
workshop.
You also get access to thingsthat nobody else gets access to.
So$5 a month premium.
If you're not in what are youdoing, loves?
Come join Lisa and Tanya.
We are so excited to have youwith us.
So, like, welcome, welcome,welcome.
We are beaming our care bearstare, right?
(05:46):
R.
Okay, let us dig into thehormone loop of decision
fatigue.
And I think this is a little bitof a teaser for our Thursday
episode, our Thursday premiumepisode, right?
Where we are gonna have a behindthe mic of the three of us
talking about all the ways inwhich we have experienced the
(06:08):
fallout of themasculine-feminine polarity in
us being way too hustle, notenough flow in our lives, right?
So it's gonna be like a juicybehind-the-scenes conversation.
But let's talk a little bitabout what women this holiday
season are really strugglingwith when the decision fatigue
(06:28):
really jacks up the hormonesbecause it gets us into this
fight-flight, drive, drive,drive.
And then we can't rest, we can'trelax, we can't fall asleep
right, we can't stay asleepright, we can't feel present, we
can't connect with our kiddos orlike the people around us
because we are literally sowound up in this estrogen
dominant space.
SPEAKER_02 (06:49):
I for one am so excited about this episode
because I don't really feel likeat least in my circle, that that
that it's common to connect thetwo between decision fatigue and
you how it and how it affectsyour hormones or the day-to-day
and how your your hormones areshifted by the imbalance of your
(07:10):
decisions.
SPEAKER_01 (07:13):
I think that we in many ways it's it's like we've
been functioning like this aswomen for so long, it's just
become the new normal.
Like, especially in a modernsociety, to just like have to
push.
I'm sort of mad about it.
Like, we don't take care ofsingle moms in the way, like as
a society, right?
And it's and it it's destroyingour metabolic function, our
(07:37):
adrenals.
It's like, it's wild.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (07:41):
I'm always mind blown by how like I was married
to someone who was very lowfunctioning and I had to make
all the decisions anyway.
How isolating it felt after wewere divorced, and I continued
making all the decisions.
Like I didn't feel I don't thinkI recognized how isolating it
was in the marriage because Ihad this person to at least
bounce ideas off of, even if hewasn't helping me make
(08:04):
decisions, it was just like thevalidation of great job, babe.
Yeah, that sounds great.
And it's right, but then likeafter divorce, I continue making
every single decision and itfelt so overwhelming.
Like I just remember wanting toit's so hard, I feel like, too,
as a woman, trying to be thenurture and the disciplinarian.
You know, it's like trying tofind the balance between you're
(08:26):
grounded and I just want to loveon you right now.
Having everyone tell you you'retoo soft or you're too hard, or
it's really, really difficult tofind a balance when you don't
have a partner.
SPEAKER_01 (08:36):
A partner.
And we talk about it a lot, Ithink like maybe out of
resentment, or I don't know, youcould just hear a woman saying,
like, and then I was the mom andthe dad, like Mother's Day and
Father's Day, like you know, wesort of have like a tone in the
voice when we talk about what itis to be a divorced woman and
all the things that we have tocarry.
But then I think women don'trealize the actual downstream
(09:00):
effects that that has on theirhormone cycle.
And then many of us, I think,end up on a birth control pill
or on an IUD or something thatthen masks some of that hormonal
burnout or fatigue, right?
But then we're not sleeping welland we're angry and we can't
shed our resentment, and wedon't realize it's because we
are our progesterone is tanked.
(09:20):
I gave Joy a dose ofprogesterone, like a high
potency dose of progesteronethis morning, and she's like,
What did you do?
And it like immediatelydownshifted her nervous system,
right?
All of a sudden she said shefelt floaty, and that's the
thing.
We're supposed to have enoughprogesterone to feel floaty, to
feel like progesterone ishormones it progesterone is
(09:41):
nature's natural anti-anxietyhormone.
And so, like, it's like, okay,we can drive and drive and
drive, and then we can be on aon an artificial, uh, like a
birth control pillar orwhatever, but it's not actually
gonna replace the depletedprogesterone that allows us to
shift out of anger and anxietyand just rest.
SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
I've never felt more in control of my hormones since
I've gone off birth control.
And I was somebody that's beenon birth control since I've been
16 years old.
You were scared.
I was terrified.
I was terrified.
And and when I tell you now thatI'm so in tune with what my body
is doing when it's telling mewhat it needs, like all these
things.
(10:28):
I don't have cramps anymore.
I no longer know when myperiod's even coming unless I
have it on a calendar.
Yeah, right.
I'm not ragey, I don't feel likeI want to cry, I don't want to
kill everyone.
It's just this beautiful likeexperience of like, oh, this
isn't so bad.
SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
Being in dwell indwelled with your body, there
like there's such a differencebetween, but I think it's such a
and I don't want to bash modernmedicine because it has its
place for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
But I think it's absolutely right, right, right.
SPEAKER_02 (10:56):
So I also think it's such a shame that we know
something's wrong.
We don't really know what'swrong, but we know something's
wrong.
We know our bodies aren't thisisn't this should not be normal.
And we go to the doctor, I sawthis t-shirt that says, Let me
guess, I need to lose weight, Ineed to drink more water, I need
to rest, and it's this is noryour your labs are in the normal
(11:19):
range.
Like because we go to we go tothe doctor looking for solutions
and help, but it's there modernmedicine is missing the mark.
Like instead of instead offinding the core of why your
progestion's low or or or innormal range, but it's not like
(11:40):
it's it's not right for yourbody, it's not right, and so
they just tell you to loseweight and drink more water and
give you a pill.
SPEAKER_00 (11:48):
I feel like there's so many people though that are
seeking answers now, like in thecircle of women that I am
talking about, it's so funnyonce they know that like we do
homeopathy and everything, orthat's something that I'm into,
or they go in and see like thehuge pharmacy that's in my
freaking bathroom.
They have so many questionsbecause people are so curious
about it.
Because I feel like for yearsand years, it's like my friends
(12:09):
that have been on anti-anxiety,anti-depression for decades, and
are still feeling like they'restuck in a slump or the same
result.
And I find it interesting, andI'll share this.
Like, my daughter recently triedone of those medications, and
she had been on homeopathy formonths, and she said, Well, you
know, the site gave it to herand said, Well, this is just for
sleep.
And she took one pill.
And I told Dawn the nextmorning, like, she basically
(12:32):
came up and handed me the wholebottle and said, Don't ever let
me take these again.
Because she said, It makes mefeel like a zombie.
I feel so foggy, I cannot, Idon't feel like I'm in control
of anything.
But how how many people insociety feel that way?
And it's like these pills kindof help us.
And again, I'm not slamming itbecause I was on it for decades,
but I do feel like coming intothis side of it, I feel like.
(12:54):
But I think we didn't know thisside existed.
We didn't know.
No, right.
But I feel more myself than I'veever had in years since I've
been on homeopathy, and I feelvery healthy and very mentally
strong.
SPEAKER_01 (13:06):
So we have we have a homeopathic answer for this,
right?
And our Dustin Homeopathics hasa product for gentle hormone
support.
So if you're listening to thisand you're like, holy crap, like
this is part of my story, likejust send us an email, hello at
my coach dawn, or shoot us a DMor like send a smoke signal.
Like, we we do have a productthat we developed that helps
(13:26):
balance estrogen andprogesterone and will very, very
much help break this decision,fatigue, exhaustion, masculine
driving loop.
So you're not alone there,right?
And that's part of why wedevelop this product because
it's just I don't think womenunderstand it all enough.
And if you haven't taken ournervous system recovery type
(13:47):
quiz, we get into the weeds andall of this.
You can find that usually in theshow notes or Instagram bio.
There are lots of places to takeour oh, on our website, it's a
pop-up.
Yeah, definitely want to grabthe quiz too.
Okay, let's talk aboutstrategies other than our
destined hormone balanceproduct.
Like that's fantastic.
That's part of the answer.
But also there's a behavioralpart, right?
Where we have to startfunctioning differently.
(14:09):
We have to start letting it seepinto our bones that the way
we're approaching decisionmaking, the way we're
approaching life, it's through alens of masculinity that we can
drive, we can push, we canoverperform.
And none of that is feminine.
So let's talk a bit about how wecan literally strategize and
shift how we make decisions sothat they are actually nurturing
(14:32):
to our body, mind, spirit, andnot depleting, right?
So the first thing let's talkabout is we very often when
we're making choices, we'retrying to figure out what the
right choice is.
What's the right thing to do?
What's the right thing?
Like, if you had a dollar forevery time you heard a woman say
what's the right thing to do,like we would all be retired,
yeah?
Like we could retire all thewomen.
(14:53):
Like, yeah, yeah, uh, we couldset up a trust fund, anyways.
So the new question we need towe need to ask ourselves is what
is the kindest choice for mybody right now?
I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (15:07):
So I can go, go I can I I'm speaking more into
this on our Thursday episodepremium episode, but just a
snippet is like I know that Ihave I'm I struggle with ADD, I
struggle with people pleasing, Istruggle with very hard things
(15:30):
that homeopathy is is you know,we're working on
homeopathically, but in theinterim, I have really started
kind of owning what is mine totake care of and what is my
husband's to take care of.
For instance, like him asking mewhat the weather's like when I'm
working.
(15:51):
So he's expecting me to stopwhat I'm doing to look up the
weather when he is capable ofdoing so.
So like strategy going into justclearly giving guidelines of
what I can do and what you cando.
You know what I mean?
Like my children, my childrenare the same way, mom.
(16:11):
What am I supposed to do forhomework?
Well, I guess you should go lookon your agenda, you know what I
mean?
Like being being able to kind ofreprogram my family from relying
on me to handle everything.
Like that's that should not haveever been my role, and that's
what I kind of trained everybodyto do because I was so in the
(16:35):
need to be relevant and controlall of that.
So just strategy for me issaying, Okay, well, I guess you
can handle that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:45):
Damn, what's the kindest choice for my body?
And it's retraining everybodyelse around you, too, right?
I remember post-divorce, I had alot of decision fatigue around
the holidays because when Iwould go home to Pennsylvania,
both me and my ex's family werein the same town.
And so I had all of thesedecisions to make around how am
(17:05):
I gonna split time?
You know, how are they gonna seemy daughter?
And then, you know, when theyinvite me to stay, or my
daughter says, Mommy, I reallywant you to stay.
Like that was hard because thekindest thing to my body would
have been like, uh no.
But I didn't do that a lot then,and so I let a lot of boundaries
be crossed.
A lot of conversations came upthat should have never happened.
Um I tolerated a lot.
(17:27):
I tolerated so much just to keepthe peace between families.
And then there just came a daywhen I just didn't anymore.
You know, I said, no, I I don'thave to do this anymore.
I don't have to do that anymore.
I don't have to sit at yourkitchen table and hear you, you
know, give your little jabs andyour passive aggressiveness.
Like, I don't want to do thatshit anymore.
(17:47):
And so I started making veryclear boundaries around what the
holidays looked like for me sothat they weren't a time of
stress anymore.
They were actually a time that Icould literally enjoy.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
I post divorce was absolutely the queen of not of
trying to make the right choiceand not the kind choice for my
body.
And that is why I ended up withcluster headaches for 15 years,
why I ended up developingrheumatoid arthritis in my early
40s because I chronicallyfocused on the right choice
(18:20):
versus what my body wasscreaming for.
And I know all of that was bornout of attachment, wounding, and
abandonment and all of thethings, but it has been such a
transformation to be able tohonor my body.
And actually, post-divorce, Iquit my job, and that's when I
opened my practice because mybody was asking for rest and I
(18:41):
couldn't give it what it neededwhen I had to punch a clock for
somebody else.
And actually, that point ofdivorce and owning that decision
was such a profound, like sortof line of demarcation in my own
healing journey.
And I think, in as much as I wasso lonely and all of my
attachment wounds were flared,and I was having such a hard
(19:01):
time being alone, and I wasestranged from several family
members and whatnot, it was likein that quiet space where I
didn't have all the other peopleto consider, I could actually
sit with what is the kindestchoice for my body.
And I did a lot of yoga and alot of beachwalking and a lot of
resting and probably a lot ofbedrotting, honestly, um, on top
(19:22):
of all those things.
But it was when I started toreally taste what health could
be, and those were very earlypost-divorce days, and I still
default, like my default, andy'all are watching me struggle
through this right now, but isto hustle and grind and not to
do what my body is asking for.
I really want to be of serviceto everyone else.
(19:44):
That is my default.
It is a trauma-based umresponse, and I still catch
myself doing it.
And as a team, we've talkedabout recently, right?
How to sort of renegotiate howour business, our workflows, so
that I can hustle and grindless.
Cause that's it's it's my go-to.
So, this question, what's thekind of choice for my body?
(20:07):
I am owning it for myself aswell.
unknown (20:09):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:10):
So tell me, so talk a little bit um about reducing
the invisible decisions.
Like, how are you makingdecisions differently to
prioritize kindness for yourbody instead of other people's
comfort?
SPEAKER_01 (20:27):
It's a lot of telling people no, and that is a
very hard thing to do for mestill.
And and I've gotten so good atit, right?
There are lots of places where Ican do it, but I am very, very
quick to assess like what yourexperience of this relationship
is and to want to prioritizeyour experience of this
relationship over mine.
And that's beautiful.
(20:48):
I don't dislike that thing aboutmyself at all, but it's when I
do it to the detriment of mybody, like when my body starts
breaking down, that's when it'sout of balance, right?
So I very recently had to tell acouple of returning clients that
I could not see them and I hadto refer them to Tiffany, and I
have asked Tiffany actually tochange some of our workflows.
(21:08):
Like, there are just there arethings to reduce decision
fatigue, literally, right?
I said, Tiffany, can you holdthese questions that you ask me
every morning?
Can you hold them for onemeeting so that we can sit down
and have one meeting where Ianswer all of your questions so
I'm not having to, you know,receive that inbound thing.
Yeah, and context shift and andmake more decisions, right?
(21:29):
Like let's make a little tightspace where that happens.
What else?
Uh I mean, similarly, likebouncing stuff back to my
husband has been really, reallyimportant.
I think that he avoids his ownfeelings around abandonment by
wanting to please me, but inwanting to please me, he's sort
of always asking for the nextorder.
(21:50):
And I want him to be a generaland not a not a soldier, you
know.
So, like bouncing back to him,no, you're the general, you can
make decisions.
I think I've been doing thatwith both of you a lot more
lately.
Like, nope, I trust yourdecision making.
And and that comes with knowingthat not every decision any of
the three of us make is gonnaalways be spot on.
But it's like very much betterto empower you to make the
(22:12):
decisions.
This is the same thing with ourkids, to empower them to make
the decisions and then just walkthrough when mistakes happen or
or things happen, right?
Just walk through that together.
Like, cool.
I posted this thing to mystories recently, actually, that
when we teach kids about themistakes we make, it makes them
less anxious and strongerdecision makers.
(22:32):
When we don't tell them or teachthem about our everyday, daily
mistakes, it fuels anxiety andfear-based living and this sort
of perception that they have tobe perfect, or like, you know,
so it creates like performanceanxiety and whatnot, right?
So what a gift to just makemistakes together as a team or
as parents with our children andjust like be open and vulnerable
(22:54):
and honest about it all.
So it's like relinquishingcontrol is how I don't have to
make so many invisibledecisions.
Asking for what I need, beingwilling to ask for help and
receive help.
I cannot say enough about howmany women just really feel like
a burden when they receive helpand it and it keeps us stuck in
the masculine, you know?
Yeah, yeah, it does.
SPEAKER_00 (23:16):
I talk to my daughter about that all the
time.
Yeah.
Like about, and it's I never Ifeel like a lot of parents are
conditioned too to say, well, ifwe educate them, they won't make
the same mistakes as us.
I never went in with thatmindset.
My thing is I'm gonna educateyou and share so that you see
witness in the moment so thatwhen you do fuck up, we're right
(23:37):
there together.
You know what I mean?
Like you know that you can cometo mom and talk about it, and
it's not like you're so ashamed.
SPEAKER_01 (23:43):
We cannot eliminate mistake making.
That is how we learn and grow,right?
It's about I want you to see howI respond to making a mistake.
I want you to see me treatmyself with love and respect
when I make a mistake.
I want you to see me also growfrom it, right?
But I want you to see me treatmyself with grace and love and
respect when I make a mistake.
SPEAKER_02 (24:02):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
This is like a um this is like asoapbox for me, equipping other
rather than control, likeequipping my children to make
mistakes, own their ownthemselves, um, because I can't
control everything.
Like so they're gonna hearthings that I don't know about,
(24:25):
or they're gonna do things thatI don't know about, but giving
them the safety of nobody'sperfect.
I don't expect them to be Jesus.
I expect them to be accountable.
It's like my it's I will die onthat hill.
My my my sub box.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
So let's talk about the decisions that we've
automated where possible.
Like, you know, sort of standardresponses, because decision
automation, I think sometimes isa shortcut when you are because
this process we're justdiscussing, like giving up
control, empowering the peoplearound us, like that we didn't
just come to this overnight,right?
(25:03):
This was like a pile of work.
So, first things first, right,like destined homeopathic
hormone support blend.
Second thing, right, like startsurrendering control and asking
what's the kind of stretch formy body.
Third thing, like be willing toreceive help and let go of that
burden issue, right?
And let's talk about likeautomated decisions, the things
that it's like I'm notnegotiating this.
(25:26):
It's just like like for theholidays, like buy 10 points and
every time you little babypoinsettas, and anytime you go
somewhere, you just did pointsat done.
Like not having to make uniquegifts for every person, like
that kind of thing.
Like um, like what thing can youjust like wash or repeat?
Whether that's like mealplanning.
Like for now, it's like, nope,actually, we eat the same meal
(25:47):
five nights a week.
I don't know.
Like, what are some things thatare very real, like where we can
reduce decision fatigue for theshort run while we get our, you
know, endocrine system andmetabolic system like just more
balanced.
Any hacks like that that y'alldid during recovery, I
definitely will do the eat thesame meal all the time to
(26:08):
reduce.
I will also sometimes skipdirtying dishes because it's
less less washing or you know, Idon't know, like I'll wear the
same outfit multiple days in arow.
And you could call thatdepression, and maybe it is a
sign of you know, there'sdepletion happening, but like I
will do that consciously becauseI don't it reduces the decision
(26:29):
I have to make of what to wearin the morning and then it
reduces how much laundry at theend of the week.
So there are seasons where Iwill just do these things that
you know they're definitelysigns of depletion.
Great, I'm working on it, I'mactively in solution, but like
this is what I do to reducedecision fatigue.
Not responding to every textmessage as it comes in, like
waiting until the end of the dayand responding to them all then,
(26:51):
right?
It's like batching behaviors,right?
So that I'm not constantlyhaving to shift my brain and be
responsive.
And um, I will very often leavemany, many tasks until after
I've showered or the nextmorning or where I'm fresher,
right?
Like just not expecting my bodyto do the thing when it doesn't
have the energy to do it.
How about y'all?
(27:11):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
In my in my healing journey, I went through seasons
of saying no, like I said no toeverything, like parties, get
togethers, just because I was sodepleted and I was so trying to
find what was right for my bodyand this new era of always
pleasing everybody, but likealso you can't pour from an
(27:36):
empty cup.
And my cup was so empty and sodry for so long.
Um, real, you know, like beingvery aware of my capacity, being
very aware of being able to beon, having to go to all the
parties and do all theget-togethers and all the cookie
exchanges and all of the giftexchanges and all like you're
(27:57):
constantly on, and notnecessarily performative because
I do, you know, like your peopleare your people for a reason,
but when you're constantlyhaving to have conversations,
update, you know, like where arethe kids?
How are they handling this?
What are you doing, like whatare you doing?
And um, and then the pity looksof like, oh, and it's like it
(28:20):
caused it, it's work to maintainyour vibration in yourself, no
matter how lovely the peopleare.
They're coming from a lovingspace, hopefully, but so I did a
lot of saying no.
I did a lot of um homemade giftsinstead of purchase gifts
because I enjoy creating.
And so I would do, you know,like um, I don't know, like
(28:44):
homemade coffee syrups orwhatever, whatever, you know,
whatever my my Instagram hadgiven me that week or whatever.
Um, because it was l easier forme to stay at home in my little
bubble to create a gift than itwas to go out and think through
what would this person enjoy?
What right, decision, decisionand being in public.
I wasn't avoiding public, butit's it's extra energy spent,
(29:07):
right?
Um 100%.
What are what are some of theother things that I did?
I was very intentional.
I tried to be very intentional,is a good way to put it.
SPEAKER_00 (29:17):
I was gonna say that, Joy.
Like I just started assessingeverything and everyone around
me.
And I tell women all the time,like, they'll say, Well, I went
out with a friend and then likeI came home and I just felt
depleted.
Then that's not the right friendright now for this season.
Right.
Like you should be spending timewith people who are bringing
your energy levels up, who youleave feeling full instead of
(29:38):
depleted.
Um, and sometimes there's justcertain friends that don't fit
into this season of your lifebecause all they want to do is
trauma dump their shit on you,or you know, they want to pull
information.
Like I could always tell thefriends who genuinely were
asking questions because theycared and who was just nosy.
You know, and like that wouldkill me.
So I think for me, you know,also one of the biggest
(30:00):
decision-making things is like Ifeel like women feel like
because they share a child withsomebody that that person gets a
free pass to text them aboutwhatever, whenever.
And so there was a time rightafter my divorce where I was
like, if it is not about ourdaughter, we do not need to
speak about it, you know, andthere are specific apps that the
(30:21):
court can order that they cangive you where you have to
communicate through an app,right?
SPEAKER_01 (30:26):
I have a dear friend who's going through a divorce,
and her Soonabe ex just recentlymoved out, and um they have
three kids and they moved outinto a one-bedroom apartment.
And she was like, What's hisplan?
Do I like I guess I need to lethim stay the weekend at our and
I was like, no, right there,right?
She started going indecision-making mode, trying to
(30:48):
solve for him that he made thisXYZ decision, and I'm like, cut
it right there, right?
But it's also where you couldsee, like, oh, also now she's
not gonna have her kids somedays, and maybe they just have
to sleep in the living room, orI don't know, right?
It's gonna be whatever it'sgonna be.
But A, she doesn't have to solveit, but B, she'd rather focus on
helping him solve that than sitwith the empty house.
(31:10):
So it's like the decisionfatigue and the driving comes
from running away from thegrief, which is our final sort
of talking point today.
So let's talk about this, right?
Is that sometimes we choosedecision fatigue because we're
running from grief.
Because every choice we make islike an echo of like, no, it's
different this year, it'sdifferent this year, it's
different this year.
So it's like your nervous systemcaught between belonging to a
(31:33):
past life and trying to build anew one and not wanting to just
sit in what there is to feel andto process it.
And so then sometimes we driveinto this decision fatigue to
escape the thing that we don'twant to feel.
But there's a huge price to pay,right?
Because you are gonna have thisvery real hormonal cascade that
(31:57):
is going to further interruptyour overall health and
wellness.
We can't run from grief foreverwithout there being a massive
consequence.
So the better choice is to sitwith what you're feeling, do
some journaling, do somebreathing, and just feel.
SPEAKER_00 (32:18):
And I think a lot of women too in this season,
they're so lonely that theydon't want to say the wrong
thing or say the no's becausethey don't want people to leave
them because then they feel likethey're gonna feel more alone.
Where I am here to tell you thatweeding those people out of your
circle and getting uh just a fewpeople in your circle that are
literally like these beautifulballs of energy in this season
(32:42):
is gonna make you feel so muchbetter.
I always found that I could tellbecause if I felt more lonely in
a room than I felt by myself,and that was a majority of the
time post-divorce, where I wouldjust feel more lonely being in
the room with a hundred peoplethan I did at home by myself.
They were the wrong people, theyweren't seeing me, you know,
(33:03):
they were just seekinginformation.
SPEAKER_02 (33:06):
And listen, if you if you if our listeners out
there are feeling like theydon't have people, like let me
be your people.
I'm not playing such a hypewoman.
I want to be like I wanna Iwanna hype you up, I want to
hear your wins.
Like I want to be the thatpeople is like shout out to the
um Lisa and Tanya again becausethey made a choice.
(33:28):
They're a choice.
Like, I want to be we weliterally live to be your
people.
So um I'm super excited and Iwant to hear all about your
wins.
Like, send them in.
SPEAKER_01 (33:41):
Homework, homework.
If you are not sending us yourwins, you are not fully leaning
in to your own healing andrecovery.
I don't want to say thatabsolutely, right?
I'm sure there are exampleswhere that is not the case, but
like there is a way to heal thatis well-rounded, and then
there's a way to heal that'snot, and celebrating your wins
and being celebrated and beingopen to receiving us celebrating
(34:03):
you, that is one of the keythings we see women really
struggling in ourselves and thewomen we work with, being open
to receive love and support.
And so just the simple act ofsending us a voice note about
your wins and letting uscelebrate you is absolutely
taking steps about being open toreceive.
It's cueing to the universe.
(34:24):
I am ready to receive more andbetter than what I have had.
So please, please, please do notskip that step.
This is your homework for thisweek.
Email us at hello at my co seanor send us a voice note at Dawn
Wiggins on Instagram, and we aregonna celebrate with you.
We are gonna share your win onthe podcast.
It can be anonymous, totallyanonymous, but be in this part
(34:46):
of the healing process becauseit's far more essential than you
realize.
SPEAKER_02 (34:52):
I wish you guys could see me because I'm doing
like a little jig.
Like just a little habitance.
SPEAKER_01 (34:58):
Okay, make sure to catch us on our Thursday episode
this week where the three of us,it's gonna, it's a new, it's a
new type style of of episodethat we have not done before.
It's called Behind the Mic,where we're just literally
shooting the shit aboutsomething active that we are,
you know, dealing with in ourpersonal lives.
(35:18):
And it's, you know, different,vulnerable, but so often we
notice that we are having thesereally powerful conversations
when we have not hit record, andthat's dumb.
So check us for the Thursdayepisode where we do a behind the
mic, the three of us, talkingthrough what's real and what's
good in life right now.
(35:39):
We love you so much.
Peace.
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