November 10, 2025 • 51 mins
JJ Flizanes has worn a number of hats over the years as actress, physical trainer, and most recently what she calls an “empowerment strategies.” Her most recent focus is to therefore counsel people to identify obstacles to success. Having worked with thousands of clients and a source of prolific advice and learning resources, JJ works to pinpoint why people fail to achieve their goals in health, weight loss, love, careers and other spheres of life.
JJ is host of an impressive five podcasts including People’s Choice Awards nominee Spirit, Purpose & Energy, Fit 2 Love, and Nutrition and Alternative Medicine bringing her unique brand of insight into human behavior in practical, actionable ways. Here, in this episode of the Defiant Health podcast, JJ shares the details of her unique approach to identify, then take down, the common obstacles to success.
YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@WilliamDavisMD
Blog: WilliamDavisMD.com
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SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
JJ Flazaines has worn a number of hats over the
years as actress, physicaltrainer, and most recently what
she calls an empowermentstrategist.
Her most recent focus is totherefore counsel people to
identify obstacles to success.
Having worked with thousands ofclients and a source of prolific
(00:26):
advice and learning resources,JJ works to pinpoint why people
fail to achieve their goals inhealth, weight loss, love,
career, and other spheres oflife.
JJ is host of an impressive fivepodcasts, including People's
Choice Awards nominee, Spirit,Purpose and Energy, Fit to Love,
(00:50):
and Nutrition and AlternativeMedicine, bringing her unique
brand of insight into humanbehavior in practical,
actionable ways.
Here in this episode of theDefiant Health Podcast, JJ
shares the details of her uniqueapproach to identify, then take
down the common obstacles tosuccess.
(01:13):
Well, thanks for joining me, JJ.
I always love having you backbecause you offer some
perspectives that I don't have,and a lot of the people I deal
with, or including uh guests onmy show, don't provide.
And that is, so we do a lot ofthings in my programs.
We talk about diet, of course.
We talk about various nutrientsthat address factors like
insulin resistance andinflammation.
(01:36):
We, of course, dive deeply intothe world of the microbiome.
But despite all that, we don'tget 100%.
We get a lot of success, ofcourse, but we don't get 100%
success.
And I know, having talked to youover the years, that you bring
to light something that I've notaddressed very well, and that is
the emotional hurdles tosuccess, whether it's in love or
(01:58):
weight loss or health orwhatever.
And I know you've uh got somenew projects in that in that
vein.
You want to tell us about it?
Sure.
SPEAKER_01 (02:06):
Yeah, I'm liking it to like the missing piece
between like for every dietdetox and healing plan, because
it doesn't really matter whatthe goal is physically, like
this could be about someonewho's trying to heal cancer.
In fact, to be honest, I wasworking with a bunch of cancer
doctors who were sending mepatients of theirs who they put
them on these protocols thatwere so stressful.
And even though they were allvery good physical things, it
(02:29):
was only one in you know,several that would actually
heal.
And we had to look at, well, whyare these people not healing?
And I kept thinking all thethings besides the expense, it
was like they were runningaround all day long doing all
these things.
And it was all very good things,but there was a stress level to
it that I thought something'soff and not right.
(02:50):
They're not healing.
You're giving them the perfecttool.
Why aren't they healing?
Well, they're not healingbecause their body can't receive
it because they're in a survivalstate.
And, you know, we've talkedabout emotion on your show in
the past.
I I nauseate my audience withtalking about emotion.
Um, but you know, for the menthat are listening, emotion is a
word that you kind of shut down.
(03:10):
Like your brain goes, nope, notdealing with that.
I don't have any tools for that.
I can't see it, I can't bottleit.
I don't know how to get rid ofit.
It makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm gonna losecontrol.
Emotion is not a word peoplegravitate towards, especially in
the physical world, because it'snot tangible and they don't know
what to do with it.
And no one teaches you how toprocess emotion or even identify
emotion.
We're we're emotionallyilliterate uh as adults.
(03:31):
No one teaches you anything.
But when I change the word fromemotion to stress, then
everyone's like, oh, I havestress.
Oh my God, I'm so stressed out.
And now that we can admit, butwhat stress is is emotion.
But let's take it to an evenmore physical, clinical setting.
It's the nervous system.
Your nervous system is exactlywhat it says it is.
It's it's it's your nervous.
Your nervous system is yourelectrical panel in your body.
(03:55):
And we understand that there's aparasympathetic nervous system,
right?
And then the sympathetic nervoussystem, our survival state.
We have our our brain, ourcaveman brain.
We're looking at how do I walkaround this world and how have I
evolved?
How has man evolved?
How has our consciousnessexpanded?
How do we get into theprefrontal cortex a little bit
more often so we can be in aparasympathetic state,
(04:17):
especially with what you do, therest and digest.
If someone is doing a millionwonderful physical things for
their body, but they're notseeing results, it's because
they're not, they're not inparasympathetic.
That's where we have rest anddigest and heal.
Most of us, I mean, I mean, lookat the world today.
Not that it, and I'm sure at anypoint in time that will ring
(04:38):
true.
Someone can say that at anyyear.
I feel like it's worse rightnow, but in our, you know, in
terms of the survival state,where people are being killed
for their belief systems, forspeaking out, our our right to
freedom of speech, our right formedical freedom is being uh
looked at.
And those make us afraid.
And when we're in that fearstate, we're in a survival
(04:59):
state.
So if it's okay, I'd love tojust kind of go over what that
means for people and also makesure people know that there's
much more information on thisthan we're going to be able to
cover today.
I've got tons of exercises foreverything I'm talking about.
I really feel it's it's imperentthat people understand.
You have to understand and knowhow to identify and healthfully
(05:20):
process your emotions so thatyour nervous system and body can
feel safe.
In fact, there are two.
I've had Dr.
Bruce Lipton on the show amillion times.
We've talked, and and he talksabout this in terms of quantum
physics and epigenetics, right?
I'm sure you've talked aboutepigenetics on the show.
And if you haven't, it's thescience that above all of the
other physical sciences, it saysthat genetics can load the gun,
(05:42):
but epigenetics pulls thetrigger.
You can have all of the genesfor something good or something
bad, and we can have them.
Most of us have cancer cells,but they may never develop
because the epigenetics, whichis the container that it's in,
the environment that it's in,the soil, right?
Liken it to gardening.
You have a tree.
In fact, we have had, we're onour third avocado tree.
(06:03):
Two of our avocado trees we putin the backyard in a very
specific place, and they bothdied.
And I thought, okay, we're gonnatry one more time.
And this time I'm keeping itover here where these trees are
flourishing.
Where we put it the first twotimes, there's nothing there but
grass.
And there's a tree kind ofnearby, but not right where it
is.
It's it's so I thought, well,maybe it's the position, maybe
it's the soil.
So I moved it over and I put itin a different pot with new
(06:25):
soil, and now it's flourishing.
When you have a disease, and itdoesn't even have to be a
disease, it just can be achronic condition.
Think of it as a gardener, youthat soil, if it stops
producing, there's a reason.
There are multiple elements thatcontribute to the health of what
grows there.
And when we look at how can I,if I just throw things at my
(06:45):
body in the same environment,the same stresses, the same
belief systems, the same habits,I'm still activating the same
genes, either turning on orturning off the same genes that
give me the same results overand over again.
I have to take a broaderperspective.
So epigenetics looks at looks atlife and says, you have the
ability to change how yourblueprint reacts, how your genes
(07:07):
react.
Uh doctors would say, oh, well,these are, you know, it's it's
genetics that says you're goingto be uh can't have cancer.
No, everyone has the ability tohave cancer, and most of us are
going to have pre-cancer cells,but most of us won't ever get
it.
Why?
Because of the environment thatour body lives in, from food we
eat, the stress that we have,the way that we interpret the
(07:28):
world, there are multiplefactors of what we're gonna call
the terrain that create theenvironment from whatever this
is gonna be born, whatevercancer.
That's why cutting out cancer isnot gonna work.
You cut out cancer is gonna showup somewhere else.
If you change nothing about yourdiet lifestyle or stress, most
likely it's going to emergesomewhere else.
Many people that have breastcancer end up having brain
cancer or liver cancer becauseit moves, because they think
(07:50):
they catch it with uh, you know,with chemo and with radiation,
and they never change anythingabout their lives and all of a
sudden it shows up in anotherform because we never change the
terrain from which it grew in.
So of course it's going to growagain.
And there are other emotionalreasons I could point to.
So epigenetically, we have tolook at how if I'm in a stress
bubble, just looking at thenervous system, I'm either in
(08:11):
rest and digest,parasympathetic, or I'm in a
survival state.
It's really the only twochoices.
So if I'm constantly in asurvival state, then my my whole
body shuts down.
When we're in a survival state,blood flow stops, digestion
stops, blood ends up going justat the extremities.
Because think about us incaveman times, our adrenaline
gets pumped up because we're wethink we're gonna die.
There's somebody chasing us, orwe're running out of food, and
(08:33):
we're in this state and we'retrying, and so the body
literally just pumps blood tothings it needs.
So it stops everything else.
Digestion doesn't get attendedto because it isn't important
for survival, but your limbs arefor running away.
And we live in a state ofconstant survival today from the
news, from politics, fromdisease, from whatever, from not
(08:54):
having enough money, from nothaving enough love.
We catastrophize everything.
And that has become what we'readdicted to in this culture is
being in catastrophe, being inan all or nothing.
And we don't understand whatmakes up how to rewire this, how
to decelerate this, how to comeback into balance, how to stop
(09:15):
being a part of the momentumthat is the conversation of this
world of they want it sells, itsells, right?
The news, if you don't know, ispot and paid for.
The news that they show youthat's on repeat is somebody
else's point of view to come upwith the most ridiculous, scary
thing ever.
So you get up in the morning andgo, what do I need to worry
about today?
And then you go to thetelevision or you read the paper
(09:35):
and it's all bad news.
Yes, there is bad news in theworld.
There will always be bad news inthe world.
But guess what?
There's also good news, butyou're not looking at it, and no
one's spoon feeding it to you.
But it exists at the same timethe bad news does.
But when we're in a culture ofpeople who are literally afraid,
I mean, think of COVID.
Most people probably got COVIDand got sick because of the fear
of getting sick.
(09:56):
When you are in when you areafraid, when that when you are
afraid and your nervous system'sin a survival state, your immune
system tanks.
It does not do what it'ssupposed to do because again,
blood flows go into the limbs.
We need to run, we need to beable to survive, we need to be
able to fight.
So the four survival states arefight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
(10:17):
And I'm gonna go over this a lotmore deeply.
I've got a free workshopeveryone would I'd love everyone
to come to on November 19th.
I'm happy to give you a freeticket uh as a as a listener of
Dr.
Davis.
Um, I'll give you the link atlater, but I'm gonna go into
this a lot more and you're gonnatake a quiz so that you
understand what survival stateyou're in, and then I'm gonna
give you some exercises so youknow how to get out of it.
Because when you're in survivalstate, you're not rest and
(10:39):
digest, which means you're nothealing.
So even though someone has anamazing plan, and I've seen it
with cancer patients over andover again, they're so
white-knuckled, they are not inparasympathetic parasympathetic
ever.
Maybe when they're sleeping.
But when in their awake state,they're worried, they're
catastrophizing, they're gonnadie, they're afraid of dying.
And so, but they're doing allthe things, but they're doing
all the things with the energyof, I don't want to die, I don't
(11:01):
want to die, I don't want todie, which never gets their body
into a healing state.
Uh, Dr.
Kelly Turner wrote a book,several books, but uh called
Radical Remission.
And she surveyed 1,500 cancerpatients that had a radical
remission, where all doctorssaid to them, There is nothing
else we can do for you, you'regonna go home and die now.
Like we've run out of things tohelp you with.
(11:21):
And every one of those patients,she studied them all and then
took the common denominators outof what they all did and came up
with nine in the first book andthen added a tenth one in the
second book.
The tenth one was exercise.
But out of all 10 of those,seven are mental, emotional, and
spiritual.
Seven.
Now, the other three arephysical, diet, supplements, and
(11:43):
exercise, were the other three.
But the rest were mental,emotional, and spiritual.
But again, that is somethingthat because I'm a if you're a
physician or if you don't knowhow to help somebody do that,
then there's nothing you putyour hands up and go, I have
nothing else.
There's no pill I can give you,there's no surgery I can give
you, there's no treatment I cangive to you.
But when it comes down to it,when there's a certain amount of
surrender in a cancer patientthat says, no one else knows
(12:04):
what to do with me, I'm gonna godecide to live out my days
happy.
I'm gonna go sit on my roof.
One of the stories sitting on myroof and playing my guitar and
watching the birds and watchingthe sunrise.
What happens?
Oh, all of a sudden I'm present.
I'm in rest and digestparasympathetic.
I have positive emotions.
And guess what?
They outlive their diagnosis andthen they heal and they no
longer have cancer.
(12:24):
But it's something because youcan't package it and sell it.
Well, I can, but not in a pillform.
Like you actually do some work.
Most people are afraid of it anddon't know what to do with it.
So when it comes to, you know, Iknow there are definitely
physical things that can helpwith all the things that you're
doing in the gut space.
Absolutely, we can help ournervous system with the kinds of
foods we eat, with the kind ofsupplements we take.
(12:46):
100% food can make a differencein our ability to get our
nervous system to a more calmerstate.
However, the one thing we don'tfocus on enough is how our brain
interprets the world and all ofthe wounds and all of the
stories and all the ways that wecan create our own stress every
(13:06):
day, all day long.
And that's for me why it's themissing piece.
Because I, so I started aprogram last year called Date
Your Body.
I did a Date Your Body beta atthe end of last year.
It was two months.
And and my goal was to use allof my, because you know, I've
been a personal trainer.
I was a personal trainer for 25years, and I kind of stopped
doing it because I love theemotional conversation.
I love changing people from theinside out because if they feel
(13:28):
good, then they're gonna takecare of themselves more.
They're gonna do the rightthings for themselves.
But there were enough peoplethat I thought, you know what,
they need all of it.
They they don't exercise well,they are maybe not eating well,
they don't, they're not, theirsystem is sugar burning, they're
not in a fat-burning system.
Uh, they have too muchinflammation in their diets and
in their lives, and then theythe way they relate to their
(13:49):
body is very stressful and it'svery negative.
And I did a podcast once, it'sstill on the show for anyone
that's interested.
It's several of my clients, it'stheir favorite episode.
It's called the energyunderneath.
And the energy underneath isjust that.
It's like, what is themotivating factor?
What's what's fueling whatyou're doing?
It doesn't even matter whatyou're doing.
I have a friend who was yearsago, she got addicted to drugs.
(14:12):
And when she came out of that,she and she started
bodybuilding.
And it's amazing how peoplepraised her.
And I thought, oh no, this isnot a good addiction.
This is this is a similar, thisis you just traded one addiction
for another one.
But because seemingly it lookshealthy, I'm like, it's not
healthy.
It is not healthy to do whatyou're doing to do what?
To get a prize.
So someone says that you win,that you look good.
(14:34):
That is the most effed up thingI've ever heard in my entire
life.
It is the it is literallyanorexia in reverse.
It is being so hyper-focused onthat your value is in what you
look like that it's nuts to me.
But people praised her becauseit looks healthy.
So the energy underneath whatshe was doing wasn't about her
health.
It wasn't about self-love.
It was about getting attentionbecause she didn't love herself,
which is why she got addicted todrugs in the first place.
(14:56):
So what I step back and I lookat the big picture and I'm like,
what's the root of this?
What's the energy underneaththis?
That's when we look at it, likewhen people say, Well, I'm gonna
stop drinking.
I said, Great, sure, just stopdrinking.
Why?
Well, because I uh I don't wantto feel I don't want it to be, I
don't want to be healthy.
I'm like, what about balance?
And I'm not telling anyone todrink, I make wine.
Uh okay, you can don't drink,that's fine.
(15:18):
But even like people that gothrough 12-step programs, if the
power is in the alcohol or thepower is in the drug, you don't,
you're giving the power away.
It's you, it's your issues, it'syour emotions you're trying to
suppress through whateveraddiction you have: control,
food, alcohol, being on amillion screens all the time,
never being quiet, beingaddicted to how you look.
There's there's severaladdictions.
(15:39):
But you know, but to me, theconversation is if your physical
program, if what you're doing isworking, then all the every part
of your life really would lookbetter.
You would be calmer, you'd bemore peaceful, you'd be happier,
and you'd get the results thatyou want.
But we're so focused on just theoutside stuff of the exercise,
the food, the supplements, thehormones, the whatever.
(16:01):
And then we get, then our wholenervous system gets crazy.
Like we're we create stress andthe body is never going to heal.
It's not going to release.
In exercise in bodybuilding andin resistance training, when you
build muscle, you're buildingmuscle when you're resting, not
when you're lifting.
When you're lifting, you'rebreaking down the actin mycin
(16:22):
protein bonds within the bellyof the cell, hopefully, if
you're doing it right.
Uh, and if you are, and then inrest is when it gets built back
together.
It's the same for anything thatwe're doing with the body.
If if you're sometimes you canbe super knowing that what
you're doing is working and youhave a positive energy about it
and you trust it.
If you trust it, then itprobably is gonna work.
(16:42):
Oh, let me go back to Dr.
Bruce Lifton.
The two beliefs, the two beliefsyou need to have and own and
feel in order for you to heal.
I am safe and I love myself.
And you gotta mean them.
And most of us can't say thatand mean them.
Most of us do not feel safe inthis world or safe in our bodies
or safe in our relationships orsafe at work.
(17:03):
So we're constantly in asurvival state.
And it doesn't mean your bodycan't change because if you get
deep sleep, if you if you'rereally good at deep sleep,
you're gonna get parasympatheticduring the hours that you sleep,
and your body will heal itselfduring that time.
But if when you wake up in themorning, you look at the world
and you feel unsafe and you saynasty things to yourself and you
judge yourself and you don'tlike yourself and you
self-loathe, then you're not,you are not gonna get very far
(17:25):
with your program of trying tolove your body or get it to do
things that you want it to do.
So to me, I think it's animportant conversation that
everybody needs to be having incombination with the things,
right?
It's not that it's onlyemotions, it it's not only
nervous system.
Yes, there are physical things,but together they make the best
compliment and they're gonna getyou the best results that are
(17:47):
lasting.
The Date Your Body program, I'venow done it twice, and everyone
has kept their weight off andchanged their lifestyle, loves
themselves, can look in themirror and say, I love myself
and mean it, and they're calmerand feel safer, and their
nervous system isn't on highalert all the time because I
took both the physical and themental emotional and put them
together, which probably is whatthis whole thing's been leading
to for, you know, most of thetime that I've been doing what
(18:09):
I'm doing.
So I'm is that resonating?
Does that make sense to you?
SPEAKER_00 (18:12):
Well, if I hear you right, JJ, you're talking about
two different areas.
That is, you're talking aboutthe um hopelessness, the fright,
the uh of the of the responseyou get when you're diagnosed
with something scary like acancer diagnosis, but also the
preconceived ideas that youenter before the diagnosis.
That I I know you talked in thepast about things that factors
(18:33):
that obstruct or block yoursuccess.
So is it really two parts then?
The the ideas you bring into adiagnosis and then the panic
hopelessness that's generated bythe diagnosis?
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
Well, let's just go without the diagnosis.
Let's just look at someonewithout cancer.
In this world, in this climate,it's in this environment, with
our core wounds, with ourhabits, patterns, and past, with
our divorces, with our losses,with our struggles, forget any
diagnosis.
Do most people feel safe in theworld and safe in their bodies?
They don't.
(19:05):
So if I'm running a survivalstate nervous system output, I
am blocking my body from doingwhat it's built to do, which is
to heal itself.
It only heals in a state ofsafety, love, and
parasympathetic.
And when you take the consciousbrain offline and go to bed and
you stop thinking, that's whenthe body can heal itself.
So sleep can be very important,which is why, you know, not
(19:26):
having sleep is extradetrimental for everybody who's
a stress ball anyway.
But it's that uphill climb thatpeople have with their, I've
known people who have had a badjob, who've gone gone from one
job to another job, went superstressed, gained weight, and not
didn't even change their diet,ate the same thing, gained 30
pounds in six months, said, Fthis, I'm stopping this,
(19:46):
stopped, quit the job, went backto the former life, lost the 30
pounds, and didn't do anythingdifferently.
Cortisol production happens whenwe're in where when we're
stressed.
So I'm just gonna, I'm labelingstress differently to say stress
is a survival state.
We can dumb it down into fourdifferent survival states.
We can also look at, and if it'sokay, can I do like another
little teaching thing aboutemotions?
I don't know that you know I'veever done this on your show to
(20:09):
help people sort of identify howthey can start to help their
nervous system feel safer.
Okay.
But I've been doing this withclients now for a couple of
years, and I find it to bereally effective because we,
because you're not taught aboutemotions, because you're not
taught you have needs.
So this is this work comes fromDr.
Marshall Rosenberg, who wrotenonviolent communication.
And I've been using it foryears, and I teach it
(20:32):
differently than they do.
They teach it in a way for youto like help others identify
what their needs are.
I'm thinking, well, how can youidentify in someone else if you
can't identify in yourself?
So I start with the self.
So this list has a hundreddifferent feeling words on it.
For those of you that on apodcast, it's uh who's who are
listening only, it's a one-pagesheet.
The top half has a hundreddifferent feeling words on it.
Now, if I was to ask you, Dr.
(20:53):
Davis, how many feelings do youthink there are?
And you might come up with 10,right?
There's a hundred.
And the reason is because underthe anger category is a much
different frequency andintensity from irritated to
rage, both still under the angercategory.
But someone needs to know thedifference between if I'm
(21:14):
irritated, which is, you know,if I was standing next to
somebody and I said I'mirritated, they'd say, Oh,
what's going on?
If I said I'm enraged, they willtake a step away from me because
rage is violent.
Rage is much scarier thanirritated.
So we have to understand andfine-tune what it is that's
going on with me.
Now, the second half of the listis what we're going to focus on
right now.
(21:34):
The bottom half is your needs.
Now, when people hear needs,especially sometimes men, they
go, Oh, I'm not needy, I'm notdependent.
Um, it's not needy or dependent.
It's 86 basic human needs.
Let me read some of them to you.
So we all have a need foracknowledgement, choice,
freedom, honesty, compassion,rest, safety, collaboration,
(21:58):
consciousness, flow, harmony,fun.
Anyway, there's 86 words onhere.
When I meet with a client now,sometimes, depending on where
they are, and I do this in allmy groups and all my classes,
I'll just have people print thislist and I'll say without any
context, with no story, with noblaming anybody, your job, your
partner, your kids, your mother,just go on this list and circle
(22:19):
every need that is currently notbeing met, that you would like
to have met.
Like, so for some people,beauty's on here.
And I don't know, I mean, I likebeauty, but I don't, I wouldn't
be like, oh my God, beauty's notbeing met.
Like for me, that's I'm notgonna circle.
If you don't care, don't circleit.
But what ends up happening ispeople see that they have most
of these needs not being met.
So no wonder you don't feel safein the world because you aren't
(22:40):
getting your needs met.
And the problem is that we thinkother people are responsible for
getting our needs met.
They're not.
They may help, you may ask forsupport, you may ask for
contribution from other people,but ultimately it is no one
else's job to get your needsmet, including safety.
Which is gonna sound funny to alot of you because you're like,
are you kidding me?
Look at the world, look at thenews, look at the politics.
(23:01):
We're not safe.
I get it.
And like I said, there arefrequencies at which some of us
live.
We don't pay attention to that.
Therefore, we can't see it.
We're not in.
Have you ever bought a new car?
And then the next thing youknow, every everywhere you see
your new car.
Have you ever noticed that, oh,that person has my car, that
person has my car.
Well, prior to buying that car,you didn't notice that.
(23:22):
But now that you're tuned,you're tuned to your car, and
now you see it everywhere,right?
Because it's literally in yourawareness, it's in your
consciousness.
So it's the same thing.
If I'm constantly worried ortalking about something, that's
what I'm gonna be tuned to.
It's like being on a building of10 floors, and let's say you're
on the first floor and I'm onthe 10th floor.
Well, you have no idea what I'mwhat I'm experiencing or the
(23:42):
energy on the 10th floor becauseyou're on the first floor.
You can't see it, you're not init.
You have to actually be on thesame level in order to
understand what's happening atthat level.
So we can find ways to createsafety for ourselves when we
start to identify what makes usfeel unsafe.
What am I missing in my life?
Do I need to speak up formyself?
Do I need to do different thingsfor myself, whatever that may
be?
But there are ways to get yourneeds met.
(24:04):
And we're not necessarily goingto go through that right now,
uh, but I just want I'd loveeveryone to get the sheet.
So it's a jjfilzanes.com forwardslash feelings list.
You will not find it on mypodcast or on my, you will not
find it on my website withoutthis link.
It's a secret link because Idon't want people downloading it
because you won't know what todo with it.
So I have to explain it first.
I want to make sure you knowwhat to do with it.
So I want you to download thissheet, print it out, or download
(24:28):
it, then just make a list ofcurrently in this red hot moment
what needs are not being met foryou.
Because that's where everynegative emotion comes from, is
a need not being met.
So then I'll take it a stepfurther.
The third question is how do I,what are some strategies I can
take to get my need met thatdon't require anyone else to be
different?
And you need to come up withmore than one plan because it
can't be you say, well, thisperson is upsetting me and they
(24:50):
need to change their behavior.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Good luck with that.
Uh if you think you're gonnacontrol the entire world to act
in a way that pleases you, thenbravo to you for thinking you
have that much power and controlover other people.
You don't.
Uh, everyone is acting on theirown behalf for their own
reasons, for their owninterpretations, and you're
never, ever, ever gonna controleverybody.
The only person you can controlis you.
(25:12):
So when we look at, you know, ityes, diagnosis, life-threatening
thing, of course, makes sense.
I'm now in trauma.
I've got PTSD.
I think I'm gonna die every day.
And that makes, and I understandwhy they're in fight or flight,
but most of us are in fight orflight and we don't have a
diagnosis.
We just we live in a world, welook at the news, we read the
the papers, we see people on insocial media, you know, people
(25:34):
complaining about people.
If you take a step back,especially on social media, and
you have some compassion for asecond and say, Oh, everyone's
afraid.
I recently did sort of ajourney, let's say, uh, myself
earlier this year in Marchbefore my birthday, and um, and
and the revelations that came tome, the very clear message was
everyone is afraid ofeverything.
(25:56):
Have compassion.
Everyone, doesn't matter whatthe story is, everyone, let's,
you know, COVID, people that areanti versus pro, people
everyone's afraid of something.
Everyone's afraid of something.
Doesn't matter how right orwrong or accurate or whatever
you are, it still boils down toeveryone's afraid.
Everyone's acting from a placeof fear, whether it be pro or
against or whatever, in everysituation.
(26:18):
So, to me, this conversation,and again, I hope if you're
someone out there who'slistening or watching and and
you've struggled with your bodycomposition, your relationship
with your body, we have to,especially for women.
So I can't speak to men, I'm nota man.
Um, but uh especially for awoman and you do all the action,
you do all the action things,but you haven't changed your
relationship with your body.
(26:38):
Imagine that your body wasseparate from your brain, and
you could have two versions ofyourself sitting on a bench, and
your brain would talk to yourbody as a friend and say all the
things you say to it all daylong.
Most likely they're probablynegative, they're probably
shaming, abusive, mean.
Would someone be your friend ifyou said all the things that you
said to your body all day long?
(27:00):
Your body is literally givingyou the th the middle finger,
saying, I'm not changing.
I'm not changing until youaccept me.
You have to love where you areand learn to make peace with
where you are before yournervous system will be in love
and parasympathetic, and then dowhat you want it to do, whether
it be build muscle, lose weight,get stronger, release
(27:20):
inflammation, right?
Get rest so that you can sleepthrough the night.
You rest and digest, yourdigestion is off.
Yes, all these things.
You know how long I've beendoing the things that you know,
but still, if I'm in if I'm inhyper stress mode, I don't give
it, it doesn't matter what I'mtaking.
It's not gonna fix my nervoussystem.
It's not gonna fix theenvironment, the stress bubble
that I'm creating with my mindand my heart.
(27:42):
You would just get so much moresuccess if we can tackle this
nervous system thing, akastress, aka emotions.
And just so everyone is clear,I'm about stress reduction and
not about stress management.
That term is the stupidest termI've ever heard.
It's like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic as it's
going down.
Who cares?
It's going down.
Stress reduction is the name ofthe game.
And part of this sheet is howwe're gonna start it is to be
(28:05):
able to be responsible andidentify what am I feeling, what
need is not being met that'screating this feeling.
And then how can I get my needmet without asking anyone else
to be different?
And if I do need help in thecase of companionship or
sometimes intimacy orcelebration, like companionship.
Someone once said, Well, how doI get companionship on my own?
Well, this is where whensomeone's dating, they're like,
(28:26):
Oh, I have to find that oneperson, that one person's gonna
be my everything.
How stressful is that?
Oh my gosh, you're gonna, you'regonna literally be that clingy
person nobody wants to bearound, and you're never gonna
attract that person becausethey're gonna feel how needy you
are.
But if you say, Well, why do Iwant companionship?
Because I want to have fun,because I want to enjoy quality
time with people, great.
(28:47):
Make a list of 10 or 20 peopleyou love to spend time with and
then put them on your scheduleevery week.
And you're gonna havecompanionship with someone new.
And then your nervous system isgonna calm down, you're gonna be
in a better, better alignmentand you're gonna glow and be
happy and then attract people toyou.
But otherwise, you're needy anddesperate, and then you're
repelling everybody because wecan feel that.
Nobody likes that.
SPEAKER_00 (29:07):
So is your sense that things have gotten worse
over the last few decades?
SPEAKER_01 (29:12):
I think things have getting gotten worse because
even I was interviewing, I havea new podcast called West Coast
Women Rising, and it's it'ssomewhat local, but it'll be
sort of um West Coast for womenbusiness owners, and we're
talking a lot about emotion onit.
And um, you know, one of thethings that I've realized when
in that group is the need forour conversation to go into
because like we're looking atbusiness, right?
(29:33):
But we still we're all actingout of scarcity or the ability
to survive.
We're in a survival state allthe time, and it repels
business.
And when I'm looking at you knowthe state of mind that we're in
right now, because no one hastaught you these things.
We haven't had thisconversation.
And then also, I was doing aninterview for West Coast Wind
Rising with a friend of minethat I've known for 20 something
years.
(29:54):
She's now doing AI stuff, and Ikind of glazed over and I got
into overwhelm.
My co host, who owns VenturaCounty businesswoman, she's into
AI and blockchain and crypto andthings like that.
And so I'm sitting there and I'mgoing, I'm so tired.
I said, Deborah, when do yourest?
It's all this information, thespeed at which information comes
at us, the speed at which AIworks, makes us feel inadequate,
(30:17):
as if we're broken and thatwe're we're never going to be a
computer like that.
And so it makes when we think wehave to keep up with that, now
we feel bad about ourselves.
Now we're overwhelmed veryeasily with the world around us.
So yes, I think that the astechnology speeds up, we get
more overwhelmed.
And when we get overwhelmed, weshut down or we go into our
survival state, whatever one isright for you.
(30:39):
And again, we're getting sickerand sicker.
We're getting sicker and sickerfor multiple reasons.
There's plenty of reasons inour, you know, in our air, in
our water, in our food thatwe're getting sick, but we're
also getting sick because we'recompletely disconnected.
You know, I wanted to swearthere.
We're getting completelydisconnected from who we really
are.
We forget who we are.
We don't spend time in nature,we don't slow down.
And you're all probably laughingbecause you're thinking, JJ, you
(31:00):
talk really fast.
I do, um, but I know how to shutoff.
I have a lot of fire energy.
And when I'm on, I'm on, but Iknow how to rest.
I had acupuncture yesterday.
My acupuncture came to the houseand she said, Are you okay?
Do you have the full hour?
I said, Yes, I have the fullhour.
And within half a second, I wasin parasympathetic because I
know how to, I know how to workmy nervous system into a state
of calm.
(31:21):
I'm not nervous right now.
I'm passionate.
I'm I'm excited.
I want people to know this.
I want you to really askyourself why, if you're still
struggling with a chronicdisease or pain or issue or
weight loss or body shaming orwhatever issue with your body
and you haven't looked at thenervous system or your emotions,
yeah, that's my calling.
(31:41):
That's what I'm here to do onthe planet is to help you
understand who you really are,to remind you of that, and then
to make choices based on thatthat support your healing.
So when you do take theprobiotics, when you do go to
the gym and exercise, when youdo meditate, it actually works.
And it isn't just checking off abox.
And then you, and then you stayin the constant struggle and the
hamster wheel of what newproduct do I take now?
(32:02):
What new supplement do I take?
What new detox can I do now?
It's exhausting and people giveup because they try program
after program, they don't havelasting results because they
think it's supposed to work whentheir container, their body,
their energy field is literallyin a survival state.
And they can't accept it, theycan't receive it, and their body
won't take it.
SPEAKER_00 (32:20):
So having all the phases of your career over the
years, how has this affectedyour your what's your life like
now?
And what was it like in thepast?
SPEAKER_01 (32:30):
Well, I've definitely lived in my state of
survival for sure, because everynew product, every new program,
every new iteration of me meansstepping out into normally
uncharted territories ofsomething that someone else
isn't talking about or being newand different.
Everyone else is back here.
So I'm normally like ahead ofthe game, and then people will
catch up later.
Like, I have the ideas, I see itcoming, I see what people need
(32:50):
on the bell curve I'm at the endin the beginning.
Like, but but I love attractingpeople who are kind of there
too.
They're like, oh, I I I knowthis is coming.
I feel like the wave of that.
For me right now, I mean, I'vegot so many great things going
on and on my plate and thingsthat I want to do.
Like I'd love to have a retreatcenter.
I've been working with peopledoing some plant medicines, and
I it changes their life in aday.
(33:13):
I mean, like, I have seen someamazing because it deals with
the brain and the nervoussystem.
And it's because some peoplecan't get out of their daily
habits and beliefs to implementwhat it truly means to feel
relaxed, to feel calm, tobelieve that to love yourself.
That's the one thing I can saypeople get out of date your body
in three months is they come outand they love themselves.
(33:34):
If you didn't love yourself, Ihad a guy who came to my
workshop three years ago, and uhhe was the boyfriend of one of
my clients, and he said, sure,I'll go, I'll go to JJ's event.
And uh, he's someone who's beenin recovery for 21 years.
He's done therapies, he he uh issponsors people, he goes to
meetings.
And at the end of my three-dayevent, we have a big circle
(33:55):
every every day, and at the endof the event, he said, I now
realize that I don't lovemyself.
And of course, as he passes themic, I stop him and I say, Stop!
Hold on, that's not gonna be theend of the story.
Can I help you?
And he said, Yes.
So then the next year, he didwhat's called my rewire program.
And within six months, he was achanged person.
(34:15):
And to this day, I mean, youlook and you could see the
video, it's amazing.
Um, he because he loved, helearned how to love himself.
And therapies and 12-stepprograms don't always do that
for you.
In fact, most of the time theydon't do that for you.
So for me, like I take that andI get excited.
I'm like, how can more peopleget this?
How, what can I deliver?
What in what ways I I createanother program this year called
Healing the Mother Wound.
(34:36):
And it was a five-day in-personevent because when I looked at,
well, there's a lot of peoplewalking around whose mothers
program them with really badfeelings and beliefs about them.
We all have that, right?
That's what I specialize in.
I'm writing a book, it's beingshopped around right now, and
hopefully you'll have me backwhen the book is out and I can
share.
It's called, well, currentlyit's called Allowing More, but
it's learning how to rewire yourcore wound patterns so you know
(34:57):
what that is.
We have these.
If I can just speak about thatreal quick, so your core wounds,
and I'm sure we've talked aboutthis at some point, but we all,
from the time we're born untilseven, your brain waves are
mostly theta and delta.
And the theta brain wave iswhere hypnosis happens.
When you're before you're seven,you don't have consciousness.
You can't think about thinking.
(35:17):
Your body is in a survivalstate, it wants connection and
safety.
And anytime you don't getconnection and safety, the brain
has to make sense of that and itmakes a belief.
So if your parents left youcrying in your crib for too
long, your brain decided thatyou were abandoned.
They left you.
You're not important.
And these are subconsciousprograms that we don't choose,
but they are the foundation fromhow we look at the world, how we
(35:40):
relate to life, how we interpretinformation.
So for me, I have a core woundof devalued.
My parents love me, they showedup to everything, but they don't
get me.
They don't get me.
They all they'll listen to mefor hours.
They love me, they support me100%.
They have no freaking clue whatI do.
They have no idea what I do.
And right.
And so I, and as I grew andexpanded and become me more and
more, like they can't appreciatereally appreciate that because
(36:03):
they don't get it.
And so there's a, you know, soI, but when I was younger, I was
different.
And they didn't, you know, andthey would kind of try to be
like, not everyone's like you.
Like they kind of shamed me alittle bit to sort of be
quieter, be less, don't speak upso much, don't be, you know,
you're bossy.
You're like, you don't knoweverything.
Um, not everyone's like you.
Don't I look at the world and Isay, well, if they can do it, I
can do it.
(36:23):
If you can do it, I can do it.
I just have to learn how to dowhatever you did.
But not everyone thinks likethat.
And so, me, you know, trying toget my brother or my ex-husband
or whoever to be like me, theythought they didn't like that.
So when you understand what yourcore wounds are, you understand
the patterns in your life fromrelationships to self-sabotage,
whether it be in programs orwith money, why you can't
(36:44):
attract more, why you can't domore, why you can't allow in
more.
And that's sort of been whatI've been working on.
So this this year I wrote thebook and uh and it's being
shopped around.
And next year, hopefully it'llbe published or the year after.
Um, but I'm really justpassionate about making sure
people understand that you havea program, like a computer
program.
You have a virus, you haveseveral viruses, but you don't
(37:06):
know what they are.
So, and most and a lot oftherapies don't go through this.
A lot of therapies, you show upand you say, I'm sad, I'm
depressed, I'm mad, this person,blah, blah, blah.
The therapist says, Oh, that'sso sorry.
I feel so that's terrible thatyou feel that way.
Tell me how you feel.
And that's about theconversation.
That's how it goes.
I have a client who just did uhshe did my rewire program in two
(37:26):
journeys.
She is a different person in ayear's time, less than a year's
time, in nine months, becauseshe's been depressed most of her
life.
Her dad was an alcoholic, hermom was depressed.
That's all she knows.
That's her normal, is depressed.
And then she's been in therapyfor 20 years.
And what she said about myprogram, and I'm not someone she
would normally choose.
So for those of you like, oh,you're too intense for me.
This person would never havechosen me.
(37:48):
She met me at an event and I wegot to talking and I said, You
need this, because I'm very, Ibelieve in what I do.
I said, You need this.
And she said, and and she wouldnow tell you that yes, she did
need this, because never in thetherapies that she had did she
learn how to appreciate oraccept herself for who she was.
She's always felt broken orweird or different.
(38:08):
And yes, we're all different.
But when you under when I canbreak down for you why you're
different and why you're exactlywho you're supposed to be and
all the things that go intothat, it's education.
And then when you learn, whenyou learn that, you love
yourself.
So what's going on for me?
I don't know.
I'm I'm a free flower right now.
I'm like, I'd love to make aretreat center.
I'd love to have that.
Any investors out there thatwant to put a retreat center
together, I would has to be herein Ohio, though.
(38:29):
Um, a retreat center with maybeeight to ten bedrooms.
I can't wait for the book tocome out.
I can't wait to my programsstart next year.
I've got several programsstarting.
The Rewire is one of them, andDate Your Body is one of them.
But it's just figuring out howto make a bigger impact, quite
honestly, Dr.
Davis, in how to relate.
If everyone took this sheet,literally, everyone, and learned
(38:50):
how to get their own needs met,oh, we'd all be happy.
There'd be no war, there'd be nocon, like we would, everything,
all this survival state crapwould go away.
Why?
Because I wouldn't blameeverybody else for how I feel.
I wouldn't make it everyoneelse's responsibility to behave
in different ways so that I feelcomfortable.
When I can, when I know how tomake get my own needs met,
there's a sense of confidenceand ease and power and knowing
(39:11):
this that I don't need anyoneelse to do anything for me.
I mean, ultimately, yes, youwant love and connection and you
want, you want things, but youcan't control people.
And we've never learned that.
Maybe one day it'll be in schoolsystems.
Maybe one day I'd love to dothat.
Teach teach children how to howto feel like sensory-wise,
embodiment, like know how yourbody works, loving your your
(39:32):
subconscious is 80% of your 88%,88% of you, and it lives in your
body.
Most of us are disconnected fromour body.
We're in our brains, we'rethinking.
So when we have, you know,stomach cramps or back pain or
like we don't our body's talkingto us.
There's several books.
When the body what's what's thebuttons?
When the body the body takesscore, that's one of the books.
The body takes score is one ofthe books.
(39:53):
You know, like if you'reactually paying attention, your
body's telling you things, butmost people aren't paying
attention because they're toohead down trying to get
somewhere, make the money, getthe thing, and that can be very
useful.
Men are men are focused thatway, and that's very useful.
And we need some balance ofbeing present because we didn't,
in my opinion, did not incarnatein this lifetime to have a
(40:13):
constant berade of stress.
It's supposed to be fun andjoyful with a little stress
along the way.
And here's some tools to make iteasier to deal with that.
And most people don't have anytools.
I just want more people to havetools.
SPEAKER_00 (40:25):
So identifying core wounds sounds like a basic
premise.
A lot of your programs.
So beyond raisingself-awareness, what is the
process to bring that allalight?
What do you what do you do?
Core wounds.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:37):
Well, so there the work originates from Imago
Therapy, which is a therapy, acouples therapy created by
Harville Hendricks and HenleyKelly Hunt.
It's my favorite, the onlytherapy that I recommend.
And within, and I did it in myprevious marriage.
So what that means is I'm verytruth-seeking in a logical way.
So when I see something, when Ilearn something, I immediately
(40:59):
change.
Now that is not true foreverybody.
Um, but I had seen a pattern inmy marriage with my ex, and I
even knew it.
Like I said to him, he'd say,You know that doesn't work.
I said, Oh, I totally know itdoesn't work.
He's like, Why do you keep doingit?
I said, I don't know why I keepdoing it.
I know it doesn't work, but Ikeep doing it.
I don't know why I can't stop.
But some because logically itjust made sense to me to do what
I was doing until I did this.
(41:21):
So it's a mogotherapy, with a 12weeks when you go to a Mago
therapist and there's a certainamount of exercises that you do.
It's very structured.
And you actually sign anagreement in the first 12 weeks
that says you're not gonna bail,you're gonna complete the 12
weeks and the 12 um exercises.
One of them is the core woundprogram, a core wound um core
wound exercise.
And everyone can go by this.
You can go, you can buy theGetting the Love That You Want
(41:41):
workbook and you can do thisexercise.
What I've done over the years istaken this exercise and I've
extracted from it data ofpatterns and habits and created
a core wound map.
And that's my thing.
And I actually got Harville towrite the foreword to my book,
uh, acknowledging, and he wasvery excited when I shared it
with him because I, you know, Ihad to get permission.
I've created this work based onyour work.
(42:02):
Like it starts with your work,but then I've fine-tuned it
because I'm always looking forthe fastest, easiest, easiest
path to clarity and behavioralchange in anything.
I want to understand what it is,I want to understand how it
works, so I know how to changeit.
And that's what I've createdwith the core wound map.
Now, in the book, I have not,nor did I ask permission, but I
(42:23):
for people to do the actualeight-page core wound exercise.
But in the book, I list, and youanyone can go on ChatGPT or
Google and you can say, give mea list of core wounds.
Okay.
And it won't be as thorough, andyou can't really create a map
from it, but you can start withwhat are my core wounds?
And then you look at the list ofwounds and you could look at see
what resonates to you.
Some would be abandonment, mine,like I said, devalued.
(42:45):
Someone might have beencontrolled or suppressed,
invisible.
Yeah, there's there's I there'smany.
So, but those just come to mindright now.
But you just look up core woundsand you'd start there.
And that would be that the corewounds, let's say I would choose
the top three.
And so what I do in the book isI have people create the map,
but you're gonna kind of guessat the at the wounds.
I would prefer people to do theexercise and then work with
(43:08):
someone to really get fine-tunedabout this.
But let's just say you doabandonment.
So let's go over abandonment fora second.
If I have a core wound ofabandonment, when I get
triggered, when I when my braininterprets I'm being abandoned,
again, this happens so quickly.
It's so instantaneous.
So, which is why you have toidentify when it's happening.
I will immediately have anemotional reaction, I will feel
something, and then I will dosomething.
(43:29):
So the beginning of the circuitlooks like this.
I'm out in the world, my bodygoes into a trigger, it's
interpreting abandoned.
I'm again, you can't think it'slike it's happening so fast.
You trigger abandon, and thenI'm gonna feel something, and
then I'm gonna do something.
So when I understand the patternand I'm gonna be able to catch
it, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonnabe able to start to change it.
So I'm gonna, oh, that's mefeeling abandoned.
(43:51):
But then I go a little deeperinto so let's say abandonment's
the core wound.
I ask people because if it wasjust something that happened to
you one time that didn't stickas a belief, then we can kind of
move on and get over it.
But what happens is it becomes abelief in which and how we treat
ourselves.
This is the most important part.
So if someone has a core woundof abandonment, my question
would be for you what are threeways you abandon yourself?
(44:13):
And most people that haveabandonment wounds abandon
themselves because they don'tfeel worthy enough to be
attended to by other people.
So they're the ones who that'swhen someone's texting you and
they don't text back and they'rethey go into a panic because
they have a fear of abandonment.
They so we're only going to stopthis if we can identify it and
then start to first takeresponsibility for how I'm
(44:34):
continuing to keep this woundvery alive and very active.
I have to stop abandoning myselfbefore anyone else, because you
can't expect anyone else not toabandon you.
And then we move into thestretch.
So here's the this is myfavorite part.
So this is how my rewire programgot created.
Neuroplasticity.
In order to, just like whenyou're building muscle or
training the br training yourbody to get stronger, in
(44:56):
exercise, we, you know, you havemuscle fibers, all kinds of
muscle fibers all over the body.
And someone who's bodybuildingor really trying to hypert get
hypertrophy, which is buildingof the muscle, they're going to
be very, it's uh Tony, what'shis name?
Called it um muscle confusion.
Okay.
Well, that's not really it's itwas a good way to tell a lot of
people how to do somethingdifferently, but it's actually
(45:17):
not accurate.
When you do something for thefirst time that's new, a sport,
a dance, an exercise, your bodyfeels a little weird.
It's like shaky, right?
Because it doesn't know how todo whatever you're trying to do
because it has no pathway forit.
There is no brain-to-muscleconnection yet.
That's what you're trying toestablish while doing it.
Well, then after you do it onceor twice or a couple of times,
then the brain goes, Okay, thisis easy.
I know now what you want me todo.
(45:38):
That is neuroplasticity, but inthe way of muscle recruit
recruiting muscle fibers.
The brain is the same.
You we all have a certain amountof brain activity and
neuroplasticity.
Well, not neuroplasticity, wehave brain circuits that we've
created over time, and much ofour brain we're not even using
at all.
When we want to change a beliefor an idea or a habit, we have
to stretch outside of ourcomfort zone and create new
(46:00):
neural pathways.
But just like in personaltraining for me, if I said to
someone, you understand how apersonal trainer works, when you
hire a trainer, it means they'regoing to push you into places
you're not comfortable beyondwhat you're willing to do on
your own.
Yes.
And most people say, Yes, Itotally understand.
Here's my money.
What I'm doing with the rewireis the same thing as a personal
trainer does, only emotionally.
(46:21):
I'm asking you to stretch beyondyour comfort zone so that your
body has to repattern.
Let me give you a very clearexample.
Two years ago, I took two of mycats.
We had five at the time.
We had two of my oldest cats onan RV trip.
Well, we had we had inherited afifth one and she was hell on
wheels, and which is why we tookthe two cats to give them a
break because their nervoussystems were like having PTSD
(46:43):
all the time because she was alittle devil cat.
Loved her, but um, she was shewas not uh emotionally stable
for the rest of them.
She made them all very nervous.
So we take our two cats on thisRV trip.
And when we parked the RV out,and Doug and I had never done
anything like this before, we'venever been in an RV or driven an
RV.
We put the cats in the RV, wehave it all set up, and they're
of course, they're two girls andthey're looking around, they're
(47:03):
curious, and they're sniffingthings and they're jumping on
things.
The minute we shut the door,turn the engine on, they go into
panic mode and they dive rightinto the bed, into the corner.
Their faces are literally in thecorner and they're they're
frozen stiff because they're soafraid, right?
Because their brain said, Whatthe F is happening?
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
They didn't know.
Their brain just turned on andsaid, This is this stimulus,
(47:24):
things are moving, it's loud.
I different smells.
Oh my God, what's happening?
They went into freeze mode.
When we parked the RV, theysawed, they came out, they
walked around, they were, theygot comfortable, they relaxed.
This happened every day for fivedays, except that every day it
got a little better.
And by the fifth day, they wereliterally sitting in my lap
while we were driving becausetheir brain registered, oh, I'm
(47:46):
not gonna die.
Once it got used to the soundand the feeling of what was
happening, they could identifyit as it's not, it's not unsafe.
At first it was unsafe, but wehad to do with the unsafe thing
a couple of times for the brainto create neural pathways that
said, this sound, this feelingdoesn't mean I'm gonna die.
And that's a very simple way ofexplaining neuroplasticity.
(48:06):
And in humans, when we when wewant to change how we feel about
ourselves or what we believe orwhat we're attracting, we have
to cross over.
If I believe I've beenabandoned, then I have to show
up for myself in ways that mightfeel uncomfortable.
And without someone holding yourfeet to the fire a little bit,
you're probably not gonna do it.
Most of us don't want to beuncomfortable.
But when you understand whyyou're doing it, it's like if
all of the women who arelistening to this and you had,
(48:27):
you know, not a wonderfully easeof childbirth, would you put the
baby back in now?
No, it was worth having it.
You understood you had to dosomething uncomfortable to get,
you know, the love of your life.
We go to the gym.
Is it, does it feel amazing towork out?
Sometimes, if you if youunderstand what it's doing for
your body, but maybe you don'tlove it, but you love what the
results that it produces.
(48:47):
In any in other areas of ourlife, we understand this and
we're willing to pay people andwe're willing to show up and do
it.
But when it comes to ouremotions and it makes us feel
out of control, or it because wefeel afraid, or because we don't
want to, we don't admit that wedon't love ourselves, or because
it makes us feel sad or amemory, then we clamp up and we
go into survival and survivesurvival states.
(49:08):
But without addressing this,nothing changes.
I mean, yes, things can changetemporarily, but it doesn't lead
to an overall ease and peace andlove and and you know, that I
think most of us want.
SPEAKER_00 (49:19):
Well, JJ, as always, you're a whirlwind of
information.
Now, could you tell us onceagain if somebody wanted to
attend some of your programs,download some of your materials,
get more of JJ Flazaines?
What should they do?
SPEAKER_01 (49:31):
So the class, Why Your Nervous System, Why Your
Body Won't Change Until YourNervous System Feels Safe is
happening on Wednesday, November19th at 4 p.m.
Pacific, 7 p.m.
Eastern.
It's on Zoom.
It is recorded, so if you can'tmake it live, although live will
get some bonus stuff that uhbecause I love when people come
live, it's much more fun.
Uh, and it's$97, but uh becauseyou're a listener of Dr.
Davis, you can put in code Dr.
(49:52):
Davis97, all caps, D-R-D-A-V-I-S97, and you'll get it for free.
There will be a replay and itwill be available after November
19th if you're hearing thisafter November 19th.
So feel free to take a part ofthat.
Uh jjfulzames.com is where mywebsite is.
I have a bunch of podcasts, abunch of free stuff.
Oh, the feelings and needs listis at jjfilzames.com forward
(50:14):
slash feelings list, feelingswith an S.
And then if I've mentioned anyof these programs and you feel
really called, most people wantto get to know me a little bit
more, but if you feel reallycalled, you can go to
jjfzames.com forward slashapply.
And I'm currently takingapplications for 2026.
Once January starts, January5th, we're done.
Like so, I mean, minus healingthe mother wound and maybe
(50:37):
something else, a couplesretreat that I'll be doing next
year, those other programs willbe closed.
So it's now until the end of theyear that you could jump on a
call and see if something fits.
Maybe you don't know where youwant to start.
So go to Jigifilzanes.comforward slash apply, and then I
can tell you where to go.
It's a free call.
We just decide if it's a fit andwhat it entails, and I'll make
you an offer or I'll tell you togo listen to the podcast and
that you're not ready yet.
SPEAKER_00 (50:59):
Thank you, JJ.
I'll put uh links to all thoseuh locations in the show notes,
of course.
JJ, thank you again.
Thanks for your valuable timeand your and your endless energy
for sharing with us.
Thanks, Dr.
Davis.
Thank you.
I appreciate you.
JJ Flazaines has worn a number of hats over the
years as actress, physicaltrainer, and most recently what
she calls an empowermentstrategist.
Her most recent focus is totherefore counsel people to
identify obstacles to success.
Having worked with thousands ofclients and a source of prolific
(00:26):
advice and learning resources,JJ works to pinpoint why people
fail to achieve their goals inhealth, weight loss, love,
career, and other spheres oflife.
JJ is host of an impressive fivepodcasts, including People's
Choice Awards nominee, Spirit,Purpose and Energy, Fit to Love,
(00:50):
and Nutrition and AlternativeMedicine, bringing her unique
brand of insight into humanbehavior in practical,
actionable ways.
Here in this episode of theDefiant Health Podcast, JJ
shares the details of her uniqueapproach to identify, then take
down the common obstacles tosuccess.
(01:13):
Well, thanks for joining me, JJ.
I always love having you backbecause you offer some
perspectives that I don't have,and a lot of the people I deal
with, or including uh guests onmy show, don't provide.
And that is, so we do a lot ofthings in my programs.
We talk about diet, of course.
We talk about various nutrientsthat address factors like
insulin resistance andinflammation.
(01:36):
We, of course, dive deeply intothe world of the microbiome.
But despite all that, we don'tget 100%.
We get a lot of success, ofcourse, but we don't get 100%
success.
And I know, having talked to youover the years, that you bring
to light something that I've notaddressed very well, and that is
the emotional hurdles tosuccess, whether it's in love or
(01:58):
weight loss or health orwhatever.
And I know you've uh got somenew projects in that in that
vein.
You want to tell us about it?
Sure.
SPEAKER_01 (02:06):
Yeah, I'm liking it to like the missing piece
between like for every dietdetox and healing plan, because
it doesn't really matter whatthe goal is physically, like
this could be about someonewho's trying to heal cancer.
In fact, to be honest, I wasworking with a bunch of cancer
doctors who were sending mepatients of theirs who they put
them on these protocols thatwere so stressful.
And even though they were allvery good physical things, it
(02:29):
was only one in you know,several that would actually
heal.
And we had to look at, well, whyare these people not healing?
And I kept thinking all thethings besides the expense, it
was like they were runningaround all day long doing all
these things.
And it was all very good things,but there was a stress level to
it that I thought something'soff and not right.
(02:50):
They're not healing.
You're giving them the perfecttool.
Why aren't they healing?
Well, they're not healingbecause their body can't receive
it because they're in a survivalstate.
And, you know, we've talkedabout emotion on your show in
the past.
I I nauseate my audience withtalking about emotion.
Um, but you know, for the menthat are listening, emotion is a
word that you kind of shut down.
(03:10):
Like your brain goes, nope, notdealing with that.
I don't have any tools for that.
I can't see it, I can't bottleit.
I don't know how to get rid ofit.
It makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm gonna losecontrol.
Emotion is not a word peoplegravitate towards, especially in
the physical world, because it'snot tangible and they don't know
what to do with it.
And no one teaches you how toprocess emotion or even identify
emotion.
We're we're emotionallyilliterate uh as adults.
(03:31):
No one teaches you anything.
But when I change the word fromemotion to stress, then
everyone's like, oh, I havestress.
Oh my God, I'm so stressed out.
And now that we can admit, butwhat stress is is emotion.
But let's take it to an evenmore physical, clinical setting.
It's the nervous system.
Your nervous system is exactlywhat it says it is.
It's it's it's your nervous.
Your nervous system is yourelectrical panel in your body.
(03:55):
And we understand that there's aparasympathetic nervous system,
right?
And then the sympathetic nervoussystem, our survival state.
We have our our brain, ourcaveman brain.
We're looking at how do I walkaround this world and how have I
evolved?
How has man evolved?
How has our consciousnessexpanded?
How do we get into theprefrontal cortex a little bit
more often so we can be in aparasympathetic state,
(04:17):
especially with what you do, therest and digest.
If someone is doing a millionwonderful physical things for
their body, but they're notseeing results, it's because
they're not, they're not inparasympathetic.
That's where we have rest anddigest and heal.
Most of us, I mean, I mean, lookat the world today.
Not that it, and I'm sure at anypoint in time that will ring
(04:38):
true.
Someone can say that at anyyear.
I feel like it's worse rightnow, but in our, you know, in
terms of the survival state,where people are being killed
for their belief systems, forspeaking out, our our right to
freedom of speech, our right formedical freedom is being uh
looked at.
And those make us afraid.
And when we're in that fearstate, we're in a survival
(04:59):
state.
So if it's okay, I'd love tojust kind of go over what that
means for people and also makesure people know that there's
much more information on thisthan we're going to be able to
cover today.
I've got tons of exercises foreverything I'm talking about.
I really feel it's it's imperentthat people understand.
You have to understand and knowhow to identify and healthfully
(05:20):
process your emotions so thatyour nervous system and body can
feel safe.
In fact, there are two.
I've had Dr.
Bruce Lipton on the show amillion times.
We've talked, and and he talksabout this in terms of quantum
physics and epigenetics, right?
I'm sure you've talked aboutepigenetics on the show.
And if you haven't, it's thescience that above all of the
other physical sciences, it saysthat genetics can load the gun,
(05:42):
but epigenetics pulls thetrigger.
You can have all of the genesfor something good or something
bad, and we can have them.
Most of us have cancer cells,but they may never develop
because the epigenetics, whichis the container that it's in,
the environment that it's in,the soil, right?
Liken it to gardening.
You have a tree.
In fact, we have had, we're onour third avocado tree.
(06:03):
Two of our avocado trees we putin the backyard in a very
specific place, and they bothdied.
And I thought, okay, we're gonnatry one more time.
And this time I'm keeping itover here where these trees are
flourishing.
Where we put it the first twotimes, there's nothing there but
grass.
And there's a tree kind ofnearby, but not right where it
is.
It's it's so I thought, well,maybe it's the position, maybe
it's the soil.
So I moved it over and I put itin a different pot with new
(06:25):
soil, and now it's flourishing.
When you have a disease, and itdoesn't even have to be a
disease, it just can be achronic condition.
Think of it as a gardener, youthat soil, if it stops
producing, there's a reason.
There are multiple elements thatcontribute to the health of what
grows there.
And when we look at how can I,if I just throw things at my
(06:45):
body in the same environment,the same stresses, the same
belief systems, the same habits,I'm still activating the same
genes, either turning on orturning off the same genes that
give me the same results overand over again.
I have to take a broaderperspective.
So epigenetics looks at looks atlife and says, you have the
ability to change how yourblueprint reacts, how your genes
(07:07):
react.
Uh doctors would say, oh, well,these are, you know, it's it's
genetics that says you're goingto be uh can't have cancer.
No, everyone has the ability tohave cancer, and most of us are
going to have pre-cancer cells,but most of us won't ever get
it.
Why?
Because of the environment thatour body lives in, from food we
eat, the stress that we have,the way that we interpret the
(07:28):
world, there are multiplefactors of what we're gonna call
the terrain that create theenvironment from whatever this
is gonna be born, whatevercancer.
That's why cutting out cancer isnot gonna work.
You cut out cancer is gonna showup somewhere else.
If you change nothing about yourdiet lifestyle or stress, most
likely it's going to emergesomewhere else.
Many people that have breastcancer end up having brain
cancer or liver cancer becauseit moves, because they think
(07:50):
they catch it with uh, you know,with chemo and with radiation,
and they never change anythingabout their lives and all of a
sudden it shows up in anotherform because we never change the
terrain from which it grew in.
So of course it's going to growagain.
And there are other emotionalreasons I could point to.
So epigenetically, we have tolook at how if I'm in a stress
bubble, just looking at thenervous system, I'm either in
(08:11):
rest and digest,parasympathetic, or I'm in a
survival state.
It's really the only twochoices.
So if I'm constantly in asurvival state, then my my whole
body shuts down.
When we're in a survival state,blood flow stops, digestion
stops, blood ends up going justat the extremities.
Because think about us incaveman times, our adrenaline
gets pumped up because we're wethink we're gonna die.
There's somebody chasing us, orwe're running out of food, and
(08:33):
we're in this state and we'retrying, and so the body
literally just pumps blood tothings it needs.
So it stops everything else.
Digestion doesn't get attendedto because it isn't important
for survival, but your limbs arefor running away.
And we live in a state ofconstant survival today from the
news, from politics, fromdisease, from whatever, from not
(08:54):
having enough money, from nothaving enough love.
We catastrophize everything.
And that has become what we'readdicted to in this culture is
being in catastrophe, being inan all or nothing.
And we don't understand whatmakes up how to rewire this, how
to decelerate this, how to comeback into balance, how to stop
(09:15):
being a part of the momentumthat is the conversation of this
world of they want it sells, itsells, right?
The news, if you don't know, ispot and paid for.
The news that they show youthat's on repeat is somebody
else's point of view to come upwith the most ridiculous, scary
thing ever.
So you get up in the morning andgo, what do I need to worry
about today?
And then you go to thetelevision or you read the paper
(09:35):
and it's all bad news.
Yes, there is bad news in theworld.
There will always be bad news inthe world.
But guess what?
There's also good news, butyou're not looking at it, and no
one's spoon feeding it to you.
But it exists at the same timethe bad news does.
But when we're in a culture ofpeople who are literally afraid,
I mean, think of COVID.
Most people probably got COVIDand got sick because of the fear
of getting sick.
(09:56):
When you are in when you areafraid, when that when you are
afraid and your nervous system'sin a survival state, your immune
system tanks.
It does not do what it'ssupposed to do because again,
blood flows go into the limbs.
We need to run, we need to beable to survive, we need to be
able to fight.
So the four survival states arefight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
(10:17):
And I'm gonna go over this a lotmore deeply.
I've got a free workshopeveryone would I'd love everyone
to come to on November 19th.
I'm happy to give you a freeticket uh as a as a listener of
Dr.
Davis.
Um, I'll give you the link atlater, but I'm gonna go into
this a lot more and you're gonnatake a quiz so that you
understand what survival stateyou're in, and then I'm gonna
give you some exercises so youknow how to get out of it.
Because when you're in survivalstate, you're not rest and
(10:39):
digest, which means you're nothealing.
So even though someone has anamazing plan, and I've seen it
with cancer patients over andover again, they're so
white-knuckled, they are not inparasympathetic parasympathetic
ever.
Maybe when they're sleeping.
But when in their awake state,they're worried, they're
catastrophizing, they're gonnadie, they're afraid of dying.
And so, but they're doing allthe things, but they're doing
all the things with the energyof, I don't want to die, I don't
(11:01):
want to die, I don't want todie, which never gets their body
into a healing state.
Uh, Dr.
Kelly Turner wrote a book,several books, but uh called
Radical Remission.
And she surveyed 1,500 cancerpatients that had a radical
remission, where all doctorssaid to them, There is nothing
else we can do for you, you'regonna go home and die now.
Like we've run out of things tohelp you with.
(11:21):
And every one of those patients,she studied them all and then
took the common denominators outof what they all did and came up
with nine in the first book andthen added a tenth one in the
second book.
The tenth one was exercise.
But out of all 10 of those,seven are mental, emotional, and
spiritual.
Seven.
Now, the other three arephysical, diet, supplements, and
(11:43):
exercise, were the other three.
But the rest were mental,emotional, and spiritual.
But again, that is somethingthat because I'm a if you're a
physician or if you don't knowhow to help somebody do that,
then there's nothing you putyour hands up and go, I have
nothing else.
There's no pill I can give you,there's no surgery I can give
you, there's no treatment I cangive to you.
But when it comes down to it,when there's a certain amount of
surrender in a cancer patientthat says, no one else knows
(12:04):
what to do with me, I'm gonna godecide to live out my days
happy.
I'm gonna go sit on my roof.
One of the stories sitting on myroof and playing my guitar and
watching the birds and watchingthe sunrise.
What happens?
Oh, all of a sudden I'm present.
I'm in rest and digestparasympathetic.
I have positive emotions.
And guess what?
They outlive their diagnosis andthen they heal and they no
longer have cancer.
(12:24):
But it's something because youcan't package it and sell it.
Well, I can, but not in a pillform.
Like you actually do some work.
Most people are afraid of it anddon't know what to do with it.
So when it comes to, you know, Iknow there are definitely
physical things that can helpwith all the things that you're
doing in the gut space.
Absolutely, we can help ournervous system with the kinds of
foods we eat, with the kind ofsupplements we take.
(12:46):
100% food can make a differencein our ability to get our
nervous system to a more calmerstate.
However, the one thing we don'tfocus on enough is how our brain
interprets the world and all ofthe wounds and all of the
stories and all the ways that wecan create our own stress every
(13:06):
day, all day long.
And that's for me why it's themissing piece.
Because I, so I started aprogram last year called Date
Your Body.
I did a Date Your Body beta atthe end of last year.
It was two months.
And and my goal was to use allof my, because you know, I've
been a personal trainer.
I was a personal trainer for 25years, and I kind of stopped
doing it because I love theemotional conversation.
I love changing people from theinside out because if they feel
(13:28):
good, then they're gonna takecare of themselves more.
They're gonna do the rightthings for themselves.
But there were enough peoplethat I thought, you know what,
they need all of it.
They they don't exercise well,they are maybe not eating well,
they don't, they're not, theirsystem is sugar burning, they're
not in a fat-burning system.
Uh, they have too muchinflammation in their diets and
in their lives, and then theythe way they relate to their
(13:49):
body is very stressful and it'svery negative.
And I did a podcast once, it'sstill on the show for anyone
that's interested.
It's several of my clients, it'stheir favorite episode.
It's called the energyunderneath.
And the energy underneath isjust that.
It's like, what is themotivating factor?
What's what's fueling whatyou're doing?
It doesn't even matter whatyou're doing.
I have a friend who was yearsago, she got addicted to drugs.
(14:12):
And when she came out of that,she and she started
bodybuilding.
And it's amazing how peoplepraised her.
And I thought, oh no, this isnot a good addiction.
This is this is a similar, thisis you just traded one addiction
for another one.
But because seemingly it lookshealthy, I'm like, it's not
healthy.
It is not healthy to do whatyou're doing to do what?
To get a prize.
So someone says that you win,that you look good.
(14:34):
That is the most effed up thingI've ever heard in my entire
life.
It is the it is literallyanorexia in reverse.
It is being so hyper-focused onthat your value is in what you
look like that it's nuts to me.
But people praised her becauseit looks healthy.
So the energy underneath whatshe was doing wasn't about her
health.
It wasn't about self-love.
It was about getting attentionbecause she didn't love herself,
which is why she got addicted todrugs in the first place.
(14:56):
So what I step back and I lookat the big picture and I'm like,
what's the root of this?
What's the energy underneaththis?
That's when we look at it, likewhen people say, Well, I'm gonna
stop drinking.
I said, Great, sure, just stopdrinking.
Why?
Well, because I uh I don't wantto feel I don't want it to be, I
don't want to be healthy.
I'm like, what about balance?
And I'm not telling anyone todrink, I make wine.
Uh okay, you can don't drink,that's fine.
(15:18):
But even like people that gothrough 12-step programs, if the
power is in the alcohol or thepower is in the drug, you don't,
you're giving the power away.
It's you, it's your issues, it'syour emotions you're trying to
suppress through whateveraddiction you have: control,
food, alcohol, being on amillion screens all the time,
never being quiet, beingaddicted to how you look.
There's there's severaladdictions.
(15:39):
But you know, but to me, theconversation is if your physical
program, if what you're doing isworking, then all the every part
of your life really would lookbetter.
You would be calmer, you'd bemore peaceful, you'd be happier,
and you'd get the results thatyou want.
But we're so focused on just theoutside stuff of the exercise,
the food, the supplements, thehormones, the whatever.
(16:01):
And then we get, then our wholenervous system gets crazy.
Like we're we create stress andthe body is never going to heal.
It's not going to release.
In exercise in bodybuilding andin resistance training, when you
build muscle, you're buildingmuscle when you're resting, not
when you're lifting.
When you're lifting, you'rebreaking down the actin mycin
(16:22):
protein bonds within the bellyof the cell, hopefully, if
you're doing it right.
Uh, and if you are, and then inrest is when it gets built back
together.
It's the same for anything thatwe're doing with the body.
If if you're sometimes you canbe super knowing that what
you're doing is working and youhave a positive energy about it
and you trust it.
If you trust it, then itprobably is gonna work.
(16:42):
Oh, let me go back to Dr.
Bruce Lifton.
The two beliefs, the two beliefsyou need to have and own and
feel in order for you to heal.
I am safe and I love myself.
And you gotta mean them.
And most of us can't say thatand mean them.
Most of us do not feel safe inthis world or safe in our bodies
or safe in our relationships orsafe at work.
(17:03):
So we're constantly in asurvival state.
And it doesn't mean your bodycan't change because if you get
deep sleep, if you if you'rereally good at deep sleep,
you're gonna get parasympatheticduring the hours that you sleep,
and your body will heal itselfduring that time.
But if when you wake up in themorning, you look at the world
and you feel unsafe and you saynasty things to yourself and you
judge yourself and you don'tlike yourself and you
self-loathe, then you're not,you are not gonna get very far
(17:25):
with your program of trying tolove your body or get it to do
things that you want it to do.
So to me, I think it's animportant conversation that
everybody needs to be having incombination with the things,
right?
It's not that it's onlyemotions, it it's not only
nervous system.
Yes, there are physical things,but together they make the best
compliment and they're gonna getyou the best results that are
(17:47):
lasting.
The Date Your Body program, I'venow done it twice, and everyone
has kept their weight off andchanged their lifestyle, loves
themselves, can look in themirror and say, I love myself
and mean it, and they're calmerand feel safer, and their
nervous system isn't on highalert all the time because I
took both the physical and themental emotional and put them
together, which probably is whatthis whole thing's been leading
to for, you know, most of thetime that I've been doing what
(18:09):
I'm doing.
So I'm is that resonating?
Does that make sense to you?
SPEAKER_00 (18:12):
Well, if I hear you right, JJ, you're talking about
two different areas.
That is, you're talking aboutthe um hopelessness, the fright,
the uh of the of the responseyou get when you're diagnosed
with something scary like acancer diagnosis, but also the
preconceived ideas that youenter before the diagnosis.
That I I know you talked in thepast about things that factors
(18:33):
that obstruct or block yoursuccess.
So is it really two parts then?
The the ideas you bring into adiagnosis and then the panic
hopelessness that's generated bythe diagnosis?
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
Well, let's just go without the diagnosis.
Let's just look at someonewithout cancer.
In this world, in this climate,it's in this environment, with
our core wounds, with ourhabits, patterns, and past, with
our divorces, with our losses,with our struggles, forget any
diagnosis.
Do most people feel safe in theworld and safe in their bodies?
They don't.
(19:05):
So if I'm running a survivalstate nervous system output, I
am blocking my body from doingwhat it's built to do, which is
to heal itself.
It only heals in a state ofsafety, love, and
parasympathetic.
And when you take the consciousbrain offline and go to bed and
you stop thinking, that's whenthe body can heal itself.
So sleep can be very important,which is why, you know, not
(19:26):
having sleep is extradetrimental for everybody who's
a stress ball anyway.
But it's that uphill climb thatpeople have with their, I've
known people who have had a badjob, who've gone gone from one
job to another job, went superstressed, gained weight, and not
didn't even change their diet,ate the same thing, gained 30
pounds in six months, said, Fthis, I'm stopping this,
(19:46):
stopped, quit the job, went backto the former life, lost the 30
pounds, and didn't do anythingdifferently.
Cortisol production happens whenwe're in where when we're
stressed.
So I'm just gonna, I'm labelingstress differently to say stress
is a survival state.
We can dumb it down into fourdifferent survival states.
We can also look at, and if it'sokay, can I do like another
little teaching thing aboutemotions?
I don't know that you know I'veever done this on your show to
(20:09):
help people sort of identify howthey can start to help their
nervous system feel safer.
Okay.
But I've been doing this withclients now for a couple of
years, and I find it to bereally effective because we,
because you're not taught aboutemotions, because you're not
taught you have needs.
So this is this work comes fromDr.
Marshall Rosenberg, who wrotenonviolent communication.
And I've been using it foryears, and I teach it
(20:32):
differently than they do.
They teach it in a way for youto like help others identify
what their needs are.
I'm thinking, well, how can youidentify in someone else if you
can't identify in yourself?
So I start with the self.
So this list has a hundreddifferent feeling words on it.
For those of you that on apodcast, it's uh who's who are
listening only, it's a one-pagesheet.
The top half has a hundreddifferent feeling words on it.
Now, if I was to ask you, Dr.
(20:53):
Davis, how many feelings do youthink there are?
And you might come up with 10,right?
There's a hundred.
And the reason is because underthe anger category is a much
different frequency andintensity from irritated to
rage, both still under the angercategory.
But someone needs to know thedifference between if I'm
(21:14):
irritated, which is, you know,if I was standing next to
somebody and I said I'mirritated, they'd say, Oh,
what's going on?
If I said I'm enraged, they willtake a step away from me because
rage is violent.
Rage is much scarier thanirritated.
So we have to understand andfine-tune what it is that's
going on with me.
Now, the second half of the listis what we're going to focus on
right now.
(21:34):
The bottom half is your needs.
Now, when people hear needs,especially sometimes men, they
go, Oh, I'm not needy, I'm notdependent.
Um, it's not needy or dependent.
It's 86 basic human needs.
Let me read some of them to you.
So we all have a need foracknowledgement, choice,
freedom, honesty, compassion,rest, safety, collaboration,
(21:58):
consciousness, flow, harmony,fun.
Anyway, there's 86 words onhere.
When I meet with a client now,sometimes, depending on where
they are, and I do this in allmy groups and all my classes,
I'll just have people print thislist and I'll say without any
context, with no story, with noblaming anybody, your job, your
partner, your kids, your mother,just go on this list and circle
(22:19):
every need that is currently notbeing met, that you would like
to have met.
Like, so for some people,beauty's on here.
And I don't know, I mean, I likebeauty, but I don't, I wouldn't
be like, oh my God, beauty's notbeing met.
Like for me, that's I'm notgonna circle.
If you don't care, don't circleit.
But what ends up happening ispeople see that they have most
of these needs not being met.
So no wonder you don't feel safein the world because you aren't
(22:40):
getting your needs met.
And the problem is that we thinkother people are responsible for
getting our needs met.
They're not.
They may help, you may ask forsupport, you may ask for
contribution from other people,but ultimately it is no one
else's job to get your needsmet, including safety.
Which is gonna sound funny to alot of you because you're like,
are you kidding me?
Look at the world, look at thenews, look at the politics.
(23:01):
We're not safe.
I get it.
And like I said, there arefrequencies at which some of us
live.
We don't pay attention to that.
Therefore, we can't see it.
We're not in.
Have you ever bought a new car?
And then the next thing youknow, every everywhere you see
your new car.
Have you ever noticed that, oh,that person has my car, that
person has my car.
Well, prior to buying that car,you didn't notice that.
(23:22):
But now that you're tuned,you're tuned to your car, and
now you see it everywhere,right?
Because it's literally in yourawareness, it's in your
consciousness.
So it's the same thing.
If I'm constantly worried ortalking about something, that's
what I'm gonna be tuned to.
It's like being on a building of10 floors, and let's say you're
on the first floor and I'm onthe 10th floor.
Well, you have no idea what I'mwhat I'm experiencing or the
(23:42):
energy on the 10th floor becauseyou're on the first floor.
You can't see it, you're not init.
You have to actually be on thesame level in order to
understand what's happening atthat level.
So we can find ways to createsafety for ourselves when we
start to identify what makes usfeel unsafe.
What am I missing in my life?
Do I need to speak up formyself?
Do I need to do different thingsfor myself, whatever that may
be?
But there are ways to get yourneeds met.
(24:04):
And we're not necessarily goingto go through that right now,
uh, but I just want I'd loveeveryone to get the sheet.
So it's a jjfilzanes.com forwardslash feelings list.
You will not find it on mypodcast or on my, you will not
find it on my website withoutthis link.
It's a secret link because Idon't want people downloading it
because you won't know what todo with it.
So I have to explain it first.
I want to make sure you knowwhat to do with it.
So I want you to download thissheet, print it out, or download
(24:28):
it, then just make a list ofcurrently in this red hot moment
what needs are not being met foryou.
Because that's where everynegative emotion comes from, is
a need not being met.
So then I'll take it a stepfurther.
The third question is how do I,what are some strategies I can
take to get my need met thatdon't require anyone else to be
different?
And you need to come up withmore than one plan because it
can't be you say, well, thisperson is upsetting me and they
(24:50):
need to change their behavior.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Good luck with that.
Uh if you think you're gonnacontrol the entire world to act
in a way that pleases you, thenbravo to you for thinking you
have that much power and controlover other people.
You don't.
Uh, everyone is acting on theirown behalf for their own
reasons, for their owninterpretations, and you're
never, ever, ever gonna controleverybody.
The only person you can controlis you.
(25:12):
So when we look at, you know, ityes, diagnosis, life-threatening
thing, of course, makes sense.
I'm now in trauma.
I've got PTSD.
I think I'm gonna die every day.
And that makes, and I understandwhy they're in fight or flight,
but most of us are in fight orflight and we don't have a
diagnosis.
We just we live in a world, welook at the news, we read the
the papers, we see people on insocial media, you know, people
(25:34):
complaining about people.
If you take a step back,especially on social media, and
you have some compassion for asecond and say, Oh, everyone's
afraid.
I recently did sort of ajourney, let's say, uh, myself
earlier this year in Marchbefore my birthday, and um, and
and the revelations that came tome, the very clear message was
everyone is afraid ofeverything.
(25:56):
Have compassion.
Everyone, doesn't matter whatthe story is, everyone, let's,
you know, COVID, people that areanti versus pro, people
everyone's afraid of something.
Everyone's afraid of something.
Doesn't matter how right orwrong or accurate or whatever
you are, it still boils down toeveryone's afraid.
Everyone's acting from a placeof fear, whether it be pro or
against or whatever, in everysituation.
(26:18):
So, to me, this conversation,and again, I hope if you're
someone out there who'slistening or watching and and
you've struggled with your bodycomposition, your relationship
with your body, we have to,especially for women.
So I can't speak to men, I'm nota man.
Um, but uh especially for awoman and you do all the action,
you do all the action things,but you haven't changed your
relationship with your body.
(26:38):
Imagine that your body wasseparate from your brain, and
you could have two versions ofyourself sitting on a bench, and
your brain would talk to yourbody as a friend and say all the
things you say to it all daylong.
Most likely they're probablynegative, they're probably
shaming, abusive, mean.
Would someone be your friend ifyou said all the things that you
said to your body all day long?
(27:00):
Your body is literally givingyou the th the middle finger,
saying, I'm not changing.
I'm not changing until youaccept me.
You have to love where you areand learn to make peace with
where you are before yournervous system will be in love
and parasympathetic, and then dowhat you want it to do, whether
it be build muscle, lose weight,get stronger, release
(27:20):
inflammation, right?
Get rest so that you can sleepthrough the night.
You rest and digest, yourdigestion is off.
Yes, all these things.
You know how long I've beendoing the things that you know,
but still, if I'm in if I'm inhyper stress mode, I don't give
it, it doesn't matter what I'mtaking.
It's not gonna fix my nervoussystem.
It's not gonna fix theenvironment, the stress bubble
that I'm creating with my mindand my heart.
(27:42):
You would just get so much moresuccess if we can tackle this
nervous system thing, akastress, aka emotions.
And just so everyone is clear,I'm about stress reduction and
not about stress management.
That term is the stupidest termI've ever heard.
It's like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic as it's
going down.
Who cares?
It's going down.
Stress reduction is the name ofthe game.
And part of this sheet is howwe're gonna start it is to be
(28:05):
able to be responsible andidentify what am I feeling, what
need is not being met that'screating this feeling.
And then how can I get my needmet without asking anyone else
to be different?
And if I do need help in thecase of companionship or
sometimes intimacy orcelebration, like companionship.
Someone once said, Well, how doI get companionship on my own?
Well, this is where whensomeone's dating, they're like,
(28:26):
Oh, I have to find that oneperson, that one person's gonna
be my everything.
How stressful is that?
Oh my gosh, you're gonna, you'regonna literally be that clingy
person nobody wants to bearound, and you're never gonna
attract that person becausethey're gonna feel how needy you
are.
But if you say, Well, why do Iwant companionship?
Because I want to have fun,because I want to enjoy quality
time with people, great.
(28:47):
Make a list of 10 or 20 peopleyou love to spend time with and
then put them on your scheduleevery week.
And you're gonna havecompanionship with someone new.
And then your nervous system isgonna calm down, you're gonna be
in a better, better alignmentand you're gonna glow and be
happy and then attract people toyou.
But otherwise, you're needy anddesperate, and then you're
repelling everybody because wecan feel that.
Nobody likes that.
SPEAKER_00 (29:07):
So is your sense that things have gotten worse
over the last few decades?
SPEAKER_01 (29:12):
I think things have getting gotten worse because
even I was interviewing, I havea new podcast called West Coast
Women Rising, and it's it'ssomewhat local, but it'll be
sort of um West Coast for womenbusiness owners, and we're
talking a lot about emotion onit.
And um, you know, one of thethings that I've realized when
in that group is the need forour conversation to go into
because like we're looking atbusiness, right?
(29:33):
But we still we're all actingout of scarcity or the ability
to survive.
We're in a survival state allthe time, and it repels
business.
And when I'm looking at you knowthe state of mind that we're in
right now, because no one hastaught you these things.
We haven't had thisconversation.
And then also, I was doing aninterview for West Coast Wind
Rising with a friend of minethat I've known for 20 something
years.
(29:54):
She's now doing AI stuff, and Ikind of glazed over and I got
into overwhelm.
My co host, who owns VenturaCounty businesswoman, she's into
AI and blockchain and crypto andthings like that.
And so I'm sitting there and I'mgoing, I'm so tired.
I said, Deborah, when do yourest?
It's all this information, thespeed at which information comes
at us, the speed at which AIworks, makes us feel inadequate,
(30:17):
as if we're broken and thatwe're we're never going to be a
computer like that.
And so it makes when we think wehave to keep up with that, now
we feel bad about ourselves.
Now we're overwhelmed veryeasily with the world around us.
So yes, I think that the astechnology speeds up, we get
more overwhelmed.
And when we get overwhelmed, weshut down or we go into our
survival state, whatever one isright for you.
(30:39):
And again, we're getting sickerand sicker.
We're getting sicker and sickerfor multiple reasons.
There's plenty of reasons inour, you know, in our air, in
our water, in our food thatwe're getting sick, but we're
also getting sick because we'recompletely disconnected.
You know, I wanted to swearthere.
We're getting completelydisconnected from who we really
are.
We forget who we are.
We don't spend time in nature,we don't slow down.
And you're all probably laughingbecause you're thinking, JJ, you
(31:00):
talk really fast.
I do, um, but I know how to shutoff.
I have a lot of fire energy.
And when I'm on, I'm on, but Iknow how to rest.
I had acupuncture yesterday.
My acupuncture came to the houseand she said, Are you okay?
Do you have the full hour?
I said, Yes, I have the fullhour.
And within half a second, I wasin parasympathetic because I
know how to, I know how to workmy nervous system into a state
of calm.
(31:21):
I'm not nervous right now.
I'm passionate.
I'm I'm excited.
I want people to know this.
I want you to really askyourself why, if you're still
struggling with a chronicdisease or pain or issue or
weight loss or body shaming orwhatever issue with your body
and you haven't looked at thenervous system or your emotions,
yeah, that's my calling.
(31:41):
That's what I'm here to do onthe planet is to help you
understand who you really are,to remind you of that, and then
to make choices based on thatthat support your healing.
So when you do take theprobiotics, when you do go to
the gym and exercise, when youdo meditate, it actually works.
And it isn't just checking off abox.
And then you, and then you stayin the constant struggle and the
hamster wheel of what newproduct do I take now?
(32:02):
What new supplement do I take?
What new detox can I do now?
It's exhausting and people giveup because they try program
after program, they don't havelasting results because they
think it's supposed to work whentheir container, their body,
their energy field is literallyin a survival state.
And they can't accept it, theycan't receive it, and their body
won't take it.
SPEAKER_00 (32:20):
So having all the phases of your career over the
years, how has this affectedyour your what's your life like
now?
And what was it like in thepast?
SPEAKER_01 (32:30):
Well, I've definitely lived in my state of
survival for sure, because everynew product, every new program,
every new iteration of me meansstepping out into normally
uncharted territories ofsomething that someone else
isn't talking about or being newand different.
Everyone else is back here.
So I'm normally like ahead ofthe game, and then people will
catch up later.
Like, I have the ideas, I see itcoming, I see what people need
(32:50):
on the bell curve I'm at the endin the beginning.
Like, but but I love attractingpeople who are kind of there
too.
They're like, oh, I I I knowthis is coming.
I feel like the wave of that.
For me right now, I mean, I'vegot so many great things going
on and on my plate and thingsthat I want to do.
Like I'd love to have a retreatcenter.
I've been working with peopledoing some plant medicines, and
I it changes their life in aday.
(33:13):
I mean, like, I have seen someamazing because it deals with
the brain and the nervoussystem.
And it's because some peoplecan't get out of their daily
habits and beliefs to implementwhat it truly means to feel
relaxed, to feel calm, tobelieve that to love yourself.
That's the one thing I can saypeople get out of date your body
in three months is they come outand they love themselves.
(33:34):
If you didn't love yourself, Ihad a guy who came to my
workshop three years ago, and uhhe was the boyfriend of one of
my clients, and he said, sure,I'll go, I'll go to JJ's event.
And uh, he's someone who's beenin recovery for 21 years.
He's done therapies, he he uh issponsors people, he goes to
meetings.
And at the end of my three-dayevent, we have a big circle
(33:55):
every every day, and at the endof the event, he said, I now
realize that I don't lovemyself.
And of course, as he passes themic, I stop him and I say, Stop!
Hold on, that's not gonna be theend of the story.
Can I help you?
And he said, Yes.
So then the next year, he didwhat's called my rewire program.
And within six months, he was achanged person.
(34:15):
And to this day, I mean, youlook and you could see the
video, it's amazing.
Um, he because he loved, helearned how to love himself.
And therapies and 12-stepprograms don't always do that
for you.
In fact, most of the time theydon't do that for you.
So for me, like I take that andI get excited.
I'm like, how can more peopleget this?
How, what can I deliver?
What in what ways I I createanother program this year called
Healing the Mother Wound.
(34:36):
And it was a five-day in-personevent because when I looked at,
well, there's a lot of peoplewalking around whose mothers
program them with really badfeelings and beliefs about them.
We all have that, right?
That's what I specialize in.
I'm writing a book, it's beingshopped around right now, and
hopefully you'll have me backwhen the book is out and I can
share.
It's called, well, currentlyit's called Allowing More, but
it's learning how to rewire yourcore wound patterns so you know
(34:57):
what that is.
We have these.
If I can just speak about thatreal quick, so your core wounds,
and I'm sure we've talked aboutthis at some point, but we all,
from the time we're born untilseven, your brain waves are
mostly theta and delta.
And the theta brain wave iswhere hypnosis happens.
When you're before you're seven,you don't have consciousness.
You can't think about thinking.
(35:17):
Your body is in a survivalstate, it wants connection and
safety.
And anytime you don't getconnection and safety, the brain
has to make sense of that and itmakes a belief.
So if your parents left youcrying in your crib for too
long, your brain decided thatyou were abandoned.
They left you.
You're not important.
And these are subconsciousprograms that we don't choose,
but they are the foundation fromhow we look at the world, how we
(35:40):
relate to life, how we interpretinformation.
So for me, I have a core woundof devalued.
My parents love me, they showedup to everything, but they don't
get me.
They don't get me.
They all they'll listen to mefor hours.
They love me, they support me100%.
They have no freaking clue whatI do.
They have no idea what I do.
And right.
And so I, and as I grew andexpanded and become me more and
more, like they can't appreciatereally appreciate that because
(36:03):
they don't get it.
And so there's a, you know, soI, but when I was younger, I was
different.
And they didn't, you know, andthey would kind of try to be
like, not everyone's like you.
Like they kind of shamed me alittle bit to sort of be
quieter, be less, don't speak upso much, don't be, you know,
you're bossy.
You're like, you don't knoweverything.
Um, not everyone's like you.
Don't I look at the world and Isay, well, if they can do it, I
can do it.
(36:23):
If you can do it, I can do it.
I just have to learn how to dowhatever you did.
But not everyone thinks likethat.
And so, me, you know, trying toget my brother or my ex-husband
or whoever to be like me, theythought they didn't like that.
So when you understand what yourcore wounds are, you understand
the patterns in your life fromrelationships to self-sabotage,
whether it be in programs orwith money, why you can't
(36:44):
attract more, why you can't domore, why you can't allow in
more.
And that's sort of been whatI've been working on.
So this this year I wrote thebook and uh and it's being
shopped around.
And next year, hopefully it'llbe published or the year after.
Um, but I'm really justpassionate about making sure
people understand that you havea program, like a computer
program.
You have a virus, you haveseveral viruses, but you don't
(37:06):
know what they are.
So, and most and a lot oftherapies don't go through this.
A lot of therapies, you show upand you say, I'm sad, I'm
depressed, I'm mad, this person,blah, blah, blah.
The therapist says, Oh, that'sso sorry.
I feel so that's terrible thatyou feel that way.
Tell me how you feel.
And that's about theconversation.
That's how it goes.
I have a client who just did uhshe did my rewire program in two
(37:26):
journeys.
She is a different person in ayear's time, less than a year's
time, in nine months, becauseshe's been depressed most of her
life.
Her dad was an alcoholic, hermom was depressed.
That's all she knows.
That's her normal, is depressed.
And then she's been in therapyfor 20 years.
And what she said about myprogram, and I'm not someone she
would normally choose.
So for those of you like, oh,you're too intense for me.
This person would never havechosen me.
(37:48):
She met me at an event and I wegot to talking and I said, You
need this, because I'm very, Ibelieve in what I do.
I said, You need this.
And she said, and and she wouldnow tell you that yes, she did
need this, because never in thetherapies that she had did she
learn how to appreciate oraccept herself for who she was.
She's always felt broken orweird or different.
(38:08):
And yes, we're all different.
But when you under when I canbreak down for you why you're
different and why you're exactlywho you're supposed to be and
all the things that go intothat, it's education.
And then when you learn, whenyou learn that, you love
yourself.
So what's going on for me?
I don't know.
I'm I'm a free flower right now.
I'm like, I'd love to make aretreat center.
I'd love to have that.
Any investors out there thatwant to put a retreat center
together, I would has to be herein Ohio, though.
(38:29):
Um, a retreat center with maybeeight to ten bedrooms.
I can't wait for the book tocome out.
I can't wait to my programsstart next year.
I've got several programsstarting.
The Rewire is one of them, andDate Your Body is one of them.
But it's just figuring out howto make a bigger impact, quite
honestly, Dr.
Davis, in how to relate.
If everyone took this sheet,literally, everyone, and learned
(38:50):
how to get their own needs met,oh, we'd all be happy.
There'd be no war, there'd be nocon, like we would, everything,
all this survival state crapwould go away.
Why?
Because I wouldn't blameeverybody else for how I feel.
I wouldn't make it everyoneelse's responsibility to behave
in different ways so that I feelcomfortable.
When I can, when I know how tomake get my own needs met,
there's a sense of confidenceand ease and power and knowing
(39:11):
this that I don't need anyoneelse to do anything for me.
I mean, ultimately, yes, youwant love and connection and you
want, you want things, but youcan't control people.
And we've never learned that.
Maybe one day it'll be in schoolsystems.
Maybe one day I'd love to dothat.
Teach teach children how to howto feel like sensory-wise,
embodiment, like know how yourbody works, loving your your
(39:32):
subconscious is 80% of your 88%,88% of you, and it lives in your
body.
Most of us are disconnected fromour body.
We're in our brains, we'rethinking.
So when we have, you know,stomach cramps or back pain or
like we don't our body's talkingto us.
There's several books.
When the body what's what's thebuttons?
When the body the body takesscore, that's one of the books.
The body takes score is one ofthe books.
(39:53):
You know, like if you'reactually paying attention, your
body's telling you things, butmost people aren't paying
attention because they're toohead down trying to get
somewhere, make the money, getthe thing, and that can be very
useful.
Men are men are focused thatway, and that's very useful.
And we need some balance ofbeing present because we didn't,
in my opinion, did not incarnatein this lifetime to have a
(40:13):
constant berade of stress.
It's supposed to be fun andjoyful with a little stress
along the way.
And here's some tools to make iteasier to deal with that.
And most people don't have anytools.
I just want more people to havetools.
SPEAKER_00 (40:25):
So identifying core wounds sounds like a basic
premise.
A lot of your programs.
So beyond raisingself-awareness, what is the
process to bring that allalight?
What do you what do you do?
Core wounds.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:37):
Well, so there the work originates from Imago
Therapy, which is a therapy, acouples therapy created by
Harville Hendricks and HenleyKelly Hunt.
It's my favorite, the onlytherapy that I recommend.
And within, and I did it in myprevious marriage.
So what that means is I'm verytruth-seeking in a logical way.
So when I see something, when Ilearn something, I immediately
(40:59):
change.
Now that is not true foreverybody.
Um, but I had seen a pattern inmy marriage with my ex, and I
even knew it.
Like I said to him, he'd say,You know that doesn't work.
I said, Oh, I totally know itdoesn't work.
He's like, Why do you keep doingit?
I said, I don't know why I keepdoing it.
I know it doesn't work, but Ikeep doing it.
I don't know why I can't stop.
But some because logically itjust made sense to me to do what
I was doing until I did this.
(41:21):
So it's a mogotherapy, with a 12weeks when you go to a Mago
therapist and there's a certainamount of exercises that you do.
It's very structured.
And you actually sign anagreement in the first 12 weeks
that says you're not gonna bail,you're gonna complete the 12
weeks and the 12 um exercises.
One of them is the core woundprogram, a core wound um core
wound exercise.
And everyone can go by this.
You can go, you can buy theGetting the Love That You Want
(41:41):
workbook and you can do thisexercise.
What I've done over the years istaken this exercise and I've
extracted from it data ofpatterns and habits and created
a core wound map.
And that's my thing.
And I actually got Harville towrite the foreword to my book,
uh, acknowledging, and he wasvery excited when I shared it
with him because I, you know, Ihad to get permission.
I've created this work based onyour work.
(42:02):
Like it starts with your work,but then I've fine-tuned it
because I'm always looking forthe fastest, easiest, easiest
path to clarity and behavioralchange in anything.
I want to understand what it is,I want to understand how it
works, so I know how to changeit.
And that's what I've createdwith the core wound map.
Now, in the book, I have not,nor did I ask permission, but I
(42:23):
for people to do the actualeight-page core wound exercise.
But in the book, I list, and youanyone can go on ChatGPT or
Google and you can say, give mea list of core wounds.
Okay.
And it won't be as thorough, andyou can't really create a map
from it, but you can start withwhat are my core wounds?
And then you look at the list ofwounds and you could look at see
what resonates to you.
Some would be abandonment, mine,like I said, devalued.
(42:45):
Someone might have beencontrolled or suppressed,
invisible.
Yeah, there's there's I there'smany.
So, but those just come to mindright now.
But you just look up core woundsand you'd start there.
And that would be that the corewounds, let's say I would choose
the top three.
And so what I do in the book isI have people create the map,
but you're gonna kind of guessat the at the wounds.
I would prefer people to do theexercise and then work with
(43:08):
someone to really get fine-tunedabout this.
But let's just say you doabandonment.
So let's go over abandonment fora second.
If I have a core wound ofabandonment, when I get
triggered, when I when my braininterprets I'm being abandoned,
again, this happens so quickly.
It's so instantaneous.
So, which is why you have toidentify when it's happening.
I will immediately have anemotional reaction, I will feel
something, and then I will dosomething.
(43:29):
So the beginning of the circuitlooks like this.
I'm out in the world, my bodygoes into a trigger, it's
interpreting abandoned.
I'm again, you can't think it'slike it's happening so fast.
You trigger abandon, and thenI'm gonna feel something, and
then I'm gonna do something.
So when I understand the patternand I'm gonna be able to catch
it, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonnabe able to start to change it.
So I'm gonna, oh, that's mefeeling abandoned.
(43:51):
But then I go a little deeperinto so let's say abandonment's
the core wound.
I ask people because if it wasjust something that happened to
you one time that didn't stickas a belief, then we can kind of
move on and get over it.
But what happens is it becomes abelief in which and how we treat
ourselves.
This is the most important part.
So if someone has a core woundof abandonment, my question
would be for you what are threeways you abandon yourself?
(44:13):
And most people that haveabandonment wounds abandon
themselves because they don'tfeel worthy enough to be
attended to by other people.
So they're the ones who that'swhen someone's texting you and
they don't text back and they'rethey go into a panic because
they have a fear of abandonment.
They so we're only going to stopthis if we can identify it and
then start to first takeresponsibility for how I'm
(44:34):
continuing to keep this woundvery alive and very active.
I have to stop abandoning myselfbefore anyone else, because you
can't expect anyone else not toabandon you.
And then we move into thestretch.
So here's the this is myfavorite part.
So this is how my rewire programgot created.
Neuroplasticity.
In order to, just like whenyou're building muscle or
training the br training yourbody to get stronger, in
(44:56):
exercise, we, you know, you havemuscle fibers, all kinds of
muscle fibers all over the body.
And someone who's bodybuildingor really trying to hypert get
hypertrophy, which is buildingof the muscle, they're going to
be very, it's uh Tony, what'shis name?
Called it um muscle confusion.
Okay.
Well, that's not really it's itwas a good way to tell a lot of
people how to do somethingdifferently, but it's actually
(45:17):
not accurate.
When you do something for thefirst time that's new, a sport,
a dance, an exercise, your bodyfeels a little weird.
It's like shaky, right?
Because it doesn't know how todo whatever you're trying to do
because it has no pathway forit.
There is no brain-to-muscleconnection yet.
That's what you're trying toestablish while doing it.
Well, then after you do it onceor twice or a couple of times,
then the brain goes, Okay, thisis easy.
I know now what you want me todo.
(45:38):
That is neuroplasticity, but inthe way of muscle recruit
recruiting muscle fibers.
The brain is the same.
You we all have a certain amountof brain activity and
neuroplasticity.
Well, not neuroplasticity, wehave brain circuits that we've
created over time, and much ofour brain we're not even using
at all.
When we want to change a beliefor an idea or a habit, we have
to stretch outside of ourcomfort zone and create new
(46:00):
neural pathways.
But just like in personaltraining for me, if I said to
someone, you understand how apersonal trainer works, when you
hire a trainer, it means they'regoing to push you into places
you're not comfortable beyondwhat you're willing to do on
your own.
Yes.
And most people say, Yes, Itotally understand.
Here's my money.
What I'm doing with the rewireis the same thing as a personal
trainer does, only emotionally.
(46:21):
I'm asking you to stretch beyondyour comfort zone so that your
body has to repattern.
Let me give you a very clearexample.
Two years ago, I took two of mycats.
We had five at the time.
We had two of my oldest cats onan RV trip.
Well, we had we had inherited afifth one and she was hell on
wheels, and which is why we tookthe two cats to give them a
break because their nervoussystems were like having PTSD
(46:43):
all the time because she was alittle devil cat.
Loved her, but um, she was shewas not uh emotionally stable
for the rest of them.
She made them all very nervous.
So we take our two cats on thisRV trip.
And when we parked the RV out,and Doug and I had never done
anything like this before, we'venever been in an RV or driven an
RV.
We put the cats in the RV, wehave it all set up, and they're
of course, they're two girls andthey're looking around, they're
(47:03):
curious, and they're sniffingthings and they're jumping on
things.
The minute we shut the door,turn the engine on, they go into
panic mode and they dive rightinto the bed, into the corner.
Their faces are literally in thecorner and they're they're
frozen stiff because they're soafraid, right?
Because their brain said, Whatthe F is happening?
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
They didn't know.
Their brain just turned on andsaid, This is this stimulus,
(47:24):
things are moving, it's loud.
I different smells.
Oh my God, what's happening?
They went into freeze mode.
When we parked the RV, theysawed, they came out, they
walked around, they were, theygot comfortable, they relaxed.
This happened every day for fivedays, except that every day it
got a little better.
And by the fifth day, they wereliterally sitting in my lap
while we were driving becausetheir brain registered, oh, I'm
(47:46):
not gonna die.
Once it got used to the soundand the feeling of what was
happening, they could identifyit as it's not, it's not unsafe.
At first it was unsafe, but wehad to do with the unsafe thing
a couple of times for the brainto create neural pathways that
said, this sound, this feelingdoesn't mean I'm gonna die.
And that's a very simple way ofexplaining neuroplasticity.
(48:06):
And in humans, when we when wewant to change how we feel about
ourselves or what we believe orwhat we're attracting, we have
to cross over.
If I believe I've beenabandoned, then I have to show
up for myself in ways that mightfeel uncomfortable.
And without someone holding yourfeet to the fire a little bit,
you're probably not gonna do it.
Most of us don't want to beuncomfortable.
But when you understand whyyou're doing it, it's like if
all of the women who arelistening to this and you had,
(48:27):
you know, not a wonderfully easeof childbirth, would you put the
baby back in now?
No, it was worth having it.
You understood you had to dosomething uncomfortable to get,
you know, the love of your life.
We go to the gym.
Is it, does it feel amazing towork out?
Sometimes, if you if youunderstand what it's doing for
your body, but maybe you don'tlove it, but you love what the
results that it produces.
(48:47):
In any in other areas of ourlife, we understand this and
we're willing to pay people andwe're willing to show up and do
it.
But when it comes to ouremotions and it makes us feel
out of control, or it because wefeel afraid, or because we don't
want to, we don't admit that wedon't love ourselves, or because
it makes us feel sad or amemory, then we clamp up and we
go into survival and survivesurvival states.
(49:08):
But without addressing this,nothing changes.
I mean, yes, things can changetemporarily, but it doesn't lead
to an overall ease and peace andlove and and you know, that I
think most of us want.
SPEAKER_00 (49:19):
Well, JJ, as always, you're a whirlwind of
information.
Now, could you tell us onceagain if somebody wanted to
attend some of your programs,download some of your materials,
get more of JJ Flazaines?
What should they do?
SPEAKER_01 (49:31):
So the class, Why Your Nervous System, Why Your
Body Won't Change Until YourNervous System Feels Safe is
happening on Wednesday, November19th at 4 p.m.
Pacific, 7 p.m.
Eastern.
It's on Zoom.
It is recorded, so if you can'tmake it live, although live will
get some bonus stuff that uhbecause I love when people come
live, it's much more fun.
Uh, and it's$97, but uh becauseyou're a listener of Dr.
Davis, you can put in code Dr.
(49:52):
Davis97, all caps, D-R-D-A-V-I-S97, and you'll get it for free.
There will be a replay and itwill be available after November
19th if you're hearing thisafter November 19th.
So feel free to take a part ofthat.
Uh jjfulzames.com is where mywebsite is.
I have a bunch of podcasts, abunch of free stuff.
Oh, the feelings and needs listis at jjfilzames.com forward
(50:14):
slash feelings list, feelingswith an S.
And then if I've mentioned anyof these programs and you feel
really called, most people wantto get to know me a little bit
more, but if you feel reallycalled, you can go to
jjfzames.com forward slashapply.
And I'm currently takingapplications for 2026.
Once January starts, January5th, we're done.
Like so, I mean, minus healingthe mother wound and maybe
(50:37):
something else, a couplesretreat that I'll be doing next
year, those other programs willbe closed.
So it's now until the end of theyear that you could jump on a
call and see if something fits.
Maybe you don't know where youwant to start.
So go to Jigifilzanes.comforward slash apply, and then I
can tell you where to go.
It's a free call.
We just decide if it's a fit andwhat it entails, and I'll make
you an offer or I'll tell you togo listen to the podcast and
that you're not ready yet.
SPEAKER_00 (50:59):
Thank you, JJ.
I'll put uh links to all thoseuh locations in the show notes,
of course.
JJ, thank you again.
Thanks for your valuable timeand your and your endless energy
for sharing with us.
Thanks, Dr.
Davis.
Thank you.
I appreciate you.
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