Anthony Melchiorri, President, Argeo Hospitality, Interviewed by Rachel Humphrey

Anthony discusses his path from military service to media personality with a passion for hotel turnarounds. He shares how he lives with gratitude and how he overcame paralyzing stagefright to become one of the industry's most recognizable public speakers. Anthony talks about his view on work-life balance and what’s behind his advice that "slow is fast" and "be kind to yourself."

Episode Transcript

Rachel Humphrey (00:02):
Hi, am Rachel Humphrey with d e I advisors.
We are a nonprofit organizationdedicated to empowering personal
success in the hospitalityindustry, and I am delighted to
welcome to the show today, oneof my all-time favorite
hospitality leaders.
Anthony Melchiorre, who's thepresident of Argeo Hospitality.
Anthony, welcome to the show.

Anthony Melchiorri (00:22):
You're one of my favorite people in the
hospitality industry.

Rachel Humphrey (00:25):
I appreciate that we're gonna spend about 30
minutes together today talkingabout your path to leadership
and some of the lessons that youhave learned along the way for
anyone.
And I doubt that there is anyonewho is not familiar with you.
But if for anyone who is notfamiliar with Anthony, feel free
to check out his bio at d e iadvisors.org.
But Anthony, one of the thingsthat I love about the
hospitality industry, and I knowthat you do as well, Is that

(00:48):
there are so many differentpaths to leadership that you can
take.
There's not one unique road thatyou have to follow to get there.
Tell us a little bit about yourpath and where you ended up
today.

Anthony Melchiorri (00:59):
I was born in Brooklyn and there's just,
not to go back to my background,but there's a lot of paths not
going in the right way.
So I joined the Air Force and inthe Air Force I met some of the
greatest leaders.
I've never met a better leaderoutside the business, just the
best leaders I've ever met.
Everyone from a colonel who wenton to become general.
I worked temporarily for thedirector of leadership at West

(01:22):
Point when he worked with me inHonduras.
Chief Lois Miller, who's stillone of my dear friends, she was
the first chief master sergeantof the Security Police unit in
the Air Force.
So I had just these tremendousleaders around me.
That understood mission andpeople, and the people were the
most important, and the missionwas just as important.

(01:45):
And if you can tie those twothings together, people in
mission, then you have a winningsuccess.
And mediocrity.
There's no place for mediocrity,in the Air Force.
There's no place for it.
And so I learned that throughjust watching people.
We had fun.
They were respectful to me, theytook care of me.
But when they asked you to dosomething, you did it.
And and you did it at thehighest level.

(02:07):
So that's where I started toreally understand what
responsibility was.
I talk about it in my book thatthe first time I ever got a
paddle on the back was when Ifolded my underwear drawer bed,
anybody else in my platoon.
And it was the first timeanybody e ever said I did
anything better than anybodyelse.
So it was that kind ofleadership of the small things
matter, and then the big thingstake care of themselves.

(02:28):
So that's where I would say itstarted.

Rachel Humphrey (02:30):
That's fantastic.
And then from there, you enteredinto the hospitality industry
first in hotel operations.
Tell us a little bit about yourstart there and some of the
progress from there until yourmedia roles.

Anthony Melchiorri (02:41):
When I went in the military, I was a year
older than most people.
And so I went to school at nightto get my college degree and
then I drove up to OverlandPark, Kansas from Whiteman Air
Force Stations in, in Na Nasta,Missouri to work at the Embassy
Suites in Overland Park.
And my friend still, Bob Leger,gave me a job.
So I worked on the weekends inOverland Park while I was in the

(03:01):
Air Force.
And then when I got out of themilitary, I worked at the first
embassy Suites in Times Square.
And then went on to what mydream job was to work at the
Plaza Hotel, and I became anight manager.
And then somehow I became thisturnaround expert, the Algonquin
and the Lucerne.
And then when I was at thePlaza, I wasn't in charge, but

(03:22):
we were turning around trying tokeep it outta bankruptcy and it
was just I became, Reallymesmerized by broken hotels.
I always say, you give me a goodhotel and I'll break it for you.
You gimme a broken hotel andI'll fix it for you.
I just, my mindset just went to,I need things to fix.
I don't need things to maintain.

(03:43):
And that became my career pathreally, is just like someone
that was in debt or losing ahotel, they would somehow find
me and give it to me.
And I was blessed to be able todo it.
Work with great teams and.
Be able to, to turn it around.

Rachel Humphrey (03:57):
And for those who don't know, that was through
the show.
Hotel Impossible, I think had 8,9, 10 seasons.
It was a long, it ran for a longtime.
Yes.
Nine, nine

Anthony Melchiorri (04:04):
seasons.
But before Hotel Impossible.
That's where I got my start, wasturning around hotels in New
York where it people start inthe que and the, when I was with
the team at the Plaza it was,and then developed a hotel in
Times Square.
And it was, that's where Istarted to understand.
What the fundamentals of thebusiness was, and the
fundamentals wasn't policies andprocedures and rev share and all

(04:28):
that.
The fundamentals was, is thehousekeeper being treated with
respect?
Is the front desk being treatedwith respect?
Are we treating each other withrespect?
If we're doing that, then we cando anything.
We can beat everybody atanything.
But a lot of times when I takeover the hotel, everybody forgot
their employee and they were allworried about the mission and
the managers, but everybodyforgot the employee.

Rachel Humphrey (04:50):
I've heard you say that we are not in the
hospitality business, but whatthat we're in the business of
hospitality is that throughthose different roles and
working with those differentteams at those properties, It's

Anthony Melchiorri (05:00):
about watching people work really
hard, going home, raising theirfamily, doing homework, cooking
dinner, and coming back at 6:00AM in the morning into a very
strenuous job with a smile ontheir face.
So my job was always to be, Idon't care about the owner.
I don't care about their, Idon't care about anything.
I don't even care about myself.
They just, the predictiveindexes came back and said,

(05:21):
apparently I put myself beforeothers.
And I dunno if that's alwaystrue, but.
Like that to me is I became anadvocate for the housekeeper.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know why, but I justfeel that they have not got
their due.
And so I'm the person, whetherit be through my show or be
through my business.
If they're happy, then theirhotels eventually gonna be okay.

Rachel Humphrey (05:43):
That's great.
I love to hear that.
I always love sharing with ouraudiences, the reasons that I've
invited specific guests toshare.
And it's always because theguests have impacted my career
or my personal life in a waythat has been very memorable for
me.
And I'm actually, I think, gonnashare too, in talking about you.
But one is shortly after we metI walked into a conference

(06:07):
session that you were speakingat and you stopped dead in your
tracks on stage when you saw mewalk in and you said, how many
people in this room have had ahandwritten note from Rachel?
And I watched a bunch of handsgo up and it was the first
moment that I realized, That mynote writing was part of my

(06:28):
personal brand.
I had never, I wasn't self-awareenough to even really, quite
frankly know what a personalbrand was, but also to know that
was a way that I was settingmyself apart and becoming
memorable to the people that Iwas interacting with.
I know that you talk for, Dayson end about personal brand, and
we don't have that much timetoday, but talk a little bit
about why personal brand is soimportant, and as you're talking

(06:52):
to current and future leaders,why they need to make sure if
they don't have a personalbrand, that they immediately
develop one.

Anthony Melchiorri (06:59):
You almost made me cry.
Thank you for remembering that.
And I certainly remember it.
I was asked by Cornell to do aclass about personal branding,
and I went through the class andit was one of the, it was one,
they give it away for freedom.
It was one of the most popularcourses they had.
And through that, actuallydeveloping that and I obviously
had a personal brand for awhile, but it really let me

(07:21):
understand that most peopledon't realize they have a
personal brand.
Matter of fact, we're, I'm onstage and I ask people, how many
people have a personal brand ifthere's a thousand people in the
audience?
Maybe 10 people raised theirhand.
Okay.
Maybe.
And when I always talk aboutwhen you're born, like if you
have brothers and sisters.
I don't even know if you havebrothers and sisters.
I do.

(07:41):
I have one of each.
Okay, so everybody in thefamily, we all fall into our
natural positions, so I knowwhich daughter I can ask to do
something that's gonna get done.
I know which daughter who shouldgo tie shopping with me.
I know which daughter who'sgoing to be able to represent
the family, really articulate ifthey get on stage.
So you just fall into yourpersonal brand without knowing

(08:05):
it.
And so I always tell people,start there.
Start with how you representyour family.
Were you the smartest one?
Were you the funniest one?
What were you, because that'show you probably represent
yourself in your business andanything else you do.
So I was always the one that waslooking over the fence.
I was always the one thateverybody told me, the world is

(08:27):
gonna crap on you.
And there's too many challengesout there.
And just stay in your littleworld.
And I was always looking overthe fence and I was always
looking, there's gotta be more,there's gotta be more.
And I ask a lot of questions.
I am, everybody knows I tellstories and I ask questions.
So I just realized that's whereI was.
In my family and kind of with myfriends, but also I'm very

(08:49):
calculated, meaning I'm, peoplethink I'm a risk taker.
I'm not a risk taker.
I'm a I take calculated risks.
Matter of fact, I'm, I don'tlike taking risks.
Unless I understand the numbersand the dynamic of the risk I'm
taking.
I always say, I'll drive a car180 miles an.
Around the track, but I won'tjump out of an airplane because
I'm controlling the car.
So I think it was my naturalinstincts of, and then

(09:12):
realizing, oh, it's okay to bethe person in the room that
maybe loses focus because I gotthree other things I'm thinking
about.
But when it comes down to it andsay, Hey, Who's got the creative
idea?
I go like this, and I'm usuallythe one that comes up with it.
So I started to say, that's me.
I'm the guy that maybe is notgonna be the most focused guy in
the room.

(09:32):
I'm the guy that may not be thebest listener, although I'm
getting much better.
But I'm the guy that when yousay, Hey, we gotta take that
hill, we're gonna take it.
We're gonna win, and we're gonnafigure it out.
So that's my brand.
My brand is, I will come up witha creative solution to solve a
problem, and you have to take myweaknesses with my strengths.

Rachel Humphrey (09:52):
I love that.
That's great advice.
And I love the idea or theconcept of starting with who you
represent in your family.
I've never thought about it thatway, but what a great place to
start, for sure.
One thing, if

Anthony Melchiorri (10:03):
I can ask you a question, were you, that
the person you are today, wereyou that person in high school
with your family?

Rachel Humphrey (10:09):
I don't know.
I'd have to think about it.
Probably in a lot of ways,definitely the very thoughtful,
methodical, workhorse for sure,but maybe some other things in
there as well.
It's such a different world nowtoday, Anthony, as you and I
have talked about when you putin the internet and cell phones
and social media and otherthings, it's hard to think of
myself back then because I camefrom a very small town with very

(10:32):
little outside influence.
And then you come now andobviously live.
In a big city, in a big industrywith a lot of external
influences.
So it's, I'd have to think aboutrelating those two back and
forth.
I am gonna pivot for a second topublic speaking because most
people have had a chance, notjust through your media efforts,
but also the conference speakingand.

(10:53):
Other opportunities that youoffer through the podcast with
no vacancy at all.
How did you really get a knackfor public speaking?
How do you prepare for thedifferent public speaking
opportunities?
And if somebody said, publicspeaking is the biggest hurdle I
have to overcome to reallyaccelerate my career trajectory,
what would you tell them aresome of the tricks of the trade?

(11:14):
This

Anthony Melchiorri (11:14):
is what I would tell you.
I have paralyzing stage fright.
And I don't know if I evershared that with you.
Have I ever shared that withyou?
You have.
Okay.
So nor you asked me the questionI have when people say that,
they laugh at me.
They're like, oh yeah, you.
I remember I was working at theAlgonquin.
I was asked by the managementcompany to go out to AR and

(11:36):
speak about revenue management.
Cause I was one of the generalmanagers in their system that
knew revenue management betterthan most.
I remember being in front ofthese people and as it was my
turn to speak, I.
Calling my wife.
I ran into the hallway and Isaid, I'm going to leave.
I'm freaking out.
I can't do this.
I'm about to cry.
I can't do this.

(11:57):
And she said, breathe andwhatever you decide, I'll
support.
You wanna leave.
But if you can do it.
And I remember sitting there andI just started writing things on
index cards and I said, I'm justgonna read from the index cards.
And I read from my index cardsthat I got through it, but.
I remember taking this to goback, I remember when I was at
Whiteman Air Force Base I was atcollege at night on base, and I

(12:18):
had, I was speaking I was doinga speaking class and I was about
to go to do my presentation.
And they broke for lunch and Inever went back to the class.
Never.
And I remember the teacher whowas also a tech sergeant in the
military said to me, Hey, I knowyou didn't come back to class.
Why?
And I told him, and he goes,Hey, no worries.

(12:39):
I'm not even going to, there'llbe no record of it.
Just come back and I'll help youthrough it.
And he helped me through it.
But I still had paralyzing stagerights.
So the first time best Westonhired me and the HOA hired me
and all the other people thathired me, I would bring a
moderator with me and themoderator.
Would have what I would call ourscript.
So I never liked looking at ateleprompter and I don't like

(12:59):
having notes to read.
So he would ask me a questionand once you asked me a
question, I can go on for anhour and a half, as, so we set
it up and outlined it inquestions and he would ask me
the question like it was justoff the top of his head.
And then I did something at forHilton in Vegas, and that was
his last time that he moderatedfor me for several different

(13:20):
reasons.
And then I just started to getconfidence and I started to
realize that there's aconfidence monitor in front of
me.
So if I use the slides that Ishow you, the audience, I can
look at that slide.
And that's my confidence monitorbecause I know that slide will
trigger me and I'll be able togo.
So it's been, I would say a good10 years.

(13:42):
Of me trusting myself andtrusting my systems, but I don't
know if I have paralyzing stagefright anymore because I don't
really get nervous anymore.
But it's because of the systemsthat I have in place.
My slideshow, my assistant knowsif my slideshow's not perfect,
and I don't know how thatslideshow goes to the next slide

(14:03):
I can't function.
But as long as I have my, my, myslideshow and I understand it,
and every single speaking gig Ido is different.
I've never done one the same.
I always go, I speak to thepeople and it's okay, I usually
bother'em 3, 4, 5 times before.
I ever fly out.
I'm calling them saying, Hey,how about this?
How about this?
How about this?
I just did one for the Air Forcefor three hours, a development

(14:24):
thing out in Arizona two weeksago, and I drove'em crazy.
But when I got on stage, I wasthe most informed person on the
stage.
So I would say I.
Preparation is what stops mefrom being nervous.
My preparation upward againstanybody.
I'm not ever gonna can somethingI'm gonna know every nuance,
everything about the stage,everything about the microphone.

(14:46):
I'm not gonna hold a microphone.
I need a bottle of water.
I need a certain seat.
I need, so once I getcomfortable, I can go.
So to me, to answer it in shortpreparation and being
comfortable gets me over mystage fright.

Rachel Humphrey (15:02):
I love the concept of knowing the content
because as you said, once youare the subject matter of what
you're expert of, what you'respeaking on, you can just run
with the confidence in knowingthat you know your topic.
And that comes through thepreparation as well.
I love that.
I wanna to talk about the secondreason that I wanted you to join
us.
Today, and that's a little bitto talk about relationship

(15:23):
building and networking.
The first time that we met, wewere walking down a street
together, and I know you'llremember this in Minneapolis and
we only had a couple of blocksto go, but we literally got
stopped by every single personin the state of Minnesota
wanting to stop and take apicture with you and tell you
that they appreciated theirshow.

(15:44):
They they liked watching you andI was really drawn to your
ability to make every single oneof those people feel like they
had known you forever and thatevery single one of them was
valuable to you in that moment.
And I'm sure that happenseverywhere you go.
I've been around you a lot oftimes.
I've seen it many more timesthan just that first time.

(16:05):
Does that tailor well to yourpersonality?
Do you think in terms ofrelationship building and
networking, that ability toreally connect with people helps
drive your success there?

Anthony Melchiorri (16:17):
I will tell you that it has nothing to do
with relationship building.
It has nothing to do withnetworking.
It has to do with gratefulness.
That somehow, somewhere you knowme and somehow, somewhere you
know me well enough where youwant to say hi.
Wow.
What?
Wait, hold on.
I, all of a sudden I got this TVshow and I wasn't known one

(16:40):
outside of New York, and thenall of a sudden United States,
the world became a small townand everybody in the small town
could be the small town of NewYork or la or it could be Na,
NAS Missouri became my neighbor.
And I would never walk past myneighbor.
I just took my neighbor'sgarbage can in, I would never
walk past my neighbors.
So these are all my neighbors.
So I never look at it as whatthis connection could do for me,

(17:04):
although if I know the personhas a title and a great company
that could, help me.
I'll take his number.
I'll take her number.
Absolutely.
But no, it's a it's, and I don'twanna say humbleness because it
sounds self-serving, but it's agratefulness of Wow.
You know me, I still don't know.
I'm famous.
People laugh at me all the time.
People laugh at me all the time.

(17:24):
It's like you have no clue thatpeople know who you are.
I was like, I think the onesecond.
I know, and we're about tolaunch a new show.
The second I know, or the secondI walked past somebody.
The only time, and I remember itdistinctly that I had enough was
when somebody.
In a Delta sky lounge, which isvery atypical cuz nobody bothers

(17:45):
you.
Was like literally pushing meand so excited and after the
first 30 seconds I was cool withit.
But after the first 30 seconds Iwas cool with ever or hugging,
whatever, but he wouldn't stop.
And I was like, dude, you gottastop hitting me.
That was the only time I was alittle bit like, Hey man, it's
enough.
I don't see it any other way,but just tremendously grateful

(18:05):
and appreciative of that person.
Taking a moment to say, Hey,your work matters to me.
What you did matters the way youtake care of housekeepers or
your team, or the way you toldthat guy what he needed to hear.
Cuz I, because I will tell youwhat I feel if I think I'm
having ne negative experienceand I think people live that
through me sometimes.

(18:26):
They're like, man, I wish I cansay that to my boss.
I'm like, you can just make sureyou say it in a respectful
manner.
Yeah, I take that, those momentsare almost, spiritual for me.
I

Rachel Humphrey (18:35):
love that.
And living a life with gratitudeis such an important lesson.
That's actually gonna segueperfectly into something I wanna
ask you about.
Oftentimes the own voice we hearin our head can be very negative
or very questioning, and it canbe louder than all of the people
who support us.
And you and I have talked aboutthis a little bit as well of who

(18:55):
me?
Talk a little bit aboutstrategies that you have and
that you can advise others on ifthey're having a moment of
self-doubt or a lack ofconfidence in taking a step they
may wanna take or in apresentation or something else.
How do you reverse thatnarrative in

Anthony Melchiorri (19:11):
your head?
That's a man.
You're a really goodinterviewer.
I will tell you I said this tomyself a long time ago, and now
I talk about it.
I appreciate it.
We have a 32nd movie in our headthat we all run in our head
every day, and we talk more toourselves than we talk to
anybody else.
And that 32nd video when I wasyounger was, I'm not good
enough.
I'm stupid.

(19:31):
I got left back twice.
I had a bad s a t score.
I screw things up.
I need small I need personalattention to learn.
I just need someone to repeatthemselves two or three times
and then I get it.
And so I had this in my head.
I'm stupid.
I'm not, I, I need personalizedexperience because I just can't

(19:52):
get it.
And then I started having littlesuccesses, whether it be folding
my underwear drawer in the AirForce than anybody else, or
whether it be getting airmen thequarter or Airmen of the year.
And I started having thesesuccesses and I realized, oh,
Everybody screws up andeverybody has weaknesses.

(20:12):
So now the movie in my head is,I'm creative, I'm a good
marketer.
I'm pretty quick and I'mflexible and I'm grateful.
And if I keep doing that in myhead, it'll usually get me
through where I feel negativeabout myself or I feel like I'm
not good enough.
So I would just ask everyone tojust stop.

(20:35):
What you're doing and just getthat video right in your head.
Get those 30 seconds right inyour head.
If those 30 seconds, startgiving gratitude.
Those 30 seconds.
Say, I'm blessed.
I'm grateful.
You know what?
I am good at this.
I'm bad at this, but who cares?
I.
I'll do my best when thosesituations arise, but I'm really
good at this.
One of the things that I had tobecome good at the 32nd movies,

(20:56):
I'm not a good listener, so I'veworked so freaking hard on
becoming a good listener, and Idig.
My podcast has helped me, and Itry not to interrupt people.
So I just think getting that32nd movie in your head and
living in gratefulness there,that's the secret.
If there is a secret,

Rachel Humphrey (21:12):
That's great advice.
Anthony, I wanna turn tosomething that we're talking a
lot about, especially coming outof the pandemic, which is how to
manage the demands of a careerand a personal life, whether
that's family, hobbies, othertypes of things.
I know you've been married.
For 30 years, if I remembercorrectly.
I think you have three children.
You travel a lot, you havealways had a very demanding

(21:35):
career From a timing standpoint.
How do you think you do atmanaging the demands of both a
career and a personal life?
And what are some of the lessonsmaybe you've learned over the
course of that 30 years thathave helped shape how you view
it today?

Anthony Melchiorri (21:50):
My work-life balance is my responsibility.
Jack Welt said it in his book,work-life balance has nothing to
do with the company.
It has to do with you.
And what I say to people is, ifI ask you for a report on Monday
and you have all weekend, you'regoing to be away traveling for
sports for your family orwhatever you're doing, and

(22:11):
Monday comes and I have thatreport, but then somehow I find
out you missed this boardingevent for your children.
I'm probably gonna be reallyangry if that report comes and
it's late and I find out youwent to the sporting events for
your children.
I will probably be upset ifsomebody says, Hey Anthony, do
you need that report on Monday?

(22:31):
Can I have it on Tuesday?
Cause I have sporting events onthe weekend and I want to make
sure it's a good report and Iwant the time.
I would say one in two things.
I would say absolutely, pleasedon't miss a day or second your
children and the Or I would say,unfortunately it's not a fake
deadline.
I need this deadline cause theowners are coming in and I need
to be prepared.

(22:52):
So yes, it's Monday morning andI apologize, but I need to get
it done, but don't miss yoursporting event.
So now it's up to me to do both.
And you, Rachel, you've been inthat situation many times.
Yeah.
You've gotta manage that toblame your boss or to blame
anyone else.
And now the world we live inthough, I was just talking about
this on the podcast, thosebosses that would judge you for

(23:15):
spending time with your family,those bosses are gone or they're
about to be gone, right?
They're no longer viable in, inany industry, whereas 10, 20
years ago, That was what youhad.
You had people that were justdemanding that doesn't exist
anymore.
And if it does exist, they're ontheir way out.
So now you can have both.
So I have both.

(23:36):
I don't miss anything.
Matter of fact, my daughter oncesaid I missed a St.
Patrick's Day parade in ourneighborhood where she was like
just marching and she stillholds an account and she still
tells me about it just to breakmy chops cuz she knows I've
been, I've done everything.
I'll give you another examplethat bother that kind of hits
me.
I won't mention his name.
You know him.
He's a famous guy and he happensto be a friend of mine and he

(23:57):
happens to be on tv.
And one day he rented a privateplane to go to his son's
rehearsal or recital or whateverit was, and he Instagrammed it
and he said, Hey, I just rentedthis plane.
I don't wanna miss my kids,whatever he was doing.
And I was just like, that'sprivate.
That's your job.

(24:18):
That's your job.
I don't miss anything for mychildren.
I don't miss anything.
And I was close to my children'skids friends than any parent in
my neighborhood.
Not more.
I don't miss anything, but Ihave to figure that out for
myself.
So when I, when he did that, Iwas like, you'll never see me
post anything like that.
It's that's what you're supposedto do.

(24:39):
Just like if you pay me a lot ofmoney to get on stage and I
bother you.
Where it's like, Anthony, thisis the fourth meeting we're
having.
Like I said, I'm a slow learner.
I wanna know everything and I'msorry, but when I get on that
stage, I'm representing you andI got a money back guarantee.
You don't like my speech.
I'm giving you the check back.
So I don't wanna give you moneyback.

(24:59):
I wanna make sure I give youwhat you want.
When we did the Air Force thingthree weeks ago, thank God my
sister drove in and she wasthere and we did this
development thing for all thelodging managers of the Air
Force and.
I, I knew it so well that I wasable to hold the executives
accountable for something.
And at the end, all of the, allthe managers came into me and

(25:21):
go, oh my God.
Like you were reading our minds.
I was reading your minds becauseit took me four times to get
everything I needed to get to dothat presentation.
So I don't know if that answeredyour

Rachel Humphrey (25:32):
questions.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And I like the idea of beingresponsible.
For making those determinationsourselves.
I think that it's a work inprogress for me, especially as I
have learned over the course ofmy career how to prioritize
things differently.
Related to work-life managementis a really renewed focus
nowadays on self-care andwellness, and both allowing for

(25:55):
ourselves to understand howcritically important that is to
being successful in our careersand in our personal life, but
also making sure that the teamsaround us.
Are taking care of themselves.
How do you think you've done ontaking care of yourself through
a demanding career, and whatlessons have you learned along
the way, maybe in hindsight, orhow have you managed your teams

(26:17):
when it comes to

Anthony Melchiorri (26:18):
wellness?
Poorly in the beginning.
And then the last 15 years whenI got really good at it, I was
more of an entrepreneur.
But now if I'm developingsomething or I, if I'm building
teams I'm very, that's first.
It's if you're not healthy andyou're not taking care of
yourself, nothing else as andI'll share it cuz it's you to
your audience.
I've been sick the last twoweeks I've been in and out of

(26:39):
the hospital.
Part of that had nothing to dowith, and I think a little bit
of part of it.
Was a little bit of stressbecause I was, I'm dealing with
three or four major balls rightnow, and so I work out, I eat
relatively healthy.
I thought I was, for about twomonths, I probably wasn't.
And through this whole process Ilost 25 pounds and I was like, I
can't afford to lose 25 pounds,but apparently I can because I

(27:02):
feel good.
So it's a work in progress withall of us.
We think we're taking care ofourselves, but the stress of
just being on earth and justworrying about our families,
worrying about our business,worrying about others, I.
Is really imp you know it's partof it.
So I worked out this morning, Idid my breathing exercise this
morning.
I ate fruit and eggs and I, itwas healthier this morning, but

(27:24):
I gotta do that consistently.
And so I think it's, listen, ifyou don't have your healthy, you
don't have anything.
And I learned that the hard way.
Cause I've never been in thehospital outside when I was very
small.
And recently being in thehospital, I realized nothing's
important outside of my health.
So that's number one, evenbefore my family.
Cause if I don't take care ofmyself, how am I gonna take care
of them?
So I think it's gotta be thenumber I'll tell you real quick

(27:46):
thing, I know somebody thatwon't mention a company that was
one of the best people I've evermet in the business.
And this person left recentlybecause they were asked to go
back to the office and theyworked from home very
efficiently.
And they said, I can work fromthe office, their home their
office three days a week, but Ihave a couple small children.

(28:06):
I'm efficient.
I'm more efficient now than I'veever been.
Please, I don't want to comeback in the office.
And they said, you have to.
And she left the company.
That's some shortsightednessthat I just don't understand.
I know some other peopledisagree with me and say
everybody should come back tothe office.
But if some people have a job,like a housekeeper, front desk
person, whatever that needs tobe in the office, fine.

(28:27):
But if you are a revenuemanager, you can work from home.
You gotta work with people.
And if you are a front officemanager that wants to work from
home, learn revenue managementor learn sales or learn
something.
I'm a work from the office kindof guy.
I love showing up.
I'd much rather fly.
For a cup of coffee than a Zoom.
I'll get on a plane for fourhours and have a cup of coffee
face to face.

(28:47):
Then I will do a Zoom.
I'm that guy, but I understandpeople, like different things.

Rachel Humphrey (28:54):
Yeah.
And I'm glad to see that you arefeeling much better and
appreciate your sharing thatstory with our listeners.
As I expected, cuz you and Icould talk for days on end,
we're gonna run short on time,but I wanna wrap up with two
questions.
One of the questions that I loveis advice to our younger selves,
and it is because I think we'reconstantly a work in progress
and the beauty of reflection isan important part of our

(29:17):
personal growth.
What would Anthony today tell 21year old Anthony about how
things will play out for you?

Anthony Melchiorri (29:26):
Slow is fast.
I would take a page outta myfriend Rachel, who's very
methodical, very specific, butmoves really fast because she
moves really slow.
And I lear.
I moved really fast and didn'tget a lot accomplished early on.
If I moved a little slower, Iwould've moved a lot faster.

Rachel Humphrey (29:48):
That's such fascinating advice.
I wanna share before we go ontoa piece of final advice, you and
I share an another similarmantra, which is The only person
you have to be better than isthe person you were yesterday.
Mine is a little bit differentthan that, is I wake up every
day trying to be my bestTomorrow, I hope I wake up
again, and then I get to learnfrom whatever I did today and

(30:09):
continue to grow and improve.
What does that stem from, thatpersonal desire to continue
growing, to be a better personeach

Anthony Melchiorri (30:17):
day because we're Floyd.
And we've made a lot of mistakesand I've probably not been nice
to people early on in my careerand I was probably did a lot of
things I shouldn't have done.
And I'm a flawed human and if Imade a mistake today, I'm gonna
try not to make it tomorrow.
And in order to move forward,especially as we get older,

(30:39):
We've gotta be kinder toourselves.
I, every podcast I end because Iwas having a very difficult time
during the pandemic and evenpast the pandemic.
I was having a very difficulttime.
And those words of every time Isigned off.
I said, be kind to yourself.
I was really saying it to me.
Everybody thinks I'm saying itto them.
I'm saying it to me.
Every day just now.

(31:00):
I said it, I did a prerecordweek later and I said, be kind
to yourself.
I'm really talking to myself.
And so we have to be kind toourselves.
And the only thing you can do islike yesterday was yesterday,
man, you did the best you could.
You did the best you could.
And now today you just gotta dobetter.
And you gotta learn from thosemistakes.
But this perfection doesn'texist.

(31:20):
When I get on stage and I talkto people, I always say, I know
what the yellow block of cheeselooks like.
I know what food stamps looklike.
I know what a struggling motherlooks like that's trying to do
her best.
I know what it's like to hide inthe closet because the Con
Edison guy's coming.
I know those feelings and we canonly do our best.
So I don't come from, likeeverything was handed to me and

(31:43):
I just come from, and evenpeople that we're handed to,
they have to go back and say,okay, I have to now make my own
way.
So we all have our ownstruggles.
Whether you come from somethingwhere you were born on third
base or you weren't, we all haveour own struggles.
And my brother Angela said thisto me when we were very little.
I'll never forget we lost ourdad and we had some struggles
and he says, put your worries onthe worry tree.

(32:05):
And then everybody go and pickoff the worries they want.
You're gonna pick off the sameworries that you have cuz you
don't want anybody else'sworries.
And I thought that wasbrilliant.
So if you try to do better thanyou, you were yesterday and you
live in gratitude.
Your problems, you'll acceptthem and you'll deal with them
and you'll and you'll fightthrough'em.

Rachel Humphrey (32:22):
What powerful advice, especially is saying
that we're all flawed, cuz thatis absolutely the case.
Anthony, as we wrap up knowingthe motto of d e i advisors to
empower personal success, whatis one final piece of advice
that you would offer to ourlisteners?

Anthony Melchiorri (32:38):
Ask the question.
Ask the question whenever it is.
Ask the question people want toanswer.
Remember before G ps, and youwould go and ask somebody
directions and they would spendsometimes 10 minutes giving you
directions and they'd go in,there's, grandma's house is down
the block and she stops givingyou lemonade and then she makes
a left.
And then after that left there'sa flag.
Oh, you nice I to work at thatstore with the flag.

(33:00):
I used to work there.
And then you make a right.
And then the gas station I getgas every day and a great coffee
in the gas station.
They wanna give you directions.
People want to help you ask thedamn question.

Rachel Humphrey (33:13):
I love it.
I love it so much.
Anthony thank you so much onbehalf of myself, on behalf of
the hospitality industry, sograteful for your leadership,
all that you do, all that youhave shared with me.
Hold up your book real quick sothat people can see, wait, let
me find

Anthony Melchiorri (33:27):
it.
I, if I can find it.

Rachel Humphrey (33:30):
There it is, show up by Anthony Malory, and
if you liked what you heardtoday, we hope you'll turn into
d e i advisors.org and hear fromover a hundred industry leaders
who've shared their personalstories and their insights.
You can also stream us from yourfavorite podcast streaming
service.
But Anthony, thank you so much.
Such a pleasure to visit withyou.
It's

Anthony Melchiorri (33:49):
a blessing to know you and I, I love you.
Thanks

Rachel Humphrey (33:52):
Anthony.
Hi, am Rachel Humphrey with d eI advisors.
We are a nonprofit organizationdedicated to empowering personal
success in the hospitalityindustry, and I am delighted to
welcome to the show today, oneof my all-time favorite
hospitality leaders.
Anthony Melchiore, who's thepresident of R J O Hospitality.

(34:14):
Anthony, welcome to the show.
You're one of my favorite peoplein the hospitality industry.
I appreciate that we're gonnaspend about 30 minutes together
today talking about your path toleadership and some of the
lessons that you have learnedalong the way for anyone.
And I doubt that there is anyonewho is not familiar with you.
But if for anyone who is notfamiliar with Anthony, feel free
to check out his bio at d e iadvisors.org.

(34:36):
But Anthony, one of the thingsthat I love about the
hospitality industry, and I knowthat you do as well, Is that
there are so many differentpaths to leadership that you can
take.
There's not one unique road thatyou have to follow to get there.
Tell us a little bit about yourpath and where you ended up
today.
I was born in Brooklyn andthere's just, not to go back to

(34:56):
my background, but there's a lotof paths not going in the right
way.
So I joined the Air Force and inthe Air Force I met some of the
greatest leaders.
I've never met a better leaderoutside the business, just the
best leaders I've ever met.
Everyone from a colonel who wenton to become general.
I worked temporarily for thedirector of leadership at West
Point when he worked with me inHonduras.

(35:17):
Chief Lois Miller, who's stillone of my dear friends, she was
the first chief master sergeantof the Security Police unit in
the Air Force.
So I had just these tremendousleaders around me.
That understood mission andpeople, and the people were the
most important, and the missionwas just as important.

(35:39):
And if you can tie those twothings together, people in
mission, then you have a winningsuccess.
And mediocrity.
There's no place for mediocrity,in the Air Force.
There's no place for it.
And so I learned that throughjust watching people.
We had fun.
They were respectful to me, theytook care of me.
But when they asked you to dosomething, we did it.
And and you did it at thehighest level.

(36:00):
So that's where I started toreally understand what
responsibility was.
I talk about it in my book thatthe first time I ever got a
paddle on the back was when Ifolded my underwear drawer bed,
anybody else in my platoon.
And it was the first timeanybody e ever said I did
anything better than anybodyelse.
So it was that kind ofleadership of the small things
matter, and then the big thingstake care of themselves.

(36:21):
So that's where I would say itstarted.
That's fantastic.
And then from there, you enteredinto the hospitality industry
first in hotel operations.
Tell us a little bit about yourstart there and some of the
progress from there until yourmedia roles.
When I went in the military, Iwas a year older than most
people.
And so I went to school at nightto get my college degree and
then I drove up to OverlandPark, Kansas from Whiteman Air

(36:43):
Force Stations in Na Nasta,Missouri to work at the Embassy
Suites in Oberland Park.
And my friend still, Bob Leger,gave me a job.
So I worked on the weekends inOverland Park while I was in the
Air Force.
And then when I got out of themilitary, I worked at the first
embassy Suites in Times Square.
And then went on to what mydream job was to work at the

(37:05):
Plaza Hotel, and I became anight manager.
And then somehow I became thisturnaround expert, the Algonquin
and the Lucerne.
And then when I was at thePlaza, I wasn't in charge, but
we were turning around trying tokeep it outta bankruptcy and it
was just I became, Reallymesmerized by broken hotels.
I always say, you give me a goodhotel and I'll break it for you.

(37:28):
You gimme a broken hotel andI'll fix it for you.
I just, my mindset just went to,I need things to fix.
I don't need things to maintain.
And that became my career pathreally, is just like someone
that was in debt or losing ahotel, they would somehow find
me and give it to me.
And I was blessed to be able todo it.
Work with great teams and.

(37:49):
Be able to, to turn it around.
And for those who don't know,that was through the show.
Hotel Impossible, I think had 8,9, 10 seasons.
It was a long, it ran for a longtime.
Yes.
Nine, nine seasons.
But before Hotel Impossible.
That's where I got my start, wasturning around hotels in New
York, whether it be Sereni,Quin, when I was with the team
at the Plaza.
It was, and then developed ahotel in Times Square.

(38:10):
And it was, that's where Istarted to understand.
What the fundamentals of thebusiness was, and the
fundamentals wasn't policies andprocedures and rev share and all
that.
The fundamentals was, is thehousekeeper being treated with
respect?
Is the front desk being treatedwith respect?
Are we treating each other withrespect?

(38:30):
If we're doing that, then we cando anything.
We can beat everybody atanything.
But a lot of times when I takeover the hotel, everybody forgot
their employee and they were allworried about the mission and
the managers, but everybodyforgot the employee.
I've heard you say that we arenot in the hospitality business,
but what that we're in thebusiness of hospitality is that
through those different rolesand working with those different

(38:52):
teams at those properties, It'sabout watching people work
really hard, going home, raisingtheir family, doing homework,
cooking dinner, and coming backat 6:00 AM in the morning into a
very strenuous job with a smileon their face.
So my job was always to be, Idon't care about the owner.
I don't care about their, Idon't care about anything.
I don't even care about myself.

(39:13):
They just, the predictiveindexes came back and said,
apparently I put myself beforeothers.
And I dunno if that's alwaystrue, but.
Like that to me is I became anadvocate for the housekeeper.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know why, but I justfeel that they have not got
their due.
And so I'm the person, whetherit be through my show or be
through my business.

(39:33):
If they're happy, then theirhotel's eventually gonna be
okay.
That's great.
I love to hear that.
I always love sharing with ouraudiences, the reasons that I've
invited specific guests toshare.
And it's always because theguests have impacted my career
or my personal life in a waythat has been very memorable for
me.
And I'm actually, I think, gonnashare two in talking about you,

(39:56):
but one is shortly after we met.
I walked into a conferencesession that you were speaking
at and you stopped dead in yourtracks on stage when you saw me
walk in and you said, how manypeople in this room have had a
handwritten note from Rachel?
And I watched a bunch of handsgo up, and it was the first

(40:18):
moment that I realized.
That my note writing was part ofmy personal brand.
I had never, I wasn't self-awareenough to even really, quite
frankly know what a personalbrand was, but also to know that
was a way that I was settingmyself apart and becoming
memorable to the people that Iwas interacting with.
I know that you talk for, Dayson end about personal brand, and

(40:39):
we don't have that much timetoday, but talk a little bit
about why personal brand is soimportant, and as you're talking
to current and future leaders,why they need to make sure if
they don't have a personalbrand, that they immediately
develop one.
You almost made me cry.
Thank you for remembering that.
And I certainly remember it.
I was asked by Cornell to do aclass about personal branding,

(41:01):
and I went through the class andit was one of the, it was one,
they gave it away for freedom.
It was one of the most popularcourses they had.
And through that, actuallydeveloping that and I obviously
had a personal brand for awhile, but it really let me
understand that most peopledon't realize they have a
personal brand.
Matter of fact, we're, I'm onstage and I ask people, how many

(41:22):
people have a personal brand ifthere's a thousand people in the
audience?
Maybe 10 people raised theirhand.
Okay.
Maybe.
And when I always talk aboutwhen you're born, like if you
have brothers and sisters.
I don't even know if you havebrothers and sisters.
I do.
I have one.
A beach.
Okay, so everybody in thefamily, we all fall into our
natural positions, so I knowwhich daughter I can ask to do

(41:44):
something that's gonna get done.
I know which daughter who shouldgo tie shopping with me.
I know which daughter who'sgoing to be able to represent
the family, really articulate ifthey get on stage.
So you just fall into yourpersonal brand without knowing
it.
And so I always tell people,start there.
Start with how you representyour family.

(42:06):
Were you the smartest one?
Were you the funniest one?
What were you, because that'show you probably represent
yourself in your business andanything else you do.
So I was always the one that waslooking over the fence.
I was always the one thateverybody told me.
World is gonna crap on you andthere's too many challenges out
there and just stay in yourlittle world.

(42:26):
And I was always looking overthe fence and I was always
looking, there's gotta be more,there's gotta be more.
And I ask a lot of questions.
I am, everybody knows I tellstories and I ask questions.
So I just realized that's whereI was.
I.
In my family and kind of with myfriends, but also I'm very
calculated, meaning I'm, peoplethink I'm a risk taker.
I'm not a risk taker.

(42:47):
I'm a I take calculated risks.
As a matter of fact, I'm, Idon't like taking risks.
Unless I understand the numbersand the dynamic of the risk I'm
taking.
I always say, I'll drive a car180 miles an.
Around the track, but I won'tdrop out of an airplane because
I'm controlling the car.
So I think it was my naturalinstincts of, and then
realizing, oh, it's okay to bethe person in the room that

(43:11):
maybe loses focus because I gotthree other things I'm thinking
about.
But when it comes down to it andsay, Hey, who's got the creative
idea?
I go like this, and I'm usuallythe one that comes up with it.
So I started to say, that's me.
I'm the guy that maybe is notgonna be the most focused guy in
the room.
I'm the guy that may not be thebest listener, although I'm
getting much better.
But I'm the guy that when yousay, Hey, we gotta take that

(43:33):
hill, we're gonna take it.
We're gonna win, and we're gonnafigure it out.
So that's my brand.
My brand is, I will come up witha creative solution to solve a
problem, and you have to take myweaknesses with my strengths.
I love that.
That's great advice.
And I love the idea or theconcept of starting with who you
represent in your family.
I've never thought about it thatway, but what a great place to

(43:55):
start, for sure.
One thing, if I can ask you aquestion, were you, that the
person you are today, were youthat person in high school with
your family?
I don't know.
I'd have to think about it.
Probably in a lot of ways,definitely the very thoughtful,
methodical, workhorse for sure,but maybe some other things in
there as well.
It's such a different world nowtoday, Anthony, as you and I

(44:17):
have talked about when you putin the internet and cell phones
and social media and otherthings, it's hard to think of
myself back then because I camefrom a very small town with very
little outside influence.
And then you come now andobviously live.
In a big city, in a big industrywith a lot of external
influences.
So it's, I'd have to think aboutrelating those two back and

(44:37):
forth.
I am gonna pivot for a second topublic speaking because most
people have had a chance, notjust through your media efforts,
but also the conference speakingand.
Other opportunities that youoffer through the podcast with
no vacancy at all.
How did you really get a knackfor public speaking?
How do you prepare for thedifferent public speaking
opportunities?

(44:58):
And if somebody said, publicspeaking is the biggest hurdle I
have to overcome to reallyaccelerate my career trajectory,
what would you tell them aresome of the tricks of the trade?
This is what I would tell you.
I have paralyzing stage fright.
And I don't know if I evershared that with you.
Have I ever shared that withyou?
You have.
Okay.
So nor you asked me the questionI have when people say that,

(45:22):
they laugh at me.
They're like, oh yeah, you.
I remember I was working at theAlgonquin.
I was asked by the managementcompany to go out to Argon and
speak about revenue management.
Cause I was one of the generalmanagers in their system that
knew revenue management betterthan most.
I remember being in front ofthese people and as it was my
turn to speak, I.
I'm calling my wife.

(45:42):
I ran into the hallway and Isaid, I'm going to leave.
I'm freaking out.
I can't do this.
I'm about to cry.
I can't do this.
And she said, breathe andwhatever you decide, I'll
support.
You wanna leave.
But if you can do it.
And I remember sitting there andI just started writing things on
index cards and I said, I'm justgonna read from the index cards.
And I read from my index cardsthat I got through it, but.

(46:05):
I remember taking this to goback, I remember when I was at
Whiteman Air Force Base I was atcollege at night on base, and I
had, I was speaking I was doinga speaking class and I was about
to go to do my presentation.
And they broke for lunch and Inever went back to the class.
Never.
And I remember the teacher who'salso a tech sergeant in the

(46:26):
military said to me, Hey, I knowyou didn't come back to class.
Why?
And I told him and he goes, Hey,no worries.
I'm not even going to, there'llbe no record of it.
Just come back and I'll help youthrough it.
And he helped me through it.
But I still had paralyzing stagerights.
So the first time be Westonhired me and a HOA hired me and
all the other people that hiredme, I would bring a moderator

(46:46):
with me and the moderator.
Would have what I would call ourscript.
So I never liked looking at ateleprompter and I don't like
having notes to read.
So he would ask me a questionand once you asked me a
question, I can go on for anhour and a half, as, so we set
it up and outlined it inquestions and he would ask me
the question like it was justoff the top of his head.
And then I did something at.

(47:08):
For Hilton in Vegas.
And that was his last time thathe moderated for me for several
different reasons.
And then I just started to getconfidence and I started to
realize that there's aconfidence monitor in front of
me.
So if I use the slides that Ishow you, the audience, I can
look at that slide.
And that's my confidencemonitor.

(47:29):
Because I know that slide willtrigger me and I'll be able to
go.
So it's been, I would say a good10 years.
Of me trusting myself andtrusting my systems, but I don't
know if I have paralyzing stagefright anymore because I don't
really get nervous anymore.
I.
But it's because of the systemsthat I have in place.

(47:50):
My slideshow, my assistant knowsif my slideshow's not perfect,
and I don't know how thatslideshow goes to the next slide
I can't function.
But as long as I have my, my, myslideshow and I understand it,
and every single speaking gig Ido is different.
I've never done one the same.
I always go, I speak to thepeople and it's okay, I usually
bother'em 3, 4, 5 times before.

(48:12):
I ever fly out, I'm calling themsaying, Hey, how about this?
How about this?
How about this?
I just did one for the Air Forcefor three hours, a development
thing out in Arizona two weeksago, and I drove'em crazy.
But when I got on stage, I wasthe most informed person on the
stage.
So I would say preparation iswhat stops me from being
nervous.
My preparation upward againstanybody.

(48:33):
I'm not ever gonna can somethingI'm gonna know every nuance.
Everything about the stage,everything about the microphone.
I'm not gonna hold a microphone.
I need a bottle of water.
I need a certain seat.
I need, so once I getcomfortable, I can go.
So to me, to answer it in shortpreparation and being
comfortable gets me over mystage I love the concept of

(48:56):
knowing the content because asyou said, once you are the
subject matter of what you'reexpert of, what you're speaking
on, you can just run with theconfidence in knowing that you
know your topic.
And that comes through thepreparation as well.
I love that.
I wanna talk about the secondreason that I wanted you to join
us.
Today, and that's a little bitto talk about relationship

(49:16):
building and networking.
The first time that we met, wewere walking down a street
together, and I know you'llremember this in Minneapolis and
we only had a couple of blocksto go, but we literally got
stopped by every single personin the state of Minnesota
wanting to stop and take apicture with you and tell you
that they appreciated theirshow.

(49:37):
They they liked watching you andI was really drawn to your
ability to make every single oneof those people feel like they
had known you forever and thatevery single one of them was
valuable to you in that moment.
And I'm sure that happenseverywhere you go.
I've been around you a lot oftimes.
I've seen it many more timesthan just that first time.

(49:58):
Does that.
Tailor well to your personality,do you think in terms of
relationship building andnetworking?
That ability to really connectwith people helps drive your
success there.
I will tell you that it hasnothing to do with relationship
building.
It has nothing to do withnetworking.
It has to do with gratefulness.

(50:19):
That somehow, somewhere you knowme and somehow, somewhere you
know me well enough where youwant to say hi.
Wow.
What?
Wait, hold on.
I, all of a sudden I got this TVshow and I wasn't known outside
of New York, and then all of asudden the United States, the
world became a small town andeverybody in the small town

(50:40):
could be the small town of NewYork or la or it could be Nono,
Missouri became my neighbor, andI would never walk past my
neighbor.
I just took my neighbor'sgarbage can in, I would never
walk past my neighbors.
So these are all my neighbors.
So I never look at it as whatthis connection can do for me,
although if I know the personhas a title and a great company

(51:00):
that could, help me, I'll takehis number.
I'll take her number.
Absolutely.
But no, it's a it's, and I don'twanna say humbleness because it
sounds self-serving, but it's agratefulness of Wow.
You know me, I still don't know.
I'm famous.
People laugh at me all the time.
People laugh at me all the time.
It's like you have no clue thatpeople know who you are.
I was like, I think the onesecond.

(51:22):
I know, and we're about tolaunch a new show.
The second I know, or the secondI walked past somebody.
The only time, and I remember itdistinctly that I had enough was
when somebody.
In a Delta Sky Lounge, which isvery atypical cause nobody
bothers you.
Was like literally pushing meand so excited and after the

(51:42):
first 30 seconds I was cool withit.
But after the first 30 seconds Iwas cool with everyone hugging,
whatever, but he wouldn't stop.
And I was like, dude, you gottastop hitting me.
That was the only time I was alittle bit like, Hey man, it's
enough.
I don't see it any other way,but just tremendously grateful
and appreciative of that person.
Taking a moment to say, Hey,your work matters to me.

(52:05):
What you did matters the way youtake care of housekeepers or
your team, or the way you toldthat guy what he needed to hear.
Cuz I, because I will tell youwhat I feel if I think I'm
having ne negative experienceand I think people live that
through me sometimes.
They're like, man, I wish I cansay that to my boss.
You can just make sure you sayit in a respectful manner.
Yeah, I take that, those momentsare almost, spiritual for me.

(52:27):
I love that.
And living a life with gratitudeis such an important lesson.
That's actually gonna segueperfectly into something I wanna
ask you about.
Oftentimes the own voice we hearin our head can be very negative
or very questioning, and it canbe louder than all of the people
who support us.
And you and I have talked aboutthis a little bit as well of who

(52:48):
me?
Talk a little bit aboutstrategies that you have and
that you can advise others on ifthey're having a moment of
self-doubt or a lack ofconfidence in taking a step they
may wanna take or in apresentation or something else.
How do you reverse thatnarrative in your head?
That's a man.
You're a really goodinterviewer.
I will tell you, I said this tomyself a long time ago, and now

(53:10):
I talk about it.
I preach it.
We have a 32nd movie in ourhead, right?
That we all run in our headevery day, and we talk more to
ourselves than we talk toanybody else.
And that 32nd video when I wasyounger was, I'm not good
enough.
I'm stupid.
I got left back twice.
I had a bad s a t score.
I screw things up.
I need small I need personalattention to learn.

(53:33):
I just need someone to repeatthemselves two or three times
and then I get it.
And so I had this in my head.
I'm stupid.
I'm not, I, I need personalizedexperience because I just can't
get it.
And then I started having littlesuccesses, whether it be folding
my underwear drawer in the AirForce than anybody else, or
whether it be getting airmen thequarter or Airmen of the year.

(53:56):
And I started having thesesuccesses and I realized, oh,
Everybody screws up andeverybody has weaknesses.
So now the movie in my head is,I'm creative, I'm a good
marketer.
I'm pretty quick and I'mflexible and I'm grateful.

(54:17):
And if I keep doing that in myhead, it'll usually get me
through where I feel negativeabout myself or I feel like I'm
not good enough.
So I would just ask everyone tojust stop.
What you're doing and just getthat video right in your head.
Get those 30 seconds right inyour head.
If those 30 seconds, startgiving gratitude.

(54:37):
Those 30 seconds.
Say, I'm blessed.
I'm grateful.
You know what?
I am good at this.
I'm bad at this, but who cares?
I'll do my best when thosesituations arise, but I'm really
good at this.
One of the things that I had tobecome good at the 32nd movies,
I'm not a good listener, so I'veworked so freaking hard on
becoming a good listener, and Idig.
My podcast has helped me, and Itry not to interrupt people.

(54:58):
So I just think getting that32nd movie in your head and
living in gratefulness there,that's the secret.
If there is a secret, That'sgreat advice.
Anthony, I wanna turn tosomething that we're talking a
lot about, especially coming outof the pandemic, which is how to
manage the demands of a careerand a personal life, whether
that's family, hobbies, othertypes of things.

(55:19):
I know you've been married.
For 30 years, if I remembercorrectly.
I think you have three children.
You travel a lot, you havealways had a very demanding
career From a timing standpoint.
How do you think you do atmanaging the demands of both a
career and a personal life?
And what are some of the lessonsmaybe you've learned over the
course of that 30 years thathave helped shape how you view

(55:41):
it today?
My work life balance is myresponsibility.
Jack Welt said it in his book,work-life balance has nothing to
do with the company.
It has to do with you.
And what I say to people is, ifI asked you for a report on
Monday and you have all weekend,you're going to be away
traveling for sports for yourfamily or whatever you're doing,

(56:03):
and Monday comes and I have thatreport, but then somehow I find
out you missed this boardingeven for your children.
I'm probably gonna be reallyangry if that report comes and
it's late and I find out youwent to the sporting events for
your children.
I will probably be upset ifsomebody says, Hey Anthony, do
you need that report on Monday?

(56:24):
Can I have it on Tuesday?
Cause I have sporting events onthe weekend and I wanna make
sure it's a good report.
I, I want the time.
I would say one in two things.
I would say absolutely, pleasedon't miss a day or second your
children and the Or I would say,unfortunately it's not a fake
deadline.
I need this deadline cause theowners are coming in and I need
to be prepared.

(56:45):
So yes, it's Monday morning andI apologize, but I need to get
it done, but don't miss yoursporting event.
So now it's up to me to do both.
And you, Rachel, you've been inthat situation many times.
Yeah.
You've gotta manage that toblame your boss and to blame
anyone else.
And now the world we live inthough, I was just talking about
this on the podcast, thosebosses that would judge you for

(57:08):
spending time with your family,those bosses are gone or they're
about to be gone, right?
They're no longer viable in, inany industry, whereas 10, 20
years ago, That was what youhad.
You had people that were justdemanding that doesn't exist
anymore.
And if it does exist, they're ontheir way out.
So now you can have both.
So I have both.

(57:29):
I don't miss anything.
Matter of fact, my daughter oncesaid I missed a St.
Patrick's Day parade in ourneighborhood where she was like
just marching and she stillholds an account and she still
tells me about it just to breakmy chops cuz she knows I've
been, I've done everything.
I'll give you another examplethat bother that kind of hits
me.
I won't mention his name.
You know him.
He's a famous guy and he happensto be a friend of mine and he

(57:50):
happens to be on tv.
And one day he rented a privateplane to go to his son's
rehearsal or recital or whateverit was, and he Instagrammed it
and he said, Hey, I just rentedthis plane.
I don't wanna miss my kids,whatever he was doing.
And I was just like, that'sprivate.
That's your job.

(58:11):
That's your job.
I don't miss anything for mychildren.
I don't miss anything.
And I was close to my children'skids friends than any parent in
my neighborhood, if not more.
I don't miss anything, but Ihave to figure that out for
myself.
So when I, when he did that, Iwas like, you'll never see me
post anything like that.
It's that's what you're supposedto do.

(58:32):
Just like if you pay me a lot ofmoney to get on stage and I
bother you.
Where it's like, Anthony, thisis the fourth meeting we're
having.
Like I said, I'm a slow learner.
I wanna know everything and I'msorry, but when I get on that
stage, I'm representing you andI got a money back guarantee.
You don't like my speech.
I'm giving you the check back.
So I don't wanna give you moneyback.

(58:52):
I wanna make sure I give youwhat you want.
When we did the Air Force thingthree weeks ago, thank God my
sister drove in and she wasthere and we did this
development thing for all thelodging managers of the Air
Force and.
I, I knew it so well that I wasable to hold the executives
accountable for something.
And at the end, all of the, allthe managers came into me and

(59:14):
go, oh my God.
Like you were reading our minds.
I was reading your minds becauseit took me four times to get
everything I needed to get to dothat presentation.
So I don't know if that answeredyour questions.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And I like the idea of beingresponsible.
For making those determinationsourselves.
I think that it's a work inprogress for me, especially as I

(59:35):
have learned over the course ofmy career how to prioritize
things differently.
Related to work-life managementis a really renewed focus
nowadays on self-care andwellness.
And both allowing for ourselvesto understand how critically
important that is to beingsuccessful in our careers and in
our personal life, but alsomaking sure that the teams

(59:56):
around us are taking care ofthemselves.
How do you think you've done ontaking care of yourself through
a demanding career, and whatlessons have you learned along
the way, maybe in hindsight, orhow have you managed your teams
when it comes to wellness?
Poorly in the beginning.
And then the last 15 years whenI got really good at it, I was

(01:00:17):
more of an entrepreneur.
But now if I'm developingsomething or I, if I'm building
teams I'm very, that's first.
It's if you're not healthy andyou're not taking care of
yourself, nothing else as andI'll share it cuz it's you to
your audience.
I've been sick the last twoweeks I've been in, out of the
hospital.
Part of that had nothing to dowith, and I think a little bit
of part of it.
Was a little bit of stressbecause I was, I'm dealing with

(01:00:39):
three or four major balls rightnow, and so I work out, I eat
relatively healthy.
I thought I was, for about twomonths, I probably wasn't.
And through this whole process Ilost 25 pounds and I was like, I
can't afford to lose 25 pounds,but apparently I can because I
feel good.
So it's a work in progress withall of us.
We think we're taking care ofourselves, but the stress of

(01:01:02):
just being on earth and justworrying about our families,
worrying about our business,worrying about others, I.
Is really imp you know it's partof it.
So I worked out this morning, Idid my breathing exercise this
morning.
I ate fruit and eggs and I, itwas healthier this morning, but
I gotta do that consistently.
And so I think it's, listen, ifyou don't have your health, you
don't have anything.

(01:01:23):
And I learned that the hard way.
Cause I've never been in thehospital outside when I was very
small.
And recently being in thehospital, I realized nothing's
important outside of my health.
So that's number one, evenbefore my family.
Cause if I don't take care ofmyself, how am I gonna take care
of them?
So I think it's gotta be thenumber I'll tell you real quick
thing, I know somebody thatwon't mention a company that was

(01:01:44):
one of the best people I've evermet in the business.
And this person left recentlybecause they were asked to go
back to the office and theyworked from home very
efficiently.
And they said, I can work fromthe office, their home their
office three days a week, but Ihave a couple small children.
I'm efficient.
I'm more efficient now than I'veever been.
Please, I don't want to comeback in the office.

(01:02:04):
And they said, you have to.
And she left the company.
That's some shortsightednessthat I just don't understand.
I know some other peopledisagree with me and say
everybody should come back tothe office.
But if some people have a job,like a housekeeper, front desk
person, whatever that needs tobe in the office, fine.
But if you are a revenue managercan work from home, you gotta
work with people.
And if you are front officemanager that wants to work from

(01:02:27):
home, learn revenue managementor learn sales or learn
something.
I'm a work from the office kindof guy.
I love showing up.
I much rather fly.
For a cup of coffee, then azoom.
I'll get on a plane for fourhours and you have a cup of
coffee face-to-face.
Then I will do a Zoom.
I'm that guy, but I understandpeople, like different things I.
Yeah.

(01:02:47):
And I'm glad to see that you arefeeling much better and
appreciate your sharing.
That story with our listeners,as I expected, cuz you and I
could talk for days on end.
We're gonna run short on time,but I wanna wrap up with two
questions.
One of the.
Questions that I love is adviceto our younger selves, and it is
because I think we're constantlya work in progress and the
beauty of reflection is animportant part of our personal

(01:03:10):
growth.
So what would Anthony today tell21 year old Anthony about how
things will play out for you?
Slow is fast.
I would take a page outta myfriend Rachel, who's very
methodical.
Very specific, but moves reallyfast cause she moves really

(01:03:31):
slow.
And I lear I moved really fastand didn't get a lot
accomplished early on.
If I moved a little slower, Iwould've moved a lot faster.
That's such fascinating advice.
I wanna share before we go ontoa piece of final advice, you and
I share an another similarmantra, which is The only person
you have to be better than isthe person you were yesterday.

(01:03:53):
Mine is a little bit differentthan that, is I wake up every
day trying to be my bestTomorrow, I hope I wake up
again, and then I get to learnfrom whatever I did today and
continue to grow and improve.
What does that stem from, thatpersonal desire to continue
growing, to be a better personeach day because we're Floyd.
And we've made a lot of mistakesand I've probably not been nice

(01:04:16):
to people early on in my career,and I always probably did a lot
of things I shouldn't have done.
And I'm a flawed human and if Imade a mistake today, I'm gonna
try not to make it tomorrow.
And in order to move forward,especially as we get older,
We've gotta be kinder toourselves.
I, every podcast I end because Iwas having a very difficult time

(01:04:37):
during the pandemic and evenpast the pandemic.
I was having a very difficulttime.
And those words of every time Isigned off.
I said, be kind to yourself.
I was really saying it to me.
Everybody thinks I'm saying itto them.
I'm saying it to me.
Every day just now.
I said it, I did a prerecordweek later and I said, be kind
to yourself.
I'm really talking to myself.

(01:04:58):
And so we have to be kind toourselves.
And the only thing you can do islike yesterday was yesterday,
man, you did the best you could.
You did the best you could.
And now today you just gotta dobetter.
And you gotta learn from thosemistakes.
But this perfection doesn'texist.
When I get on stage and I talkto people, I always say, I know
what the yellow block of cheeselooks like.
I know what food stamps looklike.

(01:05:20):
I know what a struggling motherlooks like that's trying to do
her best.
I know what it's like to hide inthe closet because the Con
Edison guy's coming.
I know those feelings and we canonly do our best.
So I don't come from, likeeverything was handed to me and
I just come from, and evenpeople that we're handed to,
they have to go back and say,okay, I have to now make my own

(01:05:42):
way.
So we all have our ownstruggles.
Whether you come from somethingwhere you were born on third
base or you weren't, we all haveour own struggles.
And my brother Angela said thisto me when we were very little,
I'll never forget it.
We lost our dad and we had somestruggles and he says, put your
worries on the worry tree.
And then everybody go and pickoff the worries they want.
You're gonna pick off the sameworries that you had cuz you

(01:06:04):
don't want anybody else'sworries.
And I thought that wasbrilliant.
So if you're trying to do betterthan you, you were yesterday and
you live in gratitude.
Your problems, you'll acceptthem and you'll deal with'em.
And you'll and you'll fightthrough'em.
What powerful advice, especiallyis saying that we're all flawed,
cuz that is absolutely the case.
Anthony, as we wrap up knowingthe motto of d e i advisors to

(01:06:24):
empower personal success, whatis one final piece of advice
that you would offer to ourlisteners?
Ask the question.
Ask the question, whatever itis, ask the question people want
to answer.
Remember before G ps, and youwould go and ask somebody
directions and they would spendsometimes 10 minutes giving you

(01:06:45):
directions and they'd go in,there's, grandma's house is down
the block and she stops givingyou lemonade and then she makes
a left.
And after that left there's aflag.
Oh, you nice I to work at thatstore with the flag.
I used to work there.
And then you make a right.
And then the gas station I getgas every day and a great coffee
in the gas station.
They wanna give you directions.
People want to help you ask thedamn question.

(01:07:07):
I love it.
I love it so much.
Anthony thank you so much onbehalf of myself, on behalf of
the hospitality industry, sograteful for your leadership,
all that you do, all that youhave shared with me.
Hold up your book real quick sothat people can see, wait, let
me find it.
I don't if I can find it.
There it is, show up by AnthonyMelchior, and if you liked what

(01:07:27):
you heard today, we hope you'llturn into d e i advisors.org and
hear from over a hundredindustry leaders who've shared
their personal stories and theirinsights.
You can also stream us from yourfavorite podcast streaming
service.
But Anthony, thank you so much.
Such a pleasure to visit withyou.
It's a blessing to know you andI, I love you.
Thanks Anthony.