July 18, 2024 • 38 mins
Recovering from major surgery taught me a lesson that many of us struggle with: accepting help is not a sign of weakness. Join me on the latest episode of D.E.M.O. with Mo, as I share my personal journey of healing and the incredible support I received from my community, friends, family, and church. The touching moments, like a church member bringing homemade chicken noodle soup, highlighted the profound impact of acts of kindness and reinforced my understanding of how essential it is to embrace help during difficult times.
Ever found yourself hesitant to ask or accept for help, fearing it might make you appear weak? Let me guide you through my experience of learning to communicate my needs effectively. Therapy played a pivotal role in helping me shift from waiting for my husband to assist after work, to confidently asking friends for help. These small yet significant changes made a world of difference in my recovery process and underscored the importance of community support.
Finally, we reflect on the emotional significance of unexpected acts of kindness and the joy of showing up for others. From heartfelt prayers to thoughtful care packages, these gestures not only uplift us but also strengthen the bonds we share with our loved ones. As we redefine accepting help as a sign of strength and courage, let’s remember to always express gratitude for the love and support we receive. Tune in, and let's embark on this journey of growth and appreciation together.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
what's up, guys?
Welcome to demo with mo.
I'm your host, monique simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up guys?
Welcome to a new episode ofDemo with Mo.
(00:28):
I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be
discussing accepting help is nota sign of weakness.
I want to start off byapologizing that we didn't have
a new episode to release on lastweek.
I have been recouping andresting and taking care of
(00:51):
myself from a surgery, a majorsurgery that I had almost two
weeks ago.
If you guys have been listeningand following the podcast, I
did tell you that I was going tobe without sharing too many
details, that I was going to bewithout sharing too many details
, that I was going to be doingsome things to take care of my
physical health, and that's whatwas going on.
(01:11):
I had to have a major surgeryfor some health issues that I
was having and I really didn'twant to share too much because I
didn't know how everything wasgoing to go.
That was my first time havingany type of major surgery and
you know things can happen.
It was all in God's hands.
But you know, things can happenand I just didn't want to share
too much until we were on theother side of that.
(01:34):
And here we are, thank God.
Everything went well with thesurgery.
We were able to get everythingremoved and taken care of and I
am feeling so much better Again.
I am still recovering andresting and taking care of
myself and even right now, as Iam recording this, I am
(01:55):
currently in my bed with myheating pad and I am taking care
of myself.
I am taking care of my physicalhealth.
Just like I told you guys, I'mgetting into this new normal and
I can't wait to be all the wayon the other end of this journey
.
Let me not say that I can'twait.
I can't wait to see what itlooks like and just to see the
(02:19):
full outcome of what the otherend of this journey looks like.
But I am going to take fulladvantage of this journey and
the whole healing process andjust every step of the way.
I am going to take in thescenery and the experience and
(02:41):
all that God is doing and justall of it.
I'm in no rush, I'm in no rushand I'm just grateful.
Everybody that has been herewith me, the support, the love,
just all of it my village, myfriends, my church family, just
my husband, my children, justeverybody that has been a part
of this.
I'm grateful, as I'm sittinghere and just thinking about it
(03:08):
all.
I'm grateful.
I'm grateful because I remembera time not too long ago where I
was just suffering through andthen sometime after where I was
talking to the doctors andfiguring out and doing the
research and trying to make adecision, and then making that
decision and going through withit.
(03:29):
And now here I am on the otherside, where now I'm doing the
recovery process and taking mytime to get to that new normal
and I'm just grateful.
I'm grateful for it all.
So if you have been rockingwith me and you have been a part
of this journey and a part ofthis process, I hope you are
(03:49):
here with me and not necessarilygoing through the same thing
that I'm going through, but Ihope you are figuring out your
new normal.
I hope you are making thedecisions to get you where you
want to be, whatever that lookslike.
I hope you don't have to staywhere you have been.
I hope you get to where it isthat God wants you to be so.
(04:13):
Accepting help is not a sign ofweakness.
That's the topic we're going tobe discussing today and just
with this whole process ofrecovering from my surgery, this
has been an eye-opener for me.
Through my work in therapy I'velearned that about myself and
even before therapy I knew thatabout myself, but through the
(04:39):
help of my therapist, she hashelped me learn how to accept
help and showed me that it's nota sign of weakness, and that's
kind of what we're going to betalking about today.
Even before my surgery, I knewfrom being in different Facebook
(05:00):
communities.
One particular my girlfriendtold me about an enemy too,
which has been a very great helpto me with the recovery process
and a lot of questions that Ihad, because it's a community of
women who've had this surgeryand they've answered a lot of
(05:21):
questions and had a lot ofthings talked about.
And it helps when you're a partof a community of people going
through the same thing you'regoing through and face the same
thing you face and things thatyou may wonder or want to know
and have feedback, and it justhelps to be a part of a
community like that and thatcommunity has helped a lot.
(05:44):
So I knew a lot of things asthe time came up to my surgery
and even with the recoveryprocess, it has helped a lot.
So, going into the surgery,there was a lot of things I knew
I would not be able to do forfour weeks and I was aware of
these things.
So a lot of things I was goingto be dependent upon my husband,
(06:06):
dependent upon my children,dependent upon other people.
So help is what I knew I wasgoing to need a lot of, because
a lot of things I wouldn't beable to do physically myself.
So it was nowhere around it.
I was going to need help.
Long story short, I knew I wasgoing to need help.
(06:27):
I knew I was going to have tobe dependent upon other people.
But even before the surgery, alot of things I tried to prepare
for and get done as much as Ican so I wouldn't have to depend
on them for everything,especially things I could do
myself.
If I could do it myself, Iwanted to do myself, or at least
(06:50):
have it ready and prepared tohelp them as much as I could,
because that's just who I am.
That's just that's just who Iam.
So as much as I can help them,I wanted to help them, help me
Basically, if that makes sense.
So all my people who areindependent, who like to do
(07:13):
things for themselves I know youunderstand what I'm saying as
much as I can help them, help me.
I wanted to be of help.
Okay, so after my surgery, thefirst few days I could really do
anything like not too much ofanything for myself, so my
(07:33):
husband and kids did most of thethings for me.
As the days went by, I was ableto get my strength up a little
bit and walk around and do a fewthings for myself.
Those things that I could dofor myself I try to do for
myself.
So the issue was never with myhusband and my kids helping me.
They helped me, I acceptedtheir help, no problems.
(07:57):
Okay, the problem came in iswhen other people my friends, my
church, family, the people whoclose to me, who love me, who
really know me they would reachout and want to help me and
assist me and do things for mejust to see what I needed or
want to drop something off orsend something by my husband or
(08:19):
one of my kids or things likethat, and they would reach out
for those type of things.
And that's when I could beginto see the growth.
That's when I could begin tosee the difference that therapy
had made.
And let me, let me be, let mepaint the difference that
(08:42):
therapy has made in this areafor me and let me show you where
I still need to grow.
And this is just me.
I want you to see for yourselfwhere you are, where you could
be, where you may need to grow.
This is just me, this is Mo.
You see for yourself where youare.
(09:03):
Before therapy, I would notaccept help, or I really
struggled to accept help.
You would have to, like youknow how some people, if you
wanted to give them money andthey'd be like nah, nah, I'm,
I'm good, I'm good, and youwould have to probably like put
(09:23):
it in their hand or drop it intheir purse and they'll have to
find it later, that type ofthing.
Or like you have to shake theirhand or give them a hug and you
leave it in their hand and walkaway.
That type of situation that'swhere I used to be before
therapy.
Or like give me a car and Iread the car later and it was in
(09:45):
there, that type of thingasking for help.
That was a no-go, that that wasa no-go.
Like asking, like just flat out, like you didn't reach out to
me first or check in on me, orwe weren't just like having a
(10:07):
conversation, but I just like,flat out, had to call you or
reach out to you and just askyou for help.
No, no, this is before therapy.
No, that's where I was aftertherapy, even with this surgery,
(10:28):
using this surgery.
For example, every person thatreached out to me um, for
example, I had someone reach outto me mo, I'm headed to the
store.
I want to run by your house andbring this over for you.
What would you like me to getfrom you, from the store?
(10:49):
I'm already going to the store.
It was like let me put thisdisclaimer out Most of these
people not even most of thesepeople, all of these people, but
most of these people I haveintimate relationships with,
years, long relationships with.
They know me, they know mypersonality, they know how I
with.
They know me, they know mypersonality, they know how I am,
(11:11):
they know me.
So this person, they let meknow.
It wasn't like I'm going outthe way.
I'm already headed to the store.
I would like to bring yousomething.
Stop by your house and drop itout for you.
What would you like In thismessage?
They're letting me know I'm notgoing out the way.
(11:32):
It's not like, and not to saythey're not going out the way
because they are kind of goingout the way because they come
into my house, but it's like I'mnot making an extra trip just
to go to the store just for you,because me, being who I am, I'm
going to say I'm good, becausedon't just go to the store just
to go to the store just for you,because me, being who I am, I'm
going to say I'm good, becausedon't just go to the store just
to go to the store to get mesomething.
(11:52):
They will let me know I'm going, I'm already going to the store
While I'm at the store I canget you what you need.
What do you need from the store?
Because y'all this may soundwild, but that's just the type
of person that I am.
So, because I don't want peoplegoing out of their way, I don't
(12:14):
want people inconveniencingthemselves, I just don't.
I just don't.
I just don't.
Okay, and I'm still working.
I'm still growing.
I'm not saying that any of thisis okay.
I'm still growing, but'm notsaying that any of this is okay.
I'm still growing, but I'vecome a long way.
I told them exactly what Iwanted from the store.
I did not the old Moniquebefore therapy.
(12:37):
I would have said that I'm good.
I would have waited till myhusband got off work because my
husband was at work.
I would have waited till myhusband got off work.
I would have told him what Ineeded from the store.
He would have got it.
I would have waited till myhusband got off work.
I would have told him what Ineeded from the store.
He would have got it.
I would have been good.
That's what the old Moniquewould have did before therapy.
After therapy doing work with mytherapist.
My therapist working with me,letting me know it's okay to ask
(13:02):
for help.
It's okay to accept help.
You're worthy of that.
You do it for everybody else.
Allow people to do the samething for you that you do for
them.
People want to show you thatlove.
This is something they want todo for you.
Allow people into your life andinto your heart the same way
you do it for them.
People want to show up for you.
This is work that I've done intherapy and I've come to terms
(13:26):
with.
But it took work through therapy.
So I sent them exactly what Iwanted from the store, even sent
the picture of exactly what itis, because it's different
options of what I wanted.
So I sent them the picture ofexactly what I wanted from the
store and you know, it was noproblem.
(13:46):
They brought exactly what it isthat I wanted from the store,
it was no issue.
They dropped it off with mydaughter Gone Goodbye.
I told them how much Iappreciated it.
I thanked them.
No issues.
Oh, monique would have neverdone that, Never.
I would have never been able todo that.
(14:08):
But that was the work throughtherapy and I wasn't weak for
that.
That took strength for me to dothat.
I had to gain that.
It took work through therapy toget to the place where I could
accept help.
And I'm still doing workbecause I got to be able to get
up to the place where I couldaccept help.
(14:28):
And I'm still doing workbecause I gotta be able to get
up to the place where I can justask for that.
Because I have intimate, closerelationships with people and
don't get me wrong, let me saythis, because I do have.
I have a handful of people andI know I have more people than
this in my life that I love andI know would stand 10 toes down
(14:50):
for me and do anything for me,because I would do the same for
them.
But I have a handful of peoplethat keeps me from asking for
help.
It's things within me that Ideal with that I don't ask for
(15:12):
help.
It's not any reason or anythingthat they've done.
It's not because of the otherpeople.
Let me make that clear.
It's not them.
I know it's me.
I know it's because of thingsthat I've dealt with in my past,
in my childhood, and issues ofmy own that I deal with, that I
struggle, but that's things I'mstill working with in therapy
(15:36):
where I know I'm going to get tothe place.
I know, without a doubt, thatI'm going to get to the place
where I feel 100% comfortableeven asking for help, because
I've gotten to the place where Iaccept help.
I've had so many people who'veshown up for me with the
recovery of my surgery.
(15:57):
Who've shown up for me.
I mean just shown up.
I had a church member two daysbefore my surgery and it I mean
this.
It blessed me so much.
It blessed me so much.
One of my church members whocause I teach Sunday school and
this is one of my church membersthat I teach Sunday school with
(16:19):
she made some homemade chickennoodle soup because I couldn't
cook for myself and I don'treally like eating out.
I love home cooked meals, I do.
And she made homemade chickennoodle soup.
And not only did she make thehomemade chicken noodle soup,
(16:42):
she froze it for me inindividual serving bags, so when
I heated it up I didn't have toheat up like a big pot of it.
I can heat it up in individualservings so I could just eat it
in that one serving.
And it was multiple bags to getme through a whole week after
my surgery.
I finished it all now.
(17:03):
But y'all that just that didsomething to my heart and I
didn't ask her for that.
She didn't ask me that I wanther to do that for me.
She just called me and said Iwant to drop something off with
you.
Is it okay if I came by?
She came by my house, droppedit off, and I don't know if she
(17:23):
did.
She dropped that off for me.
She prayed with me for mysurgery.
Did she drop that off for me?
She prayed with me for mysurgery and that just that meant
everything to me, and not onlyher.
I've had multiple people in mylife.
I had people to mail me carepackages with, like my favorite
(17:43):
things in them, like I lovetumblers and candles and fuzzy
socks, like I've received allthese things.
I've had another church memberto make me a home cooked meal
and drop it off Like, and it'snot even the things, it's just
(18:04):
the fact that people want toshow up for you in that way.
And the point I'm making in allof this is to accept that help,
that people want to be able toshow up for you in that way, and
to not accept that because I'mthinking about it from the other
side, because I've always inthe past, before therapy, I've
(18:30):
always only thought about itfrom my perspective, like I
don't want to come off as weak.
I don't want to come off as I'mtaking advantage or I'm using
you, and I know that's not whatpeople think, think of me at all
, and I know that, logicallyspeaking, I know that I don't
(18:51):
want to come off as I'minconveniencing anyone or I'm
taken away from what they havegoing on or taken away from you
know, their family, or just Inever wanted to make it about me
.
That was always the thingsgoing on in my mind.
(19:11):
I never wanted to make it aboutme.
But then, when I flip it around,I'm always the person who love,
I love helping people.
Like I love showing up forpeople, I love doing for people.
It does my heart so good toshow up for people, to buy them
(19:38):
gifts, to support them, to just,I mean, whatever they need if
they're sick, if they've hadsurgery or procedure, if they're
not doing well, even if theyare doing well and you just got
to show up for an event, theirbirthday, I mean whatever I am
(20:03):
the person who wants to do that,and it's not just about the
things, it's just because that'swhat makes my heart happy.
Like I want to be able to showup for you, because I want you
to know how much I love you, howmuch I appreciate you, how much
I care about you, how much youmean to me, and this is the way
I can tangibly show you.
(20:25):
Like my words aren't enough,even though I'm going to give
you the words too, but my wordsdon't do justice, my words
aren't enough.
Like I just want you to know,without a doubt, and if this is
the way I can show you tangibly,practically.
I want to be able to show you,I want you to know, I just want
(20:47):
you to understand, and when Ibegan to think about it like
that, that I would deny somebodythat, because if someone denied
me that it hurts, it hurts Likethat's not their intention,
because that's never myintention.
(21:07):
I don't want to deny anyone that.
I don't want to deny anyonethat I don't want to deny
someone to show me that theylove me, that they care about me
, that they appreciate me, thatthey just want to show up for me
.
I never want to deny thatBecause when I do it, it's never
about them, it's about me, it'sabout what's going on in my
mind and my head.
But I never thought about itlike that.
(21:28):
But when I flip it and thinkabout how I would feel if I was
on the other side of thatbecause I love showing up for
everybody and I understand I getit and it's like, who am I to
deny them that?
So after my surgery and when myvillage and the people who
(21:52):
really love me and I'm talkingabout people who really love me
and care about me, and in thesetype of moments you really get
to see who really show up andwho who really down for you, who
really care about you and whoreally love you.
Because you don't have to waiton somebody to ask you.
You don't have to wait onsomebody to to to tell you don't
(22:18):
and I'm saying this fromexperience because I'm going to
tell y'all something when peopledon't ask for your help and
this is just me from experience,because I don't ask for help I
noticed those type of people whodon't ask for help is because
they're strong.
Those are strong,hyper-independent.
(22:40):
Those people who may strugglewith being vulnerable, they
might struggle with lettingpeople in, and it's not because
they don't want it.
That's just.
That's just who I am.
I go a little deep sometimes.
Y'all, y'all bear with me.
I go a little deep sometimes.
It's not because they don'twant to.
They have their reasons.
(23:01):
I'm just gonna to.
They have their reasons.
I'm just going to tell you.
They have their reasons, youknow you can ask them, you can
dig a little deep and find outwhy, but they have their reasons
and I know that.
So for those people I getcreative.
I have a girlfriend who she hadwent dark a little bit for a
(23:25):
while, and when I say dark, Idon't mean like something
happened dark.
I meant like she got quiet.
I hadn't heard from her for alittle bit.
She was quiet on social media.
She was quiet in real life.
But I'm the type of person Irespect it.
I understand life happens.
(23:46):
Life gets hard hard for us.
I didn't take that personallife be life.
But I also understand she's oneof those people who's like me
don't ask for help.
You know, get independent.
You know struggle withvulnerability.
She shows up for everybody elsebut you know sometimes she's
(24:07):
not going to ask that forherself.
So I reached out to her spouseand I was like what's my girl
favorite?
You know?
Snacks, foods, whatever.
You know what.
What's she really into right,right now?
He sent me a list of stuff.
I put a basket together, slidby her house and dropped it off
at the door.
(24:27):
She reached out to me, told mehow much she appreciated it,
that I also that she appreciatedthat I realized that she had
went quiet.
I didn't have to reach out toher and say you know what's
going on or how can I show upfor you or, you know, do you
(24:52):
need anything?
Because I understood who she isas a friend.
I understood the type of personshe is.
I understood, even if I askedher, she probably was going to
say you know nothing, I don'tneed anything, cause I
understood that about her.
You get what I'm saying, sowhat I?
(25:12):
I didn't need her permission.
I reached out to somebody whoknows her intimately to see how
I could show up for her and Idid that.
Do you see where?
Y'all see where I'm going,y'all see where I'm going here.
So sometimes you don't, if youunderstand that about somebody,
(25:34):
if you have somebody in yourlife that's like me, that
struggle with asking for help,that sometimes even struggle
accepting help, get creative,get creative with that person.
Even like the people who sentme care packages.
All they knew was my address.
(25:54):
They didn't have to come by myhouse, they didn't call me, they
didn't text me, none of that.
All they knew was my addressand they mailed a care package.
They didn't have to ask me whatI needed, anything.
They knew I had surgery.
(26:15):
I know Monique like coffee.
I know Monique like fuzz andsocks.
I know Monique like coffee.
I know Monique like fuzziessocks.
I know her favorite candy.
One of the care packages had myfavorite candy, in which is
Twizzlers, that I sent her outbecause I got the care package
when I made a home from thehospital but I was out of it.
(26:36):
I was out of it, I was onnarcotics and I was out of it.
But the following day when Icame out of it, when I opened
that care package and it hadthose Twizzlers in it and I
think it took me maybe two daysto eat and it was a big old pack
of Twizzlers.
So y'all don't judge me.
Don't judge me because I didn'thave an appetite and I think I
(27:00):
was living off the soup and themTwizzlers for two days.
But I had to text them and letthem know about them Twizzlers
because that just and this issomebody that didn't ask me
anything I just received thecare package in the mail and had
everything that I liked.
Accepting help is not a sign ofweakness.
(27:22):
Accepting help is not a sign ofweakness Y'all.
It actually takes a whole lotof strength to accept help,
especially if this is notsomething that you're used to,
because most of the time, peoplewho don't accept help, who
don't ask for help it is areason and let me not say most
of the time, all of the timepeople who do not accept help or
(27:46):
don't ask for help.
It is a reason and let me notsay most of the time, all of the
time People who do not accepthelp or don't ask for help.
It is a reason why they don't,and it can be multiple reasons.
They've been let down in theirpast, they've been taken
advantage of, they've always hadto do things for themselves.
It's multiple reasons why.
(28:07):
But if you're listening to thisand that is you, you can get
through that.
You can get past that Because,just like me now, I do have
people in my life who I candepend on.
I do have people in my life whoI can ask for help, who will
(28:34):
help me, and I can accept theirhelp.
Practical tips for acceptinghelp.
One allow yourself to bevulnerable.
Feel those emotions whensomebody reaches out, say they
want to help you, ask you if youneed anything.
Be real with yourself.
You don't have to lie andpretend you don't feel the way
you're feeling I had.
I got a few messages of peoplethat wanted to help me, wanted
(28:59):
to do certain things for me, andI was honest with myself in a
moment how I feel.
Some messages I didn't evenrespond to immediately because
how I felt immediately was notthe way I wanted to respond.
I had to wrestle with thatthing like hold up, monique,
come on, because my immediate,my immediate emotion, how I felt
(29:22):
, was not how I wanted torespond and I had to be honest
about how I felt and why I wasfeeling that way.
So allow yourself to bevulnerable, be honest about that
, talk that thing through withyourself.
Why am I feeling this way?
What's going on with me rightnow?
(29:43):
Because even certain people maytrigger certain emotions.
I'm going to let that one sitthere.
I won't even dig too much intothat.
Two tell them exactly what youneed.
Be specific.
Sometimes people may want tohelp, but it may not be the help
(30:09):
you need, because sometimes,because people love you and they
want to support you and theycare about you, they may just
want to get in where they fit in, but it may not be what you
want or what you need, and so itmay not be helpful to you.
So be as specific as you can,so what the person does is
(30:29):
actually helpful for you.
There were certain things thatI needed after my surgery and
there were certain things Ididn't need.
So when people reached out andasked me, how could they help or
certain things that they coulddo.
I was always very specific withwhat I wanted or what I needed.
I tried to be as specific aspossible because there was just
(30:51):
certain things I didn't need ordidn't desire or couldn't use.
Because a lot of the things Igot prepared for before my
surgery Cause I told you I wastrying to help my people my
husband and my children helpedme as much as possible.
So a lot of the things I gotbefore my surgery cause, again,
(31:13):
the group was very helpful, umand I I went down tick tock
rabbit holes about my surgerybeforehand.
So a lot of the things I knewwhat I needed before the surgery
.
So I was able to get preparedbeforehand.
So I tried to be as specific aspossible.
Things that I needed whenpeople asked me, because a lot
(31:35):
of the things I already had.
Three express, thanks andappreciation.
This is something you can dowhen accepting help Let people
know you appreciate them and howmuch you thank them.
That's something that I've saida lot over the last week or so
(31:57):
since my surgery.
Like, thank you so much and Iappreciate you because I do.
I honestly can't say thank youenough because people don't have
to do anything for you.
To be perfectly honest withy'all, I'm overwhelmed with what
has been done for me because Iwasn't expecting it and not
(32:20):
because I didn't think peoplewould show up for me in this way
.
I just didn't talk a lot aboutmy surgery until the very last
minute, so I wasn't expecting alot.
So I'm honestly overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed and my churchfamily they've just they have
(32:45):
just been huge.
They've been a huge source oflove and comfort for me during
this time.
And my friends y'all hear metalk about the group chat all
the time, but I'm grateful andnot even just the group chat,
but my friends have shown up forme.
I'm just, I'm just grateful andagain, I'm overwhelmed.
(33:10):
I'm I'm, I'm really overwhelmedand I'm going to move on.
I'm going to move on becauseI'm just, my hormones are all
over the place.
I've been very emotional andI'm gonna move on.
Y'all, I'm gonna move on.
Or, last but not least, pay itforward.
(33:30):
Instead of trying to return,instead of trying to return the
gestures to them, accept thatthey've done something kind for
you and when you have theopportunity to do it for someone
else, do it.
This is one that I struggledwith, and sometimes I still
(33:51):
struggle with this, because I'mso used to doing for other
people.
When people do stuff for me, Iwant to do it back for them.
I just do.
I struggle with this one.
I don't know if you guysstruggle with this too but don't
do that, don't do that.
Do not this one, please, if youdon't take any other one from
(34:13):
this.
Don't do this.
Pay it forward.
When somebody does something foryou, they're doing it if
they're doing it for the rightreasons.
Let me specify that if someoneis doing something for you and
they're doing it for the rightreasons, they're doing it out
the kindness of their heart.
They're doing it because theylove you.
They're doing it because theycare about you.
(34:35):
They're doing it because theysimply want to show up for you,
support you, that's it.
So, instead of trying to returnthe gesture, show up for you,
support you, that's it.
So, instead of trying to returnthe gesture, accept that
they're doing it from thekindness of their heart.
Don't try to pay it back.
Don't try to do something backnice for them, but pay it
(34:59):
forward.
If you have the opportunity todo it for somebody else, do it.
Take that as an opportunity,but pay it forward.
If you have the opportunity todo it for somebody else, do it.
Take that as an opportunity topay it forward to somebody else.
I had a girlfriend reach out tome earlier this week and she had
a friend who was in need ofsome groceries and I was like,
(35:24):
yeah, you know, she was askingfor donations, she was trying to
put some money together.
She had put some of her moneytogether and I sent her some
money via cash app to put.
I didn't have, you know, Ididn't have a lot, but I sent
what I could to her via cash appand she was going to send a
young lady to get some money, toget some groceries, and that's
(35:46):
what I mean to pay it forward.
All these people have shown upfor me and my family during this
time after my surgery to helpbecause I'm not, you know, I'm
off of work and againrecuperating and resting from my
surgery and all these peoplehave shown up for me and my
(36:06):
family and I'm not trying torepay back what they've done for
me, but an opportunity cameback up for me to bless someone
else, to show up for someoneelse, and God has been good to
me and taking care of my familyduring this time and God has
been good to me in taking careof my family during this time.
The least I could do is helpsomeone else in their time of
(36:27):
need, and I did that.
That was my way of paying itback forward for people being
there for me during my time ofneed.
So pay it forward.
But accepting help is not a signof weakness, and asking for
(36:48):
help is not a sign of weakness.
It's actually a sign ofstrength.
It's a sign of maturity, it's asign of growth.
Allow people to be there foryou the same way you want to be
there for them.
Allow people to show up for you, to love you, to support you.
Thank you to my friends, to myfamily, to my church family, to
(37:14):
my husband Corey, to my children, cj, mariah and Zoe.
Even my little Zoe has beenhelping her mama.
I appreciate all of you guys andthank you to my listeners, to
the audience, to you guys whomake this podcast what it is for
rocking with me on this journey.
(37:36):
If you're not already, remember, remember to rate, review and
subscribe to the podcast.
Follow me on Instagram at DemoWith Mo Podcast, and on Facebook
and TikTok at Demo With Mo, andjoin our Facebook community at
Dating, engaged and MarriedObjectives.
Remember I love you, but Godloves you so much more and I'll
(37:59):
see you next week.
Bye guys, I hope you guys haveenjoyed.
Follow me on Facebook at Demowith Mocom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
what's up, guys?
Welcome to demo with mo.
I'm your host, monique simmons.
We'll be discussing dating,engaged and married objectives
from a young christian'sperspective.
Are you guys ready?
Let's dive in.
Hey, what's up guys?
Welcome to a new episode ofDemo with Mo.
(00:28):
I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be
discussing accepting help is nota sign of weakness.
I want to start off byapologizing that we didn't have
a new episode to release on lastweek.
I have been recouping andresting and taking care of
(00:51):
myself from a surgery, a majorsurgery that I had almost two
weeks ago.
If you guys have been listeningand following the podcast, I
did tell you that I was going tobe without sharing too many
details, that I was going to bewithout sharing too many details
, that I was going to be doingsome things to take care of my
physical health, and that's whatwas going on.
(01:11):
I had to have a major surgeryfor some health issues that I
was having and I really didn'twant to share too much because I
didn't know how everything wasgoing to go.
That was my first time havingany type of major surgery and
you know things can happen.
It was all in God's hands.
But you know, things can happenand I just didn't want to share
too much until we were on theother side of that.
(01:34):
And here we are, thank God.
Everything went well with thesurgery.
We were able to get everythingremoved and taken care of and I
am feeling so much better Again.
I am still recovering andresting and taking care of
myself and even right now, as Iam recording this, I am
(01:55):
currently in my bed with myheating pad and I am taking care
of myself.
I am taking care of my physicalhealth.
Just like I told you guys, I'mgetting into this new normal and
I can't wait to be all the wayon the other end of this journey
.
Let me not say that I can'twait.
I can't wait to see what itlooks like and just to see the
(02:19):
full outcome of what the otherend of this journey looks like.
But I am going to take fulladvantage of this journey and
the whole healing process andjust every step of the way.
I am going to take in thescenery and the experience and
(02:41):
all that God is doing and justall of it.
I'm in no rush, I'm in no rushand I'm just grateful.
Everybody that has been herewith me, the support, the love,
just all of it my village, myfriends, my church family, just
my husband, my children, justeverybody that has been a part
of this.
I'm grateful, as I'm sittinghere and just thinking about it
(03:08):
all.
I'm grateful.
I'm grateful because I remembera time not too long ago where I
was just suffering through andthen sometime after where I was
talking to the doctors andfiguring out and doing the
research and trying to make adecision, and then making that
decision and going through withit.
(03:29):
And now here I am on the otherside, where now I'm doing the
recovery process and taking mytime to get to that new normal
and I'm just grateful.
I'm grateful for it all.
So if you have been rockingwith me and you have been a part
of this journey and a part ofthis process, I hope you are
(03:49):
here with me and not necessarilygoing through the same thing
that I'm going through, but Ihope you are figuring out your
new normal.
I hope you are making thedecisions to get you where you
want to be, whatever that lookslike.
I hope you don't have to staywhere you have been.
I hope you get to where it isthat God wants you to be so.
(04:13):
Accepting help is not a sign ofweakness.
That's the topic we're going tobe discussing today and just
with this whole process ofrecovering from my surgery, this
has been an eye-opener for me.
Through my work in therapy I'velearned that about myself and
even before therapy I knew thatabout myself, but through the
(04:39):
help of my therapist, she hashelped me learn how to accept
help and showed me that it's nota sign of weakness, and that's
kind of what we're going to betalking about today.
Even before my surgery, I knewfrom being in different Facebook
(05:00):
communities.
One particular my girlfriendtold me about an enemy too,
which has been a very great helpto me with the recovery process
and a lot of questions that Ihad, because it's a community of
women who've had this surgeryand they've answered a lot of
(05:21):
questions and had a lot ofthings talked about.
And it helps when you're a partof a community of people going
through the same thing you'regoing through and face the same
thing you face and things thatyou may wonder or want to know
and have feedback, and it justhelps to be a part of a
community like that and thatcommunity has helped a lot.
(05:44):
So I knew a lot of things asthe time came up to my surgery
and even with the recoveryprocess, it has helped a lot.
So, going into the surgery,there was a lot of things I knew
I would not be able to do forfour weeks and I was aware of
these things.
So a lot of things I was goingto be dependent upon my husband,
(06:06):
dependent upon my children,dependent upon other people.
So help is what I knew I wasgoing to need a lot of, because
a lot of things I wouldn't beable to do physically myself.
So it was nowhere around it.
I was going to need help.
Long story short, I knew I wasgoing to need help.
(06:27):
I knew I was going to have tobe dependent upon other people.
But even before the surgery, alot of things I tried to prepare
for and get done as much as Ican so I wouldn't have to depend
on them for everything,especially things I could do
myself.
If I could do it myself, Iwanted to do myself, or at least
(06:50):
have it ready and prepared tohelp them as much as I could,
because that's just who I am.
That's just that's just who Iam.
So as much as I can help them,I wanted to help them, help me
Basically, if that makes sense.
So all my people who areindependent, who like to do
(07:13):
things for themselves I know youunderstand what I'm saying as
much as I can help them, help me.
I wanted to be of help.
Okay, so after my surgery, thefirst few days I could really do
anything like not too much ofanything for myself, so my
(07:33):
husband and kids did most of thethings for me.
As the days went by, I was ableto get my strength up a little
bit and walk around and do a fewthings for myself.
Those things that I could dofor myself I try to do for
myself.
So the issue was never with myhusband and my kids helping me.
They helped me, I acceptedtheir help, no problems.
(07:57):
Okay, the problem came in iswhen other people my friends, my
church, family, the people whoclose to me, who love me, who
really know me they would reachout and want to help me and
assist me and do things for mejust to see what I needed or
want to drop something off orsend something by my husband or
(08:19):
one of my kids or things likethat, and they would reach out
for those type of things.
And that's when I could beginto see the growth.
That's when I could begin tosee the difference that therapy
had made.
And let me, let me be, let mepaint the difference that
(08:42):
therapy has made in this areafor me and let me show you where
I still need to grow.
And this is just me.
I want you to see for yourselfwhere you are, where you could
be, where you may need to grow.
This is just me, this is Mo.
You see for yourself where youare.
(09:03):
Before therapy, I would notaccept help, or I really
struggled to accept help.
You would have to, like youknow how some people, if you
wanted to give them money andthey'd be like nah, nah, I'm,
I'm good, I'm good, and youwould have to probably like put
(09:23):
it in their hand or drop it intheir purse and they'll have to
find it later, that type ofthing.
Or like you have to shake theirhand or give them a hug and you
leave it in their hand and walkaway.
That type of situation that'swhere I used to be before
therapy.
Or like give me a car and Iread the car later and it was in
(09:45):
there, that type of thingasking for help.
That was a no-go, that that wasa no-go.
Like asking, like just flat out, like you didn't reach out to
me first or check in on me, orwe weren't just like having a
(10:07):
conversation, but I just like,flat out, had to call you or
reach out to you and just askyou for help.
No, no, this is before therapy.
No, that's where I was aftertherapy, even with this surgery,
(10:28):
using this surgery.
For example, every person thatreached out to me um, for
example, I had someone reach outto me mo, I'm headed to the
store.
I want to run by your house andbring this over for you.
What would you like me to getfrom you, from the store?
(10:49):
I'm already going to the store.
It was like let me put thisdisclaimer out Most of these
people not even most of thesepeople, all of these people, but
most of these people I haveintimate relationships with,
years, long relationships with.
They know me, they know mypersonality, they know how I
with.
They know me, they know mypersonality, they know how I am,
(11:11):
they know me.
So this person, they let meknow.
It wasn't like I'm going outthe way.
I'm already headed to the store.
I would like to bring yousomething.
Stop by your house and drop itout for you.
What would you like In thismessage?
They're letting me know I'm notgoing out the way.
(11:32):
It's not like, and not to saythey're not going out the way
because they are kind of goingout the way because they come
into my house, but it's like I'mnot making an extra trip just
to go to the store just for you,because me, being who I am, I'm
going to say I'm good, becausedon't just go to the store just
to go to the store just for you,because me, being who I am, I'm
going to say I'm good, becausedon't just go to the store just
to go to the store to get mesomething.
(11:52):
They will let me know I'm going, I'm already going to the store
While I'm at the store I canget you what you need.
What do you need from the store?
Because y'all this may soundwild, but that's just the type
of person that I am.
So, because I don't want peoplegoing out of their way, I don't
(12:14):
want people inconveniencingthemselves, I just don't.
I just don't.
I just don't.
Okay, and I'm still working.
I'm still growing.
I'm not saying that any of thisis okay.
I'm still growing, but'm notsaying that any of this is okay.
I'm still growing, but I'vecome a long way.
I told them exactly what Iwanted from the store.
I did not the old Moniquebefore therapy.
(12:37):
I would have said that I'm good.
I would have waited till myhusband got off work because my
husband was at work.
I would have waited till myhusband got off work.
I would have told him what Ineeded from the store.
He would have got it.
I would have waited till myhusband got off work.
I would have told him what Ineeded from the store.
He would have got it.
I would have been good.
That's what the old Moniquewould have did before therapy.
After therapy doing work with mytherapist.
My therapist working with me,letting me know it's okay to ask
(13:02):
for help.
It's okay to accept help.
You're worthy of that.
You do it for everybody else.
Allow people to do the samething for you that you do for
them.
People want to show you thatlove.
This is something they want todo for you.
Allow people into your life andinto your heart the same way
you do it for them.
People want to show up for you.
This is work that I've done intherapy and I've come to terms
(13:26):
with.
But it took work through therapy.
So I sent them exactly what Iwanted from the store, even sent
the picture of exactly what itis, because it's different
options of what I wanted.
So I sent them the picture ofexactly what I wanted from the
store and you know, it was noproblem.
(13:46):
They brought exactly what it isthat I wanted from the store,
it was no issue.
They dropped it off with mydaughter Gone Goodbye.
I told them how much Iappreciated it.
I thanked them.
No issues.
Oh, monique would have neverdone that, Never.
I would have never been able todo that.
(14:08):
But that was the work throughtherapy and I wasn't weak for
that.
That took strength for me to dothat.
I had to gain that.
It took work through therapy toget to the place where I could
accept help.
And I'm still doing workbecause I got to be able to get
up to the place where I couldaccept help.
(14:28):
And I'm still doing workbecause I gotta be able to get
up to the place where I can justask for that.
Because I have intimate, closerelationships with people and
don't get me wrong, let me saythis, because I do have.
I have a handful of people andI know I have more people than
this in my life that I love andI know would stand 10 toes down
(14:50):
for me and do anything for me,because I would do the same for
them.
But I have a handful of peoplethat keeps me from asking for
help.
It's things within me that Ideal with that I don't ask for
(15:12):
help.
It's not any reason or anythingthat they've done.
It's not because of the otherpeople.
Let me make that clear.
It's not them.
I know it's me.
I know it's because of thingsthat I've dealt with in my past,
in my childhood, and issues ofmy own that I deal with, that I
struggle, but that's things I'mstill working with in therapy
(15:36):
where I know I'm going to get tothe place.
I know, without a doubt, thatI'm going to get to the place
where I feel 100% comfortableeven asking for help, because
I've gotten to the place where Iaccept help.
I've had so many people who'veshown up for me with the
recovery of my surgery.
(15:57):
Who've shown up for me.
I mean just shown up.
I had a church member two daysbefore my surgery and it I mean
this.
It blessed me so much.
It blessed me so much.
One of my church members whocause I teach Sunday school and
this is one of my church membersthat I teach Sunday school with
(16:19):
she made some homemade chickennoodle soup because I couldn't
cook for myself and I don'treally like eating out.
I love home cooked meals, I do.
And she made homemade chickennoodle soup.
And not only did she make thehomemade chicken noodle soup,
(16:42):
she froze it for me inindividual serving bags, so when
I heated it up I didn't have toheat up like a big pot of it.
I can heat it up in individualservings so I could just eat it
in that one serving.
And it was multiple bags to getme through a whole week after
my surgery.
I finished it all now.
(17:03):
But y'all that just that didsomething to my heart and I
didn't ask her for that.
She didn't ask me that I wanther to do that for me.
She just called me and said Iwant to drop something off with
you.
Is it okay if I came by?
She came by my house, droppedit off, and I don't know if she
(17:23):
did.
She dropped that off for me.
She prayed with me for mysurgery.
Did she drop that off for me?
She prayed with me for mysurgery and that just that meant
everything to me, and not onlyher.
I've had multiple people in mylife.
I had people to mail me carepackages with, like my favorite
(17:43):
things in them, like I lovetumblers and candles and fuzzy
socks, like I've received allthese things.
I've had another church memberto make me a home cooked meal
and drop it off Like, and it'snot even the things, it's just
(18:04):
the fact that people want toshow up for you in that way.
And the point I'm making in allof this is to accept that help,
that people want to be able toshow up for you in that way, and
to not accept that because I'mthinking about it from the other
side, because I've always inthe past, before therapy, I've
(18:30):
always only thought about itfrom my perspective, like I
don't want to come off as weak.
I don't want to come off as I'mtaking advantage or I'm using
you, and I know that's not whatpeople think, think of me at all
, and I know that, logicallyspeaking, I know that I don't
(18:51):
want to come off as I'minconveniencing anyone or I'm
taken away from what they havegoing on or taken away from you
know, their family, or just Inever wanted to make it about me
.
That was always the thingsgoing on in my mind.
(19:11):
I never wanted to make it aboutme.
But then, when I flip it around,I'm always the person who love,
I love helping people.
Like I love showing up forpeople, I love doing for people.
It does my heart so good toshow up for people, to buy them
(19:38):
gifts, to support them, to just,I mean, whatever they need if
they're sick, if they've hadsurgery or procedure, if they're
not doing well, even if theyare doing well and you just got
to show up for an event, theirbirthday, I mean whatever I am
(20:03):
the person who wants to do that,and it's not just about the
things, it's just because that'swhat makes my heart happy.
Like I want to be able to showup for you, because I want you
to know how much I love you, howmuch I appreciate you, how much
I care about you, how much youmean to me, and this is the way
I can tangibly show you.
(20:25):
Like my words aren't enough,even though I'm going to give
you the words too, but my wordsdon't do justice, my words
aren't enough.
Like I just want you to know,without a doubt, and if this is
the way I can show you tangibly,practically.
I want to be able to show you,I want you to know, I just want
(20:47):
you to understand, and when Ibegan to think about it like
that, that I would deny somebodythat, because if someone denied
me that it hurts, it hurts Likethat's not their intention,
because that's never myintention.
(21:07):
I don't want to deny anyone that.
I don't want to deny anyonethat I don't want to deny
someone to show me that theylove me, that they care about me
, that they appreciate me, thatthey just want to show up for me
.
I never want to deny thatBecause when I do it, it's never
about them, it's about me, it'sabout what's going on in my
mind and my head.
But I never thought about itlike that.
(21:28):
But when I flip it and thinkabout how I would feel if I was
on the other side of thatbecause I love showing up for
everybody and I understand I getit and it's like, who am I to
deny them that?
So after my surgery and when myvillage and the people who
(21:52):
really love me and I'm talkingabout people who really love me
and care about me, and in thesetype of moments you really get
to see who really show up andwho who really down for you, who
really care about you and whoreally love you.
Because you don't have to waiton somebody to ask you.
You don't have to wait onsomebody to to to tell you don't
(22:18):
and I'm saying this fromexperience because I'm going to
tell y'all something when peopledon't ask for your help and
this is just me from experience,because I don't ask for help I
noticed those type of people whodon't ask for help is because
they're strong.
Those are strong,hyper-independent.
(22:40):
Those people who may strugglewith being vulnerable, they
might struggle with lettingpeople in, and it's not because
they don't want it.
That's just.
That's just who I am.
I go a little deep sometimes.
Y'all, y'all bear with me.
I go a little deep sometimes.
It's not because they don'twant to.
They have their reasons.
(23:01):
I'm just gonna to.
They have their reasons.
I'm just going to tell you.
They have their reasons, youknow you can ask them, you can
dig a little deep and find outwhy, but they have their reasons
and I know that.
So for those people I getcreative.
I have a girlfriend who she hadwent dark a little bit for a
(23:25):
while, and when I say dark, Idon't mean like something
happened dark.
I meant like she got quiet.
I hadn't heard from her for alittle bit.
She was quiet on social media.
She was quiet in real life.
But I'm the type of person Irespect it.
I understand life happens.
(23:46):
Life gets hard hard for us.
I didn't take that personallife be life.
But I also understand she's oneof those people who's like me
don't ask for help.
You know, get independent.
You know struggle withvulnerability.
She shows up for everybody elsebut you know sometimes she's
(24:07):
not going to ask that forherself.
So I reached out to her spouseand I was like what's my girl
favorite?
You know?
Snacks, foods, whatever.
You know what.
What's she really into right,right now?
He sent me a list of stuff.
I put a basket together, slidby her house and dropped it off
at the door.
(24:27):
She reached out to me, told mehow much she appreciated it,
that I also that she appreciatedthat I realized that she had
went quiet.
I didn't have to reach out toher and say you know what's
going on or how can I show upfor you or, you know, do you
(24:52):
need anything?
Because I understood who she isas a friend.
I understood the type of personshe is.
I understood, even if I askedher, she probably was going to
say you know nothing, I don'tneed anything, cause I
understood that about her.
You get what I'm saying, sowhat I?
(25:12):
I didn't need her permission.
I reached out to somebody whoknows her intimately to see how
I could show up for her and Idid that.
Do you see where?
Y'all see where I'm going,y'all see where I'm going here.
So sometimes you don't, if youunderstand that about somebody,
(25:34):
if you have somebody in yourlife that's like me, that
struggle with asking for help,that sometimes even struggle
accepting help, get creative,get creative with that person.
Even like the people who sentme care packages.
All they knew was my address.
(25:54):
They didn't have to come by myhouse, they didn't call me, they
didn't text me, none of that.
All they knew was my addressand they mailed a care package.
They didn't have to ask me whatI needed, anything.
They knew I had surgery.
(26:15):
I know Monique like coffee.
I know Monique like fuzz andsocks.
I know Monique like coffee.
I know Monique like fuzziessocks.
I know her favorite candy.
One of the care packages had myfavorite candy, in which is
Twizzlers, that I sent her outbecause I got the care package
when I made a home from thehospital but I was out of it.
(26:36):
I was out of it, I was onnarcotics and I was out of it.
But the following day when Icame out of it, when I opened
that care package and it hadthose Twizzlers in it and I
think it took me maybe two daysto eat and it was a big old pack
of Twizzlers.
So y'all don't judge me.
Don't judge me because I didn'thave an appetite and I think I
(27:00):
was living off the soup and themTwizzlers for two days.
But I had to text them and letthem know about them Twizzlers
because that just and this issomebody that didn't ask me
anything I just received thecare package in the mail and had
everything that I liked.
Accepting help is not a sign ofweakness.
(27:22):
Accepting help is not a sign ofweakness Y'all.
It actually takes a whole lotof strength to accept help,
especially if this is notsomething that you're used to,
because most of the time, peoplewho don't accept help, who
don't ask for help it is areason and let me not say most
of the time, all of the timepeople who do not accept help or
(27:46):
don't ask for help.
It is a reason and let me notsay most of the time, all of the
time People who do not accepthelp or don't ask for help.
It is a reason why they don't,and it can be multiple reasons.
They've been let down in theirpast, they've been taken
advantage of, they've always hadto do things for themselves.
It's multiple reasons why.
(28:07):
But if you're listening to thisand that is you, you can get
through that.
You can get past that Because,just like me now, I do have
people in my life who I candepend on.
I do have people in my life whoI can ask for help, who will
(28:34):
help me, and I can accept theirhelp.
Practical tips for acceptinghelp.
One allow yourself to bevulnerable.
Feel those emotions whensomebody reaches out, say they
want to help you, ask you if youneed anything.
Be real with yourself.
You don't have to lie andpretend you don't feel the way
you're feeling I had.
I got a few messages of peoplethat wanted to help me, wanted
(28:59):
to do certain things for me, andI was honest with myself in a
moment how I feel.
Some messages I didn't evenrespond to immediately because
how I felt immediately was notthe way I wanted to respond.
I had to wrestle with thatthing like hold up, monique,
come on, because my immediate,my immediate emotion, how I felt
(29:22):
, was not how I wanted torespond and I had to be honest
about how I felt and why I wasfeeling that way.
So allow yourself to bevulnerable, be honest about that
, talk that thing through withyourself.
Why am I feeling this way?
What's going on with me rightnow?
(29:43):
Because even certain people maytrigger certain emotions.
I'm going to let that one sitthere.
I won't even dig too much intothat.
Two tell them exactly what youneed.
Be specific.
Sometimes people may want tohelp, but it may not be the help
(30:09):
you need, because sometimes,because people love you and they
want to support you and theycare about you, they may just
want to get in where they fit in, but it may not be what you
want or what you need, and so itmay not be helpful to you.
So be as specific as you can,so what the person does is
(30:29):
actually helpful for you.
There were certain things thatI needed after my surgery and
there were certain things Ididn't need.
So when people reached out andasked me, how could they help or
certain things that they coulddo.
I was always very specific withwhat I wanted or what I needed.
I tried to be as specific aspossible because there was just
(30:51):
certain things I didn't need ordidn't desire or couldn't use.
Because a lot of the things Igot prepared for before my
surgery Cause I told you I wastrying to help my people my
husband and my children helpedme as much as possible.
So a lot of the things I gotbefore my surgery cause, again,
(31:13):
the group was very helpful, umand I I went down tick tock
rabbit holes about my surgerybeforehand.
So a lot of the things I knewwhat I needed before the surgery
.
So I was able to get preparedbeforehand.
So I tried to be as specific aspossible.
Things that I needed whenpeople asked me, because a lot
(31:35):
of the things I already had.
Three express, thanks andappreciation.
This is something you can dowhen accepting help Let people
know you appreciate them and howmuch you thank them.
That's something that I've saida lot over the last week or so
(31:57):
since my surgery.
Like, thank you so much and Iappreciate you because I do.
I honestly can't say thank youenough because people don't have
to do anything for you.
To be perfectly honest withy'all, I'm overwhelmed with what
has been done for me because Iwasn't expecting it and not
(32:20):
because I didn't think peoplewould show up for me in this way
.
I just didn't talk a lot aboutmy surgery until the very last
minute, so I wasn't expecting alot.
So I'm honestly overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed and my churchfamily they've just they have
(32:45):
just been huge.
They've been a huge source oflove and comfort for me during
this time.
And my friends y'all hear metalk about the group chat all
the time, but I'm grateful andnot even just the group chat,
but my friends have shown up forme.
I'm just, I'm just grateful andagain, I'm overwhelmed.
(33:10):
I'm I'm, I'm really overwhelmedand I'm going to move on.
I'm going to move on becauseI'm just, my hormones are all
over the place.
I've been very emotional andI'm gonna move on.
Y'all, I'm gonna move on.
Or, last but not least, pay itforward.
(33:30):
Instead of trying to return,instead of trying to return the
gestures to them, accept thatthey've done something kind for
you and when you have theopportunity to do it for someone
else, do it.
This is one that I struggledwith, and sometimes I still
(33:51):
struggle with this, because I'mso used to doing for other
people.
When people do stuff for me, Iwant to do it back for them.
I just do.
I struggle with this one.
I don't know if you guysstruggle with this too but don't
do that, don't do that.
Do not this one, please, if youdon't take any other one from
(34:13):
this.
Don't do this.
Pay it forward.
When somebody does something foryou, they're doing it if
they're doing it for the rightreasons.
Let me specify that if someoneis doing something for you and
they're doing it for the rightreasons, they're doing it out
the kindness of their heart.
They're doing it because theylove you.
They're doing it because theycare about you.
(34:35):
They're doing it because theysimply want to show up for you,
support you, that's it.
So, instead of trying to returnthe gesture, show up for you,
support you, that's it.
So, instead of trying to returnthe gesture, accept that
they're doing it from thekindness of their heart.
Don't try to pay it back.
Don't try to do something backnice for them, but pay it
(34:59):
forward.
If you have the opportunity todo it for somebody else, do it.
Take that as an opportunity,but pay it forward.
If you have the opportunity todo it for somebody else, do it.
Take that as an opportunity topay it forward to somebody else.
I had a girlfriend reach out tome earlier this week and she had
a friend who was in need ofsome groceries and I was like,
(35:24):
yeah, you know, she was askingfor donations, she was trying to
put some money together.
She had put some of her moneytogether and I sent her some
money via cash app to put.
I didn't have, you know, Ididn't have a lot, but I sent
what I could to her via cash appand she was going to send a
young lady to get some money, toget some groceries, and that's
(35:46):
what I mean to pay it forward.
All these people have shown upfor me and my family during this
time after my surgery to helpbecause I'm not, you know, I'm
off of work and againrecuperating and resting from my
surgery and all these peoplehave shown up for me and my
(36:06):
family and I'm not trying torepay back what they've done for
me, but an opportunity cameback up for me to bless someone
else, to show up for someoneelse, and God has been good to
me and taking care of my familyduring this time and God has
been good to me in taking careof my family during this time.
The least I could do is helpsomeone else in their time of
(36:27):
need, and I did that.
That was my way of paying itback forward for people being
there for me during my time ofneed.
So pay it forward.
But accepting help is not a signof weakness, and asking for
(36:48):
help is not a sign of weakness.
It's actually a sign ofstrength.
It's a sign of maturity, it's asign of growth.
Allow people to be there foryou the same way you want to be
there for them.
Allow people to show up for you, to love you, to support you.
Thank you to my friends, to myfamily, to my church family, to
(37:14):
my husband Corey, to my children, cj, mariah and Zoe.
Even my little Zoe has beenhelping her mama.
I appreciate all of you guys andthank you to my listeners, to
the audience, to you guys whomake this podcast what it is for
rocking with me on this journey.
(37:36):
If you're not already, remember, remember to rate, review and
subscribe to the podcast.
Follow me on Instagram at DemoWith Mo Podcast, and on Facebook
and TikTok at Demo With Mo, andjoin our Facebook community at
Dating, engaged and MarriedObjectives.
Remember I love you, but Godloves you so much more and I'll
(37:59):
see you next week.
Bye guys, I hope you guys haveenjoyed.
Follow me on Facebook at Demowith Mocom.
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O atgmailcom.
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