Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is
Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine,
devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of
inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires
Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Hello, welcome back.
Family, friends, listeners, mygorgeous co-host is here with me
.
We have been dropping somereally beautiful episodes and
(01:43):
one of the things that came upin one of our previous episodes
actually rather recently thisconcept of seven generations
forward and back.
You may have heard this before,you may not have heard it
before, but I thought it wouldbe important for Brenda and I to
cover it, because we sort ofchuckled and giggled when we
were recording that podcast andI thought to myself maybe we see
(02:04):
it differently, maybe we see itthe same, and how wonderful
would it be for us to just shareit with our community.
So here we are.
So brief context SevenGenerations Forward and Back
comes from Indigenous wisdom,the idea that our choices today
will affect seven generationsforward and that we carry in
(02:29):
ourselves wisdom and or somepeople could argue, trauma from
up to, if not more than, sevengenerations backwards.
And not everybody's going to beon board with this.
So if this is you and you'renot on board, cool, stay, enjoy
(02:50):
the show.
And if you're super curious,again stay, enjoy the show.
And if you are a hundredpercent on board, you're like,
yes, I know this.
Well then, join us, becausewe're going to sort of talk a
little deeper about it.
Join us because we're going tosort of talk a little deeper
about it.
(03:13):
So I felt called to talk aboutthis because I do energy work as
well, and part of energy workis this idea that when we're in
theta and we're working on theemotional body, mental body,
thinking body, physical body, etcetera, that we're working on
all four levels and planes andall different dimensions and
reality.
That's sort of on one side ofthe spectrum, on the total woo
(03:35):
side, and then on the completelynon-woo side, we could look at
it from a scientific perspectiveof it's not even just seven
generations back.
Just you listening to thispodcast.
You being born was a miracle.
It took so many of yourancestors to be in the right
place at the right time, doingthe right thing, for you to even
(03:58):
be born, and so I want Brendaand I to talk a little bit more
about this, and this is why itwas really important for me to
talk about it and thankfully,brenda said yes.
But, brenda, what comes up foryou as I introduce this concept?
Have I said all the pieces andparts?
(04:19):
Is there something lacking thatyou want to add?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I think you summed it
up beautifully.
It was a great introduction andI love that you said it's
indigenous wisdom, because Ithink this is something that
people have always known butwe've kind of forgotten about in
modern times and I feel likethere's definitely an opening to
this, like people are moregoing back to let's call it
(04:43):
ancient wisdom, embodied wisdomof knowing the truth of this,
that we're not just individualsliving our lives, that we impact
each other very deeply and whatwe do impacts our children and
our children's children andtheir children seven generations
down the road Wow, that's areally long time and that we are
(05:08):
the product of our parents, ourgrandparents and seven
generations back.
Like really slowing it down toreally think about that is huge.
It's a huge spectrum ofexperiences.
It's a huge spectrum ofexperiences traumas, hurts,
pains, gifts, all theexperiences that our ancestors
(05:29):
have had in our lineages, everyjoy, every pain.
Like really it comes down tothose little things and the big
(05:50):
things that happened in theirlives, that shape not only their
life but the future generations.
So it's really super freakingcool to break it down and look
at that.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Thank you so much for
sharing your joy.
It gives me like littlebutterflies in my belly to chat
with you when you get excitedabout things, and I could tell
that she's excited about thistopic.
So let's explore this concept.
Seven Generations Walk we'retalking about how family lineage
, ancestral patterns, culturalnorms, whatever we inherited we
(06:19):
could say trauma or joy either,or pick one shape us.
It's really both.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It's just both.
It really is both, and it'sfair to say both, because I
think a lot of times people aretalking about the wounds from my
ancestors, the pains, thetrauma.
My nervous system is activatedall the time and we're always
focusing on the problems, butthere's many gifts as well, and
I think it's really important tonote that.
A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
So let's share some
examples, maybe some stories.
What patterns did you notice inyour family that shaped you
potentially like an emotionalgo-to?
Do you have one, an emotionalgo-to or any other pattern,
emotion or otherwise, thatyou're like, oh I share this
with my paternal side or oh, Ishare this with my maternal side
(07:07):
?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
This is so good, my
God.
There's so many.
There's some really big ones somany.
How about everything?
How about literally everythingabout you?
Yeah, pretty much everythingabout you comes from the
generations before.
Sometimes I could feel mymother and my grandmother, my
(07:33):
grandmothers, in my body.
My mother's still alive, mygrandmothers have passed.
I can feel them in my body inthe way that I move or the way
that I think or I'll dosomething, and I feel their
blood in my blood.
It's super trippy, totally.
(07:55):
Do you have that?
Do you experience?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
that Actually the
thing, the image that's coming
to mind right now for me, withyou and saying this and it's not
just you, I think is bone broth.
Like bone broth is made, you goto the butcher, you get these
organic bones and you createthis broth and that broth
sustains you for X amount ofsoups or X amount of broths
(08:19):
where you can freeze them andmaybe just have a cube at a time
or put that cube inside of asoup or a roast or something
else, and it's just a piece ofthis larger pie.
And when I think abouteverything that has made me and
I understand that I am a mixtureof my maternal, my paternal
(08:40):
side seven generations forwardand back I'll describe why I say
forward in a bit and Inaddition to whomever was in my
present day life up until theage of seven, when I was super
spongy and was just picking updifferent beliefs and
(09:03):
impressions from the outsideworld by the time we're seven or
eight, we start to sort of tuneout as we begin to individuate
I don't know if that's the word,but we start to decide what do
I like, what don't I like,what's for me, what's not for me
?
But we've had input all the wayfrom the ovum and the sperm to
(09:26):
the time that we were I don'tknow if the word is gestating,
but we were just being cookedand then born into the space.
In addition to our father'svoice, whomever, our mother's
voice from outside, when we'rein the womb, their nervous
systems that are holding us allof these pieces are imprinting
(09:49):
who we become and what we carryIn addition to.
I'm slightly more Wu, so I alsofeel that and as part of my
practice, that I also have asoul family and I have my
different soul family blueprintand that I'm here to experience
(10:11):
my human in this duality, theworld that has duality, night
and day, good and bad, right andwrong.
For me to experience myself inthat and learn deeper lessons.
And so when I think about thatquestion specifically, what
patterns do I notice in myfamily?
I would say I was born into afamily where women for many
(10:36):
generations back were very hardworkers.
They worked.
My grandmother had a bakery.
I think everybody worked inthat bakery and I'm thinking
about her specifically because Ithink my mom's mom, that
generation.
I'm generation X, so mygrandmother is deceased, but I
(10:57):
come from third world country.
It wasn't like we're talkingabout generations where women
really air quotes didn't reallywork right.
It was, for the most, we'rehomemakers, and so I think I
have a really strong work ethicand I think it's bigger than me.
(11:18):
I want to call it.
It's something that formed me.
I'm thinking of those molds.
When we make Jell-O, you canmake them into little
caricatures.
My mold came from a lot ofhardworking women that
potentially didn't do so well atasking for help, and I have
(11:44):
found that to be one of theareas of growth for me.
How do I ask for help,considering that I didn't really
have so many of examples ofwhat that looked like.
I had plenty of examples of doit yourself and not that many
examples of how to ask for help,and that's just one life
(12:04):
pattern that I have that I'mlike, oh, I wouldn't necessarily
call it an emotional go-to, buthow that shows up in present
day is, let's say, I'm askingsomeone, can you help me move
that?
If that person hesitates, Ijust go move it.
Right, I don't often wait forit to be the right timing for
myself and whomever I'm askingfor help from.
(12:25):
I just do it and learning howto slow down and be available
for help, because that's not mystrong suit right and then at
the same time, like you said,there's both positive and
negatives to every pattern.
The positive of that is that Ifeel really capable, like, oh, I
want this and, yes, I could usethe help, or I could just go
(12:47):
get it.
And not all people feel supercapable like they can just go
get it Right.
That might be somebody else'slimited pattern, so that would
be mine.
Do you have an example thatcomes to mind for you?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
I love this example.
It's so relatable, Catherine.
So relatable especially thoseof us who grew up in the 80s
just being around hardworkingwomen and having to learn to do
it yourself and not ask for help.
So freaking relatable, oh mygoodness.
I would say the biggest one inmy family would be suppressing
(13:24):
emotions and hiding how you'rereally feeling that I can really
trace back many generations andit's a really tricky one.
And so the way that it landed infor me where I finally realized
this because of course I didn'tfeel that I had this until it
(13:48):
kind of exploded for me in mymarriage was really enabling my
partner, like really enablinghim and just being very
controlling actually, where Iwould just kind of do anything
to keep the peace.
And the interesting thing aboutit is I didn't think that I was
doing that.
I think that I didn't do it fora long time, but then over time
(14:11):
, over a long-term marriage,when you add children and
working, it just became harderand harder.
And then I definitely fell intothat pattern where I somewhere
along the line, stopped reallysharing how I was really feeling
, probably because it got morecomplicated and I didn't know
(14:33):
how to be with the complexemotions that I was feeling and
the nuance of emotions that Iwas feeling.
I didn't then know, oh, thatmultiple things can be true at
once, which, amen.
I can hold duality now, but Ihad to really learn that the
hard way, and so the way thatlooked for me was hiding how I
(14:57):
was really feeling, and I neversaw this as a family pattern
until I did.
And then I was able to track oh,this is something my mother did
in her marriage, this issomething that I even see her
doing now, and I was able to seehow my grandmother did it and
how they would really keep thepeace among the men and in doing
(15:18):
so, lose a piece of yourself,Because when you're suppressing
your emotions, you're notfeeling, you're not letting the
emotions flow through.
When you're not saying how youreally feel, like you stop
giving your opinion or sayingwhat's really true for you, I
(15:39):
think a piece of us does die,and so I saw that happen in my
own life and I was able to trackit back through the generations
and it was really confronting.
And so that's been my life'swork is how do I share on the
(15:59):
outside and live on the outsidewhat's happening for me on the
inside?
How do I do that in my romanticrelationship and really
everywhere, and that isliterally my life's work and
it's a lot for one lifetime.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I was listening to a
mentor recently say when you are
in personal development asdeeply as we are as coaches, we
have this privilege of livingmore than one identity in this
lifetime because we'reconstantly changing and really
putting our attentionintentionally on who we're
(16:38):
becoming.
Thank you so much for talkingabout your life's work and your
attention on that specificpattern of speaking your truth
in real time, regardless ofwhether or not it keeps the
peace, predominantlyunderstanding that that is in
service to the highest outcome,to the highest level relating
for all involved.
You're really speaking to howyou bring responsibility and the
(17:02):
possibility of breaking thecycle and you're speaking
directly to that thought of whatit means to then breathe
something different into sevengenerations forward, of what it
means to then breathe somethingdifferent into seven generations
forward, because, as you dothat, your children get to see
that and potentially take onthat change through the modeling
that you create, and then theywill potentially have their own
(17:24):
version of that if not, do iteven better and then their
children learn a much betterversion of communicating their
truth in real time becausethey've had that chance to see
it modeled over through theirparents, in addition to their
grandparents, and maybe even,depending on what child, their
(17:46):
aunt or their uncle and they getto see different variations of
what it looks like to speak yourtruth in real time and live a
potential reality where thepeace isn't always there.
Right that maybe there isslight chaos or there is some
level of disagreement, and theycan see people work through that
, and that doesn't makedisagreement wrong.
(18:08):
They get to experience lifewith a much broader palette more
color, more spectrums, lessfear, less restriction is what
comes to mind for me.
So thank you so much for sharingthat, and I want to take this
moment to honor you and say onething I have seen you do so well
(18:29):
is heal through connection.
I think that's something thatyou're really bringing forward.
The concept of you've changedthis, you've learned this,
you're living it in your life,and how do you bring that choice
forward?
How do you bring that modelingforward and how can that show up
in your future generations?
And how does that show up evenin your work with your clients?
(18:50):
And I think you're doing justlike exceptional in that arena.
That show up even in your workwith your clients, and I think
you're doing just likeexceptional in that arena.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Aw, thank you so much
.
I feel duly honored and seenand it's true, it's really true,
and it's challenging in eachmoment, like when something
comes up where I feel knotted upinside.
I can literally see the twopaths in front of me the path of
least resistance, which is myinherited patterns, to just keep
(19:18):
going down that road.
Or go down the uncomfortablepath which is, you know, sharing
what's real for me, speakinguncomfortable truths.
It's ongoing lifetime work andit is in connection.
And I have the fortunateexperience of being a mother to
(19:39):
two children who love to speaktruth.
So it's amazing how theuniverse works in mysterious
ways, that I'm speaking of beingborn into this inherited
pattern where a woman has beensuppressing herself and
suppressing how she really feelsand then somehow, by the grace
(20:00):
of God, I give birth to twochildren who are very vocal and
very outwardly spoken.
And so this concept of sevengenerations forward and back,
it's such a gift.
It's such a gift when you'rewilling to take your ego out of
it and look at the nextgeneration as the next evolution
(20:22):
.
Then I can benefit from thatand I can learn from that.
So I get to be between mymother and my daughter and I get
to feel all the places that mymother has been and the
challenges that she's had, thatshe's inherited, that I
inherited and that I passed downto my daughter and son.
(20:45):
And then the really cool thingis, I get to learn from my
children.
So my daughter specifically, whodoes this work in the world,
and she is always unlockingdoors for me, and so when I look
at her stories or her posts onInstagram, I follow it, for well
(21:06):
, first of all, I just thinkshe's amazing, let's just say
that.
And second of all, I follow itbecause it gives me information
about myself, because if mydaughter is speaking to a
pattern that she's unlockinginside of herself around
intimacy or love or nourishmentor opening up her heart,
whatever the thing is that she'sspeaking to well, I have that
(21:31):
same time.
If you're open to it, you canreceive so much from the next
(22:01):
generation on how they've healedand evolved, but you have to be
open to that.
You have to be willing to dropyour story and not be an ego,
because it can be reallyconfronting as well, though,
because it can be reallyconfronting as well.
It can be really confronting tosee your children evolve or
know more or unlock a patternthat you haven't been able to
(22:21):
unlock or have things in theirlife that, at an age where I
didn't have it, I could see howthat could be confronting, but I
use it as a way to get morefree myself.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Would you say that it
can be confronting in the other
direction, like if you see yourchildren stuck somewhere where
you've been stuck and you're noteven able to pass the key
because you're like, oh, I getit, I know what it's like to be
stuck there.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
It's so hard.
It is, it's so hard.
And I do have a very hands-offapproach to parenting,
especially at this age and thatis the age that my kids are, and
I think that is correct.
And sometimes I'll see my sonin a particular pattern that I
know I gave him.
(23:13):
Oh my God, I'm laughing,because you kind of have to
laugh at it.
I have beat myself up or beenlike, oh shit, I passed this on
to my kids, but it's just theway it goes.
There is no other way.
There's no other way.
So when I see them in a patternthat I've already been in, I
(23:35):
just have a lot of trust andwhat I do?
I can't fix them.
There's nothing to fix, firstof all.
But I can't go in and be like,hey, here's this thing, that's
not how it works.
I don't do that with my clients.
It's really just about havingpeople see themselves.
Anyway, I don't get involved inthat with them.
What I'm trying to say is thatif I could see something in one
(23:59):
of my kids, I will use that as amirror for myself and just
unlock it a little bit deeperinside of myself, and that
changes the field.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I love that.
So you're speaking to theowning the story, not making it
wrong.
If I were to use the chickenbroth, I guess it could be beef
broth, but chicken broth analogy, that the chicken broth, the
base, the stock is just there,it's already been created, is
just there, it's already beencreated.
We're just adding to it andchanging it a little bit.
(24:36):
But technically that is thesustenance that's holding that
familial DNA line, whether it'smaternal or paternal.
And by you owning it and saying,oh, I see this, I spy, I see
this in my son, I see this in mydaughter, I know I have that
and I had asked you the questionof well on, I see this, my
daughter, I know I have that andI had asked you the question of
(24:56):
well, does it bother you if youhaven't been able to get past
it?
Do you feel bad?
And I love what you're sayingYou're like, oh, I don't focus
on.
If it's bad, I don't focus onthat, they have it because I
didn't overcome it.
I focus on okay, what can I doon my side?
How can I look at that pattern?
How is that pattern playing outright now in my life and what
attention can I put on that thatwas so beautifully stated and
(25:20):
framed.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
You're welcome.
I do want to add in that it'snot always like that.
I do want to say that's mypractice is to turn it towards
myself, and I want to betransparent and say that it's
not always that way.
Sometimes I do feel an ego hit,you know, or I do feel bad
about myself.
I'm like, oh God, I haven'tbeen able to unlock this thing
yet.
(25:41):
And look how my daughter hasthis piece unlocked in her late
20s, where I'm still working onthis in my 50s, and so I have
had to work through that pieceand I can see how divisions in
families can happen If you'renot willing to work through that
(26:03):
.
I could see how a mother couldpush away her children,
unknowingly or unwittingly,because she's confronted by the
things that her children havebeen able to evolve or work
through that she hasn't, becauseit's a lot to see when you see
the next generation havesomething that you don't, that
(26:26):
can be confronting, and whatthat's actually done for me is I
will use that to look at my ownrelationship with my mother and
say, oh, there's so much thatI've done that my mother hasn't
been able to do, because that'sthe way it goes in the evolution
, and I realized, wow, my mothermust feel the same level of
(26:47):
vulnerability.
How can I be more loving andkind to my mother?
Because my children, for themost part, are loving and kind
to me with a pattern, and mydaughter specifically, who has
worked through many patterns,some patterns before me, and
(27:08):
when I would show up in aparticular pattern, she never
blamed me, she never took it outon me, she never poo-pooed me,
she just showed up with love.
And I noticed that and I askedmyself am I showing up with the
same amount of love for mymother when she shows up to me
in her patterns?
And the answer wasconfrontingly no.
(27:31):
And so I was able to see howmuch more loving and kind and
accepting I can be of my ownmother.
It's kind of beautiful how thegenerations unlock and we teach
each other and it's all weavedtogether.
And this is just threegenerations that I'm speaking of
.
It actually ripples out.
What we're talking about isseven and seven.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
So it's pretty
incredible.
So I wanted to just give thisepisode what it feels like when
you don't have children and howthat shows up for people who
aren't married, don't havechildren Like what does it look
like?
Where are you seeing thesepatterns when we're thinking of
seven generations forward, sevengenerations back?
Thus far we've been speakingabout the maternal line, the
(28:41):
paternal line, and I also spokeabout the soul line, soul family
.
Now I want to talk about how weinfluence each other's maternal
and paternal and soul familylines, which is when we touch on
each other's, like our auricspaces touch each other and we
(29:01):
influence one another In ourcurrent day and age.
One of the ways that it's mostspoken of is we are the example
or the average of our fiveclosest friends.
Whether that is the emotionalaverage, the financial average,
the intellectual average, we aresort of like the law of
averages.
In addition to a different waythat that shows up is it's sort
(29:26):
of like a vibrational match,like looking at it like a magnet
, like attracts, like we want tobe around people that are like
us, unlike romanticrelationships where we're sort
of really attracted to theopposite very often and we want
to unlock different things ineach other.
And that's sort of the contextof romantic relationships when
(29:47):
there's slight rub and we arelearning the deepest, darkest
lessons with our partners, arelearning the deepest, darkest
lessons with our partners.
But in just relating, we willbe around people who are like us
, because who doesn't want to bearound someone?
That is a lot like them.
It's so much fun.
You agree on everything, youhave fun, you like the same
things.
It's like watching the samemovie all day long.
(30:09):
You just love it, it's yourfavorite.
Well, you will also influencethat field.
You also influence that friend.
So when you're speaking aboutlike if Brenda was talking about
how she works with patterns andher children, or you guys are
listening to this podcast, someof it will rub on you.
(30:30):
It just happens because weaffect each other, we imprint
each other.
There's soul fragments thattouch and they're just there.
They've touched, they'veexchanged information and it
happens sort of at the speed oflight.
The influence happens at thespeed of light, not necessarily
(30:50):
change.
Change doesn't happen at thespeed of light.
Change takes time, but thenoticing the imprint on
somebody's auric space, on theirenergetic field, the way we
influence each other, happensreally quickly.
And so I just want to remindlisteners, if you are single,
you don't have children, thatyou are implementing Ices.
(31:12):
Your nephews, your cousins,your friends, your friend's
children, your friend's parentsBasically look at it like a tree
trunk and branches.
Wherever you touch, wherever yougo, there is a level of
(31:36):
influence, whether we like it ornot.
It just is, it's factual, it'snot really debatable, and this
is something that I really feltcalled to talk about today.
Even though this is a desirepodcast, we're technically
talking about desire as medicine, and I want to point to where
(32:00):
desire as medicine and sevengenerations forward and back
where they intersect.
As we live desire-led lives, aswe show people what's possible,
as we change, we also influence, and when we're influencing,
whether it's in our own maternalor paternal line, our own soul
family line, or within ourfriends and acquaintances, we
(32:23):
are impacting seven generationsforward and seven generations
back.
So for the listeners, I want tosay what story from your lineage
are you carrying and are youready to do something about it?
What do you love about yourlineage that you're ready to
(32:43):
pass on and what, if anything,are you standing and saying?
You know what this ends with me.
I'm going to figure this outand no matter what you choose,
brenda, and I back you wholly.
If there's anything thathappened or was stated in this
(33:05):
podcast that really touched you,please let us know.
I love getting your DMs,hearing your stories, getting
your emojis that let me knowthat you loved the episode.
May this episode touch you, asit has done me.
Thanks so much.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Thank you for joining
us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Desire invites us to
be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.