October 15, 2025 • 35 mins
What happens when two desire coaches pause to reflect on their own relationship with desire? After three years and 111 episodes of the Desire as Medicine podcast, Brenda and Catherine open up about where desire feels alive, where it feels challenging, and how their relationship with it has evolved.
Brenda shares about her journey of building physical strength at 57 through pole dancing, inspired by a conscious choice to shift family health patterns. Catherine reflects on her uncertainty around retirement planning, revealing how some desires flow naturally while others feel overwhelming.
Together, they explore the importance of letting go of tight control and instead trusting the process of desire. Brenda captures this beautifully: "I believe everything that's happening is conspiring for me to have my desire." Obstacles become part of the journey rather than proof of failure.
They also discuss the liberation that comes from focusing on what is within their control rather than expecting others to change for their desires to be met. This awareness creates freedom, clarity, and deeper alignment with what they truly want.
Whether desire feels playful, overwhelming, or steady, this episode is an invitation to pause and ask yourself: What feels alive right now? What feels sticky? How has your relationship with desire shifted over time?
Episode Highlights
• Desire can feel alive and easy or sticky and challenging at different times
• Brenda shares her desire to build physical strength at 57 through pole dancing and other practices
• Catherine discusses her uncertainty around retirement planning as a desire that feels overwhelming
• Three seasons of desire: ignoring it, being whimsical with it, and practicing responsible desire
• Learning to trust the process instead of gripping tightly to outcomes
• Distinguishing between what is within our control versus trying to change others' behaviors
• Exploring the difference between desire and capacity: what we want versus what we can handle
• The podcast itself is an example of desire in action, evolving from casual conversation into consistent practice
We invite you to reflect on your own relationship with desire. Where are you right now? What feels alive? What feels challenging? How has your relationship with desire shifted over time?
We would love it if you could Like, Rate, Review and Share this episode. Thanks in advance for your support. You're the reason this show continues to grow.
Like, Rate, Review and Share this episode. Thanks in advance for your support.
Click the links below for 1:1 support.
Email Us:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
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catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Connect on Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Hello everyone, welcome back.
Loyal listeners, family,friends.
I'm here with the lovely Brenda, as usual, and so happy to have
(01:41):
her Today.
This podcast we're sort of doinga little bit of a 360 or 363
times because we are in ourthird season people third season
and our podcast is calledDesire as Medicine.
Like, how can we use theignition of desire?
How can we use that life forcein our body for it to lead us
into our next step and the stepafter that and the step after
(02:03):
that?
And I thought it would be funand a great check-in for Brenda
and I to just be with thisquestion and invite you all to
be here as well.
Like, where are you in yourrelationship with desire right
now?
Like, how are you currentlyexperiencing desire in your own
life?
How are you currentlyexperiencing desire in your own
(02:24):
life?
What feels alive, easy ornatural right now?
For me, definitely my desire torecord this podcast feels very
alive, very easy and verynatural right now.
I would say I still sort of getgoosebumps before we record.
I put some thought into what wewant to record on what's alive
(02:47):
in the field.
What have I been hearing frommy clients or in my group?
What Brenda's hearing, whatshe's been hearing from her
clients and in her variousgroups as well, always sort of
trying to have our finger on thepulse of what's popping in that
moment, always sort of tryingto have our finger on the pulse
(03:08):
of what's popping in that moment.
What about you, brenda?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
What feels alive, easy and natural for you right
now, like in the realm of desire.
I love this question.
I love this topic.
I love that we are doing adesire check-in over here.
How are the desire ladies doingwith their own desire?
Yeah, it's a great question.
I have so many desires.
I have such a wide range ofdesires.
(03:32):
I mean this podcast has beensuch a beautiful evolution of
desire that has grown me so much.
You know you mentioned desireas medicine, as the topic of
this podcast that our desirescall us to something greater,
some bigger version of ourselvesand we don't know why, when a
(03:54):
desire lands in our body andthis podcast has had so many
gifts for me, so many gifts Justyesterday, so many gifts.
Just yesterday, somebody who Iadmire gave me this beautiful
compliment saying that I am soconsistent in my marketing she's
on my email list that I'm soconsistent in my you know
(04:15):
communication with people withmy list, without being annoying.
That's a good distinction.
I was so excited about thatcompliment.
It touched me so deeply.
It went like right into myheart because it's something
that I didn't even realize I wasworking on with this podcast.
It's something that I've beenworking on in my life steadiness
(04:37):
, consistency which is somethingthat I had in my quote old life
, when I was a teacher and I hada house and I was raising my
children.
I had in my quote old life,when I was a teacher and I had a
house and I was raising mychildren.
I had a lot of structures inplace for my life to be steady
and consistent.
But when I changed all of thatand I don't have those things
right now being an entrepreneur,not having children in the
(05:03):
house, not working a nine tofive wow, I really had to work
on stability and steadiness, notonly with my schedule, but with
money as well, and alwaysworking on emotional regulation,
and so receiving thatcompliment that I am so
consistent was really abeautiful compliment.
This podcast has helped me besteady and consistent and given
(05:24):
me a real embodied blueprint ofwhat that feels like in my life,
because I want that feelingthat I have here, that we
created together and with ourlisteners.
I want that in other areas ofmy life too.
So this is a great teaching ondesire.
You might know how to dosomething, or you might have a
skill and you want to transferit to another area of your life.
(05:49):
Well, now I know whatconsistency feels like because
we show up every week.
Maybe we'll do a behind thescenes sometime of what it takes
to do this podcast, but itrequires a lot.
It requires us to show upconsistently with ourselves and
each other, and I'm really proudof that.
(06:10):
So it has grown me tremendously.
And I know it's grown me notonly because do I see the
results, but I felt the growingpains along the way, like all
the times I didn't think I couldshow up or I didn't think I
could record or I didn't likethe way my voice sounded or I
wanted to over edit myself.
As the person with the editingbutton, I had to go through a
(06:31):
whole phase of wanting to overedit myself or finding it
confronting to hear my own voicein this way or the cadence of
my speech, and I brought a lotof compassion to it and just
learned to love it.
So it's just grown me in somany ways.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Thank you so much for that.
You have really grown so muchwith the edit button.
I concur.
I've witnessed that and yes,it's true, it can be really
confronting to hear your ownvoice.
That has happened to me too.
So next up on our desirequestion is like what feels
(07:11):
sticky, challenging or uncertainin the realm of desire?
Like, is there any desire thatfeels sticky, challenging,
uncertain for you right now?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
for you right now.
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, I love that we're talkingabout this, because I don't want
to give anyone the illusionthat, because we have a podcast
with this is episode 112, thatwe have it all figured out.
Like, if you listen to thebeginning of our podcast, the
intro, I believe it says we'reon the mat, always learning,
(07:46):
always curious, and that is true.
We live that.
So something that's hard andsticky right now is I have a
desire to be more physicallystrong.
Being perimenopausal, I turned57 a few weeks ago I want to
(08:06):
build strength and it's beenchallenging, it's been pushing
all of my buttons and it's beenreally hard to show up for it.
So I've been planking.
I picked up pole dancing again.
I was doing that 10 years agoand I couldn't do a lot of the
(08:26):
tricks 10 years ago.
So now here I am again, 10years later, trying to do it,
and I want to start with weightsas well.
It's so confronting how notstrong I feel, and also I want
to say I'm stronger than I thinkI am.
(08:47):
It's been a lot of getting outof my own mind because I
actually am quite strong, butthis is a desire that has called
me from the ethers.
I was in Pilates one day and Igot a very big download and it
was kind of on the heels of whatwe were just talking about in
the last episodes of what weinherit from our family.
(09:10):
I got a very strong, embodieddownload of seeing the two paths
in front of me One followingthe path of the women before me
in my lineage who did not remainstrong and ended up on
medication and unwell, dealingwith all the repercussions of
(09:33):
that as they got older.
And that is a path that I couldgo down sweating my ass off in
Pilates and signing up foranother round of pole dancing
and sitting through thediscomfort and the challenge of
(09:53):
that, like the physicalchallenge, it was very clear
which path I was going to take.
You know, obviously I'm takingthe path of building strength,
but this desire just came to me.
Not only was it a desire, itwas a vision and a truth that I
saw.
I want to have vibrantwell-being in my body that's my
(10:14):
new phrase and so it means thatI have to show up for myself and
it's so confronting.
Catherine and listeners, if youlook at my stories, sometimes on
Instagram I will post storiesof my attempting to pole dance,
of my attempting to pole dancejust lifting my legs off the
(10:36):
ground together.
I can barely do it Like.
My core is just not that strongand I want to also say it's
getting stronger every day.
So this has been a desirethat's been extremely
confronting and I am showing upfor myself.
If I want to have the life thatI really want to live and if I
(11:03):
want to be healthy and vibrantand watch my children, have
children and be there for mygrandchildren and just be
healthy and vibrant, I need todo this Like what I could get
away with in my 20s, 30s and 40sI cannot get away with now as I
hit menopause, it's just true.
So it means sticking through theuncomfortable, sticky parts and
(11:26):
it feels hard and I pretty muchcry every time I go to pole
dancing.
Well, it starts out cryingbecause I internally am going oh
my God, I can't do this.
This is so hard.
And then by the end of theclass I'm doing it, or at least
I'm taking the steps to do it,even if I'm being spotted.
(11:46):
Whatever I'm doing it, I'vemade progress.
And that feeling of oh my God,I stuck through the really hard
part and I'm doing it and Ireally didn't think I could do
this and I really really want todo it, like the internal
satisfaction of that is reallyfulfilling.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
For me.
My big desire that feels sticky, challenging and uncertain is
retirement.
My big desire that feels sticky, challenging and uncertain is
retirement.
I, for various reasons, I'm notready to retire.
I'm definitely not FIRE, whichis financially independent,
(12:29):
retiring early.
So potentially I'll be ready at65.
I'm a few years away from that,definitely closer to 65 than I
am to 15.
So let's just have that.
And I don't know if I'll beable to retire in the way that I
want to, and it was never sotop of mind until I hit 50.
(12:50):
And then I said wait a second.
I think there's a good chancethat I'm going to live past a
certain age.
It's so up of mind for me thatwhen I wake up in the morning I
thank God for another day.
It's both.
It's like I'm thanking God foranother day and then at the same
(13:11):
time I'm like I want to makesure that I can take care of
myself into my older years.
It's very uncertain.
I am first generation American,my parents are gone, like I
haven't seen people do it beforeme, let's say in my own lineage
.
So I'm sort of figuring thingsout myself as I go and just
(13:34):
putting one foot in front of theother.
It's extremely uncertain.
I just don't know.
I'm doing the best I can withwhat I have and we'll see.
And it feels very different,like retiring early feels very
different than the alive, easy,natural feeling I have when
we're recording for the podcast.
It's such a clear oh, this ishow this feels and this is how
(13:57):
that feels.
This bigger goal feels souncertain, so scary, so big,
like the hugest mountain.
And I also have to remindmyself that this wasn't top of
mind for a really long time.
Actually, if I'm really honest,I don't even think that goal
was there four and a half yearsago when you and I started
recording.
(14:17):
Like it's a fairly recent sortof alarm, I think, like sort of
recent thing.
That's in my peripheral visionthat I'm like hey, what's going
to happen here?
And I'm also really clear thathaving desire carve us means
(14:37):
that we're constantly acceptingwhere we are and feeling into
what else we want and that wewant more, and so that's not
going to change, right andgetting comfortable with that.
So let me see, brenda, howwould you say your relationship
with desire has shifted?
(14:58):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What a great question .
I think about desire all thetime.
I think about desire every day.
Maybe I don't want to be sobold as to say all day, every
day, that would be very corny,but I really think about it a
lot.
I think about this podcast alot, and then sometimes I sit
(15:21):
and I ask myself the questionsthat we're asking on this
podcast today what is myrelationship with desire?
I don't want to ever get solost in producing this podcast
that I ignore my ownrelationship with desire, and I
don't think that I do, but it'sgreat to pause and check in.
I mean, there's so many seasonsof desire.
(15:43):
There's for me in my life.
I can think of three hugeseasons, three overarching,
overarching seasons.
One is ignoring it orsexualizing it, like desire
means sex, not really.
What do you want to do in yourlife or what's this thing that's
calling your soul right?
(16:03):
So basically ignoring it orputting it in a box.
The other one is being reallywhimsical with it, or hungry,
ghosty, like oh, I'm going tofollow every desire.
I am going to eat pizza everynight because that is what I
desire.
I'm going to fly across thecountry tomorrow because it's my
(16:25):
desire.
You know, there is a time I'mknocking it because it's funny,
but it is a location on the map.
When you start opening up todesire, you're like I need to
give myself every little thing,no matter what it costs in all
the ways.
And then the next step which is, I think, where I am now is
(16:46):
responsible, like beingresponsible with my desire,
which we talk about a lot here,because it's a great spot to be
in I mean, the whimsical one wasreally fun, but I paid a high
cost for those.
But this is really focusing onwhat is it that I want for
myself?
And I'm thinking bigger andbroader.
Like you're talking aboutretirement, I'm talking about
(17:08):
strength training, I want to owna house.
These are things that arereally far into the future, like
things that will increase myquality of life.
And they ask me to really showup for myself, no matter what.
And just like that pole dancingclass, like something, can seem
(17:30):
really hard, but we stay withourself and we get to the other
side.
I was with a friend the otherday and her son just started
third grade and he came homefrom school hysterically crying,
crying, his cute little eyesout, and she's holding him and
hugging him and he's crying andhe's going.
Third grade is so hard, it's sohard.
(17:53):
I want to go back to secondgrade and I really related and
we talked about how hard it isto learn something new and I
actually showed him the video ofthe babies falling over when
they're learning to sit up andthey keep falling over and
falling over because they'relearning something new and we're
building muscle and skill andit's really funny to watch a
(18:15):
compilation of babies fallingover.
It's adorable, but that is howit is.
And he did find that funny andso did I.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I love that example of the babies falling over.
That's so good and I can onlyimagine I want to go back to
second grade.
It's so fun and I reallyappreciate that.
We're talking about the desiresthat we have that are so far
ahead that it will take sometime.
It's strength building, buyinga house, retiring Well, there
(18:45):
are sort of things that have tostack on each other.
It's not just one step right,it's not just learning that
dance routine, it's a little bitmore than that.
And how would you say thatdesire-led living has changed.
What does it mean for you todayversus when you first started
potentially living by desire?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm really good now at following the breadcrumbs and
trusting and letting go ofcontrol, like really
surrendering.
I used to have a very strongrelationship with control and
perfection and I would wantthings to go a certain way, and
(19:27):
maybe that's why I was morewhimsical with desire at one
point, because it was like, well, I want this thing, I have to
have it, no matter what, and Idon't feel that way anymore.
That come up and you knowthey're not aligned or they're
just not going to be followedfor whatever reason, and that's
the discernment that comes inand I really trust the process,
(19:50):
like I really trust the process,and so I would say that's the
biggest way that my relationshipwith desire has changed.
And some desires just are sobig that I don't know how I'm
going to have them.
And I felt this way before.
And I know that my friend's sonis going to have a good school
(20:12):
year in third grade, even thoughthey both were very uncertain.
But I know he's going to getpast it and I know he's going to
have a great year, becausethat's exactly what happened in
second grade.
He cried the whole beginning ofsecond grade and then you know
he wants to go back to secondgrade.
So we just have to sit withourselves and trust the process
and sit with those really hard,messy, uncertain points instead
(20:36):
of poo-pooing the desire.
Here's a really big way thatI've changed.
I'm really willing to publiclysay I have this desire and I
don't know how to have it.
I had too much ego in the pastto really admit that, because I
used to believe that I had tohave it all figured out, or if I
(21:00):
want something, I have to makeit happen, right?
I grew up in the 80s.
We got to make this shit happenand I don't feel that way
anymore.
I just kind of trust theprocess and I'm like, oh, I have
this desire for my home.
Don't know where it's going tobe or how I'm going to have it,
but we're going to have it atsome point, holding the vision.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Amen, hold that vision.
I love that.
I don't know if I fullyremember how it was when it
started for me, when I startedto just feel into what is my
life worth saying?
What am I being pulled to?
I think the biggest change forme is really understanding
what's mine and what's not.
(21:42):
Change for me is reallyunderstanding what's mine and
what's not.
I think that took me a littlebit of time.
I can see it in my clients too,sort of like when we want other
people to behave a particularway because if they just behave
this way, I would be able tohave what I want.
It's their fault that I don'tget what I want.
And I would say that's thebiggest change for me that I'm
(22:07):
not so focused on what am Idoing in this dynamic that makes
this person behave this way.
I have a much betterunderstanding that people are
who they are.
We don't have any control overthat, and how they are is not my
business.
What's my business is what do Iwant, and keep putting my
(22:29):
attention on what I want.
And if what I want involvesthat other person to do and
behave differently, then I'm notreally feeling into the truth
of what I want.
It's like a great distractionfor me to be thinking about how
somebody should be thinking ordoing or being differently.
So that's the biggest changefor me.
(22:49):
I think that distinction hasbecome really clear.
It's sort of have really strongopinions.
And in my life I would saythere was a time when it was
very hard for me to pullopinions apart from facts, like
what is the fact and what's myopinion?
My opinions felt like factseven though they were opinions.
And now I'm really clear onwhat facts are and what opinions
are.
I can really pull apart a storyfrom a fact really easily and
(23:15):
same same with desire, like I'mable to recognize oh, what I'm
looking for is for this personto behave differently in order
for me to be able to have what Iwant.
But that's not really whatdesire is.
We don't get to puppet masterother people in behaving how we
want them to behave in order forus to have what we want.
That's not quite the way thelesson shows up.
We have to create what we wantregardless of how other people
(23:38):
are behaving, right, likeindependent of that.
So that leads me into the nextquestion of like how we've been
either practicing desire ormaking small decisions, big life
choices or subtle awarenessshifts.
I would say those have been mysubtle awareness shifts.
Like facts are facts, opinionsare opinions, somebody's
behavior, not my lane.
My lane is what do I have,what's actually within my
(24:00):
responsibility?
Like what steps can I take thatare in alignment with what I
want?
Like what am I noticing?
That sort of thing?
How about you?
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I interact with my desires every day.
I think that's one way that Istay in alignment, and we have a
lot of episodes on this.
We have a couple of differenttoolbox on how to interact with
your desires making a desirelist or vision boards, or
pulling desires with a friend.
I do these things every day.
(24:32):
I love that.
We just did a series on knowingsomething versus embodying it,
and this is a great thing.
That I feel like I've reallyembodied is interacting with my
desires, and I just lovespeaking them, putting them out
into the universe, sharing them.
(24:53):
And a subtle shift that I've hadrecently is letting go For my
desire for my home.
I had a friend reflect to meyou could just let it go,
because I was talking about it alot.
I was like, oh, I want my home,I want my home, I want my home,
like really making sure theuniverse heard me, and I'm like,
(25:15):
oh, I can receive that commentfrom her that I can.
I don't have to work so hardfor it, I don't have to work so
hard to let the universe knowthat I have this desire.
The universe knows and I reallybelieve that everything that's
happening is conspiring for meto have my desire.
(25:36):
I believe that for all of us,even though the path doesn't
look linear or you may bewondering, why is this happening
this is not aligned with mydesire.
Well, sometimes you do have totake a step backwards or
sideways in order to get back onyour path.
So, yeah, just letting go andtrusting and not being so
attached to I want this thing.
I want this thing because thenit can just be very grippy, so
(25:58):
I've let go a little bit.
That feels like an important,subtle shift that actually feels
great in my body.
That doesn't mean I forgetabout it, holding the desire but
not gripping onto it, and it'sdance.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
That's so sexy your ability to let go.
I love that.
I mean, just think about howpowerful that is the ability to
surrender, the ability to justsay I've done what I've done and
I'm continuing to put one footin front of the other and I'm
continuing to do what is on myside of the street so that I can
create this outcome and I don'thave to grip so hard Like it's
(26:40):
going to be fine, it's going tocreate itself.
I believe everything that'shappening is conspiring for that
to be created.
I mean, for that to be createdis just gorgeous and I've
actually felt that in you.
I don't think I could put thatinto words until you described
it.
Right now I'm like, oh yeah,I've felt that in you I wouldn't
say it's specific to the house.
I felt that in you I wouldn'tsay it's specific to the house.
(27:02):
I have seen it with the house,but I feel like there's an
overall ease in your system,like an overall letting go of
any sort of grip remnants thatthere has been in the past which
is really beautiful actually.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I will receive that.
That's been a longstandingdesire is to let go more and be
more in surrender and in flowwith life.
I'm grateful to be on that path, so thank you for being on this
path with me.
I think this is a great timefor us to celebrate year three
and the body of work that we'vebuilt.
I will say that I feel veryhonored for all of our listeners
(27:54):
.
I feel very honored that I getto co-host this with you.
Every time I speak to someone,every time I speak to someone
maybe it's on a sales call orit's a client when I get
feedback about the podcast andhow it's impacted people, I am
just really, really touched andhonored to have the privilege to
be able to talk about this withyou and impact people along the
(28:18):
way.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Thank you so much.
Receiving that fully, thatbeautiful surprise and
reflection.
I feel the same way over herethat we get to pour out in this
way together and create thisbeautiful body of work to share
(28:43):
with people.
It impacts a lot of people whomessage us and probably a lot of
people who don't.
It feels really fulfilling totake everything that we've
learned and pour it out andshare it and know that it's
making a difference in the world.
I feel really grateful to bedoing that with you.
So thank you again for that.
(29:04):
One day where Catherine askedme do you want to talk about
desire with me publicly?
I had no idea what I wasgetting into, but I said yes, we
set one Monday aside.
One Monday we got off the and Iwas like let's do this again
next Monday and that's it.
(29:26):
We never stopped Such agorgeous trajectory.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
It really is, and an example, such a gorgeous example
of what ignition and desirelook like, what they can look
like.
It's a potential, because itdidn't have to.
It could have just ignited andburned and just dropped to the
side, and it didn't.
But all forms are okay, right.
As far as desire is concerned,you're still getting the
(29:52):
experience that's needed foryour particular journey.
So next step, I say let's talkabout where desire falls in our
business, and what I mean bythat is where do you still see
desire coming up Like not justas a theme but a framework, when
you're working with yourcoaching clients, like in your
(30:12):
offers?
I can speak to it myself andshare that I'm often frustrated
directing my clients back tothemselves and away from what
other people want, what otherpeople are thinking, or steering
them away from their titles andidentities and bringing them to
(30:33):
talk about what do you want.
Let's be really clear on whatyou want and make decisions from
that location and let's get youout of everybody else's lane,
like you don't have to be intheir lanes.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Oh, my goodness, it's so true.
I mean, for me, I do work witha lot of women who are mothers
not not always.
I've had clients who aren'tmothers.
I've had men clients and mostlyit's exactly what you just said
what is it that you want?
And get out of everybody else'slane.
It's so easy to get muddled withother people or with your
(31:11):
partner or kids or obligation,and that's the big one that I
was going to say that I'msteering people towards you
actually want, as opposed towhat do you feel you have to do,
because the story of what youfeel you have to do is so loud
and strong, and I just find thatI'm regularly steering people
(31:35):
away from obligation and theconditioned beliefs to true, not
only desire but capacity, youknow, because that's very
different.
Our desire for something ascompared to our capacity for it
is very different.
(31:56):
And I think understanding thedifference between those things
is really important, becausethere's so much that I
personally want to do or that Isee my clients wanting to do,
but I don't always have thecapacity for it, and that could
be really hard and it couldbuild resentment and it takes a
(32:18):
lot of acceptance to say, oh, Ireally want to do this thing,
but I just actually can't.
I don't have the time, theenergy, the money, the
motivation, whatever the thingis.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Yes, like really being honest with ourselves,
where we fall, like, what am Iwilling to do, have what I want,
and where am I just not willingto?
Maybe not sleep, not eat, notconnect.
And if you're a parent, right,you're making choices, because I
think our desires are, for sure, bigger than what we can hold
(32:53):
and we have to build ourcapacity, especially as our
goals get bigger, our dreams getbigger.
We have to build our capacityto be with the bigger pieces and
bigger things that are moreintricate and involve more
things.
Increased skill.
It's interesting, right, youhave a bigger desire.
You need usually a skill.
You need to up-level youridentity.
(33:13):
You have to become the personthat gets to have the thing that
you want.
And you're not that person yet,because if you were that person
, you would have the thing youwant.
You don't have the thing youwant yet, so that's proof that
you're not that person yet.
And are you willing to take thebaby steps to become the person
that gets to have that?
Like?
We used two examples today aboutour desires?
That will take a certain amountof time and can we stay the
(33:35):
course?
Is there enough fire in ourbody?
Is there enough desire in ourbody.
Can we continue to soak theflame?
Enough, that has us see thisall the way through and we just
don't know.
Right, it's presumed that theonly way we won't have what we
want is if we quit.
And we don't know, becausewe're not there yet, we're not
(33:56):
at the quit, so you just got tokeep your hand on it.
And if we do get to the quit,being okay with that decision as
well, right.
If we do get to the locationwhere, okay, this isn't a place
I want to put my attentionanymore, all right, great.
Then what do?
Where do I want to put myattention?
And, with that said, I want toinvite everyone to be with.
(34:20):
Where are you right now in yourrelationship to desire?
I want to let you all know thatBrenda and I are so grateful
for this podcast and for theopportunity to just pause and
feel into where we are indesire-led living, and I love
that Brenda has shared thatshe's reached a place of
surrender, and I love that Ihave also reached a place of
(34:46):
even more staying in my own lane.
If you enjoyed this episode,please rate, like, share.
Let us know what landed for you.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Hello everyone, welcome back.
Loyal listeners, family,friends.
I'm here with the lovely Brenda, as usual, and so happy to have
(01:41):
her Today.
This podcast we're sort of doinga little bit of a 360 or 363
times because we are in ourthird season people third season
and our podcast is calledDesire as Medicine.
Like, how can we use theignition of desire?
How can we use that life forcein our body for it to lead us
into our next step and the stepafter that and the step after
(02:03):
that?
And I thought it would be funand a great check-in for Brenda
and I to just be with thisquestion and invite you all to
be here as well.
Like, where are you in yourrelationship with desire right
now?
Like, how are you currentlyexperiencing desire in your own
life?
How are you currentlyexperiencing desire in your own
(02:24):
life?
What feels alive, easy ornatural right now?
For me, definitely my desire torecord this podcast feels very
alive, very easy and verynatural right now.
I would say I still sort of getgoosebumps before we record.
I put some thought into what wewant to record on what's alive
(02:47):
in the field.
What have I been hearing frommy clients or in my group?
What Brenda's hearing, whatshe's been hearing from her
clients and in her variousgroups as well, always sort of
trying to have our finger on thepulse of what's popping in that
moment, always sort of tryingto have our finger on the pulse
(03:08):
of what's popping in that moment.
What about you, brenda?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
What feels alive, easy and natural for you right
now, like in the realm of desire.
I love this question.
I love this topic.
I love that we are doing adesire check-in over here.
How are the desire ladies doingwith their own desire?
Yeah, it's a great question.
I have so many desires.
I have such a wide range ofdesires.
(03:32):
I mean this podcast has beensuch a beautiful evolution of
desire that has grown me so much.
You know you mentioned desireas medicine, as the topic of
this podcast that our desirescall us to something greater,
some bigger version of ourselvesand we don't know why, when a
(03:54):
desire lands in our body andthis podcast has had so many
gifts for me, so many gifts Justyesterday, so many gifts.
Just yesterday, somebody who Iadmire gave me this beautiful
compliment saying that I am soconsistent in my marketing she's
on my email list that I'm soconsistent in my you know
(04:15):
communication with people withmy list, without being annoying.
That's a good distinction.
I was so excited about thatcompliment.
It touched me so deeply.
It went like right into myheart because it's something
that I didn't even realize I wasworking on with this podcast.
It's something that I've beenworking on in my life steadiness
(04:37):
, consistency which is somethingthat I had in my quote old life
, when I was a teacher and I hada house and I was raising my
children.
I had in my quote old life,when I was a teacher and I had a
house and I was raising mychildren.
I had a lot of structures inplace for my life to be steady
and consistent.
But when I changed all of thatand I don't have those things
right now being an entrepreneur,not having children in the
(05:03):
house, not working a nine tofive wow, I really had to work
on stability and steadiness, notonly with my schedule, but with
money as well, and alwaysworking on emotional regulation,
and so receiving thatcompliment that I am so
consistent was really abeautiful compliment.
This podcast has helped me besteady and consistent and given
(05:24):
me a real embodied blueprint ofwhat that feels like in my life,
because I want that feelingthat I have here, that we
created together and with ourlisteners.
I want that in other areas ofmy life too.
So this is a great teaching ondesire.
You might know how to dosomething, or you might have a
skill and you want to transferit to another area of your life.
(05:49):
Well, now I know whatconsistency feels like because
we show up every week.
Maybe we'll do a behind thescenes sometime of what it takes
to do this podcast, but itrequires a lot.
It requires us to show upconsistently with ourselves and
each other, and I'm really proudof that.
(06:10):
So it has grown me tremendously.
And I know it's grown me notonly because do I see the
results, but I felt the growingpains along the way, like all
the times I didn't think I couldshow up or I didn't think I
could record or I didn't likethe way my voice sounded or I
wanted to over edit myself.
As the person with the editingbutton, I had to go through a
(06:31):
whole phase of wanting to overedit myself or finding it
confronting to hear my own voicein this way or the cadence of
my speech, and I brought a lotof compassion to it and just
learned to love it.
So it's just grown me in somany ways.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Thank you so much for that.
You have really grown so muchwith the edit button.
I concur.
I've witnessed that and yes,it's true, it can be really
confronting to hear your ownvoice.
That has happened to me too.
So next up on our desirequestion is like what feels
(07:11):
sticky, challenging or uncertainin the realm of desire?
Like, is there any desire thatfeels sticky, challenging,
uncertain for you right now?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
for you right now.
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, I love that we're talkingabout this, because I don't want
to give anyone the illusionthat, because we have a podcast
with this is episode 112, thatwe have it all figured out.
Like, if you listen to thebeginning of our podcast, the
intro, I believe it says we'reon the mat, always learning,
(07:46):
always curious, and that is true.
We live that.
So something that's hard andsticky right now is I have a
desire to be more physicallystrong.
Being perimenopausal, I turned57 a few weeks ago I want to
(08:06):
build strength and it's beenchallenging, it's been pushing
all of my buttons and it's beenreally hard to show up for it.
So I've been planking.
I picked up pole dancing again.
I was doing that 10 years agoand I couldn't do a lot of the
(08:26):
tricks 10 years ago.
So now here I am again, 10years later, trying to do it,
and I want to start with weightsas well.
It's so confronting how notstrong I feel, and also I want
to say I'm stronger than I thinkI am.
(08:47):
It's been a lot of getting outof my own mind because I
actually am quite strong, butthis is a desire that has called
me from the ethers.
I was in Pilates one day and Igot a very big download and it
was kind of on the heels of whatwe were just talking about in
the last episodes of what weinherit from our family.
(09:10):
I got a very strong, embodieddownload of seeing the two paths
in front of me One followingthe path of the women before me
in my lineage who did not remainstrong and ended up on
medication and unwell, dealingwith all the repercussions of
(09:33):
that as they got older.
And that is a path that I couldgo down sweating my ass off in
Pilates and signing up foranother round of pole dancing
and sitting through thediscomfort and the challenge of
(09:53):
that, like the physicalchallenge, it was very clear
which path I was going to take.
You know, obviously I'm takingthe path of building strength,
but this desire just came to me.
Not only was it a desire, itwas a vision and a truth that I
saw.
I want to have vibrantwell-being in my body that's my
(10:14):
new phrase and so it means thatI have to show up for myself and
it's so confronting.
Catherine and listeners, if youlook at my stories, sometimes on
Instagram I will post storiesof my attempting to pole dance,
of my attempting to pole dancejust lifting my legs off the
(10:36):
ground together.
I can barely do it Like.
My core is just not that strongand I want to also say it's
getting stronger every day.
So this has been a desirethat's been extremely
confronting and I am showing upfor myself.
If I want to have the life thatI really want to live and if I
(11:03):
want to be healthy and vibrantand watch my children, have
children and be there for mygrandchildren and just be
healthy and vibrant, I need todo this Like what I could get
away with in my 20s, 30s and 40sI cannot get away with now as I
hit menopause, it's just true.
So it means sticking through theuncomfortable, sticky parts and
(11:26):
it feels hard and I pretty muchcry every time I go to pole
dancing.
Well, it starts out cryingbecause I internally am going oh
my God, I can't do this.
This is so hard.
And then by the end of theclass I'm doing it, or at least
I'm taking the steps to do it,even if I'm being spotted.
(11:46):
Whatever I'm doing it, I'vemade progress.
And that feeling of oh my God,I stuck through the really hard
part and I'm doing it and Ireally didn't think I could do
this and I really really want todo it, like the internal
satisfaction of that is reallyfulfilling.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
For me.
My big desire that feels sticky, challenging and uncertain is
retirement.
My big desire that feels sticky, challenging and uncertain is
retirement.
I, for various reasons, I'm notready to retire.
I'm definitely not FIRE, whichis financially independent,
(12:29):
retiring early.
So potentially I'll be ready at65.
I'm a few years away from that,definitely closer to 65 than I
am to 15.
So let's just have that.
And I don't know if I'll beable to retire in the way that I
want to, and it was never sotop of mind until I hit 50.
(12:50):
And then I said wait a second.
I think there's a good chancethat I'm going to live past a
certain age.
It's so up of mind for me thatwhen I wake up in the morning I
thank God for another day.
It's both.
It's like I'm thanking God foranother day and then at the same
(13:11):
time I'm like I want to makesure that I can take care of
myself into my older years.
It's very uncertain.
I am first generation American,my parents are gone, like I
haven't seen people do it beforeme, let's say in my own lineage
.
So I'm sort of figuring thingsout myself as I go and just
(13:34):
putting one foot in front of theother.
It's extremely uncertain.
I just don't know.
I'm doing the best I can withwhat I have and we'll see.
And it feels very different,like retiring early feels very
different than the alive, easy,natural feeling I have when
we're recording for the podcast.
It's such a clear oh, this ishow this feels and this is how
(13:57):
that feels.
This bigger goal feels souncertain, so scary, so big,
like the hugest mountain.
And I also have to remindmyself that this wasn't top of
mind for a really long time.
Actually, if I'm really honest,I don't even think that goal
was there four and a half yearsago when you and I started
recording.
(14:17):
Like it's a fairly recent sortof alarm, I think, like sort of
recent thing.
That's in my peripheral visionthat I'm like hey, what's going
to happen here?
And I'm also really clear thathaving desire carve us means
(14:37):
that we're constantly acceptingwhere we are and feeling into
what else we want and that wewant more, and so that's not
going to change, right andgetting comfortable with that.
So let me see, brenda, howwould you say your relationship
with desire has shifted?
(14:58):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What a great question .
I think about desire all thetime.
I think about desire every day.
Maybe I don't want to be sobold as to say all day, every
day, that would be very corny,but I really think about it a
lot.
I think about this podcast alot, and then sometimes I sit
(15:21):
and I ask myself the questionsthat we're asking on this
podcast today what is myrelationship with desire?
I don't want to ever get solost in producing this podcast
that I ignore my ownrelationship with desire, and I
don't think that I do, but it'sgreat to pause and check in.
I mean, there's so many seasonsof desire.
(15:43):
There's for me in my life.
I can think of three hugeseasons, three overarching,
overarching seasons.
One is ignoring it orsexualizing it, like desire
means sex, not really.
What do you want to do in yourlife or what's this thing that's
calling your soul right?
(16:03):
So basically ignoring it orputting it in a box.
The other one is being reallywhimsical with it, or hungry,
ghosty, like oh, I'm going tofollow every desire.
I am going to eat pizza everynight because that is what I
desire.
I'm going to fly across thecountry tomorrow because it's my
(16:25):
desire.
You know, there is a time I'mknocking it because it's funny,
but it is a location on the map.
When you start opening up todesire, you're like I need to
give myself every little thing,no matter what it costs in all
the ways.
And then the next step which is, I think, where I am now is
(16:46):
responsible, like beingresponsible with my desire,
which we talk about a lot here,because it's a great spot to be
in I mean, the whimsical one wasreally fun, but I paid a high
cost for those.
But this is really focusing onwhat is it that I want for
myself?
And I'm thinking bigger andbroader.
Like you're talking aboutretirement, I'm talking about
(17:08):
strength training, I want to owna house.
These are things that arereally far into the future, like
things that will increase myquality of life.
And they ask me to really showup for myself, no matter what.
And just like that pole dancingclass, like something, can seem
(17:30):
really hard, but we stay withourself and we get to the other
side.
I was with a friend the otherday and her son just started
third grade and he came homefrom school hysterically crying,
crying, his cute little eyesout, and she's holding him and
hugging him and he's crying andhe's going.
Third grade is so hard, it's sohard.
(17:53):
I want to go back to secondgrade and I really related and
we talked about how hard it isto learn something new and I
actually showed him the video ofthe babies falling over when
they're learning to sit up andthey keep falling over and
falling over because they'relearning something new and we're
building muscle and skill andit's really funny to watch a
(18:15):
compilation of babies fallingover.
It's adorable, but that is howit is.
And he did find that funny andso did I.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I love that example of the babies falling over.
That's so good and I can onlyimagine I want to go back to
second grade.
It's so fun and I reallyappreciate that.
We're talking about the desiresthat we have that are so far
ahead that it will take sometime.
It's strength building, buyinga house, retiring Well, there
(18:45):
are sort of things that have tostack on each other.
It's not just one step right,it's not just learning that
dance routine, it's a little bitmore than that.
And how would you say thatdesire-led living has changed.
What does it mean for you todayversus when you first started
potentially living by desire?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm really good now at following the breadcrumbs and
trusting and letting go ofcontrol, like really
surrendering.
I used to have a very strongrelationship with control and
perfection and I would wantthings to go a certain way, and
(19:27):
maybe that's why I was morewhimsical with desire at one
point, because it was like, well, I want this thing, I have to
have it, no matter what, and Idon't feel that way anymore.
That come up and you knowthey're not aligned or they're
just not going to be followedfor whatever reason, and that's
the discernment that comes inand I really trust the process,
(19:50):
like I really trust the process,and so I would say that's the
biggest way that my relationshipwith desire has changed.
And some desires just are sobig that I don't know how I'm
going to have them.
And I felt this way before.
And I know that my friend's sonis going to have a good school
(20:12):
year in third grade, even thoughthey both were very uncertain.
But I know he's going to getpast it and I know he's going to
have a great year, becausethat's exactly what happened in
second grade.
He cried the whole beginning ofsecond grade and then you know
he wants to go back to secondgrade.
So we just have to sit withourselves and trust the process
and sit with those really hard,messy, uncertain points instead
(20:36):
of poo-pooing the desire.
Here's a really big way thatI've changed.
I'm really willing to publiclysay I have this desire and I
don't know how to have it.
I had too much ego in the pastto really admit that, because I
used to believe that I had tohave it all figured out, or if I
(21:00):
want something, I have to makeit happen, right?
I grew up in the 80s.
We got to make this shit happenand I don't feel that way
anymore.
I just kind of trust theprocess and I'm like, oh, I have
this desire for my home.
Don't know where it's going tobe or how I'm going to have it,
but we're going to have it atsome point, holding the vision.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Amen, hold that vision.
I love that.
I don't know if I fullyremember how it was when it
started for me, when I startedto just feel into what is my
life worth saying?
What am I being pulled to?
I think the biggest change forme is really understanding
what's mine and what's not.
(21:42):
Change for me is reallyunderstanding what's mine and
what's not.
I think that took me a littlebit of time.
I can see it in my clients too,sort of like when we want other
people to behave a particularway because if they just behave
this way, I would be able tohave what I want.
It's their fault that I don'tget what I want.
And I would say that's thebiggest change for me that I'm
(22:07):
not so focused on what am Idoing in this dynamic that makes
this person behave this way.
I have a much betterunderstanding that people are
who they are.
We don't have any control overthat, and how they are is not my
business.
What's my business is what do Iwant, and keep putting my
(22:29):
attention on what I want.
And if what I want involvesthat other person to do and
behave differently, then I'm notreally feeling into the truth
of what I want.
It's like a great distractionfor me to be thinking about how
somebody should be thinking ordoing or being differently.
So that's the biggest changefor me.
(22:49):
I think that distinction hasbecome really clear.
It's sort of have really strongopinions.
And in my life I would saythere was a time when it was
very hard for me to pullopinions apart from facts, like
what is the fact and what's myopinion?
My opinions felt like factseven though they were opinions.
And now I'm really clear onwhat facts are and what opinions
are.
I can really pull apart a storyfrom a fact really easily and
(23:15):
same same with desire, like I'mable to recognize oh, what I'm
looking for is for this personto behave differently in order
for me to be able to have what Iwant.
But that's not really whatdesire is.
We don't get to puppet masterother people in behaving how we
want them to behave in order forus to have what we want.
That's not quite the way thelesson shows up.
We have to create what we wantregardless of how other people
(23:38):
are behaving, right, likeindependent of that.
So that leads me into the nextquestion of like how we've been
either practicing desire ormaking small decisions, big life
choices or subtle awarenessshifts.
I would say those have been mysubtle awareness shifts.
Like facts are facts, opinionsare opinions, somebody's
behavior, not my lane.
My lane is what do I have,what's actually within my
(24:00):
responsibility?
Like what steps can I take thatare in alignment with what I
want?
Like what am I noticing?
That sort of thing?
How about you?
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I interact with my desires every day.
I think that's one way that Istay in alignment, and we have a
lot of episodes on this.
We have a couple of differenttoolbox on how to interact with
your desires making a desirelist or vision boards, or
pulling desires with a friend.
I do these things every day.
(24:32):
I love that.
We just did a series on knowingsomething versus embodying it,
and this is a great thing.
That I feel like I've reallyembodied is interacting with my
desires, and I just lovespeaking them, putting them out
into the universe, sharing them.
(24:53):
And a subtle shift that I've hadrecently is letting go For my
desire for my home.
I had a friend reflect to meyou could just let it go,
because I was talking about it alot.
I was like, oh, I want my home,I want my home, I want my home,
like really making sure theuniverse heard me, and I'm like,
(25:15):
oh, I can receive that commentfrom her that I can.
I don't have to work so hardfor it, I don't have to work so
hard to let the universe knowthat I have this desire.
The universe knows and I reallybelieve that everything that's
happening is conspiring for meto have my desire.
(25:36):
I believe that for all of us,even though the path doesn't
look linear or you may bewondering, why is this happening
this is not aligned with mydesire.
Well, sometimes you do have totake a step backwards or
sideways in order to get back onyour path.
So, yeah, just letting go andtrusting and not being so
attached to I want this thing.
I want this thing because thenit can just be very grippy, so
(25:58):
I've let go a little bit.
That feels like an important,subtle shift that actually feels
great in my body.
That doesn't mean I forgetabout it, holding the desire but
not gripping onto it, and it'sdance.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
That's so sexy your ability to let go.
I love that.
I mean, just think about howpowerful that is the ability to
surrender, the ability to justsay I've done what I've done and
I'm continuing to put one footin front of the other and I'm
continuing to do what is on myside of the street so that I can
create this outcome and I don'thave to grip so hard Like it's
(26:40):
going to be fine, it's going tocreate itself.
I believe everything that'shappening is conspiring for that
to be created.
I mean, for that to be createdis just gorgeous and I've
actually felt that in you.
I don't think I could put thatinto words until you described
it.
Right now I'm like, oh yeah,I've felt that in you I wouldn't
say it's specific to the house.
I felt that in you I wouldn'tsay it's specific to the house.
(27:02):
I have seen it with the house,but I feel like there's an
overall ease in your system,like an overall letting go of
any sort of grip remnants thatthere has been in the past which
is really beautiful actually.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I will receive that.
That's been a longstandingdesire is to let go more and be
more in surrender and in flowwith life.
I'm grateful to be on that path, so thank you for being on this
path with me.
I think this is a great timefor us to celebrate year three
and the body of work that we'vebuilt.
I will say that I feel veryhonored for all of our listeners
(27:54):
.
I feel very honored that I getto co-host this with you.
Every time I speak to someone,every time I speak to someone
maybe it's on a sales call orit's a client when I get
feedback about the podcast andhow it's impacted people, I am
just really, really touched andhonored to have the privilege to
be able to talk about this withyou and impact people along the
(28:18):
way.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Thank you so much.
Receiving that fully, thatbeautiful surprise and
reflection.
I feel the same way over herethat we get to pour out in this
way together and create thisbeautiful body of work to share
(28:43):
with people.
It impacts a lot of people whomessage us and probably a lot of
people who don't.
It feels really fulfilling totake everything that we've
learned and pour it out andshare it and know that it's
making a difference in the world.
I feel really grateful to bedoing that with you.
So thank you again for that.
(29:04):
One day where Catherine askedme do you want to talk about
desire with me publicly?
I had no idea what I wasgetting into, but I said yes, we
set one Monday aside.
One Monday we got off the and Iwas like let's do this again
next Monday and that's it.
(29:26):
We never stopped Such agorgeous trajectory.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
It really is, and an example, such a gorgeous example
of what ignition and desirelook like, what they can look
like.
It's a potential, because itdidn't have to.
It could have just ignited andburned and just dropped to the
side, and it didn't.
But all forms are okay, right.
As far as desire is concerned,you're still getting the
(29:52):
experience that's needed foryour particular journey.
So next step, I say let's talkabout where desire falls in our
business, and what I mean bythat is where do you still see
desire coming up Like not justas a theme but a framework, when
you're working with yourcoaching clients, like in your
(30:12):
offers?
I can speak to it myself andshare that I'm often frustrated
directing my clients back tothemselves and away from what
other people want, what otherpeople are thinking, or steering
them away from their titles andidentities and bringing them to
(30:33):
talk about what do you want.
Let's be really clear on whatyou want and make decisions from
that location and let's get youout of everybody else's lane,
like you don't have to be intheir lanes.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Oh, my goodness, it's so true.
I mean, for me, I do work witha lot of women who are mothers
not not always.
I've had clients who aren'tmothers.
I've had men clients and mostlyit's exactly what you just said
what is it that you want?
And get out of everybody else'slane.
It's so easy to get muddled withother people or with your
(31:11):
partner or kids or obligation,and that's the big one that I
was going to say that I'msteering people towards you
actually want, as opposed towhat do you feel you have to do,
because the story of what youfeel you have to do is so loud
and strong, and I just find thatI'm regularly steering people
(31:35):
away from obligation and theconditioned beliefs to true, not
only desire but capacity, youknow, because that's very
different.
Our desire for something ascompared to our capacity for it
is very different.
(31:56):
And I think understanding thedifference between those things
is really important, becausethere's so much that I
personally want to do or that Isee my clients wanting to do,
but I don't always have thecapacity for it, and that could
be really hard and it couldbuild resentment and it takes a
(32:18):
lot of acceptance to say, oh, Ireally want to do this thing,
but I just actually can't.
I don't have the time, theenergy, the money, the
motivation, whatever the thingis.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Yes, like really being honest with ourselves,
where we fall, like, what am Iwilling to do, have what I want,
and where am I just not willingto?
Maybe not sleep, not eat, notconnect.
And if you're a parent, right,you're making choices, because I
think our desires are, for sure, bigger than what we can hold
(32:53):
and we have to build ourcapacity, especially as our
goals get bigger, our dreams getbigger.
We have to build our capacityto be with the bigger pieces and
bigger things that are moreintricate and involve more
things.
Increased skill.
It's interesting, right, youhave a bigger desire.
You need usually a skill.
You need to up-level youridentity.
(33:13):
You have to become the personthat gets to have the thing that
you want.
And you're not that person yet,because if you were that person
, you would have the thing youwant.
You don't have the thing youwant yet, so that's proof that
you're not that person yet.
And are you willing to take thebaby steps to become the person
that gets to have that?
Like?
We used two examples today aboutour desires?
That will take a certain amountof time and can we stay the
(33:35):
course?
Is there enough fire in ourbody?
Is there enough desire in ourbody.
Can we continue to soak theflame?
Enough, that has us see thisall the way through and we just
don't know.
Right, it's presumed that theonly way we won't have what we
want is if we quit.
And we don't know, becausewe're not there yet, we're not
(33:56):
at the quit, so you just got tokeep your hand on it.
And if we do get to the quit,being okay with that decision as
well, right.
If we do get to the locationwhere, okay, this isn't a place
I want to put my attentionanymore, all right, great.
Then what do?
Where do I want to put myattention?
And, with that said, I want toinvite everyone to be with.
(34:20):
Where are you right now in yourrelationship to desire?
I want to let you all know thatBrenda and I are so grateful
for this podcast and for theopportunity to just pause and
feel into where we are indesire-led living, and I love
that Brenda has shared thatshe's reached a place of
surrender, and I love that Ihave also reached a place of
(34:46):
even more staying in my own lane.
If you enjoyed this episode,please rate, like, share.
Let us know what landed for you.
Bye for now.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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