November 12, 2025 • 26 mins
Ever feel like your calendar runs your life and your heart gets whatever scraps are left? This week, we dig into what it truly takes to stay connected to yourself while navigating love, work, and the relentless pull of everyday demands. From body-based practices to smart scheduling, we map out how to reclaim attention, set honest boundaries, and make choices you can stand behind.
We start with the core truth: the most important relationship you have is with yourself.
We share how to stop losing yourself in love, work, and life by building a daily relationship with your body, your attention, and your truth. We offer practical tools to find your yes and no, use your calendar as support, and return faster when you drift.
Highlights:
• Self-connection as your most important relationship
• Tools we share: body scans, breathwork and somatic practices to reconnect
• How to use systems and calendars that protect rest and fun
• Spaciousness versus stillness as different pathways
• Learning your true yes and no through experiments
• Reducing cleanup by pausing before commitments
• Building five-minute daily touch points that stick
• How to recover faster after disconnection and compression
We are available to support you in a one-to-one capacity. Click the links to message us to inquire about working with either one of us.
Like, share, subscribe to our podcast. It is the best way that you can show us love and support. Thank you for listening!
Like, Rate, Review and Share this episode. Thanks in advance for your support.
Click the links below for 1:1 support.
Email Us:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Connect on Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
SPEAKER_01 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life,motherhood, relationships, and
my business.
Desire has taken me on quite aride, and every day I practice
listening to and following thevoice within.
I'm a middle school teacher,turned coach and guide of the
feminine.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully the highestversion of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married, I've spent
equal parts of my life incorporate as in some down and
low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of Tired andWired, and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker, and a forever student.
SPEAKER_01 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners, on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening to andfollowing the nudge of desire is
a deep spiritual practice thathelps us grow.
SPEAKER_00 (01:12):
On the Desire is Medicine podcast, we talk to
each other, we interview peoplewe know and love about the
practice of desire, bringing ina very important piece that is
often overlooked beingresponsible for our desire.
Hello, welcome back, family,friends, loved ones.
Brenda and I are happy to behere once again and on the
(01:35):
Desire as Medicine podcast.
Here we go.
Today's topic, drum roll,please, is how to not elose
yourself in love, work, or life.
In reality, we know that themost important relationship that
we will ever have is the onewith ourself.
(01:57):
It truly, truly, truly is.
SPEAKER_01 (03:22):
About how do you do it?
How do you reconnect withyourself?
How do you not lose yourself?
SPEAKER_00 (03:30):
Yeah, I mean, we've done some episodes um recently
on doing a body scan, on slowingdown, on what actually
completing the body scan even isor looks like, helping our
listeners like do it withthemselves.
And it just left me and Brendathinking about desire is so big,
(03:58):
and community is so important,and self-love is important.
Like all these things areimportant, but without your
relationship to yourself, whereare you?
And that tends to be the onethat we let go of the fastest
because it's so easy to do, likeso easy to get lost in
(04:21):
discipline or how to show up forother people.
But how do we center ourselves?
How do we make sure that we'renot lost, that we still have
time with us?
Body scan is a great way.
Breath work is a great way.
Any sort of somatic practice isa great way to stay with
ourselves and in the body.
But today, what I really want topoint to is how important it is
(04:43):
for us to keep our attention onourselves.
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (04:48):
Oh, I know.
Oh, I know.
What caused me to start buildinga relationship with myself was
after years of abandoningmyself, just really bottoming
out in relationship in life,with overlooking myself so many
(05:11):
times that I just became sodisconnected to myself.
And I would look in the mirrorand go, Who am I?
What am I doing here?
Because you can you can get awaywith that a few times.
You know, we don't always hitit.
Sometimes I realize, oh my God,I said yes when I meant no.
(05:33):
It happens.
We're not talking aboutperfection here.
Sometimes I will overdo it.
I'll think I have more energyfor something than I really do.
That happens.
We're not saying that you shouldbe perfect in this.
But the more you know yourself,the more you have some
(05:57):
containment with how to liveyour life.
And you can feel good in yourbody and enjoy your family and
friends, enjoy your life.
Because it's painful to bedisconnected to yourself.
It's not loving.
And I found when I'mdisconnected from myself, I'm
(06:21):
I'm not being honest with thepeople that I love.
I'm not being honest withmyself, I'm not being honest
with the people that I love, andthat causes conflict.
And it's it's not that cute.
I've lived all of this and it'spainful.
And from that pain, I learned tobe connected to myself.
(06:45):
And once you do, once you havethat, you can't lose it.
SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
You mean you can't you can't lose what it feels
like.
unknown (06:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:55):
I mean, yeah, once you have that, once you have
yourself in that way, you've gotit.
I'm not saying you won't havemoments of forgetting or moments
of disconnection or periods ofdisconnection.
But once you have that, you haveit.
It is like riding a bike.
(07:16):
It's not like you're never gonnafall off the bike, but you know
how to ride that bike.
I see you pontificating overthere.
SPEAKER_00 (07:23):
Because I I feel like we do lose it.
I think that life happens.
I see it in times of compressiona lot, and I have found that the
the go-to for me is systems.
So like I have a calendarsystem, and when I look at my
(07:46):
calendar, I'm like, hmm,something's happening.
Maybe I haven't had fun, ormaybe I haven't had an off day,
and I want to catch it when Isee it because I know it's
important.
I know that.
So, for example, recently I wasaway, I went to see my family, I
(08:08):
was on the West Coast, and thenI came back, I got my menses,
and then after that, I had atooth thing.
And so I've been it's been threeweeks of sort of back-to-back
tending to certain things, and Ihaven't really felt a hundred
percent.
And then I thought, wait asecond, when was my last like
(08:29):
when did I really when was thelast time I had a really good
time?
When was the last time I reallypaid attention to having fun?
When was the last time I paidattention to really being off?
Well, my life didn't really havethat built in because all these
things came in and trumped it.
I am traveling next week.
And I do have some fun thingsplanned for that week, but it's
(08:55):
planned, right?
Like ahead of time because Iknow it's something that I need
in order to have time with me.
Like have time with myself.
Like I have to sort of build itin.
I can be sort of energizer bunnyand get wrapped up in work and
(09:15):
work-related things.
I don't have to remind myself towork, but I do have to remind
myself to slow down and taketime and take time off and to
make sure that I have fun.
For whatever reason, I'm builtthis way.
And I know I have clients thathave to take time to remind
(09:36):
themselves to slow down, remindthemselves to breathe, remind
themselves to get resourcepotentially so they don't lose
it with their children.
And I think that the more we getto know ourselves, I I'm
thinking of a spilunker, thebetter spilunkers we have.
Like I have a friend that Icheck in with, and I check in
(09:57):
with her.
One day we'll have her on thepodcast because she is probably
the most accomplished calendarkind of person that I know,
somebody that just really makestime for her desires and goals
in a way that's pristine.
I've never seen someone havethat much mastery over it.
But I check in with her so thatI make sure that I'm on track.
(10:20):
Right.
It's sort of so when you sayit's really hard to lose it, I'm
like, I can lose it.
Sometimes I'm going, where did Igo?
Like, when did I last?
Like when was I last withmyself, really?
I can go, go, go.
I have to have practices that Icome back to frequently.
(10:41):
Yeah, something happens for me.
That that's my experience withit.
How about you?
SPEAKER_01 (10:48):
A hundred percent.
And I hear you saying that youlose it sometimes.
You you forget, you get far awayfrom yourself a hundred percent.
And you also have some systemsand awareness to come back.
And that's exactly what I'msaying.
I'm saying the same exact thing.
But once you have it, then youdo know you have a map on how to
(11:11):
get back, but you have to findit first.
I think that you have to put thework in to know yourself, to get
to know yourself.
And then it's it's it is likeriding a bike.
You you might fall off the bike,but you know how to get back on.
And so it doesn't have to bedevastating, or the damage could
(11:33):
be small.
I think that that's what it is.
And I love what you're talkingabout with the calendar for
yourself and scheduling in timefor yourself.
And you're so good at that.
And I can't wait to have thisguest on to hear about this
magic calendaring.
Uh, for me, I need a lot ofspaciousness.
(11:53):
And I do use my calendar forthat.
You know, I am busy.
I'm always marking my calendardays, busy, busy, busy.
So I can't book anything onthose days, and nobody can use
my calendar link to book.
I remember and I get connectedto myself through spaciousness.
(12:14):
I love having space to just getcurious with what is what it is
that I want to do.
It might be just walk runningaround in my house, cleaning in
my sweatpants, listening to myfavorite music, and then I just
want to have a dance break anddo some writing.
I get so energized doing thatand I feel so connected to
(12:37):
myself.
Or maybe it is hanging out witha friend or going for a walk on
the beach.
Whatever it is, it's thespaciousness to discover what it
is that I want to do.
I love that.
That's how that's how we stayconnected to myself on a daily
basis.
SPEAKER_00 (12:56):
I think you also have a lot of practices, like
daily practices that I do.
I that's not necessarily my way.
And I think that that's what'sso important to figure out.
Like, how does that work?
I could easily write in myjournal today and not write in
it for another seven days.
I don't remember the last time Itook a dance break.
It's not a go-to for me, but I'mstill often.
(13:21):
Like I can, if I find myself,uh-oh, something's happening, I
will legit pause, lay on theground, and just take 10
minutes.
And I need silence.
Like I need no input because Ican easily get excited off of
things and just I'm on to thenext thing.
(13:41):
So I need to be able to justpause and just be still with
myself.
But I also want to remind you,because I think that we have to
remember to remember, you dogreat at this.
Like your practice, your dailypractice.
I mean, we've done so manyepisodes on this, is just
pristine.
Like you are masterful in that.
(14:01):
You've created something for youthat really works, where you
connect with yourself.
Like you'll be connecting withyourself within the next 24
hours.
SPEAKER_01 (14:10):
Oh, it's constant.
It's always, I'm alwaysconnecting with myself.
And what I mostly love aboutthis conversation that I'm
hoping that people pick up on isthat there is no right way to do
it.
I love how different we are.
I love that we have completelydifferent ways of connecting to
(14:31):
ourselves.
There is no right way.
There is no perfect way.
And that's why it's great to tryout different things, try out
different practices.
And some will work and somewon't, and some will stick, and
some you'll forget about.
And that's okay, but it'sfinding what works for you.
I used to have very scheduledmorning practices.
(14:56):
I did the same thing everymorning at the same time for a
long time, and that worked atthat time.
And then I didn't want thatanymore.
I wanted a lot more flow.
I still have a lot of structureto my morning, but I also need
the spaciousness.
I do have a different version ofthe same thing almost every day.
(15:21):
So the point is, is there'ssomething built into every
single day that I am connectingwith myself every morning, no
matter what, no matter what.
I'm not kidding.
Because that's how important itis.
And it's possible.
It doesn't matter what you'redoing for work or if you have
(15:45):
kids or not.
I actually learned this when mydaughter was first born 30 years
ago.
I figured out, oh my God, Icannot wake up at the same time
as my baby.
I need to get up at the time, itwas just 15 minutes earlier.
I just need a few minutes bymyself to get connected with
(16:08):
myself, or let's face it, justgo to the bathroom before my
baby wakes up.
That was like the very beginningof me realizing I need to
connect with myself.
It's so important just to get alittle bit ahead of the curve at
that point in my life.
And I'm I'm always getting aheadof the curve for my day.
(16:29):
It I'm setting my day up for itto be a good one.
Amen.
I love how we're just listingthe struggles.
SPEAKER_00 (16:36):
Let's normalize the struggle.
Like there will be thingswithout a doubt.
I have things, you know, mine issort of like hindsight.
Wait a second.
Where did I lose myself?
Brenda has something that she'schecking in daily.
And we want to kind of justnormalize this for you.
(16:56):
Like the struggle is real.
Like our relationships withourselves, our relationship to
ourselves is the most importantone we'll ever have.
And it's really easy to loseourselves in the process of
life, like just being there withlife.
It's so easy to do.
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
And it's also so easy to have reasons and excuses
for why you can't connect withyourself.
Look, I worked full-time as amother of two children.
I was married, I had a house,I've taken care of elderly
grandparents while doing all ofthat.
(17:37):
I'm not saying it's easy, butit's possible.
So right now my morning practiceis probably an hour.
But it doesn't have to be anhour.
And it doesn't have to be in themorning.
It could be wherever.
Five minutes matters becauseyou're building a connection
(17:58):
with yourself.
And our last episode was a bodyscan that we would love for you
to go back and listen if youmissed it.
How do you connect with yourselfand just be with your body and
pay attention to what'shappening in your body?
It's really easy to overlookthat, but we don't recommend it.
(18:20):
Because you don't want to be anautopilot.
You don't want to be reactive.
You don't want to be numb.
You don't want to be lookingoutside of yourself for
validation or answers.
You don't want to be overridingyour body's signals.
And women do this all the time.
(18:43):
And so the way to stop that andstart connecting with yourself,
you have to start somewhere.
So even five minutes ofconnecting with yourself and
asking yourself, what do youneed right now?
Or even just in your day.
One of my favorite exercises toshare with clients is learning
(19:07):
your yes and no, your true yesand no.
This is a very basic way toreconnect with yourself and to
get to know yourself and tobuild trust with yourself, which
will a hundred percent rippleinto your relationships.
So one of the best ways toreconnect with yourself and get
to know yourself and build thatrelationship with yourself is as
(19:30):
you're going through your dayand life comes at you, and
people ask you questions.
Do you want to go out forcoffee?
Would you like dinner?
Can I borrow 10 bucks?
Can you drive me here?
Can you pick me up there?
Whatever comes at you in yourday, really think about what is
your true answer.
(19:50):
What is your true yes or no?
And just start noticing that.
That's one of the easiest waysto start connecting with
yourself and building arelationship with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (20:02):
I would argue that the connection to ourself is
what helps us answer thosethings.
No, I make them say no toeverything in the beginning.
Because that builds a yearning.
Like, I didn't want to say no tothat.
Blah blah blah.
I wanted to do, and I'm like,yes, that's what I want.
(20:24):
I want you to feel like you'rejumping out of your skin and you
want to do this thing that Ihave so meanly said, say no to
everything.
Because we're so used to justsaying yes and pleasing people,
right?
Like ultimately, what I'm reallyhoping, and I know Brenda
seconds me on this.
(20:45):
What we're really hoping thatlisteners are hearing is that
this stirs something in you.
And like let it remind you thatyour relationship with yourself
sets the tone for every otherrelationship in your life.
Like we are constantly inrelationship to everything and
everyone, but it's really easyto lose our relationship to
self.
(21:05):
And that's really the baselinefor a relationship with
everything else.
SPEAKER_01 (21:08):
It really is.
And I love that.
I love saying no to everything.
That's such a fun exercise.
I I generally do that with as anoticing practice.
So I'll have my clients noticewhat are you saying yes to?
What are you saying no to?
And then noticing, oh my God, Isaid yes to this and I did not
(21:30):
want to do it and I did it.
And then how did I feel whenthat was happening?
And over time, you know, youcould change that behavior.
So there's no right or wrong.
These are just fun practices.
But however you do it, wedefinitely recommend that
practice because knowing yourtrue yes or no is everything.
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
It is.
It really starts with like beingwith us, like taking that time
however that time looks.
Like I I spoke today about howfor me a lot of it is stillness.
And you spoke aboutspaciousness, right?
Like just being having space todo and go left, right, like
however you want to do it.
If you want to clean your house,if you want to dance break, like
(22:12):
you have the space for that.
And for me, it's once I feellike, wait a second, I lost
Catherine somewhere that I juststop.
For me, it's complete stop, justput everything down so that I
can come back to myself.
Because somewhere I went toofast for me, right?
I have a tendency to go toofast.
So somewhere I went too fast andI lost my connection with
(22:37):
myself.
It's really hard to stayconnected while moving fast.
It's a lot easier to stayconnected while moving slow.
It's really easy to meditate,you know, on the mountain in
this pristine beauty.
It's really hard to stayconnected with yourself, check
on your breath, do a body scanwhen you're in the middle of New
York City.
That is a lot harder because youhave so many things pulling for
(23:02):
your attention.
SPEAKER_01 (23:04):
Absolutely.
And that's why we recommendthese practices.
That's why it's called practice.
Because you practice it byyourself in the morning, in the
afternoon, in the evening,somewhere in your day, so that
when you get out into the realworld, you have some experience.
(23:25):
Because when things are movingfast, or you're at a party,
you're on a date, whateveryou're doing, you're about to
have sex, you really want to beconnected to yourself so that
you can stay with yourself.
You can stay within your ownboundaries so that it can feel
good for you.
And you can trust yourself,trust your choices and have good
(23:46):
experiences.
It's it's respectful toyourself.
It's respectful to the peoplethat you're with, and it makes
life so much better becauseyou're not cleaning up a mess
all the time.
And when we override ourselves,it's just a whole different
road.
You go into shame, you beatyourself up.
(24:08):
It's exhausting.
It's exhausting to do all ofthat.
It's actually much easier to putthe time in to connect with
yourself and then live thatlife.
We recommend it.
SPEAKER_00 (24:21):
Amen.
I highly, highly, highlyrecommend it.
You're so right.
I've I I wasn't even thinkingabout the mess that's created
when we're not connected toourselves, when we don't really
know what we want.
So we say yes to something, butwe really didn't want to say
yes.
And now we feel resentful orregret, and now the other person
feels the disconnection.
Like so much comes from like,could I just have paused and
(24:45):
just taken some time?
Thank you so much, Brenda, forcoming on today, as always.
And like we get to just havethese gorgeous conversations
about things that we think arereally important.
Like there is, I can't say itenough, the most important
relationship we'll ever have isthe one with ourselves.
And I love that our listenersget to hear us sort of banter on
(25:07):
this and go back and forth.
But if you are listening to thisand you're ready to rebuild a
relationship to yourself fromthe inside out, you want to
trust yourself again, not loseyour center, Brenda and I have
space for you.
We are ready to support tosupport you in a one-to-one
capacity.
Our links are in the show notes.
(25:28):
And if you really loved thisepisode, please share it with
someone else that you thinkwould love it too.
Like, share, subscribe to ourpodcast.
It is the best way that you canshow us love and support.
Thank you so much for listening.
Bye for now.
SPEAKER_01 (25:52):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is
Medicine podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (25:55):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving, and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
SPEAKER_01 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life,motherhood, relationships, and
my business.
Desire has taken me on quite aride, and every day I practice
listening to and following thevoice within.
I'm a middle school teacher,turned coach and guide of the
feminine.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully the highestversion of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married, I've spent
equal parts of my life incorporate as in some down and
low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of Tired andWired, and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker, and a forever student.
SPEAKER_01 (00:58):
Even after decades of inner work, we are humble
beginners, on the mat, stillexploring, always curious.
We believe that listening to andfollowing the nudge of desire is
a deep spiritual practice thathelps us grow.
SPEAKER_00 (01:12):
On the Desire is Medicine podcast, we talk to
each other, we interview peoplewe know and love about the
practice of desire, bringing ina very important piece that is
often overlooked beingresponsible for our desire.
Hello, welcome back, family,friends, loved ones.
Brenda and I are happy to behere once again and on the
(01:35):
Desire as Medicine podcast.
Here we go.
Today's topic, drum roll,please, is how to not elose
yourself in love, work, or life.
In reality, we know that themost important relationship that
we will ever have is the onewith ourself.
(01:57):
It truly, truly, truly is.
SPEAKER_01 (03:22):
About how do you do it?
How do you reconnect withyourself?
How do you not lose yourself?
SPEAKER_00 (03:30):
Yeah, I mean, we've done some episodes um recently
on doing a body scan, on slowingdown, on what actually
completing the body scan even isor looks like, helping our
listeners like do it withthemselves.
And it just left me and Brendathinking about desire is so big,
(03:58):
and community is so important,and self-love is important.
Like all these things areimportant, but without your
relationship to yourself, whereare you?
And that tends to be the onethat we let go of the fastest
because it's so easy to do, likeso easy to get lost in
(04:21):
discipline or how to show up forother people.
But how do we center ourselves?
How do we make sure that we'renot lost, that we still have
time with us?
Body scan is a great way.
Breath work is a great way.
Any sort of somatic practice isa great way to stay with
ourselves and in the body.
But today, what I really want topoint to is how important it is
(04:43):
for us to keep our attention onourselves.
You know?
SPEAKER_01 (04:48):
Oh, I know.
Oh, I know.
What caused me to start buildinga relationship with myself was
after years of abandoningmyself, just really bottoming
out in relationship in life,with overlooking myself so many
(05:11):
times that I just became sodisconnected to myself.
And I would look in the mirrorand go, Who am I?
What am I doing here?
Because you can you can get awaywith that a few times.
You know, we don't always hitit.
Sometimes I realize, oh my God,I said yes when I meant no.
(05:33):
It happens.
We're not talking aboutperfection here.
Sometimes I will overdo it.
I'll think I have more energyfor something than I really do.
That happens.
We're not saying that you shouldbe perfect in this.
But the more you know yourself,the more you have some
(05:57):
containment with how to liveyour life.
And you can feel good in yourbody and enjoy your family and
friends, enjoy your life.
Because it's painful to bedisconnected to yourself.
It's not loving.
And I found when I'mdisconnected from myself, I'm
(06:21):
I'm not being honest with thepeople that I love.
I'm not being honest withmyself, I'm not being honest
with the people that I love, andthat causes conflict.
And it's it's not that cute.
I've lived all of this and it'spainful.
And from that pain, I learned tobe connected to myself.
(06:45):
And once you do, once you havethat, you can't lose it.
SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
You mean you can't you can't lose what it feels
like.
unknown (06:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:55):
I mean, yeah, once you have that, once you have
yourself in that way, you've gotit.
I'm not saying you won't havemoments of forgetting or moments
of disconnection or periods ofdisconnection.
But once you have that, you haveit.
It is like riding a bike.
(07:16):
It's not like you're never gonnafall off the bike, but you know
how to ride that bike.
I see you pontificating overthere.
SPEAKER_00 (07:23):
Because I I feel like we do lose it.
I think that life happens.
I see it in times of compressiona lot, and I have found that the
the go-to for me is systems.
So like I have a calendarsystem, and when I look at my
(07:46):
calendar, I'm like, hmm,something's happening.
Maybe I haven't had fun, ormaybe I haven't had an off day,
and I want to catch it when Isee it because I know it's
important.
I know that.
So, for example, recently I wasaway, I went to see my family, I
(08:08):
was on the West Coast, and thenI came back, I got my menses,
and then after that, I had atooth thing.
And so I've been it's been threeweeks of sort of back-to-back
tending to certain things, and Ihaven't really felt a hundred
percent.
And then I thought, wait asecond, when was my last like
(08:29):
when did I really when was thelast time I had a really good
time?
When was the last time I reallypaid attention to having fun?
When was the last time I paidattention to really being off?
Well, my life didn't really havethat built in because all these
things came in and trumped it.
I am traveling next week.
And I do have some fun thingsplanned for that week, but it's
(08:55):
planned, right?
Like ahead of time because Iknow it's something that I need
in order to have time with me.
Like have time with myself.
Like I have to sort of build itin.
I can be sort of energizer bunnyand get wrapped up in work and
(09:15):
work-related things.
I don't have to remind myself towork, but I do have to remind
myself to slow down and taketime and take time off and to
make sure that I have fun.
For whatever reason, I'm builtthis way.
And I know I have clients thathave to take time to remind
(09:36):
themselves to slow down, remindthemselves to breathe, remind
themselves to get resourcepotentially so they don't lose
it with their children.
And I think that the more we getto know ourselves, I I'm
thinking of a spilunker, thebetter spilunkers we have.
Like I have a friend that Icheck in with, and I check in
(09:57):
with her.
One day we'll have her on thepodcast because she is probably
the most accomplished calendarkind of person that I know,
somebody that just really makestime for her desires and goals
in a way that's pristine.
I've never seen someone havethat much mastery over it.
But I check in with her so thatI make sure that I'm on track.
(10:20):
Right.
It's sort of so when you sayit's really hard to lose it, I'm
like, I can lose it.
Sometimes I'm going, where did Igo?
Like, when did I last?
Like when was I last withmyself, really?
I can go, go, go.
I have to have practices that Icome back to frequently.
(10:41):
Yeah, something happens for me.
That that's my experience withit.
How about you?
SPEAKER_01 (10:48):
A hundred percent.
And I hear you saying that youlose it sometimes.
You you forget, you get far awayfrom yourself a hundred percent.
And you also have some systemsand awareness to come back.
And that's exactly what I'msaying.
I'm saying the same exact thing.
But once you have it, then youdo know you have a map on how to
(11:11):
get back, but you have to findit first.
I think that you have to put thework in to know yourself, to get
to know yourself.
And then it's it's it is likeriding a bike.
You you might fall off the bike,but you know how to get back on.
And so it doesn't have to bedevastating, or the damage could
(11:33):
be small.
I think that that's what it is.
And I love what you're talkingabout with the calendar for
yourself and scheduling in timefor yourself.
And you're so good at that.
And I can't wait to have thisguest on to hear about this
magic calendaring.
Uh, for me, I need a lot ofspaciousness.
(11:53):
And I do use my calendar forthat.
You know, I am busy.
I'm always marking my calendardays, busy, busy, busy.
So I can't book anything onthose days, and nobody can use
my calendar link to book.
I remember and I get connectedto myself through spaciousness.
(12:14):
I love having space to just getcurious with what is what it is
that I want to do.
It might be just walk runningaround in my house, cleaning in
my sweatpants, listening to myfavorite music, and then I just
want to have a dance break anddo some writing.
I get so energized doing thatand I feel so connected to
(12:37):
myself.
Or maybe it is hanging out witha friend or going for a walk on
the beach.
Whatever it is, it's thespaciousness to discover what it
is that I want to do.
I love that.
That's how that's how we stayconnected to myself on a daily
basis.
SPEAKER_00 (12:56):
I think you also have a lot of practices, like
daily practices that I do.
I that's not necessarily my way.
And I think that that's what'sso important to figure out.
Like, how does that work?
I could easily write in myjournal today and not write in
it for another seven days.
I don't remember the last time Itook a dance break.
It's not a go-to for me, but I'mstill often.
(13:21):
Like I can, if I find myself,uh-oh, something's happening, I
will legit pause, lay on theground, and just take 10
minutes.
And I need silence.
Like I need no input because Ican easily get excited off of
things and just I'm on to thenext thing.
(13:41):
So I need to be able to justpause and just be still with
myself.
But I also want to remind you,because I think that we have to
remember to remember, you dogreat at this.
Like your practice, your dailypractice.
I mean, we've done so manyepisodes on this, is just
pristine.
Like you are masterful in that.
(14:01):
You've created something for youthat really works, where you
connect with yourself.
Like you'll be connecting withyourself within the next 24
hours.
SPEAKER_01 (14:10):
Oh, it's constant.
It's always, I'm alwaysconnecting with myself.
And what I mostly love aboutthis conversation that I'm
hoping that people pick up on isthat there is no right way to do
it.
I love how different we are.
I love that we have completelydifferent ways of connecting to
(14:31):
ourselves.
There is no right way.
There is no perfect way.
And that's why it's great to tryout different things, try out
different practices.
And some will work and somewon't, and some will stick, and
some you'll forget about.
And that's okay, but it'sfinding what works for you.
I used to have very scheduledmorning practices.
(14:56):
I did the same thing everymorning at the same time for a
long time, and that worked atthat time.
And then I didn't want thatanymore.
I wanted a lot more flow.
I still have a lot of structureto my morning, but I also need
the spaciousness.
I do have a different version ofthe same thing almost every day.
(15:21):
So the point is, is there'ssomething built into every
single day that I am connectingwith myself every morning, no
matter what, no matter what.
I'm not kidding.
Because that's how important itis.
And it's possible.
It doesn't matter what you'redoing for work or if you have
(15:45):
kids or not.
I actually learned this when mydaughter was first born 30 years
ago.
I figured out, oh my God, Icannot wake up at the same time
as my baby.
I need to get up at the time, itwas just 15 minutes earlier.
I just need a few minutes bymyself to get connected with
(16:08):
myself, or let's face it, justgo to the bathroom before my
baby wakes up.
That was like the very beginningof me realizing I need to
connect with myself.
It's so important just to get alittle bit ahead of the curve at
that point in my life.
And I'm I'm always getting aheadof the curve for my day.
(16:29):
It I'm setting my day up for itto be a good one.
Amen.
I love how we're just listingthe struggles.
SPEAKER_00 (16:36):
Let's normalize the struggle.
Like there will be thingswithout a doubt.
I have things, you know, mine issort of like hindsight.
Wait a second.
Where did I lose myself?
Brenda has something that she'schecking in daily.
And we want to kind of justnormalize this for you.
(16:56):
Like the struggle is real.
Like our relationships withourselves, our relationship to
ourselves is the most importantone we'll ever have.
And it's really easy to loseourselves in the process of
life, like just being there withlife.
It's so easy to do.
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
And it's also so easy to have reasons and excuses
for why you can't connect withyourself.
Look, I worked full-time as amother of two children.
I was married, I had a house,I've taken care of elderly
grandparents while doing all ofthat.
(17:37):
I'm not saying it's easy, butit's possible.
So right now my morning practiceis probably an hour.
But it doesn't have to be anhour.
And it doesn't have to be in themorning.
It could be wherever.
Five minutes matters becauseyou're building a connection
(17:58):
with yourself.
And our last episode was a bodyscan that we would love for you
to go back and listen if youmissed it.
How do you connect with yourselfand just be with your body and
pay attention to what'shappening in your body?
It's really easy to overlookthat, but we don't recommend it.
(18:20):
Because you don't want to be anautopilot.
You don't want to be reactive.
You don't want to be numb.
You don't want to be lookingoutside of yourself for
validation or answers.
You don't want to be overridingyour body's signals.
And women do this all the time.
(18:43):
And so the way to stop that andstart connecting with yourself,
you have to start somewhere.
So even five minutes ofconnecting with yourself and
asking yourself, what do youneed right now?
Or even just in your day.
One of my favorite exercises toshare with clients is learning
(19:07):
your yes and no, your true yesand no.
This is a very basic way toreconnect with yourself and to
get to know yourself and tobuild trust with yourself, which
will a hundred percent rippleinto your relationships.
So one of the best ways toreconnect with yourself and get
to know yourself and build thatrelationship with yourself is as
(19:30):
you're going through your dayand life comes at you, and
people ask you questions.
Do you want to go out forcoffee?
Would you like dinner?
Can I borrow 10 bucks?
Can you drive me here?
Can you pick me up there?
Whatever comes at you in yourday, really think about what is
your true answer.
(19:50):
What is your true yes or no?
And just start noticing that.
That's one of the easiest waysto start connecting with
yourself and building arelationship with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (20:02):
I would argue that the connection to ourself is
what helps us answer thosethings.
No, I make them say no toeverything in the beginning.
Because that builds a yearning.
Like, I didn't want to say no tothat.
Blah blah blah.
I wanted to do, and I'm like,yes, that's what I want.
(20:24):
I want you to feel like you'rejumping out of your skin and you
want to do this thing that Ihave so meanly said, say no to
everything.
Because we're so used to justsaying yes and pleasing people,
right?
Like ultimately, what I'm reallyhoping, and I know Brenda
seconds me on this.
(20:45):
What we're really hoping thatlisteners are hearing is that
this stirs something in you.
And like let it remind you thatyour relationship with yourself
sets the tone for every otherrelationship in your life.
Like we are constantly inrelationship to everything and
everyone, but it's really easyto lose our relationship to
self.
(21:05):
And that's really the baselinefor a relationship with
everything else.
SPEAKER_01 (21:08):
It really is.
And I love that.
I love saying no to everything.
That's such a fun exercise.
I I generally do that with as anoticing practice.
So I'll have my clients noticewhat are you saying yes to?
What are you saying no to?
And then noticing, oh my God, Isaid yes to this and I did not
(21:30):
want to do it and I did it.
And then how did I feel whenthat was happening?
And over time, you know, youcould change that behavior.
So there's no right or wrong.
These are just fun practices.
But however you do it, wedefinitely recommend that
practice because knowing yourtrue yes or no is everything.
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
It is.
It really starts with like beingwith us, like taking that time
however that time looks.
Like I I spoke today about howfor me a lot of it is stillness.
And you spoke aboutspaciousness, right?
Like just being having space todo and go left, right, like
however you want to do it.
If you want to clean your house,if you want to dance break, like
(22:12):
you have the space for that.
And for me, it's once I feellike, wait a second, I lost
Catherine somewhere that I juststop.
For me, it's complete stop, justput everything down so that I
can come back to myself.
Because somewhere I went toofast for me, right?
I have a tendency to go toofast.
So somewhere I went too fast andI lost my connection with
(22:37):
myself.
It's really hard to stayconnected while moving fast.
It's a lot easier to stayconnected while moving slow.
It's really easy to meditate,you know, on the mountain in
this pristine beauty.
It's really hard to stayconnected with yourself, check
on your breath, do a body scanwhen you're in the middle of New
York City.
That is a lot harder because youhave so many things pulling for
(23:02):
your attention.
SPEAKER_01 (23:04):
Absolutely.
And that's why we recommendthese practices.
That's why it's called practice.
Because you practice it byyourself in the morning, in the
afternoon, in the evening,somewhere in your day, so that
when you get out into the realworld, you have some experience.
(23:25):
Because when things are movingfast, or you're at a party,
you're on a date, whateveryou're doing, you're about to
have sex, you really want to beconnected to yourself so that
you can stay with yourself.
You can stay within your ownboundaries so that it can feel
good for you.
And you can trust yourself,trust your choices and have good
(23:46):
experiences.
It's it's respectful toyourself.
It's respectful to the peoplethat you're with, and it makes
life so much better becauseyou're not cleaning up a mess
all the time.
And when we override ourselves,it's just a whole different
road.
You go into shame, you beatyourself up.
(24:08):
It's exhausting.
It's exhausting to do all ofthat.
It's actually much easier to putthe time in to connect with
yourself and then live thatlife.
We recommend it.
SPEAKER_00 (24:21):
Amen.
I highly, highly, highlyrecommend it.
You're so right.
I've I I wasn't even thinkingabout the mess that's created
when we're not connected toourselves, when we don't really
know what we want.
So we say yes to something, butwe really didn't want to say
yes.
And now we feel resentful orregret, and now the other person
feels the disconnection.
Like so much comes from like,could I just have paused and
(24:45):
just taken some time?
Thank you so much, Brenda, forcoming on today, as always.
And like we get to just havethese gorgeous conversations
about things that we think arereally important.
Like there is, I can't say itenough, the most important
relationship we'll ever have isthe one with ourselves.
And I love that our listenersget to hear us sort of banter on
(25:07):
this and go back and forth.
But if you are listening to thisand you're ready to rebuild a
relationship to yourself fromthe inside out, you want to
trust yourself again, not loseyour center, Brenda and I have
space for you.
We are ready to support tosupport you in a one-to-one
capacity.
Our links are in the show notes.
(25:28):
And if you really loved thisepisode, please share it with
someone else that you thinkwould love it too.
Like, share, subscribe to ourpodcast.
It is the best way that you canshow us love and support.
Thank you so much for listening.
Bye for now.
SPEAKER_01 (25:52):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is
Medicine podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (25:55):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving, and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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