July 16, 2025 • 20 mins
In this episode, we dive into the deep medicine of sacred rest. What happens when you intentionally put everything down and step away from the constant pull of work, screens, and to-dos. Through the lens of Brenda’s personal Shabbat practice, we explore how ritualized pauses create room for desire, clarity, and real connection.
We live in a culture that celebrates hustle and constant output. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, creator, or all of the above, honoring your need for rest isn’t indulgent, it’s essential.
Let’s talk about how creating boundaries around downtime helps us reclaim our energy, re-center our values, and show up more fully in every part of life. Your version of rest doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. The key is discovering what truly replenishes you and protecting it like your wellbeing depends on it. Because it does.
Episode Highlights:
• How Brenda’s Shabbat practice became a portal to deep rest and connection
• Why sacred rest is essential in a world that never stops
• The paradox of being constantly “connected” but deeply disconnected
• How rest helps us access our truest desires
• The resistance that shows up when we try to unplug—and how to move through it
• Simple ideas for building your own rest ritual
• How mothers and caregivers set the pace for rest in the whole household
• Why intentional downtime is a power move, not a pause button
Let us know what landed for you...we love hearing from you. If you liked this episode, leave a review on Apple podcasts!
How did you like this episode? Tell us everything, we'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
(00:58):
even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still
exploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Welcome back family, friends,listeners.
Today I am here with the lovelyBrenda and we will be chatting
(01:36):
about something that we'vetalked about from different
angles, so it's going to be sortof like an umbrella view.
Then we're going to narrow itin and then we're going to go
back to umbrella view.
What am I talking about?
Talking about desire and time,Desire and values.
(02:08):
Brenda has a gorgeous practicethat she has spoken about many
times on this podcast, which isher Shabbat.
It's like the time when shemakes her bread and that she has
like a ritual where there'sgratitude and, depending on
who's there, how it's set up,but technically she's sort of
putting everything down fromsundown to sundown.
I think it is, and it's such agorgeous practice and I want to
(02:33):
tie that practice and then comeback to it.
I'm going to tie the practiceto.
We've talked on many podcasts.
I think we have a whole podcaston being a fully resourced
woman and what does that looklike?
We've talked on many podcasts.
I think we have a whole podcaston being a fully resourced
woman, and what does that looklike?
We've talked about transitions,like what happens when you're in
the peak and the valley, the upand the down when you have a
(02:55):
really highly sensational liketravel or a celebration of some
kind, and how the body justneeds to self-regulate, some
regulation time to land.
And we've talked about thetransitioning of this, like how
you move from your high to yourlow and how you rest when you
(03:18):
need to rest and you move whenyou need to move, and how we can
be in the ebb and flow of that,because we're human beings and
we can't possibly always havethe exact amount of time that's
needed.
And I want to say that, justlike Brenda, we need it in our
(03:39):
calendar.
I want to suggest that itreally has value.
It's not something I personallyown right now.
It's not in my weekly.
I try to have it, but more.
I have a lot of seasons in theday, so there's moments when I'm
moving, moments when I'mresting, but I think the body
(04:02):
needs just more time.
Brenda, what do you think?
How has Shabbat really shaped?
And it's not just about theShabbat, it's all those hours
and the time where you just puteverything down and you're just
with yourself family, loved ones.
Do you want to speak to that?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I would love to speak to that because Shabbat is one
of my favorite times of the week.
I absolutely love it.
And why do I love it?
Because I put everything down.
So Shabbat is the Jewishcelebration of the end of the
week.
It starts sundown on Friday andit does go till sundown on
Saturday.
I don't observe that, but manypeople do does go till sundown
(04:41):
on Saturday.
I don't observe that, but manypeople do and it's a time to sit
, pause, reflect, let the weekgo, bake and break bread with
friends and family and just bewith yourself.
And I do bake bread not everyweek, and I do bake bread not
(05:05):
every week, but the idea of itis just absolutely beautiful.
And in doing Shabbat everyFriday for the last few years I
didn't grow up doing it I havecome to love this practice
because it's a time to puteverything down and I actually
clear my schedule for most ofFriday because I'm preparing for
Shabbat, because I really giveit the time that it's due.
(05:26):
Now you could substitute Shabbatfor anything.
It could be your Sunday nightspaghetti dinner with your
family.
I think it really is importantto your point, catherine, of
having something where you puteverything down and you come
together, and I personally lovea meal with family and friends,
(05:48):
because sitting at the tabletogether, eating the candles are
going.
There's bread that was baked,there's no technology, the TV is
not on, you don't have yourphones.
That used to be the norm in ourworld and now it's really not.
(06:15):
Our people are going and goingand going to the point of
exhaustion.
There is technology everywhere,which is absolutely wonderful.
Everyone's going to the pointof exhaustion.
There's technology everywhere,which is absolutely wonderful.
Everyone's connected to theinternet.
So many perks, right, wewouldn't be here if that was not
in existence.
And then there's a downside aswell.
I think it's really opened thedoor for us to keep going, keep
(06:40):
working, just go, go, go, go go.
And we're seeing people feelingmore disconnected than ever.
There's more depression.
Mothers are exhausted, womenare exhausted, the kids are on
the phone.
Everybody's going in adifferent direction.
Parents don't know what to dowith their kids.
How do you get your kids offthe phone?
(07:00):
It's just an endless cycle ofmadness, actually.
And so having something,whatever it is, for you to just
turn all of that off and come tothe table maybe literally is
priceless.
Maybe literally is priceless.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
It's absolutely priceless.
It is priceless and I want tointroduce the concept of
potentially just being off.
I think just being off has somany benefits.
I'm definitely not at a placewhere all technology is down and
(07:43):
there's no television andthings like that.
I think I want to be Brendawhen I grow up.
It's sort of that sensation,but I do want to get there.
I can see, as I witness you,how rejuvenating it is, how
rejuvenating it is, and I'mslowly working my way that way,
(08:04):
like moving my calendar around.
I'm sort of going to play withsome things in July to see if I
can build into my calendar a dayof the week where I just have
more time off, where I'm justnot doing anything unless I want
to there are no have tos builtinto that day to see how I feel,
(08:26):
because I do think that I amstarting to crave a hard stop.
Yeah, I feel you.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I take one day off, completely off, every week.
I love my work.
It's so hard to take a day offsometimes.
I love my business, I lovecreating content, I love doing
this podcast with you, and asmuch as I love it actually
because I love it so much is whyI take the day off, because
(08:55):
doing something every day if Idid it seven days a week it's
actually not better.
It's like the old saying if youeat too many carrots, your skin
turns orange, and if you haveyour favorite cake and more cake
isn't necessarily better youhave the extra slice of cake and
then you feel nauseous.
Well, as much as I love my workand as much as I love editing
our podcast and posting onInstagram it's so much fun Doing
(09:19):
it every single day with nobreak isn't better.
So I generally take off onSunday.
Sunday's my day.
I don't do any work.
Do I want to do some work?
Yes, but it's a place where Ihold myself and I reparent
myself and I don't do work.
(09:39):
Sometimes I'll do some writingor journaling, which definitely
is part of my business.
I write for my business andI'll sometimes do that if I'm
really in a role.
But I'm not editing podcasts.
I'm not on Instagram.
I'm not doing all of thatbecause we need a rest, we need
a break, we really do so.
I do Sundays.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm hearing you almost talk about just
unplugging.
It's sort of worth calling itrest right now, but I would go
as far as saying we just need aday that's off and unplugged.
We've talked about this as wellin other ways and other
podcasts, where I have thepractice of putting my phone
(10:21):
down at night and I do pick itback up in the morning.
Brenda has a much strongermorning routine than I do, which
is great, and I really haveseen in the past few months I've
been playing with differentversions of this how does it
look?
What about if this day is off?
(10:41):
What about that day off?
And from this time to this time, I don't have the answer just
yet, but I really appreciateBrenda showing me and me living
vicariously through you just howmuch you get from being
unplugged.
And yes, you have the ritual ofShabbat, which is an added
(11:01):
benefit.
Right, you're in connection andyou're with people and you're
in gratitude and there's allthis fun stuff that's taking
place.
But I also have other friendsthat don't practice Shabbat and
they do unplug and they do havedays off, and that's where I'm
leaning.
I'm saying, oh, I can reallysee the upswing, the plus side
(11:22):
to that, the being able to puteverything down, like really
being able to put everythingdown is a practice in itself.
I don't think it's that easy,because if it was that easy I
would be doing it.
I would just say today is offand I would just do it.
But I pick a time off and thenmaybe there's a call to make or
(11:44):
something to do and I can't moveit to another day.
I'm still working with my ownpersonal boundaries around this,
right, brenda?
How was it for you to set thisup?
So I'm still working on thatpersonal boundary to get off
that off day, or maybe it's abuffer day or just a me day of
some kind, and I want toencourage listeners to do the
(12:06):
same because I can see thebenefit.
But what was it like for youwhen you started to create this
for yourself?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's a great question .
I think it's hard.
I think it was hard.
It's hard to create it.
I always worked.
I was a school teacher so Ialways had a lot of built in
time off.
But having my own business, Idon't have that and, like I said
, I really love doing my work.
But what was it like at thebeginning?
Hard, but you know it's alsohard being really cranky because
(12:35):
you don't have any time off.
That's really hard.
And we talk a lot on thispodcast about acting your own
desire and backing yourself,because to have the life that we
want, it requires us to backourselves and to show up for
ourselves, to back ourselves andto show up for ourselves.
So I do have built in Fridaynight dinners and sometimes it's
(13:02):
crunchy getting there.
So I do take Friday.
I give myself a lot of space tocook, or sometimes I bake bread
.
I give myself a lot of spaceand sometimes it just feels
crunchy.
Sometimes I quote don't want todo it.
I'm like, oh, I don't reallyfeel like cooking.
Sometimes I quote don't want todo it.
I'm like, oh, I don't reallyfeel like cooking, or nobody
quote seems to be helping Right,but I've learned to ask for
help.
I host the dinner, so I alwayshold it.
I'm the bottom line Pretty much.
(13:22):
If I don't hold it, shabbatisn't, shabbat, dinner isn't
happening.
So I'm cooking.
Sometimes it's crunchy or I'mtired.
So I'm cooking, sometimes it'scrunchy or I'm tired, and I've
learned inside of that to slowdown.
And then there's something aboutthe table being set, lighting
the candles.
My friends or family are at thetable, we light the candles.
(13:47):
There's a ritual involved.
Ritual is really beautifulbecause it's alchemical.
It takes you from one place toa next.
We sing and I could feel whenthe candles are lit and we're
singing, I could feel thetension melting away, the
tension of the week or the orchallenging, and we've had a lot
(14:16):
of challenging things happen inthe world lately.
We always have challengingthings happening in our personal
lives.
Friday night, shabbat comes, nomatter what, and it comes every
Friday, and so every Friday Iget to sit down and do this
ritual and I can actuallybreathe deeper when I do it.
And so what I'm pointing to isthat it takes work to have what
(14:38):
we want in life.
So is it?
Maybe some people probably haveit really easy.
They have a lot of time off andmaybe they need to work more,
but that's not what we'retalking about.
So maybe you need to actuallyschedule it, like put it in your
calendar.
Sometimes I do that too.
I'll block off time in mycalendar and say, busy, I'm not
(15:01):
scheduling anything.
So we really need to backourselves here, because if we
don't create it for ourselves,who's going to?
And then, when you're a motherand you're the woman of the home
, you're setting the pace foryour entire family, and so if
(15:22):
your kids aren't sitting down,if they're not sitting down and
resting, well, you've createdthat and it's not really very
fun.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
It's not fun at all.
Amen.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
It's stressful.
It's stressful to keep going.
I talk to a lot of mothers andthey're constantly on the go.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
And.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
I want to bring in this other little piece, which
is if you work a nine to five aMonday through Friday, that is
really hard.
You, I think you, have to backyourself even more because if
you work Monday through Friday,traditional job Saturday often
is errands, laundry, cooking,shopping, bringing the kids
(16:00):
places.
Sunday is sometimes family ormaybe you have somewhere to go.
Where's your rest day?
You didn't have to go to work,but you didn't really have a day
off.
So I guard my days.
I guard them Like I'm literallya watchdog in front of the
(16:22):
pyramid, going no, not going tobook stuff, because my time for
myself to just have spaciousness, to do nothing on a Sunday is
priceless.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
It fuels me for the rest of my week.
I need that.
I think that's a gorgeous wayto say it.
You need to guard the day off.
Like have built in time off.
It is priceless, really.
Like you said, it's absolutelypriceless.
I loved when you said the.
(16:54):
It's an alchemical experiencewhere you get from one place to
the next.
That's such a great reminderabout ritual.
And ultimately, in this episode,I just want to remind everyone
that we have tons and tons ofdesires.
Sometimes we can voice them,sometimes we cannot.
Sometimes they are a real need,sometimes they are a want, but
(17:21):
we still need to make time fordowntime, like yes, we need to
go after what we want.
Yes, desire is the thing thatfuels us.
It can be our medicine.
But we need to balance thatseesaw.
We need to balance the equationand, at the very least, have
(17:41):
one day off or find the amountof time that you can
realistically take off and beginslowly and start playing with
that Like what does that looklike?
Do I have a day in time where Ican put everything down?
Oh, I was just on that vacation.
Or I'm going on vacation I knowI'm going to have a great time
(18:04):
or I'm going to be with familyfriends or I'm not.
I'm going to be completelyextroverted for seven days.
I know that on the other sideof that, I need some downtime.
Can I book that, knowing aheadof time?
And little by little, we startto see the things that we need,
we start to learn our own ebbsand flows, we start to sort of
understand our own rhythm, justhow I was saying.
(18:27):
I've been practicing with thisfor the past few months and I
know that I have most of theseasons or like focus time, off
time, rest time, buffer time allhappening all in the same day
and it's not really working forme anymore.
And as I look out into theworld, as we often do, right, we
look, hey, is there a betterway to do this?
(18:48):
Is there a different way to dothis?
Can I look out into the worldand see someone successfully
going through this?
I'm like, oh, yes, brenda,brenda has this beautiful ritual
of Shabbat.
Yes, it's time off, coupledwith intimacy and connection
with loved ones and family.
And for me I'm like, oh, I wantto build that into my calendar
(19:10):
and I just want it to be offtime.
Maybe sometimes it'll haveintimacy and connection with
loved ones and family, andsometimes maybe not.
For me, what's most important isthe off time, because that's
something that's not currentlybuilt into my calendar, so we
have to take an overall umbrellaview of what's missing in my
(19:31):
week.
What do I really need to add?
Maybe I need to add a focus day.
Maybe I'm just all over theplace.
I need to get myself organized.
Maybe I need a buffer day,prepare myself for that focus
day, or maybe I just need to puteverything down and sort of
come back to myself where thephone isn't there and technology
isn't there.
I invite you to figure out whatyou need in your time and space
(19:55):
, what ritual you can add, whatwould you like to alchemize?
What is your version of Shabbatdinner?
What is your version of an offday?
Let us know what landed for you.
Thank you so much for listeningand for tuning in Until next
time.
Bye, for now.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
Welcome to Desire is Medicine.
We are two very different womenliving a life led by desire,
inviting you into our world.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
I'm Brenda.
I'm a devoted practitioner tobeing my fully expressed true
self in my daily life.
Motherhood relationships and mybusiness Desire has taken me on
quite a ride and every day Ipractice listening to and
following the voice within.
I'm a middle school teacherturned coach and guide of the
feminine.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the
truest and hopefully thehighest version of me.
I don't have children, I'venever been married.
I've spent equal parts of mylife in corporate as in some
down and low shady spaces.
I was the epitome of tired andwired and my path led me to
explore desire.
I'm a coach, guide, energyworker and a forever student,
(00:58):
even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
We are humble beginners on the mat, still
exploring, always curious.
We believe that listening toand following the nudge of
desire is a deep spiritualpractice that helps us grow.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
On the Desires Medicine podcast.
We talk to each other, weinterview people we know and
love about the practice ofdesire, bringing in a very
important piece that is oftenoverlooked being responsible for
our desire.
Welcome back family, friends,listeners.
Today I am here with the lovelyBrenda and we will be chatting
(01:36):
about something that we'vetalked about from different
angles, so it's going to be sortof like an umbrella view.
Then we're going to narrow itin and then we're going to go
back to umbrella view.
What am I talking about?
Talking about desire and time,Desire and values.
(02:08):
Brenda has a gorgeous practicethat she has spoken about many
times on this podcast, which isher Shabbat.
It's like the time when shemakes her bread and that she has
like a ritual where there'sgratitude and, depending on
who's there, how it's set up,but technically she's sort of
putting everything down fromsundown to sundown.
I think it is, and it's such agorgeous practice and I want to
(02:33):
tie that practice and then comeback to it.
I'm going to tie the practiceto.
We've talked on many podcasts.
I think we have a whole podcaston being a fully resourced
woman and what does that looklike?
We've talked on many podcasts.
I think we have a whole podcaston being a fully resourced
woman, and what does that looklike?
We've talked about transitions,like what happens when you're in
the peak and the valley, the upand the down when you have a
(02:55):
really highly sensational liketravel or a celebration of some
kind, and how the body justneeds to self-regulate, some
regulation time to land.
And we've talked about thetransitioning of this, like how
you move from your high to yourlow and how you rest when you
(03:18):
need to rest and you move whenyou need to move, and how we can
be in the ebb and flow of that,because we're human beings and
we can't possibly always havethe exact amount of time that's
needed.
And I want to say that, justlike Brenda, we need it in our
(03:39):
calendar.
I want to suggest that itreally has value.
It's not something I personallyown right now.
It's not in my weekly.
I try to have it, but more.
I have a lot of seasons in theday, so there's moments when I'm
moving, moments when I'mresting, but I think the body
(04:02):
needs just more time.
Brenda, what do you think?
How has Shabbat really shaped?
And it's not just about theShabbat, it's all those hours
and the time where you just puteverything down and you're just
with yourself family, loved ones.
Do you want to speak to that?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I would love to speak to that because Shabbat is one
of my favorite times of the week.
I absolutely love it.
And why do I love it?
Because I put everything down.
So Shabbat is the Jewishcelebration of the end of the
week.
It starts sundown on Friday andit does go till sundown on
Saturday.
I don't observe that, but manypeople do does go till sundown
(04:41):
on Saturday.
I don't observe that, but manypeople do and it's a time to sit
, pause, reflect, let the weekgo, bake and break bread with
friends and family and just bewith yourself.
And I do bake bread not everyweek, and I do bake bread not
(05:05):
every week, but the idea of itis just absolutely beautiful.
And in doing Shabbat everyFriday for the last few years I
didn't grow up doing it I havecome to love this practice
because it's a time to puteverything down and I actually
clear my schedule for most ofFriday because I'm preparing for
Shabbat, because I really giveit the time that it's due.
(05:26):
Now you could substitute Shabbatfor anything.
It could be your Sunday nightspaghetti dinner with your
family.
I think it really is importantto your point, catherine, of
having something where you puteverything down and you come
together, and I personally lovea meal with family and friends,
(05:48):
because sitting at the tabletogether, eating the candles are
going.
There's bread that was baked,there's no technology, the TV is
not on, you don't have yourphones.
That used to be the norm in ourworld and now it's really not.
(06:15):
Our people are going and goingand going to the point of
exhaustion.
There is technology everywhere,which is absolutely wonderful.
Everyone's going to the pointof exhaustion.
There's technology everywhere,which is absolutely wonderful.
Everyone's connected to theinternet.
So many perks, right, wewouldn't be here if that was not
in existence.
And then there's a downside aswell.
I think it's really opened thedoor for us to keep going, keep
(06:40):
working, just go, go, go, go go.
And we're seeing people feelingmore disconnected than ever.
There's more depression.
Mothers are exhausted, womenare exhausted, the kids are on
the phone.
Everybody's going in adifferent direction.
Parents don't know what to dowith their kids.
How do you get your kids offthe phone?
(07:00):
It's just an endless cycle ofmadness, actually.
And so having something,whatever it is, for you to just
turn all of that off and come tothe table maybe literally is
priceless.
Maybe literally is priceless.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
It's absolutely priceless.
It is priceless and I want tointroduce the concept of
potentially just being off.
I think just being off has somany benefits.
I'm definitely not at a placewhere all technology is down and
(07:43):
there's no television andthings like that.
I think I want to be Brendawhen I grow up.
It's sort of that sensation,but I do want to get there.
I can see, as I witness you,how rejuvenating it is, how
rejuvenating it is, and I'mslowly working my way that way,
(08:04):
like moving my calendar around.
I'm sort of going to play withsome things in July to see if I
can build into my calendar a dayof the week where I just have
more time off, where I'm justnot doing anything unless I want
to there are no have tos builtinto that day to see how I feel,
(08:26):
because I do think that I amstarting to crave a hard stop.
Yeah, I feel you.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I take one day off, completely off, every week.
I love my work.
It's so hard to take a day offsometimes.
I love my business, I lovecreating content, I love doing
this podcast with you, and asmuch as I love it actually
because I love it so much is whyI take the day off, because
(08:55):
doing something every day if Idid it seven days a week it's
actually not better.
It's like the old saying if youeat too many carrots, your skin
turns orange, and if you haveyour favorite cake and more cake
isn't necessarily better youhave the extra slice of cake and
then you feel nauseous.
Well, as much as I love my workand as much as I love editing
our podcast and posting onInstagram it's so much fun Doing
(09:19):
it every single day with nobreak isn't better.
So I generally take off onSunday.
Sunday's my day.
I don't do any work.
Do I want to do some work?
Yes, but it's a place where Ihold myself and I reparent
myself and I don't do work.
(09:39):
Sometimes I'll do some writingor journaling, which definitely
is part of my business.
I write for my business andI'll sometimes do that if I'm
really in a role.
But I'm not editing podcasts.
I'm not on Instagram.
I'm not doing all of thatbecause we need a rest, we need
a break, we really do so.
I do Sundays.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm hearing you almost talk about just
unplugging.
It's sort of worth calling itrest right now, but I would go
as far as saying we just need aday that's off and unplugged.
We've talked about this as wellin other ways and other
podcasts, where I have thepractice of putting my phone
(10:21):
down at night and I do pick itback up in the morning.
Brenda has a much strongermorning routine than I do, which
is great, and I really haveseen in the past few months I've
been playing with differentversions of this how does it
look?
What about if this day is off?
(10:41):
What about that day off?
And from this time to this time, I don't have the answer just
yet, but I really appreciateBrenda showing me and me living
vicariously through you just howmuch you get from being
unplugged.
And yes, you have the ritual ofShabbat, which is an added
(11:01):
benefit.
Right, you're in connection andyou're with people and you're
in gratitude and there's allthis fun stuff that's taking
place.
But I also have other friendsthat don't practice Shabbat and
they do unplug and they do havedays off, and that's where I'm
leaning.
I'm saying, oh, I can reallysee the upswing, the plus side
(11:22):
to that, the being able to puteverything down, like really
being able to put everythingdown is a practice in itself.
I don't think it's that easy,because if it was that easy I
would be doing it.
I would just say today is offand I would just do it.
But I pick a time off and thenmaybe there's a call to make or
(11:44):
something to do and I can't moveit to another day.
I'm still working with my ownpersonal boundaries around this,
right, brenda?
How was it for you to set thisup?
So I'm still working on thatpersonal boundary to get off
that off day, or maybe it's abuffer day or just a me day of
some kind, and I want toencourage listeners to do the
(12:06):
same because I can see thebenefit.
But what was it like for youwhen you started to create this
for yourself?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's a great question .
I think it's hard.
I think it was hard.
It's hard to create it.
I always worked.
I was a school teacher so Ialways had a lot of built in
time off.
But having my own business, Idon't have that and, like I said
, I really love doing my work.
But what was it like at thebeginning?
Hard, but you know it's alsohard being really cranky because
(12:35):
you don't have any time off.
That's really hard.
And we talk a lot on thispodcast about acting your own
desire and backing yourself,because to have the life that we
want, it requires us to backourselves and to show up for
ourselves, to back ourselves andto show up for ourselves.
So I do have built in Fridaynight dinners and sometimes it's
(13:02):
crunchy getting there.
So I do take Friday.
I give myself a lot of space tocook, or sometimes I bake bread
.
I give myself a lot of spaceand sometimes it just feels
crunchy.
Sometimes I quote don't want todo it.
I'm like, oh, I don't reallyfeel like cooking.
Sometimes I quote don't want todo it.
I'm like, oh, I don't reallyfeel like cooking, or nobody
quote seems to be helping Right,but I've learned to ask for
help.
I host the dinner, so I alwayshold it.
I'm the bottom line Pretty much.
(13:22):
If I don't hold it, shabbatisn't, shabbat, dinner isn't
happening.
So I'm cooking.
Sometimes it's crunchy or I'mtired.
So I'm cooking, sometimes it'scrunchy or I'm tired, and I've
learned inside of that to slowdown.
And then there's something aboutthe table being set, lighting
the candles.
My friends or family are at thetable, we light the candles.
(13:47):
There's a ritual involved.
Ritual is really beautifulbecause it's alchemical.
It takes you from one place toa next.
We sing and I could feel whenthe candles are lit and we're
singing, I could feel thetension melting away, the
tension of the week or the orchallenging, and we've had a lot
(14:16):
of challenging things happen inthe world lately.
We always have challengingthings happening in our personal
lives.
Friday night, shabbat comes, nomatter what, and it comes every
Friday, and so every Friday Iget to sit down and do this
ritual and I can actuallybreathe deeper when I do it.
And so what I'm pointing to isthat it takes work to have what
(14:38):
we want in life.
So is it?
Maybe some people probably haveit really easy.
They have a lot of time off andmaybe they need to work more,
but that's not what we'retalking about.
So maybe you need to actuallyschedule it, like put it in your
calendar.
Sometimes I do that too.
I'll block off time in mycalendar and say, busy, I'm not
(15:01):
scheduling anything.
So we really need to backourselves here, because if we
don't create it for ourselves,who's going to?
And then, when you're a motherand you're the woman of the home
, you're setting the pace foryour entire family, and so if
(15:22):
your kids aren't sitting down,if they're not sitting down and
resting, well, you've createdthat and it's not really very
fun.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
It's not fun at all.
Amen.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
It's stressful.
It's stressful to keep going.
I talk to a lot of mothers andthey're constantly on the go.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
And.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
I want to bring in this other little piece, which
is if you work a nine to five aMonday through Friday, that is
really hard.
You, I think you, have to backyourself even more because if
you work Monday through Friday,traditional job Saturday often
is errands, laundry, cooking,shopping, bringing the kids
(16:00):
places.
Sunday is sometimes family ormaybe you have somewhere to go.
Where's your rest day?
You didn't have to go to work,but you didn't really have a day
off.
So I guard my days.
I guard them Like I'm literallya watchdog in front of the
(16:22):
pyramid, going no, not going tobook stuff, because my time for
myself to just have spaciousness, to do nothing on a Sunday is
priceless.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
It fuels me for the rest of my week.
I need that.
I think that's a gorgeous wayto say it.
You need to guard the day off.
Like have built in time off.
It is priceless, really.
Like you said, it's absolutelypriceless.
I loved when you said the.
(16:54):
It's an alchemical experiencewhere you get from one place to
the next.
That's such a great reminderabout ritual.
And ultimately, in this episode,I just want to remind everyone
that we have tons and tons ofdesires.
Sometimes we can voice them,sometimes we cannot.
Sometimes they are a real need,sometimes they are a want, but
(17:21):
we still need to make time fordowntime, like yes, we need to
go after what we want.
Yes, desire is the thing thatfuels us.
It can be our medicine.
But we need to balance thatseesaw.
We need to balance the equationand, at the very least, have
(17:41):
one day off or find the amountof time that you can
realistically take off and beginslowly and start playing with
that Like what does that looklike?
Do I have a day in time where Ican put everything down?
Oh, I was just on that vacation.
Or I'm going on vacation I knowI'm going to have a great time
(18:04):
or I'm going to be with familyfriends or I'm not.
I'm going to be completelyextroverted for seven days.
I know that on the other sideof that, I need some downtime.
Can I book that, knowing aheadof time?
And little by little, we startto see the things that we need,
we start to learn our own ebbsand flows, we start to sort of
understand our own rhythm, justhow I was saying.
(18:27):
I've been practicing with thisfor the past few months and I
know that I have most of theseasons or like focus time, off
time, rest time, buffer time allhappening all in the same day
and it's not really working forme anymore.
And as I look out into theworld, as we often do, right, we
look, hey, is there a betterway to do this?
(18:48):
Is there a different way to dothis?
Can I look out into the worldand see someone successfully
going through this?
I'm like, oh, yes, brenda,brenda has this beautiful ritual
of Shabbat.
Yes, it's time off, coupledwith intimacy and connection
with loved ones and family.
And for me I'm like, oh, I wantto build that into my calendar
(19:10):
and I just want it to be offtime.
Maybe sometimes it'll haveintimacy and connection with
loved ones and family, andsometimes maybe not.
For me, what's most important isthe off time, because that's
something that's not currentlybuilt into my calendar, so we
have to take an overall umbrellaview of what's missing in my
(19:31):
week.
What do I really need to add?
Maybe I need to add a focus day.
Maybe I'm just all over theplace.
I need to get myself organized.
Maybe I need a buffer day,prepare myself for that focus
day, or maybe I just need to puteverything down and sort of
come back to myself where thephone isn't there and technology
isn't there.
I invite you to figure out whatyou need in your time and space
(19:55):
, what ritual you can add, whatwould you like to alchemize?
What is your version of Shabbatdinner?
What is your version of an offday?
Let us know what landed for you.
Thank you so much for listeningand for tuning in Until next
time.
Bye, for now.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine
podcast.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply
intimate with ourselves andothers.
You can find our handles in theshow notes.
We'd love to hear from you.
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