April 24, 2025 • 49 mins
What happens when you realize your successful life feels completely empty inside? For Cara, a high-achieving sports industry professional, this uncomfortable question sparked a profound transformation from living to prove herself to others to intentionally designing an authentic life.
The journey begins with recognition. Despite ascending in her male-dominated field and building an impressive career with NBA teams, Cara felt hollow and disconnected—successful on paper yet unfulfilled within. Her motivation had always stemmed from proving wrong those who said she couldn't achieve something or from pursuing an impossible standard of perfection. While this drive had served her career well, it left her personal life feeling inauthentic and draining.
"I truly think for a long time, it was always about how can you be the best? What's perfection? How are you constantly trying to prove yourself to others?" Cara reveals. This realization led her to examine what she calls her "survival model"—the collection of beliefs and behaviors that once helped her navigate her world but eventually became limitations. Through this process, she discovered the freedom that comes from shifting focus: from external validation to internal motivation, from needing every relationship to affirming her worth to cultivating deeper connections with fewer people who truly supported her growth.
One of the most powerful metaphors Cara shares compares two approaches to life's challenges: "Buffalo run toward the thunderstorm while cows stand together and let it pass over them. The buffalo actually spends less time in the storm because they run towards it and deal with it." This philosophy has transformed how she handles discomfort, teaching her to face difficulties directly rather than attempting to outrun them.
Today, Cara views her life as a canvas she gets to paint herself. Her journey demonstrates that creating change doesn't require waiting for perfect circumstances—it starts with present choices, regardless of your situation. Through practical tools like separating facts from stories and addressing small upsets before they accumulate, she shows that intentional living is an ongoing practice rather than a destination.
Ready to examine whether your life brings you joy when you wake each morning? This conversation might just be your invitation to start painting your own canvas, exactly as you choose.
Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast
Go to https://carlareeves.com/freeclass to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend. Each month is a new topic. Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!
Get your copy of 5 Ways to Manage Your Mind
Go to https://www.carlareeves.com/getunstuck.com to download Carla's on demand journaling workshop + exercise to help you stop spinning and start moving forward.
Explore Coaching with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/lite/explore-coaching
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible.
So, kara, I am so excited thatyou're here today and I want you
to know, and I want theaudience to know, that you know,
when I thought of the theme forthis month and life differently
, you came to mind becauseyou're somebody that you saw
(00:47):
something different.
You knew you wanted somethingdifferent for your life and you
have so wholeheartedly over anextended period of time, really
embraced that in your life andhave been on this journey of
really intentionally designingyour life.
So excited to have you here.
Welcome to the show, thank you.
Yeah, I'd love for you to juststart.
(01:09):
Introduce yourself, give us asense of who you are and what
you're up to.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Absolutely Well.
First and foremost, thank youso much.
This is such an honor, but I amso excited and thrilled for you
to be launching this podcast.
I think this is going to havean impact on so many people in
amazing and different ways.
I know, just having such aclose relationship with you and
getting to know you, you'veplayed a huge part in my life
(01:37):
and really the journey as awhole.
So thank you very much.
Yeah, really, starting thingsoff background, a little bit
about myself Born and raised inRapid City, south Dakota, and
grew up as a very competitive,spirited, energetic child.
I think my energy has alwaysbeen around, wanting to seek
(02:01):
knowledge and experiences.
I joke because all my friendsknow I'm absolutely someone that
follows horoscopes and, sinceI'm a Gemini, I think finding
adventure or finding experiencesand seeking knowledge and
communication has always been abig part of what gets me excited
and a lot of that is honestlywhat led me to seeking out,
(02:24):
being different and honestlywanting more in my life.
I have worked in the sports andentertainment industry for most
of my professional career thelast eight seasons with
different NBA teams, and I thinkthe competitive nature of sales
, but also the sports side, isalways something that I thrived
(02:47):
and really enjoyed.
It's also an industry that isextremely male dominated, which
I think was never at a timeintimidating.
Really came to play is I've hadso many amazing male leaders
and very influential males thathave taught me a lot throughout
(03:11):
my career and my time workingfor those teams.
But what was interesting to meis, as I was starting out, I
kept seeking or looking for afemale role model or a female
figure or someone that I feltlike I could ask the tough,
maybe female conversations orquestions.
(03:31):
And not that there are nofemale leaders, because there is
absolutely some amazing ones, Ithink in certain aspects I just
didn't feel like I was gettingthe connection or able to open
up in a different way.
It felt very much this is sales, this is sports, and I think
that's where my time actuallywith the past team, actually in
(03:55):
Phoenix with the Suns, I had anamazing leader that I really
approached and I said I justfeel like there's more.
I really want to explore whatelse is possible for me from a
mental capacity, but alsoemotionally.
I think so often we get caughtup in our work or our families
(04:17):
or our life and we sometimesdon't spend enough time on our
mental health or emotionalhealth, and I just kept feeling
like there was something pushingme towards seeking out someone
that could offer this advice oropen my eyes and present
knowledge or present a new wayof looking at things.
(04:39):
And so after talking with him,it's crazy kind of how the
circle comes together and howyou and I got connected.
But after the first time Ispoke with you and it's you that
I knew I wanted more and I feltlike you were going to kind of
(05:12):
open my eyes to looking atthings differently.
So I think that was a really bigpiece of it is not only knowing
that I have amazing male rolemodels and leaders, but opening
up to someone that is not at alltied to the industry I work in
and I think more importantlylike your life story, but also
(05:36):
the way that you presented andnever kind of forced ideas but
allowed me to find them andpresented things more in
questions.
I think it really helped me seethe possibilities that were out
there and think through it.
I go back to the survival modelthat taught me so much like
looking at how I grew up andcertain things I believed in
(05:58):
where I felt so much like themale figure had to really be in
the driver's seat and I hadthese thought processes of this
is how things are done and Ithink you've really opened my
eyes to seeing thingsdifferently.
Or, more importantly, in salesand in the leadership role, when
(06:18):
I was around a lot of malefigures, you're intimidated,
thinking like, oh, am I comingoff as bitchy or am I too
emotional?
And now, since I've had a chanceto work with you, like I
embrace that so much and I'vehad so many times where leaders
have just said you speak real.
Or you know, I know I'm gettingauthentic, raw, like truth
(06:39):
coming from you.
So I think I've started toembrace that more, instead of it
looking at it as it's anegative.
I can't control how someonetechnically wants to call it, if
they want to label it, but whatI can control is that I am
authentic, I am real, you'regetting the raw piece of who I
am and I'll always speak mytruth.
(07:00):
And so those are some thingsthat I think opened my eyes
initially when I started reallyworking with you.
But, most importantly, you justhit a point where you're like I
know there's more to life and Iwant to figure this out.
So that's where a lot of thisstarted.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I love that.
So there's so much I want toexplore.
But go back, take us back,because I think it's so like the
work you do in the world isreally fascinating.
I think and it's did you didyou know is that young, spirited
athletic girl that you would,that you wanted to be in the
sports industry?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
It's it's interesting because my kind of start in
sports is is a little unique.
I originally went to auniversity to play three sports
in college and started out as aninterior design major because I
love design, I love creativity.
Three sports in college, yes,which, looking back, is insane
(07:57):
Volleyball, basketball andsoftball and I think it teaches
you so much like discipline,time management.
I'm extremely grateful for it.
But sports really does teachyou a lot of skill sets that I
think are important in theworkplace.
So I give a lot of credit toanyone that's a college athlete.
(08:18):
It's a lot of work but it paysoff in the end.
And I didn't really know Iwanted to work in sports.
I think it was always a dreamand an aspiration.
But growing up in South Dakota,you're kind of like is this a
possibility?
And a lot of people are like,oh, that would never happen.
So I used to always be drivenby people saying I couldn't do
(08:39):
things.
That always used to be mymotivation was like, oh, like
you can't do that or there's noway you can play three sports in
college for all four years.
So I used to get so much drivefrom it and going back to your
question is like I ended upswitching my major because of a
professor that literally changedmy whole perspective on
(09:01):
business and I took hisentrepreneurship class and fell
in love with like business andsales and connecting with people
and communication.
That after graduation, I movedout to Charlotte because I was
actually previously married atthe time and when I was out
there I just was nonstop tryingto apply for sports teams there
(09:22):
and it was it kind of went backto like people saying, oh,
there's no way you're going tobe able to work in sports,
there's no way you're going tobe a leader for a sports team,
and it did.
It just drove me to like wantit more and more.
But I would say like I'm indefinitely a different place
over the last year and a half,where the motivation doesn't
come from people telling me Ican't do it anymore.
(09:43):
It truly comes from me wantingit that bad for myself.
So that was a really awesomekind of piece to experience.
Instead of hearing these voicesand saying like, no, I'm going
to do it, I'm going to prove youwrong.
It's truly like now just mesaying this is something I'm
really passionate and this iswhere I'm going.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
So and share what is the work that you do today in
the sports industry.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yes, so I work for a company called FIBO, which is an
amazing platform and reallysocial tool that basically works
directly with sports teams andwe are a social cart.
So imagine shopping on like anAmazon or, you know, checking
(10:29):
out with your experience.
We live on brand with sportsteams but we help basically them
share and sell whether it'stickets, merchandise, parking in
more of a technology and likeinnovative fashion, and a lot of
it is more like strategyworking with teams on how they
(10:51):
are selling potentially ticketsor promotional events, and
really our goal is that we'removing into different verticals.
So we obviously have a verystrong president in sports and
entertainment, but looking atretail, health and beauty,
travel and having basically asocial cart that lives on brand
with a company and allows forlike a seamless checkout process
(11:12):
where everything lives in oneplace.
When you think about likeDisney World, you go and you buy
your express pass, you'reparking everything in one place.
So that is what I currently do,but I'm definitely more focused
on the sports team side andworking directly with teams on
like strategy and like theinnovation and moving tickets to
(11:33):
more of a digital era.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Awesome.
Okay, so take us back to thatmoment when you said you know,
like I knew, there was more.
What was the?
What was the cause?
Usually when we, when we knowwe want to change something,
there's a little bit of frictionor a little bit of rub, that's
happening.
Um, what was that for you?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think some of it actually started with, like,
whether it was relationships Ihad or experiences I got in,
that coming out of it I justdidn't feel whole or I felt
empty and kind of hollow.
Um, and I think some of itactually came more from
relationships, I think in theworkplace right, like you're
(12:19):
looking for fulfillment oryou're looking for, like,
appreciation in some cases.
But some of it actually startedwith relationships where I feel
as though I was giving a lot incertain relationships or I was
maybe expecting more, and I justfelt like hollow and not
(12:40):
fulfilled.
And so I kind of started justlooking at myself like who are
the people in my life, like whatare the experiences or what are
the things I'm getting involvedwith?
And if I'm doing something,like is it actually helping me
or is it hurting me in morecases?
And at the time I think therewas just a lot of things kind of
(13:00):
piling on top of each otherwhere I just kept feeling like
this isn't who I want to be andthis isn't what I think I'm
meant to be for myself.
And that was where, honestly, Iwas like I've got to change
something, like this is just notfeeling good, and I felt really
alone, like even though I had alot of people around me or
(13:20):
friends or relationships, like Ifelt really alone and like no
one understood me.
I think where where it all kindof started for me personally.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Well, and you talked about the survival model.
So just for listeners who maynot know what that is, our
survival model is really made upof thinking and behaviors and
beliefs that at one time in ourlife really helped us to survive
our environment.
It's not all bad.
It actually got us a lot ofsuccess.
(13:54):
And I think what you'redescribing is that model like
had worked for a long time andyou were.
Obviously you had a lot ofgreat things happening in your
life, there was a lot of success, and I think what you're
describing is that model likehad worked for a long time and
you were.
Obviously you had a lot ofgreat things happening in your
life, there was a lot of successin your life, but it was really
.
You described it kind of beingdriven by this.
I don't want to put words inyour mouth, but you were driven
sort of by this externalsomething right, what was that
(14:16):
Like?
How would you describe that?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
sort of by this external something, right, what
was that Like?
How would you describe that?
Absolutely, I think theexternal part, but I was driven
more by what people said Icouldn't do or wasn't possible,
but also this idea of likeperfection.
I truly think for a long time,it was always about like, how
can you be the best?
Like what's perfection?
Like, how are you constantlybasically trying to prove
(14:41):
yourself to others?
Um, and that was something thatthe survival model, I think you
, you grow up like.
I have two amazing parents thatare still married and very
strong influences on my life andright, like they grew up
teaching me this like way ofliving, and, while I'm extremely
appreciative of it, I thinkmoving and being around
(15:03):
different people, differentbackgrounds, different walks of
life it's truly opened my eyesto you.
Make your own.
Like, you make your owndecisions and this life that you
have in front of you, like youcan paint it and make it exactly
how you want it to be, not whatsomeone else wants it to be or
thinks it should be, and itdoesn't have to be what
(15:24):
everyone's done in the past andso I do.
I think I just always was kindof striving for this perfection
or this, this is what I have todo type of mindset, and that's a
very unfulfilling, likeunsatisfying, journey, cause you
, just you don't, I don't evenfeel like it was myself, like it
(15:47):
wasn't authentic to who I was.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Well, and I can relate, I mean, my journey was
so similar of.
I mean, for me it was about,you know, going through life,
sort of checking all those boxesthat I, you know, like the
world and culture had told melike you need to do in order to
achieve happiness.
And I had done that, I hadchecked the boxes, but had that
empty, hollow feeling inside,like you, and knew that
something had to change.
(16:08):
And for me it was sort ofliving to prove or living to.
You know, I was, I wasmasterful at having it all look
good on the outside, but insideI was empty and I was never
taught I don't think we'retaught to cultivate an inner
life that is fulfilling, and Ithink what you're describing is
(16:32):
what so many people experience,is that you know that survival
model carries us for so long,but then we reach a point where
there is like we want somethingmore and we're kind of feel like
we're we're doing all the rightthings and our intentions are
good, but we feel like we'rekind of hitting up against a
wall and what you did is isreally like you were willing to
(16:54):
look at that and really look atwhat was driving you and break
down some of that.
So tell us, like, take us backto a moment when you recognized,
you know that you were sort ofoperating in this survival model
and what you like, what wasthat like when you first started
kind of tapping on thoseknocking down those, those old
(17:15):
walls or rules or ways of living, those knocking?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
down those old walls or rules or ways of living?
Yeah, it's a good question.
I think it's one.
I go back and there's probablyso many instances where I don't
even really know I'm going inlike a survival model, like this
is what I thought, but now Ithink, being more present and
like taking a step back andobserving I think I told you
this once like I was in ameeting at work and you know
(17:42):
there's so many different voicesand normally, right, it's like
okay, who's the first one tolike say something?
And I almost felt like I wasout of my body, like I was just
like sitting there, so present,listening, but yet it allowed me
to look at the room a littlebit better.
So something in one of mysurvival models was like, truly,
(18:05):
I used to have this mindsetlike that, you know the male in,
like the relationshippersonally, for me at least,
like my family, right, like mydad definitely supported our
family and my mom also supportedour family, but in a different
way.
Like my dad family and my momalso supported our family, but
in a different way.
Like my dad worked and my mom,like took care of the household,
like, and I think I I used tolook at that Like it was a bad
(18:28):
thing that as a female like I ama very alpha female.
I'm very much like I want towork, I want to work very hard.
Like I want to work.
I want to work very hard.
Like I want to excel at a highlevel, like I don't.
My goal in life is not to be in, like in the home, like taking
care of a home, like that justisn't something that is
rewarding or fulfilling to me.
(18:48):
I think there are some peoplethat like do an amazing job and
that's a big piece of their lifeand what they're looking for,
and that used to honestly kindof stop me a lot Like my.
I would constantly be lookingor saying, oh well, like the
male has to be in the driver'sseat, or, like you know, my mom
as a, as a female, like she likedidn't bring in monetary in
(19:09):
certain instances, but then Iwas like, holy crap, my mom like
ran the household, like her jobwas just as important and like
she's running us to sportsactivities and like she's taking
care of us, like feeding us andall these things.
And in my situation, I think theway you presented it and what
opened my eyes is like, where doI want to be in the driver's
(19:29):
seat and where do I not want tobe in the driver's seat?
And like with work, I think,because I've been in leadership
roles, I I do want to be in thedriver's seat, I do want to make
decisions, I do want to leadand guide my team in the
direction that it needs to go.
But in my personal life, whileI can still have a job, maybe I
do want to allow my significantother to step up and be more of
(19:55):
again the one in the driver'sseat and be supportive.
But where are those places thatyou can kind of be in the
driver's seat and not?
And I think so often I justalways assumed like I don't ever
want to let someone else makethe decisions, like I want to
make every single decision.
But that was one in thesurvival model that I think got
me caught up a lot.
(20:15):
And when I started just to takea step back and say, okay,
where, where is this model?
That I think got me caught up alot.
And when I started just to takea step back and say, okay,
where, where is this good that Imake a decision or make a
comment, and then where is thisan opportunity that I can be
more supportive and and and bemore of the person.
That's not the type A, drivingthe person out or driving the
decision.
(20:36):
And then the other one goes backto that meeting.
Like I think in work, so oftenthis idea that like, oh, you're
coming off as a bitch, or you'reso emotional in the workplace,
like I used to get so tied up inthat and be like, oh man, like
that's what everybody thinks,like you automatically just
thought that if you saidsomething super direct or if you
(20:56):
heard it right, like out of themeeting, if someone would be
like, oh man, she came off andsaid this, it used to really
bother me and I was like gosh,like I'm really not.
But now I would tell you like Iembrace those moments, like I
am someone that's direct andthat is a quality.
You had me do an exercise whereI sent to different people that
(21:17):
are really important in my lifeLike I had to send them, like
what are some key things about,about Kara, that obviously stand
out to you?
And I want to say like five outof the seven that I sent it to
all wrote back as, like thenumber one was like she speaks
truthfully, she speaks honestand direct, and it wasn't like
to me.
I think that opened my eyesLike that's so true, like if it
(21:40):
comes off or you think in youreyes that it's a bitchy me being
direct, no, like then I embracethat, like I am direct and I am
like truthful and honest.
And the other piece of that waslike the emotional.
I know I have so much passionand so much energy for what I do
or people that are in my lifethat I care about that.
(22:02):
If that's perceived as likeemotional or like up and down, I
think for me I just know I'mreally passionate If I want
something done, like you'regoing to hear my energy and
excitement because I want you tofollow me right, like I want
you to get just as excited as Iam.
So those are kind of two thatreally stood out in my survival
model initially that I kind ofjust had to take a step back
(22:23):
from and and I think maybethat's also kind of what's hurt
me potentially in some of mylike personal relationships,
like with boyfriends,significant others, like I think
that that you know previously,even in my marriage, like I
think some of those situationscould have actually hurt more
than it helped me, having thisidea that I always needed to be
(22:46):
in the driver's seat in certainsituations.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yeah, so what you're talking about is is really like
those lenses that we go throughlife.
It's like a pair of glasses andif we're looking through the
lens of, you know I have to bein the driver's seat or men are
always in the driver's seat, orwhatever it is, that lens has
such a huge impact on how youshow up, how you behave.
(23:10):
You know, just like when you'retalking about those being in
that meeting, if you had thelens of you know being in that
meeting, if you had the lens ofyou know men are in the driver's
seat or I have to be in thedriver's seat, either one you
can feel like the the way thatthat would impact your behavior.
One if you think it's men haveto be in the driver's seat, then
maybe maybe you or other peoplelike silence their voice or
(23:34):
they're shushing themselves,they don't speak up.
Or the other extreme, which isI have to always be in the
driver's seat, is maybe you'relike forcing ideas and speaking
when maybe you didn't need tospeak and those, those lenses
really drive so much behaviorthat that maybe is out of
alignment with who we really are.
And that's what I hear yousaying.
(23:55):
Like you were able to kind ofmove away from that and instead
of that, that old way of beingrunning you, you like, got into
a place of choice Like I can,it's you know, like you suddenly
have options.
Right, it's not just one way.
It's like wait a minute, well,let me look at the options here
(24:16):
and and really do what alignswith the more the outcome that I
really want, or how I want toshow up people's opinions of us.
(24:39):
Right, like this is something wetalk about all the time is is,
you know, people love to hear,like, what other people think of
me as none of my business.
Right, and when you start toreally think about that, it does
change things, because I knowfor myself, like I lived many,
many years of my life, you know,kind of adjusting and editing
myself according to what Ithought.
Other people, you know, thought, which is usually wrong anyway.
(25:02):
Right, we don't, it's reallynot our business to be thinking
for other people and I could, asyou were, sharing that I could
feel where you freed yourself uparound that.
Is that true?
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Absolutely, and I'm sure everyone's experienced it.
Anyone even listening, I'm sure, if you look back, there's been
a time or an instance wheresomeone said something and right
like maybe it didn't feel greator it was hard to hear weight
(25:42):
lifted.
When you can just hear it andalmost just brush it right off.
It takes a lot and it'sdefinitely not easy, but I would
absolutely agree with you,carla, for sure.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
So tell us about, because I think something
fascinating about you and Ithink something we discovered
was really how strong yourrelationships in your life are
and you talked about you know,like your relationship.
You had so many great maleleaders and so paint a picture
of like because you talked aboutyou know, sort of needing to
(26:09):
prove and being fueled by thiscompetitive edge for a long time
and then really starting toshift that as you started to
kind of change how you wereshowing up in life and business.
What like?
What did that look like?
Because I think sometimes it'shard for people to envision like
this can feel like such a bigchange that has to happen.
(26:33):
But what I remember about youis it was just like you would
make little simple shifts in themoments of you know a
conversation, and so I don'tknow if you can remember any
specific scenarios, but how didthat communication in your
relationships change and evolve?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I think it first really started with and you know
, I think a lot of businessprofessionals, right Like it is
about networking, it's about whoyou're meeting with, and
sometimes you put your agendabefore others, right Like, okay,
I want to meet so-and-sobecause, or I want to build this
relationship and you mightstart building these
relationships.
And at work it can sometimes getsticky, right Like there's
(27:11):
politics in every workplacewhere you know you want to be on
the right side of your boss oryou want to be like someone that
they go to for X, y and Z, andI think that that is where it
starts to be almost a rat race,where it's like you you really
have to.
And I guess personally and I'llspeak to myself like I really
(27:32):
took a step back and I was likewho are the relationships that
are like truly a two way likerelationship where, like I can
offer support and they can offersupport to me?
And it's funny, I had someoneonce tell me like as you move
into leadership and you moveyour way up, it gets lonely at
the top, and I thought to myself, like gosh, like what does that
mean?
Is it because you're, you knowyou have less people Like I'm
(27:56):
just like was so curious byhearing that, and I think in
some instance it's actually true.
And I think it's true because Ithink you start to really
identify who are the people youreally want to run with, Like,
who are the ones that are goingto push you and elevate you?
And they aren't going to tellyou like, oh, you're doing a
great job.
They're going to come back andsay, okay, you might be doing a
(28:17):
great job, but I think you couldbe better if you were doing
this.
And so, honestly, me personally.
I think I used to going back tothe opinions of others.
I wanted to everyone to like,like me in a sense of like, okay
, I can go to her.
Or like, oh, she's so nice.
Or you know, you wanted thiskind of like outside acceptance,
(28:38):
and that was like something Ijust kind of was like I need to
stop this part, like, this iswhere I need to start.
I need to start with it's notabout everyone saying, oh, she's
, you know, I really like her,I'd hang out with her outside of
work, but more about, as aprofessional, where do I want to
go and where do I want toreally grow?
(28:59):
And like, who's going to pushme there and it was surrounding
myself with a lot of people thatdon't think the same as me.
You know, when I was hiringlike managers for my team with
the sons, I had an amazingopportunity to bring in leaders
that didn't think like me.
And I will tell you to bring inleaders that didn't think like
me and I will tell you, thosethree managers like taught me so
(29:20):
much in such a short period oftime.
All three of them like haddifferent skill sets, different
traits, and like they taught mesomething.
I mean I hope that I in turndid the same at some point for
them.
But that's something that I feellike now is so important.
Like I don't want people thatthink like-minded to myself.
If it is considered lonely atthe top, like I look at it being
(29:44):
, I have way more intentionalrelationships and unfortunately,
like I shouldn't sayunfortunately, I should say
fortunately I've cut a lot ofpeople out of my life or like
stopped communicating or givingmy energy to people that I don't
think best serves me, or it'sreally not a dual like.
(30:05):
We're doing this together andthey're supportive of me just as
supportive as I am to them.
So I think that's a verypowerful exercise.
It's not easy, especially ifyou've had relationships with I
think you and I talked aboutthis, carla right Like
friendships that you've had whenyou were younger and then, as
you grow, like you change, um,and maybe you're not as close
(30:26):
anymore.
And that's truly what I felt.
Even in relationships, you know, I feel like people that I used
to really like love or havesuch love for.
We changed and like is thissomeone that's still really
supportive of my life, or is itbetter for us to love from a
distance and move in a differentdirection?
So I think that's the exerciseit really has to start with is
(30:50):
like take a deep look at theserelationships and with their
work.
If their work relationshipslike, are they serving you in
the best manner and is this onewhere you can be supportive, but
they're supportive back andpushing you to elevate to a
higher level?
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, that totally makes sense.
So I know for you you talkedabout like, or you've said a
couple times like it's not easy,and I think that you know a lot
of people this doing this workon yourself, it can feel really
hard, and I think that can evenbe a barrier for people doing it
.
And so what would you say aboutthat?
(31:28):
Like, yes, it's hard work, ittakes discipline, but, yeah, I
would love your perspective onthat.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I think your word discipline is so fitting, but
also being uncomfortable, like.
It's uncomfortable right, um,and I mentioned this to you, but
I think I'm really grateful fora time right now with, like the
pandemic, which I know somelisteners might be like what?
Like I am so ready for 2020 tobe over and I can definitely say
(32:00):
I am as well and ready for usto be beyond the COVID and
pandemic situation.
But it's made me again like,really take a good look and get
uncomfortable with, like myself,meaning we're so busy sometimes
like running our day-to-daylife, whether that's work,
whether that's picking upchildren, like whether that's
(32:23):
our friends traveling, like wetend to mask or cover up so much
of what's happening mentally orinternally, and it's like go,
go, go, like I'm busy, busy,busy.
I feel like this time has made,I hope, some of us I know
personally, for me, it's allowedme to take another look at like
what are the things that I havebeen pushing off internally or
(32:45):
mentally and not wanting to dealwith and I need to address?
And I do think it takesdiscipline, I think it takes
sitting down and like beinguncomfortable with yourself and
recognizing that there are areasthat you can improve and get
better.
And it goes back to mentalhealth.
But I think it's so much aboutlike talking positively to
(33:07):
yourself, like that internalvoice is so powerful.
There were days where it washard.
I was like, oh my gosh, likethis is so difficult or or this
is a lot of work potentially.
But then, like that mentalvoice of like you've got this
girl, or like this is going tobe worth it, like this is going
to be so much more exciting orwhat's ahead, that's kind of the
(33:37):
piece that I would say likefind that internal voice.
Like talk to yourself, tellyourself you're a badass.
Like wake up in the morning andjust get excited for the day.
You taught me so much about amorning routine and I feel like
that's really had an impact onmy discipline is like waking up
every morning, what am Igrateful for?
Like going on a walk, talkingto family.
But I would just say thatgetting uncomfortable is is
(33:59):
where it starts, and I hope thatthis time has taught some of us
like you can't cover everythingup and you can't run from it.
It's always going to be there,and I think that's where I used
to run a lot from it.
I'd used to like move to a newcity or run from things instead
of just sitting and dealing withit and moving past it.
(34:19):
So, um, there's a book I'dhighly recommend.
It's called taking the stairsand it's actually been like a
really big inspiration for me.
But in the very beginning ofthe book there's a story about,
you know, buffalo and cows and Iknow this might sound funny,
but growing up in the Midwest,like you see a lot of cows that
herd together when there's astorm.
(34:39):
However, buffalo what'sinteresting actually run towards
, like the thunderstorm if it'scoming or any type of storm.
So, realistically, a buffalospends less time in the storm
because they ran towards it anddealt with it, versus cows that
stand and let the stormbasically come over and stand
together.
So I love that.
(35:02):
Yes, like I have, I have reallytried to live that in so many
instances, whether it's talkingabout things at work that I
really didn't want to maybe goto a team member and tell them
about, or in my personal lifethat deal with it now and you're
going to have less timespending in the storm versus
keeping delaying it and delayingit and just standing there not
(35:25):
doing anything.
So that would be my kind of wayof handling that, but the
discipline is key.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, well, gosh, you talked about so many things in
there, but you know thatinternal voice.
I think is such an importantpiece because I don't think you
know what I hear when I hear youtalking.
It's I really can see.
And just in knowing you in yourjourney, is that you really
have shifted the relationshipwith yourself.
And we're never taught thatlike we should even have a
(35:56):
relationship with ourself, youknow, and we can be so focused,
like you were saying, on wantingother people to like us and we
never even stopped to look atlike, do I like me?
Like here I'm expecting otherpeople to like me, but do I like
me?
And what is the relationship Ihave with myself?
And I remember hearing on apodcast a long time ago that
(36:18):
this guy said, like, make yourmind your best friend, and I
thought that was the coolestthing.
I mean, we would travel 24seven with this.
You know, which is typicallyfeels like this monster, but
it's absolutely possible and youdemonstrate it so beautifully
is that it doesn't have to beand that you can shift the
quality of that relationship youhave.
(36:39):
And as you do that withyourself, it ripples to every
relationship you have in yourlife.
And then the other piece youtalk about is like the
uncomfortable.
And it is uncomfortable and Ithink to do this work, you, you
do have to be willing to getuncomfortable.
But I also would say that thatlike what's on the other side of
(37:01):
that and not doing the work,like that's pretty uncomfortable
too and it's like, do I want toactually take action?
That's going to, that has thepossibility of opening a door to
an entirely differentexperience, or just keep living
this discomfort and sort of youknow, on the hamster wheel of
life, been on a journey the lastI don't know, like a year or
(37:28):
more of really designing yourlife.
So paint us a picture of likewhat you've you know, talk about
like living to prove, versuslike a lot of people are living
to prove life.
And then the other option isreally living to create life.
And I think, especially now, Ithink that it's so easy to get
focused on what we don't want.
(37:50):
Now I think that it's so easyto get focused on what we don't
want, and you're somebody, kara,who really saw what you did
want, and when you can pivotyour life, your thinking, your
actions, your behaviors, how youshow up to what you do want,
like, tell us a little bit whatyou've created.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I think create is such a great great aspect to
this right, but it's also moreabout like elevate.
I think, truly, when I look atit right now, I am seeking
knowledge, like going into thenew year I'm not sure if anyone
listening has ever done theexercise where it's like you
pick one word for the whole yearand like you really use this
(38:29):
one word to like you knowexperience or kind of be your
identifier of like what you wantto do.
Maybe the word is like focus,maybe it's connect and like you
do things based on that word.
And I did that last year and myword last year was fearless and
I feel like for me it was likeagain going back to like working
with you or really just puttingmyself out there and like
(38:52):
allowing myself to be courageousand try and do anything.
And I think now, as I look atthis upcoming year, there's like
two kinds of words I keep goingback and forth with.
It's like purpose orvulnerability, and I think I am
seeking knowledge so much rightnow where I want to meet so many
(39:13):
different people and I want toget exposed to different ways of
life, different thoughtprocesses, even with, you know,
the election, this upcoming orthis past.
Obviously, this year it's beengreat to just hear so many
different sides and opinions,and I think for me, it's opened
my eyes.
Like what are you know?
(39:33):
What's the way I want to moveforward?
Like, based on everything I'mhearing or things I'm reading
and things that I'm gettingexposed to, like, how do I want
to move forward?
So, when you say the wordcreate, I think that's where you
have the time and the decisionto make whatever moves you want
to make.
And for me, it's like, insteadof making just really quick
(39:55):
decisions and reactions, I feellike now I try to listen and be
present or observe things aroundme, or try to meet new people
so that I can be like, great, isthis something I would enjoy?
Like, is this something I wantto create in my life?
Like, even spiritually, um,like what is it that's like
(40:15):
spiritual?
Or we've kind of talked evenabout bringing religion back in
my life, and I think those areareas where I almost feel like
the canvas is blank right now.
There are certain corecharacteristics that I have
about myself, but I get to paintthat, I get to put what colors
I want on it, and a lot of thatcomes from people I surround
(40:36):
myself with or things that I'mpurposely exposing myself or
experiencing.
So that's kind of where I wouldjust say I know I am single
right now, so I know there'sobviously people probably
listening that have families andkids and obviously you can't
just like up and move and justdo certain things.
There's definitelyresponsibilities there, but I
(40:58):
really do feel like any position, any life situation you're in,
you can have that blank canvasin front of you and you can make
it what you want it to be, andthat's something that honestly,
like, really excites me.
I'm living in a new city rightnow and this all started because
I wanted to experience a citythat was not somewhere I'd ever
(41:20):
lived before, but that allowedme to again explore, meet new
people and hopefully, like learnsome things while being here.
So that was kind of an excitingexperience for me about
creating Well, I love that.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
So one thing you talk about is you know that this
idea that you know I call it thesomeday illusion right, that we
have to wait to change, or wehave to wait until the kids are
grown or I've lost weight or I'mmaking more money, to really
create change, and you bring upsuch a good point that you don't
(42:00):
.
That's a someday illusion andit just keeps putting our life
off.
And the truth is, what you saidis that you can start to make
little shifts right where youare, and I think so often the
thing that's really in the wayof us moving closer to what we
want is just a lens or a way ofthinking or some sort of mental
barrier that we've boxedourselves in, and when you start
(42:22):
to pull that apart, you cancreate shifts right where you
are.
And so I would love, before wecomplete is where you are, and
so I love, before we complete iswhat?
Are there some tangible toolsthat have really helped you
maintain this practice in yourlife of really living more
intentionally, more present,more fully?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
I think one of them and I am not, if you can kind of
share even a little bit aboutit to Carla is the circle tool.
I think that is something that,from working with you, I have
just carried on and truly at itscore it's basically looking at
any situation and breaking itdown, and a lot of times we
(43:06):
think negatively right awayabout something or we jump to a
conclusion, and so that's atangible exercise that I feel
like.
If I get worked up or if I'muncertain or I'm worried about
something, I'll always likebreak it down and say, okay,
what are the true facts at itscore, like what really happened.
That's a tangible exercise thatI've really enjoyed utilizing.
(43:30):
And then also the sweeping like.
That's another one that I knowsome people can look at it Like.
This isn't just like brushingit off and never talking about
it again, but for me, whetherit's at work or in my personal
life, like, like there is asituation, it's addressing it,
it's it's making a commitmentwith the other person that's
(43:52):
involved and saying, okay, thisis how we're going to move
forward, and then it is gone, itis addressed, it's handled.
Those are two that I feel likeI've utilized tangibly a lot.
I'm not sure if you want tohighlight or kind of dive into
it a little bit from your side.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, just so listeners can understand.
So Circle Tool is reallybasically, like Kara said, when
something happens in your life,somebody could just literally
say one sentence and maybe it'sgot you upset and triggered.
But the Circle Tool is reallyjust separating the facts about
what happened and the story thatyou're internally telling about
(44:30):
it.
And as humans, we're meaningmaking machines and we create a
ton of drama in the story wetell.
And so when you can separatethe facts from the story you're
telling yourself, you can see asituation much more clearly and
then, instead of beingreactionary, really show up more
intentionally in a way thataligns with the outcome you
(44:51):
really want.
And then sweeping is just apractice of clearing, you know,
little upsets, little thingsthat you know are stewing in
your mind.
Rather than letting them stew,like Kara said, you know just
getting in communication morequickly, addressing something
more quickly and coming up witha new agreement, saying what's
(45:13):
on your heart and mind, insteadof, you know, silencing yourself
.
And really, like she said, it'snot about sweeping it under the
rug, but like really sweepingit, putting it in the dustpan
and getting rid of it for good,and what that allows is to
really cultivate aliveness inyour life in an ongoing way, so
(45:36):
that, because typically whathappens is the dust will just
the dust of those upsets, andthings will build and build and
build and our aliveness isimpacted, our energy is impacted
, we don't feel as great, and soby consistently having a
practice of sweeping andclearing that stuff, you are
actively maintaining andcultivating your own aliveness
(45:58):
and joy, and you can do thatongoingly is what she's
describing.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
So that's beautiful, awesome, anything else that you
want to share that we didn't getto cover, anything else that
you want to share that we didn'tget to cover, I think biggest
thing for anyone listening rightnow, at least, as I took on
this journey right, everyone'sstory is different and
everyone's path is different.
(46:23):
I think that's what's reallyspecial.
I truly think, though, itstarts with taking a good look
in the mirror and just saying isthis what my life is going to
look like and is this the lifethat I'm living?
That makes me joyful and happyevery day when I wake up, and I
(46:45):
think, if you have any inklingor any second thought, that it's
not like dive into that andwrite it down and explore it
more.
I know, carla, you taught me somuch about journaling, and I
would tell you that's such agreat way to express that
writing it down and dealing withit and like embrace it because
(47:05):
it is really fun.
It's so for, scary as the rideis, um, I I honestly like I feel
like it's had such a big impacton my life and I'm extremely
like grateful for having theopportunity to to work with you,
carla, but even just see thatthere is so much more out there
(47:28):
and that, like, as a human,we're capable of so much more.
So I just do, I have to thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
I feel like you have truly hadsuch an impact in a wonderful
way, and a lot of times I'm like, what would Carla do as as my,
as my kind of thought process,but I just I thank you a lot and
for the listeners like this is,this is an enjoyable experience
(47:52):
.
So don't be afraid and startnow and just identify, learn
more about yourself and fall inlove with who you are and what
you want to be.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
I love that Be the buffalo right Like yes, the
friction, it's not, it's not,it's just not as scary as it can
feel in our head.
Friction, it's not, it's not,it's just not as scary as it can
feel in our head.
Kara, it's.
The feeling is mutual and it'sbeen such a joy to kind of dive
in and explore and get into yourhead a little bit about what
your journey has been like and Iknow your story is going to
(48:22):
touch somebody's life and sothank you so much for being
willing to be here.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Thank you.
I very much appreciate it.
So thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of
differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
(48:55):
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible.
So, kara, I am so excited thatyou're here today and I want you
to know, and I want theaudience to know, that you know,
when I thought of the theme forthis month and life differently
, you came to mind becauseyou're somebody that you saw
(00:47):
something different.
You knew you wanted somethingdifferent for your life and you
have so wholeheartedly over anextended period of time, really
embraced that in your life andhave been on this journey of
really intentionally designingyour life.
So excited to have you here.
Welcome to the show, thank you.
Yeah, I'd love for you to juststart.
(01:09):
Introduce yourself, give us asense of who you are and what
you're up to.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Absolutely Well.
First and foremost, thank youso much.
This is such an honor, but I amso excited and thrilled for you
to be launching this podcast.
I think this is going to havean impact on so many people in
amazing and different ways.
I know, just having such aclose relationship with you and
getting to know you, you'veplayed a huge part in my life
(01:37):
and really the journey as awhole.
So thank you very much.
Yeah, really, starting thingsoff background, a little bit
about myself Born and raised inRapid City, south Dakota, and
grew up as a very competitive,spirited, energetic child.
I think my energy has alwaysbeen around, wanting to seek
(02:01):
knowledge and experiences.
I joke because all my friendsknow I'm absolutely someone that
follows horoscopes and, sinceI'm a Gemini, I think finding
adventure or finding experiencesand seeking knowledge and
communication has always been abig part of what gets me excited
and a lot of that is honestlywhat led me to seeking out,
(02:24):
being different and honestlywanting more in my life.
I have worked in the sports andentertainment industry for most
of my professional career thelast eight seasons with
different NBA teams, and I thinkthe competitive nature of sales
, but also the sports side, isalways something that I thrived
(02:47):
and really enjoyed.
It's also an industry that isextremely male dominated, which
I think was never at a timeintimidating.
Really came to play is I've hadso many amazing male leaders
and very influential males thathave taught me a lot throughout
(03:11):
my career and my time workingfor those teams.
But what was interesting to meis, as I was starting out, I
kept seeking or looking for afemale role model or a female
figure or someone that I feltlike I could ask the tough,
maybe female conversations orquestions.
(03:31):
And not that there are nofemale leaders, because there is
absolutely some amazing ones, Ithink in certain aspects I just
didn't feel like I was gettingthe connection or able to open
up in a different way.
It felt very much this is sales, this is sports, and I think
that's where my time actuallywith the past team, actually in
(03:55):
Phoenix with the Suns, I had anamazing leader that I really
approached and I said I justfeel like there's more.
I really want to explore whatelse is possible for me from a
mental capacity, but alsoemotionally.
I think so often we get caughtup in our work or our families
(04:17):
or our life and we sometimesdon't spend enough time on our
mental health or emotionalhealth, and I just kept feeling
like there was something pushingme towards seeking out someone
that could offer this advice oropen my eyes and present
knowledge or present a new wayof looking at things.
(04:39):
And so after talking with him,it's crazy kind of how the
circle comes together and howyou and I got connected.
But after the first time Ispoke with you and it's you that
I knew I wanted more and I feltlike you were going to kind of
(05:12):
open my eyes to looking atthings differently.
So I think that was a really bigpiece of it is not only knowing
that I have amazing male rolemodels and leaders, but opening
up to someone that is not at alltied to the industry I work in
and I think more importantlylike your life story, but also
(05:36):
the way that you presented andnever kind of forced ideas but
allowed me to find them andpresented things more in
questions.
I think it really helped me seethe possibilities that were out
there and think through it.
I go back to the survival modelthat taught me so much like
looking at how I grew up andcertain things I believed in
(05:58):
where I felt so much like themale figure had to really be in
the driver's seat and I hadthese thought processes of this
is how things are done and Ithink you've really opened my
eyes to seeing thingsdifferently.
Or, more importantly, in salesand in the leadership role, when
(06:18):
I was around a lot of malefigures, you're intimidated,
thinking like, oh, am I comingoff as bitchy or am I too
emotional?
And now, since I've had a chanceto work with you, like I
embrace that so much and I'vehad so many times where leaders
have just said you speak real.
Or you know, I know I'm gettingauthentic, raw, like truth
(06:39):
coming from you.
So I think I've started toembrace that more, instead of it
looking at it as it's anegative.
I can't control how someonetechnically wants to call it, if
they want to label it, but whatI can control is that I am
authentic, I am real, you'regetting the raw piece of who I
am and I'll always speak mytruth.
(07:00):
And so those are some thingsthat I think opened my eyes
initially when I started reallyworking with you.
But, most importantly, you justhit a point where you're like I
know there's more to life and Iwant to figure this out.
So that's where a lot of thisstarted.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I love that.
So there's so much I want toexplore.
But go back, take us back,because I think it's so like the
work you do in the world isreally fascinating.
I think and it's did you didyou know is that young, spirited
athletic girl that you would,that you wanted to be in the
sports industry?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
It's it's interesting because my kind of start in
sports is is a little unique.
I originally went to auniversity to play three sports
in college and started out as aninterior design major because I
love design, I love creativity.
Three sports in college, yes,which, looking back, is insane
(07:57):
Volleyball, basketball andsoftball and I think it teaches
you so much like discipline,time management.
I'm extremely grateful for it.
But sports really does teachyou a lot of skill sets that I
think are important in theworkplace.
So I give a lot of credit toanyone that's a college athlete.
(08:18):
It's a lot of work but it paysoff in the end.
And I didn't really know Iwanted to work in sports.
I think it was always a dreamand an aspiration.
But growing up in South Dakota,you're kind of like is this a
possibility?
And a lot of people are like,oh, that would never happen.
So I used to always be drivenby people saying I couldn't do
(08:39):
things.
That always used to be mymotivation was like, oh, like
you can't do that or there's noway you can play three sports in
college for all four years.
So I used to get so much drivefrom it and going back to your
question is like I ended upswitching my major because of a
professor that literally changedmy whole perspective on
(09:01):
business and I took hisentrepreneurship class and fell
in love with like business andsales and connecting with people
and communication.
That after graduation, I movedout to Charlotte because I was
actually previously married atthe time and when I was out
there I just was nonstop tryingto apply for sports teams there
(09:22):
and it was it kind of went backto like people saying, oh,
there's no way you're going tobe able to work in sports,
there's no way you're going tobe a leader for a sports team,
and it did.
It just drove me to like wantit more and more.
But I would say like I'm indefinitely a different place
over the last year and a half,where the motivation doesn't
come from people telling me Ican't do it anymore.
(09:43):
It truly comes from me wantingit that bad for myself.
So that was a really awesomekind of piece to experience.
Instead of hearing these voicesand saying like, no, I'm going
to do it, I'm going to prove youwrong.
It's truly like now just mesaying this is something I'm
really passionate and this iswhere I'm going.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
So and share what is the work that you do today in
the sports industry.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yes, so I work for a company called FIBO, which is an
amazing platform and reallysocial tool that basically works
directly with sports teams andwe are a social cart.
So imagine shopping on like anAmazon or, you know, checking
(10:29):
out with your experience.
We live on brand with sportsteams but we help basically them
share and sell whether it'stickets, merchandise, parking in
more of a technology and likeinnovative fashion, and a lot of
it is more like strategyworking with teams on how they
(10:51):
are selling potentially ticketsor promotional events, and
really our goal is that we'removing into different verticals.
So we obviously have a verystrong president in sports and
entertainment, but looking atretail, health and beauty,
travel and having basically asocial cart that lives on brand
with a company and allows forlike a seamless checkout process
(11:12):
where everything lives in oneplace.
When you think about likeDisney World, you go and you buy
your express pass, you'reparking everything in one place.
So that is what I currently do,but I'm definitely more focused
on the sports team side andworking directly with teams on
like strategy and like theinnovation and moving tickets to
(11:33):
more of a digital era.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Awesome.
Okay, so take us back to thatmoment when you said you know,
like I knew, there was more.
What was the?
What was the cause?
Usually when we, when we knowwe want to change something,
there's a little bit of frictionor a little bit of rub, that's
happening.
Um, what was that for you?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think some of it actually started with, like,
whether it was relationships Ihad or experiences I got in,
that coming out of it I justdidn't feel whole or I felt
empty and kind of hollow.
Um, and I think some of itactually came more from
relationships, I think in theworkplace right, like you're
(12:19):
looking for fulfillment oryou're looking for, like,
appreciation in some cases.
But some of it actually startedwith relationships where I feel
as though I was giving a lot incertain relationships or I was
maybe expecting more, and I justfelt like hollow and not
(12:40):
fulfilled.
And so I kind of started justlooking at myself like who are
the people in my life, like whatare the experiences or what are
the things I'm getting involvedwith?
And if I'm doing something,like is it actually helping me
or is it hurting me in morecases?
And at the time I think therewas just a lot of things kind of
(13:00):
piling on top of each otherwhere I just kept feeling like
this isn't who I want to be andthis isn't what I think I'm
meant to be for myself.
And that was where, honestly, Iwas like I've got to change
something, like this is just notfeeling good, and I felt really
alone, like even though I had alot of people around me or
(13:20):
friends or relationships, like Ifelt really alone and like no
one understood me.
I think where where it all kindof started for me personally.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Well, and you talked about the survival model.
So just for listeners who maynot know what that is, our
survival model is really made upof thinking and behaviors and
beliefs that at one time in ourlife really helped us to survive
our environment.
It's not all bad.
It actually got us a lot ofsuccess.
(13:54):
And I think what you'redescribing is that model like
had worked for a long time andyou were.
Obviously you had a lot ofgreat things happening in your
life, there was a lot of success, and I think what you're
describing is that model likehad worked for a long time and
you were.
Obviously you had a lot ofgreat things happening in your
life, there was a lot of successin your life, but it was really
.
You described it kind of beingdriven by this.
I don't want to put words inyour mouth, but you were driven
sort of by this externalsomething right, what was that
(14:16):
Like?
How would you describe that?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
sort of by this external something, right, what
was that Like?
How would you describe that?
Absolutely, I think theexternal part, but I was driven
more by what people said Icouldn't do or wasn't possible,
but also this idea of likeperfection.
I truly think for a long time,it was always about like, how
can you be the best?
Like what's perfection?
Like, how are you constantlybasically trying to prove
(14:41):
yourself to others?
Um, and that was something thatthe survival model, I think you
, you grow up like.
I have two amazing parents thatare still married and very
strong influences on my life andright, like they grew up
teaching me this like way ofliving, and, while I'm extremely
appreciative of it, I thinkmoving and being around
(15:03):
different people, differentbackgrounds, different walks of
life it's truly opened my eyesto you.
Make your own.
Like, you make your owndecisions and this life that you
have in front of you, like youcan paint it and make it exactly
how you want it to be, not whatsomeone else wants it to be or
thinks it should be, and itdoesn't have to be what
(15:24):
everyone's done in the past andso I do.
I think I just always was kindof striving for this perfection
or this, this is what I have todo type of mindset, and that's a
very unfulfilling, likeunsatisfying, journey, cause you
, just you don't, I don't evenfeel like it was myself, like it
(15:47):
wasn't authentic to who I was.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Well, and I can relate, I mean, my journey was
so similar of.
I mean, for me it was about,you know, going through life,
sort of checking all those boxesthat I, you know, like the
world and culture had told melike you need to do in order to
achieve happiness.
And I had done that, I hadchecked the boxes, but had that
empty, hollow feeling inside,like you, and knew that
something had to change.
(16:08):
And for me it was sort ofliving to prove or living to.
You know, I was, I wasmasterful at having it all look
good on the outside, but insideI was empty and I was never
taught I don't think we'retaught to cultivate an inner
life that is fulfilling, and Ithink what you're describing is
(16:32):
what so many people experience,is that you know that survival
model carries us for so long,but then we reach a point where
there is like we want somethingmore and we're kind of feel like
we're we're doing all the rightthings and our intentions are
good, but we feel like we'rekind of hitting up against a
wall and what you did is isreally like you were willing to
(16:54):
look at that and really look atwhat was driving you and break
down some of that.
So tell us, like, take us backto a moment when you recognized,
you know that you were sort ofoperating in this survival model
and what you like, what wasthat like when you first started
kind of tapping on thoseknocking down those, those old
(17:15):
walls or rules or ways of living, those knocking?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
down those old walls or rules or ways of living?
Yeah, it's a good question.
I think it's one.
I go back and there's probablyso many instances where I don't
even really know I'm going inlike a survival model, like this
is what I thought, but now Ithink, being more present and
like taking a step back andobserving I think I told you
this once like I was in ameeting at work and you know
(17:42):
there's so many different voicesand normally, right, it's like
okay, who's the first one tolike say something?
And I almost felt like I wasout of my body, like I was just
like sitting there, so present,listening, but yet it allowed me
to look at the room a littlebit better.
So something in one of mysurvival models was like, truly,
(18:05):
I used to have this mindsetlike that, you know the male in,
like the relationshippersonally, for me at least,
like my family, right, like mydad definitely supported our
family and my mom also supportedour family, but in a different
way.
Like my dad family and my momalso supported our family, but
in a different way.
Like my dad worked and my mom,like took care of the household,
like, and I think I I used tolook at that Like it was a bad
(18:28):
thing that as a female like I ama very alpha female.
I'm very much like I want towork, I want to work very hard.
Like I want to work.
I want to work very hard.
Like I want to excel at a highlevel, like I don't.
My goal in life is not to be in, like in the home, like taking
care of a home, like that justisn't something that is
rewarding or fulfilling to me.
(18:48):
I think there are some peoplethat like do an amazing job and
that's a big piece of their lifeand what they're looking for,
and that used to honestly kindof stop me a lot Like my.
I would constantly be lookingor saying, oh well, like the
male has to be in the driver'sseat, or, like you know, my mom
as a, as a female, like she likedidn't bring in monetary in
(19:09):
certain instances, but then Iwas like, holy crap, my mom like
ran the household, like her jobwas just as important and like
she's running us to sportsactivities and like she's taking
care of us, like feeding us andall these things.
And in my situation, I think theway you presented it and what
opened my eyes is like, where doI want to be in the driver's
(19:29):
seat and where do I not want tobe in the driver's seat?
And like with work, I think,because I've been in leadership
roles, I I do want to be in thedriver's seat, I do want to make
decisions, I do want to leadand guide my team in the
direction that it needs to go.
But in my personal life, whileI can still have a job, maybe I
do want to allow my significantother to step up and be more of
(19:55):
again the one in the driver'sseat and be supportive.
But where are those places thatyou can kind of be in the
driver's seat and not?
And I think so often I justalways assumed like I don't ever
want to let someone else makethe decisions, like I want to
make every single decision.
But that was one in thesurvival model that I think got
me caught up a lot.
(20:15):
And when I started just to takea step back and say, okay,
where, where is this model?
That I think got me caught up alot.
And when I started just to takea step back and say, okay,
where, where is this good that Imake a decision or make a
comment, and then where is thisan opportunity that I can be
more supportive and and and bemore of the person.
That's not the type A, drivingthe person out or driving the
decision.
(20:36):
And then the other one goes backto that meeting.
Like I think in work, so oftenthis idea that like, oh, you're
coming off as a bitch, or you'reso emotional in the workplace,
like I used to get so tied up inthat and be like, oh man, like
that's what everybody thinks,like you automatically just
thought that if you saidsomething super direct or if you
(20:56):
heard it right, like out of themeeting, if someone would be
like, oh man, she came off andsaid this, it used to really
bother me and I was like gosh,like I'm really not.
But now I would tell you like Iembrace those moments, like I
am someone that's direct andthat is a quality.
You had me do an exercise whereI sent to different people that
(21:17):
are really important in my lifeLike I had to send them, like
what are some key things about,about Kara, that obviously stand
out to you?
And I want to say like five outof the seven that I sent it to
all wrote back as, like thenumber one was like she speaks
truthfully, she speaks honestand direct, and it wasn't like
to me.
I think that opened my eyesLike that's so true, like if it
(21:40):
comes off or you think in youreyes that it's a bitchy me being
direct, no, like then I embracethat, like I am direct and I am
like truthful and honest.
And the other piece of that waslike the emotional.
I know I have so much passionand so much energy for what I do
or people that are in my lifethat I care about that.
(22:02):
If that's perceived as likeemotional or like up and down, I
think for me I just know I'mreally passionate If I want
something done, like you'regoing to hear my energy and
excitement because I want you tofollow me right, like I want
you to get just as excited as Iam.
So those are kind of two thatreally stood out in my survival
model initially that I kind ofjust had to take a step back
(22:23):
from and and I think maybethat's also kind of what's hurt
me potentially in some of mylike personal relationships,
like with boyfriends,significant others, like I think
that that you know previously,even in my marriage, like I
think some of those situationscould have actually hurt more
than it helped me, having thisidea that I always needed to be
(22:46):
in the driver's seat in certainsituations.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yeah, so what you're talking about is is really like
those lenses that we go throughlife.
It's like a pair of glasses andif we're looking through the
lens of, you know I have to bein the driver's seat or men are
always in the driver's seat, orwhatever it is, that lens has
such a huge impact on how youshow up, how you behave.
(23:10):
You know, just like when you'retalking about those being in
that meeting, if you had thelens of you know being in that
meeting, if you had the lens ofyou know men are in the driver's
seat or I have to be in thedriver's seat, either one you
can feel like the the way thatthat would impact your behavior.
One if you think it's men haveto be in the driver's seat, then
maybe maybe you or other peoplelike silence their voice or
(23:34):
they're shushing themselves,they don't speak up.
Or the other extreme, which isI have to always be in the
driver's seat, is maybe you'relike forcing ideas and speaking
when maybe you didn't need tospeak and those, those lenses
really drive so much behaviorthat that maybe is out of
alignment with who we really are.
And that's what I hear yousaying.
(23:55):
Like you were able to kind ofmove away from that and instead
of that, that old way of beingrunning you, you like, got into
a place of choice Like I can,it's you know, like you suddenly
have options.
Right, it's not just one way.
It's like wait a minute, well,let me look at the options here
(24:16):
and and really do what alignswith the more the outcome that I
really want, or how I want toshow up people's opinions of us.
(24:39):
Right, like this is something wetalk about all the time is is,
you know, people love to hear,like, what other people think of
me as none of my business.
Right, and when you start toreally think about that, it does
change things, because I knowfor myself, like I lived many,
many years of my life, you know,kind of adjusting and editing
myself according to what Ithought.
Other people, you know, thought, which is usually wrong anyway.
(25:02):
Right, we don't, it's reallynot our business to be thinking
for other people and I could, asyou were, sharing that I could
feel where you freed yourself uparound that.
Is that true?
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Absolutely, and I'm sure everyone's experienced it.
Anyone even listening, I'm sure, if you look back, there's been
a time or an instance wheresomeone said something and right
like maybe it didn't feel greator it was hard to hear weight
(25:42):
lifted.
When you can just hear it andalmost just brush it right off.
It takes a lot and it'sdefinitely not easy, but I would
absolutely agree with you,carla, for sure.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
So tell us about, because I think something
fascinating about you and Ithink something we discovered
was really how strong yourrelationships in your life are
and you talked about you know,like your relationship.
You had so many great maleleaders and so paint a picture
of like because you talked aboutyou know, sort of needing to
(26:09):
prove and being fueled by thiscompetitive edge for a long time
and then really starting toshift that as you started to
kind of change how you wereshowing up in life and business.
What like?
What did that look like?
Because I think sometimes it'shard for people to envision like
this can feel like such a bigchange that has to happen.
(26:33):
But what I remember about youis it was just like you would
make little simple shifts in themoments of you know a
conversation, and so I don'tknow if you can remember any
specific scenarios, but how didthat communication in your
relationships change and evolve?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I think it first really started with and you know
, I think a lot of businessprofessionals, right Like it is
about networking, it's about whoyou're meeting with, and
sometimes you put your agendabefore others, right Like, okay,
I want to meet so-and-sobecause, or I want to build this
relationship and you mightstart building these
relationships.
And at work it can sometimes getsticky, right Like there's
(27:11):
politics in every workplacewhere you know you want to be on
the right side of your boss oryou want to be like someone that
they go to for X, y and Z, andI think that that is where it
starts to be almost a rat race,where it's like you you really
have to.
And I guess personally and I'llspeak to myself like I really
(27:32):
took a step back and I was likewho are the relationships that
are like truly a two way likerelationship where, like I can
offer support and they can offersupport to me?
And it's funny, I had someoneonce tell me like as you move
into leadership and you moveyour way up, it gets lonely at
the top, and I thought to myself, like gosh, like what does that
mean?
Is it because you're, you knowyou have less people Like I'm
(27:56):
just like was so curious byhearing that, and I think in
some instance it's actually true.
And I think it's true because Ithink you start to really
identify who are the people youreally want to run with, Like,
who are the ones that are goingto push you and elevate you?
And they aren't going to tellyou like, oh, you're doing a
great job.
They're going to come back andsay, okay, you might be doing a
(28:17):
great job, but I think you couldbe better if you were doing
this.
And so, honestly, me personally.
I think I used to going back tothe opinions of others.
I wanted to everyone to like,like me in a sense of like, okay
, I can go to her.
Or like, oh, she's so nice.
Or you know, you wanted thiskind of like outside acceptance,
(28:38):
and that was like something Ijust kind of was like I need to
stop this part, like, this iswhere I need to start.
I need to start with it's notabout everyone saying, oh, she's
, you know, I really like her,I'd hang out with her outside of
work, but more about, as aprofessional, where do I want to
go and where do I want toreally grow?
(28:59):
And like, who's going to pushme there and it was surrounding
myself with a lot of people thatdon't think the same as me.
You know, when I was hiringlike managers for my team with
the sons, I had an amazingopportunity to bring in leaders
that didn't think like me.
And I will tell you to bring inleaders that didn't think like
me and I will tell you, thosethree managers like taught me so
(29:20):
much in such a short period oftime.
All three of them like haddifferent skill sets, different
traits, and like they taught mesomething.
I mean I hope that I in turndid the same at some point for
them.
But that's something that I feellike now is so important.
Like I don't want people thatthink like-minded to myself.
If it is considered lonely atthe top, like I look at it being
(29:44):
, I have way more intentionalrelationships and unfortunately,
like I shouldn't sayunfortunately, I should say
fortunately I've cut a lot ofpeople out of my life or like
stopped communicating or givingmy energy to people that I don't
think best serves me, or it'sreally not a dual like.
(30:05):
We're doing this together andthey're supportive of me just as
supportive as I am to them.
So I think that's a verypowerful exercise.
It's not easy, especially ifyou've had relationships with I
think you and I talked aboutthis, carla right Like
friendships that you've had whenyou were younger and then, as
you grow, like you change, um,and maybe you're not as close
(30:26):
anymore.
And that's truly what I felt.
Even in relationships, you know, I feel like people that I used
to really like love or havesuch love for.
We changed and like is thissomeone that's still really
supportive of my life, or is itbetter for us to love from a
distance and move in a differentdirection?
So I think that's the exerciseit really has to start with is
(30:50):
like take a deep look at theserelationships and with their
work.
If their work relationshipslike, are they serving you in
the best manner and is this onewhere you can be supportive, but
they're supportive back andpushing you to elevate to a
higher level?
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, that totally makes sense.
So I know for you you talkedabout like, or you've said a
couple times like it's not easy,and I think that you know a lot
of people this doing this workon yourself, it can feel really
hard, and I think that can evenbe a barrier for people doing it
.
And so what would you say aboutthat?
(31:28):
Like, yes, it's hard work, ittakes discipline, but, yeah, I
would love your perspective onthat.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I think your word discipline is so fitting, but
also being uncomfortable, like.
It's uncomfortable right, um,and I mentioned this to you, but
I think I'm really grateful fora time right now with, like the
pandemic, which I know somelisteners might be like what?
Like I am so ready for 2020 tobe over and I can definitely say
(32:00):
I am as well and ready for usto be beyond the COVID and
pandemic situation.
But it's made me again like,really take a good look and get
uncomfortable with, like myself,meaning we're so busy sometimes
like running our day-to-daylife, whether that's work,
whether that's picking upchildren, like whether that's
(32:23):
our friends traveling, like wetend to mask or cover up so much
of what's happening mentally orinternally, and it's like go,
go, go, like I'm busy, busy,busy.
I feel like this time has made,I hope, some of us I know
personally, for me, it's allowedme to take another look at like
what are the things that I havebeen pushing off internally or
(32:45):
mentally and not wanting to dealwith and I need to address?
And I do think it takesdiscipline, I think it takes
sitting down and like beinguncomfortable with yourself and
recognizing that there are areasthat you can improve and get
better.
And it goes back to mentalhealth.
But I think it's so much aboutlike talking positively to
(33:07):
yourself, like that internalvoice is so powerful.
There were days where it washard.
I was like, oh my gosh, likethis is so difficult or or this
is a lot of work potentially.
But then, like that mentalvoice of like you've got this
girl, or like this is going tobe worth it, like this is going
to be so much more exciting orwhat's ahead, that's kind of the
(33:37):
piece that I would say likefind that internal voice.
Like talk to yourself, tellyourself you're a badass.
Like wake up in the morning andjust get excited for the day.
You taught me so much about amorning routine and I feel like
that's really had an impact onmy discipline is like waking up
every morning, what am Igrateful for?
Like going on a walk, talkingto family.
But I would just say thatgetting uncomfortable is is
(33:59):
where it starts, and I hope thatthis time has taught some of us
like you can't cover everythingup and you can't run from it.
It's always going to be there,and I think that's where I used
to run a lot from it.
I'd used to like move to a newcity or run from things instead
of just sitting and dealing withit and moving past it.
(34:19):
So, um, there's a book I'dhighly recommend.
It's called taking the stairsand it's actually been like a
really big inspiration for me.
But in the very beginning ofthe book there's a story about,
you know, buffalo and cows and Iknow this might sound funny,
but growing up in the Midwest,like you see a lot of cows that
herd together when there's astorm.
(34:39):
However, buffalo what'sinteresting actually run towards
, like the thunderstorm if it'scoming or any type of storm.
So, realistically, a buffalospends less time in the storm
because they ran towards it anddealt with it, versus cows that
stand and let the stormbasically come over and stand
together.
So I love that.
(35:02):
Yes, like I have, I have reallytried to live that in so many
instances, whether it's talkingabout things at work that I
really didn't want to maybe goto a team member and tell them
about, or in my personal lifethat deal with it now and you're
going to have less timespending in the storm versus
keeping delaying it and delayingit and just standing there not
(35:25):
doing anything.
So that would be my kind of wayof handling that, but the
discipline is key.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, well, gosh, you talked about so many things in
there, but you know thatinternal voice.
I think is such an importantpiece because I don't think you
know what I hear when I hear youtalking.
It's I really can see.
And just in knowing you in yourjourney, is that you really
have shifted the relationshipwith yourself.
And we're never taught thatlike we should even have a
(35:56):
relationship with ourself, youknow, and we can be so focused,
like you were saying, on wantingother people to like us and we
never even stopped to look atlike, do I like me?
Like here I'm expecting otherpeople to like me, but do I like
me?
And what is the relationship Ihave with myself?
And I remember hearing on apodcast a long time ago that
(36:18):
this guy said, like, make yourmind your best friend, and I
thought that was the coolestthing.
I mean, we would travel 24seven with this.
You know, which is typicallyfeels like this monster, but
it's absolutely possible and youdemonstrate it so beautifully
is that it doesn't have to beand that you can shift the
quality of that relationship youhave.
(36:39):
And as you do that withyourself, it ripples to every
relationship you have in yourlife.
And then the other piece youtalk about is like the
uncomfortable.
And it is uncomfortable and Ithink to do this work, you, you
do have to be willing to getuncomfortable.
But I also would say that thatlike what's on the other side of
(37:01):
that and not doing the work,like that's pretty uncomfortable
too and it's like, do I want toactually take action?
That's going to, that has thepossibility of opening a door to
an entirely differentexperience, or just keep living
this discomfort and sort of youknow, on the hamster wheel of
life, been on a journey the lastI don't know, like a year or
(37:28):
more of really designing yourlife.
So paint us a picture of likewhat you've you know, talk about
like living to prove, versuslike a lot of people are living
to prove life.
And then the other option isreally living to create life.
And I think, especially now, Ithink that it's so easy to get
focused on what we don't want.
(37:50):
Now I think that it's so easyto get focused on what we don't
want, and you're somebody, kara,who really saw what you did
want, and when you can pivotyour life, your thinking, your
actions, your behaviors, how youshow up to what you do want,
like, tell us a little bit whatyou've created.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
I think create is such a great great aspect to
this right, but it's also moreabout like elevate.
I think, truly, when I look atit right now, I am seeking
knowledge, like going into thenew year I'm not sure if anyone
listening has ever done theexercise where it's like you
pick one word for the whole yearand like you really use this
(38:29):
one word to like you knowexperience or kind of be your
identifier of like what you wantto do.
Maybe the word is like focus,maybe it's connect and like you
do things based on that word.
And I did that last year and myword last year was fearless and
I feel like for me it was likeagain going back to like working
with you or really just puttingmyself out there and like
(38:52):
allowing myself to be courageousand try and do anything.
And I think now, as I look atthis upcoming year, there's like
two kinds of words I keep goingback and forth with.
It's like purpose orvulnerability, and I think I am
seeking knowledge so much rightnow where I want to meet so many
(39:13):
different people and I want toget exposed to different ways of
life, different thoughtprocesses, even with, you know,
the election, this upcoming orthis past.
Obviously, this year it's beengreat to just hear so many
different sides and opinions,and I think for me, it's opened
my eyes.
Like what are you know?
(39:33):
What's the way I want to moveforward?
Like, based on everything I'mhearing or things I'm reading
and things that I'm gettingexposed to, like, how do I want
to move forward?
So, when you say the wordcreate, I think that's where you
have the time and the decisionto make whatever moves you want
to make.
And for me, it's like, insteadof making just really quick
(39:55):
decisions and reactions, I feellike now I try to listen and be
present or observe things aroundme, or try to meet new people
so that I can be like, great, isthis something I would enjoy?
Like, is this something I wantto create in my life?
Like, even spiritually, um,like what is it that's like
(40:15):
spiritual?
Or we've kind of talked evenabout bringing religion back in
my life, and I think those areareas where I almost feel like
the canvas is blank right now.
There are certain corecharacteristics that I have
about myself, but I get to paintthat, I get to put what colors
I want on it, and a lot of thatcomes from people I surround
(40:36):
myself with or things that I'mpurposely exposing myself or
experiencing.
So that's kind of where I wouldjust say I know I am single
right now, so I know there'sobviously people probably
listening that have families andkids and obviously you can't
just like up and move and justdo certain things.
There's definitelyresponsibilities there, but I
(40:58):
really do feel like any position, any life situation you're in,
you can have that blank canvasin front of you and you can make
it what you want it to be, andthat's something that honestly,
like, really excites me.
I'm living in a new city rightnow and this all started because
I wanted to experience a citythat was not somewhere I'd ever
(41:20):
lived before, but that allowedme to again explore, meet new
people and hopefully, like learnsome things while being here.
So that was kind of an excitingexperience for me about
creating Well, I love that.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
So one thing you talk about is you know that this
idea that you know I call it thesomeday illusion right, that we
have to wait to change, or wehave to wait until the kids are
grown or I've lost weight or I'mmaking more money, to really
create change, and you bring upsuch a good point that you don't
(42:00):
.
That's a someday illusion andit just keeps putting our life
off.
And the truth is, what you saidis that you can start to make
little shifts right where youare, and I think so often the
thing that's really in the wayof us moving closer to what we
want is just a lens or a way ofthinking or some sort of mental
barrier that we've boxedourselves in, and when you start
(42:22):
to pull that apart, you cancreate shifts right where you
are.
And so I would love, before wecomplete is where you are, and
so I love, before we complete iswhat?
Are there some tangible toolsthat have really helped you
maintain this practice in yourlife of really living more
intentionally, more present,more fully?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
I think one of them and I am not, if you can kind of
share even a little bit aboutit to Carla is the circle tool.
I think that is something that,from working with you, I have
just carried on and truly at itscore it's basically looking at
any situation and breaking itdown, and a lot of times we
(43:06):
think negatively right awayabout something or we jump to a
conclusion, and so that's atangible exercise that I feel
like.
If I get worked up or if I'muncertain or I'm worried about
something, I'll always likebreak it down and say, okay,
what are the true facts at itscore, like what really happened.
That's a tangible exercise thatI've really enjoyed utilizing.
(43:30):
And then also the sweeping like.
That's another one that I knowsome people can look at it Like.
This isn't just like brushingit off and never talking about
it again, but for me, whetherit's at work or in my personal
life, like, like there is asituation, it's addressing it,
it's it's making a commitmentwith the other person that's
(43:52):
involved and saying, okay, thisis how we're going to move
forward, and then it is gone, itis addressed, it's handled.
Those are two that I feel likeI've utilized tangibly a lot.
I'm not sure if you want tohighlight or kind of dive into
it a little bit from your side.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, just so listeners can understand.
So Circle Tool is reallybasically, like Kara said, when
something happens in your life,somebody could just literally
say one sentence and maybe it'sgot you upset and triggered.
But the Circle Tool is reallyjust separating the facts about
what happened and the story thatyou're internally telling about
(44:30):
it.
And as humans, we're meaningmaking machines and we create a
ton of drama in the story wetell.
And so when you can separatethe facts from the story you're
telling yourself, you can see asituation much more clearly and
then, instead of beingreactionary, really show up more
intentionally in a way thataligns with the outcome you
(44:51):
really want.
And then sweeping is just apractice of clearing, you know,
little upsets, little thingsthat you know are stewing in
your mind.
Rather than letting them stew,like Kara said, you know just
getting in communication morequickly, addressing something
more quickly and coming up witha new agreement, saying what's
(45:13):
on your heart and mind, insteadof, you know, silencing yourself
.
And really, like she said, it'snot about sweeping it under the
rug, but like really sweepingit, putting it in the dustpan
and getting rid of it for good,and what that allows is to
really cultivate aliveness inyour life in an ongoing way, so
(45:36):
that, because typically whathappens is the dust will just
the dust of those upsets, andthings will build and build and
build and our aliveness isimpacted, our energy is impacted
, we don't feel as great, and soby consistently having a
practice of sweeping andclearing that stuff, you are
actively maintaining andcultivating your own aliveness
(45:58):
and joy, and you can do thatongoingly is what she's
describing.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
So that's beautiful, awesome, anything else that you
want to share that we didn't getto cover, anything else that
you want to share that we didn'tget to cover, I think biggest
thing for anyone listening rightnow, at least, as I took on
this journey right, everyone'sstory is different and
everyone's path is different.
(46:23):
I think that's what's reallyspecial.
I truly think, though, itstarts with taking a good look
in the mirror and just saying isthis what my life is going to
look like and is this the lifethat I'm living?
That makes me joyful and happyevery day when I wake up, and I
(46:45):
think, if you have any inklingor any second thought, that it's
not like dive into that andwrite it down and explore it
more.
I know, carla, you taught me somuch about journaling, and I
would tell you that's such agreat way to express that
writing it down and dealing withit and like embrace it because
(47:05):
it is really fun.
It's so for, scary as the rideis, um, I I honestly like I feel
like it's had such a big impacton my life and I'm extremely
like grateful for having theopportunity to to work with you,
carla, but even just see thatthere is so much more out there
(47:28):
and that, like, as a human,we're capable of so much more.
So I just do, I have to thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
I feel like you have truly hadsuch an impact in a wonderful
way, and a lot of times I'm like, what would Carla do as as my,
as my kind of thought process,but I just I thank you a lot and
for the listeners like this is,this is an enjoyable experience
(47:52):
.
So don't be afraid and startnow and just identify, learn
more about yourself and fall inlove with who you are and what
you want to be.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
I love that Be the buffalo right Like yes, the
friction, it's not, it's not,it's just not as scary as it can
feel in our head.
Friction, it's not, it's not,it's just not as scary as it can
feel in our head.
Kara, it's.
The feeling is mutual and it'sbeen such a joy to kind of dive
in and explore and get into yourhead a little bit about what
your journey has been like and Iknow your story is going to
(48:22):
touch somebody's life and sothank you so much for being
willing to be here.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Thank you.
I very much appreciate it.
So thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of
differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
(48:55):
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
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