April 10, 2025 • 30 mins
Diana Bresnan's journey from overwhelmed HR executive to someone who finds joy in watching sunsets offers a powerful lesson about not postponing happiness until "someday." What began with a chance meeting at a health fair led to a profound realization - Diana noticed she said the word "responsibility" over and over again in a forty-minute conversation, revealing the weight she carried daily.
Like many high-achievers, Diana had fallen into the trap of putting her life on hold until retirement. "If I can just get through this, then I'll really start living," she thought. But through her work with Carla, she discovered that if she couldn't create fulfillment in her current circumstances, retirement wouldn't magically provide it either. The skills of presence, intentionality, and balance needed to be practiced now.
Diana shares practical strategies that transformed her approach to work and life, including writing down thoughts to clear mental space, learning to say no, and prioritizing what truly matters each day. These simple yet powerful techniques helped her create more joy without sacrificing her professional performance - in fact, she found the balance actually made her a more effective leader.
The most beautiful part of Diana's story comes in her successful transition to retirement, where she easily "turned off work like a light switch" and embraced a new chapter filled with reading, nature, and presence. Now when faced with new obligations that threaten to overwhelm, she recognizes the pattern and chooses differently.
This conversation offers hope for anyone feeling trapped by responsibility or postponing joy until some future date. Diana's experience proves that by addressing our mindset and making intentional choices now, we can create fulfillment exactly where we are - making any future "someday" simply a bonus to an already beautiful life.
Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast
Go to https://carlareeves.com/freeclass to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend. Each month is a new topic. Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!
Get your copy of 5 Ways to Manage Your Mind
Go to https://www.carlareeves.com/getunstuck.com to download Carla's on demand journaling workshop + exercise to help you stop spinning and start moving forward.
Explore Coaching with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/lite/explore-coaching
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible In 2017,.
I was standing at a table at alocal health fair for a large
company here in the valley and abeautiful, kind woman walked up
to the table and began engagingwith me and encouraged someone
(00:44):
that she knew to sign up for acomplimentary call to find out
more about my services.
And little did I know that thatbeautiful, kind woman was the
chief human resources officer.
He ended up becoming a clientand later she checked it out for
herself, and you're about tohear about that in just a moment
(01:05):
.
Having this conversation withDiana was just such a reminder
today for me that don't put yourlife off until someday.
Do the work to create more joy,more peace, whatever it is that
you desire right here where youare, because when someday comes
, if it comes, it will then bethe bonus on an already
(01:29):
intentional, beautiful lifeyou've made right where you are.
I'm so excited for you to meetDiana Bresnan.
I know you're going to enjoythis conversation.
Hi, diana, welcome toDifferently.
Oh, good morning, thank you forhaving me.
(01:51):
I'm so excited and honored,honestly, that you're here.
I don't know if you know this,but you really were somebody
that came into my life and mybusiness pretty early on.
I mean, I had been in businessfor quite a few years, but my
business was all online at thattime.
Well, it always has been online, but I didn't really have a
local business of any kind, andbecause I had got my
(02:15):
certification through a companyin Canada and we coached people
through them and most of myclients were on the East Coast,
and so that's how my businessstarted, and you were really one
of the first people locallythat I met that really opened a
door for my business here, and Ihave just forever deep
gratitude for that.
(02:35):
So thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh, it's been wonderful, just kind of getting
to know your processes andseeing how many different people
that I know that you've beenable to touch in a positive way,
so that's been really fun forme too.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I love that.
So when we were talking aboutyou coming on the podcast, we
were, you know, really talkingabout you just coming on and
really just sharing your storyand that your story will have
relevance for people and thatyour journey and some of the
things you went through I knowwe're going to touch people that
are listening, and so let'sjust let's start there, If you
(03:15):
want to share a little bit about, kind of who you are and where
you are today, and and thenwe'll, yeah, just dive into your
story.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Okay, I might.
I might kind of start at thebeginning, because I think that
makes sense.
I met you.
I met you at a health fair thatwe organized when I was working
at early warning services and Iwas just walking through the
health fair, participating, andand there you were talking to
folks about what you do in termsof, you know, life coaching and
(03:45):
mindset shifting and things,and I had talked to one of my
team members and said, you know,you should really test this out
.
And we kind of sort of joked alittle bit about it.
But I thought, you know,someone should test this.
So he did, and he came backwith such positive feedback and
I thought, ok, so if we're goingto really recommend this, I
(04:05):
should probably check it outmyself.
I don't need it, like I don't,I don't need life coaching, I'm
good, um, but I thought I should, at least I should at least
check it out.
So I scheduled an intro callwith you and I'll never forget,
I was really honest up front andsaid so, I'm, I want to do this
, but I don't really need thecoaching.
So I don't want you to feellike I'm wasting your time and,
(04:25):
uh, you're like, oh, no problem,you were so sweet and so
welcoming and, uh, so we didthis 30, 30 or 40 minute intro
call to just chat about thingsand at the end of the call it it
hit me like a ton of bricks.
I remember saying I said theword responsibility 40 times in
40 minutes.
(04:46):
I think I need you.
So I think my entire, my entiremind shifted based upon that
phone call.
And me just.
You didn't even have to tell meI needed it, it just surfaced
through our conversation,surfaced through our
(05:08):
conversation.
So I think even even people whohave done lots of coaching and
participated in that for yearsand are seasoned leaders and
feel like they have their wholelife together can can find such
a big lift by opening, openingup to this.
Um, so it was, it was huge forme.
Um, so that's kind of how westarted.
Do you remember that?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I totally remember that, because I remember you
came on and you were just likeoh yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I
don't need this.
And then there was just amoment of like ah, like, just it
was a blind spot, likesomething you hadn't seen.
And sometimes we can't see,even if we have gone through a
lot of this work myself included.
You know we go through a lot ofthis work and we do a lot of
(05:51):
training and have a lot ofawareness in our life, but there
there are things that we justcan't see.
And that conversation opened upsomething for you and that
really was a big theme in ourwork together was responsibility
.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It was, and, and I think if you're self-reflective
and you kind of help bring thisout through some of the
exercises that you did with me,but you really push yourself to
think about where does this comefrom?
Right, and part of it comesfrom, I believe, my parents and
the values that they instilledin me.
And my dad was huge onresponsibility and that's a
(06:24):
great thing, but I think anystrength, when overused, turns
in, you know, to a, to achallenge, right, and my mom's,
her, her big value wasgenerosity.
So if you pair responsibilityand generosity, I was like, oh
my gosh, I'm like destined for,you know, pushing myself pretty
hard, right, um, excuse me.
So I think it was helpful to atleast acknowledge that Um.
(06:48):
So through the discussions thatyou and I had, it was really
helpful for me.
You know I had a big job, youknow.
You know head of HR for forreally innovative, growing
company, and you know it wasn'tlike you were just on
maintenance mode, right, youwere constantly innovating and
growing and doing new things.
So you're pushing yourself andbeing a single mom for lots of
(07:09):
years and you know having highexpectations of myself and then
coming into a new relationshipand blending a family and all of
these things getting together.
And I remember talking to youand feeling slightly guilty
because early warning wasactually paying for this
engagement.
Right For me to test this outand get some coaching.
(07:29):
And I'm thinking, carla, I needyou to help me quit my job.
And I remember talking to youabout that and you, you were
awesome because you said, if youquit your job, that is not
going to solve the things thatare going on in your head and
how you think and how you behave.
And so, yes, you may quit yourjob, that is not going to solve
the things that are going on inyour head and how you think and
how you behave.
And so, yes, you may quit yourjob and think that that solves
(07:50):
it, but you're going to run intothose same challenges over and
over again, no matter whereyou're at in your life.
So you need to address thosefirst.
And it was such good coachingand I didn't believe you when
you told me I really didn't.
I thought there's no way I cando all this.
There's no way, um.
But you helped me see thatthose responsibilities are
really self-driven, um.
(08:10):
You can lever your thinking andlever what you think you must
do versus what you think isreally most important for you to
do.
And I remember you telling me.
You know, every day when youget up, think about the end of
the day and at the end of theday can you say you did the
things that were most important?
(08:31):
Will they make a difference?
Will they make you feelfulfilled at the end of the day?
And I still use that today tothink about what do I really
want to do, what do I need to doand what's going to make my
life feel fulfilled.
So that's really carried withme for a long time.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I remember, what I remember when you started was
that you were, you were socommitted to what you were up to
at early warning and you weretorn by, you know, these other
poles of, I think, your mom andyour new relationship and your
family.
And I remember and I don't knowif you remember this, but I
(09:16):
remember you thinking that Ijust got it, I just have to get
to retirement and then, and thenI'll take care of my life and
then I'll have these qualityrelationships and then I'm
really going to live.
And I just saw you putting yourlife off until the future and I
just wasn't okay with that.
Do you remember that?
(09:37):
I do.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I do, and that was such good, it's such good
guidance.
But I think we all do it.
We have these milestones wherewe think if I could just get
through this, you know, if Icould just do this, um.
But but I do think the realityis that we can have more than we
think right Without um, withoutsacrificing the things that are
(09:59):
most important to us.
So, you know, I still thinkabout it today in terms of
priorities, like what, whatshould I do and what could I do,
um, and and be deliberate aboutyour decisions, um, and I, and
I think it's it's just beenhelpful.
And you know, I did retireright, but it wasn't for a
couple of years after you and I,um chatted.
(10:22):
It might've been three yearsafter we chatted Right.
So, and and I enjoyed that partof my life the last couple of
years that I was working, I didenjoy it.
It was still a lot of work andit was still a lot of pressure,
um, but I did have greaterhappiness, greater fulfillment,
felt like I.
You know, instead of feelinglike I'm doing everything
halfway, I felt like I wasreally doing what I needed to do
(10:45):
really well and feeling goodabout it and maybe saying no to
some things.
Um, so I.
So I retired, and everyone Iknow, who knows, everyone, who
knows me, who worked with me, myfriends, my family, everyone
kept asking me what are yougoing to do, like, what are you
going to do when you retire?
And I and I I was almostslightly offended by it,
thinking I have tons of hobbies,like don't you know this about
(11:07):
me?
Of course I'm going to have,I'm going to fill my days with
all the fun things that I'vebeen looking forward to doing
and having more time for.
And when I retired, I turned itoff like a light switch and I I
didn't think about work.
I didn't miss it.
And for the first year I let, Iwent back and looked.
I read 35 books my first yearand I loved it and I could sit
(11:30):
on my lanai for hours at a timejust watching the ocean and
feeling like I don't have to doanything and feel and I'm going
to feel good about it and it wasawesome.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
I love that.
I want to go back to this ideaof like putting our life off,
because I think it is.
It's something really hopefulillusion that you're going to
have the life that you want outthere in the future, and I think
it's, if you don't know how tocreate fulfillment in your life
right where you are, that it'sit's unlikely that you'll know
how to do it at that futuremoment.
And so if you can learn tocreate it and cultivate it right
(12:28):
where you are, then then whenyou get to that future
destination, then it's just abonus.
You know, you just it's.
You know, just like retirement,because we will, we will carry
those patterns forward with usif we don't figure out how to
work with them right now.
So I would love for you to sharesome of the things, because I
(12:53):
remember there was like an innerconflict, because I think in
your mind you saw like if I wereto change anything in the way
I'm doing, that I'm going tolike drop the ball or I'm not
going to leave the legacy I'mcommitted to leaving at work and
together we kind of worked withhow can you leave the legacy
(13:14):
that you want to leave and startto create more balance and
peace in your life now, likethat's actually going to make
you a better leader instead ofyou know what you thought was
that it was going to, you know,diminish what you were doing at
work.
So share a little bit aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Sure, and it's so true.
You know you're used to runningso hard and so fast and and
expecting so much of yourself,and to even think about dialing
it back a little bit feels bad,right, because you feel like you
should be doing more, but thereality is you could work a
month straight with with with notime off, and you would still
(13:59):
not get everything done right.
There's always more to do, andso I just think, kind of
wrapping your head around how doI, how do I determine what my
priorities are, what do I needto accomplish and how do I
manage that in my day-to-daylife and and, and realizing that
the personal side of things isjust as important as everything
else that you do.
(14:20):
Right, putting yourself firstsometimes, um is is huge, and it
was important to me to to gohome for dinner several nights a
week and really have a qualityyou know, quality evening.
Um, and not feel like I wasthinking about work and one of
the things that you taught me.
I remember you coming into.
(14:40):
We did a group, uh, a groupworkshop, and the first thing
you told everyone was okay, geta piece of paper out and write
down what's on your mind rightnow.
Just write it down.
Write down what you're thinking, write down.
You know things that you'rethinking about that you need to
do, whatever that is.
And then, after we did that,you said, okay, now you can be
(15:04):
present because you've taken allof that that you're thinking
about right now that you knowyou have to do that's weighing
on you and your brain's notshutting off, and you've put it
somewhere that it will be thereat the end of this workshop.
So for the next hour, guesswhat you get to let that go and
be present.
And I still try to do thattoday, right, if I'm having
(15:26):
trouble sleeping because I'mthinking about something that's
going on, or if I'm going to bedwith something on my mind, I'll
take a moment and just write itdown, and then it helps me
relax the brain and be presentand know that tomorrow it's
going to be there.
Um, so that was one of thosestrategies that I think I still
use today, um, and it's beenreally, really helpful, and I
(15:47):
and I started to learn that, youknow.
So I want to be on a schoolboard and that's important to me
, but guess what?
I no longer feel like I have tochair the committee.
I don't have to.
You know I don't have tovolunteer.
The moment something comes up,I can lever things and still
feel like I'm getting what Iwant and by helping you know
(16:07):
students and the educators, butI don't have to let it overwhelm
me, and that's a hard thing tolearn is to dial that
volunteerism back and you knowthe all the things that you want
to do and know that you coulddo, but it might not be the best
choice.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, well, I think it's.
I mean, what I hear you sayingis kind of like stopping that,
that default reaction in ourlife of, especially if you have
the responsibility andgenerosity genes, you know from
the past that you know that washow you did life for a long time
and so those, those are goingto still kick in and but the
(16:47):
beautiful thing is that you cansit back and go recognize that
and then really choose for yourlife.
Now you know what makes senseand what doesn't make sense and
I think that you actually areable to probably serve in a
greater way when you, when youdo that, are able to probably
serve in a greater way when you,when you do that, when you make
an intentional choice.
That fits?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I think so, and you know it doesn't.
It doesn't come withoutsetbacks.
You know I've I've been.
I was retired for a year andthe timing couldn't have been
better.
Right before COVID hit.
It was like six days before theworld shut down and and I had
just retired.
So I felt slightly guilty aboutthat as well, like I just got
out of this and someone else isgoing to have to really manage
all of this.
(17:29):
Um, but a year after I retired,my former CEO reached out and
asked me if I would get involvedin a consulting opportunity and
I thought I committed to myselfthat for a year I wouldn't
think about a thing I would justenjoy, would not do anything,
and it was like a year and sixdays of my retirement that he
(17:51):
called.
So I ended up engaging in someconsulting and and it's been fun
and interesting.
But I also volunteered to be onthe board of my HOA and then
was elected president Alsovolunteered to be on the board
of my HOA and then was electedpresident.
So all of a sudden I'm feelinga little bit more like wait a
second, this is kind of deja vu.
I need to make sure that I'mapplying some of these things
(18:13):
and figuring out how thisdoesn't overwhelm me to where I
feel like I don't have qualityof life anymore.
So it is I guess it's alifelong opportunity to keep
thinking about your mind shiftright.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's, it is, it's a, it's a practice.
I mean it's it's.
You know, my, my hope is thatyou know in our work together
that I, and when I work withclients, is that you get tools
that you can reapply and reapplyand reapply.
Because I think it isespecially somebody like you who
was such a high achiever anddid so much in your working life
(18:51):
, like the, the, the pull tofill that plate again I'm sure
is pretty strong and I love thatyou're.
You filled it a little bit andyou're like wait a minute, what
am I doing?
And let's reassess andreevaluate and make some
different choices.
And I'm really curious becauseof I don't know your story of
(19:14):
how you got to where you did inyour career, but being somebody
that's so ambitious and was sosuccessful in your career, like,
and then to reach retirement,like what I mean, it sounds like
you really leaned back intothat retirement very with a lot
of ease.
But what, what is what?
(19:34):
Have you struggled with, youknow, mentally, in making that
shift?
Or was it a struggle?
The way you described it?
It doesn't sound like it wasmuch and maybe it's appearing
now.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
You know this might be too.
I don't know if this is toopersonal or not, but I'll share
it anyway because I think it wasa huge driver for me.
I was a single mom and divorcedfor 18 years before I met my
current husband a few years agoyears before I met my current
husband a few years ago.
Um, but I had always toldmyself, if I meet the right
person, I am not going to allowthese other factors to get in
(20:11):
the way of that I'm, I'm goingto embrace it and go with it.
And I met the right person andhe's awesome and and it just it
just worked at a perfect time inmy life.
And so I think in my head Iknew that someday right, that
was my goal was to reallyembrace life and do it with
(20:32):
someone that I could enjoy thatwith.
And so when retirement timefinally happened, I think I was
so ready for that because I'dbeen working to that, not that I
was looking for someone mywhole life, but when it did
happen, it was just this perfect, perfect storm of finally
(20:55):
letting go of everything and Ireally didn't look back at all.
I didn't look back at all.
And the consulting opportunityyou know, they'd love to let
this go on forever and turn intosomething regular, and I've
been.
Really.
I've had no problem saying noto that Right.
This is temporary and my realgig is getting back to this
amazing you know retirement withsomeone who's awesome and we're
(21:20):
just going to it just wasn'thard.
It wasn't hard to let go at alland I think that surprised a
lot of people.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, Did it surprise you no it didn't.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
No, it didn't.
I, I knew for a year.
I knew for a year I would veryeasily say no to everything,
right, um, and I wasn't evergoing to go look for anything
new.
This just sort of popped up,but it really didn't surprise me
, because when people would askme that question about what am I
going to do, I had so manythings that I thought about.
I thought I can't wait to readbooks and play golf and go
(21:55):
volunteer at the school and workout every day.
And you know, now, one of mygreatest joys is getting home in
time for sunset and justwatching the sun go down.
I mean, it's just like one ofthose when you ask me what's
most important every day, that'sone of those things.
Right, getting home andenjoying that, it's one of the
things that we like doing most.
So it doesn't surprise me thatit was easy to flip the switch,
(22:19):
um, and I don't, and I don'tthink it'll be hard to flip the
switch again once this currentgig is over.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I love that.
I think that you're remindingme that I'm learning to add more
relaxation and more play andmore joy in my life and for me
it's a muscle I have to learn touse and when I do like there's
(22:49):
so much there, like being such adoer.
It has not been easy, but themore I lean into that and the
more I push myself to be in theuncomfortable space of not like
not actively doing something,I'm just amazed more and more
and more of the, the peace andthe joy and the beauty and just
(23:12):
the tiny little moments of theday.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I so agree.
I mean, you just take in amoment to just notice things.
I have a cousin who had sent mea note one day and she said you
know, I learned so much from mykids and she had a maybe a
three-year-old at the time andher three-year-old was laying on
the ground on a blanket.
They were having the picnic outat the park and she's just
(23:40):
talking to her mom about mom,look at all the clouds going by,
and just talking about thewonder of this simple little
thing that we see every singleday, but we don't stop to
actually think about it at all.
Right, it's just there, but wedon't pay attention.
And it really jolted her backinto thinking about things that
are important and actually beingin the moment and noticing
(24:03):
things and appreciating them,and that's one of those examples
that also sticks with me for along time.
So now when I'm out in natureand I'm actually paying
attention to all the sounds andsights and things around me, I'm
just present.
And being present is such ahuge thing for me in terms of of
quality of life and feelinggood about things.
Is that you're actually payingattention.
(24:26):
Um, I remember once talking to a, a, a coach.
Um, we were talking about kidsand parenting and and I said
something about, well, I didn'tknow, and the coach said you
should have known, you shouldhave been paying attention.
And I felt, I felt a little bitoff at that.
I was like, really Like, how doyou know?
He was right, right, but ittook someone actually throwing
(24:49):
that at me, to say you are notpresent, or you would have known
, you wouldn't have forgotten,right.
And I just think, um, it, justlike you said, it's muscle
memory sometimes, um, to try totry to make sure and remind
yourself that being present issuch a huge thing.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
It's such a huge thing, and you reminded me to go
back to the journaling piece.
But that's, journaling issomething that helps me be
present too.
I mean, I use it all the time.
There's a quote that sayssomething like take out the
mental trash day daily, um, Iget it really is like, uh, um,
sometimes daily, just emptyingwhat's there so that you can be
(25:31):
present, because a lot of timesI can get lost in my thinking
and my clients tend to be overthinkers and we just get so
caught up in our head that we'renot present to our life.
And I, over the years ofworking with people, I one of
the things that has been thelike.
The biggest discovery is justhow much closer we are to
(25:52):
everything we want, but thenoise in our head and, um, you
know some, all the old storiesand things that we tell
ourselves is just creating theshade that prevents us from
experiencing the beautiful lifethat is so much closer than we
realize.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Absolutely.
I also kind of once in a while,have to remind myself to give
myself a pass.
You know things that I might do, or you know, uh, you know I'm
a, I'm a baker Love, I love itRight.
And for me to go buy somethingto take to an event, it just
pains me to even think about it.
But there are days that youhave to go.
(26:34):
I can't, I just I just can't.
So guess what I'm going to gobuy, like?
Sometimes you just giveyourself a pass on these simple
things and just let it go Um andagain.
It seems like such a simplelittle thing, but it's important
for me to to give myself somelatitude on occasion for things
that I might have donedifferently but don't have the
(26:56):
time to do today.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, I love that.
I went to a party recently andI, too, like, take great pride
in bringing something homemadeand I just didn't have the time
or energy to do it, and so Icompletely get that and I there
was a lot less stress and worryby just giving giving yourself a
pass.
I love that.
So did we.
We did we complete the story?
(27:21):
Was there anything else insideof your story that you wanted to
share?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
No, I think this was um.
It's kind of fun thinking,thinking back on how this all
came to be and um, I am so, I'mso thankful that we met that day
at the health fair and that youknow all these things needed to
happen for us to get where weare today.
But if you hadn't been at thehealth fair and if one of my
(27:49):
team members hadn't engaged youand actually done it, and and
early morning didn't give me theopportunity to really offer
this to others, I mean I mightnot be where I'm at today in
terms of you know, feeling,feeling really um, completed, um
, and, and so I'm reallythankful for all the things that
(28:09):
led up to where we are today.
So I appreciate all that.
You.
I still think about you once ina while and quote you often.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Uh, I feel that you're so welcome and I'm'm
equally grateful.
I looked back before we got onand we realized that we started
working together or met in 2017.
And I you know, watching,watching your journey has been
(28:36):
such a joy for me to talking toyou back then when you were like
anticipating this retirementand then seeing you here and now
and living it and filled with alot of peace and a lot of joy,
it just gives me a lot of joyand so I'm so grateful to know
you and I'm so grateful that youwere willing to come on and
share your story.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And, yeah, final thoughts yeah now I am um, I'm
gonna live.
I'm gonna live the dream.
How about that?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I love that.
I love that you're creating itevery day so good.
Thank you so much for beinghere and for this conversation.
Thank you, carla.
I'll talk to you soon.
Yeah, thank you for tuning into this episode of differently.
(29:34):
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
(29:54):
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible In 2017,.
I was standing at a table at alocal health fair for a large
company here in the valley and abeautiful, kind woman walked up
to the table and began engagingwith me and encouraged someone
(00:44):
that she knew to sign up for acomplimentary call to find out
more about my services.
And little did I know that thatbeautiful, kind woman was the
chief human resources officer.
He ended up becoming a clientand later she checked it out for
herself, and you're about tohear about that in just a moment
(01:05):
.
Having this conversation withDiana was just such a reminder
today for me that don't put yourlife off until someday.
Do the work to create more joy,more peace, whatever it is that
you desire right here where youare, because when someday comes
, if it comes, it will then bethe bonus on an already
(01:29):
intentional, beautiful lifeyou've made right where you are.
I'm so excited for you to meetDiana Bresnan.
I know you're going to enjoythis conversation.
Hi, diana, welcome toDifferently.
Oh, good morning, thank you forhaving me.
(01:51):
I'm so excited and honored,honestly, that you're here.
I don't know if you know this,but you really were somebody
that came into my life and mybusiness pretty early on.
I mean, I had been in businessfor quite a few years, but my
business was all online at thattime.
Well, it always has been online, but I didn't really have a
local business of any kind, andbecause I had got my
(02:15):
certification through a companyin Canada and we coached people
through them and most of myclients were on the East Coast,
and so that's how my businessstarted, and you were really one
of the first people locallythat I met that really opened a
door for my business here, and Ihave just forever deep
gratitude for that.
(02:35):
So thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh, it's been wonderful, just kind of getting
to know your processes andseeing how many different people
that I know that you've beenable to touch in a positive way,
so that's been really fun forme too.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I love that.
So when we were talking aboutyou coming on the podcast, we
were, you know, really talkingabout you just coming on and
really just sharing your storyand that your story will have
relevance for people and thatyour journey and some of the
things you went through I knowwe're going to touch people that
are listening, and so let'sjust let's start there, If you
(03:15):
want to share a little bit about, kind of who you are and where
you are today, and and thenwe'll, yeah, just dive into your
story.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Okay, I might.
I might kind of start at thebeginning, because I think that
makes sense.
I met you.
I met you at a health fair thatwe organized when I was working
at early warning services and Iwas just walking through the
health fair, participating, andand there you were talking to
folks about what you do in termsof, you know, life coaching and
(03:45):
mindset shifting and things,and I had talked to one of my
team members and said, you know,you should really test this out
.
And we kind of sort of joked alittle bit about it.
But I thought, you know,someone should test this.
So he did, and he came backwith such positive feedback and
I thought, ok, so if we're goingto really recommend this, I
(04:05):
should probably check it outmyself.
I don't need it, like I don't,I don't need life coaching, I'm
good, um, but I thought I should, at least I should at least
check it out.
So I scheduled an intro callwith you and I'll never forget,
I was really honest up front andsaid so, I'm, I want to do this
, but I don't really need thecoaching.
So I don't want you to feellike I'm wasting your time and,
(04:25):
uh, you're like, oh, no problem,you were so sweet and so
welcoming and, uh, so we didthis 30, 30 or 40 minute intro
call to just chat about thingsand at the end of the call it it
hit me like a ton of bricks.
I remember saying I said theword responsibility 40 times in
40 minutes.
(04:46):
I think I need you.
So I think my entire, my entiremind shifted based upon that
phone call.
And me just.
You didn't even have to tell meI needed it, it just surfaced
through our conversation,surfaced through our
(05:08):
conversation.
So I think even even people whohave done lots of coaching and
participated in that for yearsand are seasoned leaders and
feel like they have their wholelife together can can find such
a big lift by opening, openingup to this.
Um, so it was, it was huge forme.
Um, so that's kind of how westarted.
Do you remember that?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I totally remember that, because I remember you
came on and you were just likeoh yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I
don't need this.
And then there was just amoment of like ah, like, just it
was a blind spot, likesomething you hadn't seen.
And sometimes we can't see,even if we have gone through a
lot of this work myself included.
You know we go through a lot ofthis work and we do a lot of
(05:51):
training and have a lot ofawareness in our life, but there
there are things that we justcan't see.
And that conversation opened upsomething for you and that
really was a big theme in ourwork together was responsibility
.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It was, and, and I think if you're self-reflective
and you kind of help bring thisout through some of the
exercises that you did with me,but you really push yourself to
think about where does this comefrom?
Right, and part of it comesfrom, I believe, my parents and
the values that they instilledin me.
And my dad was huge onresponsibility and that's a
(06:24):
great thing, but I think anystrength, when overused, turns
in, you know, to a, to achallenge, right, and my mom's,
her, her big value wasgenerosity.
So if you pair responsibilityand generosity, I was like, oh
my gosh, I'm like destined for,you know, pushing myself pretty
hard, right, um, excuse me.
So I think it was helpful to atleast acknowledge that Um.
(06:48):
So through the discussions thatyou and I had, it was really
helpful for me.
You know I had a big job, youknow.
You know head of HR for forreally innovative, growing
company, and you know it wasn'tlike you were just on
maintenance mode, right, youwere constantly innovating and
growing and doing new things.
So you're pushing yourself andbeing a single mom for lots of
(07:09):
years and you know having highexpectations of myself and then
coming into a new relationshipand blending a family and all of
these things getting together.
And I remember talking to youand feeling slightly guilty
because early warning wasactually paying for this
engagement.
Right For me to test this outand get some coaching.
(07:29):
And I'm thinking, carla, I needyou to help me quit my job.
And I remember talking to youabout that and you, you were
awesome because you said, if youquit your job, that is not
going to solve the things thatare going on in your head and
how you think and how you behave.
And so, yes, you may quit yourjob, that is not going to solve
the things that are going on inyour head and how you think and
how you behave.
And so, yes, you may quit yourjob and think that that solves
(07:50):
it, but you're going to run intothose same challenges over and
over again, no matter whereyou're at in your life.
So you need to address thosefirst.
And it was such good coachingand I didn't believe you when
you told me I really didn't.
I thought there's no way I cando all this.
There's no way, um.
But you helped me see thatthose responsibilities are
really self-driven, um.
(08:10):
You can lever your thinking andlever what you think you must
do versus what you think isreally most important for you to
do.
And I remember you telling me.
You know, every day when youget up, think about the end of
the day and at the end of theday can you say you did the
things that were most important?
(08:31):
Will they make a difference?
Will they make you feelfulfilled at the end of the day?
And I still use that today tothink about what do I really
want to do, what do I need to doand what's going to make my
life feel fulfilled.
So that's really carried withme for a long time.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I remember, what I remember when you started was
that you were, you were socommitted to what you were up to
at early warning and you weretorn by, you know, these other
poles of, I think, your mom andyour new relationship and your
family.
And I remember and I don't knowif you remember this, but I
(09:16):
remember you thinking that Ijust got it, I just have to get
to retirement and then, and thenI'll take care of my life and
then I'll have these qualityrelationships and then I'm
really going to live.
And I just saw you putting yourlife off until the future and I
just wasn't okay with that.
Do you remember that?
(09:37):
I do.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I do, and that was such good, it's such good
guidance.
But I think we all do it.
We have these milestones wherewe think if I could just get
through this, you know, if Icould just do this, um.
But but I do think the realityis that we can have more than we
think right Without um, withoutsacrificing the things that are
(09:59):
most important to us.
So, you know, I still thinkabout it today in terms of
priorities, like what, whatshould I do and what could I do,
um, and and be deliberate aboutyour decisions, um, and I, and
I think it's it's just beenhelpful.
And you know, I did retireright, but it wasn't for a
couple of years after you and I,um chatted.
(10:22):
It might've been three yearsafter we chatted Right.
So, and and I enjoyed that partof my life the last couple of
years that I was working, I didenjoy it.
It was still a lot of work andit was still a lot of pressure,
um, but I did have greaterhappiness, greater fulfillment,
felt like I.
You know, instead of feelinglike I'm doing everything
halfway, I felt like I wasreally doing what I needed to do
(10:45):
really well and feeling goodabout it and maybe saying no to
some things.
Um, so I.
So I retired, and everyone Iknow, who knows, everyone, who
knows me, who worked with me, myfriends, my family, everyone
kept asking me what are yougoing to do, like, what are you
going to do when you retire?
And I and I I was almostslightly offended by it,
thinking I have tons of hobbies,like don't you know this about
(11:07):
me?
Of course I'm going to have,I'm going to fill my days with
all the fun things that I'vebeen looking forward to doing
and having more time for.
And when I retired, I turned itoff like a light switch and I I
didn't think about work.
I didn't miss it.
And for the first year I let, Iwent back and looked.
I read 35 books my first yearand I loved it and I could sit
(11:30):
on my lanai for hours at a timejust watching the ocean and
feeling like I don't have to doanything and feel and I'm going
to feel good about it and it wasawesome.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
I love that.
I want to go back to this ideaof like putting our life off,
because I think it is.
It's something really hopefulillusion that you're going to
have the life that you want outthere in the future, and I think
it's, if you don't know how tocreate fulfillment in your life
right where you are, that it'sit's unlikely that you'll know
how to do it at that futuremoment.
And so if you can learn tocreate it and cultivate it right
(12:28):
where you are, then then whenyou get to that future
destination, then it's just abonus.
You know, you just it's.
You know, just like retirement,because we will, we will carry
those patterns forward with usif we don't figure out how to
work with them right now.
So I would love for you to sharesome of the things, because I
(12:53):
remember there was like an innerconflict, because I think in
your mind you saw like if I wereto change anything in the way
I'm doing, that I'm going tolike drop the ball or I'm not
going to leave the legacy I'mcommitted to leaving at work and
together we kind of worked withhow can you leave the legacy
(13:14):
that you want to leave and startto create more balance and
peace in your life now, likethat's actually going to make
you a better leader instead ofyou know what you thought was
that it was going to, you know,diminish what you were doing at
work.
So share a little bit aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Sure, and it's so true.
You know you're used to runningso hard and so fast and and
expecting so much of yourself,and to even think about dialing
it back a little bit feels bad,right, because you feel like you
should be doing more, but thereality is you could work a
month straight with with with notime off, and you would still
(13:59):
not get everything done right.
There's always more to do, andso I just think, kind of
wrapping your head around how doI, how do I determine what my
priorities are, what do I needto accomplish and how do I
manage that in my day-to-daylife and and, and realizing that
the personal side of things isjust as important as everything
else that you do.
(14:20):
Right, putting yourself firstsometimes, um is is huge, and it
was important to me to to gohome for dinner several nights a
week and really have a qualityyou know, quality evening.
Um, and not feel like I wasthinking about work and one of
the things that you taught me.
I remember you coming into.
(14:40):
We did a group, uh, a groupworkshop, and the first thing
you told everyone was okay, geta piece of paper out and write
down what's on your mind rightnow.
Just write it down.
Write down what you're thinking, write down.
You know things that you'rethinking about that you need to
do, whatever that is.
And then, after we did that,you said, okay, now you can be
(15:04):
present because you've taken allof that that you're thinking
about right now that you knowyou have to do that's weighing
on you and your brain's notshutting off, and you've put it
somewhere that it will be thereat the end of this workshop.
So for the next hour, guesswhat you get to let that go and
be present.
And I still try to do thattoday, right, if I'm having
(15:26):
trouble sleeping because I'mthinking about something that's
going on, or if I'm going to bedwith something on my mind, I'll
take a moment and just write itdown, and then it helps me
relax the brain and be presentand know that tomorrow it's
going to be there.
Um, so that was one of thosestrategies that I think I still
use today, um, and it's beenreally, really helpful, and I
(15:47):
and I started to learn that, youknow.
So I want to be on a schoolboard and that's important to me
, but guess what?
I no longer feel like I have tochair the committee.
I don't have to.
You know I don't have tovolunteer.
The moment something comes up,I can lever things and still
feel like I'm getting what Iwant and by helping you know
(16:07):
students and the educators, butI don't have to let it overwhelm
me, and that's a hard thing tolearn is to dial that
volunteerism back and you knowthe all the things that you want
to do and know that you coulddo, but it might not be the best
choice.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, well, I think it's.
I mean, what I hear you sayingis kind of like stopping that,
that default reaction in ourlife of, especially if you have
the responsibility andgenerosity genes, you know from
the past that you know that washow you did life for a long time
and so those, those are goingto still kick in and but the
(16:47):
beautiful thing is that you cansit back and go recognize that
and then really choose for yourlife.
Now you know what makes senseand what doesn't make sense and
I think that you actually areable to probably serve in a
greater way when you, when youdo that, are able to probably
serve in a greater way when you,when you do that, when you make
an intentional choice.
That fits?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I think so, and you know it doesn't.
It doesn't come withoutsetbacks.
You know I've I've been.
I was retired for a year andthe timing couldn't have been
better.
Right before COVID hit.
It was like six days before theworld shut down and and I had
just retired.
So I felt slightly guilty aboutthat as well, like I just got
out of this and someone else isgoing to have to really manage
all of this.
(17:29):
Um, but a year after I retired,my former CEO reached out and
asked me if I would get involvedin a consulting opportunity and
I thought I committed to myselfthat for a year I wouldn't
think about a thing I would justenjoy, would not do anything,
and it was like a year and sixdays of my retirement that he
(17:51):
called.
So I ended up engaging in someconsulting and and it's been fun
and interesting.
But I also volunteered to be onthe board of my HOA and then
was elected president Alsovolunteered to be on the board
of my HOA and then was electedpresident.
So all of a sudden I'm feelinga little bit more like wait a
second, this is kind of deja vu.
I need to make sure that I'mapplying some of these things
(18:13):
and figuring out how thisdoesn't overwhelm me to where I
feel like I don't have qualityof life anymore.
So it is I guess it's alifelong opportunity to keep
thinking about your mind shiftright.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's, it is, it's a, it's a practice.
I mean it's it's.
You know, my, my hope is thatyou know in our work together
that I, and when I work withclients, is that you get tools
that you can reapply and reapplyand reapply.
Because I think it isespecially somebody like you who
was such a high achiever anddid so much in your working life
(18:51):
, like the, the, the pull tofill that plate again I'm sure
is pretty strong and I love thatyou're.
You filled it a little bit andyou're like wait a minute, what
am I doing?
And let's reassess andreevaluate and make some
different choices.
And I'm really curious becauseof I don't know your story of
(19:14):
how you got to where you did inyour career, but being somebody
that's so ambitious and was sosuccessful in your career, like,
and then to reach retirement,like what I mean, it sounds like
you really leaned back intothat retirement very with a lot
of ease.
But what, what is what?
(19:34):
Have you struggled with, youknow, mentally, in making that
shift?
Or was it a struggle?
The way you described it?
It doesn't sound like it wasmuch and maybe it's appearing
now.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
You know this might be too.
I don't know if this is toopersonal or not, but I'll share
it anyway because I think it wasa huge driver for me.
I was a single mom and divorcedfor 18 years before I met my
current husband a few years agoyears before I met my current
husband a few years ago.
Um, but I had always toldmyself, if I meet the right
person, I am not going to allowthese other factors to get in
(20:11):
the way of that I'm, I'm goingto embrace it and go with it.
And I met the right person andhe's awesome and and it just it
just worked at a perfect time inmy life.
And so I think in my head Iknew that someday right, that
was my goal was to reallyembrace life and do it with
(20:32):
someone that I could enjoy thatwith.
And so when retirement timefinally happened, I think I was
so ready for that because I'dbeen working to that, not that I
was looking for someone mywhole life, but when it did
happen, it was just this perfect, perfect storm of finally
(20:55):
letting go of everything and Ireally didn't look back at all.
I didn't look back at all.
And the consulting opportunityyou know, they'd love to let
this go on forever and turn intosomething regular, and I've
been.
Really.
I've had no problem saying noto that Right.
This is temporary and my realgig is getting back to this
amazing you know retirement withsomeone who's awesome and we're
(21:20):
just going to it just wasn'thard.
It wasn't hard to let go at alland I think that surprised a
lot of people.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, Did it surprise you no it didn't.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
No, it didn't.
I, I knew for a year.
I knew for a year I would veryeasily say no to everything,
right, um, and I wasn't evergoing to go look for anything
new.
This just sort of popped up,but it really didn't surprise me
, because when people would askme that question about what am I
going to do, I had so manythings that I thought about.
I thought I can't wait to readbooks and play golf and go
(21:55):
volunteer at the school and workout every day.
And you know, now, one of mygreatest joys is getting home in
time for sunset and justwatching the sun go down.
I mean, it's just like one ofthose when you ask me what's
most important every day, that'sone of those things.
Right, getting home andenjoying that, it's one of the
things that we like doing most.
So it doesn't surprise me thatit was easy to flip the switch,
(22:19):
um, and I don't, and I don'tthink it'll be hard to flip the
switch again once this currentgig is over.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I love that.
I think that you're remindingme that I'm learning to add more
relaxation and more play andmore joy in my life and for me
it's a muscle I have to learn touse and when I do like there's
(22:49):
so much there, like being such adoer.
It has not been easy, but themore I lean into that and the
more I push myself to be in theuncomfortable space of not like
not actively doing something,I'm just amazed more and more
and more of the, the peace andthe joy and the beauty and just
(23:12):
the tiny little moments of theday.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I so agree.
I mean, you just take in amoment to just notice things.
I have a cousin who had sent mea note one day and she said you
know, I learned so much from mykids and she had a maybe a
three-year-old at the time andher three-year-old was laying on
the ground on a blanket.
They were having the picnic outat the park and she's just
(23:40):
talking to her mom about mom,look at all the clouds going by,
and just talking about thewonder of this simple little
thing that we see every singleday, but we don't stop to
actually think about it at all.
Right, it's just there, but wedon't pay attention.
And it really jolted her backinto thinking about things that
are important and actually beingin the moment and noticing
(24:03):
things and appreciating them,and that's one of those examples
that also sticks with me for along time.
So now when I'm out in natureand I'm actually paying
attention to all the sounds andsights and things around me, I'm
just present.
And being present is such ahuge thing for me in terms of of
quality of life and feelinggood about things.
Is that you're actually payingattention.
(24:26):
Um, I remember once talking to a, a, a coach.
Um, we were talking about kidsand parenting and and I said
something about, well, I didn'tknow, and the coach said you
should have known, you shouldhave been paying attention.
And I felt, I felt a little bitoff at that.
I was like, really Like, how doyou know?
He was right, right, but ittook someone actually throwing
(24:49):
that at me, to say you are notpresent, or you would have known
, you wouldn't have forgotten,right.
And I just think, um, it, justlike you said, it's muscle
memory sometimes, um, to try totry to make sure and remind
yourself that being present issuch a huge thing.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
It's such a huge thing, and you reminded me to go
back to the journaling piece.
But that's, journaling issomething that helps me be
present too.
I mean, I use it all the time.
There's a quote that sayssomething like take out the
mental trash day daily, um, Iget it really is like, uh, um,
sometimes daily, just emptyingwhat's there so that you can be
(25:31):
present, because a lot of timesI can get lost in my thinking
and my clients tend to be overthinkers and we just get so
caught up in our head that we'renot present to our life.
And I, over the years ofworking with people, I one of
the things that has been thelike.
The biggest discovery is justhow much closer we are to
(25:52):
everything we want, but thenoise in our head and, um, you
know some, all the old storiesand things that we tell
ourselves is just creating theshade that prevents us from
experiencing the beautiful lifethat is so much closer than we
realize.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Absolutely.
I also kind of once in a while,have to remind myself to give
myself a pass.
You know things that I might do, or you know, uh, you know I'm
a, I'm a baker Love, I love itRight.
And for me to go buy somethingto take to an event, it just
pains me to even think about it.
But there are days that youhave to go.
(26:34):
I can't, I just I just can't.
So guess what I'm going to gobuy, like?
Sometimes you just giveyourself a pass on these simple
things and just let it go Um andagain.
It seems like such a simplelittle thing, but it's important
for me to to give myself somelatitude on occasion for things
that I might have donedifferently but don't have the
(26:56):
time to do today.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, I love that.
I went to a party recently andI, too, like, take great pride
in bringing something homemadeand I just didn't have the time
or energy to do it, and so Icompletely get that and I there
was a lot less stress and worryby just giving giving yourself a
pass.
I love that.
So did we.
We did we complete the story?
(27:21):
Was there anything else insideof your story that you wanted to
share?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
No, I think this was um.
It's kind of fun thinking,thinking back on how this all
came to be and um, I am so, I'mso thankful that we met that day
at the health fair and that youknow all these things needed to
happen for us to get where weare today.
But if you hadn't been at thehealth fair and if one of my
(27:49):
team members hadn't engaged youand actually done it, and and
early morning didn't give me theopportunity to really offer
this to others, I mean I mightnot be where I'm at today in
terms of you know, feeling,feeling really um, completed, um
, and, and so I'm reallythankful for all the things that
(28:09):
led up to where we are today.
So I appreciate all that.
You.
I still think about you once ina while and quote you often.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Uh, I feel that you're so welcome and I'm'm
equally grateful.
I looked back before we got onand we realized that we started
working together or met in 2017.
And I you know, watching,watching your journey has been
(28:36):
such a joy for me to talking toyou back then when you were like
anticipating this retirementand then seeing you here and now
and living it and filled with alot of peace and a lot of joy,
it just gives me a lot of joyand so I'm so grateful to know
you and I'm so grateful that youwere willing to come on and
share your story.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And, yeah, final thoughts yeah now I am um, I'm
gonna live.
I'm gonna live the dream.
How about that?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I love that.
I love that you're creating itevery day so good.
Thank you so much for beinghere and for this conversation.
Thank you, carla.
I'll talk to you soon.
Yeah, thank you for tuning into this episode of differently.
(29:34):
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
(29:54):
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
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