February 13, 2025 • 39 mins
Episode Summary:
In this empowering episode of Differently, Carla sits down with Rachel Brooks—founder of The Confident Woman, host of The Confident Woman Podcast, and author of Chasing Perfection. Rachel shares her transformative journey of self-discovery, overcoming self-doubt, and rebuilding her life from the inside out.
Through her three-step process of Feel, Deal, and Heal, Rachel teaches us how to reframe our mindset, break free from limiting beliefs, and step into confidence. She candidly opens up about walking away from her past life, finding her true identity, and strengthening her faith. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt or wondered how to rewrite your own story, this episode is a must-listen!
What You'll Learn:
✔️ How to shift from self-doubt to confidence
✔️ The power of rewriting your own story
✔️ Why faith and mindset play a key role in self-discovery
✔️ The importance of resilience in personal growth
✔️ Rachel’s journey of walking away to find clarity and purpose
Resources & Links:
📚 Chasing Perfection – Available everywhere books are sold
📖 Fit From Within & Create Your Own Story – Available on Amazon
🎙️ Listen to The Confident Woman Podcast
🌎 Connect with Rachel: www.iamrachelbrooks.com
Your Next Step:
Don’t just listen—take action! What’s one belief or story about yourself that’s holding you back? Today, challenge it. Journal about it, talk to a friend, or take one bold step toward rewriting that story.
📢 If this episode inspired you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs this message. Your support helps us continue to bring empowering conversations to more people!
Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast
Go to https://carlareeves.com/freeclass to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend. Each month is a new topic. Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!
Get your copy of 5 Ways to Manage Your Mind
Book a Complimentary Strategy Call with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/strategycall
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Thank you for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carla (00:01):
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible.
You know those days when youfeel beat up by self-doubt and
you see others feeling soconfident only wishing that
could be you too.
Well, today's episode is goingto feel like sitting down with a
good friend who gets it.
I'm excited to introduce you toRachel Brooks and, trust me,
her story is going to feel likesitting down with a good friend
(00:44):
who gets it.
I'm excited to introduce you toRachel Brooks and, trust me,
her story is going to stop youin her tracks.
10 years ago, she did somethingthat many of us only dream
about.
She completely rewrote herstory, and what she discovered
about confidence along the wayit's probably not what you think
.
Rachel, the founder of theConfident Woman, host of the
(01:06):
Confident Woman podcast andauthor of Chasing Perfection, is
going to join us today.
I loved, and I think you will,too her three-step process of
feel, deal and heal for managingyour mind and finding peace
again.
If you've ever felt stuckbetween who you are and who you
want to be, this conversation isespecially for you.
(01:29):
And be sure you stay all theway until the end, because
Rachel shares a message thatmight be exactly what you need
to hear today.
Grab your coffee or yourfavorite beverage, find a cozy
spot and let's get real aboutwhat it truly means to build
lasting confidence.
Trust me, this is oneconversation you won't want to
(01:51):
miss.
Hey, differently Listener,we're back, and I'm so excited
to have my new friend, rachelBrooks, here.
She is the founder of theConfident Woman and the
Confident Woman podcast, andshe's the author of Chasing
Perfection.
So welcome Rachel.
Rachel (02:09):
Yes, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited that we get tohave this incredible
conversation today.
Carla (02:14):
I'm excited too, and confidence is something that I
have struggled with my entirelife.
It's definitely something theself-d, self-doubt and second
guessing and all of that stuffcomes up for my clients as well.
It's something I navigate, Ithink, in my own life on the
daily.
You know, one of my favoritequestions is what would
(02:35):
confidence do?
And just taking that action,because that just helps me get
out of my own way and all thenoise in my mind.
I would love to start.
I saw this on your websiteabout creating your own story,
and that is so near and dear tomy heart and I just want to
(02:55):
start with like when did youdiscover that you had the power
to create your own story?
Rachel (03:02):
Yes, oh, my goodness.
I love this because before wejump into that, I want to talk
about the confidence.
For a moment I was.
I had zero confidence.
I would say that I was theperson who was like turn the
lights out, shut the door andpretend I don't exist, like I've
never wanted to be seen, nevereven thought that people would
notice.
And so when I would seesomebody else walk through a
(03:23):
room, that was just this light,and I'm like, wow, that's the
confidence, that's whatconfidence is.
And so I always admired it inothers, but I didn't see it in
myself.
And so when I started my journeyof personal growth and
self-discovery and figuring outwho I am and that was one of the
greatest questions that I hadto ask myself at this pivotal
(03:43):
moment of my life was who am I?
And when I started digging deepinto the root of what was
holding me back and how I spokeabout myself, how I identified
what I would think or say whenpeople would say who are you?
It was always led with anegative it's I'm not this, I
(04:04):
don't have this, or I'm justthis, and it felt very low, and
so you could tell that there wasno confidence behind anything
that I would speak about myself.
And so when I was on thisjourney, I really had to go to
these deep, dark places of mylife that I was like I want to
go there because that's whatI've been chasing away from.
And I didn't want to be in aplace where my identity was
(04:27):
limited, because I was sostifled in my growth journey
that I knew that something hadto change.
And so the story that I kepttelling myself was on repeat,
and that story came from my lies, the excuses, the beliefs, my
past, my traumas, my dramas.
All of this colored who Ibelieved I was, and so that was
(04:49):
the story that was a strongholdin my life.
And so when I dove head firstinto this journey, the vast
unknown was zero confidence.
All I had was my faith andfaith is confidence.
I had was my faith and faith isconfidence.
And so the more I steppedconfidently into this unknown,
(05:15):
leaning not on my ownunderstanding and knowing who I
am, but who I am in my creator.
And so that was very spiritualin a moment of such darkness,
and that was the glimmer oflight and hope that I needed to
ignite in my story.
And so the story started totranspire and unfold as I
stepped fully into this journeyof the unknown, trusting my
faith.
Carla (05:37):
I love that.
So the thing that pops up forme right away is like how, how
does someone who doesn't havefaith, or is just seeking their
faith, understand what you justsaid and, like, begin to step
closer to that?
Rachel (05:58):
Well, faith is twofold.
Faith is belief.
You have belief that it willwork out, you have belief that
it doesn't.
You have confidence, which isthe positive of belief, and you
have self-doubt, which is thenegative of belief.
It's the same.
Everything that we want has twosides, and so I didn't know the
alternate side, because I was soconditioned by living in one
(06:21):
space and that was filled withself-doubt, criticism, cynicism,
judgment, ridicule, fear,anxiety all the things that we
suffer on a daily basis if wedon't learn to flip the script
and flipping the script is thatnew narrative that we get to
begin and write our own story,and so that story.
So my tagline in my business iscreate.
(06:43):
You have the power to createyour own story, and so that
power is when we surrender andwe trust not in our own
understanding, but lean on his.
Therefore, there's a new and arenewed sense of power and
restoration, and that's thespirit that gets to write the
story with you, the power thatempowers you to become the
confident woman that is in everysingle one of us.
(07:05):
That doubt is there, but alsoconfidence and faith are also
there.
It's a matter of which one wechoose.
Carla (07:14):
To me that's such a relief, right, like I think for
so long we're, we're even in ourculture, we're sort of taught
and pushed in the direction oflike finding our strengths and
our potential and like all thisis kind of like all on focused
on us, right, and for me,realizing and learning that I
(07:37):
have an identity that isn'tcreated by me, that's already
there, created by me, that'salready there, that takes all
the pressure off, like I knowfor me, for years I was doubting
myself and struggle withself-acceptance, and then I
realized that as I'm dissingmyself, I'm dissing my creator,
(08:07):
and that was the turning pointof what actually helped me to
stop all the I mean stop man.
It's what helped me startmanaging the negative self talk
in a completely different way100%.
Rachel (08:17):
That's exactly what it was for me too, because that
concept of self awareness is oneof the greatest tools that
you'll ever have, because onceyou're aware, you can't, you
can't unsee it.
So now you spot the troubledareas in your life and you say,
okay, now that I'm aware of thisand it's not serving me and
it's not conducive to god's planfor me, then why do I keep
going down that path?
(08:37):
Why do I keep speaking deathinto my life, when we keep
speaking all this negative andand we're not breathing life
right?
So we want one thing, but we'reunwilling to let go of the
thing that is holding us back,that's able to get it.
So it's about that.
The light bulb moment turned onin my head and I was just like,
well, there it is, that's what'sholding me back.
(08:59):
How do I get to there?
Well, I have to let go of allthe things that I knew weren't
conducive, weren't serving me,weren't for him, in this context
of truth.
So I had to start seeking whatis truth.
Truth was found in my identity.
Truth is who he says I am.
I'm already called, equippedand qualified, so why do I have
to be anything other than who Iam?
(09:19):
So that's the first step.
Who am I?
And that was the journey ofself-discovery and that's what
led me into discovering not onlywho Rachel Brooks is, but that
became my brand, that became mymission, that became the
movement.
And I confidently steppedfurther into this journey.
And I say confidently becauseit was through consistency.
(09:40):
I was consistently pouring intothe word.
I was trying to find out whatit is that I'm doing here, on
this personal side, but my powerand my source is telling me
otherwise.
So I had to distinguish what istruth, what is lie.
And it wasn't just in the areaof my identity.
I started looking at under amicroscope my entire life and
(10:01):
that's when I rebuilt everythingfrom the inside out.
So that confident woman she isin every single one of us.
But we've been beaten down,broken, discarded, and we've had
so much stuff that has happenedto us in our lives right, we
can allow that, you know, fuelus from a place of empowerment
or disempowerment.
And I knew the alternativebecause I've lived it for
(10:24):
decades and said I can't keepdoing this anymore.
So I'm willing to trade that infor something better and
greater, because this is not thelife that I'm chosen and called
for.
Carla (10:34):
That's so beautiful.
So I believe that and I've seenthis so many times with working
with people times you know,with working with people, that
our greatest gift comes from ourgreatest pain.
You know and I mean your storyis such an example of that and I
(10:55):
know a little bit about yourstory but would you be willing
to take us back to the pain,like where you were when you
flipped the script and startedto make the shift, because I
think people will relate likerelate to that right, taking us
back to the tangible situationsthat you found yourself in yes,
absolutely, and it's the ironyof this is I was just telling
(11:16):
somebody the other day I saidthis is actually 10 years ago,
10 years ago this month thatwe're recording, and I had said
I had enough.
Rachel (11:25):
I walked away from everything.
I didn't know what was going on, I just needed to the space and
take a break.
I walked away from my marriage.
I walked away from my high,lucrative job.
I walked away from my friends,all the people that I had built
in my, in my town, um, inColumbus, ohio.
But I went back to my hometownin Buffalo, new York, because
that was home and I just neededto distance myself from
(11:48):
everything and everyone andquiet the noise and get super
focused on who I am and startall over again.
I didn't know what the futureof, of of my life would be,
because I didn't even know afuture even existed for me, and
that was the pivotal moment.
So I spent time and I share allof this like very, very real and
vulnerable stories in my bookChasing Perfection A Journey to
(12:11):
Healing, fitness and Self-Love.
And so why I share this soopenly is because for me to
grieve and move through the pain, I had to go to that place, but
not from a place to relive thepain, but a place to feel and
heal and experience it from adifferent perspective.
Because if we keep holding onto the pain and the loss and the
(12:32):
grief and the traumas, dramas,all the things right, that will
continue to hold us back and ourstory gets defined by that
narrative that we keep repeatingon loop.
So I let that stuff go.
I just needed the distance andthe space to breathe, and so
that's where I spent this time,to really renew and dig deep
into what it is with that powerand identity.
(12:53):
And so I dove headfirst into,obviously, scripture, into my
faith.
I hired coaches, I startedwatching inspirational videos
and motivational things, becauseI needed that boost of
encouragement.
Because when we're in our ownheads and there's this saying,
if you're in your head, you'redead right, there's no life.
(13:15):
When we're breathing,constantly thinking, breathing,
acting, living in a place ofdarkness, when and where can
that light come in?
We have to allow that, and soit's hard for us to step away
because listen, I get it, we arebusy go-getting women, we got
all kinds of things.
There's never a dull moment inour lives.
So when and where do we putourselves first on this priority
(13:36):
list and that was the moment Isaid, if not now, then when?
And that when would becontinued on to drag the story
on.
So I said it's happening now.
I have to do this for me.
I'm very sorry if it's going tohurt or offend people, but I
cannot continue to live forothers if I haven't lived once
for myself.
And myself is what I'm here for, and that's for service, for
(14:00):
leadership, for pouring intoothers and just loving them in
this unconditional way.
But I also had to ask myselfwhat is love, because I hadn't
experienced that kind of love,and that was also the journey.
So it's a beautiful story, andI say this in a way because it
has not only radicallytransformed my life.
(14:21):
It has radically transformedthose who have read it, because
it has opened the door and theopportunity for them to see
themselves in a relatable waythat now gives them hope and
encouragement that this too ispossible.
Carla (14:35):
Well, you said something.
You said I'm living for others.
Was that the core piece of whatcaused you to have to rebuild
everything?
Yep.
Rachel (14:52):
It was part of it Well, not the huge core piece.
I would say it's a big piecebecause I didn't know what my
life was here for.
It was a place where, as arecovering perfectionist, we
deal with people pleasing.
That's a big part of whatperfectionism is as well,
because we're too focused onwell, if everything is perfect
and if they like me and this iscushy and that's soft, and
(15:14):
everything's all great then theywon't get upset and they won't
upset, you know, ruffle anythingand they won't be mad and
they'll love me and they'llaccept me then.
And that's not the way loveworks.
So, as people pleasers, wethink that we're doing good by
pleasing people.
(15:35):
But there's an underlyingmotive and it's to be accepted
and to be loved.
And that was the first time Iput it in perspective, where
it's like whoa, what am I doing?
Because I'm not actually lovingpeople and I'm not getting what
I want in return.
So that must mean that there'ssome sort of unmet expectation.
(15:56):
And when you have unmetexpectations, there creeps in
bitterness, anger, resentment,discouragement, disappointment.
And what does that do?
It keeps feeding into thedarkness and it keeps that
narrative and that loop going.
So when I step back from thatand I said I have no
expectations.
So my motto is expect noexpectations.
(16:16):
You just meet people wherethey're at and you serve them in
a way that is conducive forthem.
You love them in a way thatmakes them feel seen and heard,
and everything that I needed forme was a way for me to serve
others in that same capacity sofirst, yeah, go ahead.
Carla (16:36):
Oh, no, I thought you were gonna say something else.
Um, so for somebody who mightbe listening, who may be
rebuilding, and you know,starting over is not an option,
what do you know now that couldspeak to the heart of that
person?
Because they're, yeah, go aheadeveryone has a choice.
Rachel (16:59):
We all have options.
So we have to ask ourselveswhat is the trade-off?
There's going to be pain ofletting things go, but there's
also the pain of continuing onwhere you're already at.
So the short, temporary pain isto cut that loss and move
forward with love and gratitude.
(17:19):
Thank you for the experience.
This no longer serves me, butyou have taught me a wonderful
lesson in this life and cut thatcord and move forward.
I know it's easier said thandone because I held onto it for
so long, but the minute I had tolet that go, there was a sense
of freedom and release and therewas a surrender.
And in that surrender it's notabout you, it's surrendering the
(17:41):
how and trusting that it willall work out, because that's
what faith tells us, that's thebelief, that is truth and that
is the truth that I believe.
Carla (17:51):
Do you believe that people can sort of recreate
their story in their existingcircumstances, and what would
that look like?
Rachel (18:00):
100%.
I'm living proof of it, livingproof of it.
So, yes, I mean, like I said, Iwalked away from everything,
but it wasn't permanent.
I didn't know what.
I didn't know if it wastemporary, I didn't know if it
was permanent.
It was just a season in my lifewhere I had to take that time
intentionally, to step away, tosee things differently.
And so my husband and I havebeen together for going into our
(18:23):
16th year.
We are stronger now than weever have ever been.
Carla (18:27):
So you got back together.
Yes, oh, that's beautiful.
Rachel (18:32):
It was just a space and a distance for us both to
breathe.
So I came back from that tripand with a renewed sense of who
I am, what I'm here for and why,and that's the purpose.
So, like I said, my marriage isthriving, where my business
just went on pause because I hadpoured so much of my love, time
(18:53):
and energy into my business.
But, if you think about it, youonly have time and energy
that's so limited.
Well, what do you think gotneglected?
My marriage right.
So I started shifting things ofpriority, as we, as women,
we're so driven.
We have families, we have kids,we have jobs, we got roles, we
got responsibilities.
(19:13):
We got all these things right.
But where are you on this list?
Who are you now on this list?
Because the same person thathad the idea to start the
business maybe 10 years ago, isnot the same person today.
Maybe somewhere along the way,there was marriage, there was
divorce, there was kids, therewas loss, there was this, there
(19:34):
was that.
There's a constant evolution ofchange, and so we're not the
same person of the idea of whowe were, and so giving ourselves
that time and distance allowsus now to really come together
and say but who am I today andwho do I need to be to become
the woman I'm called and createdfor today?
So you start mapping out a plan, and it's that reverse
(19:56):
engineering aspect of it of nowthat you see what is possible
because you've let go of whatwas there's this here and now,
and that is the present momentthat we're only given once today
.
This is the gift we're notpromised tomorrow.
So what can we do today thatcan set us up for success, for
the goals, for the life that weare called for?
(20:17):
Yes, there are our own wantsand needs and desires in there.
But what does he say we are herefor?
And that's where I had to tapback into my source, my energy,
my creator, my power and startasking him, not about just what
Rachel wants in this life,because if you left that to me,
I'm going to be very selfish,I'm going to be very greedy, I'm
(20:42):
going to be filled with pride,I'm going to be right.
We have that in our flesh ofour own wants and desires, but
that's not who I am and that'snot who he called and created me
to be.
So there was that difference.
So we always have that choiceand that power lies in that
decision and we have to choosebetween truth and not true,
right.
Carla (20:58):
So whatever you call that , yeah, Well, and what I hear
you saying and this is somethingI've been thinking about
recently is that you know we areresponsible for the condition
of our soul and, like you, aredemonstrating that that's what
you did, right, Because it's soeasy to sit back in our life and
(21:21):
think, you know, my life isgoing to be better when this
works out, or he's different, orthis gets better, or I make
more money, or on and on and onright, and that was my story too
.
I was totally victim to mycircuit, like my happiness and
peace and contentment was allvictim to how the circumstances
and how everything was on theoutside.
(21:41):
And there comes a point in timewhere my soul was screaming
loud enough that I had to makean interruption.
And I did a similar thing thatyou did a lot, a lot of years
ago.
You did a lot, a lot of yearsago, and it was really divorcing
(22:03):
an old part of myself that Iknew.
I knew in my heart there had tobe a different way, and there
is, and you're demonstratingthat too.
Rachel (22:10):
Yes, and that's the thing is that with confidence
comes resiliency.
And for us to become confident,we have to consistently show up
as that highest and bestversion of ourselves.
And as we become more confident, we have that courage to step
out, to show up, to do thethings that we're called for
right.
And as we get knocked down, wehave again two choices to stay
(22:32):
down or get back up and you getback up and you get back up and
you get back up and you get backup.
And that is what resiliencewill teach you.
And the more that you keephaving that confidence, you're
like, oh, I've been there athousand times, no big deal.
But when it happened once, it'sa big deal.
When it happened twice, you'relike, ooh, this still stings.
Now, when it happens like 30times, you're just like just
another moment, another day,I'll get, I'll get back on my
(22:55):
feet.
So that confidence is alwaysrenewed and restored every
single day.
But we have to choose what we'refocusing on, what we're
thinking, what we're believing,and it really does come down to
the power of our mindset.
So there's a lot of things inour lives that can cloud that
mindset and that space anddisempower it.
(23:15):
But again, we have to focus onwhat is truth, what is promised,
and so, whether you arefaith-based or not, you have to
ask yourself that.
Because when somebody tells youyou're nothing or less than, or
somebody didn't give you thepromotion, the job or the
opportunity, and we start totake that very personal, we
(23:36):
start to internalize that andthat becomes well.
Maybe it's because I didn't getthat degree, or maybe it's
because I did this, maybe.
And we start now making up theselies about ourselves, and now
that lie becomes a part of ouridentity, because it's a truth
that we keep believing, enoughthat we label the truth.
But it's just a lie.
So we have to color itdifferently because it is
(23:59):
different and we're not here inthis world to be accepted by
everybody.
And that's the bad news here.
Sometimes it's a hard pill toswallow, but the reality is is
that we're not here for everyone.
We're here for a purpose, andthat purpose is not for the 7
point something billion peoplein the world.
So we do have to take the sumof that rejection, but we don't
(24:21):
take it personal.
We say, ok, maybe that's notfor me now, or maybe that's not
in my aligned path now, and sowe just have to reframe that.
Carla (24:33):
I had a coach once tell me that rejection is God's
protection and I love that.
You know, I just recently toldmy son that like because so
often that's true, right, likethat rejection ends up being
like the greatest thing becauseit took you down this path you
also talked about it sounds likeconfidence is more of a choice
(24:57):
than a character, trait orquality that we or a skill or
any of that.
Rachel (25:07):
Is that, yeah, a hundred percent?
I like to think of confidenceis synonymous, I mean, obviously
, with faith, because if youhave faith, you're confident
that it will work out, it willhappen.
But if we look at confidenceand then we look at, for example
, love, you can't teach either.
You have it's a learnedexperience.
So my belief in what confidenceis is going to differ from
(25:28):
others, just like my.
My experience of what love isis different from others.
But we have to ask ourselves isit that kind of love and
confidence that excites you andpropels you and energizes you
and lights you up and calls youto continue on this path of
doing what you're here for onthis earth?
And that's purpose?
(25:49):
Yes, on the alternative,there's the other route and
that's where I found myself,kind of looking at the, you know
, at the brink of a crossroad.
Which one do I travel?
Well, that one has been wornmany times.
I've walked that path.
I know what to expect.
This one not very often had Igone down there down that path,
(26:16):
and now that path is the onethat gets all the wear.
The other side yes, I've gonethere in these years.
I mean, we've gone back to somedark places here and there,
because life does happen.
But confidence, again equippedwith the resiliency, will get
you back up on your feet morequickly because you know what to
expect and all of that withfaith just takes it
exponentially to a whole notherlevel, Absolutely.
Carla (26:38):
So share with us like where are you feeling confident
today?
That was an area that youreally struggled with, maybe a
year or more ago.
Rachel (26:50):
I would say really my faith.
I mean I deepen my faith everyfree day.
I would say really my faith.
I mean I deepen my faith everyfree day when I look back at the
woman I was 10 years ago.
That was just.
Is this really life?
Is this all there is?
I'm so miserable I wouldn'teven care if I was even here.
That was how dark and down Iwas.
But now I have a purpose, I havea mission, I have a movement, I
(27:14):
have something greater than Ito live for, and that's the
difference is that when we're sofocused on self, that is a form
of suffering.
But when we flip that scriptand we focus on serving, we get
to heal, we get to begin again,because the pain is not about us
.
We're using that pain as fuelto help somebody else, to
(27:37):
empower them to sit in thedarkness with them, to hold
their hand and hold that space,whatever that looks like.
Is that your pain is yourpurpose, your mess is your
message.
And never forget that.
Because what god it has, whatwhat the enemy is intended for
for harm, god will turn for good.
God has given us a purpose anda calling and none of that has
to do with any of the darknessthat we've always felt.
(27:57):
So again, that narrative is allin our head, but we have to
battle that, and that's thebattle we fight every single day
.
So which one are you willing tofight and which one are you
willing to surrender?
And we already know the outcomewho wins?
Carla (28:15):
So you talk about something like having something
bigger than you and I just wantto reiterate for the listener,
like that is, that has been themost important thing in my life
and overcoming self-doubt orwhatever my own fears and
insecurities is having somethingbigger than me.
Because that takes it.
(28:35):
It means I just show up forthat, like for no other reason.
I just keep showing up for that.
Whether I'm shaking in my boots, you know, I just keep showing
up for that something bigger andI just I wanted to just
highlight that point.
And then you talk about this isour work every day is slaying
(28:56):
the mental dragons, and thispast year I have never had to be
so diligent in slaying themental dragons and taking care
of my mind, calling out the lies, and so what is your practice
for that?
Rachel (29:14):
For me when the when the mental dragons come creeping in
.
I'll be honest, there are daysand I'm just like I'm too weary,
I'm too tired, and they win.
But I know that that's notforever and I know that that's
not the truth.
Sometimes I'm just likewhatever.
I need a day like, just feel it, go into that dark place, just
allow your emotions to process,because that heaviness is real.
(29:36):
I'm never going to discountwhat you feel.
What you feel is very real andexperience that sit in that For
us to heal, we have to feel,deal and heal.
That's kind of a three-stepprocess.
It's like you don't ever knowhow long this wave is going to
keep crashing over you.
But it's not your wave.
(29:57):
So just surrender, because themore that we keep fighting it,
we're losing the strength toeven to continue on this journey
.
And so the surrendering is abig part of what I talk about,
even in my book.
But it's about letting go andthen surrender.
Because if we let go, we'reasking ourselves now what?
Now we put that mental backinto our head that we have to
(30:18):
have control.
But we don't need to havecontrol.
The control is in the surrender, and that's when everything
just starts to work out right,because when we're so focused on
the outcome, we forget theopportunity that we haven't had
that space or allow the outcometo work for us.
And that was why I had to takethat time away from everything,
because I was so close toeverything, I hated everything.
(30:40):
At that time.
I hated myself, I hated, Ihated everything.
Like in this world it's justlike I'm done, I'm done, and I
didn't know what that was.
But I just done meant take thattime away.
So I would say you know, allowyourself to sit in the pit, but
don't live there.
And then when you, when youhave the strength because God
(31:02):
will renew your strength, ortime or whatever your belief is,
will renew, because time healsall wounds We've heard all these
things right Time will allowthe space to heal.
And then, once you get thatstrength back, you get back up
and you begin again, not doingthe same things, because we know
that definition of insanitythere.
But we have to choose toalternate, because we know that
(31:23):
there has to be a way out andthat is being resourceful, being
consistent, being persistent,and that's what, that's what our
resilience, that's what ourconfidence and that's what our
faith continues to teach us.
Carla (31:34):
So beautiful, feel, deal and heal's what our faith
continues to teach us.
So beautiful, feel, deal andheal.
Did I get that right?
I love that.
So you have a journal.
Tell us about journaling, like,how does journaling tie into
all of this for you and how youwork with people?
Yes, okay.
Rachel (31:51):
So I actually have two journals, no-transcript
(32:28):
ourselves these honest, realquestions.
So it is meant for you to pauseand ponder on where you are in
your journey, and we have.
So it's called Fit From Within60 Days to Finding Freedom, and
that is all.
Three of these books ChasingPerfection, fit From Within and
Create your Own Story are allfound on Amazon, and Chasing
Perfection is availableeverywhere.
(32:49):
Books are sold, includingAudible.
If you don't like to read, I'llread it to you.
So that's the books.
As far as working with me, thisis what I do.
I help you unpack all thethings that are holding you back
to find that confidence, thatclarity, and get the courage to
get back up and pursue this lifethat you are gifted and blessed
with each day that God renewsand restores you, and so we do
(33:12):
the deep dive work, we get intothe transformational journey and
when you come out of this, youfeel restored, renewed and
refreshed because of this.
Transformation sparks us growth, and growth is a challenge that
lives us life right, if we'renot growing, we're dying.
Where does growth come from?
Living, and that's the renewedsense of life again.
Carla (33:32):
So beautiful.
I have on my board renewedminds, renewed lives, and it's
just so near and dear to myheart.
Okay, I have one more question,but is there, before I ask that
, is there anything we haven'ttouched on, that's on your heart
today to share?
Rachel (33:53):
I would say, you know, for us, when we look at our
identities and our stories andour journeys and everything that
we have, we've experienced,it's all of those are bits and
pieces that we get to puttogether and and we look back at
the through line and thesepatterns and we get to pick up
the pieces that are no longerserving us and we discard them.
(34:13):
We take those pieces that weknow that are for us and we
start to just put them in thislittle bucket, I would say, and
as these pieces are there, youstart to look at it and you
start to take shape and realizeall this goodness that come out
of it and we realize this wasthere the whole time.
So, when life feels like it'shappening to you, we look at
(34:34):
this bucket of all the provenpieces as proof and evidence
that is working for you and thatis where we get to trust and
begin again and renew thatbelief and confidence.
Because, like you said, whenwe're in this darkness, it's
easy to fall victim into ourself-doubt, into our criticism,
into those excuses, lies,beliefs, and that becomes that
(34:54):
story, and that story becomesour part of our identity and our
identity is who we are and wewill do anything and everything,
at great lengths, to hold ontothat, because that is who we are
Right.
So if we say that you knowwe're going to do something,
that is something to me is avalue, it's integrity.
So you walk the walk and youtalk the talk.
(35:16):
So you have to look at who youare and learning your gifts,
your talents, your abilities andskills that you were called and
equipped for.
So those are your tags, I callthem, and so that's what God has
equipped you with.
You don't lack anything andthis world will always tell you
what you need, what you should,what you could, all the things
(35:38):
that you, that that areimpressed upon.
That feels like this angstinside of you that you can never
live up to this world standardof enough.
And that enoughness is found inyou because you were created
with, on and for a purpose andno matter what you are enough.
You're perfectly imperfect,flawed, beautiful.
Everything you are enough.
You're perfectly imperfect,flawed, beautiful.
Everything You're whole andcomplete.
And that enoughness, no matterwhat people tell you, even that
(36:00):
lie in the head and this littlestory that you tell yourself,
that is not who you are and thatis not true.
So fight that truth or fightthat lie with the truth and find
the proof in all the evidencethat you've now just collected,
along this journey of empoweringyourself to believe that you
are here for something greaterthan yourself.
(36:21):
That is how you create your ownstory.
Take inventory of this lifeyou've lived and ask yourself is
this aligned with the callingof your creator, your higher
source, your power, god?
Whatever that is for you, forme it's God.
(36:41):
I find my identity in JesusChrist and that is who I am, and
that's what I found my freedom,and in that freedom is where
you get to have the power tocreate your own story and start
serving, leading, living andloving the life that you were
called for.
Carla (36:59):
Such a beautiful message Take whatever stirred in your
heart today and hold that, andtake that.
Carry that forward with onesimple action today.
Rachel, before I ask you thelast question, you've mentioned
a few places.
People can find more out aboutwhat you're doing, but are there
any others?
Rachel (37:17):
Yes, my website.
I just made it all a one-stopshop.
It is.
I am rachelbrookscom, and soyou can find my podcast, which
is the Confident Woman podcast.
You can find our courses, ourbooks, our resources, everything
on there.
And then, of course, my bookChasing Perfection, like I said,
is available everywhere.
Books are sold online, and FitFrom Within and Create your Own
(37:39):
Story are available on Amazon,and also Fit From Within is
available in a digital journalas well.
So take that on the go and youcan wipe that slate clean every
60 days and begin again.
Carla (37:50):
So beautiful.
Okay, last question what doesdifferently mean to you?
Rachel (37:58):
okay, last question what does differently mean to you?
Unique, and that is who you aredifferent.
You are called, you are setapart, you are different and
there is no one like you, andthat's the power of becoming I
am and I am different.
Carla (38:08):
Therefore, we are differently love, it called to
be different.
Thank you so much, my my friend.
What a beautiful conversation.
I thank you for being a lightin the world and sharing the
work that you do, and I am alsogoing to be on her podcast soon,
so you will be able to or itmight have already even be out
by the time this one airs, somake sure you check out her
(38:31):
podcast too.
Thank you so much, my friend,absolutely Thank you.
Thank you for tuning in to thisepisode of Differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
(38:55):
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible.
You know those days when youfeel beat up by self-doubt and
you see others feeling soconfident only wishing that
could be you too.
Well, today's episode is goingto feel like sitting down with a
good friend who gets it.
I'm excited to introduce you toRachel Brooks and, trust me,
her story is going to feel likesitting down with a good friend
(00:44):
who gets it.
I'm excited to introduce you toRachel Brooks and, trust me,
her story is going to stop youin her tracks.
10 years ago, she did somethingthat many of us only dream
about.
She completely rewrote herstory, and what she discovered
about confidence along the wayit's probably not what you think
.
Rachel, the founder of theConfident Woman, host of the
(01:06):
Confident Woman podcast andauthor of Chasing Perfection, is
going to join us today.
I loved, and I think you will,too her three-step process of
feel, deal and heal for managingyour mind and finding peace
again.
If you've ever felt stuckbetween who you are and who you
want to be, this conversation isespecially for you.
(01:29):
And be sure you stay all theway until the end, because
Rachel shares a message thatmight be exactly what you need
to hear today.
Grab your coffee or yourfavorite beverage, find a cozy
spot and let's get real aboutwhat it truly means to build
lasting confidence.
Trust me, this is oneconversation you won't want to
(01:51):
miss.
Hey, differently Listener,we're back, and I'm so excited
to have my new friend, rachelBrooks, here.
She is the founder of theConfident Woman and the
Confident Woman podcast, andshe's the author of Chasing
Perfection.
So welcome Rachel.
Rachel (02:09):
Yes, thank you for having me.
I'm so excited that we get tohave this incredible
conversation today.
Carla (02:14):
I'm excited too, and confidence is something that I
have struggled with my entirelife.
It's definitely something theself-d, self-doubt and second
guessing and all of that stuffcomes up for my clients as well.
It's something I navigate, Ithink, in my own life on the
daily.
You know, one of my favoritequestions is what would
(02:35):
confidence do?
And just taking that action,because that just helps me get
out of my own way and all thenoise in my mind.
I would love to start.
I saw this on your websiteabout creating your own story,
and that is so near and dear tomy heart and I just want to
(02:55):
start with like when did youdiscover that you had the power
to create your own story?
Rachel (03:02):
Yes, oh, my goodness.
I love this because before wejump into that, I want to talk
about the confidence.
For a moment I was.
I had zero confidence.
I would say that I was theperson who was like turn the
lights out, shut the door andpretend I don't exist, like I've
never wanted to be seen, nevereven thought that people would
notice.
And so when I would seesomebody else walk through a
(03:23):
room, that was just this light,and I'm like, wow, that's the
confidence, that's whatconfidence is.
And so I always admired it inothers, but I didn't see it in
myself.
And so when I started my journeyof personal growth and
self-discovery and figuring outwho I am and that was one of the
greatest questions that I hadto ask myself at this pivotal
(03:43):
moment of my life was who am I?
And when I started digging deepinto the root of what was
holding me back and how I spokeabout myself, how I identified
what I would think or say whenpeople would say who are you?
It was always led with anegative it's I'm not this, I
(04:04):
don't have this, or I'm justthis, and it felt very low, and
so you could tell that there wasno confidence behind anything
that I would speak about myself.
And so when I was on thisjourney, I really had to go to
these deep, dark places of mylife that I was like I want to
go there because that's whatI've been chasing away from.
And I didn't want to be in aplace where my identity was
(04:27):
limited, because I was sostifled in my growth journey
that I knew that something hadto change.
And so the story that I kepttelling myself was on repeat,
and that story came from my lies, the excuses, the beliefs, my
past, my traumas, my dramas.
All of this colored who Ibelieved I was, and so that was
(04:49):
the story that was a strongholdin my life.
And so when I dove head firstinto this journey, the vast
unknown was zero confidence.
All I had was my faith andfaith is confidence.
I had was my faith and faith isconfidence.
And so the more I steppedconfidently into this unknown,
(05:15):
leaning not on my ownunderstanding and knowing who I
am, but who I am in my creator.
And so that was very spiritualin a moment of such darkness,
and that was the glimmer oflight and hope that I needed to
ignite in my story.
And so the story started totranspire and unfold as I
stepped fully into this journeyof the unknown, trusting my
faith.
Carla (05:37):
I love that.
So the thing that pops up forme right away is like how, how
does someone who doesn't havefaith, or is just seeking their
faith, understand what you justsaid and, like, begin to step
closer to that?
Rachel (05:58):
Well, faith is twofold.
Faith is belief.
You have belief that it willwork out, you have belief that
it doesn't.
You have confidence, which isthe positive of belief, and you
have self-doubt, which is thenegative of belief.
It's the same.
Everything that we want has twosides, and so I didn't know the
alternate side, because I was soconditioned by living in one
(06:21):
space and that was filled withself-doubt, criticism, cynicism,
judgment, ridicule, fear,anxiety all the things that we
suffer on a daily basis if wedon't learn to flip the script
and flipping the script is thatnew narrative that we get to
begin and write our own story,and so that story.
So my tagline in my business iscreate.
(06:43):
You have the power to createyour own story, and so that
power is when we surrender andwe trust not in our own
understanding, but lean on his.
Therefore, there's a new and arenewed sense of power and
restoration, and that's thespirit that gets to write the
story with you, the power thatempowers you to become the
confident woman that is in everysingle one of us.
(07:05):
That doubt is there, but alsoconfidence and faith are also
there.
It's a matter of which one wechoose.
Carla (07:14):
To me that's such a relief, right, like I think for
so long we're, we're even in ourculture, we're sort of taught
and pushed in the direction oflike finding our strengths and
our potential and like all thisis kind of like all on focused
on us, right, and for me,realizing and learning that I
(07:37):
have an identity that isn'tcreated by me, that's already
there, created by me, that'salready there, that takes all
the pressure off, like I knowfor me, for years I was doubting
myself and struggle withself-acceptance, and then I
realized that as I'm dissingmyself, I'm dissing my creator,
(08:07):
and that was the turning pointof what actually helped me to
stop all the I mean stop man.
It's what helped me startmanaging the negative self talk
in a completely different way100%.
Rachel (08:17):
That's exactly what it was for me too, because that
concept of self awareness is oneof the greatest tools that
you'll ever have, because onceyou're aware, you can't, you
can't unsee it.
So now you spot the troubledareas in your life and you say,
okay, now that I'm aware of thisand it's not serving me and
it's not conducive to god's planfor me, then why do I keep
going down that path?
(08:37):
Why do I keep speaking deathinto my life, when we keep
speaking all this negative andand we're not breathing life
right?
So we want one thing, but we'reunwilling to let go of the
thing that is holding us back,that's able to get it.
So it's about that.
The light bulb moment turned onin my head and I was just like,
well, there it is, that's what'sholding me back.
(08:59):
How do I get to there?
Well, I have to let go of allthe things that I knew weren't
conducive, weren't serving me,weren't for him, in this context
of truth.
So I had to start seeking whatis truth.
Truth was found in my identity.
Truth is who he says I am.
I'm already called, equippedand qualified, so why do I have
to be anything other than who Iam?
(09:19):
So that's the first step.
Who am I?
And that was the journey ofself-discovery and that's what
led me into discovering not onlywho Rachel Brooks is, but that
became my brand, that became mymission, that became the
movement.
And I confidently steppedfurther into this journey.
And I say confidently becauseit was through consistency.
(09:40):
I was consistently pouring intothe word.
I was trying to find out whatit is that I'm doing here, on
this personal side, but my powerand my source is telling me
otherwise.
So I had to distinguish what istruth, what is lie.
And it wasn't just in the areaof my identity.
I started looking at under amicroscope my entire life and
(10:01):
that's when I rebuilt everythingfrom the inside out.
So that confident woman she isin every single one of us.
But we've been beaten down,broken, discarded, and we've had
so much stuff that has happenedto us in our lives right, we
can allow that, you know, fuelus from a place of empowerment
or disempowerment.
And I knew the alternativebecause I've lived it for
(10:24):
decades and said I can't keepdoing this anymore.
So I'm willing to trade that infor something better and
greater, because this is not thelife that I'm chosen and called
for.
Carla (10:34):
That's so beautiful.
So I believe that and I've seenthis so many times with working
with people times you know,with working with people, that
our greatest gift comes from ourgreatest pain.
You know and I mean your storyis such an example of that and I
(10:55):
know a little bit about yourstory but would you be willing
to take us back to the pain,like where you were when you
flipped the script and startedto make the shift, because I
think people will relate likerelate to that right, taking us
back to the tangible situationsthat you found yourself in yes,
absolutely, and it's the ironyof this is I was just telling
(11:16):
somebody the other day I saidthis is actually 10 years ago,
10 years ago this month thatwe're recording, and I had said
I had enough.
Rachel (11:25):
I walked away from everything.
I didn't know what was going on, I just needed to the space and
take a break.
I walked away from my marriage.
I walked away from my high,lucrative job.
I walked away from my friends,all the people that I had built
in my, in my town, um, inColumbus, ohio.
But I went back to my hometownin Buffalo, new York, because
that was home and I just neededto distance myself from
(11:48):
everything and everyone andquiet the noise and get super
focused on who I am and startall over again.
I didn't know what the futureof, of of my life would be,
because I didn't even know afuture even existed for me, and
that was the pivotal moment.
So I spent time and I share allof this like very, very real and
vulnerable stories in my bookChasing Perfection A Journey to
(12:11):
Healing, fitness and Self-Love.
And so why I share this soopenly is because for me to
grieve and move through the pain, I had to go to that place, but
not from a place to relive thepain, but a place to feel and
heal and experience it from adifferent perspective.
Because if we keep holding onto the pain and the loss and the
(12:32):
grief and the traumas, dramas,all the things right, that will
continue to hold us back and ourstory gets defined by that
narrative that we keep repeatingon loop.
So I let that stuff go.
I just needed the distance andthe space to breathe, and so
that's where I spent this time,to really renew and dig deep
into what it is with that powerand identity.
(12:53):
And so I dove headfirst into,obviously, scripture, into my
faith.
I hired coaches, I startedwatching inspirational videos
and motivational things, becauseI needed that boost of
encouragement.
Because when we're in our ownheads and there's this saying,
if you're in your head, you'redead right, there's no life.
(13:15):
When we're breathing,constantly thinking, breathing,
acting, living in a place ofdarkness, when and where can
that light come in?
We have to allow that, and soit's hard for us to step away
because listen, I get it, we arebusy go-getting women, we got
all kinds of things.
There's never a dull moment inour lives.
So when and where do we putourselves first on this priority
(13:36):
list and that was the moment Isaid, if not now, then when?
And that when would becontinued on to drag the story
on.
So I said it's happening now.
I have to do this for me.
I'm very sorry if it's going tohurt or offend people, but I
cannot continue to live forothers if I haven't lived once
for myself.
And myself is what I'm here for, and that's for service, for
(14:00):
leadership, for pouring intoothers and just loving them in
this unconditional way.
But I also had to ask myselfwhat is love, because I hadn't
experienced that kind of love,and that was also the journey.
So it's a beautiful story, andI say this in a way because it
has not only radicallytransformed my life.
(14:21):
It has radically transformedthose who have read it, because
it has opened the door and theopportunity for them to see
themselves in a relatable waythat now gives them hope and
encouragement that this too ispossible.
Carla (14:35):
Well, you said something.
You said I'm living for others.
Was that the core piece of whatcaused you to have to rebuild
everything?
Yep.
Rachel (14:52):
It was part of it Well, not the huge core piece.
I would say it's a big piecebecause I didn't know what my
life was here for.
It was a place where, as arecovering perfectionist, we
deal with people pleasing.
That's a big part of whatperfectionism is as well,
because we're too focused onwell, if everything is perfect
and if they like me and this iscushy and that's soft, and
(15:14):
everything's all great then theywon't get upset and they won't
upset, you know, ruffle anythingand they won't be mad and
they'll love me and they'llaccept me then.
And that's not the way loveworks.
So, as people pleasers, wethink that we're doing good by
pleasing people.
(15:35):
But there's an underlyingmotive and it's to be accepted
and to be loved.
And that was the first time Iput it in perspective, where
it's like whoa, what am I doing?
Because I'm not actually lovingpeople and I'm not getting what
I want in return.
So that must mean that there'ssome sort of unmet expectation.
(15:56):
And when you have unmetexpectations, there creeps in
bitterness, anger, resentment,discouragement, disappointment.
And what does that do?
It keeps feeding into thedarkness and it keeps that
narrative and that loop going.
So when I step back from thatand I said I have no
expectations.
So my motto is expect noexpectations.
(16:16):
You just meet people wherethey're at and you serve them in
a way that is conducive forthem.
You love them in a way thatmakes them feel seen and heard,
and everything that I needed forme was a way for me to serve
others in that same capacity sofirst, yeah, go ahead.
Carla (16:36):
Oh, no, I thought you were gonna say something else.
Um, so for somebody who mightbe listening, who may be
rebuilding, and you know,starting over is not an option,
what do you know now that couldspeak to the heart of that
person?
Because they're, yeah, go aheadeveryone has a choice.
Rachel (16:59):
We all have options.
So we have to ask ourselveswhat is the trade-off?
There's going to be pain ofletting things go, but there's
also the pain of continuing onwhere you're already at.
So the short, temporary pain isto cut that loss and move
forward with love and gratitude.
(17:19):
Thank you for the experience.
This no longer serves me, butyou have taught me a wonderful
lesson in this life and cut thatcord and move forward.
I know it's easier said thandone because I held onto it for
so long, but the minute I had tolet that go, there was a sense
of freedom and release and therewas a surrender.
And in that surrender it's notabout you, it's surrendering the
(17:41):
how and trusting that it willall work out, because that's
what faith tells us, that's thebelief, that is truth and that
is the truth that I believe.
Carla (17:51):
Do you believe that people can sort of recreate
their story in their existingcircumstances, and what would
that look like?
Rachel (18:00):
100%.
I'm living proof of it, livingproof of it.
So, yes, I mean, like I said, Iwalked away from everything,
but it wasn't permanent.
I didn't know what.
I didn't know if it wastemporary, I didn't know if it
was permanent.
It was just a season in my lifewhere I had to take that time
intentionally, to step away, tosee things differently.
And so my husband and I havebeen together for going into our
(18:23):
16th year.
We are stronger now than weever have ever been.
Carla (18:27):
So you got back together.
Yes, oh, that's beautiful.
Rachel (18:32):
It was just a space and a distance for us both to
breathe.
So I came back from that tripand with a renewed sense of who
I am, what I'm here for and why,and that's the purpose.
So, like I said, my marriage isthriving, where my business
just went on pause because I hadpoured so much of my love, time
(18:53):
and energy into my business.
But, if you think about it, youonly have time and energy
that's so limited.
Well, what do you think gotneglected?
My marriage right.
So I started shifting things ofpriority, as we, as women,
we're so driven.
We have families, we have kids,we have jobs, we got roles, we
got responsibilities.
(19:13):
We got all these things right.
But where are you on this list?
Who are you now on this list?
Because the same person thathad the idea to start the
business maybe 10 years ago, isnot the same person today.
Maybe somewhere along the way,there was marriage, there was
divorce, there was kids, therewas loss, there was this, there
(19:34):
was that.
There's a constant evolution ofchange, and so we're not the
same person of the idea of whowe were, and so giving ourselves
that time and distance allowsus now to really come together
and say but who am I today andwho do I need to be to become
the woman I'm called and createdfor today?
So you start mapping out a plan, and it's that reverse
(19:56):
engineering aspect of it of nowthat you see what is possible
because you've let go of whatwas there's this here and now,
and that is the present momentthat we're only given once today
.
This is the gift we're notpromised tomorrow.
So what can we do today thatcan set us up for success, for
the goals, for the life that weare called for?
(20:17):
Yes, there are our own wantsand needs and desires in there.
But what does he say we are herefor?
And that's where I had to tapback into my source, my energy,
my creator, my power and startasking him, not about just what
Rachel wants in this life,because if you left that to me,
I'm going to be very selfish,I'm going to be very greedy, I'm
(20:42):
going to be filled with pride,I'm going to be right.
We have that in our flesh ofour own wants and desires, but
that's not who I am and that'snot who he called and created me
to be.
So there was that difference.
So we always have that choiceand that power lies in that
decision and we have to choosebetween truth and not true,
right.
Carla (20:58):
So whatever you call that , yeah, Well, and what I hear
you saying and this is somethingI've been thinking about
recently is that you know we areresponsible for the condition
of our soul and, like you, aredemonstrating that that's what
you did, right, Because it's soeasy to sit back in our life and
(21:21):
think, you know, my life isgoing to be better when this
works out, or he's different, orthis gets better, or I make
more money, or on and on and onright, and that was my story too
.
I was totally victim to mycircuit, like my happiness and
peace and contentment was allvictim to how the circumstances
and how everything was on theoutside.
(21:41):
And there comes a point in timewhere my soul was screaming
loud enough that I had to makean interruption.
And I did a similar thing thatyou did a lot, a lot of years
ago.
You did a lot, a lot of yearsago, and it was really divorcing
(22:03):
an old part of myself that Iknew.
I knew in my heart there had tobe a different way, and there
is, and you're demonstratingthat too.
Rachel (22:10):
Yes, and that's the thing is that with confidence
comes resiliency.
And for us to become confident,we have to consistently show up
as that highest and bestversion of ourselves.
And as we become more confident, we have that courage to step
out, to show up, to do thethings that we're called for
right.
And as we get knocked down, wehave again two choices to stay
(22:32):
down or get back up and you getback up and you get back up and
you get back up and you get backup.
And that is what resiliencewill teach you.
And the more that you keephaving that confidence, you're
like, oh, I've been there athousand times, no big deal.
But when it happened once, it'sa big deal.
When it happened twice, you'relike, ooh, this still stings.
Now, when it happens like 30times, you're just like just
another moment, another day,I'll get, I'll get back on my
(22:55):
feet.
So that confidence is alwaysrenewed and restored every
single day.
But we have to choose what we'refocusing on, what we're
thinking, what we're believing,and it really does come down to
the power of our mindset.
So there's a lot of things inour lives that can cloud that
mindset and that space anddisempower it.
(23:15):
But again, we have to focus onwhat is truth, what is promised,
and so, whether you arefaith-based or not, you have to
ask yourself that.
Because when somebody tells youyou're nothing or less than, or
somebody didn't give you thepromotion, the job or the
opportunity, and we start totake that very personal, we
(23:36):
start to internalize that andthat becomes well.
Maybe it's because I didn't getthat degree, or maybe it's
because I did this, maybe.
And we start now making up theselies about ourselves, and now
that lie becomes a part of ouridentity, because it's a truth
that we keep believing, enoughthat we label the truth.
But it's just a lie.
So we have to color itdifferently because it is
(23:59):
different and we're not here inthis world to be accepted by
everybody.
And that's the bad news here.
Sometimes it's a hard pill toswallow, but the reality is is
that we're not here for everyone.
We're here for a purpose, andthat purpose is not for the 7
point something billion peoplein the world.
So we do have to take the sumof that rejection, but we don't
(24:21):
take it personal.
We say, ok, maybe that's notfor me now, or maybe that's not
in my aligned path now, and sowe just have to reframe that.
Carla (24:33):
I had a coach once tell me that rejection is God's
protection and I love that.
You know, I just recently toldmy son that like because so
often that's true, right, likethat rejection ends up being
like the greatest thing becauseit took you down this path you
also talked about it sounds likeconfidence is more of a choice
(24:57):
than a character, trait orquality that we or a skill or
any of that.
Rachel (25:07):
Is that, yeah, a hundred percent?
I like to think of confidenceis synonymous, I mean, obviously
, with faith, because if youhave faith, you're confident
that it will work out, it willhappen.
But if we look at confidenceand then we look at, for example
, love, you can't teach either.
You have it's a learnedexperience.
So my belief in what confidenceis is going to differ from
(25:28):
others, just like my.
My experience of what love isis different from others.
But we have to ask ourselves isit that kind of love and
confidence that excites you andpropels you and energizes you
and lights you up and calls youto continue on this path of
doing what you're here for onthis earth?
And that's purpose?
(25:49):
Yes, on the alternative,there's the other route and
that's where I found myself,kind of looking at the, you know
, at the brink of a crossroad.
Which one do I travel?
Well, that one has been wornmany times.
I've walked that path.
I know what to expect.
This one not very often had Igone down there down that path,
(26:16):
and now that path is the onethat gets all the wear.
The other side yes, I've gonethere in these years.
I mean, we've gone back to somedark places here and there,
because life does happen.
But confidence, again equippedwith the resiliency, will get
you back up on your feet morequickly because you know what to
expect and all of that withfaith just takes it
exponentially to a whole notherlevel, Absolutely.
Carla (26:38):
So share with us like where are you feeling confident
today?
That was an area that youreally struggled with, maybe a
year or more ago.
Rachel (26:50):
I would say really my faith.
I mean I deepen my faith everyfree day.
I would say really my faith.
I mean I deepen my faith everyfree day when I look back at the
woman I was 10 years ago.
That was just.
Is this really life?
Is this all there is?
I'm so miserable I wouldn'teven care if I was even here.
That was how dark and down Iwas.
But now I have a purpose, I havea mission, I have a movement, I
(27:14):
have something greater than Ito live for, and that's the
difference is that when we're sofocused on self, that is a form
of suffering.
But when we flip that scriptand we focus on serving, we get
to heal, we get to begin again,because the pain is not about us
.
We're using that pain as fuelto help somebody else, to
(27:37):
empower them to sit in thedarkness with them, to hold
their hand and hold that space,whatever that looks like.
Is that your pain is yourpurpose, your mess is your
message.
And never forget that.
Because what god it has, whatwhat the enemy is intended for
for harm, god will turn for good.
God has given us a purpose anda calling and none of that has
to do with any of the darknessthat we've always felt.
(27:57):
So again, that narrative is allin our head, but we have to
battle that, and that's thebattle we fight every single day
.
So which one are you willing tofight and which one are you
willing to surrender?
And we already know the outcomewho wins?
Carla (28:15):
So you talk about something like having something
bigger than you and I just wantto reiterate for the listener,
like that is, that has been themost important thing in my life
and overcoming self-doubt orwhatever my own fears and
insecurities is having somethingbigger than me.
Because that takes it.
(28:35):
It means I just show up forthat, like for no other reason.
I just keep showing up for that.
Whether I'm shaking in my boots, you know, I just keep showing
up for that something bigger andI just I wanted to just
highlight that point.
And then you talk about this isour work every day is slaying
(28:56):
the mental dragons, and thispast year I have never had to be
so diligent in slaying themental dragons and taking care
of my mind, calling out the lies, and so what is your practice
for that?
Rachel (29:14):
For me when the when the mental dragons come creeping in
.
I'll be honest, there are daysand I'm just like I'm too weary,
I'm too tired, and they win.
But I know that that's notforever and I know that that's
not the truth.
Sometimes I'm just likewhatever.
I need a day like, just feel it, go into that dark place, just
allow your emotions to process,because that heaviness is real.
(29:36):
I'm never going to discountwhat you feel.
What you feel is very real andexperience that sit in that For
us to heal, we have to feel,deal and heal.
That's kind of a three-stepprocess.
It's like you don't ever knowhow long this wave is going to
keep crashing over you.
But it's not your wave.
(29:57):
So just surrender, because themore that we keep fighting it,
we're losing the strength toeven to continue on this journey
.
And so the surrendering is abig part of what I talk about,
even in my book.
But it's about letting go andthen surrender.
Because if we let go, we'reasking ourselves now what?
Now we put that mental backinto our head that we have to
(30:18):
have control.
But we don't need to havecontrol.
The control is in the surrender, and that's when everything
just starts to work out right,because when we're so focused on
the outcome, we forget theopportunity that we haven't had
that space or allow the outcometo work for us.
And that was why I had to takethat time away from everything,
because I was so close toeverything, I hated everything.
(30:40):
At that time.
I hated myself, I hated, Ihated everything.
Like in this world it's justlike I'm done, I'm done, and I
didn't know what that was.
But I just done meant take thattime away.
So I would say you know, allowyourself to sit in the pit, but
don't live there.
And then when you, when youhave the strength because God
(31:02):
will renew your strength, ortime or whatever your belief is,
will renew, because time healsall wounds We've heard all these
things right Time will allowthe space to heal.
And then, once you get thatstrength back, you get back up
and you begin again, not doingthe same things, because we know
that definition of insanitythere.
But we have to choose toalternate, because we know that
(31:23):
there has to be a way out andthat is being resourceful, being
consistent, being persistent,and that's what, that's what our
resilience, that's what ourconfidence and that's what our
faith continues to teach us.
Carla (31:34):
So beautiful, feel, deal and heal's what our faith
continues to teach us.
So beautiful, feel, deal andheal.
Did I get that right?
I love that.
So you have a journal.
Tell us about journaling, like,how does journaling tie into
all of this for you and how youwork with people?
Yes, okay.
Rachel (31:51):
So I actually have two journals, no-transcript
(32:28):
ourselves these honest, realquestions.
So it is meant for you to pauseand ponder on where you are in
your journey, and we have.
So it's called Fit From Within60 Days to Finding Freedom, and
that is all.
Three of these books ChasingPerfection, fit From Within and
Create your Own Story are allfound on Amazon, and Chasing
Perfection is availableeverywhere.
(32:49):
Books are sold, includingAudible.
If you don't like to read, I'llread it to you.
So that's the books.
As far as working with me, thisis what I do.
I help you unpack all thethings that are holding you back
to find that confidence, thatclarity, and get the courage to
get back up and pursue this lifethat you are gifted and blessed
with each day that God renewsand restores you, and so we do
(33:12):
the deep dive work, we get intothe transformational journey and
when you come out of this, youfeel restored, renewed and
refreshed because of this.
Transformation sparks us growth, and growth is a challenge that
lives us life right, if we'renot growing, we're dying.
Where does growth come from?
Living, and that's the renewedsense of life again.
Carla (33:32):
So beautiful.
I have on my board renewedminds, renewed lives, and it's
just so near and dear to myheart.
Okay, I have one more question,but is there, before I ask that
, is there anything we haven'ttouched on, that's on your heart
today to share?
Rachel (33:53):
I would say, you know, for us, when we look at our
identities and our stories andour journeys and everything that
we have, we've experienced,it's all of those are bits and
pieces that we get to puttogether and and we look back at
the through line and thesepatterns and we get to pick up
the pieces that are no longerserving us and we discard them.
(34:13):
We take those pieces that weknow that are for us and we
start to just put them in thislittle bucket, I would say, and
as these pieces are there, youstart to look at it and you
start to take shape and realizeall this goodness that come out
of it and we realize this wasthere the whole time.
So, when life feels like it'shappening to you, we look at
(34:34):
this bucket of all the provenpieces as proof and evidence
that is working for you and thatis where we get to trust and
begin again and renew thatbelief and confidence.
Because, like you said, whenwe're in this darkness, it's
easy to fall victim into ourself-doubt, into our criticism,
into those excuses, lies,beliefs, and that becomes that
(34:54):
story, and that story becomesour part of our identity and our
identity is who we are and wewill do anything and everything,
at great lengths, to hold ontothat, because that is who we are
Right.
So if we say that you knowwe're going to do something,
that is something to me is avalue, it's integrity.
So you walk the walk and youtalk the talk.
(35:16):
So you have to look at who youare and learning your gifts,
your talents, your abilities andskills that you were called and
equipped for.
So those are your tags, I callthem, and so that's what God has
equipped you with.
You don't lack anything andthis world will always tell you
what you need, what you should,what you could, all the things
(35:38):
that you, that that areimpressed upon.
That feels like this angstinside of you that you can never
live up to this world standardof enough.
And that enoughness is found inyou because you were created
with, on and for a purpose andno matter what you are enough.
You're perfectly imperfect,flawed, beautiful.
Everything you are enough.
You're perfectly imperfect,flawed, beautiful.
Everything You're whole andcomplete.
And that enoughness, no matterwhat people tell you, even that
(36:00):
lie in the head and this littlestory that you tell yourself,
that is not who you are and thatis not true.
So fight that truth or fightthat lie with the truth and find
the proof in all the evidencethat you've now just collected,
along this journey of empoweringyourself to believe that you
are here for something greaterthan yourself.
(36:21):
That is how you create your ownstory.
Take inventory of this lifeyou've lived and ask yourself is
this aligned with the callingof your creator, your higher
source, your power, god?
Whatever that is for you, forme it's God.
(36:41):
I find my identity in JesusChrist and that is who I am, and
that's what I found my freedom,and in that freedom is where
you get to have the power tocreate your own story and start
serving, leading, living andloving the life that you were
called for.
Carla (36:59):
Such a beautiful message Take whatever stirred in your
heart today and hold that, andtake that.
Carry that forward with onesimple action today.
Rachel, before I ask you thelast question, you've mentioned
a few places.
People can find more out aboutwhat you're doing, but are there
any others?
Rachel (37:17):
Yes, my website.
I just made it all a one-stopshop.
It is.
I am rachelbrookscom, and soyou can find my podcast, which
is the Confident Woman podcast.
You can find our courses, ourbooks, our resources, everything
on there.
And then, of course, my bookChasing Perfection, like I said,
is available everywhere.
Books are sold online, and FitFrom Within and Create your Own
(37:39):
Story are available on Amazon,and also Fit From Within is
available in a digital journalas well.
So take that on the go and youcan wipe that slate clean every
60 days and begin again.
Carla (37:50):
So beautiful.
Okay, last question what doesdifferently mean to you?
Rachel (37:58):
okay, last question what does differently mean to you?
Unique, and that is who you aredifferent.
You are called, you are setapart, you are different and
there is no one like you, andthat's the power of becoming I
am and I am different.
Carla (38:08):
Therefore, we are differently love, it called to
be different.
Thank you so much, my my friend.
What a beautiful conversation.
I thank you for being a lightin the world and sharing the
work that you do, and I am alsogoing to be on her podcast soon,
so you will be able to or itmight have already even be out
by the time this one airs, somake sure you check out her
(38:31):
podcast too.
Thank you so much, my friend,absolutely Thank you.
Thank you for tuning in to thisepisode of Differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
(38:55):
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
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