February 5, 2025 • 26 mins
Access the S.T.O.P. Plan here, Friend.
- This is a free resource to support your journey toward a more sustainable rhythm of life.
Discover the strength you never knew you had by resetting your life’s rhythm and combating burnout with Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson, also known as PBJ. Ever wonder why you're constantly exhausted despite trying to balance everything? Listen in to uncover the secrets of maintaining productivity without overwhelming your nervous system. In this episode of the Disrupting Burnout podcast, I share my personal journey and essential strategies for making small but powerful changes in your daily routine. Through the concept of micro breaks and intentional pauses, learn how to differentiate between what's important and what's truly critical in your life.
Join me as I delve into the empowering world of simplicity and its transformative effects. These bold steps can recharge your well-being, enabling you to fulfill your purpose without succumbing to the relentless pace of daily life. We'll explore how to organize resources and seek support from your network, overcoming the common reluctance to ask for help. Let’s redefine what it means to care for ourselves, embrace our inherent brilliance, and recognize the love that surrounds us. Get ready to step into a new chapter where self-care isn't just a priority, but a way of life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey friend, welcome back to the Disrupting Burnout
podcast.
Friend, if you are new here, Iam Dr Patrice Buckner-Jackson,
but you can call me PBJ, andhere at Disrupting Burnout, we
give you the strategies forpouring out purpose without
continuing to live in theconsequences of burnout.
(00:22):
Listen, friend.
If you are the giver, if youare the dedicated one, if you
are the dependable one, ifyou're the one that everybody
calls on, if you are anaccomplished woman, if you are
an accomplished educator,healthcare person, a person who
pours out your heart constantly,you're always living with your
(00:43):
empathy meter on high, focusedon the needs of others.
This is for you, this is yourspace, this is where you can
come and recover and learn andbe seen and be heard, and it is
my honor to serve you.
So welcome, or welcome back.
(01:04):
I have so much to share withyou for our new season, so let's
get right into it.
I want to talk to you about arhythm reset.
(01:39):
You may say, pbj, where youbeen?
It's been a few months.
We haven't seen you.
We haven't heard from you inthe podcast.
Where have you been, friend?
I have been resetting my rhythm.
What do I mean by that?
Most of us in today's age, welive with a rhythm like this.
(01:59):
Every day is like Groundhog'sDay.
We wake up first thing in themorning.
As soon as our eyes open, it'sgo time.
We got to check the email, wegot to get the house together.
We got to feed people, we gotto take care of our own bodies.
We got to get out of the house,we got to get to work.
We got to do this, do that.
And we are running until thepoint where we collapse in the
evening, maybe not rest, may noteven sleep, but collapse.
(02:31):
And we wake up the next morning.
And we do it all over again,all over again, all over again,
and we keep telling ourselveswell, I'll rest this weekend, or
I'll rest when I take thatvacation, or let me just get
through this tough time at work,let me just get through the
opening of school, let me justget through moving students in
or out, let me just get throughthis semester, and then I'll
rest.
And the rest that you seek hasnot come.
(02:54):
If this most of us, our rhythmsare so out of whack, it's not
sustainable, it's not healthyfor our body, it's not healthy
(03:16):
for our mind.
You may be moving about doingthings, or you may be sedentary
and sitting, but you'reconstantly engaging with
information and with people andtaking more and more in.
Your rhythm is out of whack.
So when I say rhythm reset, Iwant to encourage you to reset
(03:39):
your normal baseline.
What is your optimal rhythm foryour life where you can be
productive, you can accomplishyour personal and professional
goals, but you are not drivingyour nervous system to the point
of dysregulation.
What is that normal baseline,normal rhythm that you want to
(04:06):
set in your life?
When you have a normal rhythm,you know what to come back to
when you get off.
Most of us can't even tell whenwe've gotten off our rhythm,
because we don't know whatnormal is or the crazy out of
whack rhythm has become yournormal.
So when you reset your normalto a sustainable rhythm, when
(04:37):
you reset yourself to a placethat you can sustain for a long
time, not just what you can doin a small window, when you
start to veer away from thatrhythm, you are aware of it and
you have a home base to comeback to, friend.
What is home base for you?
What does that rhythm look likefor you?
So I'm going to tell you alittle bit about what I've been
(05:00):
doing to reset my rhythm and I'mgoing to come back in future
episodes and walk you throughhow you can do it for yourself.
Because as soon as I say thisout of my mouth, I know you're
saying PBJ, it sounds good, butyou don't know my life.
It sounds good, but I havechildren.
I have small children.
(05:20):
That sounds phenomenal, but weare short-staffed at work and
there's nobody for me to give mywork to.
Or it sounds great, but I havea boss or supervisor or leader
or organization who does nothonor all the things that you're
talking about.
So I don't know how I'm evergoing to get a break, because
they would not be open to it.
(05:42):
Friend, I'm here to tell you,I'm going to help you.
I'm going to help you, pbj, Ican't stop.
I don't have time to stop.
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed, I don'thave anybody that can take my
place at work.
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
(06:02):
Friend, if any of these thoughtscome to mind when you think
about taking a break, you arethe person who needs to stop the
most.
I want to offer you our stopplan Simple.
I want you to use the samestrategies and wisdom and skills
that you use at work, and I'mgoing to guide you to using
(06:27):
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
(06:50):
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
(07:10):
costs you to be you, and youknow what the cost has been.
It's time to stop.
Grab the plan today.
So my rhythm reset started inlate November, early December
2024.
(07:31):
Now, for those of you who havebeen on this journey with me,
you know that my book waspublished in January 2024 and we
did book tours and book launchevents and speaking and
traveling all over the country.
And it was a dream come trueand I loved every minute of it,
(07:54):
and I failed to pause andrealize the rhythm that I was
running in.
I failed to recognize the signsand symptoms of needing to slow
down, needing to reset.
And so by November, I wasfeeling the pressure.
By November not just all of thebeautiful things of 2024, but
(08:21):
some of the challenges and thepressures and the life things
that happen I really, reallybegan to feel the weight.
And if there's one thing I knowfor sure I might not recognize
it in the moment, but, friend, Iknow when it's going too far
and when I need to stop.
And that's the first thing Idid I stopped.
I went away physically.
(08:44):
I call that sabbatical rest,when you separate yourself from
all of your normalresponsibilities, to go to
another place so that you can bequiet, so that you can seek
rest, so that you can reset, andseek rest so that you can reset
(09:09):
.
And that's what I did.
I went away to a place Only acouple of human beings knew
where I was.
And here's the thing I stillhad a little bit of work to do.
I had a virtual conference tospeak at, I had a couple
meetings I needed to do thatweek and it was fine.
I was able to do the thingsthat I had to do.
But it also afforded me someseparation, some recovery, some
(09:30):
reset.
I went where there's waterbecause water ministers to me
and outside of those things thatI had to do, I just sat.
I fueled my body withnutritious food.
I made sure I had lots of saladand fruit and lots of water.
(09:51):
That week I limited my intaketo social media and TV and all
the things and to other people.
I went to a place where no oneknew me so that I could just be
and not be required to doanything, and that was the start
(10:11):
of the rhythm reset for me.
I don't know about you, butsometimes, when I'm in the
hustle and bustle, I can't eventhink clearly enough to figure
out what my next move needs tobe.
So that's why I encourage you.
The first thing you need to dois stop, and I know it seems so
(10:32):
impossible with all the thingsgoing on in your life, but I've
got to let you know that a stopis the most important thing that
you can do.
So I want to share this acronymwith you.
I want to share a few stepswith you on how you can stop,
(10:53):
because you truly can.
So I want to walk you throughhow you can stop, the first
thing I want you to do when it'stime for a stop is I want you
to schedule the stop, friend.
Everything that is important toyou is in your calendar.
Your doctor's appointments arein your calendar, your work
(11:15):
meetings are in your calendar,your family obligations are in
your calendar, and you know.
If it's not in your calendar,it's not going to happen.
Friend, you need to look aheadright now and determine what
dates you're going to stop.
Well, what do I say to this one?
What do I say to that one?
We will get there.
Just walk with me.
(11:36):
Just walk with me.
But the first thing I need toencourage you to do is to stop.
You got to schedule that stop.
So the essence, stop is toschedule your stop.
When is a date, when is a timethat you can set aside?
This may look like a day whilethe kids are in school.
(11:57):
This may look like a longweekend that you have coming up.
That's an off day from workanyway.
This may look like you taking aday off.
This may look like youphysically going away.
This may look like you beinggoing away.
This may look like you beingaway from the house during the
day and coming back in theevening.
But you got to put something onthe calendar.
(12:17):
You've got to prioritize thisand make a decision.
Make a decision that you aregoing to make this happen, so
schedule it.
Look at your calendar right now.
No time is perfect.
The to-do list is never done.
The demands never stop comingin, the requests will never stop
(12:41):
.
You have to schedule your stop,so find a time.
The T in stop is triaging yourresponsibilities.
What do I mean?
I know that everything in yourlife is urgent and important.
I want you to determine what'simportant versus what's critical
(13:04):
.
So what are the things that areimportant and you will come
back to and you will continuetaking care of, but you can
pause them for a moment and whatare the things that are
critical?
That must continue no matterwhat?
I'll give you my example.
So this podcast, for example.
This podcast is important.
(13:25):
It is my heart's passion toshare with you all.
It is also an engine for mybusiness.
Many people meet me through thepodcast and then give me an
opportunity to come and speak.
So this podcast is one of themost important parts of what I
what I'm doing with my liferight now.
(13:46):
But when I looked at what'scritical, I decided that I could
pause on the podcast for a fewweeks.
There are over 130 episodes outthere right now, so anybody who
needed me needed my voice,needed some encouragement, some
direction.
There are 132 episodes outthere that folks could go back
(14:11):
and listen to.
So, as important as thispodcast is to me, to you, to my
business, I determined that itdid not fit into critical.
Now.
I had some contracts to speakthat I had already signed.
I had given my word that Iwould speak at that virtual
(14:33):
conference or that I would coacha couple of people that week.
In my mind, those were criticalbecause I had obligated myself
and failure to do those thingswould have had a domino effect.
That is unfair.
So those things were critical.
So I kept those on the agendaand I paused the podcast.
(14:53):
I have the group of women that Ido life with the heart work
community.
We walk with each other and Ilead that group.
I pause the group and itdoesn't mean I don't love them
and they're not important to meand they understand, because
life be lifing for them too.
But I pause because I don'tlove them and they're not
important to me and theyunderstand, because life be
lifing for them too.
But I pause because I don'twant to keep showing up like I
(15:16):
have something to give when Iknow I'm empty.
So it's important.
But it wasn't critical.
Critical was I needed to takecare of my body.
Critical was I needed to takecare of my mind take care of my
body.
Critical was I needed to takecare of my mind.
I made sure I had a couple ofappointments set up for
counseling and therapy, met withour pastor.
(15:38):
Those things in the moment werecritical.
When you are trying to decidewhat's important versus what's
critical, I want you to thinkabout and this may be hard to
consider but what if youcouldn't?
What if, for some reason, youcould not do what you do on a
(16:00):
daily basis?
Maybe there was a health reasonor another critical reason.
What would happen then?
What would stay and what wouldgo If you absolutely had to make
a decision?
What would happen then?
What would stay and what wouldgo If you absolutely had to make
a decision?
What would be critical?
Care of your family, care ofyour children, care for your own
body, what would be criticaland what is important, and
(16:21):
things that you will come backto when you can, but they don't
fall into critical.
So S you need to schedule yourstuff.
You got to make a decision.
You got to honor it, prioritizeit, put it on the calendar T.
You need to triage yourresponsibilities and you need to
decide what is critical versuswhat is important.
(16:45):
The O is you need to organizeyour resources.
Who or what can help you?
Friend, now listen, stay withme, because I know that our
folks, you, us, we struggle withasking for help.
We have a hard time admittingthat we need help and, if we're
(17:08):
honest, there's something in ourinvisible backpack that guides
us to feel that way.
And yours might not look likemine, but all of us have
something in our backpack thatdiscourages us from saying I
need help.
But here, in this moment, I'mhere to tell you that in order
for you to reset your rhythm, inorder for you to have an
(17:32):
effective stop, you are going tohave to engage your resources.
So who are the people in yourlife who can help you?
Who are the family members?
Who are the friends?
Who are the colleagues?
What are the systems?
What is the AI?
What, what?
I don't know.
What are the resources that canhelp you while you stop?
(17:56):
One of my resources was a teammember.
Letting that team member know Iam going away for a week and
during this week I need to, Ineed to disconnect as much as
possible.
Will you cover me for a week?
And yes, I know everybody'sbusy, I know everybody's
(18:17):
overwhelmed, but is it possiblethat that colleague will cover
you and then you can cover them?
Is it possible that you canmake sure everybody gets some
time?
Is it possible that you canmake sure everybody gets some
time?
You got to organize yourresources and you got to be
(18:37):
willing to say that you needhelp and sometimes that resource
is right.
In your house, people who youfeel like should know you need
help and you shouldn't ask.
You shouldn't have to ask,friend, I'm telling you, I keep
learning this Even the peoplewho love you the most are not
mind readers.
Even the people who love youthe most are not mind readers.
(19:08):
They need to know what you need.
You can be in the same room,living in the same house and
having a different experience.
It's not lack of love, it's notthat they don't care, but they
(19:32):
can't reach your mind and theyare experiencing life
differently than you areexperiencing life.
I heard Dr Anita Phillips on apodcast.
She's a therapist and justphenomenal person.
But Dr Anita Phillips talkedabout when she counseled
(19:55):
families and she said if therewere five people in that family,
you're going to get fivedifferent experiences, to the
point that often she said, arey'all in the same house?
Were you at the same event?
Was this the same Thanksgivingdinner?
Because everybody has their ownexperience.
We're in the same circumstancesbut we experience it
(20:19):
differently.
So don't assume that if theyloved you, they would help.
Don't assume that they shouldhelp without you asking.
Friend, they don't know.
I'm talking about good peoplenow.
I'm not talking about abuse.
I'm talking about good people.
They don't know.
They don't know what you need.
(20:41):
It's obvious to you, but it'snot obvious to them.
So you need to organize yourresources.
Who or what can help you?
What automation can you put inplace for something to happen
automatically without youthinking about it?
What person can you reach outto to say I'm drowning, I need
(21:05):
help here.
Can you help me for two days?
Can you help me for three days?
Can you help me for a week?
Can you help me for a longweekend?
You got to organize yourresources.
You have more help than youthink, but unless you engage
that help, you're not going toget what you need, all right.
So you got to schedule yourstop.
You have to triage yourresponsibilities, you have to
(21:33):
organize your resources and,finally, I want you to prepare
your boundaries and yourcommunication.
That's the P Prepare yourboundaries and your
communication.
What does that mean?
Expect that people will want toconnect with you while you're
away.
Expect that the email is goingto keep coming in.
Expect that someone is going tohave a crisis and they're going
(21:55):
to be looking for you.
Plan for how you're going toset up your boundaries and what
communication you want to giveto folks.
So, for example, if you plan tobe away from your phone, maybe
you say I'm going to check myphone at noon and at 5 pm For
whoever's taking care of my kids, or maybe my adult children.
(22:17):
I am going to check my phonetwice a day.
Or maybe for a partner who'snot with you in this stop away
place.
Right, I'm going to check myphone twice a day, send me a
text or send me a call and Iwill respond during those times
if needed.
And prepare people.
(22:38):
Let them know.
This is only if you need me, ifit's not on fire.
This is only if you need me Ifit's not on fire, if it's not
falling apart, if it's not acrisis.
This is the week that I need tobe alone.
Prepare your boundaries.
Think ahead of what you need.
Where can you go where nobodywill engage with you?
(23:09):
Or, if you need engagement,where can you go where you can
get that engagement withoutfeeling responsible or obligated
to do anything?
Prepare your boundaries and yourcommunication.
What do you need to say?
Who do you need to tell thatyou are away?
Maybe it's an out-of-officemessage on your email.
Maybe it's an out of officemessage on your email.
Maybe it's an automaticresponse on your social media.
If you're a business person,maybe you need to tell somebody
(23:31):
that you love.
But you need to prepare whatyou're going to say so that you
don't feel overwhelmed in themoment when you do go away.
You want the most importantfolks to know what their
boundaries are, and importantfolks to know what their
boundaries are, and you want toknow what those boundaries are.
So prepare your boundaries,prepare your communication ahead
(23:52):
of time so when you go, you cango with a clear heart.
You don't have to worry abouthurting anybody's feelings or
whatever story we tell ourselvesabout taking the stop that we
so critically need.
So, friend, in resetting yourrhythm, you're moving from a
(24:17):
fast-paced, overwhelming, paced,overwhelming, overburdened,
anxious rhythm to a sustainable,home-based rhythm.
The first thing you need to dois stop.
First thing you need to do isstop.
(24:38):
You have got to schedule yourtime away, you need to triage
your responsibilities, you needto organize your resources and
you need to prepare yourboundaries and your
communication ahead of time sothat, when you take this stop,
(24:59):
it can truly be refreshing foryou.
All right, I'm coming back nextweek to talk to you more about
this rhythm reset.
I want to talk to you moreabout the things that I did
after my stop and some thingsthat I discovered about myself.
It's more simple than you think, friend, and I know we think
(25:20):
that the simple thing can't bepowerful, it can't be enough.
Pbj, you don't understand theweight that I'm under.
You don't understand the levelof burnout that I'm living on.
It can't be this simple.
I'm here to tell you the thingsthat we ignore are the things
that make the most difference.
Walk with me in this, friend.
(25:41):
All right, let's keep going.
I'll see you next week.
As always, you are powerful,you are significant, you are
brilliant and you are loved.
Love always, pbj.
Bye friend.
Hey friend, welcome back to the Disrupting Burnout
podcast.
Friend, if you are new here, Iam Dr Patrice Buckner-Jackson,
but you can call me PBJ, andhere at Disrupting Burnout, we
give you the strategies forpouring out purpose without
continuing to live in theconsequences of burnout.
(00:22):
Listen, friend.
If you are the giver, if youare the dedicated one, if you
are the dependable one, ifyou're the one that everybody
calls on, if you are anaccomplished woman, if you are
an accomplished educator,healthcare person, a person who
pours out your heart constantly,you're always living with your
(00:43):
empathy meter on high, focusedon the needs of others.
This is for you, this is yourspace, this is where you can
come and recover and learn andbe seen and be heard, and it is
my honor to serve you.
So welcome, or welcome back.
(01:04):
I have so much to share withyou for our new season, so let's
get right into it.
I want to talk to you about arhythm reset.
(01:39):
You may say, pbj, where youbeen?
It's been a few months.
We haven't seen you.
We haven't heard from you inthe podcast.
Where have you been, friend?
I have been resetting my rhythm.
What do I mean by that?
Most of us in today's age, welive with a rhythm like this.
(01:59):
Every day is like Groundhog'sDay.
We wake up first thing in themorning.
As soon as our eyes open, it'sgo time.
We got to check the email, wegot to get the house together.
We got to feed people, we gotto take care of our own bodies.
We got to get out of the house,we got to get to work.
We got to do this, do that.
And we are running until thepoint where we collapse in the
evening, maybe not rest, may noteven sleep, but collapse.
(02:31):
And we wake up the next morning.
And we do it all over again,all over again, all over again,
and we keep telling ourselveswell, I'll rest this weekend, or
I'll rest when I take thatvacation, or let me just get
through this tough time at work,let me just get through the
opening of school, let me justget through moving students in
or out, let me just get throughthis semester, and then I'll
rest.
And the rest that you seek hasnot come.
(02:54):
If this most of us, our rhythmsare so out of whack, it's not
sustainable, it's not healthyfor our body, it's not healthy
(03:16):
for our mind.
You may be moving about doingthings, or you may be sedentary
and sitting, but you'reconstantly engaging with
information and with people andtaking more and more in.
Your rhythm is out of whack.
So when I say rhythm reset, Iwant to encourage you to reset
(03:39):
your normal baseline.
What is your optimal rhythm foryour life where you can be
productive, you can accomplishyour personal and professional
goals, but you are not drivingyour nervous system to the point
of dysregulation.
What is that normal baseline,normal rhythm that you want to
(04:06):
set in your life?
When you have a normal rhythm,you know what to come back to
when you get off.
Most of us can't even tell whenwe've gotten off our rhythm,
because we don't know whatnormal is or the crazy out of
whack rhythm has become yournormal.
So when you reset your normalto a sustainable rhythm, when
(04:37):
you reset yourself to a placethat you can sustain for a long
time, not just what you can doin a small window, when you
start to veer away from thatrhythm, you are aware of it and
you have a home base to comeback to, friend.
What is home base for you?
What does that rhythm look likefor you?
So I'm going to tell you alittle bit about what I've been
(05:00):
doing to reset my rhythm and I'mgoing to come back in future
episodes and walk you throughhow you can do it for yourself.
Because as soon as I say thisout of my mouth, I know you're
saying PBJ, it sounds good, butyou don't know my life.
It sounds good, but I havechildren.
I have small children.
(05:20):
That sounds phenomenal, but weare short-staffed at work and
there's nobody for me to give mywork to.
Or it sounds great, but I havea boss or supervisor or leader
or organization who does nothonor all the things that you're
talking about.
So I don't know how I'm evergoing to get a break, because
they would not be open to it.
(05:42):
Friend, I'm here to tell you,I'm going to help you.
I'm going to help you, pbj, Ican't stop.
I don't have time to stop.
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed, I don'thave anybody that can take my
place at work.
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
(06:02):
Friend, if any of these thoughtscome to mind when you think
about taking a break, you arethe person who needs to stop the
most.
I want to offer you our stopplan Simple.
I want you to use the samestrategies and wisdom and skills
that you use at work, and I'mgoing to guide you to using
(06:27):
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
(06:50):
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
(07:10):
costs you to be you, and youknow what the cost has been.
It's time to stop.
Grab the plan today.
So my rhythm reset started inlate November, early December
2024.
(07:31):
Now, for those of you who havebeen on this journey with me,
you know that my book waspublished in January 2024 and we
did book tours and book launchevents and speaking and
traveling all over the country.
And it was a dream come trueand I loved every minute of it,
(07:54):
and I failed to pause andrealize the rhythm that I was
running in.
I failed to recognize the signsand symptoms of needing to slow
down, needing to reset.
And so by November, I wasfeeling the pressure.
By November not just all of thebeautiful things of 2024, but
(08:21):
some of the challenges and thepressures and the life things
that happen I really, reallybegan to feel the weight.
And if there's one thing I knowfor sure I might not recognize
it in the moment, but, friend, Iknow when it's going too far
and when I need to stop.
And that's the first thing Idid I stopped.
I went away physically.
(08:44):
I call that sabbatical rest,when you separate yourself from
all of your normalresponsibilities, to go to
another place so that you can bequiet, so that you can seek
rest, so that you can reset, andseek rest so that you can reset
(09:09):
.
And that's what I did.
I went away to a place Only acouple of human beings knew
where I was.
And here's the thing I stillhad a little bit of work to do.
I had a virtual conference tospeak at, I had a couple
meetings I needed to do thatweek and it was fine.
I was able to do the thingsthat I had to do.
But it also afforded me someseparation, some recovery, some
(09:30):
reset.
I went where there's waterbecause water ministers to me
and outside of those things thatI had to do, I just sat.
I fueled my body withnutritious food.
I made sure I had lots of saladand fruit and lots of water.
(09:51):
That week I limited my intaketo social media and TV and all
the things and to other people.
I went to a place where no oneknew me so that I could just be
and not be required to doanything, and that was the start
(10:11):
of the rhythm reset for me.
I don't know about you, butsometimes, when I'm in the
hustle and bustle, I can't eventhink clearly enough to figure
out what my next move needs tobe.
So that's why I encourage you.
The first thing you need to dois stop, and I know it seems so
(10:32):
impossible with all the thingsgoing on in your life, but I've
got to let you know that a stopis the most important thing that
you can do.
So I want to share this acronymwith you.
I want to share a few stepswith you on how you can stop,
(10:53):
because you truly can.
So I want to walk you throughhow you can stop, the first
thing I want you to do when it'stime for a stop is I want you
to schedule the stop, friend.
Everything that is important toyou is in your calendar.
Your doctor's appointments arein your calendar, your work
(11:15):
meetings are in your calendar,your family obligations are in
your calendar, and you know.
If it's not in your calendar,it's not going to happen.
Friend, you need to look aheadright now and determine what
dates you're going to stop.
Well, what do I say to this one?
What do I say to that one?
We will get there.
Just walk with me.
(11:36):
Just walk with me.
But the first thing I need toencourage you to do is to stop.
You got to schedule that stop.
So the essence, stop is toschedule your stop.
When is a date, when is a timethat you can set aside?
This may look like a day whilethe kids are in school.
(11:57):
This may look like a longweekend that you have coming up.
That's an off day from workanyway.
This may look like you taking aday off.
This may look like youphysically going away.
This may look like you beinggoing away.
This may look like you beingaway from the house during the
day and coming back in theevening.
But you got to put something onthe calendar.
(12:17):
You've got to prioritize thisand make a decision.
Make a decision that you aregoing to make this happen, so
schedule it.
Look at your calendar right now.
No time is perfect.
The to-do list is never done.
The demands never stop comingin, the requests will never stop
(12:41):
.
You have to schedule your stop,so find a time.
The T in stop is triaging yourresponsibilities.
What do I mean?
I know that everything in yourlife is urgent and important.
I want you to determine what'simportant versus what's critical
(13:04):
.
So what are the things that areimportant and you will come
back to and you will continuetaking care of, but you can
pause them for a moment and whatare the things that are
critical?
That must continue no matterwhat?
I'll give you my example.
So this podcast, for example.
This podcast is important.
(13:25):
It is my heart's passion toshare with you all.
It is also an engine for mybusiness.
Many people meet me through thepodcast and then give me an
opportunity to come and speak.
So this podcast is one of themost important parts of what I
what I'm doing with my liferight now.
(13:46):
But when I looked at what'scritical, I decided that I could
pause on the podcast for a fewweeks.
There are over 130 episodes outthere right now, so anybody who
needed me needed my voice,needed some encouragement, some
direction.
There are 132 episodes outthere that folks could go back
(14:11):
and listen to.
So, as important as thispodcast is to me, to you, to my
business, I determined that itdid not fit into critical.
Now.
I had some contracts to speakthat I had already signed.
I had given my word that Iwould speak at that virtual
(14:33):
conference or that I would coacha couple of people that week.
In my mind, those were criticalbecause I had obligated myself
and failure to do those thingswould have had a domino effect.
That is unfair.
So those things were critical.
So I kept those on the agendaand I paused the podcast.
(14:53):
I have the group of women that Ido life with the heart work
community.
We walk with each other and Ilead that group.
I pause the group and itdoesn't mean I don't love them
and they're not important to meand they understand, because
life be lifing for them too.
But I pause because I don'tlove them and they're not
important to me and theyunderstand, because life be
lifing for them too.
But I pause because I don'twant to keep showing up like I
(15:16):
have something to give when Iknow I'm empty.
So it's important.
But it wasn't critical.
Critical was I needed to takecare of my body.
Critical was I needed to takecare of my mind take care of my
body.
Critical was I needed to takecare of my mind.
I made sure I had a couple ofappointments set up for
counseling and therapy, met withour pastor.
(15:38):
Those things in the moment werecritical.
When you are trying to decidewhat's important versus what's
critical, I want you to thinkabout and this may be hard to
consider but what if youcouldn't?
What if, for some reason, youcould not do what you do on a
(16:00):
daily basis?
Maybe there was a health reasonor another critical reason.
What would happen then?
What would stay and what wouldgo If you absolutely had to make
a decision?
What would happen then?
What would stay and what wouldgo If you absolutely had to make
a decision?
What would be critical?
Care of your family, care ofyour children, care for your own
body, what would be criticaland what is important, and
(16:21):
things that you will come backto when you can, but they don't
fall into critical.
So S you need to schedule yourstuff.
You got to make a decision.
You got to honor it, prioritizeit, put it on the calendar T.
You need to triage yourresponsibilities and you need to
decide what is critical versuswhat is important.
(16:45):
The O is you need to organizeyour resources.
Who or what can help you?
Friend, now listen, stay withme, because I know that our
folks, you, us, we struggle withasking for help.
We have a hard time admittingthat we need help and, if we're
(17:08):
honest, there's something in ourinvisible backpack that guides
us to feel that way.
And yours might not look likemine, but all of us have
something in our backpack thatdiscourages us from saying I
need help.
But here, in this moment, I'mhere to tell you that in order
for you to reset your rhythm, inorder for you to have an
(17:32):
effective stop, you are going tohave to engage your resources.
So who are the people in yourlife who can help you?
Who are the family members?
Who are the friends?
Who are the colleagues?
What are the systems?
What is the AI?
What, what?
I don't know.
What are the resources that canhelp you while you stop?
(17:56):
One of my resources was a teammember.
Letting that team member know Iam going away for a week and
during this week I need to, Ineed to disconnect as much as
possible.
Will you cover me for a week?
And yes, I know everybody'sbusy, I know everybody's
(18:17):
overwhelmed, but is it possiblethat that colleague will cover
you and then you can cover them?
Is it possible that you canmake sure everybody gets some
time?
Is it possible that you canmake sure everybody gets some
time?
You got to organize yourresources and you got to be
(18:37):
willing to say that you needhelp and sometimes that resource
is right.
In your house, people who youfeel like should know you need
help and you shouldn't ask.
You shouldn't have to ask,friend, I'm telling you, I keep
learning this Even the peoplewho love you the most are not
mind readers.
Even the people who love youthe most are not mind readers.
(19:08):
They need to know what you need.
You can be in the same room,living in the same house and
having a different experience.
It's not lack of love, it's notthat they don't care, but they
(19:32):
can't reach your mind and theyare experiencing life
differently than you areexperiencing life.
I heard Dr Anita Phillips on apodcast.
She's a therapist and justphenomenal person.
But Dr Anita Phillips talkedabout when she counseled
(19:55):
families and she said if therewere five people in that family,
you're going to get fivedifferent experiences, to the
point that often she said, arey'all in the same house?
Were you at the same event?
Was this the same Thanksgivingdinner?
Because everybody has their ownexperience.
We're in the same circumstancesbut we experience it
(20:19):
differently.
So don't assume that if theyloved you, they would help.
Don't assume that they shouldhelp without you asking.
Friend, they don't know.
I'm talking about good peoplenow.
I'm not talking about abuse.
I'm talking about good people.
They don't know.
They don't know what you need.
(20:41):
It's obvious to you, but it'snot obvious to them.
So you need to organize yourresources.
Who or what can help you?
What automation can you put inplace for something to happen
automatically without youthinking about it?
What person can you reach outto to say I'm drowning, I need
(21:05):
help here.
Can you help me for two days?
Can you help me for three days?
Can you help me for a week?
Can you help me for a longweekend?
You got to organize yourresources.
You have more help than youthink, but unless you engage
that help, you're not going toget what you need, all right.
So you got to schedule yourstop.
You have to triage yourresponsibilities, you have to
(21:33):
organize your resources and,finally, I want you to prepare
your boundaries and yourcommunication.
That's the P Prepare yourboundaries and your
communication.
What does that mean?
Expect that people will want toconnect with you while you're
away.
Expect that the email is goingto keep coming in.
Expect that someone is going tohave a crisis and they're going
(21:55):
to be looking for you.
Plan for how you're going toset up your boundaries and what
communication you want to giveto folks.
So, for example, if you plan tobe away from your phone, maybe
you say I'm going to check myphone at noon and at 5 pm For
whoever's taking care of my kids, or maybe my adult children.
(22:17):
I am going to check my phonetwice a day.
Or maybe for a partner who'snot with you in this stop away
place.
Right, I'm going to check myphone twice a day, send me a
text or send me a call and Iwill respond during those times
if needed.
And prepare people.
(22:38):
Let them know.
This is only if you need me, ifit's not on fire.
This is only if you need me Ifit's not on fire, if it's not
falling apart, if it's not acrisis.
This is the week that I need tobe alone.
Prepare your boundaries.
Think ahead of what you need.
Where can you go where nobodywill engage with you?
(23:09):
Or, if you need engagement,where can you go where you can
get that engagement withoutfeeling responsible or obligated
to do anything?
Prepare your boundaries and yourcommunication.
What do you need to say?
Who do you need to tell thatyou are away?
Maybe it's an out-of-officemessage on your email.
Maybe it's an out of officemessage on your email.
Maybe it's an automaticresponse on your social media.
If you're a business person,maybe you need to tell somebody
(23:31):
that you love.
But you need to prepare whatyou're going to say so that you
don't feel overwhelmed in themoment when you do go away.
You want the most importantfolks to know what their
boundaries are, and importantfolks to know what their
boundaries are, and you want toknow what those boundaries are.
So prepare your boundaries,prepare your communication ahead
(23:52):
of time so when you go, you cango with a clear heart.
You don't have to worry abouthurting anybody's feelings or
whatever story we tell ourselvesabout taking the stop that we
so critically need.
So, friend, in resetting yourrhythm, you're moving from a
(24:17):
fast-paced, overwhelming, paced,overwhelming, overburdened,
anxious rhythm to a sustainable,home-based rhythm.
The first thing you need to dois stop.
First thing you need to do isstop.
(24:38):
You have got to schedule yourtime away, you need to triage
your responsibilities, you needto organize your resources and
you need to prepare yourboundaries and your
communication ahead of time sothat, when you take this stop,
(24:59):
it can truly be refreshing foryou.
All right, I'm coming back nextweek to talk to you more about
this rhythm reset.
I want to talk to you moreabout the things that I did
after my stop and some thingsthat I discovered about myself.
It's more simple than you think, friend, and I know we think
(25:20):
that the simple thing can't bepowerful, it can't be enough.
Pbj, you don't understand theweight that I'm under.
You don't understand the levelof burnout that I'm living on.
It can't be this simple.
I'm here to tell you the thingsthat we ignore are the things
that make the most difference.
Walk with me in this, friend.
(25:41):
All right, let's keep going.
I'll see you next week.
As always, you are powerful,you are significant, you are
brilliant and you are loved.
Love always, pbj.
Bye friend.
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