February 26, 2025 • 29 mins
Access the S.T.O.P. Plan here, Friend.
- This is a free resource to support your journey toward a more sustainable rhythm of life
Could a simple "rhythm reset" be the key to combating burnout, especially for women balancing the demands of home and career? Join me, Dr. Patrice Buckner-Jackson, affectionately known as PBJ, as we confront the common objections women face in prioritizing their well-being amidst life's hustle. We'll uncover the crucial need for integrating micro breaks into daily routines to safeguard physical and mental health. Discover practical strategies to transform rest from an elusive luxury into an attainable necessity, ensuring you're as effective at work as you are at home.
This engaging episode unpacks the art of planning micro breaks for mental rejuvenation without overwhelming your schedule. You’ll hear how my husband and I use our "weekenders" to recharge, allowing us to return refreshed rather than exhausted. We'll delve into the significance of strategic time management, even in short-staffed teams, by conducting desk audits that offer insights into workload distribution and uncover unacknowledged after-hours tasks. Learn how to communicate with unsupportive leadership to foster an environment that values mental health and well-being.
Beyond individual strategies, we'll explore the broader concept of strategic renewal, aligning personal well-being with organizational goals. By speaking the language of those we wish to influence, whether through data or stories, we can advocate for a sustainable rhythm of rest that benefits not just ourselves but everyone around us. We'll tackle objections to taking breaks and share creative ways to communicate and gain support for renewal plans. Join the conversation and take the first step towards showing up as your best self—it's time for a reset!
Upgrade to Premium Membership to access the Disrupting Burnout audiobook and other bonus content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1213895/supporters/new
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. PBJ (00:00):
We are killing our teams because we keep trying to
do more with less and folksain't trying to hear it.
They've had enough, they're notwilling and they're not able to
keep doing more with less.
Hey friend, welcome to anotherepisode of the Disrupting
(00:22):
Burnout podcast, where we aregiving you the strategies for
pouring out purpose withoutcontinuing to live through the
consequences of burnout.
Friend, if you are new here,I'm Dr Patrice Buckner-Jackson,
but you can call me PBJ, welcome.
I am glad you are here andyou're right in time for the
(00:43):
conversation.
Friend, listen.
If you have not listened to allof the last few weeks this
month concerning the rhythmreset, I want you to go back.
You can listen to this onefirst if you like, but I want
you to go back and listen to allof these episodes so you can
catch up and know what we'retalking about when we say it's
(01:05):
time to take a rhythm reset.
It's time to reset your normalrhythm, set your home base to a
sustainable rhythm of life, theway that you move, the way that
you serve the things on youragenda.
You've got to reset yourself sothat you are in a pace that you
(01:27):
can live with, not just a pacethat is going to make you run
out of gas quickly.
You've been in that pace a longtime, friend, and it's time for
a new pace.
So go back and listen to thoseepisodes so that you can catch
up on the conversation.
Today I want to address some ofyour objections, because every
(01:50):
time I do a speech or a workshop, or I talk on the podcast or on
social media, people womenshare with me.
Let me just be specific.
All right, all of you arewelcome, everybody's welcome,
right?
But let me talk to my sistersfor a minute, because you all
constantly give me the reasonswhy you cannot stop.
(02:14):
As soon as I start talkingabout taking a pause, taking a
stop, your mind immediatelystarts giving you excuses and
reasons why you can't stop.
So today I want to address someof those reasons, some of those
excuses, some of thoseobjectives, to let you know that
(02:37):
you can and you should.
And let me just start with themost important one.
What if you don't Friend?
What if you don't?
What if you don't stop?
What if you don't reset?
What if you don't change yourrhythm?
(02:57):
Then what?
What happens to your body?
Or what's happening right now?
What happens to your mind?
Or what is happening right now?
What happens in your family ifyou cannot care for them?
What happens at work if youcannot be there and you cannot
(03:18):
take care of yourresponsibilities?
So, before I give youstrategies and even more reasons
why you need to do this, whatif you don't?
What's going to happen?
If you don't?
Pbj, I can't stop.
(03:38):
I don't have time to stop.
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed.
I don't have anybody that cantake my place at work.
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
Friends, if any of thesethoughts come to mind when you
think about taking a break, youare the person who needs to stop
(04:00):
the most, to stop the most.
I want to offer you our stopplan.
Simple, I want you to use thesame strategies and wisdom and
skills that you use at work, andI'm going to guide you to using
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
(04:24):
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
(04:45):
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
cost you to be you, and you knowwhat the cost has you.
It's time to stop.
Grab the plan today when I amconsidering coaching a woman, so
(05:14):
we will meet and decide if I'ma good fit for her or she's a
good fit for me and I ask thisquestion quite often, and you
might be shocked at the numberof times I hear I don't think I
can live, or I think it's goingto take my life, or I think I
might get sick.
We're not playing games here.
(05:37):
Only you know how deep you'vefallen into the hole of burnout.
Only you know how far you'vegotten, and sometimes you don't
even know.
So if you have a reason why youcan't stop, why you can't slow
down, why you can't pause, whyyou can't reset, the first thing
(05:59):
I want you to critically thinkabout is what happens if you
don't.
So let's just start right there.
Let me share with you some ofthe most popular objections that
I hear often from mothers outhere, but I have children, or I
have small children, and I don'thave help.
(06:20):
I don't have family close, mypartner or the other parent,
they have a demanding job orthey're not in the picture.
I have to take care of mychildren, pbj.
So how do I pause and take careof my children?
That's number one.
Number two I hear quite oftenwe're short staffed at work.
(06:40):
We have open positions andthey've been open for a long
time and they don't seem to befilling very soon.
So who am I going to give mywork to when I'm the only one
that does this particular thing,or I'm the only one that has
this expertise, or we just don'thave enough hands?
We just don't have enough handsand it doesn't seem like it's
(07:01):
changing or getting betteranytime soon.
The next objection that I hearpretty often is how do I do that
when my leadership is notsupportive?
I have a supervisor or anexecutive or a boss who could
care less about my need to restor my burnout or where I am.
They just want the work done,my burnout or where I am, they
(07:28):
just want the work done.
So how can I pause when I amnot supported professionally or
even personally in doing that.
So I want to walk through theseobjections and I want to give
you some thoughts, someconsiderations that may help you
move forward in planning yourstop, your reset, your pause.
The first thing I want you toknow is that a pause is not all
(07:52):
or nothing.
So I'm not saying quit, I'm notsaying escape, I'm not saying
run away.
I'm saying pause, plan a pause.
Think about your family, thinkabout your organization or your
workplace.
Wouldn't it be better to planfor the time you're going to be
(08:14):
away, as opposed to folks havingto scramble and rally to figure
out what to do if you cannot bethere?
To figure out what to do if youcannot be there, if, god forbid
, you were sick or out for somereason and you cannot do the
things that you do?
Folks would have to figure itout.
(08:34):
So wouldn't you rather workwith your people to make a plan,
as opposed to getting to abroken point where you cannot
help at all and people have tofigure it out?
I want you to be involved in theplanning.
I want you to be in thedriver's seat.
(08:55):
I want you to make somedecisions for yourself, instead
of finding yourself in aposition where people have to
decide for you.
Someone else has to decidewho's going to take care of your
babies.
Somebody has to jump in andtake care of work because you
can't be there.
Friend, we're not playingaround here.
That's how critical this thingis.
(09:17):
With everything going on in ourworld right now and all the
pressures internally, it iscritically important that we
make the decisions for ourselves, for our health, for our
wholeness, for our recovery now.
You can't wait till things getbetter.
You can't wait for policies tochange.
You can't wait and see how badall of this gets.
(09:38):
Friend, you better do somethingright now, because your nervous
system was wrecked before 2025came in.
For some of you, your nervoussystem was wrecked before 2020
came in, and you still pushingand you're still going and
you're still showing up.
So what if you can't?
This is not about escaping.
(09:59):
It's not all or nothing.
It's about being intentionaland being wise about what you
need in order to be who you are.
People appreciate what you do,but they don't know what it
costs you to be you.
So let's walk through ittogether.
First of all, no matter whatyour objection is or what your
(10:21):
situation is, I want you toconsider what a micro break
looks like to you.
So what is the smallest stopyou are willing to consider
right now?
We just need to start, and Iknow I know your mind is telling
you that's not going to help.
(10:42):
You don't know how burnt out Iam.
A little stop is not going tomatter, friend, hear me, hear my
heart.
I'm telling you every littlebit helps.
So what is a micro break or asmall stop that you are willing
to do?
I have a podcast episode whereI'm talking about three kinds of
(11:06):
rest that you need.
You need your Selah rest yourdaily throughout the day, three
to five minutes.
You need your Sabbath rest,your weekly disconnect.
And then your sabbatical rest,where you can physically get
away from all of yourresponsibilities and find rest.
But I want to even be moredetailed than that.
(11:29):
So what does a micro break looklike for you Meaning?
Can you use a day that you'realready off, work some holiday,
something where the office isalready closed, and can you take
better advantage of that timeoff than you have in the past?
(11:49):
Shoot, let's think about theweekend.
Can you start with your weekend?
If you're off on weekends orwhatever day you are not working
, can you be more intentionalabout that weekend time so that
you can have a real pause or areal break.
Well, pbj, I have little kids.
Okay, got it.
(12:10):
Can you take some time offwhile those babies are in school
or daycare?
Drop them off just like anyregular day.
Go send them to the people thattake care of them throughout
the day and you go, instead ofgoing to work, go sit by a body
of water, go to a park, go havecoffee with a friend.
(12:32):
Not the friend that dumps alltheir problems on you, not that
one, not this time.
Choose the friend thatrefreshes you every time you're
with her.
Take advantage of hiring somehelp.
Can you get a nanny or ababysitter?
Can you swap with another momsitter?
(12:54):
Can you swap with another mom?
So somebody else who needs abreak?
You take care of their kidsthis weekend and they take care
of your kids next weekend.
It's amazing how much reliefyou can feel knowing that you
have a break planned.
One of the things my husband andI did this year is we took our
written family calendar that wekeep up on the wall in the
office and we already plannedout for the year our time off
(13:19):
and what we call weekenders.
So a weekender might be aweekend where he has a day off
because his office is closed, soit's a three-day weekend.
It may be a weekend where hetakes a day off, but it's also
time that I protect and blockthat I will not take speaking
engagements or workshops or anyother kind of work and we go out
(13:41):
of town.
It might be an hour away, itmight be two hours away, we
might fly somewhere, but we havealready identified those
weekenders for the year.
So I know, as I'm pushingthrough, I got a lot of work, I
got to get this done, but I cansee on the calendar that that
break is coming and when we takethose weekenders we don't fill
(14:03):
the agenda with a bunch ofthings to do, but we relax, we
enjoy good food, we enjoy eachother.
We might do one or two things,but we don't come back exhausted
.
We're not coming back tired.
We're going away to rest.
We drop the dog off at theborders.
We have wonderful group ofpeople who take care of her and
(14:23):
we go and take care of ourselves.
Now, of course, we are emptynesters.
Our child is grown and she isdoing her thing, so we have
space to do that, but so do you.
Who else loves your children.
Well, pbj, I don't have familyclose, got it.
Is someone willing to come intotown?
(14:43):
Is there another family, maybefrom church or maybe from work,
that you trust your babies withand they will take care of them
for you?
And then you exchange the favor.
I want you to be creative andstop telling yourself no.
Start with yes.
If I did this, how would I makeit work?
If we were really going to takethis break seriously, how would
(15:06):
we take this break and howwould we make it work?
So you know, you have childrenand someone has to take care of
your babies.
Engage your community.
None of us do life alone.
All of us need a communityaround us, and sometimes that
community is not your blood andnot just children.
(15:26):
Some of you are caretakers.
Some of you take care of adultsin your life, family members
who have illnesses or situationswhere they cannot take care of
themselves or they need extrahelp.
You need a break too.
The research shows us that thehealth of the caretaker is often
more in jeopardy than thehealth of the person who has the
(15:49):
health issue, because thecaretaker is so focused on the
loved one that they forget aboutthemselves.
So who do you have in yourcommunity?
Who can you pay?
Who can you assign?
Who can you ask for help totake a weekend?
Or take a day, take a day, takea couple hours, take a half day
(16:15):
.
What is that micro break thatyou're willing to start with to
just catch your breath?
Friend, you got to have astarting place and you got to
engage your community to helpyou.
I want to talk about beingshort-staffed at work, because
that's a real thing.
(16:36):
Many of us do not have enoughhands to get all the things done
that we're trying to accomplishat work, and when you're in
that situation, it really feelslike there's no way you are
going to get a break anytimesoon, because the work doesn't
stop and the positions are notfilling.
(16:56):
Let me give you some thoughtson this.
Either last week or a coupleweeks ago, one of the recent
episodes I shared with you thereading and research day that my
team and I implemented.
What I didn't say to you is,before we made the proposal, we
gathered some data, so we didwhat I call it and other people
(17:18):
call it's not my word a deskaudit.
We had everybody in our unitwrite down.
What are you doing with yourtime.
It took me an hour to do thismeeting, or I got six hours of
meetings and then I have toreturn emails and phone calls
and I had to meet with a parent,or I had to meet with a student
, or I had to do this program orplan this program or facilitate
(17:40):
this program or clean up fromthe program.
Whatever you're doing, whateveryou're doing, write it down,
because often your calendar doesnot tell the accurate story.
There are some things that areplanned and scheduled and there
are other things that you cannotplan, you cannot expect, and
they take up your time.
So for two weeks we hadeverybody in our unit complete a
(18:04):
desk audit and in that deskaudit and I know it feels
tedious, but when I tell you thedata that we got, the data that
we gathered of the number ofhours outside of 40, outside of
40 hours that people wereworking because I work with a
unit of people who do engagementwith students Much of our work
(18:28):
was after five o'clock because,you know, college students don't
just live from eight to five.
As a matter of fact, they don'twant to be bothered at eight.
Okay, they.
Most of our work with them isin the evenings and sometimes on
the weekends, and those hourswere not being accounted for.
Those hours when the campus isquiet, everybody else has gone
home, they're having dinner withtheir families or whatever
(18:50):
student affairs folks.
We're still here and we arestill engaging and we're still
doing the work.
So we were able to account forall of those hours of setup and
programming and cleanup andtraining and meetings and being
the advisor and all the things.
And when we looked at thenumber of hours that people were
(19:11):
working outside of the 40,that's what empowered us to
implement or ask for the readingand research days so that
people could get a break.
So if you are short-staffed, itmight be time to do a desk audit
.
It might be time to documentwhere the time is going.
(19:34):
It might be time to have aconversation about where should
the time be going.
This is what we're spending ourtime on right now.
Is that the most efficient useof our time?
While we are short-staffed?
Having the data in front of youallows you to evict the emotion
(19:54):
and make decisions on what'shealthful, what is sustainable,
what is productive for the team.
Without that data, you don'teven know why people are tired.
You don't have no idea.
You're not telling the fullstory.
So do that desk audit, thenreconsider what are our
(20:15):
priorities right now?
What are we focused on and whatshould we be focused on in this
time while we are short staffed?
About now that we have narrowedthe priorities down, how can we
cover each other?
How can we support each otherto ensure everybody's getting
(20:40):
some time away, to ensure thatfolks are not constantly working
on the weekend, answering allthe email and doing all the
projects, to make sure thatfolks are not giving up all of
their evenings to get this workdone?
So, if you are short-staffed,have your folks do a desk audit.
Where is our time going?
Quantify it, tell the story,show it in the numbers and then
(21:03):
narrow down those priorities.
You can have it all, but youcan't have it all at the same
time, friend.
So you need to decide what weneed, what is critical, what's
critical?
Remember we had thatconversation what is critical
right now?
What is important?
But we can get back to it later.
This part is important, but wecan come back to it.
We don't have to do this rightnow.
(21:24):
You got to have thoseconversations.
We are killing our teams.
We are killing our teamsbecause we keep trying to do
more with less, and folks ain'ttrying to hear it.
They've had enough, they're notwilling and they're not able to
(21:46):
keep doing more with less.
So we've got to have thoseconversations and we have to
make decisions about what arepriorities and how do we cover
each other or how do wecollaborate with another
department or anotherorganization or another company
so that we can be a help to themand they can be a help to us,
(22:07):
so that our folks can sustain?
You're going to mess around andlose more than you've already
lost Because we're not planning,we're not treating this as a
critical time and it's critical.
(22:28):
Last objective PBJ.
My leadership is not supportive.
They don't want to hear nothingabout me needing a break.
They don't believe in thisburnout stuff.
The way they came up, the waythey came through, you just put
your head down and work hard.
So I had a conversation withthe leaders in one of the prior
episodes.
But let me just add this If youare a leader and if you've been
(22:50):
doing your work for a long time,the pressure today is not the
same as what may have beenpressure to you in the past.
I'm not saying you didn't gothrough anything.
I'm not saying you didn't havetroubles.
But what I'm saying is thelevel of pressure that your
(23:12):
people are under today isdifferent than maybe what you've
considered.
So if you felt like you couldjust put your head down and
grind it out and you were fine,I want you to consider the
24-hour news cycles that yourpeople have pressure from, that
your people have pressure from.
I want you to experience, orconsider, the political pressure
(23:38):
and the bureaucracy and theexpectations of the folks that
you serve.
It's different, friend.
It's different.
We live in a different age andour mental health is in jeopardy
.
So please don't compare yourexperience coming up through the
ranks to the people that youlead with and serve right now,
(24:00):
because it is not the same andthat is an unfair comparison.
So, now that that is said, ifyou have a leader, a supervisor,
who is not supportive of yougetting the rest, getting the
break that you need, I want youto consider the language that
you share with them.
First of all, I want you to beable to show your impact.
(24:25):
I want you to be able to talkabout your values.
Sometimes we hide from that.
We hide behind a desire to behumble, we hide behind imposter
syndrome, but it is importantfor you to be able to articulate
the value that you bring to anorganization, and not in a
(24:45):
disrespectful way, not in anugly way Don't be inappropriate,
friend but help peopleunderstand.
Help them understand who youare and what you bring.
And you can do that bychronicling or detailing the
projects you've completed or theKPIs that you've achieved, or
(25:06):
the goals and strategies thatyou have made progress in.
Help people see.
And once you help them see,talk to them about strategic
renewal.
You don't have to say I need abreak.
You can talk about how, inorder to sustain the level of
work that you give, it isnecessary to have renewal time.
(25:29):
And maybe it's not just for you, maybe it's an organizational
renewal because, friend, if youneed renewal, they probably do
too.
They might not tell you, butthey need it too.
So how can you propose it in away that it aligns with the
values and the goals and thestrategic plan of the
institution or the organization,but it also gets you what you
(25:53):
need.
Speak their language.
If they are data, people givethem data.
If they are qualitative, peoplegive them the story.
But speak their language.
What is important to them?
So what do they think aboutbefore they go to sleep at night
.
What do they wake up thinkingabout?
What do they email people about?
(26:13):
What is important as far asvalues of the organization for
them?
What are their main goals?
Align the plan for strategicrenewal with the goals of this
particular leader and with theorganization.
Help them see why it'snecessary for the outcomes of
(26:36):
the company.
It's not just for you, friend.
Your recovery, your renewal isnot just for you, but it impacts
everybody you're connected to.
If it's your family that youhave to communicate with, or a
partner or a co-parent, helpthem understand how renewal for
you is a positive impact oneverybody and the entire system.
(27:00):
Don't be afraid to talk aboutwhy it's important and the value
that you bring and how you wantto continue bringing that value
.
But in order to do that at ahigh level, you need renewal,
and so does everybody around you.
Friend, listen as soon as youhear me say you need to take a
(27:23):
pause or you need to learn howto stop.
And I'm not just talking abouta one-time stop, okay, I'm
talking about a lifetime ofrhythm, a pace that you can
sustain.
You can pour out major purposewithout continuing to go to the
depths of burnout because youhave a regular pace of rest in
(27:48):
your life.
Maybe once a quarter you havesabbatical rest where you get
away, or whatever your rhythm is.
Whatever you need, you'resetting a pace for doing life
well, and I know, as soon as youhear me say this, the first
thing that comes up in your mindare objections, and I hope
(28:11):
through this episode you foundthat there are answers to all of
those objections and there areways to be creative, there are
ways to communicate, there areways to enroll people in the
plan so that you can get whatyou need and everybody around
you benefits from you gettingthis renewal.
(28:32):
All right, friend, I got to letyou go.
Listen, as always.
You are powerful, you aresignificant, you are brilliant,
you are loved, you areirreplaceable.
You are loved, you areirreplaceable.
There's nobody like you, and ifyou could not show up, if you
(29:01):
were not there, another personmight step in, but they'll never
be you.
I want you to be your firstadvocate.
Don't wait for somebody else tostand up for you.
Don't wait for somebody else tosee you and notice you need a
break.
I need you to stand up.
We are killing our teams because we keep trying to
do more with less and folksain't trying to hear it.
They've had enough, they're notwilling and they're not able to
keep doing more with less.
Hey friend, welcome to anotherepisode of the Disrupting
(00:22):
Burnout podcast, where we aregiving you the strategies for
pouring out purpose withoutcontinuing to live through the
consequences of burnout.
Friend, if you are new here,I'm Dr Patrice Buckner-Jackson,
but you can call me PBJ, welcome.
I am glad you are here andyou're right in time for the
(00:43):
conversation.
Friend, listen.
If you have not listened to allof the last few weeks this
month concerning the rhythmreset, I want you to go back.
You can listen to this onefirst if you like, but I want
you to go back and listen to allof these episodes so you can
catch up and know what we'retalking about when we say it's
(01:05):
time to take a rhythm reset.
It's time to reset your normalrhythm, set your home base to a
sustainable rhythm of life, theway that you move, the way that
you serve the things on youragenda.
You've got to reset yourself sothat you are in a pace that you
(01:27):
can live with, not just a pacethat is going to make you run
out of gas quickly.
You've been in that pace a longtime, friend, and it's time for
a new pace.
So go back and listen to thoseepisodes so that you can catch
up on the conversation.
Today I want to address some ofyour objections, because every
(01:50):
time I do a speech or a workshop, or I talk on the podcast or on
social media, people womenshare with me.
Let me just be specific.
All right, all of you arewelcome, everybody's welcome,
right?
But let me talk to my sistersfor a minute, because you all
constantly give me the reasonswhy you cannot stop.
(02:14):
As soon as I start talkingabout taking a pause, taking a
stop, your mind immediatelystarts giving you excuses and
reasons why you can't stop.
So today I want to address someof those reasons, some of those
excuses, some of thoseobjectives, to let you know that
(02:37):
you can and you should.
And let me just start with themost important one.
What if you don't Friend?
What if you don't?
What if you don't stop?
What if you don't reset?
What if you don't change yourrhythm?
(02:57):
Then what?
What happens to your body?
Or what's happening right now?
What happens to your mind?
Or what is happening right now?
What happens in your family ifyou cannot care for them?
What happens at work if youcannot be there and you cannot
(03:18):
take care of yourresponsibilities?
So, before I give youstrategies and even more reasons
why you need to do this, whatif you don't?
What's going to happen?
If you don't?
Pbj, I can't stop.
(03:38):
I don't have time to stop.
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed.
I don't have anybody that cantake my place at work.
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
Friends, if any of thesethoughts come to mind when you
think about taking a break, youare the person who needs to stop
(04:00):
the most, to stop the most.
I want to offer you our stopplan.
Simple, I want you to use thesame strategies and wisdom and
skills that you use at work, andI'm going to guide you to using
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
(04:24):
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
(04:45):
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
cost you to be you, and you knowwhat the cost has you.
It's time to stop.
Grab the plan today when I amconsidering coaching a woman, so
(05:14):
we will meet and decide if I'ma good fit for her or she's a
good fit for me and I ask thisquestion quite often, and you
might be shocked at the numberof times I hear I don't think I
can live, or I think it's goingto take my life, or I think I
might get sick.
We're not playing games here.
(05:37):
Only you know how deep you'vefallen into the hole of burnout.
Only you know how far you'vegotten, and sometimes you don't
even know.
So if you have a reason why youcan't stop, why you can't slow
down, why you can't pause, whyyou can't reset, the first thing
(05:59):
I want you to critically thinkabout is what happens if you
don't.
So let's just start right there.
Let me share with you some ofthe most popular objections that
I hear often from mothers outhere, but I have children, or I
have small children, and I don'thave help.
(06:20):
I don't have family close, mypartner or the other parent,
they have a demanding job orthey're not in the picture.
I have to take care of mychildren, pbj.
So how do I pause and take careof my children?
That's number one.
Number two I hear quite oftenwe're short staffed at work.
(06:40):
We have open positions andthey've been open for a long
time and they don't seem to befilling very soon.
So who am I going to give mywork to when I'm the only one
that does this particular thing,or I'm the only one that has
this expertise, or we just don'thave enough hands?
We just don't have enough handsand it doesn't seem like it's
(07:01):
changing or getting betteranytime soon.
The next objection that I hearpretty often is how do I do that
when my leadership is notsupportive?
I have a supervisor or anexecutive or a boss who could
care less about my need to restor my burnout or where I am.
They just want the work done,my burnout or where I am, they
(07:28):
just want the work done.
So how can I pause when I amnot supported professionally or
even personally in doing that.
So I want to walk through theseobjections and I want to give
you some thoughts, someconsiderations that may help you
move forward in planning yourstop, your reset, your pause.
The first thing I want you toknow is that a pause is not all
(07:52):
or nothing.
So I'm not saying quit, I'm notsaying escape, I'm not saying
run away.
I'm saying pause, plan a pause.
Think about your family, thinkabout your organization or your
workplace.
Wouldn't it be better to planfor the time you're going to be
(08:14):
away, as opposed to folks havingto scramble and rally to figure
out what to do if you cannot bethere?
To figure out what to do if youcannot be there, if, god forbid
, you were sick or out for somereason and you cannot do the
things that you do?
Folks would have to figure itout.
(08:34):
So wouldn't you rather workwith your people to make a plan,
as opposed to getting to abroken point where you cannot
help at all and people have tofigure it out?
I want you to be involved in theplanning.
I want you to be in thedriver's seat.
(08:55):
I want you to make somedecisions for yourself, instead
of finding yourself in aposition where people have to
decide for you.
Someone else has to decidewho's going to take care of your
babies.
Somebody has to jump in andtake care of work because you
can't be there.
Friend, we're not playingaround here.
That's how critical this thingis.
(09:17):
With everything going on in ourworld right now and all the
pressures internally, it iscritically important that we
make the decisions for ourselves, for our health, for our
wholeness, for our recovery now.
You can't wait till things getbetter.
You can't wait for policies tochange.
You can't wait and see how badall of this gets.
(09:38):
Friend, you better do somethingright now, because your nervous
system was wrecked before 2025came in.
For some of you, your nervoussystem was wrecked before 2020
came in, and you still pushingand you're still going and
you're still showing up.
So what if you can't?
This is not about escaping.
(09:59):
It's not all or nothing.
It's about being intentionaland being wise about what you
need in order to be who you are.
People appreciate what you do,but they don't know what it
costs you to be you.
So let's walk through ittogether.
First of all, no matter whatyour objection is or what your
(10:21):
situation is, I want you toconsider what a micro break
looks like to you.
So what is the smallest stopyou are willing to consider
right now?
We just need to start, and Iknow I know your mind is telling
you that's not going to help.
(10:42):
You don't know how burnt out Iam.
A little stop is not going tomatter, friend, hear me, hear my
heart.
I'm telling you every littlebit helps.
So what is a micro break or asmall stop that you are willing
to do?
I have a podcast episode whereI'm talking about three kinds of
(11:06):
rest that you need.
You need your Selah rest yourdaily throughout the day, three
to five minutes.
You need your Sabbath rest,your weekly disconnect.
And then your sabbatical rest,where you can physically get
away from all of yourresponsibilities and find rest.
But I want to even be moredetailed than that.
(11:29):
So what does a micro break looklike for you Meaning?
Can you use a day that you'realready off, work some holiday,
something where the office isalready closed, and can you take
better advantage of that timeoff than you have in the past?
(11:49):
Shoot, let's think about theweekend.
Can you start with your weekend?
If you're off on weekends orwhatever day you are not working
, can you be more intentionalabout that weekend time so that
you can have a real pause or areal break.
Well, pbj, I have little kids.
Okay, got it.
(12:10):
Can you take some time offwhile those babies are in school
or daycare?
Drop them off just like anyregular day.
Go send them to the people thattake care of them throughout
the day and you go, instead ofgoing to work, go sit by a body
of water, go to a park, go havecoffee with a friend.
(12:32):
Not the friend that dumps alltheir problems on you, not that
one, not this time.
Choose the friend thatrefreshes you every time you're
with her.
Take advantage of hiring somehelp.
Can you get a nanny or ababysitter?
Can you swap with another momsitter?
(12:54):
Can you swap with another mom?
So somebody else who needs abreak?
You take care of their kidsthis weekend and they take care
of your kids next weekend.
It's amazing how much reliefyou can feel knowing that you
have a break planned.
One of the things my husband andI did this year is we took our
written family calendar that wekeep up on the wall in the
office and we already plannedout for the year our time off
(13:19):
and what we call weekenders.
So a weekender might be aweekend where he has a day off
because his office is closed, soit's a three-day weekend.
It may be a weekend where hetakes a day off, but it's also
time that I protect and blockthat I will not take speaking
engagements or workshops or anyother kind of work and we go out
(13:41):
of town.
It might be an hour away, itmight be two hours away, we
might fly somewhere, but we havealready identified those
weekenders for the year.
So I know, as I'm pushingthrough, I got a lot of work, I
got to get this done, but I cansee on the calendar that that
break is coming and when we takethose weekenders we don't fill
(14:03):
the agenda with a bunch ofthings to do, but we relax, we
enjoy good food, we enjoy eachother.
We might do one or two things,but we don't come back exhausted
.
We're not coming back tired.
We're going away to rest.
We drop the dog off at theborders.
We have wonderful group ofpeople who take care of her and
(14:23):
we go and take care of ourselves.
Now, of course, we are emptynesters.
Our child is grown and she isdoing her thing, so we have
space to do that, but so do you.
Who else loves your children.
Well, pbj, I don't have familyclose, got it.
Is someone willing to come intotown?
(14:43):
Is there another family, maybefrom church or maybe from work,
that you trust your babies withand they will take care of them
for you?
And then you exchange the favor.
I want you to be creative andstop telling yourself no.
Start with yes.
If I did this, how would I makeit work?
If we were really going to takethis break seriously, how would
(15:06):
we take this break and howwould we make it work?
So you know, you have childrenand someone has to take care of
your babies.
Engage your community.
None of us do life alone.
All of us need a communityaround us, and sometimes that
community is not your blood andnot just children.
(15:26):
Some of you are caretakers.
Some of you take care of adultsin your life, family members
who have illnesses or situationswhere they cannot take care of
themselves or they need extrahelp.
You need a break too.
The research shows us that thehealth of the caretaker is often
more in jeopardy than thehealth of the person who has the
(15:49):
health issue, because thecaretaker is so focused on the
loved one that they forget aboutthemselves.
So who do you have in yourcommunity?
Who can you pay?
Who can you assign?
Who can you ask for help totake a weekend?
Or take a day, take a day, takea couple hours, take a half day
(16:15):
.
What is that micro break thatyou're willing to start with to
just catch your breath?
Friend, you got to have astarting place and you got to
engage your community to helpyou.
I want to talk about beingshort-staffed at work, because
that's a real thing.
(16:36):
Many of us do not have enoughhands to get all the things done
that we're trying to accomplishat work, and when you're in
that situation, it really feelslike there's no way you are
going to get a break anytimesoon, because the work doesn't
stop and the positions are notfilling.
(16:56):
Let me give you some thoughtson this.
Either last week or a coupleweeks ago, one of the recent
episodes I shared with you thereading and research day that my
team and I implemented.
What I didn't say to you is,before we made the proposal, we
gathered some data, so we didwhat I call it and other people
(17:18):
call it's not my word a deskaudit.
We had everybody in our unitwrite down.
What are you doing with yourtime.
It took me an hour to do thismeeting, or I got six hours of
meetings and then I have toreturn emails and phone calls
and I had to meet with a parent,or I had to meet with a student
, or I had to do this program orplan this program or facilitate
(17:40):
this program or clean up fromthe program.
Whatever you're doing, whateveryou're doing, write it down,
because often your calendar doesnot tell the accurate story.
There are some things that areplanned and scheduled and there
are other things that you cannotplan, you cannot expect, and
they take up your time.
So for two weeks we hadeverybody in our unit complete a
(18:04):
desk audit and in that deskaudit and I know it feels
tedious, but when I tell you thedata that we got, the data that
we gathered of the number ofhours outside of 40, outside of
40 hours that people wereworking because I work with a
unit of people who do engagementwith students Much of our work
(18:28):
was after five o'clock because,you know, college students don't
just live from eight to five.
As a matter of fact, they don'twant to be bothered at eight.
Okay, they.
Most of our work with them isin the evenings and sometimes on
the weekends, and those hourswere not being accounted for.
Those hours when the campus isquiet, everybody else has gone
home, they're having dinner withtheir families or whatever
(18:50):
student affairs folks.
We're still here and we arestill engaging and we're still
doing the work.
So we were able to account forall of those hours of setup and
programming and cleanup andtraining and meetings and being
the advisor and all the things.
And when we looked at thenumber of hours that people were
(19:11):
working outside of the 40,that's what empowered us to
implement or ask for the readingand research days so that
people could get a break.
So if you are short-staffed, itmight be time to do a desk audit
.
It might be time to documentwhere the time is going.
(19:34):
It might be time to have aconversation about where should
the time be going.
This is what we're spending ourtime on right now.
Is that the most efficient useof our time?
While we are short-staffed?
Having the data in front of youallows you to evict the emotion
(19:54):
and make decisions on what'shealthful, what is sustainable,
what is productive for the team.
Without that data, you don'teven know why people are tired.
You don't have no idea.
You're not telling the fullstory.
So do that desk audit, thenreconsider what are our
(20:15):
priorities right now?
What are we focused on and whatshould we be focused on in this
time while we are short staffed?
About now that we have narrowedthe priorities down, how can we
cover each other?
How can we support each otherto ensure everybody's getting
(20:40):
some time away, to ensure thatfolks are not constantly working
on the weekend, answering allthe email and doing all the
projects, to make sure thatfolks are not giving up all of
their evenings to get this workdone?
So, if you are short-staffed,have your folks do a desk audit.
Where is our time going?
Quantify it, tell the story,show it in the numbers and then
(21:03):
narrow down those priorities.
You can have it all, but youcan't have it all at the same
time, friend.
So you need to decide what weneed, what is critical, what's
critical?
Remember we had thatconversation what is critical
right now?
What is important?
But we can get back to it later.
This part is important, but wecan come back to it.
We don't have to do this rightnow.
(21:24):
You got to have thoseconversations.
We are killing our teams.
We are killing our teamsbecause we keep trying to do
more with less, and folks ain'ttrying to hear it.
They've had enough, they're notwilling and they're not able to
(21:46):
keep doing more with less.
So we've got to have thoseconversations and we have to
make decisions about what arepriorities and how do we cover
each other or how do wecollaborate with another
department or anotherorganization or another company
so that we can be a help to themand they can be a help to us,
(22:07):
so that our folks can sustain?
You're going to mess around andlose more than you've already
lost Because we're not planning,we're not treating this as a
critical time and it's critical.
(22:28):
Last objective PBJ.
My leadership is not supportive.
They don't want to hear nothingabout me needing a break.
They don't believe in thisburnout stuff.
The way they came up, the waythey came through, you just put
your head down and work hard.
So I had a conversation withthe leaders in one of the prior
episodes.
But let me just add this If youare a leader and if you've been
(22:50):
doing your work for a long time,the pressure today is not the
same as what may have beenpressure to you in the past.
I'm not saying you didn't gothrough anything.
I'm not saying you didn't havetroubles.
But what I'm saying is thelevel of pressure that your
(23:12):
people are under today isdifferent than maybe what you've
considered.
So if you felt like you couldjust put your head down and
grind it out and you were fine,I want you to consider the
24-hour news cycles that yourpeople have pressure from, that
your people have pressure from.
I want you to experience, orconsider, the political pressure
(23:38):
and the bureaucracy and theexpectations of the folks that
you serve.
It's different, friend.
It's different.
We live in a different age andour mental health is in jeopardy
.
So please don't compare yourexperience coming up through the
ranks to the people that youlead with and serve right now,
(24:00):
because it is not the same andthat is an unfair comparison.
So, now that that is said, ifyou have a leader, a supervisor,
who is not supportive of yougetting the rest, getting the
break that you need, I want youto consider the language that
you share with them.
First of all, I want you to beable to show your impact.
(24:25):
I want you to be able to talkabout your values.
Sometimes we hide from that.
We hide behind a desire to behumble, we hide behind imposter
syndrome, but it is importantfor you to be able to articulate
the value that you bring to anorganization, and not in a
(24:45):
disrespectful way, not in anugly way Don't be inappropriate,
friend but help peopleunderstand.
Help them understand who youare and what you bring.
And you can do that bychronicling or detailing the
projects you've completed or theKPIs that you've achieved, or
(25:06):
the goals and strategies thatyou have made progress in.
Help people see.
And once you help them see,talk to them about strategic
renewal.
You don't have to say I need abreak.
You can talk about how, inorder to sustain the level of
work that you give, it isnecessary to have renewal time.
(25:29):
And maybe it's not just for you, maybe it's an organizational
renewal because, friend, if youneed renewal, they probably do
too.
They might not tell you, butthey need it too.
So how can you propose it in away that it aligns with the
values and the goals and thestrategic plan of the
institution or the organization,but it also gets you what you
(25:53):
need.
Speak their language.
If they are data, people givethem data.
If they are qualitative, peoplegive them the story.
But speak their language.
What is important to them?
So what do they think aboutbefore they go to sleep at night
.
What do they wake up thinkingabout?
What do they email people about?
(26:13):
What is important as far asvalues of the organization for
them?
What are their main goals?
Align the plan for strategicrenewal with the goals of this
particular leader and with theorganization.
Help them see why it'snecessary for the outcomes of
(26:36):
the company.
It's not just for you, friend.
Your recovery, your renewal isnot just for you, but it impacts
everybody you're connected to.
If it's your family that youhave to communicate with, or a
partner or a co-parent, helpthem understand how renewal for
you is a positive impact oneverybody and the entire system.
(27:00):
Don't be afraid to talk aboutwhy it's important and the value
that you bring and how you wantto continue bringing that value
.
But in order to do that at ahigh level, you need renewal,
and so does everybody around you.
Friend, listen as soon as youhear me say you need to take a
(27:23):
pause or you need to learn howto stop.
And I'm not just talking abouta one-time stop, okay, I'm
talking about a lifetime ofrhythm, a pace that you can
sustain.
You can pour out major purposewithout continuing to go to the
depths of burnout because youhave a regular pace of rest in
(27:48):
your life.
Maybe once a quarter you havesabbatical rest where you get
away, or whatever your rhythm is.
Whatever you need, you'resetting a pace for doing life
well, and I know, as soon as youhear me say this, the first
thing that comes up in your mindare objections, and I hope
(28:11):
through this episode you foundthat there are answers to all of
those objections and there areways to be creative, there are
ways to communicate, there areways to enroll people in the
plan so that you can get whatyou need and everybody around
you benefits from you gettingthis renewal.
(28:32):
All right, friend, I got to letyou go.
Listen, as always.
You are powerful, you aresignificant, you are brilliant,
you are loved, you areirreplaceable.
You are loved, you areirreplaceable.
There's nobody like you, and ifyou could not show up, if you
(29:01):
were not there, another personmight step in, but they'll never
be you.
I want you to be your firstadvocate.
Don't wait for somebody else tostand up for you.
Don't wait for somebody else tosee you and notice you need a
break.
I need you to stand up.
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