March 19, 2025 • 25 mins
Your mindset about rest might be the very thing preventing you from avoiding burnout. Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson (PBJ) tackles the limiting beliefs that keep us from taking much-needed breaks in this powerful episode of Disrupting Burnout. From productivity fears to identity concerns, perfectionism, and practical excuses – these mental barriers prevent us from establishing sustainable rhythms of work and rest.
Science consistently proves that our brains function optimally when given regular opportunities to reset. Yet many high-achievers believe taking breaks will damage their productivity or reputation. As PBJ powerfully states, "Rest is not a luxury. Rest is survival, rest is self-preservation." This countercultural message challenges the burnout-glorifying narrative that pervades many professional environments.
The episode tackles common excuses like "I have too much to do," "everyone depends on me," and "if I slow down, I might get passed over for promotion." PBJ shares personal insights from her own burnout journey, revealing how she eventually learned that her value wasn't tied to her hustle. She emphasizes that what seems like dedication is often a dangerous path to exhaustion – one that's unnecessarily expensive in terms of health and wellbeing.
For those struggling with how to implement effective breaks, PBJ introduces the STOP plan framework, a simple but critical approach to incorporating micro-breaks into daily life. This free resource provides practical strategies for creating purposeful pauses that help sustain energy and prevent burnout. If you've been pushing through exhaustion or can't remember the last time you truly rested, this episode offers both the permission and the practical tools you need to disrupt the burnout cycle. Download the free STOP plan resource mentioned in the episode and start reclaiming your rhythm today.
Upgrade to Premium Membership to access the Disrupting Burnout audiobook and other bonus content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1213895/supporters/new
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And we got to address this.
Rest is a luxury, rest issurvival, rest is
self-preservation.
It's not a luxury, it's not areward, it's not what you get as
a result of being completelyexhausted.
You need water, you need food,you need rest, and that's just
(00:21):
the truth on that.
Hey, friend, I am Dr PatriceBuckner-Jackson, but you can
call me PBJ.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Disrupting Burnout podcast,
where we are giving you thestrategies for pouring out
purpose without continuing tolive in the consequences of
burnout.
And friend, today, today, today, this episode is very important
(00:47):
.
All of them are important, but,friend, you need to hear this
because I am convinced that thenumber one reason why you can't
figure out how to take a breakis because your mindset about
taking a break is holding youback.
Let me tell you what I mean bymindset, the way that we have
(01:12):
been conditioned to think.
I often talk about yourinvisible backpack, and in that
invisible backpack is everyexperience you've had,
everything that you've learned,formally or informally, whether
you learned it by watchingsomeone or whether they sat down
(01:32):
and discussed it with you.
Every time your heart wasbroken, every time you learned a
new concept, every time youlooked up to someone and you
wanted to imitate them or youwanted to learn from their life.
You looked up to someone andyou wanted to imitate them or
you wanted to learn from theirlife.
Everything, every hurt, everytrauma, everything is in your
invisible backpack and thoseexperiences make up the schema
(01:55):
or the box that we use to definelife around us, right?
So our mental definitions oflife come from our experiences.
And friend.
Often we have a limited mindset,a poverty mindset, a mindset of
(02:18):
lack, and that's not just abouttime or taking breaks.
It can be about money, it canbe about relationships, it can
be about your own, what you haveto give to the world, it can be
about yourself and yourself-esteem.
But when we have limitingbeliefs, when we have a mindset
(02:38):
of lack, you can have thestrategies in your hand, you can
know exactly what you need todo, but your mindset is holding
you back from doing what youneed to do.
So in these episodes we've beentalking about resetting your
rhythm to a life rhythm that issustainable, impactful,
(03:01):
productive and powerful.
But you will not reset yourlife rhythm until you address
some of the lack mindset, someof the limiting beliefs that you
carry concerning taking a break.
Now listen to me, friend, thisis not your fault.
It's not your fault.
(03:23):
You didn't ask to learn theselessons.
You didn't ask to gain theseconcepts, these standards, these
definitions.
This was handed to you.
It's not your fault, but it isyour responsibility.
So today I want to identify someof the mindsets you may want to
(03:43):
call them excuses, some of thethought processes, some of the
mindsets you may want to callthem excuses.
Some of the thought processes,some of the ideas, the standards
that hold you back from takingthe break that you need and keep
in mind we're talking microbreaks, friend.
I'm not even talking about amonth's sabbatical.
I'm talking about what some ofy'all need, but that's another
(04:05):
topic for another day.
I'm talking about the dailymicro breaks, the purposeful
pauses that you need on aregular basis in order to
sustain the way you live and theway you serve.
So, pbj, I can't stop.
I don't have time to stop.
(04:27):
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed.
I don't have anybody that cantake my place at work.
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
Friends, if any of thesethoughts come to mind when you
think about taking a break, youare the person who needs to stop
(04:47):
the most.
I want to offer you our stopplan.
Simple.
I want you to use the samestrategies and wisdom and skills
that you use at work, and I'mgoing to guide you to using
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
(05:11):
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
(05:31):
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
costs you to be you, and youknow what the cost is.
Man.
It's time to stop.
(05:51):
Grab the plan today.
So let's get into some of theselimiting beliefs, and I have
broken them into categories sothat we can discuss the
categories and the way that youneed to change your mindset
(06:13):
concerning these specificcategories.
So, first of all, let's talkabout fear concerning your
productivity, and I'm going toread some of these excuses to
you and as you hear these, Iwant you to consider man, I say
that or I've said that or Ithought that, because if you
(06:34):
recognize these phrases, it is atell that you need a break,
friend.
Okay, so concerning our fearsof lack of productivity, I have
too much to do and not enoughtime to do it.
I'll take a break after Ifinish this email, this phone
(06:56):
call, this project this semester, this fiscal year.
I'll take a break after.
Whatever the thing is, if Itake a break now, I'll just have
twice as much work waiting forme when I return.
I'm more productive when I workstraight through.
I can get more done when I justkeep pushing.
(07:19):
I don't have the luxury of restthat others have.
I'm coming back to that one.
You already know I can restwhen I retire or in American
culture, folks have said I canrest when I'm dead.
Not over here, not in thiscommunity, and we're not even
(07:40):
joking about that because wehave lost people we have.
We've lost women, powerful,effective educators,
professional women.
We have lost them because ofoverwhelming burnout.
So we're not playing that gameover here.
I function well under pressure,so breaks are not necessary for
(08:00):
me.
I function well under pressure,so breaks are not necessary for
me.
(08:23):
All of the science that I couldfind that I have heard about how
brains work tell us that we aremore productive as human beings
when we give our braineffective breaks.
The break is not.
I guess we've been conditionedto believe that the break is
because we're lazy or we're weak, or if we were strong, we
wouldn't need a break.
Friend, you are human and youhave a human brain, and your
human brain cannot workoptimally without an opportunity
(08:45):
to revive itself, to rest, torelease toxins, to reset the
mood, the motivation, thecreativity, the strategy, the
wisdom all the things thatyou're craving, that you need
that.
You feel like you've lost.
Friend, you haven't lostanything.
I'm here to tell you your brainneeds a break and it will
(09:11):
increase your productivity.
I told you last week when wewere talking about task
switching well, maybe a coupleof weeks ago now, when we were
talking about task switchingthat you are 40% less productive
when you're hopping from onething to another thing, to
another thing, as opposed tofocus in.
(09:31):
Take a break, focus again, takea break.
So the truth is you are moreproductive after taking a break.
You're trying to push, push,push through that project and if
you will just allow yourself topause for a minute, you will
find that you'll come back andnot just be better but be faster
(09:51):
.
I learned this specificallywhen I was writing my book.
Some folks write like they getup and write an hour a day and
you know they get their progressthat way.
I'm not that kind of writer.
I need a big chunk of timebecause once I'm in there, I
just need to like, get it, likeI need to get it out Right.
So the hour a day thing justdidn't work for me.
(10:14):
I needed half days, I needed aday to really like.
That's the thing I'm focused on, that's all I'm thinking about
in order to get this done.
And I found, with those bigchunks of time, there were
moments where I felt blocked,like I felt like gosh, this is
not coming out the way that Iwant to say it, I can't get to
(10:36):
it.
Or there's a story that I needto tell here and I can't connect
with the story.
And I learned that if I juststop, because I would sit there
and frustrate myself, try topush, push, push and it would
not come, friend, it just didn'tcome.
I learned when I stop, walkaway, take the nap, go to bed,
(10:58):
get outside, get some fresh air,spend time with family,
whatever.
When I came back, that thingwas flowing like a river because
I gave my brain a break.
It's not that it's not there.
Whatever you need, it's thatyou can't access it because your
brain is exhausted.
So if you have limiting beliefsthat say, if you take a break
(11:21):
you won't be productive, I'mhere to tell you that that is
not true and we got to addressthis rest as a luxury.
Rest is survival, rest isself-preservation.
It's not a luxury, it's not areward, it's not what you get as
a result of being completelyexhausted.
(11:42):
You need water, you need food,you need rest, and that's just
the truth on that.
All right.
So those are limiting beliefsaround productivity.
I want to um, I want to readsome limiting beliefs around
your identity and who you areand how you show up in the world
(12:02):
.
Some of the excuses or beliefsyou may have.
Everyone depends on me.
What would they do if I steppedaway?
Taking breaks is for people whoaren't as committed as I am.
I got to where I am byoutworking everyone else.
Nobody else on my team takesbreaks, so I can't either.
(12:26):
I'm the only one who knows howto do this properly, so I'm the
only one that can do it.
If I'm not constantly working,people will think I'm not
dedicated.
My work ethic is what makes mevaluable, friend.
(12:47):
Your value goes deeper andbeyond your hustle.
You're not valuable because youfail to say no.
You're not valuable becauseyou're willing to always raise
your hand and go to the nthdegree.
You're not valuable becauseyou're willing to always raise
your hand and go to the nthdegree.
You're not valuable becauseyou're willing to do all the
things.
You're valuable because youhave an innate, unique
brilliance that cannot bereplaced, that you bring to the
(13:11):
world that no other person doeslike you.
And as long as you feel likethe hustle is all you bring,
you're going to be stuck in acycle of hustle and burnout,
friend.
This first one that says whathappens if I step away.
Everybody depends on me.
(13:32):
I've told you before when Istepped away from my job due to
burnout.
One of the reasons why I keptpushing myself was who's going
to take care of my students?
Where are they going to go?
Who's going to have the opendoor to them?
I'm here to tell you when I hadto step away when I had no
other choice.
Those students continued, theygraduated, they started careers,
(13:57):
and it doesn't mean that Iwasn't significant in their
lives.
It means I wasn't the only oneand I learned that it wasn't as
much as everybody needed me asit was my need to be needed.
So if your identity is I'meverybody's person and my value
(14:21):
is in that I'm willing to showup, do the thing, be there
always.
It's going to wear you out andyou don't even know who you are,
because there's more to youthan that.
Let's keep going, all right.
So let's talk about some fear,and a lot of this is connected
to fear.
Let's be honest.
(14:41):
But let's specifically namesome fear excuses or why you
don't give yourself a break.
If I slow down, I might getpassed over for the promotion.
Someone else might take myplace, my role, my position.
If I'm not always available, Imight miss a critical
(15:03):
opportunity.
If I disconnect, I'll be seenas weak.
If I admit I need a break, Idon't want to be labeled as not
a team player.
My boss will think I'm notserious about my career.
Player my boss will think I'mnot serious about my career.
(15:23):
Taking breaks is a luxury.
My colleagues will resent me,for this fear is connected to
imposter syndrome.
This fear is connected to toxicwork environments where we have
allowed people to work untilthey have nothing left and we
(15:45):
have taught that this is thestandard.
And I want you to know that ifyou are fighting to contort
yourself, to fit into anenvironment that doesn't align
with who you are and what youneed, it is not going to last.
Friend, hear me, I got thepromotions, I got the titles and
(16:09):
the salaries, and when I tellyou the way that I was working,
those salaries and those titleswere way too expensive.
What it was costing me was mylife and my livelihood.
So you've got to make adecision about what you are
unwilling to lose.
Where do you draw your line?
(16:30):
What are your boundaries whenit comes to what you're willing
to pay and what you're willingto give for a position?
Friend, I'm not telling you notto continue on the career
ladder.
That's out of integrity.
I continue in my career and Ilove it and I appreciate every
(16:51):
promotion and every opportunity.
But what I'm here to tell youis I wish I had known then that
those were not my identity, thatwhat I bring to the table is
deeper and richer than any titlethat anybody could give me, and
if I'm in an environment whereit costs me my life, my
(17:11):
livelihood, my mental health, myphysical health in order to get
the promotion, in order to berespected, in order to have a
seat at the table, you can havethat seat, friend, and I can
only say that confidently.
Now, after years of sufferingand when I say suffering, y'all
hear me I love my career.
I really do.
(17:32):
I really did.
That's not what I'm saying.
I was suffering through it,though More than one thing can
be true.
I loved it and I was living theconsequences of it.
So you've got to decide, andwhen I look back, a lot of that
could have been changed by mewithout me leaving the position.
(17:54):
I could have adjusted myselfwithout asking anybody's
permission, but I was tellingmyself I couldn't.
I was telling myself if I did,there would be consequences to
my career.
I was telling myself that if Ichanged, people would disrespect
me, that they would not honorme, that they would not give me
a chance.
(18:14):
Those were the mindsets that Iwas living under, but the truth
of the matter is I could havedone things a little bit
differently and they would nothave even known the difference.
I have a good friend, dr WendyWilson.
She's told me many a times.
She said, pbj, your C work ismost people's A plus.
(18:36):
She says so you're trying togive people A+ that don't even
have capacity to hold it.
Listen, my friend don't play,okay, she don't play when it
comes to me and the people thatshe loves or anybody else.
She tells the truth.
Your C work is most people's A+.
So the overextending thatyou're doing, I wonder if you
(19:00):
could be more productive andmore clear and more impactful if
you allowed yourself the samegrace that you give everybody
else.
Let's keep going.
Let's talk about perfection.
Here are some excuses andmindsets that come from
perfection.
I need to be available 24-7 incase something goes wrong.
(19:23):
I have to do everythingperfectly, which requires
constant attention.
If I'm not involved, it won'tbe done right.
I can't relax until everythingis perfect and complete.
I'll take a break when I'veachieved whatever the goal is.
I need to set an example for myteam, for my students, for my
(19:46):
children.
This standard friend.
Transitioning intoentrepreneurship has taught me
that the only way to moveforward, to learn, to grow, is
to embrace progress overperfection.
I've learned in my businessthat if I wait till everything's
(20:11):
perfect, I would never do,whatever the thing is.
But if I allow myself to keepwalking, keep moving with
missteps, with imperfections.
One I'm learning.
Two, my community is learningalong with me and they recognize
that I'm human and we're inthis together.
Three I'm getting the best outof my business because I'm
(20:32):
learning as I go.
So I want to encourage you.
I want to identify where thatstandard of perfection comes
from and why you feel like youhave to be perfect but everybody
else has margin for error.
Where does that come from thatyou think that everything that
you do, that you produce, mustbe absolutely perfect?
(20:54):
But if anybody else has amisstep, they're human and it's
okay and they're learning.
I want you to address thatdrive to be perfect and allow
yourself to learn, to grow, totry, and you will be amazed that
your outcome it still exceedsexpectations, even when it's not
(21:16):
your concept of perfect.
Let's keep going.
Last section these are somepractical excuses or limiting
beliefs that you might have.
I don't know how to take aneffective break.
I've tried taking breaks beforeand they didn't help.
I get more anxious when I tryto rest because I think about
(21:41):
all I should be doing.
It takes too much energy toplan for a break.
By the time I disconnect enoughto actually rest, it's time to
go back to work.
I don't have the support systemto allow me to take breaks.
(22:01):
These limiting beliefs andexcuses are the reason why I
created the stop plan frameworkto share with you.
This is exactly why I createdthat free resource because I
understand.
I understand it seems like thesimplest thing when someone says
(22:25):
just take a break.
It seems like it should be soeasy and there shouldn't be any
questions about how to take abreak.
But I'm aware and I know thatit's not easy, friend that we
have been conditioned to be onall the time and we've never
been given permission toactually stop.
(22:48):
So your body, your brain, yournervous system has a muscle
memory for how to be on, but youhave no framework for how to
stop.
You believe that women who camebefore you didn't stop, that
(23:10):
professionals who came beforeyou didn't stop.
So you've taken on a perceptionthat success looks like always
on, and I'm here to tell youthat the standard for success
must change.
Today.
We cannot, within the contextin which we live and work, we
(23:35):
cannot expect that standard fromourselves or from others.
So I want you to grab the STOPplan.
The link is in the show noteshere.
Make sure you walk through itand you use it, because when
(23:56):
there is chaos, simplicity is agift, and this plan is simple,
but it's critical.
It's critical for you to learnhow to incorporate stops, micro
breaks, into your life, not justleaning towards the next
vacation or leaning towards thenext long break.
(24:19):
Friend, you need something moreconsistent than that.
You got to have daily microbreaks, you got to have regular,
purposeful pauses, and now it'sthe time for you to figure out
how to do that.
Okay, so get the free resource.
Let me know you got it.
Let me know you planned yournext micro break.
(24:41):
All right, friend, I hope thatyou got what you needed today
and that you understand.
It's not a lack of strategy.
You know what you need to do,but your mindset is blocking
your ability to get it done.
I want you to say out loudwhatever that excuse is, and
then I want you to answer itwith what the truth really is,
(25:04):
because the truth makes us free.
All right, as always, friend,you are powerful, you are
significant, you are brilliantand you are loved.
Love always, pbj, I'll see.
You are loved.
Love always.
Pbj, I'll see you next week.
And we got to address this.
Rest is a luxury, rest issurvival, rest is
self-preservation.
It's not a luxury, it's not areward, it's not what you get as
a result of being completelyexhausted.
You need water, you need food,you need rest, and that's just
(00:21):
the truth on that.
Hey, friend, I am Dr PatriceBuckner-Jackson, but you can
call me PBJ.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Disrupting Burnout podcast,
where we are giving you thestrategies for pouring out
purpose without continuing tolive in the consequences of
burnout.
And friend, today, today, today, this episode is very important
(00:47):
.
All of them are important, but,friend, you need to hear this
because I am convinced that thenumber one reason why you can't
figure out how to take a breakis because your mindset about
taking a break is holding youback.
Let me tell you what I mean bymindset, the way that we have
(01:12):
been conditioned to think.
I often talk about yourinvisible backpack, and in that
invisible backpack is everyexperience you've had,
everything that you've learned,formally or informally, whether
you learned it by watchingsomeone or whether they sat down
(01:32):
and discussed it with you.
Every time your heart wasbroken, every time you learned a
new concept, every time youlooked up to someone and you
wanted to imitate them or youwanted to learn from their life.
You looked up to someone andyou wanted to imitate them or
you wanted to learn from theirlife.
Everything, every hurt, everytrauma, everything is in your
invisible backpack and thoseexperiences make up the schema
(01:55):
or the box that we use to definelife around us, right?
So our mental definitions oflife come from our experiences.
And friend.
Often we have a limited mindset,a poverty mindset, a mindset of
(02:18):
lack, and that's not just abouttime or taking breaks.
It can be about money, it canbe about relationships, it can
be about your own, what you haveto give to the world, it can be
about yourself and yourself-esteem.
But when we have limitingbeliefs, when we have a mindset
(02:38):
of lack, you can have thestrategies in your hand, you can
know exactly what you need todo, but your mindset is holding
you back from doing what youneed to do.
So in these episodes we've beentalking about resetting your
rhythm to a life rhythm that issustainable, impactful,
(03:01):
productive and powerful.
But you will not reset yourlife rhythm until you address
some of the lack mindset, someof the limiting beliefs that you
carry concerning taking a break.
Now listen to me, friend, thisis not your fault.
It's not your fault.
(03:23):
You didn't ask to learn theselessons.
You didn't ask to gain theseconcepts, these standards, these
definitions.
This was handed to you.
It's not your fault, but it isyour responsibility.
So today I want to identify someof the mindsets you may want to
(03:43):
call them excuses, some of thethought processes, some of the
mindsets you may want to callthem excuses.
Some of the thought processes,some of the ideas, the standards
that hold you back from takingthe break that you need and keep
in mind we're talking microbreaks, friend.
I'm not even talking about amonth's sabbatical.
I'm talking about what some ofy'all need, but that's another
(04:05):
topic for another day.
I'm talking about the dailymicro breaks, the purposeful
pauses that you need on aregular basis in order to
sustain the way you live and theway you serve.
So, pbj, I can't stop.
I don't have time to stop.
(04:27):
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed.
I don't have anybody that cantake my place at work.
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
Friends, if any of thesethoughts come to mind when you
think about taking a break, youare the person who needs to stop
(04:47):
the most.
I want to offer you our stopplan.
Simple.
I want you to use the samestrategies and wisdom and skills
that you use at work, and I'mgoing to guide you to using
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
(05:11):
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
(05:31):
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
costs you to be you, and youknow what the cost is.
Man.
It's time to stop.
(05:51):
Grab the plan today.
So let's get into some of theselimiting beliefs, and I have
broken them into categories sothat we can discuss the
categories and the way that youneed to change your mindset
(06:13):
concerning these specificcategories.
So, first of all, let's talkabout fear concerning your
productivity, and I'm going toread some of these excuses to
you and as you hear these, Iwant you to consider man, I say
that or I've said that or Ithought that, because if you
(06:34):
recognize these phrases, it is atell that you need a break,
friend.
Okay, so concerning our fearsof lack of productivity, I have
too much to do and not enoughtime to do it.
I'll take a break after Ifinish this email, this phone
(06:56):
call, this project this semester, this fiscal year.
I'll take a break after.
Whatever the thing is, if Itake a break now, I'll just have
twice as much work waiting forme when I return.
I'm more productive when I workstraight through.
I can get more done when I justkeep pushing.
(07:19):
I don't have the luxury of restthat others have.
I'm coming back to that one.
You already know I can restwhen I retire or in American
culture, folks have said I canrest when I'm dead.
Not over here, not in thiscommunity, and we're not even
(07:40):
joking about that because wehave lost people we have.
We've lost women, powerful,effective educators,
professional women.
We have lost them because ofoverwhelming burnout.
So we're not playing that gameover here.
I function well under pressure,so breaks are not necessary for
(08:00):
me.
I function well under pressure,so breaks are not necessary for
me.
(08:23):
All of the science that I couldfind that I have heard about how
brains work tell us that we aremore productive as human beings
when we give our braineffective breaks.
The break is not.
I guess we've been conditionedto believe that the break is
because we're lazy or we're weak, or if we were strong, we
wouldn't need a break.
Friend, you are human and youhave a human brain, and your
human brain cannot workoptimally without an opportunity
(08:45):
to revive itself, to rest, torelease toxins, to reset the
mood, the motivation, thecreativity, the strategy, the
wisdom all the things thatyou're craving, that you need
that.
You feel like you've lost.
Friend, you haven't lostanything.
I'm here to tell you your brainneeds a break and it will
(09:11):
increase your productivity.
I told you last week when wewere talking about task
switching well, maybe a coupleof weeks ago now, when we were
talking about task switchingthat you are 40% less productive
when you're hopping from onething to another thing, to
another thing, as opposed tofocus in.
(09:31):
Take a break, focus again, takea break.
So the truth is you are moreproductive after taking a break.
You're trying to push, push,push through that project and if
you will just allow yourself topause for a minute, you will
find that you'll come back andnot just be better but be faster
(09:51):
.
I learned this specificallywhen I was writing my book.
Some folks write like they getup and write an hour a day and
you know they get their progressthat way.
I'm not that kind of writer.
I need a big chunk of timebecause once I'm in there, I
just need to like, get it, likeI need to get it out Right.
So the hour a day thing justdidn't work for me.
(10:14):
I needed half days, I needed aday to really like.
That's the thing I'm focused on, that's all I'm thinking about
in order to get this done.
And I found, with those bigchunks of time, there were
moments where I felt blocked,like I felt like gosh, this is
not coming out the way that Iwant to say it, I can't get to
(10:36):
it.
Or there's a story that I needto tell here and I can't connect
with the story.
And I learned that if I juststop, because I would sit there
and frustrate myself, try topush, push, push and it would
not come, friend, it just didn'tcome.
I learned when I stop, walkaway, take the nap, go to bed,
(10:58):
get outside, get some fresh air,spend time with family,
whatever.
When I came back, that thingwas flowing like a river because
I gave my brain a break.
It's not that it's not there.
Whatever you need, it's thatyou can't access it because your
brain is exhausted.
So if you have limiting beliefsthat say, if you take a break
(11:21):
you won't be productive, I'mhere to tell you that that is
not true and we got to addressthis rest as a luxury.
Rest is survival, rest isself-preservation.
It's not a luxury, it's not areward, it's not what you get as
a result of being completelyexhausted.
(11:42):
You need water, you need food,you need rest, and that's just
the truth on that.
All right.
So those are limiting beliefsaround productivity.
I want to um, I want to readsome limiting beliefs around
your identity and who you areand how you show up in the world
(12:02):
.
Some of the excuses or beliefsyou may have.
Everyone depends on me.
What would they do if I steppedaway?
Taking breaks is for people whoaren't as committed as I am.
I got to where I am byoutworking everyone else.
Nobody else on my team takesbreaks, so I can't either.
(12:26):
I'm the only one who knows howto do this properly, so I'm the
only one that can do it.
If I'm not constantly working,people will think I'm not
dedicated.
My work ethic is what makes mevaluable, friend.
(12:47):
Your value goes deeper andbeyond your hustle.
You're not valuable because youfail to say no.
You're not valuable becauseyou're willing to always raise
your hand and go to the nthdegree.
You're not valuable becauseyou're willing to always raise
your hand and go to the nthdegree.
You're not valuable becauseyou're willing to do all the
things.
You're valuable because youhave an innate, unique
brilliance that cannot bereplaced, that you bring to the
(13:11):
world that no other person doeslike you.
And as long as you feel likethe hustle is all you bring,
you're going to be stuck in acycle of hustle and burnout,
friend.
This first one that says whathappens if I step away.
Everybody depends on me.
(13:32):
I've told you before when Istepped away from my job due to
burnout.
One of the reasons why I keptpushing myself was who's going
to take care of my students?
Where are they going to go?
Who's going to have the opendoor to them?
I'm here to tell you when I hadto step away when I had no
other choice.
Those students continued, theygraduated, they started careers,
(13:57):
and it doesn't mean that Iwasn't significant in their
lives.
It means I wasn't the only oneand I learned that it wasn't as
much as everybody needed me asit was my need to be needed.
So if your identity is I'meverybody's person and my value
(14:21):
is in that I'm willing to showup, do the thing, be there
always.
It's going to wear you out andyou don't even know who you are,
because there's more to youthan that.
Let's keep going, all right.
So let's talk about some fear,and a lot of this is connected
to fear.
Let's be honest.
(14:41):
But let's specifically namesome fear excuses or why you
don't give yourself a break.
If I slow down, I might getpassed over for the promotion.
Someone else might take myplace, my role, my position.
If I'm not always available, Imight miss a critical
(15:03):
opportunity.
If I disconnect, I'll be seenas weak.
If I admit I need a break, Idon't want to be labeled as not
a team player.
My boss will think I'm notserious about my career.
Player my boss will think I'mnot serious about my career.
(15:23):
Taking breaks is a luxury.
My colleagues will resent me,for this fear is connected to
imposter syndrome.
This fear is connected to toxicwork environments where we have
allowed people to work untilthey have nothing left and we
(15:45):
have taught that this is thestandard.
And I want you to know that ifyou are fighting to contort
yourself, to fit into anenvironment that doesn't align
with who you are and what youneed, it is not going to last.
Friend, hear me, I got thepromotions, I got the titles and
(16:09):
the salaries, and when I tellyou the way that I was working,
those salaries and those titleswere way too expensive.
What it was costing me was mylife and my livelihood.
So you've got to make adecision about what you are
unwilling to lose.
Where do you draw your line?
(16:30):
What are your boundaries whenit comes to what you're willing
to pay and what you're willingto give for a position?
Friend, I'm not telling you notto continue on the career
ladder.
That's out of integrity.
I continue in my career and Ilove it and I appreciate every
(16:51):
promotion and every opportunity.
But what I'm here to tell youis I wish I had known then that
those were not my identity, thatwhat I bring to the table is
deeper and richer than any titlethat anybody could give me, and
if I'm in an environment whereit costs me my life, my
(17:11):
livelihood, my mental health, myphysical health in order to get
the promotion, in order to berespected, in order to have a
seat at the table, you can havethat seat, friend, and I can
only say that confidently.
Now, after years of sufferingand when I say suffering, y'all
hear me I love my career.
I really do.
(17:32):
I really did.
That's not what I'm saying.
I was suffering through it,though More than one thing can
be true.
I loved it and I was living theconsequences of it.
So you've got to decide, andwhen I look back, a lot of that
could have been changed by mewithout me leaving the position.
(17:54):
I could have adjusted myselfwithout asking anybody's
permission, but I was tellingmyself I couldn't.
I was telling myself if I did,there would be consequences to
my career.
I was telling myself that if Ichanged, people would disrespect
me, that they would not honorme, that they would not give me
a chance.
(18:14):
Those were the mindsets that Iwas living under, but the truth
of the matter is I could havedone things a little bit
differently and they would nothave even known the difference.
I have a good friend, dr WendyWilson.
She's told me many a times.
She said, pbj, your C work ismost people's A plus.
(18:36):
She says so you're trying togive people A+ that don't even
have capacity to hold it.
Listen, my friend don't play,okay, she don't play when it
comes to me and the people thatshe loves or anybody else.
She tells the truth.
Your C work is most people's A+.
So the overextending thatyou're doing, I wonder if you
(19:00):
could be more productive andmore clear and more impactful if
you allowed yourself the samegrace that you give everybody
else.
Let's keep going.
Let's talk about perfection.
Here are some excuses andmindsets that come from
perfection.
I need to be available 24-7 incase something goes wrong.
(19:23):
I have to do everythingperfectly, which requires
constant attention.
If I'm not involved, it won'tbe done right.
I can't relax until everythingis perfect and complete.
I'll take a break when I'veachieved whatever the goal is.
I need to set an example for myteam, for my students, for my
(19:46):
children.
This standard friend.
Transitioning intoentrepreneurship has taught me
that the only way to moveforward, to learn, to grow, is
to embrace progress overperfection.
I've learned in my businessthat if I wait till everything's
(20:11):
perfect, I would never do,whatever the thing is.
But if I allow myself to keepwalking, keep moving with
missteps, with imperfections.
One I'm learning.
Two, my community is learningalong with me and they recognize
that I'm human and we're inthis together.
Three I'm getting the best outof my business because I'm
(20:32):
learning as I go.
So I want to encourage you.
I want to identify where thatstandard of perfection comes
from and why you feel like youhave to be perfect but everybody
else has margin for error.
Where does that come from thatyou think that everything that
you do, that you produce, mustbe absolutely perfect?
(20:54):
But if anybody else has amisstep, they're human and it's
okay and they're learning.
I want you to address thatdrive to be perfect and allow
yourself to learn, to grow, totry, and you will be amazed that
your outcome it still exceedsexpectations, even when it's not
(21:16):
your concept of perfect.
Let's keep going.
Last section these are somepractical excuses or limiting
beliefs that you might have.
I don't know how to take aneffective break.
I've tried taking breaks beforeand they didn't help.
I get more anxious when I tryto rest because I think about
(21:41):
all I should be doing.
It takes too much energy toplan for a break.
By the time I disconnect enoughto actually rest, it's time to
go back to work.
I don't have the support systemto allow me to take breaks.
(22:01):
These limiting beliefs andexcuses are the reason why I
created the stop plan frameworkto share with you.
This is exactly why I createdthat free resource because I
understand.
I understand it seems like thesimplest thing when someone says
(22:25):
just take a break.
It seems like it should be soeasy and there shouldn't be any
questions about how to take abreak.
But I'm aware and I know thatit's not easy, friend that we
have been conditioned to be onall the time and we've never
been given permission toactually stop.
(22:48):
So your body, your brain, yournervous system has a muscle
memory for how to be on, but youhave no framework for how to
stop.
You believe that women who camebefore you didn't stop, that
(23:10):
professionals who came beforeyou didn't stop.
So you've taken on a perceptionthat success looks like always
on, and I'm here to tell youthat the standard for success
must change.
Today.
We cannot, within the contextin which we live and work, we
(23:35):
cannot expect that standard fromourselves or from others.
So I want you to grab the STOPplan.
The link is in the show noteshere.
Make sure you walk through itand you use it, because when
(23:56):
there is chaos, simplicity is agift, and this plan is simple,
but it's critical.
It's critical for you to learnhow to incorporate stops, micro
breaks, into your life, not justleaning towards the next
vacation or leaning towards thenext long break.
(24:19):
Friend, you need something moreconsistent than that.
You got to have daily microbreaks, you got to have regular,
purposeful pauses, and now it'sthe time for you to figure out
how to do that.
Okay, so get the free resource.
Let me know you got it.
Let me know you planned yournext micro break.
(24:41):
All right, friend, I hope thatyou got what you needed today
and that you understand.
It's not a lack of strategy.
You know what you need to do,but your mindset is blocking
your ability to get it done.
I want you to say out loudwhatever that excuse is, and
then I want you to answer itwith what the truth really is,
(25:04):
because the truth makes us free.
All right, as always, friend,you are powerful, you are
significant, you are brilliantand you are loved.
Love always, pbj, I'll see.
You are loved.
Love always.
Pbj, I'll see you next week.
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